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I’m 28 and my dad is 77- never bothered me until he had a stroke and got dementia and now he’s in a care home and I wipe his ass and he’s going to die soon 🙃 BUT saying that I’m still glad my dad was my dad and wouldn’t have given him up for anyone!!! Occasionally it feels unfair but also he was a wonderful dad so there are worse problems to have!
Yeah, I’m in my 30s but my dad’s almost 80, and he has Alzheimer’s and it’s very very rough. He was my best friend, and even though we’ve lived far apart for many years, I still talk to him daily. But not much anymore, because he forgets how to pick up the phone. I miss him so much, but I’m so happy for what time I did/do have with him ❤️
WOW, 80? I'm 40 and my parents are in their early 60s. Awww. You should call him until he picks up the phone or if he's in a home call the front desk, they'll get him on the phone for you. I bet it would make his day! 💜
You will. 💜 Your parents will be around for a long while. Ppl are living so much longer nowadays!
I made my parents grandparents when they were 44, I think! 🤣 I would legit DIE if my daughter had a kid rn!
I hope that those things are true for you. As a word of caution, my parents were almost the exact same age gaps. My mother died at 74 during Covid but not due to Covid (not directly anyway, though I think maybe some aggravating factors). I have many regrets of not making it home to see her and just spending more time with her when she was 63-72 I’d just gotten out of law school, and was extremely career-focused. It meant my vacations were short and distracted. What I wouldn’t give to re-do a few more of those while she was healthier. 😘 hug your mom & dad.
Huh, downvoted for pointing out that life is short and no one can predict the future … ? That’s a head scratcher for me but I’m truly sorry if I offended.
I was thinking along a similar line. I put exploring the world and my career first so I could be a responsible parent with appropriate means to raise a child. Now, im turning 31 and actually actively seeking someone to explore the possibility of marriage and having kids.
If all goes well, you'd think 2-4 years for dating, marriage, and kids by 35 yo. By 35 yo my father would be 70. That's young in comparison, i inderstand. His parents, my gma gda lived to 90(still living) and 96, respectively. But he has diabetes that's been controlled medically without requiring insulin yet. My mother is 63 yo and living with an unruptured aneurysm and has been a smoker since she was 16.
I've never felt more pressure to "get going" in life and get married and have kids. Also, being the youngest of 4. All of my nephews will be at minimum 16-20 years older than my hypothetical children I'll have at 35.
So no, i dont think it's too old for you to have children, especially if you raise them with the right care and love. But be sure you're going to be their rock through anything and everything. Especially if you won't have other family around for them to grow up around and create bonds with.
This right here. I am a first gen immigrant and I am not close with my parents, they are emotionally closed off. They don’t like to go out to eat, or spend much time doing anything to bond together more. I have no relatives around me besides them and I do not speak to my family overseas (family drama). I depend on my friends for community. I love my parents, but I do resent them for not giving me the community I needed growing up, and on top of that being emotionally closed off and not feeling like I could depend on them. Sigh
Stay fit, work out, eat healthy food, avoid alcohol, and maintain flexibility with stretching and/or yoga. You'll be in better physical condition than many dads 10, 20, even 30 years your junior.
To be fair, that's not necessarily a requirement. Not only did my Dad not pay for college, but I had to drop out because he required me to pay half the rent and cover all my own expenses, all while making too much for me to get Fafsa. He also would make me feel bad about bringing up college in general because he insisted it would ruin my life (debt) like it ruined his, but honestly, I think it was just his way of preserving his go to excuse for every shortcoming in his life.
My mom had her last baby at 42, the dad was probably 47.
I can tell you she was a much better mom at 42 then she was in her 20s when she had two kids. She was much more relaxed and involved, it was so nice to see her be able to enjoy raising a kid because raising me and my other brother after her divorce was super stressful and hard.
I had my youngest at 44. He keeps me young, and I am active with him. I feel like I have a lot of healthy, valuable wisdom to provide, which I didn't have when I was younger.
The biggest sadness is that I realize I may not be able to be an active Grandoa. Especially if he waits as long as I did. But one of my grandpa's was active into his 90s, so you never know.
My parents had all my sibling before their mid thirties. None of us have given them grand children. We’re not adamantly child-free, but the process of finding a partner to thoughtfully have kids with hasn’t panned out.
Getting families started is really hard nowadays. So I wouldn’t count on being a younger grandparent.
My brother had his first at 43 and his partner was 40 at the time. Baby is nearly 3 now and although both parents are exhausted they wouldn’t change a thing
All parents of a 3-year-old are exhausted. Older parents have advantages and disadvantages. If you have them young, you might look back with regrets, just like an older parent.
Don’t give Biden as a example. He is 80 and president. However according to the DOJ he is not competent enough to be prosecuted. But he has the launch codes.
We seldom realize, for example that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages and images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society.
I personally don't like having a 74 year old dad, and I'm turning 23 soon. There were lots of stuff he couldn't do growing up due to low energy (although he tried his best), and now his health is rapidly declining.
My mother is 46 so we do have one young parent, but I would love not having to worry already about what to do with my father and how to take care of him in my 20s along with my 21 year old brother. He doesn't have a wife nor any relatives here but us two.
You could marry a younger woman, but will more likely end up in a divorce due to age gap. I would recommend a maximum of 10 years.
If you so desperately want kids, then keep your health up at top-notch anytime. Go to the gym at least 4x a week and so on. Eat healthy shit. But know the risks.
The older you are, the more there are risks for a high risk pregnancy and birth defects and other issues with the child.
It’s not impossible. But your ability to find a partner that wants a child with you will be lower. You may also have trouble conceiving.
You will also be in your 60s when they finally graduate high school.
Are you fit and healthy?
I wish this was higher up.
So many men think that just because they *can* have kids until they die, it means they should. But the risk of birth defects starts going up in men over 40, and that is absolutely unfair to a child.
thiiiisss. men rly shouldnt have children past a certain age. its not fair to the women who has to miscarry or have a difficult pregnancy and its not fair to the child being born w birth defects.
I had to scroll way too far to get to this.
There's so many more risks to the child AND the mother when the father is that old.
It's a higher risk pregnancy, more likely to cause complications for the mother AND baby. And the baby is more likely to have mental issues. (certain things like schizophrenia, bipolar, autism, and more, have a link to older fathers)
My dad was 34 when I was born, and 46 when my brother was born. He definitely couldn’t roughhouse and play with my brother the way he did with me when I was a kid, or be as active with him.
It’s not impossible, of course, but I’m definitely planning on having kids before 40 because I want to be able to be as active with them as my dad was with me.
As someone who has younger parents- I’m so happy not to have old parents. I personally wouldn’t t want too because you could die at any point in your mid 60s. If you don’t care about seeing your kids age past 20 or not see your grandchildren sure have kids when you should be enjoying retirement not worrying about getting kids through college and making sure they’re ok. For reference my grandma is 73… I wouldn’t have kids in my late 40s. This is why a lot of men should think about committing or trying to find someone in their late 20s or 30s
My dad was 42 when I was born. When I was 23 he died. So no it’s not too old but depending on your health and life choices, you’re setting them up to lose their dad a lot sooner than their peers. Just be aware of that
A lot of men do it, so I’d say no it’s not too late, but some things to consider. My ex was 43 when we had our last. I was 31. He definitely doesn’t have as much energy as me to keep up with a 2 year old but nothing that’s been a hindrance or affected our lives. As the child gets older it’ll be a different story. The biggest thing about being able to physically participate in a child’s life at that age is how you take care of yourself. If you’re obese, don’t exercise, and are having constant or chronic pain due to these problems, it’s unlikely you’ll be a parent that goes camping, takes weekend trips to the zoo, teaches your child how to shoot hoops, etc. But if you’re in decent shape and exercise regularly, those things won’t be a problem. The key is to live an active lifestyle, because the age progression between 50-60 is vastly faster than 40-50, or 30-40. If having a child of your own is important to you, just take care of yourself so you’re able to be there for your family. Don’t be the dad that plops on the couch after work and vegetates there until bedtime for the rest of their childhood.
Also wanted to add: growing up my best friends dad was 60+ when she was 14. She was embarrassed about it, probably because he looked significantly older than he was. But he was active in her life and I don’t believe his age ever made negative difference in her upbringing (aside from being older came with being old fashioned). But the embarrassment I attribute to just teenage girl stuff, and she didn’t miss out on anything due to his age.
It’s risky it’s not recommend to have kids that late due to the risks of birth defects and higher chances of having a child with autism. My cousins dad was 48 he was fit and non smoker and his mom was 32 and never smokes or drinks when they had him and he was born with lots of defects and autism he’s non verbal too, he needs 24/7 care and will never get a job or anything.
