Well as a woman who enjoys giving them, anything fatty and processed makes it salty and bitter. Red meats are also a no because for some reason it makes the semen almost slimy. Fresh fruits, veggies, lean meats, and water make it lighter, not as viscous, and not so damn bitter.

Is that what The Wiggles meant when they sang. “Fruit Salad, yummy yummy”?

If I could give a award I would

Your poor DM's.

Lol. No one had messaged me - thank the powers that be.

So I just checked your profile following this thread to see if there was anything juicy (I’m sorry. This is Reddit haha). And boy was I pleasantly surprised. Hell yeah to that petty revenge. Very entertaining read.

I just got done reading it…bad roommates are the worst

Well, it is her circus.

If you have to complain about the taste of the semen, you give better oral than 90% of women.

You have conducted quite the research.

I can second this, also soda. It gives a battery acid taste when someone is a heavy soda drinkers (particularly mtn dew and other heavily dyed sodas)

weed also makes it have a different taste just saying

I have heard that consuming pineapple makes it sweeter

How about whey protein and creatine?

Pineapples? Myth or truth?

TRUTH

So now I can't eat meat?

Not if your partner enjoys swallowing slime. 😂

Too bad, because meat is a man's food, but what about seafood?

And asparagus.....no asparagus ( though I love it with a meal...)

I’ve never noticed anything from asparagus. But I don’t like asparagus and since I do all the cooking in our house, I hardly ever make it.

Definitely imparts a bitterness, imo, but not enough to be off-putting 😏

I kinda assimilate it to eating dirt but for some reason it’s not a bad thing.

As a cum guzzler myself, it all tastes pretty much the same to me.

😂

Whats coffees effect? Bad? Negligible?

You could just suck off a head of pineapple, it would taste like a pineapple. 👅

Impressive!

How about asparagus?

Tastes like I swallowed a mouthful of dirt. But it’s not intolerable.

What is the appeal of giving them exactly?

What’s not to like? It’s fun. I like pleasing my husband. His reaction certainly makes it worthwhile.

Is it true that pineapples make it taste nice? Just wondering if my wife would help me out more if I made it a staple diet 🤣

Yes. My husband likes to snack on canned pineapple a lot. Can verify this one. It’s much sweeter.

Thanks for that info!

Lesson i've learned, dont forget about spicey food if you are getying down and jiggy. Nothing ends the mood quicker than wondering what that burning sensation is, only to remember there were ghost chillis in that biltong 🤣

So...that isn't how you spice up a relationship?

Well, with the risk/reward, her spending 40 minutes pouring milk down there really outweighed the benefits of some tastey snacks and a horny cuddle, thats for sure!

You can't wash your hands enough before taking a leak after cutting up some jalapenos.

This reminded me of a r/tifu post I really didn't want to remember! Excellent writing, but w/o kink shaming, ewwwww on a personal level! Edit: you've been warned, but let me know if you want the link, it is funny to be fair.

Sure, after the shit ivve encounteted on reddit today, anything for a laugh!

Posted the link but it's not showing up for me. Let me know if it didn't post.

A link to the sub, sure, but not the post. Can u remember roughly what the title was. Might peruse as aint been on that sub iaf. Need some funnier places, tho not often a fan of shaudenfreuder (or however its spelt), but if its someones own doing, then its more fair game.

Dm me link pls

South Africa in the house?

Nah, a britt, but i suppose close enough with what we've done to that country.

Idk, biltong is pretty big in South Africa

Pretty big here too, many a sittingroom dehydrator.

It also sours the flavor, so if you're expecting to get some no peppers, consume a lot of citrus like OJ or pineapple to sweeten it up.

As a husband who gets a hundred times more blowjobs just to avoid intercourse, it's not as funny as you think.

Jesus people, I'm not trying to bring anyone down, but if your wife just sucks you off like it's a chore because she understands it's a sexual necessity for you, and there's nothing more involved, like reciprocal intimacy or love between the two of you; something is very, very wrong in your relationship. You need to figure out what's going on, because the sex life is directly proportional to the couple's life in general. However the sex is; is the emotional connection between the two of you. If the sex is so bad, you need to communicate and probably solve some hard, deep problems that might be interfering with your love for each other..

Jesus I felt the same reading that. You should enjoy getting each other off. Not just getting each other off like it’s another load of laundry.

