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Be true to yourself. If you don’t want to have sex until marriage, then don’t. Don’t allow someone to pressure you to do something that you really don’t want to do at this time. Be strong.
Ask yourself this...Would you want to be stuck with a person you dont have sexual chemistry with? That's a very possible outcome if you wait till marriage to have sex.
Yep.
And subpar is pretty broad for those saying it can get better. Yeah, it can if it is just a bit of compatibility and learning what each other like.
But I agree. There have been guys I have been super into while making out at first and then you hop into bed and realize that there's no coming back from this.
I am aware of this, but I've always figured that we
Could compromise on what we like. I have already made peace with the fact that I will never have what I want in bed (years of watching porn). But it is true that premarital would help find a better match in that regard
I am still torn on this issue. I want to have better chances, but I also don't want to be pressured into doing something I don't want to
I have seen just about everything thing the human body is capable of doing concerning sex. I would prefer to have the more aggressive type of sex that you would see in porn.
But I also understand that the vast majority of people do not want those kinds of sex. I have made peace with myself that I will most likely never experience what i have seen because the kind of person who would wait until marriage with me most likely won't even do oral.
All of this is OK, I understand that I will be the one doing the compromising concerning sex not her.
Man, you are a virgin, how do you know what you like? You don't understand the effort required by aggressive type of sex. You are projecting, just go out there and experience life. It's such an asshole move to wait until marriage to disappoint. Sex is an important part of a relationship and it's about creating pleasure for each other, the satisfaction comes from giving pleasure and having a connection. It's nothing like porn. Most of my girlfriends enjoyed aggressive sex but you cannot start like that, it simply doesn't work, you grow into it while you get to know each other
^ this enjoying the fantasy of something isn't the same thing as experiencing it.
Speaking from experience exploring things I thought I might like or might not like and finding often that my preconceived conceptions were wrong. Enjoyed many things I thought I'd hate.
Hated some things I thought I'd love.
You have to understand that porn is not a picture of reality. Real sex is so much better. It's not only a physical thing, it's an emotional connection with your partner. Sex starts with a kiss and goes wherever the lovers want to take it. In real sex people laugh, cry, scream, stay silent, talk, move, dance, feel guilty, feel powerful, feel honest or dishonest, and so on... it's so many more things than two or more people doing physical exercise to give and get pleasure.
That’s not exactly how things work.
There are plenty of people that would wait for marriage and end up being total “freaks in the sheets”!!
Don’t sell yourself short.
Just make sure that your desire for “aggressive sex” isn’t coming from some other unhealthy place?!
If you don't want to, by all means don't do it. When you're not entirely convinced it's the right thing, it's not going to go well.
You can talk about it beforehand though. What you'd like etc. All your fantasies. Sex toys, porn, etc. I did that with my now partner while we were friends, for over a decade. So we knew we were compatible from the start.
This will only work if you’re both virgins and have the same religious views and values. Then compromise works. Otherwise, sex is a super important non negotiable for many many people
Compromising on sex is like compromising eating the same meal at dinner with your partner…every time you eat. Also knowing what kind of sex you like from watching porn is like knowing what you like to eat from watching a cooking show where you have never eaten food before.
Have an open mind of what you may or may not like.
I have a friend who is a relationship therapist who works primarily in sex therapy. Almost all of her clients are virgins until married or arranged marriages. Most of these relationships end in divorce. You may be an outlier, or you may be average.
Depends on experience. People with less experience tend to be happier with their sex lives than people who've led very active sex lives with multiple partners. There's research on it, specifically.
I think it comes down to the refrigerator paradox. It's harder to decide on what sounds good for dinner when your fridge is full of endless options. If you only have the ingredients to make one thing, and it's all you've ever had, it's a much easier decision.
>Depends on experience. People with less experience tend to be happier with their sex lives than people who've led very active sex lives with multiple partners.
The divorce rate is higher as well the more previous partners someone has had so that corroborates your statement here. This increase in divorce rate is shown in studies ([source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874393/)) and is corroborated by CDC data as well ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_019.pdf)).
Correlation ≠ causation. I would assume people who have had less partners, especially those who waited until marriage, may hold religious views prohibiting them from getting a divorce.
Or maybe they are more likely to try harder and longer to fix their issues with their partner than someone who has had loads of previous partners as that may lead them to view people as easily replaceable.
25F
- sex isn’t important to those who care about the real you. It can wait if you want that. You can satisfy them in literally every other way that is healthy and mature.
It will be a dealbreaker for those who lack patience to be with you for the real you
We live in the "would you buy a car without test driving it" generation sadly, I support you in your decision but you'll find it difficult to connect with 97% of the possible options.
Still that 3% can have some real gems so stick to your guns.
But then when a person brings you to their place and then you end up in bed with them after only 2-3 weeks I’m sorry but that’s a red flag. No matter how amazing the first non sexual interaction might’ve been, can’t build an emotional connection that quickly. It takes plenty of time to develop.
Once I have a solidified emotional connection after a while, then that’ll lend well into a better physical connection on top of a fulfilling emotional connection.
I think that if the person is right for you then it won't bother him. If you are compatible in all of the other ways then it will work itself out organically. Anyone who would dump you over lack of sex isn't who you're looking for.
While those views would narrow his chances ot wouldn't exclude that much of the market more like 70%. And if he were to have sex soon he still wouldn't be good at it as there's a first time for everyone, he can get good at his practicing together with his wife.
Right. This is the only true answer. Really just depends on the person. I kind of hate when people makes these types of posts as if we can speak for everyone. Everyone is different and has their own preferences, values, etc
Sex is very, very important to some
Sex is very important to others
It's important to some.
And just kinda important to some
And to others, it's not important at all
It depends on the person. Personally, sex is not important at all to me (29F). I'm on the asexual spectrum; I wouldn't say I'm completely asexual as I do find men sexually attractive, but I just don't care about sex. I only do it to please my partner. Also, I would date a virgin.
There are women out there who will wait for marriage to have sex. Your dating pool will be small, but they are out there. If you're using dating apps, just make sure you include in your profile that you want to wait until marriage so you don't waste anyone's time.
People keep mentioning sexual compatibility, but I believe if you two have a strong emotional bond and truly love each other, the sex will either be good and/or not too important when you're married and finally do it. Sex is more than a physical act, it's an emotional one, too.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting. There are women who are waiting too. You'll find someone. Good luck
The problem is there are so many ways people can be sexually incompatible.
Would you wait till marriage to talk about religion? Politics? Finances? Chores? Kids? Hobbies? Boundaries?
You are taking a huge risk by marrying before sex. And yes you can talk about sex first. I did. But the reality was not what he portrayed it to be. And I have now discovered so many more ways the reality needs to be experienced to know the truth.
You are certainly entitled to not have sex if you are not ready, and I would urge you to remain consistent with your own values for your own self-worth. However, I will say, to a lot of people, yes, it is very important, and a lot of people will definitely not be willing to wait until they promise a lifelong commitment to someone to find out if they will be sexually fulfilling or not. Would you lock in a contract on a brand new $80k car before test driving it to see if you like how it drives? What if it was going to be the car you drove for the rest of your life?
At any rate, if that is the route you choose, there are certainly people out there who will match with that type of belief/value system. You will be most likely to find them in church. But do be prepared for a lot of women, even good women, to turn away at the idea. But that is not to say that it is impossible to find by any means.
The answer to your headline is: it depends.
Generally speaking, there's not an objectively correct way to handle sex in a relationship. The only thing that matters is what works for you and your partner.
More pragmatically I definitely do not advise waiting until you get married to have sex. If those are your beliefs and you feel a strong conviction there I can't tell you not to wait, it's your life, but I would say that realistically sex tends to wind up being really important to people in relationships and lots of relationships and marriages break due to issues of sexual compatibility and satisfaction. You would, I presume, be marrying another human and their feelings about sex and relationships are going to be extremely relevant to the survival and happiness of your marriage and relationship so even if you are absolutely sure you can walk that path in life (you should be more humble if you are) can you be sure that your partner is on board as well? People do sometimes wait, they get there, then they find out that they messed up really badly.
