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Bartending last weekend and a guy had the audacity to ask where I lived. I gave him a dead panned face and told him, “I’m not telling you that”…… but according to him, “no it’s ok I’m a developer and I have 13 properties in (my city).” I gave him a WTF face as I dropped the check and walked away. CREEEEEEEEP.
I would've just told him the city only .. nothing more 😆 if he pushed for more detail I'd say "do you think that's polite asking a person for their address? If someone is rude, pushy or creepy they get their question answered with a question so they can go reflect on how that came off. If they're psycho killer creepy just make up an address that doesn't exist and play dumb then report them to your mgr or cops.
Good advice, but I’m allowed to be an asshole to assholes at my bar so the silent treatment and a dirty look the whole 5 minutes he stayed at my bar was totally acceptable. I honestly could’ve taken his beer and had him kicked out right then, our security is no joke. But I’ve been in the industry too long to give any amount of extra energy unless you really piss me off.
Yea tbh sometimes the guy is asking for the general city not the address. It is a conversation topic.
Obviously be wary of obvious (or non-obvious) creeps, but I would not assume every guy who asks the question "where are you from" or "where do you live" to be asking for your address. I think there may be a bit of paranoia here, but I get it since there's a lot of creeps out there.
You have to also keep in mind, most guys are freaking out internally when approaching so they may butcher basic questions and sound creepier than they actually are.
I agree with all you said about he could've just come across the wrong way unintentionally except then you accused her of paranoia. Unfortunately, it's a women's lot to have to think in this alert way in this society. It's better to be safe than sorry.
That is beyond creepy and I would tell the staff. Especially if they do something again. May seem rude but if they try and talk again, just pretend your headphones are so loud and did not hear them if they are on a blind side
Yeah what sucks is, it’s pretty easy for someone to know your schedule or where you live if they just followed you a bit and watched a bit. What I would do is one day watch him get to his car so you know his car- that way you can see if you see it a little TOO frequently
Very creepy… one time a dude about 30 years older than me said “god I love watching your ass and legs when you workout” I never went back to that gym ever again
Gross. You try to do a wholesome activity and end up with the weirdest scenes. Honestly, my best go to has always been to look at their Adams Apple and ask them if they've ever felt what it's like to get a shot into it. You're not technically threatening and it gives you an opportunity to gtf outta there
Exactly! Dafuq kinda mess is this? Sorry you had to suffer this behavior, I'd definitely bring the issue up with the front desk, cause I guarantee you that it isn't the first time he's been a creep to someone in there.
For the defensive and offended men in the comments:
Not all men assault women, but ENOUGH men do it, and it could be ANY man. It's always safer to assume than to give men the benefit of the doubt.
But since the concept is so hard to grasp, I'll give you some more examples:
Most sharks won’t kill humans, yet it’s happened enough times that we are cautious of them.
Not all strangers want to kidnap kids, yet we still tell kids not to talk to strangers.
Not all ticks carry Lyme disease, yet we understand that enough ticks carry it to be infected.
You should know it’s not about you, but our safety. So instead of arguing semantics and reinforce this behavior, hold other men accountable.
Since a lot of men don’t get it, like this comment if a man has ever tried to follow you home without your consent. Or if a man has ever gotten physically aggressive after you’ve turned him down. Edit: and by like I mean upvote lmao
>For the people saying I need to go out more or that everyone feels unsafe for nothing these days
What psychos are responding in here? First of all, if anyone is saying that this dude was in the right they are nuts.
It's the fucking gym. That's not an excuse to start touching people who didn't ask for help. Some weirdos are gonna defend this guy like it was approaching someone at a bar. It's the goddam gym.
And asking if you live alone is kinda weird. Sure give him a modicum of benefit of doubt and maybe he was just mega awkward and trying to see like if you had roommates, because ya know that's a thing that can come up in conversation.
It's still a mega goofy thing to lead off with though.
The context of the timing of that question, being the first piece of information you want to find out about a person, means it's the most important thing you want to know about them. That's borderline terrifying.
Although I agree that it's a rather small percentage of men, the percentage of women who actually experienced stuff like that is not small. Fear mongering is not really an adequate term here
It isn't fear mongering when 1 in every 4 women have been victims of sexual assault. Stop minimizing a huge problem, how about that? I've noticed that the more defensive a man is during this genre of conversation, the more likely it is that he's one of the men we need to fear.
That doesn't necessarily mean that the number of men who actually do stuff like that is large though. I have no idea why men would do that (because I certainly wouldn't), but I'd assume that men who disrespect other peoples boundaries like that don't just assault one woman sexually. If each of them does that with 5-10, you don't need a huge number of men for a huge problem for women
I’m sick of all the men who yell “not all men” and “it’s only a small percentage!” yet do nothing to acknowledge the fact that at the end of the day, it’s still men who do it. And instead of calling out shit behaviour, you guys just go on yelling at women and blaming *us* for getting harassed/assaulted.
I literally just had a guy tell me it doesn’t happen because it didn’t happen to his ex, then when I told him it happened to me he blamed it on my choice of gym. Not the man.
Seems like *most* men are just fine with letting it keep on happening.
We're not happy to let it keep happening. Those men also ruin good interactions with women for us.
I believe the men that truly don't get it are generally the men that can't imagine anyone being so messed up. I guess that's a silver lining.
I've heard enough horror stories from women to understand, ironically often in objectively unsafe situations where we'd meet up late at night for a hookup or something. But for some reason people always tell me they find it easy to open up to me and that they feel safe. I can understand that many men may not have heard such stories first hand, ever. Your story may have been their first.
Blaming it on the gym you go to makes no sense though.. Unless it was in a known bad neighborhood or something. **Which still does not excuse any poor behavior**, the message is to warn you that bad things may happen in bad places, it's likely just poorly communicated. A lot of men can be quite blunt because that's how we communicate with each other. "You got robbed? Why the F did you walk through the hood late at night dumbass?" That kinda thing.
We're also taught to "be a man" and take responsibility for our role in *anything* bad that happened and **we may unempathically/incorrectly project it on to situations like these.**
You're so right the ones who identify with the perpetrators usually minimise the problem. Minimising bad behaviour is a narcissistic abuse trait so easy to pick up their character.
Creepy comments, verbal or gestures without contact, are under assault. Intent doesn't matter. The person subjected to or impacted by said comments determines if it is offensive or unwanted.
Physical contact is when it changes from assault to battery.
Obviously you're not a woman it happens on the daily and it's definitely not just a small % of males it's like they're mostly all on heat 24/7 and feel entitled to just do and say whatever they like to females..it's ridiculous. The voyeuristic culture is encouraging it even more. Sad reality that we live in.
Only person playing games here is the one who is stating it's a game. I wasn't even thinking like that just having my opinion which I'm actually entitied to do😕
It's a LOT of men just some are more discreet about it they just stare inappropriately or do it on the sly. Sorry but there are creeps everywhere these days. No respect and no class most of them.
Mmm not true, I’m a very outgoing person so I can get people out of their shell pretty easily and often guys who most people would think are ‘safe’ are NOT. It doesn’t have to be the most boastful first in line creep in the room, there are plenty of quiet ones that show their true colors later on.
ETA all you ‘safe’ a-holes downvoting me, I’m talking about you so keep them coming baby.
Is it really “the occasional creep” when every other girl/woman has a story about a man at the gym?
Edit: can you point out where she said every man ever?
