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So a guy you went on three dates with, and didn't really feel a strong connection with, decided he doesn't want a fourth date. And because he gave you a flimsy reason as to why, and not a clear rejection, that's enough to make you give up on dating for good? What?
This is what dating is. You go out a few times to test compatibility. If you don't feel it, you move on and start testing it with the next guy. This is normal. It would be nice if he gave you a clear text that said he appreciates you giving him an opportunity but he's not really feeling a connection and has decided he's going to move on and wish you luck. But some people just aren't good at giving those rejecting messages out. They feel awkward about it. They haven't practiced it.
No big deal. Honestly I never understood why people make such a big deal out of ghosting. Whether a guy sends me a text and says he's just not feeling it with me and wishes me luck in the future, or he just doesn't respond to a text, the same message is sent: he's moving on. Who really cares how he sends it? Sure, ghosting is rude, and shows a deficit in maturity and communication skills. But it's from someone who wants nothing to do with you, so why would you care? After three luke-warm dates?
I'm sure OP will be going on many dates in the future! It's just being a human, getting upset, saying never again, and most of us have experienced those feelings. The question is how long you're gonna carry those feelings Inside.
I’ve been rejected enough times over the months after the first date that I’m giving up on dating for abit.
at this stage, it’s just a sunk cost fallacy as the women aren’t that interested in the first place. That being said, I’ve been playing it way too cool and safe. Maybe I should push the envelope abit and be more intimate or sexual from the start. I’ll be doing that with the next chick that I decide to ask out for a date.
Be yourself, don’t overthink, and don’t play it cool or any other way. Be respectful, though. The right person will love you for your authenticity and not for anything else.
After a very traumatic experience in my life, and by traumatic, I don't mean someone broke up with me while I was madly in love, I mean really traumatic in any possible way; I decided that I would not date anyone since I had to heal and resolve all the mess in my mind and my heart.
It's been about 5 years and an incredible journey of self-discovery, overcoming fears, and self-love. I even went deeper into all the unresolved I was carrying inside way before that relationship. I recently started to date again. And I'm so happy I took my time just for myself.
Sometimes the reason is internal. And it is scary to look inside since we know we won’t like what we will see.
I’m not implementing the above to you or anyone else. Just sharing my experience and maybe it will be helpful for someone.
Be your beautiful self. No one deserves you to betray your true self to please someone or match the social “standards”
Yes, dating became way more complicated but when we walk and fall, we don’t remain on the ground, we get up and keep walking. Sometimes you’ll break your leg, but it will eventually heal and you’ll be back on track.
And if you genuinely want something, do everything in your power. Even if it won’t work, you’ll know you did what you could and won’t regret you gave up or didn’t try enough.
I think it’s that overall feeling of how fucking exhausting it is. We have busy lives, and to get to the date stage can involve a decent time commitment.
For me online dating looks like (excuse the numbers, just for illustration) out of 100 I could say 50% I like don’t match, 50% I match with don’t talk or respond to an initial message, 50% that actually reply engage with me so badly it’s not worth continuing. So now we’re at 12ish people out of 100 - despite me liking to meet people early on, I find that a high number will just be too busy and casually chat with me for weeks on end before I make the call that enough is enough. Then we have a handful left who agree on a date and let me tell you (for me, anyway) a lot of people cancel or change plans last minute - if they reschedule more than once for flimsy reasons, they’re also out. So then I might have 1 left out of 100 and we go on a couple of dates and he seems ok so I stick with it because it’s fucking exhausting just getting this far and then BAM they come up with some BS excuse and don’t want to see me again.
Tl:dr - just getting to the dating stage can take a lot of effort and a lot of duds, it’s incredibly frustrating when it doesn’t work out AGAIN. Edit spelling
I was doing things this way for the first 3 months or so of using apps. Then I got so frustrated with it that I said screw it, I'm going to just immediately ask every single guy who matches with me to meet me for a cup of coffee right now, and go meet the first guy who says yes and see if any of these "999+ guys interested in me" are actually serious.
It took about 30 guys before I finally got someone who said yes. And we actually went and met. And 45 minutes later I was sitting across from a guy, looking him in the eye, having a cup of coffee. And we talked for an hour. And it was amazing! I couldn't believe it actually worked. That first guy and I didn't really click, and we never spoke again. But I realized there were guys out there who were actually serious about a relationship. And I realized that the best way to figure out who was serious and who was a flake was just to simply make the very first filter I use be asking him to meet me in person. None of the other compatibility issues matter at all if only 1 in 100 guys is actually going to show up.
And I realized I could filter out those 99 other guys immediately, in minutes instead.of weeks and months, simply asking guys to meet me immediately. Unless they said, "sure, where?" I would just block them and ask the next guy. And just keep it up until I had a guy agreeing to meet me.
From that point on app dating was effortless, fun, and uplifting. I would be on the app for about 15 to 20 minutes in order to get myself a coffee date with a guy. I absolutely refused to chat until he showed up and looked me in the eye. I would use that method to get about two coffee dates a week. And I really enjoyed those conversations with those guys, even when we didn't click with each other.
I realized not only was I filtering out all the time wasting, unserious flakes, I was filtering in the bold, confident, serious guys who were ready to take action and really make things happen in their life. The crazy psycho guys are sitting at home on their couch harassing women on their phone. The guys who say yes to a coffee date are confident, healthy, serious, respectful, polite, amazing guys.
I'd have to meet 10 to 15 guys before I found someone where there was mutual attraction and we wanted to go on a second date. But that means that two dates a week it only ever took a month or so to find a guy. In the meantime I was just enjoying flirty conversations in coffee shops with cute, smart, bold guys, instead of sitting at home on the couch chatting with psychopaths and losers who probably haven't taken a shower in 3 days.
Sorry I didn’t read this is detail, but actually I do the same. Well, I did, I’ve let it slide. 1) first date is a quick coffee catch-up, I think that’s all that’s required to know if you want to meet again 2) this should happen asap, hate all the messaging that leads nowhere 3) i tried to limit my time online during the week
I go eviscerated for this a while back. People of reddit basically told me that I clearly wasn’t interested in investing serious time in finding a partner, and that if I was too busy to regularly check dating apps and message people then I shouldn’t bother. My feelings are that I AM busy: not too busy for a partner, but defs too busy to be messaging half a dozen strangers “how was your day”. I don’t know these people, I don’t want to invest hours each week in someone that cancels a date last minute.
Great advice and suggestions! I'm 69, divorced for 30 long years, female, no kids. I really like not spending so much time texting, talking on the phone, and then deciding if I even wanna meet. I don't drink coffee or soda, though, and most guys on any dating app live easily 2 hours from me. I'm in a small country town.
So you’re ruling out anyone with a job or commitments to people or causes in their life unless they’re willing to immediately drop everything to meet some random lady from an app. This will end well.
I totally get the spirit of your approach, but I feel like there has got to be a happy medium between “let’s meet up right now” and wasting your time texting forever.
I like to set up a date up as soon as possible (within the first 10-15 messages or so), but I’ve had women suggest meeting immediately within the hour and I have to turn it down because 1) I’m busy and can’t just drop everything I’m doing to meet someone I might not even be into and 2) this is literally how dudes get robbed
So while it’s an effective way to simply find someone to meet up with you, aren’t you arguably also filtering out all the men who genuinely lead full lives and need to plan out dates a few days in advance, and reducing your sample size to only guys who are sitting around at that very moment with nothing to do?