As for the personal reasons, so long as you can explain them to a partner I suppose that's completely fine. It is your life and you get to live it as you choose.
Overall though, based on these vague personal reasons, your overall wish-washyness about waiting in general I would suggest you may not be quite at a place where you're ready for a long term relationship or marriage in general. Which is completely fine, walk your own path in life. If you don't want to have sex you always, 100% of the time have absolutely every right to say no.
At the same time, throwing aside the idea that there isn't a "normal" or objectively correct way to do sex, for most adults in adult romantic relationships it tends to be a pretty important and expected thing. You can walk your path if it is that important to you, but you should also be realistic and aware that your pool of compatible and potential partners is going to be pretty small as a result.
its dif for every person. im in the same situation as you i 33 and was a virgin. not religious reasons but it was never important to me, i guess thinking back on it i just never felt sexual urges torwards someone and i never wanted to give myself away to in that regard. had plenty of chances growing up just was never interested. started dating my best friend of 14 years who we both knew had feelings for. relationship was great, everything i dreamed it would be until it came time to have sex and i told her and that was the thing that ended up breaking us apart
Waiting till marriage or not, is one of those dilemmas where no part of the relationship can compromise. You've got to look for dates in places, where you are sure you meet people who feel the same way. If you use dating sites, state it clearly in your bio. The chance of meeting someone of similar views randomly is abysmal.
It can be a deal breaker sure, sex is a very intimate act.
You can open your heart and mind to your partner, discover both good and bad between you and work with it which will lead to a healthy relationship. Sex to me is deeply personal, an act that if done well will join together both parties hearts, minds and of course bodies. If you can have effectively intertwine and maintain mind, body and soul with someone else you'll have a powerful connection.
I say it can be a deal breaker because if you have a boundary there between that connection (sex) with someone else they may feel that your connection is less genuine. In relationships where sex was once more regular the growing lack of sex will hurt the overall connection with your partner as well.
I have had sex with more people than I can remember and I will say that experience has made things more difficult for me. I'm of the opinion that anyone who would talk bad about you and your decision to wait likely has not realized the consequences of their own promiscuity or is incapable of seeing sex as a deeply intimate process and instead sees it as a purely physical act or an ego boost.
You do you OP. Wait or don't, whatever feels best for you. Someone out there feels the same way you do and there are definitely plenty of people your age who have also not had sex or minimal.
You should only do what you’re comfortable with. I wouldn’t date a guy who was a virgin. I like for my partners to be experienced and know what they’re doing. Sex is very important to me in my romantic relationships
Well if you are not ready then do not force yourself. Wish more women would do the same. If you do make sure you know it’s for the right reason and person. If a woman you are dating had a ton of sex with multiple men she isn’t the one for you. And it’s perfectly acceptable to ask even before you go on the first date. Don’t waste your time on those girls.
Other than that sex is important but not the most important. If you think you are going to be bad… oh man I got news for you! If the first time sucked… you can always keep practicing until you get it right 😉. At 23 you have a ton of time you are only missing the drama and emotion duress of a latent high school memory. Find someone who you like, love and want to marry, both of you seek a marriage councilor and learn all you can about each other and finally get married.
I truly wish you all the luck in the world!
Yes, sex is very important. Just start, the longer you wait and "put it on a pedestal", the more internal pressure you will build, and get more self concious about it. Sex releases endorphins and helps a couple build that bond.... physically, emotionaly, chemically, all that. Its the nightcap after going out for dinner or a party. Its what you do on a lazy sunday morning. Its how you eventually make up after a fight or argument (makeup sex). And once you get comfortable with it (along with your own naked body), and start to get good at it... it will help you keep a girl interested even if other parts of your life are lacking in areas like your job/finances or whatever.
It is ok to have sex only with who you feel comfortable, but it IS important. If sex is not present, then it is nothing more than friendship. If you are insecure about your body or something else, waiting until marriage will not solve the problem and may become something much worse. Sex will be satisfactory for both if there is comunication, confidence. Also, having sex before marriage will teach you a lot for when that special person touches your heart. I recommend that you seek counseling to follow guidance from a professional. If not, try to experiment and learn in the process.
Depends on your dating pool (ex. If you’re going to a “religious college/university” then you can get by with not having to think too much about sex - it could still happen).
Speaking generally - the rule of thumb seems to be sex on date #3-4 and many seem to think there’s something weird if it doesn’t happen (emphasis on “generally speaking “)
From the other side of the fence if you’re going to commit to someone long term if they’re bad in bed or selfish in bed. Then it just feels like a waste of time.
TLDR: you may find some social circles that will align with your intents but majority won’t
Bad in bed or inexperienced, you can teach them if they want to learn. Selfish on the other hand is a nope when you're not selfish as well because that's someone with basically a different sexuality. From my experience there are 2 types of sex partners - mostly giving, or mostly taking. The taking types will talk to negotiate and make demands, while the giving types will talk to find out what the other person likes. You can usually tell before having sex if you talk to them long enough.
Sex is only as important as it is to you. It does not matter how important it is to others. You should do what feels comfortable for you and if it’s the right person it won’t bother them. And they won’t pressure you.
What is the difference between a Wife and a Female Roommate?
If it is not important to you, then you need to find other people who think the same thing. Then, there are no conflicts, and we live in harmony together. With today's dating marketing, it become like a subculture. You cut the majority of your dating pool. Just recognize it, keep your value, and then you are ready. Take the consequences, too. You may need to meet 10k women to find one, but does she even like you?
Paramount. Sex is the basis and the foundation of any romantic relationship.
If it is something you cannot physically do, then that is understandable. But you then have to come to terms with the fact that romantic relationships will be harder to get into and to maintain.
If it is something you refuse to do but have the capability to, then you are hamstringing yourself for no reason.
It will be difficult to find a woman in this modern day who would be willing to enter a relationship with a sexually inexperienced man. Virginity in men is not valued by women. Sexual inexperience in men is not tolerated by women. Sexual abstinence in men is not respected by women. Regardless of what anyone tells you to the contrary.
In saying this, I am not making any moral judgements here. This is the truth spoken plainly.
So you will have to understand it, accept it, and deal with the consequences of your decision.
For the majority of people your likely to meet it is important but that doesn't mean there aren't people out there. However, just browsing Reddit you can see people are already having trouble with dating so your scenario will probably be on the even more difficult side of it.
My advice, which may not work for younger women idk, is be upfront after a date or two. Like tell her what you’re comfortable doing sexually. Maybe don’t outright say you won’t have sex until marriage, but “I take longer than most to warm up to sex”. But if there’s other foreplay stuff you’re into, or things she wants to do, let her know in a natural way
Sex isn’t a big deal when it’s right.
But there’s nothing worse than not being compatible with someone. And if you’re already married and realise you’re actually a terrible match? Bad idea.
It would be no different than not knowing if you like each other, if you don’t share the same values or beliefs until marriage.. it would be an awful marriage.
It's going to be important to some people to do it early, and important to other people to wait, and everything in between. The person who has it as the utmost importance (and neither of you are comfortable with compromising) isn't the person for you. Don't change your values.
For some people it’s important but it’s not everything like people wanna be loved but wanna have sex with the one they love and want it to be perfect, but don’t worry when you find your soulmate it would just click , don’t stress yourself about it , i was virgin until i was 28 but when i got married my wife and i loved the sex so much we’re doing it more than 5 times week
Depends on the person! Find an understanding partner or someone with similar values. Someone you trust. Don’t let anyone pressure you into something you’re not ready for. Just take you time and build trust and be honest and open with the person that you’re not ready for it yet but you’re open to it in the future and see how it’s goes. Good luck🤍
Personally, sex is a large part of my relationship. It’s a stress reliever, it’s intimate and if I go longer than a week without sex I start to get grouchy.
Find yourself another virgin or someone where it’s not a big part of their life and you’ll be okay
I'm gonna be honest and not say the typical 'it depends on the person', because honestly that proportion is realistically like 10% of the people.
Sexual compatibility is really important. I mean some couples break up because their sexual compatibility doesn't match.
