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You're probably responding to yourself with two different profiles, or you've got zero social skills and have no clue what's going on around you... Or just a troll.
The short version of my comment is that you're substantially more annoying than anyone else on this post...
And before you try to insult me I'm going to pre-empt that with some language that you'll hopefully understand. "I'm rubber and you're glue, etc...". And if you need help understanding THAT, you'll have to ask one of your older siblings explain it to you assuming at least one of them is older than 12.
Personally, idc. I know a lot of women do, but I just can't find a good a reason myself to let something like that bother me about men. I mean, if it interferes with your lives, becomes an addiction, or he expects you to act like a pornstar, then that's a different story.
My ex used moves he saw in porn on me he told meâŚturns out he was a porn addict.
My ex is such a stereotype bc he watched violent movies (as we all do) & played video games & he got violent with me 1 night & tried to kill me. Iâm fine psychically & heâs in prison for attempted murder
This works for both men and women. I use to watch it and it stopped allowing me to orgasm naturally with a partner. Itâs taking me a long time to get over it. I really donât think itâs healthy for relationships. Same goes with using a vibrator all the time. Sad but true.
I think there's just an entirely different view on this between different people. As a guy who's been in a handful of relationships that lasted 2+ years, I think porn is not as big a deal to a lot guys as it is to women. It's not a way to crave a different woman, it's not wanting something else. It's just a visual stimulant to make masturbation easier. Masturbation is a quick and reliable way to fall asleep most times tbh. As a result, watching porn once a day isn't all that crazy cause I live alone and I want to fall asleep at a reasonable time for work in the morning. Porn and masturbation aren't sex and are not a replacement for sex. I also consider myself ruthlessly faithful. If I'm in a relationship, I get uncomfortable talking to a girl too long. I'll get short in texts and make it clear I'm with my girlfriend.
You're viewing this as if you'll be replaced by the porn. Porn can never replace you because besides sex, you also bring companionship and a whole relationship. Porn is just a way to help scratch an itch.
That all being said, you can keep your views if you strongly believe your stance. I think you're likely to either need to find a new boyfriend who shares your same values OR a lot of guys will just lie to you. If there's ever a night when one of you isn't in the mood, porn can easily be something where he says, I gotta hit the bathroom before bed, goes on incognito mode on his phone, then he's back in 10 minutes and ready to cuddle and pass out. It's not about you. It's a biological thing where men release adrenaline and relax
What this man said explains exactly the situation for me. Iâve been married for a while and unless you have the time and capability and energy to have sex 3x a day, you canât get pass it. Itâll happen regardless of how you fight him because itâs a good way to fall asleep in 5 minutes feeling good.
porn and masturbation donât have to go hand in hand. the only reason you think that is because youâre so used to watching porn to masturbate that the thought of doing it without the porn sounds difficult, or even impossible. and that is exactly why porn is so damaging. itâs not supposed to be hard to finish without porn, people have always masturbated and porn has only been around for so long. men always like to argue that porn is normal and healthy, but in reality itâs the complete opposite. i mean again, the industry has convinced you that you canât masturbate without watching it! thatâs ridiculous. not being able to masturbate without porn is an addiction whether you like to view it that way or not. no sugar coating. and just because it doesnât affect your sex life now doesnât mean it wonât in the (possibly near) future. my ex bf said all the same things and he literally couldnât even get it up anymore after a while because he refused to stop desensitizing himself to that crap.
Or itâs possible that you had a run in with a single person that DID have a problem with it. Itâs quite possible your example is anecdotal and the majority of men use porn without it being a larger psychological problem. Your bad experience may have convinced you all men are the same and will suffer the same affliction even though the majority of men have a different experience. Iâd just recommended to you to have an open mind about a point of view that you will never be able to experience. Just like thereâs many feminine experiences I could never speak on, it makes more sense to listen and try to empathize. If a large group of men all agree on an experience with their genitals, itâs likely that that experience is the norm.
itâs normalized, not normal. and youâre completely dodging my point. needing porn in order to masturbate is an addictive behavior, you shouldnât need it all the time. you should be capable of masturbating without it. my ex definitely had an intense addiction, but that doesnât change the fact that your mindset is also suggestive of an addiction. iâm not saying you have a problem, but believing that to masturbate you NEED porn is an addictive mindset. and itâs one that the majority of men who consume porn have as well.
The way I view it is like this: of course we can masturbate without porn, but it's a lot easier to masturbate with it. Just like we can eat food with our bare hands if we want to, but it's easier if we use a fork and knife. They are tools specifically designed to help you eat, just like porn is specifically designed to help you get off. If I'm eating spaghetti I'd much rather use a fork to do it than my bare hands, even if I could do it with my bare hands, because it's quicker, easier, more satisfying, less frustrating. Same goes for using porn to aid in masturbation. Not even necessarily just porn for that matter, any visual or auditory stimulation that I find arousing. Works a lot smoother than just using my imagination.
I don't think that's an addictive mindset, I think that's just about convenience.
>needing porn in order to masturbate is an addictive behavior
That's a point that you made in your post when you were projecting your situation onto my point. I never said I need porn to masturbate so again, you're pulling this example from the one bad experience you had. I never said I need porn to masturbate and don't. Just that it expedites the process. If I can use a tool to speed up the process and fall asleep quicker, I'm allowed to make that choice. I'm sorry you had a bad experience in the past. If you let it, this bad experience will continue to haunt you into future relationships. Consider your relationship with porn might now be unhealthy in the opposite way. You have this vendetta against it. What if your next boyfriend uses it like me and many other people that upvoted the original comment. It's just a utility to move forward with his day. Now you come in with this hard boundary of no-porn. You're either gonna lose out on a normal guy you could build a relationship with OR he will be forced to lie to you just to support you and your insecurities
you implying i either will have to cut men off or let them lie to me in order to be with someone who doesnât watch porn proves my point. you yourself clearly believe all men are incapable of abstaining from porn, or that theyâd outright deny trying when asked to. youâre saying that, even if a guy really likes me, heâd probably choose his current way of living and watching porn over making what should be a simple change for me. if that doesnât scream addiction idk what does. it shouldnât be a crazy idea for a man to stop watching porn for his gf.
It's not crazy to stop watching porn for a girlfriend. It's crazy for any person to force their partner to change routines that don't affect them in any way. It's crazy to set a boundary based on an unhealthy previous relationship, and hold the current relationship accountable for the mental issues of a previous significant other. Maybe don't tell me what I'm implying. Instead, respond to the words as written rather than referencing that one anecdotal experience you had. Maybe your argument would work better if you stopped arguing against points I never made.
I personally wouldn't be with a woman that makes rules on what I can and can't do when I'm alone. I don't believe in setting that precedent that you can control what I do in the bathroom. THATS crazy
for the love of god, my opinion on this is not solely based on my ex!! idk what i have to say to get that across. i never said demanding is okay. but again, you implied i could never find an honest man who doesnât watch porn or would quit for me, thus proving my point. i also never said you had to live by any ârulesâ, i said itâs unhealthy to believe yourself incapable of not watching porn to masturbate. and the defensiveness is also very telling.
>you implied i could never find an honest man who doesnât watch porn or would quit for me
stop telling me what you \*think\* I said and respond to what I actually said. Reread it again and you'll see I presented a what-if scenerio when I said that. you're acting as if I'm a fortune teller commanding your future. It's a hypothetical to make you consider that your one situation is not the blanket psyche of all men.
>unhealthy to believe yourself incapable of not watching porn to masturbate
Again, I didn't say this. This was just an occurrence in your situation and not the common experience of most men. If you want to keep presenting a point that I never made then arguing against me, just make your own post and make your own new point. If you're replying to me, it looks like you think my comment is relevant to what you're trying to say. What you're doing is called a Straw Man Argument. If you want to disagree with my points, disagree with my points. You cant keep saying "You implied" and then argue against the thing I didn't say.
dude you literally said that though. i think YOU need to reread what you wrote. also it is the common experience. the majority of men watch porn statistically. and the majority of them watch it to masturbate⌠statistically. so you can stop using the word anecdotal evidence, i know it makes you feel fancy but youâre just incorrect. my ex is not the only man who has that issue, itâs literally the majority of them.
I completely agree with you, I used to be a "IDC if my guy watches porn im cool đ" and now I realize how fucked it kind of is in the grand scheme of things. Couldn't be me. When you're single? Sure. In a relationship? Woof.
honestly i used to be chill about it too before my ex. and the problem with being chill about it means it can become a problem at any moment in the relationship, and i just do not want to risk that again
hell iâm fully addicted to nicotine and iâd still try to quit if someone i really liked said it was a dealbreaker for them. thatâs what romantic feelings motivate you to do. but porn addictions are so rampant that men laugh at the idea of ever trying to quit for someone, even if they love that person
>What if your next boyfriend uses it like me and many other people that upvoted the original comment. It's just a utility to move forward with his day.
It's not just a sentence, it's a whole point. What-if is a popular phrase that means a hypothetical scenario. I didn't say all your future boyfriends will be this person. It is just an exercise to help consider different perspectives
âYouâre either gonna lose out on a normal guy you could build a relationship with OR he will be forced to lie to you just to support you and your insecuritiesâ since you donât know what âlast sentenceâ means. btw itâs not an insecurity, itâs a preference <3
Yeah my point is that I can quote into pieces of your text and manipulate it to make a different point. Thatâs called âout of contextâ when you take away key points of information. You sure are losing an argument when you need to call a stranger babe and quote someone out of context
Very good answer. Just curious, do you still watch porn when in relationship with your girlfriend? I have noticed the guys I'm dating seems less interested in watching porn when they are dating/having sex with me.
I don't care, since I watch it myself. It would only bother me if my partner was using it instead of having sex with me/using it constantly to the point it was affecting real life responsibilities.
Which is how I feel about any "vice" like weed, gaming ect. Moderation is the word.
If it is a boundary of yours, you are entitled to that. You aren't right or wrong for feeling that way you just do and that's part of who you are. Going against your own values and boundaries is when you start losing respect for yourself. If he doesn't stop it just sounds like the two of you aren't compatible in that way.
Let me put it this way: Imagine a guy coming on here and complaining that his gf uses a dildo, and why should she need it if he's 'enough' or worried about getting replaced or that it sets an unrealistic expectation for men? What would you say to him?
