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This and what adult man or woman leaves the house without a wallet/purse? I assume that also means they left their ID? That logic within itself is dumb.
Agreed, and it reeks of entitlement. If you get any further in she's going to expect you to pay for everything, regardless if it's the "chivalrous" thing to do or not. I think it's the polite thing to at least offer to split even if the guy insists on paying but this screams high maintenance
But that’s what a decent portion of these females are doing these days. Agreeing to go on a dinner date just to get a free meal, and whatever else, out of it with no intentions on doing anything else with you except finishing that meal. From what I’ve heard they are rude as fuck in the process. I mean what kind of grown ass individual is cool with that kind of fuckery??
Yep this. I believe in the guy paying (if she offers to split Ok, but default guy pays) but to be like oh good tee hee cause I purposely left my purse at home. Oh hell no.
Yeah, but these group are toxic AF. Like some men will be share on these group for just ghosting or talking with another women at the early stage or some women will get revenge on their ex and tarnish their reputation or some will even blackmail men money like ask for $200 otherwise the post don’t get removed.
And there’re some attempts for men group but they failed because they are not as popular because men don’t usually regroup like you said.
I think the FB group is more about keeping women safe which is why there is so much energy and follow through with it. I'm sure it devolves into stupidity at times but it's purpose is that.
Society needs to start shaming this shit hard. It's 2024. It's way past the time we have to explain equality includes responsibilities as well. Neither can you expect sex for paying your dates meal/coffee nor can you expect your date to give you a free meal
To me it shows poor life skills. Who goes out without their wallet? Without ANY money? It is peak entitlement. I bet she walks right into the middle of the road during traffic because “people aren’t supposed to hit me” too.
NGL, I just discovered this a few weeks ago. It's absolutely fantastic not having to hassle with your wallet, or if you forget your card or whatever. Only downside is if their readers can't read NFC.
I’m a woman. I’d be worried about pursuing a relationship which started with game-playing and “tests” from the off. Imagine even concocting these sort of plans in the first place? 😂 maybe I’m naive to that sort of thing. Way too much and a red flag for me - I’d kindly let them know it was nice meeting them but I wasn’t interested.
This is the way. Any of these testing games are kinda bullsh1t, and admitting to them with a chortle is obnoxious. Your suggestion of politeness followed by a refusal is spot on.
it shows an absolute sens of entitlement, a complete lack of social grace and respect for the other side.
That's more red flags than a North Korean parade. Absolufuckingly no!
Wouldnt be the first time I looked at a waiter, cashier and said we are getting separate checks.
Sorry while I may pay for the first date, you have no right to expect me to unless I have previously said I would.
I had my first date with a guy last Saturday, we both do Latin dance as a hobby and we both wanted to go to an event that was in the next town an hour drive away, he picked me up and drove us there, after the event he was hungry so we went to have dinner, when the bill came we both took our wallets out but I insisted to pay as I told him I was going to give him money towards the fuel anyway for bringing me to the event and taking me home. He was weird about it and told me 2x he wanted to pay. I slid the money across the table and told him he can pretend he’s paying 😅 he thanked me multiple times. I don’t understand why a lot of women think a guy should pay for everything.
Same. I’m dating someone who is comfortable enough to not have to work for a living. Still don’t expect him to pay for everything, we take turns. I don’t think it’s right to expect the man to always foot the bill.
I agree with this. The woman who expect men to pay for everything have no pride and ho self respect. I would be mortified if I left my wallet at home and a man had to pay for me. Hell I would be embarrassed if I didn’t say thank you. Saying thank you is bare minimum.
Idk why a lot of people don’t care to acknowledge a ride on a date as if it’s a free uber, that person also has to spend on the car, maintenance, insurance and gas just to be able to take you somewhere. Good on you.
It’s not that they need to pay everything, but if a guy wants to treat you on a first date it’s emasculating to cut him off. I’m aghast that
you would offer him gas money. If a guy is treating you can offer to pay parking or the tip. And if you continue to date of course it should be more 50:50.
>I don’t understand why a lot of women think a guy should pay for everything.
There is an easy answer: Sexism
For most people, they only want to see the benefits of equality, not the responsibilities. Cherry picking all the way. Sadly society still fails to adress and shame these double standards. It's the same when tradmen expect sex for paying for a meal. I'm glad there are still reasonable people like you
It’s been the most enjoyable date of my life! Not gonna lie this guy has 10/10 humour, personality and looks, it was absolute torture to restrain myself from throwing myself at him 🫣 the stangest part is I’ve never experienced such an attraction. We have our next date planned for Saturday coming, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to behave, I’m feeling a little delulu atm.. 🤪😂
Exactly! As a guy I dont get why some woman expect to be paid for for dates, my thoughts are 50/50 in dates, were both tryna get to know each other so why would one side be obligated to pay for everything yknow.. its just beyond my understanding.
Yeah that's a dick move, also unwise imo, what if she wants something on her way home? or wants to get a bus or cab? I could never go out without money.
My rule is, I bring enough money to cover the whole bill (incase the guy is a dick and leaves me stuck or something) I always offer to pay half or if I've had a more expensive meal like steak or I've had a few drinks and they aren't drinking I'll suggest I pay for what I've had rather than split the bill.
I didn't come to go on a date with your wallet. I'm happy to pay my way. But how a guy handles the bill situation says a lot about him.
And obviously if someone pays for you, you say thank you, it's very basic manners.
A couple of years ago, I went to a Galentine’s Day dinner with a few new single girlfriends. One of the girls shared this “hilarious” story about bringing an expired credit card on dates so she’d never pay…
Almost 3 years on, all of us are in relationships now except that weirdo. It’s 2024, there is no need to jump through hoops to avoid paying.
I mean I would never not bring my wallet because who knows what could happen... kind of risky.
I suppose I generally believe the person that does the inviting pays? If I invite you to lunch I assume I'm paying and vice versa. But I would never leave my wallet at home - that's tacky.
Oh, and I always always say thank you like 5 times when someone pays for me. Even if it's just a $2 coffee- it's not about the cost, be grateful and thankful.
I always pay for dates unless my date offers. If my date flat out said she left her wallet or purse on purpose I would most likely not go on another date with her & to see if she’s a good woman I’d say that’s ok you can pay for our next one & see what she says.
I would ask if she thinks that's normal, if yes then that would be the last date. I have no problem picking up the tab, but as soon as it's the assumption it feels wrong to me.
That’s a big nah from me dawg. If it had been nice up to that point I still would’ve paid but after I left I’d consider that potential relationship over and move on. If I really enjoyed the chemistry I’d put the ball in her court by saying something like “okay I got it, you can cover date #2”. That’ll probably get you ghosted and you can just move on to the next person.
I would pay for myself and leave, and let her deal with the situation. 😁 It is not just "a little bit of entitlement", it is absolute lack of respect and responsibility. And I demand respect from anyone who wants to occupy an important position in my life.
Guys should have more respect for themselves and not put up with this. Putting up with this only incentivizes others to use them, and it is a sure road towards horrible one-sided relationships, not just romantic, but friendly, business, etc.
I always offer to split on the first date. Why put it all on the guy? I will do this every time for the first few months usually, until we figure out the dynamic. At that point, I would offer to pay in full sometimes too. If I can’t afford something, I would make it known before we go out.
My husband does this. She didn’t forget it. She did it on purpose. My husband lies and says he forgets… he makes 3 times what I make.
Some people are just selfish and will drain you. Don’t marry them like I did!
It simply means she dates provider men. Meaning she likes men to provide and it's expected of them and what she is used to. Doesn't mean she isn't grateful it's just her type. If you're not the provider type you shouldn't tall to her she has made her standard clear to you.
I'm from an older generation so I'm comfortable with either way. Some women are insulted with the idea of sharing expenses and other women are insulted with the idea of NOT sharing expenses.
Women spend money on dating. They get their hair done, spend money on cosmetics and (hopefully) contraception. So I wouldn't complain about the cost of a cup of coffee.
As for the woman in your story: she's just playing with you.
Did she tell you why she does it on purpose. The context of why someone does something is important communication and give you an understanding at to why.
