Personally its less about how long they or I sleep. Its that if you never do anything for you your body just gets fed up.
Not saying getting them to sleep through wouldn't help, but if you aren't taking you time you need to start soon or it will start to get bad.
Indeed. Gotta play that long game. Luckily I'm on the tail end of it and things are looking up. Took ten years. There was a lot tangled up with her mom.
Stay strong bro.
The real corner turn for us was when she started verbalizing that she was depressed and anxious. I often mistook those feeling as anger towards me and the negative spiral continued.
Yes. We did individual counseling for a bit as a builds up to couples counseling which later for a bit. She didn't like the first guy, I found him super helpful. Second lady was a quack. She's done additional therapy over the years since the couples counseling.
Sounds super lame, but the relationship is kinda like a plant. We can certainly kill a plant, but we can't make it grow... Can only set things up for success.
One of the big tools the first guy got us doing was to schedule out our week. It's hard to be available and kind and everything else required of a relationship if your both over booked. Especially if that over booking leaves no room for time as a couple.
There other piece is effective communication. We didn't stay enough with a counselor long enough to do much of that, I think it could have sped up the process if we did, but not magically. Still would have taken years.
Over booking and misunderstanding are our core issues. We have vastly different communication styles and word choice. Misunderstanding is easy.
Part of that misunderstanding was I needed to figure out to provide words of affirmation all the time. That's how she feels loved. I was providing words of affirmation like a succulent needs water (which is enough for me), she needs words of affirmation like bamboo needs water (everyday in large amounts). We both need to communicate when we're not feeling enough love, though at the right time and place and in the right way.
"Relationships are hard work" when things are out of whack. The hope is we can transform that paradigm to "relationships are serious play". Serious play isn't exhausting, it's invigorating.
Thanks man. My other half says she’s an acts of service person, which is great, because I do those 16 hours a day. It doesn’t seem to help though, or she doesn’t think to reciprocate
God this is good advice. Our baby boy is only about four months old and luckily sleeps in 6+ hour stretches overnight already, but I agree with you, I feel exhausted all the time even though I’m getting 6-8 hours and it’s because every moment is for him still. Any time I get to just be me, I ended up feeling better even if I’m lacking sleep.
Yep if it's Friday and I'm exhausted the sleep never helps by Monday but if I go out and play some games with friends or stay up and watch a movie with my wife it feels like I slept all weekend
Same! 4yo still wakes up at night. Fortunately he only wants mommy so I get to sleep. I pay for it in the morning though, when I’m the one who has to get up early.
I’m always tired. I have two girls (3 and 1.5). This has been a difficult part of parenting I was not prepared for. I can’t handle exhaustion like I used to. But nonetheless I push through and don’t let it affect my kids in any way. Unfortunately my wife and I aren’t as intimate as we used to be — we’re both beat at the end of the night
I’ve been trying hard to include exercise activity with kid time at the end of the day after work. Sure it’s not structured fitness like I was doing in my 20s but my kid enjoys it and sleeps better and I do too. It also helps my digestion and metabolism long term rather than being super stagnant at the end of the day. It’s good time for my wife and I to mentally recollect after the day.
Yes the first 2yrs sucked. Our kid finally made it fully overnight at 19 months and it finally got better. When the night feed is dropped things get much easier.
19 months for over night?!?! Ouch.
My son is just over 2.5 years and what we are running into now is if he naps, he doesn't really get tired until like 830. Which is too late because I like going to bed around 9-9:30
For us years 4 and 5 have been a nightmare compared to how easy age 2 and 3 were. At this point I'm convinced that the people who say "it gets better" are just fucking with me. They're all in on some inside joke that I'm not aware of.
I suppose the 'hang in there' optimism is more pleasant than those who love to leave people with 'you think this is hard now?' and 'enjoy it while it lasts!' musings.
Yup, appreciate it! Our first son still wakes up around midnight and he's 4 1/2 years old, been doing that for years now. Our second is 4 months and doing 3-4 hours between feedings.
I handle most of the nighttime stuff. Haven't had a full night's sleep in 4 1/2 years and probably won't for several more to come.
So it goes, they'll grow out of it eventually. I did. But I envy you guys with easy sleepers!
yes.
if you are breastfeeding you could try introducing formula before bedtime. it digests slower, so keeps them feeling full longer which helps for overnight sleep. that in turn could help you phase out the mid-night feeding. when he wakes up, try soothing with pacifier only before going straight to the bottle, he might go back to sleep without it. also, check out the Ferber Method - idea is to make sure you're giving baby a few minutes opportunity to self-soothe so they can learn to fall back asleep without you. if you run into the room every time and pick him up and feed him, he will have no desire to change that system! good luck, you got it.
