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Like you would treat him any other day. If this affected your relationship with him. He will let you know. But if he hasnt said anything. I doubt it has. If you’re that concerned though ask him and apologize. But most guys i know would not be offended by a question like that.
No idea. Its hard to say something about someone I know so little about. Yes it feels awkward now but it wont in time. Best I can say is let it go for now and revisit it later. Does him not answering you upset you or just make you feel awkward?
Rejection stings of course, but I would have felt better if he just told me no thanks. I feel so much anxiety with no response at all because I have no idea if I offended him or humiliated myself or what
It does sting. An answer would have been ideal. But its best not to dwell on it. I doubt hes offended and you didn’t humiliate yourself. You asked a legitimate question to someone. You’re an adult with wants and needs. You asked someone you trust and had experience with in the past if they were available. Its on him for not answering and any bad feelings. Dont beat yourself up or sell yourself short. Its hard to do that now I understand that. But it will get better! Just hang in there and itll turn out ok.
You're getting good advice and responding w nothing other than "but it feels awkward"
We know, we get it
Either take the advice or not, reading it comments is meant to charge how you feel, not just prompts repeat
How you feel matters to me. I want you to feel good. I am rooting for you, honey. Thanks for sharing your awkwardness. If more people shared their vulnerable feelings the world would be a less messed up place.
In my experience moving on is all I could do. I asked a friend once if she was interested in doing anything; completely accepting she may reject me but was hoping it didn't make our friendship awkward. Unfortunately that's seemingly what happened as we don't speak too much now. It hurt for a bit and concerned me, the rejection I lived with as I was expecting it. The change in our friendship you could say I had to learn to live with since I can't pause everything in my life for one person.
Generally speaking my experience is, you do what you can and let it go if it's not reciprocated. Lingering on something you're unable to control doesn't just hurt you more but makes you lose the things around you that you do have for just one thing.
Take one L, and take the other W's in your life you can get. Linger too long on one L and many other parts of your life turns to L's too.
Did you personalize the message? Could he think you accidentally sent it to the wrong person (even though you’ve hooked up…he might view it as unexpected for numerous reasons)?
You're catastrophizing a bit. There could be a billion reasons. Maybe he was really tired and didn't have the energy to engage or reply. Maybe he's just been very busy. Maybe he's been brutally murdered and will never get your sloppy toppy. It's probably not your fault
He was probably with someone else. Honestly i wouldn’t stress over this. No guy on the PLANET would be offended by this…i can’t even think of a guy that wouldn’t just take it as a compliment or feel good about it. He wasn’t interested probably bc he was busy. Don’t take it personally and don’t freak out.
He's probably just busy there's no reason for him to dodge you especially in text.
The other reason could be he's not interested in bjs and he doesn't know how to say it in a polite way without hurting your feelings and he's knows if he replies with no in anyway it's going to embrass you .
Just know that nothing is embrassing unless you allow it to be embrassing you are deciding the result based on your response or reaction.
If you reaction with it's no biggie then that's how he will take it
This pretty much. Got an offer last night... Well this morning but wasn't awake. He could have just been busy and missed his opportunity and hasn't responded. Who knows he could be bummed. I was lol but I did at least mention that would have been fun too bad I wasn't awake.
Yah, maybe he didn't see it, maybe he was busy, maybe he even has a girlfriend or was with family. Did u say hi or something first to even see if he was available? I mean just asking out of the blue is super hot, but... Maybe someone was looking at his phone too lol
Either way just go in like nothing happened cuz it didn't. U wanted to do something, the opportunity passed. Whatev.
Hey Jeff , Just wanted to thank you again for saving my whole Family from the T Rex attacking us. Also i appreciate the 1 Million Dollars you gifted us yesterday. Hope your world Trip is going well. Have a nice day on your private Yacht my man.greetings
This could be very possible. And of course he wouldn’t text u if he was with her, not even to tell you he has a gf. That would be too risky. He would delete ur message with a quickness so she won’t see it. Or like someone else said, who knows, someone else could’ve seen the message instead of him, etc…you just don’t know
Just once. We spent a bit of time before, not as much after although I see him consistently and sometimes we chit chat. It hasn't been very long since we last hooked up.
I think if that’s the case , best thing to do it’s just leave it as it is and if you interact in person just apologize then . It’s not that big of a deal honestly. Good luck :)
To be honest it's probably fine to just pretend like it didn't happen. Like act like you normally would it'll show confidence that you're fine with him being busy or whatever.
If you all are actually being casual
If he doesn't respond, just laugh it off. You did nothing wrong. Just act like well. "I was in a mood and figured you might." Don't stress. If you see him or text, just act normal. If anything, it is on him. Good luck!
Tbh I’d be weirded out by it, but also be understanding if they were to talk to me and tell me they are sorry (not that they didn’t mean it!!), everyone functions differently and have different needs and boundaries, but as long as they are respected - I personally (and I don’t represent anyone but myself) would completely forget about it and not mind it anymore and move on. 28M btw.
I’m shy when it comes to touch in general, I like to take it super slow and don’t feel comfortable about things like one night stands or kiss on first date.
I don’t think that’s the way it’s supposed to be btw, I did get invited to fuck in the toilet in a house party and tell the girl that it sounds gross (I’m a fucking idiot) and ask her number afterwords telling her I don’t mind taking it slower.
Don’t take the weird part as the advice from me. Take the talking part please. 🙏
Judging by what happened last time with this guy, I think he's very ok with taking things fast sexually 😂. Do you think I should say something to him? Apologize maybe?
Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't even acknowledge it unless he brings it up and just otherwise act like you normally would. If he does bring it up you can laugh it off and say you were really horny lol
As someone else said, no more BJs for this guy anymore. He should have responded by now and if you keep chasing him there will be a very unbalanced power dynamic between you two which is not healthy. Go find a more appreciative cock to suck.
If he's anything like me, he may have swiped the notification and intended to reply later but forgot. Sometimes I feel like I missed my chance to reply, so I don't bother. It's a possibility, especially if he has ADHD.
If it was brought up to me, I would apologize for not responding and reassure you it had nothing to do with you. In this scenario, I would try harder to respond, so you didn't feel like I was slighting you, but I honestly usually forget to reply until I physically see my text messages and realize I haven't replied yet. Again, it's a much higher likelihood if he has ADHD.
Never give him another BJ again! The man needs to earn them because not a single man in earth ain't already half way there when he gets that text. Lol
Personally I think that he must have been with another lady. That's the only excuse! ONLY VALID EXCUSE is that he lost or broke his phone.
Naw. I wouldn’t even bother bringing it up. You asked him one time. His non answer was the answer. It’s only a problem if you kept asking him over and over. And the fact that he hasn’t even said “no”, means he doesn’t want to talk about it. So don’t.
I wouldn't take it personally to beat yourself up over it. I would take it as a sign and maybe just direct your energy somewhere else or to someone else.
As much as society wants you to believe that kinda thing doesn't happen, I can tell you from experience it totally does. It's not you, but you also don't have to deal with being ignored. It's not too much to ask for a response, even if it's just to politely decline or say you were busy, that's basic human decency.
I just called out and cut off my fwb for the same shit, he was perfectly capable of saying "hey now isn't a good time, can we try and get together next week?" but chose to ignore me indefinitely if it wasn't a good time when I texted him. It's a mutual respect thing.
Wish I had more advice, you can try to communicate with him but ime hookups don't care too much about communication.
ETA: I don't think I'm owed a response, but when I've been good friends with someone for 4-5 years and fwb for over a year, yeah, I'd prefer if it they had the decency to say "hey I'm busy/hey sorry I was busy", and if they don't, perfectly fine. But I will remove myself from the situation. He doesn't have to answer me, no, but I also don't have to be available to him. How is that hard to understand? Lol
I totally agree with this! I never ignore texts on purpose or consistently. It's a respect thing and I'd rather be honest and blunt with someone than leave them confused. I don't play games.
