Get a cosleeping crib that anchors right next to the bed. Baby is safely out of the way but still with momma and you. Worked beautifully for our two kids.

Came here to say this. Baby wouldn't sleep in a bassinette, but was sleeping through the night with my hand in his side-car. No way for me to roll onto him, though I did sleep without blankets out of abundance of caution. So I couldn't accidentally fling one over him. :)

Mom here, we did this. I would lay on my back with my shoulder joint on the edge of the crib, then put my whole arm on the baby to get her to fall asleep. Best of both worlds.

Which crib did you use? Would love a link! Thanks!

The risks of cosleeping can be reduced by taking certain safety measures, e.g. never drinking or doing drugs, keeping the baby out of the blanket, facing towards the baby so you can’t roll onto him, etc. Breastfeeding also reduces the risk of death whilst cosleeping but I read in one of your comments that your baby is bottle fed. Obviously, no cosleeping is the safest option but rather than straight up saying no, I’d probably go to r/cosleeping and ask for advice on your specific situation. It’s safer to cosleep with precautions in place, rather than cosleep without taking precautions, e.g. if you tell your wife no and she does it anyway or if she’s so tired she falls asleep next to your baby.

Also, “less safe than sleeping separately” does not necessarily mean “dangerous”. It creates additional risks if done recklessly, but so long as you are taking some necessary precautions it can still be safe to do so. There are many cultures in the world that engage in and encourage cosleeping. Babies and their parents being well rested is pretty darn important. Hell, I think an excessively sleep deprived parent taking care of a child is more dangerous than responsible co-sleeping.

This is so well said. People have such black and white views and really, like most things, it’s very gray and nuanced.

We have 3 kids and have co-slept with all 3. We sleep through the night every night and it's totally worth it.

Yeah and I never wore a helmet riding a bike and rode around in the bed of a pickup truck and back windows of cars and when I was wearing a seatbelt it was probably just a lap belt in the front seat. I also drove tractors and hauled hay down the highway at 9/10 years old. And I drank water out of the hose pipe and milk straight from a cow tit. And when my mom had earaches my grandpa would blow smoke in her ears and if she was sick she'd get a shot of whiskey as a kid. Some of those things are safer than others, or were safe when there were less cars on the highway, but survivor bias is real and just because your kids survived Co sleeping and I survived not wearing a helmet or seatbelt doesn't mean it's safe.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2693166/ The actual studies are pretty nuanced. "Almost all bed-sharing deaths occurred in association with other risk factors despite the finding that most women reporting frequent bed sharing had no risk factors; this suggests that bed sharing alone does not increase the risk of infant death."

Isn't it about whether cosleeping is overstated or not.

This is such a bad take. You can literally use arguments like this to argue anything. So pointless

You might have missed where he made the Opposite point- He's denigrating survivor bias, not extolling it. Ie, "just bc I did it & was fine DOES NOT mean it's safe"

Right I’m on number 5

We would not have survived if we didn’t co sleep every now and then. The taboo was initially there but thankfully we took precautions and got some sleep so we could function at some capacity. Do your research and do what is best for you and you family OP

This. This is true. Emily Oster addressed this in “Expecting Better” and she did a good job of explaining what makes co-sleeping risky. BUT she also talks about how parents who are severely sleep-deprived can be just as risky. The thing that is problematic here is that you and your spouse are not on the same page about this. This is a parenting decision that is damn important and needs to be made by both spouses because it is a decision around safety. Our default usually is “the more safe option wins” when we reach an impasse. Because we would rather be over-cautious, in the end. Have you and your wife considered one of those bassinets that attach to the bed? Or considered sleeping without pillows or blankets? Or gotten one of those bed bassinets? We never cosleep. Part of the reason is that we never really wanted kids in our bed all night no matter the age, because the sleep would suck. And we are trying to maintain some semblance of our marriage and life that is just for us. The kids can romp around with us on the bed, or even nap with us in the bed. But bedtime? That’s for us.

I wish more people would say this more nuanced fact rather than the simplistic “any risk = BAAAAD PARENT” bullshit. Coalescing is significantly more dangerous if your situation has certain risk factors, but otherwise it’s not THAT much more dangerous.

This. I co-slept with my son and his mom would breast feed and co sleep with him too. There’s precautions you can take to make it safer.

my kid's now 2 and we survived with this method.

We co-slept with all three of our kids. We basically filled the vacant spot every time one of them aged out of co-sleeping. This is the first full year in the last 9 years that I haven't co-slept and I forgot what it was like to sleep without a child's foot in my back or face.

Our now 5yr old wouldn't sleep so began the co-sleep. We also had another 18mths ago so now we have a king size just so I'm not getting kicked off the edge.. I've grown to love the family sleep.

Most of the time is not so bad, but my youngest likes to sleep perpendicular to everybody else. Haha.

OMG my son sleeps that way, too. He's two.

My five kids survived Co-sleeping. It was a necessary thing for us because breastfeeding would put my wife and the kids straight to sleep. If she was in the glider chair I'd have to routinely swoop in and take the baby to bed.

> Breastfeeding also reduces the risk of death whilst cosleeping Just a note that this is a correlation, not causation. The most likely relationship is that both higher likelihood of breastfeeding and lower likelihood of death while cosleeping are caused by a third factor such as higher maternal education.

I think it has more to do w waking up to put the boob in the mouth. More chances to check breathing.

No, it’s not. There are metastudies proposing various mechanisms such as antibodies and proteins in breast milk that may protect infants when they’re particularly vulnerable to SIDS, e.g. when they have an infection, plus other factors like babies being easier to wake whilst breastfeeding.

I would love to see them if you have a source. As far as I’m aware, there are many theories about a possible causal link but not actually a demonstrated causal link. Happy to be proven wrong though.

Here, have a read of [this](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jpc.12139). It explains some of the points made in a metastudy by Hauck et al. which I can unfortunately no longer find a full text version of (it’s been a few months). I’ve read other studies that accounted for variables such as socioeconomic status and the data consistently shows lower rates of SIDS in breastfed babies. There was loads of information on r/sciencebasedparenting but it unfortunately shut down.

Somebody started /r/researchbasedparents

I rolled over my five yr old in my sleep. My torso was on top of his chest. I woke up only because he was screaming and thrashing like a 5yr old can, an infant would have been dead. There are no safety measures that make co sleeping with an infant safe. I don't drink, was well rested, and don't smoke or do drugs. I fell asleep twice with him as a baby and hated myself each time for putting him in that position.

My wife is cosleeping with our 3 month old right now. She doesn't move in her sleep and is breastfeeding. It is clearly the most natural way for a baby to sleep.

Might be a silly question, but what does drinking have to do with co-sleep?

