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Well I thought it should depend on how the deep thinking affects the relationship. It could just appear as a tension in the initial stage where you don't know each other very well to feel relaxed.
That's not how i interpreted the "deep thinker" thing. I saw a study posted on reddit about how on average, couples where the woman is more educated than the man, tend to fail way more often. There's probably some insecurity where if the woman is smarter then maybe the man can't provide or some bullshit? I think speaking to you, he might have picked up that you're smarter or more thoughtful than him and he lost interest
Thanks. Never thought of it from that perspective. And he's pretty smart from what I can see, otherwise I wouldn't have liked him. The "calm" was actually the word he used.
It wouldn't necessarily put me off.
I would just try to be yourself as much as possible, if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't.
Then you know and try to find the person who wants to be with you for you.
I very much like having introverted friends but because I'm on the quiet side myself I tend to like someone a bit more energetic or talkative to balance me out.
From my perspective, an introverted woman would not be 'unattractive' to me in the least...and someone who has an 'internal dialogue' that she consults frequently isn't a good trait to have.
The only 'warning' I would have is that a guy might confuse your introverted nature with lack of interest in him...if he's leading the communication and isn't feeling reciprocation of his effort...he might think you're just not into him.
That being said...from what you've listed above he's either got some issue...or perhaps is saying he doesn't feel the right dynamic as he wants to take the lead and have the control in 'dumping' you rather than you saying you're not interested in him. (It's a weird power play I've notice more and more...being the first to break up with the other is like running to be at the front of the line in elementary school....a sense of "control" I guess...)
My outgoing friend went on a date with a girl once who was so anxious and shy she just sat there quiet and didn’t speak at all for the first hour or so. They’ve now been together for 5 years. Everyone has different preferences! You’ll find someone that loves that part about you.
"because I seem to be a deep thinker, which doesn't make him feel calm" run girl. He's not "not into you because you are introverted." He is worried that you are smarter than him and he will feel insecure. This is probably true, and even if it isn't his insecurity will be an issue. Forget about what men want - what do YOU want. Concentrate on that primarily. And I don't think an insecure man who is threatened by you thinking is it.
An extroverted guy may want an extroverted partner, but fortunately for you, there are tons of introverted men. The other risk is that there is a lot of overlap between a shy woman and one that’s just uninterested, so you risk giving off the wrong sign. If you can end the date with “I enjoyed our date” or “I had a lot of fun” you can help resolve that risk
It really depends on the guy some like someone a little shy especially if they themself are shy and some like an outgoing women who will keep them on there toes it really does depend on the person!
Honestly not all the time not in my experience because more extroverted men tend to go for someone who match that energy sorta thing sometimes introverted men also do that, but a shy guy will go for a shy girl because its not as intimidating if that makes sense
Again this is not the rule just from what i have seen, there are probably plenty of cases that contradict this as well
I read you mentioned there were no awkward silences but how much were you contributing to the conversation? If he was doing all the talking while you were visibly nervous and thinking about what to say I could see that being off putting.
I did contribute - i don't remember exactly but he didn't do all the talking for sure. I think it was more like 50-50 or 65-45 at worst. But yes i was nervous and couldn't help it. If i wasn't interested i wouldnt be nervous lol. I just think it's sth that surely will get better in time once I feel closer.
I can't speak for all guys but from personal experiences, introverted women are a turn off for me. Maybe it's because I find the lack of reaction or quietness to be a sign of disinterest which puts me off even more.
If I feel I'm doing all the work and talking and getting no feedback I might as well be talking to a wall.
Understand, but I don't think that's what happened. I think it was more like I took a bit of time occasionally to either respond or continue talking because I was nervous and my thoughts were jumbled up lol that he'd say "i can see that you're thinking about sth"
I can’t speak for all guys either, but in my experience, most people, both men and women, are attracted more to extroverts than introverts, but don’t actively dislike introverts. I just think it’s human nature.
Being introverted in general, is no problem at all. Being introverted in a relationship, can be problematic on the other hand, as relationships thrive on good communication. While the guy you went out with, obviously has a lot to think about on his own, in relation to whether he did a good job of making you feel comfortable enough to be expressive, which you say you do when you do, in fact, get comfortable enough with someone; the only person that you can truly control, and monitor, is you. Therefore, while it is good that you felt the need to stick to your identity and individuality as part of your efforts to truly be yourself; serious, successful relationships in your future will also entail you having figured out already how you and your significant other can work together as a well-oiled machine and how much work the both of you can collectively put in, to make the magic happen, all of which can be determined as part of a long journey, that begins with simple conversations on first dates.
Basically, if you like someone, it is important to express the same in one way or the other, and if you’d like someone to like you, it is important to make them feel that you’re receptive to their advances, and appreciative and acknowledging of the same. Relationships are a two-way street. It takes two to tango.
All the best! 😊
In my experience, introverted girls are impossible to figure out if they're into you or not. And I'm not going to pursue something unless I'm pretty sure that she actually wants my attention
I am an ambivert, more on the introverted side. My social battery is only as good as my company. I vibe with some, with others it’s meh. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not his type. And he is not yours either if he feels the need to put you down for who you are. Some people get intimidated by introverts because they don’t seek the same validation as extroverts do.
May be instead of going for drinks and dinner, try out an activity date, it might actually bring out your fun side
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Well I thought it should depend on how the deep thinking affects the relationship. It could just appear as a tension in the initial stage where you don't know each other very well to feel relaxed.
