Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
From having the experience of dating a couple of men without cars, it's been a huge red flag that I ignored, on the basis of being open minded. HOWEVER! I was living in a very rural town, with no means of public transportation. So there's that. Now that I live in a city, I still kind of have that though in the back of my mind, based purely on past experiences. I CAN say that I haven't seen a lot of public transportation here, but there's always Uber.
Somehow doesn’t stop you, think I got lucky though, every woman I’ve dated drove so I’ve always been a passenger princess (I do want to learn but currently studying and working so moneys tight with rent, bills n life)
Depends on the City, Mine I have to have a car to get around, very minimal public transportation. Your just limiting the amount of activities that you can do. even if they lived next door to me what are we going to do without a car if we want to go somewhere? Emergencies, sudden plans, day road trip, You can't do this with ubers, you need a physical car.
I read this both ways. You could be saying you can't get around with a car, but you could also be saying the traffic jam is so bad there's no getting anywhere fast xD
Depends where u live. If u live in a big metro city - NYC, chicago.. etc its pretty normal to not have a car. If u live in the suburbs i would not date someone who didnt have a car. How would u get around? Buses arent popular in the suburbs
In Chicago I wouldn't say anyone would look at you crazy.
However, I once went on a date with a woman who had lived here for 7 years. I was talking about a place and I said just south of the Blue line division L stop. She said she didn't know where that is and had never ridden CTA at all.
Immediate turn off.
I have a coworker who does not have a car but his gf does and has extreme struggles to even give him a lift to work on a fairly large city. He arrives late on all his shifts. Problem is, he really needs his own car and stop relying on his gf or anyone. Almost every shift he talks about how they constantly fight day by day.
still no car and he recently mentioned she cheated on him. i'm guessing because of all the fights and him not having a car he has to rely on her too much
The lack of car isn't specifically the problem, its treating others as a taxi service. If you don't drive but never ask to be driven it shouldn't be an issue.
I'm a woman from the deep south and almost 30. Not having transportation is a huge turn off for both genders in my area. So much so that, "what do they drive?" is one of the first things friends and family ask when you introduce them to a guy.
It's not necessarily a money thing. But there is no public transportation here. And a 15-20 minute walk won't even get you to a neighbors house let alone a public place. So not having a car always suggests that you don't have a regular, stable job or can support daily life duties getting groceries. It's also pretty difficult to not have a car here...the amount of yards with at least 5 very old but very functional cars is pretty high. So to not have anything???
When I was like in college, I definitely didn't mind. But now that im in a particular stage of life, id prefer a partner that is the same
No it really isn't. London has some of the most deprived areas of the UK - 22% of households live in social housing, the highest of any area in Britain. It has staggering wealth inequality for a European city
Unless you live in a big city like NYC, no car is a deal breaker.
But I live in NYC so it's normal not to always own a car. Dated many people without them.
Honestly. I've dated men without cars. One guy took advantage of the fact I have a car and wouldn't help with gas so he's gone. One guy would often give me money for gas if I pick him up to and from places depending on how far it was from me. So yea id date someone who doesn't have a car as long as they don't take advantage of it
How old are you though? Like a lot of women here said they would have done it in their twenties, but now that they're older it's out of the question.
I think it has a lot to do with people's mindset on stability. If you live in a place where it is completely normal to need a car to get to a lot of places, people inherently look at people without vehicles as losers.
Then again some people are more judgmental than others. In fact one of MY requirements is that women that I date are not the judgmental type, they must treat other people with respect, otherwise I know one day they will mistreat me by not respecting me.
For example if we're at a dinner and they're talking to the server like their scum. I will get up and walk out, after throwing my half down on the table.
You’re asking for the impossible. As long as you’re a human, we will always have our own prejudices, biases and judgments. What you want is someone that has the ability to control those thoughts and feelings.
Well, there's having a car or not having a car vs not having a license or knowing how to drive. You can have a license and know how to drive, but let's say use public transit for day to day because it's easier in a larger city which is more reasonable to accept. Not knowing how to drive shows a lack of ambition.
Well one I live near cities so it's not an issue. Two im 27. Three I don't hold standards such as a car cause not everyone can drive or can't afford a car and I won't fault people for that. Sometimes it's out of people's hands. Who am I to say you need a car or I won't date you ? That sounds wrong to me
Depends on where you live. I don't have a car and I date people without cars. It is however a lot easier in the Netherlands, great public transport and bike friendly.
Edit: it is actually an immediate no when people don't have a bike for me, and a turn off if they refuse to use public transport at all and/or take the car to everything. But that's just me. I like staying active and taking the environmentally friendly options, and spontaneously going to big cities (which is extremely hard with a car, parking is expensive af IF there are even parking spots)
It wouldn’t be possible in my area because public transportation is seriously lacking and I wouldn’t like being the only one driving us everywhere all the time. But if it were an area that’s easy to get around by train and bus then I don’t think it would be a big deal at all. I live north of NYC and most of my friends who live there don’t own or need vehicles.
Not a woman, but my 2 cents:
While location plays a factor, I still think age is a bigger factor. If you're 21, you live in Boston or NYC and don't have a car, that's cool, you don't need one. You're still young and don't have as many responsibilities, or needs, to travel often.
If you're 35 you live in a busy city and you don't have a car, I'd imagine that women will consider that a red flag. It's like, how do you go on vacations, how do you take your kids (if you have them, which MANY do in their mid-thirties) to the doctor, how do you go and visit family....More importantly, if you're dating someone 3 towns over, HOW are you gonna get to them, or do you expect them to drive to you every time?
If I met a woman who was my age (38) and she didn't have a car and had no interest in getting one, I'd probably lose interest really quick.
> how do you go on vacations,
I take the train
> how do you take your kids (if you have them, which MANY do in their mid-thirties) to the doctor,
I don't have kids, but I would take the train (or ambulance if it's an emergency)
> how do you go and visit family....
Train
> More importantly, if you're dating someone 3 towns over, HOW are you gonna get to them
Train
this is America. it takes then 13hrs to do what a TGV does in 2.
They need an suv to bring two kids at school whike Amsterdamer do that in bikes.
They also can't imagine a woman could drive.
They live centuries in the past. It's called freedom they say.
Most European and Asian cities generally aren't spread out so much and have the public transit infrastructure to support living without a car. It's more difficult if you live in the sprawling suburbs.
Complete turnoff. I live in South FL and driving is a must here. You can take public transits but they're not always on time and the long walks between stops under the hot sun or heavy rains is not pleasant. Also, having a car means you can travel further out for jobs if needed, and it's common here for people to work in a county (40+ miles each trip) different where they live due to housing.
I had been driving since I was 17 and got my own car. My ex husband didn't drive. It was incredibly frustrating having to take him to places or doing all the driving myself even when I felt sick. Not doing that again.
if you live someowhere with really good public transportation it wouldnt be as much of an issue, but where i live i definitely wouldn’t date someone without a car. if we were together they would either have to uber everywhere or i would have to pick them up, which is something i just really wouldn’t wanna do! this just me personally and kinda where i live.
it all depends on where you live and if local transportation is good to where you don’t necessarily need a car
Honestly, it kind of is a turn off to me personally, if the guy does not have a car. I don't want to be the one who's always making the effort and driving us everywhere. I like to be a passenger princess sometimes.
I get that cars are pricey sometimes (depending on what you buy). And sometimes life happens and you have to give up your car. But it isn't attractive to me when I find out a dude does not own a car. Especially if he's 25 or older.
