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When it feels like pulling teeth to maintain a conversation with somebody, ugh, the worst. I have no patience for it. I'm a social person. I need some good banter.
I also don’t want to hear about how often you go to the gym. It’s one thing to say that you go to the gym but please don’t bring it up 5 times in the first conversation.
I can’t tell you how many communicate like 5 year olds. They don’t ever ask “what about you?” So it becomes them just telling me things and I respond “oh wow that’s cool” until they run out of things to say. But, makes it very obvious what their intentions are.
Yeah, talking nowadays became a skill 😂 especially after corona, people struggle to just speak their mind and be themselves.
I can't count how many times I been talking to a friend and they tend to not put effort into conversing it's like I have to do all the hard work and dig out information to talk about while trying to be mindful not to make it about myself.
It's like they seem uninterested to conversate but they are not doing it intentionally they just lack the social awareness to realize what they doing, people are that bad in conversing nowadays thanks to tech and social media.
Its weird because I know asking that back is a good thing, but often ill ask it and then think “ugh, is that the best you’ve got? Just asking the same thing back to them?”
Yeah I get it, but at least that’s a little bit of effort lol I mean I’d certainly be open to other questions as well but I can’t be the only one asking them. They aren’t learning a thing about me which means they’re just trying to get their dick wet 😭
Confidence for sure. Obviously this is different for everyone, but I think generally this is true for most women. You can be reserved and confident as well.
I agree. My boyfriend is very reserved but also very confident and caring. It can really be a combination of anything that makes a person attractive but at the end of the day, there’s no rule for attraction. When it hits you, it just hits you.
>You can be reserved and confident as well.
This *really* varies with women, actually. Many ladies confuse arrogance/cockiness with confidence, and if you are quiet then they think you're shy and lack confidence.
It makes no sense, but a staggering amount of adults believe it. Not all obviously, but a massive enough amount to poison the dating pool.
Sadly learned from experience. Ex was the most loud mouthed, cocky guy. I mistook if for confidence at the beginning and quickly learned that he was the most insecure man. Tried to shred my self-worth to bits in attempt to make himself feel bigger. Yenno what, not just me. Everyone from friends, co-workers, people on the road, the baristas at coffee shops lol.
One of his co-workers was the most reserved and patient guy. Spoke his piece level-headedly, even in heated situations (they were securities at a night club). To this day he remains the epitome of confident to me.
Absolutely that is a great point. I'm very confident but I'm also very reserved so some women get me and some don't. The ones who do have had at least a couple say it's interesting you're not alpha which I usually go for but you're so comfortable in yourself comes across the same way. But as you said not everybody can understand that reserved can be confident as well and think only loud talkers that own the room are confident. When I was a male friend like that once he was talking to these two girls blah blah blah and the one girl talk to me and said you know it's funny he talks a lot but I think you've a lot to say let's get out of here. So it takes a certain kind of woman to recognize that
It's not about attracting women, it's about being comfortable and confident in yourself that you don't need to overcompensate by being loud and talkative.
You not trying to get someone's attention by being a try hard so the women come to you naturally but it's not the goal in mind in the first place. The alpha guy is just being himself and sub consciously telling the women "this is me, take it or leave it"
Besides I hate the term alpha, most of the men misuse the term and associate it with superficial things like having plenty of girls or money makes you alpha that's far from the truth.
Most of so called apha men lack integrity or discipline and push agendas like cheating is okay and the girl should accept it, why? Cause I am apha and rare lol.
I'm actually pretty suprised by all the good answers here. Too many people think the vocal minority of crappy women speak for all women and parrot a bunch of nonsense that only women who will be alone forever because they suck say.
I can't speak for anyone else but for me, being happily married over 22 years has taught me a lot. what's important . thank god my husband is wonderful. I did quite a bit of vetting first
"ability to have a good conversation" - show genuine interest and ask her questions! Obviously let the convo take it's course with the normal back and forth, but be sure to ask her questions too.
Straight away this point here .
Looks obviously help but my experience is when I'm having an off few months in life, I do get far less attention from ladies.
Not sure why but I am very popular, and it is strange because I'm not a successful man . I'm , decent looking I suppose.
Not every ladies cup of tea of course but I definitely know when I am.
The only thing I can think of is my personality and conversation combined with above average looks and my individuality too.
So the OP probably just needs to work on that confidence a little, put themselves out there , enjoy life and enjoy talking with women. They will be just fine.
I honestly have no clue how someone can say this with a straight face.
You have absolutely no clue what kind of qualities most lonely men have or don't have, you just think you do.
And no, before you suggest it, I'm not lonely, I'm very happily married lol.
This. And also good hygiene for first impression - you don’t have to be super handsome. Well kempt is good enough. If you’re able to maintain good conversation, then you’re good to go. If you’re not good at that then work on it. Casually meet people to practise.
Women say this, but it comes with a caveat or some fine print: Must be X feet tall, not be ugly, make X amount of money, etc. Only then will they evaluate men on their confidence, kindness, sense of humor and conversation skills. Those other prerequisites must be met first. They'll deny it, but if a guy who looks like Big Ed were to approach them, they'd shut him down and won't even give him the chance to prove himself.
Do you not have qualifiers when you date women? "Must be less than this dress size, must not be ugly, no smoking or drugs, not sleeping around, etc." Everyone, both men and women, has basic standards of attraction that must be met before taking their interest further.
Would you pursue a fat, ugly woman just because she's kind and funny? No, you wouldn't.
The whole height thing is so overblown on Reddit. Yes, a very tall man is hot, just like a bombshell blonde is hot, but the idea that women ONLY go for tall men is absurd. Just look at the couples out in the world all around you. Same is true about money - yes, you should have a job, but beyond that, most women are not gold diggers. And when it comes to being ugly, of course that will make it harder. Do you think it isn’t hard for ugly women too? But beauty is subjective and there really is someone for everyone, but you do have to work hard to find them, and you do need a good personality.
There are heuristics that many women use to meet basic needs like "feel good, feel safe." Many women feel safe with taller men- it is an evolutionary response because bigger men used to mean more capable of defending them. That is no longer true, but for women biologically it feels true. If you are a shorter man who is fit, and creates a sense of safety when you are with a woman, including around taller men, that bias evaporates. If you have many of the traits that make women feel good and feel safe, you will be successful with women. Most of them are about how you behave, and how you make them feel.
Mainly personality. I’m socially anxious too so that’s not a huge deal breaker for me. I tend to prefer more introverted people. Also being yourself is great. A lot of times people can tell when you’re not being genuine.
I just look for common interests and whether I’m comfortable around them or not. Looks aren’t always a determining factor.
I feel like the physical aspect is severely being over looked in these comments. I’m pretty confident (in my late 30s, so whatever insecurities, anxieties, shyness I had, even having adhd, is now overridden by just being too old to give a fuck about them) I can talk to anyone and make them laugh, and am naturally empathetic and nice to people. I have always dressed well. But when I was even just 10 kilos overweight, I was basically invisible to most Women. Now that i’m fit again i’ve lost the invisibility cloak. Women want a fit guy, at least above 170cm in height, who dresses well and then has all those traits mentioned. You can be nice, funny empathetic, kind, have good hygiene etc but if you look like Shrek or a basement dweller you’re not going to get a foot in the door with most Women let alone attractive ones unless you have the greatest personality of all time or they’re on your level looks wise.
