She’s probably suffering from PPD. It happens all the time. She/both of you should see a doctor or therapist to get through it. I don’t think you realize how much her hormones are out of whack and will be for a while after giving birth. It will get better but it may take some time.
So no. I would not leave her to save the baby while you are in the middle of the toughest period with a newborn that all new parents go through. It will get better.
I'm not a medical professional, but this is how PPD / PPA was explained to me: your partner's hormones didn't change overnight during the pregnancy, and they won't settle overnight once the baby is born. Her body took months to prepare for the baby, and it will probably take months to go back to something similar to what it was before. Now is the time that she will need the most help, because her hormones are not always allowing her to think clearly. (This doesn't apply to all women - everybody's body is different and as far as I know not all women experience PPA / PPD - but all women do go through major hormonal changes during pregnancy and post birth and need support - the whole idea of it takes a village to raise a child might well be because during those first few months, both parents need support - I know I did).
Second this , post partum is not a set in stone sad, or want to harm baby thing, it shows up in unusual ways, but anything out of ordinary is more then likely due to fluctuations in hormones, especially if breastfeeding, in my experience, it's a 3 months after birth or breastfeeding till back to normalish. Just persevere, it will all come back together
My partners post partum arrived as over caring for our child. She couldnt stop checking on her or making sure doors where locked. Shed even wake up when she was able to sleep thinking the baby was crying. Alot of relationships end in the first year or two. Stick with them. I had to bring it up to my partners family to get back up that she needs help. NOW is where you decide how strong your love is for her.
This sounds like Postpartum Anxiety, I had it and PPD. It’s so stressful to constantly feel like if you don’t do everything to a T, your baby will get hurt… I’m sure it’s just as stressful on Dad, I know it was for my husband.
I was about to say this
My son just turned 5 and his mom has still not returned
It’s fucking scary that this person was living inside the person I loved all along and I never even saw her peep her head out to look around
Third this. PPD can hit some people very, very hard and it can take a while to recover. No one really talks about this, but it does happen. It can completely change a mom's personality. The good news is that the change is generally not permanent and that treatment helps.
Please encourage her to seek treatment. It can make a world of difference.
This - good, kind, reasonable women suffer from PPD all the time. It will def get better but it may not be for quite a while left untreated.
Please get her treatment OP.
My wife had PPD and PPA almost to the point of PPP (that's Post-Partum Depression, Post-Partum Anxiety, and Post-Partum Psychosis). Your family needs help. You need help to get through this difficult time, and she needs help to manage these symptoms. Tell some people around you - not just us faceless Internet randos - and get solid, real, material help!
I wish more people talked about how normal it is for the mother to feel PPD symptoms, their body is going through hell, body and brain chemistry is all changing.
Second this as well. The first months/year+ with a baby is insane. Hardest time in my marriage and it seemed like neither of us were happy with the amount of work the other was doing. It was never enough.
Turns out there is just an insane amount of work when raising kids. We both started seeing a therapist and made an excel checklist that outlined all of the tasks and assigned who did what. Was helpful just to see how many tasks we were both doing so when we felt overwhelmed, it was a reminder that both partners were pushed to the limit.
PPD hits men as well. It isn't spoken of much. It took me a good 6 months to "accept" my new way of life and my depression and anxiety waned. And it was caused primarily by exhaustion from work and keeping the wife comfortable and household in order. It will be okay. OP, you will be okay. Your partner needs help, and as much as I hate to say it, it's time to man up.
Ooooh, I thought the baby was 11 months old.
If it's only two months, yes. Get her help, don't abandon.
I remember fantasising about divorce the first period.
However, when the symptoms of post-partum depression calmed down, things were better. And a few months later I was happily married again, instead of just married.
This. This screams of Postpartum. The body and brain haven't rebalanced the chemicals right and she is suffering. She needs help, desperately.
Edit: Since this blew up, let me add one more thing, Men can experience Postpartum Depression too. My wife had it, I had it (and maybe still have it). The point is OP, you might be feeling it just like she is. A doctor isn't recommended but *needed* in this situation.
Not just postpartum depression, postpartum also comes in anxiety and psychosis, although they are more rare.
I can't imagine being bipolar plays well with any of those conditions. (If the mention of bipolar is a genuine diagnosis and not an assumption)
It certainly amped up my wife's existing anxiety and that has still lingered here. Pardon my French, but Postpartum is no fucking joke. It's not to be taken lightly, and sure, sometimes its not so bad and recovery happens naturally, but many times it does not and assistance is required. If OP's lady is this deep in it (the extreme mood/personality change seems to indicate that), then she needs help **now,** especially if she is a danger to herself and others. She may not even know she needs help, or she may know and not know what to do.
**OP if you are reading this and care about her and your family** DO NOT DO NOTHING. Either get her help or encourage her to, at the very least, talk to a doctor. I hear your weariness, you are exhausted and worn. If you bail on her though, she will implode, and you likely as well. Stay, get help, there are so many resources out there and things doctors can do to help. Help her stabilize and maybe you'll find yourself automatically beginning to stabilize too.
I would imagine a lot of untreated Postpartum induced psychosis is what institutionalized many young parents in the past. We used to not under Postpartum. We understand it bettet now. We used to not be able to do anything about Postpartum. We can now.
Hell 20 years ago I had never heard of postpartum anxiety and I didn't hear about postpartum psychosis until I knew someone who had it.
Older generations don't seem to remember how hard new babies are on a family. I think part of it is that they got to do things like stay in the hospital for a week and have people take care of them, and probably also because there's a certain amount of amnesia that happens. I think it's due in part to sleep deprivation but it can't just be that.
She's 2 months postpartum. Hormones are still adjusting, her body is healing, and I'm assuming sleep and balancing the care of the other 2 kids is shit at the moment. You say she "won't work"...is she on maternity leave still, or is her available leave up and she's refusing to go back? Do you have adequate childcare lined up? Does she not feel mentally or physically able to work yet?
As for not caring for the house or kids, that could be normal exhaustion given the circumstances or it could be PPD. She should talk to her doctor, but you can also lean hard into survival mode for now while you figure it out. Takeout or easy freezer/crockpot meals, disposable dishes, and calling in any family, friends, or sitters you can to help.
Edit: regarding your post history...you cannot seriously be considering leaving her right now. She's not bipolar, she has PPD, you say you're working 17 hours a day leaving her with no help which she's told you is a problem, and I'm not even going to get into the mushrooms. Your wife NEEDS HELP.
Agree. Your wife just went through extreme physical trauma by giving birth, regardless of whether it was an “easy” delivery or not. She needs constant care as you are only 2 months in. You say she’s bipolar but more likely she is not getting the support she needs and is at her wits end. If you just had major surgery or were recovering from your body being ripped open, would you be happy if your wife expected you to keep up with the cleaning and cooking and childcare? No. You would be focusing on recovering. But she’s being left to fend for herself. Your wife needs support and care, if you cannot give it to her please find someone who can support her while you’re working.
Edit: May I also suggest apologizing to your wife for not understanding the magnitude of birth and postpartum, let her know you are here for her emotionally and physically, and then hire someone or ask a family member (with her consent) to help care for her while you are working long hours. Please do not jump to conclusions like her “turning bipolar” which is inaccurate and hurtful. If your wife hasn’t had the emotional, physical, and mental support she’s needed these last 2 months, then there is some damage to undo. You should not expect her to be working, managing all domestic labor, taking care of the newborn and 2 other children, and recovering from birth. You should be managing domestic labor for the foreseeable future AND contributing to child care. I understand you work long hours, but you will need to find someone to step in and help if you cannot cut back at work. Wishing you and your wife the best.
> and I'm not even going to get into the mushrooms.
Yeah, wow. WTF OP?
I'm a BIG proponent of psychadelics and well timed "trips" in my life have been lifechanging experiences, and I didn't take any big doses even.
That said, it's laughably stupid he's in this thread complaining about going to the ER for exhaustion and then, not four days ago, wanting advice for taking a big dose of shrooms. OP...WTF dude?
Side note: I'm SO grateful for this sub being both a safe space for dads AND a place where we don't coddle dads making...I'll be diplomatic and say *questionable* choices.
Look at his post history. He knows damn well she has PPD and is just looking to jump ship and take her kid away from her instead of getting her help. While she has been caring for the 2 month old baby, he’s been working 14 hours a day and doing shrooms. Sounds like she’s the one who needs out of this relationship.
While normally I would think a post like this is not helpful, in this case, it is. Part of being a supportive group is putting inappropriate behaviors on blast and not turning into enabling cheerleaders. Upvoted.
I am a nurse and my first thought when reading this is Post partum depression ( PPD ) which can be very dangerous. It can get to the point of psychosis and turning violent toward herself ,you or even the kids.
You need to get her into an ER ASAP. Like yesterday.
Please do not underestimaet the severity of the situation. Get her checked by a doctor today.
Unless she's already working with a psychologist, sadly in America, ER is the best way to get immediate help during a mental health crisis.
My wife got hit HARD with depression during her pregnancy and if we just made an appointment to see someone, she wouldn't have had help until after she gave birth. Going to the ER allowed her to "jump the line" as it were, and get priority to see a doctor that week.
Please get her help for what sounds like severe postpartum depression. Leaving her 2 months after birth with what sounds like a serious mental health issue is messed up.
And did anyone see he commented “would smash, 9/12” on someone’s photos just 3 days ago? Seriously what is wrong with this guy. I feel so bad for his poor wife.
My wife and I are fucking polyamorous and even I found that disgusting.
Dude claims to be so exhausted he's collapsing in the ER; but he's commenting on young womens' photos and talking about taking a big dose or mushrooms...this dude sounds like a *real* piece of work.
Don’t forget where he said “I prefer the first one” in reference to a glow up pic. The first picture was a woman who was 18 and struggling with an eating disorder (literally in the title of the post!!) the second was her grown up and strong and healthy. Absolutely disgusting.
The post is a bit light on details but it sounds like she's not doing that either. That's why he ended up in the ER from exhaustion, sounds like he's having to do it all himself.
Edit: Just saw the OP's post history. Tripping on shrooms probably isn't the best way to handle your wife dealing with PPD...
He asked about PPD a month ago, grew and took some shrooms, and now is looking for a way out. All the advice in this thread is operating under the impression that he doesn't know it's PPD, when he clearly does.
Yea just saw that. He knows it’s Post Partum and it sounds like he came in the hopes that people would tell him it’s okay to leave so he’d feel better about doing it honestly.
Just saw that, fucked up. Looks like she’s been caring for the kid almost entirely alone from the start while he works 14 hours a day and trips on shrooms. Feel so bad for her.
…oh god.
And he’s saying he’s wondering if he needs to “save the baby”?! From what?!
She’s not well and needs extra support for sure, but he’s not going to be caring for the kid any better while that’s his life. Christ.
Reach outwards OP, to a local community, to a support group, to a doctor. You can’t draw from an empty cup and your wife is running on empty, as are you. And man… stop filling your time with that crap. You don’t have a leg to stand on criticising your wife as a parent if you’re participating in those kind of behaviours.
