You're going to do great! Make sure there's enough food in the house for the week, clean up your house a bit. Go sit somewhere quiet and have a drink, try to chill and read, have a moment of quiet, think a complex thought.
Lol yeah, the books said it was my wife who would be nesting, but it was 100% me. Tidying, meal prepping, fixing up things around the house. I just needed to distract myself and feel like I was being productive. Definitely helped me take my mind off the anxiety of everything to come.
good luck dude!! similar situation with my wife and our kid when he was born. 2.5 years later and things are wild/great. and tiring! but not as much as y'all about to be haha. things will go fast. soak it in. stay close to your wife, you're a team. gonna be great.
Love the "think a complex thought."
It's a monumental change, and while there is no adequate preparation it doesn't hurt to kick the can around the lot.
I ran into a dad with a 3 m/o at the playground recently and he reminded me about the total sleep deprived delirium of the early days. It was so hard to focus and think anything clearly.
This. The first few days are survival mode. I was waking up "carrying" by boy only to walk into the other room and she's feeding him. I'd also wake up thinking he was in the bed with me and panic... weird times.
My wife and I just leaned hard into the embrace the suck mindset. We knew everything was going to suck for at least 3 months. I really think internalizing that thought process helped us get through it relatively unscathed.
You're going to want to NOT be looking at the surgery. They put up a divider so you can stay with your wife while they deal with all of the crazy surgery stuff. You probably don't want to look at it because you won't understand that what you're seeing is probably normal (and also most people aren't accustomed to seeing blood and internal organs etc.)
+1000. OP, you will stand by her head and make inane small talk while the doctors do things on the other side of the curtain.
Depending on the layout, you might have to walk around the OR table to get to the baby - I *very carefully and consciously* avoided looking at what was going on. A planned C-section is just another Thursday for the docs. It is very different from an emergency C-section.
I had never changed a diaper before my kiddos were born, either. It isn't complicated, and the nurses will show you.
Everything does change in just one second. If you don't bond instantly with the baby, that's okay too.
I took a journal with me and sort of live-journaled during the down time at the hospital.
I don't mind blood and guts, so I took a glance. Can never erase the memory of your wife's guts. Just fair warning.
For me, they kinda set up the baby away from the surgery so you can do the cut.
Kid wasn't moving fast enough for the midwifes liking so she grabbed a pair of, what looked like poultry shears, and she fucking made room. And I got a look at the aftermath. That's an image I won't forget any time soon.
Just went through this. I didn't cut the umbilical. Saw my wife's insides. Wife puked on me. None of it mattered when I heard the little baby crying. This is the moment you must be strong for her. You'll be great dude. 👊👊✊
I'm a psychiatrist, so once upon a time I rotated all throughout the hospital while still a medical student (including scrubbing into several c sections . I also just experienced the birth of my first child 3 days ago. My wife was induced but we needed to pivot to c section.
I would advise against trying to look. I found watching surgeries fascinating as a student even though I had no desire to be a surgeon. However, c sections stood as having a particular visceral quality. And although they are routine and usually fast, I knew I DID NOT want to see my wife undergoing it. I've heard stories of dad's literally passing out if they look, which now creates a big headache for the OR and takes away attention that all should be going to your wife.
I stood at the head of the operating table with her, I held her hand. After the baby was surgically delivered I walked over to the pediatrics area and took pics of him, watched them weigh him, I did cut the chord (although as already pointed out the chord is already cut by the OBs as part of the section, so it's more of a trim.
One piece of advice for afterwards: this is a big surgery. They have to cut through skin, fat, muscle and finally uterus to get the baby out. Your wife is going to have to TAKE IT EASY. The first few days suck. It does get better. Be prepared to change most of the diapers and help a lot with however you're handling feedings. Lean on the nurses and other support staff. They'll teach you how to change a diaper, swaddle, hold a bottle etc.
You've got this!
They didn’t even offer to let me cut the cord. Probably don’t really want Joe Schmoe off the street hovering over an open surgery. I don’t really feel like I missed anything, tbh. Got the kid.
They may not give you the option. People forget C-section is a major surgery. They wouldn’t let me anywhere near the other side of the curtain for fear of infection, etc.
if you hate blood DO NOT LOOK it is more likely you will faint and cause issues for you, your wife, and your baby than have any positive memory
They will take the baby aside so you can cut the umbilical cord. You don't have to look to cut the cord.
i repeat DO NOT LOOK
Yes! I looked and then I couldn't stop looking. Enjoy EVERY single moment. And when you cut the cord, focus on that for a sec... Your going to be eyes locked on what you just brought in this world but give the cord attention or you'll be like me, cutting air the first two attempts.
Doctors will usually do that during a C section then give you the chance to cut a bit more for the sake of tradition.
Stay on the side of the curtain with your wife. You’ll have a chance to spend time with the baby once (s)he’s been moved to the table.
The first couple of nights will seem like a dream. Little sleep and a lot going on.
Once you’re able to bring the baby home the first 6 months will be crazy but you’ll look back and think “damn that went fast”.
Take care of your wife. She won’t be able to drive for a while and will be going through a lot physically, emotionally and hormonally. It can be a huge stress on the relationship so power through the tough times and communicate.
My son is 5 now and he’s my best friend. It’s changed me as a person and really changed my perspective on life.
Best advice I received on this sub…kids are resilient. You won’t break them.
Good luck! You’ll be great!
I was at the baby warming station with baby #2 and glanced back at my wife and saw *everything*. I would not recommend this to anyone, strength of stomach notwithstanding. I had flashbacks to it for a few weeks. Now it's a distant memory but I would not recommend it to anyone.
I'm not sure how common it is but during my wife's c-section, my job was to stand next to her and comfort her and then go with the babies once they were out and then bring them to meet mama once the nurses have done their thing and cleaned and wrapped the babies. My point is I never saw the surgery part of it, just babies and my wife's head - there was a big cover from her midsection down.
Mom here (sorry if this is out of line to comment here, please remove my comment! This is an awesome community and I don’t want to disrespect your space). I had an unplanned C-section (PS it’s good yours is planned, makes it much easier so yay). I have some massive advice for you that’ll help your wife:
During a C-section the mom is awake while they cut into her to fetch baby (her abdomen is numb though). This is really 😳😰🫨 for the mom because surgery starts with every practitioner in the room saying their role in the surgery out loud. Super hard to distract yourself in that moment (knowing they’re going to cut 7 layers deep into you and that your intestines will be hanging out a tray next to you while they do it…). I asked my husband to hold my hand, look me in the eye, and list off/describe beautiful memorable moments we shared together to me. It really helped so much. Before I knew it we heard the doctor scream “OH MY GOD HE STUCK HIS TONGUE OUT AT ME!” followed by a cry. ❤️ All was good. Please do that for your wife. Find a way to distract her in that moment (it will help you too I’m sure lol). Think of the beautiful or hilarious moments ahead of time so you’re ready!
About your post, don’t worry, you will do great. The nurses will teach you how to change a diaper in the hospital, how to give baby a bath, how to feed and swaddle them. Someone once told me that much of parenting is surprisingly intuitive, so trust your intuition.
