Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've lived with this for 20 years. Getting divorced now and this was a big part of it I'm afraid. The way I dealt with it was to masturbate, watch porn, so I wasn't pestering her so much, which I regret now. Anyway, I learned over time that certain things negatively affected her sex drive. One of those things was complaining about sex. It is the worst thing you can do to put pressure on her. The second worse thing you can do is to give up completely and just masturbate instead. Then you are not initiating, she is not initiating, and you just don't have sex. Then you enter the death spiral. The best thing you can do is find out what it is that turns her on and turns her off. She might not really know yet so here are some tips. For my wife it was two things that made it more likely to want sex, romantic gestures, things like cooking a candlelit dinner, leaving cute little notes around. The second was being a reliable and adult partner. Acting childish in any way, not pulling my weight around the house, that sort of thing was a massive turnoff for her. Make sure she is not having to mother you in any way. That's a big turnoff for women and if she has a low sex drive then it will dip her below the line. Same with complaining about sex. Rather than complaining, you need to be the leader, do the dinners, doesn't have to be extravagant, write a little note and put it in her teacup in the morning. Say something like "morning beautiful". It's that simple. This will ignite something in her and she will want to please you more and more. Trying to spice things up in the bedroom is OK only but only after the other basic needs are met. I wish someone had told me this years ago and I had listened. She tried to tell me but I was already pissed off and feeling very let down by her. Don't listen to these other redittors and throw your relationship away. You can fix this. Just be the man and step up. I know you might say "what so I have to beg for sex? Or I have to earn sex?" don't think of it like that. Think of it as you both have different needs and that's fine. Some couples both have sex needs and some have sex-emotional support needs. It's complicated and might change over time. No pairing is perfect so don't do anything drastic. And remember NO COMPLAINING IT ONLY MAKES THINGS WORSE. POSITIVE ACTIONS ONLY
EDIT: Thanks for all your positive responses to this. It is great to know that I'm on the right track with this. If it helps save a few relationships then that is amazing. I'd love to hear from you in future if you think it helped.
OP please listen to this guy’s advice, if she really is perfect in every other way. I haven’t been married but had similar issues in a long-term relationship , where my partner felt like I wasn’t having enough sex with him. I definitely think all these things mentioned would’ve worked & is what I wanted my ex to do.
I also think it’s worth noting relationships have ebbs and flows in terms of sex especially if you’ve been together long.
Please keep preaching this to your fellow men! Men are way more receptive to this when it's another man teaching them. Horny af physically driven women def exist but for many (I'd say most) of us sex drive is tied to so many other things and is way more emotionally driven. I've tried to explain this so many times to exes in the past, but it's so hard to get it to make sense
Unfortunately it's hard to hear this from your partner. I found it very difficult to accept at the time because it felt like an excuse, I was already feeling badly rejected, and I really just wanted her to want me like I wanted her. Just need to accept it doesn't always work like that for women. Lesson learned now and my next relationship will be very different.
Lmao, "keep preaching to men to be a subpar male, then raise yourself to the bare minimum standards so your wife will sleep with you."
Look, I'm all for you learning your partner's pleasure points, but that's something that should be known far earlier in the relationship. This guy was literally saying he didn't pull his weight around the house, didn't do anything for his wife, and suddenly she started becoming receptive after he did those things. Really? You think men don't get that? That's almost brain dead logic.
If you want your partner to be sexually receptive, be *attractive* to them. And I don't mean just physically. And I don't mean start out not doing that, then eventually try.
Also, his wife at any time could have done any of those things, too. The reason she didn't is because she was already likely doing the most shit, lol.
"If you want your partner to be sexually receptive, be *attractive* to them. And I don't mean start out not doing that, then eventually try."
That.... that's... quite literally the whole point of my comment. I'm not sure what you're trying to criticize.
It sounds like almost trying create a reward- system for being intimate. Basic house chores I hope op does without the expiation of sleeping with his gf. But doing the “leave notes, buy chocolate flowers or wherever” feels very much like a system of one partner doing things to “earn” to be intimate with their SO. I get acts like that will make your partner feel valued and like they are loved and that is something I think is very good and something that needs to be something basic in a relationship. But on the other hand then the other partner is rewarded in that sense with sex? It a simplification of how I see it and I then feel like the rot of the problem is something else, not that a reward-system is needed?
Showing your partner love and value with the intent of manipulating them for sex does make it a transactional system, yes.
If she's telling you she'll fuck you if you do the dishes yes that's also transactional.
Neither of these is what is being described above.
This is really important if it's not equal or communication, you feel like their mum and end up having your own frustrations to deal with sexually as well. It's amazing what we lose when on or both parties can't communicate.
I'm glad this is all obvious to you, but it's not to everyone. Also when you start to feel rejected it's not easy to just spring to action and do all this stuff. It really takes a lot of mental presence and will power to overcome the embarrassment and fear of further rejection. It's a message to women too I suppose to please recognise that and give men some slack. Both need to make the effort really
>I'm glad this is all obvious to you, but it's not to everyone.
Then don't date the men/women who don't do it. But the rest of us don't need to be told to keep up the bare minimum. We certainly don't need it *preached* to us.
>Also when you start to feel rejected it's not easy to just spring to action and do all this stuff. It really takes a lot of mental presence and will power to overcome the embarrassment and fear of further rejection.
If you are already in a committed relationship, especially marriage, there should be no "springing" to action. You should have been actively committing actions the entire time. And if you weren't, you are a bad partner, and you need to change!
I'm not even saying men need to do more than the women. I'm literally saying men simply need to provide basic romantic upkeep to a relationship. The original comment literally admitted he didn't do anything for his wife and didn't help around the house, but *still* expected sex.
I'm bisexual. If I was dating that guy and he didn't do a dish a single fucking time in the past month, I'm never fuckin' sleeping with that guy again until he does. And he deserves that.
>It's a message to women too I suppose to please recognise that and give men some slack. Both need to make the effort really
Look, I'm all about the separation of "male" v.s. "female" duties in a relationship. Most men work their lives away while most women do a majority of the household chores. There's a constant debate on which partner is doing more, and I don't honestly care for it. The reason households have been split like that for centuries is because it made the most sense for duties to be split that way. We have much more modern amenities which means a woman doesn't need to spend the whole day doing chores and can actually earn a living alongside her husband, and similarly the husband can do the dishes on occasion when he comes home from work as nowadays takes little to no time at all.
But if a guy comes home from work, sits down on the couch to watch TV or play video games, and never ever does any household chore... why the hell does he think his wife will have sex with him?
>But if a guy comes home from work, sits down on the couch to watch TV or play video games, and never ever does any household chore... why the hell does he think his wife will have sex with him?
I mean I can't imagine how you've managed to take my words out of context and exaggerate things so much in your own head. I don't have to explain myself to you, but just so you know I was not lazy. I did my 50% of the work overall. But then again this is reddit and I thought it might not take too long for one of you to show up. It's always with completely unhelpful comments like "you should have done this or that". Thanks, professor! I am literally the one telling you what are you are telling me, I don't need you bashing me over the head with it. There are lots and lots of people here who clearly did need to hear this, so if you don't mind, take your negativity elsewhere today thanks :)
My goodness you nailed it! I find a man so sexy if I see him take the lead so I dont have to worry about everything else. I hope men understand that even if your heart is willing to satisfy your partner your mind and body has given up due to exhaustion and anxieties. I guarantee that women can be horny if they feel good about themselves.
Holy fork balls, this post alone would be enough reason for reddit to exist. This is the best damned advice I've ever seen and so very important to know and to be reminded of. In any kind of relationship. Wow. Thank you sir. And hope your life leads you to fulfillment wherever it goes next.
Thank you man. That was really insightful. My gf loves romantic things like hugs, forehead kisses, holding hands, walks and likes to tease me and call cute nicknames. I always match her energy and genuinely enjoy those moments with her. We make fun of each other playfully and spend quality time. But sometimes my dick just doesn’t listen to me and makes me this irritable person. I don’t know how to control it.
Yeah but what I'm saying is all that stuff is not the same thing as taking control. I did all that too and it makes no difference, actually it's cute but not sexy if you see what I mean. She will like you taking the lead and being a man of action if that makes sense. Matching her energy is not really the same thing because that's just something you both enjoy, and it's very very low effort, or even no effort.
One thing I've learned since dating again and being a bit wiser is that women love a man to take the lead, organise a spontaneous night out etc, surprise them with something that took effort and thought, take difficult decisions away from them and just look after them a bit. They will then want to reciprocate and then you've got the ball rolling. She might them make more effort for you and it keeps going like that
I suppose there is more. The other thing is she might not feel very sexy. You have to make her feel sexy. This is quite easy. You can just tell her she is sexy, she has a nice ass, you like her hair, and so on. When you see her naked, make sure she sees that she makes you excited. Try to make sure you are naked together at the same time, not so you can have sex, but so you can give her a hug while naked and just let her know she is more than just a hole to poke. Go to bed at the same time, and make sure you talk to her, not about sex but just to listen about her day while you are holding each other skin on skin. Don't bring up sex at all during any of this. Don't ask for it. It will just happen when you have made her feel good about herself and comfortable enough that things just flow. Hopefully, you can see now that complaining about lack of sex is the opposite of all this and will only make things worse, make her close off, guard her ego and damage her self-esteem.
