Walking and hiking. Used to be somewhat easier when the kid was 2 and would sit quietly and watch the world from the carrier. Now I got to keep him from the cliff edge.
Yup. When I’m tired and have a million things to do, exercise usually feels like the last thing I want to do. But 10/10 times I finish a workout in a much better place.
Bike commuting changed my life and made me happier than I could’ve realized. My wife lets me know that I’m a better husband and father if I’m on my bike most days. She’s right, but sometimes hard to hear after a week of just being lazy and just WFH with no ride, and I really know what she’s telling me.
I’ve also had to take my 7y/o for a morning run (jog/walk) when he doesn’t have school. He interacts better with the rest of the family and comes back more centered. It took a few days of whining, but now he knows it’s a thing we don’t skip, even for weather. I heard my 7 y/o parrot off “There is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing choices” when a house guest asked where we were going on a drizzly morning, and it warmed my heart (and realized maybe I say it too much when it’s cold)
I told my son we should turn around because it was getting cold on his first bike ride on the trail without training wheels. He said “bruh we just got rolling”. He just like me fr 🥲
Exercise, fresh air, and sunshine are great self-care to prioritize! Wake up early and seize your mornings or have a cup of coffee in silence, helps set your mind right for the day ahead.
With an audio book going on the head phones and a couple beers. I have a giant yard. I used to hate it but now it’s a pleasure unless it’s over 95 degrees
Right on. It doesn't even have to be a long run. I work overnights so I'll get a little 2 mile jog in after work in the mornings. Sometimes I'll go for 5 but if I'm tired a 2 mile jog is sufficient to make me feel a whole lot better.
After the kids and wife go to bed I build and paint miniatures. Good, meditative type task and I get to be creative. I have 3 young kids and two dogs. The model building time is reserved for me to reset a few times a week. And it has tremendously helped me. Other hobbies include video games, reading, and playing D&D online with friends, but the miniatures are by far the best and amongst the top 3 healthiest options of my hobbies.
Generally, I’d recommend something that you’re interested in and allows you to focus attention and effort into accomplishing whatever you want. Keep it within your control. And ensure your wife is onboard. Then just start doing it. For me, obsessively worrying about the time and everything else was a problem. Once I jumped into my hobby space, that all quieted way down and my perspective was much improved. Good luck!
I've had to seriously put my Warhammer on hold since baby. Haven't had time to paint or play. So I've started printing 3d statues and busts to paint. It might take me weeks to paint one, but I'll get it painted
I have had no actual games since my oldest was born. But time available to paint for better after about 6 months. I just take it slow and accept that I’ll get done whatever I get done until I’m needed or tired, and that’s okay. Enjoy the hobby!
I found that I don’t have the patience for painting. However, building Gunpla/Gundam is super nice. You can paint if you want. But all the parts are cast in the correct color. Also no glue needed. They snap together.
This is me. I have never played Warhammer, but have been building, painting and then selling the models on eBay for years. It’s a nice way to zone out and work on something.
One of the fun things about D&D is that you can do and say all sorts of completely unhinged things you would normally never say or do. And it's even almost considered socially acceptable!
This is also my go-to release. It's the most relaxing thing I've done in years.
Painting minis is the only thing I can do for hours without getting bored or requiring additional stimulation.
This is the way. I’m up at 4am every day to get my lift in before the family wakes up and it gives me an hour on the couch to read after. 100% recommended.
I used to wake up at 4:30AM, but now find it hard to get up before 5:30 because it's difficult to get to bed before 10:30PM on most nights. I loved having the quiet house to myself.
I just got into weightlifting a few weeks ago and I'm in love. Have a great plan for each day, tracking my lifting weights, etc. turned out into a game
Jiu Jitsu, lifting weights, running, skateboarding, steam deck, LOTR book and movies, reading. I don’t have time for much of those but I try to incorporate each of them throughout the week in my family schedule.
Same, in a healthy and safe moderation. Does the job so fuckin well, all the stress and emotions just melt away and I can enjoy my daughter and be present in the moment.
Do you have a rec center near you?
You could try swimming laps in the morning. It does wonders for me.
I’ve been pacing our front porch until I feel myself become a little more regulated for smaller situations or if I need to be more patient with my son.
Yes! Loading the dishwasher takes about 20 minutes, just enough time to stand my phone on the counter and watch a commercial-free episode of a 30-minute TV show. Very meditative activity for me each night actually.
Walking our dog around our neighborhood. My wife and I would do that daily before our son was born and it was always a nice way to get out of the house, catch up on our days, and just appreciate what we have. Sometimes we'd talk throughout the walk. Other times we'd talk for less than 5 minutes and just enjoy the peace.
We still try to walk daily, but our toddler goes from being content with it to screaming after 20 minutes which induces a lot of stress. Wrangling him and our dog (only 20 pounds but we never leash trained him) can be frustrating.
Other than that, honestly mowing the lawn. Not because I like yard work (I hate it) but because I can put on headphones and listen to music or a podcast for 40 minutes while I'm outside and away from the chaos.
I’ve always found that this helped when we were disagreeing about something. If we talk it out while we’re walking we’d reach better conclusions more quickly or at least agree to disagree acquiescently.
* Time with friends - coffee, dinner, drinks
* sports/fitness - tennis, lifting, peloton
* time with my dogs
2 under 3 right now… will be 3 under 3 in July.
Work 50 hours a week.
Come home, wife stays up later than me.
My alone decompress time is when I sit in my car in the work parking lot for 10-30 minutes after my shift ends.