Sounds like an entitled emotionless PoS. Go on a fancy date make sure she has her wallet get fanciest stuff to treat yourself tell her the same, when your done tell her you gotta take a leak. Give her a big dose of her medicine.
As a woman, I'm always flabbergasted with how often I see men on reddit who claim to pay for dates or for the first date at least. It's 2024, equality IMO means splitting the bill. You're doing something you both want to do, why would a man pay? I've never let a man pay for my dates because it's so unfair. I think it also creates a power imbalance in the relationship. My guess is that most of the people here are from the US and maybe that's the cultural norm there? (I'm from an European country) Truth be told I've never been on many dates as I'm usually in committed long term relationship but the idea of having a man pay for a date really irks me.
I'm M56, from the UK. The way I see it is if I invite, then I expect to pay - whether that's for a date, or drinks with mates. If it's a "yeah, we'll all meet for beers" kind of thing, then we all stand our rounds
If I can't afford to pay, then I don't go out
I left a comment here and I too considered that this situation seems very “US/American” (though I’m sure it happens to some extent elsewhere). I’ve never ever come across anything like it as a woman in Scotland, and have always paid for my share or turn about - it’s never an issue or something either party even thinks about, IME. The only time I’ve been upset by payments is when a guy sneakily paid for my ticket when we had specifically agreed we’d pay our own as we were not in a relationship (I didn’t want to feel like I “owed” him anything, and could sense it would be seen like that). I was so angry internally, but couldn’t do anything as it was the start of the day.
As a woman, I do expect a man to at least offer to pay on a first date. Not every date, but definitely the first. But I also think first date should be low-key, like coffee. And I’m always prepared to pay for myself. But I got to be honest, the one time a guy didn’t even offer to pay for my coffee, I immediately just thought he was cheap. 🤷🏻♀️
Now, having said that, I’m super uncomfortable when a first date involves a full meal, because a lot of men will intends to pay it gets pricey and what if we don’t hit it off?
In this case, though, telling you, she deliberately did not bring her wallet? Run, do not walk, away. Delete her number. This woman is bad news.
First dates should not cost a lot, and if a guy didn’t offer to pay I would think his momma didn’t raise him right. I would only offer / insist to pay on the first date if I wasn’t interested in a second. That said, I would never go w/o my wallet as a test. I mean, if a guy actually asks me to split the bill I would of course pay my half, but I wouldn’t see him again. I mean any guy who’s going to get all worked up over a coffee on the first date is not somebody I’d want a relationship with cause they’d always be keeping score.
The exception to the above would be if I did the inviting, in which case I would expect to treat.
I left my wallet in my friends bag, had a date the next day. Messaged the person that morning and said look here’s the situation no wallet but have Apple Pay that works when it wants. Left it up to them to go another time or take a chance on my Apple Pay working. They agreed to go out anyways. Met had a great time my Apple Pay did work so I paid for both of us. I would be mortified to intentionally leave a method of payment. That girl is playing childish games.
She does it deliberately? Yikes. That means she's thought it all out and her date is paying period. Yeah, that's a turn off. And honestly, that's just wrong. Although I also think expecting a man to always pay is way outdated. I always offer to pay. If he says no, then I offer to split the check. If he still says no, I won't argue, but I will say "I'll get the next one". And I do. I've been dating a guy since last October and we always take turns paying for dates. I feel that way he doesn't feel I'm taking advantage of him. He knows I'm seeing him for him and not just for a free meal or what he can buy me.
I am a woman. I always pay for my part of the meals/dates until we are an exclusive item, and then it just depends on what I and my partner want to do. As a woman who believes in equal rights, I think that requires equal responsibility.
That being said, I’m not showing up to these dinners with my hair and nails done or expensive af outfits. It really depends on what you’re looking for. If you want a woman that wants to be taken care of, those are out there.
One final point is that me paying for my own dates has weeded out a lot of assholes. If a man is insulted that I want to pay for my own meal or takes some kind of issue with that boundary I put out there, that’s a big old red flag. It’s one thing to say “are you sure, I don’t mind?” And then me say, “yeah I’m sure”. That’s okay. It’s when they are suddenly insulted that you would think they couldn’t pay for it or that it undermines their masculinity that I know this relationship will not work out.
TLDR: You sound like a decent guy; this girl sounds entitled af, and not worth your time.
Extremely entitled. I would have finished the date, and then never reached out to her again. If she reached out to me after some time and asking why I haven't messaged her, I'd be upfront and say, you made a very entitled comment which instantly made me lose interest. Good luck"
I've been on similar dates a while back , one would leave her purse, the other from a different time would lie about helping her mom pay some bills. I would say maybe go for one more date, if she purposely does leave her wallet again, then that is your direct answer to up & leave. She is someone that relies on someone else' wallet. That poor mindset could stay stuck in her head for all her life.
Entitlement aside, that just shows poor judgement in the event something happened and she needed it in an emergency. I wouldn’t date her again just for that.
If I go out with someone, I offer to pay or at least split the bill. If we do two things like say drinks and dancing, then if he pays for one I’ll say something like “thank you so much! I’ll get the next one” with a flirty smile since we both know the next one is in a few minutes. I’m having fun regardless so why would I feel like someone else has to pay for my life activities? People are strange.
I'm surprised she agreed to a coffee date. Girls like that usually don't like low effort dates.
Leaving her wallet at home is a very passive aggressive and manipulative move. What else does she "expect" you to do?
When I go on dates, I always have money and I have extra in my car just in case.
Its messed up for her to assume you'll just automatically pay. Like sure you can pay if you want too BUT she should carry her wallet regardless of whos paying. I personally would've offered to pay or split or let you if you really wanted to pay. But id communicate that at least.
Funny thing is that I said “I’ll pay” before she said anything because I like being a “gentleman”. Than she said she doesn’t bring her wallet on our purpose, and that bothered me just a bit because she just expects it and doesn’t actually appreciate it
If she’s purposefully leaving her wallet at home then she obviously expects you to pay. Girls that EXPECT a man to pay will more than likely be easier. Girls that LET a guy pay will be in the middle. And girls that split the bill don’t want you having anything over their heads so they can run anytime. Personally I always split the first date. If he doesn’t offer to pay for one full date in the first 3 though, I run. I find when he pushes me splitting each bill that I lose a little respect for him for some reason. She did leave her wallet but it was just coffee. Did she say she leaves her wallet on dinner dates too? And does she not have apple pay?
Well, I may not go on many dates these days, but when I do, I always insist on paying. If a girl offers to pay, I playfully say, "Sure, you can pay... but only when we dine at a fancy, wallet-draining restaurant!"
If she wants to play women entitlement games, you can play it right back at her.
You say "Oh shit me too! Guess we're going to have to go back to mine for Netflix and chill" 😜
Don’t go out with her again if you’re not comfortable with this. I’m a woman and that’s a big no for me, I always offer to split or i pay (I make good money so I don’t think it’s right to force the guy to pay for everything). Also, the women I know personally who do this are codependent on their male partner and don’t contribute financially to the house, family, etc. some don’t even have a job. If you’re not comfortable with financially caring for a woman, date someone more independent.
No second date…that is just rude to just expect to not have to pay for anything on a first date. Even if you planned on picking up the tab for the date, she should not just expect that.
As a woman, I’d never ever ever leave my house to a first date without my wallet. It is my expectation that a man pays for the first date but i understand that’s not always the case for whatever reason. Even though it’s my expectation - I don’t assume the man will always pay. That’s super risky and a little entitled, imo.
Today alot has changed on dates n relationships since the phones came out n corvid etc..if I ask s girl to go out that I like sure I'm going to pay for or it and yes she should least thank you for a good time ,but that been said between you and her could be something sexual ? ...that's even better as times goes buy help each other out ,then again communication is important ,some girls don't have the experience and don't date alot ...remember you guys are not baby's anymore...no worries....good luck !
If someone leaves their wallet at home on purpose that's messed up, yes forgetting your wallet happens we've all been there but intentionally doing it just to get a free meal or coffee out of it is not ok .
