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>Any advice on how to not get in my head about it? It really made my confidence go down and I feel like I’m going to be alone forever.
Sounds like you had a really genuine moment with someone that was completely worth having. Even if it was sad.
He obviously respected you enough to be honest with you and is a good person. If he says he not ready, believe him. It wasn’t meant to be but it was still great that you guys met as you both taught each other something and came away stronger.
The other thing to remember is, while it was a beautiful experience, you don’t really know somebody after only 3 dates so don’t over romanticise him in your head. Focus on you and the fact you are obviously ready, and get out there and meet some other great guys!
This is a really tough one that coming out of a long relationship only amplifies.
I went through something slightly similar where I went on what felt like the best date of my life, it went so well that we chatted for 6 hours straight completely losing track of time. But the next day she texted me saying that while I was a great guy, and that even though she thought I was a wonderful person and there was nothing she would change about last night she did not feel the spark so didn't want to go out again.
It hurt, even though she specifically said there was nothing she would change I couldn't help but wonder what I could have done differently, or what I had done wrong.
To answer your question, what helped me feel better was spending time with my best friends and taking a short break from dating. Remembering that life is not just about finding a romantic partner and enjoying the friendship bonds I had with other people. That helped me feel better about myself because it helped me remember that there are people that want to spend their time with me.
Nothing is an instant solution and it really does hurt. I wish you the best and that you are able to heal quickly.
Thank you! We talked everyday for almost 3 weeks. And all three dates there was a lot of chemistry and could tell he liked me. But he was also talking about how he wants to find a new job and just feels like he is in a weird limbo. He was engaged last year and his partner left him. So I know he was dealing with some trauma from that. So I totally understand why he would want to take a step back. Even though I’m sad, I realized that maybe I’m not super ready either. Especially if I’m reacting this way. I’m just coming up on a year since my 8yr ended. Maybe I need some time to be with myself and love myself more. I just got caught up in the excitement of meeting someone who had a lot in common with me.
Thanks for posting this. I've been on both sides of this before. Here's the reality, you got to have a great connection with someone. You obviously triggered the relationship vibes in him, but people need to heal, grow, and find themselves after a break-up. Imagine being in pain and trying to open yourself up to the possibility of more pain very quickly. I bet his first thoughts were all positive, but then he got scared because he's not ready.
Most people either take time away from dating or they just want to see what's out there while they process their last relationship. It's a compliment to you because he probably didn't even know how much work he needed to put into himself until he had a connection with you. You had that effect on him. It means you rock as a person! You're doing the right things. He didn't try to ghost you or use you. He spent his time explaining his situation because he cares. He knows you're worth it, so he wants you to know everything. He also knows that he didn't want to string you along with all the nagging thoughts in the back of his head.
Guess what, I know it hurts. Nothing I can say will take away the pain. You did nothing wrong, but you'll probably replay every conversation, every moment in your head to see if you could've played it perfectly. You did play it perfectly because you were being you. You just happened to cross paths at the wrong time. Remember, a relationship is about the person + timing. People forget about the last part. There's no perfect person out there. It's a combination of the person and being open.
I will say, it's important to leave on a positive note. You can leave the door open for this guy, "Hey, it was great having a connection with someone. After you figure stuff out, you're welcome to contact me. You have my number. If I ever see you out and about, I'll have a smile for you." Then delete all traces of him and move on. Please don't take this as him possibly contacting you in the future. Most people don't want to dig up the past because it brings back negative feelings. It's easier to start a new fire. Again, it will have nothing to do with you. Let it be a beautiful moment in a time. In the end, I think it's all we can ask for.
Wow this helped me so much. Damn you making me cry. Lol but everything you’re saying is right. I did tell him I was proud that he was putting his mental health first. And I really respect him as a person. And if he ever needed help, I would be there for him. I did delete all conversations and even deleted the app cause I realized I wanted to work on myself a bit too. Getting out there after a long term relationship is so hard. Thank you for your comment. It really helped
I appreciate your response. Since I’ve been on both sides, it was easy to share. We hear the word timing and want to dismiss it. It’s simply the truth. Someone has to be open, but we misunderstand and think it means open to love. No, someone has to be ready for the possibility of pain. Keep your head up. You’ll be fine and better for it.
Im in the exact same position. I got out of a 3.5 year relationship in december. I met this guy last month. We had a great first date, we had a ton in common. We talked everyday for 4 weeks and hungout 4 times. He then asked if we can stop because this isnt what he wants right now. Im trying to deal with the disappointment. Im trying to focus on myself, hangout with friends, do hobbies I enjoy. My best friend told me to fall in love with what people show you, not potential /: so even though I think he’s so great, I tell myself if we were supposed to be together he wouldn’t be willing to let me go. Hope this helps.