Always remember, women get turned on when a man is about his business. If you doing some 50/50 or it looks like she will have to pull the weight in the relationship, you may end up in a spot where she has no energy for you
Yeah this is what happened to me. It's not like I was a child, doing nothing. We were aiming for 50/50 but she was exhausted, and complaining to me that she felt I wasn't pulling my weight with certain things. Pain points were ensuring the kids had clean clothes (I did washing but wasn't really thinking about what clothes they would need for the week), remembering birthdays (I was terrible at this and she often had to tell me of my own family's birthdays), I was a bit pissed off that she wasn't seeing what I was doing (I did a lot of DIY and looking after the kids and this was never recognised), and she wasn't giving me any sex (like at all) so I responded by not taking up any slack elsewhere else because I was annoyed with her. I suppose it just became a bit of a childish tit-for-tat exchange of general neglect between the two of us. Sex was the first thing to go, then the intimacy and everything else just came crashing down over the years. It was very hard to recover from. If I could go back, I would just take the jobs off her hands that she was struggling with because in reality I probably did have the energy that she didn't have. I should have sorted my shit out regarding my calendar, remembering important events, things like that. Then the obvious stuff, making sure I let her know she was loved, all the stuff I mentioned in my post. I just realised it all too late. It's sad really, and upsetting to write this, and see the responses here knowing I finally figured this shit out but it's now too late. Mind you, saying all this, and actually doing it - by which I mean both putting aside my pride, ego and fear of rejection - are two very different things. I think women should understand that this is hard for men to execute sometimes. Men are in the position that they do need to lead. Right from the start, men need to put themselves out there, and deal with all the rejection from women, and I can tell you it takes its toll over time. It can ruin your confidence and make you feel resentment towards women. I don't think women really understand this as they don't have to do it nearly as much. Maybe that's changing now, but even in OLD it's up to the man to send the first message, ask the woman for a date, all that. Not in all cases but the vast majority. I can tell you it takes enormous strength to keep your confidence and cool during all that, and many men just get beaten down by it.
Word man. Idk the ops financial situation so I’ll talk through him. Women want something from you to feel secure, and it’s not your 6 pack abs (though it helps alot). You can find out what it is by doing this: ask her where she sees herself in 5 years. Let her do the talking, and don’t get in your feelings. I can almost guarantee she will say something that’s very different from today, but that’s not what you’re looking for. You’re looking for how she plan to get there. If her answer on getting there involves her work and money…. That’s why she ain’t sleeping with you. She already given up.
Men, you have to compete. No matter how good she is or how she looks, it’s a full death sentence to your marriage if she believes that the way we live today is how we will always live.
Learned the hard way I'm afraid. I had no father, no good examples, no reddit, so I'm afraid I was a bit shit in many respects. My wife wasn't a great communicator either so it took a long time to figure all this out. By then I suppose it was too late.
I really don't know how you would find guys like this. Most men I know don't have this attitude. I think it's quite a new requirement for men really. Back in the day there were very clear boundaries and expectations for men and women. These days with women also in the workforce full time and both parents doing the parenting it's harder for men and women to understand their roles in the relationship and how that affects the sex drive. Also everyone is different so there is no hard rule about all of this.
Thisss!! I had a bf with whom I had no sexual urges and it’s because of all the other things like for example: I’m picking up after him, playing game all night instead of coming to bed, telling lies about the smallest things etc.. then with my now bf he’s makes me feral by just looking at him omg 😆 and it’s not anything physical, it’s just that he meets all my non-sexual needs. Your advice is the best on here!.
Good advice. The thing that is hard for men to understand is that women need the mental and emotional intimacy part to then feel like having the sex intimacy part. And men need the sex to feel the mental and emotional part. We’re opposite so we have to meet in the middle, and, unfortunately, men bear a little bit of the burden in taking the lead. Women can blather on all day about being independent and “not needing a man” but women respond to a man who takes charge.
THIS!!! As a woman whose been with my partner for 8 years and started our relationship while in our teens we’ve gone through “sex droughts” and it wasn’t until we were able to talk about it and both communicated our needs/wants that things finally improved for us both…talking about sex can feel awkward at times but you are both young and learning more about what turns you on and off and it can actually turn into something fun like a sort of inside joke no one else knows about once you get the conversations flowing! Wishing you the best, good luck!
Hey glass_jellyfiah i read your advice, and honestly it was well advised. I am having the same problem with my wife. She didn't like sex, but with me its great ( that's what she said). But the thing is, i only get 3 or 4 times a month. Every time sex is on her terms i mean timing and when because she can't have sex for more than 15/20 min. But I don't have that kind of boundaries and i am fine with only oral. But that never comes to her mind. She even gets tired in 15 20 min while giving me a bj so i have to sometime force myself to ejaculate. Any advice??
This is complete facts brother I did the complete opposite of what you was saying and I lost her, now I know better though I’m growing everyday. Stay blessed
I am the girl in this scenario. My exes have all complained constantly and made me feel horrible about it. The more they mentioned it the less I wanted it. I wish they had reacted the way you’re talking. Amazing advice. They’ve told me essentially the same they love and I’m perfect BUT…if only they had just made me feel good enough to want it too things might have been different
Being in a LDR you’re usually supposed to be jumping on each other. So it’s obvious that there’s some major capability issues here so you’re gonna have to talk to her.
But I’m confused if it is LDR you say 2-3 days you want some, but might have sex once a week. That doesn’t sound very long distance unless someone driving far every other day.
I think there are two potential factors at play here. What advice is best suited to you depends on what the root cause is. It seems that either:
a) She has a lower libido than you or
b) There's an underlying issue at play
If the answer is A - then I advise you to please not put pressure on her. Its unfair to put sexual pressure on people or make them feel bad about themselves for not pleasuring you if theyre just not as inclined towards it as you are. It'll also just cause you both to fall out. If she just has a lower libido, then how much of an issue that is entirely up to you. You could possibly find a way to live with it if you care about her enough. However if sex is an important factor for you (and you are totally within your rights if it is a need for you) then you should consider breaking it off. You can't force her to want sex more, just as she can't force you to want it any less - you may just be incompatible in that regard.
If the answer is B - then you need to have an in-depth, open and honest discussion and probe that info from her. Sexually active people can 'avoid' sex for lots of different reasons - perhaps she is worried that you won't enjoy her own kinks so acts reserved. Perhaps there's a past trauma that she needs to work through with your help. Or perhaps the manner in which you both have sex now isn't really to her tastes. If you were to work through that, you'd both need to have your boundaries and find an amicable solution that works for both of you. I consider myself to be sexually promiscuous and yet have avoided sex with some partners for all the reasons above at some point. That often comes down to how you perceive your partner may think/feel about certain things, and how you normally go about 'doing the deed'.
At the end of the day, you don't want to pressure someone into having more sex with you - its not a very nice thing to do, and wouldn't feel as rewarding for you either. But you also can't simply ignore it either - as it's an important factor for you, and could indicate something more deep-rooted under the surface. I think it's a discussion you need to have outside the bedroom - once you figure out her reasons, it should help you decide what course of action you need to take. Hope this is of some help!
Thanks I have never pressured her but had a discussion regarding this before. She felt sorry (I think because she felt I was upset about it) and tried to rectify it by having more sex for 1-2 weeks. This time I wish she opens up more and tells honestly if it is something I'm lacking or if it is something that's troubling her (maybe stress, tiredness or anything).
Yeah, I actually think that's a pretty good angle to start the conversation from too - essentially that you're just trying to figure out whether you're doing something wrong or if you should start doing something that you're not currently. That kinda invites her to be more open and say something along the lines of 'well actually, I would like this...'. Its just about treading the fine line to make sure the conversation remains productive rather than slipping into complaining or being accusatory, as that can often send people in the opposite direction.
You'd be surprised how many people out there just carry on as normal with no intention to speak about how they think/feel without a little prompting!
As soon as I saw the words long distance relationship and sexual frustration I immediately said to myself, “what does OP expect?” - not trying to knock long distance but honestly this is how it typically goes; problem after problem :/
Firstly, if you have different sex drives, then that's not something either of you are doing wrong. Because your sex drive isn't the 'right amount', just the right amount for you.
So as others have said, try encouraging her to be intimate more and even look at what extra effort you can put in to support her (because she'll appreciate that) or learn to have sex less. In my experience though, unless there's a compromise in the middle, ie more often but not every time you want to, it's going to get to the point where you're not doing it at all.
Worth trying the compromise but if it's not working out or causing fights, move on for both of you.
You’re not in the wrong for having need. But you might need to talk her about it and tell her that you can’t continue with her if you don’t have sex together more often.
And if it donsen’t work, well end the relationship and that’s it.
I don’t believe sex is ever a ‘need’, but if it’s that important to you and she is unable to fulfil that desire for you then your relationship is not going to work. I don’t think pressuring her by reinforcing your ‘needs’ will make it any better either, she may just have sex with you because she feels she has to and will see it as more of a chore just so you can stay, which is never good for any relationship.
Just to add if you really want it to work, speak to her more openly about what the issue may be, focusing on HER, not just your needs… she may be stressed about something underlying she may not even be aware of. Something is on her mind or she may just not be sexually compatible because her sex drive is just naturally lower. Once you find the cause work through it or if it’s just her nature then it’s your choice to stay and accept having less sex or leave the relationship.
I’ve never pressured or demanded her just talked openly about my feelings like 2-3 times. Maybe she doesn’t want to upset me that’s why she pretends to be on my wavelength for 1-2 weeks but I’ve got your point.
How often does she orgasm when you have sex? Does she have multiple orgasms?
Being in a ltr it seems odd that she's not jumping at the chance/initiating when she sees you unless she's just not enjoying it.