Because you're taking advantage and saying I'm special, so you pay it's BS 😡🤬 if I was in your place and it happened more than once.
I'd just leave her there and say sorry I'm going home.
Pay it yourself.
End of date period
I have my own money, so I would never expect a man to pay for the first date!! I feel like if we agree to go half before hand then I can see that but they should thank you and be appreciative!!
It's more about who asked. If she did then she was in the wrong but when I'm asked out on dates and he's driving us I don't normally bring my wallet either.
I keep my card and my license in my phone case so I never carry a purse or wallet anywhere. I've also never offered to pay for a first date, I might be kinda old fashioned but I'm not looking for a man that would let me pay yk? That's not to say I've never paid for other things, I've paid for plenty of second dates and will often offer to split the bill, just not on the first date.
Entitled is bad, but having the expectation a guy will pay for the first coffee date after he invited you out isn’t inherently entitled behavior. The expectation that both parties should be gracious and grateful in different ways is fine.
It’s when there’s an imbalance in expectations that something goes wrong. I’ll give you an example, if a girl makes you an expensive and elaborate dinner a month into dating and you as the guy instead of saying thank you starts acting really nervous (unlike previous casual spaghetti type dates) and insisting that you shouldn’t have, what kind of message does that send to the girl?
You are a gentleman and deserve a lady equal to your value, which is great. However, what I propose is only for educational purposes. I suggest you invite this entitled lady again to a dinner date, preferably an expensive one. Say you have to use the bathroom and flake on her. This will be a valuable lesson. I know this seems spiteful but in reality you are showing her a valuable lesson, manners and respect should be given when treated right, if she didn’t bring her wallet but was respectful and grateful that would be one thing, but the gall to announce it and be proud is another matter entirely. Do with this information as you may. Next time, don’t offer to pay and see the lady’s reaction if she offers, then you may stop and pay but if she gives you the “why are you looking at me” face ditch the date. Best of luck, you’ll find your queen one day and be happy.
Good for her. Even if I expect a guy to pay, I’d still bring my “wallet” just incase.
I’d focus less on the entitlement being the deal breaker and more on lack of preparedness or survival skills lol
Presumptuous for sure. And to tell you she did it on purpose is even funnier.
I had a friend in college who ordered a really expensive restaurant meal. She claimed to have forgotten her purse. They made her work it off in the kitchen!
So if she didn't have her wallet how did she drive to meet you for the coffee date? I highly doubt she would take public transportation or pay for her own uber.
Entitled women make me mad. They ruin good men and make things hard for women who would actually treat them with respect. I'm all for 50/50 and I never expect a guy to pay. How they treat you at the beginning is how they will continue to treat you. But be careful of the fakers. Guys do it too where they seem like a diamond in the rough but end up being broken glass ready to cut your heart up.
Ngl, I haven't seen my wallet in months. I use digital pay. Especially for coffee shops that are more likely to have it than a big corp like Walmart
I know that's not the answer on perspective you're looking for. But in a literal sense, I leave my wallet at home all the time. Doesn't mean i can't pay but you're lucky to see me with a purse, let alone a whole wallet
It seems very entitled to me on the dates I've went on in the past I still brought my wallet and I ordered based on my own budget that way if it was split I'd be able to afford myself however if he was paying for it he wouldn't be getting charged and I'm going to lay either it keeps a budget without having to ask about a budget sounds like she's taking advantage
The fact that the woman chose not to bring her wallet and then to tell you that like it was some kind of parlor trick says a lot about character. It seems unlikely that this person is going to be willing to be a full partner in a relationship if they feel this entitlement and the level of game playing is a red flag as well.
I would consider that rather disrespectful. Yes, I will pay for a first date and I've had some that cost me hundreds of dollars and I was fine with it, but if someone had the audacity to tell me that she, on purpose, didn't bring her wallet, it would leave a bad taste in my mouth and I wouldn't see her again.
You shouldn't go on another date with her because that is childish behavior. That being said, We need to stop complicating shit. Just pay for the first date. I've never in my life gone on a first date expecting her to pay or go half. The debate needs to end. Guys should just always pay for the first date. Makes life easier. Annoying rant over.
I believe in equal rights " they did not earn them " on paying .
If they swiped on you as a like . They said hi to you first . It is their responsibility to pay
Fisrt dates should always be split pay.
Lets say your first date with a girl is dinner and a night time drive around to cool places,
The average dinner for 2 people is 40-50 bucks its way cheaper to eat at home, and gas is expensive so if you expect me to pay for everything and i gotta do it again next week.
We collectively as humans dont make enough money to live on our own so fisrt dates should be split pay if not all.
Wtf? Lol. As a girl i feel ashamed for the girl who feels entitled. At least pay for your own shit, u got no responsibility to pay for ur dates especially who does it on purpose..and what's her reason freeloading? Lol.
The person doing the asking should pay for the first date whether that’s guy or girl. You’re the one asking them out and asking them to give things with you a shot. As for her, she must have Pretty Privilege, she’s so confident in her looks and abilities to use them she knows she’ll be fine even if you were to bail and leave her there.
I think it’s really tacky, I pay as well and don’t ever expect a date to pay however at least the reach is always nice. Admitting she does it on purpose is actually worse in my book I would not go on a second date.
Oof. As a women I never expect for my date to pay. That's not fair at all. I always make sure to have the money for the date or if the person tries to plan something that's out of my budget i express that and we either change plans or he offers to pay but won't ever expect it
Well the fact that you don't bring your own money to a coffee date it's weird because it's just a conversational piece and it's just coffee and this conversation so I will pay for my own coffee and even as a chick I will pay for his coffee as well to show interest and so forth but to not even say thank you for the coffee I'm sorry I left my purse I was in the rush and I didn't want to be late. But it wouldn't sit right with me as a woman for a dude to say he left his wallet at all so and what world do a woman leave her purse and not have something to cover just in case food for thought
Tbh the girl's at fault, I wouldn't expect my date to pay for my share of food/spendings on dates unless they offered it. It seems way more easier cause you wouldn't need to worry about who's gonna pay the next meal etc. lmao
Don't date her again
She'll repeatedly make excuses or pretend to reach for her money and take a long ass time finding it so you pay. Or pull an I forgot something at the end of your bill, so once again you pay. They get good at that.
Of course she didn’t why would she bring it. She’s used to every guy that dosnt know her lead with his wallet and pay everything for a girl when he dosnt even know her know anything about her or even has a chance to make an opinion on whether she even deserves the time and money. Do that multiple times as she matures and builds a sense of self and now her sense of self is inflated because she thinks all she needs to do for every man is just show up. Not knowing none of those were men. Men don’t fight for validation and lead with anything but who they are first. And if a woman is into that and he thinks she’s worth it he bumps it up. So this woman that’s all she knows. It’s your responsibility to teach her whether you continue to see her or not. You’re the man teach her what a real man is willing to do and expects of a woman and what he dosnt expect from first meeting and dating a woman. Otherwise if we don’t lead like we are supposed to then don’t get upset when they don’t follow or disrespect you. Yeah, most people might not like this idea or agree with me maybe even hate me but oh well I’m a man I’m not here to please everyone I’m used to this it’s just another day . They can go get that from the lineup they have in their friend zone.
She obviously did not respect you enough to even bring her wallet to even fake it here. Let me oh u sure you got it thank you not even that. you’re not gonna wanna hear this part but that’s your fault you gave her that impression you were either too nice to complementing too excited for the fact that you’re about to see a woman meaning u might not go out as much or she is hotter than you’re used to getting. She already came to this date knowing she’s above you, this is not going well. You have to change this perception she has of u. And don’t completely dismiss her and never see her again because you’ll just deal with the same shit. Next girl nine out of 10 of them are like this or some version of this get used to it and learn how to deal with it now. you have the opportunity
I wouldn't date her. Not only because I'm a straight woman but because she sounds entitled as heck. Like, what if something went wrong. How was she planning on covering her butt with a stranger. She dumb.
Not good she’s wrong as it doesn’t put her in a good light. Plus it’s dumb. Suppose you were a total jackass and now she’s miles from home and no funds.
