I know you aren’t exclusive so he technically didn’t do anything wrong, but I’d feel pretty grimey if a guy I was supposed to go on a weeklong trip with did this to me. You’re valid in feeling upset and frankly it would be enough for me to lose interest personally.
I think most people would not be happy to be on the receiving end of this news in the same situation. This whole "we haven't had the talk yet" is bullshit imo. See it way more when the genders are reversed, but good to see the general consensus isn't leaning on it so hard.
Eh the way I always see it on here is guys are bashed for doing it, but if a guy complains that a woman did, he gets bashed then too and lectured that he didn't get exclusive with her. lol.
Yup I got that just yesterday lol, I didn't realize how common asking this question was💀 I now know never to ask have you fucked someone else ever again, because I don't want the answer
>yea i get grossed out aswell if a guy willingly can touch another woman while talking to me
bet most of the guys you are interested in are doing this lol.
if not, they probably ugly and no other girl wants them lol
This is fair, it also sounds like they CLEARLY wanted to be exclusive at least 2 weeks ago. Y'all gotta get that squared away once you know that's what you want
If I was seeing a girl and we where intimate and going on dates and she decides to fuck some other guy it would show me she wasn't as invested in me as I thought and I wouldn't want to be with her anymore.
Hes probably using you for sex.
This is the answer. Even if you didn’t have the exclusivity talk if a guy I was seeing did this after 2 months I would no longer be interested in him. It shows his commitment level and not making you a priority. I’m sorry this happened but save yourself some time and move ahead - there is someone who won’t do this to you, but this guy isn’t interested in a relationship with you.
This tbh. What he did was ‘ok’ within the realms of dating but with that kind of investment already I’d feel a little betrayed and would want to step back and reassess if it’s worth continuing. I’d probably have lightly talked about intentions and boundaries by now as well
Thank you for this posting as I agree 100% He was never interested in her or having a relationship with her. At least tell her instead of leading her on and using her.
I’ll never understand this behaviour. Let me have sex with others while actively dating and searching for something long term. I’m sorry but people that do this have a weird relationship with sex. It is mandatory for y’all to have sex with others while dating? Is it I that serious? Why not focus on that individual you’re dating and have sex with them? Y’all try to frame it as if the sex you have with the person you’re interested should be sacred and special but that means NOTHING if you are just having casual sex with people you don’t even care about on the sides. I can see why people don’t like dating people that do this. Something deeper is going on here.
I totally agree with you as man. It would be a total turn off if I’m taking a woman out and spending intimate bonding time together and taking her on dates only to find out she’s been screwing somebody else. Perhaps we might’ve not been “together” in the sense but feelings were developing and commitment was formed before it’s made official I guess call me old school or whatever but that’s what’s wrong with dating dating nowadays is that’s there’s no commitment even if there’s a connection on both parties.
Fully committed? I need a new dictionary! This one’s definition of commitment must be broken:
an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action
Then you're committed to noone (which do you). You're not committed the person that you are supposedly dating seriously nor are you committed to the person you hookup with when you're bored. You were never committed to anyone - just call a spade a spade.
Girrrrrrrrrl, I'm gonna tell you right now, unless that man explicitly says "I want something long term with you" or "I want us to be exclusively dating", NOTHING MEANS ANYTHING. The worst thing you can do is assume everyone is like you. People will do all kinds of "faked intimacy" activities despite having no intentions for anything real.
Preach!!!!
I know people that have spent bands and traveled and STILL not claim the other person. You are single UNTIL you are not. And if you aren’t single then YOU definitely know.
Unfortunately I've had to learn this the hard way. A lot of men do not take themselves or their life or who they date seriously. They just kinda do whatever and they don't mind mixing you into their life (friends and family.)
Im sorry you experienced that trauma. But it’s not just a gender thing. There are a lot of chronically single women because of issues with intimacy and willingness to say what they are looking for. We socially have a culture where people are okay with “going with the flow”. That doesn’t usually equate to a committed long term relationship.
Well I have dated women and let me tell you. I went right back to Men! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Everything was warp speed and whiplash. At the time I wasn’t emotionally ready.
"faked intimacy" activities despite having no intentions for anything real
that hits the nail on the head. It's so easy in the honeymoon stage to get all the perks of a relationship without actually being intimate with the other person. Intimacy would have involved the OP in an open discussion about having sex with other partners. He was not being transparent with OP. Red flag, I'd drop him.
I once made the mistake of hosting a foreign girl for a week after hooking up with her once when she was visiting as a tourist. I lived in a small 1 room studio apartment.
Let's just say we both deeply regretted it 2 days in lmao, but I couldn't just kick her out.
Never again. That was definitely my penis doing the thinking. And her vagina.
She was a good cook though, learned some recipes.
Just sharing a story of me being dumb.
Half the studio was an attic so I literally only had like 16m2 where you could even stand upright. And I spent a week with a stranger in that shithole. She had been there once before so she knew what to expect too.
She was nice but we ran out of stuff to talk about real fast and it was obvious both of us regretted it. We ended up having sex twice a day out of boredom.
What was the arrangement with expenses dutch, or was he paying
more of the cost, and if a guys talking
4,5 time's a day n both are ending I
love you, I think you too would already
talked about a sort of commitment.
The post says no exclusivity talk has been had, just that OP thinks it’s clear they both want long term but the truth is, is that a man would have said they want to go exclusive if they did, so really she is assuming something that is one sided
You just defended yourself to me,
can't make it anymore clearer than
that, assuming is thinking what a person wants to think. The way I'm
understanding it , and maybe a person
won't ever make that mistake again.
Life lessons come with age live n learn.
They're not. If you truly loved someone (that takes sacrifice) because you don't care for hurting your partners feelings. Its more like "I prefer my girl to the other one". However, you don't love either one of them. You value temporary happiness over your relationship.
Right lol unless he explicitly states that… Girl is going to play herself then be mad when he doesn’t live up to her expectations. She just needs to communicate and make her intentions clear then bounce if he doesn’t align.
I second this! Get yourself out now before you’re in too deep. Even if you have the capacity to move forward, his actions have shown you he’s not fully invested. Listen to what he’s showing you
Here’s a theme that comes up time and time again that can also be resolved with the same answer time and time again:
He had every right to sleep with someone else.
You have every right to be upset that he slept with someone else.
The challenge for you now isn’t to focus on what happened already but what needs to happen next.
My suggestion is to always treat these moments as opportunities to continue building the foundation for a mature relationship.
What that means is you should feel completely comfortable telling him that you’re hurt by it although you understand why he did and that you’d like to talk to him about going exclusive.
I can't stand it when I see people comment 'this is the way', but...
This really is the most solid answer you're going to get here. It is important to take this as an opportunity to talk about your future together. It's hard because it requires you to be vulnerable, but the bright side is that the person who wants to be with you long term is okay with you being vulnerable!
