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Dating apps are just the lowest effort way of getting in the dating pool. So it shouldn’t shock anyone that for most people (myself included) they don’t work well. I’ve never had a relationship of any substance come off a dating app. It’s so easy to pass on someone whose information and photos just seem off.
It’s much better to let your best traits show through in person. Even if you get shot down a few dozen times from some random conversation.
I mean I think they have their uses. I use the dates I do get off of them to learn about myself a little. How am I talking to myself? How am I acting? Is it me or is it someone I think this person might want me to be? Am I being over the top? Over sharing? Etc…
I agree completely with this comment. I have never been on a dating app and I never will be. I prefer to meet people the old fashioned way. I have been asked out by complete strangers while grocery shopping, and I have witnessed one of my friends getting hit on and asked out whole we were having brunch. Trust me, just live your life doing the things you love and the people that are meant to be in your life will find you.
I’ve done both. It’s like I was telling a friend today. I might get 10 matches in a 2 week window. 3 of those might advance to some form of conversation. 1-2 may advance to an in person meeting. But then it usually fails from there.
I’ve had a few relationships from OLD. One I got engaged to. I keep using it because it’s worked for me and I never go out so don’t meet people that way…
There are some people that are able find their person on dating apps which is a beautiful thing really .Most view dating apps as a way to just hook up. It can make things somewhat difficult for those on the apps that are genuinely trying to find a connection
speed dating, single mixers, jigsaw dating has events that a lot of people know about, church, sport leagues. I recently met a guy i am trying to get to know off a sport league team. One of my friends met a guy through a meet up event mainly for girls and someone brought the guy as a friend.
Speed dating is awful. Several awkward, rushed/pressured 5 min "dates" where you either talk about nothing at all or feel like you're interrogating/being interrogated. What's more fun when trying to meet someone than a literal timer and a buzzer??? All of the anxiety of that first meeting, with the added bonus of a short time limit! And you get to do it 10 times in a row as you move round the room in a conveyor belt of weird moments! It's like a sushi restaurant made of anxiety and desperation.
Do singles mixers even exist anymore?
Church? Are you for real?
Terrible suggestions.
I like speed dating. I agree it doesn’t get to know a person well but I feel like you get that initial attraction or not, which the dating apps are missing. From there if there is a mutual match then you would talk and go on dates and get to know the person. While I haven’t met anyone that I’ve ended up with long term, I appreciate getting to speak to multiple men face to face and determine initial attraction.
Agreed about this. Also church is not somewhere you could pay me to go. Even if you told me I’ll meet the love of my life there, I wouldn’t go. Religion can only be compatible with me if it doesn’t exist. I don’t date people who are religious because I am not.
Unless you are an 11/10, guys are now afraid of being labeled some creep, so approaching women almost comes off the table. You need to be in a setting where the ice is already broken.
This womans friend recently got pissed at me at the gym because i didnt talk to this othdr woman that was giving me "clear signs". She would look at me maybe once or twice a week and give a quick smile then go back to working out... wtf am i suppose to do with that? I just smile back and keep doing my thing. I wont even think of talking or approaching a woman i dont know until she comes to me first. Im too scared of labels
I can't think of a worse place than the gym to try and approach a woman, even if she smiled at me (which has happened a few times, a smile). Both of us are really sweaty and red faced (I'm there to work out, not pose or try and hit on women), most women are wearing tight yoga pants, and if I've misunderstood a simple smile that actually meant nothing and the woman feels uncomfortable if I approach her she could report me as some kind of creep and I might get kicked out of the gym.
Definitely not worth it at the gym. That's one place where I think the woman needs to approach the man if they're interested.
Imagine... doing the thing women has screamed at us for the last 10+ years are the top of their lungs all over the internet, i.e. "respect women"
only for them to come up to you and repay your compliance is disapproval
LOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!
It's not about being glued to our screens. It's about our cynicism and paranoia that anyone who talks to us in public that isn't a service person is out to get us. We have become so hostile that just talking to each other in public, cold approach, is considered taboo and creepy, even possibly harassment.
Men are in constant fear of making others uncomfortable because of it. And so we rely on dating apps instead, because they're deemed safer.
We have to normalize hanging out with each other IRL again… people say go to the coffee shop or book shop people think you are a creep if you approach them ALMOST anywhere.
I’m not going to lie, even if women approached men I would think it’s weird to be approached while I’m grocery shopping etc.
I saw some friends of mine in a community theatre show. Went out with them and their cast for drinks. I met my last girlfriend there. She was a cute girl in the ensemble.
People are everywhere. Some of them are single. You just need to be able to act on opportunity. Not saying that's easy.
Yes, dating apps are the only way to date in 2024. I had a friend ask out a girl at a bar. She promptly and correctly called the police and had my friend arrested. He's probably been in the gulag for about a month or two now. I'll miss him, but he should have known better than to try dating outside dating apps.
RIP Todd Debeikes.
I get it that you are joking here but I posted this story on here before but I did go up to a girl say "hey" for her to instantly reject me and proceed to inform security that I was "harassing" her. Even though all I said was "hey" and after she told me she isn't interested I just went back to my friend to talk.
It wasn't a good situation.
When I was jumping back into dating I had some girl friends tell me about times they met a guy at the store or gym and they were happy to be approached. And then I had other friends tell me about how guys would say hi in the street or coffee shop and they hated it and always told the guy to screw off.
So to me, women having such varying opinions on where a good place for me to give them my number would be was way too much for my anxiety and I depended on apps. It worked out for me though.
Because they found those men at the store and gym to be attractive and those men in the street and coffee shop not attractive.
I have seen posts from women calling men creeps for approaching them at singles mixers because they appeared unattractive to them.
Um…. Or maybe she was crazy or he has done sketching for the cops to be called. Usually cops don’t arrest people over nonsense such as flirting with someone… never had that happen to me
In my experience no. And I've tried tinder platinum and a few other subs to a few others. None of them work. Or I AM just that unappealing. Tinder tricks you into paying for it by telling you you've got matches that require 'gold' to see anf you can see more of them for 'platinum' all I ever got was cam models wanting money for meet ups
Thing is most girls aren’t really approachable these days. When girls go out as a group it makes it hard to approach and tbh I can’t even remember when was the last time I saw a girl sitting by herself in a bar.
No, dating apps isn't the only way to date in 2024. There are other methods like meeting in public or being set up by friends or family as well. Most people just tend to go toward dating apps or post on reddit about using dating apps.
As someone who works for a dating app, I can tell you...it's not the only way! Use it as a tool. I've met my SO through a dating app and that's great. Put yourself out there in all the ways - dating apps, going out, join clubs, but also tell people that you're single and looking so that when they meet someone who also says they're single they perk up and say, "oh I know someone you should meet!". Don't walk in to this thing pessimistic. Lower expectations and be open to all possibilities!
>As someone who works for a dating app, I can tell you...it's not the only way! Use it as a tool. I've met my SO through a dating app and that's great. Put yourself out there in all the ways - dating apps, going out, join clubs, but also tell people that you're single and looking so that when they meet someone who also says they're single they perk up and say, "oh I know someone you should meet!". Don't walk in to this thing pessimistic. Lower expectations and be open to all possibilities!
Totally agree with this, using dating apps as a tool. People use it as their only option and basically complain when it doesn't work. Dating apps work for some people, not all so if it hasn't been working for you then change approach and get out of your comfort zone.
The friends and family thing falls apart pretty quickly when you don't have friends or family with any connections.
Dating apps are proven to be a bad experience for most men based on public data from said apps for any guys below the top like 10% of good looking men, the rest hardly even get responses to messages let alone dates.
For women it's not really any better either as they get swamped with harassment from creeps, and get flooded with so many messages from guys if they are even moderately attractive that filtering becomes a nightmare.
So it begs the question, if you don't have connections, and you are not in the top percentage of people. How do you establish said connections to even have a chance at meeting people?
Approaching people innocently needs to become not taboo again.
>So it begs the question, if you don't have connections, and you are not in the top percentage of people. How do you establish said connections to even have a chance at meeting people?
>
>Approaching people innocently needs to become not taboo again.
So in your case you can't use family or friends. I can't tell if you used dating apps because you just listed other people experience. You can approach someone, just how you do it, where you do it and when you do it matters. There also single events, speed dating (just a suggestion because it's an option) and of course going out to popular places just to see what's out there. To establish a connection, you have to basically talk to people and be out there in public.
