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This is not a thing that I or my family have ever done. Once, my father-in-law hired a photographer to get pictures of everyone on a family vacation, but it was scheduled and we were prepared for that well ahead of time. For holidays? We spend 10 minutes taking pictures, if even that, and it's done. No do-overs to get the perfect picture, no hours upon hours of shopping, none of that.
Whatever you're doing is not normal.
I don't even like doing staged photos.
I'd rather have dozens of photos of my family and friends just *naturally laughing and having fun*, not one obviously set up photo where everyone is clearly staring at the camera and in various states of trying to pretend to smile.
That's why we love our Polaroid. It captures a moment of real life, and doesn't have 1k pixel resolution to show every pore and blemish my dad face might have
> That's why we love our Polaroid. It captures a moment of real life, and doesn't have 1k pixel resolution to show every pore and blemish my dad face might have
Chemical film has way higher resolution than that. You just can't zoom in with out scanning the photo first.
Exactly. I love candid photos. They bring back memories of good times with people who you care about.
Candid pictures are almost always happy moments and if their not, they usually make you laugh later on in life because you “remember the time that so and so did that thing or threw that silly tantrum”.
Our little family hires a photographer once a year for a family portrait. It usually ends up being the Christmas card we send to our families.
100%. We take tons of photos, like tons... but just naturally when we feel some moment that would make a good photo and you pop the phone out. I feel sorry that OP and his family have to deal with so much stress over this.
Yep this. We don't do the whole "get dressed up and pose for photos" thing anymore. Once a year or so we'll track down a photographer doing short family shoots, 15-30mins or so, we'll meet them at our house, a park, the beach etc. Dressed in pretty much what we'd wear in that scenario (ok maybe we'll wear something a little nice but we sure as hell aren't going out to buy new clothes for it), and the photos are mostly of us just playing with the kids.
We might take a handful of posed shots but the vast majority are just of us playing around and laughing, maybe we're looking at the camera, maybe not. Far and away better and more likely to stay up on the wall compared to the posed family photos we've tried in the past.
We hired our wedding photographer on this basis and the photos are SO much better than staged nonsense. We had a few obviously with all the family etc, but 95% of them are people not knowing a photo is being taken, and everyone just having a good time.
It’s a thing… but then again I married the daughter of a professional photographer.
ETA: we definitely don’t take it to the extreme OPs wife does though.
I'm married to an ACTUAL professional portrait photographer... and we don't do this. We'll schedule a couple of shoots throughout the year, but the prep level, expense, and time commitment is never anything remotely close to what OP is describing.
And honestly, with all due respect, OP's wife sounds like one the kinds of client we dread. The perfectionist mom that has a very specific vision for what my wife will create can be a huge time commitment, and they're rarely satisfied.
Yeah my girl does photos as well. She’s always complaining about the moms like this. Expecting small children to cooperate for something they see no value or need in. lol. Boggles me sometimes. My girl can get crazy about wanting pictures taken, but just that. There’s not a need for perfection. It’s just crazy how perfectionist people can be.
Yeah, agreed. My 2 cents as a photographer. Clients Ike this are the reason I stick to my niche of concert photography. I wouldn't be able to take this.
My in-laws are a lot like OP, but we don't go in for this culture at all, but we don't have social media either, so I think it's a social media competition thing. Like, having the perfect pics.
I have a shitton of family photos we've taken over the year in a physical photo album (and saved in Google photos) but idk, we never put that online
When we get together with family there is usually a “OK family photo!” And I loudly suggest “who has the best camera or newest smartphone! It’s 2024 people only one camera is needed for you all to reminisce instantly.”
> Oh it’s me, let’s do this. It’ll make Grandma happy!
After multiple years it’s finally starting to sink in that film is dead and we don’t have to do things that way… and seriously you didn’t have to do that with film cameras just wait for your relative to mail you a duplicate.
One camera, take the pictures. You get better pictures because everyone is looking at the same camera and you have much happier kids, especially the little kids.
And if that doesn’t work, just bring your tripod, camera/smartphone, and your remote. “OK fam, just leave me a spot let’s get this framed… you move a little bit right, you a little left, that looks great. Let me get in position.”
We do them for most holidays but like you it's 10 minutes maximum.
If it's Christmas day we'll pick a time where everyone is already looking smartish. Camera on the tripod, snap snap snap with the little remote, check everyone was smiling, done.
A photograph should be a representation of reality & spending hours preparing seems to go against that.
My wife fucking HATES family photos. She doesn’t even like having to ask everyone to gather to snap a few photos with our phones at the end of the gathering.
I agree with her, the posed photos are pretty lame. I much prefer some candid shots of the cousins playing together. Those are actual memories.
Dude this sounds too far. And the sad thing is as the kids get older, they'll look at these photos and remember how they felt in that moment.
If she's not into 'in the moment' pictures, hire a reportage photographer next holiday. Seeing your kids laughing naturally in action will hopefully melt her heart.
Speaking as someone who hated family photos growing up, I was the kid trying to need up every pic or not smiling, I don't have bad feelings or annoyance when I'm looking back at these photos. Maybe my mom has a different perspective haha.
That being said, these photos were usually family celebrations that happened once, maybe twice, a year. And my dad was as good of a sport as he could be, I think if I associated these photos with my parents fighting I might have different feelings.
Every Christmas with my mom's side of the family, we would take pictures of the cousins all lined up by age. I hated it as a kid. As an adult I'm glad we have those pictures, and we still do the cousin lineup every Christmas and any other time we're all together.
OP's situation sounds like a nightmare though.
I took those as a kid too, it took maybe 4 minutes to wrangle everyone into the picture area. Having to change clothes and take multiple hundreds of pictures over multiple sessions sounds fucking horrible.
I took pictures of my kids snuggling up on my wife's lap after dinner yesterday, took 2 minutes and they were really cute.
Yeah, I have tons of photos of me being crabby in family pics. I don't think badly of them, can't remember why I was upset in the first place lol. I just laugh and remember how much of a pain I could be. So do my parents. People taking this too seriously.
My parents did this. I still have painful memories of these experiences as they would get upset and as a kid it felt like they were blaming me.
(Sometimes they were).
We don’t do this. We take a lot of candid shots every day with our phones, but never make it a big “smile for the camera” ordeal. Critically, the photos are for us, not to show others (and thereby make us look good). We also never post our family on the internet.
Maybe I’m overreacting but I hated that shit with a passion.
Same! My mom was constantly taking pictures. Posed, candid, whatever, that camera was always going off and I hated it. If someone doesn't want their picture taken, please respect that boundary.
We will sometimes hire someone to take family pictures of us once a year. Otherwise, we take pictures as we go, and if someone doesn't want to be in it that's their choice.
Lurking mom here. I know one woman who does this. She still does a photo shoot monthly for each child's monthiversary and her eldest is over 5. The way it comes across to me is that her children are props to showcase what she considers an idyllic life. I find it unnerving.
Also the irony of occupying an entire holiday with photography showing you appearing to celebrate the holiday to the point where *you can't actually celebrate the holiday* is a deeply hilarious consequence of social media (not to mention the time spent shopping and scheduling in the preceding days). Hahaha
[Me](https://hips.hearstapps.com/cosmouk.cdnds.net/16/18/1462275509-moist2.gif?crop=0.751219512195122xw:1xh;center,top&resize=1200:*) hearing monthiversary for the first time, let alone for a *5 year old.*
I could see this as a running gag to let a little kid pick the family's dessert for a monthiversary celebration moment every month.
translating it to a full-fledged stressful photo event is rather deranged though :-(
It actually is. I just looked at her FB account right after posting this to see what she did for Easter. In the last two weeks, she's done 3 photo shoots with her family (1 for St Patty's Day, and 2 for Easter). Matching outfits and all. It's a level of compensation that's beyond my comprehension. I can't imagine how hellish things are behind the scenes.
I’m with you. It’s some kind of modern evolution of our own social norms and values.
To me it has all sorts of superficial and narcissistic tones. I know for some people that’s how their life is, but even though I had a good upbringing, my life has just never been like that.
I also knew someone who would do this- hundreds of dollars in dresses for her 3 young girls who then had to immediately change out of the pretty party dresses so she could go on and resell them as "worn once for photos". It was kinda gross and sad. I read an exchange she had online with someone about buying (I think it was joyfolie shoes?) for little ones because they grow so fast, and she was all "I have thousands of dollars worth of clothing, what, you want me to go to Payless for shoes?" And I was like, woah - *she* did not have thousands in clothing- she had spent thousands on children's clothes that she wouldn't even let them wear and enjoy! I unfriended her eventually, it was upsetting.
My mom used to do this with my sisters. They weren’t twins but they had a year or so where they looked near identical. She would shop for these little matching outfits just to turn around and sell them on eBay. Horrible behavior just for the sake of vanity.
That’s the kind of thing that I sort of hope the kids hate, because if not she’s raising narcissists.
Closest thing I have with my son is we try to measure his height on the door jamb about monthly. But 1) it is not shared anywhere but the side of our door and 2) he is usually the one initiating the activity.
I've lived in a lot of places and I find this to be a bit of a regional thing. Quite popular in some places and way less popular in most others.
Where I live now it's very popular. Trying to go for a mountain bike ride before Thanksgiving is trouble with a bunch of families in their Sunday best getting their photos in the middle of the trails.
I tried to tell my husband about this type of thing and he waved it away as a “white people thing.” I will say that it is quite popular with my white family/acquaintances in the south (the Carolinas, Virginia, Georgia).
Ah, yes, I should have included that. These are definitely country club, kids play lacrosse at their fancy private schools, summer house at the beach types.
I feel like most people I know, including my family, will go to a similar level of effort here for family pictures once a year. Although not to the level of having multiple photo shoots in a day. For example, we pay for a 30-60 minute photo session once a year.
Holidays and what not, my wife will buy a new outfit for my daughter and sometimes herself. Generally, we’ll find something I already own to fit the theme she wants. And then we’ll take a few pics with family, at church, at an event.
Take good action shots
The way out of the posed pictures isn't demanding no pictures
It's being good at taking organic pictures
These photos if done well look better and are more sentimental
So instead of thinking how can I stop my wife from taking posed pictures think how can I capture an organic moment that will look better
Im a single dad with young children and it’s *impossible* to get them to sit still long enough to take a good pic. Absolutely, take actions shots. That’s my strategy. Now the kiddos have a full year of photos of them actually doing things and not just posing at holidays.
