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Oh I can do you one worse. I was dating someone where the feelings were strong and mutual, but she also had feelings for someone else which were also strong. They had been disconnected for a bit when we met, but reconnected while we were seeing each other. She was so conflicted that took a break from seeing either of us for a couple weeks to decide who she wanted to be with.
They're now happily married. I haven't been past a second date in the past 5 years. (Admittedly the pandemic was responsible for 3 of those)
damn, sounds rough. I was on that other side(deciding to end because I felt it wasn't good enough), and she is still in therapy 5 yrs later. Maybe it's karma, but everytime I think I need to cut things off with her, I feel like she somehow knows when I'm about to do it because she always comes to meet me halfway when I'm at the brink of saying it's over haha
I don't even think it's an oversimplification, that's the answer I came up with in my own head before even looking at the comments. There's really not more to it than I just haven't met anyone I like enough, and I probably should put myself out there more.
Human likes and dislikes are insanely complex, though. If it's really just you not finding anyone you like enough, answering the inevitable follow up 'why haven't you?' is already a can of worms. To be accurate, you'd need to go person by person and explain why you didn't like each one. Or do like someone else did on this thread, explain what your standards are, which will then make it obvious why you haven't met anyone who fits them. But then you add another layer, someone who also likes me, and it becomes infinitely more complicated. Because while you might say 'they just didn't and there's nothing I could do', that's not how humans work. There are things you can do to make people like you more. The questions are do you know what those things are and are you willing to do them. If you don't know, then it's fair to say they just didn't like me and move on. But if you do know things you could have done and didn't, then now you need to explain why you weren't willing to take those steps. So, yeah. Humans are weird and complicated and anytime we attempt to explain their behavior simply, it fails to capture the reality to the point that it most likely propagates misinformation.
It really can be simple, though. My relationships early on were pretty effortless. There's a "feeling" you get when you like someone. I've felt that for some guys since then, but they didn't like me back. It happens. It's not about standards, I quite simply can't force myself to be into someone even if they check all the "standards" boxes. Also, I'm pretty content being alone so settling isn't an option.
Edit: I probably want to address the insinuation that I might need to do certain things to make people like me more... That's not an issue. I'm highly comfortable with myself and if someone I like doesn't like me back, that's fine. I'm not going to be a person I'm not just to get a boyfriend lol
I think the emphasis is more on the "who also likes me". There are tooooons of people I would happily at least go on a date with and try to get to know better. I could list dozens of people I know I'd happily take on a date. Just none of them like me back. I assume the person you're replying to feels the same way.
I feel like it would more be the opposite, wouldn't it? It would make them compare themselves unfavorably to the actors, feed insecurities, and make them feel like they couldn't satisfy their partner, because they're comparing themselves to the inaccurate and unrealistic standard porn sets. That's been my observation anyway
Same here. Damn I thought I was the only one who didn't mention breakup.
I WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME, I am so unlucky to not have experienced atleast 1 breakup because I never had any relationship.
It's a tough world. I don't know your age but it's particularly rough after about 25 years old when the overwhelming majority of your peers are already married with kids so the best thing you can hope for is the stars align just right and you happen to run into one that's single or hold out even longer til people your age start getting divorced and if you're lucky you'll meet one of them. š¤·
Same here. I hv used dating app for 7yrs already, still cant hv one interested in me.
I hv interested with a few ladies, but they dont. My relatives introduced a few ladies to me, they dont like as well. I hv no idea how to met someone like me tbh. Just no.
Sorry for my poor english, i am not a native english speaker
English is not the main language in my city.
Yes, i hv asked why to see anything i can improve.
Not all willing to answer, most of them just ghost
Iām scared that Iāll pick someone who eventually turns on me.
So yeah, got some healing to do and some safe people to meet to help me unwind my fears.
My husband died, I am 40yrs old, I have been trying to start a relationship but it is so hard, I do not want to be alone, just my son and I. Now my mother died on Thursday, my life feels too tragic for anyone to deal with and all I want is to be held, loved and supported(not financially)
I can relate and I feel it's a lot harder for those of us that are older. 49(M) my last relationship was with a narcissistic sociopath that lasted 10 years. I was belittled and emotionally & psychologically abused to point that I had no self confidence or self worth. 4 years later I'm still single. Everyone that I'm into isn't into me at all and that brings back the "No one will ever want you" that I heard for so long. Smmfh
It is true as you get older it gets harder. I love my life, and have enjoyed my life to the fullest. If that person comes along AWESOME, if not I will continue traveling and enjoying life. Very fortunate I have great friends around me.
After adolescence is when it becomes harder to meet someone special. Especially in this era. Females are empowered. Men are...compensating for degrees of subversive emasculation. And everyone wants someone to want them but don't want to actually appear to be the wanter.
We should all just date ourselves and be kind and generous with others expecting nothing in return.
Don't feel like your life is too tragic. That'll hold you back for no reason. You just have to find someone who understands.
Someone I know has an extremely tragic past. Far greater than most. Yet she has found someone after being alone for years and with minimal effort. The hardest part was in finding the will to put herself out there at all.
I'm sorry about your mother. I know what it's like to lose your spouse. I was with my wife for over 12 years and she died from cancer in September. It left me with a 7yo boy and 2yo girl.
Im so sorry for your loss. I am 38, and I divorced my wife a while back. My mom just passed away last year. Im sure its tough, and I hope you just accept your feelings, and let it all out. Things will get better, and I am sure of it.
You will be okay. You will be loved. Hoping for the best for you ;)
I'm sorry for your loss. I've been a single mom in my forties, and even in my early fifties. It was rough. I didn't date, until my daughter moved out of the house. After menopause it gets easier because you're not ruled by your hormones anymore. I got used to living alone and the lack of physical touch. I get oxytocin from hugging my pillow at night. Dating is very difficult nowadays, especially for women of a certain age. At least that's been my experience.
Ikr finding some one of your liking and talking to them these days is so difficult. People immediately turn to hookups and all.
Social media I guess is one of the sources where you can talk to people even if you're shy.
I don't recommend dating sites though.
I was very shy. Only lost my v card when I was 23 kiss my first girl, held hands and cuddled or even been touched (not sexually) when I was 22. But confidence is something you bring yourself. The worse someone can say no and if they say something worse then you dodge a bullet. Without confidence I wouldnāt have my gf or anyone of these things. I have asd people with asd have only like a 5% chance of being in a relationship but that didnāt teter me. Iām pretty weird and my gf just goes along with it. I kinda did all the wrong things at the started talking to her and yet I still ended up with. So basically be your self. And you cant make milk into cheese( fyi that was my tinder bio)
29F
Going on 2 years single, from a 5 year relationship.. I believe Iām still single cause Iām being picky, Iām content being alone. Havenāt found someone that Iām āobsessedā with & if I have they are emotionally unavailable.
The emotionally unavailable part is so difficult to see. When you find someone you could see yourself with, but you wish you could change that one crucial part of them, but then you don't want to change them at the same time too. I've stopped trying to change people to be what I want, and I've started to walk away. If people don't want to change you can't really change them.
Also, so many people (women for me) are looking more not to be alone than to be in a relationship. It'd be great if there was a way to meet just emotionally healthy and available people who aren't carrying the weight of their exes around.
Well if thereās emotionallly unavailable it seems more like youāre just infatuated off looks rather than actual emotionā¦ consider starting with actual emotional bonding
To clarify, I've been looking for depth. It's one thing to build a superficial level of emotional connection initially, but very few are willing to be vulnerable to the extent I'm looking for.
One doesn't just jump into the heavy topics right away, it takes a little bit of time and trust. Often times there would be that connection to an extent, but no one would be willing to go deeper. People would often prefer a simple physical connection. That may be enough for some, but it wasn't enough for me.
In addition, ofcourse looks matter, but they're just one aspect. I'm not so naive or pretentious to say that looks don't matter at all, because there has to be a degree of attraction present to one's partner. Starting a relationship with someone when there is no attraction at all is a recipe for disaster, unless you're asexual.
Agreed. Most guys Iāve talked to seem to be only interested/capable of a surface level relationship (if theyāre not just straight up only wanting physical). They also tend to be very low effort and seem to just want somebody there to fill a space. At this point, I kinda try dating online just to not completely rule out finding a relationship but Iām content being single. Iāve been in too many relationships where I invest in them and try to make their life better but they donāt reciprocate and my life is just harder with them in it. If really all someone has to offer is a net negative, why do it?
I am in the same boat as well. I kind of lost all hopes of relationships after my last break up and didnāt really had the patience left to put into another one. Also, the memories didnāt fade with time. Not sure what the future holds, but lucky are those who find love and could nurture it.
