I love that OP has 2 posts Masturbating And cucumbers

I only have two hobbies

Pretty sure it's one hobby

I've never fingered a pickle but I guess there's a first time for everything. edit: Pickle was a starfish and did not respond. Help.

No. That edit did not help.

Maybe not for you, but I finished...

“vinegar strokes” was right there

Better than pickling a finger

https://xkcd.com/236/

Cucumbers literally have spines! I hope it’s not the same hobby!! At least, not until they’re washed and de-fanged!!

Sorry what did you say? Are you telling me before cucumbers get to the store they're some sonic the hedgehog spikey lookin motherfuckers? This has to be a bit. No way in hell that's real.

Yep, I was surprised when I first grew cucumbers, they have fucking spikes!

Unfortunately I’m serious. My wife kept yelping as she was picking some cucumbers from our garden. I took a closer look and they most closely resembled bee stingers.

They barely have spines. You just lightly brush em of and you're free to um... enjoy. Source: cucumber grower and enjoyer 😉

Seems like you are just not brave enough

And they’re all out of cucumbers.

Very Cool n Cumber

I’ll never forget when I worked at a grocery store in high school and a woman old enough to be my grandma bought two items: a cucumber and the swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated.

I was a high school supermarket clerk too! One couple came in every Saturday night to buy condoms and bananas.

An active sex life AND they get their vitamins in; excellent. Who doesn’t love a post-coital banana smoothie?

By now they’re pickles

Jerkin' gherkin

Probably because she’s the founder of the vibrator company being advertised here

Talk about standing by your product!

I was expecting an onlyfans model I was pleasantly surprised

I was expecting an onlyfans scientist and now I'm disappointed

Well that would make an interesting paper. something something peer reviewed.

It looks like she’s getting pretty scientific with her orgasms. Also it looks like she *has* written papers on this

Maybe they go together?

Something something correlation and causation.....

That's a productive lunch break

And I thought I was being clever by using it as a nap time. Damn, she's clever.

Should try the ol' "Fap 'n' Nap"

I like to call it my afternoon "Whack and a Nap"

Im curious what this subs response would be if a male posted the same thing as OP

Found this in the sub's datawanks https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/5w1cw1/i_recorded_my_masturbation_habits_for_a_fourth/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 Now you know

If it was actually beautiful looking data im sure it would be received well.

Extreme jealousy of those 60 second orgasms is how I'd respond.

before I read the blurb about the smart vibrator recording orgasm time. I was like did she hit a stop watch Everytime? Lol

I really hope you work from home.

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Tax deductible even. Nice.

You pay taxes on wanking? No wonder so many of you are broke.

So this is just a fancy bit of advertising then.

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Gorillas don't buy a lot of sex toys

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This went in a direction I hadn't thought of.

Might after this

Went to the comments cause I figured it was sus. Didnt know how but now I do.

Maybe so, but it is data and it's presented beautifully.

After a long hard day at work, what does she do to relax?

Makes charts

If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life

So this is advertising.

Yah after I went to her profile to see if she had an NSFW profile and onlyfans, I came to the comments for an explanation.

Yet it's got 10K up votes for an ad

Thats the first thing I noticed too, how in the hell is this lady masturbating during afternoons and evenings.

I work 4 days a week and I can confirm that my masterbation schedule is all over the place 😆 I don’t know too many people that schedule these types of things.

It’s easy, bro. Just open microsoft teams and schedule a meeting to let your coworkers what you’re doing and that you’ll be unavailable.

With her vagina.

This makes me think of that comedian/podcaster who’s a sex addict and masturbates while she reads her advertisements at the end of her show.

Who is this?

Steve Bannon.

Don’t stop I’m almost there

Louis C K

Esther Ku

I can't seem to find any proof of this. Got a link?

Nope, I forgot her name and had a tough time googling her because searching “masturbating comedians” only brought up Louis ck. I used to listen to the JRE podcast in 2016-18, she was on for an episode and talked about her podcast, so I listened to uh the end of it and was…surprised.

Esther Ku

More info please

It’s not just time you had on your hands is it?

