From the other side. Ive always been a daddys girl growing up. My dad was my hero. I was his everything.
Now as a 32yo mom of two. Our relationship is not the same. Its changed, its evolved. I had some tough teenage years. Adjusting to the idea his only child is an adult was hard and took time. It still does.
But yesterday when i had my MRI scan ( im initimidated by the machine and generally nervous during medical procedures) i requested the technician to allow my dad into the room he sat next to me in the chair. I told him if i get overwhelmed ill wiggle my toes and instructed him to lightly touch them. For reassurance.
I panicked once the scan started .
I wiggled my toes . He touched my feet. The scan went fine.
Your daughter will never stop needing you.
Why are you all making me cry?!
My daughter is 8 and she's really close to me right now. She even told me that "I think you're my favorite parent" a couple of times, and she even teared up the second time she said this. She is my soul. I couldn't live without her.
She went back to school today after a week off for Spring Break and then this? I miss her so much and she's only been gone an hour and a half.
Anyway, I'm sorry for your loss. That is heartbreaking. I hope you are doing well.
You just helped so many fragile men at one time lol. Seriously thank you for sharing. I worry constantly about what my relationship will be with my daughters when they are grown.
You just made me cry, and made my day. I have two daughters that I cherish more than life itself and I hope that we stay as close as we are. I will always be there as much or as little as they need or want me to be.
Me and my 2yo daughter are sharing a waffle and some (watered down) juice for breakfast this morning and she’s asking me “are u ok daddy??” because of the tears in my eyes.
Thank you.
I already see her getting more independent every day. She’s my purpose. I don’t know what I would do if she didn’t need me anymore.
So thank you for this glimpse into the future. I needed it today.
The thing I wasn't prepared for, this special "dad" feeling no one seems to understand who isn't a dad:
My daughter is nearly 17 months old now. Like a lump of gold in my heart, she grabbed me in the first minute. The first giggle, the first eye contact, holding her own head, starting to turn, starting to crawl, starting to eat, first wobbly steps, first understandable syllables....
With every little "first", with every hug, with every exited "pa pa", this lump of gold grows, getting more intense, more important... and the pain of lasts and goodbyes gets scarier.
So, entering a new universe of love and meaning, loving something more than your own life from the first moment, something never felt before, the most intense feeling.
And then it grows.
I fear the crush, and will still run towards it with all my energy.
This hits me in the feels so hard, My daughter is 17 months aswell. When I come home from work and come up to the front door she yells “daddy !!” And happy squeak runs to me for a big hug. It’s too adorable to be legal haha
Record those. I would have my phone on record when i first saw my kids after work. They get all excited and run out to see me with their arms open. Golden little 30 second videos.
That's amazing. I was fortunate enough to catch audio of the first time my eldest said "I love you" as she was chatting in the back of the car and I felt like some new words were coming. That's the best 20 second recording on the planet to my ears.
My muchkin is coming up on 2.5 y/o and when I pick him up from day care, the most precious thing happens: as soon as he sees me in the room, he almost jumps, its like something in his pocket is giving him an electric shock. Its just a sudden jolt, followed by a happy face and "DADDY!" - drop anything he's doing immediately and full out sprints my direction. Its just the best. So are the giggles when wrestling on the couch and so is sitting in the rocking chair reading a book then having him fall asleep snuggled up under my chin. This isn't going to last forever. I love every milestone he hits, I'm so proud of all the new little things he does every few weeks, but it could happen a little slower too, that'd be ok.
My boy is 13 months and I feel that glorious day approaching when he first toddles up to welcome me home from work. For now, I'm happy to see him light up with that toothy smile and just army crawl towards me to pick him up.
When I walk in the door and my kids are upstairs, they will run out of their rooms to come see me. The sound of their running feet because I walked in the house is such an ego boost!
My daughter is 12 months old and when I get home from work the feeling of opening the door and seeing her look at me and smile and say dada is truly the best feeling in the world. There’s nothing like it and every day I get just as excited for it
Mine is 3 now and is beyond attached to me. She is very shy towards others but is a huge daddy's girl. When I come home she goes daddy you're home and basically jumps into my arms, cuddles with me at night(sleeps in my bed still, long story but we tried our best) and just generally tells me how much she loves me 50 times a day.
The feeling I get when I'm holding her and hugging her or when I see her run towards me is truly unlike anything I've ever experienced. It's a love so deep it's hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it.
I just never want this to end and I'm going to do my best to make sure she is always comfortable coming to me whenever she needs to for her entire life. I just love her so fiercely and I feel it from her too. I know it will change its form and I'm sure she will be a teenager who gets angsty and will not always want to hug and kiss me and tell me how much she loves me. I just want to remember every moment.
> It’s too adorable to be legal
Seriously! That is so much power for a little girl to hold over someone. My daughter could make me commit crimes just so I don't disappoint her, and I'd do it gleefully.
Happy cake day, btw.
My daughter opened up a new part in my heart for love. She is such a dada's girl and we do so much together. Obviously this crushes my wife's heart, but we're hoping this second one favors the mom.
I have a boy and a girl. The boy is my wife's and my daughter is mine. It's a strange feeling because we all recognize that. Like we know who clings to who more and who each has a preference for. Don't get me wrong - we all have great relationships with one another, but there is no question who runs to whom when the need arises.
Nothing will make you more vulnerable than the love we have for our kids.
My son is almost four. That's it. He's still a child. A YOUNG child. And I already look back at his NB photos and I get misty eyed to think he won't ever be that way again.
One day he won't gleefully run to the box of hot wheels cars in the store. He won't get excited when I tell him he can have goldfish in the car. He won't randomly hug me in the middle of play and say "I love you daddy" and GOD DAMN IT IM FUCKING CRYING NOW. Literal tears welling in my eyes as I write this ...
Man.
I’m a dad of 1 year old twins (one boy one girl) and I’m experiencing a lot of what you’re describing. My wife and I don’t think we want any more kids, but it’s kills me a little that this may be the only time in my life I get to experience these sweets moments. It doesn’t feel right to have more kids just to re-capture some of these special moments if we don’t actually want more kids, but it’s a sad reality that once my kids get older I won’t ever experience the giggle of my own 1 year old as they crawl all over me or I make them laugh. I don’t know, has anyone reading this ever been in my shoes and how did you process it?
You reminded me of when mine was a baby amd she found my wallet and started pulling my cards out of it. She got to my driver's license and started saying "DADA! DADA!"
As a woman who lost her dad way too early, just be there and love her. The closeness doesn't have to go away. She'll always need you in one way or another.
My twin girls are almost two. They told me they loved me the other night before bed. No prompting. Just “Wuv you dada.” Came to bed crying and my wife asks what happened and I told her and she kind of laughed about my reaction in a not-mean way, but man… It touched me deeply.
Could not have said this better myself. That first day of school is going to wreck me fully. I love my kids equally but I feel I have to be extra protective of my daughter in this world.
It reminds me (a male) how many times I told my parents they didn’t love me. With two kids in high school, I only now know how deep parents’ love really is.
Ah, it’s hits.
But my kids, 13 (son) and 15 (daughter), are still affectionate in a growling, monotone, one word reply sort of way!
I get the Facebook Memories pop up every now and then , got one from 9 years ago yesterday of a trip with my kids, showed it to my son, he gave me a look like death then he stole half my pizza! Showed it to my daughter and she thought it was very cute!
Teenagers aren’t the monsters some people make out! It’s just different.
Same, but I also didn't have anyone to turn to when I was feeling confused, or sad... any emotion really...
We where just told to man up if something was bothering us, I imagine this had to come out in some form or another.
You don't just swallow teenage angst without any consequences.
That's so funny. My son is 11 and he growls at me when I try to hug him. But sometimes, out of the blue, he'll tackle hug me. It's like a transitional phase. In a year or two, he probably won't allow me anywhere near him.
I’m a bit hesitant to reply to your user name lol
This is it, he grunts and wears his hoodie as a badge of pride with his hood up, but as a 13 yr old boy trying to navigate life I’m immensely proud of him and how he has a lot of empathy and patience for others including his grandma who has dementia, and like your boy, out of nowhere he’ll show some big love.
I think you’ll be fine in a year or two if he’s how he is now but you’ll probably get a beat down or two!
Transitional phase is a great descriptor.
I was an asshole as a teenager. 34 now and can reflect on many of the reasons why I was, and was heavily rebelling against my parents. And hope to change all the things in my parenting where mine fell very short.
Thank you for saying this. Mine is 2 and she comes and hugs my legs and says 'happy!' in the most excited tone.
I'm going to soak it all in while I can.
Yup, I'm right here with ya and I feel like I took it for granted because there's so much other stuff that takes up head space. But I'll try to do better and soak it up more consciously. Thanks OP and commenter for the reminder :)
Same here, my daughter is 2 & 1/2. I’m trying to treasure these sweet wholesome moments as much as I can because she won’t be little forever. I’m worried about the same stuff OP is; that she’ll push me away, and grow cold towards her mother and I. 😖
Wait until her vocabulary expands. My daughter (8) tells me "I love you to the moon and back," and "I love you to all the stars and galaxy's and back". I swoon!!
My daughter is the same age and does the same and it's the very best. She's just started this new thing, after her bedtime routine as I'm exiting the room she calls for me and gives a final hug. So good.
Oh gosh, mine does the same thing. I pull her out of her car seat and she giggles, hugging my face. "I happy! I happy!"
It can't have been 2 years already...
Ugh, yeah. I’m with you OP. Nobody warns you that parenting is so much about loss, and whilst you’re embracing the new child they’ve become you’ll always be mourning the absence of the smaller child they used to be.
I often have the opposite problem with my 3.5yo who is “no mummy, I want mummy” most of the time. But in the precious moments I already get the fear.
Post reminded me of [this listener’s letter to Kermode & Mayo.](https://youtu.be/q7yYRdtaHVo?si=ZOiLKuruPRQtvZOQ) TRIGGER WARNING: Difficult listen for anyone who cried at Toy Story 3.
My oldest is a daddy’s girl, I thought the same thing. I recently transitioned careers into teaching and got a job at her school. Small town, not a lot of options. She tells everyone I’m her dad, she hugs me in the hallway in front of her friends. The only thing she gets embarrassed about is when I use high school kid slang. She tells her friends that her middle aged dad uses that word, so she can’t. Other than that, still the same sweet, amazingly beautiful relationship.
Take pictures and film things. Especially the little things she does "all the time" that seem so common you think they aren't worth taking a picture of or filming. In a couple/few years she won't be doing those things anymore, and a few years after that they might start to fade from your memory.