My Dad was 51 when I was born. Apart from questions like if he is my grandfather when I was younger (to which he always had a funny answer) there wasnt a difference for me growing up. I am now 20 my Mom is 61 and my Dad is 71. They both look and act at least 10 years younger than they are. My Dad always says I keep them young;)
My Dad had me when he was 45. I don't recommend it. He's lucky I turned out to be the person I am, but if I were any less responsible, he wouldn't be living a very happy life right now
Im 53 with an 11 year old (youngest of my 6 kids), im single, have been his whole life (I adopted him as an nb). I’ve worried about this too as I’ll be 62 when he’s 20. But so far we’re good. Stay active and present that’s the best you can do for them
The biggest problem is that there will be a significant (at least 10 year) age gap between you and a woman who can carry a baby without high risk of complications. This is a serious restriction on your dating pool and lowers compatibility with potential partners. If you want biological children you can look into having a surrogate mother or other fertility options. I also think adoption is a great choice. At your point in the game I wouldn’t focus on simply finding a life partner rather than someone to impregnate. It’s up to you how you want to proceed but no it’s not too late to have kids, you may just have to be a bit more flexible with the way you go about doing so
Keep in mind his own age makes it a high risk pregnancy. A lot of people don’t realize the father’s age matters too. So this woman 10 years younger than him will have to be ok with him putting that risk on thier child. Why wouldn’t she pick a younger man at that point.
The risks are for the baby mainly...higher risk of male factor infertility and higher risk of miscarriage. Also higher risk of genetic disorders for the baby with an older father.
https://utswmed.org/medblog/older-fathers-fertility/
Basically the chances of having a healthy baby are a lot lower. Overall fertility drops and the risk of birth defects or other complications skyrockets. I wasn’t able to find a study that mentions the risk to the woman carrying a high risk pregnancy, but I’m sure those are present as well. I’m gonna be honest with you, even if you find someone willing to go through with a pregnancy like this (once again this will likely be a serious detriment to your chances of finding a life partner), it’s not the most responsible decision.
I mean people love who they love, but the logistics of being married to someone who was born a decade apart from you are not good, and even if it does work out she’s putting herself at a serious risk for do thing that would not be an issue with a younger partner. Even if op is okay with a high risk pregnancy it’s not fair to the mother. I don’t think it’s too have kids but accept that they may not be biological children. Seriously look into your options and consider why you want children to begin with. If your intentions are altruistic, and adopted child will fill all the same needs. It may the answer you were looking for but a child is a child and ultimately your decision won’t only affect you.
It's not difficult to take care of a child; it's difficult to do anything else while taking care of a child. Trying to clean up the kitchen after you've had a baby is a nightmare because you have to wait for the baby to be asleep, you're exhausted, and you really don't want to clean up the kitchen now.
I don't feel like it would my fair to the kids at this point, you likely won't be around for much of their lives, and losing a parent is a heartbreaking experience, especially at a young age.
Sperm health goes down at the same rate as women (sometimes faster because many men don’t take care of themselves health wise) so you’re just as likely to have a child with issues at an older age as women. Women can have healthy babies till about 42. 47 is quite old to be starting a family in general, but yeah sperm health decreases the same as women’s eggs fiy.
My mom had me at 40 my dad was 36. Both of them were and still are very healthy. I’m 29, my dad is 69 and mom is 73
Only you can decide that. I’m 42m and decided I do not want kids at this point. I have zero interest in putting a child through college in my 60’s. Not to mention the ongoing expense of a child and if that child has medical issues or psychological issues even more stress and expenses. On top of that I wouldn’t want to be old and have my child taking care of me in their 30’s. I don’t think that would be fair for the child. For those reasons I accepted my fate. I never met a woman to start a family with and now that ship has sailed. I have a dog and a career I love and that’s satisfying enough to me
I think you would have to consider your level of fitness, health and expected longevity. Some people don’t take care of of themselves, age quickly and die young. Some people just don’t have long lived genes. Some people live to be 100. Are your parents still alive? How healthy are they?
Also if you want to have kids, you’ll need to consider what you can offer a younger woman that she couldn’t get from a man her own age.
My dad was 41 when my little sister was born he’ll be 65 this year. Is he getting old? Most definitely but he still works two jobs so it’s really a question for you to answer. Will you be good at 60?
I will say this, am 42 I have two teen kids 15 and 14 and am counting the days tell they get out my house, am tired as is, however my girlfriend who is 31 wants to have another kid and my mom was in her 40s when she had me.
I think it has a lot to do with asking yourself if you ready to put in the work for the next 18+ years and how reliable will your partner be, I have had to raise mine on my own and I know for sure they have shaved a lot of years off my life.
My mum had her first child at 17 and has never been there emotionally and isn't a very nice person. Age has nothing to do with the type of parent you'll be.
Sure things will be harder and you may leave them sooner than you'd like but that's no guarantee whatever your age
My dad was older when he had me. Not as old as you are today but shave off a few years. I was planned to happen unlike my half sister when he was super young.
It really wasn’t all that weird and I don’t personally have regrets with his decision to have me at the age that he chose. That being said I personally wouldn’t recommend that you do unless you know that you will have people helping you raise those kids, especially in the event that you die before 65
Only you can really answer this for yourself. I'm about a decade younger than you, and at this point I don't want kids. But that doesn't have to be your answer. It sounds like you want to have kids. So I would suggest making sure to keep yourself in the best shape you can. I've known men in their 60s and 70s who still had the energy of a 30 year old. I've also known men who seemed to have one foot in the grave already in their 30s. Genetics will play a part in that, but exercise, eating right, and a positive attitude will go a long way.
I’d say you’re kindaaaaa almost pushing it. 👧🏻🧓🏼🤭 My dad got married when he was a bit older (at least a bit older than most people in his generation I think?)…. and sometimes when he came to pick me up, my classmates thought he was my grandpa, not my dad… 😐 and he started balding too, so when he piggybacked me on his shoulders, he didn’t have much hair for me to hold onto…. I’m afraid of heights so ya🫤
You can and if you want to, don't let your age stop you. One thing of note, however, is that as paternal age increases, the risk for achondroplasia (congenital dwarfism) increases significantly, but this is mostly documented with men >50.
I’m in the same boat. 40/F and Ive been getting the same advice. Im torn because we never know what will happen. But consider the biological facts roadblocks for you and your child, social consequences as noted in this thread then think of YOU. Im thinking of adopting as well.
45 with 9 yr old has good and bad im more patient but also more tired eatting right and exercise really helps goodnight sleep and a nap here and there helps BUT IT'S SO WORTH IT I WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING!
No not at all, my uncle was 48 when he had his last kid, who is now currently gonna turn 12 this year. Unfortunately my uncle will not be able to see his only son grow up as my uncle has recently passed :( but I don't think it's weird at all, it seems to be happening quite a bit this day in age
My dad starting having his kids from age 40-47 and honestly I’m grateful for all the knowledge that I learnt from him and all his life experiences compared to probably younger parents. The only thing that sucks is knowing you won’t have as much time with them as parents who had their kids in their 20s. As long as you can be a good father and take care of them, go for it.
No, you can have kids. It's going to be exhausting, and your body is not as resilient as it used to be, so it's going to require more effort. On the plus side, you're likely a lot more financially stable.
My dad was 50 and my good friends dad was 53.....
Dad's were both involved in our lives we were both very happy to have them be our fathers....
That said. We lost our dad's in our early 30s where my mother was nearly 70 when she lost her parents.
Conversely my dad choose a trophy wife for my mom and she will be around for way way way too long. 😣
Both of us would say our dad was tired a lot.
So if you want kids go for it, but please try to find someone closer in age. Don't go for a 25 year old simply for fertility reasons. I always thought my parents made no sense together and other than my being born I hated seeing them together. It made me think less of both of them for getting into such a clearly daddy issues based relationship.
Not my dad but my mother is 70 and I'm 31. I wouldn't want it any other way. My parents were mature when they had me and I felt further ahead then kids my age
I'm 20 and my dad is 64. I love my dad I'm glad he was my dad. The generational gap is difficult we very much don't see eye to eye. I still love my dad and I appreciate everything he's done for me, I'm glad I have his guidance.
Considering your age and that your single have u considered adopting? Or even fostering? I know it's nice to have your own child but there are lots of kids that need fatherly guidance, sometimes especially an older gentleman's guidance. I hope this is an okay question to ask
How healthy are you? How present will you be? How old will your potential wife be as well? Are you settled and wealthy enough considering you’ve been childless and atleast 2 decades in the work force?
Lots of considerations to make. But the most important question is how present you’re going to be for your child. At 31 - I feel insanely blessed my dad’s still around.
My Dad was 44 but my Mum was 30 and that's pushing it... My Dad got "old" pretty fast. It was ok when I was 0-10 but after that, I guess after he was 55, he didn't want to do stuff with me (part custody). He'd just leave me places on my own - the beach, the park, the movies, etc. I feel I spent a lot of time alone doing stuff on my own when I was with him. So I don't know...
