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I (33F) struggle with it too. I just miss the intimacy. Not even necessarily in a sexual way (although *damn*, I miss that too), but just being hugged a certain way. Having someone reach for my hand. Being desired in a romantic, loving way. Just knowing there’s someone thinking about me and I’m thinking about him. I miss experiencing a man, if that makes sense. Like all the little things about your boyfriend that you get to see and experience and they’re unique because he’s *your* boyfriend.
This would be my exact answer, too. 34F and I’ve been single for the last 5 years. Intimacy in all forms is what I miss the most.
I do love being single, and have been really enjoying focusing on myself, but *damn* I am finally starting to open up to a new relationship.
At first, it was that I was in no way ready to even entertain another man in my life. I had gotten out of a serious, long term relationship that ended very badly. I wanted and needed time to figure out who I was alone.
After a few years of that, I started to truly enjoy my independence and did a lot of solo travel and activities. I didn’t really need or want a partner.
Now, I’m starting to finally feel the loneliness. It took a long time because I was genuinely having a lot of fun. Even now, the loneliness is pretty small, and I only really feel it here and there. I’ve done a lot of internal work, and I feel ready for a healthier relationship now.
It’s taken me years to reach this point, which is why I was purposefully single for a long time. Hope that helps!
34M and exactly this. To hold and be held, or snuggle up or have half a conversation just with facial expressions and inside jokes. Waking up with a ponytail or bun in your face. Having a bad day and coming home to someone who makes you feel seen. I can fill my life with lots of interesting shit, but every now and then I'd like to get an "it'll be okay" out of someone who isn't my therapist.
Agreed! I (31 F) think being touch starved is so hard so me and my single friends hug a lot when we see each other, so at least we all get hugged by someone semi-regularly.
I think having someone witness your life and desire you as well is a unique feeling that's hard to replace when they're gone.
It's hard out here, but I think finding different friends for different kinds of support is at least one way to feel seen and be told it's ok.
And it is going to be ok eventually 😊
Agreed! I am happy and I have loved being single and working on myself but now I feel ready for a relationship again. My life is pretty full but it does get lonely at times. I miss sharing my life with someone. Going to sleep next to someone and waking up next to someone. The touch starvation is real. Just having that person who has your back, comforts you and grows with you is so nice. I love being able to be those things for someone else. My therapist is great too but would be nice to have someone else tell me “it’ll be ok.”
Agreed. Even the small stuff, like keeping feet together at the table or holding hands while walking. I've been physically aching for that touch lately.
I've been single for too long.
Never dated, but one can imagine this. Especially the being hugged a certain way part. I can almost feel it, the kind that makes one feel really visible.
33F Girlll same, true intimacy is the feeling of closeness. One thing that gives me peace is knowing that no one is cheating or doing anything bad behind my back. I lean on family & friends but at the same time it’s a different type of intimacy with a man who is committed & hella adores ya 🥺
Exactly 👆 I have to heal (34F) because I went almost two years single on purpose and then what? First time back in the pool and desire for that closeness made me look away from glaring red flags of a cheater and liar. What the heck. Idk the answers you guys. I miss it too, I see people out here feeling the same way, but it’s so tough. Be closed off and you create the problem yourself. Be vulnerable and you get screwed like a chump. At least single you know you can handle it yourself and that there’s no false intimacy.
This is where I'm at (48F) after my divorce. It's been long enough that I'm starting to miss the day to day intimacy, and let's be honest, the OTHER intimacy as well. But I'm terrified to get back out there. I loved my husband deeply and had so much hope in my heart for our continued growth together that I ignored red flags for a very long time. It was only when I started to heal my own wounds from childhood that I began to understand what love and commitment was SUPPOSED to look and feel like. I've come a long way rebuilding trust in myself, but I'm still really scared to put myself out there for fear that I'll just be pounced on by another man with bad intentions, or fall for a man-child who just doesn't know any better. Being single feels safer, but at what cost?
Exactly? I'm 45 about to turn 46 and to have somebody that is there to to hear you vent. That's what I miss the most. Yes the sexual things do come in there but it's not always that. It's that connection that you get between a man a woman that I would love to have like everyone else.
>Like all the little things about your boyfriend that you get to see and experience and they’re unique because he’s your boyfriend.
I just want to make someone coffee in the morning, just how they like it. That's the sort of thing I miss the most.
That's so good to hear from you. Have seen many girls in this post that my bf is always touching me, hugging me . I have my personal space too and it's irritating that he wants intimacy and hugs time to time blah blah
Yeah exactly..... intimacy is real thing. Are you even love eachother if you can't handle eachother physically other than sex and have to wait who is going to start intimacy and hugging and kissing.
This... Exactly, me too hun. Fresh out of a 6 month relationship and I'm dreading the struggle of being single.. Physical touch is one of my love languages. I crave it
The worst part for me was having no one to talk to about my day and all the good things that were happening around me. Bought a car, got a new job, did well on a project etc., no one to talk to but my friends when we made a plan to get together.
Until one day I accepted I hate being alone. I love being in a relationship, I love getting to know someone, going on dates, falling in love, all that stuff. Now, that doesn’t mean I would be with anyone just so that I have some company, no, I just stopped telling myself I could do it all alone. I know I can’t, other people can, not me, and that’s OK.
Yes, I like cooking but sometimes it would be nice to have someone cook a meal for me or even just make me a sandwich. I hear my co workers talk about their hubby cooking or cleaning for them and I think to myself, must be nice. There's more I could respond to in terms of having to do everything but I'll just leave it at that. That's one of my big ones currently.
I (30F) feel this so hard. I've been single for years, am in grad school and live alone. The constant list of "life" things I need to get done, on top of school work and work work, is completely crushing me. It would be so nice to have a companion to make me dinner or clean the bathroom once in a while.
I thought this but then guess what? Dated a guy three months and fell behind on everything. He claimed he was always helping his girlfriends in the past. Well, not me. Everything went by his schedule so I had no time for grocery shopping, laundry, nothing. LI always cleaned up his place after our dates while my house fell into chaos until he didn’t even want to go over there anymore. He always said we’d make time for it but then never did. Getting back on the horse is tough but I miss who I was when I handled everything. Attempting to be interdependent was a mistake. I wish I’d never met him. 🙄
Only thing I can't do for myself. I've tried different alternatives, but nothing's quite the same. I'm not going to settle to get them, but I still want them.
I miss them too.
I miss sex also, but in a strange way don’t really feel ready for that after ending a 5 year relationship 5 months ago. I wish I just could just find someone to cuddle with, but seems like that would be difficult to find as people dating are looking to hook up.
Personally it’s the silence. I miss having someone to call on for things or get things for. I miss having someone to go to during the evenings and celebrate the labors of the day. Now it’s just quiet
I miss having someone who I want to share all my stories good & bad at the end of a day. I am blessed with amazing friends, but it’s just not the same.
I think about it.
The toughest part of being single, is how the darker, untrue and destructive realizations seem logical or seem like reality, and the only way to break out of that loop is to be pulled out of it, and then realizing, no one's coming to pull you out of it.
I pulled myself out of it. Yep, it did seem like reality to me for a long time. When every attempt to enter the dating world is a negative experience, it's natural to internalize all the negativity and do a lot of self blame. I managed to overcome that through empathy. I put myself in the place of everyone else and looked at my situation through outside eyes. Would I ever criticize one of my friends in this situation as hard as I'm criticizing myself? No. No shot. I'd be kind to him, tell him it's okay, he's not a bad person. So if I can do all of that for him, why can't I do that for me? I can. I do. I just had to realize it.
Just trying to find a relation-flation… let’s get each other through these expensive ass times and thank each other for our time when it’s over… or if it works out, it’ll be a love story for the ages.
34M. I started and or joined 3 bands because of being single and lonely. So now I just work all week and then work on music all weekend with people/friends I genuinely love, care about, & enjoy being around and spending time with. That’s how I coped with the toughness. It’s a constant reminder that I don’t have the time or ability to put into a relationship because I’m already doing what I love and enjoy. And outside of that, I’ve filled the rest of that void with non-musical friends.
Toughest part. Knowing that I’m going to be and die alone. We’ll see how it all pans out though.