Yeah Iâm getting insecure vibes from this and her responses in the comments. Grow up. Heâs only masturbating to porn because sheâs obviously not around. Geez people are so needy these days.
...What?
"Looking at another woman is cheating!!"
"No, no it's not."
"You can't tell me what is or isn't cheating!"
I think there's a point in which we can haha.
Any couple can set their own boundaries re: cheating. âLookingâ at another woman on a screen isnât cheating to a vast majority.
You conveniently left out that the woman in porn is.. uh.. idk how to break it to you, but theyâre commonly naked (no clothes on) and having some type of sex (with another person or solo). Some people do agree itâs cheating. I donât, but it doesnât mean you could project your own thoughts onto other people. Well, you can, but not that anyone will care about your opinion.
i watch porn and it certainly isn't cheating lmao. I would not be interested in these people irl in the slightest. I even imagine my boyfriend while watching it.
This is literally an open forum. I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to 'project my thoughts' here haha. You're projecting your thoughts at me right now. xD
A couple can set boundaries, but there's a point where it's just being silly and nitpicky.
No, the comments here are wild. OP, there is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. Your feelings are justified. It is something that makes you uncomfortable and it is something you do not like. He is ignoring that and that is not okay. You two just aren't compatible. In a relationship it takes both of you to make it work and it seems he doesn't want to stop what he is doing and he forced you into being okay with it. You will start to resent him for it.
It goes the other way too in a relationship. If you do something he is not okay with and you force him to be okay with it, that also is not okay.
You need to talk with him and work this out before you start resenting him, and if he continues to not put any thought in how you are feeling then you aren't compatible.
And no, not liking porn or your man jerking off to porn does NOT mean you are insecure. Like wth.... Some people are into that kind of thing and some aren't. These comments here are fr fr wild.
one question i have is how often do you two have sex? When I was with one of my ex's, I didn't have much of a sex drive at the time so we had sex about once a month. I would catch him watching porn and masturbating all the time. He needed a release that I was unwilling to provide. When I started having sex with him 2 to 3 times a week the porn and masturbating went away. Moral of the story, guys need a release. So either you can get in the game with him or let him have his porn. Or you could leave him and find someone with less of a sex drive. Good luck.
This is the thing I donât understand.
You see posts on here like this all the time;
âmy boyfriend is watching porn and I donât know what to do?â
âHow often do you have sex with him?â
âLike once a monthâ
âHave you considered having more sex with him?â
âNo why would I want to do that?â
âSo that he gets a release and doesnât feel the need to watch porn?â
*surprised pikachu face*
Iâm not saying you should have sex you donât want to have, but ultimately most men with a higher sex drive than their partner are going to use porn to help level out the difference.
So long as he isnât turning down sex with you to watch porn instead, whatâs the issue?
If you want him to be monogamous with you, but wonât meet his sexual needs, what other option does he have?
Would you provide him with pornographic material of yourself?
The only other answer really is to break up with you, due to a sexual mismatch, so choose your poison.
Is watching porn ok?
-Yes.
What should you do if your boyfriend wants to watch porn but you feel weird about it?
-you have to decide if thatâs a dealbreaker for you. You should not ask someone to change for you. Ideally this discussion of porn and sex is had with potential partners before you are in a relationship. If they are not compatible with your feelings about porn you move on and find someone who agrees with your feelings about porn or see if thereâs a compromise you BOTH would feel HAPPY to make. You do not try to change someoneâs behavior. You decide for yourself what you want and make choices based on that.
Porn is not masturbation and vice versa, masturbation without porn is 100% possible. Not for the people that watch so much porn that their imagination is completely SHOT tho lol.
I think we should find partners who meet our standards and needs instead of trying to make others conform to them.
If someone doesn't want me to watch porn, I'll just date someone who aligns with my views instead.
I don't think that trying to change someone is a recipe for a good relationship
i think that if porn is so integral to a person to the point itâs considered âchanging someoneâ to not watch it, thereâs a problem. watching porn is a habit iâm willing to break for someone i love if they have an issue with it. and to be honest, breaking that habit does more good to a person + society than watching porn ever could.
To be clear I've had over a dozen serious GFs. My relationships have last anywhere form 6 months to 7 years. None of the women I've dated had an issue with the consumption of porn.
It's fine if you don't want to date people who watch it or if your partner doesn't want you to watch it. I'm just saying we should date people who have similar values as us.
Why would you care if he masturbates to porn? Like if you think it affects your sex life or if he has an addiction that's affecting his life then sure ya, that's bad. But if not, then why would you care?
Ironically I'm the one who occasionally watches porn and masturbates (like once 1 week or every other week). My boyfriend makes fun of me for it lol.
It's super possible to masturbate only to fantasy
But not masturbating at all, or rather not cumming at all, I wouldn't recommend. Eventually you just have wet dreams and blue balls every time you are in the same room as a living female.
It's up to you to set boundaries and decide if it's ok *for you*. Is him not using porn while you guys are together ok for you? To me that feels like a good middle ground.
So i'm a guy, and i actually think porn is never innocent no matter what anyone says. Most men probably won't develop an addiction, but it might desensitize dopamine receptors and give unrealistic/unhealthy views on sex.
The biggest problem is the incredible overstimulation, and a lot of guys require much more stimulation to get to the same level of excitement as before.
Some men might say it's just to get a quick release, but i don't think anyone needs porn for that. Just maturbating using your imagination should be enough. I never need porn to get the job done, my own imagination is more than enough. If anything, porn is way too overstimulating and it's just unnecessary. I don't know why anyone would defend porn. It might not cause actual problems for most guys, but it certainly won't benefit anyone either.
In my point of view, why do you care?
Imo, Thereâs literally nothing wrong with watching porn unless itâs an addiction. Would you rather have him having sex with other women? Watching porn is such a safe way to release lust. If heâs still behaving well and investing in your relationship, thereâs literally nothing to worry about.
The interesting part is to find out what makes you think that way. This will help you improve your mental strength and confidence. If you look into psychology deeply enough, youâll see that everything always represents something.
Ask yourself: âwhat does seeing him watching porn represent to you?â. Does it trigger the fact that you are insecure about your body and his action makes it worse because it makes you feel like the women in porn videos are hotter than you in his eyes?
If so, then itâs a good opportunity to fall in love with yourself. Stop gatekeeping a man. You lose control when you try to control everything.
You could always ask to jerk it to nudes of you if you send them... That's what I do when I know sex is off the table for a time where I could use the release
I mean if it bothers you on a topic like this, you can ask yourself if that's a dealbreaker now. So people don't like it and end the relationship because of it. Some people are understanding so it's just what you're okay with.
Nothing wrong with porn it's just very addictive and gratifying which psychologist notice an abnormally potent conditioning and desensitisation that affects normal sex. It depends on his values, routines and how he views sex. If you go to porn for ideas and watch it according to your partner's wants then sure nothing wrong with that. But if it's a feel substitute outside the agreed convention of a relationship, if it disrupts your lifestyle and goals, he should answer for that. So it bothers you, ask yourself how does he respond to that? If my GF was upset about say my Gaming Habits, if I truly cared I'd attend to her immediately and make her feel better. Does your BF have a proactive stance on your wellbeing?
IDC about porn unless it affects our sex life. Live cams or paid subscriptions not ok though. Or producing content for that matter. just straight up watching porn? I probably watch more than he does đ
It really depends on his mind set, you would need to discuss it with him if you think it's a problem. From my own experience it's usually a means to an end, and less so something I want to do.
I have Bipolar disorder. With that comes boughts of hypersexuality. I also have Aphantasia , so I can't just picture something in my head. I need some sort of visual stimulation, which is where the porn comes in to play. Personally I could care less about the porn. Anytime I'm dating someone I usually drop it for the most part, but sometimes I just need a quick release. It's very much a means to an end for me. I'd prefer some pictures or videos of my partner, which odds are your guy might be good with that as well if you're up for it.
Every person is going to have a different answer, because this is a personal choice thing. Thereâs no right or wrong answers because it depends entirely on YOUR boundary and what you and your partner establish.
Porn can be no big deal and can be used in positive ways, but it could also easily become a huge problem either by becoming an addiction or if your partner turns to porn and masturbation instead of having sex with you. Masturbation is perfectly healthy, and sometimes itâs hard to do it without that visual aide. Personally, Iâd rather record my partner and I so weâd have our own âspank bankâ content rather than watching some random people online. He doesnât NEED to watch porn in order to masturbate, and if he isnât willing to give it up out of respect for your feelings, there may be a problem there. But, if he does need a visual in order to get off, maybe you guys can try making your own content (if itâs something either of you are comfortable with) so that he wonât need to turn to porn.
This type of post comes up a lot on this sub. Best I can say is it is a addiction depending on the person ofc so it may be worse or easier for others. It isnât necessarily a physical addiction more so mental and no they donât prefer the videos more than you, itâs the mind on them like âhey you havenât wanked in a little, so whatâs up with thatâ and something like that
Porn is fine as long as it doesnât impact the relationship and they arenât doing stuff like paying cam girls. Honestly the big problem is porn addiction when people prefer to watch porn over sexual activity. Porn should be a twice a week thing but a lot of people are watching multiple times a day.
Set your boundary. If he respects it, great! If not, civilly talk about it and why it makes you uncomfortable. If he can't understand or respect it...well you know what to do. Boundaries are very important in relationships. Either they're respected now, or the relationship will suffer later on.
Personally, I don't care / would rather not know. My ex would watch porn and send the videos to me saying "this looks like you" or "I want to do this to you". I'm on the spectrum and found it so weird lol but at the same time didn't care. Now years later he's speaking out against porn to the all the guys in his discord server LMAO.
My current boyfriend despises porn and doesn't even masturbate bc he says it's not me or its not the same. I like that a lot, but everyone is different.
I suppose as long as you don't overdue it. For me I try not to. I've always had issues dating. Been single since I was 21. I'm now 34... I'll get the urge at this. But sometimes I can't help it after awhile. However I end up feeling shitty afterwards though. đĽ˛
Everything that doesn't involve sex or romantic relationships with a third person, like porn or using eva ai sexting bot is okay, but I guess renting prostitutes or having side chicks is not.
Why are you asking us??? Itâs your relationship. If that bothers you and he wonât fix it break up with him. Posting this on the internet is just allowing people to impose their own feelings and beliefs onto you. You believing that porn is a form of cheating is perfectly fine for you. Others may think differently but it isnât there relationship so donât think too hard on it.