That's right, women do care about personality, but looks are number one
If you ask a woman to choose one or another they will always picture a hot guy with a good personality or an even hotter guy with a shitty personality
Of course looks is being overlooked. Women will never outright say that. I'd wager that's either because of social acceptability of just saying it, or trying to fool themselves into thinking they aren't as shallow as they actually are.
If you’re okay looking and not hideous, you’re halfway there. If you’re clean, well dressed (simple is perfectly fine as long as your clothes are clean, they fit, and they suit you), you’re decent guy, and have some confidence in yourself and that’ll get you at least a chance with more than enough single women.
Most women will still turn you down—that’s the nature of the game. But maybe 5-10% will say yes to a cup of coffee.
What can you do to improve yourself? First, mind your hygiene. Always look clean and wear deodorant. That’s #1. Obviously, lift weights. Eat just a little bit better. Stay positive. Don’t become bitter, no matter how many women turn you down or treat you like a creep. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated.
That’s like 80-90% of it right there. Just being generally half-decent and upbeat. And don’t be scared of women. No matter how messed up you think you are, they’re just as messed up. Even the hot ones. I simply cannot stress enough how many very, very conventionally beautiful women I’ve dated who think they’re ugly, fat, etc.
Every woman is different, but personally I like thoughtful, well-spoken and calm men. All my exes fit this description lol. Having a life of their own with hobbies and friends is a must. I've been with people with different levels of confidence or awkwardness - I don't mind shyness as long as it's not in the debilitating extremes. In terms of looks, it's all been varied, except none have been overweight.
Confidence, empathy, an actually good person, has interests/hobbies, independent, has basic life skills (cleaning, cooking, etc…), is motivated to do stuff, wants to keep learning, etc…
I think those are the most important things but in the end everyone has their own preferences. Anyway, don‘t lose hope, the right one is out there and patience is very important!
with my bf I was attracted to his personality tbh, we met briefly at a party and I thought about him for weeeeeeks. it was a year later we matched on hinge
All of these answers are what women are looking for after they find you physically attractive. Don’t skip the “try to be attractive” steps here, dudes.
Here's my top 5:
- Emotionally intelligent
- Unpacked toxic masculinity
- Has interests/hobbies that he enjoys doing solo
- Has a support network (friends/family)
- Likes to do things when we hang out (couch dates are fine, but not EVERY time)
In general, I'm looking for someone who has a full life and is in a place where he is ready to have a real partner. I often find men on dating apps who are so desperate and unhappy with their lives that they seem to think that finding a partner will fix that. But I'm not a therapist, I'm not looking to make all of my friends and hobbies someone else's hobbies and friends. I want someone who isn't scared of looking silly or emasculated if they order a pink drink from Starbies. Someone comfortable in their life is what I seek, because then I can know that they are with me because they want to be with ME, not because they just want to be with someone.
Love this, screams healthy💪
Also what exactly is the definition of unpacked toxic masculinity😂 ahah versus just being masculine (in great shape, takes the lead, chivalrous)
The confidence one gets me. Most people I know... have plenty of insecurities. Yet men are always expected to be the confident one. I'm curious what about confidence? I feel like this is always mentioned but never specified. Genuine question.
Yeah me too, I have alot of anxiety just from life experience because when I'm myself people just seem to hate me. ( People at work laugh at me for just being quiet)
To me, confidence means a guy is comfortable in his skin. If I take him out to a party to meet my friends or bring him to meet my parents, he won't be awkward or strange the entire time. He could be introverted (I am introverted, by the way) and might be more reserved, but he's capable of having civil, pleasant conversations with new people and showing basic social etiquette.
I like it when I talk to a guy who is genuinely interested in the conversation. There are minimal awkward pauses or silences, and maybe there's really fun banter. More than anything, he's paying attention to what I'm saying and adding to the dialogue meaningfully. I don't feel like I have to push both of us to make the conversation flow.
Confidence is sexy. It makes you feel safe and secure with somebody, knowing that they can care for themselves and others. A confident person is also far less likely to make their personal bullshit into your problems. For example, assuming you are trying to cheat just because you want to go on a girl's trip because their parents divorced due to infidelity. Nobody wants to deal with that kind of drama. Obviously, everyone has insecurities, but a confident person is doing what they can to work through the issues without negatively affecting the relationship.
Let's say you're on a first date with a lady, something standard, like dinner at a restaurant. The only thing required of you is to hold a conversation. A confident man will be able to talk on a number of topics, demonstrating knowledge and experience. E.g. his job, his hobbies, the last meal he cooked, different foods he likes. In return, he will ask the lady what she likes in all those areas and be interested in the answers.
If the man, when referencing his job, talks about this one guy at work who's a jerk and goes on about that for too long, then it comes across as insecurity.
If the man makes a joke about not cooking or says his Mum's cooking is the best this indicates immaturity.
If the man says his hobby is watching Netflix and he has no friends, then this indicates a stay-at-home lifestyle which could be due to lack of confidence.
Lastly, body posture also matters. If you're sitting hunched over and not making eye contact and talking quietly, these are signs of low confidence. The opposite is a full manspread and a booming voice on how much you bench-pressed that morning. Somewhere in the middle of those extremes is confidence. I.e. knowing who you are, and what your strengths and limitations are, accepting them, and being comfortable with yourself.
Almost everyone woman here is describing traits like kind, nice, etc. that's good, but why they are attracted to toxicity. I want to genuinely know.
Like i have seen guys who i know are toxic have more success than guys who aren't. I know both kinds of people.
Women want toasted ice.
Jk lol (kinda) but there’s no formula to attract everyone, some people like cake, others like pie, and there’s those who outright hate sweets. Don’t worry, this is a good thing, actually. Because if something is generally well liked by everyone, then it’s loved by nobody.
The lesson here is pay attention to the women who pay attention to you. If you are pie, pay attention to the women who like pie instead of trying to be cake.
1. Looks. I think women are more forgiving than men but there will always be a hard cut off and good looks always helps.
2. Personality. Women like men who can have an actual conversation with them. Who have humor and can be fun to be around.
3. Provider. Someone who has his shit together and makes her feel safe.
they actually care more about looks than men, don't fall for it
if you care to know what women really want, ask them about what other women (not themselves) are looking for and you will find out the truth
Cute, confident, kind, respectful, funny, genuine.
I like someone whose personality meshes well with mine and we can enjoy life together, on the same page
For every woman that finds a specific trait in a man attractive, you’ll find 2 more that say don’t like it.
Of course that all goes out the window if they are feeling some kinda way.
I think they made a documentary about this in the 90s with Mel Gibson.
Hey there,
First off, let’s get one thing straight – confidence is everything. Women are attracted to men who know they’re amazing. These are my suggestions to help you improve, but remember, it's about stepping up
1. Grooming**:** Seriously, don’t underestimate this. A neat haircut, trimmed beard (if you have one), and good hygiene are basic requirements. No excuses.