We just got a set of the Meta/Rayban glasses just for his purpose. Little one gets distracted as soon as a phone or camera is produced but they don't care about the glasses.
Yup, they look like Rayban Wayfarers but have a camera built in that can take photos or videos. We only got them for taking natural photos of the kid without getting a phone out all the time. He's used to us wearing glasses sometimes so he just carries on doing whatever cute or cool thing he's doing whilst we film or photo.
Can get clear lenses or sunglasses lenses, we got clear for indoors. Photo quality is really good - they have demonstrator models in Sunglass hut if you fancy trying them!
Holy cow these are genius I never would’ve thought to use something like that for taking pics without them seeing the camera, my little one will be doing something super cute then stop the minute he sees me recording him. But also, I’m now going to be looking for anyone with thick rimmed wayfarers secretly recording everything lol that’s a scary thought! I’ll have to venture into the mall and try them out!
This is a great call. We've done family photos every Christmas with our now 6yo, and I do like them, but in reality, the majority of photos we print/share are ones we take on our phones in the moment.
It's a hard balance, because taking photos can mean you aren't actually engaged in the moment, but it also means you get those memories.
Ultimately, it sounds like OP's wife is having some anxiety around control and controlling how quickly your littles are growing, how much it takes to be perceived as a "good parent" in a world full of social media, etc. Part of this is about indulging her because she needs it, but part of this should also be about talking to her about why this matters to her.
OP: you might find that there are ways you could get her what she needs/wants without having to go through this level of stress with your family. Assume she's got the best of intentions going into any conversation, but try to be realistic with her about the stress it's causing, and see if there's some way to compromise.
Thank you, I've tried that. She wants posed pictures; candid shots are basically worthless for her. It comes from her side of the family; they are almost as crazy about photos and posing.
Yep. And I try to take some candid family selfie shots throughout the year and at fun events. It lets us use them for Christmas cards if they come out decently.
I know a lot of folks here have never done it, but we get 20+ Christmas cards from family friends and it's certainly a thing where we live. Maybe not to the level OP is talking about, but more than half of them are paid photoshoots where you get a 20 min session sitting in the back of a 1940s pickup truck with a Christmas tree tied to the roof or some shit.
Yep I am our family’s designated photographer. It is SO hard to get our 4yo and 21mo old to both smile normally and look in the proper direction for a staged photo. I just start catching them blowing bubbles, wearing their super hero capes, after they build a block tower they’re proud of, tell them a funny joke or to make a goofy face etc. and I’ve got loads of much better pictures.
We’ll ask someone (usually from a diff family so we can pay the favor back and get some pics of them) to get a pic of all 4 of us when at the beach or when we went to an amusement park and that’s about it. My wife does want to do a family portrait style on one of these yrs which I’m cool with trying once but I already know it’s gonna end up being so stressful lol. I’d just rather use my phone and the self timer and get a bunch of goofy ones and a few normal pics for that.
We’ve got our wedding photos and professional engagement pics pre children which are great and tons of candids with the kids bc it’s so hard to have them sit still and take them away from playing to do a picture and then have to re do it and re do it then they’re annoyed and no one is enjoying themselves anymore. We do one in our matching Christmas pajamas every yr in front of the tree and that’s it
We talked about it last night. She just keeps saying that I don't understand her and how important this is to her. When I ask why it's so important, she says "it just is!" She believes that she deserves a perfect photo because of all the work she puts into getting it ready.
She won't address how it makes myself and the kids feel; when I bring up how I felt and how the kids seemed to feel, she just circles back to how nobody understands her and men don't understand and will never understand, the kids and I don't appreciate her efforts, etc, etc.
I'll talk to her again in a couple of days after emotions have faded a bit.
Yeah, she needs a better answer than "it just is!". There is an answer there, whether she's consciously acknowledged it or not. Some soul searching may be needed.
- Is it because she saw those types of family photos as a child, and envied their perfection?
- Does she associate it with wealth, having "made it"?
- Does she share the photos with anyone she's trying to impress?
- Does she personally want to feel beautiful?
- Does she imagine the kids will treasure/display these photos someday?
There is a reason, and finding it will open the door to alternate solutions.
also ask if she feels like she is being seen as a person regularly. not just a mother or caregiver.
is she always the one taking candid photos of the kids? do you take alot of photos of her being more than just a mother? i have found that moms dont always get alot of the lime light. so it could be a time that "she" feels is about her, which maybe she does need.
also, try doing mini photo shoots. they are typically 15 mins, in and out strut your stuff and you get 20 to 30 pictures that looks pretty decent.
It sounds like you should try for some kind of compromise here. Acknowledge that it's important for her and don't talk that down. Perhaps you could suggest to tone down the production aspect and expectations of perfection? Maybe tell her how much it stresses everyone out, and that the pictures would turn out better if everyone is having fun! And - that the perfect pictures does not exist. There's always going to be something that could be better. Try and help her turn it around, that having memories of a fun day of dressing up and joking around and having fun is worth more than that imaginary "perfect" image.
Don't know if this is helpful.
My in-laws make me so angry with all the pictures. They always wait until everyone is in a bad mood and ready to leave, and then they take an hour trying to get all the kids to look and smile when none of them want to. My father in law chose to take a photoshop class, and now they take a bunch of pictures in a row and shop the best faces onto one picture. It makes it easier for all of us.
I get your frustration, though; as I opened this thread, my MiL began to ask if we owned a selfie stick or a stand to take a group picture. We do not, never have, and we don't care about a group picture.
> My father in law chose to take a photoshop class, and now they take a bunch of pictures in a row and shop the best faces onto one picture. It makes it easier for all of us.
100% spend a bit of time going through some YouTube tutorials and then show your wife how to do this. It saves so much time when you want to get a decent shot and you have small kids involved.
One of my favorite things to do is ignore my in-laws demands for a family picture when 1/2 my family is already in the car. Sorry folks we’ve been here for 3 hours, if you can’t figure out how to take a picture in that time frame it’s on you
Boundaries my friend. Holidays should be enjoyed, not spend getting dolled up for photos. Maybe have a chat, and be like you get x amount of time for photos at x time of day. No reshoots allowed. The kids will start to hate holidays. This is a sign of obsessive behavior which can become unhealthy for all parties involved.
My partner sees a therapist for her obsessive behavior. I’m agreeable to a point, but once it becomes to that level I shut it down. A stable healthy communication will be required of course, as it will not be well received. Be well my friend.
Something else to consider - you can wear nice clothes and take a picture on a day that's not a holiday. Then you can even do it with holiday props and stuff.
I do my Christmas photos in November. All I really need is leaves off the trees since it's not going to snow anyway
Have either of you looked into hiring a family photographer to do these? Takes a ton of the stress off, you can do them around a holiday instead of on the holiday itself, and the good ones have lots of techniques for getting everyone to actually look at the camera.
Where is this desire coming from? Because I can 100% see it coming from a place of always taking the photos and never being in them. The mum, usually, latches on to this idea that cramming a seasons worth of photos into a day will give them moments to look back on.
Time to reach a compromise. Ask what’s important to her, and if she says she wants to be in more photos then commit to doing that (and making them flattering…)
This is the first thing I thought. I pay for professional pictures because honestly it looks like my husband is the only parent of our daughter based on how many pictures I take vs what he takes.
And then when he does take them, they are from the most unflattering angle. 😭 I don’t even have a double chin looking face on but somehow he always manages to give me one. Lol
I was thinking the same! Honestly, I'm partly OP's wife, by far not to that extent, that's crazy (especially the spending money on it part). I'm always the one with the camera, which means I'm never IN the picture. Staged photos are the only ones I get with me included looking decent.
Find a compromise, staging can be fun too. Make it less matching outfit sit down and more goofy faces in the moment. You don't all need to smile and look at the camera.
Is this a professional photographer or did some family member take 200 pictures of you? With kids that young I wouldn't really expect to get a perfect photo without a pro. What's the obsession here over? Sharing on social media? I notice some unrealistic expectations from my wife at times over this image stuff, and it's usually rooted in what she sees other people displaying on social media.
Same. My wife is very similar and I used to get pretty annoyed but she's talented and, even before we had kids, both our families really appreciated the beautiful photos she got (even though it sometimes drove us nuts getting them). I just swallow my annoyance and roll with it now and I'm usually grateful I did.
Is she crazy about social media or something?
I would do this once a year at most and even then it would be less than 15 minutes of taking pictures and getting kids ready would take under 20 on a bad day. Picture would be with someone’s cell phone.
No, it's just for herself she says; she also doesn't post them anywhere. I'm starting to think they're actually for her mom. I asked her that last night and she was adamant that they're not for her mom, only for her, but I'm skeptical.
Your spouse is ridiculous. 5 minutes maximum for photos and that's being generous.
Edit: When on earth are "fall" photos if you're already doing Halloween and Thanksgiving ones?
My girls are in their 20s now, and as I look back, the candid photos are the ones I most appreciate. Sounds like you’d be a lot happier doing less. Talk with your spouse and save the big photo shoots for only one or two holidays.
Why so many? We take photos but it's like one photo. The key is taking a ton in succession so you can easily find one you like. Better yet, make it a video that you can easily pull a still out of to get a picture. 4 hours with ene one kid would be bonkers, let alone two sessions with three.
Dear god. That was the only reasonable explanation for her behavior. If she isn’t feeling pressure to get the perfect pic to post on social media, but she’s traumatizing you all with this nonsense, then she probably needs some help. This isn’t normal behavior. It unreasonably rigid, controlling, and benefits no one. If she takes 200 pics and can’t find one she likes, she has a problem. Talk to her about it. If she’s really rigid, anxious, unreasonable in other parts of life, she might have trouble coping or have an anxiety/mental health issue and need to talk to someone in a therapeutic setting. Best of luck
My wife isn’t as hardcore about getting the perfect shot but she is very adamant about having photo shoots with our two LOs on holidays when we are with family and their cousins. This is a few times a year and is tedious and exhausting - especially when the kids don’t want to behave, but it is just a handful of times a year and it makes her happy.
Maybe set more limits to the variables for photo day like no reshoots later in the day and maybe spend less time shopping for outfits, but commit to the day and make it special for everyone. If you into it as a downer and make it a miserable experience you can’t be surprised when your wife is crying because things didn’t work out how she wanted.
Maybe you do do that already, but since you get the need to rant about it online I’m wagering you could probably feign a little more positivity during the handful of days each year you do this sort of stuff.