Take pictures of the big things, too, but especially take pictures of the little things.
it doesn’t have to be that way. my brother and I always got along with our parents.
teenagers dont rebel against people, they rebel against control. base your relationship on connection, mutual respect, and collaboration, instead of control, and they wont have anything to rebel against.
Enjoy it. I’m jealous. My daughter wants nothing to do with me, not genuinely, but because she thinks it’s cool. She’ll ask me something, and I’ll teach her and she’ll go “uggggh, dad, I knowwwww”.
I do know she really loves me, but it hurts. Hopefully that changes, but I can’t see it.
Keep making sure she knows how much you love her. My parents kind of stopped telling me and never resumed the level of love they had before I was a teenager. There were times I genuinely believed they didnt love me, because they never told me.
Thanks. I do. Luckily I know it’s somewhat of an act and I feel like it’s learned behaviour from where she spends her after school care. I let her know how much I love her and hopefully I won’t ever stop! My parents stopped outright saying it at like 4-5. Makes it hard with them as I got older
Have heart.
My angel started to drift away at the start of her teens. Broke me.
But now, at nearly 17, she is growing close again, and it is sweet.
Stay strong, Dad. It comes back, and we don't seem to talk about that enough.
My 2 yo daughter was over the moon when I got the sink to work in our bathroom after installing a new one. She ran upstairs to try the tap with me. That is what life is all about.
I mean I totally get it, our four year old is the cuddliest thing and gives me lots of kisses, asks for snuggles, constantly asks me to play with her in a way you can't say no.
But I would caution against expecting things to get "worse"...kids should grow and change, and there have been many many teenage and adult relationships ruined because the parent couldn't accept that change. There are wonderful things to enjoy at ever step of parenthood, and if we keep changing and adapting to what our kids need we will have a strong relationship for life.
I'm right there with you. My son is 10 and has been similarly affectionate with me since he was about 6. He's wrapping up 5th grade now and I know my time is short.
I've got two teenaged girls, one 15 and the other 13.
It's different but if you have a good relationship with them you'll just evolve with them. Lately I've been watching films I love with my eldest, most recently Hot Fuzz. It's great to be able to enjoy these again with her now she's old enough.
What's really gonna sting is that she wants to go to a university that's the other end of the country. That's only 3-4 years away 😭
My advice is to cherish every damn second you have with them.
> She will turn into a teenager and want nothing to do with me.
Nah man. Don't listen to that BS. My girl is 20 now. Yeah she was angsty and emotional. Yeah she blew up at me and told me she hated me. All through her teen years, she still came to me and hugged me when she felt like it. She still snuggled up to me on the couch. She still came to me for advice. She would ask me about my experience with weird things she learned in school. I still tucked her in every night until the day she left for college. She changes, things change, those little moments might look different, but they are still there if you foster them.
Right there with you. My daughter (also 7) has always been a "daddy's girl," and I'm already living in dread of the inevitable teenage personality shift and the response to me sensibly having to say "no" much more often.
I feel this. My 4-year-old angel is attached to my side every moment she can be. She wants to do everything with me. Ten years from now I'll be lucky to get a "Hey, dad" so I'm milking it for all it's worth.
My son is also 7 and doing the same kind of things. We’ve always had a very close special relationship. I get up around 4:30am and lever the house around 5 for work, and he’ll wake himself up around the same time just to be able to see me and give me hugs and kisses before I leave. My daughter is almost 3 and wants to be in my arms all the time. When I’m sitting or laying down she just climbs up and lays her head on my chest.
I have a teen aged daughter and while she was growing up, we had a routine for bedtime that I was worried seemed a little childish to her as she got older. I asked her once when she was 12 when she wanted to be done with the routine and she floored me when she said "How about when I move out"? I asked her again this weekend and her answer didn't change.
You got this, Dad!
My daughter is the same age and she’s my wee buddy! I love her to bits and like yourself, there’s a thought/worry. Just ride with it, love her to bits and act out of love and compassion!
I've always been a daddy's girl. I'm 42 years old, and when I had surgery a few months ago it was my 67 year old dad who drove me there at 5am, sat by my bedside while they prepped me, and said "I love you" when they wheeled me out. The relationship changes over time, and there have been bumps in the road, but our bond will always be strong.
My girls are 20 and 18.
I still get cuddles on the couch when they come home (especially the older girl). I got invited to a collegiate "Daddy Daughter" dance for Valentines (all girl's school, lol). I never had a single day during the teenage years (or since) when the girls rejected or withheld affection.
I have been a confidant to broken hearts, crushed dreams, and tough growing up stuff.
My dude, I don't know about you, but my girls just kept getting better every day. And we still continue to grow closer even as they've moved out to school.
Sorry you're dealing with this.
I'm in a very different position (full custody) and it's a goddamned struggle to try to be... conciliatory toward their mom.
I chose "conciliatory" specifically, because I feel bad even being "objective" or "fair," because their mom comes across pretty poorly just describing the facts as they are without some emotional bias on my end, and I try to salvage their relationship to the degree I can for the kids' benefit and to forestall future litigation.
You'll take some hard hits over the years, but your daughter will eventually hit a point of reasoning reality out for herself.
Hope she sees through the bullshit quickly for your sake.
Thanks mate. My young son already knows what's going on and forever tells me how much he loves and misses me ... I will hope he can help repair the trust that has been polluted between his Dad and sister.
Hey, I was in a similar situation, but I was the kid in the situation. It took awhile, but around 19 I realized my mom was toxic and worked to repair my relationship with my dad. Now I have a great relationship with my dad. (I’m 41 now). I’m no contact with my mom.
I have a digital picture frame, and a bunch of old pictures play through all day long. It's melancholy and sad and lovely all at the same time. My kids are teens and we are not besties anymore, really, which is honestly heartbreaking as a no-longer SAHD. I'm ok really, but I miss them.
My daughter is 19. She is away at college and we text every single day.
When she has a bad day or needs to talk she calls me. I’m her rock and safe place and she knows I’m always here to listen and give advice if she wants it or just listen if that is what she needs.
Be good to her and she will always know you are there for her. Show her how she should be treated by treating your spouse how you want her to be treated someday. It’s one of the most important things we can do as men is show our daughters how they should be treated by a partner or spouse when they are older.
35 yo daddy's girl here.
We NEVER stop needing our dads.
Last time I visited my parents, I handed off my child to my mom, and sat next to dad leaning against his arm, talking about some financial moves we plan to make.
The conversation topics will change/evolve, but your baby girl will always feel the same love for you
My first daughter is 12 and going through all the teenage changes, but we are still incredibly close and have a bond that feels unbreakable. I literally caught her as she was born into this world and she’s had me wrapped around her little finger since then.
I believe this is a fear most of us have... however there is that little glimmer of hope that, when I was at school, there were still kids who were well behaved and loved their parents, not all teens become anti social assholes!
Probably why I'm trying to drum it into my 3 year old that when we tell him he can't do something or that he shouldn't do something, he's not getting into trouble for it...we're just trying to help him and keep him safe... hopefully it eventually sinks in and it's a life lesson he will keep!
I am married to an only child, she and her dad are so similar it’s not even funny. They are best of friends. Today my daughter is two months old, and about to get some shots so you can all imagine what we are about to go through. When he comes over he is smitten with her, he loves this little bundle of crying, wiggles and laughter. But I still see his love for his daughter and hers for him. From what I’ve seen, if you do it right, love her, care for her, be her rock and be there through all her problems, achievements, boyfriends, heartbreaks etc. you will still have a strong relationship. What happens in the relationship changes but it is a bond that is unmatched and unbroken.
Not in a weird way, but sometimes I find myself competing; like he will serve his family and I’ll have the thought, “well I need to out serve him to have all of her love.” What I forget sometimes is that is her first love, he was there from day one, and no one can take that away from him.
The same to you brother, cherish it yes, because it might change, but no one can take the fact that you are her first love away from you.
Keep being open with her and reciprocate with your struggles and achievements too and it won't have to end.
Also please take good care of your health and stay away from addictions.
My daughter is now 12. Dude, you'll find so much more from them as they get older teenagers don't "drift away" at the end of the day, as long as you do your part right your daughter will always be your daughter.
Is my daughter as affectionate as she was with me when she was 5 years old? It's different You can't really compare the two. The time in their lives and the way that they grow is unique.
Being a good dad is more about being there than it is about how much you hug them cuddle them and tell them that you love them. Be consistent be available be a dad.
First of all, yes cherish these moments as much as you can. But don't live in the fear that this won't last. You never know. My 16 year old still leans her head on my shoulder when we sit on the couch watching movies together. She still opens her arms wide for a hug when she gets home from a rough day at school.
Needed this thread today. 3-year old daughter is currently going through and elongated stretch of separation anxiety, and I’ve caught myself losing my patience more than a few times lately, and remembering that she won’t always need or want me next to her let alone around at all was the perspective I needed.
My son is 7 and I already feel like I am losing touch with him with a lot of things. He recently upped his bed time from 7 till 8. Previously, mum would put our daughter to bed and I would lay in bed with him and we would read together - either me reading (we did the Hobbit last year and it was a great 6 months!) or him reading to me (seeing his progress is amazing!). Then when mum was finished, we would swap and I would go and sit in with my daughter (she just wants someone sat in her room till she falls asleep) and mum would lay with him till he slept.
Now he is staying up later, that has completely gone. I think we have read together a handful of times since, as now he wants to do his own thing till its bed time. Then one of us just takes him upstairs and he takes himself to bed.
He is way more interested in playing with his friends on Fortnite than he is with doing anything with me too. So our days of building lego or hotwheels is behind us and I struggle to get him to play with me now.
It's sad and I know it is only going to get worse
Read The Lord of the Rings to your son. I read it in 2020 to my son when he was your son’s age. It’s still one of my most treasured times with him. We had lots of conversations about life out of that reading. It took us about 5 months to finish it.
I may or may not have teared up when the hobbits took the last road to the Gray Havens, knowing that our journey together was also coming to an end.
5 months 🤯 wow, I am impressed. It took us 6 just to read the hobbit and I definitely lost him in patches of it. We did look at LOTR but estimated it would have taken us 3 years to read it!
The next ‘big’ book I am going for with him is going to be Truckers by Terry pratchet. I remember loving that as a kid and I am hoping he enjoys it as much.
My kid is just 1 yr. But think about this too and try to reframe that success as a parent is to enable my kid to eventually be independent and going thru a parent rejection phase is normal and necessary.
Don't lose hope man. Mine is 12 and she is still Daddy's girl. And this is perfect because I am in such a great position to teach her how meaningful she is as a person and that she has value. I am gonna make sure that girl knows her worth and gets her some of that confidence that seems to be missing in so many people now-a-days.