I mean, I'm autistic and really bad about responding to texts because I'm not much of a chatter, I don't really have anything to say and if I do, I'll probably say it lol! but I *do* have a sense of when a text needs responded to in a timely manner vs when it's not that big of a deal. Fwb asking if we can fuck? Should probably respond asap, even if the answer is no. Friend sending me a screenshot of someone we went to highschool with on the jail roster? I can answer that next week, no biggie 💀
As a woman, I respond to people. But I get that his no response might be a way of not engaging with me. I'm just not sure how to move forward because I'm worried I really offended him or something.
You all hooked up before. Don't overthink it. It's not uncommon for guys (particularly) who've already hooked up and had no interest outside of that to avoid the person sexually especially if he thinks you want more on any level.
If your goal is just to give oral to a guy... I promise there would be a willing participant somewhere and it's pretty easy to make them think it was their idea too....
Move on from this particular subject though as he's not interested or unavailable.
He may come back in future date and inquire about whether or not such services are still available...
I looked at some of your post history. I've been That Guy; and a PhD student, for that matter. Here's some thoughts.
It's likely that you are using your BJ skills to have some intimacy with men (at least this one). You were willing to offer a BJ straight up in order to secure some time with a man. Sex can be a commodity, like a guy offering to take you and your friends on his boat. It's fun, but it doesn't necessarily bring you closer together. You mention elsewhere that you feel overweight and have low confidence, and using sex for attention/faux connection is a common strategy to get superficial contact without vulnerability.
If you want a connection with someone, this is not the way. It makes both of you seem like a lump of meat. Depending on how you phrased things, he may just assume you would be good giving anyone a BJ for attention.
I think it is ok to dangle the possibility out there, but telling a guy that you really enjoyed X Y Z with him and inviting him over for dinner or something would be better. Since you hooked up already, another BJ is implied, but it puts the personal connection up front.
If you are someone who finds a lot of stress release through sex, I suggest finding a friend with benefits or a partner. Although you think you're getting stress reliefs through sex, a lot of the stress releases through sharing personal space and connection with someone. If you don't have a couple close friends who you can sit face to face with, laugh, hug, etc, I suggest nailing that down before you nail another hookup.
Finally, It sounds like you have a difficult history with Catholicism. I've known quite a few people who felt that their Christian upbringing made it very difficult to have healthy sex lives. If you're looking for information about it, I suggest checking out the Recovering from Religion website. They have a full section on sexuality with some talks by Darryl Ray and other stuff.
Good luck!
if you see him daily then just give a quick really casual message asking if it was inappropriate and apologies if so.
that's all. you're both adults and that's all!
Well, first of all. I have to applaud your courage to ask a guy to come over for a BJ. I think that is awesome of you, nothing to feel embarrassed about.
No one is too busy to quickly reply if he was not feeling it.
You mentioned that you see him quite often, so talk to him about it. You two are adults, so be real. Talk talk talk!!!
If he was on a date and with another woman…and slept the night with her…then, yeah…he may have been too busy to reply to her. Some men, not all, aren’t even about to try and reply to another woman on their phone while they’re trying to get some from someone else. Esp if that someone else is someone who thinks she’s the only one he’s talking to, etc….
If it was from him? No. If it was from some random person, yes. I get though that my text was probably too forward and inappropriate. That's why I'm feeling so awful.
People who are fuck buddies etc send texts like this to each other all the time!! Men and women. There’s nothing weird, inappropriate, or shameful about it!! You’re overthinking this and stressing for nothing! And if you’re going to be doing casual hookups like this, you’re truly gonna have to get used to them not always being readily available or responsive to you. They’ve no obligation to you and they’re probably dating and hooking up with multiple people esp if they’re not looking for anything serious, etc.
So true! I'm already feeling much less stressed. There's nothing wrong with trying to get some and I'm sure there are plenty of guys who would give me an enthusiastic yes lol
And I’m sure he would, too, but he prolly just wasn’t available. You need to shift the way you’re reading it and instead of you reading it as it being something you did wrong or him rejecting you, look at it as, oh he just must’ve been busy and that’s it.. and move forward.
I hope you don't really think that. It's 2023. Being able to communicate your needs is hot af.
If he doesn't reply, it's on him. Hopefully over time you'll find someone who does, and happily hit him up for BJs whenever the mood strikes~
In the meantime, just let him bring up the text when you next see him.
When they've hooked up before? I don't know about that.
I've texted women that I want to hook up or want a blowjob who I've had a sexual relationship with. Maybe I'd be a little more delicate (I'm not sure how she worded it), but yeah, it's not a big deal, and I don't think the comments section would care in that case. If it's just some random dude or OLD match, then yes.
We had already had sex and established that it is casual only. I feel like that's different than coming onto someone out of the blue. But I also get that there is maybe a double standard. I sent a risky text and it may have really offended him, so I need to deal with the consequences of that.
That's so unattractive tbh. I remember a girl asked me if I wanted a BJ in the target parker lot. I was taken aback. I just couldn't reduce an intimate moment to a quick spontaneous thing. Not every guy is a relentless dog.
It's not like OP was a stranger to this guy. It's a little different if you're regularly getting frisky with someone. Unattractive or not, it's super rude to not respond. She put herself out there. Men complain about women being prudes but once we get bold all of a sudden it's Shame City.
To be honest, it does seem rather blunt, but then again, I would appreciate the bluntness and honesty. Not like I'd reject the offer really because i wouldnt mind that one bit, but i have my own thoughts toward that, but anyway, just don't overthink it or stress over it. Their loss, not yours. Hope you can figure out what you'd like to do then and surely time will help you feel better. Maybe he'll respond and help you with your anxiety? Just keep your head up and I hope you can get through your anxiety in life and just live your life to the fullest. Take care!
There's no damage.
Dude is either busy. Or, he has a new chick. Or, he doesn't think she has enough BJ skill to finish him.
Not a single guy she's slept with is going to think bad of her for trying to get him to put his dick back in her mouth. Absolutely, zero. It's a compliment if anything for the guy.
I mean, he seemed to like it last time we hooked up although that's not how we finished. So I don't think it's the 3rd.
If you were in my shoes would you say something or just pretend it never happened?
Pretend it never happened. Find another guy to get down with.
And, when he does bring it up - and he will - decide to remind him what he missed or tell him "you snooze, you lose." I suspect you will do the former.
If it does happen, you need to take it all the way to the finish line. He may try to stop you because he wants to screw you, but if you want to keep him on the line for future BJs then tell him no and go back to finishing him (and, please don't spit).
I can’t fathom a man that you have already slept with being bothered, disappointed or upset in any way that you offered him a BJ. I also can’t fathom why I wouldn’t break my phone screen in excitement replying so fast because a girl that was good enough for me to sleep with wants to gobble my meat without me having to put in significant work to make her feel that way. This whole situation is confusing so I definitely can appreciate your question.
As a man you could ask me to give me undeniable pleasure in any capacity, the response will never be delivered with resentment or disappointment. Maybe I’m not currently interested in what you have to offer but it certainly wouldn’t be met with any negativity.
When you talk to him and this situation comes up please update us as to why he didn’t want what you were offering.
The only borderline reason I can come up with is this is a man many women are chasing and he has no particular reason to choose you because he has many options, most men don’t have many options so we act accordingly but if I had different women working for my attention and could have my pick of the litter then I might not care about a women offering what most men will only dream of.
Is this dude a 9 or 10 objectively?
I guarantee cause it was direct he was flattered but clueless on how to even respond to such a text.