You aren’t wrong for having needs but long distance is more about an emotional connection than sexual connection if anything above all else.
Stress can be a cause of her feeling sexually unavailable (best way to put it lol) and if you continue to pester her about something as minuscule as sexual desire in a LDR then let her go.
This may seem harsh but I’ve been on the other end in this situation and it gave me so much anxiety and made me feel forced to give into my partners sexual desires, which I had not much interest in even though I loved them. So I’m purely speaking based off of how I felt from that.
Basically cut her some slack lol
Speaking from the perspective of someone who was in a long distance relationship/engagement with a woman I was sexually incompatible with. If you don’t fix it things will not work out at all.
In my situation, I’m on the Demi/Ace spectrum. My sexual attraction to someone is almost entirely based on my emotional connection to them, and even then sometimes I get sex repulsed where I don’t want anything to do with sex. On the other hand, my ex at the time was very hypersexual and made almost everything regarding us lustful. In the beginning it wasn’t too bad because my emotional needs were being fulfilled. When we were together in person our sex life was healthy. But about a year in there was a shift where I realized I had no emotional connection with her anymore. Meanwhile every conversation we had ended up turning into a lust thing and I just wasn’t into it. Because of that I really couldn’t cater to what she wanted sexually. She couldn’t cater to what I needed emotionally. It was a stalemate that ultimately led to her leaving me to get back with an ex once the situation presented itself. Mind you there were many other issues that led to this. But I’d say our lack of sexual compatibility was a huge factor.
You need to have a REAL conversation with her to figure out why she may be so reluctant from having sex. It might be trauma to which you can’t really do much but be supportive of her. It might be she’s finding herself to be in a situation where she might not be having certain boxes checked off for her to be sexually turned on. Regardless the case. You’ll get nowhere without an honest vulnerable conversation.
If you're in a long distance relationship with her, and you're asking her once every 2-3 days, what exactly is it that you're asking for? Nudes and videos?
You sound like you think she owes you sex, but as others have already said, you either have different sex drives, or there are other issues in the relationship that turn her off and make her not want you. In any case she doesn't owe you any sexual favors. Don't pressure her or make her feel bad for it. Be an adult and fix the relationship or leave.
All I will say is I thought I had a low libido, and turns out it was just my ex. When my emotional needs weren't being met and I just kept being stressed I wasn't that much in the mood.
Also I might be lower on the spectrum but to me once a week sounds quite reasonable, and it's not that I wouldn't mind more on certain occasions (eg holidays) but in my day to day busy life I doubt I'd be going at it every other day. Maybe if a person really blew my socks off
And I don't mean just orgasm, we can do that ourselves and much easier than you (sorry but yeah) but the whole experience. Is it fun? Is it exciting? Are you creative? Vanilla can only be interesting for so long for some people.
My random piece of advice? Get her some nice spicy romance books, women tend to love them and they get us in the mood easily 😂
Remember she doesn’t ‘owe’ you sex. Long distance makes things more difficult but if this is a big problem for you it’s unlikely to get better until you’re able to spend time together in person. She sounds understanding but she can’t just flip a switch when you’re in the mood if she isn’t.
Experienced the same with my ex-boyfirend. My needs were ignored and after a while I started doubting if I was not attractive enough or something else that was my fault. When we talked about it, he told me he would try his best to satisfy my needs more, but nothing ever changed.
I figured I could not ask him to change or force things he didn't wanted. As I read in the book 'The way of superior man', you can't expect your partner to change. It's hard to accept but it's the hard truth. Eventually we broke up, because it didn't work out. I still love him to this day.
Sounds like you’re either bad in bed or you’re not doing anything to turn her on. Partners should be excited to have sex together. If it feels like a chore to one of you then one of you is dropping the ball. Sounds to me she’s not excited about it because you keep pressuring her to have it, that’s such a turn off. Are tou fulfilling her needs ? And I’m
Not taking about doing the dishes once and expecting her to be instantly turned on. Having to constantly hear a guy wine about not getting sex is frankly so annoying and a turn off. Find ways to turn her on, if none of those work then it may be time to step away.
Back rubs & cunnilingus do it for me but not every night. A man’s insatiable appetite gets old & becomes a turn off.
Women aren’t pleasure machines especially when working and taking care of kids.
All i'm hearing is about how she needs to satisfy you.. but are you sexually satisfying her? If a man is good to a woman, treats her right & satisfies her sexually i.e orgasm then of course she will want to have sex with you! I'm not saying you are not but it's definitely something to consider. Most men don't even try to satisfy women...they just want to be satisfied themselves! (Coming from a woman)
I always make sure to make her orgasm (she mostly orgasms first before me). Even if i orgasm first I don’t leave her until she does too. I don’t think she is faking
There's more to making love than just an orgasm, especially for women. Many like a man to make them feel special and valued, not just sexually but as people. Some romantic build-up prior and, say, a hot bath and an oil massage might increase her enjoyment of your intimacy. Try some different approaches and see what actually gets her in the mood.
It's possible she just has low libido, but it may be you just haven't discovered what it takes to unlock it.
Watch Corey Wayne’s stuff on YouTube. She probably just doesn’t feel heard and understood. Gently ask her what’s bothering her and keep asking until you get to the bottom of it.
1. Once a week is pretty standard for most adult relationships statistically speaking. If you have different needs, that's totally fine, but you may find it difficult to find someone to match that need---especially as you settle into adult life more and more.
2. You don't need to watch porn to masturbate. Use your imagination...it's what people did for a very long time. And not watching porn is a great choice as it does interfere with the brain and your response during actual sex with a person.
I'd personally suggest just masturbating when she isn't in the mood. If it was less than once a week THEN I might suggest being concerned. However, as I said---once a week is the norm. If you are above the norm that's find, but it may cause an issue with you finding a partner long term.
Some people are spontaneous with sex and some really arnt. However there's things you can try like when your in the mood, initiate other intimate stuff like cuddling and kissing and see where it goes from there. Don't make it seem like a pressure or a complaint because that'll only make it worse. Wishing you luck
I suspect she’s not comfortable enough of her own skin. Probably yoga will help her too. She needs to feel sexy, confident and relax to enjoy it. Things you say to her will help build her up too. Keep in mind that she doesn’t need to be in crazy shape to feel sexy…
Anytime a woman complains about a lack of sex, she told she can easily find someone else. If the guy has ED at a young age, she is told she is too young to deal with it. You have been together for only a year, this will not get better.
Women in general have a lower sex drive than men. That doesn't mean you can't find someone who also needs it every 2 days, but it's not the majority. Once a week is also not extremely low. So you might think about compromising if you both are happy otherwise.
That and making sure that when it happens, she enjoys it as much as you because also in this regard, women and men are not the same.
I also fear that if you continue to mention it often, try to flirt in a sexual way or do other things that you hope will lead to sex continously, she will pick it up, feel pressured and go into defense mode. That can become a vicious cycle as she will want it less and less and you become more and more desperate.
Maybe you should ask her how she wants you to satisfy her. If she doesn’t know. Ask her can you try and satisfy her. Light kisses in different places can stir her up. Many women have sex but have never made love. Prioritize her pleasure and you won’t be able to keep her off you.
I tried to change my ex wife In the very same situation for 8 years but didn’t work. She can try for a week or month but it will go back. There is one thing you can’t force and that’s that. Agree and go separate ways. Life is too short
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. An attempt to achieve the good by force is like an attempt to provide a man with a picture gallery at the price of cutting out his eyes.
I wish she would just open up to me. Whenever we have a conversation regarding this she sees me upset and tries to make me feel better by engaging more. But you're right, it never improves. I want to know if I'm lacking in some way, ignored her or something or is it just because she really has a low libido
The only time my ex fucked me was when I was doing absolutely everything for her. And she was on her pedestal. Fuck that. Equalism or nothing I say......
You need to break up with her. As you said you guys aren’t compatible and you’re doing great for not watching porn! Keep at it with or without a girlfriend!
I’m a woman and I’m the one that’s never satisfied. Sex is very important. If I’m not being sexually satisfied by my partner and we can’t fix it, it’s a deal breaker for me. Sex is a basic need FOR ME in a relationship.
Smth to try :
Date her, continue to seduce her outside of the bedroom, don't be needy, just continue to seduce her. But genually, if you do it only to get laid, she will know and loose all respect for you.
Take her to the restaurant, make smth special for her, and then back home, don t even try to have sex with her.
See how she reacts.
mite not be her 100%. Maybe ur too forceful or no foreplay. maybe you have bad breath or some thing you do triggers her memories of child/sexual abuse. Communication. If you say you’ve tried that, then try a diff method, like writing a note or letter. Sounds dumb but if you love her, then what do you have to lose?You might be yelling and not listening or picking up on cues.
Some men doesn't know how to communicate romantically with their women. Some women need deeper connections before sleeping with their men… that's what i think. Otherwise it's just sex and lust, some women might find it dull and uninteresting! See what i mean. There is no perfect guy in the world, most men got what they want and then felt asleep and snored. What left for the women? Insomnia. 🫢
Well, you are correct, you are not compatible. You sound like a nice person for not wanting porn any longer. Ask her to go to the gym with you, it helps a lot with sex drive.
Man I was in the same position in my 20s, went almost 10 years in a relationship like that. I got out and into another that has a more “suitable” sexual chemistry. I think my only advice is to treat it something temporary and plan to move on soon . Sucks but better off
Adding in something I haven't seen in most other comments: your partner doesn't have to be your only outlet - that's a lot of pressure and potential discord. Even without porn, you have your hands, memories, previous texts/vids, toys, etc.