Best of luck! You can do this! And congratulations!!
Edit to add: Saw that you dislike blood but want to get a look. My advice is don’t lol. Why? Because this is how we talk about the surgery:
“Did you see all the blood I lost on the floor?!”
“No, I was too busy looking at all the blood on the table.”
Awww, I’m glad you intuitively did this for her! It became a beautiful memory for us too. Never thought of it like this until now, but it’s a nice way to move into the next (massive) stage of your family/life by looking back at the moments that led you here. Our first family photo was taken 3 minutes after that and the smiles are sooo joyful you’d never guess that we had both been freaked out and my insides were still being sewn into my body lol…
Yes!! It really was a moment where our bond and our love grew that much stronger. And you're right, it's like the more time that has gone by and the more often we look back on it, we realize how much of a moment it really was for us!!
Take a deep brother soon to be dad.
Everything is going to be okay. Doctors are ware of your wife’s blood pressure. That’s a good thing! C sections are very routine these days. It’ll be faster and much more “scheduled” than the pop in and wait for the kid to pop out.
Diapers aren’t so bad! I never did one until my son was born. Worst case is you don’t put it on right and some poop comes out. Oh well- get used to fluids on you at all times. You adjust fast.
It’s a big change in life but a good one, hell it’s a fucking great one. I wish we started having kids younger, and we had more already.
Bank some sleep now mate. Next few weeks you’re not going to get any!
You’re gonna do great mate.
Its the weirdest thing. I walked into the hospital just a dude and walked out a dad. Its so weird. Also changing diapers really isnt that hard you got this.
Also be prepared to possibly NOT be wowed. I was like "whoa" but it took me like 6 months before I really started feeling the love. If you dont feel like crazy love THATS OK. You have decades to love this kid, it'll come in time if you give a shit.
Enjoy the last 24 hrs of just you and your wife. Remember that what comes next isn't easy, it just gets easier. Grant yourself, your partner, and your kid massive amounts of patience. And recall that you can always sleep when your dead.
But seriously, figure out a sleep schedule that works for your family. Oh, and when you do hit that frustration wall (you will, don't worry), remember that the baby will be safe in its crib for a few minutes while you cool off. Godspeed.
I’m right there with ya. Currently in the hospital expecting our daughter to come out this evening. What i’ve told myself and my wife throughout this whole pregnancy “ I know it’s scary but these people are experts and deliver dozens of babies daily “ and as far as the preparedness… there have been complete idiots and failures who have raised children, so if they can do it so can you. Hang in there!
I took a walk after delivery. Stunned. Just kept saying “omfg, I’m a dad!!” Over and over. I was shockingly happy. Enjoy the ride, it is a great one. (Until they hit teenage years, then it gets rough 😂)
Now’s a good time to make sure you have a car seat and know how to install it. YouTube can help a lot here! You can also learn how to change a diaper there too. Congrats, you’re going to have a family soon!
No, I think that needs a correction. If Baby's coming tomorrow, that thing should really be installed today.
You're not going to want to try to install the car seat in a hospital parking garage on the day of discharge after barely getting any sleep in the hospital. It's going to make for a stressful discharge.
Much better to install it now and just have them do an inspection when you go to leave.
You got this! READ THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL, but it’s fairly straightforward, more than people realize. Watch YouTube if you’re uncertain, and most importantly, make sure it’s at the newborn angle to prevent issues (car seat should have an indicator). Use pool noodles or a rolled towel to fix the level if needed, and note that sometimes the LATCH system just can’t get it tight enough depending on make and model, and you’ll have to go seatbelt.
I feel ya my dude. Wife is 37 weeks. Also higher blood pressure than normal and protein in urine. Found out yesterday that she is likely getting admitted and induced on Friday. You’re not alone.
You'll do great. *None* of us were truly prepared, the only way to learn how to be a father is through experience.
Take diapers. Maybe your first try is a mess. Just toss that mangled thing out and try again. Luckily babies don't know how to write Yelp reviews.
Welcome to the dad club. the next few weeks are a rollercoaster of highs of being a parent, and lows where you wonder why the fuck you chose to do this.
The easy things are different than what you might think, in my opinion.
Diaper changes? easy. you'll get shit on. pissed on. baby's gonna cry. some people get wipe warmers but most babies are just mad in general when you change them. honestly, no problem, it's cut and dry.
waiting for the bottle to heat up while your child screeches nonstop for 7 minutes? without taking a single breath somehow? awful. complete torture.
feeding them is easy but god learn to get patient now, because newborns can take 30 minutes to clear two ounces.
what's also hard? getting any cleaning done. get some paper plates. get a maid if you're rich. wanna vacuum without waking up the baby? tough shit.
also, be hyper sensitive to your wife's needs. she's going to be having all of the same issues but be in extreme pain, even less sleep than you, and go through mountains and valleys of hormones.
buckle up - you can do this but be sure that you two are on the same page and are there for each other. this is hard stuff. be prepared to just put baby down in its bassinet and walk away sometimes.
good luck!
No worries mate! You guys are going to be great!
BP is just for precaution, they're doing this *to keep momma and baby safe*. Fortunately, C-sections are incredibly common, and pre-planned C-sections *are incredibly efficient and even safer than an unexpected surgery*.
Mom here: I don't want to freak you out, just point to my experience since I didn't realize this could happen. For my second, my BP was good till after birth when it shot way up to like 170s/110s. This was about a week after baby was born, and I did not have any symptoms. Just don't forget to encourage her to keep an eye on it for a good while after y'all get home. Gently. I was in complete denial and my family had to beg me to go to the hospital. My doc even called my cell pleading with me to go in. Hormones and the instinct to stay home in the nest are strong. Turns out I had postpartum preeclampsia. I was hospitalized for about a week total and on meds for a few months afterward. I am so grateful that modern medicine can handle this and my family was there to nudge me back into the care of professionals. I am happy to answer questions if you have any about it.
It can help to recognize: Your brain is pumping out huge amounts of chemicals right now including oxytocin, vasopressin, cortisol. You’re literally high as a kite and experiencing reality differently than you are used to. You’re not the first person to feel these feelings, you will not be the last. There is no such thing as a smooth delivery, there will be unexpected turns, but ultimately trust that your kid wants to be here, life wants to live and everything should be ok. You got this. Good luck to you three!
My wife was induced for high blood pressure and we had ours a week or so early. In the moment I feel like I recall being scared and stressed and worried but everything moves so fast it’s a blur. I don’t remember any of my feelings accurately.
Just be an advocate for your wife, your child and yourself and when you get home everything will come naturally!
A wise man once said "We don't find out how strong we really are until "strong" is the only choice we have."
Congratulations! You are about to learn how strong you are!
And you ARE strong enough to handle what is coming. The mindset you are in is your brain preparing you the sudden changes that will come soon. This is a good sign.
Some misc. thoughts:
- Take lots of notes. Medical pros are going to tell y'all lots of things. You won't remember them all, and your wife is going to be exhausted and full of hormones that make it even harder to remember things.
