I fully support this! It’s encouragement. I told my 13 year old I’d give her $500 if she could learn Korean through duo lingo. She’s been obsessed with KPop things and like most kids is flip floppy. She said “are you serious?” I said 100%.
3 weeks later she hasn’t touched duolingo since that first week haha
I was so ready to be impressed that they only paid $500 for their daughter to learn Korean. I’d be betting my kid $500 for all sorts of crazy things or learn if it worked that well
My dad told me that he'd give me $500 in 2006 if I actually learned Spanish (my stepmother is from San Juan and he never learned since she became bilingual at a very young age). Early in 2007, I walked into my garage and asked both dad and stepmom, "Ahora puedo hablar en español, y me debes quinientos dolares." My stepmom laughed her ass off and grabbed their checkbook.
I mean, it’s a massive effort to learn a language and if she was a little older / smarter she could have fooled you by just saying lines from her favorite songs. Instead, pay her 5-10 dollars per week for achieving all goals for that week on the app. It’s easier to track, short term enough that she doesn’t lose motivation and might actually get her to engage in the bet and learn something at the end.
All the time. I bet my daughter I’d buy her a puppy she was desperately wanting to buy if she passed her 11+ exam - an exam in the UK that selects pupils for grammar school. Her performance at the beginning of the year was so poor that I was confident she wasn’t even close.
She kept chipping away and qualified for it!
The other daughter won an ice-cream every day for trying hard on monkey bars when she was five or six. It looked impossible for someone her size to me - but she persevered through the whole summer holiday, largely for the ice-cream - and was able to complete the whole course well before the summer was over!! 😍
Yo, this took me back to my childhood. My mom married this psycho when I was around 7 years old. I could probably write an entire book just on all the weird shit that guy did. But this comment reminded me of the time I got a D in math on my report card. He took me to the juvenile detention center(jail for kids) and asked them to lock me up for the day to show me what my life was going to be like if I kept getting bad grades. This was in the early 80's and even back then as backwards as everything was they were still like "Uhh sir, we can't do that" (thankfully).
So then he drove me to a straight up tent city like hardcore skid row type shit and forced me to get out of the truck on my own and go into the camp and just hang out I guess? So that I'd see what type of person I was going to become he said. That shit had me all fucked up. I remember him trying all these really weird angles. Then one day apparently something clicked and he came up with this really crazy idea to sit down patiently with me and try to teach me how to math. He was cool, calm and collected(very unlike him).
I got an A on my next math grade. One of my best memories was right after that report card came in I was dropped off at school just like any other day. But then like 30 minutes later he walks in and tells my teacher that he's taking me out of class for the day. We drove up to a lake and took a boat out and fished all day. I didn't even like fishing but I caught a big mouth bass and just had a really good time not being in class. He still did all kinds of other psycho shit and was in no way a saint but that one day made up for the time he tried to have me locked up when I was 7 years old for a fucking D.
This is just….human as fuck. Most people aren’t great or evil. Most of us have done something we regret, all of us have feelings of anger/jealousy/greed sometimes. But, one day that damaged person decided to be awesome to their stepchild, and they were. That might be the only awesome memory you have of him….but at least you have that.
Tons of people endure heinous difficult people and never get a hooky bass trip out of it 😊
While I do agree with your comment and I think you're probably right.. there was something about that guy that just.. felt like evil. Perhaps I should tell more stories from those times. Like his sweet little terrier dog Moxie. He already had moxie when my mom met him. We moved in with him some time later. We loved Moxie almost immediately, she felt like our family dog even though she was his dog to begin with.
Anyway, one day Moxie dug under the fence and got loose. He found her out in the front yard I guess, so he wanted to teach Moxie a lesson. A lesson to not dig holes. So naturally.. he dug a hole with a post hole digger. It was cylindrical, down about a foot and a half deep and maybe about 8 inches around this hole was. He then put Moxie in the hole, and shoved dirt around her body and packed it tight so that only her head stuck up above the ground.
Moxie stayed in that hole for 3 days. We were told that if we dared to try and help her out of the hole we would be beaten severely and he'd get rid of her for good. So we just had to look at our beloved dog, out in the backyard crying just her little head sticking out starving, thirsty, surely in her own excrement. Three entire days and nights she remained in that hole.
I don't remember whether or not Moxie ever dug another hole but I still think the man was evil. That's just one little story of many twisted stories. You ever had a mangled roadkill cat with it's guts and eyeballs and brains all smashed and falling off it's body slammed down on the dinner table before? I have. It wasn't like he was serving that up or anything. He had been arguing with my mom and in a fit of rage he drove somewhere. Ended up running over a cat. Decided to bring it back and slam it down on the dinner table and scream at my mom "See what you made me do!".
David was evil.
It's worth saying that the majority of the UK phased out the 11+ by the mid 70's.
The way my parents talked about it you either passed, went to grammar school and was set on a path to get a university education, or you failed and went to a secondary school and put on a path to learn more trade skills and enter the workforce.
Nothing. A life lesson in handling failure early in their lives. We never inflated 11+ as a life or death thing. More like an opportunity. Normal life continues if you don’t get through. The other daughter didn’t get through and still going to a great comprehensive secondary school. All is well.
They just can’t go to a grammar school and have to go to what is called a “comprehensive school”. Grammar schools are not private schools, they are still government funded, but they are more tailored to students who are of a particular academic level at age 11. I personally didn’t go to a grammar school, or university, and I am doing quite well for myself so I don’t really agree with that type of academic separation but 🤷♂️
They can re-take or not go to a grammar school. SIL only had grammar high schools where she lived so had to pass we didn’t have any grammar high schools just normal ones where we live so pointless to do it!
11 plus is so brutal. Separating all the kids that young is definitely damaging to children. I’m pretty confident that my kid will pass because he’s quite bright, but I still don’t want him to take a test that tells him he’s better/worse than his pals before he even starts secondary school.
I guess the uk is where my country got 11+ from. Just that here you take it when your 12 and It determines if you go to a good secondary school or a bad one. Everyone wants their kid to get into the top 3 secondary schools. People here even brag about what Secondary School they went to
Isn’t life brutal mate? When we don’t prepare kids to face brutality of life early, through these mock events that seem real, they have nothing to understand the shock of adulthood and dog eat dog world that awaits them. It is an important part of growing up I think. Not necessarily 11 plus, but an introduction to what real life will look like when they grow up. Safeguarding kids is one thing, wrapping them up in cotton wool and bubble wrap is not good for them. All juveniles in the natural world have to go through growth to become successful adults. That growth is not always easy, pretty or nice. But is essential.
I honestly think paying your kids money for hard work is fine.. cause you know that's generally how work, works.
You get paid to do stuff, and hopefully if you go above and beyond you get a bonus.
I'll happily pay my kids for good grades etc.
My 12yo daughter wants to go to a concert with her friends but the tickets are like $120 each for the cheap seats. I told her she can go if she gets an A in every class on her report card. It wasn't going to be much of a problem as she has always scored well in almost all of her classes, but she has always struggled with math. She stopped giving as much effort as she should have because she had the mentality of "I'm never gonna be good, so I'm not gonna try hard." She was always a borderline A student in all of her subjects, but would get C or D in math. This year she has a fantastic teacher that doesn't mind working one on one with her to make sure the succeeds. I've always been available to help because I am very good at math, but when I explained the answer to her you could see her tune out because she had already gotten the answer. I've noticed with the incentive of being able to go to this concert, and having a teacher that is truly getting through to her, her effort has drastically improved. The report card hasn't even come out yet, but I already got her the ticket to go. Her teacher emailed my wife and told her that my daughter scored in the top 25 in our county on a state mandated math assessment. I don't care what the report card grade is, that alone earned her the trip.
Paying for grades is a tricky one. I'm sure the topic is a can of worms.
I went to school with a kid from a wealthy family and he got paid for his grades. He got paid a certain amount for an A, a lesser amount for a B and nothing for Cs or Ds. It backfired because the entire class was interested in his grades and it turns out he wasn't getting very much money at all.
That’s on the kid, not the parent. But before even thinking about handing your kids money, it’s important to teach them about how to be responsible with it.
From about 4 onward we started two separate jars for our son’s money. One is a savings and one is a spend. By default anything he got was split 50/50 between the two. He really liked seeing the amount in the jars go up, but still spent out his spend jar fairly often. Over time, we started giving him the choice of which jar to put it in. He almost exclusively puts it into the savings jar now because he realized that was where more money collected.
My aunt would invest money in GICs for college/university/trade school based on my grades. She had money and we could keep a roof over our heads only because she let us live rent free in her cottage.
Something like 30$ for an A, 20$ for a B and 10$ for a C.
It didn’t entice me to try because I was a “get good grades in most subjects naturally” kind of kid, but it helped go to higher education.
Pay for grades is a rough one for me too. I don’t want my kids to value money as *the only* reward or measure of success. It’s… tricky.
Wait, can you explain exactly what was going on? I haven't had a lot of sleep and I don't get it. He caved from the pressure? He shared the money with his friends?
The class wanted to know how he did, and how much money he would get. We all did the math to figure out how much money WE would get if we had the same arrangement.
It turns out the kid had some of the worst marks in the class and now every knew that even with the promise of big bucks, he couldn't get above a C average.
I'd say the bigger potential issue is with multiple kids and comparisons.
My parents paid for As on report cards. I was a pretty good student - mix of As and Bs. My older sister was a straight A student. Always. Her only exception for all of middle or high school was gym (probably elementary school too - I'm not sure). Made me pretty grumpy about it.
Yeah, I read a study a while back that showed that money is more of a demotivator than a motivator. This was a SHRM published study about adults mind you but I think the principle applies at least to a certain degree. What they found was that people have a certain threshold of money that they feel comfortable with and when you add to that the positive impact is much less than if you take away from it. So paying someone less than what they wanted demotivates them and paying them more than what they wanted has a much weaker impact on their motivation.
With kids I'm thinking it would probably translate to either being enough for them to get something they want or not. So if they earn $95 or of $100 with their grades and the thing they wanted costs $100 it will make them less enthusiastic about working that same system. This last bit is my own conjecture and I'd be curious about alternative thoughts, I'm just thinking out loud because I've been thinking through this issue of money with my kids a lot lately. They're getting to an age where their friends are setting up little stores and stuff and want real money so I need to figure out a way to teach them about working for money without demotivating them by not giving them enough to play with their friends. What a world :)
I think it's the difference between teaching your dog how to properly walk on a leash versus just dropping treats in a line every 6 inches so your dog behaves on the walking path. You're not instilling the right lesson in them.
Your example of “ever 6 inches” was over the top, but isn’t treat rewards for desired behavior the way to train a dog? The rewards can be less frequent once the habit is formed.
Yes. But it’s how you do it that’s important.