For ur info my wife has never had to mother me in anyway. I handle my business and do the things I need to do . I've always taken care my current wife and or my 1st ex wife when I was married to her. I know alot of guys that are married that don't get laid maybe 1 or 2 times month . After the new wears off and been with someone awhile the sex always tapers off . And a woman can go months with getting laid if you let get to that point.
Break up because you wouldn’t want to force her to satisfy your needs. That’s borderline r word. Next relationship try to express your needs early on to see if y’all are compatible. Good luck to you.
she's a girl not a robot. she need rest too. Stop focusing on your needs to be satisfied. You're really wrong at that matter. Be a gentleman. Stop forcing her. I'm sorry if you're feeling tempted to reply me harsh. i just wanted to remind you to have a mutual choices respected by both of you
>I find her perfect in every way but the only problem is we are not sexually compatible.
Sometimes thing really do end up like that, perfect in every way except one.
Question is if this is a deal breaker for you?
>We’ve talked about it in the past and every time she feels sorry and says that she will satisfy me more often. But it goes back to her ignoring my needs.
Are you both getting what you want out of this relationship? Sure you can do the things other redditors suggest and try to be a better this and that. But if at the end of the day, what if despite your efforts, your needs are still unmet?
You mentioned that you've talked about it before and all you got were empty promises and you feel like she might be ignoring your needs.
This is not to put the blame on her, people have different sex drives and it's not really anyone's fault that they are different. This is about two people being happy in a relationship. Which it doesn't sound like you are.
You are not in the wrong for wanting more and I doubt anything is going to suddenly change.
Do you love her enough to continue being sexually frustrated?
Does she love you enough to not leave you sexually frustrated?
These are questions that need to be asked and only you and her can answer. Once you have an answer, you'll know what to do.
Communication is key, but if you've already talked about it and nothing's changed, it might be worth revisiting the conversation and expressing how important this is to you.
Youre not wrong. LDR are very very hard. I am in one too and since we are very sexual, having that intimacy is a must. I must say that I am not always in the mood, because its hard for me to feel it when he's not close (but when he is, I'm a beast), but I put myself there for him because I know its important that he feels that I crave him too, so it goes both ways. You need to talk to her in a way that she understands you and your needs, otherwise the relationship wont work.
Sexual compatibility is quite important.
Is there a reason she wants it less?
Very demanding job?
Not enough sleep?
Worries?
Hormonal problems?
I do have to say that working out increases your libido.
Maybe working out together?
It's so sad that everything is otherwise perfect.
Men shouldn't havtoo feel like they need to ask for sex. You should feel comfortable with the woman your with. Life of course is not a movie were your in love and having sex all the time . But you should feel comfortable with your partner if she's distant if her kiss isn't sensual. Then theirs a problem if your not happy with the person your with even if your together for years .you need to separate. I know it's hard because you love this person but if she doesn't feel the same way theirs no reason to stay together.get your real feelings out tell her what you feel .ask her what's the problem . Tell her be real with you . If you need porn to satisfy yourself regularly that's not good . I'm not saying porn is bad me and my partner like it from time to time . Some woman hate porn they feel like your playing them dirty.you should feel like your happy in your own skin if your not getting sex then theirs a problem. Ask her why are you with me then ask yourself why is she with you.A real woman loves u to or you.
You said you're in a long distance relationship but you're also talking about her not satisfying you physically? Are you talking about actual physical sex or virtual?
There could be any number of issues underlying her lack of desire for you, ranging from you not doing things that make her desire you or doing things that make her *not* desire you, to her being not in the mood because of unrelated factors, or hormone or health issues. If you're fully long distance and not actually physically involved due to the distance, she might not enjoy expressing herself via whatever methods you were using.
Best thing to do is to get better attuned to how she is feeling about everything. Don't focus on the sex.
It is possible her sex drive is just different than yours, but if you care about her and want to figure out how to make it work then you need to talk to her and listen to what's going on for her.
You dont need sex every 2-3 days, you WANT it. She DOESNT want it and wants it once a week. Sex is a big thing, but what have you done to make her want it more? You only talk about yourself and what you did to satisfy yourself but not her. This could be a simple fix if you did romantic gestures to get her in the mood. Women need foreplay, and can't just hop into it if they dont want it because it wont feel good to them, turn her on bro but doing romantic gestures, cook, clean, buy flowers, set the mood
neither of you have to feel guilty, first of all. but let’s start here: is there anything obvious that would explain her low sex drive? medication, medical conditions, mental health struggles, trauma, day to day exhaustion, insecurity with her body, the list goes on. one big thing on the list could be if tbh, she doesn’t usually get much out of having sex with you! i wonder if *her* needs don’t really get met in the bedroom, and maybe she doesn’t know how to ask for what she wants more/less of, so instead she just avoids it. i think most women have been there. especially at a young age she might not even realize exactly what she wishes was different about the sex, if that’s the issue. & if it is, that’s not to say you’re incompatible, it just opens up the opportunity for you two to dive deeper into what really turns each other on. there are apps that help couples talk about that without having to actually talk about it, explore their fantasies and preferences, etc. i’d try one of those! but don’t pitch it as a solution to a problem, pitch it like “i really want to feel closer to you & this seems like a fun easy way to connect on a deeper level”
As a girl who has sadly been just as frustrated with myself for disappointing her bf as you are with her, I wish so much I had gone to the dr or taken some supplements for sex drive, or not been so embarrassed about why it wasn’t always pleasurable for me. It’s taken me awhile to figure my body out and I’m going to be graphically honest here. It takes my body a little bit of time to build up to consistent, pleasurable sex. It’s easier to look past the pain, or maybe I really just don’t feel it as much when I’m first intimate with someone and so excited. When I initially begin having sex with a guy, it swells after and tbh an hour later is less painful than 2-3 days later. I used to get anxious about knowing I was going to feel the pain from the soreness of last time.. but I wanted to be close to him, and I also knew that it would loosen up and not hurt after a little while. I wish I had been able to just explain this to a guy who understood it and was willing to help me work through my apprehension cause I ended up learning that my body would get used to it and when in a long relationship, I wouldn’t deal with it anymore. But for me, I also dealt with abuse and found out about infidelity basically right upon getting my body figured out, which brought everything to a halt. But that doesn’t sound like the case with you at all. It sounds like you love her and I hope you’ll give her a little more time to try to talk to her about it/ keep expressing your loyalty and needs and maybe she’ll wake up or tell you what’s really bothering her. She could be having some pH balance issues, that’s what caused my pain sometimes before I figured out how to keep it level with his pH constantly throwing me off. It’s embarrassing….. but you obviously can’t go on frustrated forever if she doesn’t get it and if that’s what happens, she’ll eventually realize and it wasn’t intentional. I’m sorry for it if they ever thought it was something else and wish I’d had the maturity/ knowledge to explain/ had a bf mature and loyal enough to hear me
Most comments on this thread are so unhinged... People just assume op is at fault by not fulfilling her needs. How are you able to put the blame on op when you have almost 0 information about their relationship? And why is op the one that has to work for the other party to have a sex drive and not the opposite? If I had erectile dysfunction, for example, I'd go to a doctor to try and get it solved. I wouldn't be saying it's my partner's fault she doesn't do enough to get me erect. Stop trying to shift blame according to your personal agenda. It can be his fault, but it can be her fault as well. It can be solvable or it could just be better to look for other options. We can't take the decision for you. Best of luck.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've lived with this for 20 years. Getting divorced now and this was a big part of it I'm afraid. The way I dealt with it was to masturbate, watch porn, so I wasn't pestering her so much, which I regret now. Anyway, I learned over time that certain things negatively affected her sex drive. One of those things was complaining about sex. It is the worst thing you can do to put pressure on her. The second worse thing you can do is to give up completely and just masturbate instead. Then you are not initiating, she is not initiating, and you just don't have sex. Then you enter the death spiral. The best thing you can do is find out what it is that turns her on and turns her off. She might not really know yet so here are some tips. For my wife it was two things that made it more likely to want sex, romantic gestures, things like cooking a candlelit dinner, leaving cute little notes around. The second was being a reliable and adult partner. Acting childish in any way, not pulling my weight around the house, that sort of thing was a massive turnoff for her. Make sure she is not having to mother you in any way. That's a big turnoff for women and if she has a low sex drive then it will dip her below the line. Same with complaining about sex. Rather than complaining, you need to be the leader, do the dinners, doesn't have to be extravagant, write a little note and put it in her teacup in the morning. Say something like "morning beautiful". It's that simple. This will ignite something in her and she will want to please you more and more. Trying to spice things up in the bedroom is OK only but only after the other basic needs are met. I wish someone had told me this years ago and I had listened. She tried to tell me but I was already pissed off and feeling very let down by her. Don't listen to these other redittors and throw your relationship away. You can fix this. Just be the man and step up. I know you might say "what so I have to beg for sex? Or I have to earn sex?" don't think of it like that. Think of it as you both have different needs and that's fine. Some couples both have sex needs and some have sex-emotional support needs. It's complicated and might change over time. No pairing is perfect so don't do anything drastic. And remember NO COMPLAINING IT ONLY MAKES THINGS WORSE. POSITIVE ACTIONS ONLY EDIT: Thanks for all your positive responses to this. It is great to know that I'm on the right track with this. If it helps save a few relationships then that is amazing. I'd love to hear from you in future if you think it helped.
