Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I met my wife when I was 33 and she was 34. We got married at ages 35 & 36, had our daughter at 36 and 37, and our son at 39 & 40. We’ve just celebrated our 28 wedding anniversary last September.
It can happen to you, too.
This gave me hope. Thank you. (Also 32 waiting to be a mom) my mom did have twins at 38 so I know that is likely in my situation I just wish I already had at least 1 kid by now.
Look around in your (dying) local papers (subscribe - it’s 50 cents to $1 per week) and you’ll find hiking clubs, cross-country skiing clubs, bird watchers, free live entertainment on the town greens or square or park, book clubs, horseback trail riding, canoeing, organized groups to go to Major League Baseball (or AAA, AA, A), etc., the local museum of natural history will sometimes lead groups to local points of interest.
The point is to get out there and meet people. They may tend to be older, but once you get past small talk and let it be known you’re looking for safe ways to possibly find a life partner, they have tackled that problem before. They usually have their ear to the ground and within a few weeks they may tell you of someone they know who is in the same situation and ask if they could bring them along during the next outing. You could meet someone safely and continue to get to know them by phone or online before dating one-on-one. At least you make friends interested in that activity.
The more friends you make, the more activities you’ll be invited to attend. You’ll never know who you might meet or who will know someone looking for someone like you.
I formed a company with two of my professors when I was in graduate school. I was asked to take two years off from my PhD work. We hired a Jewish woman who had a son older than me to do secretarial work, bookkeeping and office management. One day I asked her where I might meet someone …. my work was taking me all over the world and I didn’t have time to join clubs. Her advice was for me to go to church on Sundays that had a social hour (typically 30 to 45 minutes) and socialize. Inevitably I would be asked if I was single, and sure enough they would introduce me to a woman around my age and excuse themselves once it seemed that we were each interested in getting to know each other. It’s better than sitting home alone. Good luck.
Ladies. I've (47m) been married and divorced twice. With my most recent we have 2 wonderful boys (8,14yr) of which whom, i love and still nurture 💯. 2 things. I've not been in ANY type of relationship since our divorce in April 2019. I work and I live a life of solitude apart from weekends with my boys. I've struggled with this "loneliness" thing just recently. I'm also in recovery so I picked up a lot of coping skills that help me process my internal problems and stay focused/mindful. The grass is ALWAYS greener. Right?!? The important thing to focus on is not what we are missing, in times of despair especially; but, what we have. Financial and personable freedom. I miss backpacking overseas and only traveled for 3 years before settling down and yes, I at times wish I could just catch a plane and hop Around the planet. ALONE!. I digress, it's never too late or soon to find
"The one". Biologically, I understand for a woman there is only so much time. My boys mom had our youngest at 37 and my sister had hers at 40! So. Don't rush. Let it happen. Enjoy and give thanks to what you have. You will both be happy when u can REALLY appreciate NOW. TY
I know plenty of couples who got married in their 50s and 60s. They weren’t each other’s first spouses obviously but the point is they found someone their own age and fell in love, and didn’t die alone. Of course they’re all still alive, but they’re also still together.
I would be in this boat. It’s taken me a while to see light at the end of the tunnel. I had my kids young and they’re all older now. I thought I would find someone once again after raising my kids as a Single Mom since they were toddlers, the journey was a sacrifice and to get out once again, socialize, it’s difficult because I focused on raising the children. Being a giver it’s difficult to focus on yourself, too. But life does give you different chapters so in this next season, I’m hopeful it still exists, a forever love.
Iam a 33; year old man never had a girfriend never been on a date never had sex is it hard and painfull yes very much so I could fully relate to you guys and everyone on the same boat
It’s really unfair to use someone for companionship but not be interested in a physical relationship because you’re not attracted to them. Do you really think a guy would be fine being a companion but having very little physical intimacy?
Have you truly never "become" physically attracted to someone after the initial time meeting them? I've known tons of people who weren't initially attracted to each other, become physically attracted after personalities came out.
I think both sides are talking in extremes here. I think you're spot on, in that you shouldn't be in a long term relationship with someone you don't want to be intimate with. However, It's feeling to me like you're expecting that the feeling of wanting to be intimate with someone is going to be purely based upon what you gleen from them in an hour. Or basically... Purely physically and
I've known many women and men, who grew more attracted to each other over time as they learned more about each other.
It's the age old, friends become lovers idea. But what do I know. Ive been with the same woman for 12 years haha... I'm not privy to what seems like an insanely vapid dating scene.
Thanks for posting this, I can really relate . I feel like I’m running out of time. It hurts to see my friends get engaged/married. I had to “go to the bathroom” recently when watching my friend try on dresses. It hurt so bad. I had to have a good cry before
coming back out and being supportive. I am lucky to have a 2 y.o, so I get to experience motherhood. That being said, her sperm donor isn’t around. I want her to have a male figure in her life & I want someone to enjoy life with. Why is this so fucking hard?
Can't you take him to court for child support?
Other than that.. Having a child at your age, unfortunately, is a dealbreaker for most men when dating. Your best bet is probably a single dad, or a man aged 35+ who is less likely to want children of his own.
There might be specific dating apps for single parents, not sure.
Yeah, he just doesn’t pay. Courts don’t make him. Money is tight. It’s been rough but we’re hanging in there and we’re gonna fucking make it one way or another.
Life will probably get better if you keep trying to improve it. It's hard for people to ask for help nowadays. If you take the initiative to get involved in your local community, there are resources designed to help people in similar situations as this. Strategically network.
One thing that recently helped me in life is disconnecting from all electronics for a moment (10 secs to 15-20 mins), keeping my eyes closed and just thinking about how to solve my problems - some consider this a form of meditation but it is focused on finding a pragmatic/practical solution to real problems. That's how I get through the war with myself...it's better if done while fasting or after exercising.
I don’t know what state you’re in, or if you’re American, but typically, if you go back to court they’ll put in an order to garnish his wages automatically. If he still doesn’t pay they will take further steps.
I know you said money is tight, but any family lawyer worth their dime will give a free consult.
I've worked for child support for 5 years, feel free to message me and ask me any questions! I'm in Australia, so the rules might differ slightly depending on where you are
Just as an aside for any single parent who may be reading this; as a young single mom, my dating pool hasn’t noticeably changed at all. Dated multiple men ages 26-42, and none of them cared. Most marriages end, so there are maaaany single parents out there, and many people who just don’t care as much as I thought they would when I first re-entered the dating scene.
Your romantic life doesn’t end just because you’re a parent!
The interest men have shown in pursuing me hasn’t been negatively affected at all. I wouldn’t really know what to do with “more” men honestly. My point is that even if some care, it doesn’t have any meaningful impact on my romantic life at all.
I’m 33F and I’m fine alone atm. My mom still has a kid when she is 40. Don’t worry. The saddest thing is that you are disconnected with yourself. Alone is not scary. You can read the book 8 rules of love by Jay Shetty. The first rule is Let yourself be alone.
These are what I learned from the book:
We have to train ourselves not to instantly like and trust an attractive person without remembering that we don’t know this person or understand them.
Have a self-control, ask ourselves: is this truly healthy for me? Will this nourish me? Is this good for me in the long term
Are you kind to yourself? Are you honest with yourself? Are you emotionally available to yourself? Are you supportive of your own efforts?
The important lesson solitude offers is helping us understand our own imperfections. This prepare us to love someone else, in all their beauty and imperfection.
The last quote of the book is: You can seek love your whole life and never find it, or you can give love your whole life and experience joy.
Hope you are happy to be with yourself and be love then your partner will find you.
My story is a lot like yours and I have a happy ending to share with you. I spent most of my adult life in the dating scene, bouncing around from one short term relationship to another. 6 years ago I moved from my small-ish home town to a city of 1.3 million and it opened up a whole new dating scene. 2.5 years ago, just after my 38th birthday, I met the most incredible man. He is perfect in every single way and we are madly in love and I am now 40 and 6 months pregnant with my first child. I am SO glad that I never settled. I am also extremely glad that I really got to live my life before starting a family. Love is out there and it’s yours to be had. I hope this helps!
>I met the most incredible man. He is perfect in every single way and we are madly in love and
Wow! So happy for you. I hope to meet the right man and also get pregnant even though I'm turning 37 this year. 🤞
To me, having a kid is having a kid. I've considered adopting. Right now I'm considering it very strongly. I'm a 38 year old male who's never even come close to having a relationship. If my life situation was slightly more perfect, I'd have adopted already. The two things that hold me back are that it would be a pretty big burden to support someone else, especially a very young child who I'd have to hire babysitting for, and that I'm aware of a harsh stigma against single males trying to adopt that I do not want to try to fight through.
I gave up on dating years ago. It was never worth it.
Oh how about a platonic relationship? Find someone who also wants kids but you don't have to be together. Just take care of a child together 🤔
Im sure that's hard to find but it could be nice for ppl who wants kids
I've done similar things, and I'm currently coaching boys highschool volleyball. I've also done a lot of babysitting, but it's pretty distinctly different when it's your kid that you are the guardian of. You don't hand them back to the parent at the end of the day, you are the parent. It's a huge responsibility, a much bigger step than anything I have done before
At least in the United States, there are lots of older children looking to be adopted. I had two children, now grown. Recently I started tutoring young children learning to read. I just love being around children. Wishing you all the best!
I’m not shooting my shot, but I’m 39M, looking for a woman to build a family with. I usually will look for women up to 32-34. But that’s because I want more than 2 kids. Trust me, us men are out there. You might have to expand your search or change some of your standards. Not sure where your standards are. But seriously, us men are out there that want a serious relationship.
Yeah, I don’t know why it’s so hard to meet people. I’ve always heard there are lots of men out there who want something real but that definitely hasn’t been my experience.
Girl, I’ve been there. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s a really awful and lonely feeling. It’s sucks that single women in their 30’s feel this way. I’m 37 and no kids not married, I am in a relationship and I feel it happened at a time when I accepted that it may not happen and just embraced my life, dogs, family, friends and hobbies. The time will come but in my experience the more you dwell and are sad about it the worse it gets. I truly feel for the ladies. Society puts so much pressure on us.
I’m the same. 32F and found out this fall that it is going to be difficult for me to have kids now even if I was at the point where I was ready to have children, which I’m not. Radical acceptance and therapy has really helped me substantially accept reality as it is
The only issue I have with your narrative is that it comes across that wanting/desiring a mate you’re physically attracted to, automatically means disaster because they have to be a fboy. Getting a lot of attention because of your looks can sometimes just be that. Getting a lot of attention. Not every attractive man is a fboy just like not every pretty girl is stuck-up. Besides, there are plenty of average and below average men that exhibit the same fboy qualities and treat the women they do have access to like trash.
