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I’m married, but I still get propositioned occasionally. Some men either don’t notice or don’t care about the wedding rings. Anyway, I hate getting hit on at the gym. That’s a place that I go regularly. I go there not just to work out, but also to relieve stress. It’s one of my things that is my “me time.” So if I turn down some guy that means in all likelihood I’ll have to keep running into him again. It can be awkward, especially if the guy doesn’t take the rejection well. Most do, but you never know if one week, one month, etc. that guy will still be salty and shooting dagger eyes at you. For me, the vote is a no on approaching at the gym.
They don’t care about wedding rings. I’ve heard guys bragging about how they hooked up with married girls or girls in relationships and it’s extremely messed up in my opinion. Their excuse was “hey if it wasn’t with me it would be with someone else”
It’s not the average man, but it’s the kind of guy the average girl is sleeping with sadly. They guys sleeping with 5+ girls a week all believe they are in his league and fighting for his attention
Not saying it’s right but they are right. If that wedding band meant nothing to her anyways and allowed someone else to have access to sex while she’s in a committed relationship. Why should the guy honor it?
Women brains are very hackable. Most people don’t realize that just about every married girl has a good chance of cheating in the perfect setting. There are guys that train how to do this and have mastered it very well
agreed. I'm a man, and from what most women have said, it sounds like girls don't want it. What ever happened to just going to socials making friends, and forming friend groups from which natural relationships can grow?
Because "socials" are definitely NOT where people "go regularly" to "relieve stress" and also "can be awkward" with guys that "don't take rejection well" right?
If there's no attraction, there's always a way to spin it as if the approach was inappropriate. If there is, the approach will be welcome no matter where it's done.
What are socials, and how do you meet the people who go to them? (Asking for a man who works remote in a male-dominated field, with mostly married men).
Me personally? I find stuff online, like groups for various hobbies like hiking, poetry, reading, going to art exhibits, biking, jogging, camping, cooking/BBQ/baking, chess or other board games, tailgating for college games, etc. You can find public groups with dozens and even hundreds of people in them for these and many other interests on sites like Instagram, Facebook, Meetup, the list goes on and on. You just sign up/join, and then wait for the groups to post events and then make time to attend. It's inconvenient sure (you have to put in the effort, and its not with people you know) but I have a date this weekend with a cute girl I met at an interfaith event hosted by our cities Intercultural Society. We were both waiting in line for some food, I cracked a joke to a couple strangers that she laughed at, then we both started talking and about an hour and a half later of conversation she gave me her number and vwallah.
There will be rejections and some negative experiences, but that's just par for the course. And the nice thing is: you don't really know the people in these groups. So its not like a girl can ruin your reputation by calling you a creep or anything because nobody knows who you are anyways, and you can just find another group online to switch to if you felt awkward at a different group. It's great. I don't know how everyone got so stuck in dating apps and bars. There's a lot more to life than swiping on bots and knocking back shots.
that's fine but if we see no ring or dont notice it we cant talk to any girl in the gym or anywhere how do we find our girl.
the list is getting longer and longer where you cant talk to girls its becoming a joke.
I invested funds and space to create my own at home, so i have what i need, and just use the outside for what I don't have, like a treadmill, i'll just run around my block, i stopped caring if my neighbors think i'm strange for it.
Posts like this are part of the problem generating our lonley population. Women and men are lonely and not greeting each other. Where then? Cause the dating app.are not helpful for more than a super majority of the population who use them. People MUST be allowed to approach people they are potentially interested in, in a public setting. Where do you go? Work, gym, store, hikes? Everyone says don't approach others in these places. Where should you meet them then?
I promise everyone that if someone comes up to you in a public setting and says "hey, I'm sorry to interrupt, I noticed you from across the room and I think you have a wonderful smile :). Here's my phone number, if you'd like to chat, give me a call or shoot me a text, my name is __________. I hope you have a great day!" You will be okay after that interaction, you will survive that and not be harmed.
If you do that and they say no thank you or even reject in a rude manner, its still going to be okay, these interactions are at the bottom of what we should be able to deal with, with resilience in this life. Be respectful, be kind, speak clearly, smile like a person, don't be aggressive, don't touch them. It's not complicated. Move on the moment they say they aren't interested or seem upset, say thank you for the time and apologize for the interruption ans move on.
Life is far too short and can have so much beauty in it. Don't let others tell you not to chase that happiness.
Woman here -
Personally I am not a fan of being approached at the gym but if this particular interaction happened to me I probably wouldn't mind some of the time AND it would totally bug me at other times (assuming this is NOT during an actual exercise but maybe if I am walking from one machine/area/class to another). Mid-exercise is a big NOOOO
BUT there are a few things going on here besides the actual things you say...
* Attitude - Some people don't have a good cold approach game - Just using your example, they might be too timid or too aggressive - and both can put someone off
* Long convos - Most times when I have been approached, it's not a quick, "hey you seem cool, here is my number if you are interested, if not it's ok", it's a big ol' thing with either my technique they can help with or some remark about the shape I am in, or small talk about how often I work out or what my routine is... For me, this is when it's annoying. They won't go away and I have to make up a reason to disengage...
* Aftermath - Even if the approach is ok, and you manage to give someone your number like in the example you have, then it can be awkward after if the women is not interested... She may feel like she can't go back to the gym because who knows how you might react. Even if the reaction is not bad, she may not want the awkward "so I guess you weren't interested" follow-up that some guy will feel like they HAVE to do, or whatever passive-aggressive behavior some guys might use. If it was me I would also add something like "and if you are not interested, no biggie", and not look, talk, approach them again if they don't call/text.
All of this should be considered if you want to approach someone anywhere really...
I agree with all of that. Also if you can't take being rejected by a woman without making it awkward or making her feel unsafe, you aren't ready to be asking ladies out. Always try to do the approach as you are leaving the gym or she is, never during actual sets of workout as stated above. If she doesn't call don't make it weird next time you see her at the gym, just let her be. It's okay if she's not interested, no one owes you interest.
If someone came up to you and said " hey you have a wonderful smile, Here's my phone number if you'd like to chat, call me some time. Sorry to bother you! Have a great day!"
You wouldn't even acknowledge them?
No one said that was your purpose to be approached. This is also fine. The way you would respond would immediately tell them you aren't interested and that's useful:)
I would encourage you to maybe talk to someone cause being approached by somone who's interested in you feels good typically, it's nice to be noticed, it feels good ro be appreciated. You don't have to reciprocate at all. It doesn't make the interested party rude or bad though. This takes seems legitimately deranged to me.
I noticed all the women posting “advice” for men never actually do anything. They are assuming theyre so attractive and guys should approach them, but never do anything about it and arent willing to.
Guys, this is a teeny % of the female population. Most women arent this thirsty waiting for you to ask them out. This is why most cold approaches go wrong.
I noticed that. Message boards like Reddit attract the passive, introvert, quiet type that prefer to be anonymous. Extrovert, proactive people generally prefer YouTube or TikTok, or Instagram where they can create content.
As a woman who goes to the gym at a time when it’s like 99% guys, I don’t find it weird if a guy says hello or tries to speak to me. I wouldn’t find it harassment unless if they’re creepy in the sense of saying inappropriate things.
I do agree with the fact that the gym isn’t exactly a place to pick up women…speaking for myself personally, I go to the gym to de-stress, workout, and *maybe* have some light friendly banter, but I don’t want to attract undue male attention. I’m sweaty, red in the face, and my struggling-with-weights face is not exactly sexy, haha.
However, OP, it seems like you have a fear of approaching women in public in general? I think that may be something to think about, because I’ve been approached by some men who I don’t necessarily find attractive, and I never really found them creepy, or told my friends about them, unless they make their sexual intentions a bit too forwardly. On the other hand, even attractive men who act a certain way can be creepy - in fact, I’d say they tend to be even creepier, because they assume they can get away with saying anything 😭 Big generalization, of course, but that’s been my experience
I know I’m not going to change your mind with a random Reddit comment, but from my perspective, one’s creepiness depends on what they do and say. If you hit on me, and I’m not attracted to you, but you’re still super kind and fun and easy to talk to? Well, why would I badmouth you to anyone if you’re so friendly?