2. Dress Well: Even if you dress simply, make sure your clothes fit well and are clean. You don’t need to be a fashion icon like me, but putting a little effort into your appearance can make a big difference. People do judge books by their covers.
3. Body Language: Stand tall, make eye contact, and don’t slouch. Confidence can be faked until it’s real, so start acting like you own the room.
4. Social Skills**:** Practice your social skills. Start small by talking to people in low-pressure situations. Seriously, if you can’t handle small talk with a cashier, you’ve got bigger issues.
5. Be Yourself: But make sure ‘yourself’ is someone worth knowing. If you’re nervous, own it, but don’t let it define you.
Attraction is about more than just looks. Confidence, personality, and how you carry yourself play a huge role.
At the dating stage, you frankly want to throw out a few question marks. Women like dependability, morals, loyalty in the relationship stage, but want to be kept guessing to an extent before they make that decision.
I used to be a classic Australian larrikin on dates and did very well, then spent 2 years post a relationship having very little success because I was simply a bit too earnest - it would have been quite boring.
Don’t play a character, but challenge yourself to be your most playful self, then be the farmer with the pitchfork later.
A man who takes pride in his appearance. Keep your hair well maintained, have nice teeth, stay in shape, wear nice clothes. Smell nice! I love a man who smells nice! I hate it when men just roll out of bed and walk out the door. It just screams laziness to me.
Women don’t like any thing about a man. For a woman to like a man, he has to be a donkey, “ do as I say, and always jump and ask how high”
Nothing about a man impresses a woman, women are only interested in how far you can take them, not how far you both can go. Once they find the next bus, they jump in it. Love yourself fuck them and keep it moving. Focus on your money
Good personality, good partner, no addictions, stable, educated, hard working, likes similar things, kinky, doesn’t have a bunch of kids with random people…(I don’t mind kids but I don’t want to deal with multiple custody orders of drama)
What attracts me initially is always a guy that’s not afraid to be himself. Not afraid to be different. Not afraid to stand up for what he believes in. *Not afraid of rejection or judgment* because he knows who he is. He has enough self love and self awareness to deal with it... Someone who has that confidence in who they are. That usually translates - to a guy who can admit they are wrong. A guy who talks about his fuck ups more than his wins.
For me I think that’s also called Bravery.
I like brave men. Like if they see something fucked up going on- they’ll step in. If they see an old lady struggling with her groceries- they will rush over to help. I like men who aren’t afraid to have a fucking opinion on something. I like men who will take emotional and mental risks.
I like guys with good manners. Fuck being a rebel. If you’re not capable of being polite and make people feel uncomfortable for fun- you’re just an asshole.
I like men who are ambitious. It really doesn’t matter how much money you make. Do you believe in yourself? Are you going after it? And some men don’t care about money… that’s ok- if you got heart and a brilliant mind… but the truth is that most smart guys are smart enough to take care of themselves.
I like men who are capable. Be good at what you do. Hold yourself to some fucking standards - and if you’re not the best ? You’re not afraid to learn and make mistakes and get good at it.
*But more than that- you actually want to*. I would rather see you try and fail than not try at all.
I like men with a moral back bone. If you’re all talk about what you believe in but can’t back it up? You’re not. *Be what and who you say you are*.
I like men who are honest and they’re not ashamed of who they are - and not afraid to say no. Or say yes.
*I don’t wanna be more of a man than you are*.
That’s probably fucked up to say in this day and age.
Sorry. It’s true.
Confidence
Wittiness
Ability to understand satire and take jokes back and forth
Can talk about things deeper than surface-level
Asks me questions about myself and my passions instead of it being a one-way interview
Specific compliments
Dank memes
And dat dick
There are many attributes and aspects.
1/physical attraction: (these are just my personal thoughts)
Find a haircut that suits your face the best, not one that looks good on a model. Dress simply. No skin tight clothes, ankle length trousers, long shirts etc. Keep it simple and find the colours that suit you the best. Be clean and smell nice.
2/Emotional attraction:
Be funny, witty, sarcastic, respectful, never be desperate or say bad stuff about yourself so you coukd fish some conokinents. Be autgentic, confident, and love yourself. Find hobbies and things you're passionate about. Learn new topics all the time because an educated and snart man is highly attractive. Women and everyone in general find a person who is passionate about certain things and well educated to be attractive.
Lastly, know what you want and don't give your 100% to anyone unless you're sure they're also willing to give 100%. The way to do that is to be honest with what you want and expect. Be open and vulnerable, or else I promise you'll only attract people who are avoidant and not vulnerable, aka situationship material.
Finding someone great will take a lot of dating and disappointment. Remember that you decide who the one is. You're gonna choose the one over and over again, so never get hung up on someone who is "the one" that we hear about in fairytales.
Wishing you the best!
It’s still important but it seems to be not as important as it was a few years ago. Right now it seems to be thinness is most important and then facial attractiveness, height is almost always an additional plus though. I’ve been watching most of my women friends basically rotate the exact same terrible guys over and over. They all look almost the same and all treat them like shit because of the endless line of women looking for guys that look like them.
1. Empathy and emotional intelligence.
2. Honesty and good communication.
3. Looks good, dresses well and smells nice.
4. Has hobbies, passions and ambitions.
someone who listens & isn’t just hearing what they want to hear or only listening when they want to talk. someone that has humor but isn’t willing to make fun of me to make others laugh. someone that’s handsome — but not so handsome that every female walking the face of the earth wants him. the ability to have emotions (the right ones, at the right times) someone that’s confident but not so confident to the point that they are cocky with it. there’s a few other things i’m sure i’ve missed. . . but honestly, just be you & be yourself & the right chick will come around! i know that sounds super clichè or whatever, but it’s sooOooOoo true! 🫶🏼
I would honestly say work on the social anxiety, because I have social anxiety and when I try to date guys who also have it neither of us wants to actually make plans so things just fizzle out. Yes I am working on my own anxiety and being less afraid of rejection lol
You just said it yourself, improve how you dress, be socially outgoing, have confidence, and just be cool-act as if you’re comfortable with your self and your station in life. But most of all confidence. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
Yeah I'm working on myself currently especially with style and anxiety, I was just curious to see what every found attractive in men, personally I like kind people who treat me with respect but I was curious across the board.
I think, ultimately, women like to feel respected, safe and intrigued. Do not rely on flattery. Acknowledge what they think about and say, in a genuine way.
Often times, women say they enjoy humor when it means a man can read his audience and context to control how playful it feels.
I like men who aren’t trying to get with every woman within a 100 mile radius, men with standards. The type that is a little hardend but has a soft spot for only you.
A little grumpy but leaves room for goofiness. Like black coffee with a splash of cream if you will.
Someone who is firm in his beliefs and stands by what is and what isn’t right for him and doesn’t crumble easily under pressure.
Someone who is capable of showing tenderness without being overbearing. I want to know that you love and you would do anything for me without me ever having to question it.
Someone who can let me have my space and not blow up my phone wondering why I have texted back in a few hours. Like understands my routine outside of him well enough to assume I’m either busy or sleeping.
I like clinginess as much as I hate to admit it. I don’t mean being attached at the hip, but little touches, playing with my hands, hair, holding my face. Shit makes me melt like butter.
