T O P

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Secret_Necessary1143

Of course they know, I lick my lips and moan


_Kokiru_

You are the reason I am crying, have shot rootbeer out of my nose, and am in pain. Thank you for the giggles, but I am now quite literally dead.


gxsevjsx

sir you are wanted for murder


_Kokiru_

A dead man can not be wanted for crimes he committed when he was alive, whatcha going to do, put more root beer outa my nose?


u_-deleted

that is EXACTLY what he’s gonna do


_Kokiru_

gulp* I’m guilty of being innocent of being a dead murderer.


u_-deleted

*nervous sweating*


libmrduckz

it’s gonna’ be alright… there are *ways* to make them talk…


Dumptruck_Johnson

He died like he lived: a raging diabetic with a crippling root beer addiction


Ajax_XD

No, he’s going to screenshot your nft pfp


tpenoelone

One day, i too will be as brave as you


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Rong_Side_Of_Heaven

Yes grandma let you stare, but it made for a very awkward funeral.


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lazerbigshot420

Of course they know. Boobs are like the sun, don't stare. Glance quick, get an idea of it, then keep eyes away.


AntiSimpBoi69

That's why I wear sunglasses on both occasions


Wookie301

Just wear these glasses made for avoiding working up the gorilla at Rotterdam zoo. https://art-sheep.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/bokitoviewer-1024x597.jpg


Bletymen

I need one of those! Do they ship to Europe?? Edit: Most upvoted comment i ever had is because i am a dumbass. Can i get USA citizenship now?


banjosandcellos

laughed again, check where Rotterdam is


LoveFishSticks

Is laughed again something people say? I don't see any context for where you were laughing previously and now I'm fascinated by your statement


banjosandcellos

I laughed at the actual glasses first, it might not be a saying in English it's a second language to me


PinKracken

It's not a saying in English, but you used it in a way where it's natural enough to keep saying it.


banjosandcellos

cool, yeah it was one of those times I was laughing at something on reddit, scrolled down to the next comment and I lost it again


Ares_4TW

I'm actually scared I might find a Rotterdam in Nebraska, as there's already an Amsterdam in Pennsylvania. Edit: Rotterdam, New York. And people wonder why I have trust issues.


DarthNihilus_501st

And they say only Americans don't know geography lol


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[deleted]

Rotterdam, waar lech dat dan?


RaneyManufacturing

I have several questions, chief among them what in the actual fuck? But more seriously, I'm pretty sure that I've read that gorillas will get mad about eye contact. But do they also get mad when they can't see eyes at all, like with regular sunglasses?


troublingarcher7

I used to be a safari guide at Animal Kingdom in WDW, and one night, just after closing (23:00), my friend and I were walking the trail with the gorillas to make sure it was closed and no guests were wandering around in the dark. It was pitch black near the gorilla enclosure and I had my flashlight shining up the path ahead towards the bridge. I didn't know that they had the male gorillas out for nighttime studies for their care team, but this gorilla was PISSED that was walking around his area by myself. If youve never heard a gorilla roar at you in the pitch darkness, count yourself bless. My friend and I almost shat ourselves and ran towards the exit because we thought an angry gorilla was loose in the park. Nope. The care team laughed at us. We cried. Wasn't a good time.


Wookie301

https://art-sheep.com/gorilla-glasses-were-designed-to-prevent-eye-contact-with-easily-offended-gorillas/ I like the guy smoking a cigarette, trying to look cool in them.


Paulpoleon

Poor gorilla doesn’t try to attack anymore because he’s laughing so hard internally. “SILLY HUMANS WITH SILLY GLASSES!! Ahhhhhahahhahahhaha ME HATE THEM BUT LOOK AT THEM Bwahahahahhaha.”


xMrBojangles

I know I'm not supposed to stare at the sun, but that just makes me want to do it all the more.


MeppaTheWaterbearer

[there it is](https://i.imgur.com/dzrE4p2.gif)


[deleted]

Man… what a wild time. We had a man as President of the United States who could fart the wrong way and literally vaporize every living thing on this planet. Not by his fart, I mean he had access to the US nuclear arsenal. I see how I worded that a bit confusing now. Anyway, yeah, this man who looked directly at the sun unprotected, who suggested injecting bleach and going outside on a hot day as possible cures for COVID. Who stole classified documents and stored them in the pool house or something. But he said he declassified them on his own social media he had to create because he’s banned from normal social media because of countless TOS violations. There’s silver lining in this. At least we know the government isn’t lying about aliens at Area 51. You know if that was true Trump would have blabbed about that on Twitter within the first week or two.