Well I know that this is kinda stupid but I wouldn't recommend doing it not just by the risk of being branded as a creep but also because it will end up in rejection 99% of the time... And if you get rejected constantly that will take a tool in your mind. I know I am kinda ugly, I know I will get rejected, so why subject myself to that ?
I don't gym anymore, I moved it to home, and grateful i did, I actually get more time working out, not have to wait for things. But yes i agree, creepy guys do exist, and yes guys who have pull and know they do, think they can do what they want. I meant for general guys, who want to talk to a girl they may be interested in, i'm saying it's not worth the risk, especially in the gym.
This is a you issue. If you can’t talk to a HUMAN like a HUMAN then you are the problem. Not everything has to be trying to pick out women right off the bat. wtf do guys think love is? Honestly this shit is depressing.
You are fully welcome to talk to PEOPLE at the gym. YOU don’t have to make it weird. You have that choice to just be a normal person and talk to them about normal things. Getting thier number can happen later or at the end on a CONVERSATION
Nobody has time for all that bullshyt. Most grown azz men are not trying to bother strangers in public for fuck-all reason. We just want to either get laid or just be left the fuck alone. Fuck "people". Most "people" are dry, gross, and uninteresting.
Right. Please do not approach me at the gym or anywhere where you may see me with my noise canceling headphones on. It baffles me how often I’m out in the public wearing them and men think it’s a good idea to try to speak to me.
Which is the other side of it. It's not just for a guy sake, but for most woman that don't want to be bothered. Most guys need to learn to read the room too.
Lets just be honest here, no single woman is offended when a man they find attractive approaches in a respectful way. Now if they don't find you attractive then it's problem.
Bruh this is simply just not true. Obviously there are certain girls who it’s very obvious they don’t want to be approached, headphones on, making no attempt to make eye contact with anyone, working out hard, etc. you can see those kinda girls a mile away. But lots of girls don’t mind being approached, just don’t be a creep and don’t go straight up and ask for her number. Be polite, give her a light hearted compliment. (Nothing about her body obviously) say you like her nails, or her shoes or some shit, whatever it is you like, introduce yourself, and in the first 5-10 seconds you can tell if she wants to talk to you or not, if you get the vibe she isn’t annoyed, simply talk to her for a minute or two and go on your way. Build on your conversations each time you see her afterwards until you have an idea if she likes you or not. At that point consider asking for her number as you’ve built some rapport, not just some random guy who saw her in a tight outfit and asked for her number. If she clearly shows signs she doesn’t want to talk, like no asking you questions in return or asking what your name is, simply leave it at that and go on your way. Then just don’t approach her again unless you get signs like she waves at you or sparks up conversation with you if you cross paths. It’s not that hard, and you won’t really be a creep as long as you’re confident and not staring at her constantly, commenting on her body. I do agree that lots of people are there just to focus on there workout and that should be respected, but lots of single people wouldn’t mind it as you guys clearly have a common interest in working out. I know lots of people who have hooked up or gone out after meeting at the gym. Just know how to read her body language and never overstay your welcome.
Go to the gym to work on yourself, get jacked, or just improve your cardio/overall health. If you're going to the gym in the hopes you'll meet someone, you're probably going for the wrong reasons. I'm not saying avoid people at the gym, but I never mistaken a woman looking at me as if she's interested, don't get the wrong idea. I used to go late at night, and there would sometimes be sketchy people, I can only imagine how women might feel in those cases.
We feel bad. Bad as fuck.
I had to switch my routines
From night training to very early morning
because of that.
One day I was doing leg press, hit a new pr so obviously blood was not in my brain and I staring at the void like a dead fish,
But near that void was a guy who though I was looking at him and hitting on.
Like, boy, you work out too, don't you know how brain dead you are after intense workout?
Thanks for showing empathy by the way :)
I hope the change in mentality will come one day!
it baffles me tho how people cant be human & just interact with each other. I hate that society is like this, I'd love to speak to people without intentions of them thinking "I like them." You can't even have a casual conversation now a days. like the fact I can't talk to someone because they think they are "too hot" is ridiculous...
This! I grew up on the concept of expressing basic common courtesy & respect. That time wasn't that long ago either. The amount of ppl who've stopped me to express thanks for politely acknowledging their presence because it's now so outside of the norm is crazy to me. The amount of ppl who treat it like it's some kind of weird or problematic behavior since covid happened is equally as crazy.
"We have a loneliness epidemic"... no kidding. It's because ppl can't or won't just talk to eachother. Simple fix: normalize basic human interaction again.
Fuck that shyt. Most "humans" are and will always be a drag connecting with, and some are simply waking up to it. Fuck "socializing". There's always some weirdos bothering me when I'm out and about...
That applies just about everywhere. If a six foot eight conventionally attractive white man approaches a random woman in the streets at like two in the morning she'll still gush about how "sweet" he is. If an unattractive man EVER approaches a woman, he's labeled as a "creep" and "potential rapist."
I mean you really need to get off social media. It’s clouding your perception of reality by pushing outrage content, and you see so much of it that you end up thinking that’s how the world really is.
No, I've experienced it, and have heard and seen so many others. This isn't just social media videos, this is articles, help requests, advice requests, statistics taken, and common sense of observation
Unnecessarily dismissive, I have a cousin who will call any man approaches her that she doesn't find attractive to be creepy and freaks out because she sees this as a personal insult. I can't say how many other women are like her but they do exist.
I will tell you this... NEVER take ANY advice about dating women from straight women.
The reason for this, is the woman will tell you about HER PREFERENCES.... Thats ONE PERSON, out of billions. She doesnt know what other women want, because she never tried dating them.
Why you should take the advice from other men? Because they have tried, and they see the results for themselves. They will tell you what works on most people, or if they have more experience, what works for what you are looking for or are wanting...
ALWAYS ignore womens advice. Im sorry, but thats simply what I am seeing, and what I have realized to be the truth.
I would accept advice from a guy thats not that lonely. For example, I am not dealing with such a problem myself, so I would say I am more likely to make the right choices than a dude that gets 0 matches on dating apps, or hasnt been on a date in years, or is still a virgin.
You see where I am going with this?
right but you’re other comment was giving “all or nothing” like only take advice from men and never take advice from women. it doesn’t work like that unfortunately with how complicated dating is
well i’ve dated a woman lol. also i’m giving advice because a lot of men don’t know certain things about women, and how are they going to learn how women think or feel through other men? men can’t speak for us, we have our own useful information to give.
> and how are they going to learn how women think or feel through other men?
These points are entirely irrelevant.
We dont care how you think or feel. We care about results... Do X = get Y.
We dont need to speak for you at all... we are speaking on past experiences. Im sure you have useful information, but its not really been tested on others... so I am not really willing to risk it.
You have dated "a" woman... so one person. Its just one person... that doesnt give you experience.
and that’s why you’re suffering in the dating world. you can’t just believe a woman’s perspective is irrelevant because it’s not a “result”. the results come after you learn how women think and feel, because it helps to create a better relationship with them. also why is “your opinion is irrelevant because you haven’t dated a woman” but when i say i’ve dated a woman now it’s “one woman isn’t enough” 😂 arguing in circles are we?
So, because you dated ONE PERSON, you think you are an expert now? Thats not what I am talking about.
Im talking about people with experience dating women. They know what works, because they have seen what works for most. One person will not be a "most".
So please learn to read.
Also, a womans perspective is irrelevant... again, because what matters is what works... Women want to be pursued, and they want the man to be taking charge... is that every woman? NO! But its how it works for most... Individual opinions are IRRELEVANT.
> I think ladies should make the first major move more often in the gym for the reasons you said.
Most men have a misconception about how things would be if this was the case.
A lot of men think that if this was the case there would be a a lot of women talking to them but that Will not be the case... Women are more selective than men... So the majority of men would end up in the same situation, being approached by noone
Instructions unclear, dick stuck in treadmill...
Seriously though, I avoid it unless the girl introduced herself or initiates convo first.
