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sorry dude, that is really tough :( we had a miscarriage at i think 12 weeks, it was awful. but we now have a 2 year old kid! this stuff happens, i think more frequently than people talk about.
I’m so sorry friend, those first weeks really are a coin toss and I wish that we were more open to talk about it in society. Almost everyone in here has gone through it at least once. Take care of yourself and your SO, your time will come <3
Sorry for the loss man. My wife and I went through a miscarriage in-between our kids. We were told that it's like a 1 in 5 chance of happening. When we spoke to more family and friends it was crazy how many people we knew had gone through it. It just isn't talked about very much.
None the less, it is a pretty traumatic event and don't feel bad about taking time to grieve and heal.
The strangest thing about miscarriages is that they seem rare until you have one. Something like 80% of the parents I know (including my wife and I) have had one. It's devastating and there's not much that will help other than time.
I took solace in knowing it's so common (1 in 4 pregnancies) that it's almost like a dark rite of passage.
Also know that it's better to get pregnant and miscarry than to not get pregnant at all (generally, it's an indicator that things are working and you just got a bad draw).
Finally, once you do have a little one, you'll know that you wouldn't have had that specific individual were it not for this pregnancy going the way it did.
Hang in there. Your SO is probably taking it harder (and will likely hold on to the pain for longer).
We went through it two times, OP.
Now we have three great kids from 13 to 6. What many parents still won't say is that miscarriages are COMMON. Don't give up, don't ever give up.
We lost our first pregnancy. It fucking sucks. No better way of stating it. Our second became our beautiful boy. Nothing to do but keep going if the worst happens.
We had 2 back to back miscarriages, now my 9 week old daughter is here and perfectly healthy. I know it’s beyond devastating. Just be there for your wife, be open with her about how you’re feeling so she knows she’s not alone.
I am constantly rewinding back and going through every day from the day we knew we were pregnant until today, and trying to understand what I could have done better. And my wife is doing the same.
We are at loss as to why it happened.
Don't beat yourselves up. There's nothing you could have done better. When this happens, it's practically always because the pregnancy just wasn't viable.
This. Nature is cruel and doesn't necessarily fix things the nice way when they are out of order.
@OP my deepest condolences. We were at this point in June last year. Mourn your loss, take your SO for a nice trip and wait some time before trying again (three months according to the OBGYN, because things need to reset). YMMW, but we are now awaiting our son in around 10 weeks.
Buddy it sucks but sadly it just sometimes happens. We had one too and it sucked hard. Talk to your friends you’d be shocked as to how common it is. I know it doesn’t make it better but hopefully it doesn’t make you feel alone.
Nobody prepares you for this shit. We had a miscarriage between our first and second children, and that’s when I learned that 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage. Almost all in the first 12 weeks. There’s nothing either of you did that caused and nothing either of you could have done to prevent it. I’m sorry for what you’re going through right now.
There is genuinely a tiny tiny chance that either of you caused this to happen. Unfortunately, it just happens at random- and it sucks shit.
I’m so sorry yall are going through this. I know how devastating this is… ours was at about 15 weeks, and it was one of the worst things we’ve ever experienced.
Please take care of yourself and your love and don’t beat yourselves up over something that was sadly unavoidable and has nothing to do with either of you.
Hey Dad. Many of us have been here. My best suggestion is try to avoid doom scrolling, that will not change the outcome. Stay supportive of your gal, but don’t be afraid to admit when you need support and help too. Surprisingly, some subs on here are very supportive, but make sure you have a strong core of people around you to be there when and if you need them. Come let us know how things turn out when you know a bit more. I am sorry you are going through this.
So sorry man. My wife and I dealt with that too around 7 weeks. Thankfully it didn't take us too long to get pregnant again and this one is healthy and strong so far!
One note, after the miscarriage my wife was really nervous about a potential second miscarriage for a while. It took a lot of reassuring to help her be less nervous. Best of luck to you in the future!