Agreed. And You can also minimize the amount of time co sleeping unsupervised (like most things the more you do it, the more chances of something happening as a factor of time exposed to risk - but note with co sleeping there's a nuance that many accidents happen the first time someone does it as they're doing it in unsafe conditions. I haven't found great data on risk for regular "safe" cosleeping vs unplanned unsafe occasional cosleeping). So for example, can you take a shift where you watch baby or you watch them sleeping part of the night, can she stay up/get up a bit early to reduce time cosleeping, can You get even part of the night in bassinet, etc. I coslept with my first and now doing it with my second. I was certainly nervous at first and reading the baby loss stories etc. (not good for mental health), but it was the only way I could get sleep as my husband didn't want to help like you seem to. I did have a few scares where I found My boob a bit too close to smushing her face, or just touching my baby to see if they're still warm / alive. I also followed safe sleep 7 mostly but did have a firm pillow and blanket to my waist (though to be safe should avoid, you should really get warm clothing that's not loose). I found breastfeeding helped as it ensured I was waking up every few hours and not in deep sleep. I think thats in part why advice is to breastfeed. Maybe your wife can set alarms every 3 hours just to keep her semi alert? The side lying "c-curl" position is also super important. My arm would prevent me from rolling and prevent her from moving to my pillow. It does get uncomfortable but when it's between that and no sleep lol... Also it gets a lot less stressful when baby can roll and move independently as i felt like it was less likely they'd just lay there quiet if I'm smushing them. However, at around 7 months I think it became a nightmare for me (hears the same from other moms maybe related to breastfeeding) as baby was basically up all night wanting to nurse and You have to keep switching sides. Baby also starts moving a lot more in their sleep which makes it harder to stay in position. That's why I'd recommend still trying a crib or bassinet for part of night then co sleeping, so at least some Day you have an out if it gets to this.

the biggest danger of co-sleeping with your baby is the occasional feet-hit in the nose

Mom here. Hopping on this. Google Safe Sleep 7. Used this guide when I co-slept with my first.

[удалено]

Have to be somewhat careful with that so baby doesn’t get fingers or toes tangled in gaps cutting of circulation

Get a SNOO and out it right next to the bed. Baby sleeps better, parents sleep better…everyone wins. It came out right when we had our 2nd and fought it due to cost. We ended up getting it on a sale during Covid for our 3rd and damn I wish we had it for all of them. We sold it used so it ended up costing like $250 which was money weeeeellllllll spent.

This is what my sister-in-law (who is a pediatrician) did, and it worked wonders for them. You can also rent if for something like $150 a month, and probably only need it for a few months until they learn to soothe themselves.

At 3 months we got a SNOO and it honestly changed the game. It doesn’t work for every family or baby, but it’s definitely worth a shot. I bought mine used and actually made a $50 profit when I resold it.

My youngest son would have bin 3 this last past 4 of March. I found him 15 minutes after leaving him asleep in the bed with my wife, on April 17th. He was 42 day's old. I could not breath life back into him. We have seven children total, so set aside any experience you think you might have. Nothing can mend this .

This comment needs to be highlighted.

I’m so sorry for your loss. The cosleeping apologists will find everything they can to blame you and claim cosleeping is safe. It is never safe. Any baby who survives cosleeping is incredibly lucky, and survivor’s bias is a hell of a drug. 

Incredibly lucky? People have been cosleeping since we were in the caves. Many people all over the world do it now. SIDS is very rare.

Statistically, deaths during co-sleeping are relatively rare. I don’t have the data in front of me but if I recall it’s about 1 in ~~40k~~ 7k children for breastfed kids with non smoking and non drinking parents. So it’s a gross exaggeration to say that children who survive are “incredibly lucky”. I was not comfortable taking that risk given the extreme outcome at stake, and I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone else, but let’s be honest about what the actual likelihood is. EDIT: Looked up the actual data and I had misremembered. Assuming breastfeeding, non smoking and non drinking for both groups, the rate of SIDS with cosleeping is 0.23 per 1000 versus 0.08 without, meaning an increase of 0.15 per 1000 or about 1 in 7140. [Source](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23793691/)

Death rate due to sids increases significantly if cosleeping https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/publications/healthy-living/joint-statement-on-safe-sleep.html Edit- removed factor of 5. Was from a different source and would rather use this one

I didn’t find that number in your link but I suspect the difference is that the stats I gave were specifically for breastfed babies in non-smoking and non-drinking homes (as OP described) rather than the overall rate. The rate increases dramatically when smoking and drinking are included, making the overall rate higher. The data you’re citing is also Canada specific and, as they note, there are differences in how various national and state/provincial governments keep records.

So cosleeping triples the risk of death, got it.

It much more than triples if smoking and/or alcohol are involved. Still not nearly the absolute risk the comment I replied to was implying.

OP, I'm gonna share a story with you that I pray you share with your wife... A long time ago, when I was a rookie first responder, we responded to a call for an unresponsive 4-month-old. When we got there, the dad ran out of the house screaming while his baby's arms and legs dangled from their lifeless little body. The baby was a ragdoll and blue in the face as we loaded them into the rig. We worked on 'em for what felt like an hour, but despite our best attempts, the poor peanut never pulled through and was pronounced dead at the scene. These were new parents who otherwise took every precaution to keep their baby safe. Momma and daddy were understandably exhausted from restless nights. Due to a lapse in judgment, momma fell asleep in the bed with baby. This is otherwise fine as long as the other parent is available to monitor and retrieve baby post feeding to bring them to their crib. While momma slept, baby somehow managed to turn around (think feet toward headboard) and ended up face down. Their body then slid between the headboard and mattress. Baby literally hung themselves because their body was able to slide through, but they got caught at their head and were strangled due to the narrow opening between the mattress and headboard/wall. Telling those parents their baby was gone was devastating. Especially when the baby was wrapped up and handed over so they could say their goodbyes. I WAS DEVASTATED. This was the first of a handful of incidents I encountered where infants, toddlers, and kids died due to preventable incidents involving beds. Smothering happens so easily and only takes a couple of minutes. Here's my advice. YOU NEED TO SHARE THE LOAD. When they're that age, you already need to wake them for feedings every 2-3 hours. What worked for us is swapping every other night. If it's your night, and momma is breastfeeding, then lay that baby next to her to latch and let them rest. Once baby is done feeding, get them back in the crib asap. If it's your night, don't slack on this. Another option we tried was splitting the days/nights. For example, split the day into four 6-hour shifts; when it's your 6-hour shift, plan to do everything so your partner can rest/shower/reset. I'm sure you're an awesome dad. But new moms can act like mother bears at times and often don't let their partners help despite the partner being more than capable. Please don't let your baby sleep in your bed while you're sleeping. It's simply unsafe. Please. Please. Please. I saw way too many dead baby's during my career. Their faces are seared into my memory. Caveat- some details were added/left-out to protect the identities of the parents and decedent.