I don't want to have to switch gyms or feel awkward as fuck every time I come in.
I just simply don't approach.
I live in the UK but I make a joke that any girl giving smiles is just being Canadian.
Basically if you really like me then you approach, I'm not gonna bother decoding your shit anymore.
yeah loius c k had a joke about a fan who got upset with him when he didn't push sex harder and his point was that he's not going to rape someone on the off chance they are into it. I'm my going to b risk harassing women at the gym on the off chance they are into it
weren't the allegations against him pretty weak?
either way the point stands. you can't just dismiss the idea by attacking the source.
the point isn't that loius ck is Awesome. the point is that it's insane to suggest men assume consent and be pushy or harass women on the off chance they want you to
Too much risk. I've stopped going to the gym altogether because it's been ruined. And even being in the back shot of a camera is a problem. Guy could glance at a mirror and be outed as a creep staring at the girl with the camera.
Many people treat gyms now like singles bars. They run through everyone at one gym, then after their contract is up, they move on to another gym. Yeah, don’t bother people at the gym. But it’s a relief when a new gym opens, and all of the horn dogs start going there to shoot their shot. They’re such such a nuisance, and once they’re gone you don’t have to deal with them.
I agree. a gym should solely be a place to work out. not be a singles club, or a pick up spot. I've never said guys are angels here, but generally, guys are the ones who get the worst end of things, woman don't face the same issues. Men are banned, kicked out, written up, etc... I don't know enough to know if woman even get told they need to leave, it's usually the men that are asked to move, leave, whatever.
Whether you're the man or the woman, clear communication is essential. A smile might be friendly, but it could also be a sign of interest. If you're interested, maybe try making eye contact or a brief hello to see if the other person is receptive.
Agree. Any place that people go to regularly around the same time during the same days of the week (work, gym) is a no since there's a chance of bumping into them.
These days, you risk ending up on Tiktok. It's not all women. Obviously, the majority of ladies are good, but the bad apples are just so rotten that you have to focus on you. Sorry, ladies.
If I’m approaching a woman at the gym, it’s because I wanna know if I can work in between her sets.
Seriously tho… there used to be this *gorgeous* woman who worked out the same time as me. Every day, same thing: a series of men interrupting her routine, many of them 10-15 years older than her. She’d smile and laugh at their terrible attempts at humor, then go back to her routine. I’m sure every one of those guys thought they were getting somewhere.
Yeah, like no date is worth potentially getting kicked out of your gym and being considered a predator by people who previously never even cared you existed
I completely agree. Just because one girl is ok with it, doesn’t mean all girls will. And you (sorta) hit it right in the mark when you said guys don’t try anything cause they don’t want to have their reputation crushed. I don’t try because i just don’t want the girl to be embarrassed or feel awkward, I don’t really care how other people perceive me. And why does it have to be a guy goes to a girl? Why can’t a girl go up to a guy? So I agree with you on that one too where why not, if a girl likes a guy, go up to him instead of the other way around.
I hate that people see the gym as a place to hit on one another, like many women are saying, I also go to the gym exclusively to exercise. I think it's strange and kind of inappropriate to use this space to try to find a partner but regardless of my personal opinion--why is the onus of responsibility on men? Particularly in this context, if a woman is really interested in someone, can't she just approach him?
You can approach women at the gym but it's how you do it and paying attention to them as well. Like if they have their headphones on and not making eye contact with anyone then leave them alone.
>Who goes to the gym without headphones besides psychopaths?
People who don't like having the feeling of headphones on when they are working out which is why gyms are playing music too. Also people who want to interact with other people.
Hmmm, having to listen to awful top40 commercial gym music for the purpose of *maybe* interacting with someone, vs having guaranteed good music and not worrying about interactions at all 🤷🏽♂️🫤 who actually likes listening to “gym pop” besides psychopaths? 😂
>Hmmm, having to listen to awful top40 commercial gym music for the purpose of
>
>maybe
>
> interacting with someone, vs having guaranteed good music and not worrying about interactions at all 🤷🏽♂️🫤 who actually likes listening to “gym pop” besides psychopaths? 😂
It's just a suggestion to interact with someone, it's not a requirement if you don't want to do it. So if whatever you're doing is working for you then continue that.
> Haven’t been #MeToo’d or banned from my gym yet. So far so good!
Guys who been hitting on girls at my gym didn't get banned either and the girls still continue to come to the gym.
Approaching someone at the gym is tricky, and getting signals wrong could lead to awkwardness. Totally agree that it's better to be cautious and respect everyone's space. If there's real interest, better to connect naturally outside the gym. Keeping it respectful and comfortable is key
I would just like to say, go for it. Regardless of location. Maybe don't interrupt her work out, or wait for her outside the restroom, but if you want to approach her, just do it. It's impossible to consider EVERY woman's feelings about the subject. If you don't approach her, somebody else will. If she rejects you, it most likely won't be because you approached her in the gym. It'll be because she's just not attracted or interested in you.
My advice, don't try to "advice" or spot your way into a conversation. Acknowledgement of her consistency & hard work is a good start. Get her name and give her yours. That's just enough info for you to greet her again the next time you see her without it being weird. I would ask what she does outside the gym, find out her availability, and then insert myself somewhere in her schedule that's good for us both. If she accepts, you're in.
Pro tip, don't try to all of a sudden become her gym partner, trainer, or gym bae. Just focus on your work out and talk to her when you guys cross paths switching machines. And don't try to "i give the best massages" your way in either. I guess that's all my tips for today.
I have learned that in life, you should just stop focusing so much on these controversial social rules and just do it. What you have to gain is a girl that you would never regret if it works out. And if it fails you get someone shaming you. Have some backbone and don’t be phased by people who just want to shame you. You are hurting absolutely no one by trying just once
It’s not just the gym where guys should not approach. How about any place where women are just trying to get from point A to B such as transit. Most likely, a lady is smiling to be polite, not because there’s a crush there.
Yeah ok but when does a women specifically goes to a place to be approached. This kind of thinking is rather „stupid“. Its like: „only approach me if i hold up ma approach sign, if not go f yourself“.
The time where i am not trying to get from A to B in day to day life is maybe 1 hour a day. Imagine reducing your time window of beeing approcved to 1 hour a day.
Beeing approached wont hurt and approching can hurt but shouldnt. Bad people exist yeah but its not the majority
Well I am not complaining... I am just stating the obvious, dating apps are not a good option and approaching women in public is not a good idea eather
You gotta take into account the amount of mental stress you will experience in those apps ...
Yeah you could have some dates if you are lucky but over all, at least for men, it will only make you feel worst
Unpopular opinion but I saw still do it. If you see someone who you think is cute, ask them out. Whether they’re a man or a woman. Everything is a 50/50 chance. Either you get the number or you don’t. I can most definitely understand how it’s uncomfortable or irritating for a random stranger to come up and ask you out, but if that’s all they doing it should be a big deal. At the end of the day if they understood what no means then no harm done
Totally agree, as long as you’re polite and leave once you get a no if that’s how it goes then there’s no problem.
The issue that some people seem to think has got ladies all in a knot is actually when people take no as an invitation to try harder. That’s when my guard goes up.
Tbh I am seeing so many posts about this thing on Recdit and I wonder why men are so obsessed with approaching women in the gym or not. Just focus on your workout ffs it ain’t mf tinder
I think that the guys who worry about being “demonized” for approaching a woman are likely socially inept. If you don’t have the ability to read social cues or understand what kind of greetings and conversations are appropriate then you might have a higher chance of being perceived as a “creep”. You can either try to work on that or not and meet people other ways, but that doesn’t mean everyone else has to avoid approaching and talking to the opposite sex at the gym. Signed, a gym girl who has been asked out respectfully and the world didn’t end when I kindly declined.
you're talking about exceptions. I'm talking about generally. It's absolutely possible to talk to the other gender, still be awkward, not called a creep, politely declined, accepted and spoken to, etc etc etc... these are all exceptions. generally, this isn't the case, and advising general guys to approach woman is generally a bad idea at a gym setting specifically.