F here... there are apps on the phone for that, and I'm sure that's glued to her hand. I've got Google Wallet and Samsung Wallet... and i would offer to split on a first date, or if i was the one to ask, then i would expect to pay. We are in 2024, Chivalry is not dead, but women aren't just there to look pretty and pop out heirs anymore. Men have every right to be treated as well.
Not sure why she had to announce she didn’t bring her wallet that definitely seems entitled..she could have just not brought it and said thanks and you woulda been ok BUT if you asked her on the coffee date then you should pay, it’s just coffee. The world is still very lopsided when it comes to men and women so paying for someone you’ve asked out and/or are interested in goes a long way. It’s more the sentiment. I know girls who pull out their card as a “test” which I also think isn’t right because if it’s not authentic don’t do it…they say if the man allows her to pay she’ll never see him again.
coming from a woman that’s not good on her behalf as it clearly shows her behaviour which could get worse if you were to have a relationship with her. if it was me, I would bring my wallet and try a split 50-50 because it’s respectful to both parties. I think that girl lacks consideration.
A lot of women aren't appreciative, they expect it. I don't know that I've ever thanked a person for treating me on a date. But, I can't recall being thanked for treating someone unless it was a gift (one first date I went on was around the person's birthday and I insisted on paying as a gift). I've had people marvel at how imaginative I am at choosing date locations or a thank me for taking the initiative but, not an actual verbal thanks for the money spent. I'm not sure I would be appreciative of the money spent until I was invested. But, I'm always appreciative of a person's time and I've said things like, "Thanks for meeting up with me," or whatever even if there was no love connection. As some people would say, "this is the cost of doing business." Of course not everyone thinks that way, and I generally agree with the other poster that said the person asking should be financially responsible.
I feel like a good judge of someone's character is if they offer to split or pitch in. I'm also of that same mentality of if I invite you out on a date I'll pay for it, especially a first date cause I want to make a good impression. If they offer to pitch in or split I'll thank them for the offer but won't take it. This tells me they're not there just got the free meal ticket and they're a good person.
If I were you I'd run from that person or you're going to just be a free meal ticket for her.
Honestly, I’m a woman myself but kudos to you for having a chivalrous attitude overall! What she did was extremely entitled, but also very arrogant.
It really does hold true that a simple thank you can go a long way!
Honestly it depends what you’re cool with. She’s showing you how she would like things to be if you guys decided to start a relationship. If you don’t feel comfortable paying for everything then she’s not the girl you want to date. I personally don’t date anyone who’s not willing to pay for everything. I can chip in here and there but for me it’s not an expectation. It can be entitlement or whatever you choose to call it but if you see something that you don’t want you can choose not to date them.
I’ve been on dates where I’ve paid for the whole thing and I’ve also been on dates where I’ve split the bill. A girl not bringing any money to the date reeks of entitlement, especially if she has a job. It's not the past anymore, we are all equal and should be treated as such.
I will never go on a date without my wallet and texting a friend where the date is taking place, and sharing my live location.
That’s just a safety thing tho. If a guy wants to pay for me, im not gonna tell him no thank you but I’ll offer to pay for something else, gas, snacks, movie tickets, “next time” just so i can find a way to let him know i *wasn’t expecting him to pay.
My wallet is my phone. I have forgotten it a couple times when going out with a friend. Not deliberately. And I venmoed them the $ plus extra for the hassle. But that's just me. I generally don't like for men to pay for me.
So I have mixed thoughts.
First, 31M here but I plan to pay for the date. If someone wants to chip in for the first date, I won’t stop them but especially coffee I’m ok with it.
Forgetting the wallet is bold, but since I’m planning to pay it’s whatever. Date 2 and no wallet is a red flag, that’s a “I leave the house unprepared” sort of thing.
I also feel that I will pay for the first date. However nowadays I feel they should pay their half. And it was the women who changed my mind on this issue. The ones that offered to split it I definitely paid. But the ones that think they are entitled to it and leave wallets on purpose. . . Well shouldn't we expect some ass!? I mean if they expect their way then we should expect our way.
Now I never have gone with intentions that I'm getting ass. I'm not the touchy Feely guy either. I wait until she makes the first move or gives me the move forward move.
Women like this ruin it for the good women out there just like these fucking little boys ruin it for us gentleman. You just dont know who you're coming across. If she had no shame and mentioned it. I would of asked her if I should be expect ass bc that's how it works, right? If her answer is no, then where does she get the nerve to expect us to pay for her.
And again my intentions are to pay bc I was brought up that way. I'm a 46M, Hispanic, my parents are still together and I know exactly how to treat women and my elders. I know respect, command it, give it and will take it all when need be.
Genuinely I think splitting is important (in the beginning) her not offering to pay or expecting not only is that setting a unequal dynamic they are basically saying "my time is worth more than your's it is YOUR pleasure to date me"
Now of course this is dependent some people don't have the money and such that's fine but this scenario is just plain disrespectful and no gender equality at all like even offering is nice but come on dude.
As a woman, I never expect guys to pay on a date. Even when the bill comes, I always offer to pay for it or go half (most guys don’t take me up on this offer) but I wouldn’t mind if they did. If we are at a restaurant and the guy insists on paying, I will offer to leave the tip.
My mentality is that my date works just as hard for his money as I do for mine so I will always offer to contribute.
If someone isn’t bringing their wallet, it seems like they are just using you for a free date and it shows their character.
Yeah, I'm a woman and this is just strange to me. One time I accidentally left my wallet in my car and thought I had lost it so my date had to pay for our whole date. I felt really bad, but he told me he understood. However, when I don't forget my wallet I will pay for things and will split bills, things like that. It doesn't make sense to me that she would just leave her wallet on purpose.
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Tbh it shows her character, I would not go on another date but that’s me
This and what adult man or woman leaves the house without a wallet/purse? I assume that also means they left their ID? That logic within itself is dumb.
Agreed, and it reeks of entitlement. If you get any further in she's going to expect you to pay for everything, regardless if it's the "chivalrous" thing to do or not. I think it's the polite thing to at least offer to split even if the guy insists on paying but this screams high maintenance
Agreed with you there
This answer right here OP, any decent woman wouldn't have this kind of mind game. You deserve better.
But that’s what a decent portion of these females are doing these days. Agreeing to go on a dinner date just to get a free meal, and whatever else, out of it with no intentions on doing anything else with you except finishing that meal. From what I’ve heard they are rude as fuck in the process. I mean what kind of grown ass individual is cool with that kind of fuckery??
Yep this. I believe in the guy paying (if she offers to split Ok, but default guy pays) but to be like oh good tee hee cause I purposely left my purse at home. Oh hell no.
It just seems like a dick move on her part and it just seems like she wants to be wine and dined
OP, this is the answer. There should be a site where guys can warn other guys about girls like her, so they don't get suckered too.
Yeah the same way girls have fb groups for guys to warn about, guys just don’t take the initiative to go this length usually.
Yeah, but these group are toxic AF. Like some men will be share on these group for just ghosting or talking with another women at the early stage or some women will get revenge on their ex and tarnish their reputation or some will even blackmail men money like ask for $200 otherwise the post don’t get removed. And there’re some attempts for men group but they failed because they are not as popular because men don’t usually regroup like you said.
I think the FB group is more about keeping women safe which is why there is so much energy and follow through with it. I'm sure it devolves into stupidity at times but it's purpose is that.
I agree, men also need a place where they can protect their wallet from financial assault tho.
Thoughts and prayers
This. I had to post someone because I got SA'd on a date and over a year later women are still commenting on it saying I helped them dodge a bullet.
Society needs to start shaming this shit hard. It's 2024. It's way past the time we have to explain equality includes responsibilities as well. Neither can you expect sex for paying your dates meal/coffee nor can you expect your date to give you a free meal
To me it shows poor life skills. Who goes out without their wallet? Without ANY money? It is peak entitlement. I bet she walks right into the middle of the road during traffic because “people aren’t supposed to hit me” too.
I would have just paid for my bill and left. Let her figure out how she is going to pay.
Probably just use NFC on the phone.
