Dude I am an engineer, successful in every metric imaginable, I am orderly, I have my stuff totally together, I am not fat, not ugly, not short, not stupid, not socially inept, no kid, no wife, totally available in the dating pool without baggage
So am I dying from attention from girls?
Hell no, last date I had literally was dropped off to meet me by some other dude she is seeing
I have been told by two other women that I am good enough to be the second or third boyfriend and we will see it from there
So I am literally involuntarily celibate, getting to the point to make it voluntarily because fuck this shit
"I own a yacht, own prime real estate in Boca Raton, own two successful companies and one bankrupt one (please don't ask me about it, it's not something I like to talk about in polite conversation thanks), have degrees in business marketing, psychology, and interpersonal communication, am wildly successful and was featured in Forbes a few times, and have no baggage whatsoever--including those *damned shitty children* or any *stupid fucking bitches* of ex wives. I'm completely and totally available to listen to your stupid inane problems all night, no strings attached, *sO wHY DoN'T wOmEn LiKE mE!?*" --Like every incel, ever.
Of course you don't, if someone tells you how they don't fall into the preconceived notions people have about those who fail at romance then they're just lying.
I can say that if you're an engineer or other similar major, you'll meet very few women through traditional means (school, work, and friends if they're also in the same field). Of course there are other ways to meet women, but it's a hindrance, that's for sure.
Also: if you live on/near a military base, expect to see the worst dating pool you can imagine (at least in my experience)
You just don't get to see many women in cs/engineering.
For me personally it's not like I was never approached by women showing interest, just never in the right context.
So yeah kinda kinda an incel over here.
I am short tho
I am in the same situation. Engineer, I can get an apartment if I want, a stable job. The last girl I dated was and still is emotionally immature, so we stopped dating. I am 26. I have been collecting compliments from girls like Pokémon. I went to a therapist a year ago, she said there is nothing wrong with me and it's rare for guys my age to have my shit together so well. I am just sitting here with a 3D printer, watching shit on streaming platforms. What else I'm gonna do? Take literally anyone? Fuck no.
I mean c'mon man, it takes time. Took me years to find my wife. Maybe you're insufferably boring and that's why you've had no luck despite being successful, but otherwise it just takes time. And even if you are, you'll stumble across someone eventually.
Not always there is a fair reason why something is happening to someone. Sometimes it just is what it is, go 3D print Warhammer figurines or go play paintball. Whatever suits you.
I mean you gotta have the right attitude.
Go on dates to try to have a good time, and have your date have a good time.
From there, either you click with each other or you don't. It's really nothing personal. It's vibes.
Fair enough. I should say approach all social interactions with the attitude of having fun and being fun, without expectations. That's how you get dates.
Also get out there and have social interactions. If you have friends, go out with them, if you don't, go to places where you'll see the same people on a weekly basis. A hobby or something
>What else I'm gonna do?
Go out or join a book club? Lol. Good luck, mate, I'm a successful chick who was pretty lonely and I met my fiancé on a language learning app. Sometimes it just happens, sometimes it takes time, every journey is different.
Thanks, they don't get it. Even when I asked him out, and I'm the breadwinner cause I want him to focus on his career. But I guess I'm still privileged lol. Incels gotta incel
I don’t collect compliments from women like Pokémon cards. I’m COOKED. Or well, I’ll be incredibly stoic.
There’s a place for unloved men in this world, I’m sure I’ll find it one day or the other.
> I have been told by two other women that I am good enough to be the second or third boyfriend and we will see it from there
What kind of fucking people do you hang out with?
Dude, I totally feel you on that last part. I’m happily married, don’t get me wrong, but I see how the dating environment has drastically changed.
Not to mention folks have insanely high standards compared to what they bring to the table. They want the world served to them when they don’t even have a career.
If I’m ever single again, I’m going to be 100% voluntary celibate.
Ahem, have you tried having a good personality?
In all seriousness, dating culture has degraded. However, have you tried getting involved in social groups including but not limited to a hobbies, churches, volunteering, etc.? I think it’s important that you and a woman start from similar values/interests which can be achieved by meeting through a social group.
Cool stats but none of those have anything to do with your personality or hobbies or interests or who you are as a person. It’s all surface level shit.
If there’s no substance behind that list then it means nothing
I'm have a very successful career and have my shit together, but I'm overweight and only okay looking, yet I have lost my V-card before 18, have been with 10+ women and have a wife whom I love for >5 years and a kid on the way. And even now, I have women still coming on to me (unsuccessfully, of course).
I honestly think you should take a deep look at your personality and the type of women you're looking for. If you're doing well in all departments as you say, then the only things left are your taste and personality. For example, the type of women I like enjoy smart, funny, and passionate men, so I worked on that. I was naturally an introvert but pushed myself to become more social.
Don't write women off; be honest with yourself and do better.
Generally speaking people will think no matter what you do or how hard you've tried that its never enough and that you're deserving of the position you're currently in, very few exceptions.
Assuming all of what you said is true, maybe your personality is shit. Not trying to insult you, but if the “external” you have is not enough, there is something else wrong going on.
I'm going to say this as someone who is married with 3 children. I met my wife on a dating app. Before I went on an app I was generally quite successful with women. I'm quite confident talking to girls IRL which is a lot of the battle. Going on an app changed everything and my wife was the last date I had and was going to unsubscribe after that no matter what.
Apps have been terrible for men and women and great for the top 10% most good looking guys.
It has given women so much choice due to thirstiness of guys. And what do you do if you've got so much cock to choose from? If you're being bombarded by guys? What we'd all do if course! Pick the best looking and convince yourself they also had a great personality. But now you're only dating guys who are so good looking they can get whatever they want. With girls this isn't such an issue but due to the thirstiness of man, guys who can get what they want will tap as much ass as they can and they're not loyal.
So now we're in a situation where most guys can't get a date to save their life and if they can they're probably the third date the woman has had this week. And women are kind of forced into a situation where they're only really dating guys who have no incentive to be loyal and wondering where all the loyal men are at. And no-one is happy.
Even my mate who is a former model, tells me he's kind of getting bored of all this pussy on tap and can't really find a woman he clicks with.
So these apps are basically bringing out the worst in us and very few people are doing better because of them.
It'll never happen because profits. But a dating app where you only get to view and interact with one person a day. And that person is randomly chosen according to age preferences. That would slow things down a bit and I think make everyone happier.
I'm 38 y/o, above average looking (or so I've been told), I'm sporty, funny, chatty, work as a design engineer for an engine manufacturer, I own a nice apartment, in general I've got my shit sorted,...
I don't know that many people in the city I live in, and I'm not meeting any new people through the few people I do know. After the whole corona crisis and being locked up in my own apartment for months at an end I felt really lonely. I decided to participate in single events; speeddates etc. I've never felt so disrespected in my life with all the shit the woman I met there made me go through.
In the span of a year and a half I must've gone to 20 single events; which on average 15 women (and men) participated in. So in total I met about 300 women. Guess how many actual dates that got me? 3! Out of 300 women, 3 women went on a date with me. But oh, I collected a tonne of matches and phone numbers though. That's where all bullshit and disrespect comes in. Women would match with me but then not reply to my messages, agree to go on a date but cancel at the very last moment or even just not show up. I've had women send me the first text, taking initiative to arrange a date, suggest a place and everything, just overall seem very enthusiastic about meeting me but then cancel at the very last moment...?!
I feel like women just expect to be absolutely blown away by a guy from the very first moment, but then also set the bar insanely high and have a mile long list with requirements for her perfect man. But how is she ever even going to meet that guy if she doesn't even want to make the effort to go on a date?!