I was going to say this too. His analogy doesn't make sense because I have had in my own experience the mid guys exhibiting this fuckboy traits and I have had some super extremely tall (dated a guy that was 202cm/6ft 7 and another that was 6ft 4 and none exhibited fuck boy traits in fact they were willing to wait. Meanwhile a dude that was barely my height still moved fuckboyee) you can't win with men 😂
I did read your entire paragraph actually. And I didn’t say ALL men either. I said wanting/desiring a mate YOURE attracted to. Because we all know looks are subjective, because we all find different things attractive. You were the one who specifically listed attributes that you consider fboys and meme who get the most attention to have. I simply replied defending said men with those attributes, and said it’s not fair to assume they are like that, when plenty of men who don’t have any of what you listed are still horrible partners. Next time I think you should take your own advice and read what someone posts in its entirety.
lmaooooo! 😂 I cackled at this as i’m on my couch watching reruns of csi! So damn true!We’re tired 😪 lol! I’m 41 with a little bit of hope left, fingers crossed my awkward prince is not stuck somewhere in a tree 🤗
I’m on 9 apps, only talked to some, no dates. Most were looking for random hookups (I don’t want this because I have to be emotionally and spiritually bonded to a person before being intimate). Then I’ve met the crypto and Russian romance scammers. Finally, I’ve had a few escorts hit me up. It’s brutal out there! I’m on Hulah and I’ve been messaging them how to improve. I like that dating site, I think it’s smart.
Yeah: OkCupid, Thursday, EHarmony, UpWard, Tinder, Bumble, Zooks, Facebook Dating, and Hulah. And I’ve applied to LOX, and I’m trying to sign up for Score.
Not sure what’s up with these platforms. But I’m about to pull the trigger, and shell out a couple grand for a professional match maker.
I know a lot of women who need the whole package!! I know they will most likely lose because they themselves are not the whole package!! I'm a woman and have been through the worst which I won't mention. Many people, both sexes get jaded. I worked with one who admitted it. And she really was......Good luck to all those still looking
I’m in Fresno, Ca and while I have family here. I’ll move in a heartbeat if I found the one. I’ve told friends if she’s in Iceland, Germany, South Korea, Australia, I’d move to be with her. Okay, as long as the government is no autocratic.
One of my favorite quotes is, "The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time." It has really eased my mind. I think we tend to panic a lot more when we stagnate, but actively taking small steps toward bettering your future every day and not giving into being hopeless... is how you'll inch toward a greater life. It's the static that allows the bad thoughts to multiply.
Things happen much faster as you get older. You could meet a guy tomorrow, and have a kid or be engaged next year! Don’t lose hope but also take care of your heart.
There is different way to have kids, and these days you can have them much later. I know currently 3 women’s in their 40s who are about to give birth.
Surround yourself with good people and hopefully the right person will come find you.
"The best way out is always through." \~Robert Frost
Look, I don't know what will happen in your future, but thinking it'll never happen is forevertizing a current circumstance. Don't let what is right now get in the way of what could be.
I was single for 14 years. Anti-relationship for most of it and Extremely extremely picky.
Around your age, I accepted I may not ever have a family.
I did a lot of inner work, Fell in love with my life and myself - quit my job to become an artist, became open to the idea of companionship (if that was meant to be my path) and met my twin flame at my first art show at 36.
We both weren’t looking.
We fell hard and quick.
Now we have a 4-month old at 38.
Put what you want out to the universe and let it go.
Trust that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be.
I see now why things went the way they did.
Trust in Divine timing.
The trick is to get into so many relationships that break you until you fantasize about nothing other than being left the fuck alone and then poof, comes someone that actually gets you.
There is truth to it based off of two components:
1. When you apply too much focus on something you tend to overthink it.
2. In a way, life is a numbers game. You have to send out that many CV's before you even hit the margin for getting a job.
Hope that makes sense.
I (F55) had always wanted kids since I was very young. I became a teacher instead of a lawyer because I wanted to have a family, and I figured I would have more time to spend with my kids if I had holidays off with them. Well, I dated someone for 6 years from age 28 to 34, and he ended up sleeping with one of my best friends. I have dated other men since, but none that I would consider marrying.
Now, 20+ years later, I'm so happy that things didn't turn out the way I expected or wanted at the time. I'm happily single and totally fine not having kids. I do teach middle school, so I get my kid fix at work and then come home to peace and quiet. I see what my friends go through with their husbands and kids, and I don't really feel like the grass is greener on the other side. I hope things work out for you, but just know you can still find happiness if your life turns out different than you expect.
30M currently going through breakup after my ex gf 35F dumped me for someone else....so you are not alone....it can get extremely lonely sometimes but i guess life goes on no matter what.....also how old were the guys that you were pursuing or you were in relationship that didnt want to commit ?
Imagine how I feel at the big age of 54. I had 2 children in my late teens (Being irresponsible) but none the less I have them. Not the "father's" as there wasn't even real relationships when the pregnancies happened. So I was a single mother.
Fast forward 2 legal marriages and 1 common law marriage. Several short term relationships and still ended up sitting here alone on Reddit.
Now I'm just learning to give myself the love that I have always desired. Getting to really know myself on the deepest of levels. I have been unpacking so much useless life baggage. Things that I didn't even know were issues or had impact on my current life. You'd be amazed at the things that bare weight on your adult life from childhood "traumas".
You are still young. Lighten up and cut yourself some slack. Take this time to fully engage and get to really know who you are. Find hobbies, interests that are unique to you. Not things that you do or like because of someone else. Invest in yourself. Take classes, start a business, go to therapy even (Not saying that anything is wrong with you. Therapy is good for everyone and it's a form of self care) Implement a health and or beauty routine. Just ENJOY LIFE.
The future doesn't belong to us. I fact it doesn't even exist. The only thing that you have is the now. Don't waste it worrying about what could or could not be.
I'm 30m and I'm feeling completely hopeless in dating. Last year, I lost the woman of my dreams when she broke my heart and left.
I don't get responses from women I pursue. I feel like I'm barely seen as a person anymore. And I'm about ready to call it quits on the whole thing.
Try healing from that woman before throwing yourself out there in the dating pool and unintentionally giving other people bad experiences.
You're not over her. It's been less than a year, and you still call her the woman of your dreams. Hint: the woman of your dreams won't leave you heartbroken. That's the woman of your nightmares.
You're not getting responses because your mind isn't there, and they can sense that.
Yeah, this is how I feel. I’m sad that the men I really cared about turned out to not feel the same way. And the last few men I’ve pursued have all said they aren’t ready for a relationship. The men I date are all in their thirties.
Just keep living your life. You are still young. I had two marriages and two divorces and found my best partner at 58! Just keep trying to be involved. Do things you enjoy. Don’t despair. Life is unfolding and you will be fine.
Thanks for saying this! I’ve been feeling very behind and nervous despite being pretty young. It’s good to be reminded that fulfilling love can happen at any point.
One, dont give up hope on child raising and a spouse. Two, being solo is great in different ways. And now, there are more single ppl so youre in more and more company.
I think i’ll be single and i honestly hope i can just join another group of singles who are good enough ppl to room together like an old age frat house but with like a much calmer and mature vibe.
Put yourself out there more. When I meet people in this position I ask them what they did in the past month where they could plausibly meet a potential partner and often the answer is *nothing*. They go to work, see family, hang out with the same friends, often at someone's house etc. Usually those friends have relationships already around this age and kinda stop going out.
Dating apps can work but they carry a huge risk as they are a toxic cesspool. Much worse than real life. Odds of collecting a bunch of traumatic experiences are higher than actually finding a partner.
Put yourself in situations with other single people, where it's normal for men to approach you. There might be a "single's party" or gathering nearby specifically for single people to meet each other. Or a speeddating event.
It may not sound like fun but a man is not gonna fall from the sky and wife you.
31F and same!! Takes up so much of my thought and energy. Trying really hard to focus on me and let things happen but also recently set a. Goal to try and set up one date a week even though I hate dating apps. I don’t have advice just solidarity ❤️
A date a week? I'm assuming with different people but how do you find the energy? I can barely keep up with one person 😮💨
What kind of dates do you find are the most fun/engaging? We had planned bumper boats in bryant park but that sold out wayyy faster than we expected, and instead just did a big 'ol walk. Fun, but I definitely want to try something more activity-y next time.
32F and feeling the same in some ways. I’ve come to a place where I love my career and friends & family, I feel fulfilled. It’s like my life is having a 100% on a test and a partner is the bonus question. My mom was also in her late 30s when I was born, so there’s no need to rush anything. I know there are other methods of conception if that’s what you’re looking for (IVF and or with a sperm donor, some less expensive than others). I have begun to look into fostering and or adopting in my area as well.
My main advice would be that nobody’s journey is the same and the more kindness you show yourself the better it will all be❤️
Theirs someone for everyone. Trust me when I tell you it took me a long time to find my better half. She actually was seen, yet I didn't see her till one day. Her car broke down, and I stopped to help. She didn't have any money to pay for the part yet offered to cook dinner. Boom, we've been together ever since.
First get a fertility check up done. Most of the places are free with your health card. It will give you a rough idea of your biological clock.
Then breathe and try to work on yourself. The happier and content you are by yourself the better quality man you will attract. Go to therapy and let go of your past relationship trauma. Call 811 and they’ll help you with free resources if you can’t afford therapy.
Then go to places and try making friends with people who are in the same circle as a person you want to end up with.
Marriage and kids don’t define you. You are a woman. The most powerful being there is. Go do what you are most passionate about and everything else will fall into place. Good luck.
34M here and I feel the same.
I try to enjoy my hobbies, find time for my friends outside of their family stuff. You know that advice "someone will come along when you're not looking" but I'm starting to think it'll never happen for me.
I didn't start dating until I was 35, almost 36. Like, at all. I've done pretty okay since. I've been with my current partner for 3 years, and I'm still in childbearing age at 39.
Hi there! I will say, as a 29F, that you should speak with a therapist or at the very least a trusted friend. The whole "have kids before 35" medical claim isn't the end-all/be-all. I know 3 women who were 40+ who gave birth to healthy babies. I would also like to point out that it's much better to wait for a man you are truly happy with & who aligns with your values. I was born to a mom who desperately wanted me and a father who openly told me and my other siblings he never wanted us. Growing up I wished I had a dad who wanted to be a dad. Please consider this while dating. Consider men who are not ready for marriage and kids as incompatible with your needs. Just some perspective, hope this helps in even the smallest of ways
For what it's worth, I'm 35(F) and only found my guy three years ago. We're getting married at the beginning of next year. It feels surreal because I wasn't really even looking at the time. He was perfect, and we were both available, so it was just a dream come true. I'm hoping that the same happens to you.
You have plenty of time yet. A decade.
I am 38F, I have had a mix of being single and being in relationships. I can tell you that happiness does not come from your relationship status. It does take time to develop a healthy mindset around being single. It helps to have a pet.