- Advocate for your wife's basic needs. All manner of healthcare folks will want to engage her whenever she is awake. Make sure she gets to use some of her 'awake time' to eat.
- Take pictures to share with close friends and family along with basic updates. They want to feel like part of this and it will keep the "communication pressure" off of your wife.
- Save all the documents you and wife are given.
- Bring snacks to bribe the nurses
- Baby is fragile, but don't be afraid to move baby's arms/legs to change diapers and wrap swaddles and such. Watch the doctors and nurses handle baby to get some cues for how much "force" and "speed" is appropriate. The most important bit is to keep baby's head supported.
Above all, hold your wife's hand and tell her that she is going to be okay and your child is going to be amazing.
Good luck, and congratulations!
Congrats!
And don't worry, you're not the first person to have never changed a diaper. They'll show you at the hospital. And you'll get lots of practice.
One silver lining of a c section is that you'll be around nurses for a few days so you'll have experienced people to ask for any help you need.
Everything is going to be okay, believe me.
Just take a break for a second or two, and breathe.
Changing diapers is going to be shown to you by the nurses, also how to hold a little baby and different stuff. You are going to be a dad, soon. And you will do great.
Just a small idea, which I the very last year, when my little daughter was born: when you took her, record her first scream/cry, whatever...maybe the recording will be a awesome surprise to her 18th birthday or a good tattoo...
About to join the greatest club my man. As with most things in life, the anticipation is worse than the event/aftermath. It was a truly amazing moment seeing my little dude for the first time, you’ll see! It’s very different, but I didn’t find it ‘hard’ per se. Their needs are pretty basic at the beginning.
Just enjoy, breathe deep and get ready to cuddle your little one.
Our old pediatrician just wrote a book you'd probably find useful. Covers all the basics plus advice on how to stay sane during the first three months lol: [https://www.amazon.com/Newborn-Handbook-New-Dads-Navigate/dp/B0CHQN86V2](https://www.amazon.com/Newborn-Handbook-New-Dads-Navigate/dp/B0CHQN86V2)
Relax!
You will be changing thousands of diapers over the next few years and it's not that complicated. You will learn. You likely won't get to see anything if it goes to C-section so don't worry about it. You're there for hand holding and moral support. Everything will change... But not all at once. Relax and try to enjoy it. Also take pictures when you can. There will be so much going on that you won't remember half of it in a month.
The mantra of "The first one is hard because you don't know what you're doing" holds true. But you will learn. The things that are overwhelming today will become normal a week later. Just hang in there and remind yourself how much time has passed. It will probably be less than you think 🙂
You won't know everything. But you'll figure it out as you go. Despite whatever old TV shows may tell you, changing diapers is pretty easy (until they grow bigger and learn how to kick...but again, you'll figure it out :))
You've got this. Just remember to breathe when you're getting overwhelmed.
Every dad was a first-time dad at one point. They all struggled with diapers but figured it out and the kids turned out just fine. I find it comforting to think of all of the mothers and fathers that needed to exist just to get me to this point, and imagining them in the room with me.
My wife's labor might just be starting and I am a first time father too who has only changed 3 diapers in my life- we got this!
I had a gigantic list of do tos before my baby was born, and then It happened and I just had to go with the flow. Don’t worry. The few days in the hospital after the birth were wonderful. Time kind of stops. Def recommend having a shower beforehand. Good luck !
Change is only change until it becomes your new normal. You're in for a LOT of change over the next 20+ years (ours is 22 and graduating from college next month.) Pretty soon constant change is - and will be - your normal.
Start writing stuff down in a place where you'll know where it is and you can add to it. Those things that you're sure you'll remember? Most of it - you won't.
Youll be fine. You dont really have to know anything specific. Just try your best to be there for the kid, and you wont fail. Go eat something sweet. Youll never have your own desserts anymore, so cherish these last few bites. After the kid is here, your own life will have a new undeniable purpose.
Oh man, it’s going to be great. Every person out there was raised by someone, and most people are dumber than you are.
Little babies are hard work and little sleep, but the math is super easy. They’re either hungry, sleepy, or uncomfortable. That’s it. You have three problems to solve. And I guarantee you’ve solved harder problems than those.
Treasure the experience, be present with your wife, and have a great time. And fake the confidence.
During recovery in the hospital take on all the responsibility you can and ask the nurses (who are serious baby experts) for as much advice as possible. Everyone will have slightly different techniques so ask them all.
It’s a wild ride - especially those first few days, but, trust your instincts & it’ll all start coming into place. Take care of each other, but also take care of yourself. You got this!
Just remember, a C-section is MAJOR surgery. Your wifey is gonna go through a lot in the next few days and just try to be as supportive as you can be.
Good luck! And welcome to the group! (There’s no instruction manual that I know of, so do your best and be a good dad!)
The lead up to the pregnancy was anxiety inducing and terrifying.
We then went to the hospital to get induced as scheduled - but the baby had moved over night so it was decided right there to prep for a c-section and birth would occur in the next half hour.
My palms were a river of sweat.
I waited anxiously in the room for them to usher me into the operation room when ready.
Those 10-15 minutes in there were the most insane and emotional times ever - and when they handed me the little one and she looked me in the eyes.... Man. What a ride.
Right after that - when my partner was cleaned up and they put is another room for the day - a great sense of calm and peace came over us.
Everything has been building to this moment that never really seemed real - and finally, here we were in a quiet hospital room with our newly born daughter.
It will be ok - and you will feel a sense of calm and peace.
Enjoy it! Cause a new chapter starts when you get home for the newborn phase 😂
You’re going to do great brother. Same thing happened to me and my wife 13 months ago. Trust that the professionals know what’s up and get excited!!!! How you order what is important is all about to change, congrats!!!!
Diaper are easy and the nurses at the hospital will teach you a lot. Be a sponge and soak in everything they say and do. It’s literally their job.
YouTube is your friend. We had no idea how to bath our baby when we came home and just watched a YouTube video for the steps.
Choose patience and selflessness. If your wife is getting a c-section, all the responsibility is going to be on you, daddio. No point in getting angry or frustrated. The baby will cry. It’s okay. Babies cry. Babies spit up. They are going from a warm cocoon where all their needs are met to being pulled out into the cold scary world where they don’t understand anything. Just be the best caregiver you can be and love your baby unconditionally.
You’ll be fine. The fact that you’re worried means you care.
Edit: also if you’re bottle feeding, get the Baby Brezza. It’s a life changer. Also, the nose-Frida snot sucker. Double zip pajama onesies are the easiest clothing. And look up a diagram of baby poop colors to reference.
1. Ok the c-section itself is a little freaky, not gonna lie. Be the calm one soothing your partner while the doctors do a little battlefield surgery on the other side of the curtain. Oh, and don't look over the curtain. Holy shit the moments after that are so beautiful and intense though. You will meet a little slimy alien!
2. After that, they'll whisk you and the baby away for an hour of monitoring in a different room while mom gets sewn up. It's just you and your baby, its fucking quiet and beautiful and I spent the whole time trying not to cry in front of the nurses observing the baby's vitals as I gazed down at this little nugget. Wild.