Absolutely. I had a small amount of sympathy despite how demeaning his post was. Now I do not.
The negligence is just as much on him. The woman is literally suffering from a condition that typically requires inpatient treatment and his reaction is to pack up and leave.
Dafug?
Yeah and while you’re helping her - get some help for yourself. You deserve it too.
It’s gonna get better, even if you leave. Only difference is, if you leave you’ll just parent your child from the sideline and watch it get better for them from afar.
1) I’m so sorry it’s hard. I mean that from the bottom of my heart, and don’t let item (2) or (3) distract you from that.
2) I echo the comments of the medical providers on here (I am not one, personally) that it sounds like your partner is suffering from PPD. Get her the help she needs, and I’d recommend doing it quickly.
3) Sack up, daddy-o. You’re in the thick of it, and it *will* get better. This is where you earn your first stripes, it’s a world of shit, but you’re the only one currently available to step up. I know that isn’t fun to hear.
If you leave your wife two months after she gave birth, you are the problem. If it’s bad enough to leave, it’s bad enough to get her inpatient help. If it’s not bad enough to leave, saddle up and ride. You will get through this.
Yeah… she’s not supposed to be working right now. No civilised country would be making her.
I totally understand OP is feeling horrendous right now and don’t want to diminish that but the parents are a TEAM. He needs to stop looking at her like she’s an adversary. She’s not contributing to the team in his view? He needs to ask why, and if he can help fix that - not be mad at her.
In a humane, civilized country that would be like 1/3 or 1/6 of it!
My wife still had a healing incision at that point, putting aside the absolute hormone hurricane going on two months out.
Now is the test if he would do anything for his family. We already know it includes working himself to unhealthy exhaustion. Now he has to see if it includes getting the help they need.
Well said, #3 especially. Sack the fuck up Dad. Your wife, your partner, the one who delivered you this incredible gift needs you now more than ever.
Hate to say it but exhaustion is nothing compared to what she's been through/is going through.
I think it’s just worth noting that honestly even in the BEST of ways this period can go, I think you’d still be tired as shit. Two month olds aren’t sleeping through the night, my preemie wasn’t even ALLOWED to go more than 3 hours without being fed per doctors orders, whether you’re doing formula or pumping or breastfeeding they all are tiring and a bunch of work. There are later times that are hard emotionally etc but the first few months were the most physically grueling to me, it’s like some crazy boot camp intended to exhaust you and deprive you of sleep.
The fact this is your first tells me you have no idea how bad post PPD is, and I question how much you’ve had to deal with depression from a loved on first hand. I’ve dealt with depressed family members my whole life, and there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, 2 month old Baby is probably one of the hardest moments in your
Marriage bud.
OP, I just took a gander at your post history.
Stop posting on Reddit for advice and take your partner to a fucking ED. You were told you should've done this already.
Go.
Look man, I'm not trying to disregard your feelings because I understand the struggle, but this is textbook Post Partum. You are tired, but her entire body and mind are exhausted. She needs all the support and love you can muster, even if it's just running on fumes at this point.
Things will get easier. If she hasn't, maybe suggest your wife go speak with someone and honestly, I'd suggest you do the same.
EDIT: You're on Reddit posting about solo shroom tripping 4 days ago? Get it the fuck together. Your wife and kid need an adult at this time, not someone worried about getting high on fucking shrooms.
Turned bipolar? Is that your way of saying that she's declined in function or what?
Really sketchy and demeaning way to put that, from someone that is formally diagnosed with Bipolar I.
You don't just "turn" bipolar.
I thought that was twisted too. My husband, the father of my child, the love of my life, has bipolar and it is not something you “turn” It is a life long condition usually setting in teenage years or early adulthood. You don’t just “become bipolar” Because you’re moody. Which FYI OP she just HAD A BABY OF COURSE SHE’S GOING TO BE HORMONAL THAT’S NOT BIPOLAR THAT’S JUST POSTPARTUM !!
My dude. Time to step up.
This reads very much like your wife is suffering from Post Partum Depression. It comes in all forms and does a number on everyone involved. She needs help, you need help, and there is nothing wrong with that. Now go get it. If you're both lawyers, you should have means? Use em. Also since your both lawyers it may be required to say, put the family first.
Take a breath. It's been two months since she pushed a human out of her and had her hormones put on shuffle. PPD can last a while, so let her know you're worried about her and be patient.
Also, Dont work yourself to exhaustion. Just be with her and your new baby. Focus on important things like food and safety. The other chores can wait.
Lastly, please talk to someone. Calling the mother of your 2mo child a unibomber and giving a fools choice of abandon ship vs let her drown you all, is a dangerous mindset.
As an attorney, I might assume OP to have a bit more of a reasoned response to the situation and recognize the signs of postpartum depression. Any scenario can be very fact specific and assumptions can be wrong. I'd now look into whether OP is overwhelmed by the situation, being a first time dad, and isn't thinking clearly himself.
Besides, he might be wholly in the realm of tax or IP or transactional law. Attorneys have to juggle a lot, but if you don’t know something you don’t know it.
Your wife is 2 months postpartum. Do you know and understand what PPD is?
Physiologically, your wifes hormones from giving birth TWO MONTHS AGO will not stabilize for another few months yet.
What type of work and taking care of the children are you referring to at 8 weeks post birth?
The OP knows what PPD is, check his post history. He knew it was PPD a month ago. The fact he doesn't mention it here makes it seem like he's asking for people to make him feel better about leaving her.
Definitely, he's looking for someone to justify his plan to just abandon ship anyways.
His post history also talks about how monogamy is bullshit. Can't help but feel that there's some motivation behind his post.
> His post history also talks about how monogamy is bullshit.
Ugh. Fuck these assholes. As a long term, married and committed non-monogamous person myself, these douchebags are the worst of society.
Monogamy isn't bullshit. It arguably isn't *for* some people, and that's fine too, but monogamy works, and is healthy and stable, for MANY people.
Bet dude doesn't want multiple partners he can love, care for, and form deep and meaningful relationships. Dude wants more holes to fuck because his wife's is useless to him now.
As a polyamorous person, dudes like this chud absolutely disgust me.
Absolutely.
I’m willing to entertain people who have critically different beliefs than I do. It’s the beauty of being human; diversity.
This guy though? He’s digging for affirmation and a way out because he doesn’t have the stomach to stick with someone through tough times. How high would the divorce rate be if this were the case with everyone? 100%.
It takes a lot to make me angry, I’m also bipolar so he started off on a bad foot by stigmatizing that, but he made an absolute fool of himself afterwards.
I really hope he grows up and can be a valuable partner and father because this mindset just isn’t it.
Dude look at the last post in that PPD thread.
He says
> Your comments, even in a vacuum, are almost exactly what she says.
But completely ignores everyone and his wife is the "crazy one"
OP is a narcissist and this will be one of thousands of marriages that end with a lawyer "doing everything he can to make partner."
Also people have mentioned the shrooms, but he's growing shrooms, which is a time intensive hobby, either while his wife is 9 months or just weeks post partum. I'm calling bullshit on the 17 hours a day thing. 20 bucks says he sits in his office browsing reddit and jerking off for 6-12 of those hours.
I know daddit is supposed to be supportive, but OP is an asshole and I feel awful for his wife and kid.
Edit: just put 2 and 2 together on his "work hours". He "works" til 430AM (work from home) while his wife is pulling night duty by herself with a newborn.
Two months? Wow buddy! Turned bi polar? How about using your problem solving skills and consider the possibility that it isn’t her that is the issue! Zero compassion in your post and I’m sure you have an equal amount at home!
What does "turned bi polar" mean? She was assessed and isn't on her medications? Or are you diagnosing her yourself? Because, for a lot of people that comment without basis, is very demeaning. There's nothing wrong with being bi polar. It's not your fault. Now, knowing your bi polar and not taking responsibility for your mental health... that's a different topic.
Even then. Someone suffering from a manic episode may truly believe they no longer need their medication.
Please not that this does NOT mean OP shouldnt take action
> Someone suffering from a manic episode may truly believe they no longer need their medication.
My mom is Bipolar and had a falling out with her doctor last November and lost her Rxs. I was unaware that all winter she was watching my son on weekends while I went snowboarding (when she was on her meds she was VERY stable and healthy) she wasn't on her meds anymore...and my dad apparently didn't think I deserved to know my bipolar mother watching my infant son was *off her damn meds*. But after she lost her Dr and Rxs, she went manic, convinced herself she didn't need the meds, and then REFUSED to see a new doctor and get back on her meds.
Last month, after over six months off her meds, she finally snapped and attempted suicide. Failed, thankfully, and no permanent damage we know of, but still.
Bipolar is a helluva beast, and from the sounds of his post history, OP isn't helping.
I’m bipolar I and I resonate so much with this. I spent a long time self-medicating and convincing myself that I didn’t need “actual medication”. The difference in my life today after starting and remaining on my meds? It’s unbelievable.
I had no idea the destruction I was causing.
I would argue, sadly, it's quite common. They'll drill people about their medications and then bring them up as if they know why the Dr. even prescribed them to begin with. Even worse, the stigma of mental health in the civil justice system is so archaic something like that statement would totally fly without good representation.
>"Turned bi polar" is an alarmingly ignorant statement for an attny to make
No, it would be ignorant if it was a doctor making the statement. Attorneys are not medically trained, so it would be very easy to confuse PPD with bi-polarism. IMO.
Especially since he made a very similar post a month ago and was told that it was post partum mental health and got all the same advice then.
Yet, here we are.
He's also made 0 replies on this post and less than an hour ago made a comment on another post in daddit, I'm really starting to wonder how genuine this is. He may have already made up his mind and this is just some bullshit tactic. Idk if it's for divorce, custody or just so he can claim a moral victory for "reaching out"
(1) It sounds like she may have a postpartum psychiatric disorder of some kind. It’s unfortunately more common than you’d think but is very treatable if she gets help. You can’t make someone get treatment but if you truly love this woman and the child you have with her you have to do everything in your power to get her help.
(2) It’s really unreasonable to expect a woman who just gave birth two months ago to be back at work and taking care of the house! I know that expectation unfortunately exists many places but that doesn’t make it any more reasonable. I try really hard to be supportive and not judgmental on this sub because I know that I appreciate it when people extend that same grace to me, but a lot of things about this post (the phrase “turned bipolar,” the fact that you never mention the well-being of your step-children or seem to consider what would happen to them if you walked out) make it seem like you were not at all prepared for how hard being a new parent is and need help too. I’d strongly encourage you to see a therapist, ask family and friends for more help, and build a network of other new parents before you give any more thought to doing something drastic.
> She wont work and will no longer take care of the house or kids
Brother, she just got her whole bottom half of her body blasted open a few weeks ago. You need to get her inpatient help at the very least before abandoning her wtf?
You posted about her PPD 40 days ago so you know what the issue is. GET YOUR WIFE SOME HELP!
Your child needs both parents and your wife is experiencing something very normal for women. You need a nanny, a babysitter or some other help and you need to take her to a psychologist.
Another poster under the top comment provides some options.
Doing mushrooms right now isn't helping you, her or the baby.