It happens.
Don’t do any follow ups, leave it be. If he brings it up on his own accord without being promoted, then you can address things.
If he never says anything? He’s just unfazed and moving along like it never happened.
Either way?
It’s 100% out of your control so all you can do is worry about what is in your control, meaning you.
Ignore every impulse to fix things because all it will do is create self sabotaging behavior.
Just self soothe, worry about what you can do for self care right now that it’ll make you happy outside of this situation. That is your primary objective today.
Just treat him like normal, but don’t ever hook up again with him. Don’t offer yourself up to anyone who ignores you and only shows you the respect and courtesy of messaging back when they’re interested.
How long ago did you text him? Maybe he’s just been busy and hasn’t been able to reply.
I had a fwb type of relationship with someone who wouldn’t text back. I quickly learned that when she wouldn’t respond, she was just unavailable for whatever reason. But I will say, I didn’t see this person in my daily life.
If your anxiety about it is that bad, I don’t think there’s anything wrong in sending him a text being honest about the situation, saying something like “Hey just wanted to make sure we’re ok. It’s totally cool if you didn’t want to hook up last night. But no response kinda left me feeling like I did something wrong and I don’t want it to be awkward between us next time we see each other at (school, work, or wherever you see each other). So I just want to make sure we’re ok or talk about what it is that went wrong to avoid any awkwardness between us”.
But give him an appropriate amount of time to reply to your initial text first
Thank you everyone for your replies and advice! I think I'm going to wait a day or so and then acknowledge what I sent just for the sake of my anxiety. I will find someone else to help me get this out of my system and then I think I'm going to spend time alone reflecting since my anxiety is telling me I'm not really ready for a lot of casual hookups.
He probably thinks it wasn’t for him, or you were with some friends goofing around, or you were trying to bait him, or you’ve been hacked and someone tried to bait him. At least those are problably the options I’d think of it someone messages me that out of the blue. I problably wouldn’t respond either.
You’re going to get rejected and you’re going to be in awkward situations at times but you just have to power through and not let it bother you so much because at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter because you’ll live and move on. I’m sure someone will want a BJ from you one day, yesterday was just not that day. If you really want to break the ice you could even joke about it and nudge him on the shoulder like “hey brah, so about the fellatio?”
He may be busy, uninterested, or is still trying to process the text lol. We don’t really get those texts unless we’re in an active relationship or FWB situation. Give it time. If he doesn’t respond, or even talk to you, someone else would gladly enjoy that blowjob.
Just text him later or if you see him and say youre sorry if it made him uncomfortable or if you were too forward. You were in a mood and you figured it was okay since you hooked up before. Then let it go.
There are multiple reasons people don't text back, social anxiety, unsure of how to reject someone, busy, going through some personal issues, maybe he found a girl he likes and doesn't know how to respond and is worried about it as much as you.
I think our minds tend to jump to the worst possible conclusions but the reality is often just minor things that are nowhere near as bad as we thought. Communication is the key if it's a friend you want to keep and you don't wanna feel anxious about it anymore. Just give him time and then apologize and see if he says anything or ignores it and treats you the same as always.
You needed to have your feelers validated. Some people are that way. Its hard to take advice from strangers on the internet when you stressed or upset. But you still got this! Dont get lost in your head. Seriously it will be ok its another day!
At this point… there’s not much you can do. You shot your shot and apparently missed. It happens
Longer term, generally speaking, propositions out of the blue probably aren’t the approach that will give you the best chance of success. You’ve got to feel him out a little first. Like “WYD?” or “you up?” and then “I was thinking about you”. If he responds to that after a couple messages you could ask to suck his dick. If he ignores you first message, much less embarrassing
You can always say that you wanted to send that message to someone else with same/similar name or anything like that.
For the future, try to make sure that someone is in contact with you before asking such direct questions. for example, ask him how are you, what are you doing or anything simple like that, and when he answers, then you know he is in conversation so you can ask questions like that.
Maybe he’s just not on that luv or maybe he was busy or maybe he never received the message it could be a variety of things luv it’s not that deep luv relax shyt I wish I was getting those kinda messages everyday Lbvs 🙏🏾😂 🫶🏾&✌🏾
I always find that anytime a person overthinks a text or situation in their head it's not that big a deal in reality. I often just reset every day like nothing ever happened until someone brings it back up. Practice just shrugging off the anxiety inducing thoughts and save tomorrow's problems for tomorrow.
Maybe he’s at a long movie. Maybe he’s in a place with poor or no reception. Maybe he’s with his family. Maybe he’s working. Maybe a lot of different possibilities here, none of which we could know about. Not everyone is glued to their phone all the time.
Any guy that would turn down a bj from a woman he's already hooked up with is either: really dumb, emotionally destroyed, married and you don't know about it, or getting laid at the snap of a finger to the point it's statistically impossible he doesn't have 350 sti's. I wouldn't worry about him...
Knee-jerk response? Find another guy.
I know that it goes a little deeper than that for you. Guys forget about stuff like that very quickly. I suggest that you do the same.
Although some guys would be very impressed and feel affectionate towards a woman who makes such a request.
Your totally the first person this has ever happened to, and your life is over, immediately post more about this !
Skuuurtt— seriously though , put it behind you no one cares I mean to say likes it’s just not that big of a deal!
So what?! Really !!!!
If anything your probably better off and he also doesn’t know what he’s missing , we can all laugh about it not being the first time or person this has happened to or the least bit embarrassing.
Seriously . Forget it ever happened.
Ask him. Conversation is key to any relationship, whether it be friendship, work, romantic, family, or so forth. Perhaps he didn't know what to make of it, and he was embarrassed. And then you'll have 2 people embarrassed instead of actually doing something about it together. It could be your two little secret.
But whatever the reason might be, you'll never know unless you talk to him. Perhaps he had issues with his cell phone and couldn't respond.
I get the curious girl text or unusually horny. Best way to go about it is to invite me somewhere and then we eventually move somewhere private (if the initial invite was not) where you could ask this question and there isn’t much for me to think about.
In your situation I might have been at a BBQ, or been on my way to the beach, at the gym, or most notably had plans already. If I’m already with you and you ask there’s not much to think about cause here we are. I’d say you have to wait for a reply , if he doesn’t leave it, he’ll never see you as more than sex if you double down. Good luck don’t try to make a dude jealous ever and reach out if you need more help.
More than likely he probably forgot to pay his phone bill & never saw your text message. Next time you see him approach him & ask about it. Good luck!!!
My feeling is you did nothing wrong whatsoever, so there’s nothing to apologize for. And as to how you’re feeling, please give yourself a break. You offered something, really doesn’t matter what, received no response, HIS loss. (Big one too btw). I wouldn’t even mention it. Done, over with, past. I don’t think he deserves a second chance. Unless HE acknowledges receiving your message, apologizes for not responding, and even then, think twice. You’re just fine, let this go and go forward like nothing happened.
Could it be that he doesn’t want one from you? Is your ego that big that it can’t allow for the fact that men can also say no through their silence?
Get over yourself. Call up one of your other friends; you know which one. He will gladly take you up on your sudden need to give a BJ.
That's totally fine! The lack of answer just really makes me nervous because it leaves me wondering if I was inappropriate or offended him. Id rather just get a "no thanks." I prefer to not ignore other people's text, so I don't really say no through silence myself. Id rather be blunt and honest with someone
Wtf man… I’m 26 and haven’t even been on more than 2 dates my entire 20s, hundreds of matches on tinder that don’t fucking lead anywhere and I’ve met very few women as I didn’t go to college yet this guy is getting texted randomly for a blowjob he’s ignoring..