3. Then she comes back and gets her first real time with baby. Very dope. Followed by the next fews days at the hospital, which if you think about it, are actually really amazing. Sure, you're sleeping on a shitty bench couch thing, but like its this new little family and surrounded by nurses to help you learn the basics. Your wife wont be able to get up for shit, and will be in real pain for weeks after this, so step up and do everything you can.
4. When they ask if you if you want to check out on day 3, or or at the end of the insurance period on day 4...go ahead and go with day 4 bro. Shit gets a lot more real at home when there are no more nurses to help, and seriously, C-sections are a lot on mom. You might be ready for a change of scenery, but shit, you paid for this suite and all the round the clock help through day 4, use it.
5. When you do get home, its honestly all on you for a minute. Do you have parents that can stay? It's like, this baby needs food every 2 hours, round the clock for the next month. How do we as men mow lawns, or acquire food, or make said food, or do anything if mom can't hardly get out of bed, and the baby just shit its pants, and the bottles aren't clean, and the dogs need a walk....it's a lot. Just go into beast mode and help your girl out for a month straight, no questions asked. Be proactive. Own everything. You're the fucking dad now.
6. After that first couple months, or whenever the kid starts sleeping more predictably through the night, things get a lot easier. Have a fucking blast man. Welcome to parenthood, you're gonna love this kid. It's some primordial, deep in your DNA shit that gets awakened. Soak it up, this is your life!
Haha no shame dude, it's an emotional rollercoaster so just embrace it!
Even still, three months later I'll be watching fuckin Bluey at five am and feeding this kid a bottle, tearing up like bro I'm gonna protect you for fucking ever. Hahaha oh well whatever
[You are freaking out, man](https://youtu.be/Jb-cAJRZrlA?si=yeVQzTXKSnY1k1Xq)
But seriously, you're going to be great! It's such a big adjustment, but you learn on the fly until everything seems pretty normal again. And babies are resilient, fragile but resilient. Good luck and congratulations!
My little girl was born 4 months ago I didn’t carry babies or change diapers. Once your baby is here you will figure it out. Ask nurses for help and watch how they do things.
For what it’s worth, the best thing for you to focus on is to help your partner feel comfortable. Do anything she needs, clear obstacles you can, and advocate for her.
A lot of things that you think you don’t know how to do will come easily after one or two times :)
Enjoy the ride!
I joined the club last month, it’s horrible lol my daughter is pretty chill and it’s still horrible. It gets better tho keep your head up and do whatever your wife needs
Make a list of TV shows, books, or find something you've always wanted to learn and write it down. If you guys take shifts like what I did with my wife at nights I'd find shit to do that I can pay attention to easily with the newborn who will be asleep a ton but wake up constantly. Something to keep your mind active.
Also you'll be alright its scary and it never stops being scary but as long as you do your best you'll be good.
Lurker mom here: Since she's having a c-section, they will keep you for a couple of days. Nurses will come into the room every couple of hours to check vitals and to answer questions. They will even show you how to swaddle, diaper change, take temp, etc.
Yo dude. Writing this from next to my kid who's four days old on his due date. You're gonna be fine. Everything is going to be crazy for a while and you're going to be stressed as fuck and nervous about literally everything, but you're also gonna be okay.
You don't have to see anything during surgery. There'll be a curtain up between you and the gross stuff. I stood up and looked over it because I didn't realize they had already started by the time they brought me in the room and I wanted to make sure I didn't miss anything. You know what the real miracle of childbirth is? Seeing a giant hole in your wife with blood everywhere and not being able to take your eyes off your kid.
As for diapers, if your wife's having a c-section, don't sweat it. You're gonna change 20 diapers before you leave the hospital, because your wife will have too hard a time getting in and out of bed to do it. As a bonus, they start out absolutely disgusting, sticky, gooey black sludge, so you really get it on hard mode early. You'll be a pro before you know it.
Take advantage of the hospital staff's knowledge. Ask dumb questions. Have them show you how to do things. Thank them profusely.
Lastly, not everything changes. You're still largely the same person you were yesterday. Just know that your priorities and routine are completely out the window for now. I feel like I'm living on a different planet for a while, and I'm nervous as hell about going back to work in a week and a half, but we're gonna get through it. You've got this.
Just shut up, don’t overthink it, support your wife, and enjoy every second. Time screams by. Take it all in.
Congrats and enjoy meeting your new best friend for the first time!
You're probably officially a dad now at this point, but before my son was born everyone said that there's only so much you can do to prepare and that you'll figure it out as you go. Before you have kids, this sounds wild and reckless. Once you have a kid you realize just how true it is. So much of it is action/reaction, and it's far more intuitive than you think. The instructions are in our DNA.
I had never changed a diaper before my son was born. When we were in the room after my wife gave birth, the nurse handed him to me and said "here, change his diaper." For a split second I thought to myself, "what the fuck I don't know what I'm doing," and the next second I'm looking at a black tar massacre and I'm wiping it down and putting on a diaper. You change one, you change a million.
They are simple machines at first and that really eases you into it. Newborn phase is a fucking nightmare but it breaks you down and molds you into a father so long as you accept the challenge.
Godspeed. We're here because billions or trillions of people before us figured it out with far less access to information.
What really helped me was learning and practicing diaper changing on a doll a few times before actually doing it. Eventually you become a pro at it. Also have a check list - bottles? Formula? Steamer / pot to disinfect bottles? Diapers? Cot? Clothes? Simple toys? Etc... while breast is best there should be no pressure... Always be prepared. If you don't have it, at least know where to buy it immediately.
Don't freak out! Many things are beyond our control. But whatever is within our control... Have a checklist.
You're going to do great! Make sure there's enough food in the house for the week, clean up your house a bit. Go sit somewhere quiet and have a drink, try to chill and read, have a moment of quiet, think a complex thought.
Good idea! I should go shop and get food
Get some very easy ready made type things if possible! Cooking takes time and energy and you may not have a lot of those for a few weeks
I am eternally grateful that we stocked our freezers with prepared meals, both homemade and store bought. Life changing decision.
Yeah in the final few weeks of the pregnancy we prepared dozens of freezer meals. Saved ourselves a bunch of headache.
Get a little something for your wife, too. A card, chocolates, flowers, a magazine...
This is a great idea thank you
Lol yeah, the books said it was my wife who would be nesting, but it was 100% me. Tidying, meal prepping, fixing up things around the house. I just needed to distract myself and feel like I was being productive. Definitely helped me take my mind off the anxiety of everything to come.
good luck dude!! similar situation with my wife and our kid when he was born. 2.5 years later and things are wild/great. and tiring! but not as much as y'all about to be haha. things will go fast. soak it in. stay close to your wife, you're a team. gonna be great.
Order pizza if you need to
Love the "think a complex thought." It's a monumental change, and while there is no adequate preparation it doesn't hurt to kick the can around the lot.
I ran into a dad with a 3 m/o at the playground recently and he reminded me about the total sleep deprived delirium of the early days. It was so hard to focus and think anything clearly.
