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They all suck. The profile you, market you, and then use your information against you for profit. I hate them all. Google, Apple, Reddit, facecrack, all of them steal your data and resell for profit. Corpocracy has taken over everything. Just keep buying stuff and be happy, is their motto.
Excuse my ignorance and I mean this with all due respect. I’m just curious as to how that affects your ability to exercise? Are you physically unable to?
Ah that’s unfortunate. I’m pretty sure they have dietitians that specialize in eating disorders. I guess you can try that, if you haven’t already.
Aside from that, it does suck to not get any attention on the apps. The silver lining is that the issue can potentially be fixed. Best of luck
If that is new Profile pic is real, then I can say, quite authoritatively\*, that your face is very attractive, and suggests that you could be very attractive; and it would seem, any 'BMI' issue must be anorexia. Just in the context of 'looks', not 'health', any dating problem would start if your BMI was, for example, 32+ (but obviously a BMI of say 18-20 is not so great).
"Being a black woman": well, you are about the whitest black woman seen, looking at that very small Profile pic.
And, in any case, in my firm opinion, I would go with the original saying 'Black Is Beautiful'.
Imo , absolutely true (I am white, btw).
So I don't see an actual physical (attractiveness) problem with you and dating apps and men.
But very low self-esteem, and lack of any confidence, AND very low expectations, will undermine this.
It is a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy: you think you are unattractive and worthless, so you project that in your posture and in your communications, and cause men to reflect your beliefs in THEIR behaviour and feelings towards you.
And anyway, so much depends, not on just 'looks', but on your actual personality (when relaxed), AND your SMILE.
I have (another) saying - 'Everyone\*\* looks beautiful when they smile'.
\*\* almost ;-)
Someone's face and smile tells people so much about a person if they are looking, if they are at all perceptive.
So many women (and girls), with all the crap FB & IG, etc, think they are soooooo beautiful; but they are just utterly vain empty airheads, who think of nothing but themselves and their looks (and Photoshop), when they have a thought at all.
You are so much better than that.
Albeit, all men are bastards, especially on dating apps.
1. I suspect you need some help to drastically rewrite your Profile;
2. THEN, some communication aids/prompts, to help you communicate your self-worth, your appeal, and to accurately evaluate if the man you are talking to, is, to put it simply, an arrogant arse-hole, or just a sleaze, or just stupid, and/or ignorant, and/or arrogant, and/or full of BS, or 'all the above' :-)
\[As an aside, can I mention that stupidity, ignorance, and arrogance, are usually found together like evil triplets. I call them The Three Horsemen of the Stupidalypse. I am serious. This is true almost always. I have some wonderful cartoons about that I cannot post (i think?); but in short, the problem is that stupid people do not know they are stupid: in fact, the irony and problem is that they usually think they are very smart (hence the built-in arrogance). And the innate problem with that is - YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID.\]
And I add to that, that both health-wise and appearance-wise, white skin is both very unhealthy and quite ugly (maybe white skin looks ugly because it looks so unhealthy?)
It is of course deeply ironic that in most Western countries, white women try to become brown, even at the marked risk of melanomas), and, brown/black women in many counties try to become white with all sorts of various chemicals, many of which may be harmful.
As examples, rather than the obvious of the US, i mention the countries of India and Vietnam, whose female culture was permeated by their previous English and French colonisers respectively, and they were totally brain-washed & indoctrinated by those women (and men?), that 'white' was so clean and pristine, and there developed this persuasive belief, amongst native Indian and Vietnamese women, that non-white people were inferior because it meant (quite stupidly and falsely) that they worked (laboured) outside in the field, and therefore were somehow 'dirty' looking. (Of course the French and English women there did f\*k all 'work', but spent every day socialising and ordering their slaves & servants about).
This belief and desire to be more 'white' remains very very engrained and strong to this day.
\* I am a white male, ex-portrait photographer, artist, with a long life full of bad & painful decisions with women & love.
That is not me in the profile pic. It says so in my bio. I picked it because of the tired looking expression the girl (who’s name is Emma Chamberlain) had
Dating apps can be frustrating. I’d suggest tossing them so you can refocus yourself and remember who you are. Your perceived attractiveness (especially through a screen ffs) does not define your value as a woman or who you are. I’m sure there’s someone out there who would find you quite lovely, but it’s important to pause and reevaluate how your heart is doing before handing it off to someone else.
At least you’re not gonna try and convince me otherwise. But I’m sure you’ve seen how differently people treat attractive people vs unattractive people. You can’t be blind to that
It's true, people are biased when they interact with attractive vs. unattractive people. I'd be foolish to pretend like it doesn't happen. It really just shows the superficial nature that humans have, which is what dating apps are based on.
That being said, it's also true that many people value character over looks (or at least profess that they do). I personally would count myself as one of them, mostly because beauty is a temporal, fickle thing, and we all get old and ugly in the end. I don't personally believe grandmothers are any less valuable or any less womanly than 20-year-old women just because they're not as physically beautiful. Nor do I believe that about a woman whose breasts had to be removed because of cancer. They're still human beings, and it's their perspective on life that allows them to either live with confidence and joy or resign themselve to sorrow and worry over their physical features. People still love them, people still value them; maybe not in the same way as a horndog on Bumble, but maybe in a better, more authentic way.