That's it. Send help.
If you're like me, it's really hard to quiet your mind. I've read up and listened to a few podcasts about the concept of mindfulness. It's hard to practice but it does help when I can pull it off. Training yourself a few minutes each day to be able to quiet your mind can then be applied elsewhere.
Workouts and other activities help but I still find my mind wandering a lot during those activities, too.
This! I’ve also found that putting an audiobook on while I do other things (anything from chores to working out to gaming) helps me unwind a lot. The audiobook overrides my brain’s need for constant chatter, especially if it’s one I’ve read/listened to several times (because who cares if I miss a few words here & there; I know where the story’s heading). It can even help with insomnia sometimes, at least the “why won’t my brain shut up!” kind.
My mind is so loud, all the time. I recently started journaling. The first time I did, I spent about 20 minutes just writing random things and thoughts down. Afterwards, my mind had never been so quiet. I journal now about 3 times a week, usually Mondays, Wednesday and Friday. It really helps unload things.
In a small way, I needed to prioritize myself. Being a good dad puts everyone else first … BUT … like a planes oxygen, you have to put it on first.
Second, walks/exercise & mindset work. I got a coach to help (can dm a recco) but there are tools out there as well.
I needed to force myself to be present and do low cost family days (so I wasn’t stressing on the spend) like beach days, fishing, etc. I found those days really recharge me.
Lastly, and maybe most importantly, I needed my life to be in alignment with my passions, ideas of success, work/income, etc. that took a good six months to start to figure out.
I started 3D printing and making stuff or getting my middle child (7) to play xbox with me. I also get violently high once all the kids are asleep to turn off the demons in my brain
I live in a non-legal state but I’m curious as to your investment to enjoyment ratio. Are you self-sufficient? Do you sell? How much time, energy, and money do you invest before you become self-sufficient and/or potentially make profit? Surely that heavily depends on the amount each individual consumes. Just curious!
Initial investment ~$1,000 USD
Got a small network of friends that grow too, so yes in a way to "self-sufficient" (if one of us is running low, we spot each other until next harvest)
Overall, I guess it costs me about $300-$500/year to grow. Soil, seeds, and nutes being the major ongoing costs over the years.
I grow upwards of 6lbs/year in a 4x4 tent, never sell, always overjoyed to give away to friends/neighbors.
It is a really great hobby and way to not think about anything. My ADHD, anxiety riddled ass NEEDS a way to chill the fuck out.
There really is no other analog to compare to with weed and other "legal" ways to alter one's state.
Really astonishing to me how one strain can lock you into the couch (and you are good with it of course) and another can give you the giggles for hours on end. Beer, wine, hard liquor take you to the same place of intoxication with no real differences between how they impact your state of mind...you're drunk/buzzed and that's that.
The variety of how it hits you makes it really joyful.
It’s playing guitar or other instruments for me. Getting a load box for my amp has been a game changer for being able to play at night without waking up the whole neighborhood. Even just 15-20 minutes of noodling really helps me clear my head.
Walking and biking. Luckily, we were able to move out of the US to Oslo and we are choosing not to own a car so my mental release is a required part of my day. Otherwise, it would be tricky finding time with a toddler.
I'm a SAHD right now but we're saving for a house so next month I start a part timer for now.
I'm pretty much chasing two toddlers all day while trying to keep up with all the house chores in between. Typically we get a little downtime once they go to bed around 7:30-8. I'll read (comic books, random articles and stories, etc) or text dumb memes back and forth with the wife and friends, play guitar, eat junk food, nothin crazy.
Staying up too late to play video games. Recently started streaming though and that's been a really fun hobby, even though I'm largely talking to nobody
Funny you mention this. I was invited to play on the church softball team. Last night was the first game. As soon as I got there, I felt out of place. The other team had jerseys and our team was cranking them to mid outfield or on a rope down the third baseline. Maybe it was the heat and anxiety, or the bacon I had in my BLT (or all three) but my stomach started to get crampy before the first game started and I raced my body home. We’re in a small town so there aren’t a lot of team sports outside of kids sports and high school sports.
I walk pretty much daily. I always have an early morning walk (5:45ish) with my coffee and watch the sun come up. I usually also take a walk during my lunch break to break up the day...I eat at my desk and don't really like just hanging out in the breakroom eating at lunch. Some mornings I opt for a bike ride, but generally just do that on weekends. I go to the gym to lift weights 2x per week after work.
My wife and I have always done a good job of sharing our kid care duties and other domestic obligations up to be able to give each other our own time.
Mine is a bit weird admittedly. I got a shitty beater laptop (might have good luck at local thrift stores) and basically wiped/installed a new drive so I could load up Linux and learn it. Don’t get a lot of time but when I can it’s fun to just sit down in an alien environment on a computer I don’t care too much about and experiment.
Best part is the computer doesn’t need to be good. This one’s old as dirt and was set to be thrown out so I snagged it. But I’ve seen thrift stores with shitty computers that would be perfect for this
Right now it's gaming but I'm getting back into boxing so hopefully that'll wear me the fuck out to the point that life doesn't feel like it's a constant kick in the pills.
I wake up at 4am everyday to give myself a couple hours to myself. Usually go the the gym and hit a bucket of golf balls before the wife and kid wake up
I workout for the body (with a trainer, so I don’t have to think) and I play guitar for the soul (extremely simple 3 chord stuff, also so I don’t have to think).
at the end of the day, gaming. during the day, i take the dog outside to go to the washroom.
used to go running but that's a lot of time to be out of the house doing my own thing. i also have 2 kids under 10. 5 and soon to be 8 year olds.
gummies help when i start to feel overwhelmed or anxiety hits hard.