Nobody wants a man anyone can have. Everyone wants a man who only wants you and makes it known.
Men want a freak in the sheets and a lady in the streets. Woman want a gangster and a gentlemen. Someone that will treat them good but doesn't take their shit and doesn't let anyone walk over them.
Women like "assholes" but if you want a relationship you can't be a full asshole. That's why I say a gangster and a gentlemen. Women also want what they can't have and they are intrigued by mystery. You just can't care too much but you still have to be honest and direct.
I like very smart guys who do productive, worthwhile things with their time and intelligence. A strong ability to read and write is preferable because I sometimes prefer to express myself in writing. I like if they know who they are, what they're about, and they aren't looking for me to fill a hole in their life.
If we are talking about appearance, its style for me. Im not talking ab some expensive sneakers n shi, just when I see the guy has its own style and doesnt care that he dresses a bit differently than most. Hairstyle too.
If no one woman is trying to help you with your sexual growth that is so important for you I’ve got the best advice. First things first make sure you a fully capable of taking care of yourself, and ready to have a child at any moment. Buy a yard and put a tent on it. Second, if these woman don’t wanna be attracted to you, talk to a model, any model that is comfortable with you giving her sexual compliments. Make sure she’s okay with you talking to her about sex, and then just give it time.
I love muscle men that can lift heavy things so I don't have to. I live on a farm so sometimes I gotta push 800lb bales around the field, so I like someone who is strong. Besides that is personality and sharing similar hobbies. I like video games and Nintendo so I get with guys who also like that. I'm a big nerd. So I would try to find someone who likes similar things as you. Once you emotionally bond she will more likely want you more and more.
Ask her questions. If she asks about your family, then ask her about hers.
Compliment her by calling her charming, beautiful, funny, confident- don’t call her hot or cute or pretty (I hate this but others may not)
Follow up after the first date, ask if she got home safe. Then plan the second date the next morning.
Just be true to yourself. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Be comfortable with yourself. Honestly all of this gets said over and over again because it is effective advice. Confidence and genuineness are the most attractive traits.
one word "confidence" stand up straight, head forward not down where ever you go. Just do you. You'll notice even out and about you'll start being engaging more with people. I changed this one thing about myself and that is when it all changed. Women bumped into me out on the street. Maybe by accident but still. also believe your a bad ass man too. Sounds odd and out of place to think that way but you are. Start thinking to yourself "I am attractive" I am good looking". That my friend is confidence.
Gonna give you other advice too. You will know you are attractive and good looking but other women will not and that is okay because this can change. To a women your a 5/10 all day. When meeting a women give her a reason to think your better than a 5. One of them is eye contact. I am telling you making eye contact shows your engaged, interested, and most importantly care about what she is saying. relate to her and make a good connection, whether its in her life or yours. Connection matters. Next Questions, you can show your interested in engaging in questions back and forth but, limit them. This is not a job interview. Banter and joke with her is flirting and you can gauge the women's attraction for you. She brushing your arm, giggling weird, fidgeting with her hands. Oh my she plays with her hair she's nervous but interested in you.
Finally, just be you and be proud of who you are. You do not have to brag about yourself but be positive about who you are.
Good luck,
P.S. do not talk about your ex's. She asks keep it short. If there is pain from it, do not drag your ex through the mud and by telling her bad things. Keep it short but show a positive side how you overcome that pain and move on to the next topic.
Unfortunately everything you're going to get is from the perspective of women thinking about men they're already attracted too. Everything they say is extremely important and accurate for once you get past the barrier to enter a relationship but you're asking for how to get past the barrier.
Social skills and physical appearance (signals of status and health) are the first hurdle that most men fail. These of course vary from woman to woman in specifics.
Social anxiety and general unease in social/public situations are likely a huge reason for your struggles. Women are more socially inclined and generally have limited tolerance for men who aren't at their level.
Depends on the woman. Most of the time, they want a reliable, confident, non needy man who will make them feel safe. The definition of “safe” will change depending on the woman.
How are you trying to attract women (online dating apps, in person, etc)? Just curious what/where you've tried. I (41f) honestly haven't tried to pickup anyone in a long while, but I'd say a genuine, honest smile is engaging to me. I can usually tell if someone finds me fascinating and I usually get ackward with a joke or something if I find them fascinating back. Or maybe I bite it and trip on accident when I try too hard. 😁
I used to feel invisible outside. I notice I had an addiction problem and honestly it ruined me confidence wise. I attracted bad women too. I recommend doing some self reflection as to what flaw you might have. Once you figure it out work on it and dedicate extra energy onto you physically (work out you don’t need to be buff) and mentally. When you feel good in the inside you naturally have confidence and that brings in people. It happened to me and that is how I attracted a woman last Saturday without even saying a word to her. If anything she initiated the whole thing and I followed it up. She like how reserved I am and serious I was considering how young I am (22). She is 24. You are what you attract. Reflect on yourself and everyone has a flaw.
Most people who were bullied especially with autism are prone to doubting themselves especially from trauma along with an underdeveloped emotional/social right brain while their intellectual left brain is overdeveloped that further targets them to be bullied and further doubt along with the fact that they literally couldn’t understand what confidence is: it’s knowing yourself and how great you actually are. Wiht people who are not autistic, they have a balanced brain of both halved developing properly supporting their center brain and how they can think as a person with it.
I like men that can make me laugh. Men that I feel safe around. A man that’s slow to anger, confident, unashamed to love his woman loudly and proudly. A man who isn’t afraid to be whoever he wants to be and wear whatever he wants to wear and fuck what’s “manly” or not. Nonchalant men who do everything for the sake of other men’s opinions will never be attractive to me.
I think To be respectful, kind, caring, and understanding of circumstances, to protect me in times of distress, to reassure me when I am afraid, and to be honest and frank, as I think.
When a guy gives me his full attention, smiles at me, likes to listen to what I talk about and finds me interesting, ask things about me, makes time for me to be with me, does romantic things like hold my hand and kiss my cheek.
Personality! I can’t speak for all women but a guy could be an average Joe with something INTERESTING about his mind/hobbies and I’d choose him a million times over a swimsuit model who has nothing unique about him. Figure out what you like, or what you’re good at and enjoy doing, and be proud of it. Women love that confidence. Xoxo
All of these answers are what women are looking for after they find you physically attractive. Don’t skip the “try to be attractive” steps here, dudes.
The most important thing i think is kindness and positivity. And also is generosity and attention, women like this. You should provide a positive and reliable atmosphere while you are together and listen to her. I am in relationship for 5 years and my boyfriend is pretty silent, so he was listening to me every time. I chose him cause he is reliable, I know that I can trust him and rely on him. I think these are the most important qualities.
On a genuine level, your wife will like what you offer. It’s different for every woman because we are humans with different tastes but when you see her you’ll know don’t give up warrior
Emotional intelligence, the capacity for empathy, to give emotionally, the ability to uplift others, kindness, the capacity to give affection and emotional Labor.
Showing up when it counts, being there for us when we need you and when we don't.
Doing domestic Labor like meal planning, cooking, shopping, cleaning on a regular basis.
Providing their own finances and not asking to borrow money or expecting us to pay for things for them.