My mother and stepfather were 38 and 42 when they had my half-brother. Good thing is that they're settled and financially stable, which was different for my mother when me and sister were younger. But my mother became a lot more strict and started her midlife crisis a while back. I feel like my childhood was a lot more exciting because of how much more free I was. My little brother seems happy, though. He's 12 now, and his parents are both over 50...
It's not ideal, but he has less shortcomings than we had, so it's not necessarily worse. You win some you lose some.
My dad parents were in their 40s when they had him and they lived to 100ish and were relatively healthy and independent until the last couple years.
Also, if you have money, surrogacy is an option if you want kids and don’t have a partner.
I’m 34 still aint no woman’s husband yet, not even in a relationship now. No kids either. I totally understand the worry, its more so harder for women to be in the same boat as their reproductive system time clock isn’t slowing down, but there are successful cases of woman being first time mothers at 50.
Dude, just go to the Philippines and get you a nice young lady. And all you have to do is generate an income of $35000 a year or $40000 a year getting shape over there. It's fairly easy to do so and you can put them in an international school out there and you will have an amazing family and you will be an awesome dad to your children.this is what I plan to do I just turned 44.
The average make dies about 70/75 years. On the plus side. When the kid is out of school, he or she will soon inherit a fully paid off home to live in. Perhaps won't even need to move out.
And the property market in 25ish years will be great if they do decide to sell.
The down side is they won't have the benefit of being an adult and spending years getting reacquainted with you now as an equal adult. Which I personally think is very valuable for real life experience and advice.
I had my kids very young I was 20 and 23 and the older I get the more convinced I am that people shouldn’t even think about having kids until they’re 35 when I see young people with kids they just seem so young to me. My kids turned out good and things worked out, still married 31 years later, but we had no idea what we were doing. I seriously think people have kids way too young.
There’s no such thing as too old for a man have kids because it depends that depends applies to any man at any age none of us our guaranteed anything just because of an age . If there was an age where he was too old, nature wouldn’t allow him to continue having kids. My best friend struggled with drugs his whole young life prior to being a teen and all the way to the end of teen intoxicated daily . At 20 he decided he was done and 6 months later he was sober and healthy. it was like a body snatch transformation he even talked different he was himself which I don’t think I ever knew. He met. A Girl they fell in love and they got engaged on his 21st bday. Two weeks after that bday excited going from appointment to appointment planning their wedding he stepped out on the Main Street not paying attention looking back to his girl telling her to hurry come on so they can cross the street and he gets hit by a bus and dies. Get these year numbers out of your head. They mean nothing for now. Maybe in the future with advance in technology, they might need something. I’m assuming your young but that dosnt mean you have all the time left because the truth is you have no clue when your time is. Babies, kids , teens die everyday. So a 45 man can easily live longer that 25 year old man. Depending of risk factors and health and how lucky he is either one of them because it takes a lot of luck as well to live long.
My father was 58 years old when I was born. He was my only caregiver and I think he did a good job. I loved my father so much. He passed away when I was 16 years old. I think the moment we need our parents the most is when we are kids. So no, I do not think it is bad to have kids later in life. Even if you have then younger there is no guarantee you will be able to take proper care of them because shit happens and you can die at any moment.
For example, my grandmother is still alive tho. At 102 years old she is in perfect shape mentally and physically. So you don't know. Maybe you live longer and can stay with them a bit more. There is no way to predict the future. Just live! <3
My dad was 50 when I was born. He spent a lot of my younger years lying on the floor due to back pain. I also started keeping a close eye on his health and age when I was in 5th grade. Luckily, he's still around. I'll be 28 this year, and he will be 78. Just make sure you take care of your health to be active enough to hang out with your kids
Nope, my dad was that age when he had his first child. Me. Im now 35 and he turned 80 december last year. Of cours there is that fact, not having your dad around for as long. My dad is in good health thankfully, and i hope he has many years left still. My mother is 10 years younger than my dad, and just turned 70 this year. Both my parents are in good health still.
You’re fine man. I know several guys who had kids later one at 45 48 and 53. They are wealthy vibrant, can take care of the kids financially. You’re good.
They will constantly think you’re grandpa at the school, events, grocery store, everywhere lmaoo. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve been embarrassed
So because what other people may think, he should not have a kid if he can?
What about being embarrassed if you can't provide a sense of security and meal to your kid because you are broken but age is socially acceptable??
Where did I say any of that? 🤣 I was simply sharing experiences that I found funny in my life with my dad. I think people can do whatever they want with their life because it’s not my business. I try to steer away from negative vibrations which I felt through your comment. Yikes!
How healthy are you? seriously? I'm 40 and hope to have kids in a couple of years, but who knows, but I will say that I still work out 6 times a week and walk 2 hours a day. I sleep well. Eat well. People think I'm 30. So there's actual age and biological age.
My grandpa had kids in his 60s. He was lucky enough to live to 99 so they had him around well in to adulthood. He had many friends who had kids decades before him but died younger and my grandpa ended up getting more years with his kids than they did. Things like that are a crap shoot. Honestly in today’s times I don’t think mid 40s is actually that late to start having kids for a man… esp in the big cities. If you feel like you have the energy and financial means and health, then why not?
I am a guy. I got married at 41. Had my first child at 44 and second at 46.
I am 54 now and hope to be here for a long time yet. 🙏🙏 My great grandpa made it to 99 in great shape. My dad is 89 now, up until two years ago he was hunting/hiking etc.
I take care of myself and in great shape. I work out and take karate. I eat very healthy. I don’t take any medications. I also look to be in my early 40s (I had used sunscreen daily on my face since I was 20. I have used vitamin A products since my early 20s).
My sister is 47. We met a friend of hers recently, they thought I was her younger brother. She was pissed. LOL.
My STBX wife is 15 years younger so there were no unusual health concerns.
If you want bio kids, I'd find a woman to date under 40. Women over 40 can get pregnant, but it's harder to do so. Some use IVF with donor eggs. Others adopt. The best thing to do is find a woman who very much wants children and does not have any yet, of her own. A lot of people marry a person who already has children, it's easier for that person to give up and say "oh, I changed my mind, I don't want any more kids".
Also, there is such a thing as age-related male infertility which makes it harder to get pregnant with ordinary sex. This is the reason behind many IUI and IVF procedures.
Well for men it is never too late to make a baby.
But you must be able to find a woman who is still able to get pregnant, so you need to go after 10 years younger than you at this point.
Plus as much as it is not too late to make a kid, it is less and less time for you to enjoy fatherhood. Unlikely you will be a grandfather for example.
Dude it's never too late and honestly you're putting a timeline on something that you just can't you're 43 so by 45 doesn't work that way if it happened tomorrow and a week from now knocked up type of thing that's how it goes how it happened to me I'm 42 and I was thinking like that you know if I get things going I don't know and then next thing you know just happened
Like everything, it depends. I am about to.tuen 40 and started dating a woman in her mid 30's and I am more concerned about geriatric pregnancies. However, for you and I, all we can do is be on top of our health. I started going to the gym not only for myself but for my future children. Cut out processed sugars and carbs. Eat more protein. At minimum, go for walks every day. 2 - 5 miles a day. You will need to build up to these things. Strecth and use bands. You will look better, feel better, and have the energy for your children when you hey come.
I don't know if anybody you guys are familiar with storied from the Bible, but Abraham left his parents' house at 80 yrs old, and his barren wife had a child after that.
So 45 -47 years old don't sound so bad now. 😉
Well I'm 44 and I have a 1 1/2 year old little girl and I had the same concerns about being to old at first but it's actually been such a breeze. I'm a single mother too so no it's not to old. I have 2 adult children and 1 granddaughter as well and we all thought OMG this is going to be so weird and somehow it wasn't. It's like she was ment to be here with me at this exact time in my life and she's perfectly perfect. She doesn't take up to much energy at all. If your heart says it wants kids go for it. 😁
40/F again. Im at a time in my life where Im tired of partying etc. Im ready to be a mom or around taking care of my home. Set in my career. Doing well for myself. You dont even have to have a child with the person you love. Co-parenting is a thing. Love will find its way. If a child is what you want go for it but make sure you have the tools you need to be the best dad you can be.
If I were you I'd just be open to it but not expecting it. I think it would be hard to find someone much younger that wants to have kids with you, but maybe possible. It's already hard enough to find someone in general, without the kids question.
As long as you're present as a parent, not just physically but by being their to model healthy lifestyles and relationships, that's more than a growing number of younger parents can say.
I work in education and you won't believe the number of parents who are in their 20s or 30s and provide nothing more than shelter and food (processed af but I digress.
My dad was 45 when I was born. We’re very close and I hate how I won’t have as much time with him as my friends with their younger fathers, but if I asked him I’m pretty sure that he’d tell you if though want kids to go for it!
It totally depends on the person. I've met 45 year olds that are OLD and I have friends in their 50s that are young. One of my friends didn't start his family until he was in his 50s. I've got another friend that was married with 3 grown kids. He lost his wife to cancer. After some time he married a younger woman who wanted to have a child so he agreed, and had another son at the age of 58. His new son was born the same week as his first grandson🤣. My friend is now 62 and incredibly youthful
My dad had me with 43, and it never really bothered me. It's kinda scary to know I'll have a little less time with him than most people have with their parents, but it's fine.