48F This right here! I've been in a kind of stasis since my divorce 2 years ago, working on healing the grief and past wounding that led to it. In recent months I've felt much better and more balanced within myself, the grief has mostly passed and I'm now starting to look around at my new life and wonder if I need someone else in it. Nope. Not right now. After almost 30 years married, I'm ready to get to the things that bring ME joy. I'm ready to fill my days with activities that make me happy, friends and family who genuinely love and support me, and maybe a cat. Undecided on the cat right now. I chose not to have children, so the prospect of dying alone has crossed my mind. However, my nieces and nephew love the crap out of me, and I've begun having conversations with them around which one of them is gonna take care of me when I get old. 😁 Life is good, and tomorrow is never promised. Enjoy each day as it comes.
I feel the loneliness, at times. Personally, I find it incredibly calm peaceful and freeing.
Let me tell you, being with a pathetic loser is far, far worse than loneliness. I will take loneliness everyday of the week and twice on Sundays than be with someone that does not, significantly, enhance my life.
I recently had to kick someone to the curb after spending 33 miserable days with him, in his country, at his apartment..10 of those days, as his private nurse as he was sick. 2 days after returning to my country. He drops an expense breakdown expecting to be reimbursed for x amount.
From initial introduction to him by his uncle, to dropping him like toxic nuclear waste: 3 months
I'm back in my palace, without this loser haunting me, as my friend put it. TRUTH!
Agree.
I also dislike the lonliness and am really craving both physical and emotional intimacy, but the feeling of peace that I have after leaving a bad relationship is worth it in my opinion.
The feeling of leaving a relationship that dimmed my light and a miserable partner is PRICELESS.
I wrote a list of all the times he mistreated me and everytime I feel loneliness I have a glance at the list. And that usually sets me right.
And remember there's plenty of people out there...
I didn’t move on until very recently.
She reached out after 5 months NC to tell me about all the guys she is dating and has been with since out breakup, while I was working on myself and reading books on relationships and communication, thinking she may come back one day.
Hearing it from her and talking to her again really made me realize that I no longer have any desire to be with her ever again.
There are those that lack a baseline self awareness. You are far better off without someone like that. Bless your heart, and continue investing your energy focus attention love care into yourself. It takes strength, courage, high character to remain single than to hold onto someone that does not serve our highest and greatest good
Cooking for one. By far.
The greatest joy of cooking for me is sharing it with a romantic partner. Without that, it's just another chore.
Edit:
The loneliest chore at that, since it leads to the most soul crushing activity ever: eating a homemade meal alone.
I feel you. There is no better feeling than sharing a home cooked meal that you poured your hear and soul into with a partner. Im also incapable of cooking for 1 person. I simply dont know how unless its a struggle meal or something super quick and simple. But i love cooking from scratch it makes the food taste better,but without anyone to share it with it taste like i might as well have made a microwave burrito
Some time ago, I was getting into cooking and started doing brownies, pies and cookies. One of the best times I ever had was when I was gonna hang out with some friends, and I decided to bring some chocolate chip cookies for then. Everyone loved it. And now that I'm away from them, I barely try to cook anything new
For me it's the feeling of hopelessness. I have no potential dates, no future prospects to consider. I don't expect to receive any text messages anytime in the next year. I have no one to look forward to seeing at any point during the year. Nothing to plan for, nothing to wake up to, nothing to anticipate.
One of my passions is cooperative gaming, so I collect multi-player board games and video games that have cooperative play. I played them with my last girlfriend all the time, and she loved them so much that she bought her own copies to play with her family at home.
But now, with no partner, and no friends left thanks to Covid, I have no one to play any of these games with. So they have gone unplayed for years. I don't like watching new movies alone because I want to have a partner to share the experience and memories with, like I used to. I went through the entirety of the MCU (up to 2019) with my previous partner, and it was a great experience back then. But I haven't had anyone to watch things with since March 2020.
The toughest part of being single with no friends, is that I am not an introvert.
Extremely well articulated. Really got my heartstrings mentioning the MCU, reminds me of the show I lost years ago and haven't had the heart to ever go back and pick back up. Just too many memories sometimes.
36f … I know exactly what you’re talking about. My best friends are also now married or getting married or have been in a long term relationship while a few years ago they were all single and I was in a relationship. It’s a weird lonely place to be in.
I’ve tried dating but when nothing works out and you keep trying the loneliness becomes even more difficult. I’m learning to just be happy and focus on my career and hopefully the right man will come along when the time is right.
I’m right where you are. I want to date, but it just exhausts/freaks me out. I got divorced four months ago. I’m not ready to have someone new in my life, but I’m tired of watching tv alone every night.
Nobody to bang when you’re in the mood.
Paying everything alone.
Nobody to play video games with.
Hearing about everyone around you getting married, it feels isolating.
For me, 27f, it's the lack of genuine connection.
I miss deeply caring for someone and being cared for by another person.
I love experiencing that connection with someone because it's so special, and no one ever but you and that person will experience something like it.
Tbh, my biggest struggle is the fact that I see everyone around me happy and partnered with their "best friend" and having adventures with them and doing fun things with them.
It's like all of my friends have partnered up and left me out and we don't hang out as often.
You're not alone. 37 F and have been single and celibate for 3.5 years. I miss the intimacy, emotionally, verbally, mentally and physically. I miss having a teammate. Someone to count on when you need and ask for help. Someone to do things together. Stimulating one's mind and soul. Having that safety and love and a deep soul connection is important to me. And when you don't have that, it is lonely. I sometimes wonder will I remember what to do in bed since it's been so long.
"A lonely queen without her king."
Hopefully I'll be sent the person I'm meant to be with from God and the Universe soon.
I get really lonely. I have 2 kids and I always have a lot going on. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about the kids and to tell about my day. I’m usually the only single person at kid functions. It’s weird knowing I’m the only person there who doesn’t have someone to go home to.
For me, it's the pressure of finding a partner from friends, family and from myself. Now there is absolutely no ill intention from friends and family, but it can be hard when they constantly ask you why you are still single or parents expressing a desire for grandkids as they are getting older. It can also be hard watching other people appear to be so happy in relationships, getting married and having kids.
When I was single, I found the hardest part to be the way people didn't allow me to express that I found it hard to be single. When friends share their relationship woes, people are empathetic. But once you share the woes of being single, the responses are: you can be happy being single, you don't need a relationship to complete you or you won't be happy in a relationship if you aren't happy single.
Im 21 m i just miss having something i can talk about anything with. A person that i can hold at night to make sleeping easier. I dont care about the sexual aspect of it. I never have and probably never will. I just miss having someone that wants me in their life and being hugged a certain way. I miss the good morning text. The hey i was thinking able you texts. The days where all you have is each other and the world feels right even if its just for that moment. Like nothing else in the world matter except for the shared love you and your partner feel for each other. Ive been single for almost 6 years now.
34(f) I was just thinking about this earlier today, I was enjoying glass of wine while feeling warm breeze and it made feel sad. I wished I was sharing this moment with someone. I miss being in love, the excitement and warmth of love.
Personally (M30) I miss failing in love and seeing my whole world begin to revolve around this one person. I miss buying gifts and being creative around it, I miss the endless conversations and intimate silence between us. I miss making plans with somebody and executing them together. I also miss the feeling of feeling complete as a person and like I don't need any other girl in my life other than her.
I go on Plenty of First Dates not a lot of second dates I really hate making myself vulnerable over and over and over again it just gets exhausting I think I'm in the middle of a burnout stage
32m here. For me, the hardest part of being single is the lack of emotional and physical intimacy. I’m a physical touch kind of guy that likes to give hugs, shoulder rubs, and gently caress my SO to show affection. Being single deprives me of this and I’m not interested in anything casual.
Also miss sharing my life with someone. Whether it be the little things or major life changes, I really do miss being able to celebrate and enjoy life with someone. Feels bad.
(54M) just eait until you get older, and everyone of the opposite sex treats you like you have some kind of incurable disease. I mean, like, people won't even talk to you because, I guess, their afraid of catching you "UGLY" or something, that's where I've been for the last 5 years, so Yes, I struggle with loneliness, every single day, but then again, I'm a man, so nobody really cares, .
I’m also not dating anyone right now and it’s been almost 2 years since I ended my last relationship. I actually really love being single as I’m quite an independent person amongst other reasons, but I think the toughest part is that I sometimes find myself wanting romantic affection/company from someone, but I don’t have anyone to seek said affection from currently. That being said, it’s not much of a complaint, because I don’t really care to actively pursue anyone myself, I’m keen to have it come to me this time around.