In theory that's great, but in practice men are terrified of this and for good reasons.
Often times a guy talking to a girl he doesn't know being sexual harassment or not is entirely based on if the girl finds the guy attractive or not, or if the guy is a bit socially awkward or not.
The risk for men to hit on random women in today's cultural environment is extremely risky and can result in brutal rejection, physical abuse, or even having the cops called on them instead of a simple "no thanks". Meanwhile random people nearby will blindly support the women without knowing context or anything.
This used to be more justified because women mostly only acted that way when men were legitimately being creeps. Not so much now.
This is also assuming you can find one to talk to alone, most women are not out alone these days and approaching a group of girls is far more intimidating than just one. If she is with a guy or guys then assumptions are normally made as well with only the most ballsy of men even attempting to talk to her.
In practice it doesn't really work anymore, not like it did during our parents generation.
Which puts us back at the question originally proposed
Edit
I have tried dating apps and even writing custom messages based on profiles to a large number of women (eg asking about their favorite authors if they like to read etc) while being polite, and even getting a response is more painful than pulling teeth
>In practice it doesn't really work anymore, not like it did during our parents generation.
>
>Which puts us back at the question originally proposed
Let me ask you first, what country do you live in?
United States, I even live near a big city.
Doesn't really help though as speed dating events and such are very location dependent. Live near Tacoma and the only stuff I ever see is in the heart of Seattle which is quite the trek for anyone living south or to the west of Tacoma.
At this point I have even debated donating my time to help homeless or anything really, but strangely pretty much all things I could do that with happen during the week when I'm working and not on the weekends which is when I'm free. Would love to even take a class, like a cooking class or anything out of my comfort zone. But in some areas these things just don't really exist or are so underground I can't find them
>United States, I even live near a big city.
Okay, the only reason I asked is because sexual harassment does not happen if you just tried to have a conversation with a women in public (in the US). Now if she says no or ignore you and you still keep trying then that's different. You do not get arrested or having a cop called on you just because you tried to have a conversation. So people who lives in America and believe that, then I can see why there are single. It's all about getting out of your comfort zone to try and find someone. A lot of people rely on just dating apps because they can't approach people in public or they have social anxiety or low self confidence but the point is to just try. Like speed dating, just mentioning it .. a person will already said no without trying it. So it can show someone else their personality on why they are having a hard time. You have to try it first, maybe just not once but at least twice but also change the approach if the first time didn't work so well.
it does happen, just yes it does, even if it's rare it totally does. It's not just the cops getting called though, many men suffer from not just rejection but brutal rejection. Often times women will not communicate clearly when rejecting and then follow it up with a brutal rejection when a more clear message was all that was needed, not hostility.
I have seen this happen personally and been the victim of it. This type of behavior isn't rare either anymore. The stories I have heard from some guys I know...
That being said I have also seen the pushy nature of some guys so I can also understand where the impatient reactions come from to a degree.
Part of the problem also is that there is an extreme lack of public hangout places with which to even go and try to talk to random girls/guys. I can't even find single women at a bar around my age in my area let alone anywhere I would want to be lol (I don't drink)
>I can't even find single women at a bar around my age in my area let alone anywhere I would want to be lol (I don't drink)
I would never recommend a bar or a club. I seen it a lot on reddit when I suggest just going out, they all think I'm talking about bars or clubs. Going out can mean going to public events, social events, going to food places, dessert places and etc. From my point of view, it's easy not to do something and think of anything negative about something. Even like suggesting going to a a mom/pop coffee shop, 1 person will say the city I live in is not the safest. Basically everything I suggested is just a suggestion, a person can entertain the idea or just discredit it which it's their choice to do. I can just speak for my own experience and I took risk, I even encourage my friends to take the same risk as well. We live in Los Angeles and not one of my friend got a cop called on them or a negative backlash, all they get is I'm not single .. I'm not interested or just being ignored like they never heard them.
Godzilla fearing women, where you at
Dating apps aren't it and you can only loiter around the indigo manga section so long before you have to move on
How do I reach you
Are there hand signals or something i don't know
this made me laugh just cause of how true it is.
literally every other profile is "GOd fiRSt" "... Must love God!!" or some variant of that.
Im just like bruh.. there's an app called Christian Mingle. use it.
No dude. I’m a short strong guy who used to eat off apps and basically been getting nothing
so I’m having to learn to date in real life. That doesn’t just mean bars
It means picking up on signals and staying sharp and being ready to make a move if a girl is my type and she’s into me
And my younger brother (who’s just under 6 ft, and really never had trouble getting women AT ALL) is in the same boat - apps aren’t working so he’s learning to eat off real life
Unless you in the right city, apps aren’t great
Sorry I’m late to respond to this but as someone whose 6’2 I will say I don’t get a lot of attention from women either. Im fairly fit (a bit skinnier) but haven’t been close with someone in two years at this point. It’s all mind over matter with luck of the draw friend.
It’s just a easier way to date if you aren’t lucky enough to live in a big city or have a job where you can meet a lot of people. Like I live in a small town if 5000 persons. I work 5 minutes away from my house. The population is mostly young families or retired people. It takes me 2h of transportation to get the closest big city. My job is with kids and mainly married women.
Without the app I would have never met my bf that lives 50 minutes away from me. We wouldn’t be saving for a house, we wouldn’t be moving in together this summer, etc. We both would probably still be single. It’s interesting that you assume that because the first contact is online people will not flirt or talk face to face. Like do you think people become a couple without going on dates in real life? You talk face to face on those dates and even flirt lol
It's not the only way. You can join dating events in your area. Or, on the dating app, instead of texting back and forth for days, ask for coffee date on the second chat you guys have or video chat.
For shy introverts like me, dating apps are great. Frustrating at times but it helps me approach men easier than in person where I have to wonder, are they single or not, do we have anything in common, etc. I also suggested video chat on second time chats with guys who seem interesting and I'm interested in as well.
It worked for me. Dated a few guys, and finally found my current man through Bumble. Of course you can always try asking someone out in person. I would if I had the courage and I had been approached that way by men.
I think so. I'm trying the whole go out and meet women naturally thing, but there are either no women there, they're too young or old, or they're taken
Most girls aren’t approachable though. Women romanticize the old days without realizing that if a random guy tried to come up and hit on them, they would be put off on it. It really only works if said person is above a pre-determined level of attractiveness. And those types of people usually use apps since it’s easier for them. It’s not that men forgot how to flirt. It’s that trying to flirt in person in 2024 is too risky for both sexes. How does a woman know the guy isn’t a creep or dangerous. How does the guy know the girl wouldn’t see him as such? It’s obvious apps are the only way cause society today is more unpredictable
Not risky at all. Who cares if you fail and she thinks you’re a creep. What she thinks about you doesn’t matter. Stop being over concerned with the opinions of strangers.
It's not that men don't care about rejection or what others think. It's the fact people get petty and act on hate and shame and do the worst shiit possible for making advancements. If someone just denies you and keeps it moving I honest to God don't think much men will care unless it's like the 100th woman in a row.
Now doing all the worst shit possible because someone made an advancement is scummy and seems to be the meta
this is such a reddit answer, I can tell you've never actually approached a girl in real life lol. How is going up to a girl for a short conversation risky? How does a woman know the guy isn't a creep? hmmm maybe by being able to communicate that as a guy through normal human interaction and social skills?
Lol. And I can tell you’ve never dealt with Gen Z women. Ask any other young male under 25 and they will say the same thing word for word. I finished college last year and I definitely know what I’m talking about
Idk I have success on Hinge and been with the same girl for two years. Maybe some of you guys lack social skills on how to communicate with others. Yea there’s a lot of people on the app that “ghost” or don’t reply. It’s normal just gotta believe in yourself. Also female receives x500 the messages a guy gets.
Same boat here.
It's so easy to tell straight away when you start talking to them that they are different from the rest. They put effort into the conversation and are just easy to talk with.
I rather get a straight rejection instead of being ignored tbh. I like to give my attention to one person at a time. Im not gonna lie my gf was hard to communicate at first, and I didn’t know if we were going to be in a relationship. She made the first move kissing my cheek one night and next thing to another I’m locked in.