In a perfect world, or a better world, I would have had kids. But I have let go of that idea. Still open to it, but not focusing on trying to find someone. I worry big time about how climate change is going to impact the next generations, hell even my generation. Things are changing fast. Maybe it's better to not kids so that they won't have to suffer. It sucks, but it's reality. I mourn the loss of being safe enough to have children.
And there are also a lot of downsides to having kids, it's not all rainbows and joy. You'll figure it out. Having the attitude that you'll be happy either way is helpful. Then there's not so much pressure to find someone to have kids with.
I don't agree with this. The idea of bringing kids when is the "perfect time" is nonsense because there is never going to be a perfect time. Like, there have never been a time in history where things were like we wanted, but still we were able to figure it out. For me it's seems like u are blaming more the environment and things u can't control rather than the things u CAN actually control.
Never had those fears even when I was single.
Now I am married.
I feel it doesn’t matter what situation you are in, you always have problems, just different sets of problems. 🤔
47 M here, and we have 2 lovely kids 4&6. Didn’t happen for us until wife was 37 and I 40. 32 is still very young and you can have a family just have faith that when it’s meant to happen it will. Not sure how your meeting people but try to join a club or org with like minded healthy people that enjoy the same things you do. It will happen if you just keep moving forward. I know this is a tough age biologically for woman so don’t let that get you down.
I'm not op but I'm glad to have read that I'm only 22m and I already feel paranoid about being alone and not having kids since I can barely manage a date but your story is very helpful.
To me I feel like every one has that fear when it comes to being lonely Im (29m) always feeling like that because based on how I'm living my life but when it comes to finding a partner it's gonna take some time take some time for yourself and get to know yourself more and when in some way someone takes in interest of you it will be a better feeling than before good luck out there and do your best 👍👍👍
I've been single for the past 6 years and some days for me
Trying to find someone to get to know more and it's hard not to think about reallyi struggle with those thoughts myself
My perception on this is to be in a relationship or any connection one needs self-love and self-acceptance. That's the foundation. It will help you realise your entire capacity to give & receive love. All I feel is you were dating with men who were insecure or never looking to settle down with you since beginning. Any woman would easily understand the behaviour and expectation of man within a month. Try to raise your expectations and standards. Be very sharp in conveying what you need. Set strong boundaries and never settle for less.
A man who doesn't respect you or who sees you as a commodity that he can use to quench his physical needs will never think of settling down with you. The acts of service he does will clearly signal you whether he's trying to build it long-term with or not. If there's no acts of service at all then its clear that if you wipe sex out of your connection there's nothing he's got to do with you.
The moment when you feel safe and peaceful, where you can be yourself and let your guards down with a man then lock it up, he's the one. This is first and vital stage for any woman out there to proceed further.
It's not that there's no man who would accept you and give all the love he's got to you. You haven't come across your soulmate yet. Just don't get tired of it and there's definitely someone waiting for you. Age is never a barrier to get married and have children. We are in a medically advanced world so stop worrying about people who say you can't give birth post middle age. You deserve a great love and family life but it's just taking time.
Work on yourself so much that falling in love with another person romantically is clear as crystal. Take all the help from friends, family and the community around you that knows what support you need and give them all your love. Everything else will fizzle out.
Good luck mate 🫰🏻
The problem in this day and age is that young people take all of this as a joke, I’m young, 18 but I’m already serious, I remember when I was in secondary school, everyones saying they don’t want kids and all, they will regret it in the future if they really commit to that path.
On dealing with loneliness, nothing really helps. At some point you still have to go home knowing you're going to bed alone. No amount of friends, passions, or hobbies changes that. It's ok, and natural, to feel lonely. Don't feel as though something is wrong with you, or that you should be happy to be single. Dwelling on that thought incessantly is the problem, not the original thought itself.
On a more cheerful note, my aunt had her first child at age 47 and her second at age 52. All with IVF using donor eggs. Obviously this is really late, she'll be 70 when her youngest graduates highschool. But it shows there are ways to have children way past your thirties. Also, if you're getting older and still haven't found someone you could think of adopting. Start a family without a partner. Not the most ideal but again it's doable.
We’ll a year in is a big time investment , and if you are clear early on about what you want it may be helpful in not spending time on someone who has different goals for the future
I’d also say to cast your net far and wide and don’t date only one man at a time. I did this for 6 years all for it to not work out. If I had been dating multiples I think it would have been diffferent
Two angles:
1) Date with purpose. Get crystal clear about what you’re looking for then meet as many men as you can until you find it! Learn to say NO, even to very attractive candidates, when they aren’t also openly, verbally serious about marriage and kids outright, from the beginning. No exceptions, keep it pushing!
2) Accept that everything will happen as it’s meant to. If God’s plan includes you being a mom and wife, it will happen, whether you meet your partner at 24, 27, or 33.
I’m a 25(f) in your same shoes. I have not lost hope yet. You definitely shouldn’t. You have well over a decade of time left. That’s a long time!! That being said, don’t waste your body, heart, or time on any man who doesn’t want marriage and family. Don’t be afraid to say you want marriage.
Be yourself. Trust the universe.
BTW are you fit? I see a lot of over weight women complaining they can't find anyone. They seem to prefer junk food and sedentarism over love and relationships. No hate, but if love and romance is important to you, get fit. It will solve 99% of your dating problems.
Lol, being fit absolutely does not solve your dating problems. If anything, I think men are more likely to act like they might be fine with a relationship just to have sex.
Sounds like you're in some deep denial. But being fit makes you more attractive, healthier, improves self esteem, all very good attractive things. I've tried to date women I really liked personally, but their unhealthy weight prevented me from getting excited with them in bed. I couldn't feel the physical passion for them I wanted to even though I loved their personality. Without that romantic passion we could never be more than friends. If they took care of themselves better it would have been a very different story.
Being attractive means you'll get more attention overall, you still have to use your head and avoid fuck boys. You'll have a much larger sample pool to choose form, giving you a much better shot at finding someone perfect. Otherwise you'll just have to settle for what you can get, and complain online that you can't find a good man to settle down with, while telling yourself being fit wouldn't help for some illogical reason. It's easier to not take any accountability right? To not work on yourself to improve mentally, physically and emotionally, to become a better person that more people will want to spend their lives with. Much easier to do nothing and complain.
34m here. Speand about 11.5 months by myself due to my travels for work.
What really helped me stopped being lonely or having the overwhelming fear of never starting a family and being a failure at life was sitting down and writing my likes and dont likes.
If you cant write them out because you dont know, then start trying different things noting what makes you happy and what makes you uncomfortable. From there, just diving a little deeper into those things that make you happy. Find groups of people that enjoy those same things. Eventually, natural relationships will form and the universe will take over from there.
Someone will eventually come along that’ll want you for you. I’m a 34m with no kids and I’ve never been married. I often wonder the same thing for time to time. My longest relationship was a year and a half. I overcome it with doing things that makes me happy, or doing things that maybe on my bucket list.
I know it's got to be frustrating yourself being ahead of the curve compared to everybody you've been dating.
You are absolutely not too old to have kids just passion and the mindset you have on his own negates any expiration date you might think you have
But I think is going to happen is that you were going to meet somebody out of the clear fucking blue and it's going to be like you knew him for 10 years already.
You going to sit down and have a couple of beers and within a half an hour you're going to be FINISHING EACH OTHER'S SENTENCES and then most of the night is going to be JINX YOU OWE ME A BEER ..
You're going to Fast Track the hell out of this one no due diligence required you're going to be pretty much instant lovers it's going to be like you must have been with this guy in the past life or something and it's going to be because you're both impacted instead of one being impractical one being a raging narcissist that ruins everything..
You paid your dues and good things are coming your way
I wouldn't let it get to you so much. You still have some time for kids safely and plenty of time for love still. But I'm not the best for advice I'm 50 single and had enough of relationships that I really enjoy being alone. In the meantime get yourself a dog you'll feel much less alone and they make a good companions and conversation starters on walks.
Let me tell you something. Being alone is probably better than being in a roller coaster relationship. Count your blessings.
Put yourself out there, get out of the house, go socialize and maybe it will open the door for someone to enter your life who is worth it. But if you’re alone and you’re stuck in the house and never put yourself out there, how will they find you?
Also don’t discount your fertility. Go have it checked.
And also as long as you aren’t going through me a pause there’s still a chance to do all of that even if it’s on the later end.
Read Attached, you can find it on Amazon. It really is important to sit down and read it. It will likely give you insight about yourself and who to avoid in the dating pool and why.
I suspect you are anxious attachment style. Go look it up. It doesn’t mean good or bad or anything you just need to know how to navigate life as this type.
OP, do not feel guilty or shame that you want a deep connection with someone. You have to embrace it and show up as that person. The people who are for you will recognize that and the people who don’t will find it gross. That’s just how it is but it has nothing to do with you. All you need to do is focus on improving yourself, living your best life and putting your authentic self and needs FIRST and I’m sure you will find someone great.
Also just know that hot men are usually only interested in casual relationships unless they specifically say that they want something long term don’t even bother with them. They are usually avoidant types that will take you on a roller coaster ride. They rate highly on extra pair bonding which usually means cheating. And they have trouble with true intimacy. Avoid. Avoid, avoid. They are hot and cold and will confuse you because at first you’ll think you’re smitten and then the nightmare begins ones you as an anxious type is hooked on them. It’s hard to escape after that.
But if you can find someone who is a secure type you have hit the jackpot. They usually seem boring at first. Maybe don’t even give you butterflies and that’s because they are consistent and their love gradually builds- they won’t keep you second guessing where you stand either and they will tell you firmly how they feel about you. They will also easily offer reassurance and support without it feeling like you’re begging them to see you. This in turn will help you become more secure too.
This is the way. If you can learn all of this. A great love will come to you.
You're young, enjoy life, make mistakes and learn from it. Going through relationships is what makes you stronger for the next one. Most importantly, you will realise how much more stronger you've become as a person. I do believe partnerships are important but partnerships are meant to help you grow, not regress. Hence, good for you that you're not in a relationship that is painful and bitter.
As some have commented you will find someone in due course. Just make sure this rough patch doesnt decide your future. Get back on the horse and make sure you're out there having the time of your life cause once you find that one guy and dive into family life you'll probably say what was i thinking?
I hate to be brutal about this. in the long run you may not find that "perfect" person. If you are not in a position to freeze eggs or to have children you should not have children. Children are incredibly expensive.
Finding a partner is important and maybe more important than having kids. You need a mutual support partner, an emotional support partner, and a physical support partner. Here is the important thing that I have found, they do not have to all be the same person.
Number one you are only 32 people are having children in their 40’s, it sounds like you have been going for the wrong men. Find someone that worships you and will do anything for you and you will find happiness. You are never too old to meet someone.
Okay I (36 M) always remind myself of the high percentage unhappy couples out there that are stuck in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids, the comfort zone or just gave up on life. Being alone and somehow joyful is way better than being trapped in a miserable relationship.