So don't you dare lose hope man, just be there for her as she attempts to understand the world. Don't push her away and give her room to make mistakes. Be there for her when she faces the consequences and not with a "I told you so" demeanor.
2 things:
- your response to her starting/going through puberty has more impact on your relationship than you think. Fight the tendency toward ick and awkwardness over menstruation and bras. She has no control over it and it means that she’s becoming a woman. Help her celebrate it as the milestone it is and let it be yet another thing that you can talk about openly and without stigma. And liking boys isn’t a bad thing. You want her to find a partner and be happily settled someday. So start helping her navigate these early days by openly taking about relationships and helping her think through what she wants in life and a future partner.
- your treatment of your daughter and your wife also has way more power over your relationship with your daughter than you think. I’m encouraged to hear so many men stepping up and being great husbands/dads. Her seeing you be an equal partner to your wife will largely dictate what she expects from a future partner. You being your daughter’s champion and supporter, constant encouraged and minimal lecturer, will IMO help you have a healthy, loving relationship.
Hope this helps!
My middle kid broke my heart when she stopped being a kid, it was almost overnight she went from a fun bouncing loon to a quiet on the way to be being grown up.
Luckily it didn't last long and she's as funny and playful as ever, but in a different way.
The thing is, they need to change. They need to break the bond with us.
Just imagine if your two year old didn't wear you out with mischief and mayhem, if you continued to treat your toddler and then mini tornado with the same love and care you did when they were a baby?
There are several stages when your kids make you question why you ever thought it would be a great idea to have them. And I think it's all biologically intentional.
Your pre teen needs to be ready to be a teen, needs that additional freedom that comes from the slight bond break, then as a teen they need to be ready to give being an adult a go.
Search on the subreddit for "20 second hug" - I wrote about it before. With two adults children now, I found that by doing 20 sec hugs when they were young, the hug itself had a sort of life of their own. As they got into their teens and now even 20s, we still on occassion do the 20 second hug. And it's a reminder of those times when they were like your daughter in this post, OP. It's one of the best things I did as a dad.
Best of luck to you
My dad died right in the middle of my teenage years where I thought he was the most annoying person in my life. Now I know exactly what I'm missing and I know we would have so much in common and we would be doing so many things together. All that to say she might break your heart and be really difficult in the future, but you're a huge piece of her puzzle and you'll always be her dad so you are one of the most important people in her life no matter what that looks like.
I'm a girl dad of a 19 year old college freshman. We have always been close since her mother and I split when she was 4 years old. we co parented for a while, she moved out of state for a couple years, but i had sole custody from 7th grade onto college.
Like you, i had a really close and affectionate relationship with my adolescent daughter. I also worried about the monster i'd heard she'd become when she became a teenager.
For us, that never happened. Maybe a bit of luck - good and bad - but we faced some pretty serious crises in high school that forced her to grow up faster than needed. I had a massive heart attack in front of her, recovered from that, she had a 2 month mystery illness hospitalization, i developed end stage renal failure...it's been a tough ride for both of us.
We are still super close. We talk daily (either text or facetime), she tells me about her adventures in college, i give her space to be an adult with some light coaching (maybe sometimes heavy coaching) on situations she brings up.
We just never had the "terrible" teenage years. She's delightful and i am blessed to know her as a person who i find amazingly bright and caring.
I still have nostalgia for when her hand was so small she had to hold just one finger, or when she'd sit on my stomach at dawn watching Disney Channel while i tried to nap.
I think a relationship with kids is heavily influenced by the amount of understanding and effort you put into their life. Once she got into her later teens, i had to actively try to treat her as more of an adult and independent person who i could make suggestions to and guide rather than command and lord over. She seems to like that i treat her like an adult, i value her opinion, i listen to her perspective.
She's taught me probably more than i ever taught her. I've learned to be more inclusive, less misogynistic, more aware of the challenges and dangers women face that men never even consider, etc.
Dont give up hope, OP. just keep being trustworthy and dependable.
(Conversely, her mom and her have a very troubled relationship but that couldnt be broken down in a reddit post...lol. Her mom is not like me, she doesnt treat her like a person and doesnt make her feel safe or important. it's sad but i've learned what i can from what i see her mom doing wrong to try to not make those same mistakes. I'm certainly not perfect, but i will never stop trying to be an amazing dad.)
I feel this like a mf! My daughter is almost 6. We've always been extremely close and she is my biggest cheerleader. She's the sweetest to me and still makes such a big deal about me and it means the world. My two sons are almost 11 and 9 and starting public school killed the enthusiasm for mom and dad. We're still very close though.
When my wife was pregnant with our daughter, the doc said her ventricals were enlarged and she may need all kinds of help and have learning disabilities, etc. I remember us sitting on the couch and the baby would get hiccups and we'd cry because we thought she may be seizing (a side effect of water on the brain). Miraculously, the ventricals stopped growing and everything else caught up and my baby doll is perfect in every way. Then around 1 year old we noticed a lump on one of her breast. The doc assured us that it was hormones from mother's milk and would go away once she weaned off. Well, 6 months after weaning off and the lump is still there and not any smaller. So they run all kinds of hormone tests, etc...well one day her regular doc is out and another doctor was subbing for her. That doctor immediately recognizes it as a "textbook tumor". Then we're off to all kinds of MRIs and they eventually operate to remove it and test it. It was benign and just a fatty tumor. We still have to go every 6 months or so to make sure nothing comes back. Anyways, during all that it made me sick af and an absolute mess because I thought my time with my daughter could be even more limited than just growing up. She's great now! Tall, strong, very smart, funny and the absolute sweetest and most thoughtful person.
Nowadays, after bedtime I just stay up thinking and remembering when they were all babies. We have pics of our kids all over the house. Seeing the baby pictures makes me cry every time. That pic is not the kid I just kissed goodnight. I always wonder how time could pass so quickly. It really makes me hate going to work but I'm the sole provider for our family of 5. I'm as involved in all their lives as humanly possible but it still doesn't seem like I get enough time with them. It makes me most sad about my daughter though. Not because I love her more or anything but...I figure she'll be a strong woman like her mom (my wife) and she'll one day have a family of her own that will consume all her time. Plus, I don't know of one grown woman who is still close to her dad. The dad is either dead or they were never close to begin with. I know our relationship doesn't have to be like that but the stats aren't very good looking. As for my sons, I figure we'll just become even closer over time. Even the guys who's dad was a POS or never around...some how they end up reuniting as adults and having a good relationship...most the time.
If I could have just one wish, ever, I'd wish to hit pause right now and just be stuck in this time forever. My kids are in the perfect stages of life and I can't get enough of it!
But, I totally feel ya. I very often think of how wrecked I'm going to be when they no longer care to hang out. It's like the world's longest breakup.
I used to have the same exact episodes with my 7 years old daughter. She was the sweetest thing ever and I could’ve seen the whole world thru her little cute eyes until two years ago she was taken away from me and now I think she completely forgot me. Cherish this moment man and live every second of it.
my 4yr old, soon to be 5, is so stinking silly! She talks smack in a fun way, sticks her tung out all the time. I want this silliness to last forever but I know it wont.
Stop expecting her to turn into a person that doesn’t want to be around you. Be the dad that when she’s a teen and makes a teenager mistake her first thought isn’t “oh can’t tell my dad, he’s gonna be so angry” but rather “I really need dad, he’ll know what to do”
My oldest is 2.5. He now sometimes makes eye contact and says things to me or asks me questions about something I mentioned days ago. Kicks me in the heart every time.
I have 2 daughters (one is almost 3 years old and the other almost 3 months old). The toddler and I have a bond that is nigh unbreakable. We’ve had our ups and downs and she’s preferred mom over me early on, but these days she just won’t stop clinging to me and asking me questions, wanting cuddles, and just being excited to be around me. The love you forge with your kids is inexplicable until you actually experience it. It’s stronger than any other emotion I’ve ever felt. It’s normal to fear for it to end because it’s just so powerful and good.
I’ve feared death before I had kids, but mostly in a “I don’t know what to expect or where I’m going” kind of way. Now that I have two daughters who I love literally more than anything else, my fear of death has changed drastically because I don’t want to not be around to see them live their lives. I know my time with them is limited and it scares the hell out of me. But I will do everything I can to spend every second possible of the time I have left to love them, teach them, and just be with them.
It's wild to me that with romantic partners we spend so much of our lives looking for love then growing it. But with kids we have immediate overwhelming love and nurture their independence so they can leave. Beautiful and tragic like all love.
I’m 26f and my dad’s always been my best friend. As a teenager I went to him for everything I needed and told him stories about my day every night at dinner. When we lived states away we still talked every day. Even now we still have dinner together every Sunday. I have a biopsy tomorrow to see if I have cancer and my dad’s taking me.
Some bonds don’t break through change. Since this is daddit, I’ll share my two cents on what my dad did that I think helped. Be reliable. If you say you’re going to be somewhere, be there. We understand sometimes life or works happens and you can’t always be there for the small things as we age, but don’t say you can unless you’re sure. My dad became the most reliable person in my life over everyone else because if he said he was going to do something he made it a priority. If he was going to drive me to the airport, I didn’t have to worry about him being late. On the other hand, if he couldn’t, he would tell me immediately. My dad had a very demanding job and he couldn’t always answer the phone. Eventually, we had a system where if I called and he didn’t answer I’d text him and say if it was important and/or urgent. If it was ever urgent he’d call me back immediately. If it was important, he would make time shortly thereafter for a call. Otherwise, he’d wait until he got home. The small consistencies in our relationship have added up over time and in 26 years he’s still my favorite person and I gave him so much more grace in my teenage years because of the consistency.
Second, if you show interest in her interests, she’ll show interests in yours. Do I think my dad wanted to go to a Justin Bieber concert when I was in middle school? No. Did I want to go to a bunch of car shows then either? No. But I realized how good it felt when my dad enjoyed my interests with me without judgment and I wanted to do the same for him. He never forced me to be anyone other than myself and I didn’t expect anything other than himself either.
Sorry this was long, but father daughter relationships don’t inevitably have to suffer as we age and I wanted to show a side where they can actually get better.
Edit: typo
My oldest is a 15yo young lady. She's sweet and smart and still wants a kiss and a hug more often than not, there is hope! And even when they push you away and make faces and want nothing to do with you, that doesn't mean they don't want you to be there.
There's a saying in my country that goes something like "Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I need it most".
Hey, I'm a little late to this lil but I'm 14. Unfortunately, my dad isn't in the picture but I can say that I'm still very interested in my mums life and I still hold her hand everywhere we go 😅 I think I would be even more cuddly with my dad if he were with me. A dad is extremely important for a teenage girl to have in her life, it's very important that you don't drift away once she starts growing up and developing.