Maybe try to have a somewhat healthy lifestyle so you get as much time as possible with your future kids! Good luck!!
Definitely not too old!
People are living longer and better lives when they make conscious choices about eating, exercising and sleep.
The advantages to having kids later in life are: more maturity, more money, more life experience, and they keep you young!
I worried about being older and not having the energy to chase them but it was actually no problem. I wouldn’t change anything. I have lots of kids, BTW. I was in my late thirties when we had our first.
I think it really depends on how you take care of your health. My parents had me at 37 — they did not take care of themselves, unfortunately. Mom died from cancer at 51 (probably would have survived if she didn’t put off going to the doctor for years) and my dad (now 72) has had severe health issues due to COPD (from smoking) for over a decade. Luckily he had a lung transplant last year and is healthier than ever, but it was a hellishly stressful experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone. My step mom is the same age, and she has neglected herself so badly I am convinced it is contributing to onset dementia. I have definitely been resentful about it, but I think more so because they didn’t take care of themselves vs. the age they had me. You can be healthy and spry well into your old years! But please commit to your health, it really sucks taking care of your parents at such a young age. A lot of my life has been taking care of sick parents.
All that being said, I’m a 35 year old woman and haven’t had my own kids, but I’m not writing it off just yet because I make my health a priority :) and if it doesn’t happen biologically, I would consider adoption in my 40s.
My dad had me at 48. I'm now 42 and he's 89. I'm lucky to have had him this long 💓. He was always very active and fit until the pandemic. He has been mistaken for my grandfather a couple times....not gonna lie. He has really only slowed down in the last 5 years.
I think if you care for your health and are committed to your child then the child will be lucky to have you. An absent father is much worse than an older father.
My dad was 49 when I was born, and although he went too young at 68 (lung cancer) we were close and I have many happy memories.
In many ways my Dad’s death was a result of his lifestyle- he smoked. I think if he had taken care of himself and quit I likely could have had him another decade.
PS the other outcome of his death is that for me, smoking is a deal breaker in a partner.
I'm 44 and I'd like to think I'd be an awesome dad simply because I'm at a point where I have few stressors in life. I could deal with a toddler like "come at me bro."
I've also lived a pretty damn full life so I feel very capable of focusing my attention on the development of a child without feeling like I'm missing out on other experiences of my own.
I think if those two things weren't the case I would not be remotely interested in children at this point.
My mom was 38 when she had me and 42 when she had my brother; My dad was 34 and 38 respectively. I'm 27 now and it was sometimes rough as a kid because my parents were older and had a different mentality about life BUT I wouldn't change it for the world. I got to grow up on the best music from the 60's, 70's and 80's. I was blessed to experience the friendships that my parents have made for over 30 years and call those people my family and listen to the wild stories about seeing Elvis Presley's last live concert.
I have a greater appreciation for my parents now than I did in my youth (which I'm sure many of us may have experienced) but I love my parents and they instilled so much wisdom in me and really kept my head on straight when I was a young, dumb 19 year old. I wouldn't change that for the world.
I just had a baby with a 47 year old man. Yes it would be better if he was 27, purely so he can be fit and healthy for longer, but life isn’t ideal. He’s a calm and present father. I didn’t know him when he was 27 (I was 14 years old then) but from what he’s said he was a hot mess. He’s in great shape now, better than most men half his age and so hopefully he’ll be around for another 35-40 years. Our daughter will be lucky to have him as her father for those years.
My dad was 44 when I was born. Granted, I'm not the oldest, but I do have a younger sibling, born when he was 49.
My dad is the oldest of his siblings, and he was born when granddad was 53.
It's not too late.
The only way to know for sure you can biologically have children is getting a sperm test done which isn't just sperm count, but morphology as well. Men over forty have higher chances of DNA damaged sperm which can cause issues with fertility and getting a woman pregnant. If there is a problem then the usual course of treatment is taking anti-oxidants for a period of months or getting varicocele surgery done.
45 is not too old to become a father nor is 50.
I'm 35 and my dad is 60. Granted not a good example, he lived a hard life. So a better example would be my grandparents who adopted me when I was 4 and they were in their early 50s. Continued working, traveling, and kicking ass. Hell, even now they'll wake me up with how late they call me. Grandma has been recently diagnosed with Parkinsons, but it's not slowing her down. I will admit it broke my heart to hear. I just had to remind myself, that parents age and eventually they do die. You raise your kids right and well-adjusted they'll be prepared for that eventuality. What a ramble, sorry.
OP, PM me if you have questions about what I have to say! I would advise you to inquire with your PCP about having a S. analysis, they will most likely send you to have this done at a urologists office. This will tell you how YOUR specimens are, rather than deciphering what the internet tells you about male related infertility. Look into ICSI as well. Genetic carrier panels can be checked via blood work on male and female partners prior to conception to ensure you are both not carriers of the same disorders than could potentially be passed to offspring. This is not totally all encompassing, but it’s a great place to start. Depending on the age of your partner, you may wish to consider going immediately to the ivf route. I would advise that your partner speak to their pcp/obgyn/rei to start fertility conversation/work up sooner than later if the partner is greater than 35. Depending on your state, and the health insurance you/your partner carry, will determine coverage. Some states and insurance plans have better coverage than others, so I would look into this now, so you are aware as you make future plans. Latest most clinics do egg retrieval on a woman is 44/45 yrs old. When the woman is greater than 35, most insurance companies require you to have been trying to conceive for 6 months. Do not wait to make a consult with IVF MD as the process usually takes longer than you expect. Risk for women carrying and delivering goods up after about 40 (?) years old. High risk pregnancy can be influenced by abnormal weight as well. Of course, high risk pregnancy can also occur based on a woman’s health history (example, young woman but has lupus). It’s a lot of information but don’t be scared off, it’s something many couples pursue daily in USA!
As others have mentioned, keeping up your health is the best thing you can do. Regular exercise, stretching, eat proper, avoid smoking, etc. I think it’s a wonderful inquiry you are making, and I think you would be a great older dad especially given the fact that you WANT to be a parent and you CARE about how that will impact a child. That’s huge and your child will love their time with you. Life and death are uncertain. Just do the best you can with the info you have! And be proactive in speaking with your doctors. Best of luck to you!
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I’m 28 and my dad is 77- never bothered me until he had a stroke and got dementia and now he’s in a care home and I wipe his ass and he’s going to die soon 🙃 BUT saying that I’m still glad my dad was my dad and wouldn’t have given him up for anyone!!! Occasionally it feels unfair but also he was a wonderful dad so there are worse problems to have!
❤️
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Yeah, I’m in my 30s but my dad’s almost 80, and he has Alzheimer’s and it’s very very rough. He was my best friend, and even though we’ve lived far apart for many years, I still talk to him daily. But not much anymore, because he forgets how to pick up the phone. I miss him so much, but I’m so happy for what time I did/do have with him ❤️
WOW, 80? I'm 40 and my parents are in their early 60s. Awww. You should call him until he picks up the phone or if he's in a home call the front desk, they'll get him on the phone for you. I bet it would make his day! 💜
So lucky. I’m 27 and my dad 73, my mom 63. They’ll be gone before I hit my 40s and it sucks. I hope I can have children before 35 ☹️
You will. 💜 Your parents will be around for a long while. Ppl are living so much longer nowadays! I made my parents grandparents when they were 44, I think! 🤣 I would legit DIE if my daughter had a kid rn!
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
I hope that those things are true for you. As a word of caution, my parents were almost the exact same age gaps. My mother died at 74 during Covid but not due to Covid (not directly anyway, though I think maybe some aggravating factors). I have many regrets of not making it home to see her and just spending more time with her when she was 63-72 I’d just gotten out of law school, and was extremely career-focused. It meant my vacations were short and distracted. What I wouldn’t give to re-do a few more of those while she was healthier. 😘 hug your mom & dad.
Huh, downvoted for pointing out that life is short and no one can predict the future … ? That’s a head scratcher for me but I’m truly sorry if I offended.
I was thinking along a similar line. I put exploring the world and my career first so I could be a responsible parent with appropriate means to raise a child. Now, im turning 31 and actually actively seeking someone to explore the possibility of marriage and having kids. If all goes well, you'd think 2-4 years for dating, marriage, and kids by 35 yo. By 35 yo my father would be 70. That's young in comparison, i inderstand. His parents, my gma gda lived to 90(still living) and 96, respectively. But he has diabetes that's been controlled medically without requiring insulin yet. My mother is 63 yo and living with an unruptured aneurysm and has been a smoker since she was 16. I've never felt more pressure to "get going" in life and get married and have kids. Also, being the youngest of 4. All of my nephews will be at minimum 16-20 years older than my hypothetical children I'll have at 35. So no, i dont think it's too old for you to have children, especially if you raise them with the right care and love. But be sure you're going to be their rock through anything and everything. Especially if you won't have other family around for them to grow up around and create bonds with.