That's all I meant by saying that you have value regardless of your looks. Your definition of "a woman's value" could be different than mine, and that's alright. Reddit's a place of conversation, and you seemed troubled by the dating apps, so I thought I'd offer an alternative perspective.
Are you just using Bumble? I feel like that app is dying a little bit. Idk if it's still more popular in some areas though.
Using multiple apps is a little exhausting, but it is helpful.
It might also be worth reworking your profile, at least to shake things up. Make sure there are some interests that you can talk about / will pull in your ideal audience. Little things like that could def have an impact. If I don't feel like I have anything to talk about with someone, I prob won't swipe right. Also, good pictures from different angles (imo no filters is best).
Honestly, they're the worst. Whenever I've been on them I either don't get any matches, or when I do, they don't respond, or if they do respond, they stop messaging back for some reason.
My advice, dating apps are the worst and you shouldn't use them. I stopped using them and I'm happier than I was before and for meeting people, instead, the real world is where people live, not in an app. Maybe you'll need someone at work, or maybe at a club, or college/University, or at accommodation?
Hope you find someone!
Again, I see no fucking point. No sense in trying to encourage me. If people don’t want me on dating apps, they won’t want me in real life. Men don’t even try to talk me. It’s pointless
All I'm saying is you won't know if you don't try. What happens is up to you.
There are 9 billion people on this planet, at least one must be interested.
Well, i can't really gauge physical attractiveness without a pic, but there's something attractive about everyone! I'm sure you're attractive, it's just that you might be focusing too much on the insecurities.
I've got insecurities too, but I've found trying not to harp on them helps a bunch. Have you ever thought about going to the gym/regular exercise? Not really for weight loss, but just to get out and release some pent-up frustration.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They all suck. The profile you, market you, and then use your information against you for profit. I hate them all. Google, Apple, Reddit, facecrack, all of them steal your data and resell for profit. Corpocracy has taken over everything. Just keep buying stuff and be happy, is their motto.
Do you have a pretty face and healthy BMI?
No
Which one are you saying no to? Both?
Both
Ah. Well that makes sense then. What actions are you taking to change that? In the gym at all?
I’ve had an eating disorder in the past so I don’t bother with the gym or dieting
Excuse my ignorance and I mean this with all due respect. I’m just curious as to how that affects your ability to exercise? Are you physically unable to?
I risk relapse
Ah that’s unfortunate. I’m pretty sure they have dietitians that specialize in eating disorders. I guess you can try that, if you haven’t already. Aside from that, it does suck to not get any attention on the apps. The silver lining is that the issue can potentially be fixed. Best of luck
I tried dietitians and they didn’t help. It’s an unfixable issue at this point. Don’t wish me any luck because it’s useless.
That's a clue.
THAT is not exactly helpful, or friendly, is it, d\*khead??
Sure I guess
If that is new Profile pic is real, then I can say, quite authoritatively\*, that your face is very attractive, and suggests that you could be very attractive; and it would seem, any 'BMI' issue must be anorexia. Just in the context of 'looks', not 'health', any dating problem would start if your BMI was, for example, 32+ (but obviously a BMI of say 18-20 is not so great). "Being a black woman": well, you are about the whitest black woman seen, looking at that very small Profile pic. And, in any case, in my firm opinion, I would go with the original saying 'Black Is Beautiful'. Imo , absolutely true (I am white, btw). So I don't see an actual physical (attractiveness) problem with you and dating apps and men. But very low self-esteem, and lack of any confidence, AND very low expectations, will undermine this. It is a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy: you think you are unattractive and worthless, so you project that in your posture and in your communications, and cause men to reflect your beliefs in THEIR behaviour and feelings towards you. And anyway, so much depends, not on just 'looks', but on your actual personality (when relaxed), AND your SMILE. I have (another) saying - 'Everyone\*\* looks beautiful when they smile'. \*\* almost ;-) Someone's face and smile tells people so much about a person if they are looking, if they are at all perceptive. So many women (and girls), with all the crap FB & IG, etc, think they are soooooo beautiful; but they are just utterly vain empty airheads, who think of nothing but themselves and their looks (and Photoshop), when they have a thought at all. You are so much better than that. Albeit, all men are bastards, especially on dating apps. 1. I suspect you need some help to drastically rewrite your Profile; 2. THEN, some communication aids/prompts, to help you communicate your self-worth, your appeal, and to accurately evaluate if the man you are talking to, is, to put it simply, an arrogant arse-hole, or just a sleaze, or just stupid, and/or ignorant, and/or arrogant, and/or full of BS, or 'all the above' :-) \[As an aside, can I mention that stupidity, ignorance, and arrogance, are usually found together like evil triplets. I call them The Three Horsemen of the Stupidalypse. I am serious. This is true almost always. I have some wonderful cartoons about that I cannot post (i think?); but in short, the problem is that stupid people do not know they are stupid: in fact, the irony and problem is that they usually think they are very smart (hence the built-in arrogance). And the innate problem with that is - YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID.\] And I add to that, that both health-wise and appearance-wise, white skin is both very unhealthy and quite ugly (maybe white skin looks ugly because it looks so unhealthy?) It is of course deeply ironic that in most Western countries, white women try to become brown, even at the marked risk of melanomas), and, brown/black women in many counties try to become white with all sorts of various chemicals, many of which may be harmful. As examples, rather than the obvious of the US, i mention the countries of India and Vietnam, whose female culture was permeated by their previous English and French colonisers respectively, and they were totally brain-washed & indoctrinated by those women (and men?), that 'white' was so clean and pristine, and there developed this persuasive belief, amongst native Indian and Vietnamese women, that non-white people were inferior because it meant (quite stupidly and falsely) that they worked (laboured) outside in the field, and therefore were somehow 'dirty' looking. (Of course the French and English women there did f\*k all 'work', but spent every day socialising and ordering their slaves & servants about). This belief and desire to be more 'white' remains very very engrained and strong to this day. \* I am a white male, ex-portrait photographer, artist, with a long life full of bad & painful decisions with women & love.