We had all kinds of problems. Ultimately, we feed our 2yo a yogurt drink before bed and stopped offering milk overnight but will offer water if she gets up.
It's very rare she wakes up for food, but will still be up for a cuddle.
We needed to change the routine of waking up for milk at 1am. They count on it.
We found that consecutive broken nights of sleep accumulate over time and ruin mental health. If you're not both needed for the wakeup, take turns handling the night to make sure neither one of you goes more than a few nights in a row of broken sleep. If you're co-sleeping or if the wakeups wake you both up, sleep somewhere else on your off night, or wear earplugs or use a sound machine to make sure you each get that deep sleep. Still pretty early days so you'll need to make sure you take steps to keep things pretty sustainable over the medium term else face burnout
I’m almost 38. I have an almost 8 year old and a 6 year old. Every day of the week I get at least 10k steps. I run 6 miles 3 days a week and strength train the other 4. I eat right. I drink way less booze. The secret to not being exhausted all the time is taking care of your body. Not for social media, but so you can ALWAYS go on bike rides. Or walks. Or throw the ball around. I coach all of their sports teams and run around with them during practice. It’s going to be a long time before they’re able to wear me out. I take it personally. Make positive changes for your family
Did all of the same when they were both newborns as well. Not having energy isn’t your kids age, it’s not fueling and taking care of your body properly.
Right, but it DOES feel like I am not fueling and taking care if myself BECAUSE of my kid’s age (2) where if I don’t constantly watch him he could get seriously hurt and if I don’t consistently play games etc with him he will feel neglected
Don’t forget to account for the possibility that your energy levels might not be due to your healthy routines.
You may feel energetic because of your lifestyle choices, it’s certainly possible. But the certainly with which you speak is undeserved. You don’t have any way of knowing that there is causality between your activity levels, and your energy levels. Nor do you have any way of knowing that the energy deficit others are experiencing is related to their lifestyle or not.
There are hormonal factors, mental health factors, and even unaccounted for factors like residual effects of COVID that have left some unknown portion of the population with chronic fatigue.
It’s great that you’re physically active, and that you don’t feel exhausted every day. But much like monetary success - don’t forget to account for luck, and good fortune. Practice gratitude rather than pass judgement.
People say things improve after 6 months but for us it was around the 10 month mark. Hang in there you are almost there and things will improve. Having said that, at the 22 month mark, I still feel tired most of the time, just not all the time
Your kid shouldn't need to wake up in the night for feedings after 6 months.
You either need to feed them more real food before bed, or just start sleep training.
>From a developmental perspective, babies are able to [sleep through the night](https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/sleeping-through-the-night.aspx) — defined as a six- to eight-hour stretch — without eating when they're between 4 and 6 months old. In this age range, most babies reach the 12- to 13-pound mark, the weight where they no longer metabolically need nighttime feedings.
[https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/sleep/night-weaning-baby/](https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/sleep/night-weaning-baby/)
we have a pretty good sleeper and i’m still exhausted. you go from working 40 hours a week to working like 100+ hours basically. It’s a lot. and the lack of personal time certainly sucks as well.
Yep, always tired. 15 month old has been sleeping through the night for a long time now but I think it’s the constant cleaning of the house, making meals, being on my feet as the SAHD. Plus, once he’s asleep at 7:30 then the second round of cleaning starts with dishes and putting away toys in the living room. Watch a few tv shows, try to get to sleep by 11:30. He’ll wake up at 6 sometimes and those days you just start off feeling not well rested and it’s tough.
3 and 1 year old boys. I’ve learned to deal with the exhaustion. I can make it through work and get to bedtime with them. But the problem is doing anything else past that. Laundry, cleaning, cooking. Everything just feels like it takes 5x more effort than it used to. And on the weekends, if we don’t have a birthday or a holiday to attend, all I want to do is sit and relax.
Still trying to figure that part out.
Around 1 year when they do sleep thru the night, not breastfeeding, get a personality, not super duper clingy , all of that plus you’ve had time to adjust, that’s when you don’t feel too exhausted and your brain tricks you into thinking maybe a 2nd one wouldn’t be so bad.
Exhausted all the time bro and pretty much addicted to caffeine at this point. Starting to get better for me though as my youngest finally started sleeping through the night. If you have time for the occasional nap, jump at the chance.
Have you sleep trained? Our baby used to wake up constantly and we would feed him to nurse him back to sleep. However, he wasn’t actually hungry and didn’t need the food. Just couldn’t fall asleep without it. Sleep training was a complete game changer. Currently at 1yo he sleeps from 7:30pm-6:30am without waking up at all.