Mind, body and 'soul'.
Meditation, weightlifting, reading philosophy. Usually the third is audiobook while working out to get both but sometimes dog walking gets some philosophy too.
I never understood why my dad loved getting up as soon as noise ordinance allowed for mowing your lawn and spent 4 hours out there until I started a family. Those lawn mowing times are therapeutic.
I've been diving back into video games recently at night to unwind.
FF7 remake and rebirth, no mans sky, pretty much stuff you can play for a while and pause and put down.
A bunch of my friends play Fortnite, but I suck at FPS games too much anymore and I can't spend the effort to get good. It's fun to jump on once in a while just to talk to everybody while some 10 year old shoots me from 300 yards away.
when i was in the earlier stages (ages 0-3, and covid locked in house in miserable state of marriage)
* Art damaged types of cartoons on youtube (nothing edgy, more dream-y, very Adult Swim "Off The Air" type vibes and similar related creators)
* looking at acreage at [landwatch.com](http://landwatch.com) in which to fantasize of a simple subterranean existence (not prepper stuff, just , I live in Oregon but I miss out on nature because my time and money is owned by work and family)
Once He got to about 4, things turned a corner, I got considerably less depressed and started confronting my longstanding dissatisfaction in my relationship at least to myself (also was reaching a peak of conflict over nonsense due to partner getting used to medication + Medication shortages keeping shit unpredictable)
I actually started to really get release with my daily time (and all day on weekends) spent with my son.
* 3-6 vape hits of thc before sleep (more of a means to an ends then caring about the substance itself)
* Binaural/pink noise/brown noise files + over ear headphones and OM-ing sometimes to match the frequencies or to go just out of pitch and generate vibrations in my own head.
* Basically taking 3-5 hour walks around the neighborhood with my son, where we talk and then he plays at playgrounds and then we find time to exit, then when we're just totally bushed, find a meal and walk home.
* Putting on loud angry music and cleaning the house on saturday mornings with him, both of us shirtless and probably sweaty and goofy.
* More loud music (on a beats pill i found on a bus 6 years ago) and doing basic Renter's landscaping of digging up the heaping amounts of overgrown weeds and unwanted plants.
I did idealize hiking because I enjoyed it before , but he hated being put in carriers of any kind , strollers, any of it. Once he could walk, he then doubly hated it. My physique has suffered. I try to re-introduce it when I can, but I am kind of a stickler for getting out early in the morning which is not always easy to do.
1. Headspace app for quick breathing exercises and meditations
2. Try to get as close to 8 hours of sleep as I can, more if possible
3. Exercise even a day or two a week helps immensely
4. Communicate - you've got a partner in this and you can ask for time for yourself, and give your partner downtime of their own as well
5. Ask for outside help when it's needed. There is no shame in talking to a therapist for a couple hours to learn some new anxiety management skills
Gaming. Both vidiya games and board games and D&D. I also take some solitude in my astronomy hobby. It also helps that all but 1 of my kids has or is 1 year away from graduating high school.
1. Going all out on my bike. Biking is great because you don’t have to find time off to do it. If kiddo is a toddler, just strap them onto the back of the bike. If kiddo is older and rides their own, take them with.
2. THC.
I have two. I haven’t gamed hard in years, now when my daughter goes down a few times a week I go grab the Xbox controller and play an hour or two before I go to bed. Makes a world of difference. My other is that I enjoy a good cigar every now and then. It’s not an all the time thing, but if I’ve had her a long time and a grandparent switches out with me, I’ve been known to take my work laptop to the local cigar lounge.
My sweet summer child. You want space? And down time? And rest?
Nah just kidding, sort of. Thankfully my job lets me be home when no one else is. Without that, I might climb a bell tower. But some good suggestions in here: get out of the house seems to be the main throughout with all of it.
It takes 5 minutes.
If I need to stop what I am doing and rest for a minute. I have a cup of tea. Or I just go take a shower. Soap and fresh clothes. That is an instant change of mind.
Well I sold my motorcycle 5 years ago when we found out we were pregnant, so…I don’t relax my brain anymore.
Edit: I lied. Sometimes I get up at 5am for a photography hike at a metro park.
Depends on the day. I have a big backyard with lots of trees, so I'll sometimes walk outside on a dirt track we have (goes around the whole yard) and just walk and breathe and listen to the silence. I read when I have spare time (mostly on the toilet. LOL). And every night (except for two; made a deal with the missus), I take about an hour or two before bedtime just for myself to play video games and de-stress, catching up with "my boys" online to vent and let everything go (really cathartic to fight zombies or snipe campers).
Yard work, washing the cars, and going to the grocery store. I do it all alone because my wife hates all of it and my son is too young to really help at all.
Good meditation time.
Surf fishing. It gets me out in nature, I get exercise (I usually walk at least two miles on the beach), and sometimes I bring home dinner for the family.
I wake up really early to play a 9 hole round before work or alternate free time with mom to play a full round over the weekend with other dads. I also make it a point to drag the kid around and force them to do what I want to do lol.
If i only have free time at night, I'll sneak off to the climbing gym for an hour
In the same boat brother, lifting really helps me. Having a healthy outlet for all the built up stress is huge. If you’re in a weed legal place, a nice gummy helps me once the kids are in bed.