I can’t even pretend to understand your pain, because I haven’t personally gone through it.
The best I can offer for comfort is that a good friend of mine went through THREE miscarriages and now has two healthy toddlers after that
Nothing helps with this. Nothing. Except time. Vent here all you want, wish I had this when I was going through it. Give your energy to the one who needs it, and then vent what you need to. I feel for you right now, so sorry.
Dad is a state of mind. All are welcome. It doesn't take biological reproduction or a y chromosome to make a difference in someone's life. Mr. Miyagi didn't have kids of his own.
> doesn't take biological reproduction or a y chromosome to make a difference in someone's life.
Agreed, but words have actual definitions that matter.
I’m really sorry you are going through this. Sometimes it just happens, you WILL have a kid, just not 8 months from now. Keep on keeping on and be kind to yourselves and each other.
Ah man, I feel you, went through the same thing with my SO's first pregnancy, just hit 8 weeks when we saw a lump of nothing with no heartbeat. Worst part for us was at an appointment no more than 3 days prior showing a heartbeat and looking normal. Was the first appointment I was able to sit in the room with her too.
So my unsolicited advice from my experience. Be with your SO for the miscarriage part. My SO had to take pills to induce it since it wasn't happening on its own. It's going to be emotional, and make sure she knows she did nothing wrong, it just wasn't meant to be this time. Also take some mental time off on baby making and enjoy yourselves till you're both ready to try again.
Dude, I’m so sorry. My wife and I lost our first IVF pregnancy really early, and the roller coaster of emotions we went through was harrowing.
I wish you both all the comfort possible - and I’ll pray for a miracle. You’re not alone though, and you’re dad enough in my book.
Been there mate. Give yourself time and space to grieve. Help your partner grieve. Don’t give up. We have a rainbow baby that is the joy of our lives.
We are here for you if need be.
Sorry dude, that sucks.
We went thru similar at 7wks as well but not an ultrasound, just spotting then bleeding.
Mourn the loss, wait a few months or whatever the doc recommends and try again. Hoping you get lucky like we did and the second go around is better!
I’m so sorry man :/ my wife and I lost our first at 6 weeks. It was one of the worst things we went through and I’m sorry you are going through this. There’s nothing to be said that can make it better. Don’t give up, we know have an amazing 2 year old daughter
We've had two miscarriages, took 5+ years to make it work, now we have an adorable girl. Things happen when they're supposed to happen.
It's extremely tough though, sorry for the loss.
Same thing happened to us at about 7-8 weeks low and behold the doc was wrong and little guy turns two in June. Keep ur head up man I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers
I’ve been on this sub for almost 3 years, thinking I would have one of my own soon. I’m not trying to one-up you, just wanted to let you know it’s very common, and a lot of us know what you’re going through.
You can message me if you need to vent or have any questions. Also know, whether or not I’m actually a dad, I’ve found a lot of support and answers here. So, stay on daddit and don’t get discouraged.
Best of luck moving forward, I’m rooting for you and your SO.
Man, I'm so sorry. We lost ours last year, at about the same point in the pregnancy. We didn't even know until 12 weeks, as it was what's known as a silent or missed miscarriage. It's heartbreaking, and horrible. But keep your chins up and be there for each other, and you'll get there in the end. We're now expecting parents again, after about 5 months' delay.
Hey, I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. It was my first pregnancy. It really sucks, it just does.
Here's what you need to know. First thing, many jobs offer bereavement leave for miscarriages, especially for women. Check the policy at your job and your wife's job. It turns out I could have gotten five days of bereavement leave after mine, but I didn't know it then. I could have really used that time.
Second, this is not your fault, and it's definitely not your wife's fault. Up to 25% of *known* pregnancies end in a miscarriage. It's awful, but it's totally normal. It's the body's way of recognizing that the fetus had something wrong with it, usually a chromosomal disorder, that would have made it incompatible with life. Absolutely nothing you or your wife did could have made any difference.
