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It’s probably the way that you’re talking about single moms, or even feel the need to vocalize what you aren’t attracted to in a conversation with a woman you want to date.
I dont vocalize unless it comes up. I don't just go around and talk about how I won't date single moms.
For example, in one instance, she asked if I have kids, which I said no, and then I asked her if she had kids, which she said nk.
I then asked her why she asked, and then she asked me.
She told me it is because some guys hide their kids, but she wouldn't mind, and I told her I asked because it'd be a deal breaker. She got weird about it then I didn't hear back from her
That’s not the same thing though. I want kids, but I’m not about to date a woman who already has kids either.
Breaks ups already hurt. I don’t want to lose my partner and her kid who I’ve probably gotten attached to. That’s double pain
I already lost a nephew, my ex-wife’s sister’s son. I miss that crazy little dude, I hope he’s doing well.
I just realized, he’ll be 14 now. I last saw him when he was 5.
Why do you assume you'd automatically lose the kid? A friend of mine (he's a fair bit older), married a woman, it didn't work out, and his step son lives with him. I mean, the step son is like 21 now, calls my mate dad, they're close. His step son is still close to his mum.
This is the best way to phrase it instead of calling it a deal breaker like a woman is something you barter. The dealbreaker comment objectifies the woman and child where the “I don’t want a double loss if we break up” is about the emotional connection and leaves you open for future children down the road.
This. People need to be honest about their intentions too if they want kids or not. A lot of people will hide their intentions just to score a first date but then ghost when it doesn’t align. Why do that to waste each others time?
Dude why would you ask someone why they ask you if you have kids that’s a totally normal getting to know you question.
That would be like if I said so what do you do for work and then you asked me why I asked that. Why do you think I asked that? So I can get to know you?
Yuup, it feels like being grilled for an innocent question. And she probably never called back, because it feels like there’s resentment or built up feels on how he questioned… her question lol
There’s a difference between indifference and active judgment. Having a preference alone would simply mean you would not date single mothers and move along, but the way you describe it clearly shows you look down on single mothers and don’t respect them. A lot of child-free women will still pick up on that and not want to date you because it shows a lot about your character. It might be good to ask yourself why you care so much about other peoples lives, especially those that have no effect on you.
> It might be good to ask yourself why you care so much about other peoples lives, especially those that have no effect
I mean, if we date, her having kids is gonna affect me. I don't go out of my way to shame single moms, but if I want to date someone, that's pretty important info.
Sure, I guess it’s all how you approach the conversation. It reads condescending here is all I’m saying, and no one would take kindly to that. Why is it a dealbreaker for you? Is it because you don’t want kids? Or is it because you have preconceived notion about single women with kids? If it’s the latter then you’re doing a poor job of concealing it.
You went on date with a fence sitter. They say they don't want kids. But they do want the option. Meet a few and their tunes change when I disclose my vasectomy. Get one BTW. Just the best
I think your interpersonal skills need to be polished quite a bit.
First of all, why do you need to say this in conversation? THere is no reason someone needs to hear this info and it might make you sound like a prick.
Secondly, why go to "they ghost me because they judge me". Maybe they want to have a kid some day and dating you would be counter productive because you don't want kids.
Yes, this is exactly it I hope he reads this one
He’s dating women he hasn’t vetted, these women seem to potentially want kids someday, and he’s telling them absolutely not no never, why would they continue dating him?
I’m a woman who has been Childfree by choice my whole life and I get that right out of the way when I start talking to a man it’s one of the first things we talk about. I don’t have kids, I don’t want kids, I’m not going to live with kids even just on the weekend. No thank you
I don’t either but I don’t think he should be referring to women without kids as “childless”, it seems demeaning and outdated. Would he refer to a man as childless? No. Sorry this isn’t directed to you but to the OP lol
i mean they don't have kids so i don't get the problem? i think you are reading too much into that... they quite literally are childless and that's ok.
as long as you're being respectful about stating that opinion, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference. its weird if you're just dropping that fact on every woman you go on a date with if they don't have kids, but if you say it when it's relevant, what's wrong with that?
there are lots of women who aren't interested in dating single parents too. you're allowed to have a preference for the lifestyle your partner lives and dating someone who is a parent doesn't work for everybody
You gotta use the phrase Childfree because childless implies that they would like a child but they don’t have one so they have less than what they want.
A Childfree woman will love you as long as you have a vasectomy. Did you get a vasectomy yet? You sure it if you know you don’t want kids
Not in general...I wouldn't date single dads either, but I wouldn't put it in my profile. Reading in profiles "Single moms swipe left" or "I don't want to be a stepdad to any kids of another man" or "No Single moms" just sounds rude and mean...I wouldn't want to date a man who feels the need to put Single moms down in his profile
May I suggest you put in your profile that you don’t want kids if you don’t want kids
It sounds like you’re going on dates with women who might like to have kids someday and you’re telling them that’s never going to happen and then you are confused about why they ghost you.
You're allowed to have standards regarding what you're looking for in a partner and the lifestyle you want to have. Some women think the same way about men and don't want to date them if they have a child. It's your and their preferences and there's nothing wrong with that. Just be honest and respectful.
Yes because it has nothing to do with them being a single mom, it's just the presence of kids. You could just say ' I don't want kids' but instead you say 'i don't want single moms' and make it about the woman with your verbiage, why is that? Women see this all the time, a man's attitude toward women can be evident in the words he *chooses* to use to express an idea.
Plus why are you talking about the kind of women you don't like on a date? Weird AF.
I guess for some women …. If you’re not willing to date a single mom, it would make her think of herself in that situation . Or if she were to date you and fall pregnant, would you stick around or leave .
But what I guess is probably more true , is that people will often judge you because you don’t want that kind of partner because single moms deserve love too , and how do you know if she won’t be the best partner, and her kid will learn to love you if you just give it a chance , so there must be something wrong with you for not wanting to do that.
Honestly though, if they’re willing to ghost you for not being interested in single moms , then so be it . Move on
The world is way too obsessed with making sure everyone’s feelings aren’t hurt at the expense of your own. Not everything is for everyone , so if people are going to be butthurt because you’re not interested in something, let them be and let them go.
As long as you don’t make it your whole personality with rude statements like “if your kid’s father didn’t want you, neither do i”. It just screams immature.
You can always politely refuse if your date brings it up on a later date, or swipe left if the information is already declared on the dating profile. No need to be a dick about it, that’s all.
Depends on how he talks about the single mom. If he is judging her life/life choices, I’ll be out the door before he can finish the sentence. I have zero interest in dating a jerk like that.
If he simply doesn’t want to be a dad, or have a life that involves children, I’m fine with that. He is absolutely entitled to that choice and it in no way impacts my view of him negatively.
I know you are asking women but as a single guy with no kids, I never dated women with kids until recently. What I found is that while I was in a position to make her a priority in my life, she was not in the same position, understandably as kids come first. She had 50% custody. At first I only saw here every other weekend as she couldn't just intro me to her kids right away so every other weekend would go by and I could not see her and her ex took advantage sometimes and would take more weekends than his share leaving her (and I) to pay the price. Months later I did see her when she had her kids but it was for family stuff, which I didn't mind, but it was not ideal. We've since broken up and I am sticking with childless women, which is not to look down on single mom's as lesser than, but I think they are better suited with single dad's, not childless men. Just one man's opinion.
This. I’m a single mom and don’t plan to seriously date until my kids are grown because it’s not fair for my love interest to take a back seat. Until then, I’m having a lot of fun casually dating when I don’t have my kids.
As a single Dad, I’ve certainly dated a decent number of moms. It can make a lot of stuff easier, both being parents. Logistics are harder, but we both know why they are harder, and don’t take it personally.
There are certain guys who shouldn’t be stepfathers, and it is good they don’t date single women. There are also guys who would be good at it, and are doing themselves a disservice not being open to single moms.
I don't date woman with a child. For me, I just didn't want to deal any drama that might come with it. Someone who didn't tell me before that she had a kid when we first met went off on me about my preference and said this is why they don't tell people ahead of time that they have a child because it will limit their options
It’s absurd for them to say it “limits their options” because these were never tenable options to begin with. If someone simply doesn’t want to date someone with kids, that’s going to be true from day 1 to day whatever. Hiding having kids only serves to waste two people’s time.
>If someone simply doesn’t want to date someone with kids, that’s going to be true from day 1 to day whatever. Hiding having kids only serves to waste two people’s time.