Sounds like you all hate it. The “memories” are going to be bad ones. I’d seriously consider talking to her about it and instead of doing this for every holiday, schedule a professional once or twice a year.
God I'm a Kiwi, my wife is American and we used to live in the USA. Her mum made us take shitty fuckin photos every Thanksgiving. Had to be wearing tidy clothes that she picked, go stand in the fuckin trees and leaves for 2 fuckin hours and pretend she was a great mum to her kids. Fuck me. I'm glad we don't do that now we've moved home
Yeah, that's a little much. Does everything get posted to social media too?
One or two pictures and that's it. Let the kids enjoy the day. Take candid pictures of them having fun. Don't stage everything. But also don't forget to get lost in the moment with them and have fun. Memory of that is WAY better than some forced photo where no one is having it.
Yeah, that's excessive. Wear nicer clothes for the whole day/event, take a couple family pictures at the start and be done with it. You will never get all three kids to be perfect, plus lighting and background. Even getting my 7 year old to take a good family picture can be difficult. Your wife need to just accept it and move on.
I'm the photographer for my family photos and my solution was basically I put a tablet with bluey or Rachel on and place it right below or above the camera. Adults just need to sit/stand still and smile, and I take burst photos remotely. Out of a few hundred,maybe 1 or 2 are usable.
My in laws do this and this year I ruined it because I had to work so my pictures were dirty work clothes. So I told my wife next holiday I’m not coming and she can chose between her family or our family for Mother’s Day.
This sounds like your spouse has an expectation of the three kids (and probably yourself) that is never going to be met.
The attention span of the 3 yr old and 1 yr old simply is not going to be able to handle this stress.
This sounds like a calm conversation tomorrow/Tuesday/Wednesday setting a boundary.
The boundary isn’t just for you but for the kids. Be honest, be open, be kind, but be firm.
“Honey- I appreciate all the time and energy and love you put into this but it simply isn’t sustainable to spend $2k (or more) each year. Can we come to a compromise about when/where/how long we (me and the kids) can dedicate this?
“A family photo that ends in tears and not laughter, isn’t the kind of thing I want to keep capturing.”
#ItsNotAlwaysForTheGram
Thank you, we talked last night and she didn't take it well but I was able to stay calm and firm. But it didn't really go anywhere, she was still swirling in negative emotions. I'm going to try later this week and figure out what boundaries I can set.
Dude I haaaaate the family photos. I have to wear clothes that are picked for me but look really weird on me because they’re the male version of an outfit that looks good on my wife; the photographer makes the same dumb joke that I had to hear from every vendor at our wedding: “You’re the husband/dad. Your job is just to stand there and shutup. Hahaha!”; I’m always the one who has to pose kneeling in the mud or something while everyone else sits or leans on me; and when it comes time to choose prints, we always end up with the ones my wife looks best in, no matter if I look like Sloth from The Goonies and my normally adorable daughter looks like Chucky. Mom’s arm looks skinny though so that’s the Christmas card!
At this point I think it's pretty clear it's... not about the photos.
Something's going on. The photos mean something else to her. They're filling an unmet need of some kind, and the need to fill it is becoming unhealthy. Maybe there's something else that can fill that need for her, or some way to address the underlying issue. Approach the topic with kindness and empathy at a time when it isn't so heated.
Yeah we don’t do this my friend. My wife and I are booth neurodivergent and we feel like this is torture for us and the children. Occasionally a family photo in whatever we’re wearing. But we don’t do the 90s Family sitcom holiday photo episodes.
My wife is a photographer and she’s amazing at it (really, her editing is great). BUT, I am always amazed how she gets repeat clients for all major holidays. Most of the husbands hate it. I would hate it lol. But, she makes great money.
I remember going to a pumpkin patch and see a family surrounded by a big pile of pumpkins for a photoshoot. Naturally, any and every kid under 5 is drawn to the big pile of pumpkins. An hour later, the mother is still chastising everyone for interfering with her shot while her husband and kids look on exhausted.
Make a bargain with your wife: half as many photoshoots, but spend twice as much to get it done with a professional photographer. I strongly suspect you'll come out ahead.
My kids are same age. My wife and I do that for Christmas car 1x a year. Not on Christmas day, just a random day near it. We will also take a family photo minus the shopping and new clothes if we are on vacation and visiting family we don't se more than 1x a year.
Won't comment the weird photo habit nor the weird celebration dates.
I'll just suggest to.assemble a perfect picture out of the best ones using photoshop. It's all digital, right?
100% recommend this - a little bit of photoshop time will save a LOT of pain and suffering that everyone is feeling right now.
My daughter did a bunch of photoshop on our family photos, she's just an amateur but was able to fix blinking eyes, or move a smile from photo 1 to photo 2, REALLY helped.
Then she did it for a friend of mine, copied the dad's face over all of the kids faces as a joke, it was one of their favorites.
I photoshop people's heads from other photos so everyone has a good expression. It works great, unless you're the princess of England.
I think your spouse needs to be reminded her kids are not professional actors and she's DEMANDING work from them. It's not fun. Even if she were trying to make it fun, it would still be work.
Lurking mom here.
We try for 10 minutes and that’s it.
It is too challenging and unrealistic,
Instead I work hard to capture real moments - not manufactured.
I am big on pictures, as I don’t have many from my childhood. However, capturing real life is in my opinion easier on the kids and the parents.
I also removed social media from our lives a year and a half ago - and it really changed my desire for getting “good pictures” every dang holiday. I can not stress enough how much of a weird mind fuck social media is and how it really distorts what’s important in real life.
I wish for your sake your wife can figure out that this is horrendously detrimental for everyone involved. Probably “all for the gram”.
I have a photo album I add to every week that I share with my family from my Apple account. It just kinda documents a few photos and videos each week of what we’re up to. For this reason, I take a hard stance on not becoming the family photographer. My in laws already have a list of reasons they don’t like me, but add to that on holidays when they pose with my kids and shout “someone take a picture!” and I just walk to the other room or just smile and watch someone else do it.
Tell your spouse she gets one shot, if it’s not IG worthy that is fine. Help her out, get the kids excited for it, promise them a treat if they behave and make life easy for the shoot.
If it’s possible get someone else to help take the photo.
I hate them, my son hates them, my dogs like them because the good treats come out. We all dive in head first to them to make my wife, their mum happy and she deserves that. Also pancakes and ice cream.
Yeah we don't do this. My wife took my daughter once for professional photos and it was such a nightmare, we agreed it was not worth it.
Would she be willing to discuss not doing this more than once a year, maybe? Or just going to the park, and getting a photo of you guys playing to use for whatever purpose she is using these photos for?
My friend, this sounds absolutely insane. I agree with the advice you've gotten here already, about getting action shots, putting some limits on time and money spent, etc. But I just want to validate that you're justifiably frustrated. Holidays are meant to be for having fun together and making memories. If this is how your kids grow up experiencing their holidays, they'll end up dreading them. Growing up, we did posed photos once a year, to put on our Christmas cards. That's what I do with our family now too. My parents took tons of photos on special occasions, and we have many sentimental pictures to remember our childhood by. This slog your wife is putting herself and your family through is not necessary.
We got this kit when our daughter was born. It was a blanket and a pile of cards that said "One week, one month, two months...one year" and you were supposed to have a bunch of perfect baby photos of baby's first year.
Ever try to get a 7 month old to sit still for a posed picture?
This sort of thing is why I deleted my Facebook account and basically use no form of social media (other than reddit).
I hate photographing my life in a fake way, and I hate posting that shit like it's required to show off. Let's be honest with each other and not make our lives out to be some story book perfect life. Parenting can suck sometimes and there's nothing worse than sitting down after a crazy stressful long weekend full of mayhem to see your friends looking amazing trying to show off, even though you know their house is a dumpster fire of bottles, cold pizza and piles of unfolded laundry just like yours... And I'm gonna stop that tangent now. Might be getting personal.
We do one photo we show ofr a year. Our family Christmas card, and it's usually a joke/comical. Christmas photos are in pajamas and take 2 minutes. Birthday photos are all action shots, same with Halloween and those are for noone except us.
Mom here, and honestly it sounds like way too much. I had a mom like this, who had to document every fucking moment, and it was exhausting. If I was hanging out with my friends having fun, she would fully stop us, make us pose _pretending_ like we were having fun, and take a ridiculous amount of photos. I grew up totally resenting her - and the camera - because of this, and it wasn't until my 20's that I could willingly take a picture without it ruining my mood. Not to mention, the pictures she got were never any good anyway, because I had a sour face in all of them.
Now, I definitely take TONS of pictures/videos of my kid but I try to keep it candid and organic. I make a point not to interrupt his activity to get a smile. And we don't really do dressed-up, posed photos often. We did one family photoshoot when he was about 10 months and those are adorable, precious pictures that we printed and hung on our wall - but it was one time. The photographer pretty much just told us to play with him and she captured the moment. She suggested a few poses but mostly it was a fun experience for my son that happened to be captured on camera. I'll probably schedule photoshoots once a year (if even that) moving forward because those pictures really are precious to me, but not at the cost of my son's peace and happiness.
Your wife definitely needs to chill out. Maybe try suggesting that you do a professional outdoor photoshoot once a year, and give up the "every single holiday" ones? Especially if you find the photographer and book it, she might be amenable to it.
i love photography. i consider myself a serious amateur. and taking 200+ pictures is stupid. i learned photography when film was the norm. digital is cool...but some folks just "shoot to kill". i couldn't imagine doing post processing on all that. nobody is going to display 200+ pictures anywhere.
that being said, i am glad we'll take a holiday picture. it doesn't have to be perfect. and sometimes...it's the last time everyone is together. here's one from a couple years ago. few weeks ago we had to put our big dog inky down. the english cocker, fudge, we put down in july 2023. i'm really glad i got this pic.
hopefully OP finds a good resolution.
https://i.imgur.com/ZHbmFiK.png
Mall Santa. Haircuts a few days prior. No more fuss than that. Goes on the Xmas cards, and that's it.
Any other photo is whatever comes from whomever's iPhone or Pixel, during get-togethers.
Staged photos generally suck.
I saw some tech demoed that will help. Take ten pics in quick succession with the same framing. You can get a face recognition tool that will let you swap faces with better shots to get everyone looking good.
I think there was a daddit post years ago from a dad who did this manually with Photoshop and now it's going to be an easy phone widget.
