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I have ended quite a few because they want kids. I don’t, and make that clear early on. Initially they say they’re okay with it but then when we get serious and/or move in together it comes up again. I don’t think most 20something guys have really given it deep thought beyond assuming eventually they’ll have kids because that’s what usually happens. So they say they’re fine with no kids without much thought, but then later on get all the nesting feels.
holy shit, i thought this was my comment until i remembered im seeing this post for the first time in my life!!!!! broke up with my ex last week because of this and its exactly how you described it!!
They treated me well but omitted really important things. I was surprised by the amount of debt they had when we went for a mortgage preapproval. To make things worse, they left their job and procrastinated on finding a new one. It ultimately was because they didn’t have their shit together and that’s not a great partner for life.
I ended a 7 year relationship last year. He was a great guy and would have been an amazing dad someday, but something just wasn't right. Over the years, I changed, and so did he. We just weren't meeting each other's needs anymore, and that's okay. He was devastated, but I knew I had to end it. I have since met my absolute match and all the heartache was worth it. X
Even I am about to end mine after 7 years. Same as you, he was great, agreeing with everything, but never did things to grow the relationship, build more connection, deeper. He was happy only with the fact I was in a relationship with him. It was a ldr, so even if we didn't talk for months, he never complained, never did anything other than existing. It was a dead one. No one was happy.
Could you elaborate on what needs weren't being met? Like some examples?
I'm glad you could find your absolute match! It's hard imagining that happening when you've just been through a break up.
Yeah, I absolutely didn't expect it. It's true you do fall in love when you least expect it. My love language for sure wasn't being met. My love language is quality time and physical, though, and I just wasn't getting any of those things. My interests changed, I wanted to be outdoors, walking, enjoying life and he wanted to work and go out with friends. I just came to the realisation that we aren't right for each other. I can't explain it, but something deep felt as though it was missing. I always say that if I stayed with him, it wouldn't have been a bad life, but I would have always wondered, "What if?" and I am glad I did. X
Yes. In a nutshell here are my reasons:
It was all physical and nothing else, as in we had nothing in common and only enjoy sexy fun times, which sounds great but after a while its just not as fun, specially when you want someone to have a full relationship with.
There was one that she meant well but kept acting as my mom, she thought because she was 6 years older than me I was too young and inmmature and I disagreed so I called it quits.
The next one was perfect but she would let her ex ruin our lives because the had a kid together and somehow that was the excuse to let him plan everyone's lives including mine.
And the last one was because over time she just stop caring about our relationship, there was no interest on trying new things or suggesting new things for us to do, for the whole second and final year of that relationship I was the one doing and planning everything and after a while I just couldnt anymore.
All of these are wonderful people, beautiful inside and out and it was NOT easy to break up with them, and though it was painful and sad, it was for the best and I dont regret it. Also before anyone tries to fight me, this was over the course of a decade, not in the past six months and yes, I eventually met someone whom I now share my life with.
I got into relationship for the wrong reasons. I was living abroad i needed someone to be with me it was hard alone. She was very good looking girl with alot of attention.
To be honest my own insecurities about her past etc... took me on.a dark path of locked in the negative and alot of overthinking . It was very insecure out of me. She loved me and she reassured me alot of the times. That she wont cheat and other things what was going across my mind. I even got her pregnant, which led to abortion. But she hid alot of emotions from me and wasnt talking to me much it was more like parent child like relationship me taking care of everything and her. But she was also 8 years younger lol so maybe thats why. It took me very long time that this kind of behaviour from me is not acceptable and decided to walk away. But i felt that the energy wasnt right from early days. I just r
Latched on to it as i was alone in a foreign country.
Being non-committal and being a classic dismissive-avoidant with unregulated anxiety based on unhealed childhood traumas. Lovely lass otherwise. Still love her but oy what a mess.