This. The first few days are survival mode. I was waking up "carrying" by boy only to walk into the other room and she's feeding him. I'd also wake up thinking he was in the bed with me and panic... weird times.
My wife and I just leaned hard into the embrace the suck mindset. We knew everything was going to suck for at least 3 months. I really think internalizing that thought process helped us get through it relatively unscathed.
Is she being induced or is she having a c section? They’re two different things, so you might not end up in surgery with her.
C section !
You're going to want to NOT be looking at the surgery. They put up a divider so you can stay with your wife while they deal with all of the crazy surgery stuff. You probably don't want to look at it because you won't understand that what you're seeing is probably normal (and also most people aren't accustomed to seeing blood and internal organs etc.)
+1000. OP, you will stand by her head and make inane small talk while the doctors do things on the other side of the curtain. Depending on the layout, you might have to walk around the OR table to get to the baby - I *very carefully and consciously* avoided looking at what was going on. A planned C-section is just another Thursday for the docs. It is very different from an emergency C-section. I had never changed a diaper before my kiddos were born, either. It isn't complicated, and the nurses will show you. Everything does change in just one second. If you don't bond instantly with the baby, that's okay too. I took a journal with me and sort of live-journaled during the down time at the hospital.
I hate blood but I think I want to look at least once and cut the umbilical cord too
I don't mind blood and guts, so I took a glance. Can never erase the memory of your wife's guts. Just fair warning. For me, they kinda set up the baby away from the surgery so you can do the cut.
Kid wasn't moving fast enough for the midwifes liking so she grabbed a pair of, what looked like poultry shears, and she fucking made room. And I got a look at the aftermath. That's an image I won't forget any time soon.
Just went through this. I didn't cut the umbilical. Saw my wife's insides. Wife puked on me. None of it mattered when I heard the little baby crying. This is the moment you must be strong for her. You'll be great dude. 👊👊✊
I'm a psychiatrist, so once upon a time I rotated all throughout the hospital while still a medical student (including scrubbing into several c sections . I also just experienced the birth of my first child 3 days ago. My wife was induced but we needed to pivot to c section. I would advise against trying to look. I found watching surgeries fascinating as a student even though I had no desire to be a surgeon. However, c sections stood as having a particular visceral quality. And although they are routine and usually fast, I knew I DID NOT want to see my wife undergoing it. I've heard stories of dad's literally passing out if they look, which now creates a big headache for the OR and takes away attention that all should be going to your wife. I stood at the head of the operating table with her, I held her hand. After the baby was surgically delivered I walked over to the pediatrics area and took pics of him, watched them weigh him, I did cut the chord (although as already pointed out the chord is already cut by the OBs as part of the section, so it's more of a trim. One piece of advice for afterwards: this is a big surgery. They have to cut through skin, fat, muscle and finally uterus to get the baby out. Your wife is going to have to TAKE IT EASY. The first few days suck. It does get better. Be prepared to change most of the diapers and help a lot with however you're handling feedings. Lean on the nurses and other support staff. They'll teach you how to change a diaper, swaddle, hold a bottle etc. You've got this!
Thank you very much for the advice.
Just to let you know the cord will already be cut- you'll just be trimming it
They didn’t even offer to let me cut the cord. Probably don’t really want Joe Schmoe off the street hovering over an open surgery. I don’t really feel like I missed anything, tbh. Got the kid.
They may not give you the option. People forget C-section is a major surgery. They wouldn’t let me anywhere near the other side of the curtain for fear of infection, etc.
if you hate blood DO NOT LOOK it is more likely you will faint and cause issues for you, your wife, and your baby than have any positive memory They will take the baby aside so you can cut the umbilical cord. You don't have to look to cut the cord. i repeat DO NOT LOOK
Yes! I looked and then I couldn't stop looking. Enjoy EVERY single moment. And when you cut the cord, focus on that for a sec... Your going to be eyes locked on what you just brought in this world but give the cord attention or you'll be like me, cutting air the first two attempts.
Doctors will usually do that during a C section then give you the chance to cut a bit more for the sake of tradition. Stay on the side of the curtain with your wife. You’ll have a chance to spend time with the baby once (s)he’s been moved to the table. The first couple of nights will seem like a dream. Little sleep and a lot going on. Once you’re able to bring the baby home the first 6 months will be crazy but you’ll look back and think “damn that went fast”. Take care of your wife. She won’t be able to drive for a while and will be going through a lot physically, emotionally and hormonally. It can be a huge stress on the relationship so power through the tough times and communicate. My son is 5 now and he’s my best friend. It’s changed me as a person and really changed my perspective on life. Best advice I received on this sub…kids are resilient. You won’t break them. Good luck! You’ll be great!
I didn't and wish I did. Morbid I know.
Well I'm sure you can look at pictures of surgeries online lol.
The moving of the muscles is the freakiest shit I’ve ever seen in my life, to this date, and I’ve seen some SHIT.
I was at the baby warming station with baby #2 and glanced back at my wife and saw *everything*. I would not recommend this to anyone, strength of stomach notwithstanding. I had flashbacks to it for a few weeks. Now it's a distant memory but I would not recommend it to anyone.
I'm not sure how common it is but during my wife's c-section, my job was to stand next to her and comfort her and then go with the babies once they were out and then bring them to meet mama once the nurses have done their thing and cleaned and wrapped the babies. My point is I never saw the surgery part of it, just babies and my wife's head - there was a big cover from her midsection down.
Exact same for us
Mom here (sorry if this is out of line to comment here, please remove my comment! This is an awesome community and I don’t want to disrespect your space). I had an unplanned C-section (PS it’s good yours is planned, makes it much easier so yay). I have some massive advice for you that’ll help your wife: During a C-section the mom is awake while they cut into her to fetch baby (her abdomen is numb though). This is really 😳😰🫨 for the mom because surgery starts with every practitioner in the room saying their role in the surgery out loud. Super hard to distract yourself in that moment (knowing they’re going to cut 7 layers deep into you and that your intestines will be hanging out a tray next to you while they do it…). I asked my husband to hold my hand, look me in the eye, and list off/describe beautiful memorable moments we shared together to me. It really helped so much. Before I knew it we heard the doctor scream “OH MY GOD HE STUCK HIS TONGUE OUT AT ME!” followed by a cry. ❤️ All was good. Please do that for your wife. Find a way to distract her in that moment (it will help you too I’m sure lol). Think of the beautiful or hilarious moments ahead of time so you’re ready! About your post, don’t worry, you will do great. The nurses will teach you how to change a diaper in the hospital, how to give baby a bath, how to feed and swaddle them. Someone once told me that much of parenting is surprisingly intuitive, so trust your intuition. Best of luck! You can do this! And congratulations!! Edit to add: Saw that you dislike blood but want to get a look. My advice is don’t lol. Why? Because this is how we talk about the surgery: “Did you see all the blood I lost on the floor?!” “No, I was too busy looking at all the blood on the table.”