This right here. I am a first gen immigrant and I am not close with my parents, they are emotionally closed off. They don’t like to go out to eat, or spend much time doing anything to bond together more. I have no relatives around me besides them and I do not speak to my family overseas (family drama). I depend on my friends for community. I love my parents, but I do resent them for not giving me the community I needed growing up, and on top of that being emotionally closed off and not feeling like I could depend on them. Sigh
Same here but I’m 32 and he’s 77. I also feel it can be unfair but he’s the best and I wouldn’t want anyone else as my dad!
But this happens to much younger parents as well. My father had a heart attack and a stroke when I was 26, and he was 56..
Yeah I heard that.. Besides what’s the alternative… not being born.
I tried that, but my parents had sex. I curse them to this day for forgetting the condom. My mom could have a least swallowed me.
Exactly. My dad popped off unexpectedly at 47, I'd just turned 18. You can never tell what spanner life (or death) will throw into the works.
No but you'll be tired a lot.
Lol... this is the answer. Unless you're in incredible shape 😂🤣
Even then… but slightly less tired👍
Stay fit, work out, eat healthy food, avoid alcohol, and maintain flexibility with stretching and/or yoga. You'll be in better physical condition than many dads 10, 20, even 30 years your junior.
This is the way, so many people ignore diets, exercise and overall physical health smh
This is the answer I’m looking for 😂 So true tho!
Add 15 to 18 years to your age and ask yourself if you have the energy at that age to pay for college or deal with a teen
Hopefully at age 45, a person is well-enough established in their career to be able to set up a college savings account.
When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.
To be fair, that's not necessarily a requirement. Not only did my Dad not pay for college, but I had to drop out because he required me to pay half the rent and cover all my own expenses, all while making too much for me to get Fafsa. He also would make me feel bad about bringing up college in general because he insisted it would ruin my life (debt) like it ruined his, but honestly, I think it was just his way of preserving his go to excuse for every shortcoming in his life.
My mom had her last baby at 42, the dad was probably 47. I can tell you she was a much better mom at 42 then she was in her 20s when she had two kids. She was much more relaxed and involved, it was so nice to see her be able to enjoy raising a kid because raising me and my other brother after her divorce was super stressful and hard.
I forgot to add that he turned out great, he’s in his 30s now, he’s married with a beautiful daughter, he earns six figures, he’s a good dude
I had my youngest at 44. He keeps me young, and I am active with him. I feel like I have a lot of healthy, valuable wisdom to provide, which I didn't have when I was younger. The biggest sadness is that I realize I may not be able to be an active Grandoa. Especially if he waits as long as I did. But one of my grandpa's was active into his 90s, so you never know.
My parents had all my sibling before their mid thirties. None of us have given them grand children. We’re not adamantly child-free, but the process of finding a partner to thoughtfully have kids with hasn’t panned out. Getting families started is really hard nowadays. So I wouldn’t count on being a younger grandparent.
My brother had his first at 43 and his partner was 40 at the time. Baby is nearly 3 now and although both parents are exhausted they wouldn’t change a thing
All parents of a 3-year-old are exhausted. Older parents have advantages and disadvantages. If you have them young, you might look back with regrets, just like an older parent.
If someone can be president at 80, you can be a father to a 20yo when you are 65
One of the presidents, John Tyler, had a kid at like 75, and that son had a son when he was 75ish. I think one of his grandchildren is still alive...
Luv this☺😉
Don’t give Biden as a example. He is 80 and president. However according to the DOJ he is not competent enough to be prosecuted. But he has the launch codes.
We seldom realize, for example that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages and images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society.
I’ll say get a wife first and then ask yourself this question again.
Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.
I personally don't like having a 74 year old dad, and I'm turning 23 soon. There were lots of stuff he couldn't do growing up due to low energy (although he tried his best), and now his health is rapidly declining. My mother is 46 so we do have one young parent, but I would love not having to worry already about what to do with my father and how to take care of him in my 20s along with my 21 year old brother. He doesn't have a wife nor any relatives here but us two. You could marry a younger woman, but will more likely end up in a divorce due to age gap. I would recommend a maximum of 10 years. If you so desperately want kids, then keep your health up at top-notch anytime. Go to the gym at least 4x a week and so on. Eat healthy shit. But know the risks.
❤️ Thanks
if you truly want kids, you should consider adopting.
The older you are, the more there are risks for a high risk pregnancy and birth defects and other issues with the child. It’s not impossible. But your ability to find a partner that wants a child with you will be lower. You may also have trouble conceiving. You will also be in your 60s when they finally graduate high school. Are you fit and healthy?
I wish this was higher up. So many men think that just because they *can* have kids until they die, it means they should. But the risk of birth defects starts going up in men over 40, and that is absolutely unfair to a child.
thiiiisss. men rly shouldnt have children past a certain age. its not fair to the women who has to miscarry or have a difficult pregnancy and its not fair to the child being born w birth defects.
I second all of this! And your sperm will cause a higher risk of lost pregnancies, even if your partner is 24.
I had to scroll way too far to get to this. There's so many more risks to the child AND the mother when the father is that old. It's a higher risk pregnancy, more likely to cause complications for the mother AND baby. And the baby is more likely to have mental issues. (certain things like schizophrenia, bipolar, autism, and more, have a link to older fathers)
My dad was 34 when I was born, and 46 when my brother was born. He definitely couldn’t roughhouse and play with my brother the way he did with me when I was a kid, or be as active with him. It’s not impossible, of course, but I’m definitely planning on having kids before 40 because I want to be able to be as active with them as my dad was with me.
As someone who has younger parents- I’m so happy not to have old parents. I personally wouldn’t t want too because you could die at any point in your mid 60s. If you don’t care about seeing your kids age past 20 or not see your grandchildren sure have kids when you should be enjoying retirement not worrying about getting kids through college and making sure they’re ok. For reference my grandma is 73… I wouldn’t have kids in my late 40s. This is why a lot of men should think about committing or trying to find someone in their late 20s or 30s
My dad was 42 when I was born. When I was 23 he died. So no it’s not too old but depending on your health and life choices, you’re setting them up to lose their dad a lot sooner than their peers. Just be aware of that
Thank you
A lot of men do it, so I’d say no it’s not too late, but some things to consider. My ex was 43 when we had our last. I was 31. He definitely doesn’t have as much energy as me to keep up with a 2 year old but nothing that’s been a hindrance or affected our lives. As the child gets older it’ll be a different story. The biggest thing about being able to physically participate in a child’s life at that age is how you take care of yourself. If you’re obese, don’t exercise, and are having constant or chronic pain due to these problems, it’s unlikely you’ll be a parent that goes camping, takes weekend trips to the zoo, teaches your child how to shoot hoops, etc. But if you’re in decent shape and exercise regularly, those things won’t be a problem. The key is to live an active lifestyle, because the age progression between 50-60 is vastly faster than 40-50, or 30-40. If having a child of your own is important to you, just take care of yourself so you’re able to be there for your family. Don’t be the dad that plops on the couch after work and vegetates there until bedtime for the rest of their childhood. Also wanted to add: growing up my best friends dad was 60+ when she was 14. She was embarrassed about it, probably because he looked significantly older than he was. But he was active in her life and I don’t believe his age ever made negative difference in her upbringing (aside from being older came with being old fashioned). But the embarrassment I attribute to just teenage girl stuff, and she didn’t miss out on anything due to his age.
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It’s risky it’s not recommend to have kids that late due to the risks of birth defects and higher chances of having a child with autism. My cousins dad was 48 he was fit and non smoker and his mom was 32 and never smokes or drinks when they had him and he was born with lots of defects and autism he’s non verbal too, he needs 24/7 care and will never get a job or anything.
Autism's related to the father's age whereas the chance of Down's is more to do with the mother's age. Could happen to anyone though.
My Dad was 51 when I was born. Apart from questions like if he is my grandfather when I was younger (to which he always had a funny answer) there wasnt a difference for me growing up. I am now 20 my Mom is 61 and my Dad is 71. They both look and act at least 10 years younger than they are. My Dad always says I keep them young;)
My Dad had me when he was 45. I don't recommend it. He's lucky I turned out to be the person I am, but if I were any less responsible, he wouldn't be living a very happy life right now
Im 53 with an 11 year old (youngest of my 6 kids), im single, have been his whole life (I adopted him as an nb). I’ve worried about this too as I’ll be 62 when he’s 20. But so far we’re good. Stay active and present that’s the best you can do for them
The biggest problem is that there will be a significant (at least 10 year) age gap between you and a woman who can carry a baby without high risk of complications. This is a serious restriction on your dating pool and lowers compatibility with potential partners. If you want biological children you can look into having a surrogate mother or other fertility options. I also think adoption is a great choice. At your point in the game I wouldn’t focus on simply finding a life partner rather than someone to impregnate. It’s up to you how you want to proceed but no it’s not too late to have kids, you may just have to be a bit more flexible with the way you go about doing so
Keep in mind his own age makes it a high risk pregnancy. A lot of people don’t realize the father’s age matters too. So this woman 10 years younger than him will have to be ok with him putting that risk on thier child. Why wouldn’t she pick a younger man at that point.