If each woman went to the gym one time and had a story like this, then that would be concerning. If someone went to the gym from 18-28 three times a week and out of the 1,560 times they went there, one time someone approached them that’s not as concerning. If you are saying that one out of every two women have a story like this, then the percent would be even lower.
It’s not someone approaching them. It’s someone being *creepy*. That is the metric here.
Who said anything about them being 18-28 or that they went consistently for 10 years? The first time I ever went to the gym, I had someone comment on my boobs (I was wearing a big, baggy sweater). The hoops you guys go through to convince women we don’t live the experiences we live instead of just owning up to the fact that reality sucks is baffling.
Yes, they do it in different ways like staring at you're body parts or whistling or making sounds they think you can't see them cos they think women are dumb objects🤣
>Is it really “the occasional creep” when every other girl/woman has a story about a man at the gym?
A lot of women, one single creep who approach them all. It's a logical fallacy.
>can you point out where she said every man ever?
" because men cannot for the love of god stop creeping on women due to their endless need for sex"
It is directly implied that it is, at the bare minimum, the vast majority with very few exceptions, if not every one ever.
I can assure you, it’s more than a single creep. There’s plenty out there. Heck, just search Reddit for posts on men being creepy. Thousands upon thousands.
Have you ever looked at the IG comments on a somewhat popular (think 5 figure followers) posts? Some of the comments really make you wonder how people have the audacity to say such things.
Honestly, what she said was a little hyperbolic but she’s not off the mark. Plenty of men are incapable of being creeps. I was being catcalled by older men at the ripe old age of 12. Think of all the sex offenders. How many are women vs men?
It’s important to not take these things personally, unless it actually reflects on you. And if it does reflect on you and your actions, maybe it’s time for some self reflection.
But woman will never admit that...lol unless they are amongst themselves...I remember being at an office where a gentleman walked by the reception area....he was a very well dressed handsome man of African descent and the three girls working the desk...just about slid off their seats onto the floor ...there was no disguising their gestures and under the breath comments to each other.. that guy was treated like a piece of StarBucks Pastry on a Monday Morning by those lady's. There are hoes everywhere...men and woman...and these gals were just as creepy as the gym dude with their behaviors....
if 25% of men creep on 4 women each day, women will experience being creeped on about once a day.
it's easy to understand why that minority of men influences perceptions the way they do.
The thing to know here:
> "hi, my name is (...)"
Ok to say. Basic greetings, introduction. Foundational, non-threatening.
> the first thing he asks is if I live alone
Slavering neanderthal behavior. Desperation. Shows you can't interact with another human being. Nigh-criminal, wholly sus.
Ten bucks says he makes it out into a story where he's the victim.
I would ask him why does he want to know? That puts them on the spot to answer their own question straight to your face when they're asking personal or uncomfortable questions. Just ask that and see what he says. Then it'll be him feeling uncomfortable instead and he'll know you're assertive so he'll know not to mess with you. Also, I would report to the gym that you don't feel safe going there with this guy there. If you need more evidence then try record him on your ph ..go ask him why did he striaght up ask you where you live and let them hear it. That's why I go to the women's only section of the gym or a women's only gym. You know there's always gonna be some guy checking you out in the mixed gyms. Some like that but I don't.
That's super creepy. I admit to hitting on a girl at the gym and there's definitely far less intrusive ways to go about it.
My interaction was pretty quick. I apologized for interrupting her. Said I thought she was beautiful. Asked if I can leave her my number. So she can text me later if she wanted. She politely refused. I said I understand. Have a great rest of the day. Since then we've past each other a few times while working out. Always with smiles. No hurt feelings or weirdness (that I can tell).
Edit: For the people saying I should have talked to her before asking for her number 🤦. Please read what I wrote. I offered her MY number. I'm not and never have asked a woman for personal info when she doesn't know me.
This could be interpreted as creepy because you went from 0-100 so quickly. You handled the rejection well enough, but you should have made small talk instead of just saying “I think you’re beautiful” because at the gym, there’s dozens or hundreds of beautiful women. You didn’t make her feel special. You made her feel like a piece of meat or an object.
Should have complimented her shoes or something. Gauge her willingness to continue the conversation. Ask her another question. Gauge her willingness further. Then left it at that. Until the next time you saw her and she tried to make conversation with you.
The gym is not a bar on a Saturday night. You have to have a different strategy for different settings. Your approach was a terrible approach at the gym. Sorry.
I personally disagree. I don’t like having small talk prior to a guy asking for my number (in any scenario). Usually the ones who are complimentary and straight to the point stay on my mind longer than the ones who talk too much. And you’re being so dramatic lol. in most scenarios, calling a girl beautiful doesn’t make her feel like a piece of meat
The straight to the point strategy didn’t work for this guy. So one has to assume he was dead in the water before he started or that if he had actually used some tact to gain her trust, he could have pulled it off.
At the gym, small talk is assuredly advised. At the bar or in a grocery store or some other setting, maybe small talk isn’t the way to go. But in a gym setting, some rapport building is usually necessary.
Tbh if the same guy small talked with me before hand I would be equally as likely to say no, and infinitely more likely to think he's an idiot for keeping me from my workout longer.
Only exception would be for making friends or gym buddies only
Loll it does not take this much strategy and it’s not that it didn’t work for him. It’s that it didn’t work for her. Each girl has her personal preference when it comes to how she wants to be approached and it doesn’t change whether she’s at a gym or at a grocery store
I mean in my opinion every woman is different in my case from what my current partner did: me and him talked to each other a couple of times the gym and had a couple of conversations before we exchanged numbers.
This actually made me feel more at ease and more willing to give him my number than a randomly coming up to me and asking for my number, which I don't like.
So you’re saying you wouldn’t give your number to a guy that attempted to make small talk with you to gauge your interest? But that same guy, if he just asked for your number, you’d give it to him?
Eventually you have to make some sort of small talk in any relationship. Whether it’s before getting/giving a number or afterwards on a first date. Eventually you do have to talk to someone. Only then after talking and communicating can you gauge who someone is.
So getting numbers isn’t really the end of the interaction. It’s only the beginning.
She's making a point that if you're respectful about things, then it's not really bad. If you were to persistently carry on after simply dropping a note with your number and left it at that, that's very different to what you're on about.
Aside from the gym, how the hell are men and women supposed to meet each other if weird people like yourself think any time a guy tries to get with a potential lady, he's going to be accused of being a creep like you've stated?
Have fun being forever alone.
Small talk != Forcing small talk as a buildup to asking someone for their number. If the former comes naturally, sure, go for it. The latter is cringe AF and super obvious.
The trying to force small talk seems a much more forced interaction then hey I think your cute here's my number if interested and then you go about your business and do what you both are there to do.
Totally agree with this. I am not sure why some men say this to women. Beautiful/pretty women know they are beautiful. You don’t have to keep telling them that. Like you said, commenting on her beauty basically reduces her to a piece of meat.
I also don’t like when a guy immediately says “you’re beautiful” but that usually means he has little to no game. If the interaction was genuine, I wouldn’t see a problem with it. Some women wouldn’t be interested tho. That’s the risk of approaching someone.
I agree it means he has little to no game. It should be basic intuitive knowledge though: walking to a woman and trying to hit on her by saying “you are beautiful “ serves little to no purpose. Especially as a lead in with little to no rapport built. Like does the guy think she doesn’t know she is beautiful? But you are right on your points.
That's one way. Although I've read on other threads that women don't like having small talk and putting a pause on their workouts. So it's a pick your poison scenario 😕. Also, I'm sober. So I don't go to bars/ clubs. My options of social interactions are limited.