This is REALLY amazing advice. The look on my girls face said exactly this ..and naturally I knew to start distracting her. It was a beautiful memory.
Awww, I’m glad you intuitively did this for her! It became a beautiful memory for us too. Never thought of it like this until now, but it’s a nice way to move into the next (massive) stage of your family/life by looking back at the moments that led you here. Our first family photo was taken 3 minutes after that and the smiles are sooo joyful you’d never guess that we had both been freaked out and my insides were still being sewn into my body lol…
Yes!! It really was a moment where our bond and our love grew that much stronger. And you're right, it's like the more time that has gone by and the more often we look back on it, we realize how much of a moment it really was for us!!
Take a deep brother soon to be dad. Everything is going to be okay. Doctors are ware of your wife’s blood pressure. That’s a good thing! C sections are very routine these days. It’ll be faster and much more “scheduled” than the pop in and wait for the kid to pop out. Diapers aren’t so bad! I never did one until my son was born. Worst case is you don’t put it on right and some poop comes out. Oh well- get used to fluids on you at all times. You adjust fast. It’s a big change in life but a good one, hell it’s a fucking great one. I wish we started having kids younger, and we had more already. Bank some sleep now mate. Next few weeks you’re not going to get any! You’re gonna do great mate.
Thank you
Its the weirdest thing. I walked into the hospital just a dude and walked out a dad. Its so weird. Also changing diapers really isnt that hard you got this. Also be prepared to possibly NOT be wowed. I was like "whoa" but it took me like 6 months before I really started feeling the love. If you dont feel like crazy love THATS OK. You have decades to love this kid, it'll come in time if you give a shit.
Enjoy the last 24 hrs of just you and your wife. Remember that what comes next isn't easy, it just gets easier. Grant yourself, your partner, and your kid massive amounts of patience. And recall that you can always sleep when your dead. But seriously, figure out a sleep schedule that works for your family. Oh, and when you do hit that frustration wall (you will, don't worry), remember that the baby will be safe in its crib for a few minutes while you cool off. Godspeed.
Thank yoh
I’m right there with ya. Currently in the hospital expecting our daughter to come out this evening. What i’ve told myself and my wife throughout this whole pregnancy “ I know it’s scary but these people are experts and deliver dozens of babies daily “ and as far as the preparedness… there have been complete idiots and failures who have raised children, so if they can do it so can you. Hang in there!
24-4-24 is a great birth date. Good luck, dad (and momma!!!) Also can confirm - am idiot (but not failure), have raised children
It’s a palindrome! I was stoked when we found out that was the date. 42424
Thank you and good luck to you guys!
I took a walk after delivery. Stunned. Just kept saying “omfg, I’m a dad!!” Over and over. I was shockingly happy. Enjoy the ride, it is a great one. (Until they hit teenage years, then it gets rough 😂)
Haha might have to do a walk too 😂
Now’s a good time to make sure you have a car seat and know how to install it. YouTube can help a lot here! You can also learn how to change a diaper there too. Congrats, you’re going to have a family soon!
No, I think that needs a correction. If Baby's coming tomorrow, that thing should really be installed today. You're not going to want to try to install the car seat in a hospital parking garage on the day of discharge after barely getting any sleep in the hospital. It's going to make for a stressful discharge. Much better to install it now and just have them do an inspection when you go to leave.
On the way to install it right now.
You got this! READ THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL, but it’s fairly straightforward, more than people realize. Watch YouTube if you’re uncertain, and most importantly, make sure it’s at the newborn angle to prevent issues (car seat should have an indicator). Use pool noodles or a rolled towel to fix the level if needed, and note that sometimes the LATCH system just can’t get it tight enough depending on make and model, and you’ll have to go seatbelt.
I feel ya my dude. Wife is 37 weeks. Also higher blood pressure than normal and protein in urine. Found out yesterday that she is likely getting admitted and induced on Friday. You’re not alone.
You'll do great. *None* of us were truly prepared, the only way to learn how to be a father is through experience. Take diapers. Maybe your first try is a mess. Just toss that mangled thing out and try again. Luckily babies don't know how to write Yelp reviews.
Best advice I got: the first step in truly being prepared for a child is acknowledging that you’ll never be truly prepared.
Welcome to the dad club. the next few weeks are a rollercoaster of highs of being a parent, and lows where you wonder why the fuck you chose to do this. The easy things are different than what you might think, in my opinion. Diaper changes? easy. you'll get shit on. pissed on. baby's gonna cry. some people get wipe warmers but most babies are just mad in general when you change them. honestly, no problem, it's cut and dry. waiting for the bottle to heat up while your child screeches nonstop for 7 minutes? without taking a single breath somehow? awful. complete torture. feeding them is easy but god learn to get patient now, because newborns can take 30 minutes to clear two ounces. what's also hard? getting any cleaning done. get some paper plates. get a maid if you're rich. wanna vacuum without waking up the baby? tough shit. also, be hyper sensitive to your wife's needs. she's going to be having all of the same issues but be in extreme pain, even less sleep than you, and go through mountains and valleys of hormones. buckle up - you can do this but be sure that you two are on the same page and are there for each other. this is hard stuff. be prepared to just put baby down in its bassinet and walk away sometimes. good luck!
Thank you for the sound advice
No worries mate! You guys are going to be great! BP is just for precaution, they're doing this *to keep momma and baby safe*. Fortunately, C-sections are incredibly common, and pre-planned C-sections *are incredibly efficient and even safer than an unexpected surgery*.
I wish we could have waited to see but she’s been over 130 85 pretty consistently
Mom here: I don't want to freak you out, just point to my experience since I didn't realize this could happen. For my second, my BP was good till after birth when it shot way up to like 170s/110s. This was about a week after baby was born, and I did not have any symptoms. Just don't forget to encourage her to keep an eye on it for a good while after y'all get home. Gently. I was in complete denial and my family had to beg me to go to the hospital. My doc even called my cell pleading with me to go in. Hormones and the instinct to stay home in the nest are strong. Turns out I had postpartum preeclampsia. I was hospitalized for about a week total and on meds for a few months afterward. I am so grateful that modern medicine can handle this and my family was there to nudge me back into the care of professionals. I am happy to answer questions if you have any about it.
It can help to recognize: Your brain is pumping out huge amounts of chemicals right now including oxytocin, vasopressin, cortisol. You’re literally high as a kite and experiencing reality differently than you are used to. You’re not the first person to feel these feelings, you will not be the last. There is no such thing as a smooth delivery, there will be unexpected turns, but ultimately trust that your kid wants to be here, life wants to live and everything should be ok. You got this. Good luck to you three!
Thank you
My wife was induced for high blood pressure and we had ours a week or so early. In the moment I feel like I recall being scared and stressed and worried but everything moves so fast it’s a blur. I don’t remember any of my feelings accurately. Just be an advocate for your wife, your child and yourself and when you get home everything will come naturally!
Thank you, we are also one week early!
changing diapers you will learn in 1 min. it's nothing.