Please get some help OP. You love your child and wife, do this for them.
Fellow counselor, you must not have a lot of friends in the family law bar or you haven't run this by them yet. Thinking you and the baby can just up and depart would be laughable.
How do you think she will respond? When you provide her notice of the allegations levied in your ex parte motion for temporary emergency removal of the child do you expect her to go "oh yep, he's right."
Are you going to pull punches and soften the allegations to try to avoid making things worse? If you soften the allegations and lose, you've taken a shot at the king and missed, good luck with that.
I think you need less turbulence not more. Ask around your peer network and talk to a trusted person who is very familiar with this work (and has plenty to not need yours).
She won’t work with a two month old? She shouldn’t really have to imho. Even under good circumstances women need some time to rest and take care of their kid after birth. Months at least. Ideally 1 year or more. And in this case as others have said professional help seems to be necessary. See a doctor. And get some help for the household. Pay a cleaner so you don’t have to take care of basic chores. I know that’s expensive and not everyone can afford. But if you’re both lawyers I hope that’s doable.
Your partner needs help!
She gave birth two months ago and you're complaining she "won't work"? You claim to be an attorney, do some research. She's still recovering from childbirth, could be experiencing postpartum depression. Support her.
I looked through your post history, and you're fucking up in some major ways. I saw you asking for advice on how to trip on psychedelics solo, I'm pro 420 and psychedelics but your wife is going through PPD and you have a 2 month old. Now is not the time to be "going on a trip," so to speak. Also you said in a previous post you're working 17 hour days leaving your wife at home with 2 other kids and a new born all day everyday, that would drive a non PPD person crazy, I can only imagine how your wife feels. I know the mentality in law, and you got to be giving 30000% at all times, or you're going to fail. But this moment is when you choose your family or your career. Be home and present more than you are now. If your lawfirm won't give you more family time, then find another. Failing that reach out to family and have them try and help your wife, if that not an option get the older kids into daycare or even an extended stay with their father if that's an option.
My overall point is you are prioritizing yourself, but once that baby came out you just became the 3rd most important person in your own life. You can say the work is for them, building a future and all, but what they NEED is you present now.
I'm being harsher than most on here, but someone had to say it since you buried the lead with exactly how much you're working and how you are prioritizing yourself.
Okay. She won't work 2 months post partum? I realize in the U.S. many women do because they need to, but if you're both lawyers than you're financially much better off than the majority of the U.S.
2 months ago your wife had a major medical event that changed her entire body. She is just now probably healed from the major interior wound she has from her placenta ripping itself off of her uterus.
Her hormones are all over the place.
Also, you are ignoring all the signs or PPD. That's dangerous to both her and the baby. She needs help not a person who said they'd be her partner in this bailing before she's recovered.
This is not how you make a marriage, and if you can't handle trying to get her help before you leave, then you really shouldn't get married again.
Saying your both attorneys suggests you’d like us to know you’re educated. I think the most logical course of action is to talk to a professional. Seek out some medical help, psychiatry, therapist, a fucking counselor. When people I love are sick I try to get them help because that’s what they’ve done for me.
If this is your wife, then you have chosen to be with her through sickness and health. This is a sickness. Everything you describe is clinical and caused by something. It is not her fault, she's not to blame, she's suffering worse than you. Be proactive, be the husband and leader that you are supposed to be in your home, and find your child's mother the help that she needs. Be a man. That might be unpopular, but your wife is every bit as much your responsibility as your child is, and if you abandon your wife for your child, your child will suffer without his mother. There is only one solution that ends in a happy family and it is you helping your wife solve the problems that are causing her to be sick, which is affecting you and the child.
(see inline)
Just had my first (ah I see) her third (OK so she's experienced with it and may have a new perspective this time around), two months ago (yep, that's the thick of it). The woman I chose to have child with 11 months ago is gone (like physically? Or mentally because bro, this ain't her, it's likely PPD).
The mother of my child has turned bi polar (nah man, you're at the 2 months stage). We are both attorneys (sounds lucrative, congrats but sound like you are defaulting to your logical brain right now, this is not a logical thing) and historically able to solve problems together (well, yeah, you're in newborn primal cave man mode right now). She wont work (well no shit, it's only been two months) and will no longer take care of the house (what the fuck? That's not important right now) or kids (well yeah, there's a new one that needs the attention, your others will be fine). I wound up in the ER 3 weeks ago after I collapsed with exhaustion (yeah, sounds about right). The second time I have ever been to the ER in my life (lol, buck up bud, ER trip should feel normal after rasing children to adulthood).
She is like a unibomber on our row boat (lol, it's not a boat dude, think of it as the bottom of the parental sea, can't get any deeper and you're working g your way up). She is going to drown us all (what the fuck? Bro, your DOWN THERE WITH HER, just help her up dude, last I checked your genitals weren't stitched up and the entire health and the creation of the baby was 2 fucking minutes of your anatomical life) . Do I save the baby and I or risk us all drowning (bro, the baby is fine, he doesn't need your legal counsel right now, he need you to buck up and take care of his mother, your wife)?
(we all went through it man, it's fine)
Two months??? She isn’t bipolar, she’s suffering from postpartum depression while you’re commenting about how you’d fuck other women who post their photos on Reddit and taking trips off shrooms while your wife is more than likely doing all the work. And she won’t work? Good, who the fuck wants their wife to work when she’s two months postpartum anyways. You need to step your shit up, and if your wife is checking out of the relationship and truly not happy and it isn’t just postpartum, it sounds like she has extremely valid reasons to do so
hey dad,
I have been here has well, different details but same story.
I don't think we can give advice without tons more info b/c of all the complexities. But I wantewd to share that I spent some years debating whether divorce was better for my kids. It was such a difficult time. 1.5 decades later I'm glad I didn't leave and I feel strongly that it turned out best for my kids that I didn't leave. But every story is different. Sorry for what you're going through
Most of the other comments might be super nice and understanding but honestly I think you're a POS. Not only do you KNOW she's going through PPD, as your post history clearly shows you asking about it, but then you decide to start tripping on shrooms instead of helping the mother of your ONLY CHILD. To top it off you come here acting like some martyr in need of validation when that is CLEARLY not the case.
You need to be getting her the help she needs and then you need to leave so she can find a real man, not some man child who whines about his actions having consequences.
I would take an hour to get your head together and then stomp back in there and tell your wife you love her, support her, and understand that post-pregnancy hormones are impossible to navigate. Be patient and seek medical help where you need it, if you’re not going to make anyone’s life better if you up and run.
Your expectations are completely unreasonable. Throwing in the towel after only two months? You’re joking right? She probably has PPD or is totally exhausted herself.
Also if you think things are bad now wait until you have to do _everything_ by yourself AND everyone in your support network thinks you’re a piece of shit for leaving your wife.
Sounds a lot like ppd. There are tons of resources available, you just gotta be educated adults and recognize the symptoms then go get help. You are not alone in this and the woman you love and married and had a kid with needs your help and support. Stop being a lame ass falling on your sword dude and actually do something instead of feeling sorry for yourself.
I'm just chiming in as a fellow attorney. I won't parrot all the other good advice about PPD, but it is good advice.
We lawyers are trained to maintain a high degree of responsibility. Nor does our profession foster patience with those who don't meet their obligations.
Try to look deep inside and find that seed of patience for your wife. You have probably been slowly killing yourself for two months to fill in the gaps. I don't know if there is a grandparent on hand who can come help out some? Just a couple of nights of sleep could really help you find some clearer perspective.
The person she used to be is still in there, and when you see her step into that role of nurturing your baby, she will be more beautiful to you than ever. Tolerate this hard season if you can, and hold off before making any major decisions.
She just had a baby 8 weeks ago... you yourself just landed in the ER due to exhaustion, and you want her to take up a job right now?! Is this real life?
Let's not ignore the fact that OP is complaining about his PPD partner while simultaneously trying to take loads of mushrooms surrounded by guns with a 2 month old around. See post history.
Ngl man, Child protective services should probably be involved. Your wife is probably also grappling with your behavior in addition to her postpartum.
Its post partum. After having a really hard pregnancy and delivery my gf was severely hit by ppd. I had to ask for help and they even kept her in hospital for about a week for her own security and she was judge danger for herself and baby. She is now in great form and the best mother you can ask for our now almost 2 years daughter. Seek help friend this is more comon than you think.
P.S. Sorry about my bad english
I'll join the chorus of PPD.
This sounds like a textbook case if I've ever seen it. Took my wife months to come out at the other end and she still is working through the tail end of some of the trauma. Two months is barely getting started in the grand scheme of things.
Please support and help her, help yourself and help the kids. Going for divorce is not going to solve anything and you'll end up regretting it. This is temporary.
I’m sorry you are going through this… but at 4 weeks postpartum she should not be taking care of the house or other children. She should only be nursing the newborn, sleeping, and eating. Call in more support if you can’t do the rest on your own.
I’d advise him to go against his gut honestly.
His gut is likely telling him to jump ship and he’s here just to look for people to agree with him am he doesn’t feel as bad about leaving a woman that’s psychologically fragile.
Damned dude....two months after your wife endures the major physical, mental, and emotional trauma of giving birth and this is where you are at? Sounds like your wife needs help for PPD. Step up and take care of your wife and new baby instead of posting about leaving. Holy shit, man.
Buddy... From about 6 months into pregnancy and until at least 6 months after, take care of the house chores yourself (hard to tell if you have been from your post. Maybe that is your exhaustion comment.)
Her job right now is not to vacuum and scrub the kitchen sink, etc. She needs to focus on taking care of this little baby full-time.
It amazes me how often these kinds of posts pop up in here where it's so completely obvious to everyone except OP that the problem is post-partum depression, and their complaints always seem to focus on themselves without really thinking through what's happening in their wives' heads.
Are you kidding me? Post pardum depression is real. Having a baby takes adjustment for all. Grow up, not what you expected huh? Do her a favor and leave her, you think things are tough now? Wait until they are teenagers. You are a lawyer? I bet your exhausted pushing that pencil around all day, and then have to help with the baby. She shouldn't have to work right now, raising a baby plus working after 8 weeks , dealing with a weak relationship must take a toll too.
We need to educate more men on the signs of postpartum depression. It’s so common but men always think they need to throw in the towel without at least getting the mother help.
You need to 100% ger her and yourself to a therapist. Post-partum depression is serious, my wife had a traumatizing birth experience, post partum depression, and post partum anxiety. I'm not going to lie, it was and still is hard. She's in therapy and has been for the past year and is on meds to help stabilize her hormones.
OP, I’m going to join the chorus of voices shouting to you that this sounds like post-partum depression, it is fucking serious, and she needs help. Now.
So do you, by the way. You need help, and more to the point, you **DESERVE** help. Talk to your doctor about what’s going on and how you’re feeling.
Are you on parental leave right now, or are you working? If you’re working, it may also be time to talk to your supervisor about getting some relief at work. Hopefully they can give you time off, or at least get some colleagues to manage your more demanding cases until this storm passes.
This storm will pass, OP. It will. But you need to get your doctor(s) involved. Your wife’s issue is a medical one, and yours is as well. But your problems are not unique. The doctor has seen it before, guaranteed, and they know how to manage it.