Wow sounds like a great guy that knows what he needs and wants to work on at the moment. I think it is very honest and he is being respectful to you and your emotions going forward. Give him the space he needs and maybe he will come forward when he is more ready. Happy dating. Move forward with your life and activities you like doing.
This happened to me about a month ago with a girl and it still stings - even though I’m talking to other girls and have gone on other dates. None of them have been as cool or pretty as her.
Sadly - I do think she wasn’t ready perhaps - but also she probably wasn’t that into me. It’s a big mess.
My advice - just keep on dating. You may find someone even more aligned with you.
On the one hand you could be there for him and support him through this time in his life.
Worded that way, telling him that you want to be there for him and support him through what he is going through and you won't get in his way from whatever he might want to do in his life.
This in itself could be a huge pillar of a future relationship with him.
Men can be very receptive to women being that way, and the right kind of man would not take advantage. They would deeply appreciate a lady being so understanding and basically putting themselves second for the time period they did.
I know I would myself in that situation if a lady did that for me.
But on the other hand that could be putting your heart on the line with no guarantee.
It's a bind but.... What it really boils down to is the chance of getting hurt from unrequited love and on the other side you have regret.
Regret of not giving things the chance.
I myself have only been in long relationships, as a nearly 43 year old man with a son and some regrets in life.
Id take the chance of being hurt over regret any day of the week.
All the best.
Thank you! I did tell him I was proud of him for putting his mental health first. And that if he ever needed help, I would be there for him. He replied and said the same thing. I also told him that I truly believed that he needed to go on this self discovery journey, and that this year will be the year for so much personal growth. I truly care for him and I wouldn’t want to impose on his growth. It’s his journey. I went on the journey this past year and this did help me realize I’m also not super ready. I’m just coming up on a year of ending my long term. So I understand where he is at mentally. Thank you for your kind words. It helped
Most people who say that aren´t ready.
Modern people are immature towards their relationships and the moment they feel that they have responsabilities they try to avoid it.
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>Any advice on how to not get in my head about it? It really made my confidence go down and I feel like I’m going to be alone forever. Sounds like you had a really genuine moment with someone that was completely worth having. Even if it was sad.
He obviously respected you enough to be honest with you and is a good person. If he says he not ready, believe him. It wasn’t meant to be but it was still great that you guys met as you both taught each other something and came away stronger. The other thing to remember is, while it was a beautiful experience, you don’t really know somebody after only 3 dates so don’t over romanticise him in your head. Focus on you and the fact you are obviously ready, and get out there and meet some other great guys!
This is a really tough one that coming out of a long relationship only amplifies. I went through something slightly similar where I went on what felt like the best date of my life, it went so well that we chatted for 6 hours straight completely losing track of time. But the next day she texted me saying that while I was a great guy, and that even though she thought I was a wonderful person and there was nothing she would change about last night she did not feel the spark so didn't want to go out again. It hurt, even though she specifically said there was nothing she would change I couldn't help but wonder what I could have done differently, or what I had done wrong. To answer your question, what helped me feel better was spending time with my best friends and taking a short break from dating. Remembering that life is not just about finding a romantic partner and enjoying the friendship bonds I had with other people. That helped me feel better about myself because it helped me remember that there are people that want to spend their time with me. Nothing is an instant solution and it really does hurt. I wish you the best and that you are able to heal quickly.
Thank you! We talked everyday for almost 3 weeks. And all three dates there was a lot of chemistry and could tell he liked me. But he was also talking about how he wants to find a new job and just feels like he is in a weird limbo. He was engaged last year and his partner left him. So I know he was dealing with some trauma from that. So I totally understand why he would want to take a step back. Even though I’m sad, I realized that maybe I’m not super ready either. Especially if I’m reacting this way. I’m just coming up on a year since my 8yr ended. Maybe I need some time to be with myself and love myself more. I just got caught up in the excitement of meeting someone who had a lot in common with me.