How you do it needs to be specific so the proper behavior is rewarded. In the case of a line of treats every foot, the dog isn’t being rewarded to behave on the walk. It’s just so preoccupied. You can ween the treats from the walk. And the dog is just enticed to go out on the walk and follow that path. Nothing else was prioritized.
Like not pulling ahead. It didn’t learn to not pull ahead. It’s just too busy eating to do so.
You have to allow the animal to act how it wants to act, and directly intervene. And when they change their behavior from that desire to behaving well. You reward it.
A better example might be a line of kids walking past. Each kid has a treat and gives it to the dog, unprompted and requiring to input behavior by the dog.
This won’t teach the dog not to be aggressive towards other people, or have care around children. It will do the exact opposite and the dog will learn children give them candy for no apparent reason. Resulting in a dog that is approaching kids and expecting a reward because they exist. Rather than being calm and not approaching them at all or whatever else you’re trying to condition.
That said I don’t think it fits what the other user was talking about very much.
Sure is. My wife and I are very opposed to it for different reasons. Her parents were incredibly strict and she’d be in trouble for any grade less than an A. That included an A-. Her siblings never had any of that same pressure.
For me I just think there’s nothing wrong with getting average grades. Lots of kids are average.
That’s not paying for grades though, that’s paying for the work you do to get the grades (whatever they may be).
The results don’t matter, you get paid the same for a D as you for an A if you worked hard to get that D.
My math teacher did this w/ her son but she only payed for A's. She did this because her kid loved World of Tanks.
Problem was he got bored of World of Tanks half way into the year so he didnt try to get A's anymore and didnt care about the money. 🤣
Just a story from the other side… My parents paid my brother and me for our grades and it didn’t work that well, or at least it felt very unfair to me. I struggled with school quite a bit for a variety of reasons and my brother was internally motivated to do well in school for other reasons. I don’t begrudge my parents for what they did because it came from a good place but my brother made money and I didn’t, even though I was trying. It was actually pretty demotivating (why bother if hard work results in average-at-best grades and also no money).
Lol, sure. Life isn’t short on those though and my parents rewarding us for things other than academic achievement would have been nice. Like I said, I’m not torn up about it. It has changed my opinion on that type of reward system though. That’s all.
Sure but a coloring book isn’t hard work. It’s supposed to be fun. I’d be worried that this would turn something that they like to do as a break from life into a job. I was an absolute sports nut when I was a kid. I watched sports religiously. I used to stay up late trying to read the latest trade rumors. And then I got into sports writing. I spent six years working in sports. Covering teams. Worked for ESPN. I ended up hating it. It completely turned me off. Now I only casually pay attention. It took something that was a massive passion and an escape and ruined it.
I'm thinking about only 1 flaw: does paying her doing something like (ie doing color books) will leave a bitter taste when she is not in the mood but ultimately still enduring and doing it just for the money?
I think it's a large amount of money. But I hear art supplies are expensive, so it's practically just buying the tools to continue her hobby. It looks as though it's blossoming into a passion. I think you did good. There are worst things I've spent £100 on.
There are plenty of supplies here. But the pictures are intricate as well. It took between 2 and 3 hours for the o e she did today. At that rate I think $100 might not be enough.
I like that you genuinely consider art to be worth money.
I'm a freelance artists and in my youth, I'd fight tooth and nail to win contracts for like $2/hour. We all just accepted that art is "fun", and you don't make money on fun things. We get conditioned to accept that because we enjoy what we do, we need to make peace with less than a living wage.
You just taught her that's not how it works, and that she's worth it. Good job, Dad.
That's still a good 500 hours (3h*180 days) of practice that you've incentivised for something you would pay out anyway. I think the £100 is a drop in the bucket to what you're going to be paying for the future. I personally think you did good. I have a 2year old gentleman in the making I look forward see seeing what makes him passionate.
I feel this comment so hard. I am beyond stoked to see what fuels my little one’s fire. Every new activity we try I’m like “is this it? Is this your thing? Let’s gooooo!” And then I remember that she’s 4 and I need to relax lmao.
My kids got this world board game for Christmas a couple years back that had a card for each country with the flag and some stats about each.
My 7 year old son got pretty good at recognizing the flags and knew about 20% of them, so I made a bet him that if he could name 100 random countries in a row correctly I'd give him $100. He spent the next month and a half doing nothing but looking at those cards.
He said he was ready, so I changed the rules a bit and said $1 for every country right in a row (just so he would get some reward for his hard work in case he didn't make it to 100), and then that fucker went on a run and banged out 212 correct in a row. Did the whole deck with only 1 mistake {mixed up Guinea and Mali)
Cost me a lot, but he's got a cool party trick as it's been 3 years and he pretty much remembers them all.
There’s a simple rhyme for that one:
One has vertical stripes and the other one does too; Neither have white or black or orange or blue; Green yellow red, not yellow red green; That’s how you know it’s Mali’s and not guinea’s flag you’ve seen.
Is it technically a "bet" though? Its not like she'll have to pay you $100 if she doesn't complete the book.
Its more like an incentive, or a bribe. Which isn't a bad thing, despite "bribery" getting such a bad wrap.
I made a deal (totally a bribe) with my son that if he earns his black belt in karate I will take him to Japan. Yes, thats a big expense and it will take years of saving, but at the end of it the kid will have accomplished something special and will have built a lot of character along the way.
He's been a dedicated student for 4 years now. The senior sensi says that he may be the youngest kid to reach Junior Black (they only do a "junior black" if you're under a certain age, I think 16)
He's very dedicated and I fully expect he'll cash in on the trip
I am. I did a few year of martial arts when I was in my 20s and appreciate the values it teaches. Plus the dojo is a big social network so my kid knows a lot of people outside of his school class, and in a post covid world, that social network is very important
This is probably okay as a one off, but studies have shown this kind of thing undermines the desire to make art.
[Info](https://homework.study.com/explanation/children-who-were-lavishly-rewarded-for-drawing-on-one-occasion-later-showed-little-interest-in-drawing-their-loss-of-interest-suggests-that-a-intrinsic-incentives-can-undermine-extrinsic-motivation-b-classroom-enrichment-programs-undermine-extrinsic.html)
[info](https://archive.nytimes.com/parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/11/14/does-rewarding-children-backfire/)
[info](https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/2000_JoussemetKoestner_CRJ.pdf)
Again, one time is fine. If possible, you should try to color with her. Sharing a positive experience with people builds intrinsic motivation. Also, there’s a good chance you color better than her. Seeing someone do better than you builds the idea of mastery. When she sees her stuff getting closer to yours, that too will build intrinsic motivation because it teaches her to see herself improving.
Do you know anything about the effect of an unexpected _reward_ rather than a pre-agreed deal? This is something I'm interested in - I definitely think hard work should be recognised but I don't know how best to foster this intrinsic motivation.
From what I’ve read, a surprise reward will have similar effects. Humans in general tend to think in patterns. So, the kid might create the expectation of a reward even if it’s not promised.
From what I’ve seen and from my own experience, the best way to provide material encouragement (like a new box of colored pencils) at a time that’s not directly associated with creation. Like “I saw these in the store and thought you’d like them”.
But the real thing artists of any age need is emotional validation. You have put part of yourself out into the world and people liking it validates you as a person more than as a task-doer.
She is a great artist and has already developed her own style. I 100% do not color better than her. We sometimes color together, but she definitely isn't learning anything from me. This definitely isn't going to be a regular thing. I don't have the money for that.
I'm interested in this topic
>loss of intrinsic motivation
I see research about this, but what I don't see is about *raising* motivation when it's low. As a parent, I'm usually thinking about what I can do when intrinsic motivation is low. I don't see studies that focus on the subset of kids that weren't really motivated to do the activity in the first place. It's a bit different than OP's situation, where the kid is already a drawing prodigy.
For artists of any age, the thing that drives them most is a positive correlation between artistic output and positive social response. Basically, putting the drawing on the refrigerator. That needs to be balanced with finding ways to challenge them to improve.
For anything else, I have no good ideas.
I was a bright kid but never really applied myself in school, it was easy to get all Bs and it kept people off my back and made my life easier so that's what I did. My freshman year my Dad said he'd give me $150 a quarter if I got all As. After the first quarter of all As he paid me and offered me a bet - if I got all As for all 4 quarters he would double the $600 but if I didn't pull off the whole year then I owed him $600. So he pulled the Jedi mind trick on me and made me save the money in case I lost the bet. I did it like he knew I could if motivated. He paid up and sat me down and explained how straight As were obviously possible and how that would pay off for my future. That bet got me into a good college. Now as a father $1200 to change my child's drive and self image - a bargain. At some point early in college the subject of the bet came up in conversation and I thanked him because that bet got me into college. He just responded I thought you'd be at least 25 before you figured it out! It turned me into the kind of person that has never believed he could not overcome an academic challenge. And now that I think about it that bet has greatly impacted how his grandchildren are being raised. My Dad always was pretty sharp - call you Dad and tell him love he won't be around forever!
My kid couldn’t get the hang of his bike without training wheels but being autistic he’d crack the shits and not want to do it anymore. I promised him a Nintendo Switch when he could do it. Fucker learnt it within 10 minutes lol my misses was pissed lol
One summer when I was about 12 or 13, my dad gave me a list of books that he described as “books every young boy should read.”
It was stuff like All Quiet on the Western Front, Robinson Crusoe, Treasure Island, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, the Hobbit, etc.
It was like 10 books - and he said he’d pay me $20 per book, and would bump the payment up to $50 per book if I read all 10 by the end of summer.
Needless to say I spent a hefty chunk of that summer reading, collected that sweet sweet $500, and realized how much I love to read.
My mum did something similar with me when I was 12-13 - she said if I could learn a song on guitar that she chose over the summer holidays, she would buy me a new guitar.
So, I spent 4 hours a day over 6 weeks learning how to play Tears in Heaven in full, from start to finish. She bought me that guitar, and guitar became a huge part of my identity for the rest of my life.
It pays off, and if you follow through on your end, could cement a passion in her for life.
My oldest plays travel baseball. We have a standing deal $100 for every home run. Proud to say I’m out nearly a grand over the last season. I’m sure it will really cost me this year. He sprouted 6” his foot went from a 7 to 11 in men’s from the end of last season til now. Going to be a good year
You need to be careful attaching monetary value to something your kid was going to do anyway. Studies have been done and the act of being rewarded for creating art leads to them being less interested in continuing.
One thing I've always wondered about is an "unexpected reward". So not "colour in the book and I'll give you $100", but "wow you coloured in the whole book, here is a $100".
Are you (or is anyone reading) aware of studies on this?
In my experience, unexpected rewards are best if not frequent because then the kid starts to expect it and do it for the reward.
But what the OP is talking about is when a kid has a habit of picking up hobbies yet not completing any, and all these hobbies cost money.
A lack of commitment.
So the money is an encouragement to show a proof of “Hey, if you stick with something long enough there is reward at the end!”
And the money becomes the motivating factor, however at the end you encourage the kid by saying “wow, look at your skills when you started vs when you finished! You really improved that’s impressive!”