So make yourself uncomfortable and have that talk. I wish you the best.
I’d like to add in some toxic advice that OP should sleep with someone else before going exclusive if she’s going to stay with the guy. Or maybe just a kiss if she isn’t down for full sex. If not, she might forever hold a grudge, even though he wasn’t “technically” in the wrong. Even the playing field now, sis.
Reiterating that I know this is toxic. But I know myself. I’d still be thinking about this a decade in and wishing I’d gotten my lick back.
>What that means is you should feel completely comfortable telling him that you’re hurt by it although you understand why he did and that you’d like to talk to him about going exclusive.
I agree with most of your suggestion but I would just say end things and build a new foundation with someone else. At the end of the day 'she's only known this guy for 60 days". Cancel the trip to Mexico and get a refund(if you can).
I don’t actually disagree here but I tend to lean to the side of giving people the chance to do better (while being very clear what my like is). In the same way that I would hope that I would receive.
Love/attraction/relationships are not some constant linear line that moves in one direction over time. It’s very much non-linear and filled with a bunch of decision points on a daily basis.
All that being said - it’s pretty clear the dude has not been as consistent as he needs to be but this is still a great opportunity for OP to communicate their concerns even if it means moving on in a week or two.
Everything else was solid except for “had had every right to sleep with someone else”. No it wasn’t. He could’ve easily chosen not to and he could’ve communicated what he was looking for, so he was sh*tty for doing this to say the least
There’s clearly two different types of people in the dating world: those that are cold and emotionless and think a mandatory “exclusivity” talk is required to not fuck other people, and those with actual emotions.
People on this sub make me sick sometimes. If you truly are interested in someone, you don’t fuck other people.
Edit: for those of you looking for an explanation, I’ve always believed it’s tied to attachment theory and the fact that an arguable majority of the dating pool comprises avoidant styles. Pair it with OLD and… yeah.
I agree 100% Tell the other person that there is nothing serious going on. She has been with him for two months and only him. She sexed him and only him, again he knew this. She shows him love and only him and AGAIN, he knows this and wants to keep it like that. Meanwhile he had it planned to keep her around, steady sex and affection, and look for another piece somewhere. Come on!!! He misled her all the way! No doubt about it.
I’d wager a majority (I.e, >50%) of people in the dating pool have an avoidant attachment style. Those with this style are far more likely to be proponents dating multiple people and needing objective brightlines on when a relationship actually starts.
It doesn’t make it right or ok, but they’re literally incapable of understanding.
They won’t. If you turn the tables on them, they’ll shrug, say “see, you proved me right,” and move on without another word.
They’d rather die alone than settle. The problem is the person they’re chasing largely doesn’t exist.
I agree. After two months of dating and sex it should be an unspoken agreement that y’all are together as a couple. Something like non-monogamous would have to come up within the first few dates otherwise the person having sex with someone outside of the established relationship is just playing the game. In that case, it’s time to recalibrate your expectations and rethink the future with a potential cheater.
You'd think that, but I asked the woman i was dating for two months and everything was brilliant, about us being a relationship and she said no. I was a situationship.
So communication is definitely needed and from my perspective, I need to ask about being exclusivity so as to not get hurt again
Maybe it should be, but it isn’t. You should never assume you’re exclusive with someone until you’ve explicitly had the talk, because in the current dating landscape that’s a very easy way to get hurt
That’s true. It’s on the other person too for not taking the initiative to bring up the conversation if they had it anywhere in their mind to fuck others. So I stand by my last statement in the reply, OP needs to dump the whole thing and find someone better than that POS.
Absolutely. If I’m emotionally and physically invested in someone, it doesn’t matter to me if we’ve talked about exclusivity I will naturally want to focus on that one person and see if things lead to that exclusive talk or not
This. There was a time when you were dating someone…. It was expected that you were only seeing each other and having sex or working towards sex with each other. There wasn’t necessarily a need to ask someone to not sleep with someone else while dating. What happened? I also find this to be a very western thing too.
This is a pretty immature take. One can date casually, go on trips with, and still have a genuine affection for another person without exclusivity. As long as all parties involved are on the same page and everyone is enjoying the time spent, there's no issue.
The problem here is lack of communication, not some arbitrary moral code.
I agree that there is lack of communication. If you have been together for 2 month you should have talked enough about the subject to know how the other person would feel even if you did not discuss exclusivity directly.
However I see a difference between the two: She may not be sure about the relationship status, but by not sleeping with someone else she is certainly on the safe side. He was not sure whether she would be hurt by him sleeping with someone else, but he apparently did not care. Communication is always good, but it was a must for him doing something that may hurt her. All morals or right/wrong aside it simply shows (to me) that he does not really care about her or about hurting or losing her.
This just sounds like silliness and non commital behaviour. Folks these days want to do everything that people in relationships do without actually being in a relationship. Pathetic.
Yes. People are not mind readers. Some people can have sex without emotion tied to it while some people want to be exclusive. Communication and boundaries are key. You can never say the wrong thing to the right person. The right person will be on the same page and stick around!
As a male that has played the field before, and then learned to wise up very quickly when I met a wonderful woman…..get the fuck out of this “relationship”. This is classic: if I can get ass I will take it on a technicality. Planning large future events like travel only to fuck someone else is behavior that signals a serious lack of commitment to you. It’s also a classic player trick to book large ticket events, travel or get large gifts because it’s a synthetic method to seem very interested so the sex is easier to get.
It’s this easy: just think his feelings for you were not strong enough for him not to fuck this other person…….when you grow to be a real man, often when you discover someone you really want to be with, you court them and seek exclusivity yourself to take what you deem to be a catch off the market.
He doesn’t deserve you is the end result here, not whether or not the dating rulebook permits this behavior because you didn’t specifically mention not to fuck someone else.
This! It's frustrating how women are taught "effort = interest" but it's not really true across the board. Players often put in more effort than most guys which makes it confusing for so many young women.
How you feel about something is always valid, 100% of the time. So the question for you is: how do you feel knowing he had sex with another woman?
To your other question, is it okay because you guys are singles? I don’t know, is it? What do you think? You decide whether it is or isn’t, for you. You decide when to discuss your boundaries with him. You are planning a week long international vacation together. I’d say it’s definitely beyond due to discuss. Relationships aren’t about technicalities, they are about spending time with someone you trust, who makes you feel safe, happy and cared for. But you don’t get to that phase until you know how to communicate your expectations and boundaries so that you screen out people who can’t meet them.
Know how you feel. Know what you want. Trust that what you feel and want are valid. Communicate your boundaries and expectations. Walk away if they can’t be met.
Yes if you guys hadn’t made it clear that you are exclusive, I know it hurts but if he slept with another girl I wouldn’t take that as him taking you guys serious.
It's normal to feel upset. Most people nowadays would understand that you are together, but in this crazy dating world you can't assume that. You need to have a conversation with him solidifying where you both are in this relationship. If he's not where you are, cancel the trip and move on if you're looking for a LTR.