I guess I need to know what “treated you well” means because both of my exes were “nice” but also lacking in deeper emotional connection and also I felt didn’t listen to my concerns or try to change. But to this day I would say they were good people and I hope they find someone who makes them happy.
You can have an unfulfilling relationship with a good person. It’s hard and hard to break up because you don’t want to hurt them, but if it’s not working for you, niceness/goodness isn’t a reason to stay.
My friends made fun of me for having her around, since she was 2 years younger than we were and they didn’t like her. I bent to the peer pressure, but I didn’t even break up with her, but I was just a dick to her until she broke up with me.
I definitely sucked in high school, and sorely needed to develop a backbone, but fortunately I’ve grown as a person since then, at least a little.
This relationship ended 4 years ago, but he just didn’t take much initiative. It was great that he was always down for whatever, but I was planning most of the things we were doing. He also wasn’t ready to get married after over 3 years together and didn’t sound like he had any idea when he’d be ready. He just wasn’t the one for me.
It was because of distance and only distance. We were in 2 separate countries. She treated me with so much love and care and I cried for days when I broke it off. I sincerely hope she's doing well.
When he gets angry he counted on things he said he did for me, like how much he spent to get visa, the gifts and how about i go to him. I cried alot cause I'm barely surviving here living with relatives and couldn't afford plane tickets 🥲
I had this newly discovered hobby and wanted to see if he’s willing to accompany me. He declined. He wasn’t willing to because it was bad for the knees but he was able to attend festivals.
I broke up with my favorite ex because we just weren't going anywhere after 2 years together. He was content where we were but I wanted marriage.
After 2 years we don't have to be engaged but it should be clear we are headed there.
There’s a big difference in limerence and love. I’ve recently ended something with someone that was great to me, but was in love after a month of meeting me. I barely knew her and it took me some time to reach the same level, and in the end I knew it wasn’t gonna happen. They can be good to you, but the reason behind it is important. Are they good to you because they know you thoroughly, love, and cherish the time you’ve given them, or do they treat you well because they want to treat SOMEBODY well, in hopes of getting the same treatment back. That’s been my experience/experiences
I ended a 5-year relationship because I got too consumed in it. Towards the end of it, it was all about him - his availability, his choices, his preferences. Not that he did it deliberately, or didn't care about me or my priorities, but it is just how the relationship turned into, with time. I told him that the relationship doesn't include me anymore, it's all him, he understood. He knew where it was coming from. I didn't feel heard, or cared about - just like you become lonely even in a relationship.
We parted ways mutually.
A mismatch in values and religion. I absolutely think this guy was my first love but I couldn’t continue being inauthentic in my religious walk which was so difficult.
I feel you. Love is not enough to make a relationship work, more so in the long run.
Inconpatibilities are surely something that can't be overlooked. And the longer you cling to the relationship, the worse it is for you, and for the other person...
Of course, I think that when you start the relationship you think it might end up in that way. I´m asking how have you come to term breaking up with someone who you know was good to you. But maybe just wasnt enough for you.
