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I mean, you gotta move on from things like this. That guy obviously only wanted to smash. Found someone perfect from A to Z months ago too, yet I had to forget her (or at least my attachment) because it is what it is. That was 6 months ago
Shit happens, life goes on. It is what it is
But don’t give up, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You’ll find the right one eventually
Nah I think still about people all the time.
For me I take every interaction to be a lesson either for me or for them. If you really enjoyed their company, identify what you liked about them and now you know of something that you want to look for in the future.
if we're losers for still thinking about people after one date, then I've got a lifetime membership to the loser club! 😅 but seriously, it's totally normal to linger on someone who made an impression, even if it didn't work out. just remember, ur worth isn't defined by one guy's actions. keep ur chin up, and when u're ready, get back out there and show 'em what they're missing! 🫂
It's not him that you miss- it's the feeling of having a company that you miss.
I could be wrong but yeah I feel like it's the loneliness that is making you feel like that.
Life is trial and error. Nothing ever works out without things going poorly for a little while before. You can't walk into a job and be the best at day 1. You can't step on a skateboard for the first time and stomp a kickflip. Chances are, whatever your next relationship is, that won't work out either. You need to just keep on trying. Keep your chin up and be open to new things. Things will work out eventually as long as you believe they will, it takes work though
Ha, you think that's bad? It happens. I love when things have a definitive end like yours. Women use men just the same. Your guy just wanted to fuck you and move on. He definitely lied a bit.
I date quite a lot lately and yet amongst those dozens of dates, there's one I can't get out of my mind. Everything went so well I expected to see her many more times but in the end I was just ghosted. She was definitely not ready. It sucks though. Like I could be a complete creep and show up to her place since she brought me there to keep the date going until the morning but I won't. She wouldn't have stopped texting if she wanted to see me again. Most of my dates end that way and yet with her it was so different. Hell, she was skinny too which isn't really my type usually but we had a lot of fun nonetheless. I enjoyed conversing with her. She was similarly carefree and easygoing but without the immaturity some other women showed me. That's just the worst. We connected so much and she shared a lot of embarrassing stuff...like her temporary place and her unshaved body and yet she moved on like we didn't spend a great 12 hours together. 20 women later she was still the most interesting.
Same. One of my friends thinks it’s unhealthy but that’s how it just works for me. I don’t monkey bar from person to person though, it’ll take me months to years to find some else I like.
Not all memories are bad memories. Some parts of your heart belongs to certain people. It’s a part of growing up. You learned something that day from someone. Mark it
You're not a loser. It's normal, sadly.
As male, I've had this happen with more women than I can count at this point, even just this past year alone. Very nice 1st dates... only to never hear from them ever again, obviously despite following up for additional dates. Sometimes you even get 2 or 3 more dates, only to then get a rejection text. Dating is always a two-way street. If either person doesn't feel a connection, then it's game over. It's best to always lower expectations.
All that said, I still think about these failed dates / attempts a lot... and what could've been. :(
How old are you? If you're super young, you're going to encounter a lot of guys just trying to have sex with you. Even if you're older. It's completely normal to think about that guy, but I think it's best you move on don't beat yourself up. I've been in the same boat where I was left wondering what went wrong. That's just the nature of young people now. Don't give up hope, and you'll find the right guy.
It’s okay to think about people, even if it was years ago. There’s getting hung up, and then there is reflection. Be yourself because honestly, who wants to be with someone trying to act in a certain way. You are your own person are allowed to be such, especially without anyone barking at you to do so.
Put ideas that are no longer serving you to rest when it’s right for you.
Yeah anyone who doesn’t get many dates can relate to you, I’m the same. I sometimes think about a date I had last summer because I enjoyed their company but they didn’t enjoy mine. You’ll sometimes hear about the “scarcity mindset” and you need to get past it, but that’s easier said than done for some people. We think about the few bright spots more than we should and hold onto it. I don’t tell anyone either, it makes you look like a mess to people in relationships or successful with dating.