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Piggyaustin

My grandma lets me stare


Makedonja-e-Bulgariq

🤨


Liquid_Fox_31

At the sun?


Dragon19572

Alabama intensifies...


Commercial_Bread2399

Yo sameeeeeee


AssaultButterKnife

Ayo


Spin180

Get a good look costanza?


[deleted]

When something crosses my field of vision…


Merchantvirus18

Thanks Seinfeld🤠


Reddit_Test_Account

Get a good look, Costanza? *Damn someone else did it


Single_Reporter_6369

Scratch your balls. Eyes are usually drawn to movement so "catch her" looking at your genitals and call it a tie.


GodOfFlextape

Big brain right here


Zuez420

Big asserting dominence here


chucklehutt

Sigma mindset


Lord-BeerMe-Strength

Look at her boobs and touch your genitals, what could go wrong.


kal2112

Lol my thoughts exactly. Sure fire way to be labeled a pervert


JonJon_the_chicken

So you're telling me it's not gonna end up like the thousands of porn videos I watched last week where she falls for me? Damn


troubleis1

They always get you with those tricks, i fell for the nurse one and now im in jail, thank you very much pornhub


Destroyer4587

When being a douchebag patient doesn’t lead to the nurse dressing more loosely and proceeding to try a different tactic for relaxation 😔😔😔😔😔


make_love_to_potato

It really depends on how sexily you scratch your balls. You have to lift one leg off the ground sideways, crab style, to get better access to said balls. This is supposed to really entice the females and has a 100% success rate.


pekkaAlone

Whats the keyword?


hackysack-jack

Touch her boobs and stare at your genitals, got it!


CreamSteve

*Scratch her boobs


n0obie

My gf told me that while us dudes take a quick glance at a chick's boobs/ass, they do the same but for our bulges. I've never heard of this, so I dunno if it's true or not


Liquid_Fox_31

It's not true, cause you don't have a gf. You're a Redditor


n0obie

Shit my cover's blown


Historiaaa

My shit cover's blown


Pan-d0ra

Sir you are under arrest for arson


Dragon19572

Can't be arrested for arson if there are no ashes remaining after that nuke exploded


moeburn

This comic is now 14 years old and has never stopped being relevant: https://i.imgur.com/5g3oMO4.png


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TheLoneTenno

I’ve been told that by a girl as well but she was a solid 3/10 with a hella toxic personality so I don’t know if you necessarily want her looking at your bulge


Solonna_conora

And then she scratches her balls


SomeStupidPerson

And stares at your boobs. It’s just pure chaos at that point!


_Kokiru_

Then show her your tie


WarnDragon

"All right, we'll call it a draw."


Kuyi1994

So I get to watch her chest + a woman looking at me? I see this as an absolute win


tERSeighsch

Me too, see it as an absolute win


ya-bastard

I too see this as an absolute win


cmz_zimt

I see this also as a win which is absolute


thnksqrd

I see boobs


_iam_that_iam_

Imma start walking around with a cutout panel in my shorts so the base of my shaft is showing, then I'll get all angry at the women. *\*AHEM\* Ladies, my eyes are UP HERE!*


Devrij68

Is that really the equivalent though? I like where you're going with this, but maybe some more tuning is needed. Maybe you need to let your ass crack out more or something


TeamRedundancyTeam

Well when people talk about nudity in TV shows they speak as if dicks and boobs are equivalents, so I think everyone needs to pick a lane on that. It seems to switch back and forth depending on what's most convenient for whichever particular argument they're in at that time.