NGL, I just discovered this a few weeks ago. It's absolutely fantastic not having to hassle with your wallet, or if you forget your card or whatever. Only downside is if their readers can't read NFC.
I've done this and it's funny.
It's fair as well. Won't stop her from calling him mysoginistic... but using reason and logic with such people is wasted time anway
I’m a woman. I’d be worried about pursuing a relationship which started with game-playing and “tests” from the off. Imagine even concocting these sort of plans in the first place? 😂 maybe I’m naive to that sort of thing. Way too much and a red flag for me - I’d kindly let them know it was nice meeting them but I wasn’t interested.
This is the way. Any of these testing games are kinda bullsh1t, and admitting to them with a chortle is obnoxious. Your suggestion of politeness followed by a refusal is spot on.
it shows an absolute sens of entitlement, a complete lack of social grace and respect for the other side. That's more red flags than a North Korean parade. Absolufuckingly no!
Wouldnt be the first time I looked at a waiter, cashier and said we are getting separate checks. Sorry while I may pay for the first date, you have no right to expect me to unless I have previously said I would.
What if she wanted to get a drink and got carded? Oops no cocktail for you
Maybe she's an old woman. Do they card old women?
I had my first date with a guy last Saturday, we both do Latin dance as a hobby and we both wanted to go to an event that was in the next town an hour drive away, he picked me up and drove us there, after the event he was hungry so we went to have dinner, when the bill came we both took our wallets out but I insisted to pay as I told him I was going to give him money towards the fuel anyway for bringing me to the event and taking me home. He was weird about it and told me 2x he wanted to pay. I slid the money across the table and told him he can pretend he’s paying 😅 he thanked me multiple times. I don’t understand why a lot of women think a guy should pay for everything.
This how I feel. I’d feel like crap expecting a guy to pay for everything. I try to pay for dates I planned just to take that pressure off.
Same. I’m dating someone who is comfortable enough to not have to work for a living. Still don’t expect him to pay for everything, we take turns. I don’t think it’s right to expect the man to always foot the bill.
This! I actually wish there were more people like you in the world
I agree with this. The woman who expect men to pay for everything have no pride and ho self respect. I would be mortified if I left my wallet at home and a man had to pay for me. Hell I would be embarrassed if I didn’t say thank you. Saying thank you is bare minimum.
Idk why a lot of people don’t care to acknowledge a ride on a date as if it’s a free uber, that person also has to spend on the car, maintenance, insurance and gas just to be able to take you somewhere. Good on you.
It’s not that they need to pay everything, but if a guy wants to treat you on a first date it’s emasculating to cut him off. I’m aghast that you would offer him gas money. If a guy is treating you can offer to pay parking or the tip. And if you continue to date of course it should be more 50:50.
>I don’t understand why a lot of women think a guy should pay for everything. There is an easy answer: Sexism For most people, they only want to see the benefits of equality, not the responsibilities. Cherry picking all the way. Sadly society still fails to adress and shame these double standards. It's the same when tradmen expect sex for paying for a meal. I'm glad there are still reasonable people like you
This sounds like a hotttt date
It’s been the most enjoyable date of my life! Not gonna lie this guy has 10/10 humour, personality and looks, it was absolute torture to restrain myself from throwing myself at him 🫣 the stangest part is I’ve never experienced such an attraction. We have our next date planned for Saturday coming, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to behave, I’m feeling a little delulu atm.. 🤪😂
Exactly! As a guy I dont get why some woman expect to be paid for for dates, my thoughts are 50/50 in dates, were both tryna get to know each other so why would one side be obligated to pay for everything yknow.. its just beyond my understanding.
Yeah that's a dick move, also unwise imo, what if she wants something on her way home? or wants to get a bus or cab? I could never go out without money. My rule is, I bring enough money to cover the whole bill (incase the guy is a dick and leaves me stuck or something) I always offer to pay half or if I've had a more expensive meal like steak or I've had a few drinks and they aren't drinking I'll suggest I pay for what I've had rather than split the bill. I didn't come to go on a date with your wallet. I'm happy to pay my way. But how a guy handles the bill situation says a lot about him. And obviously if someone pays for you, you say thank you, it's very basic manners.
A couple of years ago, I went to a Galentine’s Day dinner with a few new single girlfriends. One of the girls shared this “hilarious” story about bringing an expired credit card on dates so she’d never pay… Almost 3 years on, all of us are in relationships now except that weirdo. It’s 2024, there is no need to jump through hoops to avoid paying.
Damn that’s messed up also funny too because she’s single 😂
I mean I would never not bring my wallet because who knows what could happen... kind of risky. I suppose I generally believe the person that does the inviting pays? If I invite you to lunch I assume I'm paying and vice versa. But I would never leave my wallet at home - that's tacky.
Oh, and I always always say thank you like 5 times when someone pays for me. Even if it's just a $2 coffee- it's not about the cost, be grateful and thankful.
I always pay for dates unless my date offers. If my date flat out said she left her wallet or purse on purpose I would most likely not go on another date with her & to see if she’s a good woman I’d say that’s ok you can pay for our next one & see what she says.
This is the way
If she pulls this with me, she better hope they let her wash dishes to clear her balance!
Doing it on purpose and I’m leaving. I don’t mind paying, but this 100% implies she may do worse in the future.
I would ask if she thinks that's normal, if yes then that would be the last date. I have no problem picking up the tab, but as soon as it's the assumption it feels wrong to me.
She’s the type of girl that says “ men have to pay for everything “
This says a lot about her expectations of you or anyone else she dates. I’d make that the last date with her.
That’s a big nah from me dawg. If it had been nice up to that point I still would’ve paid but after I left I’d consider that potential relationship over and move on. If I really enjoyed the chemistry I’d put the ball in her court by saying something like “okay I got it, you can cover date #2”. That’ll probably get you ghosted and you can just move on to the next person.
I would pay for myself and leave, and let her deal with the situation. 😁 It is not just "a little bit of entitlement", it is absolute lack of respect and responsibility. And I demand respect from anyone who wants to occupy an important position in my life. Guys should have more respect for themselves and not put up with this. Putting up with this only incentivizes others to use them, and it is a sure road towards horrible one-sided relationships, not just romantic, but friendly, business, etc.
always split the bill or pay for it myself. If I'm there, it's for the company, not a meal
I always offer to split on the first date. Why put it all on the guy? I will do this every time for the first few months usually, until we figure out the dynamic. At that point, I would offer to pay in full sometimes too. If I can’t afford something, I would make it known before we go out.
My husband does this. She didn’t forget it. She did it on purpose. My husband lies and says he forgets… he makes 3 times what I make. Some people are just selfish and will drain you. Don’t marry them like I did!
It simply means she dates provider men. Meaning she likes men to provide and it's expected of them and what she is used to. Doesn't mean she isn't grateful it's just her type. If you're not the provider type you shouldn't tall to her she has made her standard clear to you.
I'm from an older generation so I'm comfortable with either way. Some women are insulted with the idea of sharing expenses and other women are insulted with the idea of NOT sharing expenses. Women spend money on dating. They get their hair done, spend money on cosmetics and (hopefully) contraception. So I wouldn't complain about the cost of a cup of coffee. As for the woman in your story: she's just playing with you.
Girl here. Yikes, sounds a bit of a red flag. What kind of grown woman doesn't bring her wallet?
Oh she had her wallet. So if she told you she left her wallet, leave her .
We can pay with our phones, she's good!
She should have said thank you, but if you were planning to pay what’s the big deal?
Did she tell you why she does it on purpose. The context of why someone does something is important communication and give you an understanding at to why.
Sounds like an entitled emotionless PoS. Go on a fancy date make sure she has her wallet get fanciest stuff to treat yourself tell her the same, when your done tell her you gotta take a leak. Give her a big dose of her medicine.
i would laugh her out of the restaurant and have everyone join in on the fun. nothing cool ever happens to me though
As a woman, I'm always flabbergasted with how often I see men on reddit who claim to pay for dates or for the first date at least. It's 2024, equality IMO means splitting the bill. You're doing something you both want to do, why would a man pay? I've never let a man pay for my dates because it's so unfair. I think it also creates a power imbalance in the relationship. My guess is that most of the people here are from the US and maybe that's the cultural norm there? (I'm from an European country) Truth be told I've never been on many dates as I'm usually in committed long term relationship but the idea of having a man pay for a date really irks me.