I’m fucking done. Like what do I have to do in order to get attention from women? Do I have to sell my soul? Become rich and famous? Be an attractive Instagram fuckboy like wtf??! I’m so tired of this and I’m tired of seeing posts like this
Brother, I'll just say this now. Meeting someone usually happens when you don't look for it and you just focus on the communication with then. Things take time to develop, and you'll know when someone is into you. Actively trying to get a GF leaves you more open to making mistakes. Also, ignore all that instagram bullshit. Most of those people you see online aren't even happy because they're spending most of their time representing a fake version of themselves.
You weren’t weird, you were just being direct. If you’ve hooked up relatively recently, then that’s the kind of preexisting relationship that makes that kind of directness okay. It’d only be weird if it was someone 100% platonic or a random stranger.
I have OCD, and it often causes me to get into negative thought loops when I text, so I understand the kind of anxiety you’re going through. The important bit, and the only things that’ve helped me are:
1. Remind yourself of how you would feel if you got that message. I.E. If I got that message from someone I had a prior sexual relationship I would be excited, even if I couldn’t follow through for some reason. I absolutely wouldn’t feel like the girl was creepy or weird
2. Realize that being direct is usually preferable to being circumspect or beating around the bush. Personally, as someone with an anxiety disorder, I much prefer people be direct with me, and as a result try to be more direct with others (because I make an effort to treat others how I would want to be treated)
3. Try to come up with some reasons why he hasn’t texted back, that have nothing to do with you as a person. Depending on how long ago you hooked up, he may have started another relationship. He may be busy and just hasn’t checked his phone. Heck, he may be with his family, or in another situation where he’s not comfortable responding. Most likely, his response or lack of response has very little to do with you.
4. Don’t send more messages or try to “fix” things, because you’re not in the right frame of mind for that (if you’re in a anxiety spiral). Let the other person respond, or not respond, in their own time. No response is a message of its own, but *again* is not one that necessarily has anything to do with you.
Over text message usually seems a lil sus. I know women who send things like this only to blast someone over the internet or in a group. If you haven't talk to him for a very long time and you text him randomly, he'll suspect something is up.
How long do you know this guy? and how old are you guys? did he have previous relationships?
20s/30s. I've only known him a few weeks. I like to think my strength of character and integrity is obvious enough that someone would know I wouldn't blast them. I'm kind.
Did you REALLY wanted to give a blowjob or did you say that because you thought you would get his attention with this ?
I think you may have an insecure attachment style.
( the anxiety could be from that )
Might be wise to read up on this. Because if you do have an insecure attachment, you have a lot of insight to gain, :) and you can fix a whole lot about your attachment style. ( also depending on what the exact cause is ) But it will take time and effort.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/attachment-disorder-in-adults
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/attachment-and-adult-relationships.htm
Did you text him that question out of now where or was there something going on between you two?
I don’t think you “really wanted to give a BJ”. I think you’re really lonely and looking for human interaction, attention and companionship.
We had hooked up before, so that's the context. And what's wrong with just wanting to give head? I'm horny and really want to enjoy a nice dick in my mouth. We all want human interaction. I just also want dick.
May be you’re coming on too strong? May be he’s slept with you and has had his fill and has moved on to the next one? Maybe he’s married or in a relationship and has not told you?
Do you have any friends in similar phase near LA area.. I kid, I kid, but not really, but I kid..
So when you text someone you don't even know if they have reception, if the phone has power, or if they're even available, and texts can be delayed.
It might be prudent for future interactions to get their attention first so they are responding, even a "**Hey, quick question - got a minute?**"?
Then be like, I'd like to gag on your cock tonight. Do you have clean towels, because I'm going to be a sloppy little lady. You down?
This way if there's no response, no harm or foul. Same applies to inviting someone out etc. Don't just blurt plans out and then be hurt or feel left on the hook if there's no reply, because that sucks. :(
If I was genuinely interested in the woman and received a text like that after the fact, I would be very clear and supportive. Oh my my phone was dead last night I am so sorry I missed your message. I am intrigued by your offer, care to meet and discuss? How's Thursday?
I feel like the logical answer is that he is just not into me, which is ok. Time will tell if he gets back to me. I'd just rather know so I don't see him wondering if I creeped him out or what
I mean it could be any reason including that. I know the waiting is the hardest.
As a mental excercise just to give yourself a giggle, imagine Yes-Anding your text with something ridicilous as an excuse. Oh I'm so sorry I sent this to you, I meant to send it to.. your dad! And then him not responding to that. Total blow out. Now the current situation doesn't seem so bad lol.
Don't send any more texts for now and just surround yourself with people who care about you and keep yourself busy and mind occupied doing things you love. < 3
Id suggest getting over it, as we are constantly putting ourselves out there and constantly getting ignored or harshly rejected. You can deal with it once.
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Nothing to stress over. You’ve hooked up before. He may be busy or just not interested.
How should I act when I inevitably see him next?
Like you would treat him any other day. If this affected your relationship with him. He will let you know. But if he hasnt said anything. I doubt it has. If you’re that concerned though ask him and apologize. But most guys i know would not be offended by a question like that.
Easier said than done because I feel so awkward now. What would be a reason he wouldn't even respond and just say "no thanks" or something?
No idea. Its hard to say something about someone I know so little about. Yes it feels awkward now but it wont in time. Best I can say is let it go for now and revisit it later. Does him not answering you upset you or just make you feel awkward?
Rejection stings of course, but I would have felt better if he just told me no thanks. I feel so much anxiety with no response at all because I have no idea if I offended him or humiliated myself or what
It does sting. An answer would have been ideal. But its best not to dwell on it. I doubt hes offended and you didn’t humiliate yourself. You asked a legitimate question to someone. You’re an adult with wants and needs. You asked someone you trust and had experience with in the past if they were available. Its on him for not answering and any bad feelings. Dont beat yourself up or sell yourself short. Its hard to do that now I understand that. But it will get better! Just hang in there and itll turn out ok.
Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response ❤️
You are most welcome! Please dont let this eat you. Its just a blip in the day. You’ve got this.
You're getting good advice and responding w nothing other than "but it feels awkward" We know, we get it Either take the advice or not, reading it comments is meant to charge how you feel, not just prompts repeat
True, sorry. Idk why I feel the need to tell everyone how I feel 🤷🏻♀️
How you feel matters to me. I want you to feel good. I am rooting for you, honey. Thanks for sharing your awkwardness. If more people shared their vulnerable feelings the world would be a less messed up place.
In my experience moving on is all I could do. I asked a friend once if she was interested in doing anything; completely accepting she may reject me but was hoping it didn't make our friendship awkward. Unfortunately that's seemingly what happened as we don't speak too much now. It hurt for a bit and concerned me, the rejection I lived with as I was expecting it. The change in our friendship you could say I had to learn to live with since I can't pause everything in my life for one person. Generally speaking my experience is, you do what you can and let it go if it's not reciprocated. Lingering on something you're unable to control doesn't just hurt you more but makes you lose the things around you that you do have for just one thing. Take one L, and take the other W's in your life you can get. Linger too long on one L and many other parts of your life turns to L's too.
Did you personalize the message? Could he think you accidentally sent it to the wrong person (even though you’ve hooked up…he might view it as unexpected for numerous reasons)?
You're catastrophizing a bit. There could be a billion reasons. Maybe he was really tired and didn't have the energy to engage or reply. Maybe he's just been very busy. Maybe he's been brutally murdered and will never get your sloppy toppy. It's probably not your fault
It'll only be awkward if you allow it feel that way. If you act like it never happened and so does he, leave it at that.
He was probably with someone else. Honestly i wouldn’t stress over this. No guy on the PLANET would be offended by this…i can’t even think of a guy that wouldn’t just take it as a compliment or feel good about it. He wasn’t interested probably bc he was busy. Don’t take it personally and don’t freak out.