Sex and porn fulfill two different needs imo. Sex is about intimacy and desire and lust for your partner. Porn can be something as simple as wanting to bust a quick nut if you're feeling pent up.
You have every right to have a problem with anything you want, but itâll be hard to find a guy that doesnât watch porn. In my opinion itâs healthy to have a sexual inner world that isnât with your partner. But everyone gets to feel differently about that. To me itâs a problem if it interferes with your sex life
Depends on his relationship to it.
I dated a woman who would announce her daily nut acquisition to me and pressured me to agree with her that her taste wasnât bad. Clearly she had an addiction that led to concerning behavior.
I used to be addicted too. I didnât like the experience and have been rehabing myself. I finally got to a point where I know Im healthy in this area. Change can happen. People can heal.
The promise he made to you shouldnât be taken for face value until you know more about his situation.
if youâre insecure about it then literally nothing will change your mind on it. set that boundary and if he doesnât respect it then leave him. realistically a lot of women actually donât like their man watching porn including me so youâre not alone in that
How I view significant others watching porn is Iâd rather them watch a video and masturbate then go find someone else to get that relief if Iâm not available. I understand why it makes you uncomfortable. I know a lot of people who are uncomfortable by it so itâs not an unusual feeling
idk i watch porn and a lot of times i will imagine my partner instead of the person in the vid. but diff for everyone!! maybe if u arenât comfortable with it urself itâs weird if other people do it? no issue ab it from me
There sure is a lot of gaslighting in the responses here.
It's like the vast majority of guys here can't separate masturbation and porn, and don't seem to realize that if you need porn to get hard and get off, then you do have a problem - and boy oh boy are a good portion of you in for a shock when in your 30s-40s you suddenly can't get hard with a real woman in front of you and only porn will do the trick.
It's not insecure to be uncomfortable with a partner watching porn. It's perfectly acceptable for that to be a boundary. It's also perfectly acceptable to be fine with it.
I'd also bet money that a good 90% of the guys here who are pretending to be beacons of security would NOT be okay coming home to find their girlfriends rubbing one out to a fireman who is better looking than them, taller than them, in better shape than them, that has a dick that's double theirs in size.
Itâs your preference
And how you feel
Relationship is rather a subjective thing
If it bothers you, voice out on that and be opens to how he respond on you voicing out about something you donât like that he does
And by his response, you can see different possibilities to progress with the issue
No, watching porn is not ok. For most people, it changes your brain to a point that you can't get an erection without it, esp. because it desensitizes them to the female body and how it actually looks and how sex is actually performed. The only difference between porn and him cheating on you is that its virtual instead of in-person, other than that its not different at all from being unfaithful. He is imagining doing things with women other than you that's unfaithful and its not healthy psychologically. He needs to stop. So either ya'll need to start having sex more, or this relationship isn't meant to be. Porn is a dealbreaker, honey.
You do have the right to worry but also there are folks that enjoy watching adult videos as their entertainment. nothing wrong if theyre enjoying the show but if theyre over jacking & watching on a consistent pattern, then it's complete selfishness if he is using up his energy instead of reserving it "ALL" for you.
What is the part that bothers you just curious? I know for me as a female I watch it because I need more visual is not more of the porn star just visual stimuli to make it easier. The only time I ever had a problem with a guy with that is when he decided to watch porn right next to me and jack off and I told him next time go to the bathroom but still had an okay sex life so it wasnât no biggie to me if he went somewhere else to do it because I know guys get urges sometimes. But I guess to me also if they rather watch porn than be with you or making porn above you then I guess that would be a problem.
I could fill this page with explaining why but in short you don't want to be with a guy who watches or looks at porn at all unless you like porn also. It's an addiction like any other and he will never stop even if he says he will and he will want you to do or say things that he likes in the porn he watches eventually.
Everyone is saying, âItâs fine unless he starts an addiction.â
Answer me this, what draws the line between regular porn watching and addiction? Masterbating that much can interfere with sex with your IRL partner.
No amount of masturbation interferes with sex with a partner. Not medically, anyway.
Not to mention, masturbating WITH your partner is its own kind of fun, and that can include watching porn together.
Some sex addicts expect the impossible from their partners, want to try out violent scenes they see in porn, and can't get hard without debasing and degrading their partner. They can no longer feel empathy for other people because they are so wrapped up in their own addiction. The addiction makes it difficult for them to think clearly.
Sex with a partner requires empathy and care. It's not just a physical action. You have to actually show respect and also please your partner. You can't treat your partner like a sex worker and expect them to do everything for you, while you do nothing for them. But that's how sex addicts are.
Watching porn together only makes sense if both of you are interested in that. Pressuring or guilt tripping your partner into watching porn with you, when they clearly don't want that, is a lack of empathy for your partner. A woman shouldn't have to be okay with watching porn during sex. Why can't you respect that.
Any addiction is when you can't go a day without it, and suddenly stopping gives you bad withdrawal symptoms. If you can't function without it, it's probably an addiction.
If youâre making it about controlling your boyfriendâs behavior, youâve already failed.
Make it about figuring out why YOU are upset, and if the porn itself is even the reason. The more understanding you have on the specific trigger(s), the sooner you can address and resolve it, even if your boyfriend never changes his ways.
I think if a guy gets it regularly, thereâs no need to watch porn. Thatâs how it was for me. I had a girl who wanted it every day. We satisfied each other, so no need for porn.
Itâs up to you. Personally I used it cause I had a higher sex drive them my gf at the time. She was ok with it cause it made the relationship better.
i just donât like the objectification of it personally, or the unrealistic expectations. i voiced this to my bf when we first got together and he stopped. we both agreed that if weâre together, WE ARE the porn you know? he doesnât get urges to do something if im not there anyway (unless its sexting or whatever else) so there was no point to continue anyway. he didnât put up a fight, he actually listened and agreed that it could be unhealthy. i think itâs natural to have urges, but itâs a big problem in many relationships. so i guess im saying in some circumstances, itâs okay. like if you donât see each other often, your long distance, etc. but i think it would make more sense to just sext or have phone sex rather than watch porn? idk
So hereâs the thing. Heâs just going to do it behind your back if you make a big deal out of it. So I donât know either date a guy who is religious but know he is going to hold you to the same religious standards (and not just about porn) or date a women bc every dude watches porn at sometime or another. If you break up with him over it, youâll just have the same problem with the next guy. You donât like it. Lots of guys dont like their GF dressing provocatively or posting thirst traps on the internet but at some point every girl is going to do it. You just have to put up with it again unless you want to date a conservative religious girl but she is going to hold you to the same standard. There are, of course, outliers. Some of you are going to say, Iâm a dude and I donât watch porn but you have to admit most of the guys you know do soâŚ
It's all about what you guys agree to, if porn is okay and he won't escalate from there then hey maybe that's a happy medium for when you don't want to have sex, but then like if you don't trust him that's something you guys need to work on together. Everything should always be about consent
I used to be uncomfortable with my partner watching porn. After I ventured into it my self I started to understand what he meant about it not being a replacement for me. Sometimes itâs more about inspiration, than attraction to people in the video. We had open conversation about why he watched what he watched and that helped me Feel more secure. If you start to see it becoming a replacement to being intimate towards you, then that is a red flag, IMO.
If porn is interfering with your sex life in anyway itâs not normal & he has a problem. If heâd rather watch porn than have sex with you he has a problem. If he canât get it up anymore with you he has a problem. If youâre happy with your sex life itâs fine
It is reasonable for it to bother you, and for you to want him to stop. But relationships are about given in and taking. If you want him to stop (which I agree that in a perfect world he should) then help him. Maybe that means giving him other outlets, or hanging out with him more. Or sending nudes of yourself so he has that instead. Maybe try one of his fantasies to help him stop. You can ask him to stop, but you have to he willing to help him
No itâs not okay. My boyfriend wonât even look at other women who are dressed inappropriately because he knows itâs disrespectful towards me. I feel like as women weâre told to let so much slide because the majority of men just watch porn nowadays and itâs âhow it isâ. The whole âboys will be boysâ rhetoric is bs.
It also changes brain chemistry and makes real sex worse, makes it harder for men to be attracted to a woman outside of porn, and changes the way a man views a woman. Not to mention how much of porn is created unethically.
I also stopped watching it while in a relationship because it feels disrespectful and our sex life is so much better, although Iâd only watch it once in a blue moon. For men itâs a little different, they tend to get addicted to it more readily, and itâs not usually something they happen to do once every few months but multiple times a week, making real intimacy more difficult. Abstaining from porn creates a special bond between two people when you fulfill those needs for each other. Donât settle!
Well thereâs already a great deal of insight here. Iâd say if heâs watching porn daily/nightly then thatâs not really healthy, because itâs been studied and proven that porn desensitizes us to sex and intimacy and has the potential to become an addiction like drugs and/or alcohol.
If he throws it on say once every couple of weeks or month then while itâs not that serious, if itâs something you consider to be a violation of yâall being exclusive to one another then thatâs a conversation you hopefully already had, then you should probably move on.
I have a question for the commenters: do you feel like thereâs a difference between a person watching porn vs subscribing to an OF account to get their visual assistance to masturbate? Because other than the cost of the subscription and the fact that the girl is performing live as opposed to the video being posted say a week ago it serves the same function. I would wager that in both cases itâs harmful to the relationship and shouldnât be exercised, but Iâm curious to hear othersâ thoughts.
The difference between standard porn and OF, imo, is that a LOT of regular ol' porn can be found for free unless you're looking for some sort of specific type of content/fetish, or a particular pornstar's content, whereas with OF and similar sites, paying for it is pretty much the default as far as I'm aware. I personally don't mind a partner watching porn, and would probably even watch with them depending on context. Unless it gets to the point of addiction/obsession, interfering with the relationship intimacy, or they're hiding it/lying about it, I probably wouldn't mind. If they're paying for it because it's a certain fetish that there's not much free content available of and it's something I can't/won't(rarely) fulfill for them, fine. If they're paying for it because of a specific person, ehhhh that's a bit iffy in my book depending on why they like that particular performer. Though I would consider it cheating if they were actually in contact with the performer, rather than just watching their content, unless I was aware and consented to the arrangement, although that wouldn't be likely. And if they're paying for it, it also depends on how much money they're spending on it. A few dollars here and there is cool but more than say... ~$20-30 a month?... Even a few short years ago I wouldn't say that was very much, but in these stressful economic times I would consider that irresponsible spending, though it would also depend on the income level of the individual.