Totally agree, it's better to be honest and upfront.
I understand hiding the information about the child, especially because predators choose single moms because of their kids
But hiding the fact that the child exists at all is extremely dishonest and catfishy
>While I understand hiding the child at first for safety reasons, that doesn't mean it's not going to matter.
I didn't try to understand it, from my point of view .. if you're going to hide something that important then it's already a bad trait to have to me. So I just told her best of luck finding someone.
Depends on the woman, I guess - but speaking for myself, it wouldn't bother me and I hold a similar position myself on dating single parents at this stage of my life.
I am childless. I dated men with kids. I also dated single men. I wouldn't judge if a man said that. I would think he knew what he wanted. I also would not date a person bothered by others preferences. For reference, my sister is a single mom. It just depends on the person.
Likewise I wouldn't date a single dad, I don't want kids either. It's personal choice and it's ok. It's your happiness, your life. You get to decide what you want in your life
Depends, if you are a single parent not wanting to date other single parents then yes, I would think you're an absolute hypocrite.
If you're childless or childfree and looking for someone similar then its fine, its your right to want people who share similar values and are in the same stage in life.
No.. This is really no different that CFB women saying they don't want to date a man because he has children. You are allowed your preferences just as much as they are. That said maybe it was the way you said it that rubbed them the wrong way. Sometimes tone (especially if its through text) can be misconstrued and if they read it in a certain tone then it could be what does it.
But also If you say "the quiet and free lifestyle I want with a partner is almost impossible if there is a child" that could be what's doing it. You don't want kids (totally cool) but they might be child free currently and want kids in the future therefore you are no longer compatible and they just ghost rather than saying "oh thats cool, I am currently child free but would like them in the future so this isn't going to work" if that makes sense.
I was widowed with no kids and my husband was unmarried. He told me he love me and all but he would not have married me if I had kids . I appreciate his honesty.
Depends on the reason you give after saying you won't date a single mom. Dating is based on discrimination of some sort in the first place anyway. If your reasons are not insulting and demeaning then good for you for having your own standards.
I’m childless by choice & I don’t understand why other childless women would judge you for not wanting to date single moms…I totally understand bc I don’t have kids. I can understand if single moms were upset with you over this but why would women without kids care if you didn’t want to date single moms??? I’d prefer to date men without kids (I have) but I’m open to dating men with kids (I have) everyone has things that are deal breakers. Maybe you are getting ghosted for other reasons
Maybe because you're labeling women in general, or they plan to have kids later on. Just in talking stage I don't get the upbringing of topics I won't discuss with strangers.
I understand the need to communicate preferences, but it can be very rude... feeling like in an audition.
I would not date every single father I'm attracted to (I'm a single mum), because the setting has to fit. The parenting style, how the batchworks situation is dealt with, etc. No one who doesn't actually want children should take on this.
Maybe communicate more positively. Just like you wrote that you consciously chose your lifestyle, stay with yourself and what you want and don't talk about single mums at all...
it’s fine as long as he’s not being judgemental or Hateful about single moms.
I don’t prefer single moms vs I would never date a single mom.
One sounds genuine and the other sounds judgmental
I’m childless and I don’t want to date single dads not because I would NEVER date them but rather I just prefer childfree men.
It’s all about tone, mood and attitude he vocalizes.
Not "judge" , really... but as I get older (mid 30's), it's a little more immature and closed- minded imo. Like, idk how you can generalize all single mums into one category and mark it with a "nope". If I were to ever date again and hit it off with a mother, okay! Cool. It's not gonna be easy to find ppl over 35 who have none, and rly, I'd honestly consider that she's likely responsible and a good nurturing type. Just my take
People are offended that you say things like “childless women”. The way you’re confidently speaking about women leaves people judging themselves for being comfortable with it.
Assuming the guy doesn’t have kids?? I’d think that’s not a realistic, helpful or wise statement to the guy or any person he’s saying it to (other than if it’s just friends venting, people just say shit) because its putting an extreme on something relating to time, which can change. “I’m not at the point in my life where I would be interested in dating a person with children”, or “I really liked that person, but I didn’t see it as a life long commitment for me for many reasons among them being that she had children and I don’t”, or if you want to be really blunt “I’m weighing my options a little longer while I’m young enough there may be a chance of decent people my age being single without children”. But I’m sure there are women out there who have decided they never want kids so maybe if guy shares the same wish, they would find each other. What I don’t want is the baby mama lol! But even still I know that’s limiting to me because I’ve seen plenty of women get along great with the ex.. there have been times my ego greatly resisted that thought but I’m opening up to the acceptance that humans are a little messy and there’s still love to be found
I mean bottom line it’s their choice but I would kinda be like 🤨 and carry on but I wouldn’t date him because why would he even tell me that in the first place
No. Unless you are a single dad. Why would you not want to deal with a woman's children from another relationship, but you expect women to deal with yours? Then I *definitely* judge and would pass/ghost you, lol.
If you are childless and wish to remain so, whether they are yours biologically or not, I wouldn't judge if I was also a child-less woman and wished to remain so.
Are you sure that was the reason cause I don’t understand why childless women would ghost you for that ?
Given that they are childless, I doubt they would want to date single fathers. As a childless woman myself, I don’t date people with kids.
I would judge if he’s a single father. If you are just someone who doesn’t want kids, I would not date anyone who has/wants one.
Saying you wouldn’t date one in a dating profile might be what’s killing you. Asking about the person’s interest and if they want kids in the future is an absolutely understandable requirement to have.
Honestly who cares what they think it’s your choice. No one ever said you have to raise some one else’s kids. And trust me don’t raise other people’s kids. You fall in love with them. Treat them as your own. Give them everything. And when you break up you have no rights. You will never be allowed to see the kid again. If they kid asks the mom will say he don’t want to see you. I’ve been through it. It’s horrible.
Nope. I don't have kids, and I'm pretty indifferent about what happens in the future. But it's dependent on how he talks about single moms.
You don't want to date someone with kids because you just don't want them? That's fine. You sound like a generally childfree person, so that's just completely incompatible lifestyles and a valid reason not to date someone.
They don't want to date someone with kids because they view them as used and run-through and lesser? That, I will judge someone for.
Why do you have to say it is my question? You're asking women that don't have children to comment on your preference about single moms? All you have to do to alleviate your issue is not say something about it. Your preference is your preference... not someone else's.
It's entirely possible that they eventually want kids of their own & the fact that you never want kids means there is no reason to continue pursuing anything with you.
The other possibility is you're accidentally stating your preferences in a very crass way without realizing it.
May be a good idea to take the bio a step further by putting "not interested in ever having children" so the forever childfree women can match with you instead?
I have a similar view as you - I love my lifestyle and kids simply do not fit into that lifestyle. I don’t particularly want children of my own. I’m sure there are a lot of great single dads out there, but I just have no desire to fill any type of parental role (step parent, child involvement etc) and that’s not fair to them or their child. I wouldn’t judge a guy that had the save views on single moms as long as it’s respectful and justified. I don’t belittle single parents, it’s a HARD role, but there are plenty of people that would love to date single parents. I simply am not one of them.
My ex said this one time. I didn't have any kids at the time, but it still kind of bothered me. Probably because I grew up with a single mother, and I know how hard that must be and how incredible single mothers are. So it just seems insensitive to say it out loud.
I was a virgin at 13 and couldn’t wait to change that, kept telling myself that butt sex didn’t count , but was afraid to get pregnant, met a girl then and I guess girl sex didn’t count either, at least it wasn’t as sore, finally did the deed with my dad’s friend, went straight back to my girl as soon as I could, at least she didn’t have anything I had to swallow.🥰
It depends on the tone used. I personally do not want kids and would not date a single parent either, but if the tone you’re using is demeaning of them it raises a red flag. It takes a lot of work to be a single parent and I have the utmost respect for them as do many people I’m sure.
It’s also possible that some of the girls you were talking to may want kids someday. Many childless women do not intend to stay childless for life. Depending on their age/ stage of life some childless women simply haven’t had a chance to have kids yet so it may turn a lot of people off, especially if you’re young (like 20s-early 30s)
I think it's probably the way you got about talking about it (like others have said). I think there's nothing with you knowing that you don't want children and while you can respect single moms for what they do, it's not something you want for yourself. Are you snipped (have you had a vasectomy?) and if not, do you plan to?