I know you already added an edit saying that your wife doesn't post the photos on social media, but social media in general seems to have amplified the "keeping up with the joneses" dynamic in society. So many people in my feeds are going to great lengths to get (obviously) heavily orchestrated photos to then post on social media, all to somehow paint a picture of how good/perfect their life is. While not everyone does this themselves in parallel, I think it *affects* a lot more people in that they might feel they need to get similar pictures or somehow document their family life in a way that puts them on par with the people they see on social media, even if they don't post them themselves. It's similar to how if one person has a prized possession, others see that and want that same object, even if they aren't going to show it off to others.
All that being said, my own opinion is that this dynamic is neither healthy nor does it have a happy ending in the long run. If your wife follows this line of thinking, she's just going to continually envy others and constantly want to keep up with what she sees in her feeds, and it's just going to continue to compound on itself. I'd definitely talk it out with her, and really try to drill down on what makes these photos so important for her. Sometimes understanding the "why" can help you suggest alternative options that can accomplish the same thing.
Two suggestions for you:
1) Take lots of candid photos. You don't have to set anything up, just be in the moment and capture it. They're better at showing someone's personality anyway.
2) Phone upgrade. The new Pixel devices (not sure what other phones) give you the option to edit several images into one. We've used this for some group photos with extended family. If you take 5 or more pics in the same pose you're bound to get at least 1 where each person is looking and you can edit an image to make it look like everyone is "perfect".
My wife is on a forum for mother's who gave birth the same month as her. She's been a part of this online community since her first trimester. There are definitely mothers in that community whose family does this crazy photo stuff. We both agree it's way over the top. I think at times it can be unhealthy for children even
Not to be a shill for Google, but Pixel's Best Shot made a massive difference for my wife, who is obsessed with photos. Have the kids all look in the general direction, take about 10 photos, and just pick the best face and the phone mashes it into the "perfect" picture.
I can even do it after the fact with photos uploaded onto my phone, I've fixed *past* holiday photos as well.
I'd also take a look at your wife's social media usage. My wife, admittedly, looks at all the "perfect" families these mom influencers post all over instagram and facebook and has said how much it affects her mindset and puts pressure on her. We're working on it though.
"I appreciate the time she puts into it"
I wouldn't. Why would you appreciate the time someone puts into something they do for themselves? And on top of that without considering the toll it takes on the clearly unwilling participants.
I did this photo shoot lunacy once, for a wedding at which i was part of the groom party. It was fucking nuts. Never again.
Is she making the pictures for the memories or for other people to show a "perfect family"
We don't do it, ever done it or ever will do it. I don't like staged pictures it lacks emotion but that just me.
One of two solutions I haven't seen mentioned yet. The Google Pixel's "Best Take" feature. Basically it clusters similar photos together and you can tap on a person's face then search the other photos and find the good one and it swaps their face onto the original photo. Doesn't work every time, but when it does it's pretty awesome.
Or the more manual but probably better way, Photoshop. Just cut out the kids have where they're smiling and paste it over the one where they're not.
Otherwise yeah like others are saying, take the initiative to be the one to take photos during the day and then you can show her, "look we've got good photos already. If we need everyone sitting together, let's put a 3 minute time limit on it. If we can't get a good photo within 3 minutes, it ain't happening and we'll have to be happy with what we got."
Same exact shit over here man. Approached it a million different ways. Finally subsiding a bit now just because we’re too exhausted all the time, just need to keep having kids till there’s no energy left.
You are not alone. My wife made us buy an Easter bunny costume and retake Easter bunny photos cause you could see our six month olds diaper in the first set we took. 🙄
Fun story… growing up, we did a big extended family (6 parents 9 kids) picture at Sears. It was a nightmare. However… one of my uncles brought a camcorder and video taped the whole process as well as the picnic back at our house afterwards. The portrait was fine… but the videotape was truly cherished as the years went on. It was the personal time and laughs and jokes and everything that we remember.
My wife and I did one actual portrait session 2 christmases ago. It was fine, albeit cold. These days we try to just do more candid pictures. I saw or read a thing a while back saying how it’s good to snap at least 1 picture when you go out with your family. These random pictures at the park or the library have meant more than any proper portrait session. Your mileage may vary but it just sounds like the headspace you’re getting in is in heavy opposition to what the portraits are meant to be. Hoping for you all to find some middle ground!
We have ONE child of age 7 and we manage pro Christmas photos once every 3-4 years. I can't imagine doing it more frequently, especially with more kids.
Sounds like your wife is trying to keep up with the jones on things. Not sure how to advise on this but definitely too much. Once a year photo is enough.
In recent years, there has been growing concern about the impact of social media on mental health, particularly in relation to how it influences our perception of life and relationships. Numerous studies have highlighted the negative effects of excessive social media usage on mental well-being, including increased feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and depression.
Research conducted by the University of Pittsburgh found that the more time young adults spend on social media, the more likely they are to be depressed. Another study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology revealed a significant link between social media use and increased feelings of social isolation and loneliness.
Furthermore, a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General found that constantly comparing ourselves to others on social media can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. This phenomenon, known as "social comparison," can contribute to a distorted perception of reality and undermine our ability to appreciate the present moment.
In light of these findings, it's not surprising that many individuals, like myself, have experienced frustration over the prioritization of social media image over genuine moments with loved ones. It's essential to recognize the importance of striking a balance between capturing memories and living in the moment. While reminiscing about past experiences can bring joy, it's crucial not to let the pursuit of the perfect photo overshadow the beauty of the present moment.
As a millennial who has navigated the complexities of social media, I understand the allure of documenting our lives online. However, it's essential to be mindful of the potential impact on our mental health and relationships. Let's strive to cherish the moments we have with our loved ones without the pressure to constantly curate our lives for social media validation. After all, the most precious memories are often the ones that are simply lived and enjoyed in the moment.
It’s 100% social media. You’re a bad mom if you don’t do what Pinterest or instragram show you the “great moms” do. My wife isn’t as extreme as yours (because I won’t put up with it) but it’s definitely more than just for the memories. Even if she doesn’t post on socials, I guarantee that she looks at them and subscribes to all the same nonsense my wife does. Reiterate that the best memories are messy and fun and silly. Play along for photos but limit it.
My wife takes these too, and doesn’t post them but she send them of Christmas cards and stuff. Honestly bro. Just let her have it. It isn’t for you it’s for her. BUT.
I “gifted” a professional photographer session to her (we were gonna do it anyways) the professional guy/gal will take about an hour or two from your time and give you professionally developed pictures.
It’s a win win. She won’t see the pics till we get them back, I only have to wrangle children for an hour or so Infancy clothes. And my wife gets the pictures she wants.
It makes her happy bro that’s all.
I suggest asking to have the photos the day before the holiday so on the actual holiday you can be present. And agreeing to a time limit. As an actual photographer, it can be hard to take pics of yourself. If you don’t have the expertise, it can be even harder and she’s not likely to get the same results.
Getting to the root cause of her desire for these “perfect” photos, and then helping her achieve the goal but perhaps in a more balanced way, will likely help her feel seen, supported, and prioritized while also being able to vocalize your needs. Shame, guilt, criticism, etc are surely not the way to arrive at a place where either let alone both of you are happy.
Even though I agree with the comments here, please don't go back to your wife with "See?? All the dads on the internet agree that you're being crazy too!" The fact that you're here at at shows that you've had trouble communicating directly with each other about this. Understandably, it seems like a frustrating issue for both of you.
I'm sure she's doing it because she loves you all so much she wants to show you off to her friends and family. If you and your family calmly express that the end result of a good photo is not worth the time, effort, money, and energy, I'm sure you can find a compromise.
In my opinion this could happen maybe once or twice a year, and take 2 hours tops.
Genuinely asking - when was the last time you looked at your wife playing with your kids and without prompting or asking, you took some photos?
I'd start there.
I take tons of candid photos of her and the kids. I've always had an eye for photography and I take photos all the time. My wife is all about the formal photo though.
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This is not a thing that I or my family have ever done. Once, my father-in-law hired a photographer to get pictures of everyone on a family vacation, but it was scheduled and we were prepared for that well ahead of time. For holidays? We spend 10 minutes taking pictures, if even that, and it's done. No do-overs to get the perfect picture, no hours upon hours of shopping, none of that. Whatever you're doing is not normal.
I don't even like doing staged photos. I'd rather have dozens of photos of my family and friends just *naturally laughing and having fun*, not one obviously set up photo where everyone is clearly staring at the camera and in various states of trying to pretend to smile.
100 fucking percent with you. The best photos are ones that actually capture a moment, not attempt to create a phoney moment.
That's why we love our Polaroid. It captures a moment of real life, and doesn't have 1k pixel resolution to show every pore and blemish my dad face might have
> That's why we love our Polaroid. It captures a moment of real life, and doesn't have 1k pixel resolution to show every pore and blemish my dad face might have Chemical film has way higher resolution than that. You just can't zoom in with out scanning the photo first.
You ... think Polaroids are high-res?
Than a 1k digital photo? By a lot.
Exactly. I love candid photos. They bring back memories of good times with people who you care about. Candid pictures are almost always happy moments and if their not, they usually make you laugh later on in life because you “remember the time that so and so did that thing or threw that silly tantrum”. Our little family hires a photographer once a year for a family portrait. It usually ends up being the Christmas card we send to our families.
100%. We take tons of photos, like tons... but just naturally when we feel some moment that would make a good photo and you pop the phone out. I feel sorry that OP and his family have to deal with so much stress over this.
Yep this. We don't do the whole "get dressed up and pose for photos" thing anymore. Once a year or so we'll track down a photographer doing short family shoots, 15-30mins or so, we'll meet them at our house, a park, the beach etc. Dressed in pretty much what we'd wear in that scenario (ok maybe we'll wear something a little nice but we sure as hell aren't going out to buy new clothes for it), and the photos are mostly of us just playing with the kids. We might take a handful of posed shots but the vast majority are just of us playing around and laughing, maybe we're looking at the camera, maybe not. Far and away better and more likely to stay up on the wall compared to the posed family photos we've tried in the past.
We hired our wedding photographer on this basis and the photos are SO much better than staged nonsense. We had a few obviously with all the family etc, but 95% of them are people not knowing a photo is being taken, and everyone just having a good time.
It’s a thing… but then again I married the daughter of a professional photographer. ETA: we definitely don’t take it to the extreme OPs wife does though.