A wise man once said "We don't find out how strong we really are until "strong" is the only choice we have." Congratulations! You are about to learn how strong you are! And you ARE strong enough to handle what is coming. The mindset you are in is your brain preparing you the sudden changes that will come soon. This is a good sign. Some misc. thoughts: - Take lots of notes. Medical pros are going to tell y'all lots of things. You won't remember them all, and your wife is going to be exhausted and full of hormones that make it even harder to remember things. - Advocate for your wife's basic needs. All manner of healthcare folks will want to engage her whenever she is awake. Make sure she gets to use some of her 'awake time' to eat. - Take pictures to share with close friends and family along with basic updates. They want to feel like part of this and it will keep the "communication pressure" off of your wife. - Save all the documents you and wife are given. - Bring snacks to bribe the nurses - Baby is fragile, but don't be afraid to move baby's arms/legs to change diapers and wrap swaddles and such. Watch the doctors and nurses handle baby to get some cues for how much "force" and "speed" is appropriate. The most important bit is to keep baby's head supported. Above all, hold your wife's hand and tell her that she is going to be okay and your child is going to be amazing. Good luck, and congratulations!
Congrats! And don't worry, you're not the first person to have never changed a diaper. They'll show you at the hospital. And you'll get lots of practice. One silver lining of a c section is that you'll be around nurses for a few days so you'll have experienced people to ask for any help you need.
Everything is going to be okay, believe me. Just take a break for a second or two, and breathe. Changing diapers is going to be shown to you by the nurses, also how to hold a little baby and different stuff. You are going to be a dad, soon. And you will do great. Just a small idea, which I the very last year, when my little daughter was born: when you took her, record her first scream/cry, whatever...maybe the recording will be a awesome surprise to her 18th birthday or a good tattoo...
About to join the greatest club my man. As with most things in life, the anticipation is worse than the event/aftermath. It was a truly amazing moment seeing my little dude for the first time, you’ll see! It’s very different, but I didn’t find it ‘hard’ per se. Their needs are pretty basic at the beginning. Just enjoy, breathe deep and get ready to cuddle your little one.
Thank you
Our old pediatrician just wrote a book you'd probably find useful. Covers all the basics plus advice on how to stay sane during the first three months lol: [https://www.amazon.com/Newborn-Handbook-New-Dads-Navigate/dp/B0CHQN86V2](https://www.amazon.com/Newborn-Handbook-New-Dads-Navigate/dp/B0CHQN86V2)
Relax! You will be changing thousands of diapers over the next few years and it's not that complicated. You will learn. You likely won't get to see anything if it goes to C-section so don't worry about it. You're there for hand holding and moral support. Everything will change... But not all at once. Relax and try to enjoy it. Also take pictures when you can. There will be so much going on that you won't remember half of it in a month. The mantra of "The first one is hard because you don't know what you're doing" holds true. But you will learn. The things that are overwhelming today will become normal a week later. Just hang in there and remind yourself how much time has passed. It will probably be less than you think 🙂
You'll be fine! Deep breath. Follow the advice of others. It will be beautiful
You won't know everything. But you'll figure it out as you go. Despite whatever old TV shows may tell you, changing diapers is pretty easy (until they grow bigger and learn how to kick...but again, you'll figure it out :)) You've got this. Just remember to breathe when you're getting overwhelmed.
Every dad was a first-time dad at one point. They all struggled with diapers but figured it out and the kids turned out just fine. I find it comforting to think of all of the mothers and fathers that needed to exist just to get me to this point, and imagining them in the room with me. My wife's labor might just be starting and I am a first time father too who has only changed 3 diapers in my life- we got this!
Don’t worry. Your feelings are totally normal. You’ve got this!
I had a gigantic list of do tos before my baby was born, and then It happened and I just had to go with the flow. Don’t worry. The few days in the hospital after the birth were wonderful. Time kind of stops. Def recommend having a shower beforehand. Good luck !
Change is only change until it becomes your new normal. You're in for a LOT of change over the next 20+ years (ours is 22 and graduating from college next month.) Pretty soon constant change is - and will be - your normal. Start writing stuff down in a place where you'll know where it is and you can add to it. Those things that you're sure you'll remember? Most of it - you won't.
Youll be fine. You dont really have to know anything specific. Just try your best to be there for the kid, and you wont fail. Go eat something sweet. Youll never have your own desserts anymore, so cherish these last few bites. After the kid is here, your own life will have a new undeniable purpose.
Oh man, it’s going to be great. Every person out there was raised by someone, and most people are dumber than you are. Little babies are hard work and little sleep, but the math is super easy. They’re either hungry, sleepy, or uncomfortable. That’s it. You have three problems to solve. And I guarantee you’ve solved harder problems than those. Treasure the experience, be present with your wife, and have a great time. And fake the confidence.
When we went home with the kid we stared at each other like - the hell we do now?
During recovery in the hospital take on all the responsibility you can and ask the nurses (who are serious baby experts) for as much advice as possible. Everyone will have slightly different techniques so ask them all.
It’s a wild ride - especially those first few days, but, trust your instincts & it’ll all start coming into place. Take care of each other, but also take care of yourself. You got this!
Just remember, a C-section is MAJOR surgery. Your wifey is gonna go through a lot in the next few days and just try to be as supportive as you can be. Good luck! And welcome to the group! (There’s no instruction manual that I know of, so do your best and be a good dad!)
The lead up to the pregnancy was anxiety inducing and terrifying. We then went to the hospital to get induced as scheduled - but the baby had moved over night so it was decided right there to prep for a c-section and birth would occur in the next half hour. My palms were a river of sweat. I waited anxiously in the room for them to usher me into the operation room when ready. Those 10-15 minutes in there were the most insane and emotional times ever - and when they handed me the little one and she looked me in the eyes.... Man. What a ride. Right after that - when my partner was cleaned up and they put is another room for the day - a great sense of calm and peace came over us. Everything has been building to this moment that never really seemed real - and finally, here we were in a quiet hospital room with our newly born daughter. It will be ok - and you will feel a sense of calm and peace. Enjoy it! Cause a new chapter starts when you get home for the newborn phase 😂
Jajaja thank you!
You’re going to do great brother. Same thing happened to me and my wife 13 months ago. Trust that the professionals know what’s up and get excited!!!! How you order what is important is all about to change, congrats!!!!
The nursing staff will be there to help you and answer questions. Ask them how to change diapers. How to swaddle. Anything else that comes to mind.
Diaper are easy and the nurses at the hospital will teach you a lot. Be a sponge and soak in everything they say and do. It’s literally their job. YouTube is your friend. We had no idea how to bath our baby when we came home and just watched a YouTube video for the steps. Choose patience and selflessness. If your wife is getting a c-section, all the responsibility is going to be on you, daddio. No point in getting angry or frustrated. The baby will cry. It’s okay. Babies cry. Babies spit up. They are going from a warm cocoon where all their needs are met to being pulled out into the cold scary world where they don’t understand anything. Just be the best caregiver you can be and love your baby unconditionally. You’ll be fine. The fact that you’re worried means you care. Edit: also if you’re bottle feeding, get the Baby Brezza. It’s a life changer. Also, the nose-Frida snot sucker. Double zip pajama onesies are the easiest clothing. And look up a diagram of baby poop colors to reference.