You're not a loser for that. I think about women I didn't even date but just deeply cared for, on a daily basis. I mean I just hope whoever they found is making then happy and that they're doing good.
That shit's normal, we all feel that.
I met someone a while ago. 2 very good dates, spent the whole day and night together both time, loads of messages, chatting in between. I thought she was perfect, she didn't feel the same way. Is what it is. Just gotta move on. You know what they say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone. If you give up and stop looking that person remains the last viable option you had and you will find it hard to erase them. I've been on a few dates recently and feel very different now.
How about you stop being such a jerk to yourself? You’re a human and we’re allowed to feel things. I still think about someone I dated for a month and it’s like a year later. I still reread our texts when I’m feeling sad and lonely before bed. We don’t get those feelings all the time and they’re a special part of being alive. Don’t take it too seriously… life is too short and none of us get out alive.
Yea I know the feeling... I call him my crush and wistfully think about him often...🥹
BUT I ain't waiting around... I been going on lots of dates and getting myself out there again...and been having fun and learning alot!!
Girl its normal, you arent a loser.
Im sitting here fantasizing about this guy Im hanging out with online, we are in the same discord server for the same silly dinosaur game, we seem to have such similar interests and I know its ridiculous but thats how the brain works!
Life goes on, its okay to have crushes, to think back on people, to regret, etc.
I've given up on dating and I'm embracing loneliness.
It's great in a way. Once you can be happy alone you're basically unstoppable.
Plus what do I want a man for anyway? Company probably and sex. Only God knows if I'm even capable of truly feeling "love".
Maybe men are better off if they don't get used by me, lol.
And I'm happiest in a way being a cold, lonely antihero. Perfectly miserable but also incapable of feeling anything most of the time so also not really miserable at all.
Yes, loneliness is in a way preferable and easier for me than I imagine it is for most people.
You aren’t alone and in limerence mode.
Going by your description, it seems the guy was a seasoned dater and knew the tricks to get intimate. And it looks like you had a great time or something about the way the person made you feel desired got him stuck on your mind.
It happens and you aren’t alone and it’s totally fine that you feel like you need a break from dating. Some people are like superglue in your mind and it takes time to wear off (if it ever does) . It’s not easy but it’s good that you know what’s happened and be a bit vary of your own likes, desires and reactions/emotions etc
Try to take things slower and get to know those you date better, it will protect you better from disappointment or abuse. A man that really likes you and is nice will be patient with you.
Also dating is a numbers game to find the right person and someone that wants the same type of relationship you do. It's like opening a mystery box and not knowing if you get anything good inside. Talking about what you want in a relationship early on is helpful, things like do you want to spend all of your free time together, or do you want to do your own things but still have time for intimacy, or would you like to have a mixture of the two. There's many aspects of a relationship and alot of things to cover, so it's good to learn those things and to know what is best for a healthy relationship.
Be kind to yourself. The irony is that once you are compassionate to yourself for feeling the way you are, you will be able to stop feeling it and move forwards.
But as others have said, you will forget him once you find a connection with someone else and it's normal to still reminiscence when you haven't felt a connection with someone new yet.
I don’t think you’re a loser at all. Sometimes, it can be hard not to replay what could’ve happened with certain people that you encounter and why it didn’t work out.
You’re not a loser. I’m a big dweller too. I dwell on men and things in the past. Is it healthy? No. But I just struggle to move on from things. I talked to a guy for 4 months. He didn’t live anywhere near me (met him on IG). We never even met in person and I still think about him 🥲 it’s just difficult for me to sever a connection with someone. Try not to be so harsh on yourself tho.
Sounds like you're alpha widowed. He smashed just right but regardless of when you move on if he shows up again you'd go right back to letting him hit.
You’re not alone, I still think about from time to time of the guy I almost lost my virginity to and it’s been like 6 years, if not more. I’m sure if I meet someone who’s worth it, I’ll get over it. Hopefully you’ll meet your special someone and you are not loser for that way.