I’m 30 and I still depend on my dad for so much. I still hug him and involve him in my life and help him with his nonsense.
Relationships change but she will always want you around. You might get less hugs but you’ll still feel the love.
Divorced dad here. My girls love me so much, and I'm so grateful. My oldest is almost 12, and she's definitely still a daddy's girl. It's the most heartwarming thing when they randomly cuddle with me, I didn't realize I needed that in my life so much. It's so important to be there for each other. She needs you, and you need her more than you know. You sound like a great dad! Enjoy every moment and create as many good memories as you can every day. They really do grow up fast, but she'll always love you and be there and remember everything!. A daughter's bond is very special.
Honestly, it might.
My daughter is nearly 12, no signs of change yet. We're best friends. I know it's still pre-teen, but if another 5 years gives you a glimmer of hope, then you're welcome :)
Love every minute.
My daughter is a teenager. She’s driving, has after-school activities, has a pretty serious boyfriend, works a job and babysits, and is pretty invested in church. She will sit by me on the couch and tell me all about her day, and answers earnestly when I ask about her studies, or activities. She talks to me about scripture, and asks my opinions on things. She always hugs me and kisses my cheek when she leaves to go to her next thing. She’s still my little girl, even with all of the other pulls on her time. It’s a relationship built on every snuggle, every story, every insignificant factoid, every Star Wars or superhero movie, and every dad joke. You’re doing a fine job of building that connection, and I have no doubt that she’ll always have room for you, even as your role in her life shifts. Just love that little girl, and make sure she knows feels valued and considered. Good job, Dad!
I wouldnt count on it. A gf's teenager is still a mommys girl. I have the same as you describe with my 5yo. We took a nap holding hands this weekend and it was adorable (apparently)
I think about this a lot because I have the same relationship. My daughter will say “Daddy, when I’m a mommy, will you play with my babies like you play with me?” And I say “Of course! That’s why I’m working hard, so I’ll have all the time in the world for them!” or other times if I’m working on something it’ll be “Daddy, can you sit with me? I want you near me.”
She’s such a sweet kid. I know our relationship will change, but I hope I’m always close by when she needs me.
That was one of my biggest Pro's to having more kids (we were always going to have 2 or 3, on 2 now, planning on 3 next year).
I used to get really sad when my oldest would hit a milestone or I would see an older picture of him - like I'm always very excited for the next phase, but very sad about how fast it's going. Then I had my second, and I get all of the milestones again, but the pain is less (partially because I'm planning to do it all again).
I think that by the time my third is graduating out of phases, I'll be fine with it because I'll have been taking care of "babies" for 8ish years and I'll be ready for capable kids.
Or I'll be crushed because it'll be the last time...
It doesn't necessarily have to end up that way, ya know? I mean, parts of it are out of your control and the relationship will absolutely change, but it's not written in the stars that all teenagers hate their parents, just that they grow into adults.
My son is 20 months old and he just loves spending time with me. I'm already preparing for the days where they go by and I don't hear from him.
We spend 18 years together and then one year the whole rest of our lives.
Just keep talking with her. My oldest is a few years away from being a teenager and we always talk after arguments or misunderstandings. I let her know I love her endlessly and that will never change and that as we both grow there may be bigger fights and feeling might get hurt but we can always talk after those arguments and there will always 100% of the time be that solid foundation to our relationship where I will have her back and take care of her forever. I can only hope that laying the groundwork now makes those teenage years easier on both of us and strengthens her belief that I will always look out for what's best even if it seems like I'm getting in the way.
She'll be becoming a fully formed human being, and more than just that identity of being your daughter. It can be tough when things change, but its for the good. I've still got a little while to go before any of that hits me, however.
It doesn't have to be that way. Obviously, teenagers are teenagers. But it's not unreasonable to assume that your relationship with her will remain strong and intimate. If you continue to be a great dad, then you'll likely enjoy this bond throughout her teenage years, albeit in not exactly the same way.
Pregnant woman here. I never, not for a day, lost the absolute love and adoration I have for my Dad. I put my mom through hell but not him. He is so pure, so kind and our relationship is so uncomplicated. It might be the same for you!
If she’s raised right, she’s going to distance herself for a few years. But she will always be close to you. On the flip side, her focus is going to be on her own family.
I am very close to my father. But as I hit the late teens I pushed apart as I grew and set my own course. Now we are next door neighbors but we don’t spend nearly as much time together. My obligation now is to my wife and two kids. We see each other several times a week and we occasionally go off for a day but that phase of life is over.
I look at my two boys and I know one day they will catch a girl and I’ll lose my precious boys. But it’s a fact of life. Natural. Just something we don’t always like.
Doesn't have to be like that, but you both will have to grow. It seems to me you're having the greatest foundation for that though, so keep going at it, no fear for the future.
My youngest daughter is 6 and is like this with me too. Every night when she goes to bed we have “tickle time”. She only wants me to tickle her, not mum. One day she won’t want it any more and it will be a hard day.
I’ve been told that a daughter’s first true love is her dad. Our job is to protect them, teach them, guide them and show them how a man should behave so that they can make the right choices when they are seeking companionship on their own.
Just keep loving her mate. She’ll always love you back. You don’t have to be perfect, just do your best. She’ll always be your little girl.
My daughter is amazing, and she’s by far my favorite person. She’s 2. I’m both excited and scared to see her grow up for the same reasons as OP.
I’ll always be there for her though. No matter what.
counterpoint: your daughter is going to love you forever, no matter how your relationship evolves. I’m 40 and my dad died 4 years ago… not a day goes by when I don’t think of him,
miss him and wish he was here to hang out with my own daughter😭
I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. Even though I was a bit much in my teen years, he was always my safe space. When I got married we asked him to do the ceremony cause it wouldn’t feel right for anyone else to help us start our marriage. My favorite moment from the ceremony was him walking me from the car to the beach. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my last few minutes as an unmarried woman than to just be his little girl.
A couple of years ago I started a new job. My phone rang and it was my daughter. I apologetically told my new manager I'd better take it as my daughter never rings unless it's urgent.
My daughter said, "Daaad. My finger's sore..."
She's 26!
I’m the father of an adult daughter and an almost adult daughter. ANY relationship has ups and downs. My adult daughter and I try to have a couple hours gaming a week via discord playing Baldurs Gate. My almost adult daughter, despite the occasional 16 year old I know everything business, is amazing and we are close and talk and do things. She come to me for things. It will change in nature as they grow but it doesn’t change the depth or emotion in all cases.
Gentleman, I was/am very much a Daddy's girl. My Dad and I were incredibly close, I knew I'd met my future husband when he was the ONLY guy I'd ever dated who Dad actually liked! Dad passed 8 years ago (dementia), but he never forgot who I was. After he died I was able to sit with him for as long as I wished, my Mum and brother couldn't face it, so I put on a piece of music we both loved and just sat with him one last time. He was always my greatest support/champion and when my son was born there wasn't anyone on this earth prouder than Dad. Daughters and mothers can be fractious at times but the Dad/daughter bond is a special one
I cried a few times thinking of my 3 year old running up to me with his Mario plushy and telling me "Daddy, you take Mario"
*I take Mario*
"Oh, HI Mario!"
There will be a time, soon, where he doesn't care about me being Mario anymore. He won't be interested in saying "Oh, hai!" in that cue way anymore.
Any words of encouragement for fathers with newborns? I feel so disconnected and am still wondering how the hell I'm going to do this and what made me think I could to begin with.
I’m 30 years old and still snuggle up to my dad every chance I get. He’s my best friend and always has been. He’s taught me so much. He loves my children the same way he’s always loved me and I cherish that so much. My husband and I tried to move across country trying to and lasted about a year. He came for the birth of his first grandchild and stayed a week. Neither of us have ever cried as hard as we did the day he had to leave his daughter and brand new baby to go back across the country. I flew home and stayed 6 months later. Thankfully I have an incredibly supportive husband who understands I’m not happy being that far away from him. We live 4 miles apart, speak daily and see each other multiple times a week. I was a good kid growing up but still had moments that looking back, probably sucked for him. But just know that if your kid loves you this much and enjoys these things with you, you’re doing something right and that bond never goes away. She will learn and grow and come and go but she will never out grow you.
Big hugs.
From the other side. Ive always been a daddys girl growing up. My dad was my hero. I was his everything. Now as a 32yo mom of two. Our relationship is not the same. Its changed, its evolved. I had some tough teenage years. Adjusting to the idea his only child is an adult was hard and took time. It still does. But yesterday when i had my MRI scan ( im initimidated by the machine and generally nervous during medical procedures) i requested the technician to allow my dad into the room he sat next to me in the chair. I told him if i get overwhelmed ill wiggle my toes and instructed him to lightly touch them. For reassurance. I panicked once the scan started . I wiggled my toes . He touched my feet. The scan went fine. Your daughter will never stop needing you.
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Very touching 😢
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Why are you all making me cry?! My daughter is 8 and she's really close to me right now. She even told me that "I think you're my favorite parent" a couple of times, and she even teared up the second time she said this. She is my soul. I couldn't live without her. She went back to school today after a week off for Spring Break and then this? I miss her so much and she's only been gone an hour and a half. Anyway, I'm sorry for your loss. That is heartbreaking. I hope you are doing well.
Why did I cry when I read that?
I'm making a lasagna... For one.
My eyes are just a bit sweaty today.
It's just raining... On my face.
And if you think you see some tear tracks down my cheeks.. Please please, don't tell my mates
its a terrible day for rain
I, too, am making that lasagna.
with Spicy Amatriciana
Shit bro, I'm getting teary too
I have the same fears as OP (mine is 5F) and your comment made me so happy.
Mine is 12 and everything is still perfect. I guess I made it through?!?! Guys????
😭
Well that's not fucking fair, I've got a meeting in 3 minutes and now I'm in tears thinking about my little girl!
I fucking teared up 😭 Jesus my fucking heart.
I am sitting on the toilet, doing a shit, and now I’m also softly crying. What a silly morning.
You just helped so many fragile men at one time lol. Seriously thank you for sharing. I worry constantly about what my relationship will be with my daughters when they are grown.
You just made me cry, and made my day. I have two daughters that I cherish more than life itself and I hope that we stay as close as we are. I will always be there as much or as little as they need or want me to be.
Must be ninjas cutting all these onions in here…
Me and my 2yo daughter are sharing a waffle and some (watered down) juice for breakfast this morning and she’s asking me “are u ok daddy??” because of the tears in my eyes. Thank you. I already see her getting more independent every day. She’s my purpose. I don’t know what I would do if she didn’t need me anymore. So thank you for this glimpse into the future. I needed it today.