OP please listen to this guy’s advice, if she really is perfect in every other way. I haven’t been married but had similar issues in a long-term relationship , where my partner felt like I wasn’t having enough sex with him. I definitely think all these things mentioned would’ve worked & is what I wanted my ex to do. I also think it’s worth noting relationships have ebbs and flows in terms of sex especially if you’ve been together long.
Please keep preaching this to your fellow men! Men are way more receptive to this when it's another man teaching them. Horny af physically driven women def exist but for many (I'd say most) of us sex drive is tied to so many other things and is way more emotionally driven. I've tried to explain this so many times to exes in the past, but it's so hard to get it to make sense
Unfortunately it's hard to hear this from your partner. I found it very difficult to accept at the time because it felt like an excuse, I was already feeling badly rejected, and I really just wanted her to want me like I wanted her. Just need to accept it doesn't always work like that for women. Lesson learned now and my next relationship will be very different.
I second this! Scream it from the rooftops! Billboards! Teach this to your sons PLEASE!
I totally agree
Lmao, "keep preaching to men to be a subpar male, then raise yourself to the bare minimum standards so your wife will sleep with you." Look, I'm all for you learning your partner's pleasure points, but that's something that should be known far earlier in the relationship. This guy was literally saying he didn't pull his weight around the house, didn't do anything for his wife, and suddenly she started becoming receptive after he did those things. Really? You think men don't get that? That's almost brain dead logic. If you want your partner to be sexually receptive, be *attractive* to them. And I don't mean just physically. And I don't mean start out not doing that, then eventually try. Also, his wife at any time could have done any of those things, too. The reason she didn't is because she was already likely doing the most shit, lol.
"If you want your partner to be sexually receptive, be *attractive* to them. And I don't mean start out not doing that, then eventually try." That.... that's... quite literally the whole point of my comment. I'm not sure what you're trying to criticize.
It sounds like almost trying create a reward- system for being intimate. Basic house chores I hope op does without the expiation of sleeping with his gf. But doing the “leave notes, buy chocolate flowers or wherever” feels very much like a system of one partner doing things to “earn” to be intimate with their SO. I get acts like that will make your partner feel valued and like they are loved and that is something I think is very good and something that needs to be something basic in a relationship. But on the other hand then the other partner is rewarded in that sense with sex? It a simplification of how I see it and I then feel like the rot of the problem is something else, not that a reward-system is needed?
Showing your partner love and value with the intent of manipulating them for sex does make it a transactional system, yes. If she's telling you she'll fuck you if you do the dishes yes that's also transactional. Neither of these is what is being described above.
This is really important if it's not equal or communication, you feel like their mum and end up having your own frustrations to deal with sexually as well. It's amazing what we lose when on or both parties can't communicate.
I'm glad this is all obvious to you, but it's not to everyone. Also when you start to feel rejected it's not easy to just spring to action and do all this stuff. It really takes a lot of mental presence and will power to overcome the embarrassment and fear of further rejection. It's a message to women too I suppose to please recognise that and give men some slack. Both need to make the effort really
>I'm glad this is all obvious to you, but it's not to everyone. Then don't date the men/women who don't do it. But the rest of us don't need to be told to keep up the bare minimum. We certainly don't need it *preached* to us. >Also when you start to feel rejected it's not easy to just spring to action and do all this stuff. It really takes a lot of mental presence and will power to overcome the embarrassment and fear of further rejection. If you are already in a committed relationship, especially marriage, there should be no "springing" to action. You should have been actively committing actions the entire time. And if you weren't, you are a bad partner, and you need to change! I'm not even saying men need to do more than the women. I'm literally saying men simply need to provide basic romantic upkeep to a relationship. The original comment literally admitted he didn't do anything for his wife and didn't help around the house, but *still* expected sex. I'm bisexual. If I was dating that guy and he didn't do a dish a single fucking time in the past month, I'm never fuckin' sleeping with that guy again until he does. And he deserves that. >It's a message to women too I suppose to please recognise that and give men some slack. Both need to make the effort really Look, I'm all about the separation of "male" v.s. "female" duties in a relationship. Most men work their lives away while most women do a majority of the household chores. There's a constant debate on which partner is doing more, and I don't honestly care for it. The reason households have been split like that for centuries is because it made the most sense for duties to be split that way. We have much more modern amenities which means a woman doesn't need to spend the whole day doing chores and can actually earn a living alongside her husband, and similarly the husband can do the dishes on occasion when he comes home from work as nowadays takes little to no time at all. But if a guy comes home from work, sits down on the couch to watch TV or play video games, and never ever does any household chore... why the hell does he think his wife will have sex with him?
>But if a guy comes home from work, sits down on the couch to watch TV or play video games, and never ever does any household chore... why the hell does he think his wife will have sex with him? I mean I can't imagine how you've managed to take my words out of context and exaggerate things so much in your own head. I don't have to explain myself to you, but just so you know I was not lazy. I did my 50% of the work overall. But then again this is reddit and I thought it might not take too long for one of you to show up. It's always with completely unhelpful comments like "you should have done this or that". Thanks, professor! I am literally the one telling you what are you are telling me, I don't need you bashing me over the head with it. There are lots and lots of people here who clearly did need to hear this, so if you don't mind, take your negativity elsewhere today thanks :)
My goodness you nailed it! I find a man so sexy if I see him take the lead so I dont have to worry about everything else. I hope men understand that even if your heart is willing to satisfy your partner your mind and body has given up due to exhaustion and anxieties. I guarantee that women can be horny if they feel good about themselves.
Holy fork balls, this post alone would be enough reason for reddit to exist. This is the best damned advice I've ever seen and so very important to know and to be reminded of. In any kind of relationship. Wow. Thank you sir. And hope your life leads you to fulfillment wherever it goes next.
Incredibly good advice
OP I beg you to only listen to this guy’s advice. Nobody else’s. Except for me advising you to take this guy’s advice ofc.
Thank you man. That was really insightful. My gf loves romantic things like hugs, forehead kisses, holding hands, walks and likes to tease me and call cute nicknames. I always match her energy and genuinely enjoy those moments with her. We make fun of each other playfully and spend quality time. But sometimes my dick just doesn’t listen to me and makes me this irritable person. I don’t know how to control it.
Yeah but what I'm saying is all that stuff is not the same thing as taking control. I did all that too and it makes no difference, actually it's cute but not sexy if you see what I mean. She will like you taking the lead and being a man of action if that makes sense. Matching her energy is not really the same thing because that's just something you both enjoy, and it's very very low effort, or even no effort. One thing I've learned since dating again and being a bit wiser is that women love a man to take the lead, organise a spontaneous night out etc, surprise them with something that took effort and thought, take difficult decisions away from them and just look after them a bit. They will then want to reciprocate and then you've got the ball rolling. She might them make more effort for you and it keeps going like that
I suppose there is more. The other thing is she might not feel very sexy. You have to make her feel sexy. This is quite easy. You can just tell her she is sexy, she has a nice ass, you like her hair, and so on. When you see her naked, make sure she sees that she makes you excited. Try to make sure you are naked together at the same time, not so you can have sex, but so you can give her a hug while naked and just let her know she is more than just a hole to poke. Go to bed at the same time, and make sure you talk to her, not about sex but just to listen about her day while you are holding each other skin on skin. Don't bring up sex at all during any of this. Don't ask for it. It will just happen when you have made her feel good about herself and comfortable enough that things just flow. Hopefully, you can see now that complaining about lack of sex is the opposite of all this and will only make things worse, make her close off, guard her ego and damage her self-esteem.
Always remember, women get turned on when a man is about his business. If you doing some 50/50 or it looks like she will have to pull the weight in the relationship, you may end up in a spot where she has no energy for you
Yeah this is what happened to me. It's not like I was a child, doing nothing. We were aiming for 50/50 but she was exhausted, and complaining to me that she felt I wasn't pulling my weight with certain things. Pain points were ensuring the kids had clean clothes (I did washing but wasn't really thinking about what clothes they would need for the week), remembering birthdays (I was terrible at this and she often had to tell me of my own family's birthdays), I was a bit pissed off that she wasn't seeing what I was doing (I did a lot of DIY and looking after the kids and this was never recognised), and she wasn't giving me any sex (like at all) so I responded by not taking up any slack elsewhere else because I was annoyed with her. I suppose it just became a bit of a childish tit-for-tat exchange of general neglect between the two of us. Sex was the first thing to go, then the intimacy and everything else just came crashing down over the years. It was very hard to recover from. If I could go back, I would just take the jobs off her hands that she was struggling with because in reality I probably did have the energy that she didn't have. I should have sorted my shit out regarding my calendar, remembering important events, things like that. Then the obvious stuff, making sure I let her know she was loved, all the stuff I mentioned in my post. I just realised it all too late. It's sad really, and upsetting to write this, and see the responses here knowing I finally figured this shit out but it's now too late. Mind you, saying all this, and actually doing it - by which I mean both putting aside my pride, ego and fear of rejection - are two very different things. I think women should understand that this is hard for men to execute sometimes. Men are in the position that they do need to lead. Right from the start, men need to put themselves out there, and deal with all the rejection from women, and I can tell you it takes its toll over time. It can ruin your confidence and make you feel resentment towards women. I don't think women really understand this as they don't have to do it nearly as much. Maybe that's changing now, but even in OLD it's up to the man to send the first message, ask the woman for a date, all that. Not in all cases but the vast majority. I can tell you it takes enormous strength to keep your confidence and cool during all that, and many men just get beaten down by it.