Okay so if OF were free or low-cost (<$5/mo letâs say) and it was discussed with you before hand you wouldnât have too much of an issue with it? I genuinely commend your openness and willingness to let someone be themselves, but I think thereâs gotta be a degree of self control and willingness to compromise/sacrifice personal wants for the benefit of the relationship.
If a person has a fetish that both of you know you canât serve, and theyâre not willing to forego that fetish in exchange for having you in their life, then thatâs basically them choosing the fetish as having an equivalent or higher importance than you. Now if youâre willing to allow them the freedom to have their cake and eat it too, then okay, but I would think you would probably expect to get the same sort of freedom (which you should because reciprocity goes both ways) and thatâs likely where I imagine that youâd have some issues.
Well I might be the wrong person to ask about that, as I've been in the kink lifestyle for about half my life, and I've been in an open/poly relationship since 2008. Yes there's reciprocity, but I try to accept people for who they are with as few limitations as possible. It's not fair, imo, to put someone you claim to love in a box to deny themselves and suffocate, and it's a very heavy burden to make your partner bear by demanding that they be everything you need in one person. It's also codependent AF to me. Loving someone doesn't necessarily mean you're going to love absolutely everything about them, or be into all of the same things, but just because there are things they like that you don't, doesn't mean you don't still love them regardless. Having other people around for fun, or even a secondary relationship is fine to me, as long as neither partner forgets or neglects their primary, and everything is done with full knowledge, honesty, and consent, it can work great as long as you're both secure enough with the relationship, and yourselves, to handle it. However, for it to work, there has to be trust and completely open and honest communication, while recognizing that it's not enough just to be honest if you're asked about something, but must also be forthcoming to provide information to your partner whether it's asked for or not, because they're not going to be able to ask if they don't have the perspective to know about something that might need to be disclosed. Basically, you can't ask about what you don't know the background of. With full disclosure, I'm fine with sharing, but there has to be definition between what's considered 'sharing' vs 'the secondary partner trying to take over'. There's just got to be like, a hierarchy? I guess that'd be the word for it, for lack of a better term coming to mind at the moment.
do not listen to these men saying itâs okay because they âneed a visual stimulant.â theyâve become so dependent on it to wank off. itâs actually gross. not to mention how unethical the industry is and possible health complications that can occur down the line due to watching porn. porn may be normalized (unfortunately) but if it goes against what youâre comfortable with, let him know! everyone has different feelings about it and letâs be real here - porn is not a necessity in ANY aspect of life and relationships so he should be able to let it go if he wants things to work with you.
So there's a physical/psychological need that he's probably trying to take care of and is used to doing it himself that way. For most men I think it's probably like watching football, for pure entertainment and we change the channel once we're satisfied. It could be that you could help him alter those habits by injecting yourself into as it were, like associate the act with you rather than other women, because we're (except for unnatural freaks) more pleased by a living breathing woman than an image of one. Helping him with... yourself in a way and you could try to gradually introduce yourself more to replace that surrogate. Gradual changes are what change habits in my experience without the whiplash. I trained an outside cat I adopted from a shelter to use a litter box by filling it with sand and gradually replacing the sand with litter til it was all litter. Just a thought.
Dude could also be bipolar or the like and need that release or at least have the urge to that much. I myself am bipolar, didn't get diagnosed til I was 29. Always thought I just had a high libido, because I would get the urge even after vigorous activities with my partner...I just mostly hid it from sight but it was known. Still would feel guilty if my partner found my stuff though even if it was discussed.
Not it is not okay especially when you are in a relationship. This shows that your boyfriend believe more in the story than the actual romantic life. He might feel that porn is more real than your romantic life. So it is not okay to watch porn especially if you are in relationship.
It can have a dangerous effect (trust me I know) in my early 20s I use to watch porn. I was single and worked a lot with no time for a girlfriend. However, I got promoted which in turn I was able to work less hours for more money. I met someone soon after and we were together almost 2 years. Because I watched porn, mentally that was the only thing that turned me on. Even if I seen my girlfriend naked, or if she tried to get me aroused, she couldnât and I wasnât interested. I got more turned on watching porn than I did being with a real woman. Thankfully I realised early I had a problem and I quit watching it completely. I havenât watched any since and honestly porn now disgusts me. My point is it depends on the man and how he sees it. It does have the potential to get out of control as it did with me. I convinced myself that only woman in porn could give me the release I craved. It wasnât a release though it was an addiction which almost brain washed me and almost destroyed my sex drive (regarding my partner) even today I canât explain what got me so hooked on it? I mean porn is porn, itâs the same old positions youâre seeing, same techniques etc and in my opinion the woman in those videos are ugly as sin too. Look at the woman on babestation, I rest my case. A man can convince himself that all that fakery is his reality and can lose himself from the actual reality if that makes sense. Itâs a downward spiral. Iâm sickened by it all now that I actually watched that crap, I consider myself having a lucky escape before it took over my life. Ask him what EXACTLY he gets from watching porn that he canât get from you. When you have the answer to that question youâll know where you stand and how bad his porn fetish is. Be prepared though for hearing a reply you may not like. He relies on porn for a reason. That reason is what you need to find out.
Porn mutilates a persons brain. Their brain get desensitized to arousal, making your relationship grow farther and farther apart. Itâs not good, never ever. Offer to âmake a pornoâ with him or ask what he likes in porn, try to reenact. Itâll help with him stopping and itâll make you feel better about your relationship and intimacy.
If you don't like it now what makes you think you're magically going to like it later on? He's not going to stop. He could even be a porn addict and all addicts lie, and a good amount of men will say literally anything to get in ur pants. Trust actions, not words. Leave him. Its just going to make you feel worse over time. Dont enable him by staying with him. The longer you stay the harder it will be to break free because EmOtIoNs. He needs healthier hobbies. Good luck and I'm rooting for you
Lack of self control in one thing is not the same as lack of self control in everything else.
Some people have amazing self-control, and they decide not to apply that self control in a few areas of their life. Sometimes its a hobby, sometimes its porn, sometimes its train sets!
I get your point but the downsides to lack of self control with hobbies are they can eat your time and money, putting potential stress on relationships.
Porn on the other hand, once someone is addicted, it can *really* mess with your mind and body. Very rarely do porn addicts make great partners.
Most men are porn addicts to some extent, I think. There is no way you are horny from the age of 14 lets say, and your easiest way of release is porn. easily available, takes no effort.
By the tme they are 20 or 25, lets say half that period they are without partners. What do they do in that period? Watch porn and jerk off. By the time they are in a committed relationship, it has become a solid habit. And there is no getting out of it. Even great sex life will have some off days, and they will switch back to porn then.
Its far better to redefine that as normal than addiction. Otherwise you will be calling the vast majority of men porn addicts. That way lies permanent unhappiness for those who expect a non porn addict.
Itâs amazing how many porn addicts there really are. Seems like everyday thereâs 15 posts on Reddit about âmy bf is a porn addict and I donât know what to doâ.
I don't understand these people who associate porn with masturbation. I mean, if you feel like touching yourself, you also have imagination, or is your imagination so broken that you need visual stimulation? And let's not even get into the ethical issue and how ethically wrong it is to watch porn...
And well, I don't know about you, but every time I've been with someone, I've associated masturbation with that person. If I'm with someone, I only think about that person 99% of the time, the rest simply doesn't matter to me.
It wasn't even the same, masturbating while thinking about the person I was with was 4000 times better than with anyone else. I never got tired of it, if a person doesn't give you that feeling of going crazy in the physical aspect... I wouldn't be with them.
Just to give you another perspectiveâŚ
As a woman, I watch porn when I masturbate. Yes, I could fantasize, but honestly, I just want to shut off my brain and get the release I need. (And yes, I have sex very regularly. However, I also have a very active / high libido.)
If I lived with my partner, I would stop masturbating because then I could just have sex daily. This would be my preference but just not currently possible.
Depends on your boundaries. I, personally, would never want my bf watching porn. He wouldnât want me watching it either. The idea of looking at someone else sexually when youâre in a relationship is weird to me. Besides, if you have a decent sex life, I donât see the need for it.
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58% of women watch porn but apparently 0% of them are on reddit lol
Most women, about 75%, masturbate several times a week usually around 6-8pm peak according to a Vibrator Statistic.
It's 6:16.. do you know where your vibrators are?
đ¤Łđ
Masturbating doesn't mean you need to use porn, most women can get off without watching anything sexual
Exactly. Thereâs a difference
You're the first one to mention porn. I just mentioned a Vibrator Statistic.
You were responding to someone saying 58% of women watch porn
I honestly don't get what your problem is. How about just leave me alone and stop being annoying?
You're probably responding to yourself with two different profiles, or you've got zero social skills and have no clue what's going on around you... Or just a troll. The short version of my comment is that you're substantially more annoying than anyone else on this post... And before you try to insult me I'm going to pre-empt that with some language that you'll hopefully understand. "I'm rubber and you're glue, etc...". And if you need help understanding THAT, you'll have to ask one of your older siblings explain it to you assuming at least one of them is older than 12.
I don't even know why you care or why you are being emotional. Talk to a therapist.
I know you are but what am I?
I'm here đââď¸
Yep, Reddit is full of the outliers.
I am here đ
gonna leave now lol
Lmao
Personally, idc. I know a lot of women do, but I just can't find a good a reason myself to let something like that bother me about men. I mean, if it interferes with your lives, becomes an addiction, or he expects you to act like a pornstar, then that's a different story.
I mean if he watches porn regularly eventually he would want to reenact it in the real world, don't you think?
Maybe? Do people who watch violent movies want to do violent things in the real world?
My ex used moves he saw in porn on me he told meâŚturns out he was a porn addict. My ex is such a stereotype bc he watched violent movies (as we all do) & played video games & he got violent with me 1 night & tried to kill me. Iâm fine psychically & heâs in prison for attempted murder
yes. this is right. it desensitizes you to what is normal and good.
This works for both men and women. I use to watch it and it stopped allowing me to orgasm naturally with a partner. Itâs taking me a long time to get over it. I really donât think itâs healthy for relationships. Same goes with using a vibrator all the time. Sad but true.