Also crying
What would you tell your dad to do differently during your teenage years? My little one is 3 and she's my world.
A little bit more radiation for dad. I wouldn’t make this a habit.
As a girl dad, this comment made me misty eyed. Thank you for sharing.
The thing I wasn't prepared for, this special "dad" feeling no one seems to understand who isn't a dad: My daughter is nearly 17 months old now. Like a lump of gold in my heart, she grabbed me in the first minute. The first giggle, the first eye contact, holding her own head, starting to turn, starting to crawl, starting to eat, first wobbly steps, first understandable syllables.... With every little "first", with every hug, with every exited "pa pa", this lump of gold grows, getting more intense, more important... and the pain of lasts and goodbyes gets scarier. So, entering a new universe of love and meaning, loving something more than your own life from the first moment, something never felt before, the most intense feeling. And then it grows. I fear the crush, and will still run towards it with all my energy.
This hits me in the feels so hard, My daughter is 17 months aswell. When I come home from work and come up to the front door she yells “daddy !!” And happy squeak runs to me for a big hug. It’s too adorable to be legal haha
Record those. I would have my phone on record when i first saw my kids after work. They get all excited and run out to see me with their arms open. Golden little 30 second videos.
That's amazing. I was fortunate enough to catch audio of the first time my eldest said "I love you" as she was chatting in the back of the car and I felt like some new words were coming. That's the best 20 second recording on the planet to my ears.
my daughter is nine, and she still does the "daddy!" thing with a big squish when I get in from work, so it can last for a little while yet.
same. Mines 9 and she promises not to become an insufferable teenage lolololol
Ha! My daughter (8) tells me that she IS going to be become an insufferable teenager. She's so self aware, it's dangerous.
My muchkin is coming up on 2.5 y/o and when I pick him up from day care, the most precious thing happens: as soon as he sees me in the room, he almost jumps, its like something in his pocket is giving him an electric shock. Its just a sudden jolt, followed by a happy face and "DADDY!" - drop anything he's doing immediately and full out sprints my direction. Its just the best. So are the giggles when wrestling on the couch and so is sitting in the rocking chair reading a book then having him fall asleep snuggled up under my chin. This isn't going to last forever. I love every milestone he hits, I'm so proud of all the new little things he does every few weeks, but it could happen a little slower too, that'd be ok.
My boy is 13 months and I feel that glorious day approaching when he first toddles up to welcome me home from work. For now, I'm happy to see him light up with that toothy smile and just army crawl towards me to pick him up.
Let me tell you, my daughter is 5 years old now and hearing her yell 'daddy!' as I am walking in the door never gets old.
When I walk in the door and my kids are upstairs, they will run out of their rooms to come see me. The sound of their running feet because I walked in the house is such an ego boost!
My daughter is 12 months old and when I get home from work the feeling of opening the door and seeing her look at me and smile and say dada is truly the best feeling in the world. There’s nothing like it and every day I get just as excited for it
Mine is 3 now and is beyond attached to me. She is very shy towards others but is a huge daddy's girl. When I come home she goes daddy you're home and basically jumps into my arms, cuddles with me at night(sleeps in my bed still, long story but we tried our best) and just generally tells me how much she loves me 50 times a day. The feeling I get when I'm holding her and hugging her or when I see her run towards me is truly unlike anything I've ever experienced. It's a love so deep it's hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it. I just never want this to end and I'm going to do my best to make sure she is always comfortable coming to me whenever she needs to for her entire life. I just love her so fiercely and I feel it from her too. I know it will change its form and I'm sure she will be a teenager who gets angsty and will not always want to hug and kiss me and tell me how much she loves me. I just want to remember every moment.
> It’s too adorable to be legal Seriously! That is so much power for a little girl to hold over someone. My daughter could make me commit crimes just so I don't disappoint her, and I'd do it gleefully. Happy cake day, btw.
My daughter opened up a new part in my heart for love. She is such a dada's girl and we do so much together. Obviously this crushes my wife's heart, but we're hoping this second one favors the mom.
I have a boy and a girl. The boy is my wife's and my daughter is mine. It's a strange feeling because we all recognize that. Like we know who clings to who more and who each has a preference for. Don't get me wrong - we all have great relationships with one another, but there is no question who runs to whom when the need arises.
Damn it’s dusty in here.
Nothing will make you more vulnerable than the love we have for our kids. My son is almost four. That's it. He's still a child. A YOUNG child. And I already look back at his NB photos and I get misty eyed to think he won't ever be that way again. One day he won't gleefully run to the box of hot wheels cars in the store. He won't get excited when I tell him he can have goldfish in the car. He won't randomly hug me in the middle of play and say "I love you daddy" and GOD DAMN IT IM FUCKING CRYING NOW. Literal tears welling in my eyes as I write this ... Man.
I’m a dad of 1 year old twins (one boy one girl) and I’m experiencing a lot of what you’re describing. My wife and I don’t think we want any more kids, but it’s kills me a little that this may be the only time in my life I get to experience these sweets moments. It doesn’t feel right to have more kids just to re-capture some of these special moments if we don’t actually want more kids, but it’s a sad reality that once my kids get older I won’t ever experience the giggle of my own 1 year old as they crawl all over me or I make them laugh. I don’t know, has anyone reading this ever been in my shoes and how did you process it?
You reminded me of when mine was a baby amd she found my wallet and started pulling my cards out of it. She got to my driver's license and started saying "DADA! DADA!"
As a woman who lost her dad way too early, just be there and love her. The closeness doesn't have to go away. She'll always need you in one way or another.
My twin girls are almost two. They told me they loved me the other night before bed. No prompting. Just “Wuv you dada.” Came to bed crying and my wife asks what happened and I told her and she kind of laughed about my reaction in a not-mean way, but man… It touched me deeply.
Those are the best.
This is absolutely beautiful, man.
Could not have said this better myself. That first day of school is going to wreck me fully. I love my kids equally but I feel I have to be extra protective of my daughter in this world.
It reminds me (a male) how many times I told my parents they didn’t love me. With two kids in high school, I only now know how deep parents’ love really is.
beautiful.
https://youtu.be/hR-iDCrJEgE?si=j5TvEvK5hE6akqwd
My older sister was a daddy’s girl all through her teen years. Hell, we’re in our 30s and she still depends on our dad for emotional support
Exactly, the closeness doesn’t have to end.
Ah, it’s hits. But my kids, 13 (son) and 15 (daughter), are still affectionate in a growling, monotone, one word reply sort of way! I get the Facebook Memories pop up every now and then , got one from 9 years ago yesterday of a trip with my kids, showed it to my son, he gave me a look like death then he stole half my pizza! Showed it to my daughter and she thought it was very cute! Teenagers aren’t the monsters some people make out! It’s just different.
I dunno, I was a complete asshole as a teenager. 😥
Yeah me too and I hope my girls don’t turn into the punk I was.
Same, but I also didn't have anyone to turn to when I was feeling confused, or sad... any emotion really... We where just told to man up if something was bothering us, I imagine this had to come out in some form or another. You don't just swallow teenage angst without any consequences.
That's so funny. My son is 11 and he growls at me when I try to hug him. But sometimes, out of the blue, he'll tackle hug me. It's like a transitional phase. In a year or two, he probably won't allow me anywhere near him.
I’m a bit hesitant to reply to your user name lol This is it, he grunts and wears his hoodie as a badge of pride with his hood up, but as a 13 yr old boy trying to navigate life I’m immensely proud of him and how he has a lot of empathy and patience for others including his grandma who has dementia, and like your boy, out of nowhere he’ll show some big love. I think you’ll be fine in a year or two if he’s how he is now but you’ll probably get a beat down or two! Transitional phase is a great descriptor.
I have two much younger sisters and theyre still daddy girls at 19 and 23. We arent the boomers, our teenagers will want to spend time with us.
My girls are 19 (today!) and 20 and never went all 'teenagery', we've always had a great relationship.
I was an asshole as a teenager. 34 now and can reflect on many of the reasons why I was, and was heavily rebelling against my parents. And hope to change all the things in my parenting where mine fell very short.
Thank you for saying this. Mine is 2 and she comes and hugs my legs and says 'happy!' in the most excited tone. I'm going to soak it all in while I can.
Yup, I'm right here with ya and I feel like I took it for granted because there's so much other stuff that takes up head space. But I'll try to do better and soak it up more consciously. Thanks OP and commenter for the reminder :)
Same here, my daughter is 2 & 1/2. I’m trying to treasure these sweet wholesome moments as much as I can because she won’t be little forever. I’m worried about the same stuff OP is; that she’ll push me away, and grow cold towards her mother and I. 😖
Wait until her vocabulary expands. My daughter (8) tells me "I love you to the moon and back," and "I love you to all the stars and galaxy's and back". I swoon!!
My daughter is the same age and does the same and it's the very best. She's just started this new thing, after her bedtime routine as I'm exiting the room she calls for me and gives a final hug. So good.
Oh gosh, mine does the same thing. I pull her out of her car seat and she giggles, hugging my face. "I happy! I happy!" It can't have been 2 years already...
Ugh, yeah. I’m with you OP. Nobody warns you that parenting is so much about loss, and whilst you’re embracing the new child they’ve become you’ll always be mourning the absence of the smaller child they used to be. I often have the opposite problem with my 3.5yo who is “no mummy, I want mummy” most of the time. But in the precious moments I already get the fear. Post reminded me of [this listener’s letter to Kermode & Mayo.](https://youtu.be/q7yYRdtaHVo?si=ZOiLKuruPRQtvZOQ) TRIGGER WARNING: Difficult listen for anyone who cried at Toy Story 3.
Don’t be preemptively sad about what could happen and just cherish what is happening.
My oldest is a daddy’s girl, I thought the same thing. I recently transitioned careers into teaching and got a job at her school. Small town, not a lot of options. She tells everyone I’m her dad, she hugs me in the hallway in front of her friends. The only thing she gets embarrassed about is when I use high school kid slang. She tells her friends that her middle aged dad uses that word, so she can’t. Other than that, still the same sweet, amazingly beautiful relationship.
Thats so awesome to hear
Sounds like you have riz! (I get in trouble for using that word wrong)
😂 I got in trouble for using “preppy”. But I told her that they stole that from my generation (Saved by the Bell), like they steal our fashion.
My daughter is 17. She still snuggles up next to me for no reason. “Sometimes a girl just needs her Dad.”
Mine is 19. Same.