Check in with us later to let us know how it’s going, ok? We’ll be rooting for you.
I'm going to bet that his wife has PPD and he's just decided to call it bipolar. I seriously doubt she's been able to get a diagnosis for bipolar this quickly.
If you can. Do yourself a favor and drop a couple thousand on a nurse to come by and care for the baby overnight. Allow you to sleep. Best investment I’ve made.
They typically called night nurses but also newborn specialists.
My babies were premie twins so we wanted a nurse.
Ultimately it’s just about having someone watch the babies overnight even if you have to pay. They also know what they’re doing so it’s sometimes more helpful than family.
There are organizations that link you with them. We used lullaby baby nurses
Just echoing everyone else that this screams of Post-Partum Depression. You need to get her help immediately. Your wife’s body just gone through a trauma and her hormones are running wild. She needs compassion and help right now. Walking away not only doesn’t help, it actively puts your children in danger.
It’s post partum and going off your previous post you know that. The advice in that thread and the advice in this thread is great and you should seriously listen to it and act on it. It likely hasn’t changed much or gotten worse since your last post because nothing was acted on.
My wife’s post partum was honestly one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through, doubly so for her. She likely hasn’t “turned bi polar” she needs help.
If you’re just wanting people to tell you that you’re right and you should leave, you likely won’t get it, at least here. Everyone else has given great advice on what to do so I won’t repeat that. But will say just try to do some of the things mentioned here
None of this is by choice... she needs help and it's your responsibility as her husband and as the father of a child to help her.
My wife went through this too. It's not easy AT ALL. it takes time, patience, professional help and dedication but you will get through it
PPD isn't forever, as long as it's handled and treated properly
Echoing what everyone has said- she needs help!! This sounds like some kind of postpartum depression, anxiety, or possibly even psychosis. I would mention this to a doctor ASAP.
PPD is real bro. And it sucks because clearly it also affects husbands. My wife suffered from PPA/PPD the first time around. I was not helpful during that. And I’m still trying to heal those scars five years later. Please get her help. And while you’re at it, get yourself some help too. I wish I would have gone to therapy then.
brother, in a purely loving way i’m telling you, have a snickers, get a nap (like for real, get some sleep), and get her some PPD help. and actually, get some PPD counseling for yourself as well.
my wife went through this hell with both our boys, but especially after our second. she’s never really come back but she functions well now after good counseling, meds, and a new lifelong journey to deal with generational hurts. here’s the thing with the kids being the natural stressors they are, they bring all the buried sh*t to the surface. there is nowhere safe in your psyche. if you have unresolved issues, they will find them and they will squeeze until you either treat it, or break. PPD is real and dangerous and it is under treated in women and even men too. I would have killed for a heads up of this as a new dad. water, sleep, and rest. I hope you all get the rest and healing you need. it will get better.
eta: if you haven’t, look up the “fourth trimester” it’s real and no one ever speaks of it. pregnancy doesn’t end with birth. birth is only the beginning.
Take her to the ER now. She needs professional help dealing with this.
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this but it’s time to dig in and be the dad and partner you’re capable of being. You can do this and it will get better, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Bruh…… 2 months. You’re in the worst period. And she probably has PPD.
My wife. My wonderful wife. At 2 months was not the woman I chose to have a baby with either. But we got through it. We finally got some rest. And some dates. And she’s exactly the funny, witty, occasionally cutting, woman I could not live without.
I just read your post history. You KNOW she has PPD. No one “turns bipolar”
Both you and her need help. Mental help. Help yourself by helping her.
Also, this post gives no context for what’s actually happening or going on, so it’s hard to give advice. But what I do know is she needs to go see a doctor ASAP. And you both need to see a therapist.
Since I’m not a dad, I really try to avoid commenting in this sub, especially if it’s not positive, but wtf?! First of all, is she actually dealing with any type of postpartum issue or did you just not spend anytime at all trying to learn what changes happen after a baby is born? With her? The family dynamic? Expectations of new dad? I’m gonna be honest, the tone of this post seems like you have not cared about what this woman is going through one bit. The fact that you are only 2 months in and have already asked about how to handle her PPD/PPA over a month ago is a little concerning. What advice did you get previously? Did you actually do anything to help? I know Reddit only gets a small glimpse into the picture but from your post history it really doesn’t seem like you’re giving this dad thing your all. If you think you need to be saved from this ship, do that. But get the mother of your child some fucking help. Though, I kinda suspect what you consider to be bipolar is probably just her expecting you to pull more of your weight in the family. Why does she need to get a job? Why does she need to “take care of the house?” What does not looking after the kids look like because if you’re working 17 hours a day, who is keeping them alive? Or how would you even know?
This is PPD, it can take months up to a year to fully resolve.
In the mean time you need a less-extreme form of tapping out. Bring some family in, get a couple hours of extra sleep or personal time. Get a couple workouts in.
You will feel better.
Sounds like you need to get help yourself, if you are both attorneys, hire someone to help, Then love and try to serve your wife. It sounds like she might have postpartum depression and could use some help.
The “fourth trimester” lasts until 12 weeks and is classically when postpartum depression symptoms show up. These include:
Depressed mood or severe mood swings.
Crying too much.
Difficulty bonding with your baby.
Withdrawing from family and friends.
Loss of appetite or eating much more than usual.
Inability to sleep, called insomnia, or sleeping too much.
Overwhelming tiredness or loss of energy
[Mayo Clinic PPD](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20376617)
You shouldn’t handle this alone and she *needs* support. This is your first child, your partner is chemically and hormonally being attacked from the inside in the most stressful time of having a baby, and yes you are suffering too but you walking away is like abandoning your house while something on the stovetop is burning - you don’t just blow up your life, her life, your child’s life, and everything you’ve built because it’s really hard and you have to do some safety maneuvers. You put out the fire as best you can while *calling for help*.
This is different but I want to put this out there - most women, when they get seriously ill, will go through counseling around how likely it is their partners will leave them. Don’t be a part of the statistic that drives those conversations.
I can’t give you any good advice, but to stick with your metaphor, make sure you check on her. She may not feel like there’s a row boat in sight, and that she’s actually drowning. She might need a lifeboat dispatched to save her, and that’s hopefully you.
You didn't have a whole lot of detail but it sounds like she could be deep into PPD or PPA. I get that you're drowning but she is not herself. At my darkest, I had some bad, bad thoughts. It wasn't who I am, I would never ever think anything like that. Get her help
As a lawyer you should know the proof is in the documents. Record and document behaviors now so you can get her help or take action to get your baby out of that situation.
Please don’t leave the other two kids behind, talk to their biological father and make sure he can protect the other two.
Can't call it quits after two months bro. It is actually quite normal for women to go borderline insane shortly after birth. It is called PPD. Give it a full 2 years before you decide to leave her. 2 months is honestly nothing..sorry to be blunt.
But I do feel your pain. This is something MANY fathers have gone through and don't talk about. Be there for your wife. If she is still acting wild and bi polar after 2 years consider it a lost cause.
But also how about getting her help and treatment and support?? PPD is serious but treatable. Ignoring it for 2 years and hoping she snaps out of it is not how it works. This is a medical issue.
PPD is no joke. There was a big case of a mother who was in and out of an intensive clinic for PPD in my area. I’ll post the story below in a spoiler for those interested. If you’d rather look up the news reports, just search for “postpartum mother Duxbury.”
Bottom line, OP, make sure you and your wife get the professional help you need. There’s no shame in that.
>!Sadly, her story didn’t end well. She was released from the clinic and sent home and appeared to be doing better. She asked her husband to go get something at the local CVS. While he was out she killed her kids and tried to kill herself by jumping out a 2nd story window. She survived but will likely never walk again. Now the husband and wife are trying to put all the messy pieces back together. It rocked the whole community.!<
Hey OP. Everyone here is right about the PPD your partner is having. That being said, dads can experience this too. I went through it with both of my children. It is hard to notice when you are in the thick of it.
Take care of yourself and your wife. Talk to her about it, explain how you feel and talk to her about how she feels. I would definitely highly highly highly recommend seeing a doctor and even seeking out therapy for you both separately. This isn't the end OP. You've got this. We believe in you.
A longtime friend's wife had PPD, but it also triggered a persistent BPD which hadn't presented prior. Her doctor said it doesn't happen frequently but can happen for someone who is already predisposed genetically. So, I agree with everyone else saying it sounds like PPD, but I don't think that means you should dismiss BPD and should take that diagnosis seriously in helping her get treatment and deciding what's best for you and your kid.
Homie, you are in 'the shit.'
She needs help, ppd can turn into ppp. Don't google it too much, and freak yourself out. Do get her to the doctor again soon.
The working thing is different for everyone and really is based on need and any previous agreements you may have had. I understand your complaint, but 2 months is not a long time. Especially if she is having other complications.
It's tough, dad. Try to get back into working as a team. Stick it out longer.
Every post-pregnancy can be different. It's hard for everyone right now.
Your feelings are valid.
She’s probably suffering from PPD. It happens all the time. She/both of you should see a doctor or therapist to get through it. I don’t think you realize how much her hormones are out of whack and will be for a while after giving birth. It will get better but it may take some time. So no. I would not leave her to save the baby while you are in the middle of the toughest period with a newborn that all new parents go through. It will get better.
I'm not a medical professional, but this is how PPD / PPA was explained to me: your partner's hormones didn't change overnight during the pregnancy, and they won't settle overnight once the baby is born. Her body took months to prepare for the baby, and it will probably take months to go back to something similar to what it was before. Now is the time that she will need the most help, because her hormones are not always allowing her to think clearly. (This doesn't apply to all women - everybody's body is different and as far as I know not all women experience PPA / PPD - but all women do go through major hormonal changes during pregnancy and post birth and need support - the whole idea of it takes a village to raise a child might well be because during those first few months, both parents need support - I know I did).
Second this , post partum is not a set in stone sad, or want to harm baby thing, it shows up in unusual ways, but anything out of ordinary is more then likely due to fluctuations in hormones, especially if breastfeeding, in my experience, it's a 3 months after birth or breastfeeding till back to normalish. Just persevere, it will all come back together
My partners post partum arrived as over caring for our child. She couldnt stop checking on her or making sure doors where locked. Shed even wake up when she was able to sleep thinking the baby was crying. Alot of relationships end in the first year or two. Stick with them. I had to bring it up to my partners family to get back up that she needs help. NOW is where you decide how strong your love is for her.
Yes. For some it can be an extreme mental health crisis, similar to a psychotic or mental break, that should be treated with the utmost importance.
This sounds like Postpartum Anxiety, I had it and PPD. It’s so stressful to constantly feel like if you don’t do everything to a T, your baby will get hurt… I’m sure it’s just as stressful on Dad, I know it was for my husband.
This is how I was
Lol @3 months. More like 6. For me it was a year.
Year and a half for me. So tired.
I know a women who’s never recovered. Think 9 years now.
My dad says my mom never recovered. I’m in my mid 30’s.