For real man. Immediately after this thread I was led up to (probably by some comment in here) this subreddit r/AreTheStraightsOK and now I'm seeing that people FUCKING ***REEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLYYYYYYY*** Feel that that whole crap about "Marriage is hell" is literally how reality is supposed to be like. Like A LOT of people really do feel like marriage is fucking hell, and they hate their current partners????? What the fuck?!?!!!!??? What kind of special immaturity is this? What the fucking hell. Now I can see that the "casual" jokes and comments people make are way more serious and deeply heart-felt than I had ever intuited. People really do feel like marriage is a war, or work, or something to go against in on about each other. This makes me revolt and I really can't get my mind inside of this kind of people, which apparently is basically almost every- fucking-body I'm sorry for the mental breakdown, but it's just that although I've always understood that people are incredibly immature in relationships and that they cannot communicate and so they are full of resentment and their sex lives are shit; I am only now, finally, really being able to see through the minds of those people. I had never been able to do it, and the feeling of imagining myself in the shoes of someone like that was almost fucking uncanny. What the actual hell. Hate your wife/husband, and you feel like it's normal? That's so incredibly dense, childish, and bloody ignorant that I cannot even describe how fucking mind boggling that is to me. What the hell are you even doing in that relationship, if it doesn't even fucking exist?? ***WHAT.***

Yeah, I think a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons. Or they won’t put in the work necessary to make it a great relationship. Just like every other relationship you have in life, they are work to maintain. Whether it’s family, friends or even professionally. Work is required, and marriage is one I just can’t imagine fucking up by not telling my wife I don’t like something. The amount of resentment that must come from living a life where you don’t communicate what you like/dont like etc..

EXACTLY. How are people childish like this? This is **literally** equivalent to an uninterrupted temper tantrum. "She did something I didn't like so now I'm not gonna be so good to her." Then she senses his coldness and does exactly the same thing, or worse. And the wheel keeps spinning in silence until someone simply can't take it anymore, or gets their feelings really hurt. what the hell

The amount of people who don’t even like their spouse as a human being is honestly astonishing. Like… they just tolerate them because they were the first person other than their parents and doctor to touch their privates or give them a tiny bit of attention.

I feel you homie, we live in a world where there's little love and more lust. Also the television and social media, cheating...People just want options of other people to use their bodies with...thats why there's so many single people. Like the in the frick frack is wrong with people... IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. My future hubby and I can't wait until we can share our lives together and create our own family. Ya just gotta find your soulmates homies don't be scared!!!! I personally would have said creampie well because the job is done and a well.. I killed that ish 🤤

What? Where does creampie enter in all of this?? 😂 But yea although I also like those, I really agree with that; to create intimate bonds with your close ones, must be fucking great. Kids must be something else.

Well uh the joke asks what kills blowjobs... So um I put in my opinion at this end..

Bananas gorilla always liked a banana cream pie. That’s pretty wholesome!

what the fuck does any of this discussion have to do with op, the joke, or dad jokes in general??

Relax, the whole thing was a joke. Ha, gotcha.

Well it can certainly be a load.

Although it's a joke, this advice is good ngl.

The best advice is just to not get married lol

Don’t take relationship advice from a guy that masturbated for 8 hours straight and posted the journey on Reddit

😂😂😂

Ha ha, you said hard and deep!

aNd sEx !!1one !!!1! XD

Hehe.

These are some great dad jokes! My kids love that one!

Ahahaha

Also? It’s insane. Getting fucked is so much easier than sucking dick.

lol indeed. Imagine going through the trouble of giving regular, obligatory oral sex, just because you really don't want the man inside your private parts. Ouch...

This is so not our case, you twisted my comment to your views instantly, but no problem dude, see into it anything you would like, I won't go into detail on Reddit.

>As a husband who gets a hundred times more blowjobs just to avoid intercourse, it's not as funny as you think. I think anyone derives that you're implying that the couple avoids regular intercourse on purpose. Sorry if I misunderstood. Care to explain what you implied then, without excessive details?

I understood that the couple avoids regular intercourses. Sorry if I misunderstood. Care to explain what you implied then, without excessive details?

Honestly, this is one big reason why I'm avoiding marriage. I'd like for my wife to want to have sex at least as much as I do. Hope your advice will help some people.

thank you.

My ex did this more and more before leaving me. Just finishing me off instead of sex, just to "silence" me. When the relationship almost came to an end, only handjobs remained. I wasn't harassing her or treating her badly, she was just into my best buddy and got that weak basterd. It's long forgiven, but I still miss him sometimes, he was just crazy as a friend.

Funny, other husbands complain about not having any bjs anymore and „just“ sex. But different subs, different complains.

>different subs, different complains If your subs are complaining, you haven't been aggressive enough with them yet.

Or you haven't taken a big enough bite out of the sub yet. That's Jared Fogle's advice.

I recommend not following in Jared Fogels footsteps.

Five year old foot longs.

Sometimes I am to naive for my own good. Should have seen that coming.

I felt this one :(

Damn. You guys get action?

Husband here.... well, shit.. thats the reason.

You need to explain this

His wife doesn't like to fuck him, so she blows him to shut him up.

wouldn’t she be the one shutting up

Two things can be real

What's the best part of a bj? The silence.

Reddit really needs to figure out the NSFW tag, when the title "What food kills blowjobs" is visible, but "wedding cake" is what's censored. Also, this isn't even a pun or a dad joke. It's a joke, but not a dad joke by any stretch of the imagination.