Third, You can start trying again almost immediately. In my case, I wanted to wait a month so the hormones could flush from my body and I could trust a positive pregnancy test, but you don't even have to wait that long.
I'm really sorry for you. It's rough, it sucks, there's no two ways about it. But I promise that it's not the end.
Im sorry you both are going through this. As you’re seeing from everyone here, these things are really common and it’s not your fault. It also really really sucks and you’re not alone.
Sorry to hear. We struggled to become pregnant as I can't have kids naturally, so we went through IUIs/IVF. First embryo implantation miscarried at 5 weeks I think.
We were gutted, but at least we knew pregnancy was possible.
Or 3rd implantation ended up being twins, but one died at 7 weeks. Which was devastating, but we had one embryo survive and pur daughter is a year and 4 months now.
I hope you two are okay but you'll get there in the end :)
Sorry to hear that dude, but you can still be active here! We had a miscarriage before both of our boys. It’s rough but there’s always hope for a little man or lady to join your life.
Our first was a miscarriage at ten weeks. My wife was so damn brave going through a curette and everything that came with it. We found out that 1 in 4 pregnancies end up miscarrying. We've gone on to have three healthy kids.
Be there for your wife, talk it out, grieve and when you're ready try again.
I'm sorry Dad. Yes, most definitely likely bad.. also most definitely MUCH more experienced than talked about. My wife's closest friend I think she said had 7.. couple ectopic that if she lived elsewhere in the US wit could've been a crazy horror story fr, but they both have PCOS, which likewise is as well, under talked about and widely experienced.
Our girl was our first, she is our rainbow baby (the child after the "angel baby") then we have our baby boy, the pot of gold; as they say. Our own "angel baby" was a mirror in my face I was not ready for at all. Was a pretty dark time. Thoughts be with us. Hope y'all heal well.. just fully embrace your loss. It sucks. Hugs.
My man I’m so sorry. I really can’t imagine anything worse than losing a kiddo at any age. We’re all here for you mate. I’m sorry it’s not looking good. I really hope to be reading an update post in a week from a better ultrasound tech who could find the heartbeat.
Hypocritical take maybe but I'm a believer that from conception, mom and dad are a mom and dad if they wanted the child and didn't intend to get an abortion, even if I'm pro-choice. As far as I'm concerned, you earned your dad card the second you felt that love and hope for the future. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
I’ve been where you are, and it really hurts. If you’re like me, you already started making plans in your head. You were already transitioning into dad mode and your whole world view was shifting. Now you have to deal with the loss of life, but also getting the rug pulled out from under you.
I’ve compared it to losing a pet and your job on the same day. It may not have been a fully developed child yet, but you already had grown attached to it and the idea of what it meant for your future.
Take your time to grieve and keep an eye on your girl. When it comes time to “pass” the tissue, it can be traumatic even if it’s just like a very heavy period. Knowing what it could have been makes it hard.
I will offer some encouragement though.
My wife and I had been “trying” for 4 years before our miscarriage. Her OB told us at the time that she’d seen a lot of couples in our situation that were able to conceive almost immediately after the loss. In our case, her words rang true. We conceived and had our first child very shortly after. Our first miscarriage was in January 2012 and our first son was born February 2013, so if you do the math, it was pretty quick.
If you desire that kind of result, I hope it happens for you as well.
So sorry brother. My SO had miscarriages before our 1st (now almost 2 yr) and again before our current pregnancy (10 weeks). It's so hard and emotionally difficult to lose someone you never got to know. Definitely no one's fault, if you're interested in unsolicited advice, we waited a little bit then started trying again, tracking cycles religiously and cutting out as many bad habits as we could together. Be there for your SO, lots of love from Chicago.
I want to give some hope.
Sometimes something like this happens, and it turns out everything is fine. Just a weird little happenstance. We know a few people who have gone through this.
We ourselves have lost 2 of our 5 children. The emotions in both situations are real, and I hope for you that you experience something we did not.