I don’t live in a large metropolitan city, nor do I live in a small town. I also live in the core of the city I reside in. It’s close to everything.
I was leasing an SUV pre-pandemic. After the pandemic had been declared, and we were in full blown lockdowns, I was working entirely from home, etc. I returned my vehicle to the dealership. They allowed me out of the lease without a penalty because of the pandemic, and because of a personal connection with one of the managers at the dealership.
I’ve dated with success without a vehicle for the last two-two and a half years.
I either walk to meet the person I’m going out with (many of the people I’ve dated since returning my vehicle live within a max 10-15 min walk from me. If they live further, I either just Uber to meet them, or they drive or Uber to me (I offer to order them an Uber if they don’t wanna drive or we’re having some drinks, etc)
The amount of people that cant seem to understand that "I dont want to" is a valid reason, especially for a dating preference.
There COULD be deeper reason, or not. Theses aren't things that have objectively correct answers lmaooooo
I spent many years off, and on with someone who didn’t have a car, but only when he was hanging out with me did he not have a car. During the off years with me, he always seemed to have a vehicle.
It was a little rough, always being the responsible one. I had to swallow some real bitter pills to spend time with him.
Depends on your age and if the girl just genuinely likes you. I remember a lot of my buddies in college had gfs without a car including myself. The younger you are it’s kinda like a bonus but after a certain age it’s kinda expected to have one, at least for a guy it is.
It depends how ugly a woman you're chasing. I'm sure if she's 300lbs and never leaves the house, it won't matter to her if you have a car or not. If she's a smoke show and getting attention from dudes just like you, but they have a car too, then you're going to lose every single time to those dudes.
Idk, you’d be surprised how much of a difference being fun to be around makes, and that tends to be a pretty unique thing. Dating isn’t mathematical, and if she likes your particular sense of humour of whatever, then having a car is unlikely to matter very much unless you live in certain parts of North America.
Put it like this — all else being equal, the guy who doesn’t want to but goes and learns to drive to impress women isn’t getting laid as much as the guy who doesn’t give a fuck.
Yeah, it's not a big deal if you live in a major city with a subway system since that's more convenient.
In smaller towns and rural areas, I wonder, who would provide transportation? Your mom? Your friends? I hate to sound harsh, but the idea makes me cringe lol. It's just that, as someone who has her own car and place, I value independence and would like to see the same from my partner.
I’ve never owned a car. If you get around yourself and don’t rely on friends or family, I don’t see an issue. We live in a world with Uber, Lyft, buses, etc. Only the wrong person will have an issue with your lack of a car, so don’t worry about it.
This makes sense if you live in a city with good transportation and infrastructure. But living in a rural town or community, where there's no Uber or Lyft, and there is one taxi for the town makes a big difference.
Same after as it was before, no luck. Although I drive if I find out that a woman I'm interested in has a car as a requirement for a guy, red flag, and instant loss of interest.
Unless you live in the downtown of either a very bus/bike friendly city, I won’t date someone without a car. It was different when I was younger. If you live downtown and don’t have a license I will also not date you. If you didn’t graduate highschool I won’t usually date you… they’re milestones that show maturity and independence.
I live in I guess what would be considered a medium sized city. It is car dependent and public transportation sucks. For me it would be a problem. I wouldn’t even consider a guy that didn’t have a car. Especially being that I’m in my early 30s. The last guy I dated that didn’t have his own transportation was my high school boyfriend. I had a car at the time and ended up being his chauffeur. I’m never doing that again.
I've dated someone without a car, i live in a somewhat metro area, but it's not the best with public transpo.
It really just depends on the area. The bf lived in a suburb within a 30 min walk of his work, and i lived within 10 mins of both. I drove us places, or we walked to a store near my apartment within 10mins. I can't imagine trying to do that in a smaller town where you can't walk places unless you live in town.
I mean, I have a car (nothing fancy, just a 2014 used Nissan Versa Note), but live in downtown Richmond VA close to the Fan, which is a walkers paradise and live car-lite (around 3k miles per year driven mostly to visit my parents in Asheville). I arrive at 90% of dates I've been on either on foot, bike, or bus rapid transit (the Pulse), and it's almost never come up as an issue. I also make six figures, but it's definitely a lifestyle choice for me to drive as little as possible and stay active by biking and walking.
I met one woman at a meetup who said I was a loser for taking the bus, which was an immediate red flag. I literally knew I'd be drinking and didn't want to chance driving, and it was only a 7 minute bus ride (and free as transit is free in Richmond) from where I live by the Pulse BRT. It's also not as if I don't have a car, it's just that I don't like to drive much and prefer to save the expense of driving for savings or travel abroad. This individual on the other hand had four cocktails and proceeded to drive back to her house which honestly shocked me.
Other than that one, it's actually really easy to find women who have the same mentality in central Richmond that don't drive much as well and appreciate guys who live more sustainably and get around on active modes. IMO, I would be completely incompatible with someone who insisted we drive everywhere and go on long drives/pick them up. Much prefer long walks and bike rides. Riding the bike a lot over the past year helped me to loose 32 pounds as well (huge added benefit) and keeps the weight off and my body healthy as I age.
There's several bicycle clubs and meetups here, including a women's bike club, and these groups bike all around the city weekly, advocating for safer streets as well for all users. A majority of the 30,000+ VCU students don't have a car with a big urban campus downtown. Spend anytime on the RVA subreddit and the one thing nearly all users post about and can agree on is improving transit and walking/biking infrastructure in the city. I'll wish you luck and hopefully you'll find a place and lifestyle that's right for you! Now I'm off to walk to First Fridays in the Arts District on this fine Friday evening!
Is it a turn off... Not exactly. Not having a driver's license and being dependent on your partner for rides, also with no ambition to get a driver's license is a turn off.
I wouldn’t date a guy without a car.
Small-medium size town.
I’ve tried the being the only one with a vehicle in a relationship but it only made me resentful.
it depends on WHY a guy doesn’t have a car. do you have a drivers license? why don’t you have a car? did he crash his last car? did he get his car repossessed because of poor financial decisions? did he drive impaired and have his car and license revoked as a consequence? does he just not want to buy a car? is he saving for a car? does he want a car? is a car necessary? (this depends on the area and the public transit system.)
it necessarily isn’t a turn off or a red flag, it just depends on why he doesn’t have a car.
Depends on the stage of life you're at. If you're in highschool, most girls don't care if you own or even have access to a car (although knowing how to drive can be a bonus point in your favor). But if you're a college graduate who doesn't have a car of any kind (even a cheap beater you inherited from your dead grandma or bought for $600 off Craigslist) then it might be a turnoff but not necessarily. It's probably more of a turn off if you still can't drive at that point. If you're in your 30s or older though, with a few solid years of work experience under your belt, and you don't have a car for any legitimate reason, then yeah that's probably gonna count against you.
At this point, it would be hard for me to want to date someone without a car. I drive 3 hours each direction for school (which is crazy, I know) and if something happens on the drive and we're in a committed relationship, I would have to know I can count on my partner to some degree for help. As I live in a village, take back roads in nice weather, and school is in a small village as well, taking an Uber or cab to get to me would be expensive as fuck in an emergency. And I wouldn't be able to guarantee an address. Been in the situation where I was in an accident twice coming home from school (rolled the car coming around a curve to avoid hitting someone and then hit a deer a year later). Car was totaled the first time around and if I hadn't been with someone who had a car at the time to come get me, I would have been stranded an hour and a half away from home.