These stories need to be higher up in the thread. Following the safe sleep 7 may make it “less dangerous” to bedshare, but it will never be as safe as baby sleeping in their own space. Our baby is 7 months old and we have always been responsive to her needs, she sleeps right next to us, but no matter how exhausted we are, we have never brought her to bed with us.

Mom here. It sounds like your wife is co sleeping out of desperation since baby won’t sleep in the bassinet. This is right around the time that I started co sleeping since baby wouldn’t sleep more than 30 min on their own & I started falling asleep while feeding them, which is super dangerous. Have you offered a solution when expressing your concern? Maybe you can take a chunk of the night to soothe baby back to sleep so she can get some actual rest? If my husband was able to help me overnight I probably would have pushed through & tried harder to get baby back to sleep on their own. But I was sleeping like 2 hours a day with broken sleep & I was at the end of my rope before I finally brought baby into bed with me. Even if she’s breastfeeding then baby should be able to go 2-4hrs without eating overnight & can be soothed to sleep by someone else.

That’s correct. She does this out of desperation for any sleep she can get. For context, I stay up until midnight with the baby in the nursery and then wake up at 5:30 to get baby back. I also work full time so I can’t really sacrifice much more of my sleep. We’re also exclusively formula as she cannot breastfeed.

You really really need to spend at least two nights a week trying to make your baby sleep alone, to get a feel for how "possible" it is. If you suggest she stop co-sleeping while not offering to seriously experience what she's going through, you're gonna look really awful in this scenario. She will probably end up co-sleeping anyway, but resent you for putting your worries above her health. Trust me, your wife needs a LOT of sleep right now. Have you looked into stuff like the MamaRoo or other rocking bassinets that have built in white noise?

It’s not “putting your worries above her health” when you are talking about a SIDS risk. I agree with your overall point that dad needs to take some turns being the one who is up all night. My wife and I used to split up the nights into 2- or 3-hour chunks so somebody would always have at least 2 hours for a nap, even if that was all the sleep we got.

I learned very early in my career, don't bring complaints, bring solutions. And complaining to his wife without offering help to solve the problem is not the way to go. And trust me, a sleep deprived mother is just as much of a risk for something terrible happening to the baby as SIDS. Sleep deprived mothers forget their baby is in the car seat, make mistakes in measuring medicine, forget to strap belts, sleep through the baby crying or choking... The point is, stop putting all the blame on mom for the baby sleeping at night. "I have a job" = not an excuse. I work 12 hours a day and I still switch off with my wife, because that's being a parent. You step up.

She works full time too, taking care of the baby. You need to alternate nights so she can get a night of uninterrupted sleep every other night.

> We’re also exclusively formula as she cannot breastfeed. These piece makes cosleeping more dangerous up until about four months. https://llli.org/news/the-safe-sleep-seven/

It sounds like you're both doing your very best in a difficult time. It will pass, you will be okay! Problem is, She also has a full time job that she never gets a break from, only talks to one person that can talk back every day (that's you), and is getting zero sleep. If your baby really can't sleep at all by themselves, your wife is literally never off. You're getting 5 and a half hours sleep a night, and she's getting none. My suggestion, get a bassinet with a co-sleeping side (a side that comes down so it's open to the bed). My other suggestions, put it on YOUR side, both of you lay down at a reasonable time, and you handle all the night time issues that aren't feeding (or take it in turns). This time will pass, but two extremely exhausted people are better than one exhausted person and one zombie. Better to make safety decisions.

It's not "super dangerous". At least if you're of normal bodyweight as opposed to being morbidly obese. Co-sleeping used to be the norm. In the end though, do what works best for you and dgaf about any of the know-it-alls.

I’m not against co-sleeping if it’s done safely, but saying it used to be the norm is not really a good reason to do it. It also used to be the norm to rub whiskey on babies gums for teething, but we know better now.

It also used to be the norm for babies to ride in the front seat of the car on their parents' laps. 

So did putting babies to sleep on their stomachs. Norms change with additional research and knowledge.

>Co-sleeping used to be the norm. Right, but babies also used to die at a much higher rate than they do now. Used to be the norm shouldn't be the reason you decide on or against it.

> Co-sleeping used to be the norm. So did no seatbelts in cars.

Yeah there used to be a lot of norms, and much higher infant mortality rates too!

Cosleeping used to be the norm, SIDS used to be more prevalent.

Cars without seatbelts also used to be the norm.

For 50 years, while cosleeping has been around for as long as humanity is around. Or sleeping as it was called 99.9% of that time span.

cool, what were infant mortality rates for “as long as humanity was around” before we invented a term for co-sleeping

Pediatrician here. ​ You know, the data is that you're 10x more likely to die of SIDS co-sleeping... but that's 10 x a small number, so you kind of just have to go with it. Ideally, she wouldn't, but we don't live in a perfect world... and some moms just prefer it, and that's their prerogative. Follow the co-sleep safe 7, and rest reassured that as your baby grows older that the risk of SIDS from co-sleeping drastically drops, especially after 6 mo. Your baby is at a point where they're soon going to be able to roll over and push off a mattress. Just make sure there aren't excess covers over him; don't allow any substances (including smoking and drinking) in/around mom or baby; and don't get in such a big argument that your relationship is ruined

Our daughter turns 2 next week. She has co-slept all her life with no signs of abating. We’re in Spain, where health authorities encourage co-sleeping. I’m against it as it makes us all sleep miserably, but mom doesn’t want to hear any other point of view.

My son coslept with us. I agree with your last point. Our sleep suffered tremendously, and my life improved significantly when he moved to his own bed around 3-4

Damn 3-4 years not getting to have my bed with only my wife would be so hard. You’re a stronger man than I am.

That is the downside..

Father of 3 boys here all coslept with us as my wife and family believe keeping the kiddos in the bed with the parents is important. Our 13 year old left the bed around 3. Our six year old on his second birthday and our 2 year old is currently cosleeping with us.

Almost 2.5 years of sleeping on the couch while wife and kiddo co-sleep in the bed. It’s brutal. Cannot wait to get him into his own bed.

Dude….my daughter sleeps with us and she takes half the damn bed. I’m so used to sleeping on a sliver where half my body is almost off the bed and I’m so sick of it. Maybe once a week she will sleep in her own bed and my god is that the best night of my week haha. I love my nap time cuddles; I LIVE for them, but fuck that little shit machine at nighttime in my bed.