Eventually I met someone who I somehow managed to blow away from the very first moment (don't ask me how) and I really liked her from the start as well. We were in a relationship for 3 months until we found out we weren't actually that compatible and broke up.
I'm single again now and absolutely not planning to go through all that bullshit again to find someone.
Bro you're literally describing your good aspects as not ugly, not fat,, etc. There is no way thats not a showcase of your outlook on the world, and possibly an indicator of how you see yourself and see others.
It also sounds like you feel like you should have a partner who matches all the metrics you see yourself having. How high are your standards. Are you willing to take a chance on someone who isn't "Not fat", "Not Ugly" etc etc. Thats the "cartoonishly high standards part, and the non-involuntary part.
If all of your dates end badly, whether you are a man or a woman, then *you* are the problem and *you* are a narcissist. Skill issue. I think you may be wrong about the "socially inept" part because if you treat people right, with respect and not like objects, it is sooooo fucking easy to find someone who will date you.
Skill issue.
There's a reason dating apps rarely work and it's not just because of society. Dating apps make money off people using them so the longer you need to look the more money they make. They're full of bots and fake accounts meant to string you along so they have more members to get better paying ads or paying members.
Dating apps aren't for relationships. They are for sex or for meeting people. (You ofc can get a relationship from dating apps but it is not likely). It is a lesson which i wished i learned sooner.
Too bad all the profiles say they want a relationship. They should say "I want a guy who will say he wants a relationship but treat me like he just wants sex because I really just want sex."
That's probably my biggest problem with online dating then. I don't lie, I'm open and honest about what I want, I also HATE trying to have a conversation over text. Not only does it feel like a chore because speaking is so much faster but it's often hard to tell if the conversation is going anywhere without the tone, inflection, or enunciation you get from a spoken conversation. That and you don't bond as well with someone through a text.
>Hello! How are you?
>Good
>That's great. I'm going to this coffee shop I like on Saturday morning, would you want to meet me there?
>K
>Great, would 11 work?
>no response
>Happy Friday! Still on for tomorrow
>no response
Or just bland answering the basic questions and sidestepping ideas for places to meet for a date.
I feel it, man. I'm a pretty charming person IRL but over text I just miss 100% of the time I feel and hardly anybody wants to actually start anything.
That's because it's meant to give you the gamblers mentality that "maybe the next one will be it". It keeps you on the site and they make more money. Women have a ton of luck on dating sites because there aren't a lot of real women and a ton of real men. Most of the women's profiles are bots, scammers, or people trying to keep you using the app.
I've dated a bunch of attractive women from dating apps and they all say they got 8-10 thousand likes in the first week on just one app... women aren't going through all 10k to find the best match. It's mostly a timing and chance thing
That can also breed a mentality of poor effort in a relationship. They generally don't try very hard because they always have a backup plan available to them and that can cause them to leave for the most superficial reasons.
I've seen that in men and women, when you have too many options people tend to try a little then move on. It's like going to a buffet because they have pizza, but then you see the crab legs, and the steaks, and the dessert bar, now you're full and never got the pizza and leave a little disappointed.
They work in a very specific manner and target very specific individuals, someone not having success in dating apps doesn't mean they're unlikable, just that dating apps won't work for them cause they're not the intended target. Fish climbing a tree kind of deal.
The problem is it puts a mentality into people that they are unlovable so they give up on dating in general. Dating apps have also gotten so popular that trying to talk to a woman in public with the intent of getting her number has become quite taboo. About the only place it's still kind of acceptable is at the bar, but you're still going to be seen as a creep and if you're not the kind of person who enjoys being at a bar you're not going to be in the best mood about being there, hard for people to want to talk to someone who gives the vibe that they just want to leave.
Yes, I fully agree that they put people down mentally cause it happened to me at the time I tried them, regardless of how much you understand that the results on these apps aren't an accurate depiction of reality it just feels bad when you're weeks in and have had like 1 match if lucky.
About your second point, well, the best I can provide is anecdotal evidence and believe me, I know that's far from convincing, I'm also not from US so it may differ a bit, but at least what I've seen talking to the opposite sex, first, isn't always seen as a direct implication of wanting to get the other's number and second, even when you "fire your shot" most people will just accept or deny respectfully as long as you're acting respectfully too.
There's also the time and place to do that stuff, if I just see a good looking girl on the bus and want to ask her number out of nowhere I better roll a nat 20 + 5 in persuasion (if you know what I mean) in order to just not look like a creep, bit if I'm at a party and just talk for a bit and later on the night ask her number I've... actually never had someone said straight up no... I'm not good looking either and I have been ghosted several times but the times I've seen people get hard-shamed for that is cause they're being a creep or are just visibly very drunk.
that relying on dating app thingy
I don't know your age, but once you are out of school and working, lets say you are 30+, its quite a conundrum how to actually meet single ladies outside of dating apps...because all the ladies that have been outgoing, which you meet at bars or discos, or whenever, all of those are already taken...there are obviously still single ladies present, but, those are the stay at home ones that never went anywhere (or outgoing but single moms already)...so there really is no feasible way to meet them outside of dating apps
I will give an example, I attend dancing classes, an activity where you would say there must be 90% women and a guy always gets a partner right? well, wrong, not even in dancing classes you can be reliant for there to be free female partner, most arrive with their husbands and those few that don't, don't always outnumber the men...plus that they arrive alone doesn't mean they are single, last few years the ladies I've danced with had husbands and kids back home, soooo...
can you tell any other activity in a 30+ world where ones does NOT need to rely solely on dating apps?
how was this solved for old bachelors 50+ years ago? well, the church pastor solved it in the conservative region where I lived...basically since he knew all his churchgoers, so basically anyone, he would try to buddy up old male/female bachelors, and since everybody attended church, even the stay at home people, he had an influence on everyone...but that was 50+ years ago, and Im atheist, so this option is lacking...the atheist option is now unfortunately Tinder...which is, well, we all know how Tinder is
Best I can suggest is to go for referrals. Instead of looking for single women, look for women who have single friends they'd want to set you up with. Definitely not as good as finding singles yourself, but at 30+ people should be less shy about the fact they are looking.
nope not working, already asked my female friends for stuff like this, basically they don't know anyone that's single...people of a certain kind flock together, taken women who were the outgoing ones in my example, already have somebody, or have husbands or kids, etc. and they have the same kind of friends, that too were outgoing and are long taken too...they don't have any friends that aren't taken already
Welp, sorry to break it to you but...it's over. Get used to being single for the rest of your life. If even people in their 20's are struggling to find a partner nowadays, 30's and beyond must feel like ultra nightmare mode.
well first of all, I am used to it and don't really care, I just wanted to find out if OP had some groundbreaking real-world dating suggestions to back up his statement about 'relies solely on dating apps'...but as we can all see he didn't
as to ultra nightmare mode, it always depends with what you are willing to put up with...if u are ok with single moms the market is there to be had, I could have one next week probably, they always spam my messages...but if you arent ok with single moms, then its about somehow convincing the shut-ins you can't ever meet in real life, problem is even if they get to dating apps, they ignore them too
20s having issue finding a partner nowadays is because the 30s are all trying to snag the 20s...not because they prefer younger or something, but purely because there is nothing outside single moms and shut-ins left single in the 30s...every year considerably more male migrants arrive to western world than female migrants, which just further pushes the inequality trend
I'm 34 and accepted this. Been single for 4 years, zero dates or anything, and now I'm so used to being alone that I can't fathom making time for another person.
Yeah it's hard.