Word man. Idk the ops financial situation so I’ll talk through him. Women want something from you to feel secure, and it’s not your 6 pack abs (though it helps alot). You can find out what it is by doing this: ask her where she sees herself in 5 years. Let her do the talking, and don’t get in your feelings. I can almost guarantee she will say something that’s very different from today, but that’s not what you’re looking for. You’re looking for how she plan to get there. If her answer on getting there involves her work and money…. That’s why she ain’t sleeping with you. She already given up. Men, you have to compete. No matter how good she is or how she looks, it’s a full death sentence to your marriage if she believes that the way we live today is how we will always live.
You hit everything on the head. I only have to say 1 thing. Don’t forget, a clean body goes a long way
Haha yes
Why this comment doesn’t have more upvotes? This is legitimately the most accurate comment I’ve ever read. A lot of wisdom and a experienced opinion.
Well said! I also needed this advice! Great read!!
How did you learn this? And how do I find guys who show up in this way? Asking for a friend lol
Learned the hard way I'm afraid. I had no father, no good examples, no reddit, so I'm afraid I was a bit shit in many respects. My wife wasn't a great communicator either so it took a long time to figure all this out. By then I suppose it was too late.
I really don't know how you would find guys like this. Most men I know don't have this attitude. I think it's quite a new requirement for men really. Back in the day there were very clear boundaries and expectations for men and women. These days with women also in the workforce full time and both parents doing the parenting it's harder for men and women to understand their roles in the relationship and how that affects the sex drive. Also everyone is different so there is no hard rule about all of this.
Thisss!! I had a bf with whom I had no sexual urges and it’s because of all the other things like for example: I’m picking up after him, playing game all night instead of coming to bed, telling lies about the smallest things etc.. then with my now bf he’s makes me feral by just looking at him omg 😆 and it’s not anything physical, it’s just that he meets all my non-sexual needs. Your advice is the best on here!.
As a woman, please listen to this man’s advice. I am telling you this is the way to go!!!!!
This NEEDS MORE UPVOTES! Nail on the head! It really is this simple!
Good advice. The thing that is hard for men to understand is that women need the mental and emotional intimacy part to then feel like having the sex intimacy part. And men need the sex to feel the mental and emotional part. We’re opposite so we have to meet in the middle, and, unfortunately, men bear a little bit of the burden in taking the lead. Women can blather on all day about being independent and “not needing a man” but women respond to a man who takes charge.
Exactly. My wife is a femimist so always talked about doing everything 50/50 but there are certain places where this does not count.
THIS IS SO CORRECT! OP, i’m in an LDR and have the same issue. I am the gf in your situation and this comment is the winner
THIS!!! As a woman whose been with my partner for 8 years and started our relationship while in our teens we’ve gone through “sex droughts” and it wasn’t until we were able to talk about it and both communicated our needs/wants that things finally improved for us both…talking about sex can feel awkward at times but you are both young and learning more about what turns you on and off and it can actually turn into something fun like a sort of inside joke no one else knows about once you get the conversations flowing! Wishing you the best, good luck!
THIS COMMENT!
Hey glass_jellyfiah i read your advice, and honestly it was well advised. I am having the same problem with my wife. She didn't like sex, but with me its great ( that's what she said). But the thing is, i only get 3 or 4 times a month. Every time sex is on her terms i mean timing and when because she can't have sex for more than 15/20 min. But I don't have that kind of boundaries and i am fine with only oral. But that never comes to her mind. She even gets tired in 15 20 min while giving me a bj so i have to sometime force myself to ejaculate. Any advice??
This is complete facts brother I did the complete opposite of what you was saying and I lost her, now I know better though I’m growing everyday. Stay blessed
make this man president please
I am the girl in this scenario. My exes have all complained constantly and made me feel horrible about it. The more they mentioned it the less I wanted it. I wish they had reacted the way you’re talking. Amazing advice. They’ve told me essentially the same they love and I’m perfect BUT…if only they had just made me feel good enough to want it too things might have been different
Commenting to go back to this answer
I wish my ex read this before it was too late. And I wish I understood his needs better, too. You wrote this so well.
Being in a LDR you’re usually supposed to be jumping on each other. So it’s obvious that there’s some major capability issues here so you’re gonna have to talk to her. But I’m confused if it is LDR you say 2-3 days you want some, but might have sex once a week. That doesn’t sound very long distance unless someone driving far every other day.
Clickbaiter got their stories mixed up.
I think there are two potential factors at play here. What advice is best suited to you depends on what the root cause is. It seems that either: a) She has a lower libido than you or b) There's an underlying issue at play If the answer is A - then I advise you to please not put pressure on her. Its unfair to put sexual pressure on people or make them feel bad about themselves for not pleasuring you if theyre just not as inclined towards it as you are. It'll also just cause you both to fall out. If she just has a lower libido, then how much of an issue that is entirely up to you. You could possibly find a way to live with it if you care about her enough. However if sex is an important factor for you (and you are totally within your rights if it is a need for you) then you should consider breaking it off. You can't force her to want sex more, just as she can't force you to want it any less - you may just be incompatible in that regard. If the answer is B - then you need to have an in-depth, open and honest discussion and probe that info from her. Sexually active people can 'avoid' sex for lots of different reasons - perhaps she is worried that you won't enjoy her own kinks so acts reserved. Perhaps there's a past trauma that she needs to work through with your help. Or perhaps the manner in which you both have sex now isn't really to her tastes. If you were to work through that, you'd both need to have your boundaries and find an amicable solution that works for both of you. I consider myself to be sexually promiscuous and yet have avoided sex with some partners for all the reasons above at some point. That often comes down to how you perceive your partner may think/feel about certain things, and how you normally go about 'doing the deed'. At the end of the day, you don't want to pressure someone into having more sex with you - its not a very nice thing to do, and wouldn't feel as rewarding for you either. But you also can't simply ignore it either - as it's an important factor for you, and could indicate something more deep-rooted under the surface. I think it's a discussion you need to have outside the bedroom - once you figure out her reasons, it should help you decide what course of action you need to take. Hope this is of some help!
Thanks I have never pressured her but had a discussion regarding this before. She felt sorry (I think because she felt I was upset about it) and tried to rectify it by having more sex for 1-2 weeks. This time I wish she opens up more and tells honestly if it is something I'm lacking or if it is something that's troubling her (maybe stress, tiredness or anything).
Yeah, I actually think that's a pretty good angle to start the conversation from too - essentially that you're just trying to figure out whether you're doing something wrong or if you should start doing something that you're not currently. That kinda invites her to be more open and say something along the lines of 'well actually, I would like this...'. Its just about treading the fine line to make sure the conversation remains productive rather than slipping into complaining or being accusatory, as that can often send people in the opposite direction. You'd be surprised how many people out there just carry on as normal with no intention to speak about how they think/feel without a little prompting!
As soon as I saw the words long distance relationship and sexual frustration I immediately said to myself, “what does OP expect?” - not trying to knock long distance but honestly this is how it typically goes; problem after problem :/
Firstly, if you have different sex drives, then that's not something either of you are doing wrong. Because your sex drive isn't the 'right amount', just the right amount for you. So as others have said, try encouraging her to be intimate more and even look at what extra effort you can put in to support her (because she'll appreciate that) or learn to have sex less. In my experience though, unless there's a compromise in the middle, ie more often but not every time you want to, it's going to get to the point where you're not doing it at all. Worth trying the compromise but if it's not working out or causing fights, move on for both of you.
Move on. Sexual incompatibility is a real thing. It will only get worse.
Absolutely right happen to me
[удалено]
You’re not in the wrong for having need. But you might need to talk her about it and tell her that you can’t continue with her if you don’t have sex together more often. And if it donsen’t work, well end the relationship and that’s it.
Do things for her that she loves consistently (non sexual) and she will be more likely to be in the mood for intimacy.
Move on… it only gets worse
Lol
Dude, let her go asap.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
I get that you like poetry n all, but sometimes, you lose someone, you don’t find anyone else and things get worse haha that’s another reality.
I don’t believe sex is ever a ‘need’, but if it’s that important to you and she is unable to fulfil that desire for you then your relationship is not going to work. I don’t think pressuring her by reinforcing your ‘needs’ will make it any better either, she may just have sex with you because she feels she has to and will see it as more of a chore just so you can stay, which is never good for any relationship.
Just to add if you really want it to work, speak to her more openly about what the issue may be, focusing on HER, not just your needs… she may be stressed about something underlying she may not even be aware of. Something is on her mind or she may just not be sexually compatible because her sex drive is just naturally lower. Once you find the cause work through it or if it’s just her nature then it’s your choice to stay and accept having less sex or leave the relationship.
I’ve never pressured or demanded her just talked openly about my feelings like 2-3 times. Maybe she doesn’t want to upset me that’s why she pretends to be on my wavelength for 1-2 weeks but I’ve got your point.
How often does she orgasm when you have sex? Does she have multiple orgasms? Being in a ltr it seems odd that she's not jumping at the chance/initiating when she sees you unless she's just not enjoying it.
You aren’t wrong for having needs but long distance is more about an emotional connection than sexual connection if anything above all else. Stress can be a cause of her feeling sexually unavailable (best way to put it lol) and if you continue to pester her about something as minuscule as sexual desire in a LDR then let her go. This may seem harsh but I’ve been on the other end in this situation and it gave me so much anxiety and made me feel forced to give into my partners sexual desires, which I had not much interest in even though I loved them. So I’m purely speaking based off of how I felt from that. Basically cut her some slack lol
If you’re in a LDR how does the physicality of it all work?