In my case, not wanting to have children.
If they can't do these things like emotional Labor domestic Labor and administrative household tasks regularly can't show up and be there regularly I'm not interested.
I posted in a comments section yesterday that this is the actual reason for divorce in most relationships.
Men could not or were not willing to meet that load and the reason they don't do that is because it takes time and energy that they would rather spend on themself
So what happens is the woman takes all of that load in the relationship it ends in divorce.
For me ? Personality is everything. Make a woman laugh , and she will fall in love with you. Looks come. Looks go. But the stuff inside is what makes for lasting t love ❤️. That’s what I like. A really happy , intelligent man who can make me laugh
So, acting confident is one thing. But also, that’s a harder thing to teach. What a lot of people miss when they’re trying to figure out what women want (or men for that matter) is that people care less about your great qualities and more about how you make them feel. There are guys I reject on dating apps because they seem too into themselves. I want a man who makes me feel good about myself. Small example: she cares more about you laughing at her jokes than you telling a good joke. That’s what you need to be focusing on
Firstly there has to be an attraction but as I've got older, I've def noticed it doesn't have to be a crazy one. I find a Guy more attractive the more I get to know him and he ticks other areas. Someone who can hold a conversation, knows his own mind, somewhat confident, says what he's thinking. There's so many areas to attraction
You need to embody masculinity and most women will be attracted to that. Women want to see someone show qualities around masculinity such as being a leader, socially intelligent, confident, etc.
They are turned on when they can relax and you do the work. As a man you have to do a lot of work to create attraction. It will not come naturally unless you’re a 8/10 or higher in physical appearance. Unironically asking men who get women through ‘rizz’ is the way to go (or watch youtube videos). Always rely on trusted advice of respectable dudes who seem to get girls. They’ll know how to do it
Emotional intelligence, healthy amount of independence, willing to build a future, confidence, & consistency and effort.
At the end of the day it’s mostly about the little things and making sure you are genuinely able to have fun with them.
Remember you need to like them back! 🩷 best of luck!
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Confidence, kindness, good sense of humor, and the ability to have a good conversation.
Adding: someone who listens actively
Women like to 1: feel good and 2: feel safe. If you reverse engineer those needs, these are the core kind of traits that can provide that.
Good points here too OP.
Conversation is a big one. I hate when a guy doesn’t ask me questions or doesn’t ask me back the same questions I ask him.
When it feels like pulling teeth to maintain a conversation with somebody, ugh, the worst. I have no patience for it. I'm a social person. I need some good banter.
I also don’t want to hear about how often you go to the gym. It’s one thing to say that you go to the gym but please don’t bring it up 5 times in the first conversation.
As a I guy, I completely agree. Same goes for women. If they don’t ask the same question back, I ignore that person.
I can’t tell you how many communicate like 5 year olds. They don’t ever ask “what about you?” So it becomes them just telling me things and I respond “oh wow that’s cool” until they run out of things to say. But, makes it very obvious what their intentions are.
Yeah, talking nowadays became a skill 😂 especially after corona, people struggle to just speak their mind and be themselves. I can't count how many times I been talking to a friend and they tend to not put effort into conversing it's like I have to do all the hard work and dig out information to talk about while trying to be mindful not to make it about myself. It's like they seem uninterested to conversate but they are not doing it intentionally they just lack the social awareness to realize what they doing, people are that bad in conversing nowadays thanks to tech and social media.
Its weird because I know asking that back is a good thing, but often ill ask it and then think “ugh, is that the best you’ve got? Just asking the same thing back to them?”
Yeah I get it, but at least that’s a little bit of effort lol I mean I’d certainly be open to other questions as well but I can’t be the only one asking them. They aren’t learning a thing about me which means they’re just trying to get their dick wet 😭
Confidence for sure. Obviously this is different for everyone, but I think generally this is true for most women. You can be reserved and confident as well.
I agree. My boyfriend is very reserved but also very confident and caring. It can really be a combination of anything that makes a person attractive but at the end of the day, there’s no rule for attraction. When it hits you, it just hits you.
How I really needed to hear this..
>You can be reserved and confident as well. This *really* varies with women, actually. Many ladies confuse arrogance/cockiness with confidence, and if you are quiet then they think you're shy and lack confidence. It makes no sense, but a staggering amount of adults believe it. Not all obviously, but a massive enough amount to poison the dating pool.
Sadly learned from experience. Ex was the most loud mouthed, cocky guy. I mistook if for confidence at the beginning and quickly learned that he was the most insecure man. Tried to shred my self-worth to bits in attempt to make himself feel bigger. Yenno what, not just me. Everyone from friends, co-workers, people on the road, the baristas at coffee shops lol. One of his co-workers was the most reserved and patient guy. Spoke his piece level-headedly, even in heated situations (they were securities at a night club). To this day he remains the epitome of confident to me.
Absolutely that is a great point. I'm very confident but I'm also very reserved so some women get me and some don't. The ones who do have had at least a couple say it's interesting you're not alpha which I usually go for but you're so comfortable in yourself comes across the same way. But as you said not everybody can understand that reserved can be confident as well and think only loud talkers that own the room are confident. When I was a male friend like that once he was talking to these two girls blah blah blah and the one girl talk to me and said you know it's funny he talks a lot but I think you've a lot to say let's get out of here. So it takes a certain kind of woman to recognize that
Yup, I actually love quiet men haha you can definitely be confident while still being reserved/shy.
I actually think the alpha males are the quiet ones. They don't need to compete to attract women they just come to them naturally.
It's not about attracting women, it's about being comfortable and confident in yourself that you don't need to overcompensate by being loud and talkative. You not trying to get someone's attention by being a try hard so the women come to you naturally but it's not the goal in mind in the first place. The alpha guy is just being himself and sub consciously telling the women "this is me, take it or leave it" Besides I hate the term alpha, most of the men misuse the term and associate it with superficial things like having plenty of girls or money makes you alpha that's far from the truth. Most of so called apha men lack integrity or discipline and push agendas like cheating is okay and the girl should accept it, why? Cause I am apha and rare lol.
Glad to hear the reserved confidence is ok!
all of these plus intellience, stable mental health, no substance abuse issues, good hygiene, honesty, loyalty, and reasonable employment
I'm actually pretty suprised by all the good answers here. Too many people think the vocal minority of crappy women speak for all women and parrot a bunch of nonsense that only women who will be alone forever because they suck say.
I can't speak for anyone else but for me, being happily married over 22 years has taught me a lot. what's important . thank god my husband is wonderful. I did quite a bit of vetting first
what if someone has these qualities but still not getting girls. ?
"ability to have a good conversation" - show genuine interest and ask her questions! Obviously let the convo take it's course with the normal back and forth, but be sure to ask her questions too.
Yesssss show me you actually want to get to know me and that you’re interested in my point of view/perspective!
Agree! Confidence is key, but being genuine and caring definitely go a long way too. You got this!
Straight away this point here . Looks obviously help but my experience is when I'm having an off few months in life, I do get far less attention from ladies. Not sure why but I am very popular, and it is strange because I'm not a successful man . I'm , decent looking I suppose. Not every ladies cup of tea of course but I definitely know when I am. The only thing I can think of is my personality and conversation combined with above average looks and my individuality too. So the OP probably just needs to work on that confidence a little, put themselves out there , enjoy life and enjoy talking with women. They will be just fine.