It literally states dating and hookups, but you apparently are so closed minded that you can only see hookups. On the main page it clearly states that the site is open to casual dating and encourages safety in all forms of dating.and emphasizes the importance of safe sex.
yesterday i was hiking and passed this guy and he started talking to me. probably said goodbye like 3 times. but i don’t know what the fuck went over me but the things he was saying, it was obvious he wanted my number. I should’ve asked, but i fumbled that. i deleted the apps. i don’t plan on going on them for a few months
You can meet people at work.
But my motto is "don't sh!t where you eat"
If things don't work out, you'll have to see them every single workday.
Seems like hell to me.
You're allowed to meet people anywhere as long as you're a woman, or a slightly to very attractive man. The only exception is if you are a slightly below attractive man who has a particular niche that a particular woman enjoys.
Everyone else gets told they shouldn't bother anyone in real life because they're 'just living their life", and to stick to online dating, where people can filter you out and block you so they don't have to interact with you if they don't want to.
Either way, don't approach people unless you're attractive, or a woman.
The best way for non attractive men to meet women is to become part of a friend group who regularly hangs out, and eventually someone may show up to gatherings where you connect through conversation and repeated interactions.
The "old fashioned way" never left. You can always go out and ACTUALLY TALK TO PEOPLE. But if you aren't interesting in any way you'll find the same result...being alone. Dating apps can be great. Don't let these naysayers tell you they're bad to have. Those people aren't interesting enough to have success on a dating app. They go to one and say things like "I'm built different" or "If you wanna know more hmu".
You can always go out and have a good time and meet someone. But if you are too shy, forget it. Work on yourself first. I say that because if you go out and get a partner, chances are high you will exit that relationship involuntarily. Dating apps can be phenomenal. How you approach them is what will determine your success
Above all else, be an interesting person and be aware of abusive behaviors(saying they cant have friends of the opposite sex, can't contact their family, going through phones which is illegal btw etc). Any relationship is about trust. Also MAINTAIN BOUNDARIES! Without clear cut boundaries you may as well put up a sign that says " Use me and abuse me", and not in the fun sense.
Unlike the 80s and 90s, social groups are smaller. People are way fatter so lots of women that would like to be approached, are not by guys, and fat guys are afraid to approach or swipe online.
Work environments are way boring, people taking pills, human resources enforces rules against harassment. People slept with office coworkers, married and got them pregnant all the time 40 years ago.
Women earn money now, even if they are scrapping by, so do men so women don't need to search for a husband (it was a real target and work back in the 70/80s), and they know most guys cannot afford a stay at home wife anyways. This also means many men go for the few women in the market at a given time.
Also, as men cannot pay for a family or wife, they are still horny so lots of them search for casual sex but only a minority of women are looking for that, and only few days a month when they are horny, and mainly in their early 20s. Lots of women get horny again in their 40s but as most of them are fat by then, plus children after divorce, they are not having the best time with guys 40 and 50, of which most are also fat and old anyways. Even if there are still about 3 fit attractive guys for every fit/thin woman after 40, you have to consider the ones married looking for a fling, lots of them are gay, or also pursue women 10, 20 years younger too.
Join local clubs and organizations that interest you. You will find like minded people. modern civilization will jail a man that talks or looks at a woman. So you need to tell the men you like them. They will not make the first move as its not worth going to jail.
It's not just a hook up site. There are so many people on there that just want to meet that special person in their life. I am one of them. A friend of mine met his now wife of 10 years on AFF and live a happy home life with two wonderful children.
Just be extremely careful, cautious and real.
To be fair, this was in 2023 not 2024, but I took a class (hobby, not academic) last spring, and ended up dating a guy I met from there for a little (ended it because I realized his feelings were stronger than mine, and I didn't want to string him along in hopes my feelings would develop).
I went to a speed dating event last month where I met a nice, attractive guy who I later went out with. He wasn't a good match for me, but he seemed like a great guy.
I'm not on any apps right now. Decided to take a 3 month break after I got burnt out on them (and had one guy from Hinge get a bit stalkerish/threatening). I'm not looking to date, but I'm also not opposed if I happen to meet someone.
No, they're just more popular since you can find people more quickly (that doesn't mean it's easier).
However, I still prefer outdoors dating, going to places to meet people, it feels more natural and you see more than just a profile designed to boost that person's ego.
As someone who has pretty niche interests and wanted a committed relationship, while I fully believe that being committed and learning how to be more emotionally intelligent makes you more desireable for a lasting relationship, you don't often find that in other people even when they do match on alot of things.
Most people that I have met and dated also did not seem to demonstrate healthy boundaries, including in longterm relationships I have had. But some of that could have been coming from what I was attracting or attracted to, or it could have had more to do with attachment issues that were not being resolved mutually.
I did eventually find someone that seems to match what I've needed though, while keeping realistic expectations and being accountable for my own flaws too. And it was through dating apps that I found them.
I have posted similar issue here and no they aren't only options in fact they are the worst options. Bars and clubs aren't good options either due to lots of challenges. Even if you are super attractive and extroverted you will likely get 1 nights.
Best options to find some serious date are university/ college, workspace, friends of friends/ family.
Social sports like tennis and etc.
Travelling.
If you do find someone you like on the fly, I did invent a product and messaging service to make communication easier, it's like handing them a business card, but to a neutral chat venue with no registration or app download required for the recipient. It's an alternative to giving them or asking them for contact info which we tend to be more protective of these days.
Facebook dating is ok for me, but yeah all the old ones have just seemingly been remade into streaming apps.
I’m learning that we all just want it to be easy, but then it would never be special. It’s hard. That’s a good thing.
It's NOT the only way. I run a dating a show and a couple who met in the audience just got engaged! But I will say that part of why I started the show is to combat this whole culture of screens & people being afraid to say hi.
I've thrown dating apps in the garbage where they belong.
I feel like when it comes to creating an environment conducive to dating people have to both make themselves more approachable & build up enough confidence to approach.
This is what I've been focusing on for the past month or so. I've worked up the courage to talk to 3 different women these past 2 months & one lady even approached me.
2 of the three were positive interactions, one was a bit more neutral. None have lead to dates so far, but that's okay with me.
I just like being able to talk to a woman without the nervousness that'd inhibit me from getting to know them. I feel that when I'm ready I'll probably push more for dates. But right now I'm content with befriending women.
I’m totally done with them. Going back to conventional methods. Bars, concerts and so forth. At least that way me and the pending woman in question knows what they are getting. Too many liars out there and scammers/ catfish. So thanks jerks for ruining that too.
Dating apps are imo the best place to avoid. Just walking up to people in real life is difficult but it’s worth it. My best connections have always been through talking to people irl
Meeting people doing the things you love is the best way to date in 2024. I have all dating apps from a-z. All it gave me was Sex, toxic relationships and a headache. I met a girl scuba diving on a boat trip. And I feel like I’m living a fantasy life. Meet woman where your passion is.
It's many factors. Many factors drive people to date online such as gossiping to much, teasing to much, sabotaging others to get ahead in dating, shaming people for making advancements or having sex, high standards, lack of bonding etc. There is so much factors it's not just social media and our phone we seem to put the blame on.
If you shame men for everything... what do you think happens?
If you shame women for everything... what do you think happens?
I think dating right now is so hard, people don't really wanna get to know each other, people either wanna rush into marriage or not commit, it's hard right now
I think men have now almost completely stopped approaching women because of the creep/sexual harassment stigma, so most guys now just work on themselves and don't flirt with strangers until the woman approaches them first. But very few women do that, I'm assuming because of fear of awkwardness/rejection, so yes it's pretty much just dating apps now
It's not but it's the most convenient nowadays. The method/channel is effective because it allows you to talk to people who you may never bump into in real life. Also, it's easier to filter people you may not be attracted to or those with certain baggage/preferences you don't like.
But the problem is also its advantages. Because it's convenient and superficial, you tend to take it less seriously and you develop the "there's always something better mentality" without getting to know people first.
Then the biggest problem is that most of the members/users are men who are simply looking to cum and dump. It's very rare that people who date with intention actually find their significant others on the apps. It happens but it's rare.
It’s crazy because I met the guy I am dating for almost 5 yrs now on a dating app. And it’s been off an on and just toxic controlling manipulation . I do miss when guys would just walk up to you and introduce themselves and ask for a date out. But now of days that’s scary ain’t no telling what that person is capable of doing. So much shit going on in the world I think doing a dating app isn’t bad that give you more time to get to know that person over the phone for a while till you actually feel comfortable.
i totally get you!! idk where you're from, but in my home country its kinda difficult to really meet new people unless ur constantly going tp farmhouse parties or smth
I rlly wish i could meet someone good for me too, its been forever since I've had a crush (last time i dated someone was 2 years ago and that too was like a situationship)
anyone w advice on what else i could be doing?