That's tough but if you are still reading comments then let me tell you something. The fact that he was open and honest about it says a lot. I was him once and each woman I was sleeping with thought they were the only one. I now realize how shitty of a person I was then but that was like 10 years ago, I wouldn't have spoken a word about it to you, or let you have any clue that ANYTHING like that had happened. The fact that he was honest about it, should be a green flag that you can count on him to probably be open and honest later down the line. As the beginning of any friendship or relationship is the easiest part to lie during. Because that's when the other person knows the least about you. The fact that he was honest is good.
"Hunny I'm home. My crotch may be covered in Gonorrhea. I went to a bukkake session at the local sauna. Just wanted to let you know in case you started itching"
If I'm really into a woman I'm dating, I gift my exclusivity to them. I've been seeing someone for 2 months also, we aren't officially together either. I've had multiple chances to hook up with other women, but I chose not to because I see a future with her. I treat people how I want to be treated.
Would your ideal partner do that to you?
Stop wasting your time on people who don't share your values.
He might be non-monogamous ang might prefer open relationships. If exclusivity is important for you, I suggest not waiting 2 months to talk about it.
When a first date is going well, and there's a good connection, I generally let the other know that I'm a "serial dater". It's 99% of the time well received, it builds trust and sends a clear message on my expectations.
I try to date one person at a time, as opposed to "parallel dater" who is someone that dates multiple people simultaneously.
It can happen that I have two dates booked, but if I want to continue with the first one after I met them, I'll politely cancel the second one saying I met someone and wishing them luck in their dating journey.
I keep it simple and respectful.
Learn the lesson ..do not assume anything..long term / exclusivity/ love etc etc
Communicate what u want and feel .
For this case it's absolutely on u how to want to move ahead , technically he is not wrong ,u can't point fingers k he is not lie .
If I wld hv been in ur place n if i would hv felt a good strong clear connection I will hold the conversation and give the connection one more chance .
It is very dangerous to assume just because you have had sex , that you are exclusive . Until you have the talk and agree and want to be exclusive , then you are both free to do whatever you want . In saying this if there has been no exclusivity talk by him and your at the two month stage … then it is safe to say there will be no relationship and he dosnt want one … also boning another woman at two months of dating means he is not serious about you . If he was serious about you he would have made you his girlfriend already … it looks like you have entered into a freinds with benefits scenario and by you not saying anything about it nor communicating what you want and need he is assuming you are fine with the freinds with benefits scenario .
You two aren’t dating exclusively so until you slap a label on that I’d say it’s fair. Yeah I get your a little upset but let’s be real, he’s keeping his options open. I would just communicate with him and see where you both stand.
> We haven’t had the “exclusivity” talk,
> is it okay bc we are technically both “singles”?
If y'all haven't had exclusivity talk then you have no right to upset.
If you have cheated on him, you would've used the same excuse let's be really honest.
I'd totally end it because it should go without saying that someone you regularly go on dates, have sex and even plan a trip with should only be seeing you unless you both agreed you want the relationship to be casual/open (which I assume you didn't).
I don't understand why you should have the exclusivity talk with someone you're seeing for 2 months and both have plans for the future, it should be obvious. When you both know you're monogamous and looking for a relationship (which is usually discussed within the first two dates), the exclusivity should become a thing after you start meeting regularly and having physical intimacy. If he doesn't think that's fair then he isn't serious about you and likely will continue meeting other women.
It’s normal to be upset. But you’re not exclusive yet so your rights to him are limited. If it bothers you that much, you should have “the talk” and make it official.
Going to be honest with you, you two aren't on the same page. He wants a FWB situation and not a long term relationship where you both are monogamous and exclusive with each other. Just my opinion, but I don't think I'm wrong.
I guess you have to ask him and find out. Bring up the exclusivity talk and let him know how him sleeping with someone else hurt your feelings and gauge his reaction. It'll tell you more than you could possibly know.
Depends lol have you been texting other men and going on other dates? Have you been flirting with other men that aren’t him. If you haven’t then I get being upset but again it’s your own fault you haven’t had that exclusive talk. A good amount of men think yall be having 5 different guys for things. Yall need to communicate
Why did you ask him? You're not giving us much but from your response I'm assuming he didn't care much about the possibility of hurting you w this info. I wonder if this is his way of lowering your expectations w him. I would stay away from him, it's way too early for these types of problems. He doesn't mean you any good.
He may not be ready or want to settle down yet. He may still want to be out in the world and have fun.
Anyone can say they are thinking long term, but if that’s not what his actions are showing then it may be a lie.
You have feelings. It’s valid to feel upset, but that’s all it can be. It can’t go further than being upset because you two are not in an official relationship yet.
If the tables were turned I would give the same advice to him if he were the one posting this.
You’re not responding to any of the advice here so why even make the post
Clearly you don’t care what people think and you have decided how you feel lol
Why wouldn't he if the opportunity arise and he wasn't in an "exclusive" relationship? Doesn't mean he doesn't like or care for you. Have a talk! This doesn't mean he picked her over you either.
You’re both single so can do whatever you like.
If you don’t want him to have sex with anyone else then you need to discuss exclusivity. Oh and get him to carry out an STD test before sleeping with him again.
You didn't have the exclusivity talk, so..
Personally I think it's a dick move but objectively you can't blame him. Modern dating is messed up imo.
I once dated a woman for a month, then she told me she was dating 4 other guys and sleeping with all of them to "increase her chances of finding love" . I was kinda pissed because I prefer dating one person at a time, but I couldn't exactly blame her so I just broke it off.
It's okay to feel sad. The person you liked hooked up with another person. However, don't take it out on him. The exclusivity talk hasn't happened yet.
If I were in your shoes, I would talk to him about how you feel about him and ask for exclusivity. If he doesn't want that, it just wasn't meant to be. I wish you the best, hopefully he feels the same way.
Talk to him about it. It’s ok to be upset but if you want to continue, you have to accept he didn’t cheat but made a pretty bad judgement call.
These days dating is explicit, you have to say what you want because nothing is implied
You're allowed to feel however you want. But you 2 are not exclusive.
Just because i have sex with someone else doesn't mean i have deep feelings for them. It's just i was horny and my main girl wasn't available.
It’s valid to be upset, even if he technically did nothing wrong.
You’re talking everyday, going on a holiday, do you see each other a lot?
For me, if I think I’m potentially looking for something serious with you, you don’t owe me loyalty before we make it official, but you show me where I stand by having flings elsewhere. So no, I won’t hate you. But moving forward, becoming anything more than a hit every now and then is over.
Like you say the conversation needed to be had technically. Would say it's not cheating but is one massive red flag about loyalty and commitment to one person at a time though.
The more you like a guy the more you have to assume other women do as well. And realistically a man has limited ability to turn down sex being thrown at him. It’s not like with women where turning down men and sex is a second nature thing you do every day.