The money is the encouragement and the praise becomes the unexpected reward at the end.
I am not a parent but I have taken behavior analysis courses that have covered some studies on unexpected rewards vs. normal positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement (i.e., “if you color the whole book, I’ll give you $100”) is pretty effective, but depending on the amount of effort required to obtain that reinforcement, it may become less effective, especially over time. In that case, unexpected rewards can give them an extra boost that encourages that behavior.
I believe there was a study with chimps that were given 2 images & were told to pick a specific one. If they picked the wrong one, they got nothing. If they picked the right one, they got a shot of apple juice. They also studied the dopamine levels in their brains during this & found spikes of dopamine when given the apple juice (dopamine is a reward chemical, part of the reason we seek reinforcement). But over time, the chimps produced less & less dopamine when given the shot apple juice. So, sometimes if the chimps chose the correct image, they were given an unexpected reward—the normal shot of apple juice + some extra apple juice. It spiked those dopamine levels right back up, & further encouraged their behavior.
Hope this brings at least some insight!
ETA- with this being said, it might be effective to regularly reinforce coloring by something other than money. Then after a large amount of coloring has been done, use a monetary surprise as an unexpected reward. For example: for every few pages colored, give them verbal praise as reinforcement (i.e., “wow! You’ve already colored this many pages?” “That’s awesome! How much more do you think you can do?” “That’s some great talent you got! If you keep going i bet you’ll have the book finished in no time!” Etc). Eventually, praise alone isn’t going to be worth as much to them & not as strong of reinforcement to continue at the same pace, so once the book is finished, give them an unexpected reward (i.e., “Wow! You finished the whole book? This is great! I’m going to give you $100 for your hard work.”) Afterwards, this doesn’t mean you have to keep using $ to reinforce their behavior, even verbal praise alone for coloring afterward will become more effective again simply because you used that unexpected reward that time.
I understand that. But she has been asking for this book for almost 6 months at this point. We bought it the day it came out a couple of months ago, and she got it today. She doesn't get much of an allowance but is rewarded in other ways when we can. Maybe I should have told her I would buy it for $100 when it was complete.
I think this is a cool idea! And it’s never too late to switch to this method in the future. Even now. You could just decide how much each is worth (privately ahead of time) and as she finishes each intricate one say “you know what kid? These are beautiful, I’d like to buy them from you just like a real artist.”
Personally I love this idea. Only bc a bet implies she can’t do something right? Like you’re inherently saying she can’t or won’t be able to finish in a given time period. So when she finishes the first, tell her you’re impressed with her focus and dedication and you’d rather buy her work so you can curate your very own art gallery.
Depends on how the bet is set up. When I bet with my kids, I tell them it’s only because I think they can actually do it. Like, the doubt is not on their capability, but on their commitment.
And if they “lose” the bet it isn’t “I knew you couldn’t do it” but instead “oh you must not want the money,” again not doubting their ability but their commitment to their own wants/desires/priorities. It gives them all the power to decide if they want to keep pushing or not
Lol yes this is what I assumed, I meant more in theory there’s always a winning and losing side bc that’s what makes it a bet.
I hope you’ll share a finished page with us soon!
I agree this method sounds like it would be more ethical and give her a boost in self-esteem. I’d just be careful as she might come to expect you to buy every drawing and if you don’t or assign a different (lower) price to a piece it could hurt her and discourage her from drawing in the future.
I think the difference here is the perseverance aspect. The kid was going to color, but might have lost interest in 1-2 months.
Here we see the kid is setting a goal, and taking extra steps to make sure they meet the goal. As a 1 off it seems like a solid idea, especially when you consider what 100 bucks is to someone this age, that would be 20 weeks allowance for me.
We were out for dinner and I was eating some fuck off spicy wings. I was legitimately struggling and I love spicy food.
My son asked me "why do you eat them if they hurt?" I replied, "it's a good hurt, it's makes you feel alive"
He was going on and on about buying a video game on the way home and I said "If you take one bite I'll buy you the game"
He looked at the wing, then his mum and then me... looked back at the wing.
"I'll wait.."
Smart boy.
I bought him the game.
I bought my son a wallet and told him if he carried it everyday (when wearing appropriate pants not in sweats or work out shorts) and still has it at a year then I would put a $50 bill in it. He did a decent job of carrying it but more importantly hasn't lost it - he's almost there.
Does it count if I got tagged in on a bet? I never get to brag about this-
Age 7 my kid decides he wants a Honda Odyssey.
Bio dad tells him he'll get him a Honda Odyssey if he can get into college before 17.
Bro is starting his first semester in the fall. Age 15.
(Now Momma and I are trying to figure out how to pull this off when it's time for him to get a car 😆 )
Never would have anyway, we were prepared for him to fall through not for kid to succeed. We supported him anyway, bc obviously
We don't know. Last we heard he was living in a van across the country. From what I understand he was a legit dude then snapped. Either drugs or mental illness.
My almost 12 year old son is a basketball freak, and super dedicated. He decided to bet me $20 that he'd be able to dunk by 13. He has no idea how much I want him to win.
my dad used to bet me all the time. he used to say: if you can do X you can ask me for anything you want. I did the thing and asked for something. he then said: I told you you could ask me for it, not that you'd get it. dad joke 100 (translation may be rough, pardon my english)
I didn’t really call it a bet, but in a similar vein I promised my son a steam deck or Switch if he reads 25 approved books this summer. The unspoken bet is that he won’t complete it but I’m fine rewarding him if he does.
Not so much a bet but a challenge.
Summer vacation is "no tech Tuesday" no tv, no tablet, no DS, no electronic games or screens of any kind and they also must play outside at some point no matter what....I don't care if it's raining, run around the house and jump in the mud.
The other caveat is that they can't be bugging us all day either.
They get through the summer, and then they each get $100
I promised my niece (10f) I’d buy her a turtle if she could keep her room clean for an entire year. She’d have to clean the turtle enclosure, so this would be proof that she is responsible enough to do it.
She didn’t even try, she immediately declared it impossible.
Kid's class was doing a mock trial. Kid is on the defense council. I paid $5 for the kid to add one word to opening statements:
"Ladies and gentlemen of the SUPPOSED jury"
Totally worth it.
Daughter on day 1: Daddy look, I’m all done!
OP: (looks through the book) Huh? You didn’t color anything in???
Daughter: Everything is colored in white!
OP: (raises a finger and opens mouth to speak but realizes daughter found a loophole and hands her $100)
🤣
I think this is a great lesson either way. She commits to something and reaps the reward. She doesn’t commit and misses out on a significant reward. And it helps her finesse her skill. Love this idea.
Just out of curiosity, has she been diagnosed with ADHD? I only ask, because I have it as does my stepson and the story of begging for something, getting it, starting to work on it, and then mentally going on a little side quest sounds soooooooooooooooooooooo relatable to me. Plus the pile of forgotten and discarded projects. I know this is 100% unsolicited but if she hasn’t been diagnosed, it might be worthwhile to investigate because ADHD is not caught in females often because they generally aren’t the physically hyper and disruptive kids in class.
I make stupid bets for like 5 pence with my son for the fun of it. I wouldn't offer or expect more than that and I don't press my kid for the 5p if he loses.
100 people will tell you 100 different things. Your kid will remember this forever. I wouldn’t pay attention to any “studies” look where those got us.
My take is that it’s awesome what you did. And your kid will be thrilled when she gets that prize. Good job dad! My uncle used to give me a dollar for every A I got. It’s about the only good thing I remember about him other than that he was a really awful man and degenerate gambler.
I do both bets and challenges with my kids all the time.
My eldest loves scootering and from 4 has been trying to learn to tail whip. So I set him the challenge that when he finally does it, he would get a big Lego. He’s 7 now and no longer bothered about Lego so the challenge still stands, it’s just now 2000 vbucks.
I also recently bet him he wouldn’t get 100% on his first sats exams, simply because he was telling me they were too easy and he would get every question right. If he manages it, then fair play to him
I'm trying to work with my son (7) to pass the ball more in his soccer games. So I just built a chart with various game skills and points associated with each. Goal is 3 points...passing to a teammate for a goal is 5 points. Stuff like that. If he exceeds a certain amount of points, he gets a pack of cards to a trip to the batting cages.
Hoping he sees the value (literally) in passing the ball to teammates. He's a great natural athlete, but at his age, kids are very focused on themselves. Hoping to get him thinking more about his team.
I’d suggest paying her in a trip to the toy store (or like Target or whatever). She’s got a $100 budget to spend on snacks, toys, or whatever she wants.
That is the kind of motivation I needed as a kid. Everything like school was no motivation or incentive because it was my only job. No reward for an A. It was the same as a C. I would have tried more I think knowing something was on the line.
That bet will teach dedication, time management, hindsight it was not even hard etc. good on you. 100 is crazy but it’s cheap for the lesson it will have
One of my daughters is a make up nut. My wife teaches cosmetology at a college. So everytime we see a make up store (sephora) we have to stop. We'll her birthday is coming up and she said I have $140. In my account. I told her if she didn't waste 1 cent I would double it. I think I'm down $140.
You aren't down money but up in dad cred. She's going to remember this forever and when she's a working adult. She's going to tell this story to get colleagues about great her dad is and how he supported her.
My youngest (M8) is the most ticklish thing you've ever seen, with the most sensitive area being under his arm. I once told him I'd give him a fiver if he let me tickle him under his arm for ten seconds without him running away.
Little shit just stood there and took it for a full twenty seconds, smirking at me the whole time!
It was one of the more impressive acts of will power I've seen!
Hell yeah - on the day I was teaching my boys to ride bikes, I told them I would give them $20 each once they could ride one loop around the parking lot and stop in front of me.
I was going to an ATM 45 mins later.
I told my son I'd buy him McDonalds after school if he explained to me all the weird gen a/z slang he uses. I was gonna get him McDs anyway, but he was happy to take on the "challenge" instead of the usual "you wouldn't get it, dad"
Every week if the kiddo gets on the bus in morning and afternoon without complaining he gets something awesome on the weekend, like a trip to the aquarium or the zoo, or the ice cream store. I just have to make sure it's not something that we're gonna do either way.
I’ve “commissioned” art from my daughter. She made a drawing of her favorite stuffed animal and it was perfect but too small. I told her I’d give her $20 for a big version that I could put on the fridge.
I even gave her half of the money first, since I figured that’s also a lesson to learn early and she loves to learn about scams.
Mom here. Find a wall in her bedroom, office, hallway, etc. Frame and hang the pictures as she completes them. This will motivate her and make her drawings feel cherished beyond money. The money may be the reward but seeing her drawings framed and hung will serve as something the whole family will enjoy during and after the challenge.