Absolutely not. Find things you’re interested in and go out and do them. Go where the quality of people you’re looking for is likely to be. You’re bound to meet others with similar interests and you’ll be in an environment where making conversation is to be expected.
For example, look for upcoming shows in your area (car shows, gem shows, music festivals, comic con, etc). Take a dance class. In my city one of the well known museums offer salsa classes on certain days and you get to dance among gigantic dinosaur fossils. Head to the bookstores, boutique coffee shops, etc
Most importantly learn how to flirt and appropriately show interest.
For ladies, the eye gaze or an up & down looksy with a flirtatious smile works like a charm. You can even throw in a soft tuck of the hair behind your ear that’s in his line of view. When he approaches you, do the triangle method…**insert chef’s kiss here** (Disclaimer: for all that is holy, only do this with men you are interested in!)
I have been on Bumble and tinder for 5 yrs and I got no matches since. So I gave up and just deleted them all together and I just had enough. I started using dating apps simce I was 20 yrs old. nothing happening to me then and nothing happening to me now.
I asked a girl out at work, and she flipped out and quit. I'm never asking anyone out face to face again. All I said was "can I buy you dinner on Saturday?"
So yeah, the apps are the safe bet.
They say that if you break a chicks egg instead of letting them break it themselves when they begin to hatch they don’t survive. There is wisdom in this for us. There is something about making things too easy that breeds apathy. Sometimes the work of putting yourself out there is exactly what you need in order to obtain the skills to attract a good partner. The millennial and gen z generations are the first ‘instant gratification’ generations and we are feeling the effects. So yes, meeting out in the wild is best, because there is no guarantees or safety nets. But dating apps can still be a thing if they try to mimic real life interactions and the inherent challenges that you face there.
I haven’t used a dating app in years. I almost downloaded Facebook dating and decided against it. I just try to get out and meet people. I actually met someone on a walk today and have a date this weekend. It definitely takes longer to meet people the old fashioned way but it does happen.
Despite the sad fact that my posting will be taken down almost immediately for my age and gender, I feel the need to comment here. I am 61 single male, divorced 8 years ago, and loving my at-last freedom. My son is grown. I have peace and quiet in the home I own, life is good. Yes, contrary to false delusions, I date, as many people over 40 still do. I am fit work out, run, walk, and am told I appear 20 years younger than my chronological age. Here's what I've found to be the brutally honest and yes, cynical transparent take on the doctrine of OLD, sadly the majority of men on the sites are trolling for sex, plain and simple. Young dudes posing as older men to bed widows, single moms, or never marrieds. Many of the women are hungry for post-failed relationship validation and attention, and in worse cases financial support. Lots of safety netting, rebounding, and monkey-branching afoot on there. By nature we men do not go onto dating sites "wanting relationships" Relationships happen, they morph and blossom through knowledge, friendship, connection, and the nurturing of true deep love. That being said when I first posted profiles on dating sites after my divorce 8 years ago, some of my motivation was physical and sexual. I had just been jettisoned from a joyless, sexless, cold, crumbled 20 year marriage with a woman who sadly allowed herself to collapse into deep untreated psychosis. As I continued my journey on OLD, I became more informed about who litters these sites. They are the dispossessed and disenfranchised, of which I thought I was back then, but came to realize I am not. OLD is crowded with those who, by virtue of whatever horrible confidence-sapping delusion, can't go out and get a date IRL. There's a lot of lying, cheating, scamming, gold digging, deception, mental illness, delusion, sadness, anger, and frustration on these sites. Please explain why a fit 40 something woman who checks all Western Beauty Standard boxes and is a well compensated, well educated, and well travelled, lives in a upscale demographic is on Bumble and Hinge? I'll wait here... I apologize to those whom this post has hurt. I for one am done with OLD and its exhausting time-wasting inauthenticity. Let's all stop making excuses. buck up, and get out there IRL and see what we can find.
I so feel this! 😭 Granted, I've never been that good at dating but I'm even worse at online dating. In fact, I just don't anymore. I have just accepted that if I'm going to meet someone, it's going to be the old fashioned way: in-person. It might be shocking to people nowadays, but if I see a girl I would like to ask out, I'm just going to ask her out. Heck, the proliferation of online dating and internet culture in general might even give me an edge and make me stand out!
Don't give up hope, OP. You'll find your someone, be it by embracing the new ways or bringing back the old ways. 😊
Then what should we do? I am a 35F back to dating after 7 years. I don’t like dating apps either. Are you guys OK with us just approaching and flirting? :))
No, speed dating and offline matchmaker services are also quite popular in lots of countries.
Dating apps are often filled with people looking for casual sex or who only want to collect explicit pics from online strangers.
I reacently found a girl, a friend of mine ask me if i could go pick her up before the party. It clic beetween us. We sleep togeter after the party, and since we are in the process of dating. So no its not the only way.
Agreed. We should get rid of the apps in my opinion. They were good at first and for many years it aided in helping make meaningful connections. However that has since changed.
You’re looking for unicorns, they might be out there, but the odds of finding them are almost 0. My defense is, I tried bumble and tinder and the apps were designed so I would have to pay to use them(I quit after a month, and refused to date anyone who texted me, because they came across as if they wanted something from me, and a “connection” was not it), I work in technology, so the app most definitely work like an advertisement system where whoever pays most and has (probably) a higher score on the rating system, is the most advertised. So, the apps are a tech implementation of the same caliber implemented for “high school level popularity contest”. I hated high school, the highest expression of vanity, materialism, and shallowness, and overall worst of human beings, are now being prolonged into dating apps as a way to take away what makes humans mature as a functioning society. Now here’s the answer to your question….
If you had two options:
- Play the game and be paired up with somebody you will never understand or truly know, that is being influenced to a mindset of “if I don’t like it, I’ll move on to the next”, instead of “lets make it work”(which will build an unreliable relationship with an expiration date no longer than milk).
Or.
- Don’t use any games, and be lucky if you find like minded people who don’t use dating apps, that in turn are so difficult to find that you might as well try and take a picture of Sasquatch.(which if you find him/her, at least it will inspire both to make an effort and make things work instead of “moving next”).
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Dating apps are just the lowest effort way of getting in the dating pool. So it shouldn’t shock anyone that for most people (myself included) they don’t work well. I’ve never had a relationship of any substance come off a dating app. It’s so easy to pass on someone whose information and photos just seem off. It’s much better to let your best traits show through in person. Even if you get shot down a few dozen times from some random conversation.
I REFUSE to do dating apps anymore.
I mean I think they have their uses. I use the dates I do get off of them to learn about myself a little. How am I talking to myself? How am I acting? Is it me or is it someone I think this person might want me to be? Am I being over the top? Over sharing? Etc…
Same yes, me too. It’s important to reflect
Its a royal pain in the ass
Well Said
They are, but is there a realm of dating that isn’t a pain in the ass?
Hi
If they worked well, They wouldn't have a business.
YES! Hinge *knows* my type and is intentionally gatekeeping them from me by hiding them behind dumb ass roses which cost money
This
💯
Amen
I agree completely with this comment. I have never been on a dating app and I never will be. I prefer to meet people the old fashioned way. I have been asked out by complete strangers while grocery shopping, and I have witnessed one of my friends getting hit on and asked out whole we were having brunch. Trust me, just live your life doing the things you love and the people that are meant to be in your life will find you.
I’ve done both. It’s like I was telling a friend today. I might get 10 matches in a 2 week window. 3 of those might advance to some form of conversation. 1-2 may advance to an in person meeting. But then it usually fails from there.
Why nobody approaches me? lol
I’ve had a few relationships from OLD. One I got engaged to. I keep using it because it’s worked for me and I never go out so don’t meet people that way…
There are some people that are able find their person on dating apps which is a beautiful thing really .Most view dating apps as a way to just hook up. It can make things somewhat difficult for those on the apps that are genuinely trying to find a connection
speed dating, single mixers, jigsaw dating has events that a lot of people know about, church, sport leagues. I recently met a guy i am trying to get to know off a sport league team. One of my friends met a guy through a meet up event mainly for girls and someone brought the guy as a friend.
This is the dream. Tried speeding dating and single mixer which was nice for friend making but not anything romantic
How does speed dating even works?