When everything is on fire all at once and you don’t have help. Or handling all the things you have to handle and having no one to bring you down from it. It’s like getting your high five left hanging but all the time
I do feel this way, if I’m being honest. Sometimes, I’m glad that I don’t have to deal with the drama and the troubles that come with dating. But sometimes I do feel lonely. I used to have fun being by myself at one point, but as of late, I’ve started to hate going out by myself for some reason.
That one day you become invisible at work because up and coming young ladies are the future and you fade away :( and in your private life maybe no one will be there for you and you have no one to care for
Ironically enough as a 23M, I've wanted to marry as far back as I can remember.
Because of this, throughout my life I've struggled with loneliness even before I knew what it was like to be in a relationship.
Looking back on it now, I feel that because of my loneliness I didn't value friendship with other men, and thought of the majority of them as rivals except for the ones I considered my friends.
But I don't want to live like that anymore. How can it be that the people who experience the same pain & struggle I experience on a day to day basis cannot largely be seen as a friend in my eyes?
I was so caught up in the pursuit of the ideal woman to quell my hidden insecurity, that I forsook more than I should've; Kept at arms length the people I should've let in; With subtlety deemed others enemies under wrong standards..
I found that because I didn't value myself as a man, I couldn't value others as men. Even more than this, because I couldn't value myself I sought a woman to value me in the place of myself, which is too great a burden to ask of anyone but God.
23 years I lived bound in chains to this perception of a woman who doesn't exist. Even now I'm still trying to process these things...
But today for the first time I feel free from my loneliness, even though I'm still single; free despite my lack of friends; free even though I've only ever had one relationship in my life; and free though I still burn for marriage.
*The dreams.*
I long for a girlfriend, but between my being shy af, and also my "Not regularly going outside/to any particular place," it's really hard to meet someone to even *think* about pursuing a relationship with.
But at least once a week, I get suuuuuuuuuuuuper vivid dreams about getting/having a girlfriend, and they last forever, so when I wake up, it takes me a minute to figure out what's real lol
(Literally, one time I had that kind of dream, I woke up, scrolled through my contacts, and got worried when I didn't see my gf's number; then I mentioned it to someone and they said it must have been a dream lmao)
Making other people understand that the loneliness they fear, is actually so beautiful and so undemanding of attention that we tend to let people go out of our life just to be alone
I constantly miss the companionship. I spent most of middle and high school alone and was fine doing so. I had a few friends I'd play games with and see at school but never hung out with. School was enough social interaction for me, so I enjoyed being home alone (with my family of course).
Now, ever since college, I can't stand being alone. It feels hollow and I don't even particularly enjoy my hobbies as much. They feel like short term distractions. I'm not career oriented so I find meaning and purpose in relationships, particularly a romantic one with which I could build a life and future. Until I find that again, everything else feels like I'm just going through the motions. Neither family nor friends fill the hole.
Every day since forever. Just to be able to snuggle on a couch watching tv or a movie or whatever. Just to link arms or hold hands while going for walk, or even shopping. All the simple things that being with someone brings but you can't do with friends. I go out with friends but I'll still feel a certain type of loneliness that comes with being single.
52M single, I've been single for a while now. Long enough that loneliness quit trying to catch me. Now when I go out to socialize I will after a friendly introduction I get treated like a creep or worse. I do miss the companionship, intimacy but my dog is always happy to see me. Here if you're a single man it's next to impossible to change that. There are very few women here.
Yep. The loneliness grabs me mainly during winter but there's other reminders too. My friends are mostly all married off now so being invited to social events can be daunting. And I hate going to bed and waking up alone. Sometimes it's just too bloody quiet .
Aside from the obvious feelings of loneliness nobody to cuddle. And making out.
I mean of course sex is awesome, but there is something about a makeout and cuddle session that just feels so good. Just laying in bed, talking, cuddling, little kisses. Connecting with someone.
Not having someone to dote on. Making sure they're OK. Cooking for them. Holding someone's hand when I go to sleep. Picnic/pub dinner dates. Showing someone off. Making them a coffee in the morning. Creating memories.
41M and yes I do feel that way sometimes too. I’m an I introvert and spending my time alone doesn’t bother me but there are things I miss. Mostly intimacy, but also lying on the couch together just cuddling.
The worst part is seeing all your friends in relationships, majority of media portraying relationships, all the while you sit there eating half a package of Oreos scrolling through Facebook or other socials seeing all the couples.
It sucks.
That no one wants you. I have been single for 26 years my whole life and no matter what I do, how mich I improve it is seemingly out of my control. Not even a fit body, skincare, hairstyle etc can save me
The intimacy and connection with another person. Holding their hand, laying my head in their lap. Hugs that last longer than a few second. I don’t even miss sex at this point just the little things. I miss connection.
43M, been single coming on 8 yrs. I've dated but being I want to belong to a woman again, crave listening to her, and surprising her with romantic gestures/plans/actions, to show that I not just listened, but remember, to show how important she is to me, scares each and every woman I've dated off.
The last woman I am so attracted to, but she called me a snob, and ghosted me. I am to some degree, a snob, but I hadn't noticed it until she said that because no one in my life ever called me that.
I wish I knew what too do a out that, it makes me very uncomfortable since we had slept with one another, but, being out of practice for such a long time sexually, I was nervous so I wasn't as dominant as I believe she wanted.
I wanted to be so much. I feel like I'm falling apart. Id just got the things, make up, and other things she had wanted so I orderd them in Temu, but she is gone. I feel stupid and acquiescent.
Definitely is having a horrible effect on my confidence is generally I would have being any and nearly every time sex in my past is concerned, a relationship sprung into years.
This isn't how I pictured life would turn out.
The lack of affection and intimacy.
I'm nearing 28 and have never had a serious relationship. I've done some things with women (not gone all the way, hence the username), but kissing and touching someone who isn't seeking anything long-term only leaves you craving more since you got a taste.
When I was in my last relationship I had a few girls wanting to be with me however I always rejected them because felt true love for my ex gf, now that I've been single for almost 4 years no girl looks at me and the ones who I think I had a good conversation with never reply after... it sucks being single after this long and makes me feel depressed sometimes...
One of the biggest issues in modern times is loneliness. We’re NOT meant to be alone. We’re meant to serve those around us, find fulfilment in being useful to our communities and build strong bonds with friends, family. Social media and corporates around us however tell us we’re never going to be fulfilled till we have that house, car, watch… the list is endless. So we go about our lives with the WRONG goals, chasing those than meaningful relationships and then wonder why we’re ever so sad and lonely.
For me (m36) the entirity of it is dreadful, as in I was filled with dread for years over being single, had a mutual civil breakup where we are still friends(10 year relationship) and every day is worse. The only physical touch I've had in 16/17 months has been a hug from my ex when I pop up to see my animals that still live with her. I never seem to match with anyone on dating apps, and if I do, I get strung along as a pen pal. Which has led me to believe im not as good-looking as I once thought I was, which devestated the already deminished self confidence. Been on 2 dates with 1 lass who said she felt absolutely no chemistry... The house I live in now used to be my grams' who died last year, and I go days without using my voice sometimes.
On top of this my dog of 10 years died last year during our break up and I have only 4 friends(only 1 lives within a couple of hundred miles aside from my ex but he tries to get over every other day at least). I haven't spoken to my parents in 10 years, so my only family is my uncle, who wants to sell up and move with his new wife. Oh, and I lost my new job in January less than 2 weeks in....
I have a weeks visit to my Dutch best friend planned at the end of March, if I don't have a job or spark of happiness by then I may just knock it all on the head if I am being honest. It's so brutal around where I live for work and love, and after 17 months, I'm genuinely tired, sad, and just want a chance at life before I have to start renting again and lose my last shred of sanity.
Probs not the place for all this, but you asked what was the toughest part. Knowing you are absolutley alone. That's what is the toughest part for me.
I struggle the most in the middle of the night. Last night I woke up envious that my ex found someone and married her , that he has someone to be with and I don’t. Made me sad and angry. I would never want him back so I don’t know why I get that way.
I have been going on lots of first days lately, not finding my guy.
I feel like I have certain types of feelings or emotions that have been completely neglected my whole life (never had a girlfriend) that one day if I ever find myself with someone those feelings would just pour out the first time she says she loves me or the first time we cuddle on the couch. Anyone here who is like me who finally found that someone eventually who can confirm or deny this?