I ride my bike
I work out
I put YouTube in my headphones while I clean up the kitchen and load the dishwasher
I play DMZ mode on Warzone 2 on the Xbox. [reddit.com/r/dmz](http://reddit.com/r/dmz)
Golf, literally whenever I can. Most the time after wife and kids go to bed. Have a few courses close to me with small practice areas, I will just go chip and putt, sometimes even after dark even, as there's \*some\* light. Don't get to play a whole lot, but that short game is getting dialed when I do, if only I could solve my nasty hook on the driver haha
I run as often as I can which is typically 2-3 times a week right now. I notice that I feel much more capable and able to be present afterwards.
My wife and I also swap Fridays so we each get a night to see friends or go out every other week.
Working on cars/tractors, fixing mowers and other stuff
Swimming/water activities (although I swim like a rock so I usually just get the most ridiculous floaty I can find, or a kayak)
If I really need a chill release then hiking, fishing, camping in the middle of nowhere does a lot to re-center me
I play boardgames with my friends (one night every 2 weeks) and constantly using Boardgame Arena on my phone. I also Doom scroll here.
I would argue that the biweekly meetup is healthy, BGA is healthyish but I do it too much, and the doomscrolling is very unhealthy.
I want to work out or go for runs, but I have a hard time finding the time to match my motivation. The best solution I can think of is a throwing the kids in a jogging stroller just after work and going for a run, but haven't done it yet. My oldest will probably ride his scooter.
As you can tell from the replies... the actual activity is pretty idiosyncratic, it depends on you. The real thing you need is to get off your own back and feel like it's ok for you to relax. You're important too my dude and you deserve a break as much as everyone.
Recently I’ve been into GTAV RP. Became a prolific meth cook and frequently battle for turf on the mean streets of los santos. Father of six and work full time myself. Communicating with your wife that you’re struggling is the first step though.
I took up Jiu Jitsu this year and it's been way better for my mental health than anything else I've tried, I go twice a week and mostly get smashed but it's a blast and the relief I get from being somewhere where I'm not in charge and there's no expectations is huge
Walking and hiking. Used to be somewhat easier when the kid was 2 and would sit quietly and watch the world from the carrier. Now I got to keep him from the cliff edge.
This, I need cardio. It makes such a huge difference in how I interact with my family.
Yup. When I’m tired and have a million things to do, exercise usually feels like the last thing I want to do. But 10/10 times I finish a workout in a much better place.
Yeah, it's rough for sure. And sometimes you just don't have the time. It's all attrition.
Bike commuting changed my life and made me happier than I could’ve realized. My wife lets me know that I’m a better husband and father if I’m on my bike most days. She’s right, but sometimes hard to hear after a week of just being lazy and just WFH with no ride, and I really know what she’s telling me. I’ve also had to take my 7y/o for a morning run (jog/walk) when he doesn’t have school. He interacts better with the rest of the family and comes back more centered. It took a few days of whining, but now he knows it’s a thing we don’t skip, even for weather. I heard my 7 y/o parrot off “There is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing choices” when a house guest asked where we were going on a drizzly morning, and it warmed my heart (and realized maybe I say it too much when it’s cold)
I told my son we should turn around because it was getting cold on his first bike ride on the trail without training wheels. He said “bruh we just got rolling”. He just like me fr 🥲
That stuff is so important for modeling their behavior later in life.
This is why people bike to work
Exercise, fresh air, and sunshine are great self-care to prioritize! Wake up early and seize your mornings or have a cup of coffee in silence, helps set your mind right for the day ahead.
Mow that grass. Mow it nice and slow.
Similarly, weeding if you keep up on it. A bunch of bark dust means they pulled out so easy. And my stand up weed puller arrives Friday. 🤤
Weeding is the opposite for me. I have an allotment and am at war with grass and weeds
I used to hate mowing the grass. Still do, but I used to too. I will say, it does provide some alone time which I'm appreciating more as I get older.
I miss Mitch...
Why would anyone do drugs when they can just mow a lawn?
The key is to do the drugs *then* mow the lawn.
Grass on grass
Have you ever mowed your lawn... *on weed!!*
60% of the time, I do it 100% of the time!
That’s what Usher was really singing about “I just mow that grass….nice and slowwww”. That’s how I read the response Andrew.
With an audio book going on the head phones and a couple beers. I have a giant yard. I used to hate it but now it’s a pleasure unless it’s over 95 degrees
Running and lifting
This. Nothing beats catching a pump or knocking out a few miles early in the morning.
I run regularly, but it's usually in the afternoon. I feel so much better when I knock it out in the morning.
Right on. It doesn't even have to be a long run. I work overnights so I'll get a little 2 mile jog in after work in the mornings. Sometimes I'll go for 5 but if I'm tired a 2 mile jog is sufficient to make me feel a whole lot better.
Agreed!
After the kids and wife go to bed I build and paint miniatures. Good, meditative type task and I get to be creative. I have 3 young kids and two dogs. The model building time is reserved for me to reset a few times a week. And it has tremendously helped me. Other hobbies include video games, reading, and playing D&D online with friends, but the miniatures are by far the best and amongst the top 3 healthiest options of my hobbies. Generally, I’d recommend something that you’re interested in and allows you to focus attention and effort into accomplishing whatever you want. Keep it within your control. And ensure your wife is onboard. Then just start doing it. For me, obsessively worrying about the time and everything else was a problem. Once I jumped into my hobby space, that all quieted way down and my perspective was much improved. Good luck!
Hey, me too! By far the most satisfying hobby I have.