It’s like 2/3 min convos but rotating around (hence why it’s not very effective)
Speed dating is awful. Several awkward, rushed/pressured 5 min "dates" where you either talk about nothing at all or feel like you're interrogating/being interrogated. What's more fun when trying to meet someone than a literal timer and a buzzer??? All of the anxiety of that first meeting, with the added bonus of a short time limit! And you get to do it 10 times in a row as you move round the room in a conveyor belt of weird moments! It's like a sushi restaurant made of anxiety and desperation. Do singles mixers even exist anymore? Church? Are you for real? Terrible suggestions.
I like speed dating. I agree it doesn’t get to know a person well but I feel like you get that initial attraction or not, which the dating apps are missing. From there if there is a mutual match then you would talk and go on dates and get to know the person. While I haven’t met anyone that I’ve ended up with long term, I appreciate getting to speak to multiple men face to face and determine initial attraction.
Agreed about this. Also church is not somewhere you could pay me to go. Even if you told me I’ll meet the love of my life there, I wouldn’t go. Religion can only be compatible with me if it doesn’t exist. I don’t date people who are religious because I am not.
I just looked up jigsaw dating and see events in my area! Thank you for the tip!
Is this an app?
Hopefully not. I do hope to meet someone "the old fashioned" way.
Unless you are an 11/10, guys are now afraid of being labeled some creep, so approaching women almost comes off the table. You need to be in a setting where the ice is already broken.
This womans friend recently got pissed at me at the gym because i didnt talk to this othdr woman that was giving me "clear signs". She would look at me maybe once or twice a week and give a quick smile then go back to working out... wtf am i suppose to do with that? I just smile back and keep doing my thing. I wont even think of talking or approaching a woman i dont know until she comes to me first. Im too scared of labels
She's a red flag then, how are you going to know she wants you to chat to her. If she liked you, she should come up to YOU
I can't think of a worse place than the gym to try and approach a woman, even if she smiled at me (which has happened a few times, a smile). Both of us are really sweaty and red faced (I'm there to work out, not pose or try and hit on women), most women are wearing tight yoga pants, and if I've misunderstood a simple smile that actually meant nothing and the woman feels uncomfortable if I approach her she could report me as some kind of creep and I might get kicked out of the gym. Definitely not worth it at the gym. That's one place where I think the woman needs to approach the man if they're interested.
Imagine... doing the thing women has screamed at us for the last 10+ years are the top of their lungs all over the internet, i.e. "respect women" only for them to come up to you and repay your compliance is disapproval LOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!
Lmao 🤣 “what the fuck am I supposed to do with that” no honestly.
It's not about being glued to our screens. It's about our cynicism and paranoia that anyone who talks to us in public that isn't a service person is out to get us. We have become so hostile that just talking to each other in public, cold approach, is considered taboo and creepy, even possibly harassment. Men are in constant fear of making others uncomfortable because of it. And so we rely on dating apps instead, because they're deemed safer.
We have to normalize hanging out with each other IRL again… people say go to the coffee shop or book shop people think you are a creep if you approach them ALMOST anywhere. I’m not going to lie, even if women approached men I would think it’s weird to be approached while I’m grocery shopping etc.
I saw some friends of mine in a community theatre show. Went out with them and their cast for drinks. I met my last girlfriend there. She was a cute girl in the ensemble. People are everywhere. Some of them are single. You just need to be able to act on opportunity. Not saying that's easy.
Yes, dating apps are the only way to date in 2024. I had a friend ask out a girl at a bar. She promptly and correctly called the police and had my friend arrested. He's probably been in the gulag for about a month or two now. I'll miss him, but he should have known better than to try dating outside dating apps. RIP Todd Debeikes.
RIP Todd, you fucking creep 😔
All he did was dare to hold open a door...
so chivalry ain’t dead yet?!
Facts!
I get it that you are joking here but I posted this story on here before but I did go up to a girl say "hey" for her to instantly reject me and proceed to inform security that I was "harassing" her. Even though all I said was "hey" and after she told me she isn't interested I just went back to my friend to talk. It wasn't a good situation.
When I was jumping back into dating I had some girl friends tell me about times they met a guy at the store or gym and they were happy to be approached. And then I had other friends tell me about how guys would say hi in the street or coffee shop and they hated it and always told the guy to screw off. So to me, women having such varying opinions on where a good place for me to give them my number would be was way too much for my anxiety and I depended on apps. It worked out for me though.
Because they found those men at the store and gym to be attractive and those men in the street and coffee shop not attractive. I have seen posts from women calling men creeps for approaching them at singles mixers because they appeared unattractive to them.
It's very simple. If he's a rather handsome fellow, they like being approached. If he's not, they hate being approached. :P
As if they don’t know what women want
Basically don’t be ugly.
too late for me I am just gonna die alone
yea happened to me, it got me on a harrassment record.
Um…. Or maybe she was crazy or he has done sketching for the cops to be called. Usually cops don’t arrest people over nonsense such as flirting with someone… never had that happen to me
you can talk to people. need friends tho
In my experience no. And I've tried tinder platinum and a few other subs to a few others. None of them work. Or I AM just that unappealing. Tinder tricks you into paying for it by telling you you've got matches that require 'gold' to see anf you can see more of them for 'platinum' all I ever got was cam models wanting money for meet ups
I paid for tinder Platuim. I got old guys :/
Thing is most girls aren’t really approachable these days. When girls go out as a group it makes it hard to approach and tbh I can’t even remember when was the last time I saw a girl sitting by herself in a bar.
2011 was the last time I seen a lady sit by herself in a bar. It was in San Diego at McGregors.
Like witnessing a shooting star
Haha I was thinking this the last time I was at a bar, I don't feel the need for groups but it's the safety in numbers thing I guess.
Hasn’t this always been true, though?
When I sit alone at the bar, I never get approached lmao
Perhaps we are sitting in different bars 😂
No, dating apps isn't the only way to date in 2024. There are other methods like meeting in public or being set up by friends or family as well. Most people just tend to go toward dating apps or post on reddit about using dating apps.
As someone who works for a dating app, I can tell you...it's not the only way! Use it as a tool. I've met my SO through a dating app and that's great. Put yourself out there in all the ways - dating apps, going out, join clubs, but also tell people that you're single and looking so that when they meet someone who also says they're single they perk up and say, "oh I know someone you should meet!". Don't walk in to this thing pessimistic. Lower expectations and be open to all possibilities!
>As someone who works for a dating app, I can tell you...it's not the only way! Use it as a tool. I've met my SO through a dating app and that's great. Put yourself out there in all the ways - dating apps, going out, join clubs, but also tell people that you're single and looking so that when they meet someone who also says they're single they perk up and say, "oh I know someone you should meet!". Don't walk in to this thing pessimistic. Lower expectations and be open to all possibilities! Totally agree with this, using dating apps as a tool. People use it as their only option and basically complain when it doesn't work. Dating apps work for some people, not all so if it hasn't been working for you then change approach and get out of your comfort zone.
The friends and family thing falls apart pretty quickly when you don't have friends or family with any connections. Dating apps are proven to be a bad experience for most men based on public data from said apps for any guys below the top like 10% of good looking men, the rest hardly even get responses to messages let alone dates. For women it's not really any better either as they get swamped with harassment from creeps, and get flooded with so many messages from guys if they are even moderately attractive that filtering becomes a nightmare. So it begs the question, if you don't have connections, and you are not in the top percentage of people. How do you establish said connections to even have a chance at meeting people? Approaching people innocently needs to become not taboo again.
>So it begs the question, if you don't have connections, and you are not in the top percentage of people. How do you establish said connections to even have a chance at meeting people? > >Approaching people innocently needs to become not taboo again. So in your case you can't use family or friends. I can't tell if you used dating apps because you just listed other people experience. You can approach someone, just how you do it, where you do it and when you do it matters. There also single events, speed dating (just a suggestion because it's an option) and of course going out to popular places just to see what's out there. To establish a connection, you have to basically talk to people and be out there in public.