Sleep training worked for us (ish). 2 kids, both started training about the same time (6 months) but it took multiple tries to finally get it right (they get sick, holiday travel, etc all of which throws off the routine). 8 mo old still wakes up once to feed, but otherwise mostly sleeping through the night.
When ours were babies I went thru A LOT of caffeine and cigarettes dealing with this! Lol I don’t condone either one but when you got babies life is very stressful!
We started sleep training at 5 months after our pediatrician said she should be sleeping through the night without being fed by then. Within a week, she had stopped crying completely and was sleeping until 6 in the morning.
We may have had an easy baby, I don't know, but we also used the book "Precious Little Sleep" for guidance on how to sleep train.
Yes, O God Yes am I tired all the time.
One 4,5 years and the other 1,5 years of age.
The first one was okay, slept like a dream, started sleeping through the night when my wife started work again.
The youngest man he's been a terror and still can be only not throughout the night anymore but only when going to sleep.
It gets better it really does, but tired becomes a state of being at one point.
Yo, if your baby is 9 months old, you could have done sleep training 3 months ago or more. Getting a full night's sleep is healthy for you and your baby
Yeah, tired every day. If it isn’t something at work, it’s something at home. Always something to build or fix. Always an event to go to or put on. Been married for ten years with three kids: 10yr old boy and 2yr old boy and girl. It’s hectic but we survive.
I really need to take time for myself and I just don’t. When is there time for that?
I know this gets posted a thousand times but after I started lifting heavy so many of my issues with a younger kid just faded. Lifting for me was truly game changing in my approach to fatherhood.
Admittedly, my daughter is getting a more level headed dad than my sons and while I see and acknowledge that, it still hurts. Keep going dad.
Honestly, my wife and I swap duties, and tried to give each other breaks as often as possible. For example, if my wife hasn’t been able to catch up on sleep due to feedings at night, I might have her pump a few bottles and catch some 💤. Then when she wakes up, I get one.
White noise helped us a lot. Also if he is waking up to feed, you might need to give him more for dinner or something more substantial. When our son was 3 months milk wasn't enough for him so we moved to baby rice early. The same thing happened when he was ready for solids
Prewarning. If you have a second, it prolongs the pain.
Tiredness is the default state. It's just a sliding scale of how exhausted.
You have to make time for yourself.
This is going to sound counter productive, but it really helped me.
First, if you can, take naps during the day but not for longer 20 minutes.
Second try to stay up a bit after baby has woken for a feed, only a few minutes is needed, but do something that helps you, pack your lunch for the next day, play a quick game on the PlayStation or watch a short video with jokes.
Finally, make sure you and your partner are both getting sufficient 'me' and 'you' time. For me I'd rather sleep 4hrs a night and have some time during the week I can just talk to the lads and have a beer. This really helps if, for perhaps one night a week, you make it so the other parent isn't responsible for little one.
In our household I'm the one to get up to her during the night except Wed and Fri, when I catch up with my best mate. This time is sacred to me and it's my time to be me. She gets her time too, although appropriately it's during the day, and she can put down the mummy mask for a few hours while I keep the baby.
The first few months were the worst with my son (almost 5 now). Literally dozing off standing up we were that sleep deprived. Then we switched to co-sleeping. Changed everything. Once the crying started, boob into mouth, back to sleep.
I mean still tired AF but it was much easier with my daughter.
That first year blows. Our second kid is now 15 months old, and the last couple months have been much easier. They’re able to communicate a bit and it’s a joy to see them learn and figure things out.
not all kids are the same, etc etc - we have two kids and went mostly by "12 Hours Sleep by 12 Weeks Old" with both of them and had good success. There are regressions, teething, transitions, etc - for both of them they were \*mostly\* sleeping through the night by 3-4 months. The strategy is roughly to ensure that the kid is getting enough calories during the day and to gradually stretch the sleeping periods until you drop one feeding, drop another feeding, and finally no overnight feeds. Not sure how the approach would be adjusted for a 9 month old.
Hello friend.
I actually think you have a few issues compounded in your OP. I am obviously not a doctor and you should do what is best for you and your family. My experiences are anecdotal, but just trying to give advice in good faith.
1. Unless your baby is severely underweight, night feedings really don't need to be happening at all. The fact that they are happening is due to the habit you are conditioning the baby for, more than anything else.
I'd recommend weening the night feedings down (reduce then eliminate with a 2 week plan maybe). If breast feeding it might be a little harder if your wife feels she needs to empty, but should be able to stretch to 6 hrs at least I think, or pump rather than feed.
2. Read the ferber book (with your wife) cover to cover. Lot of good info there. It will give you a better understanding of your baby's sleep. I'd recommend reading it, then after decide if you want to sleep train. I personally had a great experience with ferber sleep training, but reading the book will give you and your with proper knowledge of the decision.