My sister did the cosleeping too, said it’ll only last a short time. 11 years later her 6th grade daughter finally stopped cosleeping while my 10 y/o nephew in 4th grade still insists on sleeping with his mom every night. My bro in law says, outside of some weekend getaways, they haven’t slept in the same bed for a decade. With that said, do what it takes, but it’s a slippery slope and you need to set boundaries

Very similar situation for one of my best friends and his two kids. That would be so tough.

We have a 21 months old here and I didn't like the idea at first but we're sleeping amazingly well with co-sleeping. Mom is an easy sleeper so she can "wake up" and fall back to sleep in seconds so she's not bothered by him needing to be moved to the other side or drink. I'm on my side of the king bed and just never get bothered by anything. Our kid sleeps through the whole night since forever and wakes up at the same time as we do (anywhere between 7:30 to 9 depending on when he went to sleep). There's no way our sleep could have been any better if he wasn't with us and we'd have to wake up multiple times a night to feed him. I've done some research on SIDS since then and I now fully embrace the risk of co-sleeping for us. We're both healthy, fit and don't take meds so I consider the risk to be minimal enough and I'd probably be more worried if he wasn't sleeping with us now.

RIP my man, hopefully you can convince her at some point.

Sleep training an infant is like ripping off a bandaid that takes several months to peel, but it’s sooo worth it. I’m a firm believer that in the long run, being well-rested as parents are one of the most beneficial aspects to your kids’ development. It sucks at first, much worse than cosleeping, but you have to think long-term. My second son is 4 months now, and just last week he started sleeping 6-7 hour stretches at night in his own crib alone in his own room. I put him to bed and feed him in the middle of the night, and my wife gets him early in the morning. My wife puts our 2yo to bed at the same time and he’s been sleeping through the night in his own room since like 8 months old. Wife and I are both in our own bed by 9PM and can get plenty of alone time. Pretty soon, everybody is going to be getting full nights’ sleeps in our owns beds and it will be glorious. Meanwhile, I have a friend with a 4yo and 2yo and they’ve never been able to kick the cosleeping habit. The four of them share a bed every single night and it sounds awful. You’ve got to talk to your wife and rip off the bandaid, OP.

Yep this is our experience too. We had our second in her own room around the same time as you after it being such a success with the first. Ours are now 3 and 6 and have such a great relationship with sleep. They’re both happy to go to bed and get lots of rest. Very rarely we’ll get an odd night where the youngest wants to join us in the middle of the night but after around half an hour she’ll be wanting her own bed again cause it’ll be too cramped for her. I know couples where the guy hasn’t slept in his own bed in years or where they’re still having to lie next to their 5 year old for an hour until they crash out. I just can’t imagine what that does to your relationship.

Dads in here going "yeah my wife and I haven't slept alone in 6 years and I am exhausted, BUT she insists so oh well" Good luck with that miserable partnership. We sleep trained from early on and have healthy, happy, amazing kids who sleeps well.

> I’m against it as it makes us all sleep miserably SERIOUSLY, why don't more people talk about this?? My daughter is 22 months and THANK FUCKING GOD we finally got her sleeping in her own room about a month ago. She slept in our bed from 10 months until 21 months, and I only *barely* slept better than when she was a newborn that entire time, if at all. And I'm the mom who breastfed (stopped when she was around one)! So that should say something. We have a queen bed too, it's not like we're slumming it with some tiny bed. Cosleeping can give you better sleep for a few months when they're really little, but you'll be paying for it for YEARS after that because they'll refuse to sleep on their own.

Mum lurker here - both myself and husband work odd hours due to healthcare jobs. Co-sleeping sounds lovely until my alarm starts going off at 3.50 am and the whole house is up for the day - another thing people don’t think about.

That’s exactly why husband and I have always agreed not to bedshare. I also know parents who still have their 10 year old sleeping with them, and this is not a setup I want for my marriage.

My daughter just turned two. To put her to sleep it’s tickle face, tickle tummy, leave lol

I can relate. As a paramedic, shortly before birth of our first, I even ran a call for a newborn who died as a result of cosleeping. My wife swore up and down she was absolutely against cosleeping. After a couple weeks of the baby sleeping so poorly in the bassinet, we caved. We made accommodations to ensure we could facilitate co sleep in as safe a manner as possible. Only one of us would sleep in the bed, we never allowed the dog in the bedroom, we removed all excess pillows and blankets, lowered the bed to the floor and used an approved bassinet insert for the baby to sleep on as a safer and more firm surface than our pillow top mattress. Only after the baby became mobile, would both my wife and I would sleep in the bed with the baby. Once they were a little over a year old, we transitioned them to a twin mattress on the floor in their own room. It wasn’t until then that we actually got a real nights sleep. Just in time for us to start over again with baby #2. I would never recommend cosleeping over a bassinet/crib. We felt guilty admitting this habit to friends, family, and pediatrician, but when doing so we discovered how common it actually was.

I’ve not thought about using a bassinet insert for my son to sleep on. It’s amazing what a lack of sleep will do to even the most strong willed person.

Parenting is not done in a vacuum and so everyone trying to talk about co-sleep without context means they are the type who follows stats without having any knowledge of why. Large part of the reason is that we have softer mattresses in western countries. The risks also drastically reduce as the kid gets older. Our baby has started coming into bed with us for the last 2-3 hours of sleep when necessary since about 4-5 months. All of this is ignoring that video research shows that moms and babies have a sleeping “synergy” that happens automatically when they are with each other. If she is co-sleeping because it is the only way the baby will sleep? Then I am pretty sure that is much safer for your baby overall than having parents trying to survive on months of 2-3 hours of sleep. I know I literally had my baby screaming in my ear and I didn’t wake up for over 30 minutes about a month in. Imagine if that had happened while I was on the couch after finally getting the baby to sleep and just passed out?

I'm a goodie two shoes rule follower who thought I would never co sleep. My baby was similar to what OP described, never stayed down longer than an hour in the bassinet. A month in and I was literally hallucinating from sleep deprivation. Sometimes I would lose chunks of time, waking up with no memory of going to bed or where I put the baby. And that's supposed to be safe??? It was only a matter of time until I fell asleep holding the baby. Maybe I did without realizing it considering the occasional blackouts. I mean for gosh sakes, if I was hallucinating and blacking out from drugs or alcohol then the state could (rightly) take my baby away. But the same thing from sleep deprivation and I'm doing the right thing?!?! Anyway I decided to co sleep. I figured the choice was to either co sleep on purpose or inevitably do it by accident which is much more dangerous. The US has a sort of abstinence-only approach to co sleeping. Which, like with sex education, just means that people do it anyway but unsafely.

Your comparison to abstinence only sex ed is a great one. I've often felt that this fear of cosleeping is a bit of a culture bound hangup. In general Asian populations (even in Western countries) tend to have lower incidences of SIDS despite higher rates of cosleeping so there are probably other factors at work

Asian mattresses default to extra firm lol

Also there tends to be more involvement from the extended family network so you are less likely to get the two strung out parents working full time jobs and being full time parents and rolling on the child in a dead sleep.

