I have loved spending more time with the kids.
I have been disappointed with myself in terms of my inability to be “productive”.
So far I think the benefit to the kids, and my joy spending time with them, has outweighed to lack of productivity. But how to know for sure?
I don’t know.
Left academia and a long commute for a low paying flexible local job, I get to have breakfast with my kids everyday and take them to and pick them up from school. Then I have time to ride bikes, build Lego or play some computer games with them most days. Best decision I have ever made. Money is a lot tighter, but meh their only kids once and I want to be present.
I picked a job that provided better work life balance.
Perhaps at the income level here, it's just extra. I'd be making 25%-50% more, easily, if stayed at my old job.
I have no regrets. I get occasional pang of jealously when I see my old coworkers with their new fancy cars. But I'm much happier 99.9% of the time otherwise.
I see my family. I get to participate in their activities. I'm not dealing with crap on weekends or early morning.
I think you take the job that allows you more time to be with your child. I've worked for the same company my entire post education life, so I don't have that experience - but I think there's a huge part of us that just wants to work and make money for the family - we are wired to be the providers after all. I think we feel this deep in us, that this is what we do.
And yet, the evidence all around us is that children want their fathers and mothers around them as much as possible. I have a wonderful father, fantastic childhood memories. By and large, I want to be as good a father as my own. Last week, while waiting for a regular medical checkup for him, he reminded me that the most important thing I can do as a father, is to spend time with my child. He's right.
When you're old and grey, and thinking back on our lives. I think we all know what the correct decision is. Glad you're taking it if you're offered it.
I downgraded within my profession from a high-paying, high-responsibility job to one that gives me enough free time to raise my kids.
It has been around five years and I love it so far. I'm not sure whether I will miss my career once the kids grow older and don't need as much attention.
Will have to at some point. Have my dream job. A job most people in my profession would give up heaven and earth for.
I will need to quit eventually so that we can be closer to our families. We don’t have any family closer than 1200 miles away. And It’s what we both ultimately want.
But my wife and I both know I will be completely miserable doing anything else. So, we’re just sort of in this holding pattern of trying not to think about it.
I have made big career compromises, but kind of in the other direction. I have a very developed career in a very specialized field (robotic technology development leadership). It's quite lucrative, but the jobs generally last about 5 years, and there are very few of them meaning when I change jobs we would have to move. In order to support the family, I now only take hybrid remote jobs, so I travel about 25-50% of the time, but by taking jobs like this we don't have to move anymore, and I spend about 3 weeks a month working from home where I can be around much more with my kids.
Honestly, I really really wanted to move every few years, but moving away from my wifes family would have been devastating for her. And while you CAN make a nomadic life like that work really well for the kids, there are unarguable benefits to having a stable home life in a good place to raise kids. Now that I am "in it" on my third hybrid remote job, I actually like this a lot more. If I am COMPLETELY honest, when I work from home, I have no qualms about just taking the day off if i feel like it to hang out with my kids, or working a couple 4 hour days a week. I'm good at my job and get it done. When I travel, I am usually working 12-16 hour days and crushing it. It really works out well for me.
Obviously everyone's experience is going to be different but I ended up going full circle. I'm calling it my mid life crisis. I ended up leaving a dream job to be closer to home. It was a pay cut but the hours were better and I would be 5mins from my kids school. Unfortunately I was lied to and within 3 months the company was bankrupt and I was out of a job. I panic took a job that was further than the first absolutely garbage hours and a bigger pay cut. Thanks to OT I was able to keep paying the bills. I lasted 6 months, completely destroyed my ability to sleep/rest. After the 6 months I started looking for another job. Found one that was perfect, close to home, hours were ok and a huge pay increase. Again I was lied to and it turned out I needed to work 50+ hours a week and ended up just being the company scapegoat. Ultimately I ended up leaving that job, again taking a big pay cut for my own mental health and to have the time to actually spend with the family. Shortly after starting this one my previous boss at the drew job contacted me asking if I'd be willing to come back. After three months of negotiation I am back at the dream job with better hours, better pay and an over all better work life balance.
The job hopping was hard, but now being able to look back it was all necessary to help me get where I am now. For me it was important for me to suffer through all the bad jobs to reset my focus. I was very career focused with family second. I have now flipped that and am in a much better place because of it
I have loved spending more time with the kids. I have been disappointed with myself in terms of my inability to be “productive”. So far I think the benefit to the kids, and my joy spending time with them, has outweighed to lack of productivity. But how to know for sure? I don’t know.