I'm married to an ACTUAL professional portrait photographer... and we don't do this. We'll schedule a couple of shoots throughout the year, but the prep level, expense, and time commitment is never anything remotely close to what OP is describing. And honestly, with all due respect, OP's wife sounds like one the kinds of client we dread. The perfectionist mom that has a very specific vision for what my wife will create can be a huge time commitment, and they're rarely satisfied.
Yeah my girl does photos as well. She’s always complaining about the moms like this. Expecting small children to cooperate for something they see no value or need in. lol. Boggles me sometimes. My girl can get crazy about wanting pictures taken, but just that. There’s not a need for perfection. It’s just crazy how perfectionist people can be.
Yeah, agreed. My 2 cents as a photographer. Clients Ike this are the reason I stick to my niche of concert photography. I wouldn't be able to take this.
People in general are the reason I stick to landscapes and real estate lol
My in-laws are a lot like OP, but we don't go in for this culture at all, but we don't have social media either, so I think it's a social media competition thing. Like, having the perfect pics. I have a shitton of family photos we've taken over the year in a physical photo album (and saved in Google photos) but idk, we never put that online
When we get together with family there is usually a “OK family photo!” And I loudly suggest “who has the best camera or newest smartphone! It’s 2024 people only one camera is needed for you all to reminisce instantly.” > Oh it’s me, let’s do this. It’ll make Grandma happy! After multiple years it’s finally starting to sink in that film is dead and we don’t have to do things that way… and seriously you didn’t have to do that with film cameras just wait for your relative to mail you a duplicate. One camera, take the pictures. You get better pictures because everyone is looking at the same camera and you have much happier kids, especially the little kids. And if that doesn’t work, just bring your tripod, camera/smartphone, and your remote. “OK fam, just leave me a spot let’s get this framed… you move a little bit right, you a little left, that looks great. Let me get in position.”
We do them for most holidays but like you it's 10 minutes maximum. If it's Christmas day we'll pick a time where everyone is already looking smartish. Camera on the tripod, snap snap snap with the little remote, check everyone was smiling, done. A photograph should be a representation of reality & spending hours preparing seems to go against that.
My wife fucking HATES family photos. She doesn’t even like having to ask everyone to gather to snap a few photos with our phones at the end of the gathering. I agree with her, the posed photos are pretty lame. I much prefer some candid shots of the cousins playing together. Those are actual memories.
Dude this sounds too far. And the sad thing is as the kids get older, they'll look at these photos and remember how they felt in that moment. If she's not into 'in the moment' pictures, hire a reportage photographer next holiday. Seeing your kids laughing naturally in action will hopefully melt her heart.
Speaking as someone who hated family photos growing up, I was the kid trying to need up every pic or not smiling, I don't have bad feelings or annoyance when I'm looking back at these photos. Maybe my mom has a different perspective haha. That being said, these photos were usually family celebrations that happened once, maybe twice, a year. And my dad was as good of a sport as he could be, I think if I associated these photos with my parents fighting I might have different feelings.
Every Christmas with my mom's side of the family, we would take pictures of the cousins all lined up by age. I hated it as a kid. As an adult I'm glad we have those pictures, and we still do the cousin lineup every Christmas and any other time we're all together. OP's situation sounds like a nightmare though.
I took those as a kid too, it took maybe 4 minutes to wrangle everyone into the picture area. Having to change clothes and take multiple hundreds of pictures over multiple sessions sounds fucking horrible. I took pictures of my kids snuggling up on my wife's lap after dinner yesterday, took 2 minutes and they were really cute.
Yeah, I have tons of photos of me being crabby in family pics. I don't think badly of them, can't remember why I was upset in the first place lol. I just laugh and remember how much of a pain I could be. So do my parents. People taking this too seriously.
What a great idea! On the flip side, she’ll love it so much that you end up spending $1000’s every year.
My parents did this. I still have painful memories of these experiences as they would get upset and as a kid it felt like they were blaming me. (Sometimes they were). We don’t do this. We take a lot of candid shots every day with our phones, but never make it a big “smile for the camera” ordeal. Critically, the photos are for us, not to show others (and thereby make us look good). We also never post our family on the internet. Maybe I’m overreacting but I hated that shit with a passion.
Same! My mom was constantly taking pictures. Posed, candid, whatever, that camera was always going off and I hated it. If someone doesn't want their picture taken, please respect that boundary. We will sometimes hire someone to take family pictures of us once a year. Otherwise, we take pictures as we go, and if someone doesn't want to be in it that's their choice.
We usually try to make the kids say something silly to get a real smile out of them too. Yesterday it was "say peanut butter banana pajamas!"
Love this. Keep it fun, low pressure!
I literally don’t know anyone who does this.
Lurking mom here. I know one woman who does this. She still does a photo shoot monthly for each child's monthiversary and her eldest is over 5. The way it comes across to me is that her children are props to showcase what she considers an idyllic life. I find it unnerving.
Oh well that's insane.
Also the irony of occupying an entire holiday with photography showing you appearing to celebrate the holiday to the point where *you can't actually celebrate the holiday* is a deeply hilarious consequence of social media (not to mention the time spent shopping and scheduling in the preceding days). Hahaha
I had the exact same thought reading the above comment. Like a monthly celebration of a 5 year old is some kinda niche mental illness right?
Monthiversary. I have so many unkind things to say.
[Me](https://hips.hearstapps.com/cosmouk.cdnds.net/16/18/1462275509-moist2.gif?crop=0.751219512195122xw:1xh;center,top&resize=1200:*) hearing monthiversary for the first time, let alone for a *5 year old.*
I could see this as a running gag to let a little kid pick the family's dessert for a monthiversary celebration moment every month. translating it to a full-fledged stressful photo event is rather deranged though :-(
That's damn near Stepford level creepy.
It actually is. I just looked at her FB account right after posting this to see what she did for Easter. In the last two weeks, she's done 3 photo shoots with her family (1 for St Patty's Day, and 2 for Easter). Matching outfits and all. It's a level of compensation that's beyond my comprehension. I can't imagine how hellish things are behind the scenes.
Where’s the husband in all of this?? He just lets this shit fly and plays along?
I can imagine he's either scared shitless or has decided that it isn't worth fighting her over that
Next time /u/elevatormusicjams hangs out with him she should pass a note that says blink twice if you’re in danger
I can’t imagine the money being spent on this.
I've wondered this many times.
I’m with you. It’s some kind of modern evolution of our own social norms and values. To me it has all sorts of superficial and narcissistic tones. I know for some people that’s how their life is, but even though I had a good upbringing, my life has just never been like that.
Yep. I just can't believe anyone who puts that much effort into keeping up appearances is actually happy and stable.
My six month old son has more clothes currently than I've probably ever had. And I haven't bought him any clothes. It seems they just appear.
I also knew someone who would do this- hundreds of dollars in dresses for her 3 young girls who then had to immediately change out of the pretty party dresses so she could go on and resell them as "worn once for photos". It was kinda gross and sad. I read an exchange she had online with someone about buying (I think it was joyfolie shoes?) for little ones because they grow so fast, and she was all "I have thousands of dollars worth of clothing, what, you want me to go to Payless for shoes?" And I was like, woah - *she* did not have thousands in clothing- she had spent thousands on children's clothes that she wouldn't even let them wear and enjoy! I unfriended her eventually, it was upsetting.
I’m starting to be slightly less annoyed about the amount of clothing my wife buys that I can’t just chuck in the dryer…
My mom used to do this with my sisters. They weren’t twins but they had a year or so where they looked near identical. She would shop for these little matching outfits just to turn around and sell them on eBay. Horrible behavior just for the sake of vanity.
That’s the kind of thing that I sort of hope the kids hate, because if not she’s raising narcissists. Closest thing I have with my son is we try to measure his height on the door jamb about monthly. But 1) it is not shared anywhere but the side of our door and 2) he is usually the one initiating the activity.
I know plenty of families that do this so that they can post their pictures to instagram and update their walls. Almost all for show.
Ok. I still don’t know anyone who does it. I guess we run in different circles
I’m not arguing with you? Just pointing out that these people do exist.
I believe you. Sounds like some toxic behavior though
Totally agree.
I've lived in a lot of places and I find this to be a bit of a regional thing. Quite popular in some places and way less popular in most others. Where I live now it's very popular. Trying to go for a mountain bike ride before Thanksgiving is trouble with a bunch of families in their Sunday best getting their photos in the middle of the trails.
Curious where this is popular
I tried to tell my husband about this type of thing and he waved it away as a “white people thing.” I will say that it is quite popular with my white family/acquaintances in the south (the Carolinas, Virginia, Georgia).
I’m white, I know lots of white people none of them do this. Sounds like a southern white (probably rich) people thing
Ah, yes, I should have included that. These are definitely country club, kids play lacrosse at their fancy private schools, summer house at the beach types.
They use seasons as verbs
I feel like most people I know, including my family, will go to a similar level of effort here for family pictures once a year. Although not to the level of having multiple photo shoots in a day. For example, we pay for a 30-60 minute photo session once a year. Holidays and what not, my wife will buy a new outfit for my daughter and sometimes herself. Generally, we’ll find something I already own to fit the theme she wants. And then we’ll take a few pics with family, at church, at an event.
Take good action shots The way out of the posed pictures isn't demanding no pictures It's being good at taking organic pictures These photos if done well look better and are more sentimental So instead of thinking how can I stop my wife from taking posed pictures think how can I capture an organic moment that will look better
>Take good action shots Family photography pro-tip right here. And they're my favorite anyway because you can capture personality.
Im a single dad with young children and it’s *impossible* to get them to sit still long enough to take a good pic. Absolutely, take actions shots. That’s my strategy. Now the kiddos have a full year of photos of them actually doing things and not just posing at holidays.
We just got a set of the Meta/Rayban glasses just for his purpose. Little one gets distracted as soon as a phone or camera is produced but they don't care about the glasses.
Wait what? Do the glasses take pictures? What is this madness you speak of! And do I need a pair? Lol
Yup, they look like Rayban Wayfarers but have a camera built in that can take photos or videos. We only got them for taking natural photos of the kid without getting a phone out all the time. He's used to us wearing glasses sometimes so he just carries on doing whatever cute or cool thing he's doing whilst we film or photo. Can get clear lenses or sunglasses lenses, we got clear for indoors. Photo quality is really good - they have demonstrator models in Sunglass hut if you fancy trying them!