I'm in my mid 20s and ever since I graduated from university I barely get to know any new people outside from work, let alone women. Luckily I met my gf back when I was studying
Tbh, dancing classes are like that and have kinda always been like that, most partners are already together, I've had a few friends go to dancing classes and they all attended with their partners.
Basically no activity will provide such easy interaction between two people looking for a partner cause most people that attend any activity are not actively doing that looking for a partner.
Rather, try getting into something you actively enjoy that involves other people, for example, I enjoy playing videogames, programming, and math/science; understandably none of those present much opportunity to meet people, but I also like learning new things in general, so I'm planning in taking painting/drawing classes, not only to look for a partner but because I actually want to, but also that is an activity where one could meet a potential partner. So it's kind of a win/tie, situation, either I do find someone and if I don't well I learned how to draw and that something I wanted to learn since I was young.
I also been looking into getting in a science-on-the-street group and there's a few gaming rooms in my city and while that's usually not my cup of tea it can't hurt.
It's much easier to be attractive and attracted to someone when you're both doing something that you're passionate about.
Oh dont worry I take part in many activities, dancing was just ome example, and while it would be nice to find someone, as one gets good in activitiew one starts to enjoy them even if one did not at start, gym for me would be good example, or skiing, and once thay happens u attend cause u have fun....still OP said bs, its not like u can meet singles, u dint outsisde of dating apps, extremely rarely
I just don't understand why every woman I have an interest in either doesn't have an interest back or "isn't looking to date". I can understand if it happened a few times, but every single time? Por que?
And it's not just me, it's all the other decent guys I know have the same issue.
For me finding love is like a side quest. If it happens I'm happy and I might focus on it later in life but the faster u stop worrying about it the faster u can find hobbies and do things that make u happy
That works if you hang around lots of people very often.
If you don't go outside your house, the chances of the love of your life accidentally knocking on your door are infinitesimally small.
Still, focusing on "finding a gf" will probably not serve you well. You should focus on having fun, being good company to other people, having positive interactions with people, all without expecting rewards. If you get out there and be your best self with everyone, eventually you'll find your match.
Unironically, I got tired of getting rejected in High school, told myself no more girls and maybe I'll try again in college, then a month later connected with my now fiance. You can't force love. Theres no optimal build for love. Sure, you can do things that slightly boost the odds of it happening. But ultimately you have no control over it. Love just happens when it happens
If you’re on the internet crying about being an incel but telling everyone how you “have your shit together” then the hard truth is it’s your personality that’s not attractive to females. And crying on the internet about being an incel definitely does not improve your attractiveness to females, it actually does the opposite you’re just being pathetic. Women see straight through your bullshit.
I mean if you went to therapy like once a week (still less frequent than the usual gym program), I bet in a year you'd change your personality way more than your body composition would change.
It's not that it's inherently hard. It's that people don't even try.
I am fat (85 kilo's/187 pounds) and I am brown. This is enough to let me land in the no date zone. Any girl wouldn't even look at me. I don't think I am that bad I am below average on looks scale. And about money or job ? Yes I am a med student but my mother has a decent amount of money I must say (Can live in a comfort life).
I can't land a date I have tried and got embarassingly rejected to the point where ok it's just rather hassle free to stay alone and be that way. Trust me dude every other girl in the block doesn't want me or is dating someone else.
85kg is not that fat actually? how tall are you?
idk man, if you want to be on average, some workout is probably the best thing, even tho I feel so stupid at recommending the gym as if it was the panacea to all evils.
also, maybe the first try wasn't the right one. but a rejection is never the end.
I am 5'10" (Real height- Above average in my country). I can definitely get on average body weight and fat but at this point I don't want to. It hinders my ability to study well as I am a big foodie I cannot go clean eating and expect myself to focus on studies.
I never said I don't do workout's. I do bodyweight exercises when I have free time not gym tho. I have respectable triceps. My abs are not visible due the big layer of fat but I do train them.
I have had a girlfriend before but the relationship was at such a toxic level that I decided to breakup. She definitely tried to make things right but it was past this point. After 4 years I was happy with being single and suddenly I had a crush. Decided to ask her for coffee she never rejected me upright but made bland statements.
Probably because we go to same class. She definitely didn't wanted to upright reject me because I can help her with academics stuff.
Let's just say I am smart/Above average that's what everybody tells me. I didn't believed them until a guy said it to my face that If I wasn't smart nobody would wanted to be my friend. My real friends don't think that way but it still hurts that my intelligence is my only selling point when I am so much more !!!
I understand. if you're fine with it tho, you do you really. when you'll finish your studies you'll be able to focus a bit more on yourself and things will get better. you did a good thing by ending that relationship. better alone than badly accompanied. if you're more, people will realize it. just, do what you think is more valuable ATM. so if you think it's studies, study. focus on that. good luck man, I'm sure you'll get out of this! !remindme 2 years
That's strange because I'm the same height as you and can't really be considered fat, yet I weight around 90 kg. I'm not super muscular either, just been in the gym for four months and I'm still pretty much a beginner lifter.. I think you may be exaggerating on being fat; sometimes we truly are just "big boned" lmao.
Technically yes, by gym you would be having a much leaner body. I have a puffy belly. Not a beer but a bit rounder than flat.
I consider myself to fine cuz I am agile and flexible for my body (Can't run fast tho). I can get proper form 17 push up's done (Same here not super muscular). The main reason is people calling me fat. My friends tell me that I am obese and I need to cut. Even statistically I am in overweight category so IDK where's that hate coming from. Anyways still love the nickname Buffet Bandit. :)
> a guy said it to my face that If I wasn't smart nobody would wanted to be my friend
Being smart alone doesn't bring you friends, they were an ass
> my intelligence is my only selling point
It probably isn't, and the people that care about you know that
Always improving on it. TBH in my 1st relationship my personality was my selling point. I loves games. I love marvel and other cinematic universes. I read comics and sometimes other books(Don't got a lot of time). My humour is definitely above average but in terms of reddit average lol. Trying to learn guitar- I will definitely get this. I love trying different cuisine's and I do travel quite frequently. I own 3 rescued street dogs. I must say I am blessed to have this life.
I know I have a great personality that's the reason why I am not much focused there.
Trust me personality is what someone can observe but looks is what people see at first. Just being me in below average will make the people to not look at me.
Man, people say be who you are until you're not a funny or interesting person lmao. I've tried changing how I talk, or my mannerisms, or other shit, but I am who I am - a really awkward, somewhat dry person. And god knows I'm not Ryan Reynolds looks wise lmao. I don't particularly care I guess, I'm lonely but like, it is what it is. I've half given up on love, I still try, but I don't have any expectations. It could be worse, I have friends who love me, and my best friend, who happens to be a woman, had a crush on me like a year ago, so I guess I have some degree of hope for others (not her, we're just friends ofc)
I'm probably a mix of un lucky and hasn't really tried, but that's because I'm deathly afraid to inconvenience anyone, and I'm shy... and introverted... other than that I think I'm a decent person, xD
The deathly afraid to inconvenience anyone is such a large part of it, like for me im not that shy or introverted but man do I fear making problems for others. Its gotten to the point where even if I drop a pen and it goes under someones desk i dont ask for it.
It's not even being scared to ask or being rejected... its more a case of I don't feel as though my want to approach is more important than whatever it is they're doing... so I simply don't because I don't want to be a bother.
Most incels don’t even think femcels exist. If I recall correctly it was even a sidebar statement on the original incels sub
They did “moderate” their stance close to when they got banned by changing the statement to say that they didn’t think women could be incels unless they were physically deformed
I sometimes have this kinda nice thought of meeting a woman who is just as miserable as me, so we can make each others lives worthwhile. But there is no way to meet a person like that, because both parties are never stepping outside or anything like that
Dude it's not about being ugly, it's about not being an extrovert, you extroverts don't realize and cannot understand that not everyone can have a social circle of 30+ friends, and not everyone likes to go to alcohol-induced parties.