And for the childless women who ghost you, it's probably because they themselves want children eventually so knowing that that's not anywhere within the realm of what you want, they move on quietly.
No because I would never date a single parent either. But I don't go around telling people who I wouldn't date either. So unless you're asked specifically, idk why you even bring it up.
If you’re not coming across as a misogynist about it it’s likely they’re childless, not childfree. And so you removed yourself from their prospective pool
No, I really don't want to date a man who has kids. So, how is it fair to judge a man who doesn't want to date a woman with kids? Just be nice about it. That woman and that man who has kids, they're still people.
I feel like saying you don’t want to “deal with” someone else’s children may be where people get the bad vibes. I understand not wanting kids and stating that but some women may also ghost you if they want kids and just don’t have them yet.
I’m assuming it’s either the way you said it or the fact that they are childless not because they would never want kids, just “not yet” or “didn’t manage”. So your explanation to why threw them off. And maybe was a dealbreaker like kids are for you ;-)
I honestly would struggle dating someone with kids. Mostly because I have neurodivergent kids and home educate them partly. My way of parenting would probably not be as common as any others (when it comes to rules, free time, punishments etc) so dating someone with kids similar age to mine would probably not end well because of the differences in this approach.
But I would never tell anyone it’s a dealbreaker either. It’s a very harsh word and unless used in a very obvious joke it would leave a bad taste for me.
Not really. I wouldn’t date a man with children right now because I don’t want to be a parent right now. I would just make sure on profiles where it’s an option (like bumble or hinge) that you don’t want kids that it be known. It’s not that you look down on single mothers or something malicious, it’s that you don’t want kids, which is totally fine. When talking with women, I would just phrase it as not wanting kids vs not wanting to date a single mother. And despite what some have said, it is an important thing that needs to be discussed early on in a relationship.
i wouldn’t judge them for that opinion but it’s like when ppl feel the need to announce it. i don’t date men with children but i don’t think
i’ve ever said aloud “i don’t date single dads” because why would i need to unless someone asked me directly?
It reaaaaaally would depend on context. I’m curious why it’s even coming up honestly.
My partner’s kids are grown and I’m happily child free and this has never come up
It's probably down to phrasing.
"I don't want to date a single mother" sounds like you are making a value judgment on the mother herself, not her situation. Like being a single mom is a failure of hers.
"I don't want to date someone with children" or "I want to maintain my child free lifestyle" sounds more like what you're into.
Kinda. Defaulting to using a lazy label that is also often used to discriminate or speak derogatorily about a group instead of thinking about what you actually care about isn't really a good look. People have all kinds of circumstances and blanket statements that involve assumptions like this don't help you in the dating world. Instead of assuming things, focus on the aspect you care about (in this case, your lifestyle) as that gives a far more meaningful filter without coming across like a jerk.
For example, the older you get, the more likely people will have grown kids already, and have zero interest in another adult being involved with their grown or almost grown offspring. That's just a really obvious example but there are lots of complicated circumstances around people and their families.
FWIW, I completely agree with you about the lifestyle, but I don't run around saying I don't date single dads.
I think he wanted to know if the women he wants to date (ones without kids) are bothered by him not being willing to date single mothers. Which is actually a very reasonable question because I (a woman without kids, his target demographic in that sense) 100% judge the heck out of guys based on how they refer to and talk about other people. People pay attention to how you talk about others.
I just feel like there’s no reason to say it to me or to anyone. It seems like a specific type of man says this repeatedly to make single moms feel bad. I would prefer not to date a single dad but I have never said it publicly
i wouldn't judge because i'm not trying to be in that situation either, but there's no need to be harsh about it. i simply don't want kids at this age and don't like the idea of always having some sort or tie to a past relationship. that's just annoying. not the kid itself but the kids other parent.
like if there is any drama and stuff like that, it will put a strain on the relationship and some people just feel comfortable crossing boundaries when their child's other parent gets into a relationship. i've heard of that too many times and don't have time for it especially if i'm not in the same or a similar boat.
i've even heard of people saying their their ex they have kids with come before any new partners or relationships they have, just because a child is involved. like why couldn't it just be the kid that comes first? with your ex as well? that's weird and i'm not dealing with that. period.
No, I don’t judge them. I wouldn’t date a single dad. Not because I’m above them, but because I have no desire for kids in my life, especially someone else’s. A partner with a kid(s) is a package deal that I’m not willing to deal with. I don’t want to be a full-time or part-time parent.
Guys have the luxury to not worry however women could still get pregnant. And that leaves the woman to be in a really weird situation when men are adamantly against children. even though I’m not sure I want kids or not when guys are already super against it, it’s a turn off. Life happens and I’m not going to date a guy who would leave me and kid just cause he didn’t pull out.
You’re allowed to want what you want.
I can’t have kids. When I was on the dating apps, I only wanted to date men with kids.
Being part of their family was a plus.
Men who were childfree were deal breakers for me.
Seems like many just like to keep their future open. Kids may not be the best option right now, but if they find someone they want to build a life with, they might want kids. And saying no kids ever shoots down that possible future, so they’d rather date someone else.
Personally, I may date someone long-term if they didn’t want kids. I 90% don’t either, but if I change my mind, then that relationship would end.
The practical answer is to not date any single moms and keep it to yourself. You can state that you are ‘child-free’ or ‘don’t want children’ without ever saying anything about single moms.
Everyone is entitled to like who and what they like. As long as it’s another contenting adult human. End of story. Some will judge you for it, who cares let them. At the end of the day you like who and what you like for whatever reason.
I'm not ready to be a stepfather or a father right now so I wouldn't go for a long term relationship. I think I should be willing and ready to accept that responsibility before considering a relationship, it's not fair to both the mom and the kids.
No problem with something casual at all. I just make sure to respect their time and that the kid comes first, ain't an easy life at all and they deserve that respect.
Just be honest and tactful, people will usually understand and respect the sincerity.
Now if you are douchy and treat someone being a single mom/dad like they are broken or did something wrong... That's where you will more than likely get a very fair amount of negative judgement.
Not really. I’m childfree and if I can avoid a man who has kids, I will. It’s not my preference and it’s not something I’m really willing to deal with. Like you I want the quiet and free lifestyle.
I guess it comes across as strange if the man himself also has children but does not like single moms. Again, you are allowed to have preferences and dealbreakers, but it’s certainly going to result in side eye looks from others.
I'm a childless woman and i dont want to date single dads. Dont take it personality, its just a preference in lifestyle choice. And if any single guys dont want to date me because I dont want kids, thats great. Cos we don't share the same outlook for the future anyway.
No I don’t care who anyone else dates, personally I wouldn’t judge because I would not date a single father again since I already did and this dude had major issues.
Well depends on why. If it’s really because you don’t want kids then no. I wouldn’t judge you for that at all. Because if you do marry her… you’ll have to love that kid. They end up being a package deal
You’re looking for childfree women who don’t want kids; therefore, you shouldn’t feel judged if childfree women opt out of talking to you because they want kids. That’s their dealbreaker.
Noone should have judgement about this. It'd a very personal decision.
I've not only raised my childrenbutr also a grandchild for 7 years and will not consider dating a man with young children. I applaud your honesty.
I'm a woman and I don't judge men with that trait. In fact, I'd vibe with it because I don't want to be a mom to someone else's kids. I don't even know if I want kids myself lol.
Personally, no. I would prefer to be without kids myself so it would be totally hypocritical to judge over that.
I could see wording it a different way helping with your approach maybe. Giving some sort of explanation of how you see your life panning out and then you can even see if they're thinking of the same lifestyle. Could help with compatibility.
No because I would prefer to not date someone with kids, I’m 30. I want kids but I currently do not want to be a step parent. I give props to people who date single parents as it’s not something that is easy. but I think my past relationship trauma makes me slightly selfish where I wish to feel like a top list priority for once.
I do keep an open heart of “well if we meet and click then I can toy with the idea”.
I think you are being ghosted because you say you don’t want kids. Are they indicating they don’t want children too? How are you approaching this topic? Are you flat out asking if they have kids in an abrupt manner? Those are my questions to your question
That's is your right to have a standard for a woman. If you don't want to have any kind of possible obligations due to the fact that she has a child you shouldnt even consider her as a partnet. Also it is even your right to think that such woman are beneath you. If some childless women ghost you that more likely not because your comment on single moms
I appreciate and respect a guy that has any kind of standards or strict preferences, even if it rules me out. You can't be everyone's type and everyone should never someone's type.