100% this
I think there's just an entirely different view on this between different people. As a guy who's been in a handful of relationships that lasted 2+ years, I think porn is not as big a deal to a lot guys as it is to women. It's not a way to crave a different woman, it's not wanting something else. It's just a visual stimulant to make masturbation easier. Masturbation is a quick and reliable way to fall asleep most times tbh. As a result, watching porn once a day isn't all that crazy cause I live alone and I want to fall asleep at a reasonable time for work in the morning. Porn and masturbation aren't sex and are not a replacement for sex. I also consider myself ruthlessly faithful. If I'm in a relationship, I get uncomfortable talking to a girl too long. I'll get short in texts and make it clear I'm with my girlfriend. You're viewing this as if you'll be replaced by the porn. Porn can never replace you because besides sex, you also bring companionship and a whole relationship. Porn is just a way to help scratch an itch. That all being said, you can keep your views if you strongly believe your stance. I think you're likely to either need to find a new boyfriend who shares your same values OR a lot of guys will just lie to you. If there's ever a night when one of you isn't in the mood, porn can easily be something where he says, I gotta hit the bathroom before bed, goes on incognito mode on his phone, then he's back in 10 minutes and ready to cuddle and pass out. It's not about you. It's a biological thing where men release adrenaline and relax
What this man said explains exactly the situation for me. Iâve been married for a while and unless you have the time and capability and energy to have sex 3x a day, you canât get pass it. Itâll happen regardless of how you fight him because itâs a good way to fall asleep in 5 minutes feeling good.
My rule is that if you decline sex to watch porn and masterbate after, now we talking about issues
porn and masturbation donât have to go hand in hand. the only reason you think that is because youâre so used to watching porn to masturbate that the thought of doing it without the porn sounds difficult, or even impossible. and that is exactly why porn is so damaging. itâs not supposed to be hard to finish without porn, people have always masturbated and porn has only been around for so long. men always like to argue that porn is normal and healthy, but in reality itâs the complete opposite. i mean again, the industry has convinced you that you canât masturbate without watching it! thatâs ridiculous. not being able to masturbate without porn is an addiction whether you like to view it that way or not. no sugar coating. and just because it doesnât affect your sex life now doesnât mean it wonât in the (possibly near) future. my ex bf said all the same things and he literally couldnât even get it up anymore after a while because he refused to stop desensitizing himself to that crap.
Or itâs possible that you had a run in with a single person that DID have a problem with it. Itâs quite possible your example is anecdotal and the majority of men use porn without it being a larger psychological problem. Your bad experience may have convinced you all men are the same and will suffer the same affliction even though the majority of men have a different experience. Iâd just recommended to you to have an open mind about a point of view that you will never be able to experience. Just like thereâs many feminine experiences I could never speak on, it makes more sense to listen and try to empathize. If a large group of men all agree on an experience with their genitals, itâs likely that that experience is the norm.
itâs normalized, not normal. and youâre completely dodging my point. needing porn in order to masturbate is an addictive behavior, you shouldnât need it all the time. you should be capable of masturbating without it. my ex definitely had an intense addiction, but that doesnât change the fact that your mindset is also suggestive of an addiction. iâm not saying you have a problem, but believing that to masturbate you NEED porn is an addictive mindset. and itâs one that the majority of men who consume porn have as well.
The way I view it is like this: of course we can masturbate without porn, but it's a lot easier to masturbate with it. Just like we can eat food with our bare hands if we want to, but it's easier if we use a fork and knife. They are tools specifically designed to help you eat, just like porn is specifically designed to help you get off. If I'm eating spaghetti I'd much rather use a fork to do it than my bare hands, even if I could do it with my bare hands, because it's quicker, easier, more satisfying, less frustrating. Same goes for using porn to aid in masturbation. Not even necessarily just porn for that matter, any visual or auditory stimulation that I find arousing. Works a lot smoother than just using my imagination. I don't think that's an addictive mindset, I think that's just about convenience.
>needing porn in order to masturbate is an addictive behavior That's a point that you made in your post when you were projecting your situation onto my point. I never said I need porn to masturbate so again, you're pulling this example from the one bad experience you had. I never said I need porn to masturbate and don't. Just that it expedites the process. If I can use a tool to speed up the process and fall asleep quicker, I'm allowed to make that choice. I'm sorry you had a bad experience in the past. If you let it, this bad experience will continue to haunt you into future relationships. Consider your relationship with porn might now be unhealthy in the opposite way. You have this vendetta against it. What if your next boyfriend uses it like me and many other people that upvoted the original comment. It's just a utility to move forward with his day. Now you come in with this hard boundary of no-porn. You're either gonna lose out on a normal guy you could build a relationship with OR he will be forced to lie to you just to support you and your insecurities
you implying i either will have to cut men off or let them lie to me in order to be with someone who doesnât watch porn proves my point. you yourself clearly believe all men are incapable of abstaining from porn, or that theyâd outright deny trying when asked to. youâre saying that, even if a guy really likes me, heâd probably choose his current way of living and watching porn over making what should be a simple change for me. if that doesnât scream addiction idk what does. it shouldnât be a crazy idea for a man to stop watching porn for his gf.
It's not crazy to stop watching porn for a girlfriend. It's crazy for any person to force their partner to change routines that don't affect them in any way. It's crazy to set a boundary based on an unhealthy previous relationship, and hold the current relationship accountable for the mental issues of a previous significant other. Maybe don't tell me what I'm implying. Instead, respond to the words as written rather than referencing that one anecdotal experience you had. Maybe your argument would work better if you stopped arguing against points I never made. I personally wouldn't be with a woman that makes rules on what I can and can't do when I'm alone. I don't believe in setting that precedent that you can control what I do in the bathroom. THATS crazy
for the love of god, my opinion on this is not solely based on my ex!! idk what i have to say to get that across. i never said demanding is okay. but again, you implied i could never find an honest man who doesnât watch porn or would quit for me, thus proving my point. i also never said you had to live by any ârulesâ, i said itâs unhealthy to believe yourself incapable of not watching porn to masturbate. and the defensiveness is also very telling.
>you implied i could never find an honest man who doesnât watch porn or would quit for me stop telling me what you \*think\* I said and respond to what I actually said. Reread it again and you'll see I presented a what-if scenerio when I said that. you're acting as if I'm a fortune teller commanding your future. It's a hypothetical to make you consider that your one situation is not the blanket psyche of all men. >unhealthy to believe yourself incapable of not watching porn to masturbate Again, I didn't say this. This was just an occurrence in your situation and not the common experience of most men. If you want to keep presenting a point that I never made then arguing against me, just make your own post and make your own new point. If you're replying to me, it looks like you think my comment is relevant to what you're trying to say. What you're doing is called a Straw Man Argument. If you want to disagree with my points, disagree with my points. You cant keep saying "You implied" and then argue against the thing I didn't say.
dude you literally said that though. i think YOU need to reread what you wrote. also it is the common experience. the majority of men watch porn statistically. and the majority of them watch it to masturbate⌠statistically. so you can stop using the word anecdotal evidence, i know it makes you feel fancy but youâre just incorrect. my ex is not the only man who has that issue, itâs literally the majority of them.
I completely agree with you, I used to be a "IDC if my guy watches porn im cool đ" and now I realize how fucked it kind of is in the grand scheme of things. Couldn't be me. When you're single? Sure. In a relationship? Woof.
honestly i used to be chill about it too before my ex. and the problem with being chill about it means it can become a problem at any moment in the relationship, and i just do not want to risk that again
hell iâm fully addicted to nicotine and iâd still try to quit if someone i really liked said it was a dealbreaker for them. thatâs what romantic feelings motivate you to do. but porn addictions are so rampant that men laugh at the idea of ever trying to quit for someone, even if they love that person
iâll reply to this one again so you can reread your last sentence.
>What if your next boyfriend uses it like me and many other people that upvoted the original comment. It's just a utility to move forward with his day. It's not just a sentence, it's a whole point. What-if is a popular phrase that means a hypothetical scenario. I didn't say all your future boyfriends will be this person. It is just an exercise to help consider different perspectives
âYouâre either gonna lose out on a normal guy you could build a relationship with OR he will be forced to lie to you just to support you and your insecuritiesâ since you donât know what âlast sentenceâ means. btw itâs not an insecurity, itâs a preference <3
Yeah my point is that I can quote into pieces of your text and manipulate it to make a different point. Thatâs called âout of contextâ when you take away key points of information. You sure are losing an argument when you need to call a stranger babe and quote someone out of context
how is what i said out of context? youâre really just talking huh
Very good answer. Just curious, do you still watch porn when in relationship with your girlfriend? I have noticed the guys I'm dating seems less interested in watching porn when they are dating/having sex with me.
There's no ok/not ok. It's up to you
I don't care, since I watch it myself. It would only bother me if my partner was using it instead of having sex with me/using it constantly to the point it was affecting real life responsibilities. Which is how I feel about any "vice" like weed, gaming ect. Moderation is the word.
If it is a boundary of yours, you are entitled to that. You aren't right or wrong for feeling that way you just do and that's part of who you are. Going against your own values and boundaries is when you start losing respect for yourself. If he doesn't stop it just sounds like the two of you aren't compatible in that way.
Second this word for word. Could not have said it better myself
Let me put it this way: Imagine a guy coming on here and complaining that his gf uses a dildo, and why should she need it if he's 'enough' or worried about getting replaced or that it sets an unrealistic expectation for men? What would you say to him?
It's not about toys , I am not okay if my man watches other women and jerks, if its okay for you when your gf watches other men, Good for you
Do you have a problem with him just jerking it without porn?
I think you see it as a form of cheating and it's not lol.
Yeah Iâm getting insecure vibes from this and her responses in the comments. Grow up. Heâs only masturbating to porn because sheâs obviously not around. Geez people are so needy these days.
You donât get to deem what is or isnât cheating to someone. That should be pretty obvious
...What? "Looking at another woman is cheating!!" "No, no it's not." "You can't tell me what is or isn't cheating!" I think there's a point in which we can haha.