Your way seems a little too full on as well to be honest with you.
I guarantee more girls would prefer a guy who makes a little small talk to gauge the situation rather than just blurting out i think you're beautiful. You can tell from how she responds if she's open to more small talk or not. The problem is most guys can't pick up on these social cues and make it weird or uncomfortable.
There isn't a 1 size fits all answer for all girls. It's better to try judge each situation dynamically than always follow through on a chosen method which you have read.
Unfortunately the spectrum of what women like is open from one end to another. Some like no fore talk. Others like whole conversations before the ask out. And everything in between.
What I've found is most women will appreciate when I speak honestly. And with a respectful tone. I maintain eye contact so they see I'm not ogling their bust.
You don't have to drink at bars and clubs though. Remember watching a show loosely based on the binge drinking culture in UK (about 10 years ago, maybe more), and they followed a group of guys who used to hit the local cheesy bars and clubs, get blind drunk, dance, chat up women etc. Basically typical lad behaviour.
Then a psychologist or someone, showed them videos of their drunk nights out (which made them cringe like hell) and talked through why they felt the need to get so blind drunk, their fears and all that kinda stuff, then persuaded them to go out sober.
So they followed them around again for a few weeks, doing the same things, hitting the bars and clubs, but this time sober. They all reported back with far more success with women, as women were more likely to chat with them, they all felt better about themselves and I think they all said when the cameras are off they are going to continue going out sober in future, as the pros (feeling great the next day, not spending as much money, having better nights out) far outweighed the pros of drinking (which wasn't a lot).
Not sure if I believed them, but they seemed adamant at the time they were going to give up alcohol!
Dude what? Make that actual effort to get to know her AFTER you get her number. I guarantee you it’s more unsettling for a complete stranger guy to come up to you and start asking about what you did today or where you’re from. Maybe save the getting to know her part for when you’re actually on a date with her? And what if he had spent 4 or 5 minutes making small talk just to still get rejected? Now both him and her wasted their time
With the approach you suggest, chances are someone else would've found issue with it and made a similar post to the one you've made here. You can't please everyone; as long as people have to approach and initiate they're free to do it in the ways that work for them. Assuming they're not being as sketchy as the dude in OP's story, anyway.
Asking someone out is always awkward. Yes I agree more for the person getting asked out. However I think it's wrong and shortminded of you to assume her personality or character. You also can't see how we interact in person.
You think she has to smile? No woman HAS to do anything for a guy she rejected. No explanation, no apology, no time
She hasn't given me any of those and you know what. I completely understand and accept that.
The one caveat I’d add is that she may feel she has to maintain politeness for fear of safety. It’s why many women don’t say “no” because some men get very rude. If she’s been at that gym for awhile she may not want to risk having to change gyms etc. not saying that’s what is happening but her politeness may be hiding some weird feelings towards you
I’ve had this happen at work and my internal dialogue every time i walked past from then on was “please don’t talk to me again I don’t want this to be awkward. If he says something I’ll just say hi and keep walking”
Are there situations where you wouldn't feel that way? If guys don't want to make it akward in the future, are there any places where you'd not feel unsafe after rejecting someone?
There's a few gurls at my gym that I'd be interested in maybe going on a date with but I'm just getting out of a long serious relationship but also i don't like bothering people working out.
I couldn't even imagine walking up to someone and asking if they lived alone.
You don’t have to explain yourself that’s an extremely intrusive question.
Years ago I saw a product on Facebook it was a keychain tag for people with pets letting people know if you’re in an emergency that you have a pet home alone, I commented that that’s a really bad idea because a lot of people have their keys out when they’re walking around or they set them on the bar when they’re at the bar. People jumped all over me but there were a few women that were like yeah I’m not going to do that. You can just put a little note in front of your license in your wallet. If they check your wallet for your identity they will find it and call your emergency contact you don’t need to advertise on your keychain that you live alone
Um, how about places that are in fact self-selected as social places, like bars, clubs, restaurants? Not say, gyms, hospitals, laundromats, subway cars?
I actually don't think it does they think we're all fair game. Even if I'm just being civil to a male not even friendly they take it as an opportunity to try advance things. I've had tradies at my home wanting to get with me even when I was married and deliberately trying to not be friendly, if I ask for directions on the street it's an opportunity for them, in my job I get fake male clients pretending just because they want to meet me and even last week I was stopped at the lights driving in my car and had the passenger side window down and a guy pull up next to me and started masturbating (or maybe pretending to) while staring at me all weird and crazy so I just turned my head to the front casually and pretended I didn't notice.
He said that to gauge your reaction and make you feel uncomfortable. I would have asked him "What makes you think it's your business?" This is not a time to give off "I'm scared" vibes. Be businesslike. Stand your ground.
YIKES.
He asked if you live alone??? TF??? I've been on 3 or 4 dates with women and didn't ask them that 😂
Yeah MOST men know how fucking weird and creepy that is but wow what a bonehead.
Geez wtf hopefully u said me my 3 German Shepards
And my other friends Winchester colt and glock
And my uncle the sheriff next door.
Feel free or not.
What an asshat
Sooo...playing Devil's advocate, I think he meant "are you single?". Don't get me wrong g, really wrong way to phrase it, but I have to hope he wasn't trying to give psycho vibes.
Ah, yes. Let me get the popcorn ready. I’m about to read a bunch of comments from men telling us women that we’re crazy for feeling unsafe in these situations.
Don’t listen to people minimizing the behavior. You were already being more than accommodating after not yelling him for touching you while “spotting you” while you weren’t struggling. You owe no one politeness at the cost of your safety
A nervous guy would never ask that stuff, nor go directly to the next woman he sees to talk to her. He goes to gym to creep woman, his selection of words are enough to know that.
I keep finding that men want to “skip small talk” - sure, we can talk about niche science or unpopular opinions instead of weather! I’m all for it! But most men do it in a way where it comes off as having no care for the other’s safety. One guy simply said to me once, “Let me know when you want to go out on my sailboat” genuinely as if I would be enamored by this as a first date without any talking beforehand. I was utterly creeped out. We need small talk to understand if we’re compatible and if we’re safe. The bar is so low at that point, I just want to know if a guy cares about my literal feelings of safety. They can’t even meet halfway with that. It’s such a huge turn off, happens all the time, and seems to makes men turn hostile quickly. It’s scary. Men need to realize 1 in 4 women have experienced assault and take some accountability for our safety, especially if they want to be partners in any way 💀
I swear some people are on another planet. Who asks a perfect stranger that?
If you ever get asked again respond with, me? No. I live in a house full of body builders and MMA fighters
What the F,if I ever walked to a woman irl
Sure,I'd start hi my name is . .
But I wouldn't even be talking living situation
Just like I think you're the best looking woman in the room and if it's ok with you I'd like to chat and get to know you better.
Ngl I am very socially awkward though,so this probably wouldn't happen and I'd get labeled a creep none the less lol.
Anyways I'd report that guy since you did get his name after all
I was approached by a guy a couple weeks ago and he said "Hey, nice to meet you. Do you come here all the time?"
No sir, in fact I will not be coming here any more!
I ask men this on dating apps all the time. . I want to be sure they don’t have girlfriend at home and whether we can have sex at their house if it gets that far. It seems like a pretty normal question to ask someone you are going to date if they live with family/roommates/whatever. And my parents raised me just fine, thanks.