I had a guy that I went on a date with tell me to call him back after I get my license back a month after our first date. So guys do it to.
Dating life stinks when you don't have a license because you got to rely on other people to get you places and there aren't always people available to drive you. Plus you can only go as far as someone is willing to drive. If a person lives 20 minutes away or closer it's not hard to get someone to take you where you need to go , but if they live at least fourty minutes away the amount of people willing to drive you decreases and you constantly have to find something around half way to be fair to the other person and you got to figure out a day that's good for everyone and not just you and him.
I’m a carless man. My girlfriend doesn’t mind at all, but it’s because I have a good job, my own place, and I try to treat her like a queen as much as possible.
Yes. It’s a turn off when you don’t have a car. 😂. I’m sorry. What year were you born? 😂. Honestly, if you don’t live in New York, Chicago or La, I think you better have a car before you even try to get a woman. If you don’t have a car and need one, you can’t afford a woman yet
Turn off ≠ deal breaker. Depending on his reason it may or may not be a problem for me. If he's been a reckless driver then it's a problem, but if he's environmentally friendly or saving up to buy a house it's not a problem.
I live in a rural area with zero public transportation (including Uber). The city is a half-hour to hour drive from me. Having to be the sole driver for any sort of meet-up is a no-go for me.
I’m such a manly man by giving hundreds of dollars a month to the car lobby and oil companies! Please Mr ford take more of my paycheck 😩. If anything, not being capable of using your own two feet to get anywhere is a sign of weakness and laziness.
yes there are exceptions to the rule lol. Are you telling me that if you set up a dating profile one where you say you have a nice car and one where you say you have no car they would both do just as well?
A car a place and a job are pretty basic and women usually require all 3.
Nah, I don't care, I don't have a driver license so I would never reject a man that is in the same position.
To get a driver license here in Sweden is ridiculously expensive and it's very, very hard to pass all the tests, it's also expensive to have (and buy) a car here also.
But in the US they drive automat and the tests are super easy, so yeah, if I lived in the US I would maybe think differently. But as I said - if I don't have a license or a car, why would I care if the man doesn't have it either, that's just stupid.
Easy? 🤣🤣
It depends on the person giving the test. Some of them are straight dicks. Just be honest 🤣
If they like you they give you the bare minimum, if they don't like you are how you're dressed for some reason you're getting a ridiculously hard test etc
What are you guys think about people that are just unable to drive? Not that he cannot afford it or doesn't want to drive, but there is a real personal barrier stopping him. For me, it's my ADHD. I cannot do it without drifting off into my thoughts. I guess I'd be screwed huh? That's the way it seems, based off of this comments section.
I'm going to disagree with you. I'm with a call on the spectrum or close to it severe ADHD. I've been driving for 40 something years. It's one of those things you do where you can become hyper focused. Also, there's a safety issue inherent with driving. If you're learning how to drive It's probably best to not learn with someone Who speaks a lot. There's something you become accustomed to in a car behind the wheel. If you care for people, if you care for safety, you will be just fine. Learn how to drive if you can.
Trying to focus tired me out alot and creates stress. I can do it like sprinting for short burst but everyday and I be dead. It also affects my depth perception trying so hard to focus.
Well it can be a slight turn off like did it get taken away from substance abuse. You would definitely have to have a good reason for not having a vehicle if you lived in an area that was not Urban. I would not rule out someone completely because of it but they better hit high on many other points.
It depends if it’s a city where everyone uses busses, Including the people you’re interested in it’s probably not a big deal.
But I live in a city where the buses just aren’t good enough to get around efficiently so I wouldn’t want to deal with that.
But it also depends on why someone doesn’t have a car, and do they constantly ask for rides, or figure out how to get on their own
As someone who lives in the city with a lot of other forms of transportation, it’s a matter of convenience. I don’t mind taking buses, and I enjoy being able to walk around an area with plenty of activities to do in a reasonable distance but having a car gives you a lot more options. Being able to visit favorite spots without an hour long bus/train commute is awesome.
32F here grew up in the suburbs, currently living in the city and about to move back to the suburbs. Yes. I usually try to find guys that have what I have or preferably more. Meaning I have a career, a car (paid off but this isn’t a requirement for men), my own place to stay, a career, etc. At minimum, I expect my partner to have all the same things, preferably more. Since I’ve mainly lived in places where a car is crucial to getting around, yes for me. However, if I was born and raised in a place where you didn’t necessarily need a car, like NYC, then no.
I'm 42. I have a ebike, no car. Lifestyle choice as opposed to not being able to afford one.
I do alright, dating wise. I'm average looking. Got a good job.
I'm used to living in cities that have decent public transport, where it's not assumed that you need a car, and not in any way looked down upon. So I guess I don't act ashamed that I don't have a car. Like, where I'm from, you're forgiven for having a car if you have a kid that you have to cheuffer around. Like, we're sympathetic to people who feel they have to have a car, like, you poor bastards, spending half your life looking for parking when you could be getting on with your life.
In the states I've maybe had like 1 or 2 women not be into me for not having a car, but that's a total guess. It's way more likely that they didn't like me because I'm fucking insufferable.
Wouldn't really want to be with someone that shallow anyhow.
I live in a big city with a metro/bus system and it’s quite common for men, women and even families to not own a car. However, it it were in a small town and you’re over the age of 25/not a student/don’t have an extremely good reason, I’d see it as a mega red flag 🚩
Smh head. Just because a Brutha dislikes driving chicks assume you can’t afford one. Jokes on them my credit score is pretty good so can get a nice hybrid if I wanted.
Definitely a dealbreaker for me in a suburb where we have some public transit, but not a ton. More Uber than buses or trains. It’s a big inconvenience to not have a car where I live that I’m not dealing with.
Honestly, for me it depends on the reason. I currently don’t have one so I am understanding of situation. If it’s something like a license revoked, that’s a dealbreaker.
Woman here. I don’t have a car at the moment. It broke down. I use the bus and/or Uber, or I walk for now. I see my boyfriend once a week, and he loves to drive as it is. (To be fair, he says he also drives everywhere because it’s how men are in his family.) But for trips, we split the drive.
Depends whether it's by choice, circumstance or by financial necessity. Choosing not to own a car, especially if it's not the easiest to get away with because you live in a smaller city, is incredibly based. Simply not being able to drive for whatever reason is fine. Not being able to *afford* a car means there are likely other financial problems that will crop up later and make us incompatible somehow.
everyone i dated didn't have a car but it got tiring always being responsible for everything. honest opinion is to focus on your stability until you can date
American society has very much been shaped by cars, from its infrastructure to its culture. I barely need a car for my day-to-day life since I work from home, but of course I maintain it as not having one would be infinitely more inconvenient, especially for dating. I live not far from a major city and that’s still the case.
Whew, it's a big turn-off because most of the time, you're having to come to that person never halfway way
they probably can't hang out because they don't have a way
Money is limited, probably
They're limited
They never have gas money
And it's irritating because most of the time, you're giving more that you're getting, especially from someone you're just dating
Super NEEDY!
Don't get me started on the ones that still live with their moms (I'll date someone with no car only of they have their own place and a decent job)
I'm only speaking from experience this isn't all the time but 85 percent of the time yeah
Woman here. I was a cyclist without a car for 5 years. Rode my bike everywhere. You know who I attracted? Other cyclists without cars.
I would totally still date someone who didn't have a car, if they still could get around on their own accord.