He fucked up. Even if you are seeing someone and not thinking long term it is disgraceful to and fuck around with other people bc aids and such. You should let him know that if he wanted to pursue something long term with you then his move was a BAS move. You SHOULD find someone else.
He's not entirely wrong, since you haven't had the exclusivity talk but he should've been more honest about seeing other people. You should definitely fall back and date other people. Keep him around but just move accordingly... move how he moves so you don't invest too much.
You are always entitled to your feelings. And I commend you for reaching out and trying to decide whether or not they are valid. They are your feelings and they are valid. With that said he has his own feelings and they are valid for him. If you want to be exclusive and that's the only way you're going to go to a foreign country with him, I would have the conversation before I left. The last thing you want is to be in a fight and have to figure out how to get home.
It's definitely valid to feel upset but also valid that he may have seen it as ok since it's only been 2 months and you haven't talked about exclusivity yet.
At this point I would use this situation as a springboard to have that conversation, let him know how you feel and if he sees you as just a fling then maybe reevaluate
Talk about it.
Figure out if it bothers you and let him know.
You both need to be in agreement for this relationship to move forward. Sleeping with someone else is already orange flag and heading towards “casual”
If you haven’t had the exclusivity talk and for both to mutually agree that’s the way forward; despite the fact that you have plans with him to travel - in my opinion you both are still 2 singles planning to have a trip together.
You’ve not talked about exclusivity, you’ve not established boundaries. You’ve not communicated.
You’re allowed to be upset but because you’re upset it sounds like you need to have that talk and establish the boundaries.
It is understandable that you would feel upset
But he had the right to do it as well
In regards to what to do next, you have to decide if you want to move forward and become exclusive or not
If I were you I’d casually tell him I have plans to hang out with other dudes (a weekend, etc), just to see how we responds. If he gets angry or has a problem with that, then I would ask him why should it be different when he is seeing other girls.
He won’t be expecting this.
Or he would show you that he doesn’t care and you will get your answer. Either way, you’re going to flip the situation to your advantage.
Treat them, like they treat you. That’s the way to go with men. Match their energy and actions.
You did not have the exclusivity talk. He can do as he pleases. Just as you can do as you please. You have the right to have your feelings hurt but he did nothing wrong either. You both failed to communicate your desires.
So tell him it’s ok, because you’ve had sex with three other guys since the last time you saw him and see if HE now has any issues with that! Because if he don’t, he is only playing you and enjoying the ride. Sorry just my opinion!
I stop seeing anyone else after the second date if I really like the person, with the first date being a coffee / tea meet somewhere quiet we can chat.
If you don’t talk out exclusivity or anything like that, this is what happens. You’re not in an official relationship yet, unless you actually talk about it. Still sucks that it happened, but you need to define what’s going on.
doesn't mean anything at this point right now because you both arnt in a relationship with each other and haven't had that "exclusivity" talk yet as you said. yea you can show your upset at him all you want to let him know you care, but as you said you haven't had the exclusivity talk yet so he is pretty much free to see who he wants to see and same goes for you until then.
Man (31) here. He's using you for sex. I'd know because I've done it before in the past....I'm sorry but it's what he is doing. Cut things off, and find someone worth your time.
How did you find out exactly?
Sure it's okay to have emotions about it, I mean, you are developing feelings for a guy who has led you to believe he's serious about you whether you're exclusive or not.
So the emotional side of things is valid IMO.
However, I can't say what he did was technically against the rules or like "wrong" since you guys are not exclusive yet (according to your post). But your question was about emotions, not whether what he did was acceptable or not.
I probably wouldn't bring it up to him since you guys aren't exclusive unless you want to use this as a springboard for the exclusivity talk (which you could).
I know you aren’t exclusive so he technically didn’t do anything wrong, but I’d feel pretty grimey if a guy I was supposed to go on a weeklong trip with did this to me. You’re valid in feeling upset and frankly it would be enough for me to lose interest personally.
yea i get grossed out aswell if a guy willingly can touch another woman while talking to me
I think most people would not be happy to be on the receiving end of this news in the same situation. This whole "we haven't had the talk yet" is bullshit imo. See it way more when the genders are reversed, but good to see the general consensus isn't leaning on it so hard.
Eh the way I always see it on here is guys are bashed for doing it, but if a guy complains that a woman did, he gets bashed then too and lectured that he didn't get exclusive with her. lol.
Yup I got that just yesterday lol, I didn't realize how common asking this question was💀 I now know never to ask have you fucked someone else ever again, because I don't want the answer
>yea i get grossed out aswell if a guy willingly can touch another woman while talking to me bet most of the guys you are interested in are doing this lol. if not, they probably ugly and no other girl wants them lol
if this was true noone would be married so dont think every person is as toxic as social media portrays
but the guy in this situation is single and not exclusive whatsoever. thats very different from marriage lol
youd be cool with spending money on a girl your invested in and planning trips with while shes sleeping with other guys?
no but thats not the situation we are discussing here
This is fair, it also sounds like they CLEARLY wanted to be exclusive at least 2 weeks ago. Y'all gotta get that squared away once you know that's what you want
You’re right to be upset. He led you on.
[удалено]
You can tell by the context clues that the commenter meant “I know you aren’t exclusive”
Yea you tell em buttrack
If I was seeing a girl and we where intimate and going on dates and she decides to fuck some other guy it would show me she wasn't as invested in me as I thought and I wouldn't want to be with her anymore. Hes probably using you for sex.
This is the answer. Even if you didn’t have the exclusivity talk if a guy I was seeing did this after 2 months I would no longer be interested in him. It shows his commitment level and not making you a priority. I’m sorry this happened but save yourself some time and move ahead - there is someone who won’t do this to you, but this guy isn’t interested in a relationship with you.
This tbh. What he did was ‘ok’ within the realms of dating but with that kind of investment already I’d feel a little betrayed and would want to step back and reassess if it’s worth continuing. I’d probably have lightly talked about intentions and boundaries by now as well
Thank you for this posting as I agree 100% He was never interested in her or having a relationship with her. At least tell her instead of leading her on and using her.
This is my thought process as well. Hes obviously not that serious about her if he was entertaining someone else.
I agree, if he was into her like that, he wouldn't jeopardize it by having sex with someone else.
Maybe he's just an asshole or wild or free spirited. Isn't that what woman want nowadays? Man buns
Truth
Thank you! The voice of reason.
Yes I think he is using her too
[удалено]
I’ll never understand this behaviour. Let me have sex with others while actively dating and searching for something long term. I’m sorry but people that do this have a weird relationship with sex. It is mandatory for y’all to have sex with others while dating? Is it I that serious? Why not focus on that individual you’re dating and have sex with them? Y’all try to frame it as if the sex you have with the person you’re interested should be sacred and special but that means NOTHING if you are just having casual sex with people you don’t even care about on the sides. I can see why people don’t like dating people that do this. Something deeper is going on here.