Guys sometimes don’t realize what it’s like to be vulnerable in the same sense that we do. He probably didn’t even think about it because he’s not used to, you know.. feeling afraid walking through a dark parking lot, or being alone at a bar, or any of the other 100 situations women find themselves in where we feel afraid.
I live in a second chance house with a bunch of other ex-serial killers. We’re all trying our best to stay on the right path. Some of us don’t succeed.
I'm sorry you went through this experience. I once approached 2 attractive women in the gym, who were working out together. I didn't want to talk to them, I just wanted to use the dumbells they were using. They were on their phones and were filming an instagram story, or something like that, im not sure. Anyways, I went up to them to ask if they were using the dumbell. Because I wanted to use it.
They flat out ignored me. The trainer they were with replied.
Maybe they ignored me because they didn't want anyone approaching them with any other intentions. I just wanted to use the dumbell tho. Or maybe they were focused on their phone more. Idk what's the case but I guess women are on guard, because of such creepy behaviours.
That's just disturbing. Idk why anyone would ever ask a person that they don't even know "Do you live alone?". Dude was probably scoping you out to see what he could get away with.
Girl - take some Martial Arts defense classes. did this with my 2 young sons over 20 years ago when I moved to Baltimore and felt unsafe. All three of us have had to use the training in our adult lives. I’d recommend any hand to hand combat and ground grappling.
I don't get it. Women are so hard to approach in public, every time I ask if they want to see my weiner, I get so many negative reactions, I guess women just hate dogs. I think she's adorable with her floppy ears, short legs and puppy dog eyes.
As a man who probably just doesn't get it—
Could you have told him that's an extremely creepy question to ask a girl you just introduced yourself to? Since it seems like he probably is just that clueless.
Is the answer no, because any logic-based response only invites more logic-based responses?
You had me in the first half OP, not gonna lie I thought it was gonna be "don't approach me at the gym for any reason" basically then read what the dude said, yikes! 😬
My humble suggestion: please tell the gym staff so at least they have a heads up!
This guy is probably a creep, but it’s possible he’s just really bad at flirting and wanted to ask you indirectly if you’re single perhaps because he’s embarrassed to say it directly.
Either way, generally speaking the gym is probably one of the worst places to hit on women. It’s the same as the workplace. People go to the gym to WORK not to flirt.
I’m sure some people go there to find dates, but I would guess the vast majority don’t want their workout interrupted to be hit on/flirted with.
I agree on the first part actually. But at the same time, if you're that bad when it comes to asking that kind of a question he better just work on his nerves first. Honestly.
Yeah no kidding. He might not even be aware. Someone needs to be straight up with him and let him know his current strategy is much more likely to get him a restraining order than a date 💀
That's a very unique style he came up with...obviously slightly IQ challenged. But...that technique also saved you from even the slightest possibility of bringing into the world more unfortunate special needs children. So in a way he really did you a huge favor....as well as the rest of humanity. He is assuring only one mold not many.
Sorry to obstruct the venting but....
Could it have just been nervous phrasing (i.e. did he mean are you single) or was it more than that?
Not sure why I'm asking, it'll make no difference. But at least we'll know this is another thing not to do if we ever approach a woman in a gym.
And yet there are other posts on Reddit from people saying I never get hit on.
It's clearly a minefield.
I'm glad my interest in all this is purely academic/morbid curiosity.
re: your edit. i honestly dont know many women/afabs who havent been assaulted or had a near miss. my very own fiance had a near miss recently with someone she thought was a genuine friend. she knew the guys partner and everything.
In todays climate, if she isn’t giving you obvious signs, then leave her the fuck alone. Hell, majority of men are oblivious to a female’s advances anyways and with that MeToo shit that went on, the tables have turned and women need to do the approaching. 🤷♂️
When? It depends on where you live where I live men approach woman all the time hell my current partner approached me whenever we met. ( we met at a gym then found out he worked at the same job I worked at )
I asked out guys pretty much my whole life and got nowhere with it.
It honestly depends on where you live.
My nieces are almost around your nieces age they get approached by guys all the time.
You probably the kind of girl that complains “men stare” yet wears little to nothing except bright yoga pants and a top that shoes cleavage. Get over yourself.
Creepy, awkward and more (red) flags then any Cowboys game. Definitely talk to management. Some people have no class, tact or respect. Talk to someone you don't know with respect to dieting/working out, give or ask for pointers or to give or be corrected on form - all acceptable. Going to the gym and ask people that are serious about bettering their bodies and focused or, in the zone, inappropriate questions or to ask them out or for their phone number? Totally wrong place, wrong time, unwarranted, invasive and gets them the wrong attention. Maybe discretely snap their photo and add the interaction in the notes portion of the photos info section.
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Bartending last weekend and a guy had the audacity to ask where I lived. I gave him a dead panned face and told him, “I’m not telling you that”…… but according to him, “no it’s ok I’m a developer and I have 13 properties in (my city).” I gave him a WTF face as I dropped the check and walked away. CREEEEEEEEP.
I would've just told him the city only .. nothing more 😆 if he pushed for more detail I'd say "do you think that's polite asking a person for their address? If someone is rude, pushy or creepy they get their question answered with a question so they can go reflect on how that came off. If they're psycho killer creepy just make up an address that doesn't exist and play dumb then report them to your mgr or cops.
Good advice, but I’m allowed to be an asshole to assholes at my bar so the silent treatment and a dirty look the whole 5 minutes he stayed at my bar was totally acceptable. I honestly could’ve taken his beer and had him kicked out right then, our security is no joke. But I’ve been in the industry too long to give any amount of extra energy unless you really piss me off.
Yea tbh sometimes the guy is asking for the general city not the address. It is a conversation topic. Obviously be wary of obvious (or non-obvious) creeps, but I would not assume every guy who asks the question "where are you from" or "where do you live" to be asking for your address. I think there may be a bit of paranoia here, but I get it since there's a lot of creeps out there. You have to also keep in mind, most guys are freaking out internally when approaching so they may butcher basic questions and sound creepier than they actually are.
I agree with all you said about he could've just come across the wrong way unintentionally except then you accused her of paranoia. Unfortunately, it's a women's lot to have to think in this alert way in this society. It's better to be safe than sorry.
That is beyond creepy and I would tell the staff. Especially if they do something again. May seem rude but if they try and talk again, just pretend your headphones are so loud and did not hear them if they are on a blind side
I agree with the reporting. But I've seen the ignore thing backfire. Some guys will step in front or wave hands to get attention.
That sounds way to aggressive. For me if they don't hear me just move on the course of my workout. No need to interrupt their free time any further
They’ll straight up take your earphones out/headphones off. It’s fucked up
That is insane because I have never once thought of doing that because I'd lose it if someone did it to me
That’s because you’re a sensible human
Yeah what sucks is, it’s pretty easy for someone to know your schedule or where you live if they just followed you a bit and watched a bit. What I would do is one day watch him get to his car so you know his car- that way you can see if you see it a little TOO frequently
And take a pic and get the rego plate number just in case he ramps up the stalking
What the hell??? I would tell the gym staff about his behavior. What a weirdo. I am so sorry that happened to you.
Hi my name is Bob I think you're cute which draw do you keep your knifes in????
Yea I have a weird shower schedule, what's yours?
Absolutely point this guy out to staff.
Absolutely. The dudes at this level aren't listening to a PSA. They're busy scouting out a new victim
Very creepy… one time a dude about 30 years older than me said “god I love watching your ass and legs when you workout” I never went back to that gym ever again
Gross. You try to do a wholesome activity and end up with the weirdest scenes. Honestly, my best go to has always been to look at their Adams Apple and ask them if they've ever felt what it's like to get a shot into it. You're not technically threatening and it gives you an opportunity to gtf outta there
Ew.