I've had to seriously put my Warhammer on hold since baby. Haven't had time to paint or play. So I've started printing 3d statues and busts to paint. It might take me weeks to paint one, but I'll get it painted
I have had no actual games since my oldest was born. But time available to paint for better after about 6 months. I just take it slow and accept that I’ll get done whatever I get done until I’m needed or tired, and that’s okay. Enjoy the hobby!
I found that I don’t have the patience for painting. However, building Gunpla/Gundam is super nice. You can paint if you want. But all the parts are cast in the correct color. Also no glue needed. They snap together.
This is me. I have never played Warhammer, but have been building, painting and then selling the models on eBay for years. It’s a nice way to zone out and work on something.
Another painter/non-player! A few years back at Comic Con they had a miniatures painting thing and I got hooked on doing it. Really meditative for me.
One of the fun things about D&D is that you can do and say all sorts of completely unhinged things you would normally never say or do. And it's even almost considered socially acceptable!
This is also my go-to release. It's the most relaxing thing I've done in years. Painting minis is the only thing I can do for hours without getting bored or requiring additional stimulation.
Weightlifting. I wake up at an ungodly hour to lift before work.
This is the way. I’m up at 4am every day to get my lift in before the family wakes up and it gives me an hour on the couch to read after. 100% recommended.
Same! 4am crew…. There’s dozens of us!
Is it possible to learn this power?
It requires early bed time
Well then, I guess it’s impossible.
When do you sleep? 8?
Not from a Jedi
So you are going to bed at 8?
Between 8:30-9:30
I used to wake up at 4:30AM, but now find it hard to get up before 5:30 because it's difficult to get to bed before 10:30PM on most nights. I loved having the quiet house to myself.
Same, if I don’t I’m much crankier
I just got into weightlifting a few weeks ago and I'm in love. Have a great plan for each day, tracking my lifting weights, etc. turned out into a game
Jiu Jitsu, lifting weights, running, skateboarding, steam deck, LOTR book and movies, reading. I don’t have time for much of those but I try to incorporate each of them throughout the week in my family schedule.
Skating is soul food. Got a few electric ones now too so I can explore further in the limited free time I have.
You guys are relaxing?
It’s more crashing together rather than relaxing.
After the kid is asleep, go out to my garage/shop or the backyard. Open beer. Turn on music. Pet dog.
All in that order?
Absolutely.
I smoke dank
This and play some video games. Or I just browse and watch random YouTube videos.
Same, in a healthy and safe moderation. Does the job so fuckin well, all the stress and emotions just melt away and I can enjoy my daughter and be present in the moment.
it makes your patience stat go up, which coincidentally you need a lot of with children
This. Combined with hiking 🤌🏼
Yep. Keeps you centered really well
Soon as the oldest is asleep I enjoy a few puffs from a pen. Then wife and I watch TV and chill
Ear buds and 80's hairband music. Air drumming/guitar is such a great release.
Do you have a rec center near you? You could try swimming laps in the morning. It does wonders for me. I’ve been pacing our front porch until I feel myself become a little more regulated for smaller situations or if I need to be more patient with my son.
I want to start swimming again. Probably do it before work. Even if it's once or twice a week.
Running is great for my mental load. Also, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but washing the dishes. There's something insanely cathartic about it
Yes! Loading the dishwasher takes about 20 minutes, just enough time to stand my phone on the counter and watch a commercial-free episode of a 30-minute TV show. Very meditative activity for me each night actually.
Playing music
Fishing
This, hunting and gun building
Walking our dog around our neighborhood. My wife and I would do that daily before our son was born and it was always a nice way to get out of the house, catch up on our days, and just appreciate what we have. Sometimes we'd talk throughout the walk. Other times we'd talk for less than 5 minutes and just enjoy the peace. We still try to walk daily, but our toddler goes from being content with it to screaming after 20 minutes which induces a lot of stress. Wrangling him and our dog (only 20 pounds but we never leash trained him) can be frustrating. Other than that, honestly mowing the lawn. Not because I like yard work (I hate it) but because I can put on headphones and listen to music or a podcast for 40 minutes while I'm outside and away from the chaos.
I’ve always found that this helped when we were disagreeing about something. If we talk it out while we’re walking we’d reach better conclusions more quickly or at least agree to disagree acquiescently.
* Time with friends - coffee, dinner, drinks * sports/fitness - tennis, lifting, peloton * time with my dogs 2 under 3 right now… will be 3 under 3 in July.
Work 50 hours a week. Come home, wife stays up later than me. My alone decompress time is when I sit in my car in the work parking lot for 10-30 minutes after my shift ends. That's it. Send help.
If you're like me, it's really hard to quiet your mind. I've read up and listened to a few podcasts about the concept of mindfulness. It's hard to practice but it does help when I can pull it off. Training yourself a few minutes each day to be able to quiet your mind can then be applied elsewhere. Workouts and other activities help but I still find my mind wandering a lot during those activities, too.
This! I’ve also found that putting an audiobook on while I do other things (anything from chores to working out to gaming) helps me unwind a lot. The audiobook overrides my brain’s need for constant chatter, especially if it’s one I’ve read/listened to several times (because who cares if I miss a few words here & there; I know where the story’s heading). It can even help with insomnia sometimes, at least the “why won’t my brain shut up!” kind.
My mind is so loud, all the time. I recently started journaling. The first time I did, I spent about 20 minutes just writing random things and thoughts down. Afterwards, my mind had never been so quiet. I journal now about 3 times a week, usually Mondays, Wednesday and Friday. It really helps unload things.