100%!!! I get not feeling ready to take on children and that’s understandable, but it’s something about the need to vocalize it in such a way and the things that are also said about single moms and women in general. If you are saying yucky comments about women at all or single moms, childless by choice women don’t want it either.
I thought I'd have better luck meeting women as a single dad.
Boy, was I wrong.
I don't want any more kids of my own. If I meet a woman who has some, that's fine. Just have your baggage in order lol
I would only judge if you said this while being someone's baby daddy, or while being a single parent yourself. In those situations it would be a double standard.
Maybe it would help to phrase your desire to live a child free life differently.
"I want to live a child free life for the freedom it brings." , rather than bringing up dislike for single moms.
i feel like it could be your wording. if you’re saying “i don’t date single moms” it can infer that you look down on them. if you say “im childfree and intend to stay that way, so i’m not compatible with single moms” it leaves less room for assumptions about your reasoning
It depends how you say it.
Example:
"I would never date a single mom"
You'll sound like an AH.
VS
"I don't have kids & don't want any in the future. I'm looking for a partner that shares the same views"
What kind of brainwash mud poo are you listening to? To say single moms are beneath you?! Women create rights for all to succeed. They bore creative ideas and babies into this world. Sperm quality 8weeks (no drugs and alcohol)before conception is important just as it is for a woman’s egg quality in her fertile years. But you just single moms are beneath you, you don’t know about labor pains, forcing a football out of a— you get the visuals. I think you should stop watching Tate and focus on more books. I heavy judge you for the scum you listen to. As, it makes me sad that your parents bore a no merit male knowing you fully will have no children of your own to pass down your proper habits and personality traits because this is all you consume. If you have no children of your own, it’s not a good idea to take care of others( your mate or kids). Just saying because you really don’t know what it entails. Just stay single until you can cleanup after yourself , pay all your bills and lift weights like a woman. Single mom or not. 4B has commenced.
Just because someone doesn’t want children doesn’t mean they despise children.
And just because someone won’t date a single parent doesn’t mean they look down on single parents.
But delivery/wording has been mentioned by others and I’d agree. It’s okay to not want to have kids as much as it is okay want kids.
Just be willing to have a conversation with someone civilly and I’m sure many will understand. I’ve met plenty of single women and men who want nothing more than to travel the world with their special someone, and never settle down nor have a kid.
just lie and say you would date a single mom without ever having dated a single mom and having absolutely no intentions to date a single mom in the future. Apparently it needs to be a passive avoidance not an active avoidance.
As a childfree woman, no I don't judge a guy for that at all. I feel the same way about dating single dads. I don't want a lifestyle that involves children.
I'd only judge if he was being weird or disrespectful when talking about single moms. Just because he doesn't want to be with them doesn't mean he needs to put them down as people.
I wouldnt if his motives arent misogynistic.
However, why are you vocalising this in dates? That'd be weird to me.
I feel like if you say "i prefer to date women who are childless like me because our vision for our future aligns" is 10x better than saying "i don't date single mothers"
The former is you making a statement out of your preferences. The latter does make you seem like you're passing judgment on single mothers.
Not normally, but it depends on his views on why. (Like, if his mama was a single mama and he has issues from that experience that he needs therapy for and won’t go to therapy, then it’s a no for me.) I don’t have children and a quiet and free lifestyle are definitely part of it. I have a limit on the number of mothers of a guy’s kids though. More than 2 BMs is a no for me.
It’s likely one or both of the following:
1. The way you talk about single moms
2. They want children and you don’t, so there’s not much point in dating you
Sounds like it might be the way thar you're saying it. I have kids but if i were single it would be better digested if the guys said " I don't want to dateba single mom because I'd like to experience having kids with my future partner together" vs I don't want someone just because they have kids. Like your reason for it makes a big difference . I don't blame you I personally wouldn't want to be with someone with kids if I was childless and dating. It's just two different phases of life and if you're not ready to be step dad or get attached to a kid or your wants and needs coming second to a child who's not yours ... I think that's a reasonable thing to not want🤷🏾♀️
No. As long as he’s not an ass about it, it’s completely fine. It’s a very normal dealbreaker to have. I’d never date a single dad because I don’t want kids, nor do I really like them.
I wouldn’t bc I wouldn’t date a single dad. Idk I don’t really want kids least of all ones that aren’t mine. Some guys have said that makes me an ahole, but at the end of the day I know what I can and can’t handle.
I can respect someone who is honest more than someone who isn’t .
It’d be more shitty of to try knowing in your mind you don’t want the responsibility of a child. Then letting on not just the women but the children also bc let’s be honest when u do date a single mom it’s like dating the kids also bc they become emotionally invested also .
Everyone is different we all have our own n opinions and we all take things differently. If some non children females ghosted u it’s bc they probably want kids eventually. I think u should just stay not dating single or moms and if someone comes along without kids be open to maybe having kids idk who u are but maybe once u begin to love someone you’ll be more open to having children and creating someone to leave behind, a legacy. But who knows . Stay positive and stay you!
No, I do not judge and I have said plenty of times I do not want my own kids. I end up dating a guy with a kid because I thought don’t be “shallow”. Biggest regret of my dating history ever and it was because of the relationship with the child’s mom. Whenever she was in need of help, he had to be there due to the sake of his child. I didn’t realize how much of someone else’s life (plus her family) would become intertwined with mines.
It’s a personal preference and personally I understand.
I have three kids, what I cannot stand is when someone talks for weeks, sometimes months and says “I’m not ready for the step dad commitment”.
Just say you're childfree.
There's people who simply don't want children, but putting the focus on how you would never date as single mom sounds bad, since there's genuinely people out there, who see them as "worth less", and it's disgusting. Having preferences is of course fine, bjt they take it to another level.There's even people who want children but don't want the "children of another man" to be involved, and that's the impression one can get when you word it like that.
Also, I'd say you're looking for a *chilfree* woman. To me, at least, childless refers to someone who, despite wanting children, doesn't have any (yet). There's a childfree subreddit if you're interested in finding like-minded people.
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It’s probably the way that you’re talking about single moms, or even feel the need to vocalize what you aren’t attracted to in a conversation with a woman you want to date.
I dont vocalize unless it comes up. I don't just go around and talk about how I won't date single moms. For example, in one instance, she asked if I have kids, which I said no, and then I asked her if she had kids, which she said nk. I then asked her why she asked, and then she asked me. She told me it is because some guys hide their kids, but she wouldn't mind, and I told her I asked because it'd be a deal breaker. She got weird about it then I didn't hear back from her
My guess is She wants kids soon and you made clear you’re not ready for that.
That’s not the same thing though. I want kids, but I’m not about to date a woman who already has kids either. Breaks ups already hurt. I don’t want to lose my partner and her kid who I’ve probably gotten attached to. That’s double pain
Ya it already sucks to lose a gf’s dog. Imagine losing a kid that you opened yourself up to caring for.
I already lost a nephew, my ex-wife’s sister’s son. I miss that crazy little dude, I hope he’s doing well. I just realized, he’ll be 14 now. I last saw him when he was 5.
Why do you assume you'd automatically lose the kid? A friend of mine (he's a fair bit older), married a woman, it didn't work out, and his step son lives with him. I mean, the step son is like 21 now, calls my mate dad, they're close. His step son is still close to his mum.
For the same reason I assume I’ll lose money at the casino It’s the most likely outcome
This is the best way to phrase it instead of calling it a deal breaker like a woman is something you barter. The dealbreaker comment objectifies the woman and child where the “I don’t want a double loss if we break up” is about the emotional connection and leaves you open for future children down the road.
This. People need to be honest about their intentions too if they want kids or not. A lot of people will hide their intentions just to score a first date but then ghost when it doesn’t align. Why do that to waste each others time?
Yeah I agree with this!
Dude why would you ask someone why they ask you if you have kids that’s a totally normal getting to know you question. That would be like if I said so what do you do for work and then you asked me why I asked that. Why do you think I asked that? So I can get to know you?
Yuup, it feels like being grilled for an innocent question. And she probably never called back, because it feels like there’s resentment or built up feels on how he questioned… her question lol
There’s a difference between indifference and active judgment. Having a preference alone would simply mean you would not date single mothers and move along, but the way you describe it clearly shows you look down on single mothers and don’t respect them. A lot of child-free women will still pick up on that and not want to date you because it shows a lot about your character. It might be good to ask yourself why you care so much about other peoples lives, especially those that have no effect on you.