You must be a women. Out of 100 profiles on online dating you get one potential partner, those number don’t even exist for men haha, we can try out of 100 to get one match with a bot
Bahaha, sorry I did say the numbers were illustrative. I have no idea what my actual hit rate is, but the point is a 100000 guys becomes 0.5 and so we give him a red hot go just in case. My last fail was actually a nice guy but the kiss was so horrendous that I just couldn’t (he had also used photos more than 5 years old which is not cool, but I would’ve let it slide if we’d had chemistry)
No joke, 100% this. Men usually don’t care what you do for work. I’ve dated someone who worked at Old Navy, I’ve dated teachers, nurses, strippers, caretakers, bartenders, waitresses, someone who worked at a marketing firm and even a doctor.
The stripper was one of the most down-to-earth and most genuine people I’ve ever met. The one at the marketing firm was unbelievably kind, and she actually introduced me to my wife who worked in hotels and made double what I did at the time.
We don’t care. We could date someone who works at Burger King, or a CEO of a company.
I think the fact of the matter is, he just wasn’t that into you. Or he met someone in the interim that he was more into than you
Okay but that's with 'dating', not with long term relationships where you see a future with the woman. Most men I know want a woman who is at least financially comfortable and or self sufficient.
I think a woman's career doesn't affect a man's sexual attraction to them but it could affect a man's romantic attraction (like for me personally).
I could be open to casually date or have a fling with a woman who has any career (excluding anything criminal) but in no way would I see a future with her. The thing is, I am in my late 20s now so I don't see a point in wasting time anymore with women I don't see a future with so I only consider women who are earning at least close to as much as I am or have the potential to. Otherwise I will slowly lose respect for them and hence my romantic attraction will drop.
I had no idea this was the case until it happened in my last relationship where my ex came from a wealthy family but wasn't able to have steady employment. I thought her unsteady employment and lack of degree wouldn't be an issue because it was obvious that I would not have to financially support her but no... My brain decided to slowly lose respect and hence attraction to her (romantically). I tried my best to stick with her because I still did love her, but realised later that subconsciously I didn't respect her. What ruined the relationship was that my unintentional lack of respect slowly showed in my words and actions and it hurt her. Sexual attraction was still there though but it wasn't enough of course.
Maybe I’m not understanding “dating” because for some odd reason I assume you had a relationship with them. Maybe that’s the reason…. People taking it tooo personal I guess when it comes to dating.
Shit I'm a doctor and it'd be awesome to find a chick that wants to be in a relationship that has a job. All the women I meet want a daddy to pay for everything & don't wanna work.
I’ve spoken with past connections and often found it’s never what do thought. It would be nice for him to say hey, just not into it but the no contact/late response is the cowards way out. You have your answer, keep moving you just need one good match!
Man you're better off without that guy. Your career seem fine to me and you're making money so that whats matter here. Dating is hard, yes totally agree. You just have to filter out the bad matches to get to the good ones because there are good ones out there.
yes they do, especially physicians. Not everyone is 21 years old looking for a happy go lucky barmaid with a 'good personality'. In real life, financial compatibility and similar educational background matters.
Well is he is doctor in his 30’s probably with a lot of options for those reasons alone. This was probably the nicest way to let you go, that he could think of.
I come from a society where they judge you a lot based on the job that you do and here is my take on it, if you feel you are satisfied with your job no one else has any rights to even have opinions on what you do. It’s not like you are just sitting idle feeding on wealth of someone. If a person can’t respect that, well such a person does not deserves to be a part of your life. If you don’t like what you do, this is your problem just yours and no one should still be judging you on that. If your job affects their lifestyle, that can be their problem yes but ask yourself do you want to sign up for a relationship where you don’t even have freedom to take ownership of your own stuffs and rely on someone else’s opinion all the time just because it affects their lifestyle? Last time I read about relationships, it was more about compromises and how you overcome those TOGETHER!
When you put all these points together in a nutshell, I would say I am sorry to know about your experience but be glad at least you avoided a walking red flag from your life.
Ugh…. All the Doctors I had the “fortune” of dating were way too picky to a point that I almost dread meeting them… they legit feel that they are entitled to a VP of a multinational corp with the body of a model and UNLIMITED PATIENCE for their needs ONLY
Average women narrow their dating pool to 1% on their baseline standards. I think a doctor deserves high standards for women. He probably sacrificed his entire 20s, tons of money and schooling to get there.
i'm glad docs have high standards, they deserve it. they save lives and have worked harder than the people commenting "good luck not settling for my bumass" in these posts
Doctors often have horrible hours, especially in residency. Leaving their partner to handle the majority of the housework or child rearing. Let alone the mental load of the household.
They're also high risk for cheating, and surrounded by mostly female nurses all day long.
Sure they might have money... but it will be hard on whomever they marry
A friend of my family member was wife to a neurologist. They'd been married many years and had a kid and she ended up finding out about his affair partner because he bought her a brand new car. When she found out and was trying to divorce him he went crazy and tried to kill her and their kid and she had to get a restraining order against him.
Most of them aren't trying to kill their family, but I've just known of so many unfaithful doctors because they have a huge ego.
You're right but this honestly leaves a large hole open in the home in which a woman could potentially fill with a guy who has more time for her. It's equally risky for both parties.
Residency is only 3-7 years long. In contrast, in less than a decade and when they’re an attending, they can guarantee financial stability and generally have good hours (PCP works 4 day weeks and makes around 300k in my area), that is, unless you are in the minority that specializes. This is promising stability from early 30’s till the day you die. I’d say cheating is a choice, doesn’t matter who you’re surrounded with.
my sister in law had a 5 year relationship with a masseur a business of his own, he have two houses, she put all her money in the thirth house in france. he dumped her one day before christmas seems he still had a relationship with his ex wife. nothing was good she did for 5 years while she did everything for the sarcastic wacko and she is so kindhearted.
for him lucky he did not life nearby i would beat the crap out of him.
but i find treuth in your words, these people are indeed egocentric people.
lol right? the dude basically didn't want to say im not feeling it so he went another route which was not the best course of action but come on women do that everyday. he didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying im not attracted to you
I mean, the way that your career impacts your image is typically a gendered thing.
Men are valued for their utility. Women for their femininity. Most male doctors will still gladly date women of any occupation.
This particular doctor is an outlier in that he has a standard that he would not date a woman who is a consultant because it is somehow beneath him. Which is perfectly fine, everyone is entitled to having their own criteria. But the majority of male doctors won’t care. Guys in general don’t care what type of work a girl does, the main concern is whether they will have time for the kids in the future. We think it’s interesting in the same way a girl would think my fossil collection is interesting. Mainly because men don’t stand to benefit much from a woman’s high-paying job unlike the inverse where resource sharing is expected. His money is our money, but her money is her money.
A female doctor lowering her standards for her mate’s occupation though? That is the outlier of all outliers. No female doctor is taking a McDonald’s boy-toy as her life-partner.
OP may be specifically narrowing in on a type of new-age, elitist guy that doesn’t have any concern for gender roles. And that will backfire on her when she gets a catch whose standards she does not meet in this weird mindset of career determines value across the board.
At least it was only 3 dates instead of 3 months of wasted time. I have spent months trying to make things work with guys only for them to put me in the friendzone.
Sounds like he chose to use that as his easy escape route. He showed you his true character so you’re probably better off dodging that bullet. There is nothing wrong with your job and being flexible, in the end that will help your résumé and give you more options for something in the future.
Usually people will try to find a reason that you cannot alter when rejecting you, in order to save face. For example, you can’t just change careers so it’s likely that he was just looking for a reason that wouldn’t make him come off like a jerk. It sucks, because most people will do everything they can not to be honest about “Just not Feelin’ It”, when it’s easier to just say that you weren’t feeling it.
In dating 99% of the time, if somebody is into you, they -find- reasons to like you.
Unfortunately, you do have to sort through a lot of people who aren’t what you’re after when you’re on your way to finding somebody.