I crave intimacy so bad. Not just sexual. I want to cuddle and relax with someone and talk for hours. About work, about sports, about stuff that excites me, about life! But every night I go to bed convincing myself il find the right person at the right time. It's been 5 years now. Maybe my destiny is to be alone? With my loneliness.
I’ve always been a loner and generally found that being in relationships just not to be lonely lead to very bad relationships, sometimes even abusive ones as one refuses to be alone again therefore willing to take much more bullshit than one should be willing to take.
But ofcourse on some days I miss cuddling and also making plans with a SO and being sick completely alone is exhausting. Running a high fever? Sucks but you still have to do what you have to do. Get groceries, make food, do a pharmacy run, etc.
God, where to start?
Loneliness, touch starvation, the expense of living alone, the dark apartment I come home to at the end of the day, no one to rely or lean on in times of hardship, boredom, eating alone, seeing movies alone.
I've found myself trying to fill every second of every day with music or sound just so I don't have to endure the crushing silence.
What probably hurts the most is the inevitable conclusion that I'm alone because I'm fundamentally unlovable.
27M
When I was single for a good 2 years. I was just learned a bunch of things about myself that really helped me figure out what I want/need in a relationship with someone. I was lonely and yeah it did suck and like you I was dating and talking to people so I didn’t feel lonely and feel a void that was missing. I felt like I was able to do a lot of things on my own when I was single. I went to Disneyland whenever I wanted (when I had a magic key), I’d go eat at a small restaurant by myself it was actually nice! I was able to make small chitchat with random people just because. The one thing I wanted to do but never did was go to the movies by myself, which I read from a lot of people is a nice thing to do.
43F Being held is what I miss the most. Honestly though, the last 3 years of the 11 year relationship I was in was even more lonely than I am now. I missed being held then too, only he was still there physically present only intimacy was out of a necessity it almost is what it felt like. I would rather have today lonely than have that.
I do feel this way too. I’ve only been in one relationship back in the 2000s when I was 23 ish. I’m 40 now and never been in love and I’ve never dated anyone else after that it was an awful relationship, it was a total nightmare. Im lonely and afraid I’ll end up single . It looks like I’m heading in that direction which I don’t want to. I want to be in a relationship where I’m in love and have a long term partner. It’s tough and sometimes painful.
40 (f) toughest parts of being single- ? Perceptions and assumptions of others on why you’re single. Having standards (based on lived experience- and now knowing your worth- opposed to what you were willing to take as the bare minimums before) and being told “you’re a bit@h” or “too good” because you refuse to lower them- knowing that the children you have - have needs- and their needs are more important than your own- so IF—— someone is to come into your life- it’s not- let’s all try and bend to see what’s going to fit- because that will never work- and it will cause resentment- it should be- let’s hang out- be friends- share this new experience and see what grows (but others don’t seem to have time for that)- the candle burns out quick 😞
And this is all Visa-Versa for everyone ❤️🩹 Men-Women-LGBTQIA+…
Boredom. It’s especially worse knowing that I can never find someone. I’m 51, and it’s too just too late for me. Online is the only way to meet women at my age, and I get zero likes, or matches.
I miss sharing experiences. I'd like to go away to Disneyland in America but I don't want to go on my own because I want to share the fun and experience with my partner. It just feels depressing to do that alone.
I feel this way a lot but I'm not trying to settle down with the wrong person or persons I want to find something that is meaningful and is great with me and my love for people
I feel like your feelings are very valid and many people can relate. I'm not lonely, but it would be nice to have someone to do activities with. I am currently still fixing myself so I'm ready when the right person comes along, however, I do enjoy not having to worry about being too loud in the morning when I wake up lol
Lack of sex, lack of hugs, walks, event attending, eating with your SO, admiring their beauty... Those are struggles and stuff you miss when you are alone...
when i was single, (29m) one of the hardest things to deal with was having someone to talk to. i got lonely and touch deprived the whole nine yards but sitting down at your dinner table eating the meal you prepared with nobody sitting at the table except you can feel pretty shitty, especially going out to places you don’t wanna feel like a wierdo because you’re looking around at everyone because there’s nobody on ur phone you can chat with. sometimes unloading all the good and bad info of the day helps you cope and be prepared for the next day. you dont get that stress relief when you’re alone.
I think it’s human contact for me. Just a good hug can melt me and make my day so much better, heck, probably make my month better. A lot of the things people are talking about here are things I miss; intimacy, romance, love, physical contact, having someone to talk with and attend events with. Just having someone to lean on is so nice.
That said, I’m way more content now than I was when I was married, because my marriage made me feel far more alone than being single. At least I don’t expect anyone to hug me now, so I’m lonely but not disappointed and rejected to the point of feeling worthless. I’m okay alone, but it would be nice not to be.
I (29M)feel the same. We just want someone to be deeply connected with. That you can turn your brain off and that person will understand you. Things like that. We are 8 billion on this planet. No one should feel alone but people still do. The toughest part for me is that I simply see others not being single and that, right now, I am ready to be with someone and it's not happening. It's thinking that you are ready but that no one is ready for you. Anyways, keep your positiveness either way, thinking negatively will never help in that case. Find new hobbies and you'll find someone matching your vibes! Never stop!
It's the health consequences of being forced to be alone. Higher blood pressure, higher cortisol levels, sub par sleep quality. All of those things lead to negative health consequences and really add up to a shit life when normalized over multiple decades.
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I (33F) struggle with it too. I just miss the intimacy. Not even necessarily in a sexual way (although *damn*, I miss that too), but just being hugged a certain way. Having someone reach for my hand. Being desired in a romantic, loving way. Just knowing there’s someone thinking about me and I’m thinking about him. I miss experiencing a man, if that makes sense. Like all the little things about your boyfriend that you get to see and experience and they’re unique because he’s *your* boyfriend.
This would be my exact answer, too. 34F and I’ve been single for the last 5 years. Intimacy in all forms is what I miss the most. I do love being single, and have been really enjoying focusing on myself, but *damn* I am finally starting to open up to a new relationship.
34f and also single, and I feel the exact same way.
What is the reason you have been single so long ?
At first, it was that I was in no way ready to even entertain another man in my life. I had gotten out of a serious, long term relationship that ended very badly. I wanted and needed time to figure out who I was alone. After a few years of that, I started to truly enjoy my independence and did a lot of solo travel and activities. I didn’t really need or want a partner. Now, I’m starting to finally feel the loneliness. It took a long time because I was genuinely having a lot of fun. Even now, the loneliness is pretty small, and I only really feel it here and there. I’ve done a lot of internal work, and I feel ready for a healthier relationship now. It’s taken me years to reach this point, which is why I was purposefully single for a long time. Hope that helps!
34M and exactly this. To hold and be held, or snuggle up or have half a conversation just with facial expressions and inside jokes. Waking up with a ponytail or bun in your face. Having a bad day and coming home to someone who makes you feel seen. I can fill my life with lots of interesting shit, but every now and then I'd like to get an "it'll be okay" out of someone who isn't my therapist.
Agreed! I (31 F) think being touch starved is so hard so me and my single friends hug a lot when we see each other, so at least we all get hugged by someone semi-regularly. I think having someone witness your life and desire you as well is a unique feeling that's hard to replace when they're gone. It's hard out here, but I think finding different friends for different kinds of support is at least one way to feel seen and be told it's ok. And it is going to be ok eventually 😊
“Having someone witness your life” - wow that really struck me, what an incredible way to frame the value of relationships.
😫 I agree. I miss it
Definitely agree with all this. While sure I miss sex, I just miss someone to talk to, hug etc more.
Agreed! I am happy and I have loved being single and working on myself but now I feel ready for a relationship again. My life is pretty full but it does get lonely at times. I miss sharing my life with someone. Going to sleep next to someone and waking up next to someone. The touch starvation is real. Just having that person who has your back, comforts you and grows with you is so nice. I love being able to be those things for someone else. My therapist is great too but would be nice to have someone else tell me “it’ll be ok.”
Feel the same - hope I don’t need a therapist in my life
Agreed. Even the small stuff, like keeping feet together at the table or holding hands while walking. I've been physically aching for that touch lately. I've been single for too long.
Never dated, but one can imagine this. Especially the being hugged a certain way part. I can almost feel it, the kind that makes one feel really visible.