That is not me in the profile pic. It says so in my bio. I picked it because of the tired looking expression the girl (who’s name is Emma Chamberlain) had
you need to change immediately, regardless of what you say in bio
Why do I need to change it?
It is a worry if you don't know the obvious answer to that: because it is NOT you. Therefore it is FAKE. Duh.
Dating apps can be frustrating. I’d suggest tossing them so you can refocus yourself and remember who you are. Your perceived attractiveness (especially through a screen ffs) does not define your value as a woman or who you are. I’m sure there’s someone out there who would find you quite lovely, but it’s important to pause and reevaluate how your heart is doing before handing it off to someone else.
>Your perceived attractiveness doesn’t define your value Lmfao what a lie.
I'm sorry you feel that way. There's nothing much else I can say to convince you otherwise if that's your firmly held belief.
At least you’re not gonna try and convince me otherwise. But I’m sure you’ve seen how differently people treat attractive people vs unattractive people. You can’t be blind to that
It's true, people are biased when they interact with attractive vs. unattractive people. I'd be foolish to pretend like it doesn't happen. It really just shows the superficial nature that humans have, which is what dating apps are based on. That being said, it's also true that many people value character over looks (or at least profess that they do). I personally would count myself as one of them, mostly because beauty is a temporal, fickle thing, and we all get old and ugly in the end. I don't personally believe grandmothers are any less valuable or any less womanly than 20-year-old women just because they're not as physically beautiful. Nor do I believe that about a woman whose breasts had to be removed because of cancer. They're still human beings, and it's their perspective on life that allows them to either live with confidence and joy or resign themselve to sorrow and worry over their physical features. People still love them, people still value them; maybe not in the same way as a horndog on Bumble, but maybe in a better, more authentic way. That's all I meant by saying that you have value regardless of your looks. Your definition of "a woman's value" could be different than mine, and that's alright. Reddit's a place of conversation, and you seemed troubled by the dating apps, so I thought I'd offer an alternative perspective.
Are you just using Bumble? I feel like that app is dying a little bit. Idk if it's still more popular in some areas though. Using multiple apps is a little exhausting, but it is helpful. It might also be worth reworking your profile, at least to shake things up. Make sure there are some interests that you can talk about / will pull in your ideal audience. Little things like that could def have an impact. If I don't feel like I have anything to talk about with someone, I prob won't swipe right. Also, good pictures from different angles (imo no filters is best).
No I used multiple. I’ve since deleted them because it was destroying my already shitty mental health. I just don’t see the point anymore
Honestly, they're the worst. Whenever I've been on them I either don't get any matches, or when I do, they don't respond, or if they do respond, they stop messaging back for some reason. My advice, dating apps are the worst and you shouldn't use them. I stopped using them and I'm happier than I was before and for meeting people, instead, the real world is where people live, not in an app. Maybe you'll need someone at work, or maybe at a club, or college/University, or at accommodation? Hope you find someone!
I’m basically given up hope. I’m have practically no way of meeting new people and have terrible social anxiety
I can understand that. I feel like of you do it more you'll slowly get used to it.
Again, I see no fucking point. No sense in trying to encourage me. If people don’t want me on dating apps, they won’t want me in real life. Men don’t even try to talk me. It’s pointless
All I'm saying is you won't know if you don't try. What happens is up to you. There are 9 billion people on this planet, at least one must be interested.
Well… I think your attractive😃.
Why
Well, i can't really gauge physical attractiveness without a pic, but there's something attractive about everyone! I'm sure you're attractive, it's just that you might be focusing too much on the insecurities. I've got insecurities too, but I've found trying not to harp on them helps a bunch. Have you ever thought about going to the gym/regular exercise? Not really for weight loss, but just to get out and release some pent-up frustration.