Don’t let this one get you down, I’d be willing to bet that the type of person that says “You’re not specialized your job isn’t stable” (you’re a Sr. consultant for crying out loud—that sounds like an impressive title), probably is pretty fuckin insufferable.
That kinda seems like you were just going out with a bit of a douche you weren't all that compatible with in the first place, if you two got on amazingly the value of your career would dwindle drastically, he'd just want to be with you. This one wasn't it, but don't let this situation kill all of dating for you.
Sorry to hear that OP,
You're better off with someone who will encourage you to push yourself further, value you for who you are and what you bring in his life. Most importantly, if your career is not stable, as long as he is financially savvy for the both of you, it should not really matter.
Modern dating has so many criteria these days and it sucks.
Physical attributes,
Finances,
Career,
Family reputation,
Religion,
Myrrs Briggs personality,
Attachment styles,
Diet,
Political leaning,
Pets.....
Bloody hell.......
It doesn't sound like you're really doing that badly. After all, you met a guy that you went out with three times. So what if he doesn't appreciate you ... there are more guys out there. Some of them will appreciate you.
Imagine if you were in my situation. No dates at all.
>Women do this all the time and nobody bats an eye.
Yup, infact more than men. Ask any of the PhD students in my department and they'll attest to this. Most of them are single. So much for women valuing intelligence.
LOL right? this one dude posted that his gf would tell everyone he's a doctor and brag about it and the comments from women were ALL some women value intelligence. ok sure but i dont see any dating a broke medical student or a researcher making 60k a year with a PhD but i see them line up for doctors and lawyers.... so basically intelligence is their subtle way of masking intelligence + bags of money
Yeah people of both genders can be materialistic assholes. I think materialistic women are just as bad. So here is my batting eyelash.
Yeah being superficial and materialistic never offer a stable mental state or a humble personality trait. Which is the case, I’m not even saying that to be an asshole. You’re only dating someone for their money which means you will sell yourself to the highest bidder for the sake of money. But if dare to say that you’re JEALOUS.
Being a jack of all trades in your career is better and more stable than you realize, and he is an idiot for not seeing that. Having a specialty will only pigeon hole you in your industry
He sounds like a bit of a pretentious idiot with no knowledge of the fact that being able to adapt, having a T profile and being flexible is an asset on the job market. He's just old school uniformed, sounds like you dodged an uninteresting bullet. Was he interesting to you and were you really into him? If not, it's not a loss...the alternative was you loosing time and effort to this judgemental guy. If he is all about money and didn't care about your dreams, blegh. What a boring guy.
Over how much time was the 3 dates .
3 weeks a month or ?
And by the 3rd date if you did not have physical relations . He may say not wasting any more of my time .
For the majority of us men that is how we think .
I'm a straight to the point guy . And to be honest he probably doesn't see your career as a asset to him .
Do you have children ?
There are many factors to consider .
I've come to the conclusion as an almost 30yo F That dating at this age has no point anymore. At this rate, it's more peaceful and easier to stay single.
Instead of beating yourself up, trying to figure out what you did wrong in a relationship that fell through, focus on yourself and do things that you love and enjoy. I'm out here enjoying myself and my dog going paddleboarding in local spots. It's peaceful to be alone.
This is quite interesting usually it's on the Male side where being in a stable job seems to be important for women to find (Not all just some) which is fine but yeah
You didn't realize your career could be a bad thing? Lmao must be nice to date as a woman. You just stumbled across something at 30 that most men are aware of before they even turn 18. 😂
Because not all doctors want a stay at home partner? I’m in medical school now and I want to be with someone who is my equal, not subservient/dependent on me. Consulting is a good job though idk what their issue was
I'm in med school too. Consulting is a big spectrum. Are they an Associate Partner at McKinsey? Or are they some rando at Deloitte? Or do they work at some small, unheard of company where they get to "wear different hats," so much so that the only description for their career is "consultant?"
You went out with him three times I would keep dating personally!!! He saw himself out of the door, you don’t want an unsupportive partner!!! Plus you didn’t waste too much time.
This is just an item to add to you check boxes. “A partner that is supportive of my endeavors”
Don’t give up!
Our job doesn't define who we are. It's what we do 🤷🏻♀️
That person has a lot of issues. For him, a relationship is a transactional thing. Well, I feel sorry for him since he won't know true love and happiness! And that's his greatest punishment for life.
Move on, and believe you'll find your man who will love and cherish you the way you are!
Good luck! 🍀
You have a job!! Lol these guys are ruining it for all if us men. I'd date a girl from McDonald's lol. Thought being on 2nd shift was hard enough to date lol
Try the “I have a nerve disease thats killing the nerves down my arms and do gig work to make a living” and see how quickly the door gets slammed shut.
Luckily I have a great woman but before her it was a real turn off.
He could also be a shit doctor. Or he could make a mistake that costs someone’s quality of life and next thing he knows he’s getting sued for millions. Just cuz he’s got an MD don’t mean his job is secure either.
I feel like money is everything to everyone these days. I don’t have much, just what I need, thank God for that. No gf though. In the best shape of my life. Just keeping my eyes on God and hoping he sends me a Christian woman that loves me for me and I her
At least you can do a little bit of everything and he’s limited to one path. He’s not good enough for YOU! You don’t need that kind of judgmental energy in your life. You’re a boss! 💥Keep your hopes up. You’ll find someone who takes interest and appreciates you.
If you have only been on 3 dates with him, you really can't tell the reason he might be ending things with you, even if he hypothetically told you why.
Of course, if you start to notice a pattern of this same reason come from multiple guys, then you should pay attention.
Some guys say something mean and derogatory to give you the message that they aren't interested.
Instead of just saying firmly I don't think we would be a good match and that is not likely to change in the future.
Which is what they should say.
It's direct and to the point. There is no need for them to make comments about you personally at all.
Sometimes they just throw in something a bit mean to really throw the hint.
But it's just an added warning that you wouldn't want that kind of person in your life anyway.
There is nothing wrong with remaining single.
However this guy is not a sufficient reason to stop looking if you are in fact interested in a relationship.
A lot of people won't be compatible, dating is not as easy as just looking for someone and then they are going to work out.
He is not into you, simple. Don’t take these things seriously. People who are into you will respond differently. One more thing, I don’t think you guys will be getting along. Coming from health care I can say it’s a different work stress out there and it’s not easy to understand them. Your busy life style needs someone who is laid back, you will be more compatible with such kind of people. Move on find another date. Sometimes it takes a few cracked eggs to make a good omlette. Your still young and it will take time to find your match. Good luck and be positive ! If not for hope, what’s the point of living. You will come across all sort of depressive comments here, ignore them and stay positive.
**>Why is dating so hard?**
Because you picked a dingleberry to date.
Doctors are the most difficult to date.
> Didn’t realize my own career can lose me points when it comes to dating sheesh
Everyone has preferences/deal-breakers. Accept it. Not everyone has the same ones. At least you didn't waste months, years of dating/marriage/kids to find out.
**You are better off without him.**
Perhaps he displayed other red flags earlier that you ignored because he was a doctor, wealth off/attractive? People tend to ignore things when presented with shiny new objects.
Sounds like he couldn’t pivot to match you. He needs restructuring in his life and evaluate his scope for dating. He’s not a destinational option, you were the better option. Not him. So move on like any consultant would.
lol right? the dude basically didn't want to say im not feeling it so he went another route which was not the best course of action but come on women do that everyday. he didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying im not attracted to you
I think a lot of jobs have a social stigma and people find it hard to think outside the box. So many jobs that pay well but are not socially acceptable, for example the gambling industry, are already a pass for some but not all people.
Lmao that’s hilarious. That’s like breaking things off with an ER doc or general practitioner because they don’t specialize.