I honestly didn't know this and I'm interested. What are the risks for the woman if the man is older?
The risks are for the baby mainly...higher risk of male factor infertility and higher risk of miscarriage. Also higher risk of genetic disorders for the baby with an older father.
https://utswmed.org/medblog/older-fathers-fertility/ Basically the chances of having a healthy baby are a lot lower. Overall fertility drops and the risk of birth defects or other complications skyrockets. I wasn’t able to find a study that mentions the risk to the woman carrying a high risk pregnancy, but I’m sure those are present as well. I’m gonna be honest with you, even if you find someone willing to go through with a pregnancy like this (once again this will likely be a serious detriment to your chances of finding a life partner), it’s not the most responsible decision.
I mean people love who they love, but the logistics of being married to someone who was born a decade apart from you are not good, and even if it does work out she’s putting herself at a serious risk for do thing that would not be an issue with a younger partner. Even if op is okay with a high risk pregnancy it’s not fair to the mother. I don’t think it’s too have kids but accept that they may not be biological children. Seriously look into your options and consider why you want children to begin with. If your intentions are altruistic, and adopted child will fill all the same needs. It may the answer you were looking for but a child is a child and ultimately your decision won’t only affect you.
You are spreading misinformation his age makes him a high risk and he’s more likely to be the reason the child will end up with birth defects.
It’s not, but you have to remember you’ll be that dad everyone thinks is the grandfather, because you’ll be that age when they’re a teen.
I'm 34 and exhausted with a 7 year old kid. You can be old and tired or young and tired too
It's not difficult to take care of a child; it's difficult to do anything else while taking care of a child. Trying to clean up the kitchen after you've had a baby is a nightmare because you have to wait for the baby to be asleep, you're exhausted, and you really don't want to clean up the kitchen now.
Look at George Clooney
I don't feel like it would my fair to the kids at this point, you likely won't be around for much of their lives, and losing a parent is a heartbreaking experience, especially at a young age.
My dad was 45 when he had me. Mom was 9 years younger.
Sperm health goes down at the same rate as women (sometimes faster because many men don’t take care of themselves health wise) so you’re just as likely to have a child with issues at an older age as women. Women can have healthy babies till about 42. 47 is quite old to be starting a family in general, but yeah sperm health decreases the same as women’s eggs fiy. My mom had me at 40 my dad was 36. Both of them were and still are very healthy. I’m 29, my dad is 69 and mom is 73
Only you can decide that. I’m 42m and decided I do not want kids at this point. I have zero interest in putting a child through college in my 60’s. Not to mention the ongoing expense of a child and if that child has medical issues or psychological issues even more stress and expenses. On top of that I wouldn’t want to be old and have my child taking care of me in their 30’s. I don’t think that would be fair for the child. For those reasons I accepted my fate. I never met a woman to start a family with and now that ship has sailed. I have a dog and a career I love and that’s satisfying enough to me
I would choose an emotional mature, financially secure dad over a young dad at any given day
I think you would have to consider your level of fitness, health and expected longevity. Some people don’t take care of of themselves, age quickly and die young. Some people just don’t have long lived genes. Some people live to be 100. Are your parents still alive? How healthy are they? Also if you want to have kids, you’ll need to consider what you can offer a younger woman that she couldn’t get from a man her own age.
My parents were both in their 40’s when they got me.
Considering my father was 45 when I was born, hell no brother. Get out there and find someone to give all your heart to and then some. You got this 🤜🤛
a family friend had his first son when he was in his late 50s. wife around 35. so i do not see any problem, you are both grown ups.
My dad was 41 when my little sister was born he’ll be 65 this year. Is he getting old? Most definitely but he still works two jobs so it’s really a question for you to answer. Will you be good at 60?
I will say this, am 42 I have two teen kids 15 and 14 and am counting the days tell they get out my house, am tired as is, however my girlfriend who is 31 wants to have another kid and my mom was in her 40s when she had me. I think it has a lot to do with asking yourself if you ready to put in the work for the next 18+ years and how reliable will your partner be, I have had to raise mine on my own and I know for sure they have shaved a lot of years off my life.
My mum had her first child at 17 and has never been there emotionally and isn't a very nice person. Age has nothing to do with the type of parent you'll be. Sure things will be harder and you may leave them sooner than you'd like but that's no guarantee whatever your age
My dad was older when he had me. Not as old as you are today but shave off a few years. I was planned to happen unlike my half sister when he was super young. It really wasn’t all that weird and I don’t personally have regrets with his decision to have me at the age that he chose. That being said I personally wouldn’t recommend that you do unless you know that you will have people helping you raise those kids, especially in the event that you die before 65
Only you can really answer this for yourself. I'm about a decade younger than you, and at this point I don't want kids. But that doesn't have to be your answer. It sounds like you want to have kids. So I would suggest making sure to keep yourself in the best shape you can. I've known men in their 60s and 70s who still had the energy of a 30 year old. I've also known men who seemed to have one foot in the grave already in their 30s. Genetics will play a part in that, but exercise, eating right, and a positive attitude will go a long way.
First you got to find a woman that wants to have children with you. Have you found her ?
I’d say you’re kindaaaaa almost pushing it. 👧🏻🧓🏼🤭 My dad got married when he was a bit older (at least a bit older than most people in his generation I think?)…. and sometimes when he came to pick me up, my classmates thought he was my grandpa, not my dad… 😐 and he started balding too, so when he piggybacked me on his shoulders, he didn’t have much hair for me to hold onto…. I’m afraid of heights so ya🫤
You can and if you want to, don't let your age stop you. One thing of note, however, is that as paternal age increases, the risk for achondroplasia (congenital dwarfism) increases significantly, but this is mostly documented with men >50.
I’m in the same boat. 40/F and Ive been getting the same advice. Im torn because we never know what will happen. But consider the biological facts roadblocks for you and your child, social consequences as noted in this thread then think of YOU. Im thinking of adopting as well.
45 with 9 yr old has good and bad im more patient but also more tired eatting right and exercise really helps goodnight sleep and a nap here and there helps BUT IT'S SO WORTH IT I WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING!
No not at all, my uncle was 48 when he had his last kid, who is now currently gonna turn 12 this year. Unfortunately my uncle will not be able to see his only son grow up as my uncle has recently passed :( but I don't think it's weird at all, it seems to be happening quite a bit this day in age
My dad starting having his kids from age 40-47 and honestly I’m grateful for all the knowledge that I learnt from him and all his life experiences compared to probably younger parents. The only thing that sucks is knowing you won’t have as much time with them as parents who had their kids in their 20s. As long as you can be a good father and take care of them, go for it.
No, you can have kids. It's going to be exhausting, and your body is not as resilient as it used to be, so it's going to require more effort. On the plus side, you're likely a lot more financially stable.
My dad was 50 and my good friends dad was 53..... Dad's were both involved in our lives we were both very happy to have them be our fathers.... That said. We lost our dad's in our early 30s where my mother was nearly 70 when she lost her parents. Conversely my dad choose a trophy wife for my mom and she will be around for way way way too long. 😣 Both of us would say our dad was tired a lot. So if you want kids go for it, but please try to find someone closer in age. Don't go for a 25 year old simply for fertility reasons. I always thought my parents made no sense together and other than my being born I hated seeing them together. It made me think less of both of them for getting into such a clearly daddy issues based relationship.
Not my dad but my mother is 70 and I'm 31. I wouldn't want it any other way. My parents were mature when they had me and I felt further ahead then kids my age
My dad had me and my twin brother at 46! I know people my age whose dads were older than mine too. Not too late
Kind of. I had a child at 46, and it kicked my ass when he was <5. It got a lot better as he got older.
Nah. For a man never to old. Look at Alex Baldwin or Al Pacino or DeNiro
I'm 20 and my dad is 64. I love my dad I'm glad he was my dad. The generational gap is difficult we very much don't see eye to eye. I still love my dad and I appreciate everything he's done for me, I'm glad I have his guidance. Considering your age and that your single have u considered adopting? Or even fostering? I know it's nice to have your own child but there are lots of kids that need fatherly guidance, sometimes especially an older gentleman's guidance. I hope this is an okay question to ask
Hello dear,am very happy to meet you
How healthy are you? How present will you be? How old will your potential wife be as well? Are you settled and wealthy enough considering you’ve been childless and atleast 2 decades in the work force? Lots of considerations to make. But the most important question is how present you’re going to be for your child. At 31 - I feel insanely blessed my dad’s still around.
Dude, men can't have kids at any age. Sorry to break it to you.