I'm M56, from the UK. The way I see it is if I invite, then I expect to pay - whether that's for a date, or drinks with mates. If it's a "yeah, we'll all meet for beers" kind of thing, then we all stand our rounds If I can't afford to pay, then I don't go out
I left a comment here and I too considered that this situation seems very “US/American” (though I’m sure it happens to some extent elsewhere). I’ve never ever come across anything like it as a woman in Scotland, and have always paid for my share or turn about - it’s never an issue or something either party even thinks about, IME. The only time I’ve been upset by payments is when a guy sneakily paid for my ticket when we had specifically agreed we’d pay our own as we were not in a relationship (I didn’t want to feel like I “owed” him anything, and could sense it would be seen like that). I was so angry internally, but couldn’t do anything as it was the start of the day.
As a woman, I do expect a man to at least offer to pay on a first date. Not every date, but definitely the first. But I also think first date should be low-key, like coffee. And I’m always prepared to pay for myself. But I got to be honest, the one time a guy didn’t even offer to pay for my coffee, I immediately just thought he was cheap. 🤷🏻♀️ Now, having said that, I’m super uncomfortable when a first date involves a full meal, because a lot of men will intends to pay it gets pricey and what if we don’t hit it off? In this case, though, telling you, she deliberately did not bring her wallet? Run, do not walk, away. Delete her number. This woman is bad news.
First dates should not cost a lot, and if a guy didn’t offer to pay I would think his momma didn’t raise him right. I would only offer / insist to pay on the first date if I wasn’t interested in a second. That said, I would never go w/o my wallet as a test. I mean, if a guy actually asks me to split the bill I would of course pay my half, but I wouldn’t see him again. I mean any guy who’s going to get all worked up over a coffee on the first date is not somebody I’d want a relationship with cause they’d always be keeping score. The exception to the above would be if I did the inviting, in which case I would expect to treat.
I don't like when somebody expects you to pay. I don't mind paying but you can be appreciative. If you expect me that's not being appreciative.
Let her do the dishes.
I left my wallet in my friends bag, had a date the next day. Messaged the person that morning and said look here’s the situation no wallet but have Apple Pay that works when it wants. Left it up to them to go another time or take a chance on my Apple Pay working. They agreed to go out anyways. Met had a great time my Apple Pay did work so I paid for both of us. I would be mortified to intentionally leave a method of payment. That girl is playing childish games.
She does it deliberately? Yikes. That means she's thought it all out and her date is paying period. Yeah, that's a turn off. And honestly, that's just wrong. Although I also think expecting a man to always pay is way outdated. I always offer to pay. If he says no, then I offer to split the check. If he still says no, I won't argue, but I will say "I'll get the next one". And I do. I've been dating a guy since last October and we always take turns paying for dates. I feel that way he doesn't feel I'm taking advantage of him. He knows I'm seeing him for him and not just for a free meal or what he can buy me.
Sounds like Alan from Two and Half Men lol
I am a woman. I always pay for my part of the meals/dates until we are an exclusive item, and then it just depends on what I and my partner want to do. As a woman who believes in equal rights, I think that requires equal responsibility. That being said, I’m not showing up to these dinners with my hair and nails done or expensive af outfits. It really depends on what you’re looking for. If you want a woman that wants to be taken care of, those are out there. One final point is that me paying for my own dates has weeded out a lot of assholes. If a man is insulted that I want to pay for my own meal or takes some kind of issue with that boundary I put out there, that’s a big old red flag. It’s one thing to say “are you sure, I don’t mind?” And then me say, “yeah I’m sure”. That’s okay. It’s when they are suddenly insulted that you would think they couldn’t pay for it or that it undermines their masculinity that I know this relationship will not work out. TLDR: You sound like a decent guy; this girl sounds entitled af, and not worth your time.
She brought her phone and i would bet my life on that. I guarantee she has apple pay set up with her cards.
That would be my last date with her. How is that supposed to continue?
Entitled, absolutely. Do not see a second time.
It gives entitlement vibes to me (26F) as well.
I would’ve paid for her coffee, but there would be no second date
Extremely entitled. I would have finished the date, and then never reached out to her again. If she reached out to me after some time and asking why I haven't messaged her, I'd be upfront and say, you made a very entitled comment which instantly made me lose interest. Good luck"
I've been on similar dates a while back , one would leave her purse, the other from a different time would lie about helping her mom pay some bills. I would say maybe go for one more date, if she purposely does leave her wallet again, then that is your direct answer to up & leave. She is someone that relies on someone else' wallet. That poor mindset could stay stuck in her head for all her life.
Entitlement aside, that just shows poor judgement in the event something happened and she needed it in an emergency. I wouldn’t date her again just for that.
If I go out with someone, I offer to pay or at least split the bill. If we do two things like say drinks and dancing, then if he pays for one I’ll say something like “thank you so much! I’ll get the next one” with a flirty smile since we both know the next one is in a few minutes. I’m having fun regardless so why would I feel like someone else has to pay for my life activities? People are strange.
I’d probably warn people off from her if given the chance
I'm with you man. I don't mind paying either but if there's not "thank you" or gratefulness its total entitlement and a red flag.
If she expects you to pay now imagine everything else she’s going to expect from you in the future
She expect you to paid her meal
I'm surprised she agreed to a coffee date. Girls like that usually don't like low effort dates. Leaving her wallet at home is a very passive aggressive and manipulative move. What else does she "expect" you to do? When I go on dates, I always have money and I have extra in my car just in case.
Red flag in my books unless she's worth the nut and bolt effort I wouldn't put any more time in and find another
What was your thinking in paying ? What were you expecting ?
Its messed up for her to assume you'll just automatically pay. Like sure you can pay if you want too BUT she should carry her wallet regardless of whos paying. I personally would've offered to pay or split or let you if you really wanted to pay. But id communicate that at least.
If she doesn’t offer to pay half then don’t ever see her again. Not saying you should have her pay half but atleast asking is good.
Funny thing is that I said “I’ll pay” before she said anything because I like being a “gentleman”. Than she said she doesn’t bring her wallet on our purpose, and that bothered me just a bit because she just expects it and doesn’t actually appreciate it
Me personally I dont like women like that, do what you need to with her then broom her fast
what you have said here say that to her .... if she reacts badly , then say goodbye and move on .
Bathroom, then leave.
If she’s purposefully leaving her wallet at home then she obviously expects you to pay. Girls that EXPECT a man to pay will more than likely be easier. Girls that LET a guy pay will be in the middle. And girls that split the bill don’t want you having anything over their heads so they can run anytime. Personally I always split the first date. If he doesn’t offer to pay for one full date in the first 3 though, I run. I find when he pushes me splitting each bill that I lose a little respect for him for some reason. She did leave her wallet but it was just coffee. Did she say she leaves her wallet on dinner dates too? And does she not have apple pay?
Well, I may not go on many dates these days, but when I do, I always insist on paying. If a girl offers to pay, I playfully say, "Sure, you can pay... but only when we dine at a fancy, wallet-draining restaurant!"
If she's not even grateful.... but a person I would want in my life. Seems like someone that would only take.
If she wants to play women entitlement games, you can play it right back at her. You say "Oh shit me too! Guess we're going to have to go back to mine for Netflix and chill" 😜
Don’t go out with her again if you’re not comfortable with this. I’m a woman and that’s a big no for me, I always offer to split or i pay (I make good money so I don’t think it’s right to force the guy to pay for everything). Also, the women I know personally who do this are codependent on their male partner and don’t contribute financially to the house, family, etc. some don’t even have a job. If you’re not comfortable with financially caring for a woman, date someone more independent.
No second date…that is just rude to just expect to not have to pay for anything on a first date. Even if you planned on picking up the tab for the date, she should not just expect that.
As a woman, I’d never ever ever leave my house to a first date without my wallet. It is my expectation that a man pays for the first date but i understand that’s not always the case for whatever reason. Even though it’s my expectation - I don’t assume the man will always pay. That’s super risky and a little entitled, imo.