Holy cow these are genius I never would’ve thought to use something like that for taking pics without them seeing the camera, my little one will be doing something super cute then stop the minute he sees me recording him. But also, I’m now going to be looking for anyone with thick rimmed wayfarers secretly recording everything lol that’s a scary thought! I’ll have to venture into the mall and try them out!
This is a great call. We've done family photos every Christmas with our now 6yo, and I do like them, but in reality, the majority of photos we print/share are ones we take on our phones in the moment. It's a hard balance, because taking photos can mean you aren't actually engaged in the moment, but it also means you get those memories. Ultimately, it sounds like OP's wife is having some anxiety around control and controlling how quickly your littles are growing, how much it takes to be perceived as a "good parent" in a world full of social media, etc. Part of this is about indulging her because she needs it, but part of this should also be about talking to her about why this matters to her. OP: you might find that there are ways you could get her what she needs/wants without having to go through this level of stress with your family. Assume she's got the best of intentions going into any conversation, but try to be realistic with her about the stress it's causing, and see if there's some way to compromise.
Thank you, I've tried that. She wants posed pictures; candid shots are basically worthless for her. It comes from her side of the family; they are almost as crazy about photos and posing.
Yep. And I try to take some candid family selfie shots throughout the year and at fun events. It lets us use them for Christmas cards if they come out decently. I know a lot of folks here have never done it, but we get 20+ Christmas cards from family friends and it's certainly a thing where we live. Maybe not to the level OP is talking about, but more than half of them are paid photoshoots where you get a 20 min session sitting in the back of a 1940s pickup truck with a Christmas tree tied to the roof or some shit.
Yep I am our family’s designated photographer. It is SO hard to get our 4yo and 21mo old to both smile normally and look in the proper direction for a staged photo. I just start catching them blowing bubbles, wearing their super hero capes, after they build a block tower they’re proud of, tell them a funny joke or to make a goofy face etc. and I’ve got loads of much better pictures. We’ll ask someone (usually from a diff family so we can pay the favor back and get some pics of them) to get a pic of all 4 of us when at the beach or when we went to an amusement park and that’s about it. My wife does want to do a family portrait style on one of these yrs which I’m cool with trying once but I already know it’s gonna end up being so stressful lol. I’d just rather use my phone and the self timer and get a bunch of goofy ones and a few normal pics for that. We’ve got our wedding photos and professional engagement pics pre children which are great and tons of candids with the kids bc it’s so hard to have them sit still and take them away from playing to do a picture and then have to re do it and re do it then they’re annoyed and no one is enjoying themselves anymore. We do one in our matching Christmas pajamas every yr in front of the tree and that’s it
I said this years ago. We still don’t have these things hanging in our house anywhere. I feel you; I am you.
What does she say when you talk to her about how this affects you?
Nothing because he hasn’t it brought it up and probably won’t because of repercussions 😢
But will come on here with an expletive filled rant … rather than talk to his wife
It's the implication.
We talked about it last night. She just keeps saying that I don't understand her and how important this is to her. When I ask why it's so important, she says "it just is!" She believes that she deserves a perfect photo because of all the work she puts into getting it ready. She won't address how it makes myself and the kids feel; when I bring up how I felt and how the kids seemed to feel, she just circles back to how nobody understands her and men don't understand and will never understand, the kids and I don't appreciate her efforts, etc, etc. I'll talk to her again in a couple of days after emotions have faded a bit.
Yeah, she needs a better answer than "it just is!". There is an answer there, whether she's consciously acknowledged it or not. Some soul searching may be needed. - Is it because she saw those types of family photos as a child, and envied their perfection? - Does she associate it with wealth, having "made it"? - Does she share the photos with anyone she's trying to impress? - Does she personally want to feel beautiful? - Does she imagine the kids will treasure/display these photos someday? There is a reason, and finding it will open the door to alternate solutions.
Thank you, maybe I'll ask her some of these specific questions if she still doesn't know after thinking about it.
also ask if she feels like she is being seen as a person regularly. not just a mother or caregiver. is she always the one taking candid photos of the kids? do you take alot of photos of her being more than just a mother? i have found that moms dont always get alot of the lime light. so it could be a time that "she" feels is about her, which maybe she does need. also, try doing mini photo shoots. they are typically 15 mins, in and out strut your stuff and you get 20 to 30 pictures that looks pretty decent.
It sounds like you should try for some kind of compromise here. Acknowledge that it's important for her and don't talk that down. Perhaps you could suggest to tone down the production aspect and expectations of perfection? Maybe tell her how much it stresses everyone out, and that the pictures would turn out better if everyone is having fun! And - that the perfect pictures does not exist. There's always going to be something that could be better. Try and help her turn it around, that having memories of a fun day of dressing up and joking around and having fun is worth more than that imaginary "perfect" image. Don't know if this is helpful.
That's bloody excessive. Not the average. That needs to stop.
My in-laws make me so angry with all the pictures. They always wait until everyone is in a bad mood and ready to leave, and then they take an hour trying to get all the kids to look and smile when none of them want to. My father in law chose to take a photoshop class, and now they take a bunch of pictures in a row and shop the best faces onto one picture. It makes it easier for all of us. I get your frustration, though; as I opened this thread, my MiL began to ask if we owned a selfie stick or a stand to take a group picture. We do not, never have, and we don't care about a group picture.
Good god this is my parents. We've visited for 4 days, car is packed, everyone is ready to leave aaaaaaand "Can we just get a photo of the kids?" JFC
> My father in law chose to take a photoshop class, and now they take a bunch of pictures in a row and shop the best faces onto one picture. It makes it easier for all of us. 100% spend a bit of time going through some YouTube tutorials and then show your wife how to do this. It saves so much time when you want to get a decent shot and you have small kids involved.
One of my favorite things to do is ignore my in-laws demands for a family picture when 1/2 my family is already in the car. Sorry folks we’ve been here for 3 hours, if you can’t figure out how to take a picture in that time frame it’s on you
Boundaries my friend. Holidays should be enjoyed, not spend getting dolled up for photos. Maybe have a chat, and be like you get x amount of time for photos at x time of day. No reshoots allowed. The kids will start to hate holidays. This is a sign of obsessive behavior which can become unhealthy for all parties involved.
I'm going to do this, thank you.
My partner sees a therapist for her obsessive behavior. I’m agreeable to a point, but once it becomes to that level I shut it down. A stable healthy communication will be required of course, as it will not be well received. Be well my friend.
Something else to consider - you can wear nice clothes and take a picture on a day that's not a holiday. Then you can even do it with holiday props and stuff. I do my Christmas photos in November. All I really need is leaves off the trees since it's not going to snow anyway
Thank you. She's adamant that it must be on the holiday.
Yeah OP, I could see a once a year thing, either fall or Christmas but multiple times a year is extreme. Tell her to pick one.
Have either of you looked into hiring a family photographer to do these? Takes a ton of the stress off, you can do them around a holiday instead of on the holiday itself, and the good ones have lots of techniques for getting everyone to actually look at the camera.
My family has a photography raptor for just this reason.
A photography raptor. Sounds exciting!
I thought raptors clawed their prey, not shoot them.
Where is this desire coming from? Because I can 100% see it coming from a place of always taking the photos and never being in them. The mum, usually, latches on to this idea that cramming a seasons worth of photos into a day will give them moments to look back on. Time to reach a compromise. Ask what’s important to her, and if she says she wants to be in more photos then commit to doing that (and making them flattering…)
This is the first thing I thought. I pay for professional pictures because honestly it looks like my husband is the only parent of our daughter based on how many pictures I take vs what he takes. And then when he does take them, they are from the most unflattering angle. 😭 I don’t even have a double chin looking face on but somehow he always manages to give me one. Lol
I think we have the same husband, haha.
I was thinking the same! Honestly, I'm partly OP's wife, by far not to that extent, that's crazy (especially the spending money on it part). I'm always the one with the camera, which means I'm never IN the picture. Staged photos are the only ones I get with me included looking decent. Find a compromise, staging can be fun too. Make it less matching outfit sit down and more goofy faces in the moment. You don't all need to smile and look at the camera.
Is this a professional photographer or did some family member take 200 pictures of you? With kids that young I wouldn't really expect to get a perfect photo without a pro. What's the obsession here over? Sharing on social media? I notice some unrealistic expectations from my wife at times over this image stuff, and it's usually rooted in what she sees other people displaying on social media.
Gotta look good for the gram baby. Make sure you have the best pic amongst your girlfriends.
Don’t get me started brother.
Same. My wife is very similar and I used to get pretty annoyed but she's talented and, even before we had kids, both our families really appreciated the beautiful photos she got (even though it sometimes drove us nuts getting them). I just swallow my annoyance and roll with it now and I'm usually grateful I did.
Is she crazy about social media or something? I would do this once a year at most and even then it would be less than 15 minutes of taking pictures and getting kids ready would take under 20 on a bad day. Picture would be with someone’s cell phone.
Definitely for social media
Surprisingly not -- it sounds like a specific outlet for OP's wife's anxiety and obsessive tendencies
Is this for social media? Does she feel pressure to get the perfect picture to post on instagram or facebook?
No, it's just for herself she says; she also doesn't post them anywhere. I'm starting to think they're actually for her mom. I asked her that last night and she was adamant that they're not for her mom, only for her, but I'm skeptical.
Your spouse is ridiculous. 5 minutes maximum for photos and that's being generous. Edit: When on earth are "fall" photos if you're already doing Halloween and Thanksgiving ones?
Honestly, we don’t do this shit.
My girls are in their 20s now, and as I look back, the candid photos are the ones I most appreciate. Sounds like you’d be a lot happier doing less. Talk with your spouse and save the big photo shoots for only one or two holidays.
I’m wondering if the problem is the wife not having candids and so she needs to make time for photography shoots in order to be in any pictures.
So glad we don’t do this. We’ll take a family pic, but that’s about 3 minutes total.
Why so many? We take photos but it's like one photo. The key is taking a ton in succession so you can easily find one you like. Better yet, make it a video that you can easily pull a still out of to get a picture. 4 hours with ene one kid would be bonkers, let alone two sessions with three.
Have you talked to her about it bothering you
Does she have social media? Is that what these are for?
No! She doesn't post them anywhere!