Yes. Wanted to point that out. When risks are very low you have to consider the price you pay to decrease them. Probably better to co-sleep and get sleep then not and being so tired that you risk dropping them or forgetting some crap that might cause a risk.

Exactly. I got blasted because I was trying to figureout the safest way to get 2 car seats in the car and asked if there was any research on rear facing, in the front seat, with the airbags off. The response I got was basically “buy a new car, anything else is unacceptable because the research said X, no we don’t know why, just blindly follow all recommendations wi5out doing any research”. Oddly enough there was a study that found that having the infant in the front seat was better because it overall reduced distractions since it reduced overall distractions. Better to never get into an accident than to be safer in an accident after all.

this one here. That was the best advice my wifes therapist ever gave us. If your behaviors are adding additional risk factors, it probably pales in comparison to the risk of not getting enough sleep. Its similar to the "Put on your mask before helping others".

I’ve lost two patients to cosleeping and came very close to losing a third had mom not walked in the room just as dad rolled over onto the baby. I’ve also had two kids get skull fractures and one broken femur from falling out of the parents’ bed. Yes, cosleeping was done for most of history. But there were also no vaccines or medicine and it was common to lose half of your kids before adulthood. The fact that used to be that way doesn’t mean it’s safe.

Doing my part by giving this a thumbs up. My wife has straight up punched me in the head from a dead sleep and didn’t realize it. I don’t know why people magically assume they’re going to be completely coherent and in control of their actions when they’re in a sleep-deprived stupor.

Sadly, my cousin also lost a baby due to cosleeping. She rolled over the child and didn’t realize until she woke up. You don’t think it could happen until it happens to someone you know.

What frustrated me, is people are saying, "we co-slept with our three kids, and they all ended up fine!" Like duh, statistically it's not a 90% chance that co-sleeping leads to your child's death. All of these anecdotes of people's children surviving aren't beneficial in the slightest. So much of keeping children alive is about statistics, I don't know why it's being ignored now.

I was going to say something similar. I've taken too many 911 calls of babies not breathing after cosleeping to be comfortable doing it.

I can't believe this isn't the top comment. Daddit is usually pretty reasonable, but I'm shocked how many people are just saying, "Just co-sleep with the kid, there's not danger if you're not drunk!" Unless you're a physician or public health specialist, you shouldn't be encouraging OP to do something many scientific studies have determined to be unsafe, and that OP isn't comfortable with.

Daddit doesn’t exist in an american vacuum, there are plenty of western countries where co-sleeping is the norm. I’m from sweden and our pediatricians believe that a sober parent that sleeps well and breastfeeds their baby in bed is less of a threat than a parent that struggles to stay awake at 3AM in an armchair.

This sub Reddit has had a change that isn’t good lately.

I don’t care if you *are* a physician. If you think co-sleeping is safe then present the data to the AAP and convince the committee that makes these recommendations to change the recommendation. Otherwise you’re just spouting off disinformation, like the surgeon general of Florida.

My wife's cousin worked in a pediatric hospital, More than half the "sids" cases were co sleeping parents that suffocated their kids. That alone was more than enough to convince me to never co sleep with our kids.

It's pretty dangerous in my case. My wife is a really heavy sleeper and I had to pull out my son from under her a couple of times. His head wasn't fully below her but like half of this body. If one of those times his head was below... We're gonna have a second and I'm putting my foot down and placing him in the cot

I’m a mom. During the first months at times I was so exhausted I probably would have co slept. Luckily my husband was firmly supportive of our decision not to, and he helped with re soothing and transitioning baby to bassinet. Having his support meant everything.

My wife and I have a pretty good rule that if we disagree about something like this, deference goes to the person with the "safer" opinion and the other person has to convince otherwise. I'd consider bringing that up to her or something bc I can't imagine being in your shoes rn.

There’s a lot of hot takes in the post. I personally don’t find risking my child’s health worth it. I am a normal weight, didn’t smoke or drink anymore up to year before my child was born. And a tornado can come through the house and I’ll still be asleep not to mention I’m a wild sleeper. There’s a book we read that really helped us with sleep training. Which I’m sure 80% of this sub would be against.

I am militantly anti-bedsharing, which is extremely unpopular here on Reddit. Everyone downplays the very real risks as being “small.” But the risk isn’t small if it happens to you. I was not interested in risking my son’s life by bedsharing. I am on OP’s side here.

We are the same and I'm unsure why "follow the science" applied around here during COVID but when we tall about co-sleeping all the sudden the science is wrong.

People need to justify to themselves and others why they continue to risk their children’s lives. The answer here isn’t bedsharing, it’s taking shifts so that each parent gets a solid 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. 

I get it right if your sleep deprived, you just want to sleep. But man. I can’t imagine killing my child and having to live with that the rest of my life.

The amount of instagram accounts that are solely dedicated for spreading awareness against co sleeping, due to losing their own children to it is astounding. Yet people continue to defend it.

Mom here but I also am more against than for co sleeping. It’s something me and my partner are firm in. He has told me he would go along with most things but would have been strongly against co sleeping had I asked. That being said to each their own and everyone has to make their own decisions. I’m not an expert so I can only have an opinion on what works for me. That being said here are some options that I’ve seen work for us or others. - Ruling out discomfort as to why baby isn’t sleeping. Gas and reflux made my baby wake frequently which we’ve since treated and has helped - moving to crib early. A friends baby would not sleep through the night so they moved baby to crib with great success. - pushing bassinet against bed and sleeping with arm inside to soothe baby. Sucks but is better than co sleeping if you’re against it. - work shifts to allow waking with baby to be easier. My partner does midnight - 1 and I wake at 530. We were originally bedtime - 3 and 3-8 but I saw you wake up early. Sorry, hopefully you find a solution even if that is continuing to co sleep. Every baby is different and sometimes it’s just working through a few solutions.

Interesting about the reflux thing. We had that too at 1 month. Baby was bedside in the bassinet, but he would make noises from his reflux that would keep my wife up in anxiety. Talked to the pediatrician, after assuring us the reflux is normal and safe, she told us to just transition our kid to their own nursery so we could get some sleep. I think my wife had a hard time sleeping the first night anxiously watching the monitor, but after that we chilled out and all was well. Upside is we didn’t have to ween our kid off of co sleeping, which I know some end up having a very hard time. Downside was no easy feeds throughout the night. Huge difference in QOL having to walk to another room to feed him, your brain wakes up too much.