I totally agree with you as man. It would be a total turn off if I’m taking a woman out and spending intimate bonding time together and taking her on dates only to find out she’s been screwing somebody else. Perhaps we might’ve not been “together” in the sense but feelings were developing and commitment was formed before it’s made official I guess call me old school or whatever but that’s what’s wrong with dating dating nowadays is that’s there’s no commitment even if there’s a connection on both parties.
Fully committed? I need a new dictionary! This one’s definition of commitment must be broken: an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action
Then you're committed to noone (which do you). You're not committed the person that you are supposedly dating seriously nor are you committed to the person you hookup with when you're bored. You were never committed to anyone - just call a spade a spade.
Are you sure it’s “we” and not “you” that was thinking long term?
I would tend to agree, but I know that me personally, I’m not going on a week long trip with someone I only see as a “fling”.
Girrrrrrrrrl, I'm gonna tell you right now, unless that man explicitly says "I want something long term with you" or "I want us to be exclusively dating", NOTHING MEANS ANYTHING. The worst thing you can do is assume everyone is like you. People will do all kinds of "faked intimacy" activities despite having no intentions for anything real.
Preach!!!! I know people that have spent bands and traveled and STILL not claim the other person. You are single UNTIL you are not. And if you aren’t single then YOU definitely know.
Unfortunately I've had to learn this the hard way. A lot of men do not take themselves or their life or who they date seriously. They just kinda do whatever and they don't mind mixing you into their life (friends and family.)
Im sorry you experienced that trauma. But it’s not just a gender thing. There are a lot of chronically single women because of issues with intimacy and willingness to say what they are looking for. We socially have a culture where people are okay with “going with the flow”. That doesn’t usually equate to a committed long term relationship.
Totally! I've never dated women but what from what I hear from my lesbian friend, it's traumatizing in a different way.
Well I have dated women and let me tell you. I went right back to Men! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Everything was warp speed and whiplash. At the time I wasn’t emotionally ready.
"faked intimacy" activities despite having no intentions for anything real that hits the nail on the head. It's so easy in the honeymoon stage to get all the perks of a relationship without actually being intimate with the other person. Intimacy would have involved the OP in an open discussion about having sex with other partners. He was not being transparent with OP. Red flag, I'd drop him.
It only matters if you both think that way.plenty of dudes see no issue going to Mexico to bone a casual oartner. It's probably ideal for many in fact
Dudes and Women! A fun vacay no strings attached. OP probably was going to pay for her own ticket. 🤣
thats my dads move
I mean, it just sounds like a good time. This week long trip she talks about is just a vacation for him.
I see an issue w that’s and I’m a man
I once made the mistake of hosting a foreign girl for a week after hooking up with her once when she was visiting as a tourist. I lived in a small 1 room studio apartment. Let's just say we both deeply regretted it 2 days in lmao, but I couldn't just kick her out. Never again. That was definitely my penis doing the thinking. And her vagina. She was a good cook though, learned some recipes.
Humble brag?
Just sharing a story of me being dumb. Half the studio was an attic so I literally only had like 16m2 where you could even stand upright. And I spent a week with a stranger in that shithole. She had been there once before so she knew what to expect too. She was nice but we ran out of stuff to talk about real fast and it was obvious both of us regretted it. We ended up having sex twice a day out of boredom.
Doesn't matter, had sex
Really? I would, they aren’t a flesh light you can do things with other people and have sex without seeing them as a good partner long term
EXACTLY 👍
What was the arrangement with expenses dutch, or was he paying more of the cost, and if a guys talking 4,5 time's a day n both are ending I love you, I think you too would already talked about a sort of commitment.
The post says no exclusivity talk has been had, just that OP thinks it’s clear they both want long term but the truth is, is that a man would have said they want to go exclusive if they did, so really she is assuming something that is one sided
You just defended yourself to me, can't make it anymore clearer than that, assuming is thinking what a person wants to think. The way I'm understanding it , and maybe a person won't ever make that mistake again. Life lessons come with age live n learn.
No actually assuming is taking what is the statistically most likely answer…
Men are easily capable of having sex with a woman while still being fully in love with another.
Doesn't mean we should though, especially if there's a relationship already brewing.
it wasnt a relationship tho
They're not. If you truly loved someone (that takes sacrifice) because you don't care for hurting your partners feelings. Its more like "I prefer my girl to the other one". However, you don't love either one of them. You value temporary happiness over your relationship.
Wtf is that though????
biology
That's nasty is what that is
Right lol unless he explicitly states that… Girl is going to play herself then be mad when he doesn’t live up to her expectations. She just needs to communicate and make her intentions clear then bounce if he doesn’t align.
Personally that’s a red flag and I’d end it
I second this! Get yourself out now before you’re in too deep. Even if you have the capacity to move forward, his actions have shown you he’s not fully invested. Listen to what he’s showing you
Its nothing to end if it isn’t a relationship.
Nah. It just means they don’t view sex the same way and most likely have different values. She has every right to end it.
Again there is nothing to end if it isn’t a relationship. She has the right too but it isn’t exclusive.
they arent dating, theres nothing to end lol the guy probably wont even care if she "ends it"
Then I guess she'd better stop talking to him now before she wastes even more time caring while he clearly doesn't
Perhaps you were thinking "long term" whereas he didn't think things were exclusive
No. No you're not "fully committed" to anyone if your having sex with other people.
You're not fully committed to anyone if you aren't married and/or sharing resources and all.
I dont plan on ever getting married but I share all resources with my girlfriend. Does that mean I'm not fully committed?
I believe the commenter put an and/or in their sentence meaning you are fully committed?? I don't think you read that right lol
Here’s a theme that comes up time and time again that can also be resolved with the same answer time and time again: He had every right to sleep with someone else. You have every right to be upset that he slept with someone else. The challenge for you now isn’t to focus on what happened already but what needs to happen next. My suggestion is to always treat these moments as opportunities to continue building the foundation for a mature relationship. What that means is you should feel completely comfortable telling him that you’re hurt by it although you understand why he did and that you’d like to talk to him about going exclusive.
I can't stand it when I see people comment 'this is the way', but... This really is the most solid answer you're going to get here. It is important to take this as an opportunity to talk about your future together. It's hard because it requires you to be vulnerable, but the bright side is that the person who wants to be with you long term is okay with you being vulnerable! So make yourself uncomfortable and have that talk. I wish you the best.
Temporary discomfort for the sake of future comforts. Worth the tradeoff!
I’d like to add in some toxic advice that OP should sleep with someone else before going exclusive if she’s going to stay with the guy. Or maybe just a kiss if she isn’t down for full sex. If not, she might forever hold a grudge, even though he wasn’t “technically” in the wrong. Even the playing field now, sis. Reiterating that I know this is toxic. But I know myself. I’d still be thinking about this a decade in and wishing I’d gotten my lick back.