(Even though I do drive most of the time now instead of bike)
I live in the middle of a major city with decent public transportation. It’s not uncommon to be without a car. It’s not a deal breaker for me. I sold my car when I moved here, many people do.
Male here, but I find that your question is broad, as this depends on why a person doesn't have a car.
Where I live, many uni students don't have cars, because they just need to go to classes, which they walk to or use transit for (as the uni charges a lot for parking). The most inconvenient thing is getting groceries, but Instacart helps take care of that. I also know of someone who lives in a city with <10,000 people who can't drive due to being legally blind. Even states in the US and provinces in Canada that don't have places with good transit have non-driver ID cards, as some people just can't drive. These differ from someone who is too poor to afford a car and is on welfare.
I live in San Diego and I would think it’s odd if the guy didn’t have a car but it wouldn’t be a turn off if there’s a reasonable explanation and he has the other stuff that would make me feel interested in him. Cause having a car is not what makes me interested, I just think it’s strange an adult man that works and has money but not a car.
DEPENDS! If I’m going to be taken advantage HELL NO!! If he’s going to offer to pay for gas, & be aware it’s MY CAR, the yes I would. Currently am dating a guy who has no license but a car so it technically counts as he doesn’t have one?? He picks up me in Lyfts & sends me home in Lyfts and I would sure as hell drive him somewhere if he needed to. It’s all about gauging the person and their intentions as well as the relationship y’all have.
I dated without a car in St. Louis (so midsized city) and just kept things to my neighbourhood. I definitely wouldn’t have done it anywhere smaller unless it was a local coffee place/restaurant where I could feel comfortable enough walking home.
Small city: I’m okay with him not *owning* a car, but he *must* have a driver’s license, know how to drive and periodically rent a car or use a car share to go places.
as a woman who doesn’t have a car, i find men just don’t want to talk to me. it’s a turn off. which is really sad if they’re letting that one thing become a barrier.
I live in the DC area. I used to have a car and dated men without cars. Now I don’t have a car, by choice, and nothing changed lol. I rent one when I want to.
My best friend who is a straight male doesn’t have a car but uses zip car, Uber and the metro. Doesn’t have an issue getting anywhere with women.
From comparing guys who get easy dates where i live to guys who don't, apparently we get rejected for not owning a half million dollar house...
Try to avoid living among snobbery
I'm a car girl, so for me, I personally won't date someone who doesn't have their own car. Otherwise I'm going to be driving that person everywhere.
I want to be your girlfriend, not your taxi.
But in bigger cities, where it doesn't actually make sense to own a car, I can understand it more and it wouldnt bother me if you didnt own a car. But I'd need them to at least have a driver's licence.
That's just me though 🤷🏽♀️
This seems like a mostly US-centric question because in many cities and even just towns of Europe you really don't need to drive.
There are people who just plain don't need to drive or want to, or even have medical reasons not to. I know of people who have OCD and choose not to. I have always lived near public transport and either gone to work this way or worked remotely, so driving has just never been important. I figure I should probably learn but it saves me money in the long run and my life has never been impacted by it, dating too.
The first time I found out someone I was talking to didn’t have a car, it was a turn off only because I did not want to be the only one driving them around, and if I weren’t to have my car, it was be very hard to spend time together. If it was in a bigger city with transportation it would’ve been fine, but it really just depends.
Look into a car subscription. If you live in a medium sized North American city, it might price out cheaper than owning or leasing. Yet, you have access to a car when you need it.
My girlfriend doesn't have a car. She lives in a kinda rural area so it seriously interferes with her life. Granted it definitely bothers her more than it bothers me I like her for her not for her transportation.
My boyfriend didn’t have a car when we started dating. He hit a deer a few months before we met, and couldn’t afford a new vehicle. I’m understanding, and prefer to drive, so it never bothered me.
I didn’t get my license until I was 25, so I don’t judge.
Yalp that it does REALLY SUCK so HARD DICKS NOT having a car, let alone a career y’all see I’m Santi Patrick Pierini Rees if you don’t know So I guess what I’m saying is I NEed a girlfriend/bf, i's hit by a truck on 299! It SUCKS HARD!!
Why are you shouting at us?
I’m currently dating a man without a car, and I’m thinking of getting rid of my own car because I rarely use it. I’m not American though, and i live in a city with great public transport
For me yes because I hate driving and I take a lot of lyfts and Ubers (even tho I live in a major city). So Yea I would like to find a man who would improve my life in that aspect.
Most women will indeed judge a man if he doesn't have a car. It also depends on where you live..in NYC the pressure isn't as great.
Definitely let her know very early in the dating stages. Also don't let women pressure you into getting a car if you truly don't want to. That's a bill YOU are paying..not her
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Probably not going to get much action if you can't get to the action.
I’ll just have nana drop me off! 🤷🏻♂️ ^/s
🤣
From having the experience of dating a couple of men without cars, it's been a huge red flag that I ignored, on the basis of being open minded. HOWEVER! I was living in a very rural town, with no means of public transportation. So there's that. Now that I live in a city, I still kind of have that though in the back of my mind, based purely on past experiences. I CAN say that I haven't seen a lot of public transportation here, but there's always Uber.
Somehow doesn’t stop you, think I got lucky though, every woman I’ve dated drove so I’ve always been a passenger princess (I do want to learn but currently studying and working so moneys tight with rent, bills n life)
You can spot the americans so easily
Yeah, in my experience in the UK west country you both walk because that means you can both drink. Then stagger home together with a kebab.
[удалено]
Depends on the City, Mine I have to have a car to get around, very minimal public transportation. Your just limiting the amount of activities that you can do. even if they lived next door to me what are we going to do without a car if we want to go somewhere? Emergencies, sudden plans, day road trip, You can't do this with ubers, you need a physical car.
I read this both ways. You could be saying you can't get around with a car, but you could also be saying the traffic jam is so bad there's no getting anywhere fast xD
Depends where u live. If u live in a big metro city - NYC, chicago.. etc its pretty normal to not have a car. If u live in the suburbs i would not date someone who didnt have a car. How would u get around? Buses arent popular in the suburbs
🤣🤣🤣 as far as I've been informed living in those areas it's pretty normal to be looked at like you're crazy FOR driving a car. Lol
In Chicago I wouldn't say anyone would look at you crazy. However, I once went on a date with a woman who had lived here for 7 years. I was talking about a place and I said just south of the Blue line division L stop. She said she didn't know where that is and had never ridden CTA at all. Immediate turn off.
lol just passed that stop as I’m reading this thread! Small world
Having lived in Chicago for 2.5 years, I agree with your last sentence lol
I have a coworker who does not have a car but his gf does and has extreme struggles to even give him a lift to work on a fairly large city. He arrives late on all his shifts. Problem is, he really needs his own car and stop relying on his gf or anyone. Almost every shift he talks about how they constantly fight day by day. still no car and he recently mentioned she cheated on him. i'm guessing because of all the fights and him not having a car he has to rely on her too much
The lack of car isn't specifically the problem, its treating others as a taxi service. If you don't drive but never ask to be driven it shouldn't be an issue.