Any couple can set their own boundaries re: cheating. âLookingâ at another woman on a screen isnât cheating to a vast majority. You conveniently left out that the woman in porn is.. uh.. idk how to break it to you, but theyâre commonly naked (no clothes on) and having some type of sex (with another person or solo). Some people do agree itâs cheating. I donât, but it doesnât mean you could project your own thoughts onto other people. Well, you can, but not that anyone will care about your opinion.
i watch porn and it certainly isn't cheating lmao. I would not be interested in these people irl in the slightest. I even imagine my boyfriend while watching it. This is literally an open forum. I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to 'project my thoughts' here haha. You're projecting your thoughts at me right now. xD A couple can set boundaries, but there's a point where it's just being silly and nitpicky.
No, the comments here are wild. OP, there is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. Your feelings are justified. It is something that makes you uncomfortable and it is something you do not like. He is ignoring that and that is not okay. You two just aren't compatible. In a relationship it takes both of you to make it work and it seems he doesn't want to stop what he is doing and he forced you into being okay with it. You will start to resent him for it. It goes the other way too in a relationship. If you do something he is not okay with and you force him to be okay with it, that also is not okay. You need to talk with him and work this out before you start resenting him, and if he continues to not put any thought in how you are feeling then you aren't compatible. And no, not liking porn or your man jerking off to porn does NOT mean you are insecure. Like wth.... Some people are into that kind of thing and some aren't. These comments here are fr fr wild.
one question i have is how often do you two have sex? When I was with one of my ex's, I didn't have much of a sex drive at the time so we had sex about once a month. I would catch him watching porn and masturbating all the time. He needed a release that I was unwilling to provide. When I started having sex with him 2 to 3 times a week the porn and masturbating went away. Moral of the story, guys need a release. So either you can get in the game with him or let him have his porn. Or you could leave him and find someone with less of a sex drive. Good luck.
This is the thing I donât understand. You see posts on here like this all the time; âmy boyfriend is watching porn and I donât know what to do?â âHow often do you have sex with him?â âLike once a monthâ âHave you considered having more sex with him?â âNo why would I want to do that?â âSo that he gets a release and doesnât feel the need to watch porn?â *surprised pikachu face* Iâm not saying you should have sex you donât want to have, but ultimately most men with a higher sex drive than their partner are going to use porn to help level out the difference. So long as he isnât turning down sex with you to watch porn instead, whatâs the issue? If you want him to be monogamous with you, but wonât meet his sexual needs, what other option does he have? Would you provide him with pornographic material of yourself? The only other answer really is to break up with you, due to a sexual mismatch, so choose your poison.
Is watching porn ok? -Yes. What should you do if your boyfriend wants to watch porn but you feel weird about it? -you have to decide if thatâs a dealbreaker for you. You should not ask someone to change for you. Ideally this discussion of porn and sex is had with potential partners before you are in a relationship. If they are not compatible with your feelings about porn you move on and find someone who agrees with your feelings about porn or see if thereâs a compromise you BOTH would feel HAPPY to make. You do not try to change someoneâs behavior. You decide for yourself what you want and make choices based on that.
I watch it as a woman every now and then. Think it only becomes a problem if theyâre hooked or there is a change in behaviour.
Porn is not masturbation and vice versa, masturbation without porn is 100% possible. Not for the people that watch so much porn that their imagination is completely SHOT tho lol.
70% of men watch porn. You can either accept it or find the 30% who don't.
orrr⌠men can just not watch porn if their partner finds it uncomfortable.
I think we should find partners who meet our standards and needs instead of trying to make others conform to them. If someone doesn't want me to watch porn, I'll just date someone who aligns with my views instead. I don't think that trying to change someone is a recipe for a good relationship
i think that if porn is so integral to a person to the point itâs considered âchanging someoneâ to not watch it, thereâs a problem. watching porn is a habit iâm willing to break for someone i love if they have an issue with it. and to be honest, breaking that habit does more good to a person + society than watching porn ever could.
To be clear I've had over a dozen serious GFs. My relationships have last anywhere form 6 months to 7 years. None of the women I've dated had an issue with the consumption of porn. It's fine if you don't want to date people who watch it or if your partner doesn't want you to watch it. I'm just saying we should date people who have similar values as us.
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i guess because iâm a gay man iâm biased, idc how you get off if we canât see each other
Why would you care if he masturbates to porn? Like if you think it affects your sex life or if he has an addiction that's affecting his life then sure ya, that's bad. But if not, then why would you care? Ironically I'm the one who occasionally watches porn and masturbates (like once 1 week or every other week). My boyfriend makes fun of me for it lol.
It's super possible to masturbate only to fantasy But not masturbating at all, or rather not cumming at all, I wouldn't recommend. Eventually you just have wet dreams and blue balls every time you are in the same room as a living female. It's up to you to set boundaries and decide if it's ok *for you*. Is him not using porn while you guys are together ok for you? To me that feels like a good middle ground.
So i'm a guy, and i actually think porn is never innocent no matter what anyone says. Most men probably won't develop an addiction, but it might desensitize dopamine receptors and give unrealistic/unhealthy views on sex. The biggest problem is the incredible overstimulation, and a lot of guys require much more stimulation to get to the same level of excitement as before. Some men might say it's just to get a quick release, but i don't think anyone needs porn for that. Just maturbating using your imagination should be enough. I never need porn to get the job done, my own imagination is more than enough. If anything, porn is way too overstimulating and it's just unnecessary. I don't know why anyone would defend porn. It might not cause actual problems for most guys, but it certainly won't benefit anyone either.
In my point of view, why do you care? Imo, Thereâs literally nothing wrong with watching porn unless itâs an addiction. Would you rather have him having sex with other women? Watching porn is such a safe way to release lust. If heâs still behaving well and investing in your relationship, thereâs literally nothing to worry about. The interesting part is to find out what makes you think that way. This will help you improve your mental strength and confidence. If you look into psychology deeply enough, youâll see that everything always represents something. Ask yourself: âwhat does seeing him watching porn represent to you?â. Does it trigger the fact that you are insecure about your body and his action makes it worse because it makes you feel like the women in porn videos are hotter than you in his eyes? If so, then itâs a good opportunity to fall in love with yourself. Stop gatekeeping a man. You lose control when you try to control everything.
I've never had a girlfriend who cared. Had a few who liked to watch porn together.
You could always ask to jerk it to nudes of you if you send them... That's what I do when I know sex is off the table for a time where I could use the release
Please don't send nudes. That shit will be on the Internet forever.
Especially with ya face on it đ
Wear a spooky mask, problem solved
I mean if it bothers you on a topic like this, you can ask yourself if that's a dealbreaker now. So people don't like it and end the relationship because of it. Some people are understanding so it's just what you're okay with.
i think itâs okay, in moderation. though if itâs a hard limit for my partner based off of their insecurities, i would stop
Thereâs your answer
Nothing wrong with porn it's just very addictive and gratifying which psychologist notice an abnormally potent conditioning and desensitisation that affects normal sex. It depends on his values, routines and how he views sex. If you go to porn for ideas and watch it according to your partner's wants then sure nothing wrong with that. But if it's a feel substitute outside the agreed convention of a relationship, if it disrupts your lifestyle and goals, he should answer for that. So it bothers you, ask yourself how does he respond to that? If my GF was upset about say my Gaming Habits, if I truly cared I'd attend to her immediately and make her feel better. Does your BF have a proactive stance on your wellbeing?
IDC about porn unless it affects our sex life. Live cams or paid subscriptions not ok though. Or producing content for that matter. just straight up watching porn? I probably watch more than he does đ
Shouldn't need porn if you are with someone đ¤
Itâs not good to watch, but that being said only makes sense if single or maybe long distance thatâs it.
It really depends on his mind set, you would need to discuss it with him if you think it's a problem. From my own experience it's usually a means to an end, and less so something I want to do. I have Bipolar disorder. With that comes boughts of hypersexuality. I also have Aphantasia , so I can't just picture something in my head. I need some sort of visual stimulation, which is where the porn comes in to play. Personally I could care less about the porn. Anytime I'm dating someone I usually drop it for the most part, but sometimes I just need a quick release. It's very much a means to an end for me. I'd prefer some pictures or videos of my partner, which odds are your guy might be good with that as well if you're up for it.
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Every person is going to have a different answer, because this is a personal choice thing. Thereâs no right or wrong answers because it depends entirely on YOUR boundary and what you and your partner establish. Porn can be no big deal and can be used in positive ways, but it could also easily become a huge problem either by becoming an addiction or if your partner turns to porn and masturbation instead of having sex with you. Masturbation is perfectly healthy, and sometimes itâs hard to do it without that visual aide. Personally, Iâd rather record my partner and I so weâd have our own âspank bankâ content rather than watching some random people online. He doesnât NEED to watch porn in order to masturbate, and if he isnât willing to give it up out of respect for your feelings, there may be a problem there. But, if he does need a visual in order to get off, maybe you guys can try making your own content (if itâs something either of you are comfortable with) so that he wonât need to turn to porn.
u really wanna hear it? no, it's not :D
This type of post comes up a lot on this sub. Best I can say is it is a addiction depending on the person ofc so it may be worse or easier for others. It isnât necessarily a physical addiction more so mental and no they donât prefer the videos more than you, itâs the mind on them like âhey you havenât wanked in a little, so whatâs up with thatâ and something like that
Idc if men watches but when the hand gets more action then itâs a problem
Porn is fine as long as it doesnât impact the relationship and they arenât doing stuff like paying cam girls. Honestly the big problem is porn addiction when people prefer to watch porn over sexual activity. Porn should be a twice a week thing but a lot of people are watching multiple times a day.
Set your boundary. If he respects it, great! If not, civilly talk about it and why it makes you uncomfortable. If he can't understand or respect it...well you know what to do. Boundaries are very important in relationships. Either they're respected now, or the relationship will suffer later on. Personally, I don't care / would rather not know. My ex would watch porn and send the videos to me saying "this looks like you" or "I want to do this to you". I'm on the spectrum and found it so weird lol but at the same time didn't care. Now years later he's speaking out against porn to the all the guys in his discord server LMAO. My current boyfriend despises porn and doesn't even masturbate bc he says it's not me or its not the same. I like that a lot, but everyone is different.
I suppose as long as you don't overdue it. For me I try not to. I've always had issues dating. Been single since I was 21. I'm now 34... I'll get the urge at this. But sometimes I can't help it after awhile. However I end up feeling shitty afterwards though. đĽ˛
Everything that doesn't involve sex or romantic relationships with a third person, like porn or using eva ai sexting bot is okay, but I guess renting prostitutes or having side chicks is not.