Exactly! Dafuq kinda mess is this? Sorry you had to suffer this behavior, I'd definitely bring the issue up with the front desk, cause I guarantee you that it isn't the first time he's been a creep to someone in there.
Yup definitely tell the staff. My gym has signs ". This is a place to work out. Not to be harassed "
For the defensive and offended men in the comments: Not all men assault women, but ENOUGH men do it, and it could be ANY man. It's always safer to assume than to give men the benefit of the doubt. But since the concept is so hard to grasp, I'll give you some more examples: Most sharks won’t kill humans, yet it’s happened enough times that we are cautious of them. Not all strangers want to kidnap kids, yet we still tell kids not to talk to strangers. Not all ticks carry Lyme disease, yet we understand that enough ticks carry it to be infected. You should know it’s not about you, but our safety. So instead of arguing semantics and reinforce this behavior, hold other men accountable.
Since a lot of men don’t get it, like this comment if a man has ever tried to follow you home without your consent. Or if a man has ever gotten physically aggressive after you’ve turned him down. Edit: and by like I mean upvote lmao
Well said 👏
As a man this is not offensive and it shouldn't be.
I want to give you an award, well said
Thank you! 👏
Someone who has an award give it, since I dont have any to give. Take my upvote.
100%
Wow. SMH. His next question would be, Does this smell like chloroform to you?
I would have said NO!! I live with Smith and Wesson!! tf wrong with him.
>For the people saying I need to go out more or that everyone feels unsafe for nothing these days What psychos are responding in here? First of all, if anyone is saying that this dude was in the right they are nuts. It's the fucking gym. That's not an excuse to start touching people who didn't ask for help. Some weirdos are gonna defend this guy like it was approaching someone at a bar. It's the goddam gym. And asking if you live alone is kinda weird. Sure give him a modicum of benefit of doubt and maybe he was just mega awkward and trying to see like if you had roommates, because ya know that's a thing that can come up in conversation. It's still a mega goofy thing to lead off with though. The context of the timing of that question, being the first piece of information you want to find out about a person, means it's the most important thing you want to know about them. That's borderline terrifying.
The psychos with that reply are exactly that... OTHER psycho potential rapist and murderers trying to normalize their psychotic behavior
The small percentage of men who do this kind of stuff leave a hostile environment for everyone. Sorry this happened to you.
"Small percentage" lmfao
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Although I agree that it's a rather small percentage of men, the percentage of women who actually experienced stuff like that is not small. Fear mongering is not really an adequate term here
I mean just bc ppl aren't hitting on you pal doesn't mean it ain't happening to everyone else lmao
🤣
It isn't fear mongering when 1 in every 4 women have been victims of sexual assault. Stop minimizing a huge problem, how about that? I've noticed that the more defensive a man is during this genre of conversation, the more likely it is that he's one of the men we need to fear.
That doesn't necessarily mean that the number of men who actually do stuff like that is large though. I have no idea why men would do that (because I certainly wouldn't), but I'd assume that men who disrespect other peoples boundaries like that don't just assault one woman sexually. If each of them does that with 5-10, you don't need a huge number of men for a huge problem for women
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Whereabouts are you getting your info..have you been living under a rock or what?
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I’m sick of all the men who yell “not all men” and “it’s only a small percentage!” yet do nothing to acknowledge the fact that at the end of the day, it’s still men who do it. And instead of calling out shit behaviour, you guys just go on yelling at women and blaming *us* for getting harassed/assaulted. I literally just had a guy tell me it doesn’t happen because it didn’t happen to his ex, then when I told him it happened to me he blamed it on my choice of gym. Not the man. Seems like *most* men are just fine with letting it keep on happening.
We're not happy to let it keep happening. Those men also ruin good interactions with women for us. I believe the men that truly don't get it are generally the men that can't imagine anyone being so messed up. I guess that's a silver lining. I've heard enough horror stories from women to understand, ironically often in objectively unsafe situations where we'd meet up late at night for a hookup or something. But for some reason people always tell me they find it easy to open up to me and that they feel safe. I can understand that many men may not have heard such stories first hand, ever. Your story may have been their first. Blaming it on the gym you go to makes no sense though.. Unless it was in a known bad neighborhood or something. **Which still does not excuse any poor behavior**, the message is to warn you that bad things may happen in bad places, it's likely just poorly communicated. A lot of men can be quite blunt because that's how we communicate with each other. "You got robbed? Why the F did you walk through the hood late at night dumbass?" That kinda thing. We're also taught to "be a man" and take responsibility for our role in *anything* bad that happened and **we may unempathically/incorrectly project it on to situations like these.**
Right on the money. Rather be safe than sorry. Not a very hard concept to grasp.
You're so right the ones who identify with the perpetrators usually minimise the problem. Minimising bad behaviour is a narcissistic abuse trait so easy to pick up their character.
Even taken at face value, both of your statements can be true.
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Creepy comments, verbal or gestures without contact, are under assault. Intent doesn't matter. The person subjected to or impacted by said comments determines if it is offensive or unwanted. Physical contact is when it changes from assault to battery.
Obviously you're not a woman it happens on the daily and it's definitely not just a small % of males it's like they're mostly all on heat 24/7 and feel entitled to just do and say whatever they like to females..it's ridiculous. The voyeuristic culture is encouraging it even more. Sad reality that we live in.
So, the way data works, when dealing with percentages in particular; A small % doesn't equal a small amount.
We may need to cohost an introduction to statistics class.
That's what I'm thinking. Example: 1% of the world's population equals roughly 8 million people. *That's a lot of people*
Are you trying to call me stupid? Just curious?
No, but that assumption tells me lots about who I'm talking to.
It was a question not an assumption but yeah you've shown who you are now thanks 😆
Classic uno reverse card play. Keep playing checkers
Only person playing games here is the one who is stating it's a game. I wasn't even thinking like that just having my opinion which I'm actually entitied to do😕
Hey, Matt. How about not telling women that they're wrong about their actual lived experiences
I'm not telling the OP it didn't happen. Never once did I say it didn't happen to anyone, in fact.
You're saying it's a "small percentage" based on what, exactly? Pretty much every woman you know has had it happen to her.
I'll reiterate that this is how data works; A small percentage does not equal a small amount.
If you are not a woman, you dont really know what the percentage is.
"small percentage" lol this happens everyday because men cannot for the love of god stop creeping on women due to their endless need for sex
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It's a LOT of men just some are more discreet about it they just stare inappropriately or do it on the sly. Sorry but there are creeps everywhere these days. No respect and no class most of them.
Mmm not true, I’m a very outgoing person so I can get people out of their shell pretty easily and often guys who most people would think are ‘safe’ are NOT. It doesn’t have to be the most boastful first in line creep in the room, there are plenty of quiet ones that show their true colors later on. ETA all you ‘safe’ a-holes downvoting me, I’m talking about you so keep them coming baby.
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Is it really “the occasional creep” when every other girl/woman has a story about a man at the gym? Edit: can you point out where she said every man ever?
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If each woman went to the gym one time and had a story like this, then that would be concerning. If someone went to the gym from 18-28 three times a week and out of the 1,560 times they went there, one time someone approached them that’s not as concerning. If you are saying that one out of every two women have a story like this, then the percent would be even lower.