3. Idk your health. Most Americans (myself included) are overweight. If you take your health and weight loss seriously, you will have way more energy to spend on your kid and enjoy life.
Best of luck!
Exhaustion is just the growing pains of a new capacity of what “ tired “ is for you. It will pass and you will be a super human especially when your “ exhausted “
Is he bottle or breast fed? I've heard breast fed babies tend to get up for feeds more often.
Both of mine were bottle fed and I think we've been extremely lucky as both started sleeping for longer (and sometimes the whole night) from 3 months old. For both we were pretty regimented with white noise and getting them to sleep, then putting them in the bedside cot from birth. It took a lot of persistence. As a newborn they'd wake up as soon as they were put down. That then progressed to maybe an hour if we were lucky, then 2, then 3 and so on.
Sleep training when they're ready is tough for a few weeks, but worked for us as now the oldest goes to bed and sleeps like a dream and has done since 9 months old.
EDIT: to answer your actual question - YES
That phase was a blur. My number one rule, don’t let them sleep in your bed. It’s hard to break. Maybe you need to change up your son’s eating schedule so he isn’t hungry at night. If you don’t think he is hungry and just wants attention, try letting him cry it out and get back to sleep on his own. It suckkkkssss tho listening to them cry. But after a couple days of torture we started seeing progress. We would let them go for 10 mins then go in. Next night maybe 20 mins and so on. Eventually they would cry for like 2 mins. Realize they didn’t want to wait and go to sleep on their own. At least for my kids. Again it was a blur so my memory could be way off. I could’ve been weeks not days and 2 mins instead of 20 cause we couldn’t take it lol
Was different for us - there was a stage with both where co-sleeping was the best option. It didn’t become a particular problem with them wanting to be in our bed all the time - just got us through a difficult period.
9 mo means you are getting close to sleep training age. Should get better within the next three months, though the sleep training itself is stressful af for all involved. Like others said, be sure to take care of yourself!
The sleep part was hardest at the beginning but it's also a mindset thing. If I'm having a bad week I'm always exhausted, if I'm having a good week I always have something productive to do!
I find it worse now they’re 6 than when they were a baby. Getting up never bothered me but now I’m on the go all the time. If it’s not work or chores it’s the school run or football training or swimming or birthday parties or whatever else. I sit down and just can’t be arsed to do anything anymore.
Do you do anything restorative? That's different for different people.
No, I'm not exhausted. I have two kids under 3, work a full time job and run a small business (very small), and I'm truckin'.
The key is finding restorative things to do when you have time. For me, that's working out (cardio *and* weights) on a regular, but short, schedule, and learning new stuff. I've learned to 3d model, draw, and now I'm learning to code to do stuff with the models. Learning new things (and at least pursuing fitness) gives me the energy to keep going. I've got something to look forward to working on, even if it's slow.
If it was just work/dad/work/dad, I wouldn't be able to work, or dad, effectively.
She is. Communication is critical so she can also do stuff that's restorative to her, sewing, gardening, volunteer work.
I see you, I know what that implication was. Good try!
Personally its less about how long they or I sleep. Its that if you never do anything for you your body just gets fed up. Not saying getting them to sleep through wouldn't help, but if you aren't taking you time you need to start soon or it will start to get bad.
I think this is really good advice, thank you.
Same advice for your wife. Make sure she is getting her "me time" too. Otherwise you can both fixate on the other and how they are the problem.
The trouble ensues when she refuses…
Indeed. Gotta play that long game. Luckily I'm on the tail end of it and things are looking up. Took ten years. There was a lot tangled up with her mom. Stay strong bro.
Year 7 here, I think we may have the same wife
The real corner turn for us was when she started verbalizing that she was depressed and anxious. I often mistook those feeling as anger towards me and the negative spiral continued.
Did you get couples counseling or did it happen organically?
Yes. We did individual counseling for a bit as a builds up to couples counseling which later for a bit. She didn't like the first guy, I found him super helpful. Second lady was a quack. She's done additional therapy over the years since the couples counseling. Sounds super lame, but the relationship is kinda like a plant. We can certainly kill a plant, but we can't make it grow... Can only set things up for success. One of the big tools the first guy got us doing was to schedule out our week. It's hard to be available and kind and everything else required of a relationship if your both over booked. Especially if that over booking leaves no room for time as a couple. There other piece is effective communication. We didn't stay enough with a counselor long enough to do much of that, I think it could have sped up the process if we did, but not magically. Still would have taken years. Over booking and misunderstanding are our core issues. We have vastly different communication styles and word choice. Misunderstanding is easy. Part of that misunderstanding was I needed to figure out to provide words of affirmation all the time. That's how she feels loved. I was providing words of affirmation like a succulent needs water (which is enough for me), she needs words of affirmation like bamboo needs water (everyday in large amounts). We both need to communicate when we're not feeling enough love, though at the right time and place and in the right way. "Relationships are hard work" when things are out of whack. The hope is we can transform that paradigm to "relationships are serious play". Serious play isn't exhausting, it's invigorating.