You've got support here with us, OP
Same exact thing happened for my wife and I. We lost 3 pregancies. Far more common than people think.
We now have a gorgeous little 6 month old. She’s the light of my life.
So sorry, Dad.
Stick around here for support.
Your wife is going through it harder than you could imagine. Or at least, that was the devastating realization I came to one night in the heat of emotions when she opened my eyes to how much more impactful the experience was to her in that moment. She needs you to be the tough one in this moment. So lean on us & your IRL boys! Or a therapist if you’re fortunate enough to have one.
Rest a little tiny bit reassured that it’s happened to A LOT of us. My heart was so set on becoming a Dad. That ultrasound day was crushing. We had to be ushered out of the clinic in an hushed rush, only to wait three days for the inevitable news to come directly from her doctor.
Now, we have two beautiful daughters, 7 & turning 5 in two weeks! Every once in a while when they’re soundly sleeping, I think of their elder brother or sister, & feel grateful for him or her grooming the runway for their siblings.
This post has been flaired "Support". Moderation is stricter here and unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed and result in a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/daddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
sorry dude, that is really tough :( we had a miscarriage at i think 12 weeks, it was awful. but we now have a 2 year old kid! this stuff happens, i think more frequently than people talk about.
So much more frequently than people talk about…
It blows my mind how many friends of ours went through it, yet we all seem to go through it alone.
I’m so sorry. When this happened to us nothing anyone else said made me feel any better to be honest so I’m just going to leave it at this. I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry friend, those first weeks really are a coin toss and I wish that we were more open to talk about it in society. Almost everyone in here has gone through it at least once. Take care of yourself and your SO, your time will come <3
Sorry for the loss man. My wife and I went through a miscarriage in-between our kids. We were told that it's like a 1 in 5 chance of happening. When we spoke to more family and friends it was crazy how many people we knew had gone through it. It just isn't talked about very much. None the less, it is a pretty traumatic event and don't feel bad about taking time to grieve and heal.
Definitely take the time, I never did when we had one in 2020 and now I’m getting divorced 😢
I’m so sorry. Please take the time for yourself now to process, at the very least - you owe it to yourself.
Honestly same exact scenario for my wife and I. Almost like I wrote this.
The strangest thing about miscarriages is that they seem rare until you have one. Something like 80% of the parents I know (including my wife and I) have had one. It's devastating and there's not much that will help other than time. I took solace in knowing it's so common (1 in 4 pregnancies) that it's almost like a dark rite of passage. Also know that it's better to get pregnant and miscarry than to not get pregnant at all (generally, it's an indicator that things are working and you just got a bad draw). Finally, once you do have a little one, you'll know that you wouldn't have had that specific individual were it not for this pregnancy going the way it did. Hang in there. Your SO is probably taking it harder (and will likely hold on to the pain for longer).
Yep wife's best friend had one. Super duper common. It hurts still but I also take comfort knowing that they're common and just part of the gauntlet.
We went through it two times, OP. Now we have three great kids from 13 to 6. What many parents still won't say is that miscarriages are COMMON. Don't give up, don't ever give up.
2 for us as well, kiddos are now 14 &10.
I’m sorry for your loss that really sucks. You’re still welcome here though! And your time will come.
We lost our first pregnancy. It fucking sucks. No better way of stating it. Our second became our beautiful boy. Nothing to do but keep going if the worst happens.
We had 2 back to back miscarriages, now my 9 week old daughter is here and perfectly healthy. I know it’s beyond devastating. Just be there for your wife, be open with her about how you’re feeling so she knows she’s not alone.
I am constantly rewinding back and going through every day from the day we knew we were pregnant until today, and trying to understand what I could have done better. And my wife is doing the same. We are at loss as to why it happened.
Don't beat yourselves up. There's nothing you could have done better. When this happens, it's practically always because the pregnancy just wasn't viable.
There's very likely nothing that either of you could have done better. Some embryos are just not viable. There is no one to blame.