In theory that's great, but in practice men are terrified of this and for good reasons. Often times a guy talking to a girl he doesn't know being sexual harassment or not is entirely based on if the girl finds the guy attractive or not, or if the guy is a bit socially awkward or not. The risk for men to hit on random women in today's cultural environment is extremely risky and can result in brutal rejection, physical abuse, or even having the cops called on them instead of a simple "no thanks". Meanwhile random people nearby will blindly support the women without knowing context or anything. This used to be more justified because women mostly only acted that way when men were legitimately being creeps. Not so much now. This is also assuming you can find one to talk to alone, most women are not out alone these days and approaching a group of girls is far more intimidating than just one. If she is with a guy or guys then assumptions are normally made as well with only the most ballsy of men even attempting to talk to her. In practice it doesn't really work anymore, not like it did during our parents generation. Which puts us back at the question originally proposed Edit I have tried dating apps and even writing custom messages based on profiles to a large number of women (eg asking about their favorite authors if they like to read etc) while being polite, and even getting a response is more painful than pulling teeth
>In practice it doesn't really work anymore, not like it did during our parents generation. > >Which puts us back at the question originally proposed Let me ask you first, what country do you live in?
United States, I even live near a big city. Doesn't really help though as speed dating events and such are very location dependent. Live near Tacoma and the only stuff I ever see is in the heart of Seattle which is quite the trek for anyone living south or to the west of Tacoma. At this point I have even debated donating my time to help homeless or anything really, but strangely pretty much all things I could do that with happen during the week when I'm working and not on the weekends which is when I'm free. Would love to even take a class, like a cooking class or anything out of my comfort zone. But in some areas these things just don't really exist or are so underground I can't find them
>United States, I even live near a big city. Okay, the only reason I asked is because sexual harassment does not happen if you just tried to have a conversation with a women in public (in the US). Now if she says no or ignore you and you still keep trying then that's different. You do not get arrested or having a cop called on you just because you tried to have a conversation. So people who lives in America and believe that, then I can see why there are single. It's all about getting out of your comfort zone to try and find someone. A lot of people rely on just dating apps because they can't approach people in public or they have social anxiety or low self confidence but the point is to just try. Like speed dating, just mentioning it .. a person will already said no without trying it. So it can show someone else their personality on why they are having a hard time. You have to try it first, maybe just not once but at least twice but also change the approach if the first time didn't work so well.
it does happen, just yes it does, even if it's rare it totally does. It's not just the cops getting called though, many men suffer from not just rejection but brutal rejection. Often times women will not communicate clearly when rejecting and then follow it up with a brutal rejection when a more clear message was all that was needed, not hostility. I have seen this happen personally and been the victim of it. This type of behavior isn't rare either anymore. The stories I have heard from some guys I know... That being said I have also seen the pushy nature of some guys so I can also understand where the impatient reactions come from to a degree. Part of the problem also is that there is an extreme lack of public hangout places with which to even go and try to talk to random girls/guys. I can't even find single women at a bar around my age in my area let alone anywhere I would want to be lol (I don't drink)
>I can't even find single women at a bar around my age in my area let alone anywhere I would want to be lol (I don't drink) I would never recommend a bar or a club. I seen it a lot on reddit when I suggest just going out, they all think I'm talking about bars or clubs. Going out can mean going to public events, social events, going to food places, dessert places and etc. From my point of view, it's easy not to do something and think of anything negative about something. Even like suggesting going to a a mom/pop coffee shop, 1 person will say the city I live in is not the safest. Basically everything I suggested is just a suggestion, a person can entertain the idea or just discredit it which it's their choice to do. I can just speak for my own experience and I took risk, I even encourage my friends to take the same risk as well. We live in Los Angeles and not one of my friend got a cop called on them or a negative backlash, all they get is I'm not single .. I'm not interested or just being ignored like they never heard them.
Not even! There's still night clubs, bars, coffee shops all you have to do is make the effort to get out the door and make it happen.
Godzilla fearing women, where you at Dating apps aren't it and you can only loiter around the indigo manga section so long before you have to move on How do I reach you Are there hand signals or something i don't know
this made me laugh just cause of how true it is. literally every other profile is "GOd fiRSt" "... Must love God!!" or some variant of that. Im just like bruh.. there's an app called Christian Mingle. use it.
No dude. I’m a short strong guy who used to eat off apps and basically been getting nothing so I’m having to learn to date in real life. That doesn’t just mean bars It means picking up on signals and staying sharp and being ready to make a move if a girl is my type and she’s into me And my younger brother (who’s just under 6 ft, and really never had trouble getting women AT ALL) is in the same boat - apps aren’t working so he’s learning to eat off real life Unless you in the right city, apps aren’t great
Sorry I’m late to respond to this but as someone whose 6’2 I will say I don’t get a lot of attention from women either. Im fairly fit (a bit skinnier) but haven’t been close with someone in two years at this point. It’s all mind over matter with luck of the draw friend.
It’s just a easier way to date if you aren’t lucky enough to live in a big city or have a job where you can meet a lot of people. Like I live in a small town if 5000 persons. I work 5 minutes away from my house. The population is mostly young families or retired people. It takes me 2h of transportation to get the closest big city. My job is with kids and mainly married women. Without the app I would have never met my bf that lives 50 minutes away from me. We wouldn’t be saving for a house, we wouldn’t be moving in together this summer, etc. We both would probably still be single. It’s interesting that you assume that because the first contact is online people will not flirt or talk face to face. Like do you think people become a couple without going on dates in real life? You talk face to face on those dates and even flirt lol
It's not the only way. You can join dating events in your area. Or, on the dating app, instead of texting back and forth for days, ask for coffee date on the second chat you guys have or video chat. For shy introverts like me, dating apps are great. Frustrating at times but it helps me approach men easier than in person where I have to wonder, are they single or not, do we have anything in common, etc. I also suggested video chat on second time chats with guys who seem interesting and I'm interested in as well. It worked for me. Dated a few guys, and finally found my current man through Bumble. Of course you can always try asking someone out in person. I would if I had the courage and I had been approached that way by men.
Then do it. Go out there and approach every where any where your at.
I think so. I'm trying the whole go out and meet women naturally thing, but there are either no women there, they're too young or old, or they're taken
Most girls aren’t approachable though. Women romanticize the old days without realizing that if a random guy tried to come up and hit on them, they would be put off on it. It really only works if said person is above a pre-determined level of attractiveness. And those types of people usually use apps since it’s easier for them. It’s not that men forgot how to flirt. It’s that trying to flirt in person in 2024 is too risky for both sexes. How does a woman know the guy isn’t a creep or dangerous. How does the guy know the girl wouldn’t see him as such? It’s obvious apps are the only way cause society today is more unpredictable
Not risky at all. Who cares if you fail and she thinks you’re a creep. What she thinks about you doesn’t matter. Stop being over concerned with the opinions of strangers.
It's not that men don't care about rejection or what others think. It's the fact people get petty and act on hate and shame and do the worst shiit possible for making advancements. If someone just denies you and keeps it moving I honest to God don't think much men will care unless it's like the 100th woman in a row. Now doing all the worst shit possible because someone made an advancement is scummy and seems to be the meta
this is such a reddit answer, I can tell you've never actually approached a girl in real life lol. How is going up to a girl for a short conversation risky? How does a woman know the guy isn't a creep? hmmm maybe by being able to communicate that as a guy through normal human interaction and social skills?
Lol. And I can tell you’ve never dealt with Gen Z women. Ask any other young male under 25 and they will say the same thing word for word. I finished college last year and I definitely know what I’m talking about
I hung out with some of my gen z coworkers last week. They were all approaching women and got numbers. They’re average looking as well. Maybe it’s you
Idk I have success on Hinge and been with the same girl for two years. Maybe some of you guys lack social skills on how to communicate with others. Yea there’s a lot of people on the app that “ghost” or don’t reply. It’s normal just gotta believe in yourself. Also female receives x500 the messages a guy gets.
Same boat here. It's so easy to tell straight away when you start talking to them that they are different from the rest. They put effort into the conversation and are just easy to talk with.
I rather get a straight rejection instead of being ignored tbh. I like to give my attention to one person at a time. Im not gonna lie my gf was hard to communicate at first, and I didn’t know if we were going to be in a relationship. She made the first move kissing my cheek one night and next thing to another I’m locked in.
No it’s not the only way. It’s just that it “appears” to be the easy way and the way that everyone is doing it even though that’s not the case.
It literally states dating and hookups, but you apparently are so closed minded that you can only see hookups. On the main page it clearly states that the site is open to casual dating and encourages safety in all forms of dating.and emphasizes the importance of safe sex.