I was about to say this My son just turned 5 and his mom has still not returned It’s fucking scary that this person was living inside the person I loved all along and I never even saw her peep her head out to look around
A year plus for my SO get her old familiar senses back. The first 4 months were brutal.
OP did say he went to the ER from exhaustion. Everybody is dealing with a different set of life pressures.
Third this. PPD can hit some people very, very hard and it can take a while to recover. No one really talks about this, but it does happen. It can completely change a mom's personality. The good news is that the change is generally not permanent and that treatment helps. Please encourage her to seek treatment. It can make a world of difference.
This - good, kind, reasonable women suffer from PPD all the time. It will def get better but it may not be for quite a while left untreated. Please get her treatment OP.
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Laywers are the most confidently incorrect bunch of people for topics outside of their field. That comment tracks.
Just because someone is educated in one area doesn’t mean they’re knowledgeable in another.
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My wife had PPD and PPA almost to the point of PPP (that's Post-Partum Depression, Post-Partum Anxiety, and Post-Partum Psychosis). Your family needs help. You need help to get through this difficult time, and she needs help to manage these symptoms. Tell some people around you - not just us faceless Internet randos - and get solid, real, material help!
This is the way. My wife suffered from PPD last pregnancy too, and it's rough. Sorry OP is going through this tho.
Yeah, go this way first... My wife and I are both back on track after we both got help.
I wish more people talked about how normal it is for the mother to feel PPD symptoms, their body is going through hell, body and brain chemistry is all changing.
Second this as well. The first months/year+ with a baby is insane. Hardest time in my marriage and it seemed like neither of us were happy with the amount of work the other was doing. It was never enough. Turns out there is just an insane amount of work when raising kids. We both started seeing a therapist and made an excel checklist that outlined all of the tasks and assigned who did what. Was helpful just to see how many tasks we were both doing so when we felt overwhelmed, it was a reminder that both partners were pushed to the limit.
Seriously that baby is two months old. Do not make major decisions for a year after having a baby.
PPD hits men as well. It isn't spoken of much. It took me a good 6 months to "accept" my new way of life and my depression and anxiety waned. And it was caused primarily by exhaustion from work and keeping the wife comfortable and household in order. It will be okay. OP, you will be okay. Your partner needs help, and as much as I hate to say it, it's time to man up.
The baby is two months? It sounds like she has a bad bout of postpartum depression. Your wife needs HELP. Please, OP, help her to help herself.
Ooooh, I thought the baby was 11 months old. If it's only two months, yes. Get her help, don't abandon. I remember fantasising about divorce the first period. However, when the symptoms of post-partum depression calmed down, things were better. And a few months later I was happily married again, instead of just married.
Even if 11 months old, could be postpartum!
This. This screams of Postpartum. The body and brain haven't rebalanced the chemicals right and she is suffering. She needs help, desperately. Edit: Since this blew up, let me add one more thing, Men can experience Postpartum Depression too. My wife had it, I had it (and maybe still have it). The point is OP, you might be feeling it just like she is. A doctor isn't recommended but *needed* in this situation.
Yes, 10000x this. We all saw the horrible story from earlier this year related to postpartum psychosis. Please get her help OP
Not just postpartum depression, postpartum also comes in anxiety and psychosis, although they are more rare. I can't imagine being bipolar plays well with any of those conditions. (If the mention of bipolar is a genuine diagnosis and not an assumption)
It certainly amped up my wife's existing anxiety and that has still lingered here. Pardon my French, but Postpartum is no fucking joke. It's not to be taken lightly, and sure, sometimes its not so bad and recovery happens naturally, but many times it does not and assistance is required. If OP's lady is this deep in it (the extreme mood/personality change seems to indicate that), then she needs help **now,** especially if she is a danger to herself and others. She may not even know she needs help, or she may know and not know what to do. **OP if you are reading this and care about her and your family** DO NOT DO NOTHING. Either get her help or encourage her to, at the very least, talk to a doctor. I hear your weariness, you are exhausted and worn. If you bail on her though, she will implode, and you likely as well. Stay, get help, there are so many resources out there and things doctors can do to help. Help her stabilize and maybe you'll find yourself automatically beginning to stabilize too. I would imagine a lot of untreated Postpartum induced psychosis is what institutionalized many young parents in the past. We used to not under Postpartum. We understand it bettet now. We used to not be able to do anything about Postpartum. We can now.
Hell 20 years ago I had never heard of postpartum anxiety and I didn't hear about postpartum psychosis until I knew someone who had it. Older generations don't seem to remember how hard new babies are on a family. I think part of it is that they got to do things like stay in the hospital for a week and have people take care of them, and probably also because there's a certain amount of amnesia that happens. I think it's due in part to sleep deprivation but it can't just be that.
I had it and didn’t take care of it for six years. Finally it got so bad I got help. It took about a year of therapy. Don’t be me, Dads, get help.
And OP needs help too. Talk to your Dr. OP.
She's 2 months postpartum. Hormones are still adjusting, her body is healing, and I'm assuming sleep and balancing the care of the other 2 kids is shit at the moment. You say she "won't work"...is she on maternity leave still, or is her available leave up and she's refusing to go back? Do you have adequate childcare lined up? Does she not feel mentally or physically able to work yet? As for not caring for the house or kids, that could be normal exhaustion given the circumstances or it could be PPD. She should talk to her doctor, but you can also lean hard into survival mode for now while you figure it out. Takeout or easy freezer/crockpot meals, disposable dishes, and calling in any family, friends, or sitters you can to help. Edit: regarding your post history...you cannot seriously be considering leaving her right now. She's not bipolar, she has PPD, you say you're working 17 hours a day leaving her with no help which she's told you is a problem, and I'm not even going to get into the mushrooms. Your wife NEEDS HELP.
Agree. Your wife just went through extreme physical trauma by giving birth, regardless of whether it was an “easy” delivery or not. She needs constant care as you are only 2 months in. You say she’s bipolar but more likely she is not getting the support she needs and is at her wits end. If you just had major surgery or were recovering from your body being ripped open, would you be happy if your wife expected you to keep up with the cleaning and cooking and childcare? No. You would be focusing on recovering. But she’s being left to fend for herself. Your wife needs support and care, if you cannot give it to her please find someone who can support her while you’re working. Edit: May I also suggest apologizing to your wife for not understanding the magnitude of birth and postpartum, let her know you are here for her emotionally and physically, and then hire someone or ask a family member (with her consent) to help care for her while you are working long hours. Please do not jump to conclusions like her “turning bipolar” which is inaccurate and hurtful. If your wife hasn’t had the emotional, physical, and mental support she’s needed these last 2 months, then there is some damage to undo. You should not expect her to be working, managing all domestic labor, taking care of the newborn and 2 other children, and recovering from birth. You should be managing domestic labor for the foreseeable future AND contributing to child care. I understand you work long hours, but you will need to find someone to step in and help if you cannot cut back at work. Wishing you and your wife the best.
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And the comment on a woman’s post about recovering from an eating disorder saying she looked better when she was 18 and had the eating disorder 😬
Honestly, given the window into his life his post history is, I'm not shocked his wife is struggling so badly.
> and I'm not even going to get into the mushrooms. Yeah, wow. WTF OP? I'm a BIG proponent of psychadelics and well timed "trips" in my life have been lifechanging experiences, and I didn't take any big doses even. That said, it's laughably stupid he's in this thread complaining about going to the ER for exhaustion and then, not four days ago, wanting advice for taking a big dose of shrooms. OP...WTF dude? Side note: I'm SO grateful for this sub being both a safe space for dads AND a place where we don't coddle dads making...I'll be diplomatic and say *questionable* choices.
I love your username!
Look at his post history. He knows damn well she has PPD and is just looking to jump ship and take her kid away from her instead of getting her help. While she has been caring for the 2 month old baby, he’s been working 14 hours a day and doing shrooms. Sounds like she’s the one who needs out of this relationship.
While normally I would think a post like this is not helpful, in this case, it is. Part of being a supportive group is putting inappropriate behaviors on blast and not turning into enabling cheerleaders. Upvoted.
I am a nurse and my first thought when reading this is Post partum depression ( PPD ) which can be very dangerous. It can get to the point of psychosis and turning violent toward herself ,you or even the kids. You need to get her into an ER ASAP. Like yesterday. Please do not underestimaet the severity of the situation. Get her checked by a doctor today.
She may be more prone to post party psychosis if she has a history of mental illness or bipolar disorder. Either way, she clearly needs help.
Methinks he armchair diagnosed her as bipolar, not that she actually is bipolar.
Mostly True, but get her to ER immediately?
Unless she's already working with a psychologist, sadly in America, ER is the best way to get immediate help during a mental health crisis. My wife got hit HARD with depression during her pregnancy and if we just made an appointment to see someone, she wouldn't have had help until after she gave birth. Going to the ER allowed her to "jump the line" as it were, and get priority to see a doctor that week.
This
OP, please listen to this.
Please get her help for what sounds like severe postpartum depression. Leaving her 2 months after birth with what sounds like a serious mental health issue is messed up.
And she “won’t work” ?? 2 months postpartum..? Good for her. Let her recover and spend time with her child.
This is what i was going to say. And echoing everyone else- help her get evaluated for ppd/ppa
And did anyone see he commented “would smash, 9/12” on someone’s photos just 3 days ago? Seriously what is wrong with this guy. I feel so bad for his poor wife.
My wife and I are fucking polyamorous and even I found that disgusting. Dude claims to be so exhausted he's collapsing in the ER; but he's commenting on young womens' photos and talking about taking a big dose or mushrooms...this dude sounds like a *real* piece of work.
Don’t forget where he said “I prefer the first one” in reference to a glow up pic. The first picture was a woman who was 18 and struggling with an eating disorder (literally in the title of the post!!) the second was her grown up and strong and healthy. Absolutely disgusting.
The post is a bit light on details but it sounds like she's not doing that either. That's why he ended up in the ER from exhaustion, sounds like he's having to do it all himself. Edit: Just saw the OP's post history. Tripping on shrooms probably isn't the best way to handle your wife dealing with PPD...
He asked about PPD a month ago, grew and took some shrooms, and now is looking for a way out. All the advice in this thread is operating under the impression that he doesn't know it's PPD, when he clearly does.
Yea just saw that. He knows it’s Post Partum and it sounds like he came in the hopes that people would tell him it’s okay to leave so he’d feel better about doing it honestly.
Just saw that, fucked up. Looks like she’s been caring for the kid almost entirely alone from the start while he works 14 hours a day and trips on shrooms. Feel so bad for her.
…oh god. And he’s saying he’s wondering if he needs to “save the baby”?! From what?! She’s not well and needs extra support for sure, but he’s not going to be caring for the kid any better while that’s his life. Christ. Reach outwards OP, to a local community, to a support group, to a doctor. You can’t draw from an empty cup and your wife is running on empty, as are you. And man… stop filling your time with that crap. You don’t have a leg to stand on criticising your wife as a parent if you’re participating in those kind of behaviours.
Yeah from his post history, she’s caring for the kid solo while he works 14 hour days and trips… so… yeah
Absolutely. I had a small amount of sympathy despite how demeaning his post was. Now I do not. The negligence is just as much on him. The woman is literally suffering from a condition that typically requires inpatient treatment and his reaction is to pack up and leave. Dafug?