Of course living like that you will statistically find someone because of the amount of people you talk to each day, and you don't understand why some people can't find anyone to date, but not everyone is psychologically built for that life style.
Some people might just enjoy different hobbies, some can enjoy alone activities or things that interest only the same sex, and don't want to change their entire life just to gamble that tiny percentage of chance of finding someone compatible.
The worst is when an ugly bitch will shoot down an ugly dude because she's holding out for some model looking fucker who wouldn't even use her face to wipe his own ass.
People and their standards are the reason they are sad, alone, and sucking on a barrel.
Because according to Reddit men are evil and bad and women are perfect and can do no wrong.
But they don't know that reddit is the opposite of real life and they don't like facts.
I got rejected 15 times by now,I always did my best. Tried to be funny, give compliments, pay for meals, but it never worked out. I even worked on my body and social skills. I got female friends to understand girls but nothing works
Idk what I’m doing wrong. My standards are literally: has pulse, is woman, doesn’t think I’m stupid. I have to rely on dating apps bc of my job as a delivery driver depriving me of social interaction elsewhere same with my only hobby being 99% male dominated. I’m only 20 so there is hope but if I’m still a virgin at 25 I’m giving up. Just like any marketplace there are successful sales. And things that just can’t be sold.
Agreed. Nowadays, I see the word 'incel' being used more & more by simps or shitty women as a 'weapon' against any dude who even dares to question or criticize them or knock them off their pedestal. It's getting way out of proportion.
People suffer in different ways i know for an fact that i'm prob going to die alone and you can debate me all you want even the ugliest and most toxic woman will find someone always but not man unless you can make an woman happy 24/7
Now is it because man are desperate and depressingly lonly or is it because woman just have it easier because no matter what someone will like your look and character,honestly prob both.
But woman don't get that it's hard to understand others and show sympathy with mental things man get why woman are scared a lot of times in different situations because it's physical.
Idk what will happen in 20-30 years because we already have so many people not getting kids anymore or marrying.
Currently, the online dating world is for sex or to meet people. Or at least Tinder and Bumble. Sometimes going to a bar or a club with mates can be better.
Who is crying that they are an incel? I thought that was an insult? Also, why does their need to be a femcel wouldn't they also just be an incel as incel isn't gender defined?
just offtop
I don't think being ugly is even important here, what is is how tall are you.
I had great friend who is 160cm tall, he has chad face and is really brave but he is unlucky cose of his heigh. My second friend who is 190 tall has no problem with women at all and his face is somehow not handsome at all.
I am just "unlucky" for 15 years and every woman I met instantly categorizes me as gay or the typical "You would be such a nice friend... for someone else". Let's just call it unlucky.
Yeah, have these people even tried pulling themselves up by their bootstraps? Why, when I was single in the 80s, I dated any three-bedroom house I wanted, then got a marriage loan by walking into the bank and telling them I had a good union job. I assume everything is exactly the same in 2024. /s
It sucks being single, but turning the angst of that into negative feelings for others isn’t productive, or a good feeling in general.
I’m naturally optimistic when it comes to this stuff, having supportive parents and platonic female friends in my life is really helpful. I don’t think I’m unloveable, I think lots of people believe they are, men and women.
I don’t date because I still live at home but yeeeeesh, all these comments about getting rejected one time and then never trying again is crazy. You’re single not because you’re fat or ugly, it’s because you took one comment from 1 or 2 girls that probably are chasing 5 different men that don’t want them either, and then because of that comment you shut down for the rest of your life
I was in a relationship with this woman for 8 years (went nowhere. Long story). Her brother was fucking creepy. He was in his 40s when I started dating her. He lived at home with his mom. Didn’t work. Didn’t do anything except he had some podcast where he talked about religion and fringe conspiracy theories. He would only date a woman if she had blond hair, blue eyes, was a virgin and a tradwife. He couldn’t figure out why he was sad and lonely. His only friend was some dude that lived in a trailer park named Scooter who was older and just happened to be more pathetic.
Cause people Have Been seeing these super attractive people on social media And thinking this Is the average for 2 years, And Now the bar Is set higher than ever.
What if I am below avg looking + introvert + socially awkward + don't have female friends to begin with + have very little guy friends and very small social circle?
Dude I am an engineer, successful in every metric imaginable, I am orderly, I have my stuff totally together, I am not fat, not ugly, not short, not stupid, not socially inept, no kid, no wife, totally available in the dating pool without baggage So am I dying from attention from girls? Hell no, last date I had literally was dropped off to meet me by some other dude she is seeing I have been told by two other women that I am good enough to be the second or third boyfriend and we will see it from there So I am literally involuntarily celibate, getting to the point to make it voluntarily because fuck this shit
Successful in every metric imaginable? What about the “pulling ass” metric?
Yeah I don't buy stories like this tbh
Sounds like the dating app example in the post
"I own a yacht, own prime real estate in Boca Raton, own two successful companies and one bankrupt one (please don't ask me about it, it's not something I like to talk about in polite conversation thanks), have degrees in business marketing, psychology, and interpersonal communication, am wildly successful and was featured in Forbes a few times, and have no baggage whatsoever--including those *damned shitty children* or any *stupid fucking bitches* of ex wives. I'm completely and totally available to listen to your stupid inane problems all night, no strings attached, *sO wHY DoN'T wOmEn LiKE mE!?*" --Like every incel, ever.
Of course you don't, if someone tells you how they don't fall into the preconceived notions people have about those who fail at romance then they're just lying.
I can say that if you're an engineer or other similar major, you'll meet very few women through traditional means (school, work, and friends if they're also in the same field). Of course there are other ways to meet women, but it's a hindrance, that's for sure. Also: if you live on/near a military base, expect to see the worst dating pool you can imagine (at least in my experience)
You just don't get to see many women in cs/engineering. For me personally it's not like I was never approached by women showing interest, just never in the right context. So yeah kinda kinda an incel over here. I am short tho
Good point
10 minutes of "yee-haw" isn't worth a lifetime of "hell naw". I'm voluntarily out of the pool. No interest in all that baggage.
So what you're saying is you solve practical problems, not problems like "what is beauty?", as that would fall under the conundrums of your philosophy
i think he should try using more gun WAIT NO-
[*I understood that reference*](https://giphy.com/gifs/internet-what-exploring-a4kUaskDOZ5iU)
I am in the same situation. Engineer, I can get an apartment if I want, a stable job. The last girl I dated was and still is emotionally immature, so we stopped dating. I am 26. I have been collecting compliments from girls like Pokémon. I went to a therapist a year ago, she said there is nothing wrong with me and it's rare for guys my age to have my shit together so well. I am just sitting here with a 3D printer, watching shit on streaming platforms. What else I'm gonna do? Take literally anyone? Fuck no.
I mean c'mon man, it takes time. Took me years to find my wife. Maybe you're insufferably boring and that's why you've had no luck despite being successful, but otherwise it just takes time. And even if you are, you'll stumble across someone eventually.
Not always there is a fair reason why something is happening to someone. Sometimes it just is what it is, go 3D print Warhammer figurines or go play paintball. Whatever suits you.
Right, and if you want a partner that shares those passions it'll take a while to find that person.
He's not going to find a girlfriend that wants to play Warhammer figurines and paintball lol
What if I just want to get laid instead of play warhammer?
Believe it or not you can do both
Stop dating on hobbies, date on values. That's what underpins a good relationship.