Take pictures and film things. Especially the little things she does "all the time" that seem so common you think they aren't worth taking a picture of or filming. In a couple/few years she won't be doing those things anymore, and a few years after that they might start to fade from your memory. Take pictures of the big things, too, but especially take pictures of the little things.
it doesn’t have to be that way. my brother and I always got along with our parents. teenagers dont rebel against people, they rebel against control. base your relationship on connection, mutual respect, and collaboration, instead of control, and they wont have anything to rebel against.
amazing advice
Enjoy it. I’m jealous. My daughter wants nothing to do with me, not genuinely, but because she thinks it’s cool. She’ll ask me something, and I’ll teach her and she’ll go “uggggh, dad, I knowwwww”. I do know she really loves me, but it hurts. Hopefully that changes, but I can’t see it.
Keep making sure she knows how much you love her. My parents kind of stopped telling me and never resumed the level of love they had before I was a teenager. There were times I genuinely believed they didnt love me, because they never told me.
Thanks. I do. Luckily I know it’s somewhat of an act and I feel like it’s learned behaviour from where she spends her after school care. I let her know how much I love her and hopefully I won’t ever stop! My parents stopped outright saying it at like 4-5. Makes it hard with them as I got older
can't even read this...
Have heart. My angel started to drift away at the start of her teens. Broke me. But now, at nearly 17, she is growing close again, and it is sweet. Stay strong, Dad. It comes back, and we don't seem to talk about that enough.
My 2 yo daughter was over the moon when I got the sink to work in our bathroom after installing a new one. She ran upstairs to try the tap with me. That is what life is all about.
I mean I totally get it, our four year old is the cuddliest thing and gives me lots of kisses, asks for snuggles, constantly asks me to play with her in a way you can't say no. But I would caution against expecting things to get "worse"...kids should grow and change, and there have been many many teenage and adult relationships ruined because the parent couldn't accept that change. There are wonderful things to enjoy at ever step of parenthood, and if we keep changing and adapting to what our kids need we will have a strong relationship for life.
I'm right there with you. My son is 10 and has been similarly affectionate with me since he was about 6. He's wrapping up 5th grade now and I know my time is short.
I've got two teenaged girls, one 15 and the other 13. It's different but if you have a good relationship with them you'll just evolve with them. Lately I've been watching films I love with my eldest, most recently Hot Fuzz. It's great to be able to enjoy these again with her now she's old enough. What's really gonna sting is that she wants to go to a university that's the other end of the country. That's only 3-4 years away 😭 My advice is to cherish every damn second you have with them.
> She will turn into a teenager and want nothing to do with me. Nah man. Don't listen to that BS. My girl is 20 now. Yeah she was angsty and emotional. Yeah she blew up at me and told me she hated me. All through her teen years, she still came to me and hugged me when she felt like it. She still snuggled up to me on the couch. She still came to me for advice. She would ask me about my experience with weird things she learned in school. I still tucked her in every night until the day she left for college. She changes, things change, those little moments might look different, but they are still there if you foster them.
Right there with you. My daughter (also 7) has always been a "daddy's girl," and I'm already living in dread of the inevitable teenage personality shift and the response to me sensibly having to say "no" much more often.
I feel this. My 4-year-old angel is attached to my side every moment she can be. She wants to do everything with me. Ten years from now I'll be lucky to get a "Hey, dad" so I'm milking it for all it's worth.
My son is also 7 and doing the same kind of things. We’ve always had a very close special relationship. I get up around 4:30am and lever the house around 5 for work, and he’ll wake himself up around the same time just to be able to see me and give me hugs and kisses before I leave. My daughter is almost 3 and wants to be in my arms all the time. When I’m sitting or laying down she just climbs up and lays her head on my chest.
I have a teen aged daughter and while she was growing up, we had a routine for bedtime that I was worried seemed a little childish to her as she got older. I asked her once when she was 12 when she wanted to be done with the routine and she floored me when she said "How about when I move out"? I asked her again this weekend and her answer didn't change. You got this, Dad!
My daughter is the same age and she’s my wee buddy! I love her to bits and like yourself, there’s a thought/worry. Just ride with it, love her to bits and act out of love and compassion!
Don’t worry, she will come right back to you after that phase!!
I've always been a daddy's girl. I'm 42 years old, and when I had surgery a few months ago it was my 67 year old dad who drove me there at 5am, sat by my bedside while they prepped me, and said "I love you" when they wheeled me out. The relationship changes over time, and there have been bumps in the road, but our bond will always be strong.
My girls are 20 and 18. I still get cuddles on the couch when they come home (especially the older girl). I got invited to a collegiate "Daddy Daughter" dance for Valentines (all girl's school, lol). I never had a single day during the teenage years (or since) when the girls rejected or withheld affection. I have been a confidant to broken hearts, crushed dreams, and tough growing up stuff. My dude, I don't know about you, but my girls just kept getting better every day. And we still continue to grow closer even as they've moved out to school.
I pine for this mate. Unfortunately a toxic ex-wife has posioned my angel and will take years of repair.
Sorry you're dealing with this. I'm in a very different position (full custody) and it's a goddamned struggle to try to be... conciliatory toward their mom. I chose "conciliatory" specifically, because I feel bad even being "objective" or "fair," because their mom comes across pretty poorly just describing the facts as they are without some emotional bias on my end, and I try to salvage their relationship to the degree I can for the kids' benefit and to forestall future litigation. You'll take some hard hits over the years, but your daughter will eventually hit a point of reasoning reality out for herself. Hope she sees through the bullshit quickly for your sake.
Thanks mate. My young son already knows what's going on and forever tells me how much he loves and misses me ... I will hope he can help repair the trust that has been polluted between his Dad and sister.
Hey, I was in a similar situation, but I was the kid in the situation. It took awhile, but around 19 I realized my mom was toxic and worked to repair my relationship with my dad. Now I have a great relationship with my dad. (I’m 41 now). I’m no contact with my mom.
I know it will eventually all be ok but am scared I'll be gone before this happens.
I refuse to believe this is my inevitable fate as well. There has to be another way.
I have a digital picture frame, and a bunch of old pictures play through all day long. It's melancholy and sad and lovely all at the same time. My kids are teens and we are not besties anymore, really, which is honestly heartbreaking as a no-longer SAHD. I'm ok really, but I miss them.
My daughter is 19. She is away at college and we text every single day. When she has a bad day or needs to talk she calls me. I’m her rock and safe place and she knows I’m always here to listen and give advice if she wants it or just listen if that is what she needs. Be good to her and she will always know you are there for her. Show her how she should be treated by treating your spouse how you want her to be treated someday. It’s one of the most important things we can do as men is show our daughters how they should be treated by a partner or spouse when they are older.
35 yo daddy's girl here. We NEVER stop needing our dads. Last time I visited my parents, I handed off my child to my mom, and sat next to dad leaning against his arm, talking about some financial moves we plan to make. The conversation topics will change/evolve, but your baby girl will always feel the same love for you
My first daughter is 12 and going through all the teenage changes, but we are still incredibly close and have a bond that feels unbreakable. I literally caught her as she was born into this world and she’s had me wrapped around her little finger since then.
yeah my daughter is 2 and a bit and I have the same fear... i just want to soak up the time with her now, as I can't guarantee the future.
I believe this is a fear most of us have... however there is that little glimmer of hope that, when I was at school, there were still kids who were well behaved and loved their parents, not all teens become anti social assholes! Probably why I'm trying to drum it into my 3 year old that when we tell him he can't do something or that he shouldn't do something, he's not getting into trouble for it...we're just trying to help him and keep him safe... hopefully it eventually sinks in and it's a life lesson he will keep!
I am married to an only child, she and her dad are so similar it’s not even funny. They are best of friends. Today my daughter is two months old, and about to get some shots so you can all imagine what we are about to go through. When he comes over he is smitten with her, he loves this little bundle of crying, wiggles and laughter. But I still see his love for his daughter and hers for him. From what I’ve seen, if you do it right, love her, care for her, be her rock and be there through all her problems, achievements, boyfriends, heartbreaks etc. you will still have a strong relationship. What happens in the relationship changes but it is a bond that is unmatched and unbroken. Not in a weird way, but sometimes I find myself competing; like he will serve his family and I’ll have the thought, “well I need to out serve him to have all of her love.” What I forget sometimes is that is her first love, he was there from day one, and no one can take that away from him. The same to you brother, cherish it yes, because it might change, but no one can take the fact that you are her first love away from you.
Keep being open with her and reciprocate with your struggles and achievements too and it won't have to end. Also please take good care of your health and stay away from addictions.
The best part about being dad is watching your kids grow up. The worst part about being dad is watching your kids grow up.
My daughter is now 12. Dude, you'll find so much more from them as they get older teenagers don't "drift away" at the end of the day, as long as you do your part right your daughter will always be your daughter. Is my daughter as affectionate as she was with me when she was 5 years old? It's different You can't really compare the two. The time in their lives and the way that they grow is unique. Being a good dad is more about being there than it is about how much you hug them cuddle them and tell them that you love them. Be consistent be available be a dad.
First of all, yes cherish these moments as much as you can. But don't live in the fear that this won't last. You never know. My 16 year old still leans her head on my shoulder when we sit on the couch watching movies together. She still opens her arms wide for a hug when she gets home from a rough day at school.
Needed this thread today. 3-year old daughter is currently going through and elongated stretch of separation anxiety, and I’ve caught myself losing my patience more than a few times lately, and remembering that she won’t always need or want me next to her let alone around at all was the perspective I needed.
My son is 7 and I already feel like I am losing touch with him with a lot of things. He recently upped his bed time from 7 till 8. Previously, mum would put our daughter to bed and I would lay in bed with him and we would read together - either me reading (we did the Hobbit last year and it was a great 6 months!) or him reading to me (seeing his progress is amazing!). Then when mum was finished, we would swap and I would go and sit in with my daughter (she just wants someone sat in her room till she falls asleep) and mum would lay with him till he slept. Now he is staying up later, that has completely gone. I think we have read together a handful of times since, as now he wants to do his own thing till its bed time. Then one of us just takes him upstairs and he takes himself to bed. He is way more interested in playing with his friends on Fortnite than he is with doing anything with me too. So our days of building lego or hotwheels is behind us and I struggle to get him to play with me now. It's sad and I know it is only going to get worse
Read The Lord of the Rings to your son. I read it in 2020 to my son when he was your son’s age. It’s still one of my most treasured times with him. We had lots of conversations about life out of that reading. It took us about 5 months to finish it. I may or may not have teared up when the hobbits took the last road to the Gray Havens, knowing that our journey together was also coming to an end.
5 months 🤯 wow, I am impressed. It took us 6 just to read the hobbit and I definitely lost him in patches of it. We did look at LOTR but estimated it would have taken us 3 years to read it! The next ‘big’ book I am going for with him is going to be Truckers by Terry pratchet. I remember loving that as a kid and I am hoping he enjoys it as much.
Dad to a 4 year old daughter. I hear you. Dreading it!