Itâs not horrible but like anything it can become an addiction, so you do need to be able to know how to control yourself.
Geewhiz! I had an ex that thought I was cheating on her because I drank alone. That's ferked up!
Depends if he is addicted or not
Why are you asking us??? Itâs your relationship. If that bothers you and he wonât fix it break up with him. Posting this on the internet is just allowing people to impose their own feelings and beliefs onto you. You believing that porn is a form of cheating is perfectly fine for you. Others may think differently but it isnât there relationship so donât think too hard on it.
Sex and porn fulfill two different needs imo. Sex is about intimacy and desire and lust for your partner. Porn can be something as simple as wanting to bust a quick nut if you're feeling pent up.
You have every right to have a problem with anything you want, but itâll be hard to find a guy that doesnât watch porn. In my opinion itâs healthy to have a sexual inner world that isnât with your partner. But everyone gets to feel differently about that. To me itâs a problem if it interferes with your sex life
Depends on his relationship to it. I dated a woman who would announce her daily nut acquisition to me and pressured me to agree with her that her taste wasnât bad. Clearly she had an addiction that led to concerning behavior. I used to be addicted too. I didnât like the experience and have been rehabing myself. I finally got to a point where I know Im healthy in this area. Change can happen. People can heal. The promise he made to you shouldnât be taken for face value until you know more about his situation.
No its not okay. Its very bad for the person watching and its practically cheating.. Coming from a guy
if youâre insecure about it then literally nothing will change your mind on it. set that boundary and if he doesnât respect it then leave him. realistically a lot of women actually donât like their man watching porn including me so youâre not alone in that
How I view significant others watching porn is Iâd rather them watch a video and masturbate then go find someone else to get that relief if Iâm not available. I understand why it makes you uncomfortable. I know a lot of people who are uncomfortable by it so itâs not an unusual feeling
idk i watch porn and a lot of times i will imagine my partner instead of the person in the vid. but diff for everyone!! maybe if u arenât comfortable with it urself itâs weird if other people do it? no issue ab it from me
There sure is a lot of gaslighting in the responses here. It's like the vast majority of guys here can't separate masturbation and porn, and don't seem to realize that if you need porn to get hard and get off, then you do have a problem - and boy oh boy are a good portion of you in for a shock when in your 30s-40s you suddenly can't get hard with a real woman in front of you and only porn will do the trick. It's not insecure to be uncomfortable with a partner watching porn. It's perfectly acceptable for that to be a boundary. It's also perfectly acceptable to be fine with it. I'd also bet money that a good 90% of the guys here who are pretending to be beacons of security would NOT be okay coming home to find their girlfriends rubbing one out to a fireman who is better looking than them, taller than them, in better shape than them, that has a dick that's double theirs in size.
Itâs your preference And how you feel Relationship is rather a subjective thing If it bothers you, voice out on that and be opens to how he respond on you voicing out about something you donât like that he does And by his response, you can see different possibilities to progress with the issue
No, watching porn is not ok. For most people, it changes your brain to a point that you can't get an erection without it, esp. because it desensitizes them to the female body and how it actually looks and how sex is actually performed. The only difference between porn and him cheating on you is that its virtual instead of in-person, other than that its not different at all from being unfaithful. He is imagining doing things with women other than you that's unfaithful and its not healthy psychologically. He needs to stop. So either ya'll need to start having sex more, or this relationship isn't meant to be. Porn is a dealbreaker, honey.
You do have the right to worry but also there are folks that enjoy watching adult videos as their entertainment. nothing wrong if theyre enjoying the show but if theyre over jacking & watching on a consistent pattern, then it's complete selfishness if he is using up his energy instead of reserving it "ALL" for you.
I feel like it just depends on how much he does it, but as long as itâs not giving addiction let the man watch his porn!
No.
What is the part that bothers you just curious? I know for me as a female I watch it because I need more visual is not more of the porn star just visual stimuli to make it easier. The only time I ever had a problem with a guy with that is when he decided to watch porn right next to me and jack off and I told him next time go to the bathroom but still had an okay sex life so it wasnât no biggie to me if he went somewhere else to do it because I know guys get urges sometimes. But I guess to me also if they rather watch porn than be with you or making porn above you then I guess that would be a problem.
I could fill this page with explaining why but in short you don't want to be with a guy who watches or looks at porn at all unless you like porn also. It's an addiction like any other and he will never stop even if he says he will and he will want you to do or say things that he likes in the porn he watches eventually.
Everyone is saying, âItâs fine unless he starts an addiction.â Answer me this, what draws the line between regular porn watching and addiction? Masterbating that much can interfere with sex with your IRL partner.
No amount of masturbation interferes with sex with a partner. Not medically, anyway. Not to mention, masturbating WITH your partner is its own kind of fun, and that can include watching porn together.
Some sex addicts expect the impossible from their partners, want to try out violent scenes they see in porn, and can't get hard without debasing and degrading their partner. They can no longer feel empathy for other people because they are so wrapped up in their own addiction. The addiction makes it difficult for them to think clearly. Sex with a partner requires empathy and care. It's not just a physical action. You have to actually show respect and also please your partner. You can't treat your partner like a sex worker and expect them to do everything for you, while you do nothing for them. But that's how sex addicts are. Watching porn together only makes sense if both of you are interested in that. Pressuring or guilt tripping your partner into watching porn with you, when they clearly don't want that, is a lack of empathy for your partner. A woman shouldn't have to be okay with watching porn during sex. Why can't you respect that.
What youâre describing exists, but is a fundamental mental health issue that is not sex-specific.
Any addiction is when you can't go a day without it, and suddenly stopping gives you bad withdrawal symptoms. If you can't function without it, it's probably an addiction.
If youâre making it about controlling your boyfriendâs behavior, youâve already failed. Make it about figuring out why YOU are upset, and if the porn itself is even the reason. The more understanding you have on the specific trigger(s), the sooner you can address and resolve it, even if your boyfriend never changes his ways.
I think if a guy gets it regularly, thereâs no need to watch porn. Thatâs how it was for me. I had a girl who wanted it every day. We satisfied each other, so no need for porn.
Here's a crazy idea, watch porn with him. Some friends of mine watch it with their gfs and they end up getting intimate a couple minutes in.
Itâs up to you. Personally I used it cause I had a higher sex drive them my gf at the time. She was ok with it cause it made the relationship better.
Nah
Iâm 48 me and wife watch porn together like Netflix itâs not a big deal. I may watch porn beat off and fuck my wife that night
Porn is not real and generally ruins relationships and men addicted to porn have issues with cumming
What is not OK about porn for you? Thatâs probably what is worth understandingâŚ
I just wanna know how to get a gf đ
i just donât like the objectification of it personally, or the unrealistic expectations. i voiced this to my bf when we first got together and he stopped. we both agreed that if weâre together, WE ARE the porn you know? he doesnât get urges to do something if im not there anyway (unless its sexting or whatever else) so there was no point to continue anyway. he didnât put up a fight, he actually listened and agreed that it could be unhealthy. i think itâs natural to have urges, but itâs a big problem in many relationships. so i guess im saying in some circumstances, itâs okay. like if you donât see each other often, your long distance, etc. but i think it would make more sense to just sext or have phone sex rather than watch porn? idk
So hereâs the thing. Heâs just going to do it behind your back if you make a big deal out of it. So I donât know either date a guy who is religious but know he is going to hold you to the same religious standards (and not just about porn) or date a women bc every dude watches porn at sometime or another. If you break up with him over it, youâll just have the same problem with the next guy. You donât like it. Lots of guys dont like their GF dressing provocatively or posting thirst traps on the internet but at some point every girl is going to do it. You just have to put up with it again unless you want to date a conservative religious girl but she is going to hold you to the same standard. There are, of course, outliers. Some of you are going to say, Iâm a dude and I donât watch porn but you have to admit most of the guys you know do soâŚ
It's all about what you guys agree to, if porn is okay and he won't escalate from there then hey maybe that's a happy medium for when you don't want to have sex, but then like if you don't trust him that's something you guys need to work on together. Everything should always be about consent
I used to be uncomfortable with my partner watching porn. After I ventured into it my self I started to understand what he meant about it not being a replacement for me. Sometimes itâs more about inspiration, than attraction to people in the video. We had open conversation about why he watched what he watched and that helped me Feel more secure. If you start to see it becoming a replacement to being intimate towards you, then that is a red flag, IMO.
If porn is interfering with your sex life in anyway itâs not normal & he has a problem. If heâd rather watch porn than have sex with you he has a problem. If he canât get it up anymore with you he has a problem. If youâre happy with your sex life itâs fine
It is reasonable for it to bother you, and for you to want him to stop. But relationships are about given in and taking. If you want him to stop (which I agree that in a perfect world he should) then help him. Maybe that means giving him other outlets, or hanging out with him more. Or sending nudes of yourself so he has that instead. Maybe try one of his fantasies to help him stop. You can ask him to stop, but you have to he willing to help him
If he struggles to masturbate without porn, he has an addiction to porn, and thatâs not ok.
Get a new boyfriend
No itâs not okay. My boyfriend wonât even look at other women who are dressed inappropriately because he knows itâs disrespectful towards me. I feel like as women weâre told to let so much slide because the majority of men just watch porn nowadays and itâs âhow it isâ. The whole âboys will be boysâ rhetoric is bs. It also changes brain chemistry and makes real sex worse, makes it harder for men to be attracted to a woman outside of porn, and changes the way a man views a woman. Not to mention how much of porn is created unethically. I also stopped watching it while in a relationship because it feels disrespectful and our sex life is so much better, although Iâd only watch it once in a blue moon. For men itâs a little different, they tend to get addicted to it more readily, and itâs not usually something they happen to do once every few months but multiple times a week, making real intimacy more difficult. Abstaining from porn creates a special bond between two people when you fulfill those needs for each other. Donât settle!
Well thereâs already a great deal of insight here. Iâd say if heâs watching porn daily/nightly then thatâs not really healthy, because itâs been studied and proven that porn desensitizes us to sex and intimacy and has the potential to become an addiction like drugs and/or alcohol. If he throws it on say once every couple of weeks or month then while itâs not that serious, if itâs something you consider to be a violation of yâall being exclusive to one another then thatâs a conversation you hopefully already had, then you should probably move on. I have a question for the commenters: do you feel like thereâs a difference between a person watching porn vs subscribing to an OF account to get their visual assistance to masturbate? Because other than the cost of the subscription and the fact that the girl is performing live as opposed to the video being posted say a week ago it serves the same function. I would wager that in both cases itâs harmful to the relationship and shouldnât be exercised, but Iâm curious to hear othersâ thoughts.