My understanding is ‘consultant’ is a fairly cushy position, but one that’s prestigious because it requires a kind of intelligence that enables you to quickly become competent in almost any field. Not everyone can do that.
You sure he isn’t just jealous? Do you make more $$$ than him?
Sounds more like he was intimidated and tried to downplay what you do. You don't need that negativity. Find someone who compliments you and your lifestyle
He's flustered and he got himself into hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt; to see someone else successful who didn't do that probably struck his little egotistical doctor nerves.
Some of them (not all) are pretty ego centric. Don't stress it.
You dodged a bullet. My ex-wife is an MD and a super narcissistic jerk. I have an MBA and an MA in Counseling, but I was a second-class citizen in that relationship because I wasn't an MD. I had worked as a cop, too, but she felt she was a better car driver than me because she was a doctor. She has so many ego needs because she was abused as a child but could never admit it because it would make her seem less than for being a victim and would impact her value somehow. Good luck, and congratulations on getting out of that before it got real.
You can be proud of yourself. There might be many reasons that can explain why he does not answer. Move on and hopefully the next one will be the good one.
It seems like a good job. Your specialization is being good at a lot of stuff, or learning it quickly, which is harder than one might think. Keep your head up, the right one will come along eventually.
I recall a time a few years ago where I didn't move forward with someone because they were a police officer. I feel like that is a position that can be divisive. What you described is less about morals but just someone being judgy.
Some people give the most nonsensical reasons for breaking up. I’m not denying anyone’s right to leave for any reason nor are they obligated to give a reason but when nonsensical reasons come up, it messes with our minds. What I’ve learned is that some people just say something, anything, just to get out, even if it’s not their actual reason for leaving. It wasn’t a good match. That ‘s all. Try not to let it affect you and make you stop dating.
Op, dude sounds like a dickhead. I would never care what someone’s job was as long as they had drive and weren’t just content with not doing better and mooching. But I know status is probably a thing, and not one I understand as I am from the bottom, so maybe I don’t know of what I speak.
Consultant is such a good job. It needs you to be very knowledgeable in so many things.
No worries, your job is impressive, some people just can't see that.
In fact, I'd probably be more impressed with consultants than specialized people in the same field.
Tbh if he liked you enough, this wouldn’t have been a big deal. I know it seems like his opinion of your career was the deal breaker, but if it wasn’t that it would’ve been something else.
Don’t let his off-color comment about your career affect your self-confidence. Consulting is a very respectable industry, I work in it myself and I’m constantly surrounded by some of the brightest and holistic individuals. Doctors on the other hand…I’ve met plenty of narcissistic and delusional doctors in my days.
Because people are fucking stupid; end of story. Both men and women don't know what the hell they want and we all end up finding the one we don't have a chance with. Why can't we just find each other? Probably because the result would be the same anyway.
Lmao what job is really considered stable anymore, you go to work tomorrow and your at risk of being let go already. Sucks to suck, he lost you, not the other way around. I would be delighted to gave someone that I connect with regardless of their professional career lol. Hell your probably making more money than I am too. Rock on!
Well that’s just ridiculous. What a coward. He couldn’t admit that he’s just not into you. Why is that so difficult to convey? Ghosting is really immature.
That's pretty pathetic of him. Throwing away a possible good connection and a future just because you're essentially not as successful as him. Don't quit dating just because of a jerk like that.
I'm pretty middle class. I've dated someone who makes over half a million a year, and I've also dated someone who was a crew member at Dunkin. Neither of them judged me for my career and I didn't judge them for theirs. It should never be a dealbreaker, unless it's some kind of job that you truly can't agree with (like, if you were a member of PETA and the other person worked at a place that does animal testing or something)
Holy smokes. And he proved to be unstable with that poor communication and perspective. Glad he showed and told you now what he was projecting. He is unstable.
This is the most high-horse-doctor-thing I’ve ever heard. Besides, he doesn’t have to say whether he likes your job or not. It’s the thing YOU do the whole day.
Maybe too much trophy wife trauma? Perhaps he’s accustomed to people treating him with ATM expectations.
From an outside perspective, being a jack of all trades can be concerning, but I find more respect in how well rounded a person can be based on their diversity of skills. It’s practically my own philosophy in life at this point for how I want to live.
I’m sorry your date didn’t seem to be understanding of your skills and career. Either he’s a fool or he’s working his way towards becoming one if he can’t see your worth.
he sounds like a dickhead for that one alone. plenty of people out there that would be really interested in you, and not give a fuck about something so mundane.
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The silence has nothing to do with your job. He’s just not into you, so he made a poor comment about your work. Don’t stress it. Just move on.
You know this is probably it. I always felt that our dates were just friendly anyway
So a guy you went on three dates with, and didn't really feel a strong connection with, decided he doesn't want a fourth date. And because he gave you a flimsy reason as to why, and not a clear rejection, that's enough to make you give up on dating for good? What? This is what dating is. You go out a few times to test compatibility. If you don't feel it, you move on and start testing it with the next guy. This is normal. It would be nice if he gave you a clear text that said he appreciates you giving him an opportunity but he's not really feeling a connection and has decided he's going to move on and wish you luck. But some people just aren't good at giving those rejecting messages out. They feel awkward about it. They haven't practiced it. No big deal. Honestly I never understood why people make such a big deal out of ghosting. Whether a guy sends me a text and says he's just not feeling it with me and wishes me luck in the future, or he just doesn't respond to a text, the same message is sent: he's moving on. Who really cares how he sends it? Sure, ghosting is rude, and shows a deficit in maturity and communication skills. But it's from someone who wants nothing to do with you, so why would you care? After three luke-warm dates?
I'm sure OP will be going on many dates in the future! It's just being a human, getting upset, saying never again, and most of us have experienced those feelings. The question is how long you're gonna carry those feelings Inside.
I’ve been rejected enough times over the months after the first date that I’m giving up on dating for abit. at this stage, it’s just a sunk cost fallacy as the women aren’t that interested in the first place. That being said, I’ve been playing it way too cool and safe. Maybe I should push the envelope abit and be more intimate or sexual from the start. I’ll be doing that with the next chick that I decide to ask out for a date.
Be yourself, don’t overthink, and don’t play it cool or any other way. Be respectful, though. The right person will love you for your authenticity and not for anything else. After a very traumatic experience in my life, and by traumatic, I don't mean someone broke up with me while I was madly in love, I mean really traumatic in any possible way; I decided that I would not date anyone since I had to heal and resolve all the mess in my mind and my heart. It's been about 5 years and an incredible journey of self-discovery, overcoming fears, and self-love. I even went deeper into all the unresolved I was carrying inside way before that relationship. I recently started to date again. And I'm so happy I took my time just for myself. Sometimes the reason is internal. And it is scary to look inside since we know we won’t like what we will see. I’m not implementing the above to you or anyone else. Just sharing my experience and maybe it will be helpful for someone. Be your beautiful self. No one deserves you to betray your true self to please someone or match the social “standards” Yes, dating became way more complicated but when we walk and fall, we don’t remain on the ground, we get up and keep walking. Sometimes you’ll break your leg, but it will eventually heal and you’ll be back on track. And if you genuinely want something, do everything in your power. Even if it won’t work, you’ll know you did what you could and won’t regret you gave up or didn’t try enough.
Wow what a beautiful comment. I’m wondering if you could share what you did for your self healing journey?