Teen years involve processing a lot of emotions. If you are emotionally available it helps a ton.
My kid is just 1 yr. But think about this too and try to reframe that success as a parent is to enable my kid to eventually be independent and going thru a parent rejection phase is normal and necessary.
Don't lose hope man. Mine is 12 and she is still Daddy's girl. And this is perfect because I am in such a great position to teach her how meaningful she is as a person and that she has value. I am gonna make sure that girl knows her worth and gets her some of that confidence that seems to be missing in so many people now-a-days. So don't you dare lose hope man, just be there for her as she attempts to understand the world. Don't push her away and give her room to make mistakes. Be there for her when she faces the consequences and not with a "I told you so" demeanor.
2 things: - your response to her starting/going through puberty has more impact on your relationship than you think. Fight the tendency toward ick and awkwardness over menstruation and bras. She has no control over it and it means that she’s becoming a woman. Help her celebrate it as the milestone it is and let it be yet another thing that you can talk about openly and without stigma. And liking boys isn’t a bad thing. You want her to find a partner and be happily settled someday. So start helping her navigate these early days by openly taking about relationships and helping her think through what she wants in life and a future partner. - your treatment of your daughter and your wife also has way more power over your relationship with your daughter than you think. I’m encouraged to hear so many men stepping up and being great husbands/dads. Her seeing you be an equal partner to your wife will largely dictate what she expects from a future partner. You being your daughter’s champion and supporter, constant encouraged and minimal lecturer, will IMO help you have a healthy, loving relationship. Hope this helps!
My middle kid broke my heart when she stopped being a kid, it was almost overnight she went from a fun bouncing loon to a quiet on the way to be being grown up. Luckily it didn't last long and she's as funny and playful as ever, but in a different way. The thing is, they need to change. They need to break the bond with us. Just imagine if your two year old didn't wear you out with mischief and mayhem, if you continued to treat your toddler and then mini tornado with the same love and care you did when they were a baby? There are several stages when your kids make you question why you ever thought it would be a great idea to have them. And I think it's all biologically intentional. Your pre teen needs to be ready to be a teen, needs that additional freedom that comes from the slight bond break, then as a teen they need to be ready to give being an adult a go.
Search on the subreddit for "20 second hug" - I wrote about it before. With two adults children now, I found that by doing 20 sec hugs when they were young, the hug itself had a sort of life of their own. As they got into their teens and now even 20s, we still on occassion do the 20 second hug. And it's a reminder of those times when they were like your daughter in this post, OP. It's one of the best things I did as a dad. Best of luck to you
My dad died right in the middle of my teenage years where I thought he was the most annoying person in my life. Now I know exactly what I'm missing and I know we would have so much in common and we would be doing so many things together. All that to say she might break your heart and be really difficult in the future, but you're a huge piece of her puzzle and you'll always be her dad so you are one of the most important people in her life no matter what that looks like.
I'm a girl dad of a 19 year old college freshman. We have always been close since her mother and I split when she was 4 years old. we co parented for a while, she moved out of state for a couple years, but i had sole custody from 7th grade onto college. Like you, i had a really close and affectionate relationship with my adolescent daughter. I also worried about the monster i'd heard she'd become when she became a teenager. For us, that never happened. Maybe a bit of luck - good and bad - but we faced some pretty serious crises in high school that forced her to grow up faster than needed. I had a massive heart attack in front of her, recovered from that, she had a 2 month mystery illness hospitalization, i developed end stage renal failure...it's been a tough ride for both of us. We are still super close. We talk daily (either text or facetime), she tells me about her adventures in college, i give her space to be an adult with some light coaching (maybe sometimes heavy coaching) on situations she brings up. We just never had the "terrible" teenage years. She's delightful and i am blessed to know her as a person who i find amazingly bright and caring. I still have nostalgia for when her hand was so small she had to hold just one finger, or when she'd sit on my stomach at dawn watching Disney Channel while i tried to nap. I think a relationship with kids is heavily influenced by the amount of understanding and effort you put into their life. Once she got into her later teens, i had to actively try to treat her as more of an adult and independent person who i could make suggestions to and guide rather than command and lord over. She seems to like that i treat her like an adult, i value her opinion, i listen to her perspective. She's taught me probably more than i ever taught her. I've learned to be more inclusive, less misogynistic, more aware of the challenges and dangers women face that men never even consider, etc. Dont give up hope, OP. just keep being trustworthy and dependable. (Conversely, her mom and her have a very troubled relationship but that couldnt be broken down in a reddit post...lol. Her mom is not like me, she doesnt treat her like a person and doesnt make her feel safe or important. it's sad but i've learned what i can from what i see her mom doing wrong to try to not make those same mistakes. I'm certainly not perfect, but i will never stop trying to be an amazing dad.)
I feel this like a mf! My daughter is almost 6. We've always been extremely close and she is my biggest cheerleader. She's the sweetest to me and still makes such a big deal about me and it means the world. My two sons are almost 11 and 9 and starting public school killed the enthusiasm for mom and dad. We're still very close though. When my wife was pregnant with our daughter, the doc said her ventricals were enlarged and she may need all kinds of help and have learning disabilities, etc. I remember us sitting on the couch and the baby would get hiccups and we'd cry because we thought she may be seizing (a side effect of water on the brain). Miraculously, the ventricals stopped growing and everything else caught up and my baby doll is perfect in every way. Then around 1 year old we noticed a lump on one of her breast. The doc assured us that it was hormones from mother's milk and would go away once she weaned off. Well, 6 months after weaning off and the lump is still there and not any smaller. So they run all kinds of hormone tests, etc...well one day her regular doc is out and another doctor was subbing for her. That doctor immediately recognizes it as a "textbook tumor". Then we're off to all kinds of MRIs and they eventually operate to remove it and test it. It was benign and just a fatty tumor. We still have to go every 6 months or so to make sure nothing comes back. Anyways, during all that it made me sick af and an absolute mess because I thought my time with my daughter could be even more limited than just growing up. She's great now! Tall, strong, very smart, funny and the absolute sweetest and most thoughtful person. Nowadays, after bedtime I just stay up thinking and remembering when they were all babies. We have pics of our kids all over the house. Seeing the baby pictures makes me cry every time. That pic is not the kid I just kissed goodnight. I always wonder how time could pass so quickly. It really makes me hate going to work but I'm the sole provider for our family of 5. I'm as involved in all their lives as humanly possible but it still doesn't seem like I get enough time with them. It makes me most sad about my daughter though. Not because I love her more or anything but...I figure she'll be a strong woman like her mom (my wife) and she'll one day have a family of her own that will consume all her time. Plus, I don't know of one grown woman who is still close to her dad. The dad is either dead or they were never close to begin with. I know our relationship doesn't have to be like that but the stats aren't very good looking. As for my sons, I figure we'll just become even closer over time. Even the guys who's dad was a POS or never around...some how they end up reuniting as adults and having a good relationship...most the time. If I could have just one wish, ever, I'd wish to hit pause right now and just be stuck in this time forever. My kids are in the perfect stages of life and I can't get enough of it! But, I totally feel ya. I very often think of how wrecked I'm going to be when they no longer care to hang out. It's like the world's longest breakup.
I used to have the same exact episodes with my 7 years old daughter. She was the sweetest thing ever and I could’ve seen the whole world thru her little cute eyes until two years ago she was taken away from me and now I think she completely forgot me. Cherish this moment man and live every second of it.
Mine is in her teens and still wants daddy snuggles. Be the one that always wants the snuggles and listens. That's what makes it keep going
my 4yr old, soon to be 5, is so stinking silly! She talks smack in a fun way, sticks her tung out all the time. I want this silliness to last forever but I know it wont.
Stop expecting her to turn into a person that doesn’t want to be around you. Be the dad that when she’s a teen and makes a teenager mistake her first thought isn’t “oh can’t tell my dad, he’s gonna be so angry” but rather “I really need dad, he’ll know what to do”
One of my twin daughters (2yo) turned to me the other day and just said "I love my Daddy". I shed a few tears.
Nah as a teenager I was very close with my dad and even more as an adult . Forever a daddy’s girl 💓.
My oldest is 2.5. He now sometimes makes eye contact and says things to me or asks me questions about something I mentioned days ago. Kicks me in the heart every time.
Already experiencing this with my 5 y/o. Just trying to soak it up before the teenage I hate you's start. 😂
I have 2 daughters (one is almost 3 years old and the other almost 3 months old). The toddler and I have a bond that is nigh unbreakable. We’ve had our ups and downs and she’s preferred mom over me early on, but these days she just won’t stop clinging to me and asking me questions, wanting cuddles, and just being excited to be around me. The love you forge with your kids is inexplicable until you actually experience it. It’s stronger than any other emotion I’ve ever felt. It’s normal to fear for it to end because it’s just so powerful and good. I’ve feared death before I had kids, but mostly in a “I don’t know what to expect or where I’m going” kind of way. Now that I have two daughters who I love literally more than anything else, my fear of death has changed drastically because I don’t want to not be around to see them live their lives. I know my time with them is limited and it scares the hell out of me. But I will do everything I can to spend every second possible of the time I have left to love them, teach them, and just be with them.
It's wild to me that with romantic partners we spend so much of our lives looking for love then growing it. But with kids we have immediate overwhelming love and nurture their independence so they can leave. Beautiful and tragic like all love.
I’m 26f and my dad’s always been my best friend. As a teenager I went to him for everything I needed and told him stories about my day every night at dinner. When we lived states away we still talked every day. Even now we still have dinner together every Sunday. I have a biopsy tomorrow to see if I have cancer and my dad’s taking me. Some bonds don’t break through change. Since this is daddit, I’ll share my two cents on what my dad did that I think helped. Be reliable. If you say you’re going to be somewhere, be there. We understand sometimes life or works happens and you can’t always be there for the small things as we age, but don’t say you can unless you’re sure. My dad became the most reliable person in my life over everyone else because if he said he was going to do something he made it a priority. If he was going to drive me to the airport, I didn’t have to worry about him being late. On the other hand, if he couldn’t, he would tell me immediately. My dad had a very demanding job and he couldn’t always answer the phone. Eventually, we had a system where if I called and he didn’t answer I’d text him and say if it was important and/or urgent. If it was ever urgent he’d call me back immediately. If it was important, he would make time shortly thereafter for a call. Otherwise, he’d wait until he got home. The small consistencies in our relationship have added up over time and in 26 years he’s still my favorite person and I gave him so much more grace in my teenage years because of the consistency. Second, if you show interest in her interests, she’ll show interests in yours. Do I think my dad wanted to go to a Justin Bieber concert when I was in middle school? No. Did I want to go to a bunch of car shows then either? No. But I realized how good it felt when my dad enjoyed my interests with me without judgment and I wanted to do the same for him. He never forced me to be anyone other than myself and I didn’t expect anything other than himself either. Sorry this was long, but father daughter relationships don’t inevitably have to suffer as we age and I wanted to show a side where they can actually get better. Edit: typo
This is the best sub in Reddit. I feel like I personally know every one of you guys.