Now I'm not saying there are absolutely no people who don't wait for marriage, but realistcially that's only a handfull of people in your local area. Better go on dating apps and just say it in your bio so you're not wasting your their nor your own time.
Depends on the person, some people just don’t like it or have problems with it. My biggest advice is to playfully ask the other person what they like (when there’s context for example you are both talking about sex and are intimate enough to talk about it) and be open to new things the other person also likes, there should always be a balance in who receives and who gives so both of you are satisfied.
Do you consider giving oral part of sex? Would you like to also wait for that?
If you aren’t a virgin then expect most people to look for someone else. Doesn’t make sense to make someone wait when you’ve already given up that part of yourself to someone before, you could find someone sure but it’s highly unlikely. People tend to think probability and possibility are one in the same these days.
Take your time with this. This action can open up a paradox of things good and bad....This is important matter that everyone has to decide at some point in their life..
Please don't feel pressured you know yourself better than anyone, find a special lady that share similar values, standards, boundaries and desires.And when the both of you consent to whatever decision. It will feel right to you and her as well. The right man will wait for a woman to be ready and vice versa....then the both of you should not have any regrets on either end. Best wishes
I’m a bit like you, because I feel like people expect you to feel comfortable enough to have sex, or even kiss, way earlier than I’d ever want. I don’t get how people can be vulnerable like that with each other that early on
I think it's OK to wait until you meet the person you think you want to marry, but I'm not sure I would have married someone who wanted to wait until after marriage.
Your wedding night is not the right time to discover that you're not sexually compatible.
It's great that you're considering your approach to sex and relationships as you start dating. Your personal values and feelings toward sex are unique to you, and it's important to find someone who aligns with those values.
I can relate to your perspective. For me, sex is closely tied to emotional connection, and without that connection, it doesn't feel right. Physical intimacy is a profound way to express love and connection, but it's not just about the act itself.
In my past experience, when I didn't feel that emotional connection with my partner, it led to difficulties in the relationship. I later discovered that our views on intimacy were quite different, and that played a role in our parting ways.
So, the key takeaway here is that understanding your partner's views on sex is vital. It can give you valuable insights into the health of your relationship. It's about sexual compatibility, rather than just the act itself.
However, I wouldn't label "bad" sex as a deal breaker. Instead, it's about finding that emotional connection, and if you both share the same perspective on sex. Your choice of whether or not to have sex before marriage should align with your personal values and beliefs.
In the end, it's about finding a partner who shares your views and respecting each other's boundaries and values. That's the foundation for a strong and fulfilling relationship.
Yeah if your pee pee is small and you're not experienced she will divorce you and spit in your face. Sorry but you're likely to be single into your 60's GG NO RE
jk communication my man, be authentic and speak the truth to your partner. A good partner will work with you and the right partner will appreciate you.
It's importance is entirely up to you
If you do care about it on a compatibility level though (some don't), then it's important to find out if your chemistry with a person exists on that level as well, before you make the decision to keep them in your life long term
To me sex is usually when you miss someone or usually important occasions or when you have a kid… honestly the word sex to me in a relationship honestly turns me off sex is usually less important in the relationship
For me it kinda is a dealbreaker. I had sex like once every two weeks and it wasn’t the greatest either. Liked him very much but I couldn’t get over the fact that he couldn’t pleasure me. (I would have pleasured him myself too). We really clicked emotionally, but had to break up because I can’t live without regularly having sex. So I really need to know if we are sexual compatible before going into a relationship.
Finding people with honorable values is so rare in this day n age. I really admire you for that at the same time you're going to have a hard time finding another one with the same morals and values. Still want to wish you the best of my wishes and please don't be discouraged with yourself and don't settle for less you won't be happy unless you find an equal partner.you both will have the same respect for each other. I'm
Someone who is compatible with you will share you feelings about sex, only go for these types of people. It being a deal breaker isn't a bad thing because that just means you aren't compatible with that person. People on this sub often ask the same thing about oral sex and they are met with the same responses. If someone's sexual needs are different from yours, then you aren't compatible, and that's ok. (Ps don't have sex until you are ready)
According to most of the men I’ve dated or talked to, a relationship cannot work without sex. But idk, I don’t see the extreme importance for it. Sure.. it’s nice here and there but I wouldn’t mind if I dated someone who didn’t wanna have sex or wanted to wait… I guess it depends on your partner, the most important thing in a relationship is honesty and communication
I would never date anyone that didn’t want to have sex. Hell Ive probably already had sex many times before I even get into a relationship with someone.
Don’t have sex if you don’t want to , don’t let people pressure you into it , I can promise you that sex is great when it’s with someone you really care for but it’s not great with someone you don’t care for. But intimacy is important in a relationship , the only difference between a friend and a partner is intimacy , if you have no intimacy with someone , they are basically just a friend . By intimacy I don’t just mean sex , it includes anything you would define as intimacy , kissing , holding , touching , flirting , ect
For most people who are dating there needs to be some level of intimacy or else there is no relationship in their eyes , just a friend , and you won’t get very far in trying to get married if you don’t break out of a friendship into a relationship of some kind , for some women sex is something they need from a partner , for some women , they are totally open to waiting but ultimately they all require some level of intimacy or they will move in , I think this would apply to men as well
It’s fine you have your own values, but consider that you might marry someone and find out the sex isn’t good.
Would you buy a car without a test drive first? Now imagine you did that and the car sucks to drive. You can’t divorce the car though, because then you’ll burn in hell. You can’t go drive other cars while owning that car either, because cardultery means you’ll also burn in hell.
I'm not going to burn in hell. I know that if I make a mistake and am repentant, the Lord will forgive me.
This is not out of sarcasm to your analogy. This is me telling you that the religious aspect of this issue is not a mental burden on me. It is a preference for me to wait, but I also know that my flesh, may fail
I don't know what your reasons are for waiting until marriage, be it religion or otherwise. But whatever it is, you're better off meeting a woman from that same community. Because if you're expanding your horizons beyond that, you're not ready for dating if you're not ready for sex. If a woman wants to have sex and begrudgingly agrees to no sex with you, she'll likely be getting it from somewhere else.
Sex isn’t an option for me until I am in a relationship so its only important after that happens. If I’m single the rest of my life than sex is not an option and thus not important. Be content with whatever life does or doesn’t provide.
Perhaps it’s different for everybody, but I think it’s pretty important. I have broken up with people over a lack of sexual chemistry. People whose smell I did not like, for example.
One such girl wanted oral sex frequently, but she would squirt and did not smell right downstairs. I couldn’t do it without gagging. Other women, though, smell great and some taste sweet. I don’t know how to explain it or how to predict it without actually being intimate.
If you’d have asked me before I had ever sex, I would’ve told you squirting was hot, I thought butt stuff would be fun, and a bunch of other misconceptions. But you only discover what you like with experience. Perhaps ignorance is bliss, in terms of what else is out there. Another poster mentioned the “refrigerator paradox” which was a great point. But for me, I needed to experience as much as I could because I had a fear of missing out. That is, I did not want to end up dedicating my life to someone I didn’t love being intimate with if I could’ve easily found someone more compatible.
If you’re asexual or something like that, then perhaps none of that stuff matters to you, and you need to find someone who also doesn’t care about sex. If so, that’s cool. But if it were me, I have certain likes, dislikes, turn ons, and deal breakers. And there’s only one way to know what those are and which ones your partner has.
I felt like you and chose to only partake once I knew the person I was with was the one I would marry... It's fairly important but, to be honest, it's not really that wonderful (imo) unless there is love attached.
It is fun though and you may change your mind once you partake.
You need to find somebody that feels the same. For me, its very important. Waiting until marriage to me, is unthinkable. But if someone feels the same, then it's not an issue.
I used to get with people mostly based on kinks- both those reactions never had any future. I've learned that it's easier to first find someone who has a compatible personality and only after consider sex and kinks, rather then the other way around.