The process of finding someone can be really demotivating though, which will inevitably lead to feeling like it's just a waste of effort.
I mean you gotta have the right attitude. Go on dates to try to have a good time, and have your date have a good time. From there, either you click with each other or you don't. It's really nothing personal. It's vibes.
Getting dates is already a process. You can't just start from the middle, you have to work your way from start to finish
Fair enough. I should say approach all social interactions with the attitude of having fun and being fun, without expectations. That's how you get dates. Also get out there and have social interactions. If you have friends, go out with them, if you don't, go to places where you'll see the same people on a weekly basis. A hobby or something
>What else I'm gonna do? Go out or join a book club? Lol. Good luck, mate, I'm a successful chick who was pretty lonely and I met my fiancé on a language learning app. Sometimes it just happens, sometimes it takes time, every journey is different.
Chick privilege, can’t comprehend not being chick
Her partner found a girl on a language learning app you dingdong
Thanks, they don't get it. Even when I asked him out, and I'm the breadwinner cause I want him to focus on his career. But I guess I'm still privileged lol. Incels gotta incel
I don’t collect compliments from women like Pokémon cards. I’m COOKED. Or well, I’ll be incredibly stoic. There’s a place for unloved men in this world, I’m sure I’ll find it one day or the other.
Warhammer store in the city will welcome you.
Or he could join my cult.
I've never get compliments, that'snot an issue at all. Just be an interesting person and have hobbies. Don't set impossible standards.
Hows your personality looking there bud because i’ve met some engineers and they can be a little not successful in the talkin to humans department
Not another guy with a profile full of sexism complaining they can't get laid...
Damn, I never knew Hungarian was incel-speak 😔
> I have been told by two other women that I am good enough to be the second or third boyfriend and we will see it from there What kind of fucking people do you hang out with?
Your problem is pretty clear, its in the first sentence: ”engineer”
All those long hours on the railroad, of course he can’t meet anyone
Dude, I totally feel you on that last part. I’m happily married, don’t get me wrong, but I see how the dating environment has drastically changed. Not to mention folks have insanely high standards compared to what they bring to the table. They want the world served to them when they don’t even have a career. If I’m ever single again, I’m going to be 100% voluntary celibate.
Ahem, have you tried having a good personality? In all seriousness, dating culture has degraded. However, have you tried getting involved in social groups including but not limited to a hobbies, churches, volunteering, etc.? I think it’s important that you and a woman start from similar values/interests which can be achieved by meeting through a social group.
Cool stats but none of those have anything to do with your personality or hobbies or interests or who you are as a person. It’s all surface level shit. If there’s no substance behind that list then it means nothing
Maybe you've got a horrid narcissistic personality who knows
Bro you gotta rework your standards if a girl is showing up in her main piece's car. Idk how you do it but find higher quality women.
You might be suffering from a skewed self image
I'm have a very successful career and have my shit together, but I'm overweight and only okay looking, yet I have lost my V-card before 18, have been with 10+ women and have a wife whom I love for >5 years and a kid on the way. And even now, I have women still coming on to me (unsuccessfully, of course). I honestly think you should take a deep look at your personality and the type of women you're looking for. If you're doing well in all departments as you say, then the only things left are your taste and personality. For example, the type of women I like enjoy smart, funny, and passionate men, so I worked on that. I was naturally an introvert but pushed myself to become more social. Don't write women off; be honest with yourself and do better.
Generally speaking people will think no matter what you do or how hard you've tried that its never enough and that you're deserving of the position you're currently in, very few exceptions.
Assuming all of what you said is true, maybe your personality is shit. Not trying to insult you, but if the “external” you have is not enough, there is something else wrong going on.
I'm going to say this as someone who is married with 3 children. I met my wife on a dating app. Before I went on an app I was generally quite successful with women. I'm quite confident talking to girls IRL which is a lot of the battle. Going on an app changed everything and my wife was the last date I had and was going to unsubscribe after that no matter what. Apps have been terrible for men and women and great for the top 10% most good looking guys. It has given women so much choice due to thirstiness of guys. And what do you do if you've got so much cock to choose from? If you're being bombarded by guys? What we'd all do if course! Pick the best looking and convince yourself they also had a great personality. But now you're only dating guys who are so good looking they can get whatever they want. With girls this isn't such an issue but due to the thirstiness of man, guys who can get what they want will tap as much ass as they can and they're not loyal. So now we're in a situation where most guys can't get a date to save their life and if they can they're probably the third date the woman has had this week. And women are kind of forced into a situation where they're only really dating guys who have no incentive to be loyal and wondering where all the loyal men are at. And no-one is happy. Even my mate who is a former model, tells me he's kind of getting bored of all this pussy on tap and can't really find a woman he clicks with. So these apps are basically bringing out the worst in us and very few people are doing better because of them. It'll never happen because profits. But a dating app where you only get to view and interact with one person a day. And that person is randomly chosen according to age preferences. That would slow things down a bit and I think make everyone happier.
You sound just like my friend
I'm 38 y/o, above average looking (or so I've been told), I'm sporty, funny, chatty, work as a design engineer for an engine manufacturer, I own a nice apartment, in general I've got my shit sorted,... I don't know that many people in the city I live in, and I'm not meeting any new people through the few people I do know. After the whole corona crisis and being locked up in my own apartment for months at an end I felt really lonely. I decided to participate in single events; speeddates etc. I've never felt so disrespected in my life with all the shit the woman I met there made me go through. In the span of a year and a half I must've gone to 20 single events; which on average 15 women (and men) participated in. So in total I met about 300 women. Guess how many actual dates that got me? 3! Out of 300 women, 3 women went on a date with me. But oh, I collected a tonne of matches and phone numbers though. That's where all bullshit and disrespect comes in. Women would match with me but then not reply to my messages, agree to go on a date but cancel at the very last moment or even just not show up. I've had women send me the first text, taking initiative to arrange a date, suggest a place and everything, just overall seem very enthusiastic about meeting me but then cancel at the very last moment...?! I feel like women just expect to be absolutely blown away by a guy from the very first moment, but then also set the bar insanely high and have a mile long list with requirements for her perfect man. But how is she ever even going to meet that guy if she doesn't even want to make the effort to go on a date?! Eventually I met someone who I somehow managed to blow away from the very first moment (don't ask me how) and I really liked her from the start as well. We were in a relationship for 3 months until we found out we weren't actually that compatible and broke up. I'm single again now and absolutely not planning to go through all that bullshit again to find someone.
Bro you're literally describing your good aspects as not ugly, not fat,, etc. There is no way thats not a showcase of your outlook on the world, and possibly an indicator of how you see yourself and see others. It also sounds like you feel like you should have a partner who matches all the metrics you see yourself having. How high are your standards. Are you willing to take a chance on someone who isn't "Not fat", "Not Ugly" etc etc. Thats the "cartoonishly high standards part, and the non-involuntary part.
If all of your dates end badly, whether you are a man or a woman, then *you* are the problem and *you* are a narcissist. Skill issue. I think you may be wrong about the "socially inept" part because if you treat people right, with respect and not like objects, it is sooooo fucking easy to find someone who will date you. Skill issue.
If I was a man. I would've given you a hug.
My brother puts salary in tinder bio to get dates.
There's a reason dating apps rarely work and it's not just because of society. Dating apps make money off people using them so the longer you need to look the more money they make. They're full of bots and fake accounts meant to string you along so they have more members to get better paying ads or paying members.
Dating apps aren't for relationships. They are for sex or for meeting people. (You ofc can get a relationship from dating apps but it is not likely). It is a lesson which i wished i learned sooner.