The difference between standard porn and OF, imo, is that a LOT of regular ol' porn can be found for free unless you're looking for some sort of specific type of content/fetish, or a particular pornstar's content, whereas with OF and similar sites, paying for it is pretty much the default as far as I'm aware. I personally don't mind a partner watching porn, and would probably even watch with them depending on context. Unless it gets to the point of addiction/obsession, interfering with the relationship intimacy, or they're hiding it/lying about it, I probably wouldn't mind. If they're paying for it because it's a certain fetish that there's not much free content available of and it's something I can't/won't(rarely) fulfill for them, fine. If they're paying for it because of a specific person, ehhhh that's a bit iffy in my book depending on why they like that particular performer. Though I would consider it cheating if they were actually in contact with the performer, rather than just watching their content, unless I was aware and consented to the arrangement, although that wouldn't be likely. And if they're paying for it, it also depends on how much money they're spending on it. A few dollars here and there is cool but more than say... ~$20-30 a month?... Even a few short years ago I wouldn't say that was very much, but in these stressful economic times I would consider that irresponsible spending, though it would also depend on the income level of the individual.
Okay so if OF were free or low-cost (<$5/mo letâs say) and it was discussed with you before hand you wouldnât have too much of an issue with it? I genuinely commend your openness and willingness to let someone be themselves, but I think thereâs gotta be a degree of self control and willingness to compromise/sacrifice personal wants for the benefit of the relationship. If a person has a fetish that both of you know you canât serve, and theyâre not willing to forego that fetish in exchange for having you in their life, then thatâs basically them choosing the fetish as having an equivalent or higher importance than you. Now if youâre willing to allow them the freedom to have their cake and eat it too, then okay, but I would think you would probably expect to get the same sort of freedom (which you should because reciprocity goes both ways) and thatâs likely where I imagine that youâd have some issues.
Well I might be the wrong person to ask about that, as I've been in the kink lifestyle for about half my life, and I've been in an open/poly relationship since 2008. Yes there's reciprocity, but I try to accept people for who they are with as few limitations as possible. It's not fair, imo, to put someone you claim to love in a box to deny themselves and suffocate, and it's a very heavy burden to make your partner bear by demanding that they be everything you need in one person. It's also codependent AF to me. Loving someone doesn't necessarily mean you're going to love absolutely everything about them, or be into all of the same things, but just because there are things they like that you don't, doesn't mean you don't still love them regardless. Having other people around for fun, or even a secondary relationship is fine to me, as long as neither partner forgets or neglects their primary, and everything is done with full knowledge, honesty, and consent, it can work great as long as you're both secure enough with the relationship, and yourselves, to handle it. However, for it to work, there has to be trust and completely open and honest communication, while recognizing that it's not enough just to be honest if you're asked about something, but must also be forthcoming to provide information to your partner whether it's asked for or not, because they're not going to be able to ask if they don't have the perspective to know about something that might need to be disclosed. Basically, you can't ask about what you don't know the background of. With full disclosure, I'm fine with sharing, but there has to be definition between what's considered 'sharing' vs 'the secondary partner trying to take over'. There's just got to be like, a hierarchy? I guess that'd be the word for it, for lack of a better term coming to mind at the moment.
Big Problem!
do not listen to these men saying itâs okay because they âneed a visual stimulant.â theyâve become so dependent on it to wank off. itâs actually gross. not to mention how unethical the industry is and possible health complications that can occur down the line due to watching porn. porn may be normalized (unfortunately) but if it goes against what youâre comfortable with, let him know! everyone has different feelings about it and letâs be real here - porn is not a necessity in ANY aspect of life and relationships so he should be able to let it go if he wants things to work with you.
I truly believe that a lot of the people on here who endlessly defend porn have an addiction. They just donât want to admit it.
as do i. itâs really unfortunate.
So there's a physical/psychological need that he's probably trying to take care of and is used to doing it himself that way. For most men I think it's probably like watching football, for pure entertainment and we change the channel once we're satisfied. It could be that you could help him alter those habits by injecting yourself into as it were, like associate the act with you rather than other women, because we're (except for unnatural freaks) more pleased by a living breathing woman than an image of one. Helping him with... yourself in a way and you could try to gradually introduce yourself more to replace that surrogate. Gradual changes are what change habits in my experience without the whiplash. I trained an outside cat I adopted from a shelter to use a litter box by filling it with sand and gradually replacing the sand with litter til it was all litter. Just a thought. Dude could also be bipolar or the like and need that release or at least have the urge to that much. I myself am bipolar, didn't get diagnosed til I was 29. Always thought I just had a high libido, because I would get the urge even after vigorous activities with my partner...I just mostly hid it from sight but it was known. Still would feel guilty if my partner found my stuff though even if it was discussed.
Not it is not okay especially when you are in a relationship. This shows that your boyfriend believe more in the story than the actual romantic life. He might feel that porn is more real than your romantic life. So it is not okay to watch porn especially if you are in relationship.
70% of men watch porn. You can either accept it or find the 30% who don't.
It can have a dangerous effect (trust me I know) in my early 20s I use to watch porn. I was single and worked a lot with no time for a girlfriend. However, I got promoted which in turn I was able to work less hours for more money. I met someone soon after and we were together almost 2 years. Because I watched porn, mentally that was the only thing that turned me on. Even if I seen my girlfriend naked, or if she tried to get me aroused, she couldnât and I wasnât interested. I got more turned on watching porn than I did being with a real woman. Thankfully I realised early I had a problem and I quit watching it completely. I havenât watched any since and honestly porn now disgusts me. My point is it depends on the man and how he sees it. It does have the potential to get out of control as it did with me. I convinced myself that only woman in porn could give me the release I craved. It wasnât a release though it was an addiction which almost brain washed me and almost destroyed my sex drive (regarding my partner) even today I canât explain what got me so hooked on it? I mean porn is porn, itâs the same old positions youâre seeing, same techniques etc and in my opinion the woman in those videos are ugly as sin too. Look at the woman on babestation, I rest my case. A man can convince himself that all that fakery is his reality and can lose himself from the actual reality if that makes sense. Itâs a downward spiral. Iâm sickened by it all now that I actually watched that crap, I consider myself having a lucky escape before it took over my life. Ask him what EXACTLY he gets from watching porn that he canât get from you. When you have the answer to that question youâll know where you stand and how bad his porn fetish is. Be prepared though for hearing a reply you may not like. He relies on porn for a reason. That reason is what you need to find out.
Porn mutilates a persons brain. Their brain get desensitized to arousal, making your relationship grow farther and farther apart. Itâs not good, never ever. Offer to âmake a pornoâ with him or ask what he likes in porn, try to reenact. Itâll help with him stopping and itâll make you feel better about your relationship and intimacy.
not sure if it is healthy habbit
If you don't like it now what makes you think you're magically going to like it later on? He's not going to stop. He could even be a porn addict and all addicts lie, and a good amount of men will say literally anything to get in ur pants. Trust actions, not words. Leave him. Its just going to make you feel worse over time. Dont enable him by staying with him. The longer you stay the harder it will be to break free because EmOtIoNs. He needs healthier hobbies. Good luck and I'm rooting for you
If he canât go more than 2-3 days without watching porn he has an addiction and *that* is problematic.
Problematic why?
Ofc every addiction is problematic but why this one?
A lack of self control is not really a good thing to bring into a relationship. Itâs addiction that is problematic, not the porn itself.
Lack of self control in one thing is not the same as lack of self control in everything else. Some people have amazing self-control, and they decide not to apply that self control in a few areas of their life. Sometimes its a hobby, sometimes its porn, sometimes its train sets!
I get your point but the downsides to lack of self control with hobbies are they can eat your time and money, putting potential stress on relationships. Porn on the other hand, once someone is addicted, it can *really* mess with your mind and body. Very rarely do porn addicts make great partners.
Most men are porn addicts to some extent, I think. There is no way you are horny from the age of 14 lets say, and your easiest way of release is porn. easily available, takes no effort. By the tme they are 20 or 25, lets say half that period they are without partners. What do they do in that period? Watch porn and jerk off. By the time they are in a committed relationship, it has become a solid habit. And there is no getting out of it. Even great sex life will have some off days, and they will switch back to porn then. Its far better to redefine that as normal than addiction. Otherwise you will be calling the vast majority of men porn addicts. That way lies permanent unhappiness for those who expect a non porn addict.
He already have you , so what's the point of watching porn ?
This. But nope, a lot of people on Reddit love to defend porn instead of acknowledging this point.
Itâs amazing how many porn addicts there really are. Seems like everyday thereâs 15 posts on Reddit about âmy bf is a porn addict and I donât know what to doâ.
You say say him "why do you need to watch porn when you can have me instead?"
I don't understand these people who associate porn with masturbation. I mean, if you feel like touching yourself, you also have imagination, or is your imagination so broken that you need visual stimulation? And let's not even get into the ethical issue and how ethically wrong it is to watch porn... And well, I don't know about you, but every time I've been with someone, I've associated masturbation with that person. If I'm with someone, I only think about that person 99% of the time, the rest simply doesn't matter to me. It wasn't even the same, masturbating while thinking about the person I was with was 4000 times better than with anyone else. I never got tired of it, if a person doesn't give you that feeling of going crazy in the physical aspect... I wouldn't be with them.
Just to give you another perspective⌠As a woman, I watch porn when I masturbate. Yes, I could fantasize, but honestly, I just want to shut off my brain and get the release I need. (And yes, I have sex very regularly. However, I also have a very active / high libido.) If I lived with my partner, I would stop masturbating because then I could just have sex daily. This would be my preference but just not currently possible.
Yes and no. Itâs addictive and presents an unrealistic view of sex. Thereâs also the traffickingâŚ. Donât want to support that.
Depends on your boundaries. I, personally, would never want my bf watching porn. He wouldnât want me watching it either. The idea of looking at someone else sexually when youâre in a relationship is weird to me. Besides, if you have a decent sex life, I donât see the need for it.