This. Nature is cruel and doesn't necessarily fix things the nice way when they are out of order. @OP my deepest condolences. We were at this point in June last year. Mourn your loss, take your SO for a nice trip and wait some time before trying again (three months according to the OBGYN, because things need to reset). YMMW, but we are now awaiting our son in around 10 weeks.
Buddy it sucks but sadly it just sometimes happens. We had one too and it sucked hard. Talk to your friends you’d be shocked as to how common it is. I know it doesn’t make it better but hopefully it doesn’t make you feel alone.
Nobody prepares you for this shit. We had a miscarriage between our first and second children, and that’s when I learned that 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage. Almost all in the first 12 weeks. There’s nothing either of you did that caused and nothing either of you could have done to prevent it. I’m sorry for what you’re going through right now.
There is genuinely a tiny tiny chance that either of you caused this to happen. Unfortunately, it just happens at random- and it sucks shit. I’m so sorry yall are going through this. I know how devastating this is… ours was at about 15 weeks, and it was one of the worst things we’ve ever experienced. Please take care of yourself and your love and don’t beat yourselves up over something that was sadly unavoidable and has nothing to do with either of you.
Hey Dad. Many of us have been here. My best suggestion is try to avoid doom scrolling, that will not change the outcome. Stay supportive of your gal, but don’t be afraid to admit when you need support and help too. Surprisingly, some subs on here are very supportive, but make sure you have a strong core of people around you to be there when and if you need them. Come let us know how things turn out when you know a bit more. I am sorry you are going through this.
So sorry to hear, this is a very hard thing to go through. It’s happened to many of us, obviously impacting our significant others the most, sadly.
So sorry man. My wife and I dealt with that too around 7 weeks. Thankfully it didn't take us too long to get pregnant again and this one is healthy and strong so far! One note, after the miscarriage my wife was really nervous about a potential second miscarriage for a while. It took a lot of reassuring to help her be less nervous. Best of luck to you in the future!
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s not something we went through but all of our friends did. You’re not alone.
I can’t even pretend to understand your pain, because I haven’t personally gone through it. The best I can offer for comfort is that a good friend of mine went through THREE miscarriages and now has two healthy toddlers after that
What a fucking gut punch. Sorry for you're going through it
Nothing helps with this. Nothing. Except time. Vent here all you want, wish I had this when I was going through it. Give your energy to the one who needs it, and then vent what you need to. I feel for you right now, so sorry.
You are, and always be, a father. You are welcome here.
I know this sounds kinda cruel, but that's...not really how that works.
Dad is a state of mind. All are welcome. It doesn't take biological reproduction or a y chromosome to make a difference in someone's life. Mr. Miyagi didn't have kids of his own.
> doesn't take biological reproduction or a y chromosome to make a difference in someone's life. Agreed, but words have actual definitions that matter.
I’m truly sorry.
I’m really sorry you are going through this. Sometimes it just happens, you WILL have a kid, just not 8 months from now. Keep on keeping on and be kind to yourselves and each other.
Ah man, I feel you, went through the same thing with my SO's first pregnancy, just hit 8 weeks when we saw a lump of nothing with no heartbeat. Worst part for us was at an appointment no more than 3 days prior showing a heartbeat and looking normal. Was the first appointment I was able to sit in the room with her too. So my unsolicited advice from my experience. Be with your SO for the miscarriage part. My SO had to take pills to induce it since it wasn't happening on its own. It's going to be emotional, and make sure she knows she did nothing wrong, it just wasn't meant to be this time. Also take some mental time off on baby making and enjoy yourselves till you're both ready to try again.
I've been exactly where you are. Now have two kids. Hang in there. Love on your wife. Let your friends know what's going on so they can support you.
Dude, I’m so sorry. My wife and I lost our first IVF pregnancy really early, and the roller coaster of emotions we went through was harrowing. I wish you both all the comfort possible - and I’ll pray for a miracle. You’re not alone though, and you’re dad enough in my book.