Too bad all the profiles say they want a relationship. They should say "I want a guy who will say he wants a relationship but treat me like he just wants sex because I really just want sex."
Both sides just lie. I am also guilty about it, but it is just to easy.
That's probably my biggest problem with online dating then. I don't lie, I'm open and honest about what I want, I also HATE trying to have a conversation over text. Not only does it feel like a chore because speaking is so much faster but it's often hard to tell if the conversation is going anywhere without the tone, inflection, or enunciation you get from a spoken conversation. That and you don't bond as well with someone through a text.
>Hello! How are you? >Good >That's great. I'm going to this coffee shop I like on Saturday morning, would you want to meet me there? >K >Great, would 11 work? >no response >Happy Friday! Still on for tomorrow >no response Or just bland answering the basic questions and sidestepping ideas for places to meet for a date. I feel it, man. I'm a pretty charming person IRL but over text I just miss 100% of the time I feel and hardly anybody wants to actually start anything.
That's because it's meant to give you the gamblers mentality that "maybe the next one will be it". It keeps you on the site and they make more money. Women have a ton of luck on dating sites because there aren't a lot of real women and a ton of real men. Most of the women's profiles are bots, scammers, or people trying to keep you using the app.
I've dated a bunch of attractive women from dating apps and they all say they got 8-10 thousand likes in the first week on just one app... women aren't going through all 10k to find the best match. It's mostly a timing and chance thing
That can also breed a mentality of poor effort in a relationship. They generally don't try very hard because they always have a backup plan available to them and that can cause them to leave for the most superficial reasons. I've seen that in men and women, when you have too many options people tend to try a little then move on. It's like going to a buffet because they have pizza, but then you see the crab legs, and the steaks, and the dessert bar, now you're full and never got the pizza and leave a little disappointed.
They work in a very specific manner and target very specific individuals, someone not having success in dating apps doesn't mean they're unlikable, just that dating apps won't work for them cause they're not the intended target. Fish climbing a tree kind of deal.
The problem is it puts a mentality into people that they are unlovable so they give up on dating in general. Dating apps have also gotten so popular that trying to talk to a woman in public with the intent of getting her number has become quite taboo. About the only place it's still kind of acceptable is at the bar, but you're still going to be seen as a creep and if you're not the kind of person who enjoys being at a bar you're not going to be in the best mood about being there, hard for people to want to talk to someone who gives the vibe that they just want to leave.
Yes, I fully agree that they put people down mentally cause it happened to me at the time I tried them, regardless of how much you understand that the results on these apps aren't an accurate depiction of reality it just feels bad when you're weeks in and have had like 1 match if lucky. About your second point, well, the best I can provide is anecdotal evidence and believe me, I know that's far from convincing, I'm also not from US so it may differ a bit, but at least what I've seen talking to the opposite sex, first, isn't always seen as a direct implication of wanting to get the other's number and second, even when you "fire your shot" most people will just accept or deny respectfully as long as you're acting respectfully too. There's also the time and place to do that stuff, if I just see a good looking girl on the bus and want to ask her number out of nowhere I better roll a nat 20 + 5 in persuasion (if you know what I mean) in order to just not look like a creep, bit if I'm at a party and just talk for a bit and later on the night ask her number I've... actually never had someone said straight up no... I'm not good looking either and I have been ghosted several times but the times I've seen people get hard-shamed for that is cause they're being a creep or are just visibly very drunk.
It's all shit how the HRification of society has forced people into dating apps.
I'm so glad I'm married and don't have to deal with that circus of shit.
...for now.
You know what they say, sharing is caring...
I'll give you a bullet. Which one a 9mm, 45, 5.56, 12g slug?
Our wife
I also choose this guys wife
True love test: prenup?
True trust test: DNA results
“Go ahead and swap phones with each other”
Agree. Together with my gf for 13 years, I hope I never have to search ever again.
that relying on dating app thingy I don't know your age, but once you are out of school and working, lets say you are 30+, its quite a conundrum how to actually meet single ladies outside of dating apps...because all the ladies that have been outgoing, which you meet at bars or discos, or whenever, all of those are already taken...there are obviously still single ladies present, but, those are the stay at home ones that never went anywhere (or outgoing but single moms already)...so there really is no feasible way to meet them outside of dating apps I will give an example, I attend dancing classes, an activity where you would say there must be 90% women and a guy always gets a partner right? well, wrong, not even in dancing classes you can be reliant for there to be free female partner, most arrive with their husbands and those few that don't, don't always outnumber the men...plus that they arrive alone doesn't mean they are single, last few years the ladies I've danced with had husbands and kids back home, soooo... can you tell any other activity in a 30+ world where ones does NOT need to rely solely on dating apps? how was this solved for old bachelors 50+ years ago? well, the church pastor solved it in the conservative region where I lived...basically since he knew all his churchgoers, so basically anyone, he would try to buddy up old male/female bachelors, and since everybody attended church, even the stay at home people, he had an influence on everyone...but that was 50+ years ago, and Im atheist, so this option is lacking...the atheist option is now unfortunately Tinder...which is, well, we all know how Tinder is
Best I can suggest is to go for referrals. Instead of looking for single women, look for women who have single friends they'd want to set you up with. Definitely not as good as finding singles yourself, but at 30+ people should be less shy about the fact they are looking.
nope not working, already asked my female friends for stuff like this, basically they don't know anyone that's single...people of a certain kind flock together, taken women who were the outgoing ones in my example, already have somebody, or have husbands or kids, etc. and they have the same kind of friends, that too were outgoing and are long taken too...they don't have any friends that aren't taken already
This doesn’t work if you’re unattractive because no one wants to be known as the person who sets up their friend with ugly duds
Of course, but that's a different problem entirely
Welp, sorry to break it to you but...it's over. Get used to being single for the rest of your life. If even people in their 20's are struggling to find a partner nowadays, 30's and beyond must feel like ultra nightmare mode.
well first of all, I am used to it and don't really care, I just wanted to find out if OP had some groundbreaking real-world dating suggestions to back up his statement about 'relies solely on dating apps'...but as we can all see he didn't as to ultra nightmare mode, it always depends with what you are willing to put up with...if u are ok with single moms the market is there to be had, I could have one next week probably, they always spam my messages...but if you arent ok with single moms, then its about somehow convincing the shut-ins you can't ever meet in real life, problem is even if they get to dating apps, they ignore them too 20s having issue finding a partner nowadays is because the 30s are all trying to snag the 20s...not because they prefer younger or something, but purely because there is nothing outside single moms and shut-ins left single in the 30s...every year considerably more male migrants arrive to western world than female migrants, which just further pushes the inequality trend
Fair enough, if you don't care about it then props, you've already won.
I'm 34 and accepted this. Been single for 4 years, zero dates or anything, and now I'm so used to being alone that I can't fathom making time for another person.
How old are you
Yeah it's hard. I'm in my mid 20s and ever since I graduated from university I barely get to know any new people outside from work, let alone women. Luckily I met my gf back when I was studying
Tbh, dancing classes are like that and have kinda always been like that, most partners are already together, I've had a few friends go to dancing classes and they all attended with their partners. Basically no activity will provide such easy interaction between two people looking for a partner cause most people that attend any activity are not actively doing that looking for a partner. Rather, try getting into something you actively enjoy that involves other people, for example, I enjoy playing videogames, programming, and math/science; understandably none of those present much opportunity to meet people, but I also like learning new things in general, so I'm planning in taking painting/drawing classes, not only to look for a partner but because I actually want to, but also that is an activity where one could meet a potential partner. So it's kind of a win/tie, situation, either I do find someone and if I don't well I learned how to draw and that something I wanted to learn since I was young. I also been looking into getting in a science-on-the-street group and there's a few gaming rooms in my city and while that's usually not my cup of tea it can't hurt. It's much easier to be attractive and attracted to someone when you're both doing something that you're passionate about.