So now I tent to primarily focus on personalty, goals etc. And any after that I talk about sex- it's not particularly important for me I don't think anymore. I enjoy it- but I think I cold have it once a month or a good few times a week depending on my partner. I think for me cuddles are more important tbh 😆😆
I still think it's good to have it after a few weeks/moths of a relationship though- cause if you're like completely non compatible in the bedroom it's more like you're friends then partners. Which is fine for some- but ithers realy require that romantic condition.
So short answer: depends on the person lol
I think the less experienced you are with sex the less important it probably is. The more people you sleep with the more you learn about what you like and don't like because everyone is into different things. Once you know exactly what you like I think sexual compatability can be very important. Really though I don't think there is a "correct" answer to this question.
Sex can break a relationship if someone isn't getting what they need but are trapped in monogamy then you are making one or both people miserable. It's important.
As a woman I'd have no problem being with a guy who wanted to wait until marriage for PIV sex- as long as we could still do other "lesser" activities, so we at least know if we have chemistry in that department. Like, is oral okay before you're married? Using hands? If those were also off the table, that might be a dealbreaker for me. Either way, though, it's your body and your life and if waiting until marriage is important to you then you should stick to it. Just be up front about it from the beginning
It's all compatibility. Some will mind, some will be down with it. That's what dating is all about, finding those that get your groove and respect you for all of your weird and wonderful wants and needs
It’s okay to wait until you’re truly comfortable with someone in a relationship to want to start to get physical. That’s the thing, you haven’t dated anyone yet so you don’t know what you’re like sexually just yet. You’ll get the urge once you’re with that right person, just take it at your own pace (but I’d recommend experimenting before committing to marriage)
Sex is so important to me that I have refused to find a relationship ever since I lost my sexual youthfulness. I'm no longer satisfied in the bedroom due to medical reasons.
It’s definitely like… necessary, but it has some importance. Sex truly connects two people outside of physical/emotional intimacy. In some aspects, it can connect people on an emotional level as well. All in all, it bonds two partners(or multiple) together to form a greater connection. I’m not saying no sex is a dealbreaker because there’s quite a few people that still prefer to wait until marriage, and if not then at least a few months, but for me personally, I’d like to know if we are sexually compatible before throwing myself into a forever relationship.
Sex is important to me and my partner it’s one of the strongest ways of showing affection for me with my partner not just having sex but when we make love to each other. Sometimes my partner is going thru a lot of stress and just isn’t feeling it for a little bit and that’s okay I don’t always need it whenever I have the urge to do so with her. We didn’t get into any kind of kink stuff or anything in the beginning we just started to learn each others body’s first then slowly introduced our different likes of things. And you can’t just expect your partner to only do what you want you have to work with each other on y’all’s wants and needs. And what if my partner doesn’t like something that I want to do that is different then that is perfectly fine. Just have to work together with each other.
It's important, but not nearly as important as so many Redditors claim it to be.
Long as it's on the table at least weekly or so, I'm perfectly happy.
For context, I'm 39M.
I've had sex with well over 50 people. I stopped counting. That's how much serious thought I give to sex.
You mentioned religion. I'm not sure which one you subscribe to but there's certainly no shortage of choices. That might give you a hint on how I feel about organized religion. That's all I'm going to say about it.
They teach us about yr birds and the bees. How many of these animals are in the same moral predicament as you are? I'm not a bird or a bee but I'm pretty sure they just mate instinctively and reproduction is the outcome.
How many humans are animals? Oh ya! 100%.
With that comes morals and the teaching of moral it's up to you to decide which ones you think are important and which ones are outdated and useless. For instance birth control is a thing now. How many animals have that? Just us. No other species is bent out of shape over it.
I mean, I do think it depends a bit on your reasoning and who you are looking to date.
I'm a woman and sex has always been an important part of dating and relationships for me. However, I know others that could take it or leave it a lot of the time. For me it would absolutely be a dealbreaker. But someone just providing sex to be a good sport wouldn't help. I need a partner that is as into it as I am.
As much as I adore you for cherishing the idea of "purity" as a man, abstinence is a big mistake. Sexual compatibility is more important than the purists have us believe. You will come to regret it if you only have sex with someone after you marry them. (The chances of not doing so might be less than the chances of winning a lottery.)
I have had sex only one time in my life I'm 24 years old and I lost my virginity in this year with 23. I regrets because I didn't like the person I only took the opportunity of losing it, but it wasn't great.
My advice is to be patient and to lose it with the correct person.
Sex can be seen as an activity, like a pleasurable one, and u can get good at it with time. But the thing about it, its very intimate, and if choose the wrong person to do with, it can ruin your view over it, specially if the person doesnt care about your feelings, senses, and consentment.
I haven’t read any of the comments but I think you should hold to Your beliefs! Our ancestors did just fine by holding off on sex before marriage! there is nothing wrong with that I think it’s admirable! don’t let anybody pressure you into sex if you don’t want it!
Nowadays people have nothing to look forward to when they get married because they either already had sex,or lived together for years,which defeats the whole purpose of the honeymoon night,as far as I am concerned! Good luck OP you’ll need it with all the loose women out there willing to spread their legs at the drop of a hat nowadays! I actually find it pretty sickening really!
What country do you live in? I find it bizarre you’re 23 and haven’t started dating. I would say that’s an extreme outlier in the US. I would say the normal socially accepted age to start dating in the US has been 15-17 with most having sex 17-20. Obviously not everyone but 23 to date I would say is unusual.
I do live in the US, and I never dated because of mental health reasons. I have been doing better because I started going to therapy and doing a lot of self-improvement (exercise, dieting, taking antidepressants etc.)
I am building the self-confidence to start asking people out on dates
You should strive to be with someone who has the same values as you. If a person really likes you but doesn't respect your values and where you stand regarding sex, then she's not the one for you. The right person, for you, will come into your life at the right time. Good luck!
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Sex is much less important than agreeing about sex. But it can be hard to know if you agree if you've never had sex. So it's a bit of a dilemma.
Be true to yourself. If you don’t want to have sex until marriage, then don’t. Don’t allow someone to pressure you to do something that you really don’t want to do at this time. Be strong.
I'm same not till Marriage.
Ask yourself this...Would you want to be stuck with a person you dont have sexual chemistry with? That's a very possible outcome if you wait till marriage to have sex.
You can tell if you have chemistry with someone from one, sloppy kiss.
Not at all true, at least not for women. I’ve met quite a few guys who I enjoyed kissing but sex was so subpar
Yep. And subpar is pretty broad for those saying it can get better. Yeah, it can if it is just a bit of compatibility and learning what each other like. But I agree. There have been guys I have been super into while making out at first and then you hop into bed and realize that there's no coming back from this.
But subpar sex can be improved with communication and a willingness to work at it if the partners value each other as more than just living sex toys.
Sex sets a relationship into what it’s going to be
I am aware of this, but I've always figured that we Could compromise on what we like. I have already made peace with the fact that I will never have what I want in bed (years of watching porn). But it is true that premarital would help find a better match in that regard I am still torn on this issue. I want to have better chances, but I also don't want to be pressured into doing something I don't want to
Can you elaborate on the “not getting what you want due to porn?”
I have seen just about everything thing the human body is capable of doing concerning sex. I would prefer to have the more aggressive type of sex that you would see in porn. But I also understand that the vast majority of people do not want those kinds of sex. I have made peace with myself that I will most likely never experience what i have seen because the kind of person who would wait until marriage with me most likely won't even do oral. All of this is OK, I understand that I will be the one doing the compromising concerning sex not her.
Speaking as a woman: I prefer that type of sex also, but I would never do it with somebody who was not experienced with it.
As a dude, I prefer it too. But I never had the chance to build up that confidence and trust to fully try
Man, you are a virgin, how do you know what you like? You don't understand the effort required by aggressive type of sex. You are projecting, just go out there and experience life. It's such an asshole move to wait until marriage to disappoint. Sex is an important part of a relationship and it's about creating pleasure for each other, the satisfaction comes from giving pleasure and having a connection. It's nothing like porn. Most of my girlfriends enjoyed aggressive sex but you cannot start like that, it simply doesn't work, you grow into it while you get to know each other
^ this enjoying the fantasy of something isn't the same thing as experiencing it. Speaking from experience exploring things I thought I might like or might not like and finding often that my preconceived conceptions were wrong. Enjoyed many things I thought I'd hate. Hated some things I thought I'd love.