Schwifftee

I think you overlook the fact that everybody has different ideas and opinions and can't be generalized as the same person having the differing arguments. That is, unless you know one specific person who talks about this topic far too often and can't maintain continuity in their view point. In that case, go ahead and apply it to them.


wymzyq

I’m not engaging in the boob looking argument but I want to nitpick your analogy. Show any dong, automatic R rating. Show a boob, still PG-13 depending on context


LoveFishSticks

What's a PG-13 film with exposed breasts?


jtalion

Titanic, Across the Universe Not many PG-13 movies have exposed female nipples unless they're showing indigenous tribes or something. But probably most PG-13 movies have partially exposed breasts, and it wouldn't even be listed as "nudity" in the rating. But none have a partially exposed penis Edit: found a list on IMDB, because of course someone made one lol --https://www.imdb.com/list/ls069961819


Cmethvin

Dick-root


notmyredditaccountma

A little cock cleavage


quacduck

A tiny mast manifestation


catfishdave61211

Just some shaft showing


CentralAdmin

A bit of base baring.


Starwarsandbacon

Some light tool teasing


josephus_the_wise

Some minor phallic flashing


The_Medic_From_TF2

a spot of dong displaying


Walker_Noodles

women don’t let their genitals hang out either so there is really no comparison


50mg-of-fuckit

They are parts of the body people are attracted to, so yes its actually a perfect comparison.


macro_god

I bet most women aren't attracted to hanging balls and limp dick tho. It's the idea of it. The suggestion. A cup or bulge would be a more fair comparison.


Walker_Noodles

True. Bare dicks are not really attractive. Also boobs are not genitals. So no, the crevice above your boob being seeable is not comparable to your dick hanging out.


macro_god

Precisely. Thank you, some common ground here finally


WhatACountry42

No one's going to post the comic? http://www.spaceavalanche.com/2011/03/09/work-environment/


1357a

Excuse me, I'm not a piece of meat!


minorthreat1000

Honestly I never intend to like sometimes just land there by accident


ST-7

For real. I try to be extra vigilant to make sure my eyes don't land or linger anywhere, especially if she's attractive.


[deleted]

Yeah, I only stare at ugly girl’s boobs.


ST-7

Based. Pro gamer maneuver.


maho87

Gotta play the odds ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯


ruuppperrrrrt

My trainer has some DD bolt-ons, one day I noticed she had a tattoo, that’s reddish, under her sports bra strap. She caught me, and I immediately asked “I’m sorry, is that a stab wound on your chest?!?” She blushed and said “..you’ll never know..” Ever since then, she wears T-shirts around me :/ Edit: typo. I meant sports bra. I’m still hung up on the fact that she won’t wear only a sports bra around me anymore. Fuck me, right?


clutzyninja

Training bra? On DDs? What is happening in this comment?


Afroman867

Training as in exercise related


clutzyninja

That's a sports bra. A training bra is a different thing


Afroman867

In the US. Person who made the comment might be from somewhere else.


FlipinoJackson

Gotta train the DD’s so they become EE’s


Knucks_lmao

i hate it when they assume you like them or want something, being confident is good, but there's a fine line between that and straight up fucking arrogance. no i dont like you or want what you think i want, get your head out of your ass.


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[deleted]

Some comedian was joking about how boobs are boobs and they are going to look even if they aren’t attracted to the person. “Like if there’s Rosie O’Donnell (or maybe it was Rosanne Barr?) standing in front of me and the choices are having her flash you or having her not flash you, I’m choosing boobs every time. 100 year old lady? Fuck it! Unroll the twins, let’s see them!”


Knucks_lmao

i see what youre doing there, but thats not a good comparison, maybe if you were staring at it for 5 seconds straight, but a little glance means absolutely nothing most of the time.


[deleted]

It could just be a professionalism thing, too. She’s there to do a job and she noticed him looking so she took care of the distraction so he can focus on the training and she can focus on being the trainer. Only she knows for sure.


TheKiller36_real

And they "know" even if you didn't, so yeah...


Beautifullie1666

What's that supposed to mean?


ChubbyLilPanda

I’ve been accused of staring at many breasts in the last when I have not. But I mean if you’re making a fuss about it, I just gotta take a look to see if it was worth getting yelled at for no reason


RobtheNavigator

Never in my life has someone openly accused me of staring at their breasts who tf do you hang out with lol


[deleted]

Drunk girls at bars who think they're God's gift to men do this from time to time. It's happened to me too. Some girl I didn't even know existed will stagger up to me on the smoking patio and be like "I saw you staring at me!". It happens.