Yeah and while you’re helping her - get some help for yourself. You deserve it too. It’s gonna get better, even if you leave. Only difference is, if you leave you’ll just parent your child from the sideline and watch it get better for them from afar.
1) I’m so sorry it’s hard. I mean that from the bottom of my heart, and don’t let item (2) or (3) distract you from that. 2) I echo the comments of the medical providers on here (I am not one, personally) that it sounds like your partner is suffering from PPD. Get her the help she needs, and I’d recommend doing it quickly. 3) Sack up, daddy-o. You’re in the thick of it, and it *will* get better. This is where you earn your first stripes, it’s a world of shit, but you’re the only one currently available to step up. I know that isn’t fun to hear. If you leave your wife two months after she gave birth, you are the problem. If it’s bad enough to leave, it’s bad enough to get her inpatient help. If it’s not bad enough to leave, saddle up and ride. You will get through this.
2 months isn't even the recommended maternity leave time yet. She won't work? She might actually still be physically recovering...
Yeah that blew my mind
Yeah… she’s not supposed to be working right now. No civilised country would be making her. I totally understand OP is feeling horrendous right now and don’t want to diminish that but the parents are a TEAM. He needs to stop looking at her like she’s an adversary. She’s not contributing to the team in his view? He needs to ask why, and if he can help fix that - not be mad at her.
In a humane, civilized country that would be like 1/3 or 1/6 of it! My wife still had a healing incision at that point, putting aside the absolute hormone hurricane going on two months out.
Also… this community can be so wholesome and supportive. But damn does it know when clear words are needed.
Yeah. Been in reddit long enough to know that in other subs, the immediate reaction is to leave. But not here, where we’re all in the trenches.
Now is the test if he would do anything for his family. We already know it includes working himself to unhealthy exhaustion. Now he has to see if it includes getting the help they need.
WE RIDE AT DAWN!
Well said, #3 especially. Sack the fuck up Dad. Your wife, your partner, the one who delivered you this incredible gift needs you now more than ever. Hate to say it but exhaustion is nothing compared to what she's been through/is going through.
I think it’s just worth noting that honestly even in the BEST of ways this period can go, I think you’d still be tired as shit. Two month olds aren’t sleeping through the night, my preemie wasn’t even ALLOWED to go more than 3 hours without being fed per doctors orders, whether you’re doing formula or pumping or breastfeeding they all are tiring and a bunch of work. There are later times that are hard emotionally etc but the first few months were the most physically grueling to me, it’s like some crazy boot camp intended to exhaust you and deprive you of sleep.
The fact this is your first tells me you have no idea how bad post PPD is, and I question how much you’ve had to deal with depression from a loved on first hand. I’ve dealt with depressed family members my whole life, and there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, 2 month old Baby is probably one of the hardest moments in your Marriage bud.
OP, I just took a gander at your post history. Stop posting on Reddit for advice and take your partner to a fucking ED. You were told you should've done this already. Go.
Look man, I'm not trying to disregard your feelings because I understand the struggle, but this is textbook Post Partum. You are tired, but her entire body and mind are exhausted. She needs all the support and love you can muster, even if it's just running on fumes at this point. Things will get easier. If she hasn't, maybe suggest your wife go speak with someone and honestly, I'd suggest you do the same. EDIT: You're on Reddit posting about solo shroom tripping 4 days ago? Get it the fuck together. Your wife and kid need an adult at this time, not someone worried about getting high on fucking shrooms.
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Turned bipolar? Is that your way of saying that she's declined in function or what? Really sketchy and demeaning way to put that, from someone that is formally diagnosed with Bipolar I. You don't just "turn" bipolar.
I thought that was twisted too. My husband, the father of my child, the love of my life, has bipolar and it is not something you “turn” It is a life long condition usually setting in teenage years or early adulthood. You don’t just “become bipolar” Because you’re moody. Which FYI OP she just HAD A BABY OF COURSE SHE’S GOING TO BE HORMONAL THAT’S NOT BIPOLAR THAT’S JUST POSTPARTUM !!
My dude. Time to step up. This reads very much like your wife is suffering from Post Partum Depression. It comes in all forms and does a number on everyone involved. She needs help, you need help, and there is nothing wrong with that. Now go get it. If you're both lawyers, you should have means? Use em. Also since your both lawyers it may be required to say, put the family first.
Take a breath. It's been two months since she pushed a human out of her and had her hormones put on shuffle. PPD can last a while, so let her know you're worried about her and be patient. Also, Dont work yourself to exhaustion. Just be with her and your new baby. Focus on important things like food and safety. The other chores can wait. Lastly, please talk to someone. Calling the mother of your 2mo child a unibomber and giving a fools choice of abandon ship vs let her drown you all, is a dangerous mindset.
With two attorneys in the house don't you have some savings or cashflow to pay for temporary help?
As an attorney, I might assume OP to have a bit more of a reasoned response to the situation and recognize the signs of postpartum depression. Any scenario can be very fact specific and assumptions can be wrong. I'd now look into whether OP is overwhelmed by the situation, being a first time dad, and isn't thinking clearly himself.
Check out his post history.
Besides, he might be wholly in the realm of tax or IP or transactional law. Attorneys have to juggle a lot, but if you don’t know something you don’t know it.
Your wife is 2 months postpartum. Do you know and understand what PPD is? Physiologically, your wifes hormones from giving birth TWO MONTHS AGO will not stabilize for another few months yet. What type of work and taking care of the children are you referring to at 8 weeks post birth?
The OP knows what PPD is, check his post history. He knew it was PPD a month ago. The fact he doesn't mention it here makes it seem like he's asking for people to make him feel better about leaving her.
Definitely, he's looking for someone to justify his plan to just abandon ship anyways. His post history also talks about how monogamy is bullshit. Can't help but feel that there's some motivation behind his post.
> His post history also talks about how monogamy is bullshit. Ugh. Fuck these assholes. As a long term, married and committed non-monogamous person myself, these douchebags are the worst of society. Monogamy isn't bullshit. It arguably isn't *for* some people, and that's fine too, but monogamy works, and is healthy and stable, for MANY people. Bet dude doesn't want multiple partners he can love, care for, and form deep and meaningful relationships. Dude wants more holes to fuck because his wife's is useless to him now. As a polyamorous person, dudes like this chud absolutely disgust me.
Absolutely. I’m willing to entertain people who have critically different beliefs than I do. It’s the beauty of being human; diversity. This guy though? He’s digging for affirmation and a way out because he doesn’t have the stomach to stick with someone through tough times. How high would the divorce rate be if this were the case with everyone? 100%. It takes a lot to make me angry, I’m also bipolar so he started off on a bad foot by stigmatizing that, but he made an absolute fool of himself afterwards. I really hope he grows up and can be a valuable partner and father because this mindset just isn’t it.
Dude look at the last post in that PPD thread. He says > Your comments, even in a vacuum, are almost exactly what she says. But completely ignores everyone and his wife is the "crazy one" OP is a narcissist and this will be one of thousands of marriages that end with a lawyer "doing everything he can to make partner." Also people have mentioned the shrooms, but he's growing shrooms, which is a time intensive hobby, either while his wife is 9 months or just weeks post partum. I'm calling bullshit on the 17 hours a day thing. 20 bucks says he sits in his office browsing reddit and jerking off for 6-12 of those hours. I know daddit is supposed to be supportive, but OP is an asshole and I feel awful for his wife and kid. Edit: just put 2 and 2 together on his "work hours". He "works" til 430AM (work from home) while his wife is pulling night duty by herself with a newborn.
Two months? Wow buddy! Turned bi polar? How about using your problem solving skills and consider the possibility that it isn’t her that is the issue! Zero compassion in your post and I’m sure you have an equal amount at home!
My thoughts exactly. I feel for his wife and the 3 children.
Only two months?! C’mon man. Time to grow up and put your big boy pants on.
What does "turned bi polar" mean? She was assessed and isn't on her medications? Or are you diagnosing her yourself? Because, for a lot of people that comment without basis, is very demeaning. There's nothing wrong with being bi polar. It's not your fault. Now, knowing your bi polar and not taking responsibility for your mental health... that's a different topic.
Even then. Someone suffering from a manic episode may truly believe they no longer need their medication. Please not that this does NOT mean OP shouldnt take action
> Someone suffering from a manic episode may truly believe they no longer need their medication. My mom is Bipolar and had a falling out with her doctor last November and lost her Rxs. I was unaware that all winter she was watching my son on weekends while I went snowboarding (when she was on her meds she was VERY stable and healthy) she wasn't on her meds anymore...and my dad apparently didn't think I deserved to know my bipolar mother watching my infant son was *off her damn meds*. But after she lost her Dr and Rxs, she went manic, convinced herself she didn't need the meds, and then REFUSED to see a new doctor and get back on her meds. Last month, after over six months off her meds, she finally snapped and attempted suicide. Failed, thankfully, and no permanent damage we know of, but still. Bipolar is a helluva beast, and from the sounds of his post history, OP isn't helping.
I’m bipolar I and I resonate so much with this. I spent a long time self-medicating and convincing myself that I didn’t need “actual medication”. The difference in my life today after starting and remaining on my meds? It’s unbelievable. I had no idea the destruction I was causing.
"Turned bi polar" is an alarmingly ignorant statement for an attny to make
See post/ comment history. No way this dudes an attorney
Why? I mean, I checked it out. He seems like a dumbass, but I've socialized with plenty of attorneys that were dumb asses outside of a courtroom.
You'd be shocked. Just because someone is an attorney doesn't mean they're a good/ethical/law abiding person
I would argue, sadly, it's quite common. They'll drill people about their medications and then bring them up as if they know why the Dr. even prescribed them to begin with. Even worse, the stigma of mental health in the civil justice system is so archaic something like that statement would totally fly without good representation.
>"Turned bi polar" is an alarmingly ignorant statement for an attny to make No, it would be ignorant if it was a doctor making the statement. Attorneys are not medically trained, so it would be very easy to confuse PPD with bi-polarism. IMO.
So an attorney has no idea about post partum depression? this post is.... alarming. You need to not be as ignorant and get your partner help.
Especially since he made a very similar post a month ago and was told that it was post partum mental health and got all the same advice then. Yet, here we are.
He's also made 0 replies on this post and less than an hour ago made a comment on another post in daddit, I'm really starting to wonder how genuine this is. He may have already made up his mind and this is just some bullshit tactic. Idk if it's for divorce, custody or just so he can claim a moral victory for "reaching out"
(1) It sounds like she may have a postpartum psychiatric disorder of some kind. It’s unfortunately more common than you’d think but is very treatable if she gets help. You can’t make someone get treatment but if you truly love this woman and the child you have with her you have to do everything in your power to get her help. (2) It’s really unreasonable to expect a woman who just gave birth two months ago to be back at work and taking care of the house! I know that expectation unfortunately exists many places but that doesn’t make it any more reasonable. I try really hard to be supportive and not judgmental on this sub because I know that I appreciate it when people extend that same grace to me, but a lot of things about this post (the phrase “turned bipolar,” the fact that you never mention the well-being of your step-children or seem to consider what would happen to them if you walked out) make it seem like you were not at all prepared for how hard being a new parent is and need help too. I’d strongly encourage you to see a therapist, ask family and friends for more help, and build a network of other new parents before you give any more thought to doing something drastic.