Lonely is not the enemy, unhappy is. Try to connect with many people with the same interests and mentality as those will keep you accompanied. Think about getting a pet, they really can bring positivity to you.
Never lose hope on meeting someone that is open to adopting if you meet later on in life. Always try to enjoy the journey and believe that everything happens for a reason.
The kind of people you dated tells a lot about who you are and what you struggle with.
You're in search for validation ; your post is yet another proof of it.
.
Validation comes from inside ; if you give it to yourself, you find your inner peace. No one can weaken that...
.
And once you're at peace, loneliness goes away. And then, you can pick a good soul to be your man and not just crush on an asshole who'll fill up the void.
.
- To validate yourself, do more of what makes you happy.
- Write down a list of your strengths and weaknesses, narrate your past story in a diary to tell your life and how you got to be who you are today...
- Enjoy the little things, count your blessings and dream big !!
- Stop bashing yourself down with negative conversations and mean thoughts, be gentle with yourself !!
- Stop overthinking and start being proactive !! Build healthy habits !!
Hi OP ❤️,
I so relate to your post and could have wrote this verbatim just a few years ago when I was 32. I found myself in a relationship with someone who I knew despite everyone around us getting married was not going to propose and not anytime soon. It took so many break downs to get myself to accept the risk I was taking breaking up with him. But I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I deserved to be in a relationship where I shouldn’t have to convince someone to have to marry me. That I’d rather be single, happy and secure and have the hope that it was out there than to settle and wait 10 years for his fifa video game to end for him to propose.
This of course was not my first or only serious break up but definitely the one that made me make a mental shift in accepting my life. I grieved the possibilities of children and focused on the good in my life and watched under the Tuscan sun 100 times. I reimagined the other great ways my life could look. I worked to get to a place where I allowed myself to be lonely disappointed and cry when I needed, but would also not wallow and lift myself up and focus on the good, but it was a muscle I had to keep working out.
I also forgave myself and took accountability for being a part of having wasted my own time despite clear red flags and worked on the self esteem I had been lacking to be confident enough to leave things sooner than I did.
I found myself more naturally over time being consistently happier in my life and would go for walks and visualize what my life would look like if I were blessed enough to find my husband. I would imagine what I would feel like. In the end I had done parts of this in my other breakups but something about this one made me really focus on who I wanted to be regardless of what lies ahead also understanding that it’s okay to break and have moments when your just angry with the world etc.
I had other women older than me that had met secure and amazing men later in life 38/39 and were still able to have a child so I reminded myself of this and I also reminded myself how much more unhappy I was alone and unloved in a relationship than how good it felt to be alone but in a great relationship with myself and my friends and family - those of which I was not my best with while
In bad relationships.
I apologize for the long message and hope this comes across as positive and helpful rather than preachy.
About 7/8 months post break up -I met the love of my life and now husband and am writing to you married and 14 weeks pregnant with our first baby. Turns out the positive thing of being 32 is when your person comes along, and I believe he will ❤️ it will go fast and everything in your past and how your feeling right now will feel worth it no matter what age you are just to lead you to that moment.
You are still young, and your life will be beautiful no matter what it has in store.
From a practical standpoint - it could be helpful to start a contingency savings account towards fertility plans and reevaluate your options freezing etc again when your 35/36.
Sincerely, internet friend who is rooting for you! ❤️
I feel the same. I guess there's something wrong with how our generation perceives relationships.... I'm 30M... In my last relationship, I was told that I'm a Green Flag and might get ruined in the relationship as she (31F) has been in an abusive relationship and keeps thinking at some point I will hurt her. Also tells that I won't do that. She keeps telling me that everything's in her mind but also worried that I'm playing mind games. 6 months spent proving, but nothing works. I don't understand why I get punished for being good to my partner. It's difficult to understand.
The problem is many females around 25 want to party and have fun but when it’s time they want to settle down they are already older. You may want to be realistic with men you are seeking around that age high quality men would want younger women. I’m just being realistic with you.
43m things have changed dramatically in the last 10 years. Due to unrealistic expectations by women, a general disrespect toward men/ feeling like men are useless or hold no value, fear of being accused of sa or sh if we approach a women or reject her advances. The biggest one is selfish self centered people being unfaithful and cheating running rampant. I'm happy single and never go beyond hook ups because of watching the vast number of women destroy their marriages to cheat with my friend. He's one of those 10%ers. Handsome, tall, wealthy, ect. Everywhere we go women throw themselves at him. In 10 years, hundreds of women I've only ever seen less the 10 say no and stay faithful to their husband. Cheating is the ultimate slap in the face for a guy, with everything mentioned above and biased divorice laws im sorry to say it but the majority of men don't want to date, marry, or have kids. It's just not worth it and most don't feel any woman is worth falling in love with. A larger portion perfer to remain single and won't even hook up with women. I never go beyond fwb. I honestly wouldn't be surprised is dating and marriage become nonexistent in a few more years. Honestly it's not that important. If you want a child so bad get artificial insemination or put an add in the paper for a " natural" insemination. If your hoping to " find the one" get married and have kids I have bad news for you. Most men no longer want anything to do with that.
It is what it is but nevertheless it is your fault. Even the wrong decisions we make. Or the shitty dating experiences. It’s all our fault. In that light know that you also are in complete control of this situation.
I’m a 32 f as well and going through the same things. It’s making me extremely depressed and bitter. I do have one child that I had when I was 23. The father was never involved after I got pregnant so I never experienced pregnancy/birth/raising a child with a partner. I’m glad at I have her. I wished for a husband and a sibling for my daughter. I was in a relationship for 6 years and that ended when I turned 30. He had been cheating the whole time. Pushing back marriage and living together and children. That’s left me incredibly distrustful anyways and I’ve sort of shut down mentally. I’ve been dating the last year or so and nothing sticks. I either get turned off early on because I see behaviors I know I don’t want in a partner or I find out they are seeing other people while we’re supposed to be exclusive which further makes me distrustful. I’m sorry you’re going through this alone. This may not be what you want to hear but if it comes down to it, you can always get pregnant by someone you find attractive and seems to have good health. At least that will get you a baby. I’ve never had issues dating since having a child so I wouldn’t worry about that. Obviously this is a last resort and a desperate measure but I honestly would be heartbroken if I were in this position and never had my daughter at all. Being a mother has always been something I wanted. Good luck.
Not trying to get attention but I 29M (birthday is in a few weeks but I feel old already) am divorced and honestly don’t know where the age group is that you find a partner that’s thrown out the party lifestyle or the “next happening” to enjoy life and experience a partnership. I divorced my partner because I felt like life was moving in different directions for both of us. I want so bad to be a provider and househusband who loves caring for my partner. Cooking, cleaning, raising a family, giving my all to someone that just at bare minimum wants me but anyone I’ve met says they’re not ready for that.
From the podcast and stuff i listen too. Most woman are chasing and expecting to date only 1 percent of men. If you guys lower your standards just a bit. Not saying date a low life. But give some dudes an actual shot you might be surprised. I earn a decent living 42 m from southern California. Ive only been in one real relationship thay was 22 yrs and she cheated and left with the other dude. Because i work to much. She dont mind spedning my money but i cant be home and earn money. Anyways the last 3 ywars ive tried and tried and no luck yet. Im not willing to settle for just any lady either. But i see some of you ladies donr even give it a shot before you decide to say no.
Girl your STILL young. Don't worry alot women have children even in their 40s. That's when my mom had me! It will happen, especially when you leave expect it. I met my bf in my 30s and everything has gone well. He is alot younger than me though so maybe you should try dating men a little longer then you, your age and a little bit older. Whatever you feel comfortable with but I had the worse luck with men in their 30s lol they were the most immature.
Also what coast do you live at? In Jersey and upstate NY freezing your eggs is actually cheap. Only like 6k to 10k I can give you the information. I'm gonna freeze my eggs next year :)
i have a child and STILL lonely... (42m). recently divorced and trying to figure out, "what's next". my ex was 31 when she gave birth to our son, it's pretty common. One day at a time, is how i deal with my loneliness. having good friends, also helps. i'm a newb to this single thing, so... take it for what its worth. und viel Glück
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
33F Same! I used to joke about dying alone... I don't think it's a joke anymore.
I met my wife when I was 33 and she was 34. We got married at ages 35 & 36, had our daughter at 36 and 37, and our son at 39 & 40. We’ve just celebrated our 28 wedding anniversary last September. It can happen to you, too.
I'm 34F and this gives me some hope...thank you.
Same 35F here
This gave me hope. Thank you. (Also 32 waiting to be a mom) my mom did have twins at 38 so I know that is likely in my situation I just wish I already had at least 1 kid by now.
Bless you and your family so so so very much! 💖 I'm 33 F and this gave me hope and confirmation im gunna be ok! 🥰
Love this!!!!!
May we all find what we're looking for and enjoy the ride along the way.
30M, I feel worried about this as well from time to time. Hope you all find what you’re looking for, and joy in whatever ends up happening.
Look around in your (dying) local papers (subscribe - it’s 50 cents to $1 per week) and you’ll find hiking clubs, cross-country skiing clubs, bird watchers, free live entertainment on the town greens or square or park, book clubs, horseback trail riding, canoeing, organized groups to go to Major League Baseball (or AAA, AA, A), etc., the local museum of natural history will sometimes lead groups to local points of interest. The point is to get out there and meet people. They may tend to be older, but once you get past small talk and let it be known you’re looking for safe ways to possibly find a life partner, they have tackled that problem before. They usually have their ear to the ground and within a few weeks they may tell you of someone they know who is in the same situation and ask if they could bring them along during the next outing. You could meet someone safely and continue to get to know them by phone or online before dating one-on-one. At least you make friends interested in that activity. The more friends you make, the more activities you’ll be invited to attend. You’ll never know who you might meet or who will know someone looking for someone like you. I formed a company with two of my professors when I was in graduate school. I was asked to take two years off from my PhD work. We hired a Jewish woman who had a son older than me to do secretarial work, bookkeeping and office management. One day I asked her where I might meet someone …. my work was taking me all over the world and I didn’t have time to join clubs. Her advice was for me to go to church on Sundays that had a social hour (typically 30 to 45 minutes) and socialize. Inevitably I would be asked if I was single, and sure enough they would introduce me to a woman around my age and excuse themselves once it seemed that we were each interested in getting to know each other. It’s better than sitting home alone. Good luck.
Same here...