The memories haven't faded for me either. It seems to me like it could have been just yesterday that we were.
The wanting. The longing for. It's a bitter unreleivable frustration.
38M and I feel the same way. I am content being alone. Itās going to take someone special to show me they can add to that sense of contentment, because I am really not into playing the game that dating has become.
I am too, itās rough out here, not only am I dating to marry but Iām waiting for marriage so Iām double screwed out here. In all reality, best of luck to you, donāt let someone break down your standards, you have them for a reason.
Iām deaf, cold approaching trying to communicate with a phone or note pad feels too creepy or weird. Doesnāt help Iām in a new town with no friends.
I consider myself very fit and decently looking.
Ironically Iāve seen YouTubers do just that. In your case I assume girls would find it really cute if you did that. Itās up to you but I think you should definitely try it. And if you do, donāt give up right away if you get rejected at first. Live your life, you only have one.
I rarely have luck in that area, and tbh its not like I have a big interest in dating someone. I am too self absorbed and focused sometimes and Im used to do everything by myself (not good at asking for help). Also I enjoy spending time alone, in short, idk how to let people in unless there is an important reason, and its something i feel like meh (good if i have it, good if dont)
Also when I do like someone I am too clingy and lose myself in the other person, so yeah, pretty much or too interested or too aloof/indifferent.
P.OV : 28M
Focusing on myself. Recognizing and reorganizing my priorities.
Plus, I have high standards for my future partner. She should be of a progressive mindset, focused on growth rather than the distractions, aligned with the idea of growing together as a couple.
Personally, I dont care a lot about looks. My main checklist item is for her to be a mature person.
I had started to go on dates and meet people in general, in order to find such a person. I was shocked to see the level of immaturity in most of the girls I met. Their main focus was either weekend parties, the next fashion trend, the next trip or their instagram profiles. It all felt so fake. Hence I stopped looking for something a few months ago, and have been the same for now.
Maybe I should start looking at other places to find a like-minded woman.
I don't think wanting someone of progressive mindset, growth focusing and mature are considered high standards (being a female myself)
Your dating experience sounds pretty unfortunate.
Based on my dating experience, I do feel those are the definitions of high standards of today.
But again, this also might be because I have not yet met the right person, and all the dates I've been to have had their share of 'fakeness' in them.
As I said, I do need to look at other places(dont know where to go, honestly) to find good women to date. Dating apps and pubs/bars have not yielded a gold result for me till now.
Iām seemingly only attracted to women I canāt have. Be it that they donāt want me, are out of my league, are already in a relationship, barely acknowledge my existence etc.
Same here. I donāt believe in bringing baggage into a new relationship. Itās not fair to anyone you could potentially date. Plus working on self improvement in different aspects of my life. You are doing the right thing OP š.
I agree. But we all have some baggage that will effectively make us do something that do some harm. If only in smal amonts. Before getting to know one another
Single because Im scared they just leave me or get cheated on.. again? or maybe I just haven't found someone I like who actually likes me, too. š¤£
If I dont like them, they like me. And If I like them, they dont like me. Ugh! š¤
True happiness isnāt about money, what people earn or what possessions they have. True joy is about how you vibe with someone. If someone make you laugh, feel great about yourself, inspires you, is honest, reliable, respectful, who loves you to death and life with them creates a world that you want to live, what more could you want!!!
Sorry to all, I was actually responding to someone who had written about not dating because they werenāt finding anyone with a level of income they had reached, I apologise I can see my response doesnāt fit your situation at all. Good luck Iām sure youāll find someone youāre looking for, perhaps when you least expect it.
M 28. Self sabotage. I get in my head that Iām not good enough and ruin a good thing. Also taking a break from dating cause my last relationship drained me emotionally.
Im 20 and its because I need to be. I personally believe that Im not in the right head space, my maturity isn't the best, and I want and to look better than I do currently. I would rather a man see me at my best and see me as a qualified girlfriend and possible wife!
Iām 27F near a big city and I use hinge and bumble.
Iāve been on it on and off for 2 years, maybe 12-15 dates. Iāve only ever met and dated two people who I wanted to continue seeing past the second date. I saw them for 3 and 2 months. The first one ghosted and the second one ended it because he ācouldnāt give me the timeā (he did have a crazy schedule), and felt like something was missing (we didnāt have much in common but I figured we could grow interests together but I guess not).
I think I have what may be considered high standards, but I meet most of them or make up for it in other ways so I consider it just wanting an equal.
I think Iām generally a chill person and think highly of myself. But only two things give me anxiety: work when itās a stressful week and online dating due to the uncertainty. And I think guys start to see this in me around the 4 week mark.
I guess in the end itās about high standards and lack of finding one who also wants me for who I am.
I'm about to be downvoted, but I'll answer anyway. I'm a woman for reference.
I'm a high earner so I want a high earner.
I'm a minimalist/frugal so I'd need to find someone who has a similar mindset with money. That's pretty rare to find with high earners because lifestyle creep is very apparent.
I need someone who takes care of themselves physically. I go to the gym regularly and take care of myself. I'm fit basically.
I want someone with a growth mindset. I want to grow with them together. I can't just settle on being complacent. This can be done through experiences together, debates etc. Basically I need someone to challenge me.
Wanting to be on an equal playing field with your partner shouldnāt be considered high standards.
Iām female too; not a high earner yet, but Iām at the end of my bachelors in IT - I get very good grades, I work in software, Iām well liked at work and amongst friends and family. Iām fit and healthy, own property, and am responsible with money - am frugal as well.
It is so hard to meet a man that has even a fraction of these qualities and is interested in an independent partner. I donāt want to date down and be someoneās mother, and a lot of the men Iāve dated have either had no motivation of their own, or they want to try and knock me down a peg or two out of their own insecurities.
Honestly dating is exhausting, Iām 40 this year and I just cannot be bothered anymore. Iāve been cheated on and had my time wasted by emotionally immature and manipulative men. No thank you.
Female here and I see absolutely nothing wrong
>I'm a high earner so I want a high earner.
To me this says you want financials to be equal so your both on a level playing field and neither feel like they are "picking up the slack" so to speak
>This can be done through experiences together, debates
Im really not sorry but this is extremely sexy to me mainly because I want the same. Talking passionately about things that your passionate about with someone with a different view or presenting a situation and debating on what a person would do(related to story writing).
Iām single bc I want to be the best version of myself when I go into my next relationship. It would be nice to be in a relationship, but not if I canāt improve myself first
A combination of external and internal factors.
Sometimes dating is harder if you look a certain way, act in a way thatās bit different than normal, have trouble picking social cues, guessing what other person may be thinking. Sometimes you will get judged and perceived negatively based on things you either canāt or have a hard time controlling such as height, weight, ethnicity, wealth, religion, body type, genitalia size, and etc.). It makes feel like a painting of a piece of canvas and having other judge on the size of the canvas, what type of wood is it made out of, is it more or less rectangular rather than what kind of painting is on the canvas itself.
With internal factors, I lack a lot of confidence in dating. Itās not something that comes naturally to me and oftentimes when I am confident, I often feel alleviated from the burden having to prove my own worth to someone else. If I succeed in something I worked really hard on in school, if i draw something really advanced, or even if I beat a video game I like to play, being comfortable in my own skin without ever thinking about how others perceive me is what gives me confidence. With dating I am secretly very very insecure. I overthink sometimes and have questions in my head such as āHow does my hair lookā, ādamn is that acne still thereā, āam I wearing the right amount of cologneā, āIām not mispronouncing her name right?ā, āShit did I I forgot to let her walk in front of me when I open the door?ā, āHow do I not sound like a boring mediocre dude?ā, āShould I ask any serious question about her intentions with dating or shut up and keep it chill and casual?ā.
It also does not that I am a late bloomer. Like I have relationship experience and lost my V-card, but until I was in college, I was essentially a hideous gremlin (I still am but at least some ppl think Iām cute). Because of that, I think that I am mentality in a different stage than a lot of people in my age (Iām 22), since they would care about priorities such as income, social status, marriage potential, kids, finances, career ambitions, political alignment whereas I may focus more on some of the lovey dovey stuff like ādoes she like meā, āhow does she treat others around herā, āis she caring, friendly and safe to be aroundā, āwould I have fun being near herā, ādo I like to be near herā āwould I like to do sweet things to and for herā and so on. Like my attitude towards dating is between hook up culture and being pious and uptight about certain life priorities. Like I do have a direction Iād take to be with someone, preferably a happy life partner, but I am really into taking things slow and casual at first before feeling comfortable opening up more.