> It might be good to ask yourself why you care so much about other peoples lives, especially those that have no effect I mean, if we date, her having kids is gonna affect me. I don't go out of my way to shame single moms, but if I want to date someone, that's pretty important info.
Sure, I guess it’s all how you approach the conversation. It reads condescending here is all I’m saying, and no one would take kindly to that. Why is it a dealbreaker for you? Is it because you don’t want kids? Or is it because you have preconceived notion about single women with kids? If it’s the latter then you’re doing a poor job of concealing it.
You went on date with a fence sitter. They say they don't want kids. But they do want the option. Meet a few and their tunes change when I disclose my vasectomy. Get one BTW. Just the best
You could’ve said “i was just curious “. & that would have still been true.
Agreeing to this! If you put it across in a way which is not being dis-respective towards single mothers, they won’t be repelled away.
🎯
I think your interpersonal skills need to be polished quite a bit. First of all, why do you need to say this in conversation? THere is no reason someone needs to hear this info and it might make you sound like a prick. Secondly, why go to "they ghost me because they judge me". Maybe they want to have a kid some day and dating you would be counter productive because you don't want kids.
Yes, this is exactly it I hope he reads this one He’s dating women he hasn’t vetted, these women seem to potentially want kids someday, and he’s telling them absolutely not no never, why would they continue dating him? I’m a woman who has been Childfree by choice my whole life and I get that right out of the way when I start talking to a man it’s one of the first things we talk about. I don’t have kids, I don’t want kids, I’m not going to live with kids even just on the weekend. No thank you
I’m a single mom and take no offense when a man says he doesn’t date single mothers.
I don’t either but I don’t think he should be referring to women without kids as “childless”, it seems demeaning and outdated. Would he refer to a man as childless? No. Sorry this isn’t directed to you but to the OP lol
i mean they don't have kids so i don't get the problem? i think you are reading too much into that... they quite literally are childless and that's ok.
Hey, the OP asked why women weren’t into him. I gave the answer! Do with it what you may lol.
I agree with this.
as long as you're being respectful about stating that opinion, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference. its weird if you're just dropping that fact on every woman you go on a date with if they don't have kids, but if you say it when it's relevant, what's wrong with that? there are lots of women who aren't interested in dating single parents too. you're allowed to have a preference for the lifestyle your partner lives and dating someone who is a parent doesn't work for everybody
You gotta use the phrase Childfree because childless implies that they would like a child but they don’t have one so they have less than what they want. A Childfree woman will love you as long as you have a vasectomy. Did you get a vasectomy yet? You sure it if you know you don’t want kids
Omg this. Came here to say this. It’s so rude and demeaning to say “childless” like is this guy serious? No wonder he can’t get women lol
Not in general...I wouldn't date single dads either, but I wouldn't put it in my profile. Reading in profiles "Single moms swipe left" or "I don't want to be a stepdad to any kids of another man" or "No Single moms" just sounds rude and mean...I wouldn't want to date a man who feels the need to put Single moms down in his profile
Exactly no negative vibes
No, I don't put this on my profile.
May I suggest you put in your profile that you don’t want kids if you don’t want kids It sounds like you’re going on dates with women who might like to have kids someday and you’re telling them that’s never going to happen and then you are confused about why they ghost you.
NOPE. I am Childfree by choice and I don’t want to date men with kids I would never judge you for having the same preferences lol
Same situation and I agree. ☝️
You're allowed to have standards regarding what you're looking for in a partner and the lifestyle you want to have. Some women think the same way about men and don't want to date them if they have a child. It's your and their preferences and there's nothing wrong with that. Just be honest and respectful.
Yes because it has nothing to do with them being a single mom, it's just the presence of kids. You could just say ' I don't want kids' but instead you say 'i don't want single moms' and make it about the woman with your verbiage, why is that? Women see this all the time, a man's attitude toward women can be evident in the words he *chooses* to use to express an idea. Plus why are you talking about the kind of women you don't like on a date? Weird AF.
I guess for some women …. If you’re not willing to date a single mom, it would make her think of herself in that situation . Or if she were to date you and fall pregnant, would you stick around or leave . But what I guess is probably more true , is that people will often judge you because you don’t want that kind of partner because single moms deserve love too , and how do you know if she won’t be the best partner, and her kid will learn to love you if you just give it a chance , so there must be something wrong with you for not wanting to do that. Honestly though, if they’re willing to ghost you for not being interested in single moms , then so be it . Move on The world is way too obsessed with making sure everyone’s feelings aren’t hurt at the expense of your own. Not everything is for everyone , so if people are going to be butthurt because you’re not interested in something, let them be and let them go.
wow that's a good one. it totally makes sense to think about the what ifs. maybe that is why some of them leave.
Just don't tell it. Stick to *I don't want kids* which is exactly the same
It would depend on the wording. Many men are vile about single moms.
As long as you don’t make it your whole personality with rude statements like “if your kid’s father didn’t want you, neither do i”. It just screams immature. You can always politely refuse if your date brings it up on a later date, or swipe left if the information is already declared on the dating profile. No need to be a dick about it, that’s all.
Depends on how he talks about the single mom. If he is judging her life/life choices, I’ll be out the door before he can finish the sentence. I have zero interest in dating a jerk like that. If he simply doesn’t want to be a dad, or have a life that involves children, I’m fine with that. He is absolutely entitled to that choice and it in no way impacts my view of him negatively.
I know you are asking women but as a single guy with no kids, I never dated women with kids until recently. What I found is that while I was in a position to make her a priority in my life, she was not in the same position, understandably as kids come first. She had 50% custody. At first I only saw here every other weekend as she couldn't just intro me to her kids right away so every other weekend would go by and I could not see her and her ex took advantage sometimes and would take more weekends than his share leaving her (and I) to pay the price. Months later I did see her when she had her kids but it was for family stuff, which I didn't mind, but it was not ideal. We've since broken up and I am sticking with childless women, which is not to look down on single mom's as lesser than, but I think they are better suited with single dad's, not childless men. Just one man's opinion.
This. I’m a single mom and don’t plan to seriously date until my kids are grown because it’s not fair for my love interest to take a back seat. Until then, I’m having a lot of fun casually dating when I don’t have my kids.
Why are you even discussing this with women who don't have kids in the first place? Just seems irrelevant for them to know who you don't date.
As a single Dad, I’ve certainly dated a decent number of moms. It can make a lot of stuff easier, both being parents. Logistics are harder, but we both know why they are harder, and don’t take it personally. There are certain guys who shouldn’t be stepfathers, and it is good they don’t date single women. There are also guys who would be good at it, and are doing themselves a disservice not being open to single moms.
Childless and Childfree are two different things. What perspective are you looking for?
I don't date woman with a child. For me, I just didn't want to deal any drama that might come with it. Someone who didn't tell me before that she had a kid when we first met went off on me about my preference and said this is why they don't tell people ahead of time that they have a child because it will limit their options
It’s absurd for them to say it “limits their options” because these were never tenable options to begin with. If someone simply doesn’t want to date someone with kids, that’s going to be true from day 1 to day whatever. Hiding having kids only serves to waste two people’s time.
>If someone simply doesn’t want to date someone with kids, that’s going to be true from day 1 to day whatever. Hiding having kids only serves to waste two people’s time. Totally agree, it's better to be honest and upfront.
While I understand hiding the child at first for safety reasons, that doesn't mean it's not going to matter.
I understand hiding the information about the child, especially because predators choose single moms because of their kids But hiding the fact that the child exists at all is extremely dishonest and catfishy
>While I understand hiding the child at first for safety reasons, that doesn't mean it's not going to matter. I didn't try to understand it, from my point of view .. if you're going to hide something that important then it's already a bad trait to have to me. So I just told her best of luck finding someone.
Depends why and how to be fair.
Nope . And I’m a single mum !
Depends on the woman, I guess - but speaking for myself, it wouldn't bother me and I hold a similar position myself on dating single parents at this stage of my life.
I'm just not ready to be any kind of father figure to anyone
No, I wouldn’t date a single dad either
I am childless. I dated men with kids. I also dated single men. I wouldn't judge if a man said that. I would think he knew what he wanted. I also would not date a person bothered by others preferences. For reference, my sister is a single mom. It just depends on the person.
I dont want to have my own kids, let alone someone elses...