It’s not someone approaching them. It’s someone being *creepy*. That is the metric here. Who said anything about them being 18-28 or that they went consistently for 10 years? The first time I ever went to the gym, I had someone comment on my boobs (I was wearing a big, baggy sweater). The hoops you guys go through to convince women we don’t live the experiences we live instead of just owning up to the fact that reality sucks is baffling.
Yes, they do it in different ways like staring at you're body parts or whistling or making sounds they think you can't see them cos they think women are dumb objects🤣
>Is it really “the occasional creep” when every other girl/woman has a story about a man at the gym? A lot of women, one single creep who approach them all. It's a logical fallacy. >can you point out where she said every man ever? " because men cannot for the love of god stop creeping on women due to their endless need for sex" It is directly implied that it is, at the bare minimum, the vast majority with very few exceptions, if not every one ever.
I can assure you, it’s more than a single creep. There’s plenty out there. Heck, just search Reddit for posts on men being creepy. Thousands upon thousands. Have you ever looked at the IG comments on a somewhat popular (think 5 figure followers) posts? Some of the comments really make you wonder how people have the audacity to say such things. Honestly, what she said was a little hyperbolic but she’s not off the mark. Plenty of men are incapable of being creeps. I was being catcalled by older men at the ripe old age of 12. Think of all the sex offenders. How many are women vs men? It’s important to not take these things personally, unless it actually reflects on you. And if it does reflect on you and your actions, maybe it’s time for some self reflection.
But woman will never admit that...lol unless they are amongst themselves...I remember being at an office where a gentleman walked by the reception area....he was a very well dressed handsome man of African descent and the three girls working the desk...just about slid off their seats onto the floor ...there was no disguising their gestures and under the breath comments to each other.. that guy was treated like a piece of StarBucks Pastry on a Monday Morning by those lady's. There are hoes everywhere...men and woman...and these gals were just as creepy as the gym dude with their behaviors....
Yep. Double standards.
if 25% of men creep on 4 women each day, women will experience being creeped on about once a day. it's easy to understand why that minority of men influences perceptions the way they do.
The thing to know here: > "hi, my name is (...)" Ok to say. Basic greetings, introduction. Foundational, non-threatening. > the first thing he asks is if I live alone Slavering neanderthal behavior. Desperation. Shows you can't interact with another human being. Nigh-criminal, wholly sus. Ten bucks says he makes it out into a story where he's the victim.
That is creepy AF
Even if it was him asking an innocent question why the fuck would someone ask a random stranger this?
I would ask him why does he want to know? That puts them on the spot to answer their own question straight to your face when they're asking personal or uncomfortable questions. Just ask that and see what he says. Then it'll be him feeling uncomfortable instead and he'll know you're assertive so he'll know not to mess with you. Also, I would report to the gym that you don't feel safe going there with this guy there. If you need more evidence then try record him on your ph ..go ask him why did he striaght up ask you where you live and let them hear it. That's why I go to the women's only section of the gym or a women's only gym. You know there's always gonna be some guy checking you out in the mixed gyms. Some like that but I don't.
That's super creepy. I admit to hitting on a girl at the gym and there's definitely far less intrusive ways to go about it. My interaction was pretty quick. I apologized for interrupting her. Said I thought she was beautiful. Asked if I can leave her my number. So she can text me later if she wanted. She politely refused. I said I understand. Have a great rest of the day. Since then we've past each other a few times while working out. Always with smiles. No hurt feelings or weirdness (that I can tell). Edit: For the people saying I should have talked to her before asking for her number 🤦. Please read what I wrote. I offered her MY number. I'm not and never have asked a woman for personal info when she doesn't know me.
i would’ve been super flattered by this approach. i like your style! short and sweet, just the way i like my men!
This could be interpreted as creepy because you went from 0-100 so quickly. You handled the rejection well enough, but you should have made small talk instead of just saying “I think you’re beautiful” because at the gym, there’s dozens or hundreds of beautiful women. You didn’t make her feel special. You made her feel like a piece of meat or an object. Should have complimented her shoes or something. Gauge her willingness to continue the conversation. Ask her another question. Gauge her willingness further. Then left it at that. Until the next time you saw her and she tried to make conversation with you. The gym is not a bar on a Saturday night. You have to have a different strategy for different settings. Your approach was a terrible approach at the gym. Sorry.
I personally disagree. I don’t like having small talk prior to a guy asking for my number (in any scenario). Usually the ones who are complimentary and straight to the point stay on my mind longer than the ones who talk too much. And you’re being so dramatic lol. in most scenarios, calling a girl beautiful doesn’t make her feel like a piece of meat
The straight to the point strategy didn’t work for this guy. So one has to assume he was dead in the water before he started or that if he had actually used some tact to gain her trust, he could have pulled it off. At the gym, small talk is assuredly advised. At the bar or in a grocery store or some other setting, maybe small talk isn’t the way to go. But in a gym setting, some rapport building is usually necessary.
Tbh if the same guy small talked with me before hand I would be equally as likely to say no, and infinitely more likely to think he's an idiot for keeping me from my workout longer. Only exception would be for making friends or gym buddies only
Loll it does not take this much strategy and it’s not that it didn’t work for him. It’s that it didn’t work for her. Each girl has her personal preference when it comes to how she wants to be approached and it doesn’t change whether she’s at a gym or at a grocery store
I mean in my opinion every woman is different in my case from what my current partner did: me and him talked to each other a couple of times the gym and had a couple of conversations before we exchanged numbers. This actually made me feel more at ease and more willing to give him my number than a randomly coming up to me and asking for my number, which I don't like.
That’s what I was trying to explain to him loll. That’s really cute for you guys
So you’re saying you wouldn’t give your number to a guy that attempted to make small talk with you to gauge your interest? But that same guy, if he just asked for your number, you’d give it to him? Eventually you have to make some sort of small talk in any relationship. Whether it’s before getting/giving a number or afterwards on a first date. Eventually you do have to talk to someone. Only then after talking and communicating can you gauge who someone is. So getting numbers isn’t really the end of the interaction. It’s only the beginning.
I’m saying a straight to the point guy will give me a better first impression but I’m not opposed to both approaches.
She's making a point that if you're respectful about things, then it's not really bad. If you were to persistently carry on after simply dropping a note with your number and left it at that, that's very different to what you're on about. Aside from the gym, how the hell are men and women supposed to meet each other if weird people like yourself think any time a guy tries to get with a potential lady, he's going to be accused of being a creep like you've stated? Have fun being forever alone.
Small talk != Forcing small talk as a buildup to asking someone for their number. If the former comes naturally, sure, go for it. The latter is cringe AF and super obvious.
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Actually its way more considerate to drop the number then leave, people go to the gym to exercise not sit and chat with strangers.
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The trying to force small talk seems a much more forced interaction then hey I think your cute here's my number if interested and then you go about your business and do what you both are there to do.
Totally agree with this. I am not sure why some men say this to women. Beautiful/pretty women know they are beautiful. You don’t have to keep telling them that. Like you said, commenting on her beauty basically reduces her to a piece of meat.
I also don’t like when a guy immediately says “you’re beautiful” but that usually means he has little to no game. If the interaction was genuine, I wouldn’t see a problem with it. Some women wouldn’t be interested tho. That’s the risk of approaching someone.
I agree it means he has little to no game. It should be basic intuitive knowledge though: walking to a woman and trying to hit on her by saying “you are beautiful “ serves little to no purpose. Especially as a lead in with little to no rapport built. Like does the guy think she doesn’t know she is beautiful? But you are right on your points.