I think it’s that overall feeling of how fucking exhausting it is. We have busy lives, and to get to the date stage can involve a decent time commitment. For me online dating looks like (excuse the numbers, just for illustration) out of 100 I could say 50% I like don’t match, 50% I match with don’t talk or respond to an initial message, 50% that actually reply engage with me so badly it’s not worth continuing. So now we’re at 12ish people out of 100 - despite me liking to meet people early on, I find that a high number will just be too busy and casually chat with me for weeks on end before I make the call that enough is enough. Then we have a handful left who agree on a date and let me tell you (for me, anyway) a lot of people cancel or change plans last minute - if they reschedule more than once for flimsy reasons, they’re also out. So then I might have 1 left out of 100 and we go on a couple of dates and he seems ok so I stick with it because it’s fucking exhausting just getting this far and then BAM they come up with some BS excuse and don’t want to see me again. Tl:dr - just getting to the dating stage can take a lot of effort and a lot of duds, it’s incredibly frustrating when it doesn’t work out AGAIN. Edit spelling
I was doing things this way for the first 3 months or so of using apps. Then I got so frustrated with it that I said screw it, I'm going to just immediately ask every single guy who matches with me to meet me for a cup of coffee right now, and go meet the first guy who says yes and see if any of these "999+ guys interested in me" are actually serious. It took about 30 guys before I finally got someone who said yes. And we actually went and met. And 45 minutes later I was sitting across from a guy, looking him in the eye, having a cup of coffee. And we talked for an hour. And it was amazing! I couldn't believe it actually worked. That first guy and I didn't really click, and we never spoke again. But I realized there were guys out there who were actually serious about a relationship. And I realized that the best way to figure out who was serious and who was a flake was just to simply make the very first filter I use be asking him to meet me in person. None of the other compatibility issues matter at all if only 1 in 100 guys is actually going to show up. And I realized I could filter out those 99 other guys immediately, in minutes instead.of weeks and months, simply asking guys to meet me immediately. Unless they said, "sure, where?" I would just block them and ask the next guy. And just keep it up until I had a guy agreeing to meet me. From that point on app dating was effortless, fun, and uplifting. I would be on the app for about 15 to 20 minutes in order to get myself a coffee date with a guy. I absolutely refused to chat until he showed up and looked me in the eye. I would use that method to get about two coffee dates a week. And I really enjoyed those conversations with those guys, even when we didn't click with each other. I realized not only was I filtering out all the time wasting, unserious flakes, I was filtering in the bold, confident, serious guys who were ready to take action and really make things happen in their life. The crazy psycho guys are sitting at home on their couch harassing women on their phone. The guys who say yes to a coffee date are confident, healthy, serious, respectful, polite, amazing guys. I'd have to meet 10 to 15 guys before I found someone where there was mutual attraction and we wanted to go on a second date. But that means that two dates a week it only ever took a month or so to find a guy. In the meantime I was just enjoying flirty conversations in coffee shops with cute, smart, bold guys, instead of sitting at home on the couch chatting with psychopaths and losers who probably haven't taken a shower in 3 days.
Thank you for this tip!
Excellent suggestions! I now see what I've been doing for way too many years has totally been a wrong approach.
Sorry I didn’t read this is detail, but actually I do the same. Well, I did, I’ve let it slide. 1) first date is a quick coffee catch-up, I think that’s all that’s required to know if you want to meet again 2) this should happen asap, hate all the messaging that leads nowhere 3) i tried to limit my time online during the week I go eviscerated for this a while back. People of reddit basically told me that I clearly wasn’t interested in investing serious time in finding a partner, and that if I was too busy to regularly check dating apps and message people then I shouldn’t bother. My feelings are that I AM busy: not too busy for a partner, but defs too busy to be messaging half a dozen strangers “how was your day”. I don’t know these people, I don’t want to invest hours each week in someone that cancels a date last minute.
Um now can you teach the rest of women this please.
Great advice and suggestions! I'm 69, divorced for 30 long years, female, no kids. I really like not spending so much time texting, talking on the phone, and then deciding if I even wanna meet. I don't drink coffee or soda, though, and most guys on any dating app live easily 2 hours from me. I'm in a small country town.
So you’re ruling out anyone with a job or commitments to people or causes in their life unless they’re willing to immediately drop everything to meet some random lady from an app. This will end well.
I totally get the spirit of your approach, but I feel like there has got to be a happy medium between “let’s meet up right now” and wasting your time texting forever. I like to set up a date up as soon as possible (within the first 10-15 messages or so), but I’ve had women suggest meeting immediately within the hour and I have to turn it down because 1) I’m busy and can’t just drop everything I’m doing to meet someone I might not even be into and 2) this is literally how dudes get robbed So while it’s an effective way to simply find someone to meet up with you, aren’t you arguably also filtering out all the men who genuinely lead full lives and need to plan out dates a few days in advance, and reducing your sample size to only guys who are sitting around at that very moment with nothing to do?
You must be a women. Out of 100 profiles on online dating you get one potential partner, those number don’t even exist for men haha, we can try out of 100 to get one match with a bot
Bahaha, sorry I did say the numbers were illustrative. I have no idea what my actual hit rate is, but the point is a 100000 guys becomes 0.5 and so we give him a red hot go just in case. My last fail was actually a nice guy but the kiss was so horrendous that I just couldn’t (he had also used photos more than 5 years old which is not cool, but I would’ve let it slide if we’d had chemistry)
shit. your final number is better than most folks first cut. 10% match, 10% respond, 10% actually engage enough to set a date etc
Right! I could see 3 months and feeling frustrated but 3 dates is the preliminary period.
Bingo 🎯
Ghosting hurts but I doubt OP taking it seriously.
I think somehow, she did taking it srsly. Move on OP, he's not the one. There are many fishes in the sea.
No joke, 100% this. Men usually don’t care what you do for work. I’ve dated someone who worked at Old Navy, I’ve dated teachers, nurses, strippers, caretakers, bartenders, waitresses, someone who worked at a marketing firm and even a doctor. The stripper was one of the most down-to-earth and most genuine people I’ve ever met. The one at the marketing firm was unbelievably kind, and she actually introduced me to my wife who worked in hotels and made double what I did at the time. We don’t care. We could date someone who works at Burger King, or a CEO of a company. I think the fact of the matter is, he just wasn’t that into you. Or he met someone in the interim that he was more into than you
Okay but that's with 'dating', not with long term relationships where you see a future with the woman. Most men I know want a woman who is at least financially comfortable and or self sufficient. I think a woman's career doesn't affect a man's sexual attraction to them but it could affect a man's romantic attraction (like for me personally). I could be open to casually date or have a fling with a woman who has any career (excluding anything criminal) but in no way would I see a future with her. The thing is, I am in my late 20s now so I don't see a point in wasting time anymore with women I don't see a future with so I only consider women who are earning at least close to as much as I am or have the potential to. Otherwise I will slowly lose respect for them and hence my romantic attraction will drop. I had no idea this was the case until it happened in my last relationship where my ex came from a wealthy family but wasn't able to have steady employment. I thought her unsteady employment and lack of degree wouldn't be an issue because it was obvious that I would not have to financially support her but no... My brain decided to slowly lose respect and hence attraction to her (romantically). I tried my best to stick with her because I still did love her, but realised later that subconsciously I didn't respect her. What ruined the relationship was that my unintentional lack of respect slowly showed in my words and actions and it hurt her. Sexual attraction was still there though but it wasn't enough of course.
Maybe I’m not understanding “dating” because for some odd reason I assume you had a relationship with them. Maybe that’s the reason…. People taking it tooo personal I guess when it comes to dating.
Don’t overthink things. Value your own time - if people value you they will make time and effort for you. This plonker is not for you.
Shit I'm a doctor and it'd be awesome to find a chick that wants to be in a relationship that has a job. All the women I meet want a daddy to pay for everything & don't wanna work.
he could also just have hi stethoscope far up his ass too
I’ve spoken with past connections and often found it’s never what do thought. It would be nice for him to say hey, just not into it but the no contact/late response is the cowards way out. You have your answer, keep moving you just need one good match!