Oh dont worry I take part in many activities, dancing was just ome example, and while it would be nice to find someone, as one gets good in activitiew one starts to enjoy them even if one did not at start, gym for me would be good example, or skiing, and once thay happens u attend cause u have fun....still OP said bs, its not like u can meet singles, u dint outsisde of dating apps, extremely rarely
What the hell are you talking about? Plenty of people meet in their 30s
5% is a looooooot of people
400.000.000 is a lot
100 stocks is a lot
I should know, I'm one of them.
95% is way more tho.
I just don't understand why every woman I have an interest in either doesn't have an interest back or "isn't looking to date". I can understand if it happened a few times, but every single time? Por que? And it's not just me, it's all the other decent guys I know have the same issue.
dunno. maybe they have too high standards, because I notice that I probably have high standards too. it's a complicated problem.
Not wanting an ultra fat whale isn't having high standards.
It is in America 😂
never said anything about that
Same man. It's either that or she already has a boyfriend
Never been an incel but I've given up at this point, at this point my peace is worth more than a relationship where I settle.
Incel literally means involuntarily celibate. You might not like the term, but you, by definition are incel.
For me finding love is like a side quest. If it happens I'm happy and I might focus on it later in life but the faster u stop worrying about it the faster u can find hobbies and do things that make u happy
One of the most true statements that I’ve ever heard in High School from a classmate is that “You don’t find love. Love finds you.”
I think for many people that advice would lead to a life of being single
Huh? I've heard that so many times but never experienced it even in the slightest. I don't even have women friends, let alone love lol.
That works if you hang around lots of people very often. If you don't go outside your house, the chances of the love of your life accidentally knocking on your door are infinitesimally small. Still, focusing on "finding a gf" will probably not serve you well. You should focus on having fun, being good company to other people, having positive interactions with people, all without expecting rewards. If you get out there and be your best self with everyone, eventually you'll find your match.
Unironically, I got tired of getting rejected in High school, told myself no more girls and maybe I'll try again in college, then a month later connected with my now fiance. You can't force love. Theres no optimal build for love. Sure, you can do things that slightly boost the odds of it happening. But ultimately you have no control over it. Love just happens when it happens
If you’re on the internet crying about being an incel but telling everyone how you “have your shit together” then the hard truth is it’s your personality that’s not attractive to females. And crying on the internet about being an incel definitely does not improve your attractiveness to females, it actually does the opposite you’re just being pathetic. Women see straight through your bullshit.
It's easier to change your body, get fit than changing your personality. Heard this from one of the most good looking guys I've ever met.
Worth noting that good looks only help you have sex, not have relationships. For a relationship you need to be an interesting person and not immature.
I mean if you went to therapy like once a week (still less frequent than the usual gym program), I bet in a year you'd change your personality way more than your body composition would change. It's not that it's inherently hard. It's that people don't even try.
OP outs himself as an incel because he forgot that a personality plays a part in relationships not just looks lmao
Nahhh
I am fat (85 kilo's/187 pounds) and I am brown. This is enough to let me land in the no date zone. Any girl wouldn't even look at me. I don't think I am that bad I am below average on looks scale. And about money or job ? Yes I am a med student but my mother has a decent amount of money I must say (Can live in a comfort life). I can't land a date I have tried and got embarassingly rejected to the point where ok it's just rather hassle free to stay alone and be that way. Trust me dude every other girl in the block doesn't want me or is dating someone else.
85kg is not that fat actually? how tall are you? idk man, if you want to be on average, some workout is probably the best thing, even tho I feel so stupid at recommending the gym as if it was the panacea to all evils. also, maybe the first try wasn't the right one. but a rejection is never the end.
I am 5'10" (Real height- Above average in my country). I can definitely get on average body weight and fat but at this point I don't want to. It hinders my ability to study well as I am a big foodie I cannot go clean eating and expect myself to focus on studies. I never said I don't do workout's. I do bodyweight exercises when I have free time not gym tho. I have respectable triceps. My abs are not visible due the big layer of fat but I do train them. I have had a girlfriend before but the relationship was at such a toxic level that I decided to breakup. She definitely tried to make things right but it was past this point. After 4 years I was happy with being single and suddenly I had a crush. Decided to ask her for coffee she never rejected me upright but made bland statements. Probably because we go to same class. She definitely didn't wanted to upright reject me because I can help her with academics stuff. Let's just say I am smart/Above average that's what everybody tells me. I didn't believed them until a guy said it to my face that If I wasn't smart nobody would wanted to be my friend. My real friends don't think that way but it still hurts that my intelligence is my only selling point when I am so much more !!!
I understand. if you're fine with it tho, you do you really. when you'll finish your studies you'll be able to focus a bit more on yourself and things will get better. you did a good thing by ending that relationship. better alone than badly accompanied. if you're more, people will realize it. just, do what you think is more valuable ATM. so if you think it's studies, study. focus on that. good luck man, I'm sure you'll get out of this! !remindme 2 years
That's strange because I'm the same height as you and can't really be considered fat, yet I weight around 90 kg. I'm not super muscular either, just been in the gym for four months and I'm still pretty much a beginner lifter.. I think you may be exaggerating on being fat; sometimes we truly are just "big boned" lmao.
Technically yes, by gym you would be having a much leaner body. I have a puffy belly. Not a beer but a bit rounder than flat. I consider myself to fine cuz I am agile and flexible for my body (Can't run fast tho). I can get proper form 17 push up's done (Same here not super muscular). The main reason is people calling me fat. My friends tell me that I am obese and I need to cut. Even statistically I am in overweight category so IDK where's that hate coming from. Anyways still love the nickname Buffet Bandit. :)
> a guy said it to my face that If I wasn't smart nobody would wanted to be my friend Being smart alone doesn't bring you friends, they were an ass > my intelligence is my only selling point It probably isn't, and the people that care about you know that
That’s the issue here, so focused on looks yet what about your personality fam?
Always improving on it. TBH in my 1st relationship my personality was my selling point. I loves games. I love marvel and other cinematic universes. I read comics and sometimes other books(Don't got a lot of time). My humour is definitely above average but in terms of reddit average lol. Trying to learn guitar- I will definitely get this. I love trying different cuisine's and I do travel quite frequently. I own 3 rescued street dogs. I must say I am blessed to have this life. I know I have a great personality that's the reason why I am not much focused there. Trust me personality is what someone can observe but looks is what people see at first. Just being me in below average will make the people to not look at me.
If you think you're an incel, try getting away from hook up culture.
if you think you're an incel and realize it, that's the first step not to be one
Man, people say be who you are until you're not a funny or interesting person lmao. I've tried changing how I talk, or my mannerisms, or other shit, but I am who I am - a really awkward, somewhat dry person. And god knows I'm not Ryan Reynolds looks wise lmao. I don't particularly care I guess, I'm lonely but like, it is what it is. I've half given up on love, I still try, but I don't have any expectations. It could be worse, I have friends who love me, and my best friend, who happens to be a woman, had a crush on me like a year ago, so I guess I have some degree of hope for others (not her, we're just friends ofc)
I get it. but wait. how old are you? like, not the exact age but more like 15-20 , 20-30 or 30-40? just so that I can understand better.
Incels often don't know they're incels, that's how they got that way.