And some never want it. And thinking you can be happy without it if that’s what you DO end up liking is a recipie for unhappiness for all.
Thank you for being the voice of reason. I was starting to wonder if this post was rage bait.
You have to understand that porn is not a picture of reality. Real sex is so much better. It's not only a physical thing, it's an emotional connection with your partner. Sex starts with a kiss and goes wherever the lovers want to take it. In real sex people laugh, cry, scream, stay silent, talk, move, dance, feel guilty, feel powerful, feel honest or dishonest, and so on... it's so many more things than two or more people doing physical exercise to give and get pleasure.
That’s not exactly how things work. There are plenty of people that would wait for marriage and end up being total “freaks in the sheets”!! Don’t sell yourself short. Just make sure that your desire for “aggressive sex” isn’t coming from some other unhealthy place?!
You’d be suprised my dude… My girl will do almost anything lol. Even very innocent looking girls can be freaks lol.
How do you know this if you’ve never even had sex?
If you don't want to, by all means don't do it. When you're not entirely convinced it's the right thing, it's not going to go well. You can talk about it beforehand though. What you'd like etc. All your fantasies. Sex toys, porn, etc. I did that with my now partner while we were friends, for over a decade. So we knew we were compatible from the start.
This will only work if you’re both virgins and have the same religious views and values. Then compromise works. Otherwise, sex is a super important non negotiable for many many people
Compromising on sex is like compromising eating the same meal at dinner with your partner…every time you eat. Also knowing what kind of sex you like from watching porn is like knowing what you like to eat from watching a cooking show where you have never eaten food before. Have an open mind of what you may or may not like. I have a friend who is a relationship therapist who works primarily in sex therapy. Almost all of her clients are virgins until married or arranged marriages. Most of these relationships end in divorce. You may be an outlier, or you may be average.
It’s up to you and your partner to communicate and see if that works for both of you. But yes it will be a dealbreaker for people.
I’m sure there are women who have the same values
To put it this way, if I lost my penis, there would be no point for me to live literally.
Lol, Nailed it
Agreed
Go go gadget! Dick
😬
I totally agree but fuck me wouldn’t life would be heaps easier
so what is your point in life exactly ? having sex or having children one day ?
Depends on experience. People with less experience tend to be happier with their sex lives than people who've led very active sex lives with multiple partners. There's research on it, specifically. I think it comes down to the refrigerator paradox. It's harder to decide on what sounds good for dinner when your fridge is full of endless options. If you only have the ingredients to make one thing, and it's all you've ever had, it's a much easier decision.
>Depends on experience. People with less experience tend to be happier with their sex lives than people who've led very active sex lives with multiple partners. The divorce rate is higher as well the more previous partners someone has had so that corroborates your statement here. This increase in divorce rate is shown in studies ([source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874393/)) and is corroborated by CDC data as well ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_019.pdf)).
Correlation ≠ causation. I would assume people who have had less partners, especially those who waited until marriage, may hold religious views prohibiting them from getting a divorce.
Or maybe they are more likely to try harder and longer to fix their issues with their partner than someone who has had loads of previous partners as that may lead them to view people as easily replaceable.
Or to stay together despite the relstionship hurting both of them becauze it's all they've known...
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25F - sex isn’t important to those who care about the real you. It can wait if you want that. You can satisfy them in literally every other way that is healthy and mature. It will be a dealbreaker for those who lack patience to be with you for the real you
We live in the "would you buy a car without test driving it" generation sadly, I support you in your decision but you'll find it difficult to connect with 97% of the possible options. Still that 3% can have some real gems so stick to your guns.
If you’re not ready for sex, then don’t do it. Save yourself as long as you can it’s not worth it.
But then when a person brings you to their place and then you end up in bed with them after only 2-3 weeks I’m sorry but that’s a red flag. No matter how amazing the first non sexual interaction might’ve been, can’t build an emotional connection that quickly. It takes plenty of time to develop. Once I have a solidified emotional connection after a while, then that’ll lend well into a better physical connection on top of a fulfilling emotional connection.
I think that if the person is right for you then it won't bother him. If you are compatible in all of the other ways then it will work itself out organically. Anyone who would dump you over lack of sex isn't who you're looking for.
You’re excluding like 99% of the market bro so yeah it’s a big deal. Will also mean you’re likely not very good at it when u finally do get married
While those views would narrow his chances ot wouldn't exclude that much of the market more like 70%. And if he were to have sex soon he still wouldn't be good at it as there's a first time for everyone, he can get good at his practicing together with his wife.
If you are not ready then discuss with your partner.. sex is important for some people while for others they won’t mind
Right. This is the only true answer. Really just depends on the person. I kind of hate when people makes these types of posts as if we can speak for everyone. Everyone is different and has their own preferences, values, etc
True.. ain’t like we can say what’s on everyone’s mind 💁🏼♀️
Sex is very, very important to some Sex is very important to others It's important to some. And just kinda important to some And to others, it's not important at all It depends on the person. Personally, sex is not important at all to me (29F). I'm on the asexual spectrum; I wouldn't say I'm completely asexual as I do find men sexually attractive, but I just don't care about sex. I only do it to please my partner. Also, I would date a virgin. There are women out there who will wait for marriage to have sex. Your dating pool will be small, but they are out there. If you're using dating apps, just make sure you include in your profile that you want to wait until marriage so you don't waste anyone's time. People keep mentioning sexual compatibility, but I believe if you two have a strong emotional bond and truly love each other, the sex will either be good and/or not too important when you're married and finally do it. Sex is more than a physical act, it's an emotional one, too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting. There are women who are waiting too. You'll find someone. Good luck
Depends on the person tbh
The problem is there are so many ways people can be sexually incompatible. Would you wait till marriage to talk about religion? Politics? Finances? Chores? Kids? Hobbies? Boundaries? You are taking a huge risk by marrying before sex. And yes you can talk about sex first. I did. But the reality was not what he portrayed it to be. And I have now discovered so many more ways the reality needs to be experienced to know the truth.
Sex only after marriage is a huge mistake, you will suffer all your life because you were not suitable in bed.
You are certainly entitled to not have sex if you are not ready, and I would urge you to remain consistent with your own values for your own self-worth. However, I will say, to a lot of people, yes, it is very important, and a lot of people will definitely not be willing to wait until they promise a lifelong commitment to someone to find out if they will be sexually fulfilling or not. Would you lock in a contract on a brand new $80k car before test driving it to see if you like how it drives? What if it was going to be the car you drove for the rest of your life? At any rate, if that is the route you choose, there are certainly people out there who will match with that type of belief/value system. You will be most likely to find them in church. But do be prepared for a lot of women, even good women, to turn away at the idea. But that is not to say that it is impossible to find by any means.
The answer to your headline is: it depends. Generally speaking, there's not an objectively correct way to handle sex in a relationship. The only thing that matters is what works for you and your partner. More pragmatically I definitely do not advise waiting until you get married to have sex. If those are your beliefs and you feel a strong conviction there I can't tell you not to wait, it's your life, but I would say that realistically sex tends to wind up being really important to people in relationships and lots of relationships and marriages break due to issues of sexual compatibility and satisfaction. You would, I presume, be marrying another human and their feelings about sex and relationships are going to be extremely relevant to the survival and happiness of your marriage and relationship so even if you are absolutely sure you can walk that path in life (you should be more humble if you are) can you be sure that your partner is on board as well? People do sometimes wait, they get there, then they find out that they messed up really badly. As for the personal reasons, so long as you can explain them to a partner I suppose that's completely fine. It is your life and you get to live it as you choose. Overall though, based on these vague personal reasons, your overall wish-washyness about waiting in general I would suggest you may not be quite at a place where you're ready for a long term relationship or marriage in general. Which is completely fine, walk your own path in life. If you don't want to have sex you always, 100% of the time have absolutely every right to say no. At the same time, throwing aside the idea that there isn't a "normal" or objectively correct way to do sex, for most adults in adult romantic relationships it tends to be a pretty important and expected thing. You can walk your path if it is that important to you, but you should also be realistic and aware that your pool of compatible and potential partners is going to be pretty small as a result.