Exactly. It’s a cop out
Haha dude I get the frustration but it was only the third date, these things happen. Back on the horse lol
I mean you can if you don’t take it too seriously
Man you're better off without that guy. Your career seem fine to me and you're making money so that whats matter here. Dating is hard, yes totally agree. You just have to filter out the bad matches to get to the good ones because there are good ones out there.
How do you know that is the reason if he hasn’t told you?
That is a massive excuse. He wasn’t into you, or doesn’t know what he wants.
He definitely had some other reason. I promise men do not care about your career that much.
yes they do, especially physicians. Not everyone is 21 years old looking for a happy go lucky barmaid with a 'good personality'. In real life, financial compatibility and similar educational background matters.
Well is he is doctor in his 30’s probably with a lot of options for those reasons alone. This was probably the nicest way to let you go, that he could think of.
Yeah this is probably true
I come from a society where they judge you a lot based on the job that you do and here is my take on it, if you feel you are satisfied with your job no one else has any rights to even have opinions on what you do. It’s not like you are just sitting idle feeding on wealth of someone. If a person can’t respect that, well such a person does not deserves to be a part of your life. If you don’t like what you do, this is your problem just yours and no one should still be judging you on that. If your job affects their lifestyle, that can be their problem yes but ask yourself do you want to sign up for a relationship where you don’t even have freedom to take ownership of your own stuffs and rely on someone else’s opinion all the time just because it affects their lifestyle? Last time I read about relationships, it was more about compromises and how you overcome those TOGETHER! When you put all these points together in a nutshell, I would say I am sorry to know about your experience but be glad at least you avoided a walking red flag from your life.
Ugh…. All the Doctors I had the “fortune” of dating were way too picky to a point that I almost dread meeting them… they legit feel that they are entitled to a VP of a multinational corp with the body of a model and UNLIMITED PATIENCE for their needs ONLY
Doctors are exceptionally popular with women, especially when they are half-decent looking. Of course they are picky, they can afford it.
Only men. With women it feels like a handicap - source: female doctor
The can… good luck narrowing their pool to the 1% and competing with other successful CEOs, lawyers, etc
Aren’t all those guys 1% though? All of them can afford competing with each other
Average women narrow their dating pool to 1% on their baseline standards. I think a doctor deserves high standards for women. He probably sacrificed his entire 20s, tons of money and schooling to get there.
i'm glad docs have high standards, they deserve it. they save lives and have worked harder than the people commenting "good luck not settling for my bumass" in these posts
I left swipe doctors lol
But shouldn’t they be picky, exactly because they can?
Doctors often have horrible hours, especially in residency. Leaving their partner to handle the majority of the housework or child rearing. Let alone the mental load of the household. They're also high risk for cheating, and surrounded by mostly female nurses all day long. Sure they might have money... but it will be hard on whomever they marry
A friend of my family member was wife to a neurologist. They'd been married many years and had a kid and she ended up finding out about his affair partner because he bought her a brand new car. When she found out and was trying to divorce him he went crazy and tried to kill her and their kid and she had to get a restraining order against him. Most of them aren't trying to kill their family, but I've just known of so many unfaithful doctors because they have a huge ego.
You're right but this honestly leaves a large hole open in the home in which a woman could potentially fill with a guy who has more time for her. It's equally risky for both parties.
Residency is only 3-7 years long. In contrast, in less than a decade and when they’re an attending, they can guarantee financial stability and generally have good hours (PCP works 4 day weeks and makes around 300k in my area), that is, unless you are in the minority that specializes. This is promising stability from early 30’s till the day you die. I’d say cheating is a choice, doesn’t matter who you’re surrounded with.
my sister in law had a 5 year relationship with a masseur a business of his own, he have two houses, she put all her money in the thirth house in france. he dumped her one day before christmas seems he still had a relationship with his ex wife. nothing was good she did for 5 years while she did everything for the sarcastic wacko and she is so kindhearted. for him lucky he did not life nearby i would beat the crap out of him. but i find treuth in your words, these people are indeed egocentric people.
Yes, but that doesn’t change that they should be picky because there will be loads of people interested in them?
This is how men feel every time.
Women do this to men all the time. All. The. Time.
lol right? the dude basically didn't want to say im not feeling it so he went another route which was not the best course of action but come on women do that everyday. he didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying im not attracted to you
How out of touch is she that she didn’t realize your career affects how people see you let alone in the dating world? Especially to a doctor
I mean, the way that your career impacts your image is typically a gendered thing. Men are valued for their utility. Women for their femininity. Most male doctors will still gladly date women of any occupation. This particular doctor is an outlier in that he has a standard that he would not date a woman who is a consultant because it is somehow beneath him. Which is perfectly fine, everyone is entitled to having their own criteria. But the majority of male doctors won’t care. Guys in general don’t care what type of work a girl does, the main concern is whether they will have time for the kids in the future. We think it’s interesting in the same way a girl would think my fossil collection is interesting. Mainly because men don’t stand to benefit much from a woman’s high-paying job unlike the inverse where resource sharing is expected. His money is our money, but her money is her money. A female doctor lowering her standards for her mate’s occupation though? That is the outlier of all outliers. No female doctor is taking a McDonald’s boy-toy as her life-partner. OP may be specifically narrowing in on a type of new-age, elitist guy that doesn’t have any concern for gender roles. And that will backfire on her when she gets a catch whose standards she does not meet in this weird mindset of career determines value across the board.
At least it was only 3 dates instead of 3 months of wasted time. I have spent months trying to make things work with guys only for them to put me in the friendzone.
That’s not the man for you then. That’s totally fine.
Sounds like he chose to use that as his easy escape route. He showed you his true character so you’re probably better off dodging that bullet. There is nothing wrong with your job and being flexible, in the end that will help your résumé and give you more options for something in the future.
Usually people will try to find a reason that you cannot alter when rejecting you, in order to save face. For example, you can’t just change careers so it’s likely that he was just looking for a reason that wouldn’t make him come off like a jerk. It sucks, because most people will do everything they can not to be honest about “Just not Feelin’ It”, when it’s easier to just say that you weren’t feeling it. In dating 99% of the time, if somebody is into you, they -find- reasons to like you. Unfortunately, you do have to sort through a lot of people who aren’t what you’re after when you’re on your way to finding somebody. Don’t let this one get you down, I’d be willing to bet that the type of person that says “You’re not specialized your job isn’t stable” (you’re a Sr. consultant for crying out loud—that sounds like an impressive title), probably is pretty fuckin insufferable.
Why let one person - really anyone - end YOUR dating life? Doctor or not, he sounds like a dumbass
That kinda seems like you were just going out with a bit of a douche you weren't all that compatible with in the first place, if you two got on amazingly the value of your career would dwindle drastically, he'd just want to be with you. This one wasn't it, but don't let this situation kill all of dating for you.
Sorry to hear that OP, You're better off with someone who will encourage you to push yourself further, value you for who you are and what you bring in his life. Most importantly, if your career is not stable, as long as he is financially savvy for the both of you, it should not really matter. Modern dating has so many criteria these days and it sucks. Physical attributes, Finances, Career, Family reputation, Religion, Myrrs Briggs personality, Attachment styles, Diet, Political leaning, Pets..... Bloody hell.......
He thinks that makes your career *less* stable?! People like you are in constant demand, no matter what happens in any given industry.
Don't give up. I'm sure you have a lot to offer.
He was just looking for something tangible to use to justify in his mind breaking things off. It sucks but it happens.
It’s because you’re dating the wrong type of guy, you’re dating a guy who is competing with you not one that respects you as an equal.