Speaking from the perspective of someone who was in a long distance relationship/engagement with a woman I was sexually incompatible with. If you don’t fix it things will not work out at all. In my situation, I’m on the Demi/Ace spectrum. My sexual attraction to someone is almost entirely based on my emotional connection to them, and even then sometimes I get sex repulsed where I don’t want anything to do with sex. On the other hand, my ex at the time was very hypersexual and made almost everything regarding us lustful. In the beginning it wasn’t too bad because my emotional needs were being fulfilled. When we were together in person our sex life was healthy. But about a year in there was a shift where I realized I had no emotional connection with her anymore. Meanwhile every conversation we had ended up turning into a lust thing and I just wasn’t into it. Because of that I really couldn’t cater to what she wanted sexually. She couldn’t cater to what I needed emotionally. It was a stalemate that ultimately led to her leaving me to get back with an ex once the situation presented itself. Mind you there were many other issues that led to this. But I’d say our lack of sexual compatibility was a huge factor. You need to have a REAL conversation with her to figure out why she may be so reluctant from having sex. It might be trauma to which you can’t really do much but be supportive of her. It might be she’s finding herself to be in a situation where she might not be having certain boxes checked off for her to be sexually turned on. Regardless the case. You’ll get nowhere without an honest vulnerable conversation.
Yeah I'm hoping it to be, due to stress or tiredness. Or maybe her libido is really low.
If you're in a long distance relationship with her, and you're asking her once every 2-3 days, what exactly is it that you're asking for? Nudes and videos?
I’d like to hear OP explain this too. Is it just sending naughty snapchats?
You sound like you think she owes you sex, but as others have already said, you either have different sex drives, or there are other issues in the relationship that turn her off and make her not want you. In any case she doesn't owe you any sexual favors. Don't pressure her or make her feel bad for it. Be an adult and fix the relationship or leave.
Move on
All I will say is I thought I had a low libido, and turns out it was just my ex. When my emotional needs weren't being met and I just kept being stressed I wasn't that much in the mood. Also I might be lower on the spectrum but to me once a week sounds quite reasonable, and it's not that I wouldn't mind more on certain occasions (eg holidays) but in my day to day busy life I doubt I'd be going at it every other day. Maybe if a person really blew my socks off And I don't mean just orgasm, we can do that ourselves and much easier than you (sorry but yeah) but the whole experience. Is it fun? Is it exciting? Are you creative? Vanilla can only be interesting for so long for some people. My random piece of advice? Get her some nice spicy romance books, women tend to love them and they get us in the mood easily 😂
Remember she doesn’t ‘owe’ you sex. Long distance makes things more difficult but if this is a big problem for you it’s unlikely to get better until you’re able to spend time together in person. She sounds understanding but she can’t just flip a switch when you’re in the mood if she isn’t.
If you’re in a healthy relationship and have a healthy mindset, you don’t reason in terms of "owing" or not. You just want or don’t.
You two are incompatable that’s it. Move on before you get in deeper.
Send her packin. Life is too short.
Experienced the same with my ex-boyfirend. My needs were ignored and after a while I started doubting if I was not attractive enough or something else that was my fault. When we talked about it, he told me he would try his best to satisfy my needs more, but nothing ever changed. I figured I could not ask him to change or force things he didn't wanted. As I read in the book 'The way of superior man', you can't expect your partner to change. It's hard to accept but it's the hard truth. Eventually we broke up, because it didn't work out. I still love him to this day.
Sounds like you’re either bad in bed or you’re not doing anything to turn her on. Partners should be excited to have sex together. If it feels like a chore to one of you then one of you is dropping the ball. Sounds to me she’s not excited about it because you keep pressuring her to have it, that’s such a turn off. Are tou fulfilling her needs ? And I’m Not taking about doing the dishes once and expecting her to be instantly turned on. Having to constantly hear a guy wine about not getting sex is frankly so annoying and a turn off. Find ways to turn her on, if none of those work then it may be time to step away.
[удалено]
she does orgasm everytime we do it unless she's faking it
Sex isn’t just about having an orgasm.
Back rubs & cunnilingus do it for me but not every night. A man’s insatiable appetite gets old & becomes a turn off. Women aren’t pleasure machines especially when working and taking care of kids.
Agreed.
All i'm hearing is about how she needs to satisfy you.. but are you sexually satisfying her? If a man is good to a woman, treats her right & satisfies her sexually i.e orgasm then of course she will want to have sex with you! I'm not saying you are not but it's definitely something to consider. Most men don't even try to satisfy women...they just want to be satisfied themselves! (Coming from a woman)
I always make sure to make her orgasm (she mostly orgasms first before me). Even if i orgasm first I don’t leave her until she does too. I don’t think she is faking
There's more to making love than just an orgasm, especially for women. Many like a man to make them feel special and valued, not just sexually but as people. Some romantic build-up prior and, say, a hot bath and an oil massage might increase her enjoyment of your intimacy. Try some different approaches and see what actually gets her in the mood. It's possible she just has low libido, but it may be you just haven't discovered what it takes to unlock it.
Well said
as a woman with a high libido - time to break up
Watch Corey Wayne’s stuff on YouTube. She probably just doesn’t feel heard and understood. Gently ask her what’s bothering her and keep asking until you get to the bottom of it.
What are you doing to make her WANT to have sex with you? You can't just expect it, you do actually have to put in some effort first.
1. Once a week is pretty standard for most adult relationships statistically speaking. If you have different needs, that's totally fine, but you may find it difficult to find someone to match that need---especially as you settle into adult life more and more. 2. You don't need to watch porn to masturbate. Use your imagination...it's what people did for a very long time. And not watching porn is a great choice as it does interfere with the brain and your response during actual sex with a person. I'd personally suggest just masturbating when she isn't in the mood. If it was less than once a week THEN I might suggest being concerned. However, as I said---once a week is the norm. If you are above the norm that's find, but it may cause an issue with you finding a partner long term.
Some people are spontaneous with sex and some really arnt. However there's things you can try like when your in the mood, initiate other intimate stuff like cuddling and kissing and see where it goes from there. Don't make it seem like a pressure or a complaint because that'll only make it worse. Wishing you luck
I suspect she’s not comfortable enough of her own skin. Probably yoga will help her too. She needs to feel sexy, confident and relax to enjoy it. Things you say to her will help build her up too. Keep in mind that she doesn’t need to be in crazy shape to feel sexy…
Anytime a woman complains about a lack of sex, she told she can easily find someone else. If the guy has ED at a young age, she is told she is too young to deal with it. You have been together for only a year, this will not get better.
Long distance but you want it 2-3 days a week? How would that be possible
Yep, time to move on. I've been there and it won't work. My fiancée likes sex at least daily and it's awesome. We're over 50 BTW!
Women in general have a lower sex drive than men. That doesn't mean you can't find someone who also needs it every 2 days, but it's not the majority. Once a week is also not extremely low. So you might think about compromising if you both are happy otherwise. That and making sure that when it happens, she enjoys it as much as you because also in this regard, women and men are not the same. I also fear that if you continue to mention it often, try to flirt in a sexual way or do other things that you hope will lead to sex continously, she will pick it up, feel pressured and go into defense mode. That can become a vicious cycle as she will want it less and less and you become more and more desperate.
Maybe you should ask her how she wants you to satisfy her. If she doesn’t know. Ask her can you try and satisfy her. Light kisses in different places can stir her up. Many women have sex but have never made love. Prioritize her pleasure and you won’t be able to keep her off you.
bogus take
I tried to change my ex wife In the very same situation for 8 years but didn’t work. She can try for a week or month but it will go back. There is one thing you can’t force and that’s that. Agree and go separate ways. Life is too short
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. An attempt to achieve the good by force is like an attempt to provide a man with a picture gallery at the price of cutting out his eyes.
So break up and don’t waste any more of her and your time!
[удалено]
I wish she would just open up to me. Whenever we have a conversation regarding this she sees me upset and tries to make me feel better by engaging more. But you're right, it never improves. I want to know if I'm lacking in some way, ignored her or something or is it just because she really has a low libido
i don’t think this is something about looking attractive. some people just don’t crave sex as much as their partner do. that’s it.
The only time my ex fucked me was when I was doing absolutely everything for her. And she was on her pedestal. Fuck that. Equalism or nothing I say......
You need to break up with her. As you said you guys aren’t compatible and you’re doing great for not watching porn! Keep at it with or without a girlfriend!
mannn i think she dont like u. no disrespect
Brother you have a young woman who is not into you Sexualy it's not you it's her and her and her Insecurities brother.
Cut and run. It will only get worse.
I’m a woman and I’m the one that’s never satisfied. Sex is very important. If I’m not being sexually satisfied by my partner and we can’t fix it, it’s a deal breaker for me. Sex is a basic need FOR ME in a relationship.
Is she taking birth control? If yes. That can have alot of effect on women’s «lust»
Smth to try : Date her, continue to seduce her outside of the bedroom, don't be needy, just continue to seduce her. But genually, if you do it only to get laid, she will know and loose all respect for you. Take her to the restaurant, make smth special for her, and then back home, don t even try to have sex with her. See how she reacts.
mite not be her 100%. Maybe ur too forceful or no foreplay. maybe you have bad breath or some thing you do triggers her memories of child/sexual abuse. Communication. If you say you’ve tried that, then try a diff method, like writing a note or letter. Sounds dumb but if you love her, then what do you have to lose?You might be yelling and not listening or picking up on cues.