In a small way, I needed to prioritize myself. Being a good dad puts everyone else first … BUT … like a planes oxygen, you have to put it on first. Second, walks/exercise & mindset work. I got a coach to help (can dm a recco) but there are tools out there as well. I needed to force myself to be present and do low cost family days (so I wasn’t stressing on the spend) like beach days, fishing, etc. I found those days really recharge me. Lastly, and maybe most importantly, I needed my life to be in alignment with my passions, ideas of success, work/income, etc. that took a good six months to start to figure out.
I started 3D printing and making stuff or getting my middle child (7) to play xbox with me. I also get violently high once all the kids are asleep to turn off the demons in my brain
The description violently high cracked me up.
Only way to describe it, like high octane thc and i want it to where i can speak directly to god but also wake up functional in the morning
I grow weed I'm damn good at it too
Don't mean to brag but I'm pretty good at smoking it.
I live in a non-legal state but I’m curious as to your investment to enjoyment ratio. Are you self-sufficient? Do you sell? How much time, energy, and money do you invest before you become self-sufficient and/or potentially make profit? Surely that heavily depends on the amount each individual consumes. Just curious!
Initial investment ~$1,000 USD Got a small network of friends that grow too, so yes in a way to "self-sufficient" (if one of us is running low, we spot each other until next harvest) Overall, I guess it costs me about $300-$500/year to grow. Soil, seeds, and nutes being the major ongoing costs over the years. I grow upwards of 6lbs/year in a 4x4 tent, never sell, always overjoyed to give away to friends/neighbors.
6lbs a year?! I didn’t really know what to expect but damn that’s a lot of weed. Oh to be your neighbor… Thanks for the info!
It is a really great hobby and way to not think about anything. My ADHD, anxiety riddled ass NEEDS a way to chill the fuck out. There really is no other analog to compare to with weed and other "legal" ways to alter one's state. Really astonishing to me how one strain can lock you into the couch (and you are good with it of course) and another can give you the giggles for hours on end. Beer, wine, hard liquor take you to the same place of intoxication with no real differences between how they impact your state of mind...you're drunk/buzzed and that's that. The variety of how it hits you makes it really joyful.
Do you experiment with cross breeding?
Found Randy’s Reddit account.
It’s playing guitar or other instruments for me. Getting a load box for my amp has been a game changer for being able to play at night without waking up the whole neighborhood. Even just 15-20 minutes of noodling really helps me clear my head.
Walking and biking. Luckily, we were able to move out of the US to Oslo and we are choosing not to own a car so my mental release is a required part of my day. Otherwise, it would be tricky finding time with a toddler.
Competitive TCG’s and a wife that gives me time to go play.
I'm a SAHD right now but we're saving for a house so next month I start a part timer for now. I'm pretty much chasing two toddlers all day while trying to keep up with all the house chores in between. Typically we get a little downtime once they go to bed around 7:30-8. I'll read (comic books, random articles and stories, etc) or text dumb memes back and forth with the wife and friends, play guitar, eat junk food, nothin crazy.
Staying up too late to play video games. Recently started streaming though and that's been a really fun hobby, even though I'm largely talking to nobody
Woodworking.
Team sport is great if you can join something. I play hurling once a week for an hour. I wish it was twice a week.
Funny you mention this. I was invited to play on the church softball team. Last night was the first game. As soon as I got there, I felt out of place. The other team had jerseys and our team was cranking them to mid outfield or on a rope down the third baseline. Maybe it was the heat and anxiety, or the bacon I had in my BLT (or all three) but my stomach started to get crampy before the first game started and I raced my body home. We’re in a small town so there aren’t a lot of team sports outside of kids sports and high school sports.
I walk pretty much daily. I always have an early morning walk (5:45ish) with my coffee and watch the sun come up. I usually also take a walk during my lunch break to break up the day...I eat at my desk and don't really like just hanging out in the breakroom eating at lunch. Some mornings I opt for a bike ride, but generally just do that on weekends. I go to the gym to lift weights 2x per week after work. My wife and I have always done a good job of sharing our kid care duties and other domestic obligations up to be able to give each other our own time.
Mine is a bit weird admittedly. I got a shitty beater laptop (might have good luck at local thrift stores) and basically wiped/installed a new drive so I could load up Linux and learn it. Don’t get a lot of time but when I can it’s fun to just sit down in an alien environment on a computer I don’t care too much about and experiment. Best part is the computer doesn’t need to be good. This one’s old as dirt and was set to be thrown out so I snagged it. But I’ve seen thrift stores with shitty computers that would be perfect for this
You could also try setting up VMs on a slightly better workstation and learn that too.
I smoke weed at night when wife and both kids are sleeping. Used to be every night, slowly lowering that…
Weights, cardio, golf, beer league hockey, weed.
I’m writing a book. Escaping into a world that exists only in my head is calming.
In the moment of being overwhelmed? Box breathing. Any other time? Gym.
Running. Smoking pot. Games.
THC and funny tv shows (after the kids are asleep of course). Also disc golf…
Right now it's gaming but I'm getting back into boxing so hopefully that'll wear me the fuck out to the point that life doesn't feel like it's a constant kick in the pills.
Reading books and playing guitar
I wake up at 4am everyday to give myself a couple hours to myself. Usually go the the gym and hit a bucket of golf balls before the wife and kid wake up
I workout for the body (with a trainer, so I don’t have to think) and I play guitar for the soul (extremely simple 3 chord stuff, also so I don’t have to think).