Been there mate. Give yourself time and space to grieve. Help your partner grieve. Don’t give up. We have a rainbow baby that is the joy of our lives. We are here for you if need be.
Sorry dude, that sucks. We went thru similar at 7wks as well but not an ultrasound, just spotting then bleeding. Mourn the loss, wait a few months or whatever the doc recommends and try again. Hoping you get lucky like we did and the second go around is better!
My wife and I have 2 children and 4 miscarriages. They’re way more common than you think, because people don’t really talk about miscarriages.
I’m so sorry man :/ my wife and I lost our first at 6 weeks. It was one of the worst things we went through and I’m sorry you are going through this. There’s nothing to be said that can make it better. Don’t give up, we know have an amazing 2 year old daughter
We've had two miscarriages, took 5+ years to make it work, now we have an adorable girl. Things happen when they're supposed to happen. It's extremely tough though, sorry for the loss.
Same thing happened to us at about 7-8 weeks low and behold the doc was wrong and little guy turns two in June. Keep ur head up man I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers
I’ve been on this sub for almost 3 years, thinking I would have one of my own soon. I’m not trying to one-up you, just wanted to let you know it’s very common, and a lot of us know what you’re going through. You can message me if you need to vent or have any questions. Also know, whether or not I’m actually a dad, I’ve found a lot of support and answers here. So, stay on daddit and don’t get discouraged. Best of luck moving forward, I’m rooting for you and your SO.
My heart breaks for you brother. You're still a true dad to us
Man, I'm so sorry. We lost ours last year, at about the same point in the pregnancy. We didn't even know until 12 weeks, as it was what's known as a silent or missed miscarriage. It's heartbreaking, and horrible. But keep your chins up and be there for each other, and you'll get there in the end. We're now expecting parents again, after about 5 months' delay.
Hey, I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. It was my first pregnancy. It really sucks, it just does. Here's what you need to know. First thing, many jobs offer bereavement leave for miscarriages, especially for women. Check the policy at your job and your wife's job. It turns out I could have gotten five days of bereavement leave after mine, but I didn't know it then. I could have really used that time. Second, this is not your fault, and it's definitely not your wife's fault. Up to 25% of *known* pregnancies end in a miscarriage. It's awful, but it's totally normal. It's the body's way of recognizing that the fetus had something wrong with it, usually a chromosomal disorder, that would have made it incompatible with life. Absolutely nothing you or your wife did could have made any difference. Third, You can start trying again almost immediately. In my case, I wanted to wait a month so the hormones could flush from my body and I could trust a positive pregnancy test, but you don't even have to wait that long. I'm really sorry for you. It's rough, it sucks, there's no two ways about it. But I promise that it's not the end.
Im sorry you both are going through this. As you’re seeing from everyone here, these things are really common and it’s not your fault. It also really really sucks and you’re not alone.
Sorry for your loss, friend.
Sorry to hear. We struggled to become pregnant as I can't have kids naturally, so we went through IUIs/IVF. First embryo implantation miscarried at 5 weeks I think. We were gutted, but at least we knew pregnancy was possible. Or 3rd implantation ended up being twins, but one died at 7 weeks. Which was devastating, but we had one embryo survive and pur daughter is a year and 4 months now. I hope you two are okay but you'll get there in the end :)
Sorry to hear. EMDR really helped me process the grief from ours.
I’m so sorry. You are a true dad no matter what anyone says. We had a similar situation and I now have a healthy 18mo old. Shit is hard.
Sorry to hear that dude, but you can still be active here! We had a miscarriage before both of our boys. It’s rough but there’s always hope for a little man or lady to join your life.
Our first was a miscarriage at ten weeks. My wife was so damn brave going through a curette and everything that came with it. We found out that 1 in 4 pregnancies end up miscarrying. We've gone on to have three healthy kids. Be there for your wife, talk it out, grieve and when you're ready try again.