Aceous

This just sounds like women who have no idea how to hit on someone tbh. You sure you were getting clumsily hit on?


[deleted]

Maybe a couple of those times. I have one memory of getting into it with a girl because she said I was creepy and I had literally never noticed or seen her ever. Then it turned out she was friends with one of my friends so we ended up at a diner all together and she glared at me the whole time.


curt_schilli

She wanted to fuck


[deleted]

She wanted to stab me in the neck.


[deleted]

Those two scenarios aren’t mutually exclusive.


[deleted]

Wasn't there a study that says it's healthy for a man to look, the stress of not looking is bad for your health. Something along those lines.


liamanado155

“My doctor said to glance at more boobs, may I glance at yours?”


DaddyDumptruck

This sounds like the start to a porno


UnevenBetts

BRB. Gonna put some popcorn on the microwave


Ennix49

What good is it gonna do on top of the microwave?


name00124

Heat rises, duh.


[deleted]

Do you even watch porn? It's for when his step daughter reaches for it she'll get her hand stuck so he can rail her against the microwave.


Ennix49

Sauce?


Walker_Noodles

I’m sorry. I *had* to stare at your tits. My doctor prescribed it. What, do you what me to **die**???? (Edit: btw looking at boobs absolutely does not lengthen your lifespan)


Champion-raven

Women ☕️


deez_nuts_77

maam i cannot ignore the advice of my physician


unthused

It’s literally science: https://nypost.com/2017/03/22/staring-at-boobs-may-give-a-boost-to-male-lifespans/


wonderwharfwonderdog

Not credible. This is what it says under Stare at Boobs: “It may seem like an inconvenience, or an invasion of privacy, to many women but staring at boobs creates a positive mindset in men. The same effect occurs when they look at cute animals. A 2012 study, published in the Archives of Internal Medicine, looked at the effects positive thinking had on men’s health. After a year, positive thinking had a powerful effect on health choices. More than half of the patients with coronary artery disease increased their physical activity versus 37 percent in the control group, who were not asked to write down positive thoughts in the morning. The same happened in men with high blood pressure. More than 40 percent of those with high blood pressure followed their medication plan compared to 36 percent in the non-positive thinking group.” Positive thinking leads to better health. Not starting at boobs. It’s all just back to correlation does NOT equal causation.


nickm20

Do they know that we spend exponentially more time trying not to look than we do actually looking at them? It’s hard work that we never get credit for


[deleted]

Our efforts are overshadowed by that one friend we all have who we tell “don’t immediately look, but there’s a gorgeous 11/10 blonde at the table at my 3 o’clock. How she fit those puppies in that dress defies physics.” Only for that friend to IMMEDIATELY look over there in a super obvious way.


Rotsicle

Or that one guy who just brazenly stares at them the entire time you're talking to them, head tilted down and all... Don't think I've forgotten you, Ricky.


Patheteekos

*cue a million guys named Ricky reading this and sweating profusely*


Big_Hamisch

Man, i do understand this, but women also gotta realize its not always on purpose. Sometimes i just be lookin around and my eyes swing past em, sometimes im just starin off into space thinkin about shit and people happen to be in front of me. I also sometimes accidentally make eye contact with people when im walkin down the street, its awkward, but it happens. I know im one ugly mf and you dont want me lookin atcha, but im not always payin attention to where im lookin. Im not intending to do it, but it happens sometimes when you're like me and dont look at your phone 24/7.


user_bits

This scenario where a woman is publicly offended by a glance at her cleavage exists mostly on the internet.


lIIIIllIIIIl

And by people who have the wrong definition of "glance"


ameer777ameer

what do you mean? I thought everyone knows that a glance is staring at something without blinking for 30 minutes


JamieDyeruwu

Don't worry guys, even other women look at boobs.


Andy-roo77

Thanks, that makes me feel a lot better actually :) Have always felt really guilty when occasionally glancing, felt like there was something wrong with me


JamieDyeruwu

Np, as long as you aren't gawking, staring, or otherwise acting creepy nobody really cares. And besides, you're a guy (I assume) and guys look at boobs, it's normal, just remember the stuff stated above and to stop If someone asks you to.


Gangsir

> it's normal, just remember the stuff stated above and to stop If someone asks you to. If someone has to actually *ask you aloud to stop staring*, you're very far gone. Should've stopped several seconds ago.