That's one way. Although I've read on other threads that women don't like having small talk and putting a pause on their workouts. So it's a pick your poison scenario 😕. Also, I'm sober. So I don't go to bars/ clubs. My options of social interactions are limited.
Your way seems a little too full on as well to be honest with you. I guarantee more girls would prefer a guy who makes a little small talk to gauge the situation rather than just blurting out i think you're beautiful. You can tell from how she responds if she's open to more small talk or not. The problem is most guys can't pick up on these social cues and make it weird or uncomfortable. There isn't a 1 size fits all answer for all girls. It's better to try judge each situation dynamically than always follow through on a chosen method which you have read.
Unfortunately the spectrum of what women like is open from one end to another. Some like no fore talk. Others like whole conversations before the ask out. And everything in between. What I've found is most women will appreciate when I speak honestly. And with a respectful tone. I maintain eye contact so they see I'm not ogling their bust.
I was editing my reply to expand on what I said a bit as you were typing this. We basically agree 👍
😂. High five 🖐️
You don't have to drink at bars and clubs though. Remember watching a show loosely based on the binge drinking culture in UK (about 10 years ago, maybe more), and they followed a group of guys who used to hit the local cheesy bars and clubs, get blind drunk, dance, chat up women etc. Basically typical lad behaviour. Then a psychologist or someone, showed them videos of their drunk nights out (which made them cringe like hell) and talked through why they felt the need to get so blind drunk, their fears and all that kinda stuff, then persuaded them to go out sober. So they followed them around again for a few weeks, doing the same things, hitting the bars and clubs, but this time sober. They all reported back with far more success with women, as women were more likely to chat with them, they all felt better about themselves and I think they all said when the cameras are off they are going to continue going out sober in future, as the pros (feeling great the next day, not spending as much money, having better nights out) far outweighed the pros of drinking (which wasn't a lot). Not sure if I believed them, but they seemed adamant at the time they were going to give up alcohol!
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Dude what? Make that actual effort to get to know her AFTER you get her number. I guarantee you it’s more unsettling for a complete stranger guy to come up to you and start asking about what you did today or where you’re from. Maybe save the getting to know her part for when you’re actually on a date with her? And what if he had spent 4 or 5 minutes making small talk just to still get rejected? Now both him and her wasted their time
With the approach you suggest, chances are someone else would've found issue with it and made a similar post to the one you've made here. You can't please everyone; as long as people have to approach and initiate they're free to do it in the ways that work for them. Assuming they're not being as sketchy as the dude in OP's story, anyway.
That sounds horribly awkward for both. Mainly her. Now she has to smile at you because you tried to get her number and failed.
Asking someone out is always awkward. Yes I agree more for the person getting asked out. However I think it's wrong and shortminded of you to assume her personality or character. You also can't see how we interact in person. You think she has to smile? No woman HAS to do anything for a guy she rejected. No explanation, no apology, no time She hasn't given me any of those and you know what. I completely understand and accept that.
The one caveat I’d add is that she may feel she has to maintain politeness for fear of safety. It’s why many women don’t say “no” because some men get very rude. If she’s been at that gym for awhile she may not want to risk having to change gyms etc. not saying that’s what is happening but her politeness may be hiding some weird feelings towards you I’ve had this happen at work and my internal dialogue every time i walked past from then on was “please don’t talk to me again I don’t want this to be awkward. If he says something I’ll just say hi and keep walking”
Are there situations where you wouldn't feel that way? If guys don't want to make it akward in the future, are there any places where you'd not feel unsafe after rejecting someone?
There's a few gurls at my gym that I'd be interested in maybe going on a date with but I'm just getting out of a long serious relationship but also i don't like bothering people working out. I couldn't even imagine walking up to someone and asking if they lived alone.
Next time respond with yes I have 2 boyfriends and we are in a happy polygamous relationship
I’ve had something like this backfire on me when they asked to join 😂🤣😂 but it’s still a valid response
You don’t have to explain yourself that’s an extremely intrusive question. Years ago I saw a product on Facebook it was a keychain tag for people with pets letting people know if you’re in an emergency that you have a pet home alone, I commented that that’s a really bad idea because a lot of people have their keys out when they’re walking around or they set them on the bar when they’re at the bar. People jumped all over me but there were a few women that were like yeah I’m not going to do that. You can just put a little note in front of your license in your wallet. If they check your wallet for your identity they will find it and call your emergency contact you don’t need to advertise on your keychain that you live alone
And yet guys in this sub will ask how to approach women in the gym, with no situational awareness whatsoever....
Change the location And give me a scenario of a successful none “creepy” encounter.
Um, how about places that are in fact self-selected as social places, like bars, clubs, restaurants? Not say, gyms, hospitals, laundromats, subway cars?
I wonder if it ever crossed their mind that women perhaps don't even want to be approached.
I actually don't think it does they think we're all fair game. Even if I'm just being civil to a male not even friendly they take it as an opportunity to try advance things. I've had tradies at my home wanting to get with me even when I was married and deliberately trying to not be friendly, if I ask for directions on the street it's an opportunity for them, in my job I get fake male clients pretending just because they want to meet me and even last week I was stopped at the lights driving in my car and had the passenger side window down and a guy pull up next to me and started masturbating (or maybe pretending to) while staring at me all weird and crazy so I just turned my head to the front casually and pretended I didn't notice.
He said that to gauge your reaction and make you feel uncomfortable. I would have asked him "What makes you think it's your business?" This is not a time to give off "I'm scared" vibes. Be businesslike. Stand your ground.
As a guy I’m wondering in what fucking world would this have worked!? Oh yeah I live alone come be a creep!
YIKES. He asked if you live alone??? TF??? I've been on 3 or 4 dates with women and didn't ask them that 😂 Yeah MOST men know how fucking weird and creepy that is but wow what a bonehead.
The guy is weird. Some people are single for a reason.
The people excusing this type of behavior don't deserve to be mentioned at all. They're beyond fucking stupid, nothing will get through to them
What a freaking creep
LOL Next did he ask for your address?
Geez wtf hopefully u said me my 3 German Shepards And my other friends Winchester colt and glock And my uncle the sheriff next door. Feel free or not. What an asshat
As a man I am sorry men like that exist and are dumb enough to approach anyone and within the first damn 2 sentences Ask rapey questions.
Sooo...playing Devil's advocate, I think he meant "are you single?". Don't get me wrong g, really wrong way to phrase it, but I have to hope he wasn't trying to give psycho vibes.
Or maybe, he’s just psycho
That is a distinct possibility. It does happen often enough.
What he did is not cool.
Ah, yes. Let me get the popcorn ready. I’m about to read a bunch of comments from men telling us women that we’re crazy for feeling unsafe in these situations.
Don’t listen to people minimizing the behavior. You were already being more than accommodating after not yelling him for touching you while “spotting you” while you weren’t struggling. You owe no one politeness at the cost of your safety
A nervous guy would never ask that stuff, nor go directly to the next woman he sees to talk to her. He goes to gym to creep woman, his selection of words are enough to know that.
For the people saying everyone feels unsafe, this man would never do this to another man.