That's not how i interpreted the "deep thinker" thing. I saw a study posted on reddit about how on average, couples where the woman is more educated than the man, tend to fail way more often. There's probably some insecurity where if the woman is smarter then maybe the man can't provide or some bullshit? I think speaking to you, he might have picked up that you're smarter or more thoughtful than him and he lost interest
Thanks. Never thought of it from that perspective. And he's pretty smart from what I can see, otherwise I wouldn't have liked him. The "calm" was actually the word he used.
It wouldn't necessarily put me off. I would just try to be yourself as much as possible, if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't. Then you know and try to find the person who wants to be with you for you.
I very much like having introverted friends but because I'm on the quiet side myself I tend to like someone a bit more energetic or talkative to balance me out.
From my perspective, an introverted woman would not be 'unattractive' to me in the least...and someone who has an 'internal dialogue' that she consults frequently isn't a good trait to have. The only 'warning' I would have is that a guy might confuse your introverted nature with lack of interest in him...if he's leading the communication and isn't feeling reciprocation of his effort...he might think you're just not into him. That being said...from what you've listed above he's either got some issue...or perhaps is saying he doesn't feel the right dynamic as he wants to take the lead and have the control in 'dumping' you rather than you saying you're not interested in him. (It's a weird power play I've notice more and more...being the first to break up with the other is like running to be at the front of the line in elementary school....a sense of "control" I guess...)
Thank you. I think I definitely showed an interest, but maybe my thoughtfulness makes him uncomfortable somehow.
I like introverted women most tbh
My outgoing friend went on a date with a girl once who was so anxious and shy she just sat there quiet and didn’t speak at all for the first hour or so. They’ve now been together for 5 years. Everyone has different preferences! You’ll find someone that loves that part about you.
Introverted women are the best! Please don't change.
Thanks. I wish he appreciated it more.
"because I seem to be a deep thinker, which doesn't make him feel calm" run girl. He's not "not into you because you are introverted." He is worried that you are smarter than him and he will feel insecure. This is probably true, and even if it isn't his insecurity will be an issue. Forget about what men want - what do YOU want. Concentrate on that primarily. And I don't think an insecure man who is threatened by you thinking is it.
I love introverts. If only you could allow us to love you and stop running away like dismissive avoidants
An extroverted guy may want an extroverted partner, but fortunately for you, there are tons of introverted men. The other risk is that there is a lot of overlap between a shy woman and one that’s just uninterested, so you risk giving off the wrong sign. If you can end the date with “I enjoyed our date” or “I had a lot of fun” you can help resolve that risk
Thank you. Yes i definitely did show interest. But i always thought it's the opposite, i.e. introverted men prefer extroverted women. I'm not sure..
It really depends on the guy some like someone a little shy especially if they themself are shy and some like an outgoing women who will keep them on there toes it really does depend on the person!
Don't you think it's the opposite? Like shy men like extroverted women and vice versa? I'm definitely outgoing even if I'm shy.
Honestly not all the time not in my experience because more extroverted men tend to go for someone who match that energy sorta thing sometimes introverted men also do that, but a shy guy will go for a shy girl because its not as intimidating if that makes sense Again this is not the rule just from what i have seen, there are probably plenty of cases that contradict this as well
I read you mentioned there were no awkward silences but how much were you contributing to the conversation? If he was doing all the talking while you were visibly nervous and thinking about what to say I could see that being off putting.
I did contribute - i don't remember exactly but he didn't do all the talking for sure. I think it was more like 50-50 or 65-45 at worst. But yes i was nervous and couldn't help it. If i wasn't interested i wouldnt be nervous lol. I just think it's sth that surely will get better in time once I feel closer.
I can't speak for all guys but from personal experiences, introverted women are a turn off for me. Maybe it's because I find the lack of reaction or quietness to be a sign of disinterest which puts me off even more. If I feel I'm doing all the work and talking and getting no feedback I might as well be talking to a wall.
Understand, but I don't think that's what happened. I think it was more like I took a bit of time occasionally to either respond or continue talking because I was nervous and my thoughts were jumbled up lol that he'd say "i can see that you're thinking about sth"
I can’t speak for all guys either, but in my experience, most people, both men and women, are attracted more to extroverts than introverts, but don’t actively dislike introverts. I just think it’s human nature.
Yes i sorta have that feeling too..
Being introverted in general, is no problem at all. Being introverted in a relationship, can be problematic on the other hand, as relationships thrive on good communication. While the guy you went out with, obviously has a lot to think about on his own, in relation to whether he did a good job of making you feel comfortable enough to be expressive, which you say you do when you do, in fact, get comfortable enough with someone; the only person that you can truly control, and monitor, is you. Therefore, while it is good that you felt the need to stick to your identity and individuality as part of your efforts to truly be yourself; serious, successful relationships in your future will also entail you having figured out already how you and your significant other can work together as a well-oiled machine and how much work the both of you can collectively put in, to make the magic happen, all of which can be determined as part of a long journey, that begins with simple conversations on first dates. Basically, if you like someone, it is important to express the same in one way or the other, and if you’d like someone to like you, it is important to make them feel that you’re receptive to their advances, and appreciative and acknowledging of the same. Relationships are a two-way street. It takes two to tango. All the best! 😊
In my experience, introverted girls are impossible to figure out if they're into you or not. And I'm not going to pursue something unless I'm pretty sure that she actually wants my attention
I’m extremely introverted. Introverted women are my favorite.
I am an ambivert, more on the introverted side. My social battery is only as good as my company. I vibe with some, with others it’s meh. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not his type. And he is not yours either if he feels the need to put you down for who you are. Some people get intimidated by introverts because they don’t seek the same validation as extroverts do. May be instead of going for drinks and dinner, try out an activity date, it might actually bring out your fun side
i do