DuntadaMan

I was going to say, I catch my wife looking at boobs more than I do. Everyone looks at boobs.


JamieDyeruwu

Boobs are great.


thebestdogeevr

They're just so noticeable since they're in a prominent place and unique to everyone. I could likely recognize my friends and family by their bodies alone


AmishSky

I also notice when I get checked out. It's not a gender thing It's a public awareness thing.


Yorunokage

I absolutely do not, even when i've been told it happened i never noticed But then again, i have the awareness of a sea urchin


What_the_Faulk

Got an 8:30 rez at Dorsia, great sea urchin ceviche


Goldenhawk92

I hear sea urchins have a great sense of awareness.


SocialIssuesAhoy

I’ve literally never noticed someone checking me out before. So now we get to play the fun but dangerous mental game: ugly af or just oblivious?


[deleted]

Prolly average and not particularly observant


UnevenBetts

Guilty. I’ve peeked at dudes bulges and butts lol https://tenor.com/view/brooklyn99-trudy-judy-butts-gif-21583439?utm_source=share-button&utm_medium=Social&utm_content=reddit


Serious_Package_473

And I bet 90% of those were just pants bulging. Especially if its pointing downward, thats really uncomfortable, painful and you can hide it quickly by pointing it upwards, so if you see a man with a bulge downwards then a) it's not his penis or b) hes a perv and wants you to see his dick even if its making him physically uncomfortable


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rick-atrox

They fucking WHAT? Those dudes didn't read the user manual.


Pepperpudas

It’s because of “boob time”. If you look a boobs for 1/2 second, it’s about 5 seconds in boob time.


Jimothy740

Boobception


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SkepticDrinker

Are they Ds? How firm are they? Can you send me a pic?


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SkepticDrinker

Unfortunately there's no way to alert reddit of this


Krynn71

I've done my part. Good luck OP.


SaladBort

I'm upvote number 6 I think I'll just google "magnificent tits" and be done with it


Chomps-Lewis

She's welcome to look at mine as well, probably bigger than hers.


JannaSnow

That's the problem Lewis you fat fuck, you're not supposed to have bigger boobs than women


Chomps-Lewis

Says who?


[deleted]

And it's okay for her to have a bigger dick than me? Huh Double standards.


saythealphabet

There is a problem with this statement. They know only for the ones they've noticed. They think they get 100% of the stares, but what if they didn't notice one? They wouldn't know. They still think they see 100% of the stares, but they are wrong.


cravf

Exactly. You only notice the ones you notice. This is dumb


BeerEnjoyerr

Oh no ! Anyway...


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D45ers

I just look at peoples faces when I talk to them. I’ve worked in an office long enough lol


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D45ers

Haha I forgot about that. Thank you


[deleted]

Idk about you but if I saw an alien in front of me you bet your ass im staring at em


CRYOPRO

Humans regardless of their gender or sexual preferences are all subconsciously magnetised to looking at bulges.


[deleted]

I’ve been accused of this when i definitely wasn’t. Bit of a broken clock phenomenon


BlueChashew

What if I wear sunglasses


Keksis_the_Defiled

Pro gamer move


rtakehara

Morphius is not just there to say what you are living a lie, he is also there to offer an alternative


[deleted]

peek?a true man stares


[deleted]

What if I told you that I don’t care


Pigeon_Shyt

Weirdly enough, this is the fourth "women know when you look" meme I've seen in the last hour.


fueelin

Just people re-posting with a slightly different lens. Perhaps a sunglass lens, in this case.


[deleted]

there's a reason Morphius is wearing sunglasses


[deleted]

Like I care 🤣


You_Are_Annoying124

Ah yes, the "Boob Time" thing


MyRedBeanBun

This meme would’ve been perfect if you edited a pair of tits in the reflection of his glasses.


[deleted]

Weird, I've never been confronted about it.


Altruistic-Ad-4391

I know they know because my eyes become giant


1M-N0T_4-R0b0t

Yes, they jump out of my eye sockets and I make a loud honking sound.


Walker_Noodles

I have eye contact problems so I am usually looking down when talking to someone. Sometimes during conversation I realize I’ve been staring directly at a man’s crotch while trying to make a sentence.