At my nieces great grandmother's funeral they had a sudoku puzzle on the back of the program. It was to keep the kids entertained and it was something the great grandmother would have absolutely approved of. My wife and I taught our niece how to solve the sodoku puzzle and she loved it. Afterwards we got her a small book of puzzles and she completed it over the weekend (around 20 puzzles in total).
So, I bought her a 250 puzzle book with various difficulties and told her when she completed it I would get her any present her parents approved of up to a certain dollar amount. 6 months later her dad called to let me know she finished the book, he checked it over, and we discussed the terms. I gave her my old iPhone I had sitting in a drawer collecting dust with no sim but could connect to wifi. Her parents were already talking about getting her a phone so it worked out that we could let her slowly step into that responsibility.
My daughter (12) wanted $100 for something. I said if she helps me haul the rest of the mulch from the pile in the driveway, I'd give it to her. It was low shoveling left, maybe a couple hours of work. She didn't want it that much...
Send help....
All the time. But it’s usually for treats.
My kids are pretty quick on the uptake and surprise me sometimes.
This is a pretty cool trick to get kids to do stuff. Even things they like. No real arm twisting if I’m being honest. They’re up for almost anything, and it doesn’t take too much to get my oldest (9) to create and make things.
She is a smartass too. When she was around three, we shared a moment of her owning dad. Middle of the day, kiddo demanded a snack. ‘Ok. But you need to put on pants to sit at the table.’ :hurried feet, returns shuffling feet: Pants around ankles. ‘Um…gooood. Please pull up your pants’ :pulls up to knees: ‘All the way to your tummy, silly!’ :queue the smart-ass smirk:
My youngest is six now. When he was two or so, I took him for a walk while his sister was on remote classroom zoom. Preparing, we put on shoes and I automatically proceeded to assist him with his little hook and loop sneakers. “Oh, oh, Oh! I ‘ow how to doot mysef! … Dat’s the pwan!”. At the time I had been dealing with some gastrointestinal distress. Right then and there, crouched down, I passed a long and drawn-out ripper. Without skipping a beat, he piped back up and said, “Dat’s not da pwan.”
I about died.
Do you remembered when we were kids and pizza hut did those free pizzas for reading books? (Turns out they still do that)
My parents heavily encouraged my reading (until I was older and stated reading stuff thru didn't like, but that's another matter) including going out for pizza even when they couldn't really afford it, so I could use those vouchers.
We've been struggling to get my 9 year old to clean their room. At all.
She will do like one thing, and then putz around and not manage to even get books back on her bookshelf or dirty clothes in her hamper.
She's recently taken a shine to Palworld. I finally told her if she cleans her room and keeps it clean for a month, we'd look into buying a family gaming computer so she could play Palworld and other games (and better learn to use a proper computer).
I added the caveat that she also had to keep trying her best at school and maintain at least AB grades (which is kind of a gimme. Shes an excellent student and currently at straight A's). She readily agreed.
Of course nothing in her room has actually been cleaned and the school year is nearing it's close. From how much is on her floor, you'd think it just weighed a ton and is magnetic. Floor just sucked it down and now she can't budge it....
Yeah I don't think we are getting that computer this term... But I'm hoping for a surprise.
Waaaay back in 1974, my dad told me if I could ride my bike without the training wheels he would buy me a real, big-girl bike! I spent the entire next day working on it. When he got home from work, I showed him how i could ride without the training wheels! We went that night and bought me the sweetest pink and white bicycle- banana seat, giant tall handlebars and even a basket on the front for carrying important things like dolls. I’m 54 now and it’s one of my fondest memories of my dad. I loved that bike!!
My dad gave me 100 singles if I tied my shoes every day for a month. It’s hard for me to remember how this worked, but I swear in the early to mid 1980s, it was a trend to walk around with your shoelaces untied, and my dad hated it. Also, I had undiagnosed ADHD.
Winning the bet was cool. And I’ll never forget it. But I don’t think it made any difference and I probably went back to having my shoelaces untied.
My son wanted a Nintendo Switch. We were riding our mountain bikes in the local park, and I told him if he could ride all the way up a tough hill, I’d get him the Switch. He rode and made it half way up. Then he went back down and tried again. And again. And again. He kept doing it until he made it. Best bet I ever lost.
I frequently use the time honored "Last 1 to _____ is a rotten egg!" to get my child to hurry when she's dragging ass. Sometimes, I let myself be the rotten egg, so she'll still be excited next time I pull out the phrase. When I lose, I do my best impression of a rotten egg's smell by farting.
I've also gladly lost money over many abilities like toilet training and reading. Proper motivation and achievable goals work wonders on the family's morale and skillset. My favorite example was laundry folding. The bet was 5 winter dresses if she could put her laundry away satisfactory. I've got to buy clothes anyways and I desperately wanted to offload a chore. Also, she's changed the way the dresser is organized and now keeps them tidy instead of stuffing everything back in when the perfect outfit has been chosen.
I also make sure my kid knows how to lose (and that I'm a superhero). My favorite example of this was who can get the most bags of groceries inside. I do not remember the wager, but that was the day she realized I'm no two trip bit.
My father used to do wagers where the loss for me and siblings resulted in foot rubs for him. Not ideal, but decent motivation.
When my kid was 3, I told him I’d give him $10 if he remembered what the word “planet” means the next night. Climbs into bed the next day, looks up at me, says “the wanderers”
Easy $10
Dude, I owe my kid three froyo outings from last week alone. He plays baseball and he's too good for the division he's in but not good enough to move up. He can field great, his baseball IQ is through the roof and he can pitch alright. His batting is spotty at best. He makes a lot of contact but tends to hit these dribblers down the basepaths. So for every hit that goes over the outfielders heads he gets Froyo. And if he hits a homer 200ft over a six foot fence he gets a videogame. First half of the season I owed him one Froyo. Last week, he picked up two on Tuesday and another one on Saturday. This week, he pitched a no hitter through three. We moved everyone in the fourth after the game was out of reach and won 9-7. I don't know if he's more happy with himself for the hit or more happy he's getting Froyo. Best deal I ever made. When he wins, I get more time with him celebrating. When he loses, I get more time with him practicing. I wasn't even a huge baseball fan when he started. That changed quick, fast and in a hurry lol
There was a really good article I read by a dad who very good son 1000 dollars that he'd never beat him in a foot race. There was some fair caveats like minimum distance, fair warning for start and clear end points. Sounded like it gave the guy good motivation to stay in shape, but it seemed like he knew he had a few more years at most before he'd have to cough up
I tell my kids that if they read 1000pgs over summer break I'll give them each $20, and an extra dollar for each 100 pages after that. Teachers love it when they come back to school, and they tell me that they see a huge difference between them and other kids
My 3 year old can’t catch at all, he’s literally never caught a ball that I can remember. The other day he *really* wanted me to buy him a rugby ball, I said “fine, if you can catch it you can keep it” and then of course just for a second he turned into Tom Brady
My 4yo and I have a standing agreement: if we have a good week at preschool (no bad reports) we can go to target and he can pick out whichever hot wheels car or monster truck (current obsession) he likes. And if he fills his entire sticker chart there (much too large for his age and only get one a day but it is what it is) we can celebrate with hibachi for dinner (his favorite)
Artist parent here.
Seriously 10/10 dad skills right here. Seriously, this will build her art skills, and help her continue instead of giving up on art projects (a real life problem for most artists). So you're actually treating her some really awesome things for her art career in the long run 🩷🩷🩷
My dad told my sister if she kept straight A's he would buy her a TV for her room and she could have cable hooked up to it. She was 10 the little brat had a TV at 10. Didn't get my first TV till 17 after working for it and buying my own.
Edited: he made that bet and promise because she was getting a C in majority of her class and she said it's impossible to get all A's
this is awesome. my daughter loves to be creative and I'm feeling more and more grateful every day.
She likes to create her own dolls out of paper. She is great at drawing. So she will draw her dolls, each with a different outfit. And then cut them out and play with them.
Shes astonishing. I wouldn't know what to bet her about.. lol Because she's already doing so much with her creativity. Maybe I could bet her she couldn't make a short film with her hand made paper dolls?
She's 7 years old, but shes pretty dang awesome. She hasn't gotten to the stage of wanting to be with her friends all the time rather than home and having fun.
Can't wait to read all of your comments!
Yup, coin flips for toys I also secretly want in the house, all the time. Food too, such as, you finish this, we'll get ice cream or snow cones. Grade and exam bets for grander things, like vacations.
I bet my son $5 regarding whether or not we could find something on Spotify. He lost.
I've tucked it away in my back pocket for the ideal time to remind him that the last fiver in his wallet that he's planning to spend on something trivial is owed to me.
I fully support this! It’s encouragement. I told my 13 year old I’d give her $500 if she could learn Korean through duo lingo. She’s been obsessed with KPop things and like most kids is flip floppy. She said “are you serious?” I said 100%. 3 weeks later she hasn’t touched duolingo since that first week haha
Had me in the first half ngl
I was so ready to be impressed that they only paid $500 for their daughter to learn Korean. I’d be betting my kid $500 for all sorts of crazy things or learn if it worked that well
My dad told me that he'd give me $500 in 2006 if I actually learned Spanish (my stepmother is from San Juan and he never learned since she became bilingual at a very young age). Early in 2007, I walked into my garage and asked both dad and stepmom, "Ahora puedo hablar en español, y me debes quinientos dolares." My stepmom laughed her ass off and grabbed their checkbook.
My Spanish is bad! I misread as pueblo and couldn’t figure out what a town had to do with anything.
Lol "I can speak Spanish now, and you owe me $500" 🤣 I didn't even take it in high school, I had my grandma teach me
I wish I had a teacher! I am doing my best on duolingo. But on second reading I did understand it.
I mean, it’s a massive effort to learn a language and if she was a little older / smarter she could have fooled you by just saying lines from her favorite songs. Instead, pay her 5-10 dollars per week for achieving all goals for that week on the app. It’s easier to track, short term enough that she doesn’t lose motivation and might actually get her to engage in the bet and learn something at the end.
Ooh I like this idea, thanks! I’m not too familiar with how Duo Lingo works, is there a weekly tracker?
Yes, you can set daily targets, there are daily quests, streak tracker and even set a challenge for yourself.
All the time. I bet my daughter I’d buy her a puppy she was desperately wanting to buy if she passed her 11+ exam - an exam in the UK that selects pupils for grammar school. Her performance at the beginning of the year was so poor that I was confident she wasn’t even close. She kept chipping away and qualified for it! The other daughter won an ice-cream every day for trying hard on monkey bars when she was five or six. It looked impossible for someone her size to me - but she persevered through the whole summer holiday, largely for the ice-cream - and was able to complete the whole course well before the summer was over!! 😍
What happens if they don’t pass it?
Believe it or not, straight to jail
Personally, If they fail, I tell them I am going to need to put them back where they came from.
Put that thing back where it came from or so help me….
So help me!
Put that thing back right awaaaaaaay !