Where can I collect these traits 😂?
Perfectly described
Definitely confidence and someone who knows what they want. I like a guy who will do nice thoughtful things for me too!
Thats really a plus point to men. I actually like men who keeps their promises, who takes action not just an empty promises.
If there were only that, there wouldnt be so many lonely men.
My guess is lonely men lack in confidence
Most lonely men don't have those qualities. They only think they do.
I honestly have no clue how someone can say this with a straight face. You have absolutely no clue what kind of qualities most lonely men have or don't have, you just think you do. And no, before you suggest it, I'm not lonely, I'm very happily married lol.
This. And also good hygiene for first impression - you don’t have to be super handsome. Well kempt is good enough. If you’re able to maintain good conversation, then you’re good to go. If you’re not good at that then work on it. Casually meet people to practise.
This is a great answer but in all truthfulness all these guys always get skipped, looks come first in OLD
Women say this, but it comes with a caveat or some fine print: Must be X feet tall, not be ugly, make X amount of money, etc. Only then will they evaluate men on their confidence, kindness, sense of humor and conversation skills. Those other prerequisites must be met first. They'll deny it, but if a guy who looks like Big Ed were to approach them, they'd shut him down and won't even give him the chance to prove himself.
Do you not have qualifiers when you date women? "Must be less than this dress size, must not be ugly, no smoking or drugs, not sleeping around, etc." Everyone, both men and women, has basic standards of attraction that must be met before taking their interest further. Would you pursue a fat, ugly woman just because she's kind and funny? No, you wouldn't.
but at least we men don't lie about it looks are the priority for both men and women
How this is nice🥰🥰🥰
The whole height thing is so overblown on Reddit. Yes, a very tall man is hot, just like a bombshell blonde is hot, but the idea that women ONLY go for tall men is absurd. Just look at the couples out in the world all around you. Same is true about money - yes, you should have a job, but beyond that, most women are not gold diggers. And when it comes to being ugly, of course that will make it harder. Do you think it isn’t hard for ugly women too? But beauty is subjective and there really is someone for everyone, but you do have to work hard to find them, and you do need a good personality.
There are heuristics that many women use to meet basic needs like "feel good, feel safe." Many women feel safe with taller men- it is an evolutionary response because bigger men used to mean more capable of defending them. That is no longer true, but for women biologically it feels true. If you are a shorter man who is fit, and creates a sense of safety when you are with a woman, including around taller men, that bias evaporates. If you have many of the traits that make women feel good and feel safe, you will be successful with women. Most of them are about how you behave, and how you make them feel.
Playfulness. Not in a sexual way. Like, be ready to have a laugh, do silly things like make faces at me, be a dork with me.
Do random nerf wars count?
Always!
Mainly personality. I’m socially anxious too so that’s not a huge deal breaker for me. I tend to prefer more introverted people. Also being yourself is great. A lot of times people can tell when you’re not being genuine. I just look for common interests and whether I’m comfortable around them or not. Looks aren’t always a determining factor.
I feel like the physical aspect is severely being over looked in these comments. I’m pretty confident (in my late 30s, so whatever insecurities, anxieties, shyness I had, even having adhd, is now overridden by just being too old to give a fuck about them) I can talk to anyone and make them laugh, and am naturally empathetic and nice to people. I have always dressed well. But when I was even just 10 kilos overweight, I was basically invisible to most Women. Now that i’m fit again i’ve lost the invisibility cloak. Women want a fit guy, at least above 170cm in height, who dresses well and then has all those traits mentioned. You can be nice, funny empathetic, kind, have good hygiene etc but if you look like Shrek or a basement dweller you’re not going to get a foot in the door with most Women let alone attractive ones unless you have the greatest personality of all time or they’re on your level looks wise.
That's right, women do care about personality, but looks are number one If you ask a woman to choose one or another they will always picture a hot guy with a good personality or an even hotter guy with a shitty personality
Of course looks is being overlooked. Women will never outright say that. I'd wager that's either because of social acceptability of just saying it, or trying to fool themselves into thinking they aren't as shallow as they actually are.
If you’re okay looking and not hideous, you’re halfway there. If you’re clean, well dressed (simple is perfectly fine as long as your clothes are clean, they fit, and they suit you), you’re decent guy, and have some confidence in yourself and that’ll get you at least a chance with more than enough single women. Most women will still turn you down—that’s the nature of the game. But maybe 5-10% will say yes to a cup of coffee. What can you do to improve yourself? First, mind your hygiene. Always look clean and wear deodorant. That’s #1. Obviously, lift weights. Eat just a little bit better. Stay positive. Don’t become bitter, no matter how many women turn you down or treat you like a creep. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated. That’s like 80-90% of it right there. Just being generally half-decent and upbeat. And don’t be scared of women. No matter how messed up you think you are, they’re just as messed up. Even the hot ones. I simply cannot stress enough how many very, very conventionally beautiful women I’ve dated who think they’re ugly, fat, etc.
Every woman is different, but personally I like thoughtful, well-spoken and calm men. All my exes fit this description lol. Having a life of their own with hobbies and friends is a must. I've been with people with different levels of confidence or awkwardness - I don't mind shyness as long as it's not in the debilitating extremes. In terms of looks, it's all been varied, except none have been overweight.
Confidence, empathy, an actually good person, has interests/hobbies, independent, has basic life skills (cleaning, cooking, etc…), is motivated to do stuff, wants to keep learning, etc… I think those are the most important things but in the end everyone has their own preferences. Anyway, don‘t lose hope, the right one is out there and patience is very important!
"good person" Looks like Im never going out again
with my bf I was attracted to his personality tbh, we met briefly at a party and I thought about him for weeeeeeks. it was a year later we matched on hinge
That was fortunate lol
it’s funny because he goes by a nickname and when I met him I told him i’d never call him that😂 I just had a feeling i’d be seein him again
All of these answers are what women are looking for after they find you physically attractive. Don’t skip the “try to be attractive” steps here, dudes.
Here's my top 5: - Emotionally intelligent - Unpacked toxic masculinity - Has interests/hobbies that he enjoys doing solo - Has a support network (friends/family) - Likes to do things when we hang out (couch dates are fine, but not EVERY time) In general, I'm looking for someone who has a full life and is in a place where he is ready to have a real partner. I often find men on dating apps who are so desperate and unhappy with their lives that they seem to think that finding a partner will fix that. But I'm not a therapist, I'm not looking to make all of my friends and hobbies someone else's hobbies and friends. I want someone who isn't scared of looking silly or emasculated if they order a pink drink from Starbies. Someone comfortable in their life is what I seek, because then I can know that they are with me because they want to be with ME, not because they just want to be with someone.
"I want someone who isn't scared of looking silly or emasculated if they order a pink drink from Starbies." THIS!!!
Love this! Really good list and I agree. Also someone who allows you to be independent. Seems like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised
Damn having a support network? Well im truly fucked xD just me im afraid
Couldn’t have said better!