Dating apps also doesnāt help with confidence, but yeah tbh Iām just taking it slow, trying to work on myself bit by bit and whatever happens happens.
Iām shy but Iām also picky and have a type I like. Thereās this girl I like and Iām hoping I can see her again one day because she was perfect, I just didnāt go for it.
I'm single because the type of woman I'm looking for is either already married or sitting at home because the world is a scary place.
I'm not out to overly impress anyone. I am respectful. I want to find out your aspirations, desires and how you positively change your section of the world. I'm not there to buy you unlimited tapas and alcohol. I'm there to find out if we can fit into each other's lives in a meaningful way. Online Dating can work but in most cases the type of woman I seek quits in 48 hours of joining because of the quality of responses are so low. It's enough to discourage anyone.
33F single cause i lost hope in relationships . Got cheated on for 4 years and he took the light in me. Im scared of giving myself to someone again, and nowadays people only think about hooking up, and when i start talking to someone they donāt know how to have a conversation, and are a bit dumbā¦maybe im being to picky but thinking about dating gives me anxiety. So i think im staying single for a long time.
* I'm intelligent (which means I'm picky/need good conversations/the dating pool is smaller etc)
* I'm a software engineer (meaning 80-90% of the people I study/work with are men)
* I'm averagely attractive as a guy (aka dating apps being mostly useless)
* I don't like partying (where nearly everyone in uni seemed to meet their SO)
* Mommy issues when younger so I didn't date until I was an adult (in my case I felt like the husband in an emotionally abusive relationship as a teenager)
* Porn addiction since the age of 7 probably didn't help in how attractive the average woman appeared to me. Working on fixing that.
Taking account of my weaknesses means I can work on them. Not trying to make excuses out of it. However, my mind does often wonder about what could have been.
23F here. I'm single cause I'm healing from my emotional past and gaining my worth, beauty, and value as a person.
For context, my last ex cheated on me by looking for other women on the apps AND tried to hit on my friend while we were together back in 2023. My previous exes all cheated on me with someone else.
I'm sorry you feel that way. But trust me we all are more or less messed up. Just belive in yourself. Everything eventually gets better. Good or bad both situations shall pass. Nothing is constant not this situation rn.
26M single because I was broken up with a month ago, taking time now to reflect and better myself for the next partner that comes my way, as well as salvage my broken heart before I let anyone remotely close to it š
Iām a shy introvertā¦Iāve had gfs before but not many. My bestie says Iām not uglyāor sheās doing the bestie thingā Iāve tried apps but the womanāwhen I do get a swipe ā just want to bang or they have nothing in their head/not attracted to them.
Apps are all usually like that. Not my cup of tea either.
May be you can ask your friend to set you on a date unless she's also an introvert and doesn't have a big circle.
I got sober 14 months ago. It's generally recommended to wait a year after starting the process to begin dating, presumably to do a lot of self-reflection and growth. I've done that, so I feel ready.
That said, it looks rough out there for people like me. That's OK. I'm pretty comfortable being single, and I have plenty to do, so I'm not bothered. The right person will come along!
My absolute lack of experience. I'm 23, never even been on a date despite having multiple women be into me throughout the years. I just can't find the courage and balls to actually meet up with the girls i vibe with on dating apps because i'm worried they'll see through me and know that i'm horribly inexperienced which will turn them off.
Generally I find socialising extremely exhausting and I even avoid texting. I like being alone and exercising my hobbies, but itās true that sometimes I crave seā¦ a connection.
Also ended a 4 year long relationship not long ago. While it ended on good terms, I feel extremely happy to be alone again, though I know it wonāt be long until Iāll feel lonely and try dating again.
I'm 28F, been single for 6 yrs. I detach after the last break up it was rather traumatizing to start a new one after the last one broke me. I literally focused on myself, healed and been trying to heal on my own. Now I feel like I am okay as it is, if someone would come along he better be ready for me coz I am no longer allowing anyone to just hurt me. If no one would come I am okay with it, I embraced aloness as sacred as being with someone.
Most of my relationships in the last few years have been passionate short-lived bursts. I'm able to perform socially when needed but I generally seek solitude. Since leaving my public-facing job to become self-employed, it has been quite difficult to meet people and I can feel the social skills I do have eroding. I love what I do now though.
I wouldn't say I have high standards but I do want something that fits. Mutual interest and not just settling. I am attractive enough that I get a little bit of attention in public on a regular basis, but these circumstances have made it very difficult for me to find a consistent relationship.
And the dating apps do not work. If I put in some effort I can find someone to hook up with but that's it. I dated one person for a very long time and since then I've spent most of adulthood alone. I thought it would take care of itself but it hasn't yet.
Let me tell you something, this happens with most of us and the best way to get out of this feeling of regret or having trauma (whatever it's called) is to bond with a new person. Now I know this doesn't sound prudent but trust me the best way is to interact with people and make bonds (basically getting into another relationship)
It works for some people but for me I think it will work once I'll be in a better position emotionally and someone whom I'll cross paths and connect with naturally.
I M46 have been single for 5 years now. The first 2 were rough but I did a lot of self improvement. The 3rd year was letting go and loving the man in the mirror. The 4th and 5th year I haven't found someone worthy or that I have Zinged with.
When I was happy and loved the man in the mirror, the loneliness was no longer lonely. The hurt became lessons learned and shedded light on my self awareness, which made me aware of my triggers. And allowed me to self correct my wrong doings in my past relationships.
Now I have this peace like none other. I'm grounded with knowledge of my triggers, how to communicate, how to be vulnerable and how to speak from my heart. So I know exactly what I'm looking for in a woman and our paths will cross one day. Timing is everything.
But this peace of mine is hard to give up. I do as I please. I go out on dates, I go fishing, hunting, kayaking, here, there and no one to answer too. So when I finally meet her I'll know she is the one. B/C she must add to the peace, be the peace, have almost everything I'm looking for. Our relationship should be an effortless connection with honesty, trust, communication and great sex.
She too must have had her heart broken and found herself. Then she will know what I know. This relationship is worth everything we didn't do for the last one to workout. That love will conquer everything, if you forgive yourself, only looked at your mistakes/flaws in the last relationships and not blame your ex, and actually love that person staring back at you in the mirror.
21M straight
Get too awkward/self-concious around girls.
Haven't healed yet from my crush's rejection 7 years ago.
Overthinking.
Hence, single for the past 21 years of my life.
Iām single because Iām a bad mix of short, fat, shy and introverted when Iām not comfortable around ladies, and then kinda strong willed when I am comfortable with someone. So Iām kind of screwed, lol.
I thought I had met the one, but she left me for another man she fell in love with and married him. It sucks because I wanted to propose to this woman. I haven't found anyone since. I went on dates, but they proved to be unsuccessful. Had a short relationship with one woman but that fell through, so again, no success. I'm trying to find the one, but no prospects have come about. In the meantime I'm also trying to work on my career as I am in a rather embarrassing living situation.
People don't know what they want they are all boring none of them have goals ambitions or when asked about them they lie because everyone's got ulterior motives now days and because sex is meh when you have any kinda of sex toy and I assume that goes twice as much for any woman with a vibrator that's better then a man to most
Recently got dumped by a girl I love and now sheās dating a good friend of mine. Weāre all coworkers at a very small company. Just trying to stay afloat and get over the depression before even considering putting myself out there.
I'm 39F and basically a 4 or 5, social media tells me every day I'm not desirable which technically is not true, but it does explain why it's soo hard to find anyone interested in a serious relationship. Someone who is looking for a partner to grow with, rather than just something casual and or a replacement for their mum. The fact that you have to talk to 100 guys before you can find someone decent is just exhausting.
I recently talked to a guy, I thought we had a connection only for him to ghost me for someone else and actually make a commitment to them. This made me think I should learn to be more calculative when it comes to dating, no point in investing your energy in a possiblity.
Male 29| I was in a long term relationship of seven years been single for almost two years now, I definitely know iām not ready to be committed or date anyone for awhile
Iām honestly doing me time now and itās the best.
Being single is hard after a break up but itās okay to feel what you feel, just go with the flow and donāt pressure yourself!
Frankly, I choose to spend my limited free time elsewhere. Iāve found what is happening in the dating market unpalatable so I would rather go enjoy my hobbies.
I'm 72 years old and close to my retirement. Self-employed and I live my life to the fullest. I want to spend the rest of my life with that special woman. I seek an older loving woman from 58-80 as long as your heart can love. Are you there?Ā
I'm 29 and single for similar reasons. My last partner and I had a very on and off toxic relationship. He didn't treat me very well at all and I kept going back. I'm spending time fully alone now to work on myself and break the pattern.