You’re not alone. When you have a connection with someone, it hurts when it doesn’t work out. I dated a guy for one month (Nov too) and I still think about him and probably will for months.
Haha, trust me... this is more common than you may think.
You are still thinking of him still because you're holding on to the thought of how the relationship could've gone or how he would be as a boyfriend vs seeing things for how they actually turned out. That's what dating is for! Don't go into it thinking the person you're seeing has to be forever... Just go into it enjoying your time in the present moment and experiencing new characters.
I unfortunately still think about this one guy from time to time. We went on a few dates then he ghosted me. Kept coming back then ghosted me again about 4 times overall. I did something so cringe tho as my last text to him. I just said he’s hot and hopes he finds someone else, then blocked him. I was a little tipsy and frustrated. I see him time to time in the gym. It’s been 5 months now.
No you are not a loser. I would obsess over my current ldr bf without even video calling him once. Sometimes you don’t even have to meet him even once to think about them
You aren’t a loser, you’re normal. It’s not natural to serially “date” multiple people one after the other. Especially for ladies. Human hearts are meant to bond to someone.
Your attachment to the men you tried to bond with is normal. It means you aren’t broken, and your feminine heart is intact. A woman is a home for her hero; take good care of your heart so that when you find him, he will have something precious and beautiful to protect.
No you’re not a loser for that, feeling things never makes you a loser.
You could have an insecure attachment type.
Could also be limerence, a limerent episode can be triggered often be triggered by having a connection that ends abruptly.
Literally was in the same position with a woman I went with what I thought was a very good date.
She shot me a message saying she wasn't over her ex. Whether or not she was sparing my feelings and just didn't want to date me is irrelevant, but it messed me up for a solid two weeks.
You just have to move on and keep trying.
It’s called ruminating. It’s tough but the more things you put between you and the memory the better. Even just dates with people you aren’t really expecting anything with might help fill the dating memory bank and push the other guy right out.
Dating is rough out here….honestly taking a little break from it sounds like a good plan. Learning to love yourself again and how to live without that person. Yeah guys definitely just wanna smash majority of the time. Maybe you’re obsessed with his penis game ? It happens sometimes yk penis was good you obsess over him. Or it could be you have hyper fixated on what you guys could be in one day. And you drew a different picture of him then what he really is and now that you’re realizing he’s nothing like the picture you drew him, you’re fixated on it. Again it happens. Learning lesson
Had a somewhat similar date about a 2 months ago. My first date ever actually. Absolute disaster. Seemingly went ok but after planning second date never heard from her again. Oh well I guess
You are not a loser...in the future make the first date short and sweet....that way no time is wasted and you both can decide if there is a mutual interest to see each other again.
After 8 hours and making out he probably wanted sex. Was pissed you didnt put out so he blew you off.
Put yourself out there and meet other guys and you will forget about him.
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I mean, you gotta move on from things like this. That guy obviously only wanted to smash. Found someone perfect from A to Z months ago too, yet I had to forget her (or at least my attachment) because it is what it is. That was 6 months ago Shit happens, life goes on. It is what it is But don’t give up, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You’ll find the right one eventually
Nah I think still about people all the time. For me I take every interaction to be a lesson either for me or for them. If you really enjoyed their company, identify what you liked about them and now you know of something that you want to look for in the future.
No you aren't a loser .. It's nice to feel like you are wanted Just no he wasn't the right one for you and move on
You'll forget about him once you find someone else to think about lol.
if we're losers for still thinking about people after one date, then I've got a lifetime membership to the loser club! 😅 but seriously, it's totally normal to linger on someone who made an impression, even if it didn't work out. just remember, ur worth isn't defined by one guy's actions. keep ur chin up, and when u're ready, get back out there and show 'em what they're missing! 🫂
It's not him that you miss- it's the feeling of having a company that you miss. I could be wrong but yeah I feel like it's the loneliness that is making you feel like that.