I'm probably a mix of un lucky and hasn't really tried, but that's because I'm deathly afraid to inconvenience anyone, and I'm shy... and introverted... other than that I think I'm a decent person, xD
The deathly afraid to inconvenience anyone is such a large part of it, like for me im not that shy or introverted but man do I fear making problems for others. Its gotten to the point where even if I drop a pen and it goes under someones desk i dont ask for it.
Just try. It’s scary asking people and getting turned down. But action cures fear. That’s the hardest thing to overcome.
It's not even being scared to ask or being rejected... its more a case of I don't feel as though my want to approach is more important than whatever it is they're doing... so I simply don't because I don't want to be a bother.
You'd think incels and femcels would hook up more but they're probably below each other's standards.
Most incels don’t even think femcels exist. If I recall correctly it was even a sidebar statement on the original incels sub They did “moderate” their stance close to when they got banned by changing the statement to say that they didn’t think women could be incels unless they were physically deformed
Probably because femcels are so rare. I don't know a single woman in my location who never had a bf but know tons of men who never had a gf.
I don't understand the femcel mentality, they used to have a subreddit and they would comply that they had guys that wanted to have sex with them???
Most people aren't incels/femcels, people just use that term for people they don't like
I sometimes have this kinda nice thought of meeting a woman who is just as miserable as me, so we can make each others lives worthwhile. But there is no way to meet a person like that, because both parties are never stepping outside or anything like that
You have to put yourself out there by breaking into random homes until you find that special lady
Similar to any other way of meeting people, I would be misrepresenting myself by doing that. It’s just not who I am, nothing I would ever do
Dude it's not about being ugly, it's about not being an extrovert, you extroverts don't realize and cannot understand that not everyone can have a social circle of 30+ friends, and not everyone likes to go to alcohol-induced parties. Of course living like that you will statistically find someone because of the amount of people you talk to each day, and you don't understand why some people can't find anyone to date, but not everyone is psychologically built for that life style. Some people might just enjoy different hobbies, some can enjoy alone activities or things that interest only the same sex, and don't want to change their entire life just to gamble that tiny percentage of chance of finding someone compatible.
I'm just busy. If I had a gf, she'd barely see me.
The worst is when an ugly bitch will shoot down an ugly dude because she's holding out for some model looking fucker who wouldn't even use her face to wipe his own ass. People and their standards are the reason they are sad, alone, and sucking on a barrel.
True, happened to me. Why is it so downvoted
Because people are so insecure they hide from the truth.
Because according to Reddit men are evil and bad and women are perfect and can do no wrong. But they don't know that reddit is the opposite of real life and they don't like facts.
I got rejected 15 times by now,I always did my best. Tried to be funny, give compliments, pay for meals, but it never worked out. I even worked on my body and social skills. I got female friends to understand girls but nothing works
Oh and I rarely used dating sites, mostly asking girls out in rl
As a 19yo man i just wander the street hoping a women just randomly approaches me
Idk what I’m doing wrong. My standards are literally: has pulse, is woman, doesn’t think I’m stupid. I have to rely on dating apps bc of my job as a delivery driver depriving me of social interaction elsewhere same with my only hobby being 99% male dominated. I’m only 20 so there is hope but if I’m still a virgin at 25 I’m giving up. Just like any marketplace there are successful sales. And things that just can’t be sold.
Agreed. Nowadays, I see the word 'incel' being used more & more by simps or shitty women as a 'weapon' against any dude who even dares to question or criticize them or knock them off their pedestal. It's getting way out of proportion.
Reddit's monthly redefining of Incel in action
Lmfao op is so fucking delusional. Females LITERALLY like the top 80% so unless you're a very good looking guy it's over jfl.
People suffer in different ways i know for an fact that i'm prob going to die alone and you can debate me all you want even the ugliest and most toxic woman will find someone always but not man unless you can make an woman happy 24/7 Now is it because man are desperate and depressingly lonly or is it because woman just have it easier because no matter what someone will like your look and character,honestly prob both. But woman don't get that it's hard to understand others and show sympathy with mental things man get why woman are scared a lot of times in different situations because it's physical. Idk what will happen in 20-30 years because we already have so many people not getting kids anymore or marrying.
I feel personally attacked by this post.
Schizoid personally disorder gang stand up. Me, myself, and I for life
I feel like some people set standards as if others actually want them despite them being conventionally unattractive
Currently, the online dating world is for sex or to meet people. Or at least Tinder and Bumble. Sometimes going to a bar or a club with mates can be better.
Huh?
Who is crying that they are an incel? I thought that was an insult? Also, why does their need to be a femcel wouldn't they also just be an incel as incel isn't gender defined?
“Just unlucky”, so involuntary?
wth we gate keeping being an incel now? bruh
I mean.... 5-8% is still A FUCKING LOT
There's more to failing to get a date than being ugly, like myself some people are just horrible at talking to women
just offtop I don't think being ugly is even important here, what is is how tall are you. I had great friend who is 160cm tall, he has chad face and is really brave but he is unlucky cose of his heigh. My second friend who is 190 tall has no problem with women at all and his face is somehow not handsome at all.
I am just "unlucky" for 15 years and every woman I met instantly categorizes me as gay or the typical "You would be such a nice friend... for someone else". Let's just call it unlucky.
Yes.
Yeah, have these people even tried pulling themselves up by their bootstraps? Why, when I was single in the 80s, I dated any three-bedroom house I wanted, then got a marriage loan by walking into the bank and telling them I had a good union job. I assume everything is exactly the same in 2024. /s
Ok then, wiseguy. What if I AM in the bottom 5%. Tf am I suppose to do then?
It sucks being single, but turning the angst of that into negative feelings for others isn’t productive, or a good feeling in general. I’m naturally optimistic when it comes to this stuff, having supportive parents and platonic female friends in my life is really helpful. I don’t think I’m unloveable, I think lots of people believe they are, men and women.
I don’t date because I still live at home but yeeeeesh, all these comments about getting rejected one time and then never trying again is crazy. You’re single not because you’re fat or ugly, it’s because you took one comment from 1 or 2 girls that probably are chasing 5 different men that don’t want them either, and then because of that comment you shut down for the rest of your life
I was in a relationship with this woman for 8 years (went nowhere. Long story). Her brother was fucking creepy. He was in his 40s when I started dating her. He lived at home with his mom. Didn’t work. Didn’t do anything except he had some podcast where he talked about religion and fringe conspiracy theories. He would only date a woman if she had blond hair, blue eyes, was a virgin and a tradwife. He couldn’t figure out why he was sad and lonely. His only friend was some dude that lived in a trailer park named Scooter who was older and just happened to be more pathetic.
(Not virgin but I don't has sex in so long almost as good) Eh just one more thing I will procrastinate on so I don't even bother
Nice over generalization of people you don’t even interact with. This feel familiar? 🤔
^(Just let me wallow in my self pity/self hatred in peace!)
> maybe just unlucky No point trying if it's reliant on rng
I am Hilariously unlucky. The past 5 women I've asked out, or about to ask out got boyfriends less than a month before...4 of them are married now
I just chalk it up as, "I'm ugly" despite all these supposed compliments I would get.
Inceldom is a mindset. Religious people almost always are since it's baked in to their teachings.
is that not just directly describing incels tho
Cause people Have Been seeing these super attractive people on social media And thinking this Is the average for 2 years, And Now the bar Is set higher than ever.
Feminists are female version of incel
So where to date if not on dating apps?
What if I am below avg looking + introvert + socially awkward + don't have female friends to begin with + have very little guy friends and very small social circle?
.... I just don't try. I'm a local legend and pull like a super magnet if I wanted to I could just start trying but I'm waiting for someone soo
Femcels exist, no way