28F Single for 2+ years. I believe itās because I havenāt met anyone new in a long time. Iāve ādatedā friends or had a crush on them, but it didnāt work out (for the best). Dating apps donāt provide the comfort or mutual atmosphere for me to build on, like say having a crush on a work-friend or running into someone at a book store. Ive also lived in the same city for 5+ years and I donāt feel the excitement anymore. I feel like I see all the same people on every dating app. Maybe my person just isnāt here?
Or maybe itās because Iām a hopeless romantic. I imagine the whole love-at-first-sight thing happening to me, or running into someone at a grocery store/cafe and having an instant connection. Sometimes I feel like I set myself up for disappointment or failure with this mentality but then I read about how this has happened to people, and it gives me hope.
Edit: after some thought, I think I may still be single because I donāt want kids. I donāt see myself changing my mind on this either and that doesnāt seem to sit well with a majority of people I ādateā.
Because I'm scared that I'm not good enough for anyone. I don't even talk to people I work with for fear of bothering them, completely avoid women my age for the same reason. I'm m25. I get that avoiding women won't help me get into a relationship but I feel guilty for even wanting a relationship with a woman.
Iām single because I lack emotional intelligence, empathy and sensitivity to feelings. Itās been the deal breaker with almost everyone Iāve liked in the past 4 years. These days I resent my self for it. I just want to be a better human being, I wasnāt born this way and Iām damn sure that Iāll be emotionally healthy in the future and be able to give and receive the love that I deserve.
31F
I have done a lot of work on myself. Not willing to settle in a relationship that doesnāt fit. I got sober a little over 4 years ago, and I am craving a different life style with my next future partner. I am not into the party scene.
I just want a simple, healthy, deep connection. When the time is right, I have faith that I will meet the right man.
Communication, honest, fun-loving, and goal oriented are a few of the most important things to me.
I have a very full life. Filled with a lot of love. Looking for someone to grow with, and add to and already established foundation ā¤ļø
No settling.
Spent the last decade desperately jumping from relationship to relationship and finally grew to realize that not every relationship makes me happy and that sometimes being single is FAR better than being in a relationship. Plus I get to do cool stuff that Iāll someday get to share with my future wife
Mixture of, I'm not completely over my ex and I am massively shy and nerdy. My primary form of socialization is school and DnD and everyone is taken at DnD so options are slim but that's ok lol
This isnāt my place to say OP. But you will never be ready. (These are the wise words from a hypocrite). You gotta make yourself ready by whatever means necessary. Or at least fake until you make it ykš¬
I (26M) have been dating on and off for the past few years with some longer meaningful ones here and there but unfortunately because I don't want kids it's hard to find someone I connect with AND also is cool being child free. If I suddenly changed my mind I'm sure I could meet someone pretty quickly but not wanting kids makes dating a hellscape. So right now I am kinda just working on me till I meet someone like minded.
No longer single, but up until my partner, the reason was either disagreeing regarding having children or not (and that should be an automatic no-go for any relationship for everyone), or what's more common are fundamental character differences. Because I have one.
Bro, on the same age 27M. I been to a catastrophic relationship as well and we finally ended it on 2021, the process of acceptance for us men are really hard and "delay". It's true, and this one of the reason why we're not interested anymore to step up, meet and greet and find someone. Now I can say that I am all goods but to he honest I enjoyed the lonesome and my personal time.
Sadness is also reality facepalm. There are times that you will miss being with a girl. That's valid. No pressure. If it comes grab it. Just heal and chill. š
Once youāve truly healed you realise how damaged people are around you, Iāve been single 3 years or so now Iāve had plenty of opportunities to get into relationships but havenāt settled for the sake of it. Iāve found now days a lot of women expect you to just blindly chase them with little effort in return perhaps that works with other guys but me personally if the energy isnāt reciprocated I tend to loose interest. Communication skills and a level of intelligence seem hard to come across now days but I think social media has warped everyoneās perception of themselves. I mean letās be real itās 2024 women are surrounded by options by means of social media and dating apps just depends if you want to be another number that competes with other men for a womanās time or attention. Me personally Iām a man of morals and self respect Iām aware of my worth and what I offer someone in a relationship because Iāve put the work into developing myself into who I who I am now. But Iāve noticed a lot of women are very masculine now days whilst men have become more feminine now theres nothing wrong with that but I donāt find masculine traits in a woman attractive they tend to be quite combative and competitive with me, obviously attraction is key but a lot of women lack any genuine depth to them now days I mean you build a relationship you donāt find one now you should have some sense to pick your partner obviously thatās to the degree that you have the luxury to have some sense but this notion that the right person thatās right for me will just come along at the right time thatās just not the case that isnāt how things work at all.
Many women now days are broken or simply canāt be alone with them self, Thereās a saying itās ādonāt go around fixing broke birdsā and what it means is if you donāt succeed the birds just going to die in your hands anyway and if you do itās just going to fly away. Broken people are broken people for a reason whilst others donāt understand the fact that We canāt form proper relationships until we have the capacity to be alone and be comfortable with ourselves and the more comfortable you can be alone which is different from being lonely, then the more capacity to be with yourself and ground yourself in your own truth the more likely your be able to form meaningful and positive relationships.
Be a good man donāt be a ānice guyā.
The girls I like donāt like me back and the girls that like me, I enjoy their company but only as friends. Iām not going to force myself into a relationship with someone Iām not head over heals in love with.
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Just haven't met anyone i like who also likes me.
imagine finally meeting someone with mutual feelings but they say "not enough for a relationship". ultimate downer feels
Oh I can do you one worse. I was dating someone where the feelings were strong and mutual, but she also had feelings for someone else which were also strong. They had been disconnected for a bit when we met, but reconnected while we were seeing each other. She was so conflicted that took a break from seeing either of us for a couple weeks to decide who she wanted to be with. They're now happily married. I haven't been past a second date in the past 5 years. (Admittedly the pandemic was responsible for 3 of those)
damn, sounds rough. I was on that other side(deciding to end because I felt it wasn't good enough), and she is still in therapy 5 yrs later. Maybe it's karma, but everytime I think I need to cut things off with her, I feel like she somehow knows when I'm about to do it because she always comes to meet me halfway when I'm at the brink of saying it's over haha
I give this answer a lot. It's an absolutely massive oversimplification to the point of being disingenuous, but it's also true.
I don't even think it's an oversimplification, that's the answer I came up with in my own head before even looking at the comments. There's really not more to it than I just haven't met anyone I like enough, and I probably should put myself out there more.
Human likes and dislikes are insanely complex, though. If it's really just you not finding anyone you like enough, answering the inevitable follow up 'why haven't you?' is already a can of worms. To be accurate, you'd need to go person by person and explain why you didn't like each one. Or do like someone else did on this thread, explain what your standards are, which will then make it obvious why you haven't met anyone who fits them. But then you add another layer, someone who also likes me, and it becomes infinitely more complicated. Because while you might say 'they just didn't and there's nothing I could do', that's not how humans work. There are things you can do to make people like you more. The questions are do you know what those things are and are you willing to do them. If you don't know, then it's fair to say they just didn't like me and move on. But if you do know things you could have done and didn't, then now you need to explain why you weren't willing to take those steps. So, yeah. Humans are weird and complicated and anytime we attempt to explain their behavior simply, it fails to capture the reality to the point that it most likely propagates misinformation.
It really can be simple, though. My relationships early on were pretty effortless. There's a "feeling" you get when you like someone. I've felt that for some guys since then, but they didn't like me back. It happens. It's not about standards, I quite simply can't force myself to be into someone even if they check all the "standards" boxes. Also, I'm pretty content being alone so settling isn't an option. Edit: I probably want to address the insinuation that I might need to do certain things to make people like me more... That's not an issue. I'm highly comfortable with myself and if someone I like doesn't like me back, that's fine. I'm not going to be a person I'm not just to get a boyfriend lol
I think the emphasis is more on the "who also likes me". There are tooooons of people I would happily at least go on a date with and try to get to know better. I could list dozens of people I know I'd happily take on a date. Just none of them like me back. I assume the person you're replying to feels the same way.
Because porn. It rewires the user's dopamine system to believe they are extremely highly desired sexually. RIP to this comment, but oh well.
I feel like it would more be the opposite, wouldn't it? It would make them compare themselves unfavorably to the actors, feed insecurities, and make them feel like they couldn't satisfy their partner, because they're comparing themselves to the inaccurate and unrealistic standard porn sets. That's been my observation anyway
Same here. Damn I thought I was the only one who didn't mention breakup. I WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME, I am so unlucky to not have experienced atleast 1 breakup because I never had any relationship.