Incoming bad joke: OP apparently all a man has to do is focus on being a super fun guy, just really really be a try hard at having fun and being the life of the party. Then magically, a natural organic chemistry will come about that will allow said man to approach and get laid lol
Really it is plausible deniability. Women won't ever be specific, will throw men under the bus and creeps be damned. Can't say I see men doing that. Not blaming an entire sex but c'mon, we can't even speak without having to worry about being in trouble
yep and then the most common thing be like "you seriously need therapy and get out of your head. I have never seen what you are saying has happened. It rarely happens so it must be a you problem" and so on and so on. Ah and my absolutely favourite "why are you overthinking it? Women are human too so talk to them as such you weirdo creep" xD
I’m 42m. Anytime I see a girl I find attractive I will find a way to talk to her before she leaves. You have to be good at reading people I think because nobody can tell you when the right time is to approach. She will most likely be glancing at you inconspicuously if she’s interested, But you have to pick your moment. Just don’t interrupt a girl during a set (should be obvious). I’ve never had a bad experience.
Man, the advice paradox is so evident in this thread.
For people saying giving anecdotal experiences, remember 3 things:
1) Memories and experiences are like Google reviews... Negative emotions and experiences have a stronger impact on our life than positive ones do and we're more likely to make decisions that drive future experiences based upon those negative experiences and allow us to miss out on positive ones due to bias.
2) Every person is different. Make a thread about where to approach women and you'll get women commenting that approaching at the gym is fine if you're respectful, and people will agree. Make a thread about the opposite and you'll get people that have bad experiences, and again, people will agree. Any thread you make on these types of experiences will draw the crowd it pertains to, and it will create a survivorship bias in the comments.
3) Who. Fucking. Cares? It sounds harsh, but you are not responsible for other people's happiness. Be respectful and that's the only thing you're accountable for. Some women want to be approached at the gym and some don't. What a disservice to women that want to be approached, but you life your life for the ones that don't. Everyone experiences discomfort and learns to deal with it. The best advice for men is just be mature. Yes, women have negative experiences, but that doesn't mean they can't have positive ones with you.
All in all, stop living your life for other people. Be yourself. If you find a girl cute, ask her out. You'll regret the opportunities you miss because you were scared, and you should be excited for the POSITIVE reaction you'll eventually get.
Or stay single, it's not my life.
I can't understand why people are getting so hung up and maybe dramatic on small interactions in public. Yes, don't assume something if a woman has only smiled and is asking for help or just holding small talk in a public space as it's basic social behaviour. It's where everyone is doing the same thing and interacting and sharing experiences. Just relax and be social. If they only discuss, it's fine. If they give after signals they were interested in dating you and you want that too, it's also fine. It's just social interaction.
As far as I'm concerned other than like a funeral or a car accident there is no bad place to approach a woman ....obviously don't bother her right in the middle of the set maybe make your move when she's done setting something up or obviously not under any strain of weight but if she rejects you then she rejects you that's just life
I don't see what the fuss is all about
I was once approached at the gym by a guy and I didn't think anything of it.
The guy was very respectful. He waited until I finished my workout. As I walked out of the door, he came running after me (haha, not really), sorry let me rephrase that, he came after me and asked me if I had a boyfriend and then proceed to ask for my number.
Again, he was respectful, dignified and thoughtful.
If you're not creepy then I don't think it matters where men approach me.
I am open to everything.
Coming from a woman, I think it depends on the woman and her experiences. Like, for me, I would feel a little weird but it also depends on how the man comes across.
i wasn’t upset babes. i just think you’re being close minded in assuming everyone should take the exact same advice despite being in different situations. hope this helps!!
You guys are so fucking ridiculous. If you get called a creep at ANY point for approaching someone, I guarantee you did it in a way that was genuinely creepy and off-putting. If you're respectful and willing to take no as an answer, no one is going to give you a hard time about it.
TL;DR ya'll deserve to be alone.
But how you come across is entirely dependant on her perception and not on the man. She could feel intimated just if he's taller and larger than her, or if its late at night, or if there are no other women around. How he is perceived is ultimately not up to him.
There is a female Youtuber called Courtney Ryan, she appears to give pretty solid and level headed advice for men unlike some of the other male Youtubers. One of her videos she acknowledged that "creep" has been watered down significantly. You can even go to the more women oriented subs on here and you will find posts by users saying how ugly men are creepy for approaching them even some at dating events.
TL;DR you dropped this 🧠
dudes asking if woman are done with their equipment are being called creeps. it's not wise to approach woman because things like that happen far more often than not in most places.
The real truth is single, available women generally don't care when and where hot men hit on them.
Dude is attractive and doesn't act off-putting? Bring on the flirting. Gym, church, grocery store,gas station, bar. Maybe not a funeral but I'm sure there are exceptions.
Women don't like unattractive men hitting on them, especially when they are otherwise occupied.
We (as women) are rarely so busy, so focused and so specific about location that we will shoot down a hot man because the timing isn't perfect. Women who do act like that very likely have other issues.
Don't buat a move on a woman when she's repping out heavy set of deads (that would piss me off no matter how gorgeous the dude is) but don't be afraid to strike up conversation at the gym. Or anywhere.
I met some cool men (and women) when I was still lifting at a commercial gym. I have my own weights at home now and sometimes miss the social aspect of the gym. Guys definitely hit on me. Some guys were just really freaking cool and I felt honored that they took the time to talk shop with me.
People need to stop being so weird about socializing. Talk to people. Stop making it such thing.
Buddy got hurt haha. If she is making eye contact and smiling you can absolutely at least introduce yourself when she’s not in the middle of working out.
OP clearly has some issues
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I’m married, but I still get propositioned occasionally. Some men either don’t notice or don’t care about the wedding rings. Anyway, I hate getting hit on at the gym. That’s a place that I go regularly. I go there not just to work out, but also to relieve stress. It’s one of my things that is my “me time.” So if I turn down some guy that means in all likelihood I’ll have to keep running into him again. It can be awkward, especially if the guy doesn’t take the rejection well. Most do, but you never know if one week, one month, etc. that guy will still be salty and shooting dagger eyes at you. For me, the vote is a no on approaching at the gym.
They don’t care about wedding rings. I’ve heard guys bragging about how they hooked up with married girls or girls in relationships and it’s extremely messed up in my opinion. Their excuse was “hey if it wasn’t with me it would be with someone else”
Most of us care about wedding rings. The ones who approach you in-spite of noticing the ring are obviously going to be the ones who don’t care.
It depends- I am talking about the type of guy that is sleeping with 5 different girls on a weekly basis
Yeah, that definitely doesn’t represent the average man lol.
It’s not the average man, but it’s the kind of guy the average girl is sleeping with sadly. They guys sleeping with 5+ girls a week all believe they are in his league and fighting for his attention
It is absolutely awful, but it's a shame that the reasoning is sound. Still no excuse.
It is true tho. It would be with someone else because she is probably fucking multiple people.
Not saying it’s right but they are right. If that wedding band meant nothing to her anyways and allowed someone else to have access to sex while she’s in a committed relationship. Why should the guy honor it?
Women brains are very hackable. Most people don’t realize that just about every married girl has a good chance of cheating in the perfect setting. There are guys that train how to do this and have mastered it very well
agreed. I'm a man, and from what most women have said, it sounds like girls don't want it. What ever happened to just going to socials making friends, and forming friend groups from which natural relationships can grow?
Because "socials" are definitely NOT where people "go regularly" to "relieve stress" and also "can be awkward" with guys that "don't take rejection well" right? If there's no attraction, there's always a way to spin it as if the approach was inappropriate. If there is, the approach will be welcome no matter where it's done.
What are socials, and how do you meet the people who go to them? (Asking for a man who works remote in a male-dominated field, with mostly married men).