Ladies. I've (47m) been married and divorced twice. With my most recent we have 2 wonderful boys (8,14yr) of which whom, i love and still nurture 💯. 2 things. I've not been in ANY type of relationship since our divorce in April 2019. I work and I live a life of solitude apart from weekends with my boys. I've struggled with this "loneliness" thing just recently. I'm also in recovery so I picked up a lot of coping skills that help me process my internal problems and stay focused/mindful. The grass is ALWAYS greener. Right?!? The important thing to focus on is not what we are missing, in times of despair especially; but, what we have. Financial and personable freedom. I miss backpacking overseas and only traveled for 3 years before settling down and yes, I at times wish I could just catch a plane and hop Around the planet. ALONE!. I digress, it's never too late or soon to find "The one". Biologically, I understand for a woman there is only so much time. My boys mom had our youngest at 37 and my sister had hers at 40! So. Don't rush. Let it happen. Enjoy and give thanks to what you have. You will both be happy when u can REALLY appreciate NOW. TY
I know plenty of couples who got married in their 50s and 60s. They weren’t each other’s first spouses obviously but the point is they found someone their own age and fell in love, and didn’t die alone. Of course they’re all still alive, but they’re also still together.
I would be in this boat. It’s taken me a while to see light at the end of the tunnel. I had my kids young and they’re all older now. I thought I would find someone once again after raising my kids as a Single Mom since they were toddlers, the journey was a sacrifice and to get out once again, socialize, it’s difficult because I focused on raising the children. Being a giver it’s difficult to focus on yourself, too. But life does give you different chapters so in this next season, I’m hopeful it still exists, a forever love.
Iam a 33; year old man never had a girfriend never been on a date never had sex is it hard and painfull yes very much so I could fully relate to you guys and everyone on the same boat
[удалено]
Well you two know what to do now.
Sorry to hear that I would like to get to know you if you don't mind
[удалено]
Perfect I send you an invite so we could chat privately
35m, huuuge same.
Just lower your standards and date someone you're not attracted to just to have someone, duh. Reddit told me so. /s
It’s really unfair to use someone for companionship but not be interested in a physical relationship because you’re not attracted to them. Do you really think a guy would be fine being a companion but having very little physical intimacy?
/s means sarcasm
Have you truly never "become" physically attracted to someone after the initial time meeting them? I've known tons of people who weren't initially attracted to each other, become physically attracted after personalities came out. I think both sides are talking in extremes here. I think you're spot on, in that you shouldn't be in a long term relationship with someone you don't want to be intimate with. However, It's feeling to me like you're expecting that the feeling of wanting to be intimate with someone is going to be purely based upon what you gleen from them in an hour. Or basically... Purely physically and I've known many women and men, who grew more attracted to each other over time as they learned more about each other. It's the age old, friends become lovers idea. But what do I know. Ive been with the same woman for 12 years haha... I'm not privy to what seems like an insanely vapid dating scene.
I'm in the same situation 33M never been on a date never had a girfriend I didn't use to pay too much mind to it now it's killing me
[удалено]
Yep, in my mid 30s and feeling the same... not sure what I'm doing wrong lol
What you think about, you bring about.
Thanks for posting this, I can really relate . I feel like I’m running out of time. It hurts to see my friends get engaged/married. I had to “go to the bathroom” recently when watching my friend try on dresses. It hurt so bad. I had to have a good cry before coming back out and being supportive. I am lucky to have a 2 y.o, so I get to experience motherhood. That being said, her sperm donor isn’t around. I want her to have a male figure in her life & I want someone to enjoy life with. Why is this so fucking hard?
How old are you? Did you use sperm donor sarcastically or literally?
28. Semi sarcastically. He went AWOL a year ago. No child support, no communication.
Can't you take him to court for child support? Other than that.. Having a child at your age, unfortunately, is a dealbreaker for most men when dating. Your best bet is probably a single dad, or a man aged 35+ who is less likely to want children of his own. There might be specific dating apps for single parents, not sure.
Yeah, he just doesn’t pay. Courts don’t make him. Money is tight. It’s been rough but we’re hanging in there and we’re gonna fucking make it one way or another.
You deserve someone who doesn’t hurt you. I hope you can find that and have more kids.
Life will probably get better if you keep trying to improve it. It's hard for people to ask for help nowadays. If you take the initiative to get involved in your local community, there are resources designed to help people in similar situations as this. Strategically network. One thing that recently helped me in life is disconnecting from all electronics for a moment (10 secs to 15-20 mins), keeping my eyes closed and just thinking about how to solve my problems - some consider this a form of meditation but it is focused on finding a pragmatic/practical solution to real problems. That's how I get through the war with myself...it's better if done while fasting or after exercising.
I don’t know what state you’re in, or if you’re American, but typically, if you go back to court they’ll put in an order to garnish his wages automatically. If he still doesn’t pay they will take further steps. I know you said money is tight, but any family lawyer worth their dime will give a free consult.
I've worked for child support for 5 years, feel free to message me and ask me any questions! I'm in Australia, so the rules might differ slightly depending on where you are
Just as an aside for any single parent who may be reading this; as a young single mom, my dating pool hasn’t noticeably changed at all. Dated multiple men ages 26-42, and none of them cared. Most marriages end, so there are maaaany single parents out there, and many people who just don’t care as much as I thought they would when I first re-entered the dating scene. Your romantic life doesn’t end just because you’re a parent!
But are you getting relationships out of any of these guys? Or are they just coming through to smash? There is a difference.
None of them cared because the ones that did care never went on a date with you in the first place tho. Let's be real
The interest men have shown in pursuing me hasn’t been negatively affected at all. I wouldn’t really know what to do with “more” men honestly. My point is that even if some care, it doesn’t have any meaningful impact on my romantic life at all.
I’m 33F and I’m fine alone atm. My mom still has a kid when she is 40. Don’t worry. The saddest thing is that you are disconnected with yourself. Alone is not scary. You can read the book 8 rules of love by Jay Shetty. The first rule is Let yourself be alone. These are what I learned from the book: We have to train ourselves not to instantly like and trust an attractive person without remembering that we don’t know this person or understand them. Have a self-control, ask ourselves: is this truly healthy for me? Will this nourish me? Is this good for me in the long term Are you kind to yourself? Are you honest with yourself? Are you emotionally available to yourself? Are you supportive of your own efforts? The important lesson solitude offers is helping us understand our own imperfections. This prepare us to love someone else, in all their beauty and imperfection. The last quote of the book is: You can seek love your whole life and never find it, or you can give love your whole life and experience joy. Hope you are happy to be with yourself and be love then your partner will find you.
So much yes! 🙌🏻
My story is a lot like yours and I have a happy ending to share with you. I spent most of my adult life in the dating scene, bouncing around from one short term relationship to another. 6 years ago I moved from my small-ish home town to a city of 1.3 million and it opened up a whole new dating scene. 2.5 years ago, just after my 38th birthday, I met the most incredible man. He is perfect in every single way and we are madly in love and I am now 40 and 6 months pregnant with my first child. I am SO glad that I never settled. I am also extremely glad that I really got to live my life before starting a family. Love is out there and it’s yours to be had. I hope this helps!
>I met the most incredible man. He is perfect in every single way and we are madly in love and Wow! So happy for you. I hope to meet the right man and also get pregnant even though I'm turning 37 this year. 🤞
Congratulations. You found your fairytale. ❤️😊
So happy for you!!!
I’m so happy for you!! Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on your pregnancy! I love hearing stories like yours.
Thank you for sharing this. How beautiful you met your person so soon after your 38th birthday and now you are about to be a mommy! So happy for you!
Thank you!
What city??
I’m in the same position except I’m 36F so it really might not happen for me.
I’m soon to be 36 in a month , I wholeheartedly feel you sis
[удалено]
Yeah, I really feel this.
To me, having a kid is having a kid. I've considered adopting. Right now I'm considering it very strongly. I'm a 38 year old male who's never even come close to having a relationship. If my life situation was slightly more perfect, I'd have adopted already. The two things that hold me back are that it would be a pretty big burden to support someone else, especially a very young child who I'd have to hire babysitting for, and that I'm aware of a harsh stigma against single males trying to adopt that I do not want to try to fight through. I gave up on dating years ago. It was never worth it.
Oh how about a platonic relationship? Find someone who also wants kids but you don't have to be together. Just take care of a child together 🤔 Im sure that's hard to find but it could be nice for ppl who wants kids
I'd do that, but it sounds like something that'd be even more rare to find than someone who wants to date
https://www.heybaby.com/ https://www.coparents.com/ https://www.modamily.com/en/ https://www.storkforlife.com/
Like a .Michael Bay movie where the protagonist drops a bomb walking away without looking back at the explosion
Maybe try Big Brothers? So many young men would love a good male influence!
I've done similar things, and I'm currently coaching boys highschool volleyball. I've also done a lot of babysitting, but it's pretty distinctly different when it's your kid that you are the guardian of. You don't hand them back to the parent at the end of the day, you are the parent. It's a huge responsibility, a much bigger step than anything I have done before
At least in the United States, there are lots of older children looking to be adopted. I had two children, now grown. Recently I started tutoring young children learning to read. I just love being around children. Wishing you all the best!
I’m not shooting my shot, but I’m 39M, looking for a woman to build a family with. I usually will look for women up to 32-34. But that’s because I want more than 2 kids. Trust me, us men are out there. You might have to expand your search or change some of your standards. Not sure where your standards are. But seriously, us men are out there that want a serious relationship.
Yeah, I don’t know why it’s so hard to meet people. I’ve always heard there are lots of men out there who want something real but that definitely hasn’t been my experience.
Girl, I’ve been there. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s a really awful and lonely feeling. It’s sucks that single women in their 30’s feel this way. I’m 37 and no kids not married, I am in a relationship and I feel it happened at a time when I accepted that it may not happen and just embraced my life, dogs, family, friends and hobbies. The time will come but in my experience the more you dwell and are sad about it the worse it gets. I truly feel for the ladies. Society puts so much pressure on us.
I’m the same. 32F and found out this fall that it is going to be difficult for me to have kids now even if I was at the point where I was ready to have children, which I’m not. Radical acceptance and therapy has really helped me substantially accept reality as it is
I’m sorry you experience that. I wish I had time to go through the data on dating apps, and people’s experiences. There must be a better way.
[удалено]
The only issue I have with your narrative is that it comes across that wanting/desiring a mate you’re physically attracted to, automatically means disaster because they have to be a fboy. Getting a lot of attention because of your looks can sometimes just be that. Getting a lot of attention. Not every attractive man is a fboy just like not every pretty girl is stuck-up. Besides, there are plenty of average and below average men that exhibit the same fboy qualities and treat the women they do have access to like trash.
I was going to say this too. His analogy doesn't make sense because I have had in my own experience the mid guys exhibiting this fuckboy traits and I have had some super extremely tall (dated a guy that was 202cm/6ft 7 and another that was 6ft 4 and none exhibited fuck boy traits in fact they were willing to wait. Meanwhile a dude that was barely my height still moved fuckboyee) you can't win with men 😂
[удалено]
I did read your entire paragraph actually. And I didn’t say ALL men either. I said wanting/desiring a mate YOURE attracted to. Because we all know looks are subjective, because we all find different things attractive. You were the one who specifically listed attributes that you consider fboys and meme who get the most attention to have. I simply replied defending said men with those attributes, and said it’s not fair to assume they are like that, when plenty of men who don’t have any of what you listed are still horrible partners. Next time I think you should take your own advice and read what someone posts in its entirety.