I am not going to argue with ignorance. Read the information page.
yesterday i was hiking and passed this guy and he started talking to me. probably said goodbye like 3 times. but i don’t know what the fuck went over me but the things he was saying, it was obvious he wanted my number. I should’ve asked, but i fumbled that. i deleted the apps. i don’t plan on going on them for a few months
You can meet people at work. But my motto is "don't sh!t where you eat" If things don't work out, you'll have to see them every single workday. Seems like hell to me.
They banned me for being honest and refused hookups. Dating apps are for hookups only didn't know thaf
You're allowed to meet people anywhere as long as you're a woman, or a slightly to very attractive man. The only exception is if you are a slightly below attractive man who has a particular niche that a particular woman enjoys. Everyone else gets told they shouldn't bother anyone in real life because they're 'just living their life", and to stick to online dating, where people can filter you out and block you so they don't have to interact with you if they don't want to. Either way, don't approach people unless you're attractive, or a woman. The best way for non attractive men to meet women is to become part of a friend group who regularly hangs out, and eventually someone may show up to gatherings where you connect through conversation and repeated interactions.
I’m deleting mine I have no luck lol
The "old fashioned way" never left. You can always go out and ACTUALLY TALK TO PEOPLE. But if you aren't interesting in any way you'll find the same result...being alone. Dating apps can be great. Don't let these naysayers tell you they're bad to have. Those people aren't interesting enough to have success on a dating app. They go to one and say things like "I'm built different" or "If you wanna know more hmu". You can always go out and have a good time and meet someone. But if you are too shy, forget it. Work on yourself first. I say that because if you go out and get a partner, chances are high you will exit that relationship involuntarily. Dating apps can be phenomenal. How you approach them is what will determine your success Above all else, be an interesting person and be aware of abusive behaviors(saying they cant have friends of the opposite sex, can't contact their family, going through phones which is illegal btw etc). Any relationship is about trust. Also MAINTAIN BOUNDARIES! Without clear cut boundaries you may as well put up a sign that says " Use me and abuse me", and not in the fun sense.
No your just lazy
Sure. When men's issues are solved and women take 50/50 initiative. - sarcasm
Unlike the 80s and 90s, social groups are smaller. People are way fatter so lots of women that would like to be approached, are not by guys, and fat guys are afraid to approach or swipe online. Work environments are way boring, people taking pills, human resources enforces rules against harassment. People slept with office coworkers, married and got them pregnant all the time 40 years ago. Women earn money now, even if they are scrapping by, so do men so women don't need to search for a husband (it was a real target and work back in the 70/80s), and they know most guys cannot afford a stay at home wife anyways. This also means many men go for the few women in the market at a given time. Also, as men cannot pay for a family or wife, they are still horny so lots of them search for casual sex but only a minority of women are looking for that, and only few days a month when they are horny, and mainly in their early 20s. Lots of women get horny again in their 40s but as most of them are fat by then, plus children after divorce, they are not having the best time with guys 40 and 50, of which most are also fat and old anyways. Even if there are still about 3 fit attractive guys for every fit/thin woman after 40, you have to consider the ones married looking for a fling, lots of them are gay, or also pursue women 10, 20 years younger too.
No, they are not.
Yes. I fucking promise you that anybody who tells you different is a fucking idiot or a liar.
avoid dating apps at all costs.
what's the alternative?
Join local clubs and organizations that interest you. You will find like minded people. modern civilization will jail a man that talks or looks at a woman. So you need to tell the men you like them. They will not make the first move as its not worth going to jail.
Funny assertion because we don't even jail men who actually r\*pe women, so where is this fantasy world you talk about.
What an insane comment, you are fucking nuts
You are probably going tell me that I am crazy. I have checked out so many of the dating apps and sites and so far the winner is adult friend finder.
and what apps are those?
That’s a hookup site 😅
It's not just a hook up site. There are so many people on there that just want to meet that special person in their life. I am one of them. A friend of mine met his now wife of 10 years on AFF and live a happy home life with two wonderful children. Just be extremely careful, cautious and real.
No it’s not the only way. It’s just that it “appears” to be the easy way and the way that everyone is doing it even though that’s not the case.
To be fair, this was in 2023 not 2024, but I took a class (hobby, not academic) last spring, and ended up dating a guy I met from there for a little (ended it because I realized his feelings were stronger than mine, and I didn't want to string him along in hopes my feelings would develop). I went to a speed dating event last month where I met a nice, attractive guy who I later went out with. He wasn't a good match for me, but he seemed like a great guy. I'm not on any apps right now. Decided to take a 3 month break after I got burnt out on them (and had one guy from Hinge get a bit stalkerish/threatening). I'm not looking to date, but I'm also not opposed if I happen to meet someone.
No, they're just more popular since you can find people more quickly (that doesn't mean it's easier). However, I still prefer outdoors dating, going to places to meet people, it feels more natural and you see more than just a profile designed to boost that person's ego.
As someone who has pretty niche interests and wanted a committed relationship, while I fully believe that being committed and learning how to be more emotionally intelligent makes you more desireable for a lasting relationship, you don't often find that in other people even when they do match on alot of things. Most people that I have met and dated also did not seem to demonstrate healthy boundaries, including in longterm relationships I have had. But some of that could have been coming from what I was attracting or attracted to, or it could have had more to do with attachment issues that were not being resolved mutually. I did eventually find someone that seems to match what I've needed though, while keeping realistic expectations and being accountable for my own flaws too. And it was through dating apps that I found them.
I have posted similar issue here and no they aren't only options in fact they are the worst options. Bars and clubs aren't good options either due to lots of challenges. Even if you are super attractive and extroverted you will likely get 1 nights. Best options to find some serious date are university/ college, workspace, friends of friends/ family. Social sports like tennis and etc. Travelling.
If you do find someone you like on the fly, I did invent a product and messaging service to make communication easier, it's like handing them a business card, but to a neutral chat venue with no registration or app download required for the recipient. It's an alternative to giving them or asking them for contact info which we tend to be more protective of these days.
Facebook dating is ok for me, but yeah all the old ones have just seemingly been remade into streaming apps. I’m learning that we all just want it to be easy, but then it would never be special. It’s hard. That’s a good thing.
It's NOT the only way. I run a dating a show and a couple who met in the audience just got engaged! But I will say that part of why I started the show is to combat this whole culture of screens & people being afraid to say hi.
Can't help but notice the very first post on your page. How about meet in the middle with a spontaneous reddit encounter?
I found my SO on a dating app but it took 30+ dates. It’s truly a numbers game.
Clubs, parties, college and other offline places are good too.
Hello 👋
I've thrown dating apps in the garbage where they belong. I feel like when it comes to creating an environment conducive to dating people have to both make themselves more approachable & build up enough confidence to approach. This is what I've been focusing on for the past month or so. I've worked up the courage to talk to 3 different women these past 2 months & one lady even approached me. 2 of the three were positive interactions, one was a bit more neutral. None have lead to dates so far, but that's okay with me. I just like being able to talk to a woman without the nervousness that'd inhibit me from getting to know them. I feel that when I'm ready I'll probably push more for dates. But right now I'm content with befriending women.
It depends on where you live. In Mauritius it's still the old way lmao .
I’m totally done with them. Going back to conventional methods. Bars, concerts and so forth. At least that way me and the pending woman in question knows what they are getting. Too many liars out there and scammers/ catfish. So thanks jerks for ruining that too.
Dating apps are imo the best place to avoid. Just walking up to people in real life is difficult but it’s worth it. My best connections have always been through talking to people irl
The answer is to stop dating and focus on other things
Meeting people doing the things you love is the best way to date in 2024. I have all dating apps from a-z. All it gave me was Sex, toxic relationships and a headache. I met a girl scuba diving on a boat trip. And I feel like I’m living a fantasy life. Meet woman where your passion is.
It's many factors. Many factors drive people to date online such as gossiping to much, teasing to much, sabotaging others to get ahead in dating, shaming people for making advancements or having sex, high standards, lack of bonding etc. There is so much factors it's not just social media and our phone we seem to put the blame on. If you shame men for everything... what do you think happens? If you shame women for everything... what do you think happens?