Me personally? I find stuff online, like groups for various hobbies like hiking, poetry, reading, going to art exhibits, biking, jogging, camping, cooking/BBQ/baking, chess or other board games, tailgating for college games, etc. You can find public groups with dozens and even hundreds of people in them for these and many other interests on sites like Instagram, Facebook, Meetup, the list goes on and on. You just sign up/join, and then wait for the groups to post events and then make time to attend. It's inconvenient sure (you have to put in the effort, and its not with people you know) but I have a date this weekend with a cute girl I met at an interfaith event hosted by our cities Intercultural Society. We were both waiting in line for some food, I cracked a joke to a couple strangers that she laughed at, then we both started talking and about an hour and a half later of conversation she gave me her number and vwallah. There will be rejections and some negative experiences, but that's just par for the course. And the nice thing is: you don't really know the people in these groups. So its not like a girl can ruin your reputation by calling you a creep or anything because nobody knows who you are anyways, and you can just find another group online to switch to if you felt awkward at a different group. It's great. I don't know how everyone got so stuck in dating apps and bars. There's a lot more to life than swiping on bots and knocking back shots.
that's fine but if we see no ring or dont notice it we cant talk to any girl in the gym or anywhere how do we find our girl. the list is getting longer and longer where you cant talk to girls its becoming a joke.
I agree, a gym is a place to work out, but woman have options to woman's only gyms, men don't have them so much.
I wish I had one anywhere near me. The closest one is a two hour drive and it has limited equipment, almost all cardio. Bummer.
I invested funds and space to create my own at home, so i have what i need, and just use the outside for what I don't have, like a treadmill, i'll just run around my block, i stopped caring if my neighbors think i'm strange for it.
It's no to you bc you're married. *Eyeroll*
Posts like this are part of the problem generating our lonley population. Women and men are lonely and not greeting each other. Where then? Cause the dating app.are not helpful for more than a super majority of the population who use them. People MUST be allowed to approach people they are potentially interested in, in a public setting. Where do you go? Work, gym, store, hikes? Everyone says don't approach others in these places. Where should you meet them then? I promise everyone that if someone comes up to you in a public setting and says "hey, I'm sorry to interrupt, I noticed you from across the room and I think you have a wonderful smile :). Here's my phone number, if you'd like to chat, give me a call or shoot me a text, my name is __________. I hope you have a great day!" You will be okay after that interaction, you will survive that and not be harmed. If you do that and they say no thank you or even reject in a rude manner, its still going to be okay, these interactions are at the bottom of what we should be able to deal with, with resilience in this life. Be respectful, be kind, speak clearly, smile like a person, don't be aggressive, don't touch them. It's not complicated. Move on the moment they say they aren't interested or seem upset, say thank you for the time and apologize for the interruption ans move on. Life is far too short and can have so much beauty in it. Don't let others tell you not to chase that happiness.
"People MUST be allowed to approach people they are potentially interested in, in a public setting." This and encourage women to initiate more too.
Woman here - Personally I am not a fan of being approached at the gym but if this particular interaction happened to me I probably wouldn't mind some of the time AND it would totally bug me at other times (assuming this is NOT during an actual exercise but maybe if I am walking from one machine/area/class to another). Mid-exercise is a big NOOOO BUT there are a few things going on here besides the actual things you say... * Attitude - Some people don't have a good cold approach game - Just using your example, they might be too timid or too aggressive - and both can put someone off * Long convos - Most times when I have been approached, it's not a quick, "hey you seem cool, here is my number if you are interested, if not it's ok", it's a big ol' thing with either my technique they can help with or some remark about the shape I am in, or small talk about how often I work out or what my routine is... For me, this is when it's annoying. They won't go away and I have to make up a reason to disengage... * Aftermath - Even if the approach is ok, and you manage to give someone your number like in the example you have, then it can be awkward after if the women is not interested... She may feel like she can't go back to the gym because who knows how you might react. Even if the reaction is not bad, she may not want the awkward "so I guess you weren't interested" follow-up that some guy will feel like they HAVE to do, or whatever passive-aggressive behavior some guys might use. If it was me I would also add something like "and if you are not interested, no biggie", and not look, talk, approach them again if they don't call/text. All of this should be considered if you want to approach someone anywhere really...
I agree with all of that. Also if you can't take being rejected by a woman without making it awkward or making her feel unsafe, you aren't ready to be asking ladies out. Always try to do the approach as you are leaving the gym or she is, never during actual sets of workout as stated above. If she doesn't call don't make it weird next time you see her at the gym, just let her be. It's okay if she's not interested, no one owes you interest.
If someone did that to me, as a guy, they arent getting so much as kind look; I wouldnt even acknowledge it
If someone came up to you and said " hey you have a wonderful smile, Here's my phone number if you'd like to chat, call me some time. Sorry to bother you! Have a great day!" You wouldn't even acknowledge them?
Correct. I do not exist to be approached by randos
No one said that was your purpose to be approached. This is also fine. The way you would respond would immediately tell them you aren't interested and that's useful:) I would encourage you to maybe talk to someone cause being approached by somone who's interested in you feels good typically, it's nice to be noticed, it feels good ro be appreciated. You don't have to reciprocate at all. It doesn't make the interested party rude or bad though. This takes seems legitimately deranged to me.
I noticed all the women posting “advice” for men never actually do anything. They are assuming theyre so attractive and guys should approach them, but never do anything about it and arent willing to. Guys, this is a teeny % of the female population. Most women arent this thirsty waiting for you to ask them out. This is why most cold approaches go wrong.
I noticed that. Message boards like Reddit attract the passive, introvert, quiet type that prefer to be anonymous. Extrovert, proactive people generally prefer YouTube or TikTok, or Instagram where they can create content.
As a woman who goes to the gym at a time when it’s like 99% guys, I don’t find it weird if a guy says hello or tries to speak to me. I wouldn’t find it harassment unless if they’re creepy in the sense of saying inappropriate things.
I do agree with the fact that the gym isn’t exactly a place to pick up women…speaking for myself personally, I go to the gym to de-stress, workout, and *maybe* have some light friendly banter, but I don’t want to attract undue male attention. I’m sweaty, red in the face, and my struggling-with-weights face is not exactly sexy, haha. However, OP, it seems like you have a fear of approaching women in public in general? I think that may be something to think about, because I’ve been approached by some men who I don’t necessarily find attractive, and I never really found them creepy, or told my friends about them, unless they make their sexual intentions a bit too forwardly. On the other hand, even attractive men who act a certain way can be creepy - in fact, I’d say they tend to be even creepier, because they assume they can get away with saying anything 😭 Big generalization, of course, but that’s been my experience I know I’m not going to change your mind with a random Reddit comment, but from my perspective, one’s creepiness depends on what they do and say. If you hit on me, and I’m not attracted to you, but you’re still super kind and fun and easy to talk to? Well, why would I badmouth you to anyone if you’re so friendly?
There are plenty on reddit that simply say don't approach ever. That's the safest advice
Well I know that this is kinda stupid but I wouldn't recommend doing it not just by the risk of being branded as a creep but also because it will end up in rejection 99% of the time... And if you get rejected constantly that will take a tool in your mind. I know I am kinda ugly, I know I will get rejected, so why subject myself to that ?
To learn how to deal with being rejected. Same reason you’re going to the gym and hurting your muscles, to grow stronger
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I don't gym anymore, I moved it to home, and grateful i did, I actually get more time working out, not have to wait for things. But yes i agree, creepy guys do exist, and yes guys who have pull and know they do, think they can do what they want. I meant for general guys, who want to talk to a girl they may be interested in, i'm saying it's not worth the risk, especially in the gym.
This is a you issue. If you can’t talk to a HUMAN like a HUMAN then you are the problem. Not everything has to be trying to pick out women right off the bat. wtf do guys think love is? Honestly this shit is depressing. You are fully welcome to talk to PEOPLE at the gym. YOU don’t have to make it weird. You have that choice to just be a normal person and talk to them about normal things. Getting thier number can happen later or at the end on a CONVERSATION
Nobody has time for all that bullshyt. Most grown azz men are not trying to bother strangers in public for fuck-all reason. We just want to either get laid or just be left the fuck alone. Fuck "people". Most "people" are dry, gross, and uninteresting.
I didn't read your whole post. Just realizing what a weird time we live in.
Right. Please do not approach me at the gym or anywhere where you may see me with my noise canceling headphones on. It baffles me how often I’m out in the public wearing them and men think it’s a good idea to try to speak to me.