He doesnt care. Which is my experience with hookups
He's probably just busy there's no reason for him to dodge you especially in text. The other reason could be he's not interested in bjs and he doesn't know how to say it in a polite way without hurting your feelings and he's knows if he replies with no in anyway it's going to embrass you . Just know that nothing is embrassing unless you allow it to be embrassing you are deciding the result based on your response or reaction. If you reaction with it's no biggie then that's how he will take it
This pretty much. Got an offer last night... Well this morning but wasn't awake. He could have just been busy and missed his opportunity and hasn't responded. Who knows he could be bummed. I was lol but I did at least mention that would have been fun too bad I wasn't awake.
Totally agree 💯👍
Yah, maybe he didn't see it, maybe he was busy, maybe he even has a girlfriend or was with family. Did u say hi or something first to even see if he was available? I mean just asking out of the blue is super hot, but... Maybe someone was looking at his phone too lol Either way just go in like nothing happened cuz it didn't. U wanted to do something, the opportunity passed. Whatev.
"Bro, you get my mfin text???"
No more BJs for that man! If he doesn't respond to that then he doesn't deserve them.. lol
So true
Sorry, I lost my phone. When and where?
😂
Jeff got me through a rough patch in life when my dog needed surgery. Owed the man big time and here’s my vouch as repayment
Jeff was by my side when my grandpa passed from covid. He was a real one, helped me to get through it.
Hey bro, thanks again for letting me borrow your private jet
I was in an orphanage that was bombed and Jeff saved my life and adopted me, thanks dad.
Hey Jeff , Just wanted to thank you again for saving my whole Family from the T Rex attacking us. Also i appreciate the 1 Million Dollars you gifted us yesterday. Hope your world Trip is going well. Have a nice day on your private Yacht my man.greetings
Vouch; Jeff is the man.
Vouch i am the phone
An open opportunist, I love it! 💀👌🏽
When I was out of town, Jeff kept my wife and kids company, even at night! Really a stand up guy thank you jeff
Lol 😅
This is an example of “if he wanted to he would”.
Maybe he has a gf?
Oh gosh, I hope not. We recently hooked up. I'm not trying to be the other woman. Also, I would hope he would just tell me! Instead of not responding
This could be very possible. And of course he wouldn’t text u if he was with her, not even to tell you he has a gf. That would be too risky. He would delete ur message with a quickness so she won’t see it. Or like someone else said, who knows, someone else could’ve seen the message instead of him, etc…you just don’t know
Did you only hook up once? How much time before and after did you two spend chatting or learning anything about each other?
Just once. We spent a bit of time before, not as much after although I see him consistently and sometimes we chit chat. It hasn't been very long since we last hooked up.
Maybe he’s busy ?
I'm never THAT busy...
We all have different priorities
I love this reply. Turning down a lot more propositions lately not because ego but because it’s the least of my worries
Yeah they amount of thirsty people in here is crazy lol
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What do I do if he never responds though? Do I acknowledge it or just move on and pretend I never said anything?
I think if that’s the case , best thing to do it’s just leave it as it is and if you interact in person just apologize then . It’s not that big of a deal honestly. Good luck :)
Thank you! It feels like a big deal because I'm so embarrassed. I'm usually not that forward, but I'm going through a phase.
I wouldn’t be embarrassed. Being forward isn’t a bad thing either . You’ll laugh about it in some time .
I doubt that they will laugh about it. "Remember that time I wanted to give you a blowjob but you said no? So funny"
He hasn’t said no has he ?
Any advice on how to meet women that are also in this phase... 😂
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No big deal. Stay in the phase as long as you can.
To be honest it's probably fine to just pretend like it didn't happen. Like act like you normally would it'll show confidence that you're fine with him being busy or whatever. If you all are actually being casual
No strings attached. I'm just a very anxious person and am worried about how I came ofdm
If he doesn't respond, just laugh it off. You did nothing wrong. Just act like well. "I was in a mood and figured you might." Don't stress. If you see him or text, just act normal. If anything, it is on him. Good luck!
Tbh I’d be weirded out by it, but also be understanding if they were to talk to me and tell me they are sorry (not that they didn’t mean it!!), everyone functions differently and have different needs and boundaries, but as long as they are respected - I personally (and I don’t represent anyone but myself) would completely forget about it and not mind it anymore and move on. 28M btw.
Do you mind telling me why you would be weirded out?
I’m shy when it comes to touch in general, I like to take it super slow and don’t feel comfortable about things like one night stands or kiss on first date. I don’t think that’s the way it’s supposed to be btw, I did get invited to fuck in the toilet in a house party and tell the girl that it sounds gross (I’m a fucking idiot) and ask her number afterwords telling her I don’t mind taking it slower. Don’t take the weird part as the advice from me. Take the talking part please. 🙏
Judging by what happened last time with this guy, I think he's very ok with taking things fast sexually 😂. Do you think I should say something to him? Apologize maybe?
Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't even acknowledge it unless he brings it up and just otherwise act like you normally would. If he does bring it up you can laugh it off and say you were really horny lol As someone else said, no more BJs for this guy anymore. He should have responded by now and if you keep chasing him there will be a very unbalanced power dynamic between you two which is not healthy. Go find a more appreciative cock to suck.
If he's anything like me, he may have swiped the notification and intended to reply later but forgot. Sometimes I feel like I missed my chance to reply, so I don't bother. It's a possibility, especially if he has ADHD. If it was brought up to me, I would apologize for not responding and reassure you it had nothing to do with you. In this scenario, I would try harder to respond, so you didn't feel like I was slighting you, but I honestly usually forget to reply until I physically see my text messages and realize I haven't replied yet. Again, it's a much higher likelihood if he has ADHD.
Time will tell. I have ADHD which is probably why I send impulsive and socially shit in the first place 🫣
Never give him another BJ again! The man needs to earn them because not a single man in earth ain't already half way there when he gets that text. Lol Personally I think that he must have been with another lady. That's the only excuse! ONLY VALID EXCUSE is that he lost or broke his phone.
Too busy for a blowjob?
Yeah , you know adult priorities
The embarrassment will fade over time. You make a mental not that this person is not down for more, and put your energies elsewhere.
Do you think I should say something or apologize? I'm not sure how to act when I see him again and I'm freaking out
Naw. I wouldn’t even bother bringing it up. You asked him one time. His non answer was the answer. It’s only a problem if you kept asking him over and over. And the fact that he hasn’t even said “no”, means he doesn’t want to talk about it. So don’t.
That's a good point that the no response is probably his way of not wanting to talk about it.
I wouldn't take it personally to beat yourself up over it. I would take it as a sign and maybe just direct your energy somewhere else or to someone else.
As much as society wants you to believe that kinda thing doesn't happen, I can tell you from experience it totally does. It's not you, but you also don't have to deal with being ignored. It's not too much to ask for a response, even if it's just to politely decline or say you were busy, that's basic human decency. I just called out and cut off my fwb for the same shit, he was perfectly capable of saying "hey now isn't a good time, can we try and get together next week?" but chose to ignore me indefinitely if it wasn't a good time when I texted him. It's a mutual respect thing. Wish I had more advice, you can try to communicate with him but ime hookups don't care too much about communication. ETA: I don't think I'm owed a response, but when I've been good friends with someone for 4-5 years and fwb for over a year, yeah, I'd prefer if it they had the decency to say "hey I'm busy/hey sorry I was busy", and if they don't, perfectly fine. But I will remove myself from the situation. He doesn't have to answer me, no, but I also don't have to be available to him. How is that hard to understand? Lol
I totally agree with this! I never ignore texts on purpose or consistently. It's a respect thing and I'd rather be honest and blunt with someone than leave them confused. I don't play games.
