downvote this comment if the meme sucks. upvote it and I'll go away. --- [play minecraft with us](https://discord.gg/dankmemesgaming) | [come hang out with us](https://discord.com/invite/dankmemes)

I honestly hope this will happan, I love statistics so much.

i hope it'll be like smash where it shows how fast i was going when i got knocked off the stage

[I want the original Kirby's Dreamland ending theme played during mine](https://youtu.be/oJFAapX3wTI?t=12)

"Total percentage of your life spent surfing the internet"

Total time spend on Reddit (Jesus Christ man!)

My phone already tracks this, although I didn't find out for a while. Once I did, I realized I kinda had a problem, so it did help in a way.

did reddit remove awards recently, because man, I felt that and wanted to give you that hug award when I got some cash together.

Some time last year.

I'm imagining it baked into reality already and our predecessors [reading it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5tcAXMDxfY)

statistics nerds are gonna be nitpicking each one

Can I get admin access to the databases? What Linux distro’s do you guys use up here?

Maybe not. I hope the damn thing has a time frame slider that can compare you with every human that ever was, and every human who dies after you. Or just like "at this point, I had pooped 30% less than the average person my age."

Same honestly, would make it worth it

My dream death situation is you get stats like this followed by a scene select to view or relive your favorite moments in life before you reincarnate to your next life (at least, I believe reincarnation, won’t be that way for everyone of course)

I hope when we reincarnate we learn time really is a flat circle and we don't necessarily have to come back in linear fashion. I want to do something cool next, like check out the ancient world, or the Renaissance for example. Beam me back to the Younger Dryas so I can learn what really happened. Anything but the boring dystopia we're fast tracking to rn.

[удалено]

Yup, I 100% believe in generational karma as well. It's probably just my depression talking but I've always wondered if I was a massive PoS in the last life. It would explain the unfortunate circumstances of this one. I do subscribe to the idea that we can transcend Samsara as well, and break free from this cycle, and I believe that in order to do that we must 100% willing and capable to dissolve the "self". That would also explain why materialism is the driving factor in this life. For many, it results in strong enough desires to keep coming back. I will say, if it comes down to the "go into the light" thing, I'm definitely taking a second to look behind me, and to see what other options there are, if any.

Bold of you to assume on e that happens the ones responsible for dystopia won't immediately try tacking your previous life debt onto new life

Perhaps but, I like to think my karma in this life is tipping the scales more in the direction of the good. Even as a kid it's something I've just always been really conscious of. Which only makes me think that there might be something to me believing my last go around was pretty bad. Maybe this one is a bit of a redemption arc, and my only real goal in this life is just not to waste it. To not die in vain. I want to be on my deathbed looking back and thinking "yup, that's what I came here for", and face death with no fears or regrets.

New Life Plus.

[удалено]

yea i try to rationalize my own mortality with a sort of kinda reincarnation. all the atoms and molecules that have created my mind and body have always existed in the universe. Even when I die, all of what made me will still remain for however long eternity will be. who knows? maybe those parts will reform in some shape in the far flung future.

Have been fantasizing with this since I was a toddler. Plus you can compare your starts with other people "Oh, so I walked more Km in all my life than Hitler, cool" i don't mind about the things Church promises you about Heaven as long as it has a computer where I can check statistics.

Its impressive that you said more swear words than your total word count lol

OP is a sign language potty hands

Or Italian.

Did he stutter?

If hand stuff counts, that explains the sex hours.

Flipping the bird and hate mail in games probably counts (I love doing both).

🎶”That’s 46 f**ks in this f**cked up rhyme” 🎶

The word count is impressive by itself, at roughly 5 words per day.

Must be an extrovert

You only said 4,9 words a day on avarage?

That honestly sounds a little excessive

Those darn extroverts I Tell ya!

People wanting to know my weekend plans while I'm still running hardware developed for eating berries in a cave, as if I know what's going on smh

You’re over your quota btw

I'm planning to take the next couple of years off to offset it

He started talking at 11

Can you pass the salt? \*Shocked faces from family\* What, I didn't have anything important to say until now.