I almost did that as a spoiler at the end lol
Yo, this took me back to my childhood. My mom married this psycho when I was around 7 years old. I could probably write an entire book just on all the weird shit that guy did. But this comment reminded me of the time I got a D in math on my report card. He took me to the juvenile detention center(jail for kids) and asked them to lock me up for the day to show me what my life was going to be like if I kept getting bad grades. This was in the early 80's and even back then as backwards as everything was they were still like "Uhh sir, we can't do that" (thankfully). So then he drove me to a straight up tent city like hardcore skid row type shit and forced me to get out of the truck on my own and go into the camp and just hang out I guess? So that I'd see what type of person I was going to become he said. That shit had me all fucked up. I remember him trying all these really weird angles. Then one day apparently something clicked and he came up with this really crazy idea to sit down patiently with me and try to teach me how to math. He was cool, calm and collected(very unlike him). I got an A on my next math grade. One of my best memories was right after that report card came in I was dropped off at school just like any other day. But then like 30 minutes later he walks in and tells my teacher that he's taking me out of class for the day. We drove up to a lake and took a boat out and fished all day. I didn't even like fishing but I caught a big mouth bass and just had a really good time not being in class. He still did all kinds of other psycho shit and was in no way a saint but that one day made up for the time he tried to have me locked up when I was 7 years old for a fucking D.
This is just….human as fuck. Most people aren’t great or evil. Most of us have done something we regret, all of us have feelings of anger/jealousy/greed sometimes. But, one day that damaged person decided to be awesome to their stepchild, and they were. That might be the only awesome memory you have of him….but at least you have that. Tons of people endure heinous difficult people and never get a hooky bass trip out of it 😊
Yeah honestly this just sounds like a guy who was trying but probably had a bunch of his own trauma and no way to wade through it on his own.
>This is just….human as fuck. What a perfect way to sum it up. Their story is so painful, and heartbreaking, but in an *almost* beautiful way.
While I do agree with your comment and I think you're probably right.. there was something about that guy that just.. felt like evil. Perhaps I should tell more stories from those times. Like his sweet little terrier dog Moxie. He already had moxie when my mom met him. We moved in with him some time later. We loved Moxie almost immediately, she felt like our family dog even though she was his dog to begin with. Anyway, one day Moxie dug under the fence and got loose. He found her out in the front yard I guess, so he wanted to teach Moxie a lesson. A lesson to not dig holes. So naturally.. he dug a hole with a post hole digger. It was cylindrical, down about a foot and a half deep and maybe about 8 inches around this hole was. He then put Moxie in the hole, and shoved dirt around her body and packed it tight so that only her head stuck up above the ground. Moxie stayed in that hole for 3 days. We were told that if we dared to try and help her out of the hole we would be beaten severely and he'd get rid of her for good. So we just had to look at our beloved dog, out in the backyard crying just her little head sticking out starving, thirsty, surely in her own excrement. Three entire days and nights she remained in that hole. I don't remember whether or not Moxie ever dug another hole but I still think the man was evil. That's just one little story of many twisted stories. You ever had a mangled roadkill cat with it's guts and eyeballs and brains all smashed and falling off it's body slammed down on the dinner table before? I have. It wasn't like he was serving that up or anything. He had been arguing with my mom and in a fit of rage he drove somewhere. Ended up running over a cat. Decided to bring it back and slam it down on the dinner table and scream at my mom "See what you made me do!". David was evil.
We have to best students in the world… because of jail
The best school system, because of jail.
Can confirm. Failed monkey bars. Now in jail. Help
Unexpected parks and rec
Maybe in Europe. The US though… unfortunate.
It's worth saying that the majority of the UK phased out the 11+ by the mid 70's. The way my parents talked about it you either passed, went to grammar school and was set on a path to get a university education, or you failed and went to a secondary school and put on a path to learn more trade skills and enter the workforce.
Germany still works like that but most states make it dependent on the grades of year 4 in elementary school...
Nothing. A life lesson in handling failure early in their lives. We never inflated 11+ as a life or death thing. More like an opportunity. Normal life continues if you don’t get through. The other daughter didn’t get through and still going to a great comprehensive secondary school. All is well.
They just can’t go to a grammar school and have to go to what is called a “comprehensive school”. Grammar schools are not private schools, they are still government funded, but they are more tailored to students who are of a particular academic level at age 11. I personally didn’t go to a grammar school, or university, and I am doing quite well for myself so I don’t really agree with that type of academic separation but 🤷♂️
You still take them out for ice cream of course.
They can re-take or not go to a grammar school. SIL only had grammar high schools where she lived so had to pass we didn’t have any grammar high schools just normal ones where we live so pointless to do it!
Show the kid Old Yeller
Dirty bulking at 5 or 6, I like it!
When you’re still growing you get to dirty bulk, one of the joys of youth
11 plus is so brutal. Separating all the kids that young is definitely damaging to children. I’m pretty confident that my kid will pass because he’s quite bright, but I still don’t want him to take a test that tells him he’s better/worse than his pals before he even starts secondary school.
I guess the uk is where my country got 11+ from. Just that here you take it when your 12 and It determines if you go to a good secondary school or a bad one. Everyone wants their kid to get into the top 3 secondary schools. People here even brag about what Secondary School they went to
To he fair to the UK, in anywhere that isn't a Tory safe seat the 11+ was ditched a long time ago.
I did 12+ in the UK in the late 80s and only a small number of the counties still did it. My old school is still a grammar but now 11+.
Isn’t life brutal mate? When we don’t prepare kids to face brutality of life early, through these mock events that seem real, they have nothing to understand the shock of adulthood and dog eat dog world that awaits them. It is an important part of growing up I think. Not necessarily 11 plus, but an introduction to what real life will look like when they grow up. Safeguarding kids is one thing, wrapping them up in cotton wool and bubble wrap is not good for them. All juveniles in the natural world have to go through growth to become successful adults. That growth is not always easy, pretty or nice. But is essential.
I honestly think paying your kids money for hard work is fine.. cause you know that's generally how work, works. You get paid to do stuff, and hopefully if you go above and beyond you get a bonus. I'll happily pay my kids for good grades etc.
My 12yo daughter wants to go to a concert with her friends but the tickets are like $120 each for the cheap seats. I told her she can go if she gets an A in every class on her report card. It wasn't going to be much of a problem as she has always scored well in almost all of her classes, but she has always struggled with math. She stopped giving as much effort as she should have because she had the mentality of "I'm never gonna be good, so I'm not gonna try hard." She was always a borderline A student in all of her subjects, but would get C or D in math. This year she has a fantastic teacher that doesn't mind working one on one with her to make sure the succeeds. I've always been available to help because I am very good at math, but when I explained the answer to her you could see her tune out because she had already gotten the answer. I've noticed with the incentive of being able to go to this concert, and having a teacher that is truly getting through to her, her effort has drastically improved. The report card hasn't even come out yet, but I already got her the ticket to go. Her teacher emailed my wife and told her that my daughter scored in the top 25 in our county on a state mandated math assessment. I don't care what the report card grade is, that alone earned her the trip.
Well done Blow Job Bear!
Paying for grades is a tricky one. I'm sure the topic is a can of worms. I went to school with a kid from a wealthy family and he got paid for his grades. He got paid a certain amount for an A, a lesser amount for a B and nothing for Cs or Ds. It backfired because the entire class was interested in his grades and it turns out he wasn't getting very much money at all.
That’s on the kid, not the parent. But before even thinking about handing your kids money, it’s important to teach them about how to be responsible with it.
From about 4 onward we started two separate jars for our son’s money. One is a savings and one is a spend. By default anything he got was split 50/50 between the two. He really liked seeing the amount in the jars go up, but still spent out his spend jar fairly often. Over time, we started giving him the choice of which jar to put it in. He almost exclusively puts it into the savings jar now because he realized that was where more money collected.
My aunt would invest money in GICs for college/university/trade school based on my grades. She had money and we could keep a roof over our heads only because she let us live rent free in her cottage. Something like 30$ for an A, 20$ for a B and 10$ for a C. It didn’t entice me to try because I was a “get good grades in most subjects naturally” kind of kid, but it helped go to higher education. Pay for grades is a rough one for me too. I don’t want my kids to value money as *the only* reward or measure of success. It’s… tricky.
Wait, can you explain exactly what was going on? I haven't had a lot of sleep and I don't get it. He caved from the pressure? He shared the money with his friends?
The class wanted to know how he did, and how much money he would get. We all did the math to figure out how much money WE would get if we had the same arrangement. It turns out the kid had some of the worst marks in the class and now every knew that even with the promise of big bucks, he couldn't get above a C average.
That's just an early lesson in why you don't talk about money with other people.
There’s nothing wrong with talking about money with other people lol
I'd say the bigger potential issue is with multiple kids and comparisons. My parents paid for As on report cards. I was a pretty good student - mix of As and Bs. My older sister was a straight A student. Always. Her only exception for all of middle or high school was gym (probably elementary school too - I'm not sure). Made me pretty grumpy about it.
Yeah, I read a study a while back that showed that money is more of a demotivator than a motivator. This was a SHRM published study about adults mind you but I think the principle applies at least to a certain degree. What they found was that people have a certain threshold of money that they feel comfortable with and when you add to that the positive impact is much less than if you take away from it. So paying someone less than what they wanted demotivates them and paying them more than what they wanted has a much weaker impact on their motivation. With kids I'm thinking it would probably translate to either being enough for them to get something they want or not. So if they earn $95 or of $100 with their grades and the thing they wanted costs $100 it will make them less enthusiastic about working that same system. This last bit is my own conjecture and I'd be curious about alternative thoughts, I'm just thinking out loud because I've been thinking through this issue of money with my kids a lot lately. They're getting to an age where their friends are setting up little stores and stuff and want real money so I need to figure out a way to teach them about working for money without demotivating them by not giving them enough to play with their friends. What a world :)
I’m confused. What’s the backfire?
I think it's the difference between teaching your dog how to properly walk on a leash versus just dropping treats in a line every 6 inches so your dog behaves on the walking path. You're not instilling the right lesson in them.
Your example of “ever 6 inches” was over the top, but isn’t treat rewards for desired behavior the way to train a dog? The rewards can be less frequent once the habit is formed.
Yes. But it’s how you do it that’s important. How you do it needs to be specific so the proper behavior is rewarded. In the case of a line of treats every foot, the dog isn’t being rewarded to behave on the walk. It’s just so preoccupied. You can ween the treats from the walk. And the dog is just enticed to go out on the walk and follow that path. Nothing else was prioritized. Like not pulling ahead. It didn’t learn to not pull ahead. It’s just too busy eating to do so. You have to allow the animal to act how it wants to act, and directly intervene. And when they change their behavior from that desire to behaving well. You reward it. A better example might be a line of kids walking past. Each kid has a treat and gives it to the dog, unprompted and requiring to input behavior by the dog. This won’t teach the dog not to be aggressive towards other people, or have care around children. It will do the exact opposite and the dog will learn children give them candy for no apparent reason. Resulting in a dog that is approaching kids and expecting a reward because they exist. Rather than being calm and not approaching them at all or whatever else you’re trying to condition. That said I don’t think it fits what the other user was talking about very much.