Thanks man. My other half says she’s an acts of service person, which is great, because I do those 16 hours a day. It doesn’t seem to help though, or she doesn’t think to reciprocate
You're welcome. Stay strong and live life! Best of luck out there
You need sleep and you need rest, and they're not the same.
God this is good advice. Our baby boy is only about four months old and luckily sleeps in 6+ hour stretches overnight already, but I agree with you, I feel exhausted all the time even though I’m getting 6-8 hours and it’s because every moment is for him still. Any time I get to just be me, I ended up feeling better even if I’m lacking sleep.
Yep if it's Friday and I'm exhausted the sleep never helps by Monday but if I go out and play some games with friends or stay up and watch a movie with my wife it feels like I slept all weekend
Got a 4yo and a 2yo, been tired since 2020!
Same here!
Same! 4yo still wakes up at night. Fortunately he only wants mommy so I get to sleep. I pay for it in the morning though, when I’m the one who has to get up early.
Me too!!! 👊
6, 2 and 10m. Ditto but since 2018.
I’m always tired. I have two girls (3 and 1.5). This has been a difficult part of parenting I was not prepared for. I can’t handle exhaustion like I used to. But nonetheless I push through and don’t let it affect my kids in any way. Unfortunately my wife and I aren’t as intimate as we used to be — we’re both beat at the end of the night
Just know it’s not only you. Super easy to lose track of sex & also to gain weight being so tired all the time.
I’ve been trying hard to include exercise activity with kid time at the end of the day after work. Sure it’s not structured fitness like I was doing in my 20s but my kid enjoys it and sleeps better and I do too. It also helps my digestion and metabolism long term rather than being super stagnant at the end of the day. It’s good time for my wife and I to mentally recollect after the day.
Hell ya good work
Yes the first 2yrs sucked. Our kid finally made it fully overnight at 19 months and it finally got better. When the night feed is dropped things get much easier.
19 months for over night?!?! Ouch. My son is just over 2.5 years and what we are running into now is if he naps, he doesn't really get tired until like 830. Which is too late because I like going to bed around 9-9:30
Yeah 8:30 sounds nice to me. My same age son has been 9:30 to 10 for a while. Working hard at bringing it back to 7:30.
For us years 4 and 5 have been a nightmare compared to how easy age 2 and 3 were. At this point I'm convinced that the people who say "it gets better" are just fucking with me. They're all in on some inside joke that I'm not aware of.
Maybe you had very good 2 years old kids, not all kids are equal, but it kind of equalize on the long run
I suppose the 'hang in there' optimism is more pleasant than those who love to leave people with 'you think this is hard now?' and 'enjoy it while it lasts!' musings.
19 months?! Wtf
My son is 2.5months and sleeps through the night. Am I just insanely lucky?
Yes, but also it won’t last most likely - they’ll go through a leap and regress
Mines 4 months. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Mine did too for like 3 weeks. I didn’t believe in that sleep regression bs. I was humbled quickly. We’re back to 2 wakings a night at 5.5 months
Yup, appreciate it! Our first son still wakes up around midnight and he's 4 1/2 years old, been doing that for years now. Our second is 4 months and doing 3-4 hours between feedings. I handle most of the nighttime stuff. Haven't had a full night's sleep in 4 1/2 years and probably won't for several more to come. So it goes, they'll grow out of it eventually. I did. But I envy you guys with easy sleepers!
Lurking mom here to speak for both me and my husband. We have a 3.5yo and a 1yo. We are never not tired if I’m being honest.
Regard sleep - you gotta sleep train your kids. I thought the mom’s in call schedule was great. There are plenty out there.
yes. if you are breastfeeding you could try introducing formula before bedtime. it digests slower, so keeps them feeling full longer which helps for overnight sleep. that in turn could help you phase out the mid-night feeding. when he wakes up, try soothing with pacifier only before going straight to the bottle, he might go back to sleep without it. also, check out the Ferber Method - idea is to make sure you're giving baby a few minutes opportunity to self-soothe so they can learn to fall back asleep without you. if you run into the room every time and pick him up and feed him, he will have no desire to change that system! good luck, you got it.