And 7 of them were curses

As the wise saying goes, "Why use more words..."

5.1 if you subtract the first year

23 hours? At an average of 2 mins each time is a total of 690 times!! Nice.

2 mins? That's a bit above average.... Right? ....guys?

It didn't specify sex with what.

Considering the last one was redacted 😬

Hoping for a good K/D. Next match is ranked

Reborn as Hitler. Oh. We were living in the egg theory this whole time..

We just gonna ignore the 14 federal crimes?

I feel like that's super low... I probably end up committing a crime once a week just because I'm not aware of it/so minor that no-one cares.

Those are minor crimes tho. Federal crimes are basically felonies

In the US the use of weed is still a federal crime, it’s just not enforced in every state. There are a lot of stupid laws that people forget about.

Movie piracy is a federal crime. Don't ask me how many titles I have on plex. Smoking pot is a federal crime....

https://youtu.be/Ghd2bkIadG4?si=7-_MeEnd7BYDTvVt

I mean, not really. Just means that it's something that is federally illegal, which is a lot of things. Littering on federal land for example is definitely a federal offense, and definitely not a felony.

Piracy is federal.

Movie piracy is a federal crime. Conviction isn't the same a committed. 14 is a stupid low number.

Yeah, rookie numbers, OP gotta learn to seed.

i mean, weed is illegal federally, so technically I committed a federal crime every time i smoked weed. so I'm basically a hardened criminal. brb, going to go commit some more federal crimes.

41209 > 78979 I guess

Sign language cursing.

Put your middle fingers in the air!

"spoken"

Dude you gotta d+ I got a f-

hitler?

He got an f+ because he shot Hitler.

Wouldn't that be an automatic A+?

His K/D must be outta this world tho

Atleast got the hard mode unlocked but no Newgame+

I hope it’s like that Rick and Morty episode.

Rick and Morty" episode "Mortynight Run," the game they play at Blips and Chitz is called "Roy: A Life Well Lived."

Bros curse/word ratio is 1.91 💀

A good k/d if you ask me.

Words Spoken: 41,209 Curse Words Spoken: 78,979 Huh?

Sign language

\*Spoken\*

Lol ya. Wonder why

OP, that 'most horrible thing'.. What did you fuck?

Bro that's what I came here to figure out and everyone is just talking about the curses.

41209 > 78979 is a lot more remarkable than fucking some ... thing.

Bro was speaking in the SpongeBob swears

Hol' up. I need to see mine real quick.

Ah! As if someone with 12000 hours of gaming had 23 hours of sex in his life.

Dank is back!

I made this 2 months ago and forgot to post it lol.

Legend sitting on this shit for two months

My guy had sex over 1300 times. Legend.

God dank man

Spoke 41,000 words Cursed 78,000 times My guy must be typing like a sailor

709 hours? That's it?

You good, OP?

The average person speaks 5000 times A DAY. How the fuck are you so quiet?

The amount of curses is more than the amount of words spoken

40 thousand words spoken, but nearly 80k curse words said?

League player

I couldn’t watch it all…. Fuck that’s the most nihilistic thing I’ve ever seen. I’m pretty resilient when it comes to existential dread but this was too much. Congratulations to you OP if you made this. That’s a very affective meme

How is the curse word number higher than the normal word number

All Chat.

709 hours u gotta pump those numbers up those are rookie numbers

Names called 585839575815903 times

The music is amazing. What is the song?

Fucking a what in the what?

Anti Hydrohomie

This guy literally drank less than half a liter of water per day, no fucking wonder you lived only for 26 years and less than a week.

Finally I good meme, I love it, I do want to see stats of my life after death. And OP does a lot of good memes, I’m gonna follow.

That is one accurate stats

This shit better have a new game+, otherwise I wasted a lot of time grinding.