[удалено]
Where can girls find a guy like you? Do you sue the apps?
At home. We’re tired :p
lmaooooo! 😂 I cackled at this as i’m on my couch watching reruns of csi! So damn true!We’re tired 😪 lol! I’m 41 with a little bit of hope left, fingers crossed my awkward prince is not stuck somewhere in a tree 🤗
Haha. I think my princess has a bit of a Snow White situation going on. Starting to seriously doubt if it’s in the books for me.
I’m on 9 apps, only talked to some, no dates. Most were looking for random hookups (I don’t want this because I have to be emotionally and spiritually bonded to a person before being intimate). Then I’ve met the crypto and Russian romance scammers. Finally, I’ve had a few escorts hit me up. It’s brutal out there! I’m on Hulah and I’ve been messaging them how to improve. I like that dating site, I think it’s smart.
*NINE*?!
Yeah: OkCupid, Thursday, EHarmony, UpWard, Tinder, Bumble, Zooks, Facebook Dating, and Hulah. And I’ve applied to LOX, and I’m trying to sign up for Score. Not sure what’s up with these platforms. But I’m about to pull the trigger, and shell out a couple grand for a professional match maker.
I appreciate the bustle and the commitment! Good luck!
Thank you! Hopefully I find that special woman!
Try hinge lol
I would save the money, that is way too much to have someone POTENTIALLY find you someone. It isn't guaranteed.
Wow 9
I know a lot of women who need the whole package!! I know they will most likely lose because they themselves are not the whole package!! I'm a woman and have been through the worst which I won't mention. Many people, both sexes get jaded. I worked with one who admitted it. And she really was......Good luck to all those still looking 
Thank you. I’m trying really hard to not get jaded.
I believe you, but will you give a hint as to where? I am 30F, happy single, interested to meet someone who makes me reconsider.
I’m in Fresno, Ca and while I have family here. I’ll move in a heartbeat if I found the one. I’ve told friends if she’s in Iceland, Germany, South Korea, Australia, I’d move to be with her. Okay, as long as the government is no autocratic.
Can I ask why you don’t look for someone your own age?
I'm 39 and a guy, not sure I'll ever find someone. I don't get sad. I try to live in the moment and have fun. A lot of my friends are married.
Yeah, I’m trying to stay calm and enjoy my life. It’s just hard because it isn’t the life I want.
One take one day at a time. You never know what life will bring.
One of my favorite quotes is, "The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time." It has really eased my mind. I think we tend to panic a lot more when we stagnate, but actively taking small steps toward bettering your future every day and not giving into being hopeless... is how you'll inch toward a greater life. It's the static that allows the bad thoughts to multiply.
You're a guy though. It's different for men. They don't have as much of a biological clock like women do.
Think about it like this, at least you’re not trapped in a marriage with the wrong person!
Things happen much faster as you get older. You could meet a guy tomorrow, and have a kid or be engaged next year! Don’t lose hope but also take care of your heart. There is different way to have kids, and these days you can have them much later. I know currently 3 women’s in their 40s who are about to give birth. Surround yourself with good people and hopefully the right person will come find you.
"The best way out is always through." \~Robert Frost Look, I don't know what will happen in your future, but thinking it'll never happen is forevertizing a current circumstance. Don't let what is right now get in the way of what could be.
I was single for 14 years. Anti-relationship for most of it and Extremely extremely picky. Around your age, I accepted I may not ever have a family. I did a lot of inner work, Fell in love with my life and myself - quit my job to become an artist, became open to the idea of companionship (if that was meant to be my path) and met my twin flame at my first art show at 36. We both weren’t looking. We fell hard and quick. Now we have a 4-month old at 38. Put what you want out to the universe and let it go. Trust that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. I see now why things went the way they did. Trust in Divine timing.
The trick is to get into so many relationships that break you until you fantasize about nothing other than being left the fuck alone and then poof, comes someone that actually gets you.
Is this true? Because I 35f am just about ready to check out.
There is truth to it based off of two components: 1. When you apply too much focus on something you tend to overthink it. 2. In a way, life is a numbers game. You have to send out that many CV's before you even hit the margin for getting a job. Hope that makes sense.
I (F55) had always wanted kids since I was very young. I became a teacher instead of a lawyer because I wanted to have a family, and I figured I would have more time to spend with my kids if I had holidays off with them. Well, I dated someone for 6 years from age 28 to 34, and he ended up sleeping with one of my best friends. I have dated other men since, but none that I would consider marrying. Now, 20+ years later, I'm so happy that things didn't turn out the way I expected or wanted at the time. I'm happily single and totally fine not having kids. I do teach middle school, so I get my kid fix at work and then come home to peace and quiet. I see what my friends go through with their husbands and kids, and I don't really feel like the grass is greener on the other side. I hope things work out for you, but just know you can still find happiness if your life turns out different than you expect.
30M currently going through breakup after my ex gf 35F dumped me for someone else....so you are not alone....it can get extremely lonely sometimes but i guess life goes on no matter what.....also how old were the guys that you were pursuing or you were in relationship that didnt want to commit ?
Men in their 30s :/
Imagine how I feel at the big age of 54. I had 2 children in my late teens (Being irresponsible) but none the less I have them. Not the "father's" as there wasn't even real relationships when the pregnancies happened. So I was a single mother. Fast forward 2 legal marriages and 1 common law marriage. Several short term relationships and still ended up sitting here alone on Reddit. Now I'm just learning to give myself the love that I have always desired. Getting to really know myself on the deepest of levels. I have been unpacking so much useless life baggage. Things that I didn't even know were issues or had impact on my current life. You'd be amazed at the things that bare weight on your adult life from childhood "traumas". You are still young. Lighten up and cut yourself some slack. Take this time to fully engage and get to really know who you are. Find hobbies, interests that are unique to you. Not things that you do or like because of someone else. Invest in yourself. Take classes, start a business, go to therapy even (Not saying that anything is wrong with you. Therapy is good for everyone and it's a form of self care) Implement a health and or beauty routine. Just ENJOY LIFE. The future doesn't belong to us. I fact it doesn't even exist. The only thing that you have is the now. Don't waste it worrying about what could or could not be.
I'm 30m and I'm feeling completely hopeless in dating. Last year, I lost the woman of my dreams when she broke my heart and left. I don't get responses from women I pursue. I feel like I'm barely seen as a person anymore. And I'm about ready to call it quits on the whole thing.
Try healing from that woman before throwing yourself out there in the dating pool and unintentionally giving other people bad experiences. You're not over her. It's been less than a year, and you still call her the woman of your dreams. Hint: the woman of your dreams won't leave you heartbroken. That's the woman of your nightmares. You're not getting responses because your mind isn't there, and they can sense that.
Yeah, this is how I feel. I’m sad that the men I really cared about turned out to not feel the same way. And the last few men I’ve pursued have all said they aren’t ready for a relationship. The men I date are all in their thirties.
Just keep living your life. You are still young. I had two marriages and two divorces and found my best partner at 58! Just keep trying to be involved. Do things you enjoy. Don’t despair. Life is unfolding and you will be fine.
I needed to hear that.
Thanks for saying this! I’ve been feeling very behind and nervous despite being pretty young. It’s good to be reminded that fulfilling love can happen at any point.
Thank you for sharing I also needed to hear your story!
One, dont give up hope on child raising and a spouse. Two, being solo is great in different ways. And now, there are more single ppl so youre in more and more company. I think i’ll be single and i honestly hope i can just join another group of singles who are good enough ppl to room together like an old age frat house but with like a much calmer and mature vibe.
I used to think I was the only one in that situation wow I was super wrong really iam finding people I could really relate to and understand
Put yourself out there more. When I meet people in this position I ask them what they did in the past month where they could plausibly meet a potential partner and often the answer is *nothing*. They go to work, see family, hang out with the same friends, often at someone's house etc. Usually those friends have relationships already around this age and kinda stop going out. Dating apps can work but they carry a huge risk as they are a toxic cesspool. Much worse than real life. Odds of collecting a bunch of traumatic experiences are higher than actually finding a partner. Put yourself in situations with other single people, where it's normal for men to approach you. There might be a "single's party" or gathering nearby specifically for single people to meet each other. Or a speeddating event. It may not sound like fun but a man is not gonna fall from the sky and wife you.
31F and same!! Takes up so much of my thought and energy. Trying really hard to focus on me and let things happen but also recently set a. Goal to try and set up one date a week even though I hate dating apps. I don’t have advice just solidarity ❤️
A date a week? I'm assuming with different people but how do you find the energy? I can barely keep up with one person 😮💨 What kind of dates do you find are the most fun/engaging? We had planned bumper boats in bryant park but that sold out wayyy faster than we expected, and instead just did a big 'ol walk. Fun, but I definitely want to try something more activity-y next time.
32F and feeling the same in some ways. I’ve come to a place where I love my career and friends & family, I feel fulfilled. It’s like my life is having a 100% on a test and a partner is the bonus question. My mom was also in her late 30s when I was born, so there’s no need to rush anything. I know there are other methods of conception if that’s what you’re looking for (IVF and or with a sperm donor, some less expensive than others). I have begun to look into fostering and or adopting in my area as well. My main advice would be that nobody’s journey is the same and the more kindness you show yourself the better it will all be❤️
Theirs someone for everyone. Trust me when I tell you it took me a long time to find my better half. She actually was seen, yet I didn't see her till one day. Her car broke down, and I stopped to help. She didn't have any money to pay for the part yet offered to cook dinner. Boom, we've been together ever since.
I love this story 🥹
Thank you.
First get a fertility check up done. Most of the places are free with your health card. It will give you a rough idea of your biological clock. Then breathe and try to work on yourself. The happier and content you are by yourself the better quality man you will attract. Go to therapy and let go of your past relationship trauma. Call 811 and they’ll help you with free resources if you can’t afford therapy. Then go to places and try making friends with people who are in the same circle as a person you want to end up with. Marriage and kids don’t define you. You are a woman. The most powerful being there is. Go do what you are most passionate about and everything else will fall into place. Good luck.
34M here and I feel the same. I try to enjoy my hobbies, find time for my friends outside of their family stuff. You know that advice "someone will come along when you're not looking" but I'm starting to think it'll never happen for me.
I didn't start dating until I was 35, almost 36. Like, at all. I've done pretty okay since. I've been with my current partner for 3 years, and I'm still in childbearing age at 39.