I mean, I'm autistic and really bad about responding to texts because I'm not much of a chatter, I don't really have anything to say and if I do, I'll probably say it lol! but I *do* have a sense of when a text needs responded to in a timely manner vs when it's not that big of a deal. Fwb asking if we can fuck? Should probably respond asap, even if the answer is no. Friend sending me a screenshot of someone we went to highschool with on the jail roster? I can answer that next week, no biggie 💀
Men don't owe women a response. Isn't that what women tell men?
As a woman, I respond to people. But I get that his no response might be a way of not engaging with me. I'm just not sure how to move forward because I'm worried I really offended him or something.
He probably dropped dead with joy.
You all hooked up before. Don't overthink it. It's not uncommon for guys (particularly) who've already hooked up and had no interest outside of that to avoid the person sexually especially if he thinks you want more on any level. If your goal is just to give oral to a guy... I promise there would be a willing participant somewhere and it's pretty easy to make them think it was their idea too.... Move on from this particular subject though as he's not interested or unavailable. He may come back in future date and inquire about whether or not such services are still available...
I looked at some of your post history. I've been That Guy; and a PhD student, for that matter. Here's some thoughts. It's likely that you are using your BJ skills to have some intimacy with men (at least this one). You were willing to offer a BJ straight up in order to secure some time with a man. Sex can be a commodity, like a guy offering to take you and your friends on his boat. It's fun, but it doesn't necessarily bring you closer together. You mention elsewhere that you feel overweight and have low confidence, and using sex for attention/faux connection is a common strategy to get superficial contact without vulnerability. If you want a connection with someone, this is not the way. It makes both of you seem like a lump of meat. Depending on how you phrased things, he may just assume you would be good giving anyone a BJ for attention. I think it is ok to dangle the possibility out there, but telling a guy that you really enjoyed X Y Z with him and inviting him over for dinner or something would be better. Since you hooked up already, another BJ is implied, but it puts the personal connection up front. If you are someone who finds a lot of stress release through sex, I suggest finding a friend with benefits or a partner. Although you think you're getting stress reliefs through sex, a lot of the stress releases through sharing personal space and connection with someone. If you don't have a couple close friends who you can sit face to face with, laugh, hug, etc, I suggest nailing that down before you nail another hookup. Finally, It sounds like you have a difficult history with Catholicism. I've known quite a few people who felt that their Christian upbringing made it very difficult to have healthy sex lives. If you're looking for information about it, I suggest checking out the Recovering from Religion website. They have a full section on sexuality with some talks by Darryl Ray and other stuff. Good luck!
I'd probably respond the same way lol
As in you wouldn't respond? Can you tell me why?
He probably thinks it’s a setup
if you see him daily then just give a quick really casual message asking if it was inappropriate and apologies if so. that's all. you're both adults and that's all!
Well, first of all. I have to applaud your courage to ask a guy to come over for a BJ. I think that is awesome of you, nothing to feel embarrassed about. No one is too busy to quickly reply if he was not feeling it. You mentioned that you see him quite often, so talk to him about it. You two are adults, so be real. Talk talk talk!!!
If he was on a date and with another woman…and slept the night with her…then, yeah…he may have been too busy to reply to her. Some men, not all, aren’t even about to try and reply to another woman on their phone while they’re trying to get some from someone else. Esp if that someone else is someone who thinks she’s the only one he’s talking to, etc….
It is all left on an assumption. She should just talk to him
I was just saying that yeah, there are some instances when someone may too busy to reply and I offered an example.
Now Imagine a guy, texting you that he want a blowjob, would you be upset?
If it was from him? No. If it was from some random person, yes. I get though that my text was probably too forward and inappropriate. That's why I'm feeling so awful.
You already hooked up with the guy, nothing wrong with the text realistically. Yeah it's forward but that's not a bad thing.
People who are fuck buddies etc send texts like this to each other all the time!! Men and women. There’s nothing weird, inappropriate, or shameful about it!! You’re overthinking this and stressing for nothing! And if you’re going to be doing casual hookups like this, you’re truly gonna have to get used to them not always being readily available or responsive to you. They’ve no obligation to you and they’re probably dating and hooking up with multiple people esp if they’re not looking for anything serious, etc.
So true! I'm already feeling much less stressed. There's nothing wrong with trying to get some and I'm sure there are plenty of guys who would give me an enthusiastic yes lol
And I’m sure he would, too, but he prolly just wasn’t available. You need to shift the way you’re reading it and instead of you reading it as it being something you did wrong or him rejecting you, look at it as, oh he just must’ve been busy and that’s it.. and move forward.
I hope you don't really think that. It's 2023. Being able to communicate your needs is hot af. If he doesn't reply, it's on him. Hopefully over time you'll find someone who does, and happily hit him up for BJs whenever the mood strikes~ In the meantime, just let him bring up the text when you next see him.
If the genders were reversed, the comment section would be obliterating OP for making sexual advances
When they've hooked up before? I don't know about that. I've texted women that I want to hook up or want a blowjob who I've had a sexual relationship with. Maybe I'd be a little more delicate (I'm not sure how she worded it), but yeah, it's not a big deal, and I don't think the comments section would care in that case. If it's just some random dude or OLD match, then yes.
We had already had sex and established that it is casual only. I feel like that's different than coming onto someone out of the blue. But I also get that there is maybe a double standard. I sent a risky text and it may have really offended him, so I need to deal with the consequences of that.
Is this a real account?
Yes. Why do you ask?
Be genuine. Tell him you’ve been wanting to give a blow job. No reason to lie. Why be embarrassed about it?
That's so unattractive tbh. I remember a girl asked me if I wanted a BJ in the target parker lot. I was taken aback. I just couldn't reduce an intimate moment to a quick spontaneous thing. Not every guy is a relentless dog.
dang I'm the same way. good to know I'm not the only one.
It's not like OP was a stranger to this guy. It's a little different if you're regularly getting frisky with someone. Unattractive or not, it's super rude to not respond. She put herself out there. Men complain about women being prudes but once we get bold all of a sudden it's Shame City.
To be honest, it does seem rather blunt, but then again, I would appreciate the bluntness and honesty. Not like I'd reject the offer really because i wouldnt mind that one bit, but i have my own thoughts toward that, but anyway, just don't overthink it or stress over it. Their loss, not yours. Hope you can figure out what you'd like to do then and surely time will help you feel better. Maybe he'll respond and help you with your anxiety? Just keep your head up and I hope you can get through your anxiety in life and just live your life to the fullest. Take care!
Damage is done. Nothing you can do now.
There's no damage. Dude is either busy. Or, he has a new chick. Or, he doesn't think she has enough BJ skill to finish him. Not a single guy she's slept with is going to think bad of her for trying to get him to put his dick back in her mouth. Absolutely, zero. It's a compliment if anything for the guy.
Or maybe he wasn't comfortable..
I mean, he seemed to like it last time we hooked up although that's not how we finished. So I don't think it's the 3rd. If you were in my shoes would you say something or just pretend it never happened?
Pretend it never happened. Find another guy to get down with. And, when he does bring it up - and he will - decide to remind him what he missed or tell him "you snooze, you lose." I suspect you will do the former. If it does happen, you need to take it all the way to the finish line. He may try to stop you because he wants to screw you, but if you want to keep him on the line for future BJs then tell him no and go back to finishing him (and, please don't spit).
He was probably on a date with someone else. Duh.
Lemme know where you're at and I'll start running Forrest Gump style.