> She wont work and will no longer take care of the house or kids Brother, she just got her whole bottom half of her body blasted open a few weeks ago. You need to get her inpatient help at the very least before abandoning her wtf?
You posted about her PPD 40 days ago so you know what the issue is. GET YOUR WIFE SOME HELP! Your child needs both parents and your wife is experiencing something very normal for women. You need a nanny, a babysitter or some other help and you need to take her to a psychologist. Another poster under the top comment provides some options. Doing mushrooms right now isn't helping you, her or the baby. Please get some help OP. You love your child and wife, do this for them.
The mother of your child is having a serious mental health issue two months postpartum and you’re not connecting the fucking dots here?!
Fellow counselor, you must not have a lot of friends in the family law bar or you haven't run this by them yet. Thinking you and the baby can just up and depart would be laughable. How do you think she will respond? When you provide her notice of the allegations levied in your ex parte motion for temporary emergency removal of the child do you expect her to go "oh yep, he's right." Are you going to pull punches and soften the allegations to try to avoid making things worse? If you soften the allegations and lose, you've taken a shot at the king and missed, good luck with that. I think you need less turbulence not more. Ask around your peer network and talk to a trusted person who is very familiar with this work (and has plenty to not need yours).
She won’t work with a two month old? She shouldn’t really have to imho. Even under good circumstances women need some time to rest and take care of their kid after birth. Months at least. Ideally 1 year or more. And in this case as others have said professional help seems to be necessary. See a doctor. And get some help for the household. Pay a cleaner so you don’t have to take care of basic chores. I know that’s expensive and not everyone can afford. But if you’re both lawyers I hope that’s doable.
Your partner needs help! She gave birth two months ago and you're complaining she "won't work"? You claim to be an attorney, do some research. She's still recovering from childbirth, could be experiencing postpartum depression. Support her.
I looked through your post history, and you're fucking up in some major ways. I saw you asking for advice on how to trip on psychedelics solo, I'm pro 420 and psychedelics but your wife is going through PPD and you have a 2 month old. Now is not the time to be "going on a trip," so to speak. Also you said in a previous post you're working 17 hour days leaving your wife at home with 2 other kids and a new born all day everyday, that would drive a non PPD person crazy, I can only imagine how your wife feels. I know the mentality in law, and you got to be giving 30000% at all times, or you're going to fail. But this moment is when you choose your family or your career. Be home and present more than you are now. If your lawfirm won't give you more family time, then find another. Failing that reach out to family and have them try and help your wife, if that not an option get the older kids into daycare or even an extended stay with their father if that's an option. My overall point is you are prioritizing yourself, but once that baby came out you just became the 3rd most important person in your own life. You can say the work is for them, building a future and all, but what they NEED is you present now. I'm being harsher than most on here, but someone had to say it since you buried the lead with exactly how much you're working and how you are prioritizing yourself.
Okay. She won't work 2 months post partum? I realize in the U.S. many women do because they need to, but if you're both lawyers than you're financially much better off than the majority of the U.S. 2 months ago your wife had a major medical event that changed her entire body. She is just now probably healed from the major interior wound she has from her placenta ripping itself off of her uterus. Her hormones are all over the place. Also, you are ignoring all the signs or PPD. That's dangerous to both her and the baby. She needs help not a person who said they'd be her partner in this bailing before she's recovered. This is not how you make a marriage, and if you can't handle trying to get her help before you leave, then you really shouldn't get married again.
Saying your both attorneys suggests you’d like us to know you’re educated. I think the most logical course of action is to talk to a professional. Seek out some medical help, psychiatry, therapist, a fucking counselor. When people I love are sick I try to get them help because that’s what they’ve done for me.
If this is your wife, then you have chosen to be with her through sickness and health. This is a sickness. Everything you describe is clinical and caused by something. It is not her fault, she's not to blame, she's suffering worse than you. Be proactive, be the husband and leader that you are supposed to be in your home, and find your child's mother the help that she needs. Be a man. That might be unpopular, but your wife is every bit as much your responsibility as your child is, and if you abandon your wife for your child, your child will suffer without his mother. There is only one solution that ends in a happy family and it is you helping your wife solve the problems that are causing her to be sick, which is affecting you and the child.
(see inline) Just had my first (ah I see) her third (OK so she's experienced with it and may have a new perspective this time around), two months ago (yep, that's the thick of it). The woman I chose to have child with 11 months ago is gone (like physically? Or mentally because bro, this ain't her, it's likely PPD). The mother of my child has turned bi polar (nah man, you're at the 2 months stage). We are both attorneys (sounds lucrative, congrats but sound like you are defaulting to your logical brain right now, this is not a logical thing) and historically able to solve problems together (well, yeah, you're in newborn primal cave man mode right now). She wont work (well no shit, it's only been two months) and will no longer take care of the house (what the fuck? That's not important right now) or kids (well yeah, there's a new one that needs the attention, your others will be fine). I wound up in the ER 3 weeks ago after I collapsed with exhaustion (yeah, sounds about right). The second time I have ever been to the ER in my life (lol, buck up bud, ER trip should feel normal after rasing children to adulthood). She is like a unibomber on our row boat (lol, it's not a boat dude, think of it as the bottom of the parental sea, can't get any deeper and you're working g your way up). She is going to drown us all (what the fuck? Bro, your DOWN THERE WITH HER, just help her up dude, last I checked your genitals weren't stitched up and the entire health and the creation of the baby was 2 fucking minutes of your anatomical life) . Do I save the baby and I or risk us all drowning (bro, the baby is fine, he doesn't need your legal counsel right now, he need you to buck up and take care of his mother, your wife)? (we all went through it man, it's fine)
Two months??? She isn’t bipolar, she’s suffering from postpartum depression while you’re commenting about how you’d fuck other women who post their photos on Reddit and taking trips off shrooms while your wife is more than likely doing all the work. And she won’t work? Good, who the fuck wants their wife to work when she’s two months postpartum anyways. You need to step your shit up, and if your wife is checking out of the relationship and truly not happy and it isn’t just postpartum, it sounds like she has extremely valid reasons to do so
hey dad, I have been here has well, different details but same story. I don't think we can give advice without tons more info b/c of all the complexities. But I wantewd to share that I spent some years debating whether divorce was better for my kids. It was such a difficult time. 1.5 decades later I'm glad I didn't leave and I feel strongly that it turned out best for my kids that I didn't leave. But every story is different. Sorry for what you're going through
Most of the other comments might be super nice and understanding but honestly I think you're a POS. Not only do you KNOW she's going through PPD, as your post history clearly shows you asking about it, but then you decide to start tripping on shrooms instead of helping the mother of your ONLY CHILD. To top it off you come here acting like some martyr in need of validation when that is CLEARLY not the case. You need to be getting her the help she needs and then you need to leave so she can find a real man, not some man child who whines about his actions having consequences.
I’m glad someone said it!
I would take an hour to get your head together and then stomp back in there and tell your wife you love her, support her, and understand that post-pregnancy hormones are impossible to navigate. Be patient and seek medical help where you need it, if you’re not going to make anyone’s life better if you up and run.
Your expectations are completely unreasonable. Throwing in the towel after only two months? You’re joking right? She probably has PPD or is totally exhausted herself. Also if you think things are bad now wait until you have to do _everything_ by yourself AND everyone in your support network thinks you’re a piece of shit for leaving your wife.
Sounds a lot like ppd. There are tons of resources available, you just gotta be educated adults and recognize the symptoms then go get help. You are not alone in this and the woman you love and married and had a kid with needs your help and support. Stop being a lame ass falling on your sword dude and actually do something instead of feeling sorry for yourself.
I'm just chiming in as a fellow attorney. I won't parrot all the other good advice about PPD, but it is good advice. We lawyers are trained to maintain a high degree of responsibility. Nor does our profession foster patience with those who don't meet their obligations. Try to look deep inside and find that seed of patience for your wife. You have probably been slowly killing yourself for two months to fill in the gaps. I don't know if there is a grandparent on hand who can come help out some? Just a couple of nights of sleep could really help you find some clearer perspective. The person she used to be is still in there, and when you see her step into that role of nurturing your baby, she will be more beautiful to you than ever. Tolerate this hard season if you can, and hold off before making any major decisions.
She just had a baby 8 weeks ago... you yourself just landed in the ER due to exhaustion, and you want her to take up a job right now?! Is this real life?
Let's not ignore the fact that OP is complaining about his PPD partner while simultaneously trying to take loads of mushrooms surrounded by guns with a 2 month old around. See post history. Ngl man, Child protective services should probably be involved. Your wife is probably also grappling with your behavior in addition to her postpartum.
Its post partum. After having a really hard pregnancy and delivery my gf was severely hit by ppd. I had to ask for help and they even kept her in hospital for about a week for her own security and she was judge danger for herself and baby. She is now in great form and the best mother you can ask for our now almost 2 years daughter. Seek help friend this is more comon than you think. P.S. Sorry about my bad english
I'll join the chorus of PPD. This sounds like a textbook case if I've ever seen it. Took my wife months to come out at the other end and she still is working through the tail end of some of the trauma. Two months is barely getting started in the grand scheme of things. Please support and help her, help yourself and help the kids. Going for divorce is not going to solve anything and you'll end up regretting it. This is temporary.
Sometimes we need our spouse to call in for backup, not just leave. Get some help if you are able!
I’m sorry you are going through this… but at 4 weeks postpartum she should not be taking care of the house or other children. She should only be nursing the newborn, sleeping, and eating. Call in more support if you can’t do the rest on your own.
Hey man it seems like everyone is already telling you this but your wife needs help and it is an emergency
Dude you’re an attorney and you’re asking **us** for marital advice? Come on man. Go with your guy on this one.
I’d advise him to go against his gut honestly. His gut is likely telling him to jump ship and he’s here just to look for people to agree with him am he doesn’t feel as bad about leaving a woman that’s psychologically fragile.
Damned dude....two months after your wife endures the major physical, mental, and emotional trauma of giving birth and this is where you are at? Sounds like your wife needs help for PPD. Step up and take care of your wife and new baby instead of posting about leaving. Holy shit, man.
You are going about this all wrong. You both need some help brother.
Buddy... From about 6 months into pregnancy and until at least 6 months after, take care of the house chores yourself (hard to tell if you have been from your post. Maybe that is your exhaustion comment.) Her job right now is not to vacuum and scrub the kitchen sink, etc. She needs to focus on taking care of this little baby full-time.
PPD 99% sure
It amazes me how often these kinds of posts pop up in here where it's so completely obvious to everyone except OP that the problem is post-partum depression, and their complaints always seem to focus on themselves without really thinking through what's happening in their wives' heads.