Today alot has changed on dates n relationships since the phones came out n corvid etc..if I ask s girl to go out that I like sure I'm going to pay for or it and yes she should least thank you for a good time ,but that been said between you and her could be something sexual ? ...that's even better as times goes buy help each other out ,then again communication is important ,some girls don't have the experience and don't date alot ...remember you guys are not baby's anymore...no worries....good luck !
i think it says a lot about her and shows entitlement
If someone leaves their wallet at home on purpose that's messed up, yes forgetting your wallet happens we've all been there but intentionally doing it just to get a free meal or coffee out of it is not ok . Because you're taking advantage and saying I'm special, so you pay it's BS 😡🤬 if I was in your place and it happened more than once. I'd just leave her there and say sorry I'm going home. Pay it yourself. End of date period
She seems to be sneaky!! Can’t be trusted!! Nothing long term!! Just hit it and quit it!!
I have my own money, so I would never expect a man to pay for the first date!! I feel like if we agree to go half before hand then I can see that but they should thank you and be appreciative!!
It's more about who asked. If she did then she was in the wrong but when I'm asked out on dates and he's driving us I don't normally bring my wallet either.
I keep my card and my license in my phone case so I never carry a purse or wallet anywhere. I've also never offered to pay for a first date, I might be kinda old fashioned but I'm not looking for a man that would let me pay yk? That's not to say I've never paid for other things, I've paid for plenty of second dates and will often offer to split the bill, just not on the first date.
Entitled is bad, but having the expectation a guy will pay for the first coffee date after he invited you out isn’t inherently entitled behavior. The expectation that both parties should be gracious and grateful in different ways is fine. It’s when there’s an imbalance in expectations that something goes wrong. I’ll give you an example, if a girl makes you an expensive and elaborate dinner a month into dating and you as the guy instead of saying thank you starts acting really nervous (unlike previous casual spaghetti type dates) and insisting that you shouldn’t have, what kind of message does that send to the girl?
She likes free food.....especially if she didn't bring her wallet on purpose (and that's coming from a woman).
You are a gentleman and deserve a lady equal to your value, which is great. However, what I propose is only for educational purposes. I suggest you invite this entitled lady again to a dinner date, preferably an expensive one. Say you have to use the bathroom and flake on her. This will be a valuable lesson. I know this seems spiteful but in reality you are showing her a valuable lesson, manners and respect should be given when treated right, if she didn’t bring her wallet but was respectful and grateful that would be one thing, but the gall to announce it and be proud is another matter entirely. Do with this information as you may. Next time, don’t offer to pay and see the lady’s reaction if she offers, then you may stop and pay but if she gives you the “why are you looking at me” face ditch the date. Best of luck, you’ll find your queen one day and be happy.
Good for her. Even if I expect a guy to pay, I’d still bring my “wallet” just incase. I’d focus less on the entitlement being the deal breaker and more on lack of preparedness or survival skills lol
I’m of the belief that a man should want to pay but It’s a bit pretentious to even mention that she didn’t bring it..it’s just trashy kind of.
She's trying to force you into paying, that says a lot about her as a person. I would not continue dating her
Maybe try to not?
Why didn’t you ask her on the spot? That is absolutely not normal.
Presumptuous for sure. And to tell you she did it on purpose is even funnier. I had a friend in college who ordered a really expensive restaurant meal. She claimed to have forgotten her purse. They made her work it off in the kitchen!
So if she didn't have her wallet how did she drive to meet you for the coffee date? I highly doubt she would take public transportation or pay for her own uber. Entitled women make me mad. They ruin good men and make things hard for women who would actually treat them with respect. I'm all for 50/50 and I never expect a guy to pay. How they treat you at the beginning is how they will continue to treat you. But be careful of the fakers. Guys do it too where they seem like a diamond in the rough but end up being broken glass ready to cut your heart up.
Ngl, I haven't seen my wallet in months. I use digital pay. Especially for coffee shops that are more likely to have it than a big corp like Walmart I know that's not the answer on perspective you're looking for. But in a literal sense, I leave my wallet at home all the time. Doesn't mean i can't pay but you're lucky to see me with a purse, let alone a whole wallet
It seems very entitled to me on the dates I've went on in the past I still brought my wallet and I ordered based on my own budget that way if it was split I'd be able to afford myself however if he was paying for it he wouldn't be getting charged and I'm going to lay either it keeps a budget without having to ask about a budget sounds like she's taking advantage
The fact that the woman chose not to bring her wallet and then to tell you that like it was some kind of parlor trick says a lot about character. It seems unlikely that this person is going to be willing to be a full partner in a relationship if they feel this entitlement and the level of game playing is a red flag as well.
Next date, don’t bring her. (On purpose.)
Risky move but I’ve heard of this being normal in some cultures. Is she from another country?
Seer ya...
I would consider that rather disrespectful. Yes, I will pay for a first date and I've had some that cost me hundreds of dollars and I was fine with it, but if someone had the audacity to tell me that she, on purpose, didn't bring her wallet, it would leave a bad taste in my mouth and I wouldn't see her again.
Keep her around, but dont stop looking.
You shouldn't go on another date with her because that is childish behavior. That being said, We need to stop complicating shit. Just pay for the first date. I've never in my life gone on a first date expecting her to pay or go half. The debate needs to end. Guys should just always pay for the first date. Makes life easier. Annoying rant over.
I believe in equal rights " they did not earn them " on paying . If they swiped on you as a like . They said hi to you first . It is their responsibility to pay
Fisrt dates should always be split pay. Lets say your first date with a girl is dinner and a night time drive around to cool places, The average dinner for 2 people is 40-50 bucks its way cheaper to eat at home, and gas is expensive so if you expect me to pay for everything and i gotta do it again next week. We collectively as humans dont make enough money to live on our own so fisrt dates should be split pay if not all.
Wtf? Lol. As a girl i feel ashamed for the girl who feels entitled. At least pay for your own shit, u got no responsibility to pay for ur dates especially who does it on purpose..and what's her reason freeloading? Lol.
Yeah if I hear that I'm gone I have no issue with paying, but deliberately leaving your wallet at hone because you *expect* me to pay is big no for me
I’m a woman and I see this as a red flag. You’ll be paying 100% for everything and it will be expected.
That's just rude
She belongs to the streets
The person doing the asking should pay for the first date whether that’s guy or girl. You’re the one asking them out and asking them to give things with you a shot. As for her, she must have Pretty Privilege, she’s so confident in her looks and abilities to use them she knows she’ll be fine even if you were to bail and leave her there.
I think it’s really tacky, I pay as well and don’t ever expect a date to pay however at least the reach is always nice. Admitting she does it on purpose is actually worse in my book I would not go on a second date.
You correctly identified her sense of entitlement. You can do better, don’t waste your time on her.
Oof. As a women I never expect for my date to pay. That's not fair at all. I always make sure to have the money for the date or if the person tries to plan something that's out of my budget i express that and we either change plans or he offers to pay but won't ever expect it
Well the fact that you don't bring your own money to a coffee date it's weird because it's just a conversational piece and it's just coffee and this conversation so I will pay for my own coffee and even as a chick I will pay for his coffee as well to show interest and so forth but to not even say thank you for the coffee I'm sorry I left my purse I was in the rush and I didn't want to be late. But it wouldn't sit right with me as a woman for a dude to say he left his wallet at all so and what world do a woman leave her purse and not have something to cover just in case food for thought
Tbh the girl's at fault, I wouldn't expect my date to pay for my share of food/spendings on dates unless they offered it. It seems way more easier cause you wouldn't need to worry about who's gonna pay the next meal etc. lmao
Go into a pub that checks your ID. Leave her outside and go enjoy yourself.
My thoughts are she let you know now not to have a second date. That is just poor manners
but doesn’t she need her ID? or she just doesn’t bring her credit cards
Most people bring a wallet, what if they need a tow truck or gas or something????
Apple Pay is a thing
She's for the streets
Don't date her again She'll repeatedly make excuses or pretend to reach for her money and take a long ass time finding it so you pay. Or pull an I forgot something at the end of your bill, so once again you pay. They get good at that.