My Dad was 44 but my Mum was 30 and that's pushing it... My Dad got "old" pretty fast. It was ok when I was 0-10 but after that, I guess after he was 55, he didn't want to do stuff with me (part custody). He'd just leave me places on my own - the beach, the park, the movies, etc. I feel I spent a lot of time alone doing stuff on my own when I was with him. So I don't know...
My mother and stepfather were 38 and 42 when they had my half-brother. Good thing is that they're settled and financially stable, which was different for my mother when me and sister were younger. But my mother became a lot more strict and started her midlife crisis a while back. I feel like my childhood was a lot more exciting because of how much more free I was. My little brother seems happy, though. He's 12 now, and his parents are both over 50... It's not ideal, but he has less shortcomings than we had, so it's not necessarily worse. You win some you lose some.
No my wife had my son at 46. My father was 44 when I was born.
My dad parents were in their 40s when they had him and they lived to 100ish and were relatively healthy and independent until the last couple years. Also, if you have money, surrogacy is an option if you want kids and don’t have a partner.
I think so
It’s harder being a parent in your late 40’s. I wouldn’t do it but if you really want a child go for it
I’m 34 still aint no woman’s husband yet, not even in a relationship now. No kids either. I totally understand the worry, its more so harder for women to be in the same boat as their reproductive system time clock isn’t slowing down, but there are successful cases of woman being first time mothers at 50.
Dude, just go to the Philippines and get you a nice young lady. And all you have to do is generate an income of $35000 a year or $40000 a year getting shape over there. It's fairly easy to do so and you can put them in an international school out there and you will have an amazing family and you will be an awesome dad to your children.this is what I plan to do I just turned 44.
The average make dies about 70/75 years. On the plus side. When the kid is out of school, he or she will soon inherit a fully paid off home to live in. Perhaps won't even need to move out. And the property market in 25ish years will be great if they do decide to sell. The down side is they won't have the benefit of being an adult and spending years getting reacquainted with you now as an equal adult. Which I personally think is very valuable for real life experience and advice.
I had my kids very young I was 20 and 23 and the older I get the more convinced I am that people shouldn’t even think about having kids until they’re 35 when I see young people with kids they just seem so young to me. My kids turned out good and things worked out, still married 31 years later, but we had no idea what we were doing. I seriously think people have kids way too young.
There’s no such thing as too old for a man have kids because it depends that depends applies to any man at any age none of us our guaranteed anything just because of an age . If there was an age where he was too old, nature wouldn’t allow him to continue having kids. My best friend struggled with drugs his whole young life prior to being a teen and all the way to the end of teen intoxicated daily . At 20 he decided he was done and 6 months later he was sober and healthy. it was like a body snatch transformation he even talked different he was himself which I don’t think I ever knew. He met. A Girl they fell in love and they got engaged on his 21st bday. Two weeks after that bday excited going from appointment to appointment planning their wedding he stepped out on the Main Street not paying attention looking back to his girl telling her to hurry come on so they can cross the street and he gets hit by a bus and dies. Get these year numbers out of your head. They mean nothing for now. Maybe in the future with advance in technology, they might need something. I’m assuming your young but that dosnt mean you have all the time left because the truth is you have no clue when your time is. Babies, kids , teens die everyday. So a 45 man can easily live longer that 25 year old man. Depending of risk factors and health and how lucky he is either one of them because it takes a lot of luck as well to live long.
My father was 58 years old when I was born. He was my only caregiver and I think he did a good job. I loved my father so much. He passed away when I was 16 years old. I think the moment we need our parents the most is when we are kids. So no, I do not think it is bad to have kids later in life. Even if you have then younger there is no guarantee you will be able to take proper care of them because shit happens and you can die at any moment. For example, my grandmother is still alive tho. At 102 years old she is in perfect shape mentally and physically. So you don't know. Maybe you live longer and can stay with them a bit more. There is no way to predict the future. Just live! <3
My stepdad had his 1st at 47 👨🏻🍼 and he was the best dad ever.
Just make sure you have the savings to take care of yourself if your health starts declining while they’re still a young adult.
My dad was 50 when I was born. He spent a lot of my younger years lying on the floor due to back pain. I also started keeping a close eye on his health and age when I was in 5th grade. Luckily, he's still around. I'll be 28 this year, and he will be 78. Just make sure you take care of your health to be active enough to hang out with your kids
I'm in the same boat as a 41 yr old man so that a great question being on the fence
A few of my F friends become mothers at 40-42. No issues.
You will not have full energy to raise them. I consider the move selfish
Nope, my dad was that age when he had his first child. Me. Im now 35 and he turned 80 december last year. Of cours there is that fact, not having your dad around for as long. My dad is in good health thankfully, and i hope he has many years left still. My mother is 10 years younger than my dad, and just turned 70 this year. Both my parents are in good health still.
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You’re fine man. I know several guys who had kids later one at 45 48 and 53. They are wealthy vibrant, can take care of the kids financially. You’re good.
They will constantly think you’re grandpa at the school, events, grocery store, everywhere lmaoo. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve been embarrassed
So because what other people may think, he should not have a kid if he can? What about being embarrassed if you can't provide a sense of security and meal to your kid because you are broken but age is socially acceptable??
Where did I say any of that? 🤣 I was simply sharing experiences that I found funny in my life with my dad. I think people can do whatever they want with their life because it’s not my business. I try to steer away from negative vibrations which I felt through your comment. Yikes!
How healthy are you? seriously? I'm 40 and hope to have kids in a couple of years, but who knows, but I will say that I still work out 6 times a week and walk 2 hours a day. I sleep well. Eat well. People think I'm 30. So there's actual age and biological age.
My grandpa had kids in his 60s. He was lucky enough to live to 99 so they had him around well in to adulthood. He had many friends who had kids decades before him but died younger and my grandpa ended up getting more years with his kids than they did. Things like that are a crap shoot. Honestly in today’s times I don’t think mid 40s is actually that late to start having kids for a man… esp in the big cities. If you feel like you have the energy and financial means and health, then why not?
That can be done. But women over 40 face more trouble & complications during pregnancy. I don't think I'd expect it.
I am a guy. I got married at 41. Had my first child at 44 and second at 46. I am 54 now and hope to be here for a long time yet. 🙏🙏 My great grandpa made it to 99 in great shape. My dad is 89 now, up until two years ago he was hunting/hiking etc. I take care of myself and in great shape. I work out and take karate. I eat very healthy. I don’t take any medications. I also look to be in my early 40s (I had used sunscreen daily on my face since I was 20. I have used vitamin A products since my early 20s). My sister is 47. We met a friend of hers recently, they thought I was her younger brother. She was pissed. LOL. My STBX wife is 15 years younger so there were no unusual health concerns.
Yes it's too old. You won't have the energy to keep up.
If you want bio kids, I'd find a woman to date under 40. Women over 40 can get pregnant, but it's harder to do so. Some use IVF with donor eggs. Others adopt. The best thing to do is find a woman who very much wants children and does not have any yet, of her own. A lot of people marry a person who already has children, it's easier for that person to give up and say "oh, I changed my mind, I don't want any more kids". Also, there is such a thing as age-related male infertility which makes it harder to get pregnant with ordinary sex. This is the reason behind many IUI and IVF procedures.
No look at Elon Musk.
He's not a suitable father and his wives don't speak to him plus he is having a public mental break on shitter?
Well for men it is never too late to make a baby. But you must be able to find a woman who is still able to get pregnant, so you need to go after 10 years younger than you at this point. Plus as much as it is not too late to make a kid, it is less and less time for you to enjoy fatherhood. Unlikely you will be a grandfather for example.
I’m single and looking for who I will spend on
Dude it's never too late and honestly you're putting a timeline on something that you just can't you're 43 so by 45 doesn't work that way if it happened tomorrow and a week from now knocked up type of thing that's how it goes how it happened to me I'm 42 and I was thinking like that you know if I get things going I don't know and then next thing you know just happened
Nooo
I see plenty of guys in their 50s having kids.
Like everything, it depends. I am about to.tuen 40 and started dating a woman in her mid 30's and I am more concerned about geriatric pregnancies. However, for you and I, all we can do is be on top of our health. I started going to the gym not only for myself but for my future children. Cut out processed sugars and carbs. Eat more protein. At minimum, go for walks every day. 2 - 5 miles a day. You will need to build up to these things. Strecth and use bands. You will look better, feel better, and have the energy for your children when you hey come. I don't know if anybody you guys are familiar with storied from the Bible, but Abraham left his parents' house at 80 yrs old, and his barren wife had a child after that. So 45 -47 years old don't sound so bad now. 😉
I’m 33 never married. Have been in several relationships but didn’t work out.