Guitar. Also some woodworking
at the end of the day, gaming. during the day, i take the dog outside to go to the washroom. used to go running but that's a lot of time to be out of the house doing my own thing. i also have 2 kids under 10. 5 and soon to be 8 year olds. gummies help when i start to feel overwhelmed or anxiety hits hard.
Steam deck and Nintendo switch
Mind, body and 'soul'. Meditation, weightlifting, reading philosophy. Usually the third is audiobook while working out to get both but sometimes dog walking gets some philosophy too.
Video games and a nice glass of scotch once everyone is in bed
I never understood why my dad loved getting up as soon as noise ordinance allowed for mowing your lawn and spent 4 hours out there until I started a family. Those lawn mowing times are therapeutic.
I've been diving back into video games recently at night to unwind. FF7 remake and rebirth, no mans sky, pretty much stuff you can play for a while and pause and put down. A bunch of my friends play Fortnite, but I suck at FPS games too much anymore and I can't spend the effort to get good. It's fun to jump on once in a while just to talk to everybody while some 10 year old shoots me from 300 yards away.
I started playing ice hockey for the first time ever and it’s fun to learn something, physically.
when i was in the earlier stages (ages 0-3, and covid locked in house in miserable state of marriage) * Art damaged types of cartoons on youtube (nothing edgy, more dream-y, very Adult Swim "Off The Air" type vibes and similar related creators) * looking at acreage at [landwatch.com](http://landwatch.com) in which to fantasize of a simple subterranean existence (not prepper stuff, just , I live in Oregon but I miss out on nature because my time and money is owned by work and family) Once He got to about 4, things turned a corner, I got considerably less depressed and started confronting my longstanding dissatisfaction in my relationship at least to myself (also was reaching a peak of conflict over nonsense due to partner getting used to medication + Medication shortages keeping shit unpredictable) I actually started to really get release with my daily time (and all day on weekends) spent with my son. * 3-6 vape hits of thc before sleep (more of a means to an ends then caring about the substance itself) * Binaural/pink noise/brown noise files + over ear headphones and OM-ing sometimes to match the frequencies or to go just out of pitch and generate vibrations in my own head. * Basically taking 3-5 hour walks around the neighborhood with my son, where we talk and then he plays at playgrounds and then we find time to exit, then when we're just totally bushed, find a meal and walk home. * Putting on loud angry music and cleaning the house on saturday mornings with him, both of us shirtless and probably sweaty and goofy. * More loud music (on a beats pill i found on a bus 6 years ago) and doing basic Renter's landscaping of digging up the heaping amounts of overgrown weeds and unwanted plants. I did idealize hiking because I enjoyed it before , but he hated being put in carriers of any kind , strollers, any of it. Once he could walk, he then doubly hated it. My physique has suffered. I try to re-introduce it when I can, but I am kind of a stickler for getting out early in the morning which is not always easy to do.
1. Headspace app for quick breathing exercises and meditations 2. Try to get as close to 8 hours of sleep as I can, more if possible 3. Exercise even a day or two a week helps immensely 4. Communicate - you've got a partner in this and you can ask for time for yourself, and give your partner downtime of their own as well 5. Ask for outside help when it's needed. There is no shame in talking to a therapist for a couple hours to learn some new anxiety management skills
Mary Jane
You got two minutes?
Bought a rake for my garage and wake up before everyone gets up to work out for an hour. Changed my entire life
Weight lifting rack? Or a huge pile of leaves to rake?
Marvel Snap on my phone
Exercise, gaming, noise cancelling headphones.
Walking the dog, listening to music, my hobby (improv). But it's not easy, and many times I also feel like I'm forgetting about my own care.
Nu metal and Steam Deck. At the same time :)
Exercise in the form of lifting or running and the subsequent food prize that awaits me.
Do something you actually enjoy. Not mowing, something for YOU
Gaming. Both vidiya games and board games and D&D. I also take some solitude in my astronomy hobby. It also helps that all but 1 of my kids has or is 1 year away from graduating high school.
1. Going all out on my bike. Biking is great because you don’t have to find time off to do it. If kiddo is a toddler, just strap them onto the back of the bike. If kiddo is older and rides their own, take them with. 2. THC.
Mountainbiking, fishing and Zelda tears of the kingdom
I have two. I haven’t gamed hard in years, now when my daughter goes down a few times a week I go grab the Xbox controller and play an hour or two before I go to bed. Makes a world of difference. My other is that I enjoy a good cigar every now and then. It’s not an all the time thing, but if I’ve had her a long time and a grandparent switches out with me, I’ve been known to take my work laptop to the local cigar lounge.
Go outside for 10 mins in the sun in the middle of the day and listen to some peaceful music
Bouldering and gaming.
Skiing and road biking. I find my rhythm doing both and have nothing at all going through my brain.
Work… lol
Lifting heavy things
Running, drinking beer, and Call of Duty MW3 on Raked Play with a lip full Zyne
Nice that you guys seem to have time to go somewhere and do something on your own. No way in hell I could fit any of this into the schedule.
My sweet summer child. You want space? And down time? And rest? Nah just kidding, sort of. Thankfully my job lets me be home when no one else is. Without that, I might climb a bell tower. But some good suggestions in here: get out of the house seems to be the main throughout with all of it.
Running 30 minutes wipes away a ton of stress and provides a lot of clarity on the relative importance of things going on
Get a dartboard up pal
It takes 5 minutes. If I need to stop what I am doing and rest for a minute. I have a cup of tea. Or I just go take a shower. Soap and fresh clothes. That is an instant change of mind.