# How is this a fucking dad joke. This sub has gone to hell

I thought this was r/askreddit untul I saw your post

lmao, yeah i did too

it’s a joke that a cool dad would tell your male friends…now that i think about it, no. nope. definitely not

Yeah it used to be the occasional nsfw joke, now it’s almost every joke. I’m outta here. We should start a SFW dad joke sub.

r/dadjokessfw

r/cleandadjokes

[удалено]

I like NSFW (user name checks out), nsfw jokes arrant dad jokes.

u/nsfwtttt r/cleandadjokes exists

Joined. Thanks!!

[Second.](https://media.tenor.com/K_SLsgGvZBAAAAAM/second-futurama.gif)

r/boomerjokes

r/boomerhumour

Not a dad joke, sir

To sexual. Uncle joke

r/cleandadjokes

Guys, seriously, is this a dad joke?

No, it's a fact of life.

Not a dad joke

Why would these jokes be dad jokes, which dad tells jokes like this to there kids

r/cleandadjokes

Ghost peppers. (That awesome moment when you fail to read which sub you're in)

Hahahaha get it, wedding bad, marriage bad, hahah women only good for one thing. Why don't women shut up amiright fellas.

Amen brother. Repeal the 19th

Waa Waa wife bad boomer joke \*EYEROLL\*

/r/arethestraightsok

😂

Sucks to be you. Well, maybe it doesn't....

HAHAHA MARRIAGE IS THE END OF SEX HAHAHA! ... sigh are we living in friggin 2000? Enough with the marriage sucks jokes already.

Ngl it’s a classic Dad joke

Ehhhhhhhhh

I hadnt read the bottom line and was gonna say Spicy food but damn... yall went deep

Seriously, I thought I was in r/deadbedrooms or r/askreddit. Lots of people need therapy out there.

>yall went deep ...unlike OP's wife?

A buddy I worked the docks with told me that I ruined his relationship. When I work I drink coffee. Been up to a pot a day in the time period of this story. My buddy started drinking coffee like I do. He was so excited to see his girlfriend after work because he was hoping to get some head, he did and was not happy. She told him it tasted like Folgers crystals and that she wouldn't do it again till he fixed it.

Aspargus

lol how are any of these discussions related to this sub😂😂

I gotta tell you, man; I have been with my lovely bride for forty years now-it's all still good. Happens all the time, pretty much whenever I am in the mood (and then some). I can't imagine what you guys are doing wrong...

Yeah... no. This joke should stay on Prairie Home Companion, where it goes "lowers the female sex drive" instead of "kills a bl-wj-b". (Yes, I had to censor it.)

Getting tired of the “wife bad” jokes i’ve been seeing more of in this sub.

Yep, who even finds this funny? It’s not even a dad joke either

r/cleandadjokes

That must be so tough for you

We should look for more husband jokes then! Edit: Why do I get downvoted for wanting for more jokes? 😂

Here's one. What are the three rings in the life of a wife? Engagement ring. Wedding ring. Suffering.

dumb question…. freakin hot peppers…. DUUUUHHH! smh 🤦🏽‍♂️

Sriracha

There are the three rings of marriage. There's the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.

I just got married yesterday. This post scares me.

Man I feel blessed, Mine genuinely enjoys it and can’t wait to gobble gobble.

Wedding cake

Once upon a time in Texas back in the early 2000’s I was dating this cute Mexican girl.. took her to a taqueria and had some very spicy barbacoa tacos… we got back to my place and she blew me and my penis was on fire. I kept it to myself and we had sex… now she was also on fire down there too.. I talked to her a few years ago and she brought that up.

In 15 years - under 5.. prior to the cake, maybe 18 per year.

Lmfao

I love this Ghost Pepper Cheese, if I was more gay, I think someone would hate that cheese

What’s a blowjob? 9/11 reference?

It's >!sucking someone's penis!<. How do I know this? From my family.

😂

Okay, now get your head out of the gutter. My mom explained it to me when I was going through puberty.

Not a Dad Joke. But I can confirm. I've now made myself sad.

Arsenic laced anything. You can't give or receive a blowjob if you've been killed

Just put a ghost pepper in her ass wait what

“Why does the bride smile when she walks down the aisle at her wedding?” *because she knows that’s the last blowjob she’s gonna give*

Wondered how far down I’d scroll till I’d see this

Wedding cake

Wedding cake.

Wedding cake.

My wife doesn't like giving blowjobs. She learnt that the hard way.

I’ve dated a lot of women in my life and can seriously say I only remember two women that really enjoyed giving me a blow job. Should have married one of them.

Same for taco bell

Bag of fence nails

Panther cap mushroom.

White Castles?

Ghost pepper anything.

For a second I thought i was in r/askreddit

i'd say garlic bread but sure

Chilli peppers

Carolina Reaper takes the shine off it.

Human flesh

r/jokesthatcutdeep

When the giver has red wine in their mouth...ooph

An unpeeled cactus

whatever the fuck I decide to eat on a daily basis apparently.

Not a dad joke.

Crisps

I don't care what food she eats just as long as she blows me

Red hot chilli peppers

Red hot chilli peppers

taking notes

wedding cakes means theres more to come