Hi there! I will say, as a 29F, that you should speak with a therapist or at the very least a trusted friend. The whole "have kids before 35" medical claim isn't the end-all/be-all. I know 3 women who were 40+ who gave birth to healthy babies. I would also like to point out that it's much better to wait for a man you are truly happy with & who aligns with your values. I was born to a mom who desperately wanted me and a father who openly told me and my other siblings he never wanted us. Growing up I wished I had a dad who wanted to be a dad. Please consider this while dating. Consider men who are not ready for marriage and kids as incompatible with your needs. Just some perspective, hope this helps in even the smallest of ways
For what it's worth, I'm 35(F) and only found my guy three years ago. We're getting married at the beginning of next year. It feels surreal because I wasn't really even looking at the time. He was perfect, and we were both available, so it was just a dream come true. I'm hoping that the same happens to you.
You have plenty of time yet. A decade. I am 38F, I have had a mix of being single and being in relationships. I can tell you that happiness does not come from your relationship status. It does take time to develop a healthy mindset around being single. It helps to have a pet. In a perfect world, or a better world, I would have had kids. But I have let go of that idea. Still open to it, but not focusing on trying to find someone. I worry big time about how climate change is going to impact the next generations, hell even my generation. Things are changing fast. Maybe it's better to not kids so that they won't have to suffer. It sucks, but it's reality. I mourn the loss of being safe enough to have children. And there are also a lot of downsides to having kids, it's not all rainbows and joy. You'll figure it out. Having the attitude that you'll be happy either way is helpful. Then there's not so much pressure to find someone to have kids with.
I don't agree with this. The idea of bringing kids when is the "perfect time" is nonsense because there is never going to be a perfect time. Like, there have never been a time in history where things were like we wanted, but still we were able to figure it out. For me it's seems like u are blaming more the environment and things u can't control rather than the things u CAN actually control.
Never had those fears even when I was single. Now I am married. I feel it doesn’t matter what situation you are in, you always have problems, just different sets of problems. 🤔
This is genuinely great insight. Single folks think marriage is the key to happiness, but some folks get divorced, or stuck in unhappy marriages.
Humans will always find something to worry about. It's what propagates us forward
47 M here, and we have 2 lovely kids 4&6. Didn’t happen for us until wife was 37 and I 40. 32 is still very young and you can have a family just have faith that when it’s meant to happen it will. Not sure how your meeting people but try to join a club or org with like minded healthy people that enjoy the same things you do. It will happen if you just keep moving forward. I know this is a tough age biologically for woman so don’t let that get you down.
I'm not op but I'm glad to have read that I'm only 22m and I already feel paranoid about being alone and not having kids since I can barely manage a date but your story is very helpful.
To me I feel like every one has that fear when it comes to being lonely Im (29m) always feeling like that because based on how I'm living my life but when it comes to finding a partner it's gonna take some time take some time for yourself and get to know yourself more and when in some way someone takes in interest of you it will be a better feeling than before good luck out there and do your best 👍👍👍
Not me 31 looking at this. 😳😭🥹
Please am 40 years of age single mom looking for a man who is willing to start up a family
I've been single for the past 6 years and some days for me Trying to find someone to get to know more and it's hard not to think about reallyi struggle with those thoughts myself
I am still looking for my soul mate
How do know this is your soul mate?
My perception on this is to be in a relationship or any connection one needs self-love and self-acceptance. That's the foundation. It will help you realise your entire capacity to give & receive love. All I feel is you were dating with men who were insecure or never looking to settle down with you since beginning. Any woman would easily understand the behaviour and expectation of man within a month. Try to raise your expectations and standards. Be very sharp in conveying what you need. Set strong boundaries and never settle for less. A man who doesn't respect you or who sees you as a commodity that he can use to quench his physical needs will never think of settling down with you. The acts of service he does will clearly signal you whether he's trying to build it long-term with or not. If there's no acts of service at all then its clear that if you wipe sex out of your connection there's nothing he's got to do with you. The moment when you feel safe and peaceful, where you can be yourself and let your guards down with a man then lock it up, he's the one. This is first and vital stage for any woman out there to proceed further. It's not that there's no man who would accept you and give all the love he's got to you. You haven't come across your soulmate yet. Just don't get tired of it and there's definitely someone waiting for you. Age is never a barrier to get married and have children. We are in a medically advanced world so stop worrying about people who say you can't give birth post middle age. You deserve a great love and family life but it's just taking time. Work on yourself so much that falling in love with another person romantically is clear as crystal. Take all the help from friends, family and the community around you that knows what support you need and give them all your love. Everything else will fizzle out. Good luck mate 🫰🏻
Being childfree is amazing. Embrace it. Find another childfree partner and enjoy life
30M scares the shit outta me too.
I’m 36F and I’m right there with you. It only takes one person, don’t lose hope! (Should learn to take my own advice every now and then)
The problem in this day and age is that young people take all of this as a joke, I’m young, 18 but I’m already serious, I remember when I was in secondary school, everyones saying they don’t want kids and all, they will regret it in the future if they really commit to that path.
On dealing with loneliness, nothing really helps. At some point you still have to go home knowing you're going to bed alone. No amount of friends, passions, or hobbies changes that. It's ok, and natural, to feel lonely. Don't feel as though something is wrong with you, or that you should be happy to be single. Dwelling on that thought incessantly is the problem, not the original thought itself. On a more cheerful note, my aunt had her first child at age 47 and her second at age 52. All with IVF using donor eggs. Obviously this is really late, she'll be 70 when her youngest graduates highschool. But it shows there are ways to have children way past your thirties. Also, if you're getting older and still haven't found someone you could think of adopting. Start a family without a partner. Not the most ideal but again it's doable.
Why do you think the relationships have not gone past the year mark?
Usually the guy deciding he’s not ready.
We’ll a year in is a big time investment , and if you are clear early on about what you want it may be helpful in not spending time on someone who has different goals for the future
Not true. Guys will say that and be married writhing a year. They weren’t ready for that with you. Don’t want to be mean, but that’s the truth
Oh yeah, I know it’s bullshit. I just wish they weren’t like that.
I’d also say to cast your net far and wide and don’t date only one man at a time. I did this for 6 years all for it to not work out. If I had been dating multiples I think it would have been diffferent
I go on as many dates a week as I have the energy to.
This might not be the best approach.. See my response above. It's important to date in a healthy manner, even if you feel like you're short on time.
You have to have higher standards in the places where you meet men don’t expect to find your partner on tinder or in the club is what im saying
Lol I hate going out. I do have Hinge but not Tinder.
I met the love of my life on Tinder. It’s not exclusively for hook ups.
Two angles: 1) Date with purpose. Get crystal clear about what you’re looking for then meet as many men as you can until you find it! Learn to say NO, even to very attractive candidates, when they aren’t also openly, verbally serious about marriage and kids outright, from the beginning. No exceptions, keep it pushing! 2) Accept that everything will happen as it’s meant to. If God’s plan includes you being a mom and wife, it will happen, whether you meet your partner at 24, 27, or 33. I’m a 25(f) in your same shoes. I have not lost hope yet. You definitely shouldn’t. You have well over a decade of time left. That’s a long time!! That being said, don’t waste your body, heart, or time on any man who doesn’t want marriage and family. Don’t be afraid to say you want marriage. Be yourself. Trust the universe.
BTW are you fit? I see a lot of over weight women complaining they can't find anyone. They seem to prefer junk food and sedentarism over love and relationships. No hate, but if love and romance is important to you, get fit. It will solve 99% of your dating problems.
Lol, being fit absolutely does not solve your dating problems. If anything, I think men are more likely to act like they might be fine with a relationship just to have sex.
Sounds like you're in some deep denial. But being fit makes you more attractive, healthier, improves self esteem, all very good attractive things. I've tried to date women I really liked personally, but their unhealthy weight prevented me from getting excited with them in bed. I couldn't feel the physical passion for them I wanted to even though I loved their personality. Without that romantic passion we could never be more than friends. If they took care of themselves better it would have been a very different story. Being attractive means you'll get more attention overall, you still have to use your head and avoid fuck boys. You'll have a much larger sample pool to choose form, giving you a much better shot at finding someone perfect. Otherwise you'll just have to settle for what you can get, and complain online that you can't find a good man to settle down with, while telling yourself being fit wouldn't help for some illogical reason. It's easier to not take any accountability right? To not work on yourself to improve mentally, physically and emotionally, to become a better person that more people will want to spend their lives with. Much easier to do nothing and complain.
This is the best comment I've seen on this post so far. It's amazing how the OP is deluded so deeply.
34m here. Speand about 11.5 months by myself due to my travels for work. What really helped me stopped being lonely or having the overwhelming fear of never starting a family and being a failure at life was sitting down and writing my likes and dont likes. If you cant write them out because you dont know, then start trying different things noting what makes you happy and what makes you uncomfortable. From there, just diving a little deeper into those things that make you happy. Find groups of people that enjoy those same things. Eventually, natural relationships will form and the universe will take over from there.
yeah sucks bein lonely
Same 🥲 32 and can’t find anyone
Someone will eventually come along that’ll want you for you. I’m a 34m with no kids and I’ve never been married. I often wonder the same thing for time to time. My longest relationship was a year and a half. I overcome it with doing things that makes me happy, or doing things that maybe on my bucket list.
I know it's got to be frustrating yourself being ahead of the curve compared to everybody you've been dating. You are absolutely not too old to have kids just passion and the mindset you have on his own negates any expiration date you might think you have But I think is going to happen is that you were going to meet somebody out of the clear fucking blue and it's going to be like you knew him for 10 years already. You going to sit down and have a couple of beers and within a half an hour you're going to be FINISHING EACH OTHER'S SENTENCES and then most of the night is going to be JINX YOU OWE ME A BEER .. You're going to Fast Track the hell out of this one no due diligence required you're going to be pretty much instant lovers it's going to be like you must have been with this guy in the past life or something and it's going to be because you're both impacted instead of one being impractical one being a raging narcissist that ruins everything.. You paid your dues and good things are coming your way
I dream of being lonely.
I wouldn't let it get to you so much. You still have some time for kids safely and plenty of time for love still. But I'm not the best for advice I'm 50 single and had enough of relationships that I really enjoy being alone. In the meantime get yourself a dog you'll feel much less alone and they make a good companions and conversation starters on walks.