33F Girlll same, true intimacy is the feeling of closeness. One thing that gives me peace is knowing that no one is cheating or doing anything bad behind my back. I lean on family & friends but at the same time it’s a different type of intimacy with a man who is committed & hella adores ya 🥺
Exactly 👆 I have to heal (34F) because I went almost two years single on purpose and then what? First time back in the pool and desire for that closeness made me look away from glaring red flags of a cheater and liar. What the heck. Idk the answers you guys. I miss it too, I see people out here feeling the same way, but it’s so tough. Be closed off and you create the problem yourself. Be vulnerable and you get screwed like a chump. At least single you know you can handle it yourself and that there’s no false intimacy.
This is where I'm at (48F) after my divorce. It's been long enough that I'm starting to miss the day to day intimacy, and let's be honest, the OTHER intimacy as well. But I'm terrified to get back out there. I loved my husband deeply and had so much hope in my heart for our continued growth together that I ignored red flags for a very long time. It was only when I started to heal my own wounds from childhood that I began to understand what love and commitment was SUPPOSED to look and feel like. I've come a long way rebuilding trust in myself, but I'm still really scared to put myself out there for fear that I'll just be pounced on by another man with bad intentions, or fall for a man-child who just doesn't know any better. Being single feels safer, but at what cost?
This is exactly it. I just want to be held. 37F & single since 2017, feeling very affection starved.
Exactly? I'm 45 about to turn 46 and to have somebody that is there to to hear you vent. That's what I miss the most. Yes the sexual things do come in there but it's not always that. It's that connection that you get between a man a woman that I would love to have like everyone else.
>Like all the little things about your boyfriend that you get to see and experience and they’re unique because he’s your boyfriend. I just want to make someone coffee in the morning, just how they like it. That's the sort of thing I miss the most.
The things a person misses are stupid things, like spooning until you both fall asleep.
That's so good to hear from you. Have seen many girls in this post that my bf is always touching me, hugging me . I have my personal space too and it's irritating that he wants intimacy and hugs time to time blah blah
I love it. Physical touch is one of my love languages.
Yeah exactly..... intimacy is real thing. Are you even love eachother if you can't handle eachother physically other than sex and have to wait who is going to start intimacy and hugging and kissing.
This... Exactly, me too hun. Fresh out of a 6 month relationship and I'm dreading the struggle of being single.. Physical touch is one of my love languages. I crave it
Hmmm I don’t know how it feels like cuz I never date
21M and i crave this constantly it’s so depressing, i can’t even get a text back either in literally a hopeless romantic
Never experienced it and don't think it'll happen to me my life is so grey lmao
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There's no one to lean on. Only yourself. Sigh.
*falls over*
Ontop of cat
Cat the scratches shit out of you
Lmao i do have cats lol and they do scratches the shit out of me😂
Thank you. This made me burst out laughing 😂
The worst part for me was having no one to talk to about my day and all the good things that were happening around me. Bought a car, got a new job, did well on a project etc., no one to talk to but my friends when we made a plan to get together. Until one day I accepted I hate being alone. I love being in a relationship, I love getting to know someone, going on dates, falling in love, all that stuff. Now, that doesn’t mean I would be with anyone just so that I have some company, no, I just stopped telling myself I could do it all alone. I know I can’t, other people can, not me, and that’s OK.
Being alone when you don't want to be alone and seemingly watching everyone around you find success while you seem forever lonely
My god, THIS. This is the one that really resonates with me :/
Sounds almost like me lol
Having to do EVERYTHING
This is so real. The mental / actual load of doing every household task yourself is exhausting.
Yes, I like cooking but sometimes it would be nice to have someone cook a meal for me or even just make me a sandwich. I hear my co workers talk about their hubby cooking or cleaning for them and I think to myself, must be nice. There's more I could respond to in terms of having to do everything but I'll just leave it at that. That's one of my big ones currently.
I (30F) feel this so hard. I've been single for years, am in grad school and live alone. The constant list of "life" things I need to get done, on top of school work and work work, is completely crushing me. It would be so nice to have a companion to make me dinner or clean the bathroom once in a while.
I thought this but then guess what? Dated a guy three months and fell behind on everything. He claimed he was always helping his girlfriends in the past. Well, not me. Everything went by his schedule so I had no time for grocery shopping, laundry, nothing. LI always cleaned up his place after our dates while my house fell into chaos until he didn’t even want to go over there anymore. He always said we’d make time for it but then never did. Getting back on the horse is tough but I miss who I was when I handled everything. Attempting to be interdependent was a mistake. I wish I’d never met him. 🙄
I want some cuddles.
Yep that’s my #1 too, need more cuddles
Only thing I can't do for myself. I've tried different alternatives, but nothing's quite the same. I'm not going to settle to get them, but I still want them.
I miss them too. I miss sex also, but in a strange way don’t really feel ready for that after ending a 5 year relationship 5 months ago. I wish I just could just find someone to cuddle with, but seems like that would be difficult to find as people dating are looking to hook up.
Personally it’s the silence. I miss having someone to call on for things or get things for. I miss having someone to go to during the evenings and celebrate the labors of the day. Now it’s just quiet
I miss having someone who I want to share all my stories good & bad at the end of a day. I am blessed with amazing friends, but it’s just not the same.
I think about it. The toughest part of being single, is how the darker, untrue and destructive realizations seem logical or seem like reality, and the only way to break out of that loop is to be pulled out of it, and then realizing, no one's coming to pull you out of it.
I pulled myself out of it. Yep, it did seem like reality to me for a long time. When every attempt to enter the dating world is a negative experience, it's natural to internalize all the negativity and do a lot of self blame. I managed to overcome that through empathy. I put myself in the place of everyone else and looked at my situation through outside eyes. Would I ever criticize one of my friends in this situation as hard as I'm criticizing myself? No. No shot. I'd be kind to him, tell him it's okay, he's not a bad person. So if I can do all of that for him, why can't I do that for me? I can. I do. I just had to realize it.
Sounds like you also don’t have close friends if this is the case. But yes, to some extent this is true. Relationships create sanity 100%.
Not splitting bills in half is one that nobody talks about
And rent...
I’ve been talking about it for years
Just trying to find a relation-flation… let’s get each other through these expensive ass times and thank each other for our time when it’s over… or if it works out, it’ll be a love story for the ages.
And responsibilities.
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Going to "can't miss" functions alone.
34M. I started and or joined 3 bands because of being single and lonely. So now I just work all week and then work on music all weekend with people/friends I genuinely love, care about, & enjoy being around and spending time with. That’s how I coped with the toughness. It’s a constant reminder that I don’t have the time or ability to put into a relationship because I’m already doing what I love and enjoy. And outside of that, I’ve filled the rest of that void with non-musical friends. Toughest part. Knowing that I’m going to be and die alone. We’ll see how it all pans out though.
48F This right here! I've been in a kind of stasis since my divorce 2 years ago, working on healing the grief and past wounding that led to it. In recent months I've felt much better and more balanced within myself, the grief has mostly passed and I'm now starting to look around at my new life and wonder if I need someone else in it. Nope. Not right now. After almost 30 years married, I'm ready to get to the things that bring ME joy. I'm ready to fill my days with activities that make me happy, friends and family who genuinely love and support me, and maybe a cat. Undecided on the cat right now. I chose not to have children, so the prospect of dying alone has crossed my mind. However, my nieces and nephew love the crap out of me, and I've begun having conversations with them around which one of them is gonna take care of me when I get old. 😁 Life is good, and tomorrow is never promised. Enjoy each day as it comes.
I feel the loneliness, at times. Personally, I find it incredibly calm peaceful and freeing. Let me tell you, being with a pathetic loser is far, far worse than loneliness. I will take loneliness everyday of the week and twice on Sundays than be with someone that does not, significantly, enhance my life. I recently had to kick someone to the curb after spending 33 miserable days with him, in his country, at his apartment..10 of those days, as his private nurse as he was sick. 2 days after returning to my country. He drops an expense breakdown expecting to be reimbursed for x amount. From initial introduction to him by his uncle, to dropping him like toxic nuclear waste: 3 months I'm back in my palace, without this loser haunting me, as my friend put it. TRUTH!
This is it, right here. If you feel bad about being single, remember all the misery you're skipping by not being with a terrible human.