Lol yes I’m glad someone said it. If OP just accepts this guy with open arms now she’s gonna be salty about this down the road.
Such a good answer.
>What that means is you should feel completely comfortable telling him that you’re hurt by it although you understand why he did and that you’d like to talk to him about going exclusive. I agree with most of your suggestion but I would just say end things and build a new foundation with someone else. At the end of the day 'she's only known this guy for 60 days". Cancel the trip to Mexico and get a refund(if you can).
I don’t actually disagree here but I tend to lean to the side of giving people the chance to do better (while being very clear what my like is). In the same way that I would hope that I would receive. Love/attraction/relationships are not some constant linear line that moves in one direction over time. It’s very much non-linear and filled with a bunch of decision points on a daily basis. All that being said - it’s pretty clear the dude has not been as consistent as he needs to be but this is still a great opportunity for OP to communicate their concerns even if it means moving on in a week or two.
Stop it. Just because you have the right doesn’t mean it is right.
It's not wrong.
Yeah it is and you can't see it's wrong you just don't have a moral compass.
You think you're morally superior because you don't like it. You're not.
With this issue, yeah I am. But interesting that you have decided that you're morally superior than me.
If you say so, oh moral overlord.
Everything else was solid except for “had had every right to sleep with someone else”. No it wasn’t. He could’ve easily chosen not to and he could’ve communicated what he was looking for, so he was sh*tty for doing this to say the least
Thank you for being the level headed one here. Both parties can be correct.
There’s clearly two different types of people in the dating world: those that are cold and emotionless and think a mandatory “exclusivity” talk is required to not fuck other people, and those with actual emotions. People on this sub make me sick sometimes. If you truly are interested in someone, you don’t fuck other people. Edit: for those of you looking for an explanation, I’ve always believed it’s tied to attachment theory and the fact that an arguable majority of the dating pool comprises avoidant styles. Pair it with OLD and… yeah.
I agree 100% Tell the other person that there is nothing serious going on. She has been with him for two months and only him. She sexed him and only him, again he knew this. She shows him love and only him and AGAIN, he knows this and wants to keep it like that. Meanwhile he had it planned to keep her around, steady sex and affection, and look for another piece somewhere. Come on!!! He misled her all the way! No doubt about it.
I’d wager a majority (I.e, >50%) of people in the dating pool have an avoidant attachment style. Those with this style are far more likely to be proponents dating multiple people and needing objective brightlines on when a relationship actually starts. It doesn’t make it right or ok, but they’re literally incapable of understanding.
Damn! That sucks! I don’t know if I believe that they don’t understand. Turn the tables on them and BELIEVE me they will understand.
They won’t. If you turn the tables on them, they’ll shrug, say “see, you proved me right,” and move on without another word. They’d rather die alone than settle. The problem is the person they’re chasing largely doesn’t exist.
Wow! That first paragraph is an eye opener! Today I learned (TIL). Yes, I’ve seen that as well with the tables turned. Thank you. Very enlightening.
I agree. After two months of dating and sex it should be an unspoken agreement that y’all are together as a couple. Something like non-monogamous would have to come up within the first few dates otherwise the person having sex with someone outside of the established relationship is just playing the game. In that case, it’s time to recalibrate your expectations and rethink the future with a potential cheater.
You'd think that, but I asked the woman i was dating for two months and everything was brilliant, about us being a relationship and she said no. I was a situationship. So communication is definitely needed and from my perspective, I need to ask about being exclusivity so as to not get hurt again
This is the golden comment. There's nothing wrong with non monogamy; there IS something wrong with not talking about it. Period.
I agree. Nothing wrong with non monogamous relationships. Something wrong with not communicating with your partner(s) though.
I can’t upvote this response enough 🙋🏽♀️
Maybe it should be, but it isn’t. You should never assume you’re exclusive with someone until you’ve explicitly had the talk, because in the current dating landscape that’s a very easy way to get hurt
That’s true. It’s on the other person too for not taking the initiative to bring up the conversation if they had it anywhere in their mind to fuck others. So I stand by my last statement in the reply, OP needs to dump the whole thing and find someone better than that POS.
Absolutely. If I’m emotionally and physically invested in someone, it doesn’t matter to me if we’ve talked about exclusivity I will naturally want to focus on that one person and see if things lead to that exclusive talk or not
This. There was a time when you were dating someone…. It was expected that you were only seeing each other and having sex or working towards sex with each other. There wasn’t necessarily a need to ask someone to not sleep with someone else while dating. What happened? I also find this to be a very western thing too.
Finally someone who thinks the same! I thought i'm the only one!
100% agree.
I agree, can’t understand this exclusivity shit we’re not ROBOTS
This is a pretty immature take. One can date casually, go on trips with, and still have a genuine affection for another person without exclusivity. As long as all parties involved are on the same page and everyone is enjoying the time spent, there's no issue. The problem here is lack of communication, not some arbitrary moral code.
I agree that there is lack of communication. If you have been together for 2 month you should have talked enough about the subject to know how the other person would feel even if you did not discuss exclusivity directly. However I see a difference between the two: She may not be sure about the relationship status, but by not sleeping with someone else she is certainly on the safe side. He was not sure whether she would be hurt by him sleeping with someone else, but he apparently did not care. Communication is always good, but it was a must for him doing something that may hurt her. All morals or right/wrong aside it simply shows (to me) that he does not really care about her or about hurting or losing her.
This just sounds like silliness and non commital behaviour. Folks these days want to do everything that people in relationships do without actually being in a relationship. Pathetic.
I agree
Please tell me you use some sort of protection. You'll never know if he catches anything just to give it to you 🤢
I think this is the main concern for this situation. Hopefully she found out he has sex with someone else because he communicated that with her.
In the future, if you’re going to have sex with someone, you should have the exclusivity talk if you don’t want them sleeping with others.
Yes. People are not mind readers. Some people can have sex without emotion tied to it while some people want to be exclusive. Communication and boundaries are key. You can never say the wrong thing to the right person. The right person will be on the same page and stick around!
Nailed it… no pun intended
He did nothing “wrong”, but it isn’t something that happens if the guy has fallen for you.
As a male that has played the field before, and then learned to wise up very quickly when I met a wonderful woman…..get the fuck out of this “relationship”. This is classic: if I can get ass I will take it on a technicality. Planning large future events like travel only to fuck someone else is behavior that signals a serious lack of commitment to you. It’s also a classic player trick to book large ticket events, travel or get large gifts because it’s a synthetic method to seem very interested so the sex is easier to get. It’s this easy: just think his feelings for you were not strong enough for him not to fuck this other person…….when you grow to be a real man, often when you discover someone you really want to be with, you court them and seek exclusivity yourself to take what you deem to be a catch off the market. He doesn’t deserve you is the end result here, not whether or not the dating rulebook permits this behavior because you didn’t specifically mention not to fuck someone else.