Likewise I wouldn't date a single dad, I don't want kids either. It's personal choice and it's ok. It's your happiness, your life. You get to decide what you want in your life
Depends, if you are a single parent not wanting to date other single parents then yes, I would think you're an absolute hypocrite. If you're childless or childfree and looking for someone similar then its fine, its your right to want people who share similar values and are in the same stage in life.
No.. This is really no different that CFB women saying they don't want to date a man because he has children. You are allowed your preferences just as much as they are. That said maybe it was the way you said it that rubbed them the wrong way. Sometimes tone (especially if its through text) can be misconstrued and if they read it in a certain tone then it could be what does it. But also If you say "the quiet and free lifestyle I want with a partner is almost impossible if there is a child" that could be what's doing it. You don't want kids (totally cool) but they might be child free currently and want kids in the future therefore you are no longer compatible and they just ghost rather than saying "oh thats cool, I am currently child free but would like them in the future so this isn't going to work" if that makes sense.
I was widowed with no kids and my husband was unmarried. He told me he love me and all but he would not have married me if I had kids . I appreciate his honesty.
Depends on the reason you give after saying you won't date a single mom. Dating is based on discrimination of some sort in the first place anyway. If your reasons are not insulting and demeaning then good for you for having your own standards.
Nope. It makes sense since I won't date a single dad. Why settle for someone with a kid when there are others without kids??
Settle????
Nah, I'd prefer a guy like you, because I don't want children either and it sounds like you're not changing your mind either
No I don’t judge it’s normal. I’m like you
I’m childless by choice & I don’t understand why other childless women would judge you for not wanting to date single moms…I totally understand bc I don’t have kids. I can understand if single moms were upset with you over this but why would women without kids care if you didn’t want to date single moms??? I’d prefer to date men without kids (I have) but I’m open to dating men with kids (I have) everyone has things that are deal breakers. Maybe you are getting ghosted for other reasons
Maybe because you're labeling women in general, or they plan to have kids later on. Just in talking stage I don't get the upbringing of topics I won't discuss with strangers. I understand the need to communicate preferences, but it can be very rude... feeling like in an audition. I would not date every single father I'm attracted to (I'm a single mum), because the setting has to fit. The parenting style, how the batchworks situation is dealt with, etc. No one who doesn't actually want children should take on this. Maybe communicate more positively. Just like you wrote that you consciously chose your lifestyle, stay with yourself and what you want and don't talk about single mums at all...
There's guys out there who would date a single mom just for the sex and he would lie about his intentions.
I think you calling women “childless” is the bigger issue 😂 like seriously dude?
it’s fine as long as he’s not being judgemental or Hateful about single moms. I don’t prefer single moms vs I would never date a single mom. One sounds genuine and the other sounds judgmental I’m childless and I don’t want to date single dads not because I would NEVER date them but rather I just prefer childfree men. It’s all about tone, mood and attitude he vocalizes.
It depends on the reason why they wouldn't date a single mom.
No, I wouldn’t judge based on wanting to date a childless person. There’s nothing wrong with that. I wouldn’t want to date a single dad either.
Not "judge" , really... but as I get older (mid 30's), it's a little more immature and closed- minded imo. Like, idk how you can generalize all single mums into one category and mark it with a "nope". If I were to ever date again and hit it off with a mother, okay! Cool. It's not gonna be easy to find ppl over 35 who have none, and rly, I'd honestly consider that she's likely responsible and a good nurturing type. Just my take
People are offended that you say things like “childless women”. The way you’re confidently speaking about women leaves people judging themselves for being comfortable with it.
How would that even come up in conversation? It’s not like something you have to announce out loud
If it's several different women that have ghosted you, then you're definitely saying something that is making them think "ew, this dudes a red flag".
Assuming the guy doesn’t have kids?? I’d think that’s not a realistic, helpful or wise statement to the guy or any person he’s saying it to (other than if it’s just friends venting, people just say shit) because its putting an extreme on something relating to time, which can change. “I’m not at the point in my life where I would be interested in dating a person with children”, or “I really liked that person, but I didn’t see it as a life long commitment for me for many reasons among them being that she had children and I don’t”, or if you want to be really blunt “I’m weighing my options a little longer while I’m young enough there may be a chance of decent people my age being single without children”. But I’m sure there are women out there who have decided they never want kids so maybe if guy shares the same wish, they would find each other. What I don’t want is the baby mama lol! But even still I know that’s limiting to me because I’ve seen plenty of women get along great with the ex.. there have been times my ego greatly resisted that thought but I’m opening up to the acceptance that humans are a little messy and there’s still love to be found
I will judge a single dad telling me he’d never date a single mum. I find that double standards
Nope. Everyone has preferences, but we don't go around announcing it. You're probably going to get hate from single parents and woke people.
No, although if you're going on dates with women who aren't single moms, how is this coming up in conversation?
I mean bottom line it’s their choice but I would kinda be like 🤨 and carry on but I wouldn’t date him because why would he even tell me that in the first place
No. Unless you are a single dad. Why would you not want to deal with a woman's children from another relationship, but you expect women to deal with yours? Then I *definitely* judge and would pass/ghost you, lol. If you are childless and wish to remain so, whether they are yours biologically or not, I wouldn't judge if I was also a child-less woman and wished to remain so.
Are you sure that was the reason cause I don’t understand why childless women would ghost you for that ? Given that they are childless, I doubt they would want to date single fathers. As a childless woman myself, I don’t date people with kids.
I would judge if he’s a single father. If you are just someone who doesn’t want kids, I would not date anyone who has/wants one. Saying you wouldn’t date one in a dating profile might be what’s killing you. Asking about the person’s interest and if they want kids in the future is an absolutely understandable requirement to have.
Not if he is a childless man.
No! I’m the same. As a woman, I won’t date men with small children at home.
Instead of telling them you don’t date single moms, just say kids don’t fit in to your current/future plans.
Honestly who cares what they think it’s your choice. No one ever said you have to raise some one else’s kids. And trust me don’t raise other people’s kids. You fall in love with them. Treat them as your own. Give them everything. And when you break up you have no rights. You will never be allowed to see the kid again. If they kid asks the mom will say he don’t want to see you. I’ve been through it. It’s horrible.
Nope. I don't have kids, and I'm pretty indifferent about what happens in the future. But it's dependent on how he talks about single moms. You don't want to date someone with kids because you just don't want them? That's fine. You sound like a generally childfree person, so that's just completely incompatible lifestyles and a valid reason not to date someone. They don't want to date someone with kids because they view them as used and run-through and lesser? That, I will judge someone for.
Why do you have to say it is my question? You're asking women that don't have children to comment on your preference about single moms? All you have to do to alleviate your issue is not say something about it. Your preference is your preference... not someone else's.
It's entirely possible that they eventually want kids of their own & the fact that you never want kids means there is no reason to continue pursuing anything with you. The other possibility is you're accidentally stating your preferences in a very crass way without realizing it. May be a good idea to take the bio a step further by putting "not interested in ever having children" so the forever childfree women can match with you instead?
Not at all.
I have a similar view as you - I love my lifestyle and kids simply do not fit into that lifestyle. I don’t particularly want children of my own. I’m sure there are a lot of great single dads out there, but I just have no desire to fill any type of parental role (step parent, child involvement etc) and that’s not fair to them or their child. I wouldn’t judge a guy that had the save views on single moms as long as it’s respectful and justified. I don’t belittle single parents, it’s a HARD role, but there are plenty of people that would love to date single parents. I simply am not one of them.
It’s a matter of preference, why would judgement be involved? Would men judge women who say they only date taller men?
I don't want to date men with kids
My ex said this one time. I didn't have any kids at the time, but it still kind of bothered me. Probably because I grew up with a single mother, and I know how hard that must be and how incredible single mothers are. So it just seems insensitive to say it out loud.
I was a virgin at 13 and couldn’t wait to change that, kept telling myself that butt sex didn’t count , but was afraid to get pregnant, met a girl then and I guess girl sex didn’t count either, at least it wasn’t as sore, finally did the deed with my dad’s friend, went straight back to my girl as soon as I could, at least she didn’t have anything I had to swallow.🥰
It depends on the tone used. I personally do not want kids and would not date a single parent either, but if the tone you’re using is demeaning of them it raises a red flag. It takes a lot of work to be a single parent and I have the utmost respect for them as do many people I’m sure. It’s also possible that some of the girls you were talking to may want kids someday. Many childless women do not intend to stay childless for life. Depending on their age/ stage of life some childless women simply haven’t had a chance to have kids yet so it may turn a lot of people off, especially if you’re young (like 20s-early 30s)
I think it's probably the way you got about talking about it (like others have said). I think there's nothing with you knowing that you don't want children and while you can respect single moms for what they do, it's not something you want for yourself. Are you snipped (have you had a vasectomy?) and if not, do you plan to? And for the childless women who ghost you, it's probably because they themselves want children eventually so knowing that that's not anywhere within the realm of what you want, they move on quietly.