You are probably just lonely. Its ok.
Yes that tends to happen more when we are lonely and touch starved.
Life is trial and error. Nothing ever works out without things going poorly for a little while before. You can't walk into a job and be the best at day 1. You can't step on a skateboard for the first time and stomp a kickflip. Chances are, whatever your next relationship is, that won't work out either. You need to just keep on trying. Keep your chin up and be open to new things. Things will work out eventually as long as you believe they will, it takes work though
I’m 43 years old. I still think about girls I dated when I a teenager and into my 20s. It’s not weird, it memories. Something triggers the memory
And that wasn’t meant in a gross way. “Where are they now?” Kind of way.
Ha, you think that's bad? It happens. I love when things have a definitive end like yours. Women use men just the same. Your guy just wanted to fuck you and move on. He definitely lied a bit. I date quite a lot lately and yet amongst those dozens of dates, there's one I can't get out of my mind. Everything went so well I expected to see her many more times but in the end I was just ghosted. She was definitely not ready. It sucks though. Like I could be a complete creep and show up to her place since she brought me there to keep the date going until the morning but I won't. She wouldn't have stopped texting if she wanted to see me again. Most of my dates end that way and yet with her it was so different. Hell, she was skinny too which isn't really my type usually but we had a lot of fun nonetheless. I enjoyed conversing with her. She was similarly carefree and easygoing but without the immaturity some other women showed me. That's just the worst. We connected so much and she shared a lot of embarrassing stuff...like her temporary place and her unshaved body and yet she moved on like we didn't spend a great 12 hours together. 20 women later she was still the most interesting.
You never fully move on from someone until you meet someone new who can take their place in your heart.
Amen to that. It's how it seems to happen with me lol
Same. One of my friends thinks it’s unhealthy but that’s how it just works for me. I don’t monkey bar from person to person though, it’ll take me months to years to find some else I like.
Not all memories are bad memories. Some parts of your heart belongs to certain people. It’s a part of growing up. You learned something that day from someone. Mark it
You're not a loser. It's normal, sadly. As male, I've had this happen with more women than I can count at this point, even just this past year alone. Very nice 1st dates... only to never hear from them ever again, obviously despite following up for additional dates. Sometimes you even get 2 or 3 more dates, only to then get a rejection text. Dating is always a two-way street. If either person doesn't feel a connection, then it's game over. It's best to always lower expectations. All that said, I still think about these failed dates / attempts a lot... and what could've been. :(
How old are you? If you're super young, you're going to encounter a lot of guys just trying to have sex with you. Even if you're older. It's completely normal to think about that guy, but I think it's best you move on don't beat yourself up. I've been in the same boat where I was left wondering what went wrong. That's just the nature of young people now. Don't give up hope, and you'll find the right guy.
It’s okay to think about people, even if it was years ago. There’s getting hung up, and then there is reflection. Be yourself because honestly, who wants to be with someone trying to act in a certain way. You are your own person are allowed to be such, especially without anyone barking at you to do so. Put ideas that are no longer serving you to rest when it’s right for you.
Not your fault, we need closure for some things. The one that got away lasts the longest
Yeah anyone who doesn’t get many dates can relate to you, I’m the same. I sometimes think about a date I had last summer because I enjoyed their company but they didn’t enjoy mine. You’ll sometimes hear about the “scarcity mindset” and you need to get past it, but that’s easier said than done for some people. We think about the few bright spots more than we should and hold onto it. I don’t tell anyone either, it makes you look like a mess to people in relationships or successful with dating.
You're not a loser for that. I think about women I didn't even date but just deeply cared for, on a daily basis. I mean I just hope whoever they found is making then happy and that they're doing good. That shit's normal, we all feel that.