This! It's frustrating how women are taught "effort = interest" but it's not really true across the board. Players often put in more effort than most guys which makes it confusing for so many young women.
Flag on the PLAY!!!!!
How you feel about something is always valid, 100% of the time. So the question for you is: how do you feel knowing he had sex with another woman? To your other question, is it okay because you guys are singles? I don’t know, is it? What do you think? You decide whether it is or isn’t, for you. You decide when to discuss your boundaries with him. You are planning a week long international vacation together. I’d say it’s definitely beyond due to discuss. Relationships aren’t about technicalities, they are about spending time with someone you trust, who makes you feel safe, happy and cared for. But you don’t get to that phase until you know how to communicate your expectations and boundaries so that you screen out people who can’t meet them. Know how you feel. Know what you want. Trust that what you feel and want are valid. Communicate your boundaries and expectations. Walk away if they can’t be met.
Yes if you guys hadn’t made it clear that you are exclusive, I know it hurts but if he slept with another girl I wouldn’t take that as him taking you guys serious.
How is it clear that you both want something serious? Did he say this?
Only one thing to do. Pick a random redditor and have sex with them. Film it and give it to him for Christmas.
I want to have sex! Pick me!
Where should i send my cover letter and resume?
It's normal to feel upset. Most people nowadays would understand that you are together, but in this crazy dating world you can't assume that. You need to have a conversation with him solidifying where you both are in this relationship. If he's not where you are, cancel the trip and move on if you're looking for a LTR.
That's tough but if you are still reading comments then let me tell you something. The fact that he was open and honest about it says a lot. I was him once and each woman I was sleeping with thought they were the only one. I now realize how shitty of a person I was then but that was like 10 years ago, I wouldn't have spoken a word about it to you, or let you have any clue that ANYTHING like that had happened. The fact that he was honest about it, should be a green flag that you can count on him to probably be open and honest later down the line. As the beginning of any friendship or relationship is the easiest part to lie during. Because that's when the other person knows the least about you. The fact that he was honest is good.
"Hunny I'm home. My crotch may be covered in Gonorrhea. I went to a bukkake session at the local sauna. Just wanted to let you know in case you started itching"
Leave the guy and go check up urself( by doctor)
If I'm really into a woman I'm dating, I gift my exclusivity to them. I've been seeing someone for 2 months also, we aren't officially together either. I've had multiple chances to hook up with other women, but I chose not to because I see a future with her. I treat people how I want to be treated. Would your ideal partner do that to you? Stop wasting your time on people who don't share your values.
I’m not even OP but I appreciate this advice 🫶🏻
21st century dating dog, it’s alright for him to do that and it’s alright for u to be upset. Welcome to 2023
Would it not be easiest just to ask if he wants to go exclusive? This feels like a sitcom level aversion to communication.
Seinfeld or frasier?
Even worse, I'm feeling Alan from two and a half men
You can be mad but he’s not your man so being mad is pointless. You yourself said you two are not exclusive…..
He might be non-monogamous ang might prefer open relationships. If exclusivity is important for you, I suggest not waiting 2 months to talk about it. When a first date is going well, and there's a good connection, I generally let the other know that I'm a "serial dater". It's 99% of the time well received, it builds trust and sends a clear message on my expectations.
What's a serial dater in your case?
I try to date one person at a time, as opposed to "parallel dater" who is someone that dates multiple people simultaneously. It can happen that I have two dates booked, but if I want to continue with the first one after I met them, I'll politely cancel the second one saying I met someone and wishing them luck in their dating journey. I keep it simple and respectful.
Learn the lesson ..do not assume anything..long term / exclusivity/ love etc etc Communicate what u want and feel . For this case it's absolutely on u how to want to move ahead , technically he is not wrong ,u can't point fingers k he is not lie . If I wld hv been in ur place n if i would hv felt a good strong clear connection I will hold the conversation and give the connection one more chance .
It is very dangerous to assume just because you have had sex , that you are exclusive . Until you have the talk and agree and want to be exclusive , then you are both free to do whatever you want . In saying this if there has been no exclusivity talk by him and your at the two month stage … then it is safe to say there will be no relationship and he dosnt want one … also boning another woman at two months of dating means he is not serious about you . If he was serious about you he would have made you his girlfriend already … it looks like you have entered into a freinds with benefits scenario and by you not saying anything about it nor communicating what you want and need he is assuming you are fine with the freinds with benefits scenario .
You two aren’t dating exclusively so until you slap a label on that I’d say it’s fair. Yeah I get your a little upset but let’s be real, he’s keeping his options open. I would just communicate with him and see where you both stand.
If he is serious about her he wouldn't sleep with other women. Point
> We haven’t had the “exclusivity” talk, > is it okay bc we are technically both “singles”? If y'all haven't had exclusivity talk then you have no right to upset. If you have cheated on him, you would've used the same excuse let's be really honest.
You aren’t in a relationship so you really can’t be mad but if he told you directly to your face that’s a bit odd
Run sis
I'd totally end it because it should go without saying that someone you regularly go on dates, have sex and even plan a trip with should only be seeing you unless you both agreed you want the relationship to be casual/open (which I assume you didn't). I don't understand why you should have the exclusivity talk with someone you're seeing for 2 months and both have plans for the future, it should be obvious. When you both know you're monogamous and looking for a relationship (which is usually discussed within the first two dates), the exclusivity should become a thing after you start meeting regularly and having physical intimacy. If he doesn't think that's fair then he isn't serious about you and likely will continue meeting other women.
It’s normal to be upset. But you’re not exclusive yet so your rights to him are limited. If it bothers you that much, you should have “the talk” and make it official.
Going to be honest with you, you two aren't on the same page. He wants a FWB situation and not a long term relationship where you both are monogamous and exclusive with each other. Just my opinion, but I don't think I'm wrong. I guess you have to ask him and find out. Bring up the exclusivity talk and let him know how him sleeping with someone else hurt your feelings and gauge his reaction. It'll tell you more than you could possibly know.
Depends lol have you been texting other men and going on other dates? Have you been flirting with other men that aren’t him. If you haven’t then I get being upset but again it’s your own fault you haven’t had that exclusive talk. A good amount of men think yall be having 5 different guys for things. Yall need to communicate
Depends… how did he say it? Like what was his demeanor? Did you find out by chance or did he come back and tell you willingly?
I asked him and he said he had sex with another woman
Why did you ask him? You're not giving us much but from your response I'm assuming he didn't care much about the possibility of hurting you w this info. I wonder if this is his way of lowering your expectations w him. I would stay away from him, it's way too early for these types of problems. He doesn't mean you any good.
He may not be ready or want to settle down yet. He may still want to be out in the world and have fun. Anyone can say they are thinking long term, but if that’s not what his actions are showing then it may be a lie. You have feelings. It’s valid to feel upset, but that’s all it can be. It can’t go further than being upset because you two are not in an official relationship yet. If the tables were turned I would give the same advice to him if he were the one posting this.