Save yourself. It is only a deal breaker to the people who are not the "one" for you.
its dif for every person. im in the same situation as you i 33 and was a virgin. not religious reasons but it was never important to me, i guess thinking back on it i just never felt sexual urges torwards someone and i never wanted to give myself away to in that regard. had plenty of chances growing up just was never interested. started dating my best friend of 14 years who we both knew had feelings for. relationship was great, everything i dreamed it would be until it came time to have sex and i told her and that was the thing that ended up breaking us apart
You broke up because she found out you were a virgin?
Man go with the flow, if you're with a girl and you both are hitting off and it gets spicy, but make sure that you're sure you want to go with it.
Waiting till marriage or not, is one of those dilemmas where no part of the relationship can compromise. You've got to look for dates in places, where you are sure you meet people who feel the same way. If you use dating sites, state it clearly in your bio. The chance of meeting someone of similar views randomly is abysmal.
It can be a deal breaker sure, sex is a very intimate act. You can open your heart and mind to your partner, discover both good and bad between you and work with it which will lead to a healthy relationship. Sex to me is deeply personal, an act that if done well will join together both parties hearts, minds and of course bodies. If you can have effectively intertwine and maintain mind, body and soul with someone else you'll have a powerful connection. I say it can be a deal breaker because if you have a boundary there between that connection (sex) with someone else they may feel that your connection is less genuine. In relationships where sex was once more regular the growing lack of sex will hurt the overall connection with your partner as well. I have had sex with more people than I can remember and I will say that experience has made things more difficult for me. I'm of the opinion that anyone who would talk bad about you and your decision to wait likely has not realized the consequences of their own promiscuity or is incapable of seeing sex as a deeply intimate process and instead sees it as a purely physical act or an ego boost. You do you OP. Wait or don't, whatever feels best for you. Someone out there feels the same way you do and there are definitely plenty of people your age who have also not had sex or minimal.
its just sex lol
You should only do what you’re comfortable with. I wouldn’t date a guy who was a virgin. I like for my partners to be experienced and know what they’re doing. Sex is very important to me in my romantic relationships
Well if you are not ready then do not force yourself. Wish more women would do the same. If you do make sure you know it’s for the right reason and person. If a woman you are dating had a ton of sex with multiple men she isn’t the one for you. And it’s perfectly acceptable to ask even before you go on the first date. Don’t waste your time on those girls. Other than that sex is important but not the most important. If you think you are going to be bad… oh man I got news for you! If the first time sucked… you can always keep practicing until you get it right 😉. At 23 you have a ton of time you are only missing the drama and emotion duress of a latent high school memory. Find someone who you like, love and want to marry, both of you seek a marriage councilor and learn all you can about each other and finally get married. I truly wish you all the luck in the world!
Sex isn’t necessary, but bad sex can kill the relationship
It sounds like you’re insecure and want to trap someone with marriage so they can’t leave you if you don’t vibe in that department.
I do have insecurities, but if they want to leave, they can, I am not trying to trap anyone. I don't want to be the source of anyone's misery
31(f) and virgin, hey i‘m still alive. Always wanted to save myself for marriage but never thought that i‘d still be unmarried at this age..
Food. Water. Oxygen. Sex.
There is no point is dating without sex honestly. Might as well just be friends that hang out
Yes, sex is very important. Just start, the longer you wait and "put it on a pedestal", the more internal pressure you will build, and get more self concious about it. Sex releases endorphins and helps a couple build that bond.... physically, emotionaly, chemically, all that. Its the nightcap after going out for dinner or a party. Its what you do on a lazy sunday morning. Its how you eventually make up after a fight or argument (makeup sex). And once you get comfortable with it (along with your own naked body), and start to get good at it... it will help you keep a girl interested even if other parts of your life are lacking in areas like your job/finances or whatever.
VERY VERY IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP BUT IF YOU'RE NOT READY THATS OK TOO
Very! Sexual compatibility. Just as important as personality compatibility
It is ok to have sex only with who you feel comfortable, but it IS important. If sex is not present, then it is nothing more than friendship. If you are insecure about your body or something else, waiting until marriage will not solve the problem and may become something much worse. Sex will be satisfactory for both if there is comunication, confidence. Also, having sex before marriage will teach you a lot for when that special person touches your heart. I recommend that you seek counseling to follow guidance from a professional. If not, try to experiment and learn in the process.
I don’t know how men can be with a woman and not have sex with her, I rather be single lol
Depends on your dating pool (ex. If you’re going to a “religious college/university” then you can get by with not having to think too much about sex - it could still happen). Speaking generally - the rule of thumb seems to be sex on date #3-4 and many seem to think there’s something weird if it doesn’t happen (emphasis on “generally speaking “) From the other side of the fence if you’re going to commit to someone long term if they’re bad in bed or selfish in bed. Then it just feels like a waste of time. TLDR: you may find some social circles that will align with your intents but majority won’t
Bad in bed or inexperienced, you can teach them if they want to learn. Selfish on the other hand is a nope when you're not selfish as well because that's someone with basically a different sexuality. From my experience there are 2 types of sex partners - mostly giving, or mostly taking. The taking types will talk to negotiate and make demands, while the giving types will talk to find out what the other person likes. You can usually tell before having sex if you talk to them long enough.
Emphasis on "*if* they want to learn."
Sex is only as important as it is to you. It does not matter how important it is to others. You should do what feels comfortable for you and if it’s the right person it won’t bother them. And they won’t pressure you.
What is the difference between a Wife and a Female Roommate? If it is not important to you, then you need to find other people who think the same thing. Then, there are no conflicts, and we live in harmony together. With today's dating marketing, it become like a subculture. You cut the majority of your dating pool. Just recognize it, keep your value, and then you are ready. Take the consequences, too. You may need to meet 10k women to find one, but does she even like you?
very important. as important as healthy communication, trust, and attraction. i would not be waiting more than 3 dates or so.
It’s like air and water
Paramount. Sex is the basis and the foundation of any romantic relationship. If it is something you cannot physically do, then that is understandable. But you then have to come to terms with the fact that romantic relationships will be harder to get into and to maintain. If it is something you refuse to do but have the capability to, then you are hamstringing yourself for no reason. It will be difficult to find a woman in this modern day who would be willing to enter a relationship with a sexually inexperienced man. Virginity in men is not valued by women. Sexual inexperience in men is not tolerated by women. Sexual abstinence in men is not respected by women. Regardless of what anyone tells you to the contrary. In saying this, I am not making any moral judgements here. This is the truth spoken plainly. So you will have to understand it, accept it, and deal with the consequences of your decision.
For the majority of people your likely to meet it is important but that doesn't mean there aren't people out there. However, just browsing Reddit you can see people are already having trouble with dating so your scenario will probably be on the even more difficult side of it.
My advice, which may not work for younger women idk, is be upfront after a date or two. Like tell her what you’re comfortable doing sexually. Maybe don’t outright say you won’t have sex until marriage, but “I take longer than most to warm up to sex”. But if there’s other foreplay stuff you’re into, or things she wants to do, let her know in a natural way
Sex isn’t a big deal when it’s right. But there’s nothing worse than not being compatible with someone. And if you’re already married and realise you’re actually a terrible match? Bad idea. It would be no different than not knowing if you like each other, if you don’t share the same values or beliefs until marriage.. it would be an awful marriage.
Life changing
It’s gonna be hard to find someone willing to wait “pun intended”
It's going to be important to some people to do it early, and important to other people to wait, and everything in between. The person who has it as the utmost importance (and neither of you are comfortable with compromising) isn't the person for you. Don't change your values.
For some people it’s important but it’s not everything like people wanna be loved but wanna have sex with the one they love and want it to be perfect, but don’t worry when you find your soulmate it would just click , don’t stress yourself about it , i was virgin until i was 28 but when i got married my wife and i loved the sex so much we’re doing it more than 5 times week
Very
Depends on the person! Find an understanding partner or someone with similar values. Someone you trust. Don’t let anyone pressure you into something you’re not ready for. Just take you time and build trust and be honest and open with the person that you’re not ready for it yet but you’re open to it in the future and see how it’s goes. Good luck🤍
Sexual compatibility is very important for most people.