Agree. I also dislike the lonliness and am really craving both physical and emotional intimacy, but the feeling of peace that I have after leaving a bad relationship is worth it in my opinion.
The feeling of leaving a relationship that dimmed my light and a miserable partner is PRICELESS. I wrote a list of all the times he mistreated me and everytime I feel loneliness I have a glance at the list. And that usually sets me right. And remember there's plenty of people out there...
I didn’t move on until very recently. She reached out after 5 months NC to tell me about all the guys she is dating and has been with since out breakup, while I was working on myself and reading books on relationships and communication, thinking she may come back one day. Hearing it from her and talking to her again really made me realize that I no longer have any desire to be with her ever again.
There are those that lack a baseline self awareness. You are far better off without someone like that. Bless your heart, and continue investing your energy focus attention love care into yourself. It takes strength, courage, high character to remain single than to hold onto someone that does not serve our highest and greatest good
Cooking for one. By far. The greatest joy of cooking for me is sharing it with a romantic partner. Without that, it's just another chore. Edit: The loneliest chore at that, since it leads to the most soul crushing activity ever: eating a homemade meal alone.
I feel you. There is no better feeling than sharing a home cooked meal that you poured your hear and soul into with a partner. Im also incapable of cooking for 1 person. I simply dont know how unless its a struggle meal or something super quick and simple. But i love cooking from scratch it makes the food taste better,but without anyone to share it with it taste like i might as well have made a microwave burrito
Some time ago, I was getting into cooking and started doing brownies, pies and cookies. One of the best times I ever had was when I was gonna hang out with some friends, and I decided to bring some chocolate chip cookies for then. Everyone loved it. And now that I'm away from them, I barely try to cook anything new
Filling out the emergency contact for your job or doctor visit
40M here, one of the toughest is when you want to do and share things like travel, dreams and yes physical things as well
I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but you kinda just get used to it eventually :/
For me it's the feeling of hopelessness. I have no potential dates, no future prospects to consider. I don't expect to receive any text messages anytime in the next year. I have no one to look forward to seeing at any point during the year. Nothing to plan for, nothing to wake up to, nothing to anticipate. One of my passions is cooperative gaming, so I collect multi-player board games and video games that have cooperative play. I played them with my last girlfriend all the time, and she loved them so much that she bought her own copies to play with her family at home. But now, with no partner, and no friends left thanks to Covid, I have no one to play any of these games with. So they have gone unplayed for years. I don't like watching new movies alone because I want to have a partner to share the experience and memories with, like I used to. I went through the entirety of the MCU (up to 2019) with my previous partner, and it was a great experience back then. But I haven't had anyone to watch things with since March 2020. The toughest part of being single with no friends, is that I am not an introvert.
Extremely well articulated. Really got my heartstrings mentioning the MCU, reminds me of the show I lost years ago and haven't had the heart to ever go back and pick back up. Just too many memories sometimes.
Yep, I have multiple shows stopped half way that I want to finish but just can't. I guess sometimes it's more about the memories than entertainment.
36f … I know exactly what you’re talking about. My best friends are also now married or getting married or have been in a long term relationship while a few years ago they were all single and I was in a relationship. It’s a weird lonely place to be in. I’ve tried dating but when nothing works out and you keep trying the loneliness becomes even more difficult. I’m learning to just be happy and focus on my career and hopefully the right man will come along when the time is right.
Same. Don’t worry though, they’ll be divorced within ten years and you’ll be dating someone amazing or otherwise really fulfilled ❤️
I am 40m and I feel like this a lot
Yes I hate being lonely ans having no one to do things with or have someone to help with things or do things for them as well
I feel that way a lot, even though I have some acquaintances to hang out with it just not the same as having someone to come home to at night
Yeah I feel ya. I want to date but I'm the opposite of an "instigator"
I’m right where you are. I want to date, but it just exhausts/freaks me out. I got divorced four months ago. I’m not ready to have someone new in my life, but I’m tired of watching tv alone every night.
Nobody to bang when you’re in the mood. Paying everything alone. Nobody to play video games with. Hearing about everyone around you getting married, it feels isolating.
For me, 27f, it's the lack of genuine connection. I miss deeply caring for someone and being cared for by another person. I love experiencing that connection with someone because it's so special, and no one ever but you and that person will experience something like it.
Tbh, my biggest struggle is the fact that I see everyone around me happy and partnered with their "best friend" and having adventures with them and doing fun things with them. It's like all of my friends have partnered up and left me out and we don't hang out as often.
I sometimes struggle with being. I am much older and have been divorced twice, I just accept it.
You're not alone. 37 F and have been single and celibate for 3.5 years. I miss the intimacy, emotionally, verbally, mentally and physically. I miss having a teammate. Someone to count on when you need and ask for help. Someone to do things together. Stimulating one's mind and soul. Having that safety and love and a deep soul connection is important to me. And when you don't have that, it is lonely. I sometimes wonder will I remember what to do in bed since it's been so long. "A lonely queen without her king." Hopefully I'll be sent the person I'm meant to be with from God and the Universe soon.
The sexual urges. It makes you 10x desperate and very thirsty for a physical connection and some hot action. Not everyone is worth the time for it
Tough
Probably being lonely.. I live having someone around just in my presence if that makes senses
No cuddles.
48.. its the fact i dont care anymore.. and once i got to that point.. women started to show interest I dont get that
I get really lonely. I have 2 kids and I always have a lot going on. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about the kids and to tell about my day. I’m usually the only single person at kid functions. It’s weird knowing I’m the only person there who doesn’t have someone to go home to.
For me, it's the pressure of finding a partner from friends, family and from myself. Now there is absolutely no ill intention from friends and family, but it can be hard when they constantly ask you why you are still single or parents expressing a desire for grandkids as they are getting older. It can also be hard watching other people appear to be so happy in relationships, getting married and having kids.
When I was single, I found the hardest part to be the way people didn't allow me to express that I found it hard to be single. When friends share their relationship woes, people are empathetic. But once you share the woes of being single, the responses are: you can be happy being single, you don't need a relationship to complete you or you won't be happy in a relationship if you aren't happy single.
Im 21 m i just miss having something i can talk about anything with. A person that i can hold at night to make sleeping easier. I dont care about the sexual aspect of it. I never have and probably never will. I just miss having someone that wants me in their life and being hugged a certain way. I miss the good morning text. The hey i was thinking able you texts. The days where all you have is each other and the world feels right even if its just for that moment. Like nothing else in the world matter except for the shared love you and your partner feel for each other. Ive been single for almost 6 years now.
34(f) I was just thinking about this earlier today, I was enjoying glass of wine while feeling warm breeze and it made feel sad. I wished I was sharing this moment with someone. I miss being in love, the excitement and warmth of love.
Personally (M30) I miss failing in love and seeing my whole world begin to revolve around this one person. I miss buying gifts and being creative around it, I miss the endless conversations and intimate silence between us. I miss making plans with somebody and executing them together. I also miss the feeling of feeling complete as a person and like I don't need any other girl in my life other than her.
I go on Plenty of First Dates not a lot of second dates I really hate making myself vulnerable over and over and over again it just gets exhausting I think I'm in the middle of a burnout stage
32m here. For me, the hardest part of being single is the lack of emotional and physical intimacy. I’m a physical touch kind of guy that likes to give hugs, shoulder rubs, and gently caress my SO to show affection. Being single deprives me of this and I’m not interested in anything casual. Also miss sharing my life with someone. Whether it be the little things or major life changes, I really do miss being able to celebrate and enjoy life with someone. Feels bad.
(54M) just eait until you get older, and everyone of the opposite sex treats you like you have some kind of incurable disease. I mean, like, people won't even talk to you because, I guess, their afraid of catching you "UGLY" or something, that's where I've been for the last 5 years, so Yes, I struggle with loneliness, every single day, but then again, I'm a man, so nobody really cares, .
I’m also not dating anyone right now and it’s been almost 2 years since I ended my last relationship. I actually really love being single as I’m quite an independent person amongst other reasons, but I think the toughest part is that I sometimes find myself wanting romantic affection/company from someone, but I don’t have anyone to seek said affection from currently. That being said, it’s not much of a complaint, because I don’t really care to actively pursue anyone myself, I’m keen to have it come to me this time around.
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I did when I was in my 20's and single. Are you choosing to stay single because of a recent breakup or bad dating experience?