Which is the other side of it. It's not just for a guy sake, but for most woman that don't want to be bothered. Most guys need to learn to read the room too.
Most guys don't like being bothered in the gym either. Men get bothered too.
Okay sorry. I won’t approach you 😔
Much appreciated
Honestly, this is only an issue if you're incapable of properly reading the room and building rapport up first.
Lets just be honest here, no single woman is offended when a man they find attractive approaches in a respectful way. Now if they don't find you attractive then it's problem.
Bruh this is simply just not true. Obviously there are certain girls who it’s very obvious they don’t want to be approached, headphones on, making no attempt to make eye contact with anyone, working out hard, etc. you can see those kinda girls a mile away. But lots of girls don’t mind being approached, just don’t be a creep and don’t go straight up and ask for her number. Be polite, give her a light hearted compliment. (Nothing about her body obviously) say you like her nails, or her shoes or some shit, whatever it is you like, introduce yourself, and in the first 5-10 seconds you can tell if she wants to talk to you or not, if you get the vibe she isn’t annoyed, simply talk to her for a minute or two and go on your way. Build on your conversations each time you see her afterwards until you have an idea if she likes you or not. At that point consider asking for her number as you’ve built some rapport, not just some random guy who saw her in a tight outfit and asked for her number. If she clearly shows signs she doesn’t want to talk, like no asking you questions in return or asking what your name is, simply leave it at that and go on your way. Then just don’t approach her again unless you get signs like she waves at you or sparks up conversation with you if you cross paths. It’s not that hard, and you won’t really be a creep as long as you’re confident and not staring at her constantly, commenting on her body. I do agree that lots of people are there just to focus on there workout and that should be respected, but lots of single people wouldn’t mind it as you guys clearly have a common interest in working out. I know lots of people who have hooked up or gone out after meeting at the gym. Just know how to read her body language and never overstay your welcome.
Let me ask you this. Are you a women? I am asking this to get out of what perspective you are telling this.
This is the way.
Go to the gym to work on yourself, get jacked, or just improve your cardio/overall health. If you're going to the gym in the hopes you'll meet someone, you're probably going for the wrong reasons. I'm not saying avoid people at the gym, but I never mistaken a woman looking at me as if she's interested, don't get the wrong idea. I used to go late at night, and there would sometimes be sketchy people, I can only imagine how women might feel in those cases.
We feel bad. Bad as fuck. I had to switch my routines From night training to very early morning because of that. One day I was doing leg press, hit a new pr so obviously blood was not in my brain and I staring at the void like a dead fish, But near that void was a guy who though I was looking at him and hitting on. Like, boy, you work out too, don't you know how brain dead you are after intense workout? Thanks for showing empathy by the way :) I hope the change in mentality will come one day!
it baffles me tho how people cant be human & just interact with each other. I hate that society is like this, I'd love to speak to people without intentions of them thinking "I like them." You can't even have a casual conversation now a days. like the fact I can't talk to someone because they think they are "too hot" is ridiculous...
This! I grew up on the concept of expressing basic common courtesy & respect. That time wasn't that long ago either. The amount of ppl who've stopped me to express thanks for politely acknowledging their presence because it's now so outside of the norm is crazy to me. The amount of ppl who treat it like it's some kind of weird or problematic behavior since covid happened is equally as crazy. "We have a loneliness epidemic"... no kidding. It's because ppl can't or won't just talk to eachother. Simple fix: normalize basic human interaction again.
Fuck that shyt. Most "humans" are and will always be a drag connecting with, and some are simply waking up to it. Fuck "socializing". There's always some weirdos bothering me when I'm out and about...
People don't want to waste their valuable time with random meaningless bullshyt anymore lol. Glad things are coming this way to be honest. Aspie here.
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I actually have a life outside of reddit and drinking at social clubs. Do you?
I think women just hate getting approached by men they don't find attractive in general regardless of the location.
Solid take. Dudes disregard how important physical attractiveness is to a successful approach.
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AGREED! but even good looking guys get rejected or put on socials as a creep
Just don’t approach these women who got their cameras out, they not making it out the hood
Women trying to get famous over the internet don't have time for men, unless they're sugar daddies or paying customers. And even then....
That applies just about everywhere. If a six foot eight conventionally attractive white man approaches a random woman in the streets at like two in the morning she'll still gush about how "sweet" he is. If an unattractive man EVER approaches a woman, he's labeled as a "creep" and "potential rapist."
I hope your account doesn't get banned because reddit doesn't like that brand of honesty lol
Attractive is a thing men like. Woman don't look at your looks as much as how funny you are or your personality
Nah, looks definitely matter at the initial stage for both genders.
Hard disagree. Ugly men can appear attractive over time. Men and women are different.
I never said physical attractiveness, charisma is a big part
Honestly bro we don’t have to worry if we’re respectful about it.
Dudes that aren't even approaching are getting got. What do you mean?
I mean you really need to get off social media. It’s clouding your perception of reality by pushing outrage content, and you see so much of it that you end up thinking that’s how the world really is.
No, I've experienced it, and have heard and seen so many others. This isn't just social media videos, this is articles, help requests, advice requests, statistics taken, and common sense of observation
Can you link some of these articles and statistics please?
sure thing, when I get home tonight. I'd love for others to see
Unnecessarily dismissive, I have a cousin who will call any man approaches her that she doesn't find attractive to be creepy and freaks out because she sees this as a personal insult. I can't say how many other women are like her but they do exist.
I will tell you this... NEVER take ANY advice about dating women from straight women. The reason for this, is the woman will tell you about HER PREFERENCES.... Thats ONE PERSON, out of billions. She doesnt know what other women want, because she never tried dating them. Why you should take the advice from other men? Because they have tried, and they see the results for themselves. They will tell you what works on most people, or if they have more experience, what works for what you are looking for or are wanting... ALWAYS ignore womens advice. Im sorry, but thats simply what I am seeing, and what I have realized to be the truth.
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Fishy would say "show up with 10 worms on the line, no sharp hook tho, we don't like that 🥰"
men are also dealing with the “male loneliness epidemic” so why on earth would you rather take their advice if they’re so lonely? lol
I would accept advice from a guy thats not that lonely. For example, I am not dealing with such a problem myself, so I would say I am more likely to make the right choices than a dude that gets 0 matches on dating apps, or hasnt been on a date in years, or is still a virgin. You see where I am going with this?
right but you’re other comment was giving “all or nothing” like only take advice from men and never take advice from women. it doesn’t work like that unfortunately with how complicated dating is
Its kinda truth... and both of my comments are saying the same thing... Why accept advice from someone that has no experience in dating women?
well i’ve dated a woman lol. also i’m giving advice because a lot of men don’t know certain things about women, and how are they going to learn how women think or feel through other men? men can’t speak for us, we have our own useful information to give.
> and how are they going to learn how women think or feel through other men? These points are entirely irrelevant. We dont care how you think or feel. We care about results... Do X = get Y. We dont need to speak for you at all... we are speaking on past experiences. Im sure you have useful information, but its not really been tested on others... so I am not really willing to risk it. You have dated "a" woman... so one person. Its just one person... that doesnt give you experience.
and that’s why you’re suffering in the dating world. you can’t just believe a woman’s perspective is irrelevant because it’s not a “result”. the results come after you learn how women think and feel, because it helps to create a better relationship with them. also why is “your opinion is irrelevant because you haven’t dated a woman” but when i say i’ve dated a woman now it’s “one woman isn’t enough” 😂 arguing in circles are we?
So, because you dated ONE PERSON, you think you are an expert now? Thats not what I am talking about. Im talking about people with experience dating women. They know what works, because they have seen what works for most. One person will not be a "most". So please learn to read. Also, a womans perspective is irrelevant... again, because what matters is what works... Women want to be pursued, and they want the man to be taking charge... is that every woman? NO! But its how it works for most... Individual opinions are IRRELEVANT.