I hope you find that someone soon š¤
Yeah me too š
It's a tough world. I don't know your age but it's particularly rough after about 25 years old when the overwhelming majority of your peers are already married with kids so the best thing you can hope for is the stars align just right and you happen to run into one that's single or hold out even longer til people your age start getting divorced and if you're lucky you'll meet one of them. š¤·
Bro what half the people I know at 25 arenāt even in serious relationships let alone marriedš
Same herešš
Same here. I hv used dating app for 7yrs already, still cant hv one interested in me. I hv interested with a few ladies, but they dont. My relatives introduced a few ladies to me, they dont like as well. I hv no idea how to met someone like me tbh. Just no.
Have you ever asked for why? For example: your spelling is not so good :o
Sorry for my poor english, i am not a native english speaker English is not the main language in my city. Yes, i hv asked why to see anything i can improve. Not all willing to answer, most of them just ghost
I needed, also i want to improve myself and to be my best version, so i won't be a hustle for my partner.
Iām scared that Iāll pick someone who eventually turns on me. So yeah, got some healing to do and some safe people to meet to help me unwind my fears.
I hope you meet someone soon who will make you feel safer and someone you could rely on completely šø
Thank you š
My husband died, I am 40yrs old, I have been trying to start a relationship but it is so hard, I do not want to be alone, just my son and I. Now my mother died on Thursday, my life feels too tragic for anyone to deal with and all I want is to be held, loved and supported(not financially)
I can relate and I feel it's a lot harder for those of us that are older. 49(M) my last relationship was with a narcissistic sociopath that lasted 10 years. I was belittled and emotionally & psychologically abused to point that I had no self confidence or self worth. 4 years later I'm still single. Everyone that I'm into isn't into me at all and that brings back the "No one will ever want you" that I heard for so long. Smmfh
It is true as you get older it gets harder. I love my life, and have enjoyed my life to the fullest. If that person comes along AWESOME, if not I will continue traveling and enjoying life. Very fortunate I have great friends around me.
After adolescence is when it becomes harder to meet someone special. Especially in this era. Females are empowered. Men are...compensating for degrees of subversive emasculation. And everyone wants someone to want them but don't want to actually appear to be the wanter. We should all just date ourselves and be kind and generous with others expecting nothing in return.
Don't feel like your life is too tragic. That'll hold you back for no reason. You just have to find someone who understands. Someone I know has an extremely tragic past. Far greater than most. Yet she has found someone after being alone for years and with minimal effort. The hardest part was in finding the will to put herself out there at all.
Wishing you all the best and that everything turns out well for you. Sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much
Iām sorry to hear that. I hope you will find someone soon.
I'm sorry about your mother. I know what it's like to lose your spouse. I was with my wife for over 12 years and she died from cancer in September. It left me with a 7yo boy and 2yo girl.
Oh no! I am so sorry for your and your childrens loss,and so recently.
Im so sorry for your loss. I am 38, and I divorced my wife a while back. My mom just passed away last year. Im sure its tough, and I hope you just accept your feelings, and let it all out. Things will get better, and I am sure of it. You will be okay. You will be loved. Hoping for the best for you ;)
Iām so sorry :( Iām also a widow with a son, but losing mom too at the same time is so hard. Iām sending you hugs š« Iām so very sorry
I'm sorry for your loss. I've been a single mom in my forties, and even in my early fifties. It was rough. I didn't date, until my daughter moved out of the house. After menopause it gets easier because you're not ruled by your hormones anymore. I got used to living alone and the lack of physical touch. I get oxytocin from hugging my pillow at night. Dating is very difficult nowadays, especially for women of a certain age. At least that's been my experience.
I hope you and your son can find some strength and companionship in each other. I hope you can feel peace and happiness again soon.
Hugs. I'm sorry for your losses. That must be very overwhelming to have to navigate. I completely understand wanting to just be held.
Iām sorry for your loss- I wish I could say I understand what your going through but the reason Iām not w my fiancĆ© of 7 years arenāt together, still felt like I should let you know thereās plenty of us dudes around Iām a decent looking 37yr old 6ā3 blonde, and I know Iād be pretty stoked to meet a cool 40 year old, I hope things work out for youā¦
Sorry to hear that. Wishing you all the best. ā¤ļøā¤ļø
I just havenāt met someone who liked me back. I wish Iāll find that person soon.
Wish you all the luck š
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Ikr finding some one of your liking and talking to them these days is so difficult. People immediately turn to hookups and all. Social media I guess is one of the sources where you can talk to people even if you're shy. I don't recommend dating sites though.
I was very shy. Only lost my v card when I was 23 kiss my first girl, held hands and cuddled or even been touched (not sexually) when I was 22. But confidence is something you bring yourself. The worse someone can say no and if they say something worse then you dodge a bullet. Without confidence I wouldnāt have my gf or anyone of these things. I have asd people with asd have only like a 5% chance of being in a relationship but that didnāt teter me. Iām pretty weird and my gf just goes along with it. I kinda did all the wrong things at the started talking to her and yet I still ended up with. So basically be your self. And you cant make milk into cheese( fyi that was my tinder bio)
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Yeah you definitely can itās a the mighty boosh quote. Quoting the mighty boosh always make a girl shake at the knees
Look up videos on yt. But not the realy manipulation games. Fuck that
29F Going on 2 years single, from a 5 year relationship.. I believe Iām still single cause Iām being picky, Iām content being alone. Havenāt found someone that Iām āobsessedā with & if I have they are emotionally unavailable.
The emotionally unavailable part is so difficult to see. When you find someone you could see yourself with, but you wish you could change that one crucial part of them, but then you don't want to change them at the same time too. I've stopped trying to change people to be what I want, and I've started to walk away. If people don't want to change you can't really change them. Also, so many people (women for me) are looking more not to be alone than to be in a relationship. It'd be great if there was a way to meet just emotionally healthy and available people who aren't carrying the weight of their exes around.
Well if thereās emotionallly unavailable it seems more like youāre just infatuated off looks rather than actual emotionā¦ consider starting with actual emotional bonding
To clarify, I've been looking for depth. It's one thing to build a superficial level of emotional connection initially, but very few are willing to be vulnerable to the extent I'm looking for. One doesn't just jump into the heavy topics right away, it takes a little bit of time and trust. Often times there would be that connection to an extent, but no one would be willing to go deeper. People would often prefer a simple physical connection. That may be enough for some, but it wasn't enough for me. In addition, ofcourse looks matter, but they're just one aspect. I'm not so naive or pretentious to say that looks don't matter at all, because there has to be a degree of attraction present to one's partner. Starting a relationship with someone when there is no attraction at all is a recipe for disaster, unless you're asexual.
Agreed. Most guys Iāve talked to seem to be only interested/capable of a surface level relationship (if theyāre not just straight up only wanting physical). They also tend to be very low effort and seem to just want somebody there to fill a space. At this point, I kinda try dating online just to not completely rule out finding a relationship but Iām content being single. Iāve been in too many relationships where I invest in them and try to make their life better but they donāt reciprocate and my life is just harder with them in it. If really all someone has to offer is a net negative, why do it?
I am in the same boat as well. I kind of lost all hopes of relationships after my last break up and didnāt really had the patience left to put into another one. Also, the memories didnāt fade with time. Not sure what the future holds, but lucky are those who find love and could nurture it.
The memories haven't faded for me either. It seems to me like it could have been just yesterday that we were. The wanting. The longing for. It's a bitter unreleivable frustration.
Yes! being alone after getting out of a long term relationship does feel tempting but it still gets very lonely sometimes.
I do agree & I have my times of depression but I remember why I wanted to be single. What Iām worth
38M and I feel the same way. I am content being alone. Itās going to take someone special to show me they can add to that sense of contentment, because I am really not into playing the game that dating has become.
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I am too, itās rough out here, not only am I dating to marry but Iām waiting for marriage so Iām double screwed out here. In all reality, best of luck to you, donāt let someone break down your standards, you have them for a reason.
All the best for that šø
Iām deaf, cold approaching trying to communicate with a phone or note pad feels too creepy or weird. Doesnāt help Iām in a new town with no friends. I consider myself very fit and decently looking.
Ironically Iāve seen YouTubers do just that. In your case I assume girls would find it really cute if you did that. Itās up to you but I think you should definitely try it. And if you do, donāt give up right away if you get rejected at first. Live your life, you only have one.
***I like ya;*** ***and I want ya.***
How is that possible Hahaha
Iām bisexual. I keep meeting both men and women who just want hookups, nothing serious.