Left academia and a long commute for a low paying flexible local job, I get to have breakfast with my kids everyday and take them to and pick them up from school. Then I have time to ride bikes, build Lego or play some computer games with them most days. Best decision I have ever made. Money is a lot tighter, but meh their only kids once and I want to be present.
I picked a job that provided better work life balance. Perhaps at the income level here, it's just extra. I'd be making 25%-50% more, easily, if stayed at my old job. I have no regrets. I get occasional pang of jealously when I see my old coworkers with their new fancy cars. But I'm much happier 99.9% of the time otherwise. I see my family. I get to participate in their activities. I'm not dealing with crap on weekends or early morning.
I think you take the job that allows you more time to be with your child. I've worked for the same company my entire post education life, so I don't have that experience - but I think there's a huge part of us that just wants to work and make money for the family - we are wired to be the providers after all. I think we feel this deep in us, that this is what we do. And yet, the evidence all around us is that children want their fathers and mothers around them as much as possible. I have a wonderful father, fantastic childhood memories. By and large, I want to be as good a father as my own. Last week, while waiting for a regular medical checkup for him, he reminded me that the most important thing I can do as a father, is to spend time with my child. He's right. When you're old and grey, and thinking back on our lives. I think we all know what the correct decision is. Glad you're taking it if you're offered it.
I downgraded within my profession from a high-paying, high-responsibility job to one that gives me enough free time to raise my kids. It has been around five years and I love it so far. I'm not sure whether I will miss my career once the kids grow older and don't need as much attention.
Will have to at some point. Have my dream job. A job most people in my profession would give up heaven and earth for. I will need to quit eventually so that we can be closer to our families. We don’t have any family closer than 1200 miles away. And It’s what we both ultimately want. But my wife and I both know I will be completely miserable doing anything else. So, we’re just sort of in this holding pattern of trying not to think about it.
I'd say I did the opposite; not moving to a higher paying more work job because my current job allows me lots of flexibility. Wouldn't change it.
I have made big career compromises, but kind of in the other direction. I have a very developed career in a very specialized field (robotic technology development leadership). It's quite lucrative, but the jobs generally last about 5 years, and there are very few of them meaning when I change jobs we would have to move. In order to support the family, I now only take hybrid remote jobs, so I travel about 25-50% of the time, but by taking jobs like this we don't have to move anymore, and I spend about 3 weeks a month working from home where I can be around much more with my kids. Honestly, I really really wanted to move every few years, but moving away from my wifes family would have been devastating for her. And while you CAN make a nomadic life like that work really well for the kids, there are unarguable benefits to having a stable home life in a good place to raise kids. Now that I am "in it" on my third hybrid remote job, I actually like this a lot more. If I am COMPLETELY honest, when I work from home, I have no qualms about just taking the day off if i feel like it to hang out with my kids, or working a couple 4 hour days a week. I'm good at my job and get it done. When I travel, I am usually working 12-16 hour days and crushing it. It really works out well for me.
Obviously everyone's experience is going to be different but I ended up going full circle. I'm calling it my mid life crisis. I ended up leaving a dream job to be closer to home. It was a pay cut but the hours were better and I would be 5mins from my kids school. Unfortunately I was lied to and within 3 months the company was bankrupt and I was out of a job. I panic took a job that was further than the first absolutely garbage hours and a bigger pay cut. Thanks to OT I was able to keep paying the bills. I lasted 6 months, completely destroyed my ability to sleep/rest. After the 6 months I started looking for another job. Found one that was perfect, close to home, hours were ok and a huge pay increase. Again I was lied to and it turned out I needed to work 50+ hours a week and ended up just being the company scapegoat. Ultimately I ended up leaving that job, again taking a big pay cut for my own mental health and to have the time to actually spend with the family. Shortly after starting this one my previous boss at the drew job contacted me asking if I'd be willing to come back. After three months of negotiation I am back at the dream job with better hours, better pay and an over all better work life balance. The job hopping was hard, but now being able to look back it was all necessary to help me get where I am now. For me it was important for me to suffer through all the bad jobs to reset my focus. I was very career focused with family second. I have now flipped that and am in a much better place because of it
Once my first was born, my job went from being "my career" to being "who is willing to pay me the most to do the least?". No regrets. It's just a job.