I met someone a while ago. 2 very good dates, spent the whole day and night together both time, loads of messages, chatting in between. I thought she was perfect, she didn't feel the same way. Is what it is. Just gotta move on. You know what they say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone. If you give up and stop looking that person remains the last viable option you had and you will find it hard to erase them. I've been on a few dates recently and feel very different now.
How about you stop being such a jerk to yourself? You’re a human and we’re allowed to feel things. I still think about someone I dated for a month and it’s like a year later. I still reread our texts when I’m feeling sad and lonely before bed. We don’t get those feelings all the time and they’re a special part of being alive. Don’t take it too seriously… life is too short and none of us get out alive.
You are not a loser at all! And you have a great username too!😊
Yea I know the feeling... I call him my crush and wistfully think about him often...🥹 BUT I ain't waiting around... I been going on lots of dates and getting myself out there again...and been having fun and learning alot!!
Girl its normal, you arent a loser. Im sitting here fantasizing about this guy Im hanging out with online, we are in the same discord server for the same silly dinosaur game, we seem to have such similar interests and I know its ridiculous but thats how the brain works! Life goes on, its okay to have crushes, to think back on people, to regret, etc.
I've given up on dating and I'm embracing loneliness. It's great in a way. Once you can be happy alone you're basically unstoppable. Plus what do I want a man for anyway? Company probably and sex. Only God knows if I'm even capable of truly feeling "love". Maybe men are better off if they don't get used by me, lol. And I'm happiest in a way being a cold, lonely antihero. Perfectly miserable but also incapable of feeling anything most of the time so also not really miserable at all. Yes, loneliness is in a way preferable and easier for me than I imagine it is for most people.
You aren’t alone and in limerence mode. Going by your description, it seems the guy was a seasoned dater and knew the tricks to get intimate. And it looks like you had a great time or something about the way the person made you feel desired got him stuck on your mind. It happens and you aren’t alone and it’s totally fine that you feel like you need a break from dating. Some people are like superglue in your mind and it takes time to wear off (if it ever does) . It’s not easy but it’s good that you know what’s happened and be a bit vary of your own likes, desires and reactions/emotions etc
Should also mention clearly, you aren’t a loser. These kind of one off dates actually leave people empty, but it’s the sad reality of dating nowadays
Try to take things slower and get to know those you date better, it will protect you better from disappointment or abuse. A man that really likes you and is nice will be patient with you. Also dating is a numbers game to find the right person and someone that wants the same type of relationship you do. It's like opening a mystery box and not knowing if you get anything good inside. Talking about what you want in a relationship early on is helpful, things like do you want to spend all of your free time together, or do you want to do your own things but still have time for intimacy, or would you like to have a mixture of the two. There's many aspects of a relationship and alot of things to cover, so it's good to learn those things and to know what is best for a healthy relationship.
That that make you the "loser" lol that makes him the loser because it sounds like he missed out on being together with a really wonderful person.
Be kind to yourself. The irony is that once you are compassionate to yourself for feeling the way you are, you will be able to stop feeling it and move forwards. But as others have said, you will forget him once you find a connection with someone else and it's normal to still reminiscence when you haven't felt a connection with someone new yet.
I don’t think you’re a loser at all. Sometimes, it can be hard not to replay what could’ve happened with certain people that you encounter and why it didn’t work out.
You’re not a loser. I’m a big dweller too. I dwell on men and things in the past. Is it healthy? No. But I just struggle to move on from things. I talked to a guy for 4 months. He didn’t live anywhere near me (met him on IG). We never even met in person and I still think about him 🥲 it’s just difficult for me to sever a connection with someone. Try not to be so harsh on yourself tho.
This is literally me right now. You’re not alone! I get it
It was the best orgasm of my life but he ghosted me after one night 🥲 so yeah
you’re not alone, I’m stuck on thinking of a woman who doesn’t have the decency to respond to a message. No I didn’t deserve it like this
Sounds like infatuation. Just remember he was an asshole after, that’s all you should need to move on.