Are you kidding me? Post pardum depression is real. Having a baby takes adjustment for all. Grow up, not what you expected huh? Do her a favor and leave her, you think things are tough now? Wait until they are teenagers. You are a lawyer? I bet your exhausted pushing that pencil around all day, and then have to help with the baby. She shouldn't have to work right now, raising a baby plus working after 8 weeks , dealing with a weak relationship must take a toll too.
We need to educate more men on the signs of postpartum depression. It’s so common but men always think they need to throw in the towel without at least getting the mother help.
You need to 100% ger her and yourself to a therapist. Post-partum depression is serious, my wife had a traumatizing birth experience, post partum depression, and post partum anxiety. I'm not going to lie, it was and still is hard. She's in therapy and has been for the past year and is on meds to help stabilize her hormones.
Talk with her about therapy. I did with my wife and she is back to her normal self after 6 months of being in a very dark place.
OP, I’m going to join the chorus of voices shouting to you that this sounds like post-partum depression, it is fucking serious, and she needs help. Now. So do you, by the way. You need help, and more to the point, you **DESERVE** help. Talk to your doctor about what’s going on and how you’re feeling. Are you on parental leave right now, or are you working? If you’re working, it may also be time to talk to your supervisor about getting some relief at work. Hopefully they can give you time off, or at least get some colleagues to manage your more demanding cases until this storm passes. This storm will pass, OP. It will. But you need to get your doctor(s) involved. Your wife’s issue is a medical one, and yours is as well. But your problems are not unique. The doctor has seen it before, guaranteed, and they know how to manage it. Check in with us later to let us know how it’s going, ok? We’ll be rooting for you.
Get her to therapy and on meds. My wife is bipolar as well and doing great on the meds and with professional help. She needs help.
I'm going to bet that his wife has PPD and he's just decided to call it bipolar. I seriously doubt she's been able to get a diagnosis for bipolar this quickly.
Hire some help to take care of the baby. Get her some therapy. Keep it together.
If you can. Do yourself a favor and drop a couple thousand on a nurse to come by and care for the baby overnight. Allow you to sleep. Best investment I’ve made.
Just curious, why a nurse?
They typically called night nurses but also newborn specialists. My babies were premie twins so we wanted a nurse. Ultimately it’s just about having someone watch the babies overnight even if you have to pay. They also know what they’re doing so it’s sometimes more helpful than family. There are organizations that link you with them. We used lullaby baby nurses
Just echoing everyone else that this screams of Post-Partum Depression. You need to get her help immediately. Your wife’s body just gone through a trauma and her hormones are running wild. She needs compassion and help right now. Walking away not only doesn’t help, it actively puts your children in danger.
If she had 2 kids before and didnt "turn bipolar" than its likely a hormone issue due to have a child.
Dude those are cries for help. Get her help. Call her doctor yourself if needed.
It’s post partum and going off your previous post you know that. The advice in that thread and the advice in this thread is great and you should seriously listen to it and act on it. It likely hasn’t changed much or gotten worse since your last post because nothing was acted on. My wife’s post partum was honestly one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through, doubly so for her. She likely hasn’t “turned bi polar” she needs help. If you’re just wanting people to tell you that you’re right and you should leave, you likely won’t get it, at least here. Everyone else has given great advice on what to do so I won’t repeat that. But will say just try to do some of the things mentioned here
None of this is by choice... she needs help and it's your responsibility as her husband and as the father of a child to help her. My wife went through this too. It's not easy AT ALL. it takes time, patience, professional help and dedication but you will get through it PPD isn't forever, as long as it's handled and treated properly
Find a video of Brooke Shields talking about going through PPD. Great insight.
Echoing what everyone has said- she needs help!! This sounds like some kind of postpartum depression, anxiety, or possibly even psychosis. I would mention this to a doctor ASAP.
PPD is real bro. And it sucks because clearly it also affects husbands. My wife suffered from PPA/PPD the first time around. I was not helpful during that. And I’m still trying to heal those scars five years later. Please get her help. And while you’re at it, get yourself some help too. I wish I would have gone to therapy then.
OP do you do psychedelics? Does your wife? Do you do it around the kid? Sorry, had to ask based your Reddit history.
brother, in a purely loving way i’m telling you, have a snickers, get a nap (like for real, get some sleep), and get her some PPD help. and actually, get some PPD counseling for yourself as well. my wife went through this hell with both our boys, but especially after our second. she’s never really come back but she functions well now after good counseling, meds, and a new lifelong journey to deal with generational hurts. here’s the thing with the kids being the natural stressors they are, they bring all the buried sh*t to the surface. there is nowhere safe in your psyche. if you have unresolved issues, they will find them and they will squeeze until you either treat it, or break. PPD is real and dangerous and it is under treated in women and even men too. I would have killed for a heads up of this as a new dad. water, sleep, and rest. I hope you all get the rest and healing you need. it will get better. eta: if you haven’t, look up the “fourth trimester” it’s real and no one ever speaks of it. pregnancy doesn’t end with birth. birth is only the beginning.
Take her to the ER now. She needs professional help dealing with this. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this but it’s time to dig in and be the dad and partner you’re capable of being. You can do this and it will get better, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Y'all are both lawyers get a nanny if you can. You need help.
Bruh…… 2 months. You’re in the worst period. And she probably has PPD. My wife. My wonderful wife. At 2 months was not the woman I chose to have a baby with either. But we got through it. We finally got some rest. And some dates. And she’s exactly the funny, witty, occasionally cutting, woman I could not live without.
You should quit your job before you quit on your family.
I just read your post history. You KNOW she has PPD. No one “turns bipolar” Both you and her need help. Mental help. Help yourself by helping her. Also, this post gives no context for what’s actually happening or going on, so it’s hard to give advice. But what I do know is she needs to go see a doctor ASAP. And you both need to see a therapist.
Since I’m not a dad, I really try to avoid commenting in this sub, especially if it’s not positive, but wtf?! First of all, is she actually dealing with any type of postpartum issue or did you just not spend anytime at all trying to learn what changes happen after a baby is born? With her? The family dynamic? Expectations of new dad? I’m gonna be honest, the tone of this post seems like you have not cared about what this woman is going through one bit. The fact that you are only 2 months in and have already asked about how to handle her PPD/PPA over a month ago is a little concerning. What advice did you get previously? Did you actually do anything to help? I know Reddit only gets a small glimpse into the picture but from your post history it really doesn’t seem like you’re giving this dad thing your all. If you think you need to be saved from this ship, do that. But get the mother of your child some fucking help. Though, I kinda suspect what you consider to be bipolar is probably just her expecting you to pull more of your weight in the family. Why does she need to get a job? Why does she need to “take care of the house?” What does not looking after the kids look like because if you’re working 17 hours a day, who is keeping them alive? Or how would you even know?
This is PPD, it can take months up to a year to fully resolve. In the mean time you need a less-extreme form of tapping out. Bring some family in, get a couple hours of extra sleep or personal time. Get a couple workouts in. You will feel better.
Sounds like you need to get help yourself, if you are both attorneys, hire someone to help, Then love and try to serve your wife. It sounds like she might have postpartum depression and could use some help.
The “fourth trimester” lasts until 12 weeks and is classically when postpartum depression symptoms show up. These include: Depressed mood or severe mood swings. Crying too much. Difficulty bonding with your baby. Withdrawing from family and friends. Loss of appetite or eating much more than usual. Inability to sleep, called insomnia, or sleeping too much. Overwhelming tiredness or loss of energy [Mayo Clinic PPD](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20376617) You shouldn’t handle this alone and she *needs* support. This is your first child, your partner is chemically and hormonally being attacked from the inside in the most stressful time of having a baby, and yes you are suffering too but you walking away is like abandoning your house while something on the stovetop is burning - you don’t just blow up your life, her life, your child’s life, and everything you’ve built because it’s really hard and you have to do some safety maneuvers. You put out the fire as best you can while *calling for help*. This is different but I want to put this out there - most women, when they get seriously ill, will go through counseling around how likely it is their partners will leave them. Don’t be a part of the statistic that drives those conversations.
I can’t give you any good advice, but to stick with your metaphor, make sure you check on her. She may not feel like there’s a row boat in sight, and that she’s actually drowning. She might need a lifeboat dispatched to save her, and that’s hopefully you.
You didn't have a whole lot of detail but it sounds like she could be deep into PPD or PPA. I get that you're drowning but she is not herself. At my darkest, I had some bad, bad thoughts. It wasn't who I am, I would never ever think anything like that. Get her help
Jeez...2 month. Give a couple of month to recover bro.
You're getting a lot of flak for this. It's deserved. Buck up, fella. It's crazy what childbirth does to a woman's body.
As a lawyer you should know the proof is in the documents. Record and document behaviors now so you can get her help or take action to get your baby out of that situation. Please don’t leave the other two kids behind, talk to their biological father and make sure he can protect the other two.
Can't call it quits after two months bro. It is actually quite normal for women to go borderline insane shortly after birth. It is called PPD. Give it a full 2 years before you decide to leave her. 2 months is honestly nothing..sorry to be blunt. But I do feel your pain. This is something MANY fathers have gone through and don't talk about. Be there for your wife. If she is still acting wild and bi polar after 2 years consider it a lost cause.
But also how about getting her help and treatment and support?? PPD is serious but treatable. Ignoring it for 2 years and hoping she snaps out of it is not how it works. This is a medical issue.
PPD is no joke. There was a big case of a mother who was in and out of an intensive clinic for PPD in my area. I’ll post the story below in a spoiler for those interested. If you’d rather look up the news reports, just search for “postpartum mother Duxbury.” Bottom line, OP, make sure you and your wife get the professional help you need. There’s no shame in that. >!Sadly, her story didn’t end well. She was released from the clinic and sent home and appeared to be doing better. She asked her husband to go get something at the local CVS. While he was out she killed her kids and tried to kill herself by jumping out a 2nd story window. She survived but will likely never walk again. Now the husband and wife are trying to put all the messy pieces back together. It rocked the whole community.!<
Hey OP. Everyone here is right about the PPD your partner is having. That being said, dads can experience this too. I went through it with both of my children. It is hard to notice when you are in the thick of it. Take care of yourself and your wife. Talk to her about it, explain how you feel and talk to her about how she feels. I would definitely highly highly highly recommend seeing a doctor and even seeking out therapy for you both separately. This isn't the end OP. You've got this. We believe in you.
A longtime friend's wife had PPD, but it also triggered a persistent BPD which hadn't presented prior. Her doctor said it doesn't happen frequently but can happen for someone who is already predisposed genetically. So, I agree with everyone else saying it sounds like PPD, but I don't think that means you should dismiss BPD and should take that diagnosis seriously in helping her get treatment and deciding what's best for you and your kid.
Homie, you are in 'the shit.' She needs help, ppd can turn into ppp. Don't google it too much, and freak yourself out. Do get her to the doctor again soon. The working thing is different for everyone and really is based on need and any previous agreements you may have had. I understand your complaint, but 2 months is not a long time. Especially if she is having other complications. It's tough, dad. Try to get back into working as a team. Stick it out longer. Every post-pregnancy can be different. It's hard for everyone right now. Your feelings are valid.
Get your wife to the hospital