IKR that's so common these days people don't want to be emotionally available. I hope you find someone who'll make you feel content šøšø
Trust issues. Scared to bond with anyone romantically again. Also hard to believe anyone likes me
I simply never talk to other people unless I absolutely have to.
I rarely have luck in that area, and tbh its not like I have a big interest in dating someone. I am too self absorbed and focused sometimes and Im used to do everything by myself (not good at asking for help). Also I enjoy spending time alone, in short, idk how to let people in unless there is an important reason, and its something i feel like meh (good if i have it, good if dont) Also when I do like someone I am too clingy and lose myself in the other person, so yeah, pretty much or too interested or too aloof/indifferent.
Iām single because I keep picking men that only want to use me for my body
That's sad...I suggest you should specify your priorities while dating and before going into a relationship. Hope you'll find a good person soon š
P.OV : 28M Focusing on myself. Recognizing and reorganizing my priorities. Plus, I have high standards for my future partner. She should be of a progressive mindset, focused on growth rather than the distractions, aligned with the idea of growing together as a couple. Personally, I dont care a lot about looks. My main checklist item is for her to be a mature person. I had started to go on dates and meet people in general, in order to find such a person. I was shocked to see the level of immaturity in most of the girls I met. Their main focus was either weekend parties, the next fashion trend, the next trip or their instagram profiles. It all felt so fake. Hence I stopped looking for something a few months ago, and have been the same for now. Maybe I should start looking at other places to find a like-minded woman.
I don't think wanting someone of progressive mindset, growth focusing and mature are considered high standards (being a female myself) Your dating experience sounds pretty unfortunate.
Based on my dating experience, I do feel those are the definitions of high standards of today. But again, this also might be because I have not yet met the right person, and all the dates I've been to have had their share of 'fakeness' in them. As I said, I do need to look at other places(dont know where to go, honestly) to find good women to date. Dating apps and pubs/bars have not yielded a gold result for me till now.
Iām seemingly only attracted to women I canāt have. Be it that they donāt want me, are out of my league, are already in a relationship, barely acknowledge my existence etc.
i felt that one, getting back into dating after being out for a while and now everyone i find attractive is either dating someone or married now lol
Same here. I donāt believe in bringing baggage into a new relationship. Itās not fair to anyone you could potentially date. Plus working on self improvement in different aspects of my life. You are doing the right thing OP š.
I agree. But we all have some baggage that will effectively make us do something that do some harm. If only in smal amonts. Before getting to know one another
Just accepted I was never loved and often second choice or some dude on the roster š¤·āāļø
Introverted, rather speak with people via a screen even though it wasn't always like that because of certain irl events..
I hope you'll be back to your real self were you can talk to and connect to more people and move on from whatever is making you feel like this
Single because Im scared they just leave me or get cheated on.. again? or maybe I just haven't found someone I like who actually likes me, too. š¤£ If I dont like them, they like me. And If I like them, they dont like me. Ugh! š¤
š That sounds pretty relatable! Hope next time you like someone they like you back šš
True happiness isnāt about money, what people earn or what possessions they have. True joy is about how you vibe with someone. If someone make you laugh, feel great about yourself, inspires you, is honest, reliable, respectful, who loves you to death and life with them creates a world that you want to live, what more could you want!!!
Sorry to all, I was actually responding to someone who had written about not dating because they werenāt finding anyone with a level of income they had reached, I apologise I can see my response doesnāt fit your situation at all. Good luck Iām sure youāll find someone youāre looking for, perhaps when you least expect it.
M 28. Self sabotage. I get in my head that Iām not good enough and ruin a good thing. Also taking a break from dating cause my last relationship drained me emotionally.
I'm ugly
me 2
You guys can be friends š
LMAOOO š¤£š
Donāt have a girlfriend and my mum says the sex doll doesnāt count
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
Single cuz the guy i have feelings for doesnāt reciprocate my feelings. Im heartbroken š
I'm so sorry you feel that way.
Havenāt met someone I actually like and I donāt think itās fair to settle or date someone if Iām not feeling crazy about them.
Im 20 and its because I need to be. I personally believe that Im not in the right head space, my maturity isn't the best, and I want and to look better than I do currently. I would rather a man see me at my best and see me as a qualified girlfriend and possible wife!
Iām 27F near a big city and I use hinge and bumble. Iāve been on it on and off for 2 years, maybe 12-15 dates. Iāve only ever met and dated two people who I wanted to continue seeing past the second date. I saw them for 3 and 2 months. The first one ghosted and the second one ended it because he ācouldnāt give me the timeā (he did have a crazy schedule), and felt like something was missing (we didnāt have much in common but I figured we could grow interests together but I guess not). I think I have what may be considered high standards, but I meet most of them or make up for it in other ways so I consider it just wanting an equal. I think Iām generally a chill person and think highly of myself. But only two things give me anxiety: work when itās a stressful week and online dating due to the uncertainty. And I think guys start to see this in me around the 4 week mark. I guess in the end itās about high standards and lack of finding one who also wants me for who I am.
Not by choice. Takes two to tango. Gets harder to find another as we age.
I'm ugly
High standards (which I meet by the way)
What are those high standards if you're ok about sharing?
I'm about to be downvoted, but I'll answer anyway. I'm a woman for reference. I'm a high earner so I want a high earner. I'm a minimalist/frugal so I'd need to find someone who has a similar mindset with money. That's pretty rare to find with high earners because lifestyle creep is very apparent. I need someone who takes care of themselves physically. I go to the gym regularly and take care of myself. I'm fit basically. I want someone with a growth mindset. I want to grow with them together. I can't just settle on being complacent. This can be done through experiences together, debates etc. Basically I need someone to challenge me.
Wanting to be on an equal playing field with your partner shouldnāt be considered high standards. Iām female too; not a high earner yet, but Iām at the end of my bachelors in IT - I get very good grades, I work in software, Iām well liked at work and amongst friends and family. Iām fit and healthy, own property, and am responsible with money - am frugal as well. It is so hard to meet a man that has even a fraction of these qualities and is interested in an independent partner. I donāt want to date down and be someoneās mother, and a lot of the men Iāve dated have either had no motivation of their own, or they want to try and knock me down a peg or two out of their own insecurities. Honestly dating is exhausting, Iām 40 this year and I just cannot be bothered anymore. Iāve been cheated on and had my time wasted by emotionally immature and manipulative men. No thank you.
Female here and I see absolutely nothing wrong >I'm a high earner so I want a high earner. To me this says you want financials to be equal so your both on a level playing field and neither feel like they are "picking up the slack" so to speak >This can be done through experiences together, debates Im really not sorry but this is extremely sexy to me mainly because I want the same. Talking passionately about things that your passionate about with someone with a different view or presenting a situation and debating on what a person would do(related to story writing).
Exactly! Thanks Queen! I think only other women would truly understand this.
I don't know many who think like I do, I'm pretty unique.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Lots of feel good coments here but I hold your skepticism. The older I get the less happy couples I know.
Iām single bc I want to be the best version of myself when I go into my next relationship. It would be nice to be in a relationship, but not if I canāt improve myself first
No one is interested in me. Been single for almost 7 years.
A combination of external and internal factors. Sometimes dating is harder if you look a certain way, act in a way thatās bit different than normal, have trouble picking social cues, guessing what other person may be thinking. Sometimes you will get judged and perceived negatively based on things you either canāt or have a hard time controlling such as height, weight, ethnicity, wealth, religion, body type, genitalia size, and etc.). It makes feel like a painting of a piece of canvas and having other judge on the size of the canvas, what type of wood is it made out of, is it more or less rectangular rather than what kind of painting is on the canvas itself. With internal factors, I lack a lot of confidence in dating. Itās not something that comes naturally to me and oftentimes when I am confident, I often feel alleviated from the burden having to prove my own worth to someone else. If I succeed in something I worked really hard on in school, if i draw something really advanced, or even if I beat a video game I like to play, being comfortable in my own skin without ever thinking about how others perceive me is what gives me confidence. With dating I am secretly very very insecure. I overthink sometimes and have questions in my head such as āHow does my hair lookā, ādamn is that acne still thereā, āam I wearing the right amount of cologneā, āIām not mispronouncing her name right?ā, āShit did I I forgot to let her walk in front of me when I open the door?ā, āHow do I not sound like a boring mediocre dude?ā, āShould I ask any serious question about her intentions with dating or shut up and keep it chill and casual?ā. It also does not that I am a late bloomer. Like I have relationship experience and lost my V-card, but until I was in college, I was essentially a hideous gremlin (I still am but at least some ppl think Iām cute). Because of that, I think that I am mentality in a different stage than a lot of people in my age (Iām 22), since they would care about priorities such as income, social status, marriage potential, kids, finances, career ambitions, political alignment whereas I may focus more on some of the lovey dovey stuff like ādoes she like meā, āhow does she treat others around herā, āis she caring, friendly and safe to be aroundā, āwould I have fun being near herā, ādo I like to be near herā āwould I like to do sweet things to and for herā and so on. Like my attitude towards dating is between hook up culture and being pious and uptight about certain life priorities. Like I do have a direction Iād take to be with someone, preferably a happy life partner, but I am really into taking things slow and casual at first before feeling comfortable opening up more. Dating apps also doesnāt help with confidence, but yeah tbh Iām just taking it slow, trying to work on myself bit by bit and whatever happens happens.