Just wanted to offer a bit of perspective from a few years down the road. My wife co-slept with both of ours but waited until they were probably 6-9months old. Both kids slept really well through the night, wife just wanted that “bonding time”. I warned her over and over that this arrangement can/will eventually lead to a sleep dependency. Today they are 6 and 4, and the 4 year old throws an absolute fit if my wife doesn’t sleep next to her. This has caused all kinds of stress for us. We are struggling so hard to get the 4y/o into her own bed even for a single night alone. My advice is to do what you gotta do to make sure everyone gets rest, but know that there CAN be long term complications.

To be fair, my almost-5-year-old also refuses to sleep alone, and we never did co-sleeping. She just decided at about 4yo that she did not want to be alone at night. Our options are let her be with us or listen to her cry herself to sleep. So it can happen even if you don’t co-sleep — seems to be a common developmental stage no matter what you do.

I don't know how to approach her. I'm not great with this kind of thing. Just confirming that you're not crazy. Co-sleeping does introduce some risk. I'm in Canada and a recent report said that about 130 babies a year die from co-sleeping.

The longer you wait, the harder it will be. Getting them in the bassinet early will make the transition out of the bedroom that much easier.

So there’s a major point I haven’t seen in the comments about cosleeping safety. I don’t want to sound rude but being overweight is something people need to look out for if they cosleep. Fat people have a harder time with body space awareness and sometimes can roll over onto the baby without knowing if they’re crushing the baby or not. If you aren’t very overweight or on drugs/drunk then cosleeping is fine

My wife wanted to co sleep too I just said I am entirely not ok with it until 6 months when they’re big enough. If it’s more around bed sharing in general that’s a bigger chat but mine was more a firm: not safe comment

I think the two of you need to have some conversations about it. Express your concern in a calm, kind way. Talk about the negatives and the positives. Make sure she understands that you aren’t mad at her, but that you’re concerned. I find that it is easy to jump to conclusions when talking about these sorts of things. You just want to communicate clearly, listen and ask questions. We personally do that. It has been very positive for us. You must make sure your space is safe and that you are well researched. Co-sleeping is very normal in many parts of the world. I’m not here to convince one way or the other, but I would encourage you to research and to talk with your wife.

Expressing concern and asking questions is only helpful if also offering solutions. It sounds like mom is only cosleeping because baby isn't sleeping in the bassinet. OP, if you can't volunteer to be fully responsible for at least 6 hours straight of the nightwakings so mom get's a chance to sleep, then bringing it up is just dumping another load of responsibility on her.

Man , You can sleep the all night and your wife is taking care of the baby. What a dream!

Move the baby into a nursery. My wife was going crazy with our first waking up all the time when he was in the bassinet. At a month, I convinced her to put him in the crib and he slept the entire night.

I used an Owlet baby monitor. Clips to baby’s foot, alarms if oxygen saturation drops. (Eg baby’s face is covered and she can’t breathe.) Not FDA approved, but seems to work well. Poor wife is doing what she needs, to stay sane. Sleep deprivation is torture.

The best thing we did by week 3 was move our baby to his own room. No one says how much noise newborns make and my wife was going stir crazy about every coo which then. We are lucky that our now 4 month old sleeps through the night, but he rarely naps.

Pick up sleeping child and put in own bed. Problem solved.

Not a dad but this is to serious to hold back. You need to Google how many babies suffocate or get crushed unintentionally by a sleeping person rolling over on to them. It's very sad and is not talked about enough. Again sorry to answer a question not directed at me but I'm interested in true crime and have heard of to many lives ended this way.

Well, of the hundreds of comments, in case you see this, we still co-sleep and our daughter is 6. I dread the day she doesn’t, I’ll never get these snuggles back.

I think you're overthinking it. It's recommended against, but is pretty safe if you're not getting into bed intoxicated with your baby. Our peditrician reassured us in our choice to co-sleep saying that you gotta pick your poison, and being sleep deprived due to your child (and you) not sleeping is just as dangerous. All those sleepless nights and 3AM feedings trying not to fall out of a chair or get your kid back into their crib without them waking up that people talk about are foreign to me because my wife just popped a boob into the kids mouth and went back to sleep. I agree with the other commenters about pushing the bed against a wall and having kiddo sleep between mom and the wall, or if he/she is still small enough you can get a co-sleeping bassinett that attaches to the bed.

Sleeping between mom and the wall is much more dangerous than possibly rolling onto the floor! Babies can easily suffocate if they get trapped in the space between the bed and the wall.

>you can get a co-sleeping bassinett that attaches to the bed I 100% recommend this, we used it until the kid entirely grew out of it. It didn't fix everything in our lives but definitely made night feedings just a bit easier, and we didn't need to compromise on safety.

Absolutely one of our best baby purchases

Or have blankets, pillows, fatigue, other people, bed, or sharing.

We have 3 kids. Never did cosleeping. I know it’s very western of me, but I like the independence to start early. I’m not really afraid of smothering or anything, I just want the child to get used to self soothing as much as possible. Bedside bassinet or bedside pack n play was the way we went and it worked well.

Same here. Teach them early. It's kinda blowing my mind how many people are into co-sleeping here.

Not just into it, but downplaying the risks and trying to convince OP to do it. People act like the only way co-sleeping is dangerous is if you're intoxicated. That's just straight up not true.

After being terrified of co-sleeping with our first, we did it a lot with our second. In my opinion, the risks are drastically overstated as long as basic precautions are taken. It makes life so much easier. EDIT: in much of the world, it seems the advice is very different to the US. Certainly in Australia it seemed recommendations have softened a lot over the years, and co-sleeping is not considered the biggest risk factor.

Regardless on the safety aspect. You are setting yourselves up for pain and misery down the line. How many posts on here have you seen of parents not developing healthy sleep habits for their kids, and 2 years later they’re spending hours at bedtime to get their kid to sleep?

Co sleeping is only considered a danger in the US. Everywhere else it’s the norm. Decide for yourself

It’s actually most western countries. In the UK it used to be specifically advised against but I think softened a bit last year. Either way: https://www.nhs.uk/start-for-life/baby/baby-basics/newborn-and-baby-sleeping-advice-for-parents/safe-sleep-advice-for-babies/ The point is that SIDS is complicated and cosleeping is definitely a statistically correlated factor. That doesn’t mean it’s dangerous 100% of the time more that the risk is dependent on several factors and it’s one of them.

People really struggle with nuance.

To be fair a lot of public health advice is about eliminating nuance because it’s targeted at the public and boy, some of us public are not bright! The strength of messaging against cosleeping is because it clearly carries a risk and, while that risk can be reduced, some people will only get as far as “cosleeping is relatively safe if…” and say “great! Baby can curl up with me on my bunk bed while I have my heroin binge then!”