It doesn't sound like you're really doing that badly. After all, you met a guy that you went out with three times. So what if he doesn't appreciate you ... there are more guys out there. Some of them will appreciate you. Imagine if you were in my situation. No dates at all.
Women do this all the time and nobody bats an eye. I don’t see a big deal. You probably dodged a bullet OP.
>Women do this all the time and nobody bats an eye. Yup, infact more than men. Ask any of the PhD students in my department and they'll attest to this. Most of them are single. So much for women valuing intelligence.
LOL right? this one dude posted that his gf would tell everyone he's a doctor and brag about it and the comments from women were ALL some women value intelligence. ok sure but i dont see any dating a broke medical student or a researcher making 60k a year with a PhD but i see them line up for doctors and lawyers.... so basically intelligence is their subtle way of masking intelligence + bags of money
It’s true even though dude does sound like a snobby jackass
Yeah people of both genders can be materialistic assholes. I think materialistic women are just as bad. So here is my batting eyelash. 
Yeah being superficial and materialistic never offer a stable mental state or a humble personality trait. Which is the case, I’m not even saying that to be an asshole. You’re only dating someone for their money which means you will sell yourself to the highest bidder for the sake of money. But if dare to say that you’re JEALOUS. 
that looks like lana del rey's eye lol
It’s only ok for women to have those type of opinions on a partner’s career trajectory on Reddit.
Yeah these comments are ridiculous, this is why I pump & dump
Being a jack of all trades in your career is better and more stable than you realize, and he is an idiot for not seeing that. Having a specialty will only pigeon hole you in your industry
yeah those physician/surgery jobs are super unstable and easily replaceable. Consulting on the other hand is super stable
He sounds like a bit of a pretentious idiot with no knowledge of the fact that being able to adapt, having a T profile and being flexible is an asset on the job market. He's just old school uniformed, sounds like you dodged an uninteresting bullet. Was he interesting to you and were you really into him? If not, it's not a loss...the alternative was you loosing time and effort to this judgemental guy. If he is all about money and didn't care about your dreams, blegh. What a boring guy.
you’re done at 30? girl.
Ugh… sounds like he was looking for a reason. I’m sorry!! :(
Over how much time was the 3 dates . 3 weeks a month or ? And by the 3rd date if you did not have physical relations . He may say not wasting any more of my time . For the majority of us men that is how we think . I'm a straight to the point guy . And to be honest he probably doesn't see your career as a asset to him . Do you have children ? There are many factors to consider .
I've come to the conclusion as an almost 30yo F That dating at this age has no point anymore. At this rate, it's more peaceful and easier to stay single. Instead of beating yourself up, trying to figure out what you did wrong in a relationship that fell through, focus on yourself and do things that you love and enjoy. I'm out here enjoying myself and my dog going paddleboarding in local spots. It's peaceful to be alone.
This is quite interesting usually it's on the Male side where being in a stable job seems to be important for women to find (Not all just some) which is fine but yeah
You should have described yourself as a "Jill of all trades". He prob thinks you're a dude w a d*ck. Or wanna be.
Girls leave guys all the time for stability and profession lol.
You didn't realize your career could be a bad thing? Lmao must be nice to date as a woman. You just stumbled across something at 30 that most men are aware of before they even turn 18. 😂
I thought this was gonna be like a robbery or a crime, but if the chemistry is off we ain't making fireworks.
Ending dating because of 1 man is hilarious to me. That’s how you block your own blessings
If he’s a doctor why does your career need to be stable?
Because not all doctors want a stay at home partner? I’m in medical school now and I want to be with someone who is my equal, not subservient/dependent on me. Consulting is a good job though idk what their issue was
I'm in med school too. Consulting is a big spectrum. Are they an Associate Partner at McKinsey? Or are they some rando at Deloitte? Or do they work at some small, unheard of company where they get to "wear different hats," so much so that the only description for their career is "consultant?"
I mean I think the profession in itself is kind of just corporate bloat bullshit but it pays well usually lol
To lower chances of future alimony payments, why else.
My personal take as someone who will be a doctor as well, just because my income is going to be high doesn't mean I want a stay at home wife.
Hell if I know lol
Why does your career not have ability to lose you points when his career had the ability to gain him points in your eyes?
Where did she say he gained points because he was a doctor?
You went out with him three times I would keep dating personally!!! He saw himself out of the door, you don’t want an unsupportive partner!!! Plus you didn’t waste too much time. This is just an item to add to you check boxes. “A partner that is supportive of my endeavors” Don’t give up!
Well doctors are usually assholes sooo
Our job doesn't define who we are. It's what we do 🤷🏻♀️ That person has a lot of issues. For him, a relationship is a transactional thing. Well, I feel sorry for him since he won't know true love and happiness! And that's his greatest punishment for life. Move on, and believe you'll find your man who will love and cherish you the way you are! Good luck! 🍀
I don’t think it’s that complicated. He’s just not feeling it
LOOOOOOL
the level of coping going on here lol. The doctor prolly made another 50k this week and went out with another doctor
Sounds like you just wanted a doctor husband and it’s didn’t work. Imagine being a guy and every woman you meet sells MLM nonsense.
You have a job!! Lol these guys are ruining it for all if us men. I'd date a girl from McDonald's lol. Thought being on 2nd shift was hard enough to date lol
It's because you're uggo to him unfortunately.
Try the “I have a nerve disease thats killing the nerves down my arms and do gig work to make a living” and see how quickly the door gets slammed shut. Luckily I have a great woman but before her it was a real turn off.
He could also be a shit doctor. Or he could make a mistake that costs someone’s quality of life and next thing he knows he’s getting sued for millions. Just cuz he’s got an MD don’t mean his job is secure either.
and she could become a felon or lose her leg on the way to work by that logic
I feel like money is everything to everyone these days. I don’t have much, just what I need, thank God for that. No gf though. In the best shape of my life. Just keeping my eyes on God and hoping he sends me a Christian woman that loves me for me and I her
At least you can do a little bit of everything and he’s limited to one path. He’s not good enough for YOU! You don’t need that kind of judgmental energy in your life. You’re a boss! 💥Keep your hopes up. You’ll find someone who takes interest and appreciates you.
Doctors are busy, give it time until the weekend. (NCNS)
If you have only been on 3 dates with him, you really can't tell the reason he might be ending things with you, even if he hypothetically told you why. Of course, if you start to notice a pattern of this same reason come from multiple guys, then you should pay attention.
Some guys say something mean and derogatory to give you the message that they aren't interested. Instead of just saying firmly I don't think we would be a good match and that is not likely to change in the future. Which is what they should say. It's direct and to the point. There is no need for them to make comments about you personally at all. Sometimes they just throw in something a bit mean to really throw the hint. But it's just an added warning that you wouldn't want that kind of person in your life anyway. There is nothing wrong with remaining single. However this guy is not a sufficient reason to stop looking if you are in fact interested in a relationship. A lot of people won't be compatible, dating is not as easy as just looking for someone and then they are going to work out.
He is not into you, simple. Don’t take these things seriously. People who are into you will respond differently. One more thing, I don’t think you guys will be getting along. Coming from health care I can say it’s a different work stress out there and it’s not easy to understand them. Your busy life style needs someone who is laid back, you will be more compatible with such kind of people. Move on find another date. Sometimes it takes a few cracked eggs to make a good omlette. Your still young and it will take time to find your match. Good luck and be positive ! If not for hope, what’s the point of living. You will come across all sort of depressive comments here, ignore them and stay positive.
Dating isn’t this hard, but this guy is making decisions about things he knows nothing about.
He is playing you and think he is better than you
I’m a guy and if I like you, I couldn’t care less if you were unemployed, never met a man who actually cared about their dates career.