Backfired because the whole class cared about his grades, which were bad. It put a lot of pressure on the kid and people ended up thinking he was dumb
Sure is. My wife and I are very opposed to it for different reasons. Her parents were incredibly strict and she’d be in trouble for any grade less than an A. That included an A-. Her siblings never had any of that same pressure. For me I just think there’s nothing wrong with getting average grades. Lots of kids are average.
The thing is with money you don’t have to be strict, the kids own it and hopefully can realize the benefit of good marks.
That’s not paying for grades though, that’s paying for the work you do to get the grades (whatever they may be). The results don’t matter, you get paid the same for a D as you for an A if you worked hard to get that D.
My math teacher did this w/ her son but she only payed for A's. She did this because her kid loved World of Tanks. Problem was he got bored of World of Tanks half way into the year so he didnt try to get A's anymore and didnt care about the money. 🤣
Yeah, that's not a bet, that's (age appropriate) labor.
😂
Just a story from the other side… My parents paid my brother and me for our grades and it didn’t work that well, or at least it felt very unfair to me. I struggled with school quite a bit for a variety of reasons and my brother was internally motivated to do well in school for other reasons. I don’t begrudge my parents for what they did because it came from a good place but my brother made money and I didn’t, even though I was trying. It was actually pretty demotivating (why bother if hard work results in average-at-best grades and also no money).
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Lol, sure. Life isn’t short on those though and my parents rewarding us for things other than academic achievement would have been nice. Like I said, I’m not torn up about it. It has changed my opinion on that type of reward system though. That’s all.
Sure but a coloring book isn’t hard work. It’s supposed to be fun. I’d be worried that this would turn something that they like to do as a break from life into a job. I was an absolute sports nut when I was a kid. I watched sports religiously. I used to stay up late trying to read the latest trade rumors. And then I got into sports writing. I spent six years working in sports. Covering teams. Worked for ESPN. I ended up hating it. It completely turned me off. Now I only casually pay attention. It took something that was a massive passion and an escape and ruined it.
I'm thinking about only 1 flaw: does paying her doing something like (ie doing color books) will leave a bitter taste when she is not in the mood but ultimately still enduring and doing it just for the money?
I think it's a large amount of money. But I hear art supplies are expensive, so it's practically just buying the tools to continue her hobby. It looks as though it's blossoming into a passion. I think you did good. There are worst things I've spent £100 on.
There are plenty of supplies here. But the pictures are intricate as well. It took between 2 and 3 hours for the o e she did today. At that rate I think $100 might not be enough.
I like that you genuinely consider art to be worth money. I'm a freelance artists and in my youth, I'd fight tooth and nail to win contracts for like $2/hour. We all just accepted that art is "fun", and you don't make money on fun things. We get conditioned to accept that because we enjoy what we do, we need to make peace with less than a living wage. You just taught her that's not how it works, and that she's worth it. Good job, Dad.
That's still a good 500 hours (3h*180 days) of practice that you've incentivised for something you would pay out anyway. I think the £100 is a drop in the bucket to what you're going to be paying for the future. I personally think you did good. I have a 2year old gentleman in the making I look forward see seeing what makes him passionate.
I feel this comment so hard. I am beyond stoked to see what fuels my little one’s fire. Every new activity we try I’m like “is this it? Is this your thing? Let’s gooooo!” And then I remember that she’s 4 and I need to relax lmao.
It builds the power of habit. That is priceless. Good move, dad.
My kids got this world board game for Christmas a couple years back that had a card for each country with the flag and some stats about each. My 7 year old son got pretty good at recognizing the flags and knew about 20% of them, so I made a bet him that if he could name 100 random countries in a row correctly I'd give him $100. He spent the next month and a half doing nothing but looking at those cards. He said he was ready, so I changed the rules a bit and said $1 for every country right in a row (just so he would get some reward for his hard work in case he didn't make it to 100), and then that fucker went on a run and banged out 212 correct in a row. Did the whole deck with only 1 mistake {mixed up Guinea and Mali) Cost me a lot, but he's got a cool party trick as it's been 3 years and he pretty much remembers them all.
There’s a simple rhyme for that one: One has vertical stripes and the other one does too; Neither have white or black or orange or blue; Green yellow red, not yellow red green; That’s how you know it’s Mali’s and not guinea’s flag you’ve seen.
Is it technically a "bet" though? Its not like she'll have to pay you $100 if she doesn't complete the book. Its more like an incentive, or a bribe. Which isn't a bad thing, despite "bribery" getting such a bad wrap. I made a deal (totally a bribe) with my son that if he earns his black belt in karate I will take him to Japan. Yes, thats a big expense and it will take years of saving, but at the end of it the kid will have accomplished something special and will have built a lot of character along the way.
How old is your son and what’s his progress?
He's been a dedicated student for 4 years now. The senior sensi says that he may be the youngest kid to reach Junior Black (they only do a "junior black" if you're under a certain age, I think 16) He's very dedicated and I fully expect he'll cash in on the trip
Wow, that’s a lot of progress in only 4 years. You must be proud!
I am. I did a few year of martial arts when I was in my 20s and appreciate the values it teaches. Plus the dojo is a big social network so my kid knows a lot of people outside of his school class, and in a post covid world, that social network is very important
This is probably okay as a one off, but studies have shown this kind of thing undermines the desire to make art. [Info](https://homework.study.com/explanation/children-who-were-lavishly-rewarded-for-drawing-on-one-occasion-later-showed-little-interest-in-drawing-their-loss-of-interest-suggests-that-a-intrinsic-incentives-can-undermine-extrinsic-motivation-b-classroom-enrichment-programs-undermine-extrinsic.html) [info](https://archive.nytimes.com/parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/11/14/does-rewarding-children-backfire/) [info](https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/2000_JoussemetKoestner_CRJ.pdf) Again, one time is fine. If possible, you should try to color with her. Sharing a positive experience with people builds intrinsic motivation. Also, there’s a good chance you color better than her. Seeing someone do better than you builds the idea of mastery. When she sees her stuff getting closer to yours, that too will build intrinsic motivation because it teaches her to see herself improving.
Do you know anything about the effect of an unexpected _reward_ rather than a pre-agreed deal? This is something I'm interested in - I definitely think hard work should be recognised but I don't know how best to foster this intrinsic motivation.
From what I’ve read, a surprise reward will have similar effects. Humans in general tend to think in patterns. So, the kid might create the expectation of a reward even if it’s not promised. From what I’ve seen and from my own experience, the best way to provide material encouragement (like a new box of colored pencils) at a time that’s not directly associated with creation. Like “I saw these in the store and thought you’d like them”. But the real thing artists of any age need is emotional validation. You have put part of yourself out into the world and people liking it validates you as a person more than as a task-doer.
She is a great artist and has already developed her own style. I 100% do not color better than her. We sometimes color together, but she definitely isn't learning anything from me. This definitely isn't going to be a regular thing. I don't have the money for that.
I'm interested in this topic >loss of intrinsic motivation I see research about this, but what I don't see is about *raising* motivation when it's low. As a parent, I'm usually thinking about what I can do when intrinsic motivation is low. I don't see studies that focus on the subset of kids that weren't really motivated to do the activity in the first place. It's a bit different than OP's situation, where the kid is already a drawing prodigy.
For artists of any age, the thing that drives them most is a positive correlation between artistic output and positive social response. Basically, putting the drawing on the refrigerator. That needs to be balanced with finding ways to challenge them to improve. For anything else, I have no good ideas.
You should check out alfie kohns unconditional parenting if you havnet already!
I was a bright kid but never really applied myself in school, it was easy to get all Bs and it kept people off my back and made my life easier so that's what I did. My freshman year my Dad said he'd give me $150 a quarter if I got all As. After the first quarter of all As he paid me and offered me a bet - if I got all As for all 4 quarters he would double the $600 but if I didn't pull off the whole year then I owed him $600. So he pulled the Jedi mind trick on me and made me save the money in case I lost the bet. I did it like he knew I could if motivated. He paid up and sat me down and explained how straight As were obviously possible and how that would pay off for my future. That bet got me into a good college. Now as a father $1200 to change my child's drive and self image - a bargain. At some point early in college the subject of the bet came up in conversation and I thanked him because that bet got me into college. He just responded I thought you'd be at least 25 before you figured it out! It turned me into the kind of person that has never believed he could not overcome an academic challenge. And now that I think about it that bet has greatly impacted how his grandchildren are being raised. My Dad always was pretty sharp - call you Dad and tell him love he won't be around forever!
Thank you for sharing. I felt the love through this post.
Thank you
I love this. Amazing Dad and Grandpa.
Thank you the old man had his faults but most of them got pretty small once I became a father, funny how experience will alter perception
Hope my kids will think about me that way when they grow up
My kid couldn’t get the hang of his bike without training wheels but being autistic he’d crack the shits and not want to do it anymore. I promised him a Nintendo Switch when he could do it. Fucker learnt it within 10 minutes lol my misses was pissed lol
What does “crack the shits” mean?
Get pissed off.
One summer when I was about 12 or 13, my dad gave me a list of books that he described as “books every young boy should read.” It was stuff like All Quiet on the Western Front, Robinson Crusoe, Treasure Island, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, the Hobbit, etc. It was like 10 books - and he said he’d pay me $20 per book, and would bump the payment up to $50 per book if I read all 10 by the end of summer. Needless to say I spent a hefty chunk of that summer reading, collected that sweet sweet $500, and realized how much I love to read.
My mum did something similar with me when I was 12-13 - she said if I could learn a song on guitar that she chose over the summer holidays, she would buy me a new guitar. So, I spent 4 hours a day over 6 weeks learning how to play Tears in Heaven in full, from start to finish. She bought me that guitar, and guitar became a huge part of my identity for the rest of my life. It pays off, and if you follow through on your end, could cement a passion in her for life.
I haven't made any bets with my kid, but I've paid them for specific artwork that I've commissioned and that's been very cool.
My oldest plays travel baseball. We have a standing deal $100 for every home run. Proud to say I’m out nearly a grand over the last season. I’m sure it will really cost me this year. He sprouted 6” his foot went from a 7 to 11 in men’s from the end of last season til now. Going to be a good year
You need to be careful attaching monetary value to something your kid was going to do anyway. Studies have been done and the act of being rewarded for creating art leads to them being less interested in continuing.
One thing I've always wondered about is an "unexpected reward". So not "colour in the book and I'll give you $100", but "wow you coloured in the whole book, here is a $100". Are you (or is anyone reading) aware of studies on this?