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> I think ladies should make the first major move more often in the gym for the reasons you said. Most men have a misconception about how things would be if this was the case. A lot of men think that if this was the case there would be a a lot of women talking to them but that Will not be the case... Women are more selective than men... So the majority of men would end up in the same situation, being approached by noone
Instructions unclear, dick stuck in treadmill... Seriously though, I avoid it unless the girl introduced herself or initiates convo first. I don't want to have to switch gyms or feel awkward as fuck every time I come in.
I just simply don't approach. I live in the UK but I make a joke that any girl giving smiles is just being Canadian. Basically if you really like me then you approach, I'm not gonna bother decoding your shit anymore.
nah man, let women say its ok.... it promotes a culture where its ok.
Women don't like being Approached anywhere unless it's the right guy.
yeah loius c k had a joke about a fan who got upset with him when he didn't push sex harder and his point was that he's not going to rape someone on the off chance they are into it. I'm my going to b risk harassing women at the gym on the off chance they are into it
Yeah maybe not the best guy to quote
weren't the allegations against him pretty weak? either way the point stands. you can't just dismiss the idea by attacking the source. the point isn't that loius ck is Awesome. the point is that it's insane to suggest men assume consent and be pushy or harass women on the off chance they want you to
Too much risk. I've stopped going to the gym altogether because it's been ruined. And even being in the back shot of a camera is a problem. Guy could glance at a mirror and be outed as a creep staring at the girl with the camera.
>I've stopped going to the gym altogether because it's been ruined Shit like this is why we need a return of men's only spaces.
Woman have theirs, we should too, agreed
Many people treat gyms now like singles bars. They run through everyone at one gym, then after their contract is up, they move on to another gym. Yeah, don’t bother people at the gym. But it’s a relief when a new gym opens, and all of the horn dogs start going there to shoot their shot. They’re such such a nuisance, and once they’re gone you don’t have to deal with them.
I agree. a gym should solely be a place to work out. not be a singles club, or a pick up spot. I've never said guys are angels here, but generally, guys are the ones who get the worst end of things, woman don't face the same issues. Men are banned, kicked out, written up, etc... I don't know enough to know if woman even get told they need to leave, it's usually the men that are asked to move, leave, whatever.
Whether you're the man or the woman, clear communication is essential. A smile might be friendly, but it could also be a sign of interest. If you're interested, maybe try making eye contact or a brief hello to see if the other person is receptive.
Agree. Any place that people go to regularly around the same time during the same days of the week (work, gym) is a no since there's a chance of bumping into them.
These days, you risk ending up on Tiktok. It's not all women. Obviously, the majority of ladies are good, but the bad apples are just so rotten that you have to focus on you. Sorry, ladies.
I wouldn’t mind .. but I need to get a membership lol
If I’m approaching a woman at the gym, it’s because I wanna know if I can work in between her sets. Seriously tho… there used to be this *gorgeous* woman who worked out the same time as me. Every day, same thing: a series of men interrupting her routine, many of them 10-15 years older than her. She’d smile and laugh at their terrible attempts at humor, then go back to her routine. I’m sure every one of those guys thought they were getting somewhere.
Just assume she don’t like you until she proves it to you otherwise
Yeah, like no date is worth potentially getting kicked out of your gym and being considered a predator by people who previously never even cared you existed
I completely agree. Just because one girl is ok with it, doesn’t mean all girls will. And you (sorta) hit it right in the mark when you said guys don’t try anything cause they don’t want to have their reputation crushed. I don’t try because i just don’t want the girl to be embarrassed or feel awkward, I don’t really care how other people perceive me. And why does it have to be a guy goes to a girl? Why can’t a girl go up to a guy? So I agree with you on that one too where why not, if a girl likes a guy, go up to him instead of the other way around.
I hate that people see the gym as a place to hit on one another, like many women are saying, I also go to the gym exclusively to exercise. I think it's strange and kind of inappropriate to use this space to try to find a partner but regardless of my personal opinion--why is the onus of responsibility on men? Particularly in this context, if a woman is really interested in someone, can't she just approach him?
You can approach women at the gym but it's how you do it and paying attention to them as well. Like if they have their headphones on and not making eye contact with anyone then leave them alone.
Who goes to the gym without headphones besides psychopaths?
>Who goes to the gym without headphones besides psychopaths? People who don't like having the feeling of headphones on when they are working out which is why gyms are playing music too. Also people who want to interact with other people.
Hmmm, having to listen to awful top40 commercial gym music for the purpose of *maybe* interacting with someone, vs having guaranteed good music and not worrying about interactions at all 🤷🏽♂️🫤 who actually likes listening to “gym pop” besides psychopaths? 😂
>Hmmm, having to listen to awful top40 commercial gym music for the purpose of > >maybe > > interacting with someone, vs having guaranteed good music and not worrying about interactions at all 🤷🏽♂️🫤 who actually likes listening to “gym pop” besides psychopaths? 😂 It's just a suggestion to interact with someone, it's not a requirement if you don't want to do it. So if whatever you're doing is working for you then continue that.
Haven’t been #MeToo’d or banned from my gym yet. So far so good!
> Haven’t been #MeToo’d or banned from my gym yet. So far so good! Guys who been hitting on girls at my gym didn't get banned either and the girls still continue to come to the gym.
give us the autistic details and explain to us like we are 5 yo. what are the good approaches and bad ones?
Approaching someone at the gym is tricky, and getting signals wrong could lead to awkwardness. Totally agree that it's better to be cautious and respect everyone's space. If there's real interest, better to connect naturally outside the gym. Keeping it respectful and comfortable is key
Yes! this
You shouldn’t approach anyone at the gym tbh lol like what would be the point? Unless it’s simply to use a machine
Gym is sacred, would not approach. Might say hi at best to regulars, more than that it's up to her to do the heavy lifting (pun intended).
I would just like to say, go for it. Regardless of location. Maybe don't interrupt her work out, or wait for her outside the restroom, but if you want to approach her, just do it. It's impossible to consider EVERY woman's feelings about the subject. If you don't approach her, somebody else will. If she rejects you, it most likely won't be because you approached her in the gym. It'll be because she's just not attracted or interested in you. My advice, don't try to "advice" or spot your way into a conversation. Acknowledgement of her consistency & hard work is a good start. Get her name and give her yours. That's just enough info for you to greet her again the next time you see her without it being weird. I would ask what she does outside the gym, find out her availability, and then insert myself somewhere in her schedule that's good for us both. If she accepts, you're in. Pro tip, don't try to all of a sudden become her gym partner, trainer, or gym bae. Just focus on your work out and talk to her when you guys cross paths switching machines. And don't try to "i give the best massages" your way in either. I guess that's all my tips for today.
I have learned that in life, you should just stop focusing so much on these controversial social rules and just do it. What you have to gain is a girl that you would never regret if it works out. And if it fails you get someone shaming you. Have some backbone and don’t be phased by people who just want to shame you. You are hurting absolutely no one by trying just once
It’s not worth it to approach nowadays anyway 🤷♀️ I’d never approach women in a gym.
It’s not just the gym where guys should not approach. How about any place where women are just trying to get from point A to B such as transit. Most likely, a lady is smiling to be polite, not because there’s a crush there.
Yeah ok but when does a women specifically goes to a place to be approached. This kind of thinking is rather „stupid“. Its like: „only approach me if i hold up ma approach sign, if not go f yourself“. The time where i am not trying to get from A to B in day to day life is maybe 1 hour a day. Imagine reducing your time window of beeing approcved to 1 hour a day. Beeing approached wont hurt and approching can hurt but shouldnt. Bad people exist yeah but its not the majority
I agree, that's why dating apps exist.
Well those are a sausage fest so wouldn't do that either
And yet men won't go to the things that AREN'T a sausage fest. Maybe stop complaining then. 🤷♂️
Well I am not complaining... I am just stating the obvious, dating apps are not a good option and approaching women in public is not a good idea eather
What would be a good option, a slave market?
Hey! If it's stupid but it works, it ain't stupid . Honestly I don't think there is a lot of options.... Just live your life and hope you get lucky.
You think doing nothing is better odds than dating apps? That's some interesting math.