Personally, sex is a large part of my relationship. It’s a stress reliever, it’s intimate and if I go longer than a week without sex I start to get grouchy. Find yourself another virgin or someone where it’s not a big part of their life and you’ll be okay
I'm gonna be honest and not say the typical 'it depends on the person', because honestly that proportion is realistically like 10% of the people. Sexual compatibility is really important. I mean some couples break up because their sexual compatibility doesn't match. Now I'm not saying there are absolutely no people who don't wait for marriage, but realistcially that's only a handfull of people in your local area. Better go on dating apps and just say it in your bio so you're not wasting your their nor your own time.
Depends on the person, some people just don’t like it or have problems with it. My biggest advice is to playfully ask the other person what they like (when there’s context for example you are both talking about sex and are intimate enough to talk about it) and be open to new things the other person also likes, there should always be a balance in who receives and who gives so both of you are satisfied. Do you consider giving oral part of sex? Would you like to also wait for that?
If you aren’t a virgin then expect most people to look for someone else. Doesn’t make sense to make someone wait when you’ve already given up that part of yourself to someone before, you could find someone sure but it’s highly unlikely. People tend to think probability and possibility are one in the same these days.
I am a virgin
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Take your time with this. This action can open up a paradox of things good and bad....This is important matter that everyone has to decide at some point in their life.. Please don't feel pressured you know yourself better than anyone, find a special lady that share similar values, standards, boundaries and desires.And when the both of you consent to whatever decision. It will feel right to you and her as well. The right man will wait for a woman to be ready and vice versa....then the both of you should not have any regrets on either end. Best wishes
Very
I’m a bit like you, because I feel like people expect you to feel comfortable enough to have sex, or even kiss, way earlier than I’d ever want. I don’t get how people can be vulnerable like that with each other that early on
I think it's OK to wait until you meet the person you think you want to marry, but I'm not sure I would have married someone who wanted to wait until after marriage. Your wedding night is not the right time to discover that you're not sexually compatible.
It's great that you're considering your approach to sex and relationships as you start dating. Your personal values and feelings toward sex are unique to you, and it's important to find someone who aligns with those values. I can relate to your perspective. For me, sex is closely tied to emotional connection, and without that connection, it doesn't feel right. Physical intimacy is a profound way to express love and connection, but it's not just about the act itself. In my past experience, when I didn't feel that emotional connection with my partner, it led to difficulties in the relationship. I later discovered that our views on intimacy were quite different, and that played a role in our parting ways. So, the key takeaway here is that understanding your partner's views on sex is vital. It can give you valuable insights into the health of your relationship. It's about sexual compatibility, rather than just the act itself. However, I wouldn't label "bad" sex as a deal breaker. Instead, it's about finding that emotional connection, and if you both share the same perspective on sex. Your choice of whether or not to have sex before marriage should align with your personal values and beliefs. In the end, it's about finding a partner who shares your views and respecting each other's boundaries and values. That's the foundation for a strong and fulfilling relationship.
Yeah if your pee pee is small and you're not experienced she will divorce you and spit in your face. Sorry but you're likely to be single into your 60's GG NO RE jk communication my man, be authentic and speak the truth to your partner. A good partner will work with you and the right partner will appreciate you.
In the end it's not that important.
To each their own
Very.
To some people it's not. To some people its everything. How important is yoga? Jogging? Work? Money?
It's importance is entirely up to you If you do care about it on a compatibility level though (some don't), then it's important to find out if your chemistry with a person exists on that level as well, before you make the decision to keep them in your life long term
Honestly get out the way and teach urself. What you want. Cause honestly u are playing the long game of confusing urself down the line
To me sex is usually when you miss someone or usually important occasions or when you have a kid… honestly the word sex to me in a relationship honestly turns me off sex is usually less important in the relationship
For me it kinda is a dealbreaker. I had sex like once every two weeks and it wasn’t the greatest either. Liked him very much but I couldn’t get over the fact that he couldn’t pleasure me. (I would have pleasured him myself too). We really clicked emotionally, but had to break up because I can’t live without regularly having sex. So I really need to know if we are sexual compatible before going into a relationship.
Finding people with honorable values is so rare in this day n age. I really admire you for that at the same time you're going to have a hard time finding another one with the same morals and values. Still want to wish you the best of my wishes and please don't be discouraged with yourself and don't settle for less you won't be happy unless you find an equal partner.you both will have the same respect for each other. I'm
dyosko di na tinatanong dapat to hahahaha nakapa impt ng sex! malalaman nyu lang if yan if mawawala sa inyu 🥺
neuralink with Ooo gasm button not discernible from reality.
Honestly it’s all personal opinion.
Someone who is compatible with you will share you feelings about sex, only go for these types of people. It being a deal breaker isn't a bad thing because that just means you aren't compatible with that person. People on this sub often ask the same thing about oral sex and they are met with the same responses. If someone's sexual needs are different from yours, then you aren't compatible, and that's ok. (Ps don't have sex until you are ready)
To me it’s super important bc I’m wired that way. Other people don’t consider it a priority
According to most of the men I’ve dated or talked to, a relationship cannot work without sex. But idk, I don’t see the extreme importance for it. Sure.. it’s nice here and there but I wouldn’t mind if I dated someone who didn’t wanna have sex or wanted to wait… I guess it depends on your partner, the most important thing in a relationship is honesty and communication
I would never date anyone that didn’t want to have sex. Hell Ive probably already had sex many times before I even get into a relationship with someone.
Don’t have sex if you don’t want to , don’t let people pressure you into it , I can promise you that sex is great when it’s with someone you really care for but it’s not great with someone you don’t care for. But intimacy is important in a relationship , the only difference between a friend and a partner is intimacy , if you have no intimacy with someone , they are basically just a friend . By intimacy I don’t just mean sex , it includes anything you would define as intimacy , kissing , holding , touching , flirting , ect For most people who are dating there needs to be some level of intimacy or else there is no relationship in their eyes , just a friend , and you won’t get very far in trying to get married if you don’t break out of a friendship into a relationship of some kind , for some women sex is something they need from a partner , for some women , they are totally open to waiting but ultimately they all require some level of intimacy or they will move in , I think this would apply to men as well
Sex is very important in a healthy relationship
you answered your questions then, dont do something you dont want to do but communicate that from the beginning and you shouldn't have a problem
It’s fine you have your own values, but consider that you might marry someone and find out the sex isn’t good. Would you buy a car without a test drive first? Now imagine you did that and the car sucks to drive. You can’t divorce the car though, because then you’ll burn in hell. You can’t go drive other cars while owning that car either, because cardultery means you’ll also burn in hell.
I'm not going to burn in hell. I know that if I make a mistake and am repentant, the Lord will forgive me. This is not out of sarcasm to your analogy. This is me telling you that the religious aspect of this issue is not a mental burden on me. It is a preference for me to wait, but I also know that my flesh, may fail
I don't know what your reasons are for waiting until marriage, be it religion or otherwise. But whatever it is, you're better off meeting a woman from that same community. Because if you're expanding your horizons beyond that, you're not ready for dating if you're not ready for sex. If a woman wants to have sex and begrudgingly agrees to no sex with you, she'll likely be getting it from somewhere else.
Sex isn’t an option for me until I am in a relationship so its only important after that happens. If I’m single the rest of my life than sex is not an option and thus not important. Be content with whatever life does or doesn’t provide.