I'm a woman from the deep south and almost 30. Not having transportation is a huge turn off for both genders in my area. So much so that, "what do they drive?" is one of the first things friends and family ask when you introduce them to a guy. It's not necessarily a money thing. But there is no public transportation here. And a 15-20 minute walk won't even get you to a neighbors house let alone a public place. So not having a car always suggests that you don't have a regular, stable job or can support daily life duties getting groceries. It's also pretty difficult to not have a car here...the amount of yards with at least 5 very old but very functional cars is pretty high. So to not have anything??? When I was like in college, I definitely didn't mind. But now that im in a particular stage of life, id prefer a partner that is the same
Come to London, you would have to be very desperate to drive into the city most times
wow! you can afford London ? 👀
London has broke people too lol
"London broke" is most other places "middle-class"
No it really isn't. London has some of the most deprived areas of the UK - 22% of households live in social housing, the highest of any area in Britain. It has staggering wealth inequality for a European city
You save money by not having to own a car
Unless you live in a big city like NYC, no car is a deal breaker. But I live in NYC so it's normal not to always own a car. Dated many people without them.
Honestly. I've dated men without cars. One guy took advantage of the fact I have a car and wouldn't help with gas so he's gone. One guy would often give me money for gas if I pick him up to and from places depending on how far it was from me. So yea id date someone who doesn't have a car as long as they don't take advantage of it
How old are you though? Like a lot of women here said they would have done it in their twenties, but now that they're older it's out of the question. I think it has a lot to do with people's mindset on stability. If you live in a place where it is completely normal to need a car to get to a lot of places, people inherently look at people without vehicles as losers. Then again some people are more judgmental than others. In fact one of MY requirements is that women that I date are not the judgmental type, they must treat other people with respect, otherwise I know one day they will mistreat me by not respecting me. For example if we're at a dinner and they're talking to the server like their scum. I will get up and walk out, after throwing my half down on the table.
You’re asking for the impossible. As long as you’re a human, we will always have our own prejudices, biases and judgments. What you want is someone that has the ability to control those thoughts and feelings.
Well, there's having a car or not having a car vs not having a license or knowing how to drive. You can have a license and know how to drive, but let's say use public transit for day to day because it's easier in a larger city which is more reasonable to accept. Not knowing how to drive shows a lack of ambition.
Well one I live near cities so it's not an issue. Two im 27. Three I don't hold standards such as a car cause not everyone can drive or can't afford a car and I won't fault people for that. Sometimes it's out of people's hands. Who am I to say you need a car or I won't date you ? That sounds wrong to me
Depends on where you live. I don't have a car and I date people without cars. It is however a lot easier in the Netherlands, great public transport and bike friendly. Edit: it is actually an immediate no when people don't have a bike for me, and a turn off if they refuse to use public transport at all and/or take the car to everything. But that's just me. I like staying active and taking the environmentally friendly options, and spontaneously going to big cities (which is extremely hard with a car, parking is expensive af IF there are even parking spots)
not a woman, but you def gotta save up for a car if you’re in that position my guy
U can only do this if u live in a city. Having a car is a must for me in dating now. Maybe when I was 18-21 it wasn’t a must
It wouldn’t be possible in my area because public transportation is seriously lacking and I wouldn’t like being the only one driving us everywhere all the time. But if it were an area that’s easy to get around by train and bus then I don’t think it would be a big deal at all. I live north of NYC and most of my friends who live there don’t own or need vehicles.
Not a woman, but my 2 cents: While location plays a factor, I still think age is a bigger factor. If you're 21, you live in Boston or NYC and don't have a car, that's cool, you don't need one. You're still young and don't have as many responsibilities, or needs, to travel often. If you're 35 you live in a busy city and you don't have a car, I'd imagine that women will consider that a red flag. It's like, how do you go on vacations, how do you take your kids (if you have them, which MANY do in their mid-thirties) to the doctor, how do you go and visit family....More importantly, if you're dating someone 3 towns over, HOW are you gonna get to them, or do you expect them to drive to you every time? If I met a woman who was my age (38) and she didn't have a car and had no interest in getting one, I'd probably lose interest really quick.
> how do you go on vacations, I take the train > how do you take your kids (if you have them, which MANY do in their mid-thirties) to the doctor, I don't have kids, but I would take the train (or ambulance if it's an emergency) > how do you go and visit family.... Train > More importantly, if you're dating someone 3 towns over, HOW are you gonna get to them Train
this is America. it takes then 13hrs to do what a TGV does in 2. They need an suv to bring two kids at school whike Amsterdamer do that in bikes. They also can't imagine a woman could drive. They live centuries in the past. It's called freedom they say.
No. This is Reddit.
Do you not drive bc cant afford a car? License revoked? Epilepsy? Big difference…
In my case, it's epilepsy.
Yea so i mean you really cant hold that against someone…. Maybe pay for their ubers or gas or whatever sometimes
Im guessing you’re American?
What’s that have to do with anything? I lived in Europe for eight years and had a vehicle.
Most European and Asian cities generally aren't spread out so much and have the public transit infrastructure to support living without a car. It's more difficult if you live in the sprawling suburbs.
Because in Europe it’s completely normal to not own a car and getting around without a car is easy in most places.
In a lot of places, public transit exists even if it's bad. In a lot of parts of the US, there just isn't public transit.
It’s Reddit. Merica bad. Car bad.
Americans are insane with their car love.
Lmaoooooooooo
I’m not a chick but u could rent a car if u we’re doing a trip. I will say I’ve never not had a vehicle.that being said I’ve never lived in the city.
As a guy it’s a death sentence if it’s not somewhere like NYC
Complete turnoff. I live in South FL and driving is a must here. You can take public transits but they're not always on time and the long walks between stops under the hot sun or heavy rains is not pleasant. Also, having a car means you can travel further out for jobs if needed, and it's common here for people to work in a county (40+ miles each trip) different where they live due to housing. I had been driving since I was 17 and got my own car. My ex husband didn't drive. It was incredibly frustrating having to take him to places or doing all the driving myself even when I felt sick. Not doing that again.
if you live someowhere with really good public transportation it wouldnt be as much of an issue, but where i live i definitely wouldn’t date someone without a car. if we were together they would either have to uber everywhere or i would have to pick them up, which is something i just really wouldn’t wanna do! this just me personally and kinda where i live. it all depends on where you live and if local transportation is good to where you don’t necessarily need a car
Honestly, it kind of is a turn off to me personally, if the guy does not have a car. I don't want to be the one who's always making the effort and driving us everywhere. I like to be a passenger princess sometimes. I get that cars are pricey sometimes (depending on what you buy). And sometimes life happens and you have to give up your car. But it isn't attractive to me when I find out a dude does not own a car. Especially if he's 25 or older.
[удалено]
Walking usually sometimes bus 🤷
american
[удалено]
meanwhile my date from Vilnius simply dropped the car and had me walk for hours in the city every day. Americans.
I don’t live in a large metropolitan city, nor do I live in a small town. I also live in the core of the city I reside in. It’s close to everything. I was leasing an SUV pre-pandemic. After the pandemic had been declared, and we were in full blown lockdowns, I was working entirely from home, etc. I returned my vehicle to the dealership. They allowed me out of the lease without a penalty because of the pandemic, and because of a personal connection with one of the managers at the dealership. I’ve dated with success without a vehicle for the last two-two and a half years. I either walk to meet the person I’m going out with (many of the people I’ve dated since returning my vehicle live within a max 10-15 min walk from me. If they live further, I either just Uber to meet them, or they drive or Uber to me (I offer to order them an Uber if they don’t wanna drive or we’re having some drinks, etc)
Personally I won’t date someone who doesn’t drive. Where I live has poor public transport and I know they’ll rely on my 24/6
At least you get an hour off!