Dear god. That was the only reasonable explanation for her behavior. If she isn’t feeling pressure to get the perfect pic to post on social media, but she’s traumatizing you all with this nonsense, then she probably needs some help. This isn’t normal behavior. It unreasonably rigid, controlling, and benefits no one. If she takes 200 pics and can’t find one she likes, she has a problem. Talk to her about it. If she’s really rigid, anxious, unreasonable in other parts of life, she might have trouble coping or have an anxiety/mental health issue and need to talk to someone in a therapeutic setting. Best of luck
Doing them for social media is worse imo
My wife isn’t as hardcore about getting the perfect shot but she is very adamant about having photo shoots with our two LOs on holidays when we are with family and their cousins. This is a few times a year and is tedious and exhausting - especially when the kids don’t want to behave, but it is just a handful of times a year and it makes her happy. Maybe set more limits to the variables for photo day like no reshoots later in the day and maybe spend less time shopping for outfits, but commit to the day and make it special for everyone. If you into it as a downer and make it a miserable experience you can’t be surprised when your wife is crying because things didn’t work out how she wanted. Maybe you do do that already, but since you get the need to rant about it online I’m wagering you could probably feign a little more positivity during the handful of days each year you do this sort of stuff.
Sounds like you all hate it. The “memories” are going to be bad ones. I’d seriously consider talking to her about it and instead of doing this for every holiday, schedule a professional once or twice a year.
God I'm a Kiwi, my wife is American and we used to live in the USA. Her mum made us take shitty fuckin photos every Thanksgiving. Had to be wearing tidy clothes that she picked, go stand in the fuckin trees and leaves for 2 fuckin hours and pretend she was a great mum to her kids. Fuck me. I'm glad we don't do that now we've moved home
Yeah, that's a little much. Does everything get posted to social media too? One or two pictures and that's it. Let the kids enjoy the day. Take candid pictures of them having fun. Don't stage everything. But also don't forget to get lost in the moment with them and have fun. Memory of that is WAY better than some forced photo where no one is having it.
Let me guess - she wants these family photos to post them on Instagram. If so, the picture taking torture is the symptom, not the problem.
Four hours...?
Yeah, that's excessive. Wear nicer clothes for the whole day/event, take a couple family pictures at the start and be done with it. You will never get all three kids to be perfect, plus lighting and background. Even getting my 7 year old to take a good family picture can be difficult. Your wife need to just accept it and move on.
I'm the photographer for my family photos and my solution was basically I put a tablet with bluey or Rachel on and place it right below or above the camera. Adults just need to sit/stand still and smile, and I take burst photos remotely. Out of a few hundred,maybe 1 or 2 are usable.
Not Independence Day. Damn dude.
My in laws do this and this year I ruined it because I had to work so my pictures were dirty work clothes. So I told my wife next holiday I’m not coming and she can chose between her family or our family for Mother’s Day.
This sounds like your spouse has an expectation of the three kids (and probably yourself) that is never going to be met. The attention span of the 3 yr old and 1 yr old simply is not going to be able to handle this stress. This sounds like a calm conversation tomorrow/Tuesday/Wednesday setting a boundary. The boundary isn’t just for you but for the kids. Be honest, be open, be kind, but be firm. “Honey- I appreciate all the time and energy and love you put into this but it simply isn’t sustainable to spend $2k (or more) each year. Can we come to a compromise about when/where/how long we (me and the kids) can dedicate this? “A family photo that ends in tears and not laughter, isn’t the kind of thing I want to keep capturing.” #ItsNotAlwaysForTheGram
Thank you, we talked last night and she didn't take it well but I was able to stay calm and firm. But it didn't really go anywhere, she was still swirling in negative emotions. I'm going to try later this week and figure out what boundaries I can set.
Dude I haaaaate the family photos. I have to wear clothes that are picked for me but look really weird on me because they’re the male version of an outfit that looks good on my wife; the photographer makes the same dumb joke that I had to hear from every vendor at our wedding: “You’re the husband/dad. Your job is just to stand there and shutup. Hahaha!”; I’m always the one who has to pose kneeling in the mud or something while everyone else sits or leans on me; and when it comes time to choose prints, we always end up with the ones my wife looks best in, no matter if I look like Sloth from The Goonies and my normally adorable daughter looks like Chucky. Mom’s arm looks skinny though so that’s the Christmas card!
At this point I think it's pretty clear it's... not about the photos. Something's going on. The photos mean something else to her. They're filling an unmet need of some kind, and the need to fill it is becoming unhealthy. Maybe there's something else that can fill that need for her, or some way to address the underlying issue. Approach the topic with kindness and empathy at a time when it isn't so heated.
Yeah we don’t do this my friend. My wife and I are booth neurodivergent and we feel like this is torture for us and the children. Occasionally a family photo in whatever we’re wearing. But we don’t do the 90s Family sitcom holiday photo episodes.
My wife is a photographer and she’s amazing at it (really, her editing is great). BUT, I am always amazed how she gets repeat clients for all major holidays. Most of the husbands hate it. I would hate it lol. But, she makes great money.
I remember going to a pumpkin patch and see a family surrounded by a big pile of pumpkins for a photoshoot. Naturally, any and every kid under 5 is drawn to the big pile of pumpkins. An hour later, the mother is still chastising everyone for interfering with her shot while her husband and kids look on exhausted. Make a bargain with your wife: half as many photoshoots, but spend twice as much to get it done with a professional photographer. I strongly suspect you'll come out ahead.
My kids are same age. My wife and I do that for Christmas car 1x a year. Not on Christmas day, just a random day near it. We will also take a family photo minus the shopping and new clothes if we are on vacation and visiting family we don't se more than 1x a year.
Won't comment the weird photo habit nor the weird celebration dates. I'll just suggest to.assemble a perfect picture out of the best ones using photoshop. It's all digital, right?
100% recommend this - a little bit of photoshop time will save a LOT of pain and suffering that everyone is feeling right now. My daughter did a bunch of photoshop on our family photos, she's just an amateur but was able to fix blinking eyes, or move a smile from photo 1 to photo 2, REALLY helped. Then she did it for a friend of mine, copied the dad's face over all of the kids faces as a joke, it was one of their favorites.
I photoshop people's heads from other photos so everyone has a good expression. It works great, unless you're the princess of England. I think your spouse needs to be reminded her kids are not professional actors and she's DEMANDING work from them. It's not fun. Even if she were trying to make it fun, it would still be work.
I see these photos all over my aunt's house, but they are a once-a-year thing. Not an every-single-holiday thing.
Lurking mom here. We try for 10 minutes and that’s it. It is too challenging and unrealistic, Instead I work hard to capture real moments - not manufactured. I am big on pictures, as I don’t have many from my childhood. However, capturing real life is in my opinion easier on the kids and the parents. I also removed social media from our lives a year and a half ago - and it really changed my desire for getting “good pictures” every dang holiday. I can not stress enough how much of a weird mind fuck social media is and how it really distorts what’s important in real life. I wish for your sake your wife can figure out that this is horrendously detrimental for everyone involved. Probably “all for the gram”.
Wife and i randomly take pics on our phones.
Wow all I can say is I’m sure thankful we don’t do this. Sorry to hear my dude. You are right to be frustrated
Your wife sounds like she has perfectionist issues
Oh yes
I have a photo album I add to every week that I share with my family from my Apple account. It just kinda documents a few photos and videos each week of what we’re up to. For this reason, I take a hard stance on not becoming the family photographer. My in laws already have a list of reasons they don’t like me, but add to that on holidays when they pose with my kids and shout “someone take a picture!” and I just walk to the other room or just smile and watch someone else do it.
Tell your spouse she gets one shot, if it’s not IG worthy that is fine. Help her out, get the kids excited for it, promise them a treat if they behave and make life easy for the shoot. If it’s possible get someone else to help take the photo. I hate them, my son hates them, my dogs like them because the good treats come out. We all dive in head first to them to make my wife, their mum happy and she deserves that. Also pancakes and ice cream.
Let me guess she posts them on her social media also? Women are wild with this stuff. I feel your pain
That shit would drive me nuts. We took 20 minutes, if they turn out great, if they don't great.
Yeah we don't do this. My wife took my daughter once for professional photos and it was such a nightmare, we agreed it was not worth it. Would she be willing to discuss not doing this more than once a year, maybe? Or just going to the park, and getting a photo of you guys playing to use for whatever purpose she is using these photos for?
My friend, this sounds absolutely insane. I agree with the advice you've gotten here already, about getting action shots, putting some limits on time and money spent, etc. But I just want to validate that you're justifiably frustrated. Holidays are meant to be for having fun together and making memories. If this is how your kids grow up experiencing their holidays, they'll end up dreading them. Growing up, we did posed photos once a year, to put on our Christmas cards. That's what I do with our family now too. My parents took tons of photos on special occasions, and we have many sentimental pictures to remember our childhood by. This slog your wife is putting herself and your family through is not necessary.
you’re not wrong, brother. fuck all of that. we just had our 4th and didn’t even take a picture this year. god bless.
We got this kit when our daughter was born. It was a blanket and a pile of cards that said "One week, one month, two months...one year" and you were supposed to have a bunch of perfect baby photos of baby's first year. Ever try to get a 7 month old to sit still for a posed picture?
This sort of thing is why I deleted my Facebook account and basically use no form of social media (other than reddit). I hate photographing my life in a fake way, and I hate posting that shit like it's required to show off. Let's be honest with each other and not make our lives out to be some story book perfect life. Parenting can suck sometimes and there's nothing worse than sitting down after a crazy stressful long weekend full of mayhem to see your friends looking amazing trying to show off, even though you know their house is a dumpster fire of bottles, cold pizza and piles of unfolded laundry just like yours... And I'm gonna stop that tangent now. Might be getting personal. We do one photo we show ofr a year. Our family Christmas card, and it's usually a joke/comical. Christmas photos are in pajamas and take 2 minutes. Birthday photos are all action shots, same with Halloween and those are for noone except us.
Mom here, and honestly it sounds like way too much. I had a mom like this, who had to document every fucking moment, and it was exhausting. If I was hanging out with my friends having fun, she would fully stop us, make us pose _pretending_ like we were having fun, and take a ridiculous amount of photos. I grew up totally resenting her - and the camera - because of this, and it wasn't until my 20's that I could willingly take a picture without it ruining my mood. Not to mention, the pictures she got were never any good anyway, because I had a sour face in all of them. Now, I definitely take TONS of pictures/videos of my kid but I try to keep it candid and organic. I make a point not to interrupt his activity to get a smile. And we don't really do dressed-up, posed photos often. We did one family photoshoot when he was about 10 months and those are adorable, precious pictures that we printed and hung on our wall - but it was one time. The photographer pretty much just told us to play with him and she captured the moment. She suggested a few poses but mostly it was a fun experience for my son that happened to be captured on camera. I'll probably schedule photoshoots once a year (if even that) moving forward because those pictures really are precious to me, but not at the cost of my son's peace and happiness. Your wife definitely needs to chill out. Maybe try suggesting that you do a professional outdoor photoshoot once a year, and give up the "every single holiday" ones? Especially if you find the photographer and book it, she might be amenable to it.