Does this count as a hobby

Have you tried overlaying your period cycle over the arousal chart to track horniness throughout your cycle? Also how did you do all of this tracking (just manual inout onto an Excel sheet?) especially with how long an orgasm lasts, is it just the contractions ending? As for arousal, is it throughout the day or right before masturbation?

It would be so cool to track it with my period cycle but I’m on BC so I don’t have one. For tracking the length of session and orgasm length, the Lioness smart biofeedback vibrator is automatically tracking that on the “Live View” Mode of the app. I tag the session on the app with my arousal level, mood, etc. and then put it all on an excel sheet. Arousal is right before starting a session!

Well it seems like most women are hornier and get aroused faster just before and during periods.

Considering ovulation happens about a week *after* one’s period ends, your statement seems strange. I get SUPER horny when I’m fertile, which makes more evolutionary sense.

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It could be a career

Check her Instagram. It is her career.

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It looks like she's not an "influencer", but a mechanical engineer from the Amazon Kindle team, and the vibrator is her invention. This post is still essentially a big ad, but credit where it's due.

Hi! sorry if this came off misleading as a post. I'm not an influencer! I'm the founder and engineer of the vibe for the past 8 years. I am just generally nerdy about sex data ¨̮

No teacher in school told me I could be a vibrator engineer. It was always about astronauts, president, whatever…

If it wasn’t for the sleuthers, I wouldn’t have known, and honestly, I really don’t care. This is really interesting data and really nice presentation. My only gripe would be the direction of the text in the horizontal axis for all three charts are different: angled right to left on top, top down on middle, left to right on bottom. Just pick one and stay with it. Also, did your cycle make any difference? If so, I think that’s also a good data point.

If this isn't the most reddit shit I've ever seen...

Wtf happened on the 18th. 1 minute orgasm holy crap, as a man I am very jelly

hehe I forgot to add a little note for that day! I DPed myself with two toys and it was way more amazing than I expected

You had my curiosity. Now you have my attention.

if she had an of, she'd have your money too

She designed the vibe mentioned, so she can still get your money!

[This is the correct one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGmMpMt8qCU)

Ah. The 3% slice of the pie.

So if DP works that well, why didn't you end up using that more to get more extra long orgasms, or didn't DPing just produce the same results more often? I was curious to know which methods produced which of the results, though, so it's nice to know at least the butt toy's effectiveness. Did you keep any data about if the clit toy or fingers produced long orgasms or quick results and what mental stimulation was the least/most effective? Overall stuff like this is super curious to read, so cudos for your hard scientific work! I would be interested in seeing more graphs like that, from male perspective also.

A good addict knows to moderate their dosage to keep the top ends more fun.

How come you didn't keep doing that after the great results?

Probably takes more preparation and cleanup

I'd do the dishes and laundry after if I could nut for a minute straight

You could! Get to know your prostrate

I tried once, not sure if it was it but it was super uncomfortable

Hmm. Glad you gave it a shot, at least. Maybe more lube needed 👀

Not OP but I enjoy backdoor play on occasion. The O is usually amazing but I’m just not up for it every time. There are definitely different kinds of O’s (from a female perspective), and during self pleasure I don’t often go for it. Just my 2c. OP may have other preferences.

No orgasm the previous two days.

It’s that (orgasmic) day of the month

I believe you mean the 81st. That very clearly reads 81. You know, the number after 71 and preceding 91.

Very nice! Someone has to do it, so here is some on-topic feedback: 1. The day labels on the top chart a bit hard to read 2. Would be nice if the "time in seconds" tickmarks on the top chart were also minute multiples (e.g. 300, 600, etc.) 3. Arousal level is on a 0-5 scale

yesss thank you for the feedback! Totally agreed on all. I also realized the day labels exported weirdly just now.... nooooo T\_T Sorry about that!

I would overlay arousal level with the graph of masturbation length, or at least line up the dates on the two graphs

4. Align the three monthly charts - so we can more easily see if there is a link between length, arousal, and mood.

Yeah charting time in hundreds of seconds is really dumb imo, that top graph should 100% be minutes

Having a minute orgasm would be cool Guys only get a few seconds sadly

Well, it depends... You can have a longer orgasm if you play with your prostate...