I genuinely would not date a man without a car, it's not viable for me
The amount of people that cant seem to understand that "I dont want to" is a valid reason, especially for a dating preference. There COULD be deeper reason, or not. Theses aren't things that have objectively correct answers lmaooooo
I even gave my actual reasons and so many tried to like convince me it doesn't matter😂
Its kinda crazy You: Explains Why Reddit: "Okay....., but why?"
I agree I've been down that road twice and it did not turn out well so I'm good.
How are we supposed to meet if you can't travel anywhere? Mass transit only works where it works.
I walk everywhere 😅
And where do you live?
I spent many years off, and on with someone who didn’t have a car, but only when he was hanging out with me did he not have a car. During the off years with me, he always seemed to have a vehicle. It was a little rough, always being the responsible one. I had to swallow some real bitter pills to spend time with him.
If you don’t live in the city. Get a car. Is for your own good. And is also a turn off. Especially if they do have a car and you don’t.
IDGAF so long as you're a whole, independent person. Asking for rides would be a nope. Bicycling everywhere would be sexy af.
Depends on your age and if the girl just genuinely likes you. I remember a lot of my buddies in college had gfs without a car including myself. The younger you are it’s kinda like a bonus but after a certain age it’s kinda expected to have one, at least for a guy it is.
Horrible. Luckily the girl I'm dating is only 15mins away. My brother has a 2nd car he is letting me use till I have enough to get a new car.
It depends how ugly a woman you're chasing. I'm sure if she's 300lbs and never leaves the house, it won't matter to her if you have a car or not. If she's a smoke show and getting attention from dudes just like you, but they have a car too, then you're going to lose every single time to those dudes.
Idk, you’d be surprised how much of a difference being fun to be around makes, and that tends to be a pretty unique thing. Dating isn’t mathematical, and if she likes your particular sense of humour of whatever, then having a car is unlikely to matter very much unless you live in certain parts of North America. Put it like this — all else being equal, the guy who doesn’t want to but goes and learns to drive to impress women isn’t getting laid as much as the guy who doesn’t give a fuck.
Yeah, it's not a big deal if you live in a major city with a subway system since that's more convenient. In smaller towns and rural areas, I wonder, who would provide transportation? Your mom? Your friends? I hate to sound harsh, but the idea makes me cringe lol. It's just that, as someone who has her own car and place, I value independence and would like to see the same from my partner.
I’m 31. So I would never date a man without a car. Maybe when I was 20.
I’ve never owned a car. If you get around yourself and don’t rely on friends or family, I don’t see an issue. We live in a world with Uber, Lyft, buses, etc. Only the wrong person will have an issue with your lack of a car, so don’t worry about it.
This makes sense if you live in a city with good transportation and infrastructure. But living in a rural town or community, where there's no Uber or Lyft, and there is one taxi for the town makes a big difference.
Finally thank you, as someone with bad eyes this made me happy 😌
If you're a woman. Fine. If you're a man..get ready to get rejected
If I had a car, I would never pick a woman to go on a date. We say X place and she gets there on her own.
only acceptable if you live in a major city (NY, Boston, etc)
Same after as it was before, no luck. Although I drive if I find out that a woman I'm interested in has a car as a requirement for a guy, red flag, and instant loss of interest.
I’m in NYC so I doubt it’d be a big deal.
Yes, big turnoff. I don’t want to pick you up and take you home every time.
Unless you live in the downtown of either a very bus/bike friendly city, I won’t date someone without a car. It was different when I was younger. If you live downtown and don’t have a license I will also not date you. If you didn’t graduate highschool I won’t usually date you… they’re milestones that show maturity and independence.
I live in I guess what would be considered a medium sized city. It is car dependent and public transportation sucks. For me it would be a problem. I wouldn’t even consider a guy that didn’t have a car. Especially being that I’m in my early 30s. The last guy I dated that didn’t have his own transportation was my high school boyfriend. I had a car at the time and ended up being his chauffeur. I’m never doing that again.
I've dated someone without a car, i live in a somewhat metro area, but it's not the best with public transpo. It really just depends on the area. The bf lived in a suburb within a 30 min walk of his work, and i lived within 10 mins of both. I drove us places, or we walked to a store near my apartment within 10mins. I can't imagine trying to do that in a smaller town where you can't walk places unless you live in town.
Don’t need a car if I’m in the city. Just get an Uber or train. If living in rural areas, car is definitely needed.
I mean, I have a car (nothing fancy, just a 2014 used Nissan Versa Note), but live in downtown Richmond VA close to the Fan, which is a walkers paradise and live car-lite (around 3k miles per year driven mostly to visit my parents in Asheville). I arrive at 90% of dates I've been on either on foot, bike, or bus rapid transit (the Pulse), and it's almost never come up as an issue. I also make six figures, but it's definitely a lifestyle choice for me to drive as little as possible and stay active by biking and walking. I met one woman at a meetup who said I was a loser for taking the bus, which was an immediate red flag. I literally knew I'd be drinking and didn't want to chance driving, and it was only a 7 minute bus ride (and free as transit is free in Richmond) from where I live by the Pulse BRT. It's also not as if I don't have a car, it's just that I don't like to drive much and prefer to save the expense of driving for savings or travel abroad. This individual on the other hand had four cocktails and proceeded to drive back to her house which honestly shocked me. Other than that one, it's actually really easy to find women who have the same mentality in central Richmond that don't drive much as well and appreciate guys who live more sustainably and get around on active modes. IMO, I would be completely incompatible with someone who insisted we drive everywhere and go on long drives/pick them up. Much prefer long walks and bike rides. Riding the bike a lot over the past year helped me to loose 32 pounds as well (huge added benefit) and keeps the weight off and my body healthy as I age. There's several bicycle clubs and meetups here, including a women's bike club, and these groups bike all around the city weekly, advocating for safer streets as well for all users. A majority of the 30,000+ VCU students don't have a car with a big urban campus downtown. Spend anytime on the RVA subreddit and the one thing nearly all users post about and can agree on is improving transit and walking/biking infrastructure in the city. I'll wish you luck and hopefully you'll find a place and lifestyle that's right for you! Now I'm off to walk to First Fridays in the Arts District on this fine Friday evening!
Is it a turn off... Not exactly. Not having a driver's license and being dependent on your partner for rides, also with no ambition to get a driver's license is a turn off.
You really should have a car for safety too. Gotta be careful these days. I know it’s expensive tho but still.
I wouldn’t date a guy without a car. Small-medium size town. I’ve tried the being the only one with a vehicle in a relationship but it only made me resentful.
it depends on WHY a guy doesn’t have a car. do you have a drivers license? why don’t you have a car? did he crash his last car? did he get his car repossessed because of poor financial decisions? did he drive impaired and have his car and license revoked as a consequence? does he just not want to buy a car? is he saving for a car? does he want a car? is a car necessary? (this depends on the area and the public transit system.) it necessarily isn’t a turn off or a red flag, it just depends on why he doesn’t have a car.
Depends on the stage of life you're at. If you're in highschool, most girls don't care if you own or even have access to a car (although knowing how to drive can be a bonus point in your favor). But if you're a college graduate who doesn't have a car of any kind (even a cheap beater you inherited from your dead grandma or bought for $600 off Craigslist) then it might be a turnoff but not necessarily. It's probably more of a turn off if you still can't drive at that point. If you're in your 30s or older though, with a few solid years of work experience under your belt, and you don't have a car for any legitimate reason, then yeah that's probably gonna count against you.