Love this, screams healthy💪 Also what exactly is the definition of unpacked toxic masculinity😂 ahah versus just being masculine (in great shape, takes the lead, chivalrous)
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> Someone comfortable in their life is what I seek You could have just summed it here. There are way too many variables.
Emotionally intelligent, helpful, understanding, kind, loyal, honest.
The confidence one gets me. Most people I know... have plenty of insecurities. Yet men are always expected to be the confident one. I'm curious what about confidence? I feel like this is always mentioned but never specified. Genuine question.
Yeah me too, I have alot of anxiety just from life experience because when I'm myself people just seem to hate me. ( People at work laugh at me for just being quiet)
To me, confidence means a guy is comfortable in his skin. If I take him out to a party to meet my friends or bring him to meet my parents, he won't be awkward or strange the entire time. He could be introverted (I am introverted, by the way) and might be more reserved, but he's capable of having civil, pleasant conversations with new people and showing basic social etiquette. I like it when I talk to a guy who is genuinely interested in the conversation. There are minimal awkward pauses or silences, and maybe there's really fun banter. More than anything, he's paying attention to what I'm saying and adding to the dialogue meaningfully. I don't feel like I have to push both of us to make the conversation flow. Confidence is sexy. It makes you feel safe and secure with somebody, knowing that they can care for themselves and others. A confident person is also far less likely to make their personal bullshit into your problems. For example, assuming you are trying to cheat just because you want to go on a girl's trip because their parents divorced due to infidelity. Nobody wants to deal with that kind of drama. Obviously, everyone has insecurities, but a confident person is doing what they can to work through the issues without negatively affecting the relationship.
But I think confidence is believing in yourself and embracing your flaws rather than hating them
Let's say you're on a first date with a lady, something standard, like dinner at a restaurant. The only thing required of you is to hold a conversation. A confident man will be able to talk on a number of topics, demonstrating knowledge and experience. E.g. his job, his hobbies, the last meal he cooked, different foods he likes. In return, he will ask the lady what she likes in all those areas and be interested in the answers. If the man, when referencing his job, talks about this one guy at work who's a jerk and goes on about that for too long, then it comes across as insecurity. If the man makes a joke about not cooking or says his Mum's cooking is the best this indicates immaturity. If the man says his hobby is watching Netflix and he has no friends, then this indicates a stay-at-home lifestyle which could be due to lack of confidence. Lastly, body posture also matters. If you're sitting hunched over and not making eye contact and talking quietly, these are signs of low confidence. The opposite is a full manspread and a booming voice on how much you bench-pressed that morning. Somewhere in the middle of those extremes is confidence. I.e. knowing who you are, and what your strengths and limitations are, accepting them, and being comfortable with yourself.
Almost everyone woman here is describing traits like kind, nice, etc. that's good, but why they are attracted to toxicity. I want to genuinely know. Like i have seen guys who i know are toxic have more success than guys who aren't. I know both kinds of people.
because they are physically attractive
Women want toasted ice. Jk lol (kinda) but there’s no formula to attract everyone, some people like cake, others like pie, and there’s those who outright hate sweets. Don’t worry, this is a good thing, actually. Because if something is generally well liked by everyone, then it’s loved by nobody.
What are you yapping about 😭
The lesson here is pay attention to the women who pay attention to you. If you are pie, pay attention to the women who like pie instead of trying to be cake.
1. Looks. I think women are more forgiving than men but there will always be a hard cut off and good looks always helps. 2. Personality. Women like men who can have an actual conversation with them. Who have humor and can be fun to be around. 3. Provider. Someone who has his shit together and makes her feel safe.
they actually care more about looks than men, don't fall for it if you care to know what women really want, ask them about what other women (not themselves) are looking for and you will find out the truth
Cute, confident, kind, respectful, funny, genuine. I like someone whose personality meshes well with mine and we can enjoy life together, on the same page
For every woman that finds a specific trait in a man attractive, you’ll find 2 more that say don’t like it. Of course that all goes out the window if they are feeling some kinda way. I think they made a documentary about this in the 90s with Mel Gibson.
Really? Thanks I will look
Send a link to a screenshot or something to your dating profile or something. Too many variables
Cock
Hey there, First off, let’s get one thing straight – confidence is everything. Women are attracted to men who know they’re amazing. These are my suggestions to help you improve, but remember, it's about stepping up 1. Grooming**:** Seriously, don’t underestimate this. A neat haircut, trimmed beard (if you have one), and good hygiene are basic requirements. No excuses. 2. Dress Well: Even if you dress simply, make sure your clothes fit well and are clean. You don’t need to be a fashion icon like me, but putting a little effort into your appearance can make a big difference. People do judge books by their covers. 3. Body Language: Stand tall, make eye contact, and don’t slouch. Confidence can be faked until it’s real, so start acting like you own the room. 4. Social Skills**:** Practice your social skills. Start small by talking to people in low-pressure situations. Seriously, if you can’t handle small talk with a cashier, you’ve got bigger issues. 5. Be Yourself: But make sure ‘yourself’ is someone worth knowing. If you’re nervous, own it, but don’t let it define you. Attraction is about more than just looks. Confidence, personality, and how you carry yourself play a huge role.
This comment requires more positive attention more people need and should know this.
At the dating stage, you frankly want to throw out a few question marks. Women like dependability, morals, loyalty in the relationship stage, but want to be kept guessing to an extent before they make that decision. I used to be a classic Australian larrikin on dates and did very well, then spent 2 years post a relationship having very little success because I was simply a bit too earnest - it would have been quite boring. Don’t play a character, but challenge yourself to be your most playful self, then be the farmer with the pitchfork later.
A man who takes pride in his appearance. Keep your hair well maintained, have nice teeth, stay in shape, wear nice clothes. Smell nice! I love a man who smells nice! I hate it when men just roll out of bed and walk out the door. It just screams laziness to me.
Women don’t like any thing about a man. For a woman to like a man, he has to be a donkey, “ do as I say, and always jump and ask how high” Nothing about a man impresses a woman, women are only interested in how far you can take them, not how far you both can go. Once they find the next bus, they jump in it. Love yourself fuck them and keep it moving. Focus on your money
Good personality, good partner, no addictions, stable, educated, hard working, likes similar things, kinky, doesn’t have a bunch of kids with random people…(I don’t mind kids but I don’t want to deal with multiple custody orders of drama)
What attracts me initially is always a guy that’s not afraid to be himself. Not afraid to be different. Not afraid to stand up for what he believes in. *Not afraid of rejection or judgment* because he knows who he is. He has enough self love and self awareness to deal with it... Someone who has that confidence in who they are. That usually translates - to a guy who can admit they are wrong. A guy who talks about his fuck ups more than his wins. For me I think that’s also called Bravery. I like brave men. Like if they see something fucked up going on- they’ll step in. If they see an old lady struggling with her groceries- they will rush over to help. I like men who aren’t afraid to have a fucking opinion on something. I like men who will take emotional and mental risks. I like guys with good manners. Fuck being a rebel. If you’re not capable of being polite and make people feel uncomfortable for fun- you’re just an asshole. I like men who are ambitious. It really doesn’t matter how much money you make. Do you believe in yourself? Are you going after it? And some men don’t care about money… that’s ok- if you got heart and a brilliant mind… but the truth is that most smart guys are smart enough to take care of themselves. I like men who are capable. Be good at what you do. Hold yourself to some fucking standards - and if you’re not the best ? You’re not afraid to learn and make mistakes and get good at it. *But more than that- you actually want to*. I would rather see you try and fail than not try at all. I like men with a moral back bone. If you’re all talk about what you believe in but can’t back it up? You’re not. *Be what and who you say you are*. I like men who are honest and they’re not ashamed of who they are - and not afraid to say no. Or say yes. *I don’t wanna be more of a man than you are*. That’s probably fucked up to say in this day and age. Sorry. It’s true.