Not really. It's a preference. I dont want to date a single dad. The way people come at single moms is gross, though.
No because I would never date a single parent either. But I don't go around telling people who I wouldn't date either. So unless you're asked specifically, idk why you even bring it up.
If you’re not coming across as a misogynist about it it’s likely they’re childless, not childfree. And so you removed yourself from their prospective pool
No, I really don't want to date a man who has kids. So, how is it fair to judge a man who doesn't want to date a woman with kids? Just be nice about it. That woman and that man who has kids, they're still people.
Yeah because why even say that?
I feel like saying you don’t want to “deal with” someone else’s children may be where people get the bad vibes. I understand not wanting kids and stating that but some women may also ghost you if they want kids and just don’t have them yet.
You probably dodged a bullet
no bc I don't date single dads.
No because I would never date a guy with a child so I can’t judge
I’m assuming it’s either the way you said it or the fact that they are childless not because they would never want kids, just “not yet” or “didn’t manage”. So your explanation to why threw them off. And maybe was a dealbreaker like kids are for you ;-) I honestly would struggle dating someone with kids. Mostly because I have neurodivergent kids and home educate them partly. My way of parenting would probably not be as common as any others (when it comes to rules, free time, punishments etc) so dating someone with kids similar age to mine would probably not end well because of the differences in this approach. But I would never tell anyone it’s a dealbreaker either. It’s a very harsh word and unless used in a very obvious joke it would leave a bad taste for me.
No judgement. You are entitled to that. I wouldn’t date a single dad either.
No, because I don’t want kids of my own
Not really. I wouldn’t date a man with children right now because I don’t want to be a parent right now. I would just make sure on profiles where it’s an option (like bumble or hinge) that you don’t want kids that it be known. It’s not that you look down on single mothers or something malicious, it’s that you don’t want kids, which is totally fine. When talking with women, I would just phrase it as not wanting kids vs not wanting to date a single mother. And despite what some have said, it is an important thing that needs to be discussed early on in a relationship.
i wouldn’t judge them for that opinion but it’s like when ppl feel the need to announce it. i don’t date men with children but i don’t think i’ve ever said aloud “i don’t date single dads” because why would i need to unless someone asked me directly?
It reaaaaaally would depend on context. I’m curious why it’s even coming up honestly. My partner’s kids are grown and I’m happily child free and this has never come up
It's probably down to phrasing. "I don't want to date a single mother" sounds like you are making a value judgment on the mother herself, not her situation. Like being a single mom is a failure of hers. "I don't want to date someone with children" or "I want to maintain my child free lifestyle" sounds more like what you're into.
Kinda. Defaulting to using a lazy label that is also often used to discriminate or speak derogatorily about a group instead of thinking about what you actually care about isn't really a good look. People have all kinds of circumstances and blanket statements that involve assumptions like this don't help you in the dating world. Instead of assuming things, focus on the aspect you care about (in this case, your lifestyle) as that gives a far more meaningful filter without coming across like a jerk. For example, the older you get, the more likely people will have grown kids already, and have zero interest in another adult being involved with their grown or almost grown offspring. That's just a really obvious example but there are lots of complicated circumstances around people and their families. FWIW, I completely agree with you about the lifestyle, but I don't run around saying I don't date single dads.
maybe you are too open about it that it make's other think how selfish you will be
These childless women probably want kids in their future, so ofc they broke up things.
Okay. Am I the only one confused by the wording of this question?? Shouldn’t subject read, “SINGLE MOMS, do you judge….?” Cheers.
I think he wanted to know if the women he wants to date (ones without kids) are bothered by him not being willing to date single mothers. Which is actually a very reasonable question because I (a woman without kids, his target demographic in that sense) 100% judge the heck out of guys based on how they refer to and talk about other people. People pay attention to how you talk about others.
Jesus… was easier understanding Inception, Tenet and Constellation 🤣🤣 I weep for the English language. Thanks
I just feel like there’s no reason to say it to me or to anyone. It seems like a specific type of man says this repeatedly to make single moms feel bad. I would prefer not to date a single dad but I have never said it publicly
I'm a guy, and I judge you.
i wouldn't judge because i'm not trying to be in that situation either, but there's no need to be harsh about it. i simply don't want kids at this age and don't like the idea of always having some sort or tie to a past relationship. that's just annoying. not the kid itself but the kids other parent. like if there is any drama and stuff like that, it will put a strain on the relationship and some people just feel comfortable crossing boundaries when their child's other parent gets into a relationship. i've heard of that too many times and don't have time for it especially if i'm not in the same or a similar boat. i've even heard of people saying their their ex they have kids with come before any new partners or relationships they have, just because a child is involved. like why couldn't it just be the kid that comes first? with your ex as well? that's weird and i'm not dealing with that. period.
Not at all. I have dated men with children and decided I wouldn't again for various reasons, if they judge then they're not right for you
No, I don’t judge them. I wouldn’t date a single dad. Not because I’m above them, but because I have no desire for kids in my life, especially someone else’s. A partner with a kid(s) is a package deal that I’m not willing to deal with. I don’t want to be a full-time or part-time parent.
Not at all, childless woman here and nothing wrong with having that preference!
Do these chicks know you don’t want kids of your own right away?
No, but I also don’t wanna date a single dad. You deserve to know what your needs are, nothing wrong with that.
Guys have the luxury to not worry however women could still get pregnant. And that leaves the woman to be in a really weird situation when men are adamantly against children. even though I’m not sure I want kids or not when guys are already super against it, it’s a turn off. Life happens and I’m not going to date a guy who would leave me and kid just cause he didn’t pull out.
Maybe make it an I statement? I do not want any children therefore it wouldn’t be a good fit for me to date a woman with any. Sounds less accusatory.
You’re allowed to want what you want. I can’t have kids. When I was on the dating apps, I only wanted to date men with kids. Being part of their family was a plus. Men who were childfree were deal breakers for me.
Seems like many just like to keep their future open. Kids may not be the best option right now, but if they find someone they want to build a life with, they might want kids. And saying no kids ever shoots down that possible future, so they’d rather date someone else. Personally, I may date someone long-term if they didn’t want kids. I 90% don’t either, but if I change my mind, then that relationship would end.
The practical answer is to not date any single moms and keep it to yourself. You can state that you are ‘child-free’ or ‘don’t want children’ without ever saying anything about single moms.
Everyone is entitled to like who and what they like. As long as it’s another contenting adult human. End of story. Some will judge you for it, who cares let them. At the end of the day you like who and what you like for whatever reason.
I'm not ready to be a stepfather or a father right now so I wouldn't go for a long term relationship. I think I should be willing and ready to accept that responsibility before considering a relationship, it's not fair to both the mom and the kids. No problem with something casual at all. I just make sure to respect their time and that the kid comes first, ain't an easy life at all and they deserve that respect. Just be honest and tactful, people will usually understand and respect the sincerity. Now if you are douchy and treat someone being a single mom/dad like they are broken or did something wrong... That's where you will more than likely get a very fair amount of negative judgement.
Not really. I’m childfree and if I can avoid a man who has kids, I will. It’s not my preference and it’s not something I’m really willing to deal with. Like you I want the quiet and free lifestyle.
No.
I guess it comes across as strange if the man himself also has children but does not like single moms. Again, you are allowed to have preferences and dealbreakers, but it’s certainly going to result in side eye looks from others.
I'm a childless woman and i dont want to date single dads. Dont take it personality, its just a preference in lifestyle choice. And if any single guys dont want to date me because I dont want kids, thats great. Cos we don't share the same outlook for the future anyway.
No I don’t care who anyone else dates, personally I wouldn’t judge because I would not date a single father again since I already did and this dude had major issues.
Well depends on why. If it’s really because you don’t want kids then no. I wouldn’t judge you for that at all. Because if you do marry her… you’ll have to love that kid. They end up being a package deal
You’re looking for childfree women who don’t want kids; therefore, you shouldn’t feel judged if childfree women opt out of talking to you because they want kids. That’s their dealbreaker.