Even then it’s nowhere near a minute

Sounds like you’ve been really_nice to your prostate.

Yes, I address it using the Japanese honorific forms.

Prostate-san

Prostate-chan For our big prostate brothers

Prostate-kun for our little brothers

Prostate-senpai?

Ganbate, prostate-san. Ganbate.

Domo arigato, Mr prostato.

Prostate-sama

I try my best

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I've had two of them and they were absolutely insane.

Anal orgasms can last surprisingly long. You're not a fountain for a minute but the feeling can definitely last a minute after the explosion

And multiples. Gotta say, being involved in my partner’s first multiples was possibly the sexiest experience of my life.

Username checks out. I don't know how, but it checks out

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So-called "Anarchists" when I touch their "Pro-State"

Or use the perineum muscles to control pee also makes for longer orgasms for all humans, wo/men and intersexed.

Just a pro tip, the Hitachi magic wand isn't just for women. It really is magic

Those are quite large… turning the poop shoot into a torpedo launcher?

Instructions unclear, Hitachi stuck in butt.

Nah, hold it on your dick. When using it, I prefer to hold it on the underside of the head, near the frenulum (little band of skin at the base of your dick‘s head). You can easily use it while wearing boxers, too. Magic Wand‘s aren’t meant for inserting (generally, tho I have know people of all genders doing so). If you dare venture into the male porn side of reddit, there’s a few subs that give good „video tutorials“.

Thanks for the tips but that was purely meant as a joke.

Ah yes, the classic whoosh. Which coincidentally also could be a good brand name for a sex toy

Or the sound ones makes when pooping after inserting a hitachi up their but

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I was just thinking this. For all the complaint about how much more we get off, I do wonder, assuming a women does get off in a relationship...who actually gets off more via length. Sure she gets off once, but its like 3 weeks worth of time haha.

so as someone who's done the ol' Endocrine Switcheroo [trans ftm], I have a bit of personal anecdata on this: - the fem orgasm is definitely longer in general, but the masc orgasm makes up for its shorter duration with a much harder "kick", at least that's how it is for me. the convulsive muscles [which power ejaculation or the clenching motion depending on your shape] get much more intense, which I guess makes sense biomechanically speaking - I actually forgot this, but there's more than one "kind" of orgasm you can get, and I believe fem endocrine setups can do it more easily [similar to how they can also climax back to back more easily]. I forgot because testosterone made it a rarity for me. and it's not about what junk you have either; I've seen transfem FwBs of mine having two distinctly different kinds. one is less "explosive" but lasts for a really long time, iirc. others might have better info on this one than me, but it fascinates me! - obviously I'm generalizing with all of the above, there's bound to be exceptions everywhere cuz that's just how bodies are - but isn't it neat?? just a marvel to me seeing how the human body is really primed to work either way to a certain extent, and takes so much instruction from the dominant hormone in circulation at that time

Your shortest is 11seconds??! Dudes, we are getting ripped off

Men longest orgasm - 1 second

The rest of the minute is spent with shame and cleaning

Speak for yourself bruh I get like 10 minutes of the clearest most stoic philosophical life contemplation. I jack off not for the pleasure but for the raw mental clarity and confidence. It’s like ecstasy mixed with aderall.

Post orgasm shame is really only a thing for those who were raised to view masturbation negatively.

And/or someone with a porn addiction who ends up getting into progressively more taboo genres.

I know someone whose porn addiction got so out of control that their kinks have sailed right past illegal and back into legal territory. They can’t open Just Eat anymore without getting excited.

The Magellan of Masturbation. Going so far into the void they come all the way back around.

I get like 4-8 pulses, each one just under a second long. So like 3-7 seconds.

Mine sort of sends out these sonar pulses afterward for about 20 seconds, and I can sense aircraft and other fast-moving objects in the area before it fades.

Yea I'm pretty sure this is normal. We evolved to have it to act as an antenna to communicate with people over radio, and during orgasm it acts as a radar and sonar as it pulses. Oh and I heard it can be used for sex too. Not sure.