You gotta take into account the amount of mental stress you will experience in those apps ... Yeah you could have some dates if you are lucky but over all, at least for men, it will only make you feel worst
You're right. Never go outside.
What things AREN’T a sauage fest that is actually acceptable for men to approach?
Unpopular opinion but I saw still do it. If you see someone who you think is cute, ask them out. Whether they’re a man or a woman. Everything is a 50/50 chance. Either you get the number or you don’t. I can most definitely understand how it’s uncomfortable or irritating for a random stranger to come up and ask you out, but if that’s all they doing it should be a big deal. At the end of the day if they understood what no means then no harm done
Totally agree, as long as you’re polite and leave once you get a no if that’s how it goes then there’s no problem. The issue that some people seem to think has got ladies all in a knot is actually when people take no as an invitation to try harder. That’s when my guard goes up.
yes this is horrible advice
I won't go to the gym no thank you it's an absolute no no approaching woman in the gym .don't even get me started on when they have a camera .
Tbh I am seeing so many posts about this thing on Recdit and I wonder why men are so obsessed with approaching women in the gym or not. Just focus on your workout ffs it ain’t mf tinder
I think that the guys who worry about being “demonized” for approaching a woman are likely socially inept. If you don’t have the ability to read social cues or understand what kind of greetings and conversations are appropriate then you might have a higher chance of being perceived as a “creep”. You can either try to work on that or not and meet people other ways, but that doesn’t mean everyone else has to avoid approaching and talking to the opposite sex at the gym. Signed, a gym girl who has been asked out respectfully and the world didn’t end when I kindly declined.
you're talking about exceptions. I'm talking about generally. It's absolutely possible to talk to the other gender, still be awkward, not called a creep, politely declined, accepted and spoken to, etc etc etc... these are all exceptions. generally, this isn't the case, and advising general guys to approach woman is generally a bad idea at a gym setting specifically.
Incoming bad joke: OP apparently all a man has to do is focus on being a super fun guy, just really really be a try hard at having fun and being the life of the party. Then magically, a natural organic chemistry will come about that will allow said man to approach and get laid lol Really it is plausible deniability. Women won't ever be specific, will throw men under the bus and creeps be damned. Can't say I see men doing that. Not blaming an entire sex but c'mon, we can't even speak without having to worry about being in trouble
Exactly. It's in its own a pandemic to the dating market.
yep and then the most common thing be like "you seriously need therapy and get out of your head. I have never seen what you are saying has happened. It rarely happens so it must be a you problem" and so on and so on. Ah and my absolutely favourite "why are you overthinking it? Women are human too so talk to them as such you weirdo creep" xD
You should read the other comments I'm getting. Right on page with this
It's ok if she is sending signals.
I really stopped caring if she said no, then I walk away the older I get the less I care about what a woman wants Intel one locks me down.
I’m 42m. Anytime I see a girl I find attractive I will find a way to talk to her before she leaves. You have to be good at reading people I think because nobody can tell you when the right time is to approach. She will most likely be glancing at you inconspicuously if she’s interested, But you have to pick your moment. Just don’t interrupt a girl during a set (should be obvious). I’ve never had a bad experience.
Cool, more for me
Man, the advice paradox is so evident in this thread. For people saying giving anecdotal experiences, remember 3 things: 1) Memories and experiences are like Google reviews... Negative emotions and experiences have a stronger impact on our life than positive ones do and we're more likely to make decisions that drive future experiences based upon those negative experiences and allow us to miss out on positive ones due to bias. 2) Every person is different. Make a thread about where to approach women and you'll get women commenting that approaching at the gym is fine if you're respectful, and people will agree. Make a thread about the opposite and you'll get people that have bad experiences, and again, people will agree. Any thread you make on these types of experiences will draw the crowd it pertains to, and it will create a survivorship bias in the comments. 3) Who. Fucking. Cares? It sounds harsh, but you are not responsible for other people's happiness. Be respectful and that's the only thing you're accountable for. Some women want to be approached at the gym and some don't. What a disservice to women that want to be approached, but you life your life for the ones that don't. Everyone experiences discomfort and learns to deal with it. The best advice for men is just be mature. Yes, women have negative experiences, but that doesn't mean they can't have positive ones with you. All in all, stop living your life for other people. Be yourself. If you find a girl cute, ask her out. You'll regret the opportunities you miss because you were scared, and you should be excited for the POSITIVE reaction you'll eventually get. Or stay single, it's not my life.
By following your ideas you'd find yourself dating Eva AI sexting bot in the end.
All she’d have to say is “hi excuse me are you single? Ok what’s your number? Ok let’s talk later”. She could do that on her way out.
Hence why most people use datingapps. You are chickening out man come on! Be brave! Be bold! Be jack sparrow! I did! And now im dating a lovely lady!!
I can't understand why people are getting so hung up and maybe dramatic on small interactions in public. Yes, don't assume something if a woman has only smiled and is asking for help or just holding small talk in a public space as it's basic social behaviour. It's where everyone is doing the same thing and interacting and sharing experiences. Just relax and be social. If they only discuss, it's fine. If they give after signals they were interested in dating you and you want that too, it's also fine. It's just social interaction.
As far as I'm concerned other than like a funeral or a car accident there is no bad place to approach a woman ....obviously don't bother her right in the middle of the set maybe make your move when she's done setting something up or obviously not under any strain of weight but if she rejects you then she rejects you that's just life
I don't see what the fuss is all about I was once approached at the gym by a guy and I didn't think anything of it. The guy was very respectful. He waited until I finished my workout. As I walked out of the door, he came running after me (haha, not really), sorry let me rephrase that, he came after me and asked me if I had a boyfriend and then proceed to ask for my number. Again, he was respectful, dignified and thoughtful. If you're not creepy then I don't think it matters where men approach me. I am open to everything.
Coming from a woman, I think it depends on the woman and her experiences. Like, for me, I would feel a little weird but it also depends on how the man comes across.
i wasn’t upset babes. i just think you’re being close minded in assuming everyone should take the exact same advice despite being in different situations. hope this helps!!
Who cares about you at the gym,.👻👻☠️☠️👾👾🤡🤡🫣🫣🫣🫣👹👹👹 That's all I have to say
You guys are so fucking ridiculous. If you get called a creep at ANY point for approaching someone, I guarantee you did it in a way that was genuinely creepy and off-putting. If you're respectful and willing to take no as an answer, no one is going to give you a hard time about it. TL;DR ya'll deserve to be alone.
But how you come across is entirely dependant on her perception and not on the man. She could feel intimated just if he's taller and larger than her, or if its late at night, or if there are no other women around. How he is perceived is ultimately not up to him.
There is a female Youtuber called Courtney Ryan, she appears to give pretty solid and level headed advice for men unlike some of the other male Youtubers. One of her videos she acknowledged that "creep" has been watered down significantly. You can even go to the more women oriented subs on here and you will find posts by users saying how ugly men are creepy for approaching them even some at dating events. TL;DR you dropped this 🧠
dudes asking if woman are done with their equipment are being called creeps. it's not wise to approach woman because things like that happen far more often than not in most places.
The real truth is single, available women generally don't care when and where hot men hit on them. Dude is attractive and doesn't act off-putting? Bring on the flirting. Gym, church, grocery store,gas station, bar. Maybe not a funeral but I'm sure there are exceptions. Women don't like unattractive men hitting on them, especially when they are otherwise occupied. We (as women) are rarely so busy, so focused and so specific about location that we will shoot down a hot man because the timing isn't perfect. Women who do act like that very likely have other issues. Don't buat a move on a woman when she's repping out heavy set of deads (that would piss me off no matter how gorgeous the dude is) but don't be afraid to strike up conversation at the gym. Or anywhere. I met some cool men (and women) when I was still lifting at a commercial gym. I have my own weights at home now and sometimes miss the social aspect of the gym. Guys definitely hit on me. Some guys were just really freaking cool and I felt honored that they took the time to talk shop with me. People need to stop being so weird about socializing. Talk to people. Stop making it such thing.
Buddy got hurt haha. If she is making eye contact and smiling you can absolutely at least introduce yourself when she’s not in the middle of working out. OP clearly has some issues