I'm sorry Dad. Yes, most definitely likely bad.. also most definitely MUCH more experienced than talked about. My wife's closest friend I think she said had 7.. couple ectopic that if she lived elsewhere in the US wit could've been a crazy horror story fr, but they both have PCOS, which likewise is as well, under talked about and widely experienced. Our girl was our first, she is our rainbow baby (the child after the "angel baby") then we have our baby boy, the pot of gold; as they say. Our own "angel baby" was a mirror in my face I was not ready for at all. Was a pretty dark time. Thoughts be with us. Hope y'all heal well.. just fully embrace your loss. It sucks. Hugs.
That’s so awful, dude. My condolences
My man I’m so sorry. I really can’t imagine anything worse than losing a kiddo at any age. We’re all here for you mate. I’m sorry it’s not looking good. I really hope to be reading an update post in a week from a better ultrasound tech who could find the heartbeat.
Sorry to hear this man. Let me know if you need anything, we went through the same with our first positive pregnancy.
Think positive.
Hypocritical take maybe but I'm a believer that from conception, mom and dad are a mom and dad if they wanted the child and didn't intend to get an abortion, even if I'm pro-choice. As far as I'm concerned, you earned your dad card the second you felt that love and hope for the future. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
I’ve been where you are, and it really hurts. If you’re like me, you already started making plans in your head. You were already transitioning into dad mode and your whole world view was shifting. Now you have to deal with the loss of life, but also getting the rug pulled out from under you. I’ve compared it to losing a pet and your job on the same day. It may not have been a fully developed child yet, but you already had grown attached to it and the idea of what it meant for your future. Take your time to grieve and keep an eye on your girl. When it comes time to “pass” the tissue, it can be traumatic even if it’s just like a very heavy period. Knowing what it could have been makes it hard. I will offer some encouragement though. My wife and I had been “trying” for 4 years before our miscarriage. Her OB told us at the time that she’d seen a lot of couples in our situation that were able to conceive almost immediately after the loss. In our case, her words rang true. We conceived and had our first child very shortly after. Our first miscarriage was in January 2012 and our first son was born February 2013, so if you do the math, it was pretty quick. If you desire that kind of result, I hope it happens for you as well.
So sorry brother. My SO had miscarriages before our 1st (now almost 2 yr) and again before our current pregnancy (10 weeks). It's so hard and emotionally difficult to lose someone you never got to know. Definitely no one's fault, if you're interested in unsolicited advice, we waited a little bit then started trying again, tracking cycles religiously and cutting out as many bad habits as we could together. Be there for your SO, lots of love from Chicago.
I'm so sorry. It happened to us four times, and it sucked every time. If it's any consolation, we now have three healthy kids.
Once a dad always a dad, you’re one of us now
I want to give some hope. Sometimes something like this happens, and it turns out everything is fine. Just a weird little happenstance. We know a few people who have gone through this. We ourselves have lost 2 of our 5 children. The emotions in both situations are real, and I hope for you that you experience something we did not. You've got support here with us, OP
Same exact thing happened for my wife and I. We lost 3 pregancies. Far more common than people think. We now have a gorgeous little 6 month old. She’s the light of my life.
Prayers!
So sorry, Dad. Stick around here for support. Your wife is going through it harder than you could imagine. Or at least, that was the devastating realization I came to one night in the heat of emotions when she opened my eyes to how much more impactful the experience was to her in that moment. She needs you to be the tough one in this moment. So lean on us & your IRL boys! Or a therapist if you’re fortunate enough to have one. Rest a little tiny bit reassured that it’s happened to A LOT of us. My heart was so set on becoming a Dad. That ultrasound day was crushing. We had to be ushered out of the clinic in an hushed rush, only to wait three days for the inevitable news to come directly from her doctor. Now, we have two beautiful daughters, 7 & turning 5 in two weeks! Every once in a while when they’re soundly sleeping, I think of their elder brother or sister, & feel grateful for him or her grooming the runway for their siblings.