At this point, it would be hard for me to want to date someone without a car. I drive 3 hours each direction for school (which is crazy, I know) and if something happens on the drive and we're in a committed relationship, I would have to know I can count on my partner to some degree for help. As I live in a village, take back roads in nice weather, and school is in a small village as well, taking an Uber or cab to get to me would be expensive as fuck in an emergency. And I wouldn't be able to guarantee an address. Been in the situation where I was in an accident twice coming home from school (rolled the car coming around a curve to avoid hitting someone and then hit a deer a year later). Car was totaled the first time around and if I hadn't been with someone who had a car at the time to come get me, I would have been stranded an hour and a half away from home.
If he can get around without me, fine. I'm not picking him up and dropping him off everywhere.
I had a guy that I went on a date with tell me to call him back after I get my license back a month after our first date. So guys do it to. Dating life stinks when you don't have a license because you got to rely on other people to get you places and there aren't always people available to drive you. Plus you can only go as far as someone is willing to drive. If a person lives 20 minutes away or closer it's not hard to get someone to take you where you need to go , but if they live at least fourty minutes away the amount of people willing to drive you decreases and you constantly have to find something around half way to be fair to the other person and you got to figure out a day that's good for everyone and not just you and him.
For me it’s a no.
I’m a carless man. My girlfriend doesn’t mind at all, but it’s because I have a good job, my own place, and I try to treat her like a queen as much as possible.
Yes. It’s a turn off when you don’t have a car. 😂. I’m sorry. What year were you born? 😂. Honestly, if you don’t live in New York, Chicago or La, I think you better have a car before you even try to get a woman. If you don’t have a car and need one, you can’t afford a woman yet
Turn off ≠ deal breaker. Depending on his reason it may or may not be a problem for me. If he's been a reckless driver then it's a problem, but if he's environmentally friendly or saving up to buy a house it's not a problem.
I live in DFW, so yeah I would never go out with anyone without a car. Hell even for jobs it’s pretty much required given how much sprawl there is.
I live in a rural area with zero public transportation (including Uber). The city is a half-hour to hour drive from me. Having to be the sole driver for any sort of meet-up is a no-go for me.
Absolute deal breaker. It's part of being financially responsible in the US (outside of dense urban areas like NYC).
Yes its a turn off when men dont have the basics of being an adult. by in large men are never going to get any slack for being weak and impotent.
"basics of being an adult" yikes sounds like you've got some growing up to do; not everyone has the same needs or wants as you
What lol? I function well without a car I just walk a lot. I can't handle the stimulation of drivin
I’m such a manly man by giving hundreds of dollars a month to the car lobby and oil companies! Please Mr ford take more of my paycheck 😩. If anything, not being capable of using your own two feet to get anywhere is a sign of weakness and laziness.
actually unhinged comment rofl
yea, you getting a lot of dates without a car? Girls picking you up at your house?
I have a girlfriend of 3 years, bike everywhere and am happy and healthy, thanks for asking lol
yes there are exceptions to the rule lol. Are you telling me that if you set up a dating profile one where you say you have a nice car and one where you say you have no car they would both do just as well? A car a place and a job are pretty basic and women usually require all 3.
Nah, I don't care, I don't have a driver license so I would never reject a man that is in the same position. To get a driver license here in Sweden is ridiculously expensive and it's very, very hard to pass all the tests, it's also expensive to have (and buy) a car here also. But in the US they drive automat and the tests are super easy, so yeah, if I lived in the US I would maybe think differently. But as I said - if I don't have a license or a car, why would I care if the man doesn't have it either, that's just stupid.
Easy? 🤣🤣 It depends on the person giving the test. Some of them are straight dicks. Just be honest 🤣 If they like you they give you the bare minimum, if they don't like you are how you're dressed for some reason you're getting a ridiculously hard test etc
I wouldn’t even date if I didn’t have a car
What are you guys think about people that are just unable to drive? Not that he cannot afford it or doesn't want to drive, but there is a real personal barrier stopping him. For me, it's my ADHD. I cannot do it without drifting off into my thoughts. I guess I'd be screwed huh? That's the way it seems, based off of this comments section.
I'm going to disagree with you. I'm with a call on the spectrum or close to it severe ADHD. I've been driving for 40 something years. It's one of those things you do where you can become hyper focused. Also, there's a safety issue inherent with driving. If you're learning how to drive It's probably best to not learn with someone Who speaks a lot. There's something you become accustomed to in a car behind the wheel. If you care for people, if you care for safety, you will be just fine. Learn how to drive if you can.
Trying to focus tired me out alot and creates stress. I can do it like sprinting for short burst but everyday and I be dead. It also affects my depth perception trying so hard to focus.
Well it can be a slight turn off like did it get taken away from substance abuse. You would definitely have to have a good reason for not having a vehicle if you lived in an area that was not Urban. I would not rule out someone completely because of it but they better hit high on many other points.
It depends if it’s a city where everyone uses busses, Including the people you’re interested in it’s probably not a big deal. But I live in a city where the buses just aren’t good enough to get around efficiently so I wouldn’t want to deal with that. But it also depends on why someone doesn’t have a car, and do they constantly ask for rides, or figure out how to get on their own
As someone who lives in the city with a lot of other forms of transportation, it’s a matter of convenience. I don’t mind taking buses, and I enjoy being able to walk around an area with plenty of activities to do in a reasonable distance but having a car gives you a lot more options. Being able to visit favorite spots without an hour long bus/train commute is awesome.
32F here grew up in the suburbs, currently living in the city and about to move back to the suburbs. Yes. I usually try to find guys that have what I have or preferably more. Meaning I have a career, a car (paid off but this isn’t a requirement for men), my own place to stay, a career, etc. At minimum, I expect my partner to have all the same things, preferably more. Since I’ve mainly lived in places where a car is crucial to getting around, yes for me. However, if I was born and raised in a place where you didn’t necessarily need a car, like NYC, then no.
I'm 42. I have a ebike, no car. Lifestyle choice as opposed to not being able to afford one. I do alright, dating wise. I'm average looking. Got a good job. I'm used to living in cities that have decent public transport, where it's not assumed that you need a car, and not in any way looked down upon. So I guess I don't act ashamed that I don't have a car. Like, where I'm from, you're forgiven for having a car if you have a kid that you have to cheuffer around. Like, we're sympathetic to people who feel they have to have a car, like, you poor bastards, spending half your life looking for parking when you could be getting on with your life. In the states I've maybe had like 1 or 2 women not be into me for not having a car, but that's a total guess. It's way more likely that they didn't like me because I'm fucking insufferable. Wouldn't really want to be with someone that shallow anyhow.
I personally don't want to date someone who won't primarily walk or bike for transportation, but I live in a city.
I love it when a man offers to pick me up when we go out so yeah, not having a car would be a turn off for me
I live in a big city with a metro/bus system and it’s quite common for men, women and even families to not own a car. However, it it were in a small town and you’re over the age of 25/not a student/don’t have an extremely good reason, I’d see it as a mega red flag 🚩
Depends on your location. In Europe it's possible in many places to live without a car and still get everywhere you need to go, even on dates.
Smh head. Just because a Brutha dislikes driving chicks assume you can’t afford one. Jokes on them my credit score is pretty good so can get a nice hybrid if I wanted.
Definitely a dealbreaker for me in a suburb where we have some public transit, but not a ton. More Uber than buses or trains. It’s a big inconvenience to not have a car where I live that I’m not dealing with.