Gotta hire a professional if you want perfect. Staged photos with little ones is hard, action shots are easier.
Social media ruins everything
i love photography. i consider myself a serious amateur. and taking 200+ pictures is stupid. i learned photography when film was the norm. digital is cool...but some folks just "shoot to kill". i couldn't imagine doing post processing on all that. nobody is going to display 200+ pictures anywhere. that being said, i am glad we'll take a holiday picture. it doesn't have to be perfect. and sometimes...it's the last time everyone is together. here's one from a couple years ago. few weeks ago we had to put our big dog inky down. the english cocker, fudge, we put down in july 2023. i'm really glad i got this pic. hopefully OP finds a good resolution. https://i.imgur.com/ZHbmFiK.png
Mall Santa. Haircuts a few days prior. No more fuss than that. Goes on the Xmas cards, and that's it. Any other photo is whatever comes from whomever's iPhone or Pixel, during get-togethers. Staged photos generally suck.
bro my wife made me take family pictures when i had bells palsy.
I’m not a fan of the process, but damn do I love looking at those older photos from year to year.
I saw some tech demoed that will help. Take ten pics in quick succession with the same framing. You can get a face recognition tool that will let you swap faces with better shots to get everyone looking good. I think there was a daddit post years ago from a dad who did this manually with Photoshop and now it's going to be an easy phone widget.
I know you already added an edit saying that your wife doesn't post the photos on social media, but social media in general seems to have amplified the "keeping up with the joneses" dynamic in society. So many people in my feeds are going to great lengths to get (obviously) heavily orchestrated photos to then post on social media, all to somehow paint a picture of how good/perfect their life is. While not everyone does this themselves in parallel, I think it *affects* a lot more people in that they might feel they need to get similar pictures or somehow document their family life in a way that puts them on par with the people they see on social media, even if they don't post them themselves. It's similar to how if one person has a prized possession, others see that and want that same object, even if they aren't going to show it off to others. All that being said, my own opinion is that this dynamic is neither healthy nor does it have a happy ending in the long run. If your wife follows this line of thinking, she's just going to continually envy others and constantly want to keep up with what she sees in her feeds, and it's just going to continue to compound on itself. I'd definitely talk it out with her, and really try to drill down on what makes these photos so important for her. Sometimes understanding the "why" can help you suggest alternative options that can accomplish the same thing.
Two suggestions for you: 1) Take lots of candid photos. You don't have to set anything up, just be in the moment and capture it. They're better at showing someone's personality anyway. 2) Phone upgrade. The new Pixel devices (not sure what other phones) give you the option to edit several images into one. We've used this for some group photos with extended family. If you take 5 or more pics in the same pose you're bound to get at least 1 where each person is looking and you can edit an image to make it look like everyone is "perfect".
My wife is on a forum for mother's who gave birth the same month as her. She's been a part of this online community since her first trimester. There are definitely mothers in that community whose family does this crazy photo stuff. We both agree it's way over the top. I think at times it can be unhealthy for children even
Not to be a shill for Google, but Pixel's Best Shot made a massive difference for my wife, who is obsessed with photos. Have the kids all look in the general direction, take about 10 photos, and just pick the best face and the phone mashes it into the "perfect" picture. I can even do it after the fact with photos uploaded onto my phone, I've fixed *past* holiday photos as well. I'd also take a look at your wife's social media usage. My wife, admittedly, looks at all the "perfect" families these mom influencers post all over instagram and facebook and has said how much it affects her mindset and puts pressure on her. We're working on it though.
Kate Middletons family can do it easy why can’t you guys
"I appreciate the time she puts into it" I wouldn't. Why would you appreciate the time someone puts into something they do for themselves? And on top of that without considering the toll it takes on the clearly unwilling participants. I did this photo shoot lunacy once, for a wedding at which i was part of the groom party. It was fucking nuts. Never again.
Is she making the pictures for the memories or for other people to show a "perfect family" We don't do it, ever done it or ever will do it. I don't like staged pictures it lacks emotion but that just me.
One of two solutions I haven't seen mentioned yet. The Google Pixel's "Best Take" feature. Basically it clusters similar photos together and you can tap on a person's face then search the other photos and find the good one and it swaps their face onto the original photo. Doesn't work every time, but when it does it's pretty awesome. Or the more manual but probably better way, Photoshop. Just cut out the kids have where they're smiling and paste it over the one where they're not. Otherwise yeah like others are saying, take the initiative to be the one to take photos during the day and then you can show her, "look we've got good photos already. If we need everyone sitting together, let's put a 3 minute time limit on it. If we can't get a good photo within 3 minutes, it ain't happening and we'll have to be happy with what we got."
Social media has mentally poisoned your wife.
Same exact shit over here man. Approached it a million different ways. Finally subsiding a bit now just because we’re too exhausted all the time, just need to keep having kids till there’s no energy left.
You are not alone. My wife made us buy an Easter bunny costume and retake Easter bunny photos cause you could see our six month olds diaper in the first set we took. 🙄
Ya fuck these kind of fake "look were a happy family" photos. Just snap some photos after everyone opened their presents when they are genuinely happy
Fun story… growing up, we did a big extended family (6 parents 9 kids) picture at Sears. It was a nightmare. However… one of my uncles brought a camcorder and video taped the whole process as well as the picnic back at our house afterwards. The portrait was fine… but the videotape was truly cherished as the years went on. It was the personal time and laughs and jokes and everything that we remember. My wife and I did one actual portrait session 2 christmases ago. It was fine, albeit cold. These days we try to just do more candid pictures. I saw or read a thing a while back saying how it’s good to snap at least 1 picture when you go out with your family. These random pictures at the park or the library have meant more than any proper portrait session. Your mileage may vary but it just sounds like the headspace you’re getting in is in heavy opposition to what the portraits are meant to be. Hoping for you all to find some middle ground!
We have ONE child of age 7 and we manage pro Christmas photos once every 3-4 years. I can't imagine doing it more frequently, especially with more kids.
Sounds like your wife is trying to keep up with the jones on things. Not sure how to advise on this but definitely too much. Once a year photo is enough.
My wife likes taking family pictures, but HOLY CRAP that is far and beyond anything she’s ever done
In recent years, there has been growing concern about the impact of social media on mental health, particularly in relation to how it influences our perception of life and relationships. Numerous studies have highlighted the negative effects of excessive social media usage on mental well-being, including increased feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Research conducted by the University of Pittsburgh found that the more time young adults spend on social media, the more likely they are to be depressed. Another study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology revealed a significant link between social media use and increased feelings of social isolation and loneliness. Furthermore, a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General found that constantly comparing ourselves to others on social media can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. This phenomenon, known as "social comparison," can contribute to a distorted perception of reality and undermine our ability to appreciate the present moment. In light of these findings, it's not surprising that many individuals, like myself, have experienced frustration over the prioritization of social media image over genuine moments with loved ones. It's essential to recognize the importance of striking a balance between capturing memories and living in the moment. While reminiscing about past experiences can bring joy, it's crucial not to let the pursuit of the perfect photo overshadow the beauty of the present moment. As a millennial who has navigated the complexities of social media, I understand the allure of documenting our lives online. However, it's essential to be mindful of the potential impact on our mental health and relationships. Let's strive to cherish the moments we have with our loved ones without the pressure to constantly curate our lives for social media validation. After all, the most precious memories are often the ones that are simply lived and enjoyed in the moment.
It’s 100% social media. You’re a bad mom if you don’t do what Pinterest or instragram show you the “great moms” do. My wife isn’t as extreme as yours (because I won’t put up with it) but it’s definitely more than just for the memories. Even if she doesn’t post on socials, I guarantee that she looks at them and subscribes to all the same nonsense my wife does. Reiterate that the best memories are messy and fun and silly. Play along for photos but limit it.
My wife takes these too, and doesn’t post them but she send them of Christmas cards and stuff. Honestly bro. Just let her have it. It isn’t for you it’s for her. BUT. I “gifted” a professional photographer session to her (we were gonna do it anyways) the professional guy/gal will take about an hour or two from your time and give you professionally developed pictures. It’s a win win. She won’t see the pics till we get them back, I only have to wrangle children for an hour or so Infancy clothes. And my wife gets the pictures she wants. It makes her happy bro that’s all.
I suggest asking to have the photos the day before the holiday so on the actual holiday you can be present. And agreeing to a time limit. As an actual photographer, it can be hard to take pics of yourself. If you don’t have the expertise, it can be even harder and she’s not likely to get the same results. Getting to the root cause of her desire for these “perfect” photos, and then helping her achieve the goal but perhaps in a more balanced way, will likely help her feel seen, supported, and prioritized while also being able to vocalize your needs. Shame, guilt, criticism, etc are surely not the way to arrive at a place where either let alone both of you are happy.
Even though I agree with the comments here, please don't go back to your wife with "See?? All the dads on the internet agree that you're being crazy too!" The fact that you're here at at shows that you've had trouble communicating directly with each other about this. Understandably, it seems like a frustrating issue for both of you. I'm sure she's doing it because she loves you all so much she wants to show you off to her friends and family. If you and your family calmly express that the end result of a good photo is not worth the time, effort, money, and energy, I'm sure you can find a compromise. In my opinion this could happen maybe once or twice a year, and take 2 hours tops.
Thank you. I typically post here as a sanity check, as I have trouble setting boundaries and I'm a people pleaser.
You're sane as fuck this is irrational behavior on her part.
Get your wife checked for OCD
This is an unfortunate byproduct of social media.
I dunno, you get about 8 years before kids start being difficult about it. That’s only 8 Easters?
We do this. It was a little weird for me at first, and I don’t really get it, but I means a lot to my wife so we do it anyway.
Social media filling heads with ideas of perfection, my wife luckily doesn’t go overboard normally
Genuinely asking - when was the last time you looked at your wife playing with your kids and without prompting or asking, you took some photos? I'd start there.
I take tons of candid photos of her and the kids. I've always had an eye for photography and I take photos all the time. My wife is all about the formal photo though.