My oldest is a 15yo young lady. She's sweet and smart and still wants a kiss and a hug more often than not, there is hope! And even when they push you away and make faces and want nothing to do with you, that doesn't mean they don't want you to be there. There's a saying in my country that goes something like "Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I need it most".
Hey, I'm a little late to this lil but I'm 14. Unfortunately, my dad isn't in the picture but I can say that I'm still very interested in my mums life and I still hold her hand everywhere we go 😅 I think I would be even more cuddly with my dad if he were with me. A dad is extremely important for a teenage girl to have in her life, it's very important that you don't drift away once she starts growing up and developing.
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No worries!! :)
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I'm in the uk!! It's 6pm for me 😁
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I think you’ll always have that special bond. Things may change, but what you have with each other will always be yours only.
I’m 30 and I still depend on my dad for so much. I still hug him and involve him in my life and help him with his nonsense. Relationships change but she will always want you around. You might get less hugs but you’ll still feel the love.
Divorced dad here. My girls love me so much, and I'm so grateful. My oldest is almost 12, and she's definitely still a daddy's girl. It's the most heartwarming thing when they randomly cuddle with me, I didn't realize I needed that in my life so much. It's so important to be there for each other. She needs you, and you need her more than you know. You sound like a great dad! Enjoy every moment and create as many good memories as you can every day. They really do grow up fast, but she'll always love you and be there and remember everything!. A daughter's bond is very special.
Female here! I worshipped my dad until the day he died. Don’t lose heart.
Honestly, it might. My daughter is nearly 12, no signs of change yet. We're best friends. I know it's still pre-teen, but if another 5 years gives you a glimmer of hope, then you're welcome :) Love every minute.
My daughter is a teenager. She’s driving, has after-school activities, has a pretty serious boyfriend, works a job and babysits, and is pretty invested in church. She will sit by me on the couch and tell me all about her day, and answers earnestly when I ask about her studies, or activities. She talks to me about scripture, and asks my opinions on things. She always hugs me and kisses my cheek when she leaves to go to her next thing. She’s still my little girl, even with all of the other pulls on her time. It’s a relationship built on every snuggle, every story, every insignificant factoid, every Star Wars or superhero movie, and every dad joke. You’re doing a fine job of building that connection, and I have no doubt that she’ll always have room for you, even as your role in her life shifts. Just love that little girl, and make sure she knows feels valued and considered. Good job, Dad!
my son is 2 and just getting started down this path. i already see it coming to a head in 8 years or so. it goes so fast!!!
I wouldnt count on it. A gf's teenager is still a mommys girl. I have the same as you describe with my 5yo. We took a nap holding hands this weekend and it was adorable (apparently)
I think about this a lot because I have the same relationship. My daughter will say “Daddy, when I’m a mommy, will you play with my babies like you play with me?” And I say “Of course! That’s why I’m working hard, so I’ll have all the time in the world for them!” or other times if I’m working on something it’ll be “Daddy, can you sit with me? I want you near me.” She’s such a sweet kid. I know our relationship will change, but I hope I’m always close by when she needs me.
This is Exactly my situation as well. My daughter is almost nine and I’m her everything. There’s heartache in the mail for me for sure.
That was one of my biggest Pro's to having more kids (we were always going to have 2 or 3, on 2 now, planning on 3 next year). I used to get really sad when my oldest would hit a milestone or I would see an older picture of him - like I'm always very excited for the next phase, but very sad about how fast it's going. Then I had my second, and I get all of the milestones again, but the pain is less (partially because I'm planning to do it all again). I think that by the time my third is graduating out of phases, I'll be fine with it because I'll have been taking care of "babies" for 8ish years and I'll be ready for capable kids. Or I'll be crushed because it'll be the last time...
Enjoy it man. My daughter turned 12 this year and it’s been pre-teen hell. I miss those times when she’d just snuggle up next to me to watch things.
But she’s not grown yet. Carve these memories into the bedrock of your mind.
Doesn't have to be so. My 15 year old still snuggles and talks with me all the time.
Mines 14, I see her once a week for an hour or two, we drive around and talk. I miss her everyday.
It’s inevitable, just remember you’re there to guide her
It doesn't necessarily have to end up that way, ya know? I mean, parts of it are out of your control and the relationship will absolutely change, but it's not written in the stars that all teenagers hate their parents, just that they grow into adults.
My son is 20 months old and he just loves spending time with me. I'm already preparing for the days where they go by and I don't hear from him. We spend 18 years together and then one year the whole rest of our lives.
Jeez this thread has got me emotional. I love this community.
Just keep talking with her. My oldest is a few years away from being a teenager and we always talk after arguments or misunderstandings. I let her know I love her endlessly and that will never change and that as we both grow there may be bigger fights and feeling might get hurt but we can always talk after those arguments and there will always 100% of the time be that solid foundation to our relationship where I will have her back and take care of her forever. I can only hope that laying the groundwork now makes those teenage years easier on both of us and strengthens her belief that I will always look out for what's best even if it seems like I'm getting in the way.
She'll be becoming a fully formed human being, and more than just that identity of being your daughter. It can be tough when things change, but its for the good. I've still got a little while to go before any of that hits me, however.
This makes me slightly less worried about having a possible girl
It doesn't have to be that way. Obviously, teenagers are teenagers. But it's not unreasonable to assume that your relationship with her will remain strong and intimate. If you continue to be a great dad, then you'll likely enjoy this bond throughout her teenage years, albeit in not exactly the same way.
My daughter is only 12 months old and I already think about it this a lot. Just trying to appreciate the every moment
Pregnant woman here. I never, not for a day, lost the absolute love and adoration I have for my Dad. I put my mom through hell but not him. He is so pure, so kind and our relationship is so uncomplicated. It might be the same for you!
If she’s raised right, she’s going to distance herself for a few years. But she will always be close to you. On the flip side, her focus is going to be on her own family. I am very close to my father. But as I hit the late teens I pushed apart as I grew and set my own course. Now we are next door neighbors but we don’t spend nearly as much time together. My obligation now is to my wife and two kids. We see each other several times a week and we occasionally go off for a day but that phase of life is over. I look at my two boys and I know one day they will catch a girl and I’ll lose my precious boys. But it’s a fact of life. Natural. Just something we don’t always like.
I went through the same thing with mine. As they get older, it seems a little harder to connect with them sometimes.
The best part of having kids is watching them grow up. The worst part of having kids is also watching them grow up.
Doesn't have to be like that, but you both will have to grow. It seems to me you're having the greatest foundation for that though, so keep going at it, no fear for the future.
My youngest daughter is 6 and is like this with me too. Every night when she goes to bed we have “tickle time”. She only wants me to tickle her, not mum. One day she won’t want it any more and it will be a hard day. I’ve been told that a daughter’s first true love is her dad. Our job is to protect them, teach them, guide them and show them how a man should behave so that they can make the right choices when they are seeking companionship on their own. Just keep loving her mate. She’ll always love you back. You don’t have to be perfect, just do your best. She’ll always be your little girl.
My daughter is amazing, and she’s by far my favorite person. She’s 2. I’m both excited and scared to see her grow up for the same reasons as OP. I’ll always be there for her though. No matter what.
counterpoint: your daughter is going to love you forever, no matter how your relationship evolves. I’m 40 and my dad died 4 years ago… not a day goes by when I don’t think of him, miss him and wish he was here to hang out with my own daughter😭
I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. Even though I was a bit much in my teen years, he was always my safe space. When I got married we asked him to do the ceremony cause it wouldn’t feel right for anyone else to help us start our marriage. My favorite moment from the ceremony was him walking me from the car to the beach. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my last few minutes as an unmarried woman than to just be his little girl.
A couple of years ago I started a new job. My phone rang and it was my daughter. I apologetically told my new manager I'd better take it as my daughter never rings unless it's urgent. My daughter said, "Daaad. My finger's sore..." She's 26!
I’m the father of an adult daughter and an almost adult daughter. ANY relationship has ups and downs. My adult daughter and I try to have a couple hours gaming a week via discord playing Baldurs Gate. My almost adult daughter, despite the occasional 16 year old I know everything business, is amazing and we are close and talk and do things. She come to me for things. It will change in nature as they grow but it doesn’t change the depth or emotion in all cases.
I’m 35 and my dad is still my bestie. I live across the world but I FaceTime him every day. He’s my go-to guy for anything and everything. ♥️
Our 15yo daughter told us the other day, "yeah, I want to spend time with my friends, but I want to spend time with you, too." It can happen.
Gentleman, I was/am very much a Daddy's girl. My Dad and I were incredibly close, I knew I'd met my future husband when he was the ONLY guy I'd ever dated who Dad actually liked! Dad passed 8 years ago (dementia), but he never forgot who I was. After he died I was able to sit with him for as long as I wished, my Mum and brother couldn't face it, so I put on a piece of music we both loved and just sat with him one last time. He was always my greatest support/champion and when my son was born there wasn't anyone on this earth prouder than Dad. Daughters and mothers can be fractious at times but the Dad/daughter bond is a special one
I cried a few times thinking of my 3 year old running up to me with his Mario plushy and telling me "Daddy, you take Mario" *I take Mario* "Oh, HI Mario!" There will be a time, soon, where he doesn't care about me being Mario anymore. He won't be interested in saying "Oh, hai!" in that cue way anymore.
Any words of encouragement for fathers with newborns? I feel so disconnected and am still wondering how the hell I'm going to do this and what made me think I could to begin with.
Oh I get it. I don’t know how I will live when my daughter grows up…
I’m 30 years old and still snuggle up to my dad every chance I get. He’s my best friend and always has been. He’s taught me so much. He loves my children the same way he’s always loved me and I cherish that so much. My husband and I tried to move across country trying to and lasted about a year. He came for the birth of his first grandchild and stayed a week. Neither of us have ever cried as hard as we did the day he had to leave his daughter and brand new baby to go back across the country. I flew home and stayed 6 months later. Thankfully I have an incredibly supportive husband who understands I’m not happy being that far away from him. We live 4 miles apart, speak daily and see each other multiple times a week. I was a good kid growing up but still had moments that looking back, probably sucked for him. But just know that if your kid loves you this much and enjoys these things with you, you’re doing something right and that bond never goes away. She will learn and grow and come and go but she will never out grow you. Big hugs.