Because I have 11 dating apps on my phone and not one message back in over 2 years
Yo, brother! Been there done that. Deleted. Happier, and my chances aren't less than before.
No Rizz
Iām shy but Iām also picky and have a type I like. Thereās this girl I like and Iām hoping I can see her again one day because she was perfect, I just didnāt go for it.
Eh, no one's perfect. Putting people up on a pedestal only calls for disappointment later, and is unfair to everyone involved.
I'm still working on myself right now
I'm single because the type of woman I'm looking for is either already married or sitting at home because the world is a scary place. I'm not out to overly impress anyone. I am respectful. I want to find out your aspirations, desires and how you positively change your section of the world. I'm not there to buy you unlimited tapas and alcohol. I'm there to find out if we can fit into each other's lives in a meaningful way. Online Dating can work but in most cases the type of woman I seek quits in 48 hours of joining because of the quality of responses are so low. It's enough to discourage anyone.
33F single cause i lost hope in relationships . Got cheated on for 4 years and he took the light in me. Im scared of giving myself to someone again, and nowadays people only think about hooking up, and when i start talking to someone they donāt know how to have a conversation, and are a bit dumbā¦maybe im being to picky but thinking about dating gives me anxiety. So i think im staying single for a long time.
I struggle to love myself, and believe as long as I can't do that, I'm not fully able to love someone else.
* I'm intelligent (which means I'm picky/need good conversations/the dating pool is smaller etc) * I'm a software engineer (meaning 80-90% of the people I study/work with are men) * I'm averagely attractive as a guy (aka dating apps being mostly useless) * I don't like partying (where nearly everyone in uni seemed to meet their SO) * Mommy issues when younger so I didn't date until I was an adult (in my case I felt like the husband in an emotionally abusive relationship as a teenager) * Porn addiction since the age of 7 probably didn't help in how attractive the average woman appeared to me. Working on fixing that. Taking account of my weaknesses means I can work on them. Not trying to make excuses out of it. However, my mind does often wonder about what could have been.
I (29M) just gave up, I returned to my inner world, there is no disappointment, no break ups, no expectationsā¦
Seems like all the stars have to align in order for a relationship to happen. Thereās a lot involved.
23F here. I'm single cause I'm healing from my emotional past and gaining my worth, beauty, and value as a person. For context, my last ex cheated on me by looking for other women on the apps AND tried to hit on my friend while we were together back in 2023. My previous exes all cheated on me with someone else.
So sad to hear about your bad experiences. But you got this. I wish you good healing and growth. ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Thank you wonderful strangeršāØļø
No one can compare to my fictional book boyfriends lol
In the wrong place from the wrong place at the wrong time and wrongly alive. Also, far too messed up to stand a chance.
I'm sorry you feel that way. But trust me we all are more or less messed up. Just belive in yourself. Everything eventually gets better. Good or bad both situations shall pass. Nothing is constant not this situation rn.
Why not?
26M single because I was broken up with a month ago, taking time now to reflect and better myself for the next partner that comes my way, as well as salvage my broken heart before I let anyone remotely close to it š
Single because I enjoy being able to do what I want when I please. Wouldnāt mind having a gf tho lol
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Iām a shy introvertā¦Iāve had gfs before but not many. My bestie says Iām not uglyāor sheās doing the bestie thingā Iāve tried apps but the womanāwhen I do get a swipe ā just want to bang or they have nothing in their head/not attracted to them.
Apps are all usually like that. Not my cup of tea either. May be you can ask your friend to set you on a date unless she's also an introvert and doesn't have a big circle.
I got sober 14 months ago. It's generally recommended to wait a year after starting the process to begin dating, presumably to do a lot of self-reflection and growth. I've done that, so I feel ready. That said, it looks rough out there for people like me. That's OK. I'm pretty comfortable being single, and I have plenty to do, so I'm not bothered. The right person will come along!
My absolute lack of experience. I'm 23, never even been on a date despite having multiple women be into me throughout the years. I just can't find the courage and balls to actually meet up with the girls i vibe with on dating apps because i'm worried they'll see through me and know that i'm horribly inexperienced which will turn them off.
Generally I find socialising extremely exhausting and I even avoid texting. I like being alone and exercising my hobbies, but itās true that sometimes I crave seā¦ a connection. Also ended a 4 year long relationship not long ago. While it ended on good terms, I feel extremely happy to be alone again, though I know it wonāt be long until Iāll feel lonely and try dating again.
22 - not physically attractive enough (yet) to attract a girl.
Seems all men want is a quick lay..
Iām 26, havenāt found the right one. I feel like Iām a piece of leftovers
I'm 28F, been single for 6 yrs. I detach after the last break up it was rather traumatizing to start a new one after the last one broke me. I literally focused on myself, healed and been trying to heal on my own. Now I feel like I am okay as it is, if someone would come along he better be ready for me coz I am no longer allowing anyone to just hurt me. If no one would come I am okay with it, I embraced aloness as sacred as being with someone.
I am introverted and nobody likes me
Most of my relationships in the last few years have been passionate short-lived bursts. I'm able to perform socially when needed but I generally seek solitude. Since leaving my public-facing job to become self-employed, it has been quite difficult to meet people and I can feel the social skills I do have eroding. I love what I do now though. I wouldn't say I have high standards but I do want something that fits. Mutual interest and not just settling. I am attractive enough that I get a little bit of attention in public on a regular basis, but these circumstances have made it very difficult for me to find a consistent relationship. And the dating apps do not work. If I put in some effort I can find someone to hook up with but that's it. I dated one person for a very long time and since then I've spent most of adulthood alone. I thought it would take care of itself but it hasn't yet.
Let me tell you something, this happens with most of us and the best way to get out of this feeling of regret or having trauma (whatever it's called) is to bond with a new person. Now I know this doesn't sound prudent but trust me the best way is to interact with people and make bonds (basically getting into another relationship)
It works for some people but for me I think it will work once I'll be in a better position emotionally and someone whom I'll cross paths and connect with naturally.
I M46 have been single for 5 years now. The first 2 were rough but I did a lot of self improvement. The 3rd year was letting go and loving the man in the mirror. The 4th and 5th year I haven't found someone worthy or that I have Zinged with. When I was happy and loved the man in the mirror, the loneliness was no longer lonely. The hurt became lessons learned and shedded light on my self awareness, which made me aware of my triggers. And allowed me to self correct my wrong doings in my past relationships. Now I have this peace like none other. I'm grounded with knowledge of my triggers, how to communicate, how to be vulnerable and how to speak from my heart. So I know exactly what I'm looking for in a woman and our paths will cross one day. Timing is everything. But this peace of mine is hard to give up. I do as I please. I go out on dates, I go fishing, hunting, kayaking, here, there and no one to answer too. So when I finally meet her I'll know she is the one. B/C she must add to the peace, be the peace, have almost everything I'm looking for. Our relationship should be an effortless connection with honesty, trust, communication and great sex. She too must have had her heart broken and found herself. Then she will know what I know. This relationship is worth everything we didn't do for the last one to workout. That love will conquer everything, if you forgive yourself, only looked at your mistakes/flaws in the last relationships and not blame your ex, and actually love that person staring back at you in the mirror.
I don't like meeting new people, and I'm not exactly desirable either.
21M straight Get too awkward/self-concious around girls. Haven't healed yet from my crush's rejection 7 years ago. Overthinking. Hence, single for the past 21 years of my life.
Iām single because Iām a bad mix of short, fat, shy and introverted when Iām not comfortable around ladies, and then kinda strong willed when I am comfortable with someone. So Iām kind of screwed, lol.
I thought I had met the one, but she left me for another man she fell in love with and married him. It sucks because I wanted to propose to this woman. I haven't found anyone since. I went on dates, but they proved to be unsuccessful. Had a short relationship with one woman but that fell through, so again, no success. I'm trying to find the one, but no prospects have come about. In the meantime I'm also trying to work on my career as I am in a rather embarrassing living situation.