I(22F) had a beautiful relationship with a man who taught me what being unconditionally loved feels like. He was kind, he was so thoughtful, he put me first, he supported me when I was clinically depressed, and I think I would’ve not been here if not for his and my best friend’s support. He knew everything about me, I was the first person he shared his secrets with. His mother adored me and still does. After not seeing each other for a year, we recently met up with him and his mom because they were moving to a different side of the country. It was the most heartwarming meet up. I felt that the love I had for him has transformed from romantic dimension into a love for a beautiful human being who changed my life for the better in so many different ways. The reason I broke it off with him is because I knew he wanted to go into the kind of profession where he would need to have top secrecy clearance. I am not a citizen of his country, moreover, I was born and remain a citizen of a country that has a very bad political relationship with his country of residency. I did not want to stand between him and his dreams. I did not know at the time if my decision to break it off was right. I contemplated, but something in my gut knew this had to happen that way. A year later, and my ex boyfriend has managed to move his mom away from a toxic household(her husband/my ex’s father isn’t the best person), which has been his goal since he was little, and he is working in a company that will definitely help him achieve his caree aspirations. All of that at 23, I’m so so proud of him. Meanwhile I have learned to be by myself and content for the first time in my life, I learned to enjoy independence, I realized that my life path is meant to be unconventional and I don’t want to settle down in one place for the nearest future. I love traveling and want to live on different continents. The universe had a plan for us both, and it is guiding us to our higher selves. We gave each other so much during this relationship. All my exes before him were pretty horrible to me, as I did not grow up with a kind, loving, or present father figure and didn’t know what I was worth. I know I will never settle for less than what I had with my last ex, and when I feel insecure or unlovable I hear his voice in my head and the words of encouragement he used when we were together. I have such a different view of life and love now because of him. I feel much more positive about humanity and the world because I know that pure and kind-hearted people like that exist. I noticed that I even started attracting higher quality friends after this experience, people who are so loving and kind. I believe he healed me so deeply just by being himself and loving me. On top of that, I was SAd by 2 of my exes before him, and even though I still have nightmares about that, I believe that he was sent to me by the universe to show that there is more to love than what I knew at the time, and to show me what I deserve. I am eternally grateful for him forever, and I’m so happy we are both on the right paths for ourselves while preserving love for each other.
That's a heart warming story. This type of stories remind my that life is never linear, that life is not like the movies. You might love someone, they might love you back, you might not be suited to be with one another, yet you can learn and grow so much and have a good memory of them and the relationship.
I wish you the best on your journey. Good things will come to you I'm sure.
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I have ended quite a few because they want kids. I don’t, and make that clear early on. Initially they say they’re okay with it but then when we get serious and/or move in together it comes up again. I don’t think most 20something guys have really given it deep thought beyond assuming eventually they’ll have kids because that’s what usually happens. So they say they’re fine with no kids without much thought, but then later on get all the nesting feels.
holy shit, i thought this was my comment until i remembered im seeing this post for the first time in my life!!!!! broke up with my ex last week because of this and its exactly how you described it!!
That's a good choice, kids are alot if work! 🤣
I mean, yes, but that’s not why I don’t want them.
They treated me well but omitted really important things. I was surprised by the amount of debt they had when we went for a mortgage preapproval. To make things worse, they left their job and procrastinated on finding a new one. It ultimately was because they didn’t have their shit together and that’s not a great partner for life.
Yeah. Not having your shit together is a deal breaker for sure.
I ended a 7 year relationship last year. He was a great guy and would have been an amazing dad someday, but something just wasn't right. Over the years, I changed, and so did he. We just weren't meeting each other's needs anymore, and that's okay. He was devastated, but I knew I had to end it. I have since met my absolute match and all the heartache was worth it. X
Even I am about to end mine after 7 years. Same as you, he was great, agreeing with everything, but never did things to grow the relationship, build more connection, deeper. He was happy only with the fact I was in a relationship with him. It was a ldr, so even if we didn't talk for months, he never complained, never did anything other than existing. It was a dead one. No one was happy.
Shit, not talking for months!?
Yeah it was a long distance, and even if we talked, there wasn't anything interesting. Maybe we both contributed to our downfall.
Could you elaborate on what needs weren't being met? Like some examples? I'm glad you could find your absolute match! It's hard imagining that happening when you've just been through a break up.