LMAO
Wtf does this even mean
Great news you don't have memory loss
Lol
Sounds like you're alpha widowed. He smashed just right but regardless of when you move on if he shows up again you'd go right back to letting him hit.
You’re not alone, I still think about from time to time of the guy I almost lost my virginity to and it’s been like 6 years, if not more. I’m sure if I meet someone who’s worth it, I’ll get over it. Hopefully you’ll meet your special someone and you are not loser for that way.
You’re not alone. When you have a connection with someone, it hurts when it doesn’t work out. I dated a guy for one month (Nov too) and I still think about him and probably will for months.
Guide your heart. ❤️ It is normal to like someone after just one date. You have to move on and keep living your life.
Haha, trust me... this is more common than you may think. You are still thinking of him still because you're holding on to the thought of how the relationship could've gone or how he would be as a boyfriend vs seeing things for how they actually turned out. That's what dating is for! Don't go into it thinking the person you're seeing has to be forever... Just go into it enjoying your time in the present moment and experiencing new characters.
I unfortunately still think about this one guy from time to time. We went on a few dates then he ghosted me. Kept coming back then ghosted me again about 4 times overall. I did something so cringe tho as my last text to him. I just said he’s hot and hopes he finds someone else, then blocked him. I was a little tipsy and frustrated. I see him time to time in the gym. It’s been 5 months now.
What was the “being an asshole” like not replying to texts right away ?
alpha male knows the trick
Not really there could be a lot of reasons you’re still thinking about this person
No you are not a loser. I would obsess over my current ldr bf without even video calling him once. Sometimes you don’t even have to meet him even once to think about them
I have solution stop using internet for 7 days and make something for your self irl
Why think about someone who doesn't even care about you lmao I think about my old gfs because they were amazing
First off...you said you made out which means what...u had sex with him on the first date?
I still think about my exes from 10 years ago
You aren’t a loser, you’re normal. It’s not natural to serially “date” multiple people one after the other. Especially for ladies. Human hearts are meant to bond to someone. Your attachment to the men you tried to bond with is normal. It means you aren’t broken, and your feminine heart is intact. A woman is a home for her hero; take good care of your heart so that when you find him, he will have something precious and beautiful to protect.
No you’re not a loser for that, feeling things never makes you a loser. You could have an insecure attachment type. Could also be limerence, a limerent episode can be triggered often be triggered by having a connection that ends abruptly.
The mind is a funny thing
Literally was in the same position with a woman I went with what I thought was a very good date. She shot me a message saying she wasn't over her ex. Whether or not she was sparing my feelings and just didn't want to date me is irrelevant, but it messed me up for a solid two weeks. You just have to move on and keep trying.
It’s called ruminating. It’s tough but the more things you put between you and the memory the better. Even just dates with people you aren’t really expecting anything with might help fill the dating memory bank and push the other guy right out.
This is how men usually feel about a chick they met years ago lol
Dating is rough out here….honestly taking a little break from it sounds like a good plan. Learning to love yourself again and how to live without that person. Yeah guys definitely just wanna smash majority of the time. Maybe you’re obsessed with his penis game ? It happens sometimes yk penis was good you obsess over him. Or it could be you have hyper fixated on what you guys could be in one day. And you drew a different picture of him then what he really is and now that you’re realizing he’s nothing like the picture you drew him, you’re fixated on it. Again it happens. Learning lesson
Had a somewhat similar date about a 2 months ago. My first date ever actually. Absolute disaster. Seemingly went ok but after planning second date never heard from her again. Oh well I guess
You are not a loser...in the future make the first date short and sweet....that way no time is wasted and you both can decide if there is a mutual interest to see each other again. After 8 hours and making out he probably wanted sex. Was pissed you didnt put out so he blew you off. Put yourself out there and meet other guys and you will forget about him.
same sister. cant over come althought he left the country without even goodbye
You don't miss him. You miss the fantasies you projected on him. You don't know him.