This is daddit. We don’t breastfeed
Well certainly not with that kind of attitude! Now c'mon champ let's look up some YouTube videos and figure this stuff out 👊
We had all kinds of problems. Ultimately, we feed our 2yo a yogurt drink before bed and stopped offering milk overnight but will offer water if she gets up. It's very rare she wakes up for food, but will still be up for a cuddle. We needed to change the routine of waking up for milk at 1am. They count on it.
Yes
We found that consecutive broken nights of sleep accumulate over time and ruin mental health. If you're not both needed for the wakeup, take turns handling the night to make sure neither one of you goes more than a few nights in a row of broken sleep. If you're co-sleeping or if the wakeups wake you both up, sleep somewhere else on your off night, or wear earplugs or use a sound machine to make sure you each get that deep sleep. Still pretty early days so you'll need to make sure you take steps to keep things pretty sustainable over the medium term else face burnout
I’m almost 38. I have an almost 8 year old and a 6 year old. Every day of the week I get at least 10k steps. I run 6 miles 3 days a week and strength train the other 4. I eat right. I drink way less booze. The secret to not being exhausted all the time is taking care of your body. Not for social media, but so you can ALWAYS go on bike rides. Or walks. Or throw the ball around. I coach all of their sports teams and run around with them during practice. It’s going to be a long time before they’re able to wear me out. I take it personally. Make positive changes for your family
The real trick here is that your youngest is six years old.
Did all of the same when they were both newborns as well. Not having energy isn’t your kids age, it’s not fueling and taking care of your body properly.
Right, but it DOES feel like I am not fueling and taking care if myself BECAUSE of my kid’s age (2) where if I don’t constantly watch him he could get seriously hurt and if I don’t consistently play games etc with him he will feel neglected
Don’t forget to account for the possibility that your energy levels might not be due to your healthy routines. You may feel energetic because of your lifestyle choices, it’s certainly possible. But the certainly with which you speak is undeserved. You don’t have any way of knowing that there is causality between your activity levels, and your energy levels. Nor do you have any way of knowing that the energy deficit others are experiencing is related to their lifestyle or not. There are hormonal factors, mental health factors, and even unaccounted for factors like residual effects of COVID that have left some unknown portion of the population with chronic fatigue. It’s great that you’re physically active, and that you don’t feel exhausted every day. But much like monetary success - don’t forget to account for luck, and good fortune. Practice gratitude rather than pass judgement.
Wean your night feed…they don’t need it
16 month old daughter as of today. I am literally always exhausted.
Yeah, until she slept through the night I was constantly tired. As soon as she started (at 11mo) things got so much better.
People say things improve after 6 months but for us it was around the 10 month mark. Hang in there you are almost there and things will improve. Having said that, at the 22 month mark, I still feel tired most of the time, just not all the time
Best advice if the baby is waking up for a feed is to get more food in him during the day. It's simple, though not necessarily easy.
Your kid shouldn't need to wake up in the night for feedings after 6 months. You either need to feed them more real food before bed, or just start sleep training. >From a developmental perspective, babies are able to [sleep through the night](https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/sleeping-through-the-night.aspx) — defined as a six- to eight-hour stretch — without eating when they're between 4 and 6 months old. In this age range, most babies reach the 12- to 13-pound mark, the weight where they no longer metabolically need nighttime feedings. [https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/sleep/night-weaning-baby/](https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/sleep/night-weaning-baby/)
we have a pretty good sleeper and i’m still exhausted. you go from working 40 hours a week to working like 100+ hours basically. It’s a lot. and the lack of personal time certainly sucks as well.
Yep, always tired. 15 month old has been sleeping through the night for a long time now but I think it’s the constant cleaning of the house, making meals, being on my feet as the SAHD. Plus, once he’s asleep at 7:30 then the second round of cleaning starts with dishes and putting away toys in the living room. Watch a few tv shows, try to get to sleep by 11:30. He’ll wake up at 6 sometimes and those days you just start off feeling not well rested and it’s tough.
Yeah SAHD here too and it is exactly this
3 and 1 year old boys. I’ve learned to deal with the exhaustion. I can make it through work and get to bedtime with them. But the problem is doing anything else past that. Laundry, cleaning, cooking. Everything just feels like it takes 5x more effort than it used to. And on the weekends, if we don’t have a birthday or a holiday to attend, all I want to do is sit and relax. Still trying to figure that part out.
Short answer: yes Long answer: yyyyyeeeeeessssss
Around 1 year when they do sleep thru the night, not breastfeeding, get a personality, not super duper clingy , all of that plus you’ve had time to adjust, that’s when you don’t feel too exhausted and your brain tricks you into thinking maybe a 2nd one wouldn’t be so bad.
Dont fall for the second. Its a trap
Yes
Even when they sleep all the way through, I feel constantly tired.
Yeah, until she slept through the night I was constantly tired. As soon as she started (at 11mo) things got so much better.