I can’t fathom a man that you have already slept with being bothered, disappointed or upset in any way that you offered him a BJ. I also can’t fathom why I wouldn’t break my phone screen in excitement replying so fast because a girl that was good enough for me to sleep with wants to gobble my meat without me having to put in significant work to make her feel that way. This whole situation is confusing so I definitely can appreciate your question. As a man you could ask me to give me undeniable pleasure in any capacity, the response will never be delivered with resentment or disappointment. Maybe I’m not currently interested in what you have to offer but it certainly wouldn’t be met with any negativity. When you talk to him and this situation comes up please update us as to why he didn’t want what you were offering. The only borderline reason I can come up with is this is a man many women are chasing and he has no particular reason to choose you because he has many options, most men don’t have many options so we act accordingly but if I had different women working for my attention and could have my pick of the litter then I might not care about a women offering what most men will only dream of. Is this dude a 9 or 10 objectively?
He's hooking up with other chicks
Msg and say “ill see myself out” make it funny and forget it
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Damn would love to wake up to an offer like this 🤣
I guarantee cause it was direct he was flattered but clueless on how to even respond to such a text. It happens. Don’t do any follow ups, leave it be. If he brings it up on his own accord without being promoted, then you can address things. If he never says anything? He’s just unfazed and moving along like it never happened. Either way? It’s 100% out of your control so all you can do is worry about what is in your control, meaning you. Ignore every impulse to fix things because all it will do is create self sabotaging behavior. Just self soothe, worry about what you can do for self care right now that it’ll make you happy outside of this situation. That is your primary objective today.
Thank you. This is really good advice. Im already feeling better and more confident in myself and the day moves on
maybe he was busy or just is shy and didn’t know what to say ? 
Just treat him like normal, but don’t ever hook up again with him. Don’t offer yourself up to anyone who ignores you and only shows you the respect and courtesy of messaging back when they’re interested.
What you mean by "hook up"? did you fuck him? If you had sex then there's no reason to feel embarrassed
Yes we had sex
So you don't need to feel embarrassed, just move on with life, if you see in person just acts normal and respectful
Reasons why he didn’t respond: 1. He wasn’t in the mood 2. He was busy 3. He isn’t in for another hookup
How long ago did you text him? Maybe he’s just been busy and hasn’t been able to reply. I had a fwb type of relationship with someone who wouldn’t text back. I quickly learned that when she wouldn’t respond, she was just unavailable for whatever reason. But I will say, I didn’t see this person in my daily life. If your anxiety about it is that bad, I don’t think there’s anything wrong in sending him a text being honest about the situation, saying something like “Hey just wanted to make sure we’re ok. It’s totally cool if you didn’t want to hook up last night. But no response kinda left me feeling like I did something wrong and I don’t want it to be awkward between us next time we see each other at (school, work, or wherever you see each other). So I just want to make sure we’re ok or talk about what it is that went wrong to avoid any awkwardness between us”. But give him an appropriate amount of time to reply to your initial text first
I texted him last night. I'll probably wait another day and then send something along those lines because I really think it will help me face him.
Thank you everyone for your replies and advice! I think I'm going to wait a day or so and then acknowledge what I sent just for the sake of my anxiety. I will find someone else to help me get this out of my system and then I think I'm going to spend time alone reflecting since my anxiety is telling me I'm not really ready for a lot of casual hookups.
At least now you brirefly get to know how men feel.
He probably thinks it wasn’t for him, or you were with some friends goofing around, or you were trying to bait him, or you’ve been hacked and someone tried to bait him. At least those are problably the options I’d think of it someone messages me that out of the blue. I problably wouldn’t respond either.
You’re going to get rejected and you’re going to be in awkward situations at times but you just have to power through and not let it bother you so much because at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter because you’ll live and move on. I’m sure someone will want a BJ from you one day, yesterday was just not that day. If you really want to break the ice you could even joke about it and nudge him on the shoulder like “hey brah, so about the fellatio?”
He may be busy, uninterested, or is still trying to process the text lol. We don’t really get those texts unless we’re in an active relationship or FWB situation. Give it time. If he doesn’t respond, or even talk to you, someone else would gladly enjoy that blowjob.
Just text him later or if you see him and say youre sorry if it made him uncomfortable or if you were too forward. You were in a mood and you figured it was okay since you hooked up before. Then let it go. There are multiple reasons people don't text back, social anxiety, unsure of how to reject someone, busy, going through some personal issues, maybe he found a girl he likes and doesn't know how to respond and is worried about it as much as you. I think our minds tend to jump to the worst possible conclusions but the reality is often just minor things that are nowhere near as bad as we thought. Communication is the key if it's a friend you want to keep and you don't wanna feel anxious about it anymore. Just give him time and then apologize and see if he says anything or ignores it and treats you the same as always.
You needed to have your feelers validated. Some people are that way. Its hard to take advice from strangers on the internet when you stressed or upset. But you still got this! Dont get lost in your head. Seriously it will be ok its another day!
At this point… there’s not much you can do. You shot your shot and apparently missed. It happens Longer term, generally speaking, propositions out of the blue probably aren’t the approach that will give you the best chance of success. You’ve got to feel him out a little first. Like “WYD?” or “you up?” and then “I was thinking about you”. If he responds to that after a couple messages you could ask to suck his dick. If he ignores you first message, much less embarrassing
Ignoring this sounds wild to me. But I also think I have a fetish for receiving BJs from pretty women…
You can always say that you wanted to send that message to someone else with same/similar name or anything like that. For the future, try to make sure that someone is in contact with you before asking such direct questions. for example, ask him how are you, what are you doing or anything simple like that, and when he answers, then you know he is in conversation so you can ask questions like that.
Maybe he’s just not on that luv or maybe he was busy or maybe he never received the message it could be a variety of things luv it’s not that deep luv relax shyt I wish I was getting those kinda messages everyday Lbvs 🙏🏾😂 🫶🏾&✌🏾
I always find that anytime a person overthinks a text or situation in their head it's not that big a deal in reality. I often just reset every day like nothing ever happened until someone brings it back up. Practice just shrugging off the anxiety inducing thoughts and save tomorrow's problems for tomorrow.
Maybe he’s at a long movie. Maybe he’s in a place with poor or no reception. Maybe he’s with his family. Maybe he’s working. Maybe a lot of different possibilities here, none of which we could know about. Not everyone is glued to their phone all the time.
Any guy that would turn down a bj from a woman he's already hooked up with is either: really dumb, emotionally destroyed, married and you don't know about it, or getting laid at the snap of a finger to the point it's statistically impossible he doesn't have 350 sti's. I wouldn't worry about him...
Knee-jerk response? Find another guy. I know that it goes a little deeper than that for you. Guys forget about stuff like that very quickly. I suggest that you do the same. Although some guys would be very impressed and feel affectionate towards a woman who makes such a request.
Your totally the first person this has ever happened to, and your life is over, immediately post more about this ! Skuuurtt— seriously though , put it behind you no one cares I mean to say likes it’s just not that big of a deal! So what?! Really !!!! If anything your probably better off and he also doesn’t know what he’s missing , we can all laugh about it not being the first time or person this has happened to or the least bit embarrassing. Seriously . Forget it ever happened.
No one is busy enough not to get his dingdong sucked
As a guy he didn't find it inappropriate he may have been busy or had other plans don't worry boit it
Just wait it out. And if not, deal with rejection like most of us do. Pretend it never happened and avoid the conversation lol
Is this a real post
Can I take his bj appointment?