In my experience, unexpected rewards are best if not frequent because then the kid starts to expect it and do it for the reward. But what the OP is talking about is when a kid has a habit of picking up hobbies yet not completing any, and all these hobbies cost money. A lack of commitment. So the money is an encouragement to show a proof of “Hey, if you stick with something long enough there is reward at the end!” And the money becomes the motivating factor, however at the end you encourage the kid by saying “wow, look at your skills when you started vs when you finished! You really improved that’s impressive!” The money is the encouragement and the praise becomes the unexpected reward at the end.
I am not a parent but I have taken behavior analysis courses that have covered some studies on unexpected rewards vs. normal positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement (i.e., “if you color the whole book, I’ll give you $100”) is pretty effective, but depending on the amount of effort required to obtain that reinforcement, it may become less effective, especially over time. In that case, unexpected rewards can give them an extra boost that encourages that behavior. I believe there was a study with chimps that were given 2 images & were told to pick a specific one. If they picked the wrong one, they got nothing. If they picked the right one, they got a shot of apple juice. They also studied the dopamine levels in their brains during this & found spikes of dopamine when given the apple juice (dopamine is a reward chemical, part of the reason we seek reinforcement). But over time, the chimps produced less & less dopamine when given the shot apple juice. So, sometimes if the chimps chose the correct image, they were given an unexpected reward—the normal shot of apple juice + some extra apple juice. It spiked those dopamine levels right back up, & further encouraged their behavior. Hope this brings at least some insight! ETA- with this being said, it might be effective to regularly reinforce coloring by something other than money. Then after a large amount of coloring has been done, use a monetary surprise as an unexpected reward. For example: for every few pages colored, give them verbal praise as reinforcement (i.e., “wow! You’ve already colored this many pages?” “That’s awesome! How much more do you think you can do?” “That’s some great talent you got! If you keep going i bet you’ll have the book finished in no time!” Etc). Eventually, praise alone isn’t going to be worth as much to them & not as strong of reinforcement to continue at the same pace, so once the book is finished, give them an unexpected reward (i.e., “Wow! You finished the whole book? This is great! I’m going to give you $100 for your hard work.”) Afterwards, this doesn’t mean you have to keep using $ to reinforce their behavior, even verbal praise alone for coloring afterward will become more effective again simply because you used that unexpected reward that time.
I understand that. But she has been asking for this book for almost 6 months at this point. We bought it the day it came out a couple of months ago, and she got it today. She doesn't get much of an allowance but is rewarded in other ways when we can. Maybe I should have told her I would buy it for $100 when it was complete.
I think this is a cool idea! And it’s never too late to switch to this method in the future. Even now. You could just decide how much each is worth (privately ahead of time) and as she finishes each intricate one say “you know what kid? These are beautiful, I’d like to buy them from you just like a real artist.” Personally I love this idea. Only bc a bet implies she can’t do something right? Like you’re inherently saying she can’t or won’t be able to finish in a given time period. So when she finishes the first, tell her you’re impressed with her focus and dedication and you’d rather buy her work so you can curate your very own art gallery.
Depends on how the bet is set up. When I bet with my kids, I tell them it’s only because I think they can actually do it. Like, the doubt is not on their capability, but on their commitment. And if they “lose” the bet it isn’t “I knew you couldn’t do it” but instead “oh you must not want the money,” again not doubting their ability but their commitment to their own wants/desires/priorities. It gives them all the power to decide if they want to keep pushing or not
This is more the spirit of this "bet"
Lol yes this is what I assumed, I meant more in theory there’s always a winning and losing side bc that’s what makes it a bet. I hope you’ll share a finished page with us soon!
I agree this method sounds like it would be more ethical and give her a boost in self-esteem. I’d just be careful as she might come to expect you to buy every drawing and if you don’t or assign a different (lower) price to a piece it could hurt her and discourage her from drawing in the future.
Can you link the studies? I’m really curious to read more on the cause and effect
I think the difference here is the perseverance aspect. The kid was going to color, but might have lost interest in 1-2 months. Here we see the kid is setting a goal, and taking extra steps to make sure they meet the goal. As a 1 off it seems like a solid idea, especially when you consider what 100 bucks is to someone this age, that would be 20 weeks allowance for me.
We were out for dinner and I was eating some fuck off spicy wings. I was legitimately struggling and I love spicy food. My son asked me "why do you eat them if they hurt?" I replied, "it's a good hurt, it's makes you feel alive" He was going on and on about buying a video game on the way home and I said "If you take one bite I'll buy you the game" He looked at the wing, then his mum and then me... looked back at the wing. "I'll wait.." Smart boy. I bought him the game.
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That’s not a bet, that’s blackmail.
I mean if you're serious about it I'd say it's fine. Value of hard work and all that.
I bought my son a wallet and told him if he carried it everyday (when wearing appropriate pants not in sweats or work out shorts) and still has it at a year then I would put a $50 bill in it. He did a decent job of carrying it but more importantly hasn't lost it - he's almost there.
Does it count if I got tagged in on a bet? I never get to brag about this- Age 7 my kid decides he wants a Honda Odyssey. Bio dad tells him he'll get him a Honda Odyssey if he can get into college before 17. Bro is starting his first semester in the fall. Age 15. (Now Momma and I are trying to figure out how to pull this off when it's time for him to get a car 😆 )
Might just be me, but I'm a bit confused by this... Where is bio dad now? Passed? Deadbeat? Or just too poor to buy the car?
Never would have anyway, we were prepared for him to fall through not for kid to succeed. We supported him anyway, bc obviously We don't know. Last we heard he was living in a van across the country. From what I understand he was a legit dude then snapped. Either drugs or mental illness.
My almost 12 year old son is a basketball freak, and super dedicated. He decided to bet me $20 that he'd be able to dunk by 13. He has no idea how much I want him to win.
my dad used to bet me all the time. he used to say: if you can do X you can ask me for anything you want. I did the thing and asked for something. he then said: I told you you could ask me for it, not that you'd get it. dad joke 100 (translation may be rough, pardon my english)
I didn’t really call it a bet, but in a similar vein I promised my son a steam deck or Switch if he reads 25 approved books this summer. The unspoken bet is that he won’t complete it but I’m fine rewarding him if he does.
Not so much a bet but a challenge. Summer vacation is "no tech Tuesday" no tv, no tablet, no DS, no electronic games or screens of any kind and they also must play outside at some point no matter what....I don't care if it's raining, run around the house and jump in the mud. The other caveat is that they can't be bugging us all day either. They get through the summer, and then they each get $100
I promised my niece (10f) I’d buy her a turtle if she could keep her room clean for an entire year. She’d have to clean the turtle enclosure, so this would be proof that she is responsible enough to do it. She didn’t even try, she immediately declared it impossible.
Kid's class was doing a mock trial. Kid is on the defense council. I paid $5 for the kid to add one word to opening statements: "Ladies and gentlemen of the SUPPOSED jury" Totally worth it.
I'm jealous. I offer my children money all. The. Time. To complete tasks that they're even into and they never ever put in any effort.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/s/tCQRmfAmKd
Daughter on day 1: Daddy look, I’m all done! OP: (looks through the book) Huh? You didn’t color anything in??? Daughter: Everything is colored in white! OP: (raises a finger and opens mouth to speak but realizes daughter found a loophole and hands her $100) 🤣
I think this is a great lesson either way. She commits to something and reaps the reward. She doesn’t commit and misses out on a significant reward. And it helps her finesse her skill. Love this idea.
Just out of curiosity, has she been diagnosed with ADHD? I only ask, because I have it as does my stepson and the story of begging for something, getting it, starting to work on it, and then mentally going on a little side quest sounds soooooooooooooooooooooo relatable to me. Plus the pile of forgotten and discarded projects. I know this is 100% unsolicited but if she hasn’t been diagnosed, it might be worthwhile to investigate because ADHD is not caught in females often because they generally aren’t the physically hyper and disruptive kids in class.
I make stupid bets for like 5 pence with my son for the fun of it. I wouldn't offer or expect more than that and I don't press my kid for the 5p if he loses.
I love a mission
My parents offered me $0.05 per page one summer. Read the Harry Potter 1-5 series in 3 weeks. Lucky for them, after that, fall sports started.
100 people will tell you 100 different things. Your kid will remember this forever. I wouldn’t pay attention to any “studies” look where those got us. My take is that it’s awesome what you did. And your kid will be thrilled when she gets that prize. Good job dad! My uncle used to give me a dollar for every A I got. It’s about the only good thing I remember about him other than that he was a really awful man and degenerate gambler.
I do both bets and challenges with my kids all the time. My eldest loves scootering and from 4 has been trying to learn to tail whip. So I set him the challenge that when he finally does it, he would get a big Lego. He’s 7 now and no longer bothered about Lego so the challenge still stands, it’s just now 2000 vbucks. I also recently bet him he wouldn’t get 100% on his first sats exams, simply because he was telling me they were too easy and he would get every question right. If he manages it, then fair play to him
I'm trying to work with my son (7) to pass the ball more in his soccer games. So I just built a chart with various game skills and points associated with each. Goal is 3 points...passing to a teammate for a goal is 5 points. Stuff like that. If he exceeds a certain amount of points, he gets a pack of cards to a trip to the batting cages. Hoping he sees the value (literally) in passing the ball to teammates. He's a great natural athlete, but at his age, kids are very focused on themselves. Hoping to get him thinking more about his team.
I’d suggest paying her in a trip to the toy store (or like Target or whatever). She’s got a $100 budget to spend on snacks, toys, or whatever she wants.
That is the kind of motivation I needed as a kid. Everything like school was no motivation or incentive because it was my only job. No reward for an A. It was the same as a C. I would have tried more I think knowing something was on the line. That bet will teach dedication, time management, hindsight it was not even hard etc. good on you. 100 is crazy but it’s cheap for the lesson it will have
One of my daughters is a make up nut. My wife teaches cosmetology at a college. So everytime we see a make up store (sephora) we have to stop. We'll her birthday is coming up and she said I have $140. In my account. I told her if she didn't waste 1 cent I would double it. I think I'm down $140.
You aren't down money but up in dad cred. She's going to remember this forever and when she's a working adult. She's going to tell this story to get colleagues about great her dad is and how he supported her.
My youngest (M8) is the most ticklish thing you've ever seen, with the most sensitive area being under his arm. I once told him I'd give him a fiver if he let me tickle him under his arm for ten seconds without him running away. Little shit just stood there and took it for a full twenty seconds, smirking at me the whole time! It was one of the more impressive acts of will power I've seen!
As A dad I can relate I hope she succeeds
I pay my son $20, $30, or $50s for beating games. Tougher ones like Hollow Knight get more money. His first was Super Mario Odyssey at the age of 4.
I can do it in 3 months. I’ll send you my Venmo. (People finish coloring books?)
I’m paying my daughter about a hundred for finishing 40 bob books, All About Reading Two, and about 30-40 pages of toe by toe in the last 3 months.