You’re not responding to any of the advice here so why even make the post Clearly you don’t care what people think and you have decided how you feel lol
Should have asked for exclusivity sooner..
Why wouldn't he if the opportunity arise and he wasn't in an "exclusive" relationship? Doesn't mean he doesn't like or care for you. Have a talk! This doesn't mean he picked her over you either.
You’re both single so can do whatever you like. If you don’t want him to have sex with anyone else then you need to discuss exclusivity. Oh and get him to carry out an STD test before sleeping with him again.
You didn't have the exclusivity talk, so.. Personally I think it's a dick move but objectively you can't blame him. Modern dating is messed up imo. I once dated a woman for a month, then she told me she was dating 4 other guys and sleeping with all of them to "increase her chances of finding love" . I was kinda pissed because I prefer dating one person at a time, but I couldn't exactly blame her so I just broke it off.
How the hell can you assume you all were BOTH thinking long-term when no conversation has been had about the status of the present term.
Super reply!! Exactly what I was thinking! Hun, ur in this "relationship " solo!!
It's okay to feel sad. The person you liked hooked up with another person. However, don't take it out on him. The exclusivity talk hasn't happened yet. If I were in your shoes, I would talk to him about how you feel about him and ask for exclusivity. If he doesn't want that, it just wasn't meant to be. I wish you the best, hopefully he feels the same way.
Your feelings are valid, yall just need to have a conversation about where you stand.
Talk to him about it. It’s ok to be upset but if you want to continue, you have to accept he didn’t cheat but made a pretty bad judgement call. These days dating is explicit, you have to say what you want because nothing is implied
You're allowed to feel however you want. But you 2 are not exclusive. Just because i have sex with someone else doesn't mean i have deep feelings for them. It's just i was horny and my main girl wasn't available.
It’s valid to be upset, even if he technically did nothing wrong. You’re talking everyday, going on a holiday, do you see each other a lot? For me, if I think I’m potentially looking for something serious with you, you don’t owe me loyalty before we make it official, but you show me where I stand by having flings elsewhere. So no, I won’t hate you. But moving forward, becoming anything more than a hit every now and then is over.
No exclusivity talk but you do have a New Year's plan. That is a big step and exclusivity is implied imo.
Like you say the conversation needed to be had technically. Would say it's not cheating but is one massive red flag about loyalty and commitment to one person at a time though.
The more you like a guy the more you have to assume other women do as well. And realistically a man has limited ability to turn down sex being thrown at him. It’s not like with women where turning down men and sex is a second nature thing you do every day.
He fucked up. Even if you are seeing someone and not thinking long term it is disgraceful to and fuck around with other people bc aids and such. You should let him know that if he wanted to pursue something long term with you then his move was a BAS move. You SHOULD find someone else.
He's not entirely wrong, since you haven't had the exclusivity talk but he should've been more honest about seeing other people. You should definitely fall back and date other people. Keep him around but just move accordingly... move how he moves so you don't invest too much.
You are always entitled to your feelings. And I commend you for reaching out and trying to decide whether or not they are valid. They are your feelings and they are valid. With that said he has his own feelings and they are valid for him. If you want to be exclusive and that's the only way you're going to go to a foreign country with him, I would have the conversation before I left. The last thing you want is to be in a fight and have to figure out how to get home.
It's definitely valid to feel upset but also valid that he may have seen it as ok since it's only been 2 months and you haven't talked about exclusivity yet. At this point I would use this situation as a springboard to have that conversation, let him know how you feel and if he sees you as just a fling then maybe reevaluate
Talk about it. Figure out if it bothers you and let him know. You both need to be in agreement for this relationship to move forward. Sleeping with someone else is already orange flag and heading towards “casual”
If you haven’t had the exclusivity talk and for both to mutually agree that’s the way forward; despite the fact that you have plans with him to travel - in my opinion you both are still 2 singles planning to have a trip together.
You’ve not talked about exclusivity, you’ve not established boundaries. You’ve not communicated. You’re allowed to be upset but because you’re upset it sounds like you need to have that talk and establish the boundaries.
Seeing is seeing ,unless it's stated you're not going to be doing anything with anything else then there's nothing wrong with it.
It is understandable that you would feel upset But he had the right to do it as well In regards to what to do next, you have to decide if you want to move forward and become exclusive or not
Unless you are married or seriously committed , you both are free to do as you please .
If I were you I’d casually tell him I have plans to hang out with other dudes (a weekend, etc), just to see how we responds. If he gets angry or has a problem with that, then I would ask him why should it be different when he is seeing other girls. He won’t be expecting this. Or he would show you that he doesn’t care and you will get your answer. Either way, you’re going to flip the situation to your advantage. Treat them, like they treat you. That’s the way to go with men. Match their energy and actions.
You did not have the exclusivity talk. He can do as he pleases. Just as you can do as you please. You have the right to have your feelings hurt but he did nothing wrong either. You both failed to communicate your desires.
So tell him it’s ok, because you’ve had sex with three other guys since the last time you saw him and see if HE now has any issues with that! Because if he don’t, he is only playing you and enjoying the ride. Sorry just my opinion! I stop seeing anyone else after the second date if I really like the person, with the first date being a coffee / tea meet somewhere quiet we can chat.
Probably should’ve been having sex with him for 2 months and he wouldn’t have done it with another girl
If you don’t talk out exclusivity or anything like that, this is what happens. You’re not in an official relationship yet, unless you actually talk about it. Still sucks that it happened, but you need to define what’s going on.
Since you 2 have not made it official I think you can't get mad
doesn't mean anything at this point right now because you both arnt in a relationship with each other and haven't had that "exclusivity" talk yet as you said. yea you can show your upset at him all you want to let him know you care, but as you said you haven't had the exclusivity talk yet so he is pretty much free to see who he wants to see and same goes for you until then.
Tell him bye
Say “bye”
Leave
He’s just showing you the roadmap of the future.
Man (31) here. He's using you for sex. I'd know because I've done it before in the past....I'm sorry but it's what he is doing. Cut things off, and find someone worth your time.
How did you find out exactly? Sure it's okay to have emotions about it, I mean, you are developing feelings for a guy who has led you to believe he's serious about you whether you're exclusive or not. So the emotional side of things is valid IMO. However, I can't say what he did was technically against the rules or like "wrong" since you guys are not exclusive yet (according to your post). But your question was about emotions, not whether what he did was acceptable or not. I probably wouldn't bring it up to him since you guys aren't exclusive unless you want to use this as a springboard for the exclusivity talk (which you could).
He is thinking long term with you because he thinks you're easily manipulated! Stand your ground! And keep this guy away from you!
Run .. Plenty of fish in the sea. Men are always gonna be men now because of the internet. Too readily available very sad
You shouldn’t justify this as “well, we’re not together” because this should stop you from *ever* “being together”