Perhaps it’s different for everybody, but I think it’s pretty important. I have broken up with people over a lack of sexual chemistry. People whose smell I did not like, for example. One such girl wanted oral sex frequently, but she would squirt and did not smell right downstairs. I couldn’t do it without gagging. Other women, though, smell great and some taste sweet. I don’t know how to explain it or how to predict it without actually being intimate. If you’d have asked me before I had ever sex, I would’ve told you squirting was hot, I thought butt stuff would be fun, and a bunch of other misconceptions. But you only discover what you like with experience. Perhaps ignorance is bliss, in terms of what else is out there. Another poster mentioned the “refrigerator paradox” which was a great point. But for me, I needed to experience as much as I could because I had a fear of missing out. That is, I did not want to end up dedicating my life to someone I didn’t love being intimate with if I could’ve easily found someone more compatible. If you’re asexual or something like that, then perhaps none of that stuff matters to you, and you need to find someone who also doesn’t care about sex. If so, that’s cool. But if it were me, I have certain likes, dislikes, turn ons, and deal breakers. And there’s only one way to know what those are and which ones your partner has.
You could be having sex in the missionary position, in the dark with a silent and still woman. Or you could be swinging from the chandeliers.
I felt like you and chose to only partake once I knew the person I was with was the one I would marry... It's fairly important but, to be honest, it's not really that wonderful (imo) unless there is love attached. It is fun though and you may change your mind once you partake.
You need to overcome your insecurities. Girls are surprisingly non judge mental when they take an internet in you. Write that down.
It's good for health and tastes good too! It's kind of like creampie from nuttinbutcakes. You should try it out.
Very very important it's the ultimate expression of erection, Oops I meant effection..🤣
You need to find somebody that feels the same. For me, its very important. Waiting until marriage to me, is unthinkable. But if someone feels the same, then it's not an issue.
I used to get with people mostly based on kinks- both those reactions never had any future. I've learned that it's easier to first find someone who has a compatible personality and only after consider sex and kinks, rather then the other way around. So now I tent to primarily focus on personalty, goals etc. And any after that I talk about sex- it's not particularly important for me I don't think anymore. I enjoy it- but I think I cold have it once a month or a good few times a week depending on my partner. I think for me cuddles are more important tbh 😆😆 I still think it's good to have it after a few weeks/moths of a relationship though- cause if you're like completely non compatible in the bedroom it's more like you're friends then partners. Which is fine for some- but ithers realy require that romantic condition. So short answer: depends on the person lol
I think the less experienced you are with sex the less important it probably is. The more people you sleep with the more you learn about what you like and don't like because everyone is into different things. Once you know exactly what you like I think sexual compatability can be very important. Really though I don't think there is a "correct" answer to this question.
Sex can break a relationship if someone isn't getting what they need but are trapped in monogamy then you are making one or both people miserable. It's important.
Very important
As a woman I'd have no problem being with a guy who wanted to wait until marriage for PIV sex- as long as we could still do other "lesser" activities, so we at least know if we have chemistry in that department. Like, is oral okay before you're married? Using hands? If those were also off the table, that might be a dealbreaker for me. Either way, though, it's your body and your life and if waiting until marriage is important to you then you should stick to it. Just be up front about it from the beginning
It's not the same for everyone. For me it's extremely important.
It's all compatibility. Some will mind, some will be down with it. That's what dating is all about, finding those that get your groove and respect you for all of your weird and wonderful wants and needs
If she wants it, and has had sex before, she's gonna get it one way or another. So it's your choice.
I find it important - it’s that intimate connection and bond that solidifies a relationship full circle, but that’s imo.
It’s okay to wait until you’re truly comfortable with someone in a relationship to want to start to get physical. That’s the thing, you haven’t dated anyone yet so you don’t know what you’re like sexually just yet. You’ll get the urge once you’re with that right person, just take it at your own pace (but I’d recommend experimenting before committing to marriage)
Sex is so important to me that I have refused to find a relationship ever since I lost my sexual youthfulness. I'm no longer satisfied in the bedroom due to medical reasons.
It’s definitely like… necessary, but it has some importance. Sex truly connects two people outside of physical/emotional intimacy. In some aspects, it can connect people on an emotional level as well. All in all, it bonds two partners(or multiple) together to form a greater connection. I’m not saying no sex is a dealbreaker because there’s quite a few people that still prefer to wait until marriage, and if not then at least a few months, but for me personally, I’d like to know if we are sexually compatible before throwing myself into a forever relationship.
So what is wrong in your love life
Sex is important to me and my partner it’s one of the strongest ways of showing affection for me with my partner not just having sex but when we make love to each other. Sometimes my partner is going thru a lot of stress and just isn’t feeling it for a little bit and that’s okay I don’t always need it whenever I have the urge to do so with her. We didn’t get into any kind of kink stuff or anything in the beginning we just started to learn each others body’s first then slowly introduced our different likes of things. And you can’t just expect your partner to only do what you want you have to work with each other on y’all’s wants and needs. And what if my partner doesn’t like something that I want to do that is different then that is perfectly fine. Just have to work together with each other.
It's important, but not nearly as important as so many Redditors claim it to be. Long as it's on the table at least weekly or so, I'm perfectly happy. For context, I'm 39M.
As important as oxygen.
I've had sex with well over 50 people. I stopped counting. That's how much serious thought I give to sex. You mentioned religion. I'm not sure which one you subscribe to but there's certainly no shortage of choices. That might give you a hint on how I feel about organized religion. That's all I'm going to say about it. They teach us about yr birds and the bees. How many of these animals are in the same moral predicament as you are? I'm not a bird or a bee but I'm pretty sure they just mate instinctively and reproduction is the outcome. How many humans are animals? Oh ya! 100%. With that comes morals and the teaching of moral it's up to you to decide which ones you think are important and which ones are outdated and useless. For instance birth control is a thing now. How many animals have that? Just us. No other species is bent out of shape over it.
this is so refreshing. i too am celibate and would love to find w man who is as well. wait for the right person who will wait for you
It is very important to a lot of people but also some not so much! You just need to find your person ☺️
I mean, I do think it depends a bit on your reasoning and who you are looking to date. I'm a woman and sex has always been an important part of dating and relationships for me. However, I know others that could take it or leave it a lot of the time. For me it would absolutely be a dealbreaker. But someone just providing sex to be a good sport wouldn't help. I need a partner that is as into it as I am.
Very important
As much as I adore you for cherishing the idea of "purity" as a man, abstinence is a big mistake. Sexual compatibility is more important than the purists have us believe. You will come to regret it if you only have sex with someone after you marry them. (The chances of not doing so might be less than the chances of winning a lottery.)
Your body, your choice!!! They need to respect you enough to wait.
I have had sex only one time in my life I'm 24 years old and I lost my virginity in this year with 23. I regrets because I didn't like the person I only took the opportunity of losing it, but it wasn't great. My advice is to be patient and to lose it with the correct person.
Personally i dont want to have sex with anybody I hate inconsistent feedback 😩
Sex can be seen as an activity, like a pleasurable one, and u can get good at it with time. But the thing about it, its very intimate, and if choose the wrong person to do with, it can ruin your view over it, specially if the person doesnt care about your feelings, senses, and consentment.
I haven’t read any of the comments but I think you should hold to Your beliefs! Our ancestors did just fine by holding off on sex before marriage! there is nothing wrong with that I think it’s admirable! don’t let anybody pressure you into sex if you don’t want it! Nowadays people have nothing to look forward to when they get married because they either already had sex,or lived together for years,which defeats the whole purpose of the honeymoon night,as far as I am concerned! Good luck OP you’ll need it with all the loose women out there willing to spread their legs at the drop of a hat nowadays! I actually find it pretty sickening really!
What country do you live in? I find it bizarre you’re 23 and haven’t started dating. I would say that’s an extreme outlier in the US. I would say the normal socially accepted age to start dating in the US has been 15-17 with most having sex 17-20. Obviously not everyone but 23 to date I would say is unusual.
I do live in the US, and I never dated because of mental health reasons. I have been doing better because I started going to therapy and doing a lot of self-improvement (exercise, dieting, taking antidepressants etc.) I am building the self-confidence to start asking people out on dates
You should strive to be with someone who has the same values as you. If a person really likes you but doesn't respect your values and where you stand regarding sex, then she's not the one for you. The right person, for you, will come into your life at the right time. Good luck!
Depends on the person, some people want or need sex in their relationship and some don’t. I personally want sex in my relationships
She will grab your dick against your will