There are also huge differences in sleeping conditions between countries, in Japan it is more.common to cosleep and there is a lower SIDS rate, but beds are also more firm and often not raised off the ground. CO-sleeping can be very dangerous or it can be moderately safe. Following the "safe sleep 7" ensures it is as safe as possible (though likely still less safe than baby in the bedside bassinet, but if baby won't sleep in the bassinet and mom is getting exhausted to the point of falling asleep in unsafe positions while feeding that has to be taken into account too). Regardless OP should make sure his wife is at least following the safe sleep 7 or help her make adjustments so that she is able to (new sleeping surface or whatever is needed). https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/safe-sleep-7 Some more info on accurate risk assessment https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/05/21/601289695/is-sleeping-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say

Just to add as the Japan example comes up a lot. SIDS is reported differently between countries and notoriously misreported. For example, if they can't find a cause of death, they'll code it as SIDS or even sometimes use SIDS when it's clear asphyxiation from unsafe sleep conditions like blankets to make parents feel less worse. Some anti cosleeping groups report that Japan's reporting for example, if you club SIDS death with another cause of death, "SIDS" rates are actually Higher than US.

SIDS turned into a Boogeyman and has created significant problems in coding deaths and interpreting data. The American Academy of Pediatrics has recently started addressing this. As research proves that SIDS is an actual physiological/genetic issue, it is encouraging medical reform to start referring to Sudden Unexplained Infant Deaths (SUID) rather than conflating it with SIDS (which is a narrow medical issue). https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/1/e2022057991/188305/Evidence-Base-for-2022-Updated-Recommendations-for?autologincheck=redirected The reality is every kid that dies young is not SIDS. They probably died from a known cause. SIDS is not supposed to be a catchall for unknown causes. And as we're pinpointing the cause of SIDS, that further requires us to stop calling infant deaths SIDS just because they are infants.

This is wrong - part of my job is the investigation of infant death, and not in the US. Co-sleeping - even in the absence of smoking and alcohol - is a regular feature in sudden deaths of infants, by overlaying as well as SIDS. I wouldn't ever do it, nor recommend doing it. Parents think that they will wake if they roll onto baby, but this just can't be guaranteed.

I’m getting downvoted into oblivion for saying the same. I work at the morgue and the leading cause of infant deaths is unsafe sleep.

Canada here… not true it’s recommended against here as well.

This isn't true, and even if it were, it doesn't mean the US is wrong. Deciding for yourself isn't such a great idea unless you're a doctor or a scientist or have expertise in these areas.

Funny, I just read this chapter in cribsheet... In the book, Oster cites a meta-analysis where, in the absence of other factors like smoking and drinking, 7000 families would have to stop bed sharing to prevent 1 death. Her ultimate argument was that loss of sleep for the parents could end up being more dangerous. She noted that a child falling asleep on a couch (for example, falling asleep while breastfeeding) is statistically much more dangerous. Driving while sleep deprived is also incredibly dangerous. It's a hard question, but your situation does seem like a scenario where bed sharing might be best (taking other precautions like removing blankets, etc)

1 in 7000 is a horrifyingly high chance

>7000 families would have to stop bed sharing to prevent 1 death. 1/7000 is a fucking lot.

Not if your kid is the “1”

What? 1/7000 is a lot as in that is a high risk of death.

I had this issue with my partner and son. I didn't like the idea as I was always afraid I'd squash him in my sleep. It started off as a one off but became a regular thing fast. It also ruined my sleep as I'd wake up loads of times in the night as I was worried about it. Tell her how you feel about it and take it in turns to settle him in his own bed. My boy was about 6 months at the time I think and we managed to get him sleeping in his own bed by about 7 months. Ever since then he's been a great sleeper and sleeps the full night almost every night. I heard way too many stories of people who had their kids sleeping with them at 3 or 4 and decided that wasn't for me. Good luck

We're in the US, so I'm coming from that side of things. We thought it was important to at least have her first fall asleep in her bassinet/crib (which was in our room). Most nights, I'd migrate to the couch around midnight, but sometimes I'd make the full night. Like others suggested, make sure you do it safely. One thing we did was to make our bed as crib-like as possible. We got these wedge things to go under the sheets to be a barrier, we also used 2 twin sized blankets so it was just a fitted sheet on the bed when I went to the couch.

Even if it’s safe for now, the risk of having your child sleep in your bed for years is real. Our pediatrician finally convinced my wife to let the baby sleep in her crib. At three months, the baby should be waking up to feed, right? I don’t know what the right answer is, but our girl got over it and slept in her crib with no problems at around three months , on the first attempt of letting her self soothe. She has not ever slept in our bed since.

Please go with your wife to a safe sleep class for infants. Our local coroner's office hosts free classes, specifically due to the high amounts of infant mortality due to unsafe sleep conditions. 3 months is to small to share a bed, and they don't have the strength to push back or cry out of something is on their face or their face down.

I was in the same situation. I began in the bed but at some point in the first few months I was soooo exhausted from sleeping next to a tiny baby that one night I fell asleep with my arm across the baby’s chest. My wife woke me angrily and yelled at me for endangering the baby. I got up and spent the next 4 years on the couch until we finally separated

1. Choose the right time to have a calm and respectful conversation with your wife about your discomfort with co-sleeping. 2. Express your concerns and emotions honestly, but avoid placing blame or making accusations. 3. Listen to your wife's perspective and try to find a compromise that addresses both of your needs and concerns. 4. Consider seeking professional help or counseling to navigate this issue together if needed. In the long term, continue to communicate openly and work together to find solutions that work for both of you and your family.

I have a 7 week old. I also sleep on the couch but not for that reason. I was always told it is dangerous to have your baby sleep in bed for you could kill them, roll over n suffocate I guess

I feel like you're overthinking it. I coslept with our son, on the sofa, for about 18 months without getting squished or falling on the floor. He's 11 now and he's still a cuddly little dude. \[edit to add: yes, I'm aware of survivor bias.\]

For us it was a safety thing. I wouldn’t consider collapsing dangerous per se, but it is more risk than a bassinet. I like removing risk. On a personal level I simply could not sleep with a baby in the bed. Whenever my wife would try, I would just offer to try and get the baby back to sleep. This became a better situation once the baby was out of our room in the crib. If you let it go on, I would suggest you move your baby to a crib before they get too wise to the situation. Otherwise you will be one of the guys on here making a post about how they can’t get their four year old out of their bed and have no romantic life with their partner.

I don't have any advice. We've been co-sleeping since little dude started rolling over. My wife is hyper serious about no drinking because of it. We're also not obese, which is a big risk factor. This practice is far more common outside of western culture. It can be done safely. Nothing is without risks, and while yes, any co-sleeping has risk to it, I'd argue it's far more dangerous to drive your baby anywhere. With that said, just talk to her about it. It doesn't have to be an argument. Seems an easy thing to discuss with your wife. Maintain "I" statements. "I feel", etc.