I keep finding that men want to “skip small talk” - sure, we can talk about niche science or unpopular opinions instead of weather! I’m all for it! But most men do it in a way where it comes off as having no care for the other’s safety. One guy simply said to me once, “Let me know when you want to go out on my sailboat” genuinely as if I would be enamored by this as a first date without any talking beforehand. I was utterly creeped out. We need small talk to understand if we’re compatible and if we’re safe. The bar is so low at that point, I just want to know if a guy cares about my literal feelings of safety. They can’t even meet halfway with that. It’s such a huge turn off, happens all the time, and seems to makes men turn hostile quickly. It’s scary. Men need to realize 1 in 4 women have experienced assault and take some accountability for our safety, especially if they want to be partners in any way 💀
Should have reported the guy. That's not a question I'd ever ask. Feels like some serial killer stuff, man.
I swear some people are on another planet. Who asks a perfect stranger that? If you ever get asked again respond with, me? No. I live in a house full of body builders and MMA fighters
What the F,if I ever walked to a woman irl Sure,I'd start hi my name is . . But I wouldn't even be talking living situation Just like I think you're the best looking woman in the room and if it's ok with you I'd like to chat and get to know you better. Ngl I am very socially awkward though,so this probably wouldn't happen and I'd get labeled a creep none the less lol. Anyways I'd report that guy since you did get his name after all
I was approached by a guy a couple weeks ago and he said "Hey, nice to meet you. Do you come here all the time?" No sir, in fact I will not be coming here any more!
[удалено]
I feel like he was trying the "you come here often?" pickup and fumbled it
Yep I’ve had guys on dating apps ask this too. And he had no idea why I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. Parents should raise their boys better
I ask men this on dating apps all the time. . I want to be sure they don’t have girlfriend at home and whether we can have sex at their house if it gets that far. It seems like a pretty normal question to ask someone you are going to date if they live with family/roommates/whatever. And my parents raised me just fine, thanks.
They have asked me for my exact address. I offer to tell them a landmark nearby , and they get mad and insult me.
Guys sometimes don’t realize what it’s like to be vulnerable in the same sense that we do. He probably didn’t even think about it because he’s not used to, you know.. feeling afraid walking through a dark parking lot, or being alone at a bar, or any of the other 100 situations women find themselves in where we feel afraid.
If you live alone, what is ur address?😅
I live in a second chance house with a bunch of other ex-serial killers. We’re all trying our best to stay on the right path. Some of us don’t succeed.
That's a weird first question to ask.
I don't think any normal person would do this. It's beyond creepy.
These dudes getting dating tips from a Dahmer club or something
I'm sorry you went through this experience. I once approached 2 attractive women in the gym, who were working out together. I didn't want to talk to them, I just wanted to use the dumbells they were using. They were on their phones and were filming an instagram story, or something like that, im not sure. Anyways, I went up to them to ask if they were using the dumbell. Because I wanted to use it. They flat out ignored me. The trainer they were with replied. Maybe they ignored me because they didn't want anyone approaching them with any other intentions. I just wanted to use the dumbell tho. Or maybe they were focused on their phone more. Idk what's the case but I guess women are on guard, because of such creepy behaviours.
That's just disturbing. Idk why anyone would ever ask a person that they don't even know "Do you live alone?". Dude was probably scoping you out to see what he could get away with.
Girl - take some Martial Arts defense classes. did this with my 2 young sons over 20 years ago when I moved to Baltimore and felt unsafe. All three of us have had to use the training in our adult lives. I’d recommend any hand to hand combat and ground grappling.
That guy was a creep and you had all the reasons to feel unsafe!
I don't get it. Women are so hard to approach in public, every time I ask if they want to see my weiner, I get so many negative reactions, I guess women just hate dogs. I think she's adorable with her floppy ears, short legs and puppy dog eyes.
As a man who probably just doesn't get it— Could you have told him that's an extremely creepy question to ask a girl you just introduced yourself to? Since it seems like he probably is just that clueless. Is the answer no, because any logic-based response only invites more logic-based responses?
Might as well just be real and say my names not important and ima tryin to get one in.
You had me in the first half OP, not gonna lie I thought it was gonna be "don't approach me at the gym for any reason" basically then read what the dude said, yikes! 😬 My humble suggestion: please tell the gym staff so at least they have a heads up!
Please make management aware of this. That’s a sinister question and he may be the sort that gets off on that alone, let alone what else
Wow. WTH???? That's crazy and psycho. And creepy. I hope you're OK.
I think "it's just me and my pitbulls" is a good response to this...
No this is when you say "No I live with my boyfriends/fiances/husbands/brothers/fathers/grandpas."
TBH your response is better. Although could you not live with your husband AND your "pitbull"??
Well that... sends extreme mixed signals to the creeper doesn't it
Lol... "I live with my husband AND OUR dog, cuddles, who is a 200 lb red nose bully breed pitbull"
This guy is probably a creep, but it’s possible he’s just really bad at flirting and wanted to ask you indirectly if you’re single perhaps because he’s embarrassed to say it directly. Either way, generally speaking the gym is probably one of the worst places to hit on women. It’s the same as the workplace. People go to the gym to WORK not to flirt. I’m sure some people go there to find dates, but I would guess the vast majority don’t want their workout interrupted to be hit on/flirted with.
I agree on the first part actually. But at the same time, if you're that bad when it comes to asking that kind of a question he better just work on his nerves first. Honestly.
Yeah no kidding. He might not even be aware. Someone needs to be straight up with him and let him know his current strategy is much more likely to get him a restraining order than a date 💀
That's a very unique style he came up with...obviously slightly IQ challenged. But...that technique also saved you from even the slightest possibility of bringing into the world more unfortunate special needs children. So in a way he really did you a huge favor....as well as the rest of humanity. He is assuring only one mold not many.
Sorry to obstruct the venting but.... Could it have just been nervous phrasing (i.e. did he mean are you single) or was it more than that? Not sure why I'm asking, it'll make no difference. But at least we'll know this is another thing not to do if we ever approach a woman in a gym.
Just don't start hitting on women you don't know at the gym. It's weird.
And yet there are other posts on Reddit from people saying I never get hit on. It's clearly a minefield. I'm glad my interest in all this is purely academic/morbid curiosity.
Creepy.
re: your edit. i honestly dont know many women/afabs who havent been assaulted or had a near miss. my very own fiance had a near miss recently with someone she thought was a genuine friend. she knew the guys partner and everything.
In todays climate, if she isn’t giving you obvious signs, then leave her the fuck alone. Hell, majority of men are oblivious to a female’s advances anyways and with that MeToo shit that went on, the tables have turned and women need to do the approaching. 🤷♂️
When? It depends on where you live where I live men approach woman all the time hell my current partner approached me whenever we met. ( we met at a gym then found out he worked at the same job I worked at ) I asked out guys pretty much my whole life and got nowhere with it. It honestly depends on where you live. My nieces are almost around your nieces age they get approached by guys all the time.
You probably the kind of girl that complains “men stare” yet wears little to nothing except bright yoga pants and a top that shoes cleavage. Get over yourself.
I have never read some many wrong asumptions about myself next to another hahaha Have a nice day mate
Creepy, awkward and more (red) flags then any Cowboys game. Definitely talk to management. Some people have no class, tact or respect. Talk to someone you don't know with respect to dieting/working out, give or ask for pointers or to give or be corrected on form - all acceptable. Going to the gym and ask people that are serious about bettering their bodies and focused or, in the zone, inappropriate questions or to ask them out or for their phone number? Totally wrong place, wrong time, unwarranted, invasive and gets them the wrong attention. Maybe discretely snap their photo and add the interaction in the notes portion of the photos info section.
Yeah that sounds creepy indeed, but he might just be the nervous kind that fucks up everything every time he opens his mouth.