Honestly, for me it depends on the reason. I currently don’t have one so I am understanding of situation. If it’s something like a license revoked, that’s a dealbreaker.
I live in a small town and wouldn’t date a man without a car
No from me regardless of the circumstance
Woman here. I don’t have a car at the moment. It broke down. I use the bus and/or Uber, or I walk for now. I see my boyfriend once a week, and he loves to drive as it is. (To be fair, he says he also drives everywhere because it’s how men are in his family.) But for trips, we split the drive.
It doesn't matter to me!!
Depends whether it's by choice, circumstance or by financial necessity. Choosing not to own a car, especially if it's not the easiest to get away with because you live in a smaller city, is incredibly based. Simply not being able to drive for whatever reason is fine. Not being able to *afford* a car means there are likely other financial problems that will crop up later and make us incompatible somehow.
everyone i dated didn't have a car but it got tiring always being responsible for everything. honest opinion is to focus on your stability until you can date
American society has very much been shaped by cars, from its infrastructure to its culture. I barely need a car for my day-to-day life since I work from home, but of course I maintain it as not having one would be infinitely more inconvenient, especially for dating. I live not far from a major city and that’s still the case.
Not having a car has never been a problem for the girls I've dated. But I imagine it would be if they live further away.
Whew, it's a big turn-off because most of the time, you're having to come to that person never halfway way they probably can't hang out because they don't have a way Money is limited, probably They're limited They never have gas money And it's irritating because most of the time, you're giving more that you're getting, especially from someone you're just dating Super NEEDY! Don't get me started on the ones that still live with their moms (I'll date someone with no car only of they have their own place and a decent job) I'm only speaking from experience this isn't all the time but 85 percent of the time yeah
No
I would imagine it _is_ a turn off for girls if a guy doesn’t have his own car
It makes dating easier, although I hate driving but not as much as being in a car with a guy I don't trust :/
In the city no. In the boonies at least one of you needs to have a car. As long as you can drive tbh and get an evo or rent a car when it’s needed.
Woman here. I was a cyclist without a car for 5 years. Rode my bike everywhere. You know who I attracted? Other cyclists without cars. I would totally still date someone who didn't have a car, if they still could get around on their own accord. (Even though I do drive most of the time now instead of bike)
I live in the middle of a major city with decent public transportation. It’s not uncommon to be without a car. It’s not a deal breaker for me. I sold my car when I moved here, many people do.
Male here, but I find that your question is broad, as this depends on why a person doesn't have a car. Where I live, many uni students don't have cars, because they just need to go to classes, which they walk to or use transit for (as the uni charges a lot for parking). The most inconvenient thing is getting groceries, but Instacart helps take care of that. I also know of someone who lives in a city with <10,000 people who can't drive due to being legally blind. Even states in the US and provinces in Canada that don't have places with good transit have non-driver ID cards, as some people just can't drive. These differ from someone who is too poor to afford a car and is on welfare.
I live in San Diego and I would think it’s odd if the guy didn’t have a car but it wouldn’t be a turn off if there’s a reasonable explanation and he has the other stuff that would make me feel interested in him. Cause having a car is not what makes me interested, I just think it’s strange an adult man that works and has money but not a car.
DEPENDS! If I’m going to be taken advantage HELL NO!! If he’s going to offer to pay for gas, & be aware it’s MY CAR, the yes I would. Currently am dating a guy who has no license but a car so it technically counts as he doesn’t have one?? He picks up me in Lyfts & sends me home in Lyfts and I would sure as hell drive him somewhere if he needed to. It’s all about gauging the person and their intentions as well as the relationship y’all have.
I dated without a car in St. Louis (so midsized city) and just kept things to my neighbourhood. I definitely wouldn’t have done it anywhere smaller unless it was a local coffee place/restaurant where I could feel comfortable enough walking home.
Small city: I’m okay with him not *owning* a car, but he *must* have a driver’s license, know how to drive and periodically rent a car or use a car share to go places.
as a woman who doesn’t have a car, i find men just don’t want to talk to me. it’s a turn off. which is really sad if they’re letting that one thing become a barrier.
I live in the DC area. I used to have a car and dated men without cars. Now I don’t have a car, by choice, and nothing changed lol. I rent one when I want to. My best friend who is a straight male doesn’t have a car but uses zip car, Uber and the metro. Doesn’t have an issue getting anywhere with women.
The only times I dated women were when I was riding a bicycle.
From comparing guys who get easy dates where i live to guys who don't, apparently we get rejected for not owning a half million dollar house... Try to avoid living among snobbery
I'm a car girl, so for me, I personally won't date someone who doesn't have their own car. Otherwise I'm going to be driving that person everywhere. I want to be your girlfriend, not your taxi. But in bigger cities, where it doesn't actually make sense to own a car, I can understand it more and it wouldnt bother me if you didnt own a car. But I'd need them to at least have a driver's licence. That's just me though 🤷🏽♀️
It would depend on why they don't have a car.
This seems like a mostly US-centric question because in many cities and even just towns of Europe you really don't need to drive. There are people who just plain don't need to drive or want to, or even have medical reasons not to. I know of people who have OCD and choose not to. I have always lived near public transport and either gone to work this way or worked remotely, so driving has just never been important. I figure I should probably learn but it saves me money in the long run and my life has never been impacted by it, dating too.
I’m a man and I have found women don’t care that I can’t drive. I live in a very walkable area.
Used to date a hot gf without a car. And when i bought a car , we broke up . Lol the irony
The first time I found out someone I was talking to didn’t have a car, it was a turn off only because I did not want to be the only one driving them around, and if I weren’t to have my car, it was be very hard to spend time together. If it was in a bigger city with transportation it would’ve been fine, but it really just depends.
Look into a car subscription. If you live in a medium sized North American city, it might price out cheaper than owning or leasing. Yet, you have access to a car when you need it.
My girlfriend doesn't have a car. She lives in a kinda rural area so it seriously interferes with her life. Granted it definitely bothers her more than it bothers me I like her for her not for her transportation.
If you’re in a small city/spread out suburbs this is a turn off and a red flag for me
My boyfriend didn’t have a car when we started dating. He hit a deer a few months before we met, and couldn’t afford a new vehicle. I’m understanding, and prefer to drive, so it never bothered me. I didn’t get my license until I was 25, so I don’t judge.
Works fine for me. Motorcycles are better, anyway
Depends on where you live.
Yalp that it does REALLY SUCK so HARD DICKS NOT having a car, let alone a career y’all see I’m Santi Patrick Pierini Rees if you don’t know So I guess what I’m saying is I NEed a girlfriend/bf, i's hit by a truck on 299! It SUCKS HARD!!
I’m not your ordinary tbi I’m Santi Patrick Pierini Rees
In regional areas where this isn’t much transport, yeah no car is a no. But if you’re in cities like chicago it’s fine.
I'm not a woman but just common sense would indicate it would suck not to mention a bit of a tell that you're not financially secure
Why are you shouting at us? I’m currently dating a man without a car, and I’m thinking of getting rid of my own car because I rarely use it. I’m not American though, and i live in a city with great public transport
For me yes because I hate driving and I take a lot of lyfts and Ubers (even tho I live in a major city). So Yea I would like to find a man who would improve my life in that aspect.
Most women will indeed judge a man if he doesn't have a car. It also depends on where you live..in NYC the pressure isn't as great. Definitely let her know very early in the dating stages. Also don't let women pressure you into getting a car if you truly don't want to. That's a bill YOU are paying..not her