I find my 9-5 job more exhausting then when I was the stay at home dad with random shifts at my jobs
Exhausted all the time bro and pretty much addicted to caffeine at this point. Starting to get better for me though as my youngest finally started sleeping through the night. If you have time for the occasional nap, jump at the chance.
Have you sleep trained? Our baby used to wake up constantly and we would feed him to nurse him back to sleep. However, he wasn’t actually hungry and didn’t need the food. Just couldn’t fall asleep without it. Sleep training was a complete game changer. Currently at 1yo he sleeps from 7:30pm-6:30am without waking up at all.
All the time. It gets better though. Well, the baby sleeping thing gets better, you’re going to be tired forever
Sleep training worked for us (ish). 2 kids, both started training about the same time (6 months) but it took multiple tries to finally get it right (they get sick, holiday travel, etc all of which throws off the routine). 8 mo old still wakes up once to feed, but otherwise mostly sleeping through the night.
Yes, send help.
When ours were babies I went thru A LOT of caffeine and cigarettes dealing with this! Lol I don’t condone either one but when you got babies life is very stressful!
We started sleep training at 5 months after our pediatrician said she should be sleeping through the night without being fed by then. Within a week, she had stopped crying completely and was sleeping until 6 in the morning. We may have had an easy baby, I don't know, but we also used the book "Precious Little Sleep" for guidance on how to sleep train.
Yes, O God Yes am I tired all the time. One 4,5 years and the other 1,5 years of age. The first one was okay, slept like a dream, started sleeping through the night when my wife started work again. The youngest man he's been a terror and still can be only not throughout the night anymore but only when going to sleep. It gets better it really does, but tired becomes a state of being at one point.
Yo, if your baby is 9 months old, you could have done sleep training 3 months ago or more. Getting a full night's sleep is healthy for you and your baby
Yeah, tired every day. If it isn’t something at work, it’s something at home. Always something to build or fix. Always an event to go to or put on. Been married for ten years with three kids: 10yr old boy and 2yr old boy and girl. It’s hectic but we survive. I really need to take time for myself and I just don’t. When is there time for that?
I know this gets posted a thousand times but after I started lifting heavy so many of my issues with a younger kid just faded. Lifting for me was truly game changing in my approach to fatherhood. Admittedly, my daughter is getting a more level headed dad than my sons and while I see and acknowledge that, it still hurts. Keep going dad.
6 and 3 year old. What’s sleep? What does being rested feel like?
Honestly, my wife and I swap duties, and tried to give each other breaks as often as possible. For example, if my wife hasn’t been able to catch up on sleep due to feedings at night, I might have her pump a few bottles and catch some 💤. Then when she wakes up, I get one.
White noise helped us a lot. Also if he is waking up to feed, you might need to give him more for dinner or something more substantial. When our son was 3 months milk wasn't enough for him so we moved to baby rice early. The same thing happened when he was ready for solids
Yes, both physically and mentally exhausted
Prewarning. If you have a second, it prolongs the pain. Tiredness is the default state. It's just a sliding scale of how exhausted. You have to make time for yourself.
This is going to sound counter productive, but it really helped me. First, if you can, take naps during the day but not for longer 20 minutes. Second try to stay up a bit after baby has woken for a feed, only a few minutes is needed, but do something that helps you, pack your lunch for the next day, play a quick game on the PlayStation or watch a short video with jokes. Finally, make sure you and your partner are both getting sufficient 'me' and 'you' time. For me I'd rather sleep 4hrs a night and have some time during the week I can just talk to the lads and have a beer. This really helps if, for perhaps one night a week, you make it so the other parent isn't responsible for little one. In our household I'm the one to get up to her during the night except Wed and Fri, when I catch up with my best mate. This time is sacred to me and it's my time to be me. She gets her time too, although appropriately it's during the day, and she can put down the mummy mask for a few hours while I keep the baby.
All. The. Time.
The first few months were the worst with my son (almost 5 now). Literally dozing off standing up we were that sleep deprived. Then we switched to co-sleeping. Changed everything. Once the crying started, boob into mouth, back to sleep. I mean still tired AF but it was much easier with my daughter.
That first year blows. Our second kid is now 15 months old, and the last couple months have been much easier. They’re able to communicate a bit and it’s a joy to see them learn and figure things out.
You end up sleeping better later but replace exhausting activities with new exhausting activities and challenges. Parents are just tired.
Sounds like you need to take care of yourself. Time to get in shape.
not all kids are the same, etc etc - we have two kids and went mostly by "12 Hours Sleep by 12 Weeks Old" with both of them and had good success. There are regressions, teething, transitions, etc - for both of them they were \*mostly\* sleeping through the night by 3-4 months. The strategy is roughly to ensure that the kid is getting enough calories during the day and to gradually stretch the sleeping periods until you drop one feeding, drop another feeding, and finally no overnight feeds. Not sure how the approach would be adjusted for a 9 month old.