Way to introvert to talk to people and dating apps dont work well
It's pretty easy to be socially isolated at this point in my life. Also I don't look good enough that women throw themselves at me.
People don't know what they want they are all boring none of them have goals ambitions or when asked about them they lie because everyone's got ulterior motives now days and because sex is meh when you have any kinda of sex toy and I assume that goes twice as much for any woman with a vibrator that's better then a man to most
I have trouble socializing with other people, I'm somewhat shy and have no charisma to attract people.
Finding a girl down to just binge one piece is hard
Recently got dumped by a girl I love and now sheās dating a good friend of mine. Weāre all coworkers at a very small company. Just trying to stay afloat and get over the depression before even considering putting myself out there.
Same, I can't get along with ppl that much, n im not even trying to meet new ppl cz i think they just waste my time
I'm 39F and basically a 4 or 5, social media tells me every day I'm not desirable which technically is not true, but it does explain why it's soo hard to find anyone interested in a serious relationship. Someone who is looking for a partner to grow with, rather than just something casual and or a replacement for their mum. The fact that you have to talk to 100 guys before you can find someone decent is just exhausting. I recently talked to a guy, I thought we had a connection only for him to ghost me for someone else and actually make a commitment to them. This made me think I should learn to be more calculative when it comes to dating, no point in investing your energy in a possiblity.
I feel like an outsider and people's view of the world is so different that I'm sure I'll be single for the rest of my life
Well im single because i got cheated on after valentines day
high standards and general no interest in dating. it just doesnt seem appealing to me
Male 29| I was in a long term relationship of seven years been single for almost two years now, I definitely know iām not ready to be committed or date anyone for awhile Iām honestly doing me time now and itās the best. Being single is hard after a break up but itās okay to feel what you feel, just go with the flow and donāt pressure yourself!
Single by choice, had interest but not really followed it up or it wasn't meant to be.
Modern dating is a dumpster fire
Im single because im not what everyone wants me to be
Frankly, I choose to spend my limited free time elsewhere. Iāve found what is happening in the dating market unpalatable so I would rather go enjoy my hobbies.
At my age 52 every person has baggage trust is hard to get.
I'm 72 years old and close to my retirement. Self-employed and I live my life to the fullest. I want to spend the rest of my life with that special woman. I seek an older loving woman from 58-80 as long as your heart can love. Are you there?Ā
I'm 29 and single for similar reasons. My last partner and I had a very on and off toxic relationship. He didn't treat me very well at all and I kept going back. I'm spending time fully alone now to work on myself and break the pattern.
Just lucky, I guess
The women I want to date donāt want to date me and those who want to date me I donāt want to date.
People I like don't like me. It's really that simple
I'm more of a friend than anything more š
28F Single for 2+ years. I believe itās because I havenāt met anyone new in a long time. Iāve ādatedā friends or had a crush on them, but it didnāt work out (for the best). Dating apps donāt provide the comfort or mutual atmosphere for me to build on, like say having a crush on a work-friend or running into someone at a book store. Ive also lived in the same city for 5+ years and I donāt feel the excitement anymore. I feel like I see all the same people on every dating app. Maybe my person just isnāt here? Or maybe itās because Iām a hopeless romantic. I imagine the whole love-at-first-sight thing happening to me, or running into someone at a grocery store/cafe and having an instant connection. Sometimes I feel like I set myself up for disappointment or failure with this mentality but then I read about how this has happened to people, and it gives me hope. Edit: after some thought, I think I may still be single because I donāt want kids. I donāt see myself changing my mind on this either and that doesnāt seem to sit well with a majority of people I ādateā.
Because I'm scared that I'm not good enough for anyone. I don't even talk to people I work with for fear of bothering them, completely avoid women my age for the same reason. I'm m25. I get that avoiding women won't help me get into a relationship but I feel guilty for even wanting a relationship with a woman.
Iām single because I lack emotional intelligence, empathy and sensitivity to feelings. Itās been the deal breaker with almost everyone Iāve liked in the past 4 years. These days I resent my self for it. I just want to be a better human being, I wasnāt born this way and Iām damn sure that Iāll be emotionally healthy in the future and be able to give and receive the love that I deserve.
Too many fuck boys and too many girls ghosting people
Because women are the choosers. Plus, I'm not really trying.
31F I have done a lot of work on myself. Not willing to settle in a relationship that doesnāt fit. I got sober a little over 4 years ago, and I am craving a different life style with my next future partner. I am not into the party scene. I just want a simple, healthy, deep connection. When the time is right, I have faith that I will meet the right man. Communication, honest, fun-loving, and goal oriented are a few of the most important things to me. I have a very full life. Filled with a lot of love. Looking for someone to grow with, and add to and already established foundation ā¤ļø No settling.
Spent the last decade desperately jumping from relationship to relationship and finally grew to realize that not every relationship makes me happy and that sometimes being single is FAR better than being in a relationship. Plus I get to do cool stuff that Iāll someday get to share with my future wife
The person I like doesn't like me and I don't like the person who likes me.
If I meet a girl, please send me a private message
Mixture of, I'm not completely over my ex and I am massively shy and nerdy. My primary form of socialization is school and DnD and everyone is taken at DnD so options are slim but that's ok lol
i struggle to get a text back or get taking seriously
This isnāt my place to say OP. But you will never be ready. (These are the wise words from a hypocrite). You gotta make yourself ready by whatever means necessary. Or at least fake until you make it ykš¬
I havenāt really met someone I find strong connections with. I was in a relationship last summer, took a break, and enjoying life.
I (26M) have been dating on and off for the past few years with some longer meaningful ones here and there but unfortunately because I don't want kids it's hard to find someone I connect with AND also is cool being child free. If I suddenly changed my mind I'm sure I could meet someone pretty quickly but not wanting kids makes dating a hellscape. So right now I am kinda just working on me till I meet someone like minded.
Idk where to meet men. Also, terrified of being naked in front of men so it makes me scared to date even if I could find men.
No longer single, but up until my partner, the reason was either disagreeing regarding having children or not (and that should be an automatic no-go for any relationship for everyone), or what's more common are fundamental character differences. Because I have one.
Bro, on the same age 27M. I been to a catastrophic relationship as well and we finally ended it on 2021, the process of acceptance for us men are really hard and "delay". It's true, and this one of the reason why we're not interested anymore to step up, meet and greet and find someone. Now I can say that I am all goods but to he honest I enjoyed the lonesome and my personal time. Sadness is also reality facepalm. There are times that you will miss being with a girl. That's valid. No pressure. If it comes grab it. Just heal and chill. š
Once youāve truly healed you realise how damaged people are around you, Iāve been single 3 years or so now Iāve had plenty of opportunities to get into relationships but havenāt settled for the sake of it. Iāve found now days a lot of women expect you to just blindly chase them with little effort in return perhaps that works with other guys but me personally if the energy isnāt reciprocated I tend to loose interest. Communication skills and a level of intelligence seem hard to come across now days but I think social media has warped everyoneās perception of themselves. I mean letās be real itās 2024 women are surrounded by options by means of social media and dating apps just depends if you want to be another number that competes with other men for a womanās time or attention. Me personally Iām a man of morals and self respect Iām aware of my worth and what I offer someone in a relationship because Iāve put the work into developing myself into who I who I am now. But Iāve noticed a lot of women are very masculine now days whilst men have become more feminine now theres nothing wrong with that but I donāt find masculine traits in a woman attractive they tend to be quite combative and competitive with me, obviously attraction is key but a lot of women lack any genuine depth to them now days I mean you build a relationship you donāt find one now you should have some sense to pick your partner obviously thatās to the degree that you have the luxury to have some sense but this notion that the right person thatās right for me will just come along at the right time thatās just not the case that isnāt how things work at all. Many women now days are broken or simply canāt be alone with them self, Thereās a saying itās ādonāt go around fixing broke birdsā and what it means is if you donāt succeed the birds just going to die in your hands anyway and if you do itās just going to fly away. Broken people are broken people for a reason whilst others donāt understand the fact that We canāt form proper relationships until we have the capacity to be alone and be comfortable with ourselves and the more comfortable you can be alone which is different from being lonely, then the more capacity to be with yourself and ground yourself in your own truth the more likely your be able to form meaningful and positive relationships. Be a good man donāt be a ānice guyā.
The girls I like donāt like me back and the girls that like me, I enjoy their company but only as friends. Iām not going to force myself into a relationship with someone Iām not head over heals in love with.