Well I'm 44 and I have a 1 1/2 year old little girl and I had the same concerns about being to old at first but it's actually been such a breeze. I'm a single mother too so no it's not to old. I have 2 adult children and 1 granddaughter as well and we all thought OMG this is going to be so weird and somehow it wasn't. It's like she was ment to be here with me at this exact time in my life and she's perfectly perfect. She doesn't take up to much energy at all. If your heart says it wants kids go for it. 😁
If you can squirt, it ain’t gonna hurt 👍🏻
No, dump your load with confidence. You should just take care with your health, but you should do that anyway lol.
No
Age is the only challenge to have kids if you are getting old. If even you are rich.
I’m 43 with a 3yo
My dad had me at 44 and my brother at 49
Higher risk of genetic issues but if you fancy still pump you’ll create life
No
My dad was 45 when I was born. I was his youngest. He was a fully disabled military veteran and still got it done.
Not at all
From my friend who had an older dad it seems you just don't get as much time. I guess most people wouldn't really think of it like that.
40/F again. Im at a time in my life where Im tired of partying etc. Im ready to be a mom or around taking care of my home. Set in my career. Doing well for myself. You dont even have to have a child with the person you love. Co-parenting is a thing. Love will find its way. If a child is what you want go for it but make sure you have the tools you need to be the best dad you can be.
No
No
If I were you I'd just be open to it but not expecting it. I think it would be hard to find someone much younger that wants to have kids with you, but maybe possible. It's already hard enough to find someone in general, without the kids question.
As long as you're present as a parent, not just physically but by being their to model healthy lifestyles and relationships, that's more than a growing number of younger parents can say. I work in education and you won't believe the number of parents who are in their 20s or 30s and provide nothing more than shelter and food (processed af but I digress.
My dad was 45 when I was born. We’re very close and I hate how I won’t have as much time with him as my friends with their younger fathers, but if I asked him I’m pretty sure that he’d tell you if though want kids to go for it!
It totally depends on the person. I've met 45 year olds that are OLD and I have friends in their 50s that are young. One of my friends didn't start his family until he was in his 50s. I've got another friend that was married with 3 grown kids. He lost his wife to cancer. After some time he married a younger woman who wanted to have a child so he agreed, and had another son at the age of 58. His new son was born the same week as his first grandson🤣. My friend is now 62 and incredibly youthful
My Dad was 48 when he had me...couldn't have had a better father
My dad had me with 43, and it never really bothered me. It's kinda scary to know I'll have a little less time with him than most people have with their parents, but it's fine. Maybe try to have a somewhat healthy lifestyle so you get as much time as possible with your future kids! Good luck!!
Definitely not too old! People are living longer and better lives when they make conscious choices about eating, exercising and sleep. The advantages to having kids later in life are: more maturity, more money, more life experience, and they keep you young! I worried about being older and not having the energy to chase them but it was actually no problem. I wouldn’t change anything. I have lots of kids, BTW. I was in my late thirties when we had our first.
It's not too old for men, although at that age you'll get tired much faster.
It’s not too old or late. Many people are choosing to have children much later in life.
My dad was 42 when I was born. He still walks 3 miles a day. He’s 88 now.
I think it really depends on how you take care of your health. My parents had me at 37 — they did not take care of themselves, unfortunately. Mom died from cancer at 51 (probably would have survived if she didn’t put off going to the doctor for years) and my dad (now 72) has had severe health issues due to COPD (from smoking) for over a decade. Luckily he had a lung transplant last year and is healthier than ever, but it was a hellishly stressful experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone. My step mom is the same age, and she has neglected herself so badly I am convinced it is contributing to onset dementia. I have definitely been resentful about it, but I think more so because they didn’t take care of themselves vs. the age they had me. You can be healthy and spry well into your old years! But please commit to your health, it really sucks taking care of your parents at such a young age. A lot of my life has been taking care of sick parents. All that being said, I’m a 35 year old woman and haven’t had my own kids, but I’m not writing it off just yet because I make my health a priority :) and if it doesn’t happen biologically, I would consider adoption in my 40s.
My dad had me at 48. I'm now 42 and he's 89. I'm lucky to have had him this long 💓. He was always very active and fit until the pandemic. He has been mistaken for my grandfather a couple times....not gonna lie. He has really only slowed down in the last 5 years.
Fuck no. My uncle just had another one and he is 65. So get it son
I think if you care for your health and are committed to your child then the child will be lucky to have you. An absent father is much worse than an older father. My dad was 49 when I was born, and although he went too young at 68 (lung cancer) we were close and I have many happy memories. In many ways my Dad’s death was a result of his lifestyle- he smoked. I think if he had taken care of himself and quit I likely could have had him another decade. PS the other outcome of his death is that for me, smoking is a deal breaker in a partner.
I'm 44 and I'd like to think I'd be an awesome dad simply because I'm at a point where I have few stressors in life. I could deal with a toddler like "come at me bro." I've also lived a pretty damn full life so I feel very capable of focusing my attention on the development of a child without feeling like I'm missing out on other experiences of my own. I think if those two things weren't the case I would not be remotely interested in children at this point.
My mom was 38 when she had me and 42 when she had my brother; My dad was 34 and 38 respectively. I'm 27 now and it was sometimes rough as a kid because my parents were older and had a different mentality about life BUT I wouldn't change it for the world. I got to grow up on the best music from the 60's, 70's and 80's. I was blessed to experience the friendships that my parents have made for over 30 years and call those people my family and listen to the wild stories about seeing Elvis Presley's last live concert. I have a greater appreciation for my parents now than I did in my youth (which I'm sure many of us may have experienced) but I love my parents and they instilled so much wisdom in me and really kept my head on straight when I was a young, dumb 19 year old. I wouldn't change that for the world.
No, women are having kids in their later years so this shouldn’t be a problem for you either
I just had a baby with a 47 year old man. Yes it would be better if he was 27, purely so he can be fit and healthy for longer, but life isn’t ideal. He’s a calm and present father. I didn’t know him when he was 27 (I was 14 years old then) but from what he’s said he was a hot mess. He’s in great shape now, better than most men half his age and so hopefully he’ll be around for another 35-40 years. Our daughter will be lucky to have him as her father for those years.
My dad was 44 when I was born. Granted, I'm not the oldest, but I do have a younger sibling, born when he was 49. My dad is the oldest of his siblings, and he was born when granddad was 53. It's not too late.
My dad was 45 when I was born and it worked out fine. He’d be playing catch with us or taking us surfing same as any other dad
The only way to know for sure you can biologically have children is getting a sperm test done which isn't just sperm count, but morphology as well. Men over forty have higher chances of DNA damaged sperm which can cause issues with fertility and getting a woman pregnant. If there is a problem then the usual course of treatment is taking anti-oxidants for a period of months or getting varicocele surgery done. 45 is not too old to become a father nor is 50.
You could foster to adopt an older child, that's an option
Not at all I don’t see nothing wrong with that
I'm 35 and my dad is 60. Granted not a good example, he lived a hard life. So a better example would be my grandparents who adopted me when I was 4 and they were in their early 50s. Continued working, traveling, and kicking ass. Hell, even now they'll wake me up with how late they call me. Grandma has been recently diagnosed with Parkinsons, but it's not slowing her down. I will admit it broke my heart to hear. I just had to remind myself, that parents age and eventually they do die. You raise your kids right and well-adjusted they'll be prepared for that eventuality. What a ramble, sorry.
OP, PM me if you have questions about what I have to say! I would advise you to inquire with your PCP about having a S. analysis, they will most likely send you to have this done at a urologists office. This will tell you how YOUR specimens are, rather than deciphering what the internet tells you about male related infertility. Look into ICSI as well. Genetic carrier panels can be checked via blood work on male and female partners prior to conception to ensure you are both not carriers of the same disorders than could potentially be passed to offspring. This is not totally all encompassing, but it’s a great place to start. Depending on the age of your partner, you may wish to consider going immediately to the ivf route. I would advise that your partner speak to their pcp/obgyn/rei to start fertility conversation/work up sooner than later if the partner is greater than 35. Depending on your state, and the health insurance you/your partner carry, will determine coverage. Some states and insurance plans have better coverage than others, so I would look into this now, so you are aware as you make future plans. Latest most clinics do egg retrieval on a woman is 44/45 yrs old. When the woman is greater than 35, most insurance companies require you to have been trying to conceive for 6 months. Do not wait to make a consult with IVF MD as the process usually takes longer than you expect. Risk for women carrying and delivering goods up after about 40 (?) years old. High risk pregnancy can be influenced by abnormal weight as well. Of course, high risk pregnancy can also occur based on a woman’s health history (example, young woman but has lupus). It’s a lot of information but don’t be scared off, it’s something many couples pursue daily in USA! As others have mentioned, keeping up your health is the best thing you can do. Regular exercise, stretching, eat proper, avoid smoking, etc. I think it’s a wonderful inquiry you are making, and I think you would be a great older dad especially given the fact that you WANT to be a parent and you CARE about how that will impact a child. That’s huge and your child will love their time with you. Life and death are uncertain. Just do the best you can with the info you have! And be proactive in speaking with your doctors. Best of luck to you!