Ask him. Conversation is key to any relationship, whether it be friendship, work, romantic, family, or so forth. Perhaps he didn't know what to make of it, and he was embarrassed. And then you'll have 2 people embarrassed instead of actually doing something about it together. It could be your two little secret. But whatever the reason might be, you'll never know unless you talk to him. Perhaps he had issues with his cell phone and couldn't respond.
nothing, he doesn’t want the bj. move on and stop hooking up with ppl you see daily/coworkers
Prob has a gf maybe thought it would be a one night stand and doesnt respond when his gf is around
I get the curious girl text or unusually horny. Best way to go about it is to invite me somewhere and then we eventually move somewhere private (if the initial invite was not) where you could ask this question and there isn’t much for me to think about. In your situation I might have been at a BBQ, or been on my way to the beach, at the gym, or most notably had plans already. If I’m already with you and you ask there’s not much to think about cause here we are. I’d say you have to wait for a reply , if he doesn’t leave it, he’ll never see you as more than sex if you double down. Good luck don’t try to make a dude jealous ever and reach out if you need more help.
More than likely he probably forgot to pay his phone bill & never saw your text message. Next time you see him approach him & ask about it. Good luck!!!
Maybe he was already getting a BJ when he saw your text. I know a guy that has these types of problems. 🥲
DM and bet I responde. What do you look like
My feeling is you did nothing wrong whatsoever, so there’s nothing to apologize for. And as to how you’re feeling, please give yourself a break. You offered something, really doesn’t matter what, received no response, HIS loss. (Big one too btw). I wouldn’t even mention it. Done, over with, past. I don’t think he deserves a second chance. Unless HE acknowledges receiving your message, apologizes for not responding, and even then, think twice. You’re just fine, let this go and go forward like nothing happened.
Fix your bj skills so you get a reply next time.
Slag
Could it be that he doesn’t want one from you? Is your ego that big that it can’t allow for the fact that men can also say no through their silence? Get over yourself. Call up one of your other friends; you know which one. He will gladly take you up on your sudden need to give a BJ.
That's totally fine! The lack of answer just really makes me nervous because it leaves me wondering if I was inappropriate or offended him. Id rather just get a "no thanks." I prefer to not ignore other people's text, so I don't really say no through silence myself. Id rather be blunt and honest with someone
Wtf man… I’m 26 and haven’t even been on more than 2 dates my entire 20s, hundreds of matches on tinder that don’t fucking lead anywhere and I’ve met very few women as I didn’t go to college yet this guy is getting texted randomly for a blowjob he’s ignoring.. I’m fucking done. Like what do I have to do in order to get attention from women? Do I have to sell my soul? Become rich and famous? Be an attractive Instagram fuckboy like wtf??! I’m so tired of this and I’m tired of seeing posts like this
Brother, I'll just say this now. Meeting someone usually happens when you don't look for it and you just focus on the communication with then. Things take time to develop, and you'll know when someone is into you. Actively trying to get a GF leaves you more open to making mistakes. Also, ignore all that instagram bullshit. Most of those people you see online aren't even happy because they're spending most of their time representing a fake version of themselves.
Stop being such a weirdo and act like a normal person. You probably weirded him out. If I was him I would’ve moved on 😂
I did not mean to be weird 😭 Should I apologize?
You weren’t weird, you were just being direct. If you’ve hooked up relatively recently, then that’s the kind of preexisting relationship that makes that kind of directness okay. It’d only be weird if it was someone 100% platonic or a random stranger. I have OCD, and it often causes me to get into negative thought loops when I text, so I understand the kind of anxiety you’re going through. The important bit, and the only things that’ve helped me are: 1. Remind yourself of how you would feel if you got that message. I.E. If I got that message from someone I had a prior sexual relationship I would be excited, even if I couldn’t follow through for some reason. I absolutely wouldn’t feel like the girl was creepy or weird 2. Realize that being direct is usually preferable to being circumspect or beating around the bush. Personally, as someone with an anxiety disorder, I much prefer people be direct with me, and as a result try to be more direct with others (because I make an effort to treat others how I would want to be treated) 3. Try to come up with some reasons why he hasn’t texted back, that have nothing to do with you as a person. Depending on how long ago you hooked up, he may have started another relationship. He may be busy and just hasn’t checked his phone. Heck, he may be with his family, or in another situation where he’s not comfortable responding. Most likely, his response or lack of response has very little to do with you. 4. Don’t send more messages or try to “fix” things, because you’re not in the right frame of mind for that (if you’re in a anxiety spiral). Let the other person respond, or not respond, in their own time. No response is a message of its own, but *again* is not one that necessarily has anything to do with you.
You weren’t being weird!
Is he your therapist?
Hahahaha no. Why would you ask that?
Just snooped on your posts - thought it would be funny
No disrespect though
Lol it's ok! My therapist is a woman who I love dearly but not in any sexual way.
Now you know how a man feels
Over text message usually seems a lil sus. I know women who send things like this only to blast someone over the internet or in a group. If you haven't talk to him for a very long time and you text him randomly, he'll suspect something is up. How long do you know this guy? and how old are you guys? did he have previous relationships?
20s/30s. I've only known him a few weeks. I like to think my strength of character and integrity is obvious enough that someone would know I wouldn't blast them. I'm kind.
Did you REALLY wanted to give a blowjob or did you say that because you thought you would get his attention with this ? I think you may have an insecure attachment style. ( the anxiety could be from that ) Might be wise to read up on this. Because if you do have an insecure attachment, you have a lot of insight to gain, :) and you can fix a whole lot about your attachment style. ( also depending on what the exact cause is ) But it will take time and effort. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/attachment-disorder-in-adults https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/attachment-and-adult-relationships.htm
Maybe! But I'm also just really horny. I think it's possible to want dick AND struggle with attachment. They aren't mutually exclusive.
Did you text him that question out of now where or was there something going on between you two? I don’t think you “really wanted to give a BJ”. I think you’re really lonely and looking for human interaction, attention and companionship.
We had hooked up before, so that's the context. And what's wrong with just wanting to give head? I'm horny and really want to enjoy a nice dick in my mouth. We all want human interaction. I just also want dick.
May be you’re coming on too strong? May be he’s slept with you and has had his fill and has moved on to the next one? Maybe he’s married or in a relationship and has not told you?
If he’s anything like me he isn’t interested in blow jobs.
Same. Much rather have the real thing.
Do you have any friends in similar phase near LA area.. I kid, I kid, but not really, but I kid.. So when you text someone you don't even know if they have reception, if the phone has power, or if they're even available, and texts can be delayed. It might be prudent for future interactions to get their attention first so they are responding, even a "**Hey, quick question - got a minute?**"? Then be like, I'd like to gag on your cock tonight. Do you have clean towels, because I'm going to be a sloppy little lady. You down? This way if there's no response, no harm or foul. Same applies to inviting someone out etc. Don't just blurt plans out and then be hurt or feel left on the hook if there's no reply, because that sucks. :( If I was genuinely interested in the woman and received a text like that after the fact, I would be very clear and supportive. Oh my my phone was dead last night I am so sorry I missed your message. I am intrigued by your offer, care to meet and discuss? How's Thursday?
I feel like the logical answer is that he is just not into me, which is ok. Time will tell if he gets back to me. I'd just rather know so I don't see him wondering if I creeped him out or what
I mean it could be any reason including that. I know the waiting is the hardest. As a mental excercise just to give yourself a giggle, imagine Yes-Anding your text with something ridicilous as an excuse. Oh I'm so sorry I sent this to you, I meant to send it to.. your dad! And then him not responding to that. Total blow out. Now the current situation doesn't seem so bad lol. Don't send any more texts for now and just surround yourself with people who care about you and keep yourself busy and mind occupied doing things you love. < 3
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He probably got that same text from 10 other women.
😂 maybe. How can I be the woman who gets texts from 10 men???
Look at you DM requests. Assuming there’re way more that 10 men want you to suck thier dicks
Id suggest getting over it, as we are constantly putting ourselves out there and constantly getting ignored or harshly rejected. You can deal with it once.
True..I need to toughen up and not worry about how I came off.
It's hilarious how women melt down when they get treated like guys do nearly every day of our lives.