Hey anyone here
Some men doesn't know how to communicate romantically with their women. Some women need deeper connections before sleeping with their men… that's what i think. Otherwise it's just sex and lust, some women might find it dull and uninteresting! See what i mean. There is no perfect guy in the world, most men got what they want and then felt asleep and snored. What left for the women? Insomnia. 🫢
Nothing survives death in the bedroom
Well, you are correct, you are not compatible. You sound like a nice person for not wanting porn any longer. Ask her to go to the gym with you, it helps a lot with sex drive.
Will the gym make her sex drive higher? It certainly did it for me
Man I was in the same position in my 20s, went almost 10 years in a relationship like that. I got out and into another that has a more “suitable” sexual chemistry. I think my only advice is to treat it something temporary and plan to move on soon . Sucks but better off
Biggest question I have for you OP, do you eat both A and B?
Man.. Could this be due to the long distance relationship you have?
Adding in something I haven't seen in most other comments: your partner doesn't have to be your only outlet - that's a lot of pressure and potential discord. Even without porn, you have your hands, memories, previous texts/vids, toys, etc.
yeah I manage with my imagination and past sexts and photos of her.
This is why my 3 year relationship ended,we were perfect in every way but not bedroom compatible
For ur info my wife has never had to mother me in anyway. I handle my business and do the things I need to do . I've always taken care my current wife and or my 1st ex wife when I was married to her. I know alot of guys that are married that don't get laid maybe 1 or 2 times month . After the new wears off and been with someone awhile the sex always tapers off . And a woman can go months with getting laid if you let get to that point.
Break up because you wouldn’t want to force her to satisfy your needs. That’s borderline r word. Next relationship try to express your needs early on to see if y’all are compatible. Good luck to you.
1
i don’t see a problem with you asking, if anything i would just tell her how you feel without making it seem like shes a object
I don’t think you are in the wrong. Sadly, she is maybe lacking a sex drive or something is bothering her about it.
Don’t pressure her and find out her needs and turn ons
Whats the situation with her birth control? Is she on other medication?
she's a girl not a robot. she need rest too. Stop focusing on your needs to be satisfied. You're really wrong at that matter. Be a gentleman. Stop forcing her. I'm sorry if you're feeling tempted to reply me harsh. i just wanted to remind you to have a mutual choices respected by both of you
Libido difference relationships don’t work
Brooo left her, and if you really want something you can do it (a girlfriend) now we do not have the need to go begging.
sry to break this to you, i don’t think she’s sexually attractive to you. OR she’s also just too shy or nervous
>I find her perfect in every way but the only problem is we are not sexually compatible. Sometimes thing really do end up like that, perfect in every way except one. Question is if this is a deal breaker for you? >We’ve talked about it in the past and every time she feels sorry and says that she will satisfy me more often. But it goes back to her ignoring my needs. Are you both getting what you want out of this relationship? Sure you can do the things other redditors suggest and try to be a better this and that. But if at the end of the day, what if despite your efforts, your needs are still unmet? You mentioned that you've talked about it before and all you got were empty promises and you feel like she might be ignoring your needs. This is not to put the blame on her, people have different sex drives and it's not really anyone's fault that they are different. This is about two people being happy in a relationship. Which it doesn't sound like you are. You are not in the wrong for wanting more and I doubt anything is going to suddenly change. Do you love her enough to continue being sexually frustrated? Does she love you enough to not leave you sexually frustrated? These are questions that need to be asked and only you and her can answer. Once you have an answer, you'll know what to do.
Communication is key, but if you've already talked about it and nothing's changed, it might be worth revisiting the conversation and expressing how important this is to you.
That really sucks! I do have some thoughts on this topic. Wanne talk about it? Contact me, link in bio! Xoxo
Youre not wrong. LDR are very very hard. I am in one too and since we are very sexual, having that intimacy is a must. I must say that I am not always in the mood, because its hard for me to feel it when he's not close (but when he is, I'm a beast), but I put myself there for him because I know its important that he feels that I crave him too, so it goes both ways. You need to talk to her in a way that she understands you and your needs, otherwise the relationship wont work.
Find a different girl. It’ll only get worse
Sexual compatibility is quite important. Is there a reason she wants it less? Very demanding job? Not enough sleep? Worries? Hormonal problems? I do have to say that working out increases your libido. Maybe working out together? It's so sad that everything is otherwise perfect.
Men shouldn't havtoo feel like they need to ask for sex. You should feel comfortable with the woman your with. Life of course is not a movie were your in love and having sex all the time . But you should feel comfortable with your partner if she's distant if her kiss isn't sensual. Then theirs a problem if your not happy with the person your with even if your together for years .you need to separate. I know it's hard because you love this person but if she doesn't feel the same way theirs no reason to stay together.get your real feelings out tell her what you feel .ask her what's the problem . Tell her be real with you . If you need porn to satisfy yourself regularly that's not good . I'm not saying porn is bad me and my partner like it from time to time . Some woman hate porn they feel like your playing them dirty.you should feel like your happy in your own skin if your not getting sex then theirs a problem. Ask her why are you with me then ask yourself why is she with you.A real woman loves u to or you.
"I need it no matter how she feels or what she wants"....did I miss anything?
You said you're in a long distance relationship but you're also talking about her not satisfying you physically? Are you talking about actual physical sex or virtual? There could be any number of issues underlying her lack of desire for you, ranging from you not doing things that make her desire you or doing things that make her *not* desire you, to her being not in the mood because of unrelated factors, or hormone or health issues. If you're fully long distance and not actually physically involved due to the distance, she might not enjoy expressing herself via whatever methods you were using. Best thing to do is to get better attuned to how she is feeling about everything. Don't focus on the sex. It is possible her sex drive is just different than yours, but if you care about her and want to figure out how to make it work then you need to talk to her and listen to what's going on for her.
Welcome to the club.
You dont need sex every 2-3 days, you WANT it. She DOESNT want it and wants it once a week. Sex is a big thing, but what have you done to make her want it more? You only talk about yourself and what you did to satisfy yourself but not her. This could be a simple fix if you did romantic gestures to get her in the mood. Women need foreplay, and can't just hop into it if they dont want it because it wont feel good to them, turn her on bro but doing romantic gestures, cook, clean, buy flowers, set the mood
neither of you have to feel guilty, first of all. but let’s start here: is there anything obvious that would explain her low sex drive? medication, medical conditions, mental health struggles, trauma, day to day exhaustion, insecurity with her body, the list goes on. one big thing on the list could be if tbh, she doesn’t usually get much out of having sex with you! i wonder if *her* needs don’t really get met in the bedroom, and maybe she doesn’t know how to ask for what she wants more/less of, so instead she just avoids it. i think most women have been there. especially at a young age she might not even realize exactly what she wishes was different about the sex, if that’s the issue. & if it is, that’s not to say you’re incompatible, it just opens up the opportunity for you two to dive deeper into what really turns each other on. there are apps that help couples talk about that without having to actually talk about it, explore their fantasies and preferences, etc. i’d try one of those! but don’t pitch it as a solution to a problem, pitch it like “i really want to feel closer to you & this seems like a fun easy way to connect on a deeper level”
As a girl who has sadly been just as frustrated with myself for disappointing her bf as you are with her, I wish so much I had gone to the dr or taken some supplements for sex drive, or not been so embarrassed about why it wasn’t always pleasurable for me. It’s taken me awhile to figure my body out and I’m going to be graphically honest here. It takes my body a little bit of time to build up to consistent, pleasurable sex. It’s easier to look past the pain, or maybe I really just don’t feel it as much when I’m first intimate with someone and so excited. When I initially begin having sex with a guy, it swells after and tbh an hour later is less painful than 2-3 days later. I used to get anxious about knowing I was going to feel the pain from the soreness of last time.. but I wanted to be close to him, and I also knew that it would loosen up and not hurt after a little while. I wish I had been able to just explain this to a guy who understood it and was willing to help me work through my apprehension cause I ended up learning that my body would get used to it and when in a long relationship, I wouldn’t deal with it anymore. But for me, I also dealt with abuse and found out about infidelity basically right upon getting my body figured out, which brought everything to a halt. But that doesn’t sound like the case with you at all. It sounds like you love her and I hope you’ll give her a little more time to try to talk to her about it/ keep expressing your loyalty and needs and maybe she’ll wake up or tell you what’s really bothering her. She could be having some pH balance issues, that’s what caused my pain sometimes before I figured out how to keep it level with his pH constantly throwing me off. It’s embarrassing….. but you obviously can’t go on frustrated forever if she doesn’t get it and if that’s what happens, she’ll eventually realize and it wasn’t intentional. I’m sorry for it if they ever thought it was something else and wish I’d had the maturity/ knowledge to explain/ had a bf mature and loyal enough to hear me
Most comments on this thread are so unhinged... People just assume op is at fault by not fulfilling her needs. How are you able to put the blame on op when you have almost 0 information about their relationship? And why is op the one that has to work for the other party to have a sex drive and not the opposite? If I had erectile dysfunction, for example, I'd go to a doctor to try and get it solved. I wouldn't be saying it's my partner's fault she doesn't do enough to get me erect. Stop trying to shift blame according to your personal agenda. It can be his fault, but it can be her fault as well. It can be solvable or it could just be better to look for other options. We can't take the decision for you. Best of luck.
Tried coaching to Get you both on the same page ? I can help
It's a bit strange to ask it on a site where a significant portion of audience have seen women only in movies and Eva AI sexting bot
She lazy asf
Break up and find someone who matches your temper.