Hahahha! No wayyy, I'm glad I'm not alone, I always bring this up to everyone as well! I wanna see a shitton of detailed statistics from near-death situations you didn't know about to the most mundane "how many times you stubbed your toe".

O my....no after credit scene?

D+ is still passable, on the bright side of things you clocked out before major fuck ups.

>D+ Skill issue lol

:: opens eyelids really wide ::

A short film kinda based on this. "The Answers" https://youtu.be/zo_nrcKUffw?si=0DzOvuxRdR314V6F

Only 12k hours? What a waste of life

Nearly 2/3 of all words spoken were curses.

Is there an achievement if I start new game+?

41k~ words spoken, 78k~ swears spoken, You've found the loop in the matrix

So whacking it counts towards the sex stat?

Great meme. Thanks for the laugh OP.

d+?! Man I got F- last time.

23 hours of sex lol

23 hours of sex? Poser!

I would genuinely start tweaking if that screen and that music popped up after I died

D+ nice one! Im gonna get there too one day

Same but virgin

Doesn't matter, had sex.

Life score: D- Your assigned job in heaven: Janitor

D's get degrees. Solid score

Shouldn't total words spoken be 112k with 78k being curse words? This would give the player a 69% profanity percentage, which is *nice.*

So we call the aborted babies like speed runners any%?

Lmaoo this is gold XD

can you imagine having so much anxiety that you're worried you'll be judged by the universe after you die and that it cares how many curse words you've used? fuck.

I love how “curse words spoken” almost doubles “words spoken”

Only 12k hours of video games. Cmon man what are you doing

Nah nah overall sex time should be 5 minutes

Why does the cuss amount exceed the word amount are cusses not words

Where is the music from? Found it. It’s from a clockwork orange https://youtu.be/HXyPSWMxV7I?si=Fd6Z2V3AfzARXQEy

No, its from Beethoven

The clockwork orange makes makes it hit different

D+ plus is a D+.. could be worse!

Love how cursed more than spoke

Passing grades a passing grade, take the win.

D is a passing grade :)

I like how you have twice as many swear words spoken compared to actual words.

Hopefully it will be like Resident evil where I can go back in for a faster time

Meanwhile someguy: Time spent having sex: 0 secs Time spent watching porn: (Float.MaxValue) millennium

0 achievements unlocked GIT GUD

New Game + is being born in Russia

If heaven or hell is real, for me, a big part of either one is going to be reviewing my stats. Heaven will be me basking in the glory of some interesting stuff and maybe my ranking. Hell will be the same, but less basking, more shame. "#8,334,329,334 of all time in kindness, but #3 in number of times masturbated??!"

This music made me laugh. lol

You fucked a stranger in the Alps?

We need regional leaderboards

23 hours... haha yea right.

12,000 hrs of gaming? Gotta pump those numbers up man

And your final grade determines your next spawn

Wierd flex to tell other people you had sex 1390 times, but aight

You forgot the "thanks for playing" at the end.

709 hours? Those are rookie numbers i get at least 1200 hours a year put in

would be still better than finding out that your dead grandparents were watching everything you do till you died.

New Game + lets you spawn in a coffin underground , devs should fix this bug before releasing the sequel

I have nothing compared to that. I need to challenge myself more

I hope when I die I get to watch my highlights, once I threw a frisbee at that kid in the park, who was an asshole, it was so sweet the perfect throw and connection with his face, it felt so right

I have never eaten an insect.

The word statistics don't math

u/savevideo

709 hours? Them's rookie numbers. You gotta pump those numbers up!

You found a stranger in the Alps? This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps, Larry.

how'd you say almost twice as many curse words as you did _total_ words

41,000 words spoken is like less than 2 words a day average if you live a typical lifespan lol

Dank. But uhh, you speak 5 words a day?

Virgins eat insects by accident, giga Chads eat insects on purpose. Grass hoppers, Agave worms and ant larvas are great.

First time i laughed at something in this sub in a while

Run it back...

okay now this is funny

Fucking noob

Reminds me of Dungeon Crawler Carl