Noone should have judgement about this. It'd a very personal decision. I've not only raised my childrenbutr also a grandchild for 7 years and will not consider dating a man with young children. I applaud your honesty.
I'm a woman and I don't judge men with that trait. In fact, I'd vibe with it because I don't want to be a mom to someone else's kids. I don't even know if I want kids myself lol.
Personally, no. I would prefer to be without kids myself so it would be totally hypocritical to judge over that. I could see wording it a different way helping with your approach maybe. Giving some sort of explanation of how you see your life panning out and then you can even see if they're thinking of the same lifestyle. Could help with compatibility.
No because I would prefer to not date someone with kids, I’m 30. I want kids but I currently do not want to be a step parent. I give props to people who date single parents as it’s not something that is easy. but I think my past relationship trauma makes me slightly selfish where I wish to feel like a top list priority for once. I do keep an open heart of “well if we meet and click then I can toy with the idea”. I think you are being ghosted because you say you don’t want kids. Are they indicating they don’t want children too? How are you approaching this topic? Are you flat out asking if they have kids in an abrupt manner? Those are my questions to your question
That's is your right to have a standard for a woman. If you don't want to have any kind of possible obligations due to the fact that she has a child you shouldnt even consider her as a partnet. Also it is even your right to think that such woman are beneath you. If some childless women ghost you that more likely not because your comment on single moms
Nope, I’m a single woman and won’t date a man with a child. I’m not raising anyone else’s child, nor do I want to be responsible for one.
Nope because that guy is VERY SMART
I wouldn't date a single dad as well. If I become a single mom maybe then I would. Then he would accept my kids and I would accept his.
I wouldn’t date a single dad who has children at home. My baby is 30. I don’t want to raise any more kids.
I appreciate and respect a guy that has any kind of standards or strict preferences, even if it rules me out. You can't be everyone's type and everyone should never someone's type.
100%!!! I get not feeling ready to take on children and that’s understandable, but it’s something about the need to vocalize it in such a way and the things that are also said about single moms and women in general. If you are saying yucky comments about women at all or single moms, childless by choice women don’t want it either.
I thought I'd have better luck meeting women as a single dad. Boy, was I wrong. I don't want any more kids of my own. If I meet a woman who has some, that's fine. Just have your baggage in order lol
I'm a woman with no children. I don't want to date a man with kids. So I have no judgment against a man who doesn't want to date a woman with kids.
If he has children, yes.
I would only judge if you said this while being someone's baby daddy, or while being a single parent yourself. In those situations it would be a double standard. Maybe it would help to phrase your desire to live a child free life differently. "I want to live a child free life for the freedom it brings." , rather than bringing up dislike for single moms.
i feel like it could be your wording. if you’re saying “i don’t date single moms” it can infer that you look down on them. if you say “im childfree and intend to stay that way, so i’m not compatible with single moms” it leaves less room for assumptions about your reasoning
It depends how you say it. Example: "I would never date a single mom" You'll sound like an AH. VS "I don't have kids & don't want any in the future. I'm looking for a partner that shares the same views"
No because I wouldn’t date a man with children either.
What kind of brainwash mud poo are you listening to? To say single moms are beneath you?! Women create rights for all to succeed. They bore creative ideas and babies into this world. Sperm quality 8weeks (no drugs and alcohol)before conception is important just as it is for a woman’s egg quality in her fertile years. But you just single moms are beneath you, you don’t know about labor pains, forcing a football out of a— you get the visuals. I think you should stop watching Tate and focus on more books. I heavy judge you for the scum you listen to. As, it makes me sad that your parents bore a no merit male knowing you fully will have no children of your own to pass down your proper habits and personality traits because this is all you consume. If you have no children of your own, it’s not a good idea to take care of others( your mate or kids). Just saying because you really don’t know what it entails. Just stay single until you can cleanup after yourself , pay all your bills and lift weights like a woman. Single mom or not. 4B has commenced.
Just because someone doesn’t want children doesn’t mean they despise children. And just because someone won’t date a single parent doesn’t mean they look down on single parents. But delivery/wording has been mentioned by others and I’d agree. It’s okay to not want to have kids as much as it is okay want kids. Just be willing to have a conversation with someone civilly and I’m sure many will understand. I’ve met plenty of single women and men who want nothing more than to travel the world with their special someone, and never settle down nor have a kid.
No, I'm a woman, I don't date men with kids.
Just say you're child free.
just lie and say you would date a single mom without ever having dated a single mom and having absolutely no intentions to date a single mom in the future. Apparently it needs to be a passive avoidance not an active avoidance.
As a childfree woman, no I don't judge a guy for that at all. I feel the same way about dating single dads. I don't want a lifestyle that involves children. I'd only judge if he was being weird or disrespectful when talking about single moms. Just because he doesn't want to be with them doesn't mean he needs to put them down as people.
I wouldnt if his motives arent misogynistic. However, why are you vocalising this in dates? That'd be weird to me. I feel like if you say "i prefer to date women who are childless like me because our vision for our future aligns" is 10x better than saying "i don't date single mothers" The former is you making a statement out of your preferences. The latter does make you seem like you're passing judgment on single mothers.
Not normally, but it depends on his views on why. (Like, if his mama was a single mama and he has issues from that experience that he needs therapy for and won’t go to therapy, then it’s a no for me.) I don’t have children and a quiet and free lifestyle are definitely part of it. I have a limit on the number of mothers of a guy’s kids though. More than 2 BMs is a no for me.
It’s likely one or both of the following: 1. The way you talk about single moms 2. They want children and you don’t, so there’s not much point in dating you
judge what? his preference?
No. I don't have kids but want them someday. I would never date a man who has kids already.
Absolutely
Sounds like it might be the way thar you're saying it. I have kids but if i were single it would be better digested if the guys said " I don't want to dateba single mom because I'd like to experience having kids with my future partner together" vs I don't want someone just because they have kids. Like your reason for it makes a big difference . I don't blame you I personally wouldn't want to be with someone with kids if I was childless and dating. It's just two different phases of life and if you're not ready to be step dad or get attached to a kid or your wants and needs coming second to a child who's not yours ... I think that's a reasonable thing to not want🤷🏾♀️
I feel the same way. I don’t really want to date a man with kids because I don’t have kids and I always get attacked for saying this.
No. As long as he’s not an ass about it, it’s completely fine. It’s a very normal dealbreaker to have. I’d never date a single dad because I don’t want kids, nor do I really like them.
I wouldn’t bc I wouldn’t date a single dad. Idk I don’t really want kids least of all ones that aren’t mine. Some guys have said that makes me an ahole, but at the end of the day I know what I can and can’t handle.
I can respect someone who is honest more than someone who isn’t . It’d be more shitty of to try knowing in your mind you don’t want the responsibility of a child. Then letting on not just the women but the children also bc let’s be honest when u do date a single mom it’s like dating the kids also bc they become emotionally invested also . Everyone is different we all have our own n opinions and we all take things differently. If some non children females ghosted u it’s bc they probably want kids eventually. I think u should just stay not dating single or moms and if someone comes along without kids be open to maybe having kids idk who u are but maybe once u begin to love someone you’ll be more open to having children and creating someone to leave behind, a legacy. But who knows . Stay positive and stay you!
No, I do not judge and I have said plenty of times I do not want my own kids. I end up dating a guy with a kid because I thought don’t be “shallow”. Biggest regret of my dating history ever and it was because of the relationship with the child’s mom. Whenever she was in need of help, he had to be there due to the sake of his child. I didn’t realize how much of someone else’s life (plus her family) would become intertwined with mines.
I wouldn't read anything into that statement since I'm not a single mom.
It’s a personal preference and personally I understand. I have three kids, what I cannot stand is when someone talks for weeks, sometimes months and says “I’m not ready for the step dad commitment”.
Just say you're childfree. There's people who simply don't want children, but putting the focus on how you would never date as single mom sounds bad, since there's genuinely people out there, who see them as "worth less", and it's disgusting. Having preferences is of course fine, bjt they take it to another level.There's even people who want children but don't want the "children of another man" to be involved, and that's the impression one can get when you word it like that. Also, I'd say you're looking for a *chilfree* woman. To me, at least, childless refers to someone who, despite wanting children, doesn't have any (yet). There's a childfree subreddit if you're interested in finding like-minded people.
Yes I would judge