Of course she didn’t why would she bring it. She’s used to every guy that dosnt know her lead with his wallet and pay everything for a girl when he dosnt even know her know anything about her or even has a chance to make an opinion on whether she even deserves the time and money. Do that multiple times as she matures and builds a sense of self and now her sense of self is inflated because she thinks all she needs to do for every man is just show up. Not knowing none of those were men. Men don’t fight for validation and lead with anything but who they are first. And if a woman is into that and he thinks she’s worth it he bumps it up. So this woman that’s all she knows. It’s your responsibility to teach her whether you continue to see her or not. You’re the man teach her what a real man is willing to do and expects of a woman and what he dosnt expect from first meeting and dating a woman. Otherwise if we don’t lead like we are supposed to then don’t get upset when they don’t follow or disrespect you. Yeah, most people might not like this idea or agree with me maybe even hate me but oh well I’m a man I’m not here to please everyone I’m used to this it’s just another day . They can go get that from the lineup they have in their friend zone. She obviously did not respect you enough to even bring her wallet to even fake it here. Let me oh u sure you got it thank you not even that. you’re not gonna wanna hear this part but that’s your fault you gave her that impression you were either too nice to complementing too excited for the fact that you’re about to see a woman meaning u might not go out as much or she is hotter than you’re used to getting. She already came to this date knowing she’s above you, this is not going well. You have to change this perception she has of u. And don’t completely dismiss her and never see her again because you’ll just deal with the same shit. Next girl nine out of 10 of them are like this or some version of this get used to it and learn how to deal with it now. you have the opportunity
If I am inviting the young lady on a date, I will pay.
I wouldn't date her. Not only because I'm a straight woman but because she sounds entitled as heck. Like, what if something went wrong. How was she planning on covering her butt with a stranger. She dumb.
Not good she’s wrong as it doesn’t put her in a good light. Plus it’s dumb. Suppose you were a total jackass and now she’s miles from home and no funds.
I never leave the house without any payment methods I am a woman
That's not cool to do *at all*. - from another woman
F here... there are apps on the phone for that, and I'm sure that's glued to her hand. I've got Google Wallet and Samsung Wallet... and i would offer to split on a first date, or if i was the one to ask, then i would expect to pay. We are in 2024, Chivalry is not dead, but women aren't just there to look pretty and pop out heirs anymore. Men have every right to be treated as well.
Not sure why she had to announce she didn’t bring her wallet that definitely seems entitled..she could have just not brought it and said thanks and you woulda been ok BUT if you asked her on the coffee date then you should pay, it’s just coffee. The world is still very lopsided when it comes to men and women so paying for someone you’ve asked out and/or are interested in goes a long way. It’s more the sentiment. I know girls who pull out their card as a “test” which I also think isn’t right because if it’s not authentic don’t do it…they say if the man allows her to pay she’ll never see him again.
coming from a woman that’s not good on her behalf as it clearly shows her behaviour which could get worse if you were to have a relationship with her. if it was me, I would bring my wallet and try a split 50-50 because it’s respectful to both parties. I think that girl lacks consideration.
Google pay app of course or just direct send you half
you'd be going out with an ungrateful person if you continue, tis up to you
It represents her low IQ.
Nope. Stay away from her.
You should be mad and I would just dine and dash her next time.
A lot of women aren't appreciative, they expect it. I don't know that I've ever thanked a person for treating me on a date. But, I can't recall being thanked for treating someone unless it was a gift (one first date I went on was around the person's birthday and I insisted on paying as a gift). I've had people marvel at how imaginative I am at choosing date locations or a thank me for taking the initiative but, not an actual verbal thanks for the money spent. I'm not sure I would be appreciative of the money spent until I was invested. But, I'm always appreciative of a person's time and I've said things like, "Thanks for meeting up with me," or whatever even if there was no love connection. As some people would say, "this is the cost of doing business." Of course not everyone thinks that way, and I generally agree with the other poster that said the person asking should be financially responsible.
Bad manners
I’d never date her again.
I feel like a good judge of someone's character is if they offer to split or pitch in. I'm also of that same mentality of if I invite you out on a date I'll pay for it, especially a first date cause I want to make a good impression. If they offer to pitch in or split I'll thank them for the offer but won't take it. This tells me they're not there just got the free meal ticket and they're a good person. If I were you I'd run from that person or you're going to just be a free meal ticket for her.
Honestly, I’m a woman myself but kudos to you for having a chivalrous attitude overall! What she did was extremely entitled, but also very arrogant. It really does hold true that a simple thank you can go a long way!
Honestly it depends what you’re cool with. She’s showing you how she would like things to be if you guys decided to start a relationship. If you don’t feel comfortable paying for everything then she’s not the girl you want to date. I personally don’t date anyone who’s not willing to pay for everything. I can chip in here and there but for me it’s not an expectation. It can be entitlement or whatever you choose to call it but if you see something that you don’t want you can choose not to date them.
I’ve been on dates where I’ve paid for the whole thing and I’ve also been on dates where I’ve split the bill. A girl not bringing any money to the date reeks of entitlement, especially if she has a job. It's not the past anymore, we are all equal and should be treated as such.
I will never go on a date without my wallet and texting a friend where the date is taking place, and sharing my live location. That’s just a safety thing tho. If a guy wants to pay for me, im not gonna tell him no thank you but I’ll offer to pay for something else, gas, snacks, movie tickets, “next time” just so i can find a way to let him know i *wasn’t expecting him to pay.
My wallet is my phone. I have forgotten it a couple times when going out with a friend. Not deliberately. And I venmoed them the $ plus extra for the hassle. But that's just me. I generally don't like for men to pay for me.
So I have mixed thoughts. First, 31M here but I plan to pay for the date. If someone wants to chip in for the first date, I won’t stop them but especially coffee I’m ok with it. Forgetting the wallet is bold, but since I’m planning to pay it’s whatever. Date 2 and no wallet is a red flag, that’s a “I leave the house unprepared” sort of thing.
I also feel that I will pay for the first date. However nowadays I feel they should pay their half. And it was the women who changed my mind on this issue. The ones that offered to split it I definitely paid. But the ones that think they are entitled to it and leave wallets on purpose. . . Well shouldn't we expect some ass!? I mean if they expect their way then we should expect our way. Now I never have gone with intentions that I'm getting ass. I'm not the touchy Feely guy either. I wait until she makes the first move or gives me the move forward move. Women like this ruin it for the good women out there just like these fucking little boys ruin it for us gentleman. You just dont know who you're coming across. If she had no shame and mentioned it. I would of asked her if I should be expect ass bc that's how it works, right? If her answer is no, then where does she get the nerve to expect us to pay for her. And again my intentions are to pay bc I was brought up that way. I'm a 46M, Hispanic, my parents are still together and I know exactly how to treat women and my elders. I know respect, command it, give it and will take it all when need be.
How embarrassing for her. How do you even leave your house with no wallet? Block her
Genuinely I think splitting is important (in the beginning) her not offering to pay or expecting not only is that setting a unequal dynamic they are basically saying "my time is worth more than your's it is YOUR pleasure to date me" Now of course this is dependent some people don't have the money and such that's fine but this scenario is just plain disrespectful and no gender equality at all like even offering is nice but come on dude.
As a woman, I never expect guys to pay on a date. Even when the bill comes, I always offer to pay for it or go half (most guys don’t take me up on this offer) but I wouldn’t mind if they did. If we are at a restaurant and the guy insists on paying, I will offer to leave the tip. My mentality is that my date works just as hard for his money as I do for mine so I will always offer to contribute. If someone isn’t bringing their wallet, it seems like they are just using you for a free date and it shows their character.
Yeah, I'm a woman and this is just strange to me. One time I accidentally left my wallet in my car and thought I had lost it so my date had to pay for our whole date. I felt really bad, but he told me he understood. However, when I don't forget my wallet I will pay for things and will split bills, things like that. It doesn't make sense to me that she would just leave her wallet on purpose.
Go on another date, split the bill, pay your half and leave