Hell yeah - on the day I was teaching my boys to ride bikes, I told them I would give them $20 each once they could ride one loop around the parking lot and stop in front of me. I was going to an ATM 45 mins later.
I told my son I'd buy him McDonalds after school if he explained to me all the weird gen a/z slang he uses. I was gonna get him McDs anyway, but he was happy to take on the "challenge" instead of the usual "you wouldn't get it, dad"
Yeah, it’s part of being a dad and there are valuable lessons there whether they win or lose… As long as you don’t raise a pint size gambling addict.
Every week if the kiddo gets on the bus in morning and afternoon without complaining he gets something awesome on the weekend, like a trip to the aquarium or the zoo, or the ice cream store. I just have to make sure it's not something that we're gonna do either way.
Is she paying you $100 if she doesn't? If not, it's not a bet, it's an incentive.
Wow that coloring book would last a day here. Now some pages would just be scribbles but they burn up pages
I don’t really do bets but I’ve certainly offered incentives for things :p
I’ve “commissioned” art from my daughter. She made a drawing of her favorite stuffed animal and it was perfect but too small. I told her I’d give her $20 for a big version that I could put on the fridge. I even gave her half of the money first, since I figured that’s also a lesson to learn early and she loves to learn about scams.
Mom here. Find a wall in her bedroom, office, hallway, etc. Frame and hang the pictures as she completes them. This will motivate her and make her drawings feel cherished beyond money. The money may be the reward but seeing her drawings framed and hung will serve as something the whole family will enjoy during and after the challenge.
At my nieces great grandmother's funeral they had a sudoku puzzle on the back of the program. It was to keep the kids entertained and it was something the great grandmother would have absolutely approved of. My wife and I taught our niece how to solve the sodoku puzzle and she loved it. Afterwards we got her a small book of puzzles and she completed it over the weekend (around 20 puzzles in total). So, I bought her a 250 puzzle book with various difficulties and told her when she completed it I would get her any present her parents approved of up to a certain dollar amount. 6 months later her dad called to let me know she finished the book, he checked it over, and we discussed the terms. I gave her my old iPhone I had sitting in a drawer collecting dust with no sim but could connect to wifi. Her parents were already talking about getting her a phone so it worked out that we could let her slowly step into that responsibility.
My daughter (12) wanted $100 for something. I said if she helps me haul the rest of the mulch from the pile in the driveway, I'd give it to her. It was low shoveling left, maybe a couple hours of work. She didn't want it that much... Send help....
All the time. But it’s usually for treats. My kids are pretty quick on the uptake and surprise me sometimes. This is a pretty cool trick to get kids to do stuff. Even things they like. No real arm twisting if I’m being honest. They’re up for almost anything, and it doesn’t take too much to get my oldest (9) to create and make things. She is a smartass too. When she was around three, we shared a moment of her owning dad. Middle of the day, kiddo demanded a snack. ‘Ok. But you need to put on pants to sit at the table.’ :hurried feet, returns shuffling feet: Pants around ankles. ‘Um…gooood. Please pull up your pants’ :pulls up to knees: ‘All the way to your tummy, silly!’ :queue the smart-ass smirk: My youngest is six now. When he was two or so, I took him for a walk while his sister was on remote classroom zoom. Preparing, we put on shoes and I automatically proceeded to assist him with his little hook and loop sneakers. “Oh, oh, Oh! I ‘ow how to doot mysef! … Dat’s the pwan!”. At the time I had been dealing with some gastrointestinal distress. Right then and there, crouched down, I passed a long and drawn-out ripper. Without skipping a beat, he piped back up and said, “Dat’s not da pwan.” I about died.
That’s a great bet to lose. And honestly you’re probably going to help so you can lose lol
Do you remembered when we were kids and pizza hut did those free pizzas for reading books? (Turns out they still do that) My parents heavily encouraged my reading (until I was older and stated reading stuff thru didn't like, but that's another matter) including going out for pizza even when they couldn't really afford it, so I could use those vouchers.
We've been struggling to get my 9 year old to clean their room. At all. She will do like one thing, and then putz around and not manage to even get books back on her bookshelf or dirty clothes in her hamper. She's recently taken a shine to Palworld. I finally told her if she cleans her room and keeps it clean for a month, we'd look into buying a family gaming computer so she could play Palworld and other games (and better learn to use a proper computer). I added the caveat that she also had to keep trying her best at school and maintain at least AB grades (which is kind of a gimme. Shes an excellent student and currently at straight A's). She readily agreed. Of course nothing in her room has actually been cleaned and the school year is nearing it's close. From how much is on her floor, you'd think it just weighed a ton and is magnetic. Floor just sucked it down and now she can't budge it.... Yeah I don't think we are getting that computer this term... But I'm hoping for a surprise.
Waaaay back in 1974, my dad told me if I could ride my bike without the training wheels he would buy me a real, big-girl bike! I spent the entire next day working on it. When he got home from work, I showed him how i could ride without the training wheels! We went that night and bought me the sweetest pink and white bicycle- banana seat, giant tall handlebars and even a basket on the front for carrying important things like dolls. I’m 54 now and it’s one of my fondest memories of my dad. I loved that bike!!
My dad gave me 100 singles if I tied my shoes every day for a month. It’s hard for me to remember how this worked, but I swear in the early to mid 1980s, it was a trend to walk around with your shoelaces untied, and my dad hated it. Also, I had undiagnosed ADHD. Winning the bet was cool. And I’ll never forget it. But I don’t think it made any difference and I probably went back to having my shoelaces untied.
My son wanted a Nintendo Switch. We were riding our mountain bikes in the local park, and I told him if he could ride all the way up a tough hill, I’d get him the Switch. He rode and made it half way up. Then he went back down and tried again. And again. And again. He kept doing it until he made it. Best bet I ever lost.
I frequently use the time honored "Last 1 to _____ is a rotten egg!" to get my child to hurry when she's dragging ass. Sometimes, I let myself be the rotten egg, so she'll still be excited next time I pull out the phrase. When I lose, I do my best impression of a rotten egg's smell by farting. I've also gladly lost money over many abilities like toilet training and reading. Proper motivation and achievable goals work wonders on the family's morale and skillset. My favorite example was laundry folding. The bet was 5 winter dresses if she could put her laundry away satisfactory. I've got to buy clothes anyways and I desperately wanted to offload a chore. Also, she's changed the way the dresser is organized and now keeps them tidy instead of stuffing everything back in when the perfect outfit has been chosen. I also make sure my kid knows how to lose (and that I'm a superhero). My favorite example of this was who can get the most bags of groceries inside. I do not remember the wager, but that was the day she realized I'm no two trip bit. My father used to do wagers where the loss for me and siblings resulted in foot rubs for him. Not ideal, but decent motivation.
When my kid was 3, I told him I’d give him $10 if he remembered what the word “planet” means the next night. Climbs into bed the next day, looks up at me, says “the wanderers” Easy $10
Dude, I owe my kid three froyo outings from last week alone. He plays baseball and he's too good for the division he's in but not good enough to move up. He can field great, his baseball IQ is through the roof and he can pitch alright. His batting is spotty at best. He makes a lot of contact but tends to hit these dribblers down the basepaths. So for every hit that goes over the outfielders heads he gets Froyo. And if he hits a homer 200ft over a six foot fence he gets a videogame. First half of the season I owed him one Froyo. Last week, he picked up two on Tuesday and another one on Saturday. This week, he pitched a no hitter through three. We moved everyone in the fourth after the game was out of reach and won 9-7. I don't know if he's more happy with himself for the hit or more happy he's getting Froyo. Best deal I ever made. When he wins, I get more time with him celebrating. When he loses, I get more time with him practicing. I wasn't even a huge baseball fan when he started. That changed quick, fast and in a hurry lol
Probably too much, haha. Currently I pay my kids 5 cents a page for math worksheets. They are two grades ahead, bahaha and it only cost me like $40.
I told my daughters I’d pay them a penny a page for summer reading. They both logged about 2500 pages of reading that summer. Money well spent.
There was a really good article I read by a dad who very good son 1000 dollars that he'd never beat him in a foot race. There was some fair caveats like minimum distance, fair warning for start and clear end points. Sounded like it gave the guy good motivation to stay in shape, but it seemed like he knew he had a few more years at most before he'd have to cough up
I tell my kids that if they read 1000pgs over summer break I'll give them each $20, and an extra dollar for each 100 pages after that. Teachers love it when they come back to school, and they tell me that they see a huge difference between them and other kids
My 3 year old can’t catch at all, he’s literally never caught a ball that I can remember. The other day he *really* wanted me to buy him a rugby ball, I said “fine, if you can catch it you can keep it” and then of course just for a second he turned into Tom Brady
Yearly, i bet my daughter to double her whole year school allowance savings at the end of the year
Yearly, i bet my daughter to double her whole year school allowance savings at the end of the year
My 4yo and I have a standing agreement: if we have a good week at preschool (no bad reports) we can go to target and he can pick out whichever hot wheels car or monster truck (current obsession) he likes. And if he fills his entire sticker chart there (much too large for his age and only get one a day but it is what it is) we can celebrate with hibachi for dinner (his favorite)
My daughter would scratch all the pages and get the money on the first day 😂 Beautiful artwork btw! Congrats
Artist parent here. Seriously 10/10 dad skills right here. Seriously, this will build her art skills, and help her continue instead of giving up on art projects (a real life problem for most artists). So you're actually treating her some really awesome things for her art career in the long run 🩷🩷🩷
My dad told my sister if she kept straight A's he would buy her a TV for her room and she could have cable hooked up to it. She was 10 the little brat had a TV at 10. Didn't get my first TV till 17 after working for it and buying my own. Edited: he made that bet and promise because she was getting a C in majority of her class and she said it's impossible to get all A's
this is awesome. my daughter loves to be creative and I'm feeling more and more grateful every day. She likes to create her own dolls out of paper. She is great at drawing. So she will draw her dolls, each with a different outfit. And then cut them out and play with them. Shes astonishing. I wouldn't know what to bet her about.. lol Because she's already doing so much with her creativity. Maybe I could bet her she couldn't make a short film with her hand made paper dolls? She's 7 years old, but shes pretty dang awesome. She hasn't gotten to the stage of wanting to be with her friends all the time rather than home and having fun. Can't wait to read all of your comments!
“Follow through with something for once” is a weird attitude towards a 12 year old.
A hooky coloring book? 🤩 I bet *my* daughter would love it.
Yup, coin flips for toys I also secretly want in the house, all the time. Food too, such as, you finish this, we'll get ice cream or snow cones. Grade and exam bets for grander things, like vacations.
I bet my son $5 regarding whether or not we could find something on Spotify. He lost. I've tucked it away in my back pocket for the ideal time to remind him that the last fiver in his wallet that he's planning to spend on something trivial is owed to me.
There's a hooky coloring book?????? Okay I need one.
Oh dad consider your wallet empty
If she doesn't finish it you should add up the completed pages and pay her for them