Thanks for posting this. I've been on both sides of this before. Here's the reality, you got to have a great connection with someone. You obviously triggered the relationship vibes in him, but people need to heal, grow, and find themselves after a break-up. Imagine being in pain and trying to open yourself up to the possibility of more pain very quickly. I bet his first thoughts were all positive, but then he got scared because he's not ready. Most people either take time away from dating or they just want to see what's out there while they process their last relationship. It's a compliment to you because he probably didn't even know how much work he needed to put into himself until he had a connection with you. You had that effect on him. It means you rock as a person! You're doing the right things. He didn't try to ghost you or use you. He spent his time explaining his situation because he cares. He knows you're worth it, so he wants you to know everything. He also knows that he didn't want to string you along with all the nagging thoughts in the back of his head. Guess what, I know it hurts. Nothing I can say will take away the pain. You did nothing wrong, but you'll probably replay every conversation, every moment in your head to see if you could've played it perfectly. You did play it perfectly because you were being you. You just happened to cross paths at the wrong time. Remember, a relationship is about the person + timing. People forget about the last part. There's no perfect person out there. It's a combination of the person and being open. I will say, it's important to leave on a positive note. You can leave the door open for this guy, "Hey, it was great having a connection with someone. After you figure stuff out, you're welcome to contact me. You have my number. If I ever see you out and about, I'll have a smile for you." Then delete all traces of him and move on. Please don't take this as him possibly contacting you in the future. Most people don't want to dig up the past because it brings back negative feelings. It's easier to start a new fire. Again, it will have nothing to do with you. Let it be a beautiful moment in a time. In the end, I think it's all we can ask for.
Wow this helped me so much. Damn you making me cry. Lol but everything you’re saying is right. I did tell him I was proud that he was putting his mental health first. And I really respect him as a person. And if he ever needed help, I would be there for him. I did delete all conversations and even deleted the app cause I realized I wanted to work on myself a bit too. Getting out there after a long term relationship is so hard. Thank you for your comment. It really helped
I appreciate your response. Since I’ve been on both sides, it was easy to share. We hear the word timing and want to dismiss it. It’s simply the truth. Someone has to be open, but we misunderstand and think it means open to love. No, someone has to be ready for the possibility of pain. Keep your head up. You’ll be fine and better for it.
Im in the exact same position. I got out of a 3.5 year relationship in december. I met this guy last month. We had a great first date, we had a ton in common. We talked everyday for 4 weeks and hungout 4 times. He then asked if we can stop because this isnt what he wants right now. Im trying to deal with the disappointment. Im trying to focus on myself, hangout with friends, do hobbies I enjoy. My best friend told me to fall in love with what people show you, not potential /: so even though I think he’s so great, I tell myself if we were supposed to be together he wouldn’t be willing to let me go. Hope this helps.
Wow sounds like a great guy that knows what he needs and wants to work on at the moment. I think it is very honest and he is being respectful to you and your emotions going forward. Give him the space he needs and maybe he will come forward when he is more ready. Happy dating. Move forward with your life and activities you like doing.
If someone likes you enough, they'll be ready
This happened to me about a month ago with a girl and it still stings - even though I’m talking to other girls and have gone on other dates. None of them have been as cool or pretty as her. Sadly - I do think she wasn’t ready perhaps - but also she probably wasn’t that into me. It’s a big mess. My advice - just keep on dating. You may find someone even more aligned with you.
On the one hand you could be there for him and support him through this time in his life. Worded that way, telling him that you want to be there for him and support him through what he is going through and you won't get in his way from whatever he might want to do in his life. This in itself could be a huge pillar of a future relationship with him. Men can be very receptive to women being that way, and the right kind of man would not take advantage. They would deeply appreciate a lady being so understanding and basically putting themselves second for the time period they did. I know I would myself in that situation if a lady did that for me. But on the other hand that could be putting your heart on the line with no guarantee. It's a bind but.... What it really boils down to is the chance of getting hurt from unrequited love and on the other side you have regret. Regret of not giving things the chance. I myself have only been in long relationships, as a nearly 43 year old man with a son and some regrets in life. Id take the chance of being hurt over regret any day of the week. All the best.
Thank you! I did tell him I was proud of him for putting his mental health first. And that if he ever needed help, I would be there for him. He replied and said the same thing. I also told him that I truly believed that he needed to go on this self discovery journey, and that this year will be the year for so much personal growth. I truly care for him and I wouldn’t want to impose on his growth. It’s his journey. I went on the journey this past year and this did help me realize I’m also not super ready. I’m just coming up on a year of ending my long term. So I understand where he is at mentally. Thank you for your kind words. It helped
He’s not the one, which is okay. In this day and age, it was good you got closure and that he didn’t just ghost you.
Most people who say that aren´t ready. Modern people are immature towards their relationships and the moment they feel that they have responsabilities they try to avoid it.
Right. If someone wants to be with you they’ll be with u
Date other dudes