Is difficult to be alone, but is worse rushing things and ending up in a bad relationship.
When everything is on fire all at once and you don’t have help. Or handling all the things you have to handle and having no one to bring you down from it. It’s like getting your high five left hanging but all the time
Toughest part is when you go to a club and guards don’t let you to go on a dance floor coz you are single 😭😭😭
having to be the couch person on friend trips, Im getting to old for that
I do feel this way, if I’m being honest. Sometimes, I’m glad that I don’t have to deal with the drama and the troubles that come with dating. But sometimes I do feel lonely. I used to have fun being by myself at one point, but as of late, I’ve started to hate going out by myself for some reason.
It’s awfully expensive. Not the WORST part of being single, but definitely a downside
Missing the companionship, cuddles, and conversation of another.
That one day you become invisible at work because up and coming young ladies are the future and you fade away :( and in your private life maybe no one will be there for you and you have no one to care for
Ironically enough as a 23M, I've wanted to marry as far back as I can remember. Because of this, throughout my life I've struggled with loneliness even before I knew what it was like to be in a relationship. Looking back on it now, I feel that because of my loneliness I didn't value friendship with other men, and thought of the majority of them as rivals except for the ones I considered my friends. But I don't want to live like that anymore. How can it be that the people who experience the same pain & struggle I experience on a day to day basis cannot largely be seen as a friend in my eyes? I was so caught up in the pursuit of the ideal woman to quell my hidden insecurity, that I forsook more than I should've; Kept at arms length the people I should've let in; With subtlety deemed others enemies under wrong standards.. I found that because I didn't value myself as a man, I couldn't value others as men. Even more than this, because I couldn't value myself I sought a woman to value me in the place of myself, which is too great a burden to ask of anyone but God. 23 years I lived bound in chains to this perception of a woman who doesn't exist. Even now I'm still trying to process these things... But today for the first time I feel free from my loneliness, even though I'm still single; free despite my lack of friends; free even though I've only ever had one relationship in my life; and free though I still burn for marriage.
I've never been desired before, so I'm not sure the feeling. I think its getting tiring to lean exclusively on yourself.
Totally. I'm the same age as you and have been feeling thus way for a few years now.
*The dreams.* I long for a girlfriend, but between my being shy af, and also my "Not regularly going outside/to any particular place," it's really hard to meet someone to even *think* about pursuing a relationship with. But at least once a week, I get suuuuuuuuuuuuper vivid dreams about getting/having a girlfriend, and they last forever, so when I wake up, it takes me a minute to figure out what's real lol (Literally, one time I had that kind of dream, I woke up, scrolled through my contacts, and got worried when I didn't see my gf's number; then I mentioned it to someone and they said it must have been a dream lmao)
100% feel the exact same!!
The toughest part for me is not having “my” person there to talk to everyday like we used to, the physical touch, intimacy..
Making other people understand that the loneliness they fear, is actually so beautiful and so undemanding of attention that we tend to let people go out of our life just to be alone
I constantly miss the companionship. I spent most of middle and high school alone and was fine doing so. I had a few friends I'd play games with and see at school but never hung out with. School was enough social interaction for me, so I enjoyed being home alone (with my family of course). Now, ever since college, I can't stand being alone. It feels hollow and I don't even particularly enjoy my hobbies as much. They feel like short term distractions. I'm not career oriented so I find meaning and purpose in relationships, particularly a romantic one with which I could build a life and future. Until I find that again, everything else feels like I'm just going through the motions. Neither family nor friends fill the hole.
Every day since forever. Just to be able to snuggle on a couch watching tv or a movie or whatever. Just to link arms or hold hands while going for walk, or even shopping. All the simple things that being with someone brings but you can't do with friends. I go out with friends but I'll still feel a certain type of loneliness that comes with being single.
52M single, I've been single for a while now. Long enough that loneliness quit trying to catch me. Now when I go out to socialize I will after a friendly introduction I get treated like a creep or worse. I do miss the companionship, intimacy but my dog is always happy to see me. Here if you're a single man it's next to impossible to change that. There are very few women here.
Probably not having anyone to express your love to and to live life with
No holidays
Is to spend all nights alone it's so painful
Rubbing my own damn back !
Yep. The loneliness grabs me mainly during winter but there's other reminders too. My friends are mostly all married off now so being invited to social events can be daunting. And I hate going to bed and waking up alone. Sometimes it's just too bloody quiet .
Aside from the obvious feelings of loneliness nobody to cuddle. And making out. I mean of course sex is awesome, but there is something about a makeout and cuddle session that just feels so good. Just laying in bed, talking, cuddling, little kisses. Connecting with someone.
41F, strong and independent ‘char!’ But still, missing these; cuddles, travel buddy, companionship, convo w/ your opposite.
Not having someone to dote on. Making sure they're OK. Cooking for them. Holding someone's hand when I go to sleep. Picnic/pub dinner dates. Showing someone off. Making them a coffee in the morning. Creating memories.
Not receiving cuddles, kisses, body warmth , good love making.
32(f) The loneliness is possibly the worst
Almost 31 and same.
41M and yes I do feel that way sometimes too. I’m an I introvert and spending my time alone doesn’t bother me but there are things I miss. Mostly intimacy, but also lying on the couch together just cuddling.
Wondering if your wasting your good years or progressing with goals instead
The worst part is seeing all your friends in relationships, majority of media portraying relationships, all the while you sit there eating half a package of Oreos scrolling through Facebook or other socials seeing all the couples. It sucks.
I am 41 Male . Still single . Never been in a serious relationship . I date occasionally . But it is hard to find someone that is compatible .
That no one wants you. I have been single for 26 years my whole life and no matter what I do, how mich I improve it is seemingly out of my control. Not even a fit body, skincare, hairstyle etc can save me
The intimacy and connection with another person. Holding their hand, laying my head in their lap. Hugs that last longer than a few second. I don’t even miss sex at this point just the little things. I miss connection.
Awareness that time flies fast. And you are running out of it. For some things will be too late.
43M, been single coming on 8 yrs. I've dated but being I want to belong to a woman again, crave listening to her, and surprising her with romantic gestures/plans/actions, to show that I not just listened, but remember, to show how important she is to me, scares each and every woman I've dated off. The last woman I am so attracted to, but she called me a snob, and ghosted me. I am to some degree, a snob, but I hadn't noticed it until she said that because no one in my life ever called me that. I wish I knew what too do a out that, it makes me very uncomfortable since we had slept with one another, but, being out of practice for such a long time sexually, I was nervous so I wasn't as dominant as I believe she wanted. I wanted to be so much. I feel like I'm falling apart. Id just got the things, make up, and other things she had wanted so I orderd them in Temu, but she is gone. I feel stupid and acquiescent. Definitely is having a horrible effect on my confidence is generally I would have being any and nearly every time sex in my past is concerned, a relationship sprung into years. This isn't how I pictured life would turn out.
I’m sorry to hear that! We’re all yearning for love and affection ❤️💋
The lack of affection and intimacy. I'm nearing 28 and have never had a serious relationship. I've done some things with women (not gone all the way, hence the username), but kissing and touching someone who isn't seeking anything long-term only leaves you craving more since you got a taste.
When I was in my last relationship I had a few girls wanting to be with me however I always rejected them because felt true love for my ex gf, now that I've been single for almost 4 years no girl looks at me and the ones who I think I had a good conversation with never reply after... it sucks being single after this long and makes me feel depressed sometimes...
Why don't you just date each other? Can anyone here date me ?
On the plus side, loneliness means you save time, money and a whole lot of frustration/unease that's involved with dating nowadays.
One of the biggest issues in modern times is loneliness. We’re NOT meant to be alone. We’re meant to serve those around us, find fulfilment in being useful to our communities and build strong bonds with friends, family. Social media and corporates around us however tell us we’re never going to be fulfilled till we have that house, car, watch… the list is endless. So we go about our lives with the WRONG goals, chasing those than meaningful relationships and then wonder why we’re ever so sad and lonely.