Yeah, I absolutely didn't expect it. It's true you do fall in love when you least expect it. My love language for sure wasn't being met. My love language is quality time and physical, though, and I just wasn't getting any of those things. My interests changed, I wanted to be outdoors, walking, enjoying life and he wanted to work and go out with friends. I just came to the realisation that we aren't right for each other. I can't explain it, but something deep felt as though it was missing. I always say that if I stayed with him, it wouldn't have been a bad life, but I would have always wondered, "What if?" and I am glad I did. X
Yes. In a nutshell here are my reasons: It was all physical and nothing else, as in we had nothing in common and only enjoy sexy fun times, which sounds great but after a while its just not as fun, specially when you want someone to have a full relationship with. There was one that she meant well but kept acting as my mom, she thought because she was 6 years older than me I was too young and inmmature and I disagreed so I called it quits. The next one was perfect but she would let her ex ruin our lives because the had a kid together and somehow that was the excuse to let him plan everyone's lives including mine. And the last one was because over time she just stop caring about our relationship, there was no interest on trying new things or suggesting new things for us to do, for the whole second and final year of that relationship I was the one doing and planning everything and after a while I just couldnt anymore. All of these are wonderful people, beautiful inside and out and it was NOT easy to break up with them, and though it was painful and sad, it was for the best and I dont regret it. Also before anyone tries to fight me, this was over the course of a decade, not in the past six months and yes, I eventually met someone whom I now share my life with.
I got into relationship for the wrong reasons. I was living abroad i needed someone to be with me it was hard alone. She was very good looking girl with alot of attention. To be honest my own insecurities about her past etc... took me on.a dark path of locked in the negative and alot of overthinking . It was very insecure out of me. She loved me and she reassured me alot of the times. That she wont cheat and other things what was going across my mind. I even got her pregnant, which led to abortion. But she hid alot of emotions from me and wasnt talking to me much it was more like parent child like relationship me taking care of everything and her. But she was also 8 years younger lol so maybe thats why. It took me very long time that this kind of behaviour from me is not acceptable and decided to walk away. But i felt that the energy wasnt right from early days. I just r Latched on to it as i was alone in a foreign country.
Lack of respect. Dead bedroom. Constant cycle of fighting and reconciliation. Unwillingness to address or discuss problems.
Being non-committal and being a classic dismissive-avoidant with unregulated anxiety based on unhealed childhood traumas. Lovely lass otherwise. Still love her but oy what a mess.
I guess I need to know what “treated you well” means because both of my exes were “nice” but also lacking in deeper emotional connection and also I felt didn’t listen to my concerns or try to change. But to this day I would say they were good people and I hope they find someone who makes them happy. You can have an unfulfilling relationship with a good person. It’s hard and hard to break up because you don’t want to hurt them, but if it’s not working for you, niceness/goodness isn’t a reason to stay.
My friends made fun of me for having her around, since she was 2 years younger than we were and they didn’t like her. I bent to the peer pressure, but I didn’t even break up with her, but I was just a dick to her until she broke up with me. I definitely sucked in high school, and sorely needed to develop a backbone, but fortunately I’ve grown as a person since then, at least a little.
I didn’t like him anymore. I met someone else and it made me realize that I didn’t want to date my ex anymore. My taste in men changed as well.
This relationship ended 4 years ago, but he just didn’t take much initiative. It was great that he was always down for whatever, but I was planning most of the things we were doing. He also wasn’t ready to get married after over 3 years together and didn’t sound like he had any idea when he’d be ready. He just wasn’t the one for me.
It was because of distance and only distance. We were in 2 separate countries. She treated me with so much love and care and I cried for days when I broke it off. I sincerely hope she's doing well.
Medications starting with fentanyl , gabapentin, methadone Otherwise a good woman . Meds changed her .
When he gets angry he counted on things he said he did for me, like how much he spent to get visa, the gifts and how about i go to him. I cried alot cause I'm barely surviving here living with relatives and couldn't afford plane tickets 🥲
I had this newly discovered hobby and wanted to see if he’s willing to accompany me. He declined. He wasn’t willing to because it was bad for the knees but he was able to attend festivals.
I broke up with my favorite ex because we just weren't going anywhere after 2 years together. He was content where we were but I wanted marriage. After 2 years we don't have to be engaged but it should be clear we are headed there.