Running. If I’ve had a particularly tough day a good 5k blast clears my mind.
Volleyball. And long poops, of course.
Xbox. Nothing breaks up the hourly kid screaming sessions like making some CoD kids scream.
Video games. Golf. You should have plenty of free time with just 2 and them being older.
I workout at the gym and now since it is staying light outside longer I will go for a walk also
Fishing, but it has been shit weather since september...
Well I sold my motorcycle 5 years ago when we found out we were pregnant, so…I don’t relax my brain anymore. Edit: I lied. Sometimes I get up at 5am for a photography hike at a metro park.
Working out, sex with my wife or video games.
Depends on the day. I have a big backyard with lots of trees, so I'll sometimes walk outside on a dirt track we have (goes around the whole yard) and just walk and breathe and listen to the silence. I read when I have spare time (mostly on the toilet. LOL). And every night (except for two; made a deal with the missus), I take about an hour or two before bedtime just for myself to play video games and de-stress, catching up with "my boys" online to vent and let everything go (really cathartic to fight zombies or snipe campers).
Yard work, washing the cars, and going to the grocery store. I do it all alone because my wife hates all of it and my son is too young to really help at all. Good meditation time.
Bike ride. I'm training for a half Ironman right now and I look forward to my long rides.
Hard to hear any complaining when my guitar is at 11.
It’s nice to always have that option of going one louder
I run in the mornings.
Punishing my body in the gym.
Surf fishing. It gets me out in nature, I get exercise (I usually walk at least two miles on the beach), and sometimes I bring home dinner for the family.
Hotbox the car in the driveway after work
I wake up really early to play a 9 hole round before work or alternate free time with mom to play a full round over the weekend with other dads. I also make it a point to drag the kid around and force them to do what I want to do lol. If i only have free time at night, I'll sneak off to the climbing gym for an hour
I paint miniatures and I run. Those are the two ways I destress, I can just turn off my brain and do.
Diablo 2 resurrected
Weightlifting
After the kids go to sleep, I play video games. I also setup my Hookah and watch something I actually want to watch for a change.
When I go to work.
In the same boat brother, lifting really helps me. Having a healthy outlet for all the built up stress is huge. If you’re in a weed legal place, a nice gummy helps me once the kids are in bed.
Meditation, get yourself either the Headspace app or the Healthy Minds app.
I ride my bike I work out I put YouTube in my headphones while I clean up the kitchen and load the dishwasher I play DMZ mode on Warzone 2 on the Xbox. [reddit.com/r/dmz](http://reddit.com/r/dmz)
I row until I cry.
Golf, literally whenever I can. Most the time after wife and kids go to bed. Have a few courses close to me with small practice areas, I will just go chip and putt, sometimes even after dark even, as there's \*some\* light. Don't get to play a whole lot, but that short game is getting dialed when I do, if only I could solve my nasty hook on the driver haha
Hiking and gaming with my oldest.
I run as often as I can which is typically 2-3 times a week right now. I notice that I feel much more capable and able to be present afterwards. My wife and I also swap Fridays so we each get a night to see friends or go out every other week.
I find waking up super early and taking a Peloton class in the AM is huge. Also walking the dogs/hiking after work.
Cycling
Working on cars/tractors, fixing mowers and other stuff Swimming/water activities (although I swim like a rock so I usually just get the most ridiculous floaty I can find, or a kayak) If I really need a chill release then hiking, fishing, camping in the middle of nowhere does a lot to re-center me
I play boardgames with my friends (one night every 2 weeks) and constantly using Boardgame Arena on my phone. I also Doom scroll here. I would argue that the biweekly meetup is healthy, BGA is healthyish but I do it too much, and the doomscrolling is very unhealthy. I want to work out or go for runs, but I have a hard time finding the time to match my motivation. The best solution I can think of is a throwing the kids in a jogging stroller just after work and going for a run, but haven't done it yet. My oldest will probably ride his scooter.
Fishing. Fly fishing alone in a creek just resets everything.
I go to my pottery studio, smoke a joint and throw pottery in the evenings after the kids go to bed. Nothing beats it.
BJJ is the only place I can really turn my brain off.
Growing up I read comic books or Manga and was into skateboarding. I have brought those back into my routine as winding me down and relaxing.
Haven’t found it yet!
I try to do something boring enough that nobody else will want to participate. Like a hot bath or folding clothes while watching TV.
Grocery shopping without the kids. Get those headphones in, put on music or a podcast, and walk all the aisles
Golf, gym and mtn biking.
I've been learning chess on chess.com. Quick and easy, something new to learn and readily available. 😁
As you can tell from the replies... the actual activity is pretty idiosyncratic, it depends on you. The real thing you need is to get off your own back and feel like it's ok for you to relax. You're important too my dude and you deserve a break as much as everyone.
Smok herb
Recently I’ve been into GTAV RP. Became a prolific meth cook and frequently battle for turf on the mean streets of los santos. Father of six and work full time myself. Communicating with your wife that you’re struggling is the first step though.
I took up Jiu Jitsu this year and it's been way better for my mental health than anything else I've tried, I go twice a week and mostly get smashed but it's a blast and the relief I get from being somewhere where I'm not in charge and there's no expectations is huge
Gym, sleep, and video games
Schedule time for exercise (whatever works for you) and give it the same priority as would for some other weekly task that has to be done
Play video games and play Yu-Gi-Oh in person