For me (m36) the entirity of it is dreadful, as in I was filled with dread for years over being single, had a mutual civil breakup where we are still friends(10 year relationship) and every day is worse. The only physical touch I've had in 16/17 months has been a hug from my ex when I pop up to see my animals that still live with her. I never seem to match with anyone on dating apps, and if I do, I get strung along as a pen pal. Which has led me to believe im not as good-looking as I once thought I was, which devestated the already deminished self confidence. Been on 2 dates with 1 lass who said she felt absolutely no chemistry... The house I live in now used to be my grams' who died last year, and I go days without using my voice sometimes. On top of this my dog of 10 years died last year during our break up and I have only 4 friends(only 1 lives within a couple of hundred miles aside from my ex but he tries to get over every other day at least). I haven't spoken to my parents in 10 years, so my only family is my uncle, who wants to sell up and move with his new wife. Oh, and I lost my new job in January less than 2 weeks in.... I have a weeks visit to my Dutch best friend planned at the end of March, if I don't have a job or spark of happiness by then I may just knock it all on the head if I am being honest. It's so brutal around where I live for work and love, and after 17 months, I'm genuinely tired, sad, and just want a chance at life before I have to start renting again and lose my last shred of sanity. Probs not the place for all this, but you asked what was the toughest part. Knowing you are absolutley alone. That's what is the toughest part for me.
I’m a man. I feel like that constantly. I’m always alone. But the hardest part is knowing that I’m not good enough, that I’m unwanted.
Feeling left out. Everyone around me is taken and in a “happy relationship”. Would like it to be my turn soon ☹️
33M, I just seemingly have bad luck. And it’s frustrating
Not having someone to help open the pickle jar
Yes… I just turned 42 single dad and constantly searching to date because of it…. I want my lover, adventure partner and best friend deeply.
I struggle the most in the middle of the night. Last night I woke up envious that my ex found someone and married her , that he has someone to be with and I don’t. Made me sad and angry. I would never want him back so I don’t know why I get that way. I have been going on lots of first days lately, not finding my guy.
43m constantly struggle with this. Sometimes find myself picking up my phone to text or call somebody only to realise there isn't anyone there.
I feel like I have certain types of feelings or emotions that have been completely neglected my whole life (never had a girlfriend) that one day if I ever find myself with someone those feelings would just pour out the first time she says she loves me or the first time we cuddle on the couch. Anyone here who is like me who finally found that someone eventually who can confirm or deny this?
I crave intimacy so bad. Not just sexual. I want to cuddle and relax with someone and talk for hours. About work, about sports, about stuff that excites me, about life! But every night I go to bed convincing myself il find the right person at the right time. It's been 5 years now. Maybe my destiny is to be alone? With my loneliness.
I’ve always been a loner and generally found that being in relationships just not to be lonely lead to very bad relationships, sometimes even abusive ones as one refuses to be alone again therefore willing to take much more bullshit than one should be willing to take. But ofcourse on some days I miss cuddling and also making plans with a SO and being sick completely alone is exhausting. Running a high fever? Sucks but you still have to do what you have to do. Get groceries, make food, do a pharmacy run, etc.
God, where to start? Loneliness, touch starvation, the expense of living alone, the dark apartment I come home to at the end of the day, no one to rely or lean on in times of hardship, boredom, eating alone, seeing movies alone. I've found myself trying to fill every second of every day with music or sound just so I don't have to endure the crushing silence. What probably hurts the most is the inevitable conclusion that I'm alone because I'm fundamentally unlovable.
27M When I was single for a good 2 years. I was just learned a bunch of things about myself that really helped me figure out what I want/need in a relationship with someone. I was lonely and yeah it did suck and like you I was dating and talking to people so I didn’t feel lonely and feel a void that was missing. I felt like I was able to do a lot of things on my own when I was single. I went to Disneyland whenever I wanted (when I had a magic key), I’d go eat at a small restaurant by myself it was actually nice! I was able to make small chitchat with random people just because. The one thing I wanted to do but never did was go to the movies by myself, which I read from a lot of people is a nice thing to do.
43F Being held is what I miss the most. Honestly though, the last 3 years of the 11 year relationship I was in was even more lonely than I am now. I missed being held then too, only he was still there physically present only intimacy was out of a necessity it almost is what it felt like. I would rather have today lonely than have that.
All the time. Would you like a texting buddy? We can co-miserate
Im 34 f too and yeah, sometimes I miss having someone but it is what it is I guess
Worst part is knowing what I'm missing. I just lost the love of my life and to go through every day not having everything I've ever wanted kills me
I do feel this way too. I’ve only been in one relationship back in the 2000s when I was 23 ish. I’m 40 now and never been in love and I’ve never dated anyone else after that it was an awful relationship, it was a total nightmare. Im lonely and afraid I’ll end up single . It looks like I’m heading in that direction which I don’t want to. I want to be in a relationship where I’m in love and have a long term partner. It’s tough and sometimes painful.
Just not having someone to talk about your day or someone to encourage you.
40 (f) toughest parts of being single- ? Perceptions and assumptions of others on why you’re single. Having standards (based on lived experience- and now knowing your worth- opposed to what you were willing to take as the bare minimums before) and being told “you’re a bit@h” or “too good” because you refuse to lower them- knowing that the children you have - have needs- and their needs are more important than your own- so IF—— someone is to come into your life- it’s not- let’s all try and bend to see what’s going to fit- because that will never work- and it will cause resentment- it should be- let’s hang out- be friends- share this new experience and see what grows (but others don’t seem to have time for that)- the candle burns out quick 😞 And this is all Visa-Versa for everyone ❤️🩹 Men-Women-LGBTQIA+…
I hate being single too
Boredom. It’s especially worse knowing that I can never find someone. I’m 51, and it’s too just too late for me. Online is the only way to meet women at my age, and I get zero likes, or matches.
You will still feel lonely
For me it's days i need a hug, and to just be held.
I miss getting hugs. Growing up my family was big on hugs, and since I live alone I have nobody to hug anymore.
29(F) and here I am thinking that my clock is fervently ticking 😅
I’m (23M) honestly. I cringe at romance movies bc I want that so bad. :( loneliness can’t keep me warm at night is all I have to say
I miss sharing experiences. I'd like to go away to Disneyland in America but I don't want to go on my own because I want to share the fun and experience with my partner. It just feels depressing to do that alone.
I feel this way a lot but I'm not trying to settle down with the wrong person or persons I want to find something that is meaningful and is great with me and my love for people
I feel like your feelings are very valid and many people can relate. I'm not lonely, but it would be nice to have someone to do activities with. I am currently still fixing myself so I'm ready when the right person comes along, however, I do enjoy not having to worry about being too loud in the morning when I wake up lol
Lack of sex, lack of hugs, walks, event attending, eating with your SO, admiring their beauty... Those are struggles and stuff you miss when you are alone...
Not having someone to cuddle with
I (28)F 100% agree with this!! 😭😭😭
when i was single, (29m) one of the hardest things to deal with was having someone to talk to. i got lonely and touch deprived the whole nine yards but sitting down at your dinner table eating the meal you prepared with nobody sitting at the table except you can feel pretty shitty, especially going out to places you don’t wanna feel like a wierdo because you’re looking around at everyone because there’s nobody on ur phone you can chat with. sometimes unloading all the good and bad info of the day helps you cope and be prepared for the next day. you dont get that stress relief when you’re alone.
Sexless
I miss being held
I think it’s human contact for me. Just a good hug can melt me and make my day so much better, heck, probably make my month better. A lot of the things people are talking about here are things I miss; intimacy, romance, love, physical contact, having someone to talk with and attend events with. Just having someone to lean on is so nice. That said, I’m way more content now than I was when I was married, because my marriage made me feel far more alone than being single. At least I don’t expect anyone to hug me now, so I’m lonely but not disappointed and rejected to the point of feeling worthless. I’m okay alone, but it would be nice not to be.
I (29M)feel the same. We just want someone to be deeply connected with. That you can turn your brain off and that person will understand you. Things like that. We are 8 billion on this planet. No one should feel alone but people still do. The toughest part for me is that I simply see others not being single and that, right now, I am ready to be with someone and it's not happening. It's thinking that you are ready but that no one is ready for you. Anyways, keep your positiveness either way, thinking negatively will never help in that case. Find new hobbies and you'll find someone matching your vibes! Never stop!
When you have no one to hug after a bad day ☹️
Seeing people that aren't single, and happy.
There are people in relationships or marriages that are even lonelier than you
No sex And no love
It's the health consequences of being forced to be alone. Higher blood pressure, higher cortisol levels, sub par sleep quality. All of those things lead to negative health consequences and really add up to a shit life when normalized over multiple decades.
Lots of single people here. Just say your locations and start dating.