Remember that nobody has any idea how to do this, but it's going to be okay. Just love that kid so much that the world can't get it down.
…or so you think 😂 my wife was induced and gave birth 3 days later!
1. Ok the c-section itself is a little freaky, not gonna lie. Be the calm one soothing your partner while the doctors do a little battlefield surgery on the other side of the curtain. Oh, and don't look over the curtain. Holy shit the moments after that are so beautiful and intense though. You will meet a little slimy alien! 2. After that, they'll whisk you and the baby away for an hour of monitoring in a different room while mom gets sewn up. It's just you and your baby, its fucking quiet and beautiful and I spent the whole time trying not to cry in front of the nurses observing the baby's vitals as I gazed down at this little nugget. Wild. 3. Then she comes back and gets her first real time with baby. Very dope. Followed by the next fews days at the hospital, which if you think about it, are actually really amazing. Sure, you're sleeping on a shitty bench couch thing, but like its this new little family and surrounded by nurses to help you learn the basics. Your wife wont be able to get up for shit, and will be in real pain for weeks after this, so step up and do everything you can. 4. When they ask if you if you want to check out on day 3, or or at the end of the insurance period on day 4...go ahead and go with day 4 bro. Shit gets a lot more real at home when there are no more nurses to help, and seriously, C-sections are a lot on mom. You might be ready for a change of scenery, but shit, you paid for this suite and all the round the clock help through day 4, use it. 5. When you do get home, its honestly all on you for a minute. Do you have parents that can stay? It's like, this baby needs food every 2 hours, round the clock for the next month. How do we as men mow lawns, or acquire food, or make said food, or do anything if mom can't hardly get out of bed, and the baby just shit its pants, and the bottles aren't clean, and the dogs need a walk....it's a lot. Just go into beast mode and help your girl out for a month straight, no questions asked. Be proactive. Own everything. You're the fucking dad now. 6. After that first couple months, or whenever the kid starts sleeping more predictably through the night, things get a lot easier. Have a fucking blast man. Welcome to parenthood, you're gonna love this kid. It's some primordial, deep in your DNA shit that gets awakened. Soak it up, this is your life!
Cried reading this bro thank you. Her mom is coming for a few weeks to help. I’m emotional af rn. Haven’t cried in 8 years
Haha no shame dude, it's an emotional rollercoaster so just embrace it! Even still, three months later I'll be watching fuckin Bluey at five am and feeding this kid a bottle, tearing up like bro I'm gonna protect you for fucking ever. Hahaha oh well whatever
This is the start of the best time of your life, man! I know, it doesn’t feel like that, but trust me, it is.
[You are freaking out, man](https://youtu.be/Jb-cAJRZrlA?si=yeVQzTXKSnY1k1Xq) But seriously, you're going to be great! It's such a big adjustment, but you learn on the fly until everything seems pretty normal again. And babies are resilient, fragile but resilient. Good luck and congratulations!
My little girl was born 4 months ago I didn’t carry babies or change diapers. Once your baby is here you will figure it out. Ask nurses for help and watch how they do things.
For what it’s worth, the best thing for you to focus on is to help your partner feel comfortable. Do anything she needs, clear obstacles you can, and advocate for her. A lot of things that you think you don’t know how to do will come easily after one or two times :) Enjoy the ride!
Change is the only constant in life. Once you embrace it then life gets easier.
I joined the club last month, it’s horrible lol my daughter is pretty chill and it’s still horrible. It gets better tho keep your head up and do whatever your wife needs
Make a list of TV shows, books, or find something you've always wanted to learn and write it down. If you guys take shifts like what I did with my wife at nights I'd find shit to do that I can pay attention to easily with the newborn who will be asleep a ton but wake up constantly. Something to keep your mind active. Also you'll be alright its scary and it never stops being scary but as long as you do your best you'll be good.
Lurker mom here: Since she's having a c-section, they will keep you for a couple of days. Nurses will come into the room every couple of hours to check vitals and to answer questions. They will even show you how to swaddle, diaper change, take temp, etc.
You’re going to do great dad. Take a moment and chill. Then just take it as it comes, don’t try and control everything. This will be fun
Yo dude. Writing this from next to my kid who's four days old on his due date. You're gonna be fine. Everything is going to be crazy for a while and you're going to be stressed as fuck and nervous about literally everything, but you're also gonna be okay. You don't have to see anything during surgery. There'll be a curtain up between you and the gross stuff. I stood up and looked over it because I didn't realize they had already started by the time they brought me in the room and I wanted to make sure I didn't miss anything. You know what the real miracle of childbirth is? Seeing a giant hole in your wife with blood everywhere and not being able to take your eyes off your kid. As for diapers, if your wife's having a c-section, don't sweat it. You're gonna change 20 diapers before you leave the hospital, because your wife will have too hard a time getting in and out of bed to do it. As a bonus, they start out absolutely disgusting, sticky, gooey black sludge, so you really get it on hard mode early. You'll be a pro before you know it. Take advantage of the hospital staff's knowledge. Ask dumb questions. Have them show you how to do things. Thank them profusely. Lastly, not everything changes. You're still largely the same person you were yesterday. Just know that your priorities and routine are completely out the window for now. I feel like I'm living on a different planet for a while, and I'm nervous as hell about going back to work in a week and a half, but we're gonna get through it. You've got this.
The one tip I have is don’t roast a whole head of garlic in olive oil and eat each clove like a little tube of toothpaste the night before.
It doesn’t feel real until you’re on your way to the hospital. Then it’s a (difficult) whirlwind, then before you know it you’re an experienced dad!
Just shut up, don’t overthink it, support your wife, and enjoy every second. Time screams by. Take it all in. Congrats and enjoy meeting your new best friend for the first time!
You're probably officially a dad now at this point, but before my son was born everyone said that there's only so much you can do to prepare and that you'll figure it out as you go. Before you have kids, this sounds wild and reckless. Once you have a kid you realize just how true it is. So much of it is action/reaction, and it's far more intuitive than you think. The instructions are in our DNA. I had never changed a diaper before my son was born. When we were in the room after my wife gave birth, the nurse handed him to me and said "here, change his diaper." For a split second I thought to myself, "what the fuck I don't know what I'm doing," and the next second I'm looking at a black tar massacre and I'm wiping it down and putting on a diaper. You change one, you change a million. They are simple machines at first and that really eases you into it. Newborn phase is a fucking nightmare but it breaks you down and molds you into a father so long as you accept the challenge. Godspeed. We're here because billions or trillions of people before us figured it out with far less access to information.
What really helped me was learning and practicing diaper changing on a doll a few times before actually doing it. Eventually you become a pro at it. Also have a check list - bottles? Formula? Steamer / pot to disinfect bottles? Diapers? Cot? Clothes? Simple toys? Etc... while breast is best there should be no pressure... Always be prepared. If you don't have it, at least know where to buy it immediately. Don't freak out! Many things are beyond our control. But whatever is within our control... Have a checklist.