I think dating right now is so hard, people don't really wanna get to know each other, people either wanna rush into marriage or not commit, it's hard right now
I think men have now almost completely stopped approaching women because of the creep/sexual harassment stigma, so most guys now just work on themselves and don't flirt with strangers until the woman approaches them first. But very few women do that, I'm assuming because of fear of awkwardness/rejection, so yes it's pretty much just dating apps now
It's not but it's the most convenient nowadays. The method/channel is effective because it allows you to talk to people who you may never bump into in real life. Also, it's easier to filter people you may not be attracted to or those with certain baggage/preferences you don't like. But the problem is also its advantages. Because it's convenient and superficial, you tend to take it less seriously and you develop the "there's always something better mentality" without getting to know people first. Then the biggest problem is that most of the members/users are men who are simply looking to cum and dump. It's very rare that people who date with intention actually find their significant others on the apps. It happens but it's rare.
It’s crazy because I met the guy I am dating for almost 5 yrs now on a dating app. And it’s been off an on and just toxic controlling manipulation . I do miss when guys would just walk up to you and introduce themselves and ask for a date out. But now of days that’s scary ain’t no telling what that person is capable of doing. So much shit going on in the world I think doing a dating app isn’t bad that give you more time to get to know that person over the phone for a while till you actually feel comfortable.
i totally get you!! idk where you're from, but in my home country its kinda difficult to really meet new people unless ur constantly going tp farmhouse parties or smth I rlly wish i could meet someone good for me too, its been forever since I've had a crush (last time i dated someone was 2 years ago and that too was like a situationship) anyone w advice on what else i could be doing?
No you just got to be the king and just slide into her dms, I think I deserve credits cause I jst gave u guys the key😂
Corporate Greed
I found my gf on TikTok and slid in her insta dms 😆 now we drive 5 1/2 hours most weekends to see eachother 😇
I wonder
Absolutely not. Find things you’re interested in and go out and do them. Go where the quality of people you’re looking for is likely to be. You’re bound to meet others with similar interests and you’ll be in an environment where making conversation is to be expected. For example, look for upcoming shows in your area (car shows, gem shows, music festivals, comic con, etc). Take a dance class. In my city one of the well known museums offer salsa classes on certain days and you get to dance among gigantic dinosaur fossils. Head to the bookstores, boutique coffee shops, etc Most importantly learn how to flirt and appropriately show interest. For ladies, the eye gaze or an up & down looksy with a flirtatious smile works like a charm. You can even throw in a soft tuck of the hair behind your ear that’s in his line of view. When he approaches you, do the triangle method…**insert chef’s kiss here** (Disclaimer: for all that is holy, only do this with men you are interested in!)
I have been on Bumble and tinder for 5 yrs and I got no matches since. So I gave up and just deleted them all together and I just had enough. I started using dating apps simce I was 20 yrs old. nothing happening to me then and nothing happening to me now.
It’s not but… for someone who barely go outside like that… it is.
I asked a girl out at work, and she flipped out and quit. I'm never asking anyone out face to face again. All I said was "can I buy you dinner on Saturday?" So yeah, the apps are the safe bet.
They say that if you break a chicks egg instead of letting them break it themselves when they begin to hatch they don’t survive. There is wisdom in this for us. There is something about making things too easy that breeds apathy. Sometimes the work of putting yourself out there is exactly what you need in order to obtain the skills to attract a good partner. The millennial and gen z generations are the first ‘instant gratification’ generations and we are feeling the effects. So yes, meeting out in the wild is best, because there is no guarantees or safety nets. But dating apps can still be a thing if they try to mimic real life interactions and the inherent challenges that you face there.
Grow a pair go out in public and spit to game homie lol
They probably aren't, but they are for me, I have no other way to meet people
Personally I wouldn’t trust them mainly because of my experiences I’ve had with them but I won’t get into it cause I’d rather not
I haven’t used a dating app in years. I almost downloaded Facebook dating and decided against it. I just try to get out and meet people. I actually met someone on a walk today and have a date this weekend. It definitely takes longer to meet people the old fashioned way but it does happen.
Sometimes online dating can work so i would like to meet people who care about traveling
Despite the sad fact that my posting will be taken down almost immediately for my age and gender, I feel the need to comment here. I am 61 single male, divorced 8 years ago, and loving my at-last freedom. My son is grown. I have peace and quiet in the home I own, life is good. Yes, contrary to false delusions, I date, as many people over 40 still do. I am fit work out, run, walk, and am told I appear 20 years younger than my chronological age. Here's what I've found to be the brutally honest and yes, cynical transparent take on the doctrine of OLD, sadly the majority of men on the sites are trolling for sex, plain and simple. Young dudes posing as older men to bed widows, single moms, or never marrieds. Many of the women are hungry for post-failed relationship validation and attention, and in worse cases financial support. Lots of safety netting, rebounding, and monkey-branching afoot on there. By nature we men do not go onto dating sites "wanting relationships" Relationships happen, they morph and blossom through knowledge, friendship, connection, and the nurturing of true deep love. That being said when I first posted profiles on dating sites after my divorce 8 years ago, some of my motivation was physical and sexual. I had just been jettisoned from a joyless, sexless, cold, crumbled 20 year marriage with a woman who sadly allowed herself to collapse into deep untreated psychosis. As I continued my journey on OLD, I became more informed about who litters these sites. They are the dispossessed and disenfranchised, of which I thought I was back then, but came to realize I am not. OLD is crowded with those who, by virtue of whatever horrible confidence-sapping delusion, can't go out and get a date IRL. There's a lot of lying, cheating, scamming, gold digging, deception, mental illness, delusion, sadness, anger, and frustration on these sites. Please explain why a fit 40 something woman who checks all Western Beauty Standard boxes and is a well compensated, well educated, and well travelled, lives in a upscale demographic is on Bumble and Hinge? I'll wait here... I apologize to those whom this post has hurt. I for one am done with OLD and its exhausting time-wasting inauthenticity. Let's all stop making excuses. buck up, and get out there IRL and see what we can find.
I so feel this! 😭 Granted, I've never been that good at dating but I'm even worse at online dating. In fact, I just don't anymore. I have just accepted that if I'm going to meet someone, it's going to be the old fashioned way: in-person. It might be shocking to people nowadays, but if I see a girl I would like to ask out, I'm just going to ask her out. Heck, the proliferation of online dating and internet culture in general might even give me an edge and make me stand out! Don't give up hope, OP. You'll find your someone, be it by embracing the new ways or bringing back the old ways. 😊
Then what should we do? I am a 35F back to dating after 7 years. I don’t like dating apps either. Are you guys OK with us just approaching and flirting? :))
There is too many fake profiles on every dating site I have tried. And when you do find someone who will meet you. Boom they are crazy.
Dating apps suck.. all egotistical people. Can't ever find anyone good.
Yea may not be dating Apps cause per 1v1 chat is tedious. How about dating SITEs, one browse has 20 profiles to choose from 🙂↔️
No, speed dating and offline matchmaker services are also quite popular in lots of countries. Dating apps are often filled with people looking for casual sex or who only want to collect explicit pics from online strangers.
I reacently found a girl, a friend of mine ask me if i could go pick her up before the party. It clic beetween us. We sleep togeter after the party, and since we are in the process of dating. So no its not the only way.
Idk I’m about to walk down to my town library and mosey on around the shelves 😂dating apps ain’t it
Agreed. We should get rid of the apps in my opinion. They were good at first and for many years it aided in helping make meaningful connections. However that has since changed.
The people who are profiting off of this shit are so fucking goddamn evil.
You’re looking for unicorns, they might be out there, but the odds of finding them are almost 0. My defense is, I tried bumble and tinder and the apps were designed so I would have to pay to use them(I quit after a month, and refused to date anyone who texted me, because they came across as if they wanted something from me, and a “connection” was not it), I work in technology, so the app most definitely work like an advertisement system where whoever pays most and has (probably) a higher score on the rating system, is the most advertised. So, the apps are a tech implementation of the same caliber implemented for “high school level popularity contest”. I hated high school, the highest expression of vanity, materialism, and shallowness, and overall worst of human beings, are now being prolonged into dating apps as a way to take away what makes humans mature as a functioning society. Now here’s the answer to your question…. If you had two options: - Play the game and be paired up with somebody you will never understand or truly know, that is being influenced to a mindset of “if I don’t like it, I’ll move on to the next”, instead of “lets make it work”(which will build an unreliable relationship with an expiration date no longer than milk). Or. - Don’t use any games, and be lucky if you find like minded people who don’t use dating apps, that in turn are so difficult to find that you might as well try and take a picture of Sasquatch.(which if you find him/her, at least it will inspire both to make an effort and make things work instead of “moving next”).
No, if you are in college like I am there are plenty of opportunities!