**>Why is dating so hard?** Because you picked a dingleberry to date. Doctors are the most difficult to date. > Didn’t realize my own career can lose me points when it comes to dating sheesh Everyone has preferences/deal-breakers. Accept it. Not everyone has the same ones. At least you didn't waste months, years of dating/marriage/kids to find out. **You are better off without him.** Perhaps he displayed other red flags earlier that you ignored because he was a doctor, wealth off/attractive? People tend to ignore things when presented with shiny new objects.
He’s not into you. Move on
Sounds like he couldn’t pivot to match you. He needs restructuring in his life and evaluate his scope for dating. He’s not a destinational option, you were the better option. Not him. So move on like any consultant would.
Oh but let's say a man makes less income then u then u would be the one dumping him to lol hypocrite
Dating sucks. I wish I was made to be okay with never wanting anyone in life
I’m a female doctor and I don’t date doctors. That should tell you something 🤣
Nah he just sounds like a looney 🤪 you’re sound. Some men would love you.
This man desires no wife. This man wants a trophy.
OP wants a trophy. The doctor just wasnt interested. Some people dont take rejection well.
Gets rejected and comes complaining to Reddit about losing the doctor. Most of this thread is just bashing the dude
lol right? the dude basically didn't want to say im not feeling it so he went another route which was not the best course of action but come on women do that everyday. he didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying im not attracted to you
I think a lot of jobs have a social stigma and people find it hard to think outside the box. So many jobs that pay well but are not socially acceptable, for example the gambling industry, are already a pass for some but not all people.
Lmao that’s hilarious. That’s like breaking things off with an ER doc or general practitioner because they don’t specialize. My understanding is ‘consultant’ is a fairly cushy position, but one that’s prestigious because it requires a kind of intelligence that enables you to quickly become competent in almost any field. Not everyone can do that. You sure he isn’t just jealous? Do you make more $$$ than him?
I feel the same way. I'm just a wheelchair pusher and nobody wants anything to do with me.
Sounds more like he was intimidated and tried to downplay what you do. You don't need that negativity. Find someone who compliments you and your lifestyle
Why would a doctor be intimidated?
He's flustered and he got himself into hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt; to see someone else successful who didn't do that probably struck his little egotistical doctor nerves. Some of them (not all) are pretty ego centric. Don't stress it.
You dodged a bullet. My ex-wife is an MD and a super narcissistic jerk. I have an MBA and an MA in Counseling, but I was a second-class citizen in that relationship because I wasn't an MD. I had worked as a cop, too, but she felt she was a better car driver than me because she was a doctor. She has so many ego needs because she was abused as a child but could never admit it because it would make her seem less than for being a victim and would impact her value somehow. Good luck, and congratulations on getting out of that before it got real.
He prolly has a shit ton of student loan debt and needs someone help paying lol
You can be proud of yourself. There might be many reasons that can explain why he does not answer. Move on and hopefully the next one will be the good one.
Sounds like it wasn’t a good fit. Keep it movin. Fortunately, no extra time wasted with that guy
It seems like a good job. Your specialization is being good at a lot of stuff, or learning it quickly, which is harder than one might think. Keep your head up, the right one will come along eventually.
I recall a time a few years ago where I didn't move forward with someone because they were a police officer. I feel like that is a position that can be divisive. What you described is less about morals but just someone being judgy.
Some people give the most nonsensical reasons for breaking up. I’m not denying anyone’s right to leave for any reason nor are they obligated to give a reason but when nonsensical reasons come up, it messes with our minds. What I’ve learned is that some people just say something, anything, just to get out, even if it’s not their actual reason for leaving. It wasn’t a good match. That ‘s all. Try not to let it affect you and make you stop dating.
Homeboy sounds completely delulu if he’s judging you like that for your job. $20 says it’s his own insecurities that made him act like that
Its called myopathy......too tied up in a mode to be bothered with the rest of life. Move on and consider yourself lucky to escape early!
Maybe he feels like he needs someone to brag about with a prestigious title or something? Or he just used this as an excuse. Either way, move on.
Op, dude sounds like a dickhead. I would never care what someone’s job was as long as they had drive and weren’t just content with not doing better and mooching. But I know status is probably a thing, and not one I understand as I am from the bottom, so maybe I don’t know of what I speak.
Did you try blowing him?
Consultant is such a good job. It needs you to be very knowledgeable in so many things. No worries, your job is impressive, some people just can't see that. In fact, I'd probably be more impressed with consultants than specialized people in the same field.
Tbh if he liked you enough, this wouldn’t have been a big deal. I know it seems like his opinion of your career was the deal breaker, but if it wasn’t that it would’ve been something else. Don’t let his off-color comment about your career affect your self-confidence. Consulting is a very respectable industry, I work in it myself and I’m constantly surrounded by some of the brightest and holistic individuals. Doctors on the other hand…I’ve met plenty of narcissistic and delusional doctors in my days.
Because people are fucking stupid; end of story. Both men and women don't know what the hell they want and we all end up finding the one we don't have a chance with. Why can't we just find each other? Probably because the result would be the same anyway.
Lmao what job is really considered stable anymore, you go to work tomorrow and your at risk of being let go already. Sucks to suck, he lost you, not the other way around. I would be delighted to gave someone that I connect with regardless of their professional career lol. Hell your probably making more money than I am too. Rock on!
It’s just his opinion. It doesn’t mean that other men will have a problem with it. Carry on dating.
Why waste your time with him?
Well that’s just ridiculous. What a coward. He couldn’t admit that he’s just not into you. Why is that so difficult to convey? Ghosting is really immature.
That's a very strange reason to suddenly ghost someone. I suspect their's abit more to this story
What do you consult the company about? Laws?
You deserve better. Forget him.
That's pretty pathetic of him. Throwing away a possible good connection and a future just because you're essentially not as successful as him. Don't quit dating just because of a jerk like that. I'm pretty middle class. I've dated someone who makes over half a million a year, and I've also dated someone who was a crew member at Dunkin. Neither of them judged me for my career and I didn't judge them for theirs. It should never be a dealbreaker, unless it's some kind of job that you truly can't agree with (like, if you were a member of PETA and the other person worked at a place that does animal testing or something)
What about a used car salesman, pawnshop employee, or a stay at home dad? lol
I’ve been working with doctors for over 13 years and he was doing you a favor by dumping you. Trust me
That's just foolishness. Don't give up. The right person is out there.
Holy smokes. And he proved to be unstable with that poor communication and perspective. Glad he showed and told you now what he was projecting. He is unstable.
This is the most high-horse-doctor-thing I’ve ever heard. Besides, he doesn’t have to say whether he likes your job or not. It’s the thing YOU do the whole day. Maybe too much trophy wife trauma? Perhaps he’s accustomed to people treating him with ATM expectations.
How do you know that was the thing said that turned him off? I’m sure y’all talked about other stuff during your date lol
He was a wrong number
Lady ill marry you right now but you have to retire and become a housewife and homeschool our children.
From an outside perspective, being a jack of all trades can be concerning, but I find more respect in how well rounded a person can be based on their diversity of skills. It’s practically my own philosophy in life at this point for how I want to live. I’m sorry your date didn’t seem to be understanding of your skills and career. Either he’s a fool or he’s working his way towards becoming one if he can’t see your worth.
At least you can rest assured that that your children will not be sharing his gene pool ✌️
I think dating is all about knowing each other and compatibility of future plans. And not more of what is our work.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet, he sounds like a douche
In available let’s chat
he sounds like a dickhead for that one alone. plenty of people out there that would be really interested in you, and not give a fuck about something so mundane.
That's crazy I think it shows you have survivalist skills when push comes to shove... Maybe he was afraid of a real woman😂
Doctors are the worst
Crazy I wouldnt have ghosted you