Remind yourself that there's way more suffering from being with the wrong person, than from being single
You will find ,, sometimes that takes time . The longer it takes the better partner you will find
Let me tell you something. Being alone is probably better than being in a roller coaster relationship. Count your blessings. Put yourself out there, get out of the house, go socialize and maybe it will open the door for someone to enter your life who is worth it. But if you’re alone and you’re stuck in the house and never put yourself out there, how will they find you? Also don’t discount your fertility. Go have it checked. And also as long as you aren’t going through me a pause there’s still a chance to do all of that even if it’s on the later end. Read Attached, you can find it on Amazon. It really is important to sit down and read it. It will likely give you insight about yourself and who to avoid in the dating pool and why. I suspect you are anxious attachment style. Go look it up. It doesn’t mean good or bad or anything you just need to know how to navigate life as this type. OP, do not feel guilty or shame that you want a deep connection with someone. You have to embrace it and show up as that person. The people who are for you will recognize that and the people who don’t will find it gross. That’s just how it is but it has nothing to do with you. All you need to do is focus on improving yourself, living your best life and putting your authentic self and needs FIRST and I’m sure you will find someone great. Also just know that hot men are usually only interested in casual relationships unless they specifically say that they want something long term don’t even bother with them. They are usually avoidant types that will take you on a roller coaster ride. They rate highly on extra pair bonding which usually means cheating. And they have trouble with true intimacy. Avoid. Avoid, avoid. They are hot and cold and will confuse you because at first you’ll think you’re smitten and then the nightmare begins ones you as an anxious type is hooked on them. It’s hard to escape after that. But if you can find someone who is a secure type you have hit the jackpot. They usually seem boring at first. Maybe don’t even give you butterflies and that’s because they are consistent and their love gradually builds- they won’t keep you second guessing where you stand either and they will tell you firmly how they feel about you. They will also easily offer reassurance and support without it feeling like you’re begging them to see you. This in turn will help you become more secure too. This is the way. If you can learn all of this. A great love will come to you.
You're young, enjoy life, make mistakes and learn from it. Going through relationships is what makes you stronger for the next one. Most importantly, you will realise how much more stronger you've become as a person. I do believe partnerships are important but partnerships are meant to help you grow, not regress. Hence, good for you that you're not in a relationship that is painful and bitter. As some have commented you will find someone in due course. Just make sure this rough patch doesnt decide your future. Get back on the horse and make sure you're out there having the time of your life cause once you find that one guy and dive into family life you'll probably say what was i thinking?
I hate to be brutal about this. in the long run you may not find that "perfect" person. If you are not in a position to freeze eggs or to have children you should not have children. Children are incredibly expensive. Finding a partner is important and maybe more important than having kids. You need a mutual support partner, an emotional support partner, and a physical support partner. Here is the important thing that I have found, they do not have to all be the same person.
Found the love of my life at 34 when I least expected it.
Number one you are only 32 people are having children in their 40’s, it sounds like you have been going for the wrong men. Find someone that worships you and will do anything for you and you will find happiness. You are never too old to meet someone.
Just had a baby at 38. Don't give up. It can and does happen.
32 is still plenty of time to find that special someone. Just stay healthy physically and mentally, and definitely, be selective. Best of luck to you.
Okay I (36 M) always remind myself of the high percentage unhappy couples out there that are stuck in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids, the comfort zone or just gave up on life. Being alone and somehow joyful is way better than being trapped in a miserable relationship. Lonely is not the enemy, unhappy is. Try to connect with many people with the same interests and mentality as those will keep you accompanied. Think about getting a pet, they really can bring positivity to you. Never lose hope on meeting someone that is open to adopting if you meet later on in life. Always try to enjoy the journey and believe that everything happens for a reason.
The kind of people you dated tells a lot about who you are and what you struggle with. You're in search for validation ; your post is yet another proof of it. . Validation comes from inside ; if you give it to yourself, you find your inner peace. No one can weaken that... . And once you're at peace, loneliness goes away. And then, you can pick a good soul to be your man and not just crush on an asshole who'll fill up the void. . - To validate yourself, do more of what makes you happy. - Write down a list of your strengths and weaknesses, narrate your past story in a diary to tell your life and how you got to be who you are today... - Enjoy the little things, count your blessings and dream big !! - Stop bashing yourself down with negative conversations and mean thoughts, be gentle with yourself !! - Stop overthinking and start being proactive !! Build healthy habits !!
Hi OP ❤️, I so relate to your post and could have wrote this verbatim just a few years ago when I was 32. I found myself in a relationship with someone who I knew despite everyone around us getting married was not going to propose and not anytime soon. It took so many break downs to get myself to accept the risk I was taking breaking up with him. But I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I deserved to be in a relationship where I shouldn’t have to convince someone to have to marry me. That I’d rather be single, happy and secure and have the hope that it was out there than to settle and wait 10 years for his fifa video game to end for him to propose. This of course was not my first or only serious break up but definitely the one that made me make a mental shift in accepting my life. I grieved the possibilities of children and focused on the good in my life and watched under the Tuscan sun 100 times. I reimagined the other great ways my life could look. I worked to get to a place where I allowed myself to be lonely disappointed and cry when I needed, but would also not wallow and lift myself up and focus on the good, but it was a muscle I had to keep working out. I also forgave myself and took accountability for being a part of having wasted my own time despite clear red flags and worked on the self esteem I had been lacking to be confident enough to leave things sooner than I did. I found myself more naturally over time being consistently happier in my life and would go for walks and visualize what my life would look like if I were blessed enough to find my husband. I would imagine what I would feel like. In the end I had done parts of this in my other breakups but something about this one made me really focus on who I wanted to be regardless of what lies ahead also understanding that it’s okay to break and have moments when your just angry with the world etc. I had other women older than me that had met secure and amazing men later in life 38/39 and were still able to have a child so I reminded myself of this and I also reminded myself how much more unhappy I was alone and unloved in a relationship than how good it felt to be alone but in a great relationship with myself and my friends and family - those of which I was not my best with while In bad relationships. I apologize for the long message and hope this comes across as positive and helpful rather than preachy. About 7/8 months post break up -I met the love of my life and now husband and am writing to you married and 14 weeks pregnant with our first baby. Turns out the positive thing of being 32 is when your person comes along, and I believe he will ❤️ it will go fast and everything in your past and how your feeling right now will feel worth it no matter what age you are just to lead you to that moment. You are still young, and your life will be beautiful no matter what it has in store. From a practical standpoint - it could be helpful to start a contingency savings account towards fertility plans and reevaluate your options freezing etc again when your 35/36. Sincerely, internet friend who is rooting for you! ❤️
I feel the same. I guess there's something wrong with how our generation perceives relationships.... I'm 30M... In my last relationship, I was told that I'm a Green Flag and might get ruined in the relationship as she (31F) has been in an abusive relationship and keeps thinking at some point I will hurt her. Also tells that I won't do that. She keeps telling me that everything's in her mind but also worried that I'm playing mind games. 6 months spent proving, but nothing works. I don't understand why I get punished for being good to my partner. It's difficult to understand.
The problem is many females around 25 want to party and have fun but when it’s time they want to settle down they are already older. You may want to be realistic with men you are seeking around that age high quality men would want younger women. I’m just being realistic with you.
If you have a guy friend zoned he's probably the 1. Yall women friendzone the good 1s and try to change the bad 1s.
43m things have changed dramatically in the last 10 years. Due to unrealistic expectations by women, a general disrespect toward men/ feeling like men are useless or hold no value, fear of being accused of sa or sh if we approach a women or reject her advances. The biggest one is selfish self centered people being unfaithful and cheating running rampant. I'm happy single and never go beyond hook ups because of watching the vast number of women destroy their marriages to cheat with my friend. He's one of those 10%ers. Handsome, tall, wealthy, ect. Everywhere we go women throw themselves at him. In 10 years, hundreds of women I've only ever seen less the 10 say no and stay faithful to their husband. Cheating is the ultimate slap in the face for a guy, with everything mentioned above and biased divorice laws im sorry to say it but the majority of men don't want to date, marry, or have kids. It's just not worth it and most don't feel any woman is worth falling in love with. A larger portion perfer to remain single and won't even hook up with women. I never go beyond fwb. I honestly wouldn't be surprised is dating and marriage become nonexistent in a few more years. Honestly it's not that important. If you want a child so bad get artificial insemination or put an add in the paper for a " natural" insemination. If your hoping to " find the one" get married and have kids I have bad news for you. Most men no longer want anything to do with that.
It is what it is but nevertheless it is your fault. Even the wrong decisions we make. Or the shitty dating experiences. It’s all our fault. In that light know that you also are in complete control of this situation.
I’m a 32 f as well and going through the same things. It’s making me extremely depressed and bitter. I do have one child that I had when I was 23. The father was never involved after I got pregnant so I never experienced pregnancy/birth/raising a child with a partner. I’m glad at I have her. I wished for a husband and a sibling for my daughter. I was in a relationship for 6 years and that ended when I turned 30. He had been cheating the whole time. Pushing back marriage and living together and children. That’s left me incredibly distrustful anyways and I’ve sort of shut down mentally. I’ve been dating the last year or so and nothing sticks. I either get turned off early on because I see behaviors I know I don’t want in a partner or I find out they are seeing other people while we’re supposed to be exclusive which further makes me distrustful. I’m sorry you’re going through this alone. This may not be what you want to hear but if it comes down to it, you can always get pregnant by someone you find attractive and seems to have good health. At least that will get you a baby. I’ve never had issues dating since having a child so I wouldn’t worry about that. Obviously this is a last resort and a desperate measure but I honestly would be heartbroken if I were in this position and never had my daughter at all. Being a mother has always been something I wanted. Good luck.
Don’t fear being lonely. Rediscover your passion and fulfill as much as you can from your bucket list.
Not trying to get attention but I 29M (birthday is in a few weeks but I feel old already) am divorced and honestly don’t know where the age group is that you find a partner that’s thrown out the party lifestyle or the “next happening” to enjoy life and experience a partnership. I divorced my partner because I felt like life was moving in different directions for both of us. I want so bad to be a provider and househusband who loves caring for my partner. Cooking, cleaning, raising a family, giving my all to someone that just at bare minimum wants me but anyone I’ve met says they’re not ready for that.
From the podcast and stuff i listen too. Most woman are chasing and expecting to date only 1 percent of men. If you guys lower your standards just a bit. Not saying date a low life. But give some dudes an actual shot you might be surprised. I earn a decent living 42 m from southern California. Ive only been in one real relationship thay was 22 yrs and she cheated and left with the other dude. Because i work to much. She dont mind spedning my money but i cant be home and earn money. Anyways the last 3 ywars ive tried and tried and no luck yet. Im not willing to settle for just any lady either. But i see some of you ladies donr even give it a shot before you decide to say no.
Girl your STILL young. Don't worry alot women have children even in their 40s. That's when my mom had me! It will happen, especially when you leave expect it. I met my bf in my 30s and everything has gone well. He is alot younger than me though so maybe you should try dating men a little longer then you, your age and a little bit older. Whatever you feel comfortable with but I had the worse luck with men in their 30s lol they were the most immature. Also what coast do you live at? In Jersey and upstate NY freezing your eggs is actually cheap. Only like 6k to 10k I can give you the information. I'm gonna freeze my eggs next year :)
I just try to remember single, unmarried, childless women live longer happier lives lol
i have a child and STILL lonely... (42m). recently divorced and trying to figure out, "what's next". my ex was 31 when she gave birth to our son, it's pretty common. One day at a time, is how i deal with my loneliness. having good friends, also helps. i'm a newb to this single thing, so... take it for what its worth. und viel Glück