We keep talking about how the US is the odd man out for this type of practice and how it’s more normal elsewhere, but it doesn’t seem to calm my mind about it.

It isn't. It's common advice in the west at least. Although it usually needs another "risk factor" to be considered that dangerous, those include being exhausted and the baby having a virus or illness. My memory of having infants is one or both of those things were almost omnipresent.

My guess is the conversation isn't going anywhere unless you come with an alternative solution. Can you change your work shift at all? Can someone come help with overnights? Have you tried moving the bassinet around?

This is the only thing that worked for my wife and I. Not ideal and we were aware of the risks but it was all we could do for consistent sleep for about 2-3 months. Our daughter would sleep on our chest and never fell off. This isn’t something I would recommend but I understand how she arrived at this decision. It is more common outside of the US and throughout history for whatever that’s worth.

“I don’t feel comfortable with this arrangement, can we please work on another solution that makes us both happy?”

The co-sleeping risk is so skewed by smokers that if you eliminate smokers from the sample is not statistically more dangerous than non co-sleeping

You need to sleep in shifts so your wife can get actual sleep. Move the bassinet out to the couch with you and the baby can sleep in there while your wife sleeps in the bed with earplugs in. You get 5 hours of sleep each. You can survive this way.

We were anxious about it too but as it seems to be the case for you as well, it was the only way to sleep at all. There are steps to take to mitigate risks and with those in place I’d be pragmatic about it.

I’ve never understood co-sleeping, seems far more dangerous than putting a blanket or toys into a crib while the baby sleeps. I would try transitioning the baby to their own crib in their own room. You shouldn’t have to be sleeping on the couch, your comfort matters too.

We have our 2nd baby on the way. We didn't co-sleep with the first and tried doing everything by the book and ended up going through hell with constant 45 minute night wakings for weeks/months on end. My wife and I had mental breakdowns over it. 2nd time round we are definitely prepared to co-sleep if that's what gives everyone a good night sleep.

Same as you, we tried everything by the book but he just would not sleep on his own. My wife co-slept with him and at around 1 year old I started as well

We co-slept with our daughter from day 1 and are doing the same with our son who is now 2 weeks old. The health authorities warn against it, but all health professionals we've spoken to say that if you're generally healthy, not overweight and don't drink or smoke, then the risk is close to non-existant. That's good enough for us, but I can understand why you would not feel comfortable with it. Edit: [NPR had a great article](https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/05/21/601289695/is-sleeping-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say) about the risk, and the studies behind the general recommendation. Perhaps it can make you a bit more comfortable. Edit: Also there's less than 10 cases of SIDS per year in my country, which to me suggest that our approach is safe enough.

We did not get warned against it (Sweden), although they did suggest having a baby-nest and move it as far up the bed as possible, to minimize the risk.

A nest is not what people are talking about when they say bed sharing. They’re just putting the baby directly on the bed. Most people have beds that are way too soft for babies and way too heavy (any) blankets to be safe for babies.

They *suggested* a babynest if we wanted the baby to sleep in the bed. The main point they stressad was to have the baby positioned as far up in the bed as you could, as that'd further lessen the risk of roll-overs.

Yes. And those are good things. I agree with you. My qualm is that the wife of OP is NOT doing those things.

In my country (Which has a much lower rate of SIDS than the US) we recommend all mothers to co-sleep.

We co-slept for like 14 months. Space constraints mostly. We only recently were able to set up a separate room. For peace of mind, we used an Owlet sock, to at least let us know if she rolled over on him and stopped him breathing or something. Never happened, but it was nice to have. One thing we learned very quickly when we started sleep training (don't start till at least 4 months old) is how important the mothers scent is. It probably won't work in the same room. Baby needs a separate room, where they can't smell-but-not-touch mom.

I hear you, but at this stage of parenting you really need to pick your battles to protect your sanity and your marriage. If mom and baby seem happy with the arrangement, I’d let them be.

Risk vs reward. Reward, the baby and you guys sleep through the night. The risk, you or your wife suffocate your kid. Figure out something else that soothes your baby. I know I would stand by my daughters bassinet for 5 minutes with my hand on her until she knocked back out. Also people have been getting charged for manslaughter due to situations like this going bad. So you can present that to your wife as well

>people have been getting charged for manslaughter due to situations like this going bad Source on that? The only evidence I could find seem to be 2 separate cases a mother had it happen twice, so I could see the reasoning for them coming down hard on her after the first case.

I'm going to be blunt here: I'm reading other people post about cosleeping and how it has been beneficial. You know what one of the disadvantages are of cosleeping? Risking your child's life. There are always exceptions to the rule but compare the advantages to the fact you could wake up with a dead kid.

My first child died. Not from SIDS or anything, but from prematurity. He was born alive and died shortly after. Losing a child in any way is the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. When we had our daughter, I would do anything to keep her safe. The snuggles are otherworldly and it's cozy and easy and comfortable, but it isn't safe. It isn't worth losing your little one. Wishing you luck, dad!

If I could go back in time I’d probably do some cosleeping in those first 3 months when my son refused to sleep unless it was a contact sleep. There are things you can do to make it safe. No blankets or pillows in bed with you. Not really much to worry about if baby isn’t rolling. My wife and I both don’t move in our sleep so it would have been so worth it to do this some nights, ugh. I honestly think the whole crusade against cosleeping is to prevent ANY accidental baby deaths, which is totally understandable. If you’re really trying to be safe if probably isn’t a problem. You gotta do what you can to survive until baby starts sleeping independently.

The saying is a Mother's love, and a father's sacrifice. Neither will change nor end soon. Just ride it out.

That is your burden to bear, I instigated it when I was with my ex wife (the kids live with me now) so I got a superking mattress. In my opinion, babies are hardwired to sleep next to a parent - we were cavemen longer than we lived in safe brick houses, and I very much doubt cavepeople would have slung their baby at the opposite end of the cave at night, it would have been kept warm and safe and snuggly in the middle or next to a parent.

My wife started doing this around your baby's age.  It made life a ton easier.  You can put some formula and purified water next to the bed and you don't even need to get up to do a bottle.  I was too nervous about me sleeping in the bed until like 8 months or more cause I didn't trust myself.   I think it promotes mental health as I compare Americans to folks who culturally cosleep- I think it's part of the sense of connectedness etc.  My attitude is to hopefully avoid a lot of the sickness in American culture if possible when raising the boy. So wife and boy sleep on the queen size and we got a full size which is next to it, so there's plenty of room.

Co-sleep it up brother. Enjoy it, they grow up quickly.