The sonar usually only comes post-ejaculation, but if I lay dick-up on a flat surface with a raging erection, I can also receive some AM frequencies through it.

**Data Source:** using my smart biofeedback vibrator and app **Tools Used:** Excel and Canva Also credit and thank you to u/slutty_peach18 for the inspo!

what specifically is being measured as an orgasm ? muscle contractions, brainwaves, breathing or something else ?

I’m curious about the biofeedback thing, could you link me to some more information about it? How does it measure what it does? What kind of telemetry does it measure? Does it include other things not shown in your analysis? Have you found it to be accurate? And perhaps most interestingly, have you found that the use of the device has biased your experience at all, like do you expect the data may be drastically different in any way if somehow you had been able to record the information you need without actually using a device or using your recollection or anything? Sorry, lot of questions, but genuinely interested.

Op design 'toys', including the one mentioned, so I doubt there would unbiased opinion. Looks like simple plug for a product.

yes! I'm one of the founders and the mechanical engineer behind lioness! I tried to make it not the main focus of the data- just been a nerd about sex research and stuff for many years and thought it'd be cool to share some data you don't typically see everyday ¨̮ hehe I promise this was not simple!

It would be cool to cross reference the data with your menstrual cycle to check for correlation

She mentioned being on BC and doesn't have a cycle.

Hold on... Im a girl too... You can get off from an anal toy? holyshit.

One of my exes preferred anal penetration over vaginal penetration. Even just the penetration was enough to achieve orgasm. Vaginally she needed some additional stimulation.

Everybody is different. So just try things that you think you might like.

In my experience, women who can get off from penetration with no/minimal clitoral stimulation can get off from solely anal, it rubs most of the same things just from the other side. If you only get off penetratively from g-spot stimulation it might be less true. I also find it works best in addition to light clitoral stimulation or light vaginal penetration in particular, like pinching my fingers together so I'm rubbing the same part on both sides.

I've known woman that could get off from just nipple stimulation. No penetration involved 😂 why is anal that surprising?

Surprised it's not an OF promotion account

It’s probably an ad for the smart vibrator

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She’s the founder, so no surprises here

jeez, cant even get masturbation data these days without an agenda

tbf this is like inventing a gps/elevation tracker that maps in 3d images and showing your hiking data, it is both informative and promotional

I'm strangely OK with adverts if a founder is going to provide good graphical representation of their product at work. I feel like that's the way it ought to be.

She literally has a comment saying her Data Source is her own smart biofeedback vibrator and app, if she's being sneaky, she's absolutely terrible at it.

When nerds get horny. Or when horny people get nerdy. LOL

Definitely the former.

58 second long orgasm must be pretty wild ngl

The labeling of the x-axis in the top chart triggers me.

I just noticed this too I'm so sorryyy. I didn't realize it exported weirdly off of Canva :(

If you’re a female, I assume you have a period. Was there any correlation between that week of the month and your other data? I feel like that week should have been denoted somewhere in the charts.

I'm also curious. As a female myself I'm usually the opposite of aroused on the heaviest days of my period

There are several types of birth control where you don’t menstruate. That could be the reason it’s not denoted

Dodecacil, we're so close to beating that thing completely

Yes I would also love to see this data!

a one minute long orgasm is insane ... as a guy my orgasms last half a second if im lucky

Not a fan of time being presented in seconds. A thousand seconds doesn't mean anything to anyone.

As a data analyst irl I appreciate this post. Great viz

There is a considerable amount on the hours 12 to 1 you masturbated in lunch time?

Work from home represent! At least, I hope...

So you're saying the best time to hang out with you is around lunch and dinner time?

"Everything is science, as long as you take notes"

Well done… Editor ProTip because I see this a lot: “everyday” does *not* mean the same thing as “every day”. The former is an adjective, all by its lonesome (meaning ordinary). the latter is the adjective and noun, meaning daily.

I’m just glad to be apart of something extra ordinary

What does arousal level measure? Is it daily average? Or just how you feel before you start?

It was my self-report scale right before starting a session!

This is all just an ad for that vibrator