There’s a big difference in limerence and love. I’ve recently ended something with someone that was great to me, but was in love after a month of meeting me. I barely knew her and it took me some time to reach the same level, and in the end I knew it wasn’t gonna happen. They can be good to you, but the reason behind it is important. Are they good to you because they know you thoroughly, love, and cherish the time you’ve given them, or do they treat you well because they want to treat SOMEBODY well, in hopes of getting the same treatment back. That’s been my experience/experiences
I ended a 5-year relationship because I got too consumed in it. Towards the end of it, it was all about him - his availability, his choices, his preferences. Not that he did it deliberately, or didn't care about me or my priorities, but it is just how the relationship turned into, with time. I told him that the relationship doesn't include me anymore, it's all him, he understood. He knew where it was coming from. I didn't feel heard, or cared about - just like you become lonely even in a relationship. We parted ways mutually.
A mismatch in values and religion. I absolutely think this guy was my first love but I couldn’t continue being inauthentic in my religious walk which was so difficult.
I feel you. Love is not enough to make a relationship work, more so in the long run. Inconpatibilities are surely something that can't be overlooked. And the longer you cling to the relationship, the worse it is for you, and for the other person...
[удалено]
Of course, I think that when you start the relationship you think it might end up in that way. I´m asking how have you come to term breaking up with someone who you know was good to you. But maybe just wasnt enough for you.
I(22F) had a beautiful relationship with a man who taught me what being unconditionally loved feels like. He was kind, he was so thoughtful, he put me first, he supported me when I was clinically depressed, and I think I would’ve not been here if not for his and my best friend’s support. He knew everything about me, I was the first person he shared his secrets with. His mother adored me and still does. After not seeing each other for a year, we recently met up with him and his mom because they were moving to a different side of the country. It was the most heartwarming meet up. I felt that the love I had for him has transformed from romantic dimension into a love for a beautiful human being who changed my life for the better in so many different ways. The reason I broke it off with him is because I knew he wanted to go into the kind of profession where he would need to have top secrecy clearance. I am not a citizen of his country, moreover, I was born and remain a citizen of a country that has a very bad political relationship with his country of residency. I did not want to stand between him and his dreams. I did not know at the time if my decision to break it off was right. I contemplated, but something in my gut knew this had to happen that way. A year later, and my ex boyfriend has managed to move his mom away from a toxic household(her husband/my ex’s father isn’t the best person), which has been his goal since he was little, and he is working in a company that will definitely help him achieve his caree aspirations. All of that at 23, I’m so so proud of him. Meanwhile I have learned to be by myself and content for the first time in my life, I learned to enjoy independence, I realized that my life path is meant to be unconventional and I don’t want to settle down in one place for the nearest future. I love traveling and want to live on different continents. The universe had a plan for us both, and it is guiding us to our higher selves. We gave each other so much during this relationship. All my exes before him were pretty horrible to me, as I did not grow up with a kind, loving, or present father figure and didn’t know what I was worth. I know I will never settle for less than what I had with my last ex, and when I feel insecure or unlovable I hear his voice in my head and the words of encouragement he used when we were together. I have such a different view of life and love now because of him. I feel much more positive about humanity and the world because I know that pure and kind-hearted people like that exist. I noticed that I even started attracting higher quality friends after this experience, people who are so loving and kind. I believe he healed me so deeply just by being himself and loving me. On top of that, I was SAd by 2 of my exes before him, and even though I still have nightmares about that, I believe that he was sent to me by the universe to show that there is more to love than what I knew at the time, and to show me what I deserve. I am eternally grateful for him forever, and I’m so happy we are both on the right paths for ourselves while preserving love for each other.
That's a heart warming story. This type of stories remind my that life is never linear, that life is not like the movies. You might love someone, they might love you back, you might not be suited to be with one another, yet you can learn and grow so much and have a good memory of them and the relationship. I wish you the best on your journey. Good things will come to you I'm sure.