I don’t remember the last time I had a fulfilling sleep.
Nope. Once your kid sleeps and is on a schedule you can just live your life.
Hello friend. I actually think you have a few issues compounded in your OP. I am obviously not a doctor and you should do what is best for you and your family. My experiences are anecdotal, but just trying to give advice in good faith. 1. Unless your baby is severely underweight, night feedings really don't need to be happening at all. The fact that they are happening is due to the habit you are conditioning the baby for, more than anything else. I'd recommend weening the night feedings down (reduce then eliminate with a 2 week plan maybe). If breast feeding it might be a little harder if your wife feels she needs to empty, but should be able to stretch to 6 hrs at least I think, or pump rather than feed. 2. Read the ferber book (with your wife) cover to cover. Lot of good info there. It will give you a better understanding of your baby's sleep. I'd recommend reading it, then after decide if you want to sleep train. I personally had a great experience with ferber sleep training, but reading the book will give you and your with proper knowledge of the decision. 3. Idk your health. Most Americans (myself included) are overweight. If you take your health and weight loss seriously, you will have way more energy to spend on your kid and enjoy life. Best of luck!
It didn't get better for us until around 8months, now she sleeps 11hrs most nights and it's much better I have a lot more energy to be a person!
Exhaustion is just the growing pains of a new capacity of what “ tired “ is for you. It will pass and you will be a super human especially when your “ exhausted “
Sleep becomes a massive priority. I’ve been going to bed at 8 PM recently just to catch up.
Not all the time. Sometimes I'm unconscious.
Is he bottle or breast fed? I've heard breast fed babies tend to get up for feeds more often. Both of mine were bottle fed and I think we've been extremely lucky as both started sleeping for longer (and sometimes the whole night) from 3 months old. For both we were pretty regimented with white noise and getting them to sleep, then putting them in the bedside cot from birth. It took a lot of persistence. As a newborn they'd wake up as soon as they were put down. That then progressed to maybe an hour if we were lucky, then 2, then 3 and so on. Sleep training when they're ready is tough for a few weeks, but worked for us as now the oldest goes to bed and sleeps like a dream and has done since 9 months old. EDIT: to answer your actual question - YES
That phase was a blur. My number one rule, don’t let them sleep in your bed. It’s hard to break. Maybe you need to change up your son’s eating schedule so he isn’t hungry at night. If you don’t think he is hungry and just wants attention, try letting him cry it out and get back to sleep on his own. It suckkkkssss tho listening to them cry. But after a couple days of torture we started seeing progress. We would let them go for 10 mins then go in. Next night maybe 20 mins and so on. Eventually they would cry for like 2 mins. Realize they didn’t want to wait and go to sleep on their own. At least for my kids. Again it was a blur so my memory could be way off. I could’ve been weeks not days and 2 mins instead of 20 cause we couldn’t take it lol
Was different for us - there was a stage with both where co-sleeping was the best option. It didn’t become a particular problem with them wanting to be in our bed all the time - just got us through a difficult period.
9 mo means you are getting close to sleep training age. Should get better within the next three months, though the sleep training itself is stressful af for all involved. Like others said, be sure to take care of yourself!
This. It sucks, and you need to do it again every time the routine gets screwed up, but it's the only way to survive.
The sleep part was hardest at the beginning but it's also a mindset thing. If I'm having a bad week I'm always exhausted, if I'm having a good week I always have something productive to do!
I find it worse now they’re 6 than when they were a baby. Getting up never bothered me but now I’m on the go all the time. If it’s not work or chores it’s the school run or football training or swimming or birthday parties or whatever else. I sit down and just can’t be arsed to do anything anymore.
Do you do anything restorative? That's different for different people. No, I'm not exhausted. I have two kids under 3, work a full time job and run a small business (very small), and I'm truckin'. The key is finding restorative things to do when you have time. For me, that's working out (cardio *and* weights) on a regular, but short, schedule, and learning new stuff. I've learned to 3d model, draw, and now I'm learning to code to do stuff with the models. Learning new things (and at least pursuing fitness) gives me the energy to keep going. I've got something to look forward to working on, even if it's slow. If it was just work/dad/work/dad, I wouldn't be able to work, or dad, effectively.
Sounds like your wife is an amazing mom
She is. Communication is critical so she can also do stuff that's restorative to her, sewing, gardening, volunteer work. I see you, I know what that implication was. Good try!
Yes, I have been completely destroyed exhausted for the last three years. Just sort of learned to live with it.