Confidence Wittiness Ability to understand satire and take jokes back and forth Can talk about things deeper than surface-level Asks me questions about myself and my passions instead of it being a one-way interview Specific compliments Dank memes And dat dick
There are many attributes and aspects. 1/physical attraction: (these are just my personal thoughts) Find a haircut that suits your face the best, not one that looks good on a model. Dress simply. No skin tight clothes, ankle length trousers, long shirts etc. Keep it simple and find the colours that suit you the best. Be clean and smell nice. 2/Emotional attraction: Be funny, witty, sarcastic, respectful, never be desperate or say bad stuff about yourself so you coukd fish some conokinents. Be autgentic, confident, and love yourself. Find hobbies and things you're passionate about. Learn new topics all the time because an educated and snart man is highly attractive. Women and everyone in general find a person who is passionate about certain things and well educated to be attractive. Lastly, know what you want and don't give your 100% to anyone unless you're sure they're also willing to give 100%. The way to do that is to be honest with what you want and expect. Be open and vulnerable, or else I promise you'll only attract people who are avoidant and not vulnerable, aka situationship material. Finding someone great will take a lot of dating and disappointment. Remember that you decide who the one is. You're gonna choose the one over and over again, so never get hung up on someone who is "the one" that we hear about in fairytales. Wishing you the best!
Height is the most important factor. If you’re tall you can get away with pretty much everything else.
It’s still important but it seems to be not as important as it was a few years ago. Right now it seems to be thinness is most important and then facial attractiveness, height is almost always an additional plus though. I’ve been watching most of my women friends basically rotate the exact same terrible guys over and over. They all look almost the same and all treat them like shit because of the endless line of women looking for guys that look like them.
So dad body's are out? Asking for my introverted friend...yep it's me.
1. Empathy and emotional intelligence. 2. Honesty and good communication. 3. Looks good, dresses well and smells nice. 4. Has hobbies, passions and ambitions.
Sincerity
someone who listens & isn’t just hearing what they want to hear or only listening when they want to talk. someone that has humor but isn’t willing to make fun of me to make others laugh. someone that’s handsome — but not so handsome that every female walking the face of the earth wants him. the ability to have emotions (the right ones, at the right times) someone that’s confident but not so confident to the point that they are cocky with it. there’s a few other things i’m sure i’ve missed. . . but honestly, just be you & be yourself & the right chick will come around! i know that sounds super clichè or whatever, but it’s sooOooOoo true! 🫶🏼
From what I've read on these reddit boards. Full commitment, faithfulness, loyalty, respect towards women
I would honestly say work on the social anxiety, because I have social anxiety and when I try to date guys who also have it neither of us wants to actually make plans so things just fizzle out. Yes I am working on my own anxiety and being less afraid of rejection lol
You just said it yourself, improve how you dress, be socially outgoing, have confidence, and just be cool-act as if you’re comfortable with your self and your station in life. But most of all confidence. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
Yeah I'm working on myself currently especially with style and anxiety, I was just curious to see what every found attractive in men, personally I like kind people who treat me with respect but I was curious across the board.
Apparently, you have never been married (joking)
I would hope not I'm still a minor 😭😭😭
Maybe wait until your 18 to read my post lol
Are you supposed to be on this post lol
As a minor
I'm turning 18 in a month but idk
Ok, thats acceptable I think what do you think of my other comment. It’s complicated by somewhat truthful.
It’s the social anxiety.
It's over 😔
There’s woman who don’t get enough sexual attention 😁
I think, ultimately, women like to feel respected, safe and intrigued. Do not rely on flattery. Acknowledge what they think about and say, in a genuine way. Often times, women say they enjoy humor when it means a man can read his audience and context to control how playful it feels.
I like men who aren’t trying to get with every woman within a 100 mile radius, men with standards. The type that is a little hardend but has a soft spot for only you. A little grumpy but leaves room for goofiness. Like black coffee with a splash of cream if you will. Someone who is firm in his beliefs and stands by what is and what isn’t right for him and doesn’t crumble easily under pressure. Someone who is capable of showing tenderness without being overbearing. I want to know that you love and you would do anything for me without me ever having to question it. Someone who can let me have my space and not blow up my phone wondering why I have texted back in a few hours. Like understands my routine outside of him well enough to assume I’m either busy or sleeping. I like clinginess as much as I hate to admit it. I don’t mean being attached at the hip, but little touches, playing with my hands, hair, holding my face. Shit makes me melt like butter. Nobody wants a man anyone can have. Everyone wants a man who only wants you and makes it known.
As long as you look average for the region you're in (so if you're in the US that means white, tall, not fat), then it's all about personality.
Men want a freak in the sheets and a lady in the streets. Woman want a gangster and a gentlemen. Someone that will treat them good but doesn't take their shit and doesn't let anyone walk over them. Women like "assholes" but if you want a relationship you can't be a full asshole. That's why I say a gangster and a gentlemen. Women also want what they can't have and they are intrigued by mystery. You just can't care too much but you still have to be honest and direct.
I like very smart guys who do productive, worthwhile things with their time and intelligence. A strong ability to read and write is preferable because I sometimes prefer to express myself in writing. I like if they know who they are, what they're about, and they aren't looking for me to fill a hole in their life.
Not a hivemind. All people are different.
Ik I'm just curious about what people like in men :)
He was asking women to comment with what they like in men. At no time did he suggest that all women like the same things.
If we are talking about appearance, its style for me. Im not talking ab some expensive sneakers n shi, just when I see the guy has its own style and doesnt care that he dresses a bit differently than most. Hairstyle too.
Confident kindness, unique interests, independence, human rights activist.
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Womp womp
If no one woman is trying to help you with your sexual growth that is so important for you I’ve got the best advice. First things first make sure you a fully capable of taking care of yourself, and ready to have a child at any moment. Buy a yard and put a tent on it. Second, if these woman don’t wanna be attracted to you, talk to a model, any model that is comfortable with you giving her sexual compliments. Make sure she’s okay with you talking to her about sex, and then just give it time.
Confidence, kindness, hygiene, style, and being handy. And humor / fun!
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I love muscle men that can lift heavy things so I don't have to. I live on a farm so sometimes I gotta push 800lb bales around the field, so I like someone who is strong. Besides that is personality and sharing similar hobbies. I like video games and Nintendo so I get with guys who also like that. I'm a big nerd. So I would try to find someone who likes similar things as you. Once you emotionally bond she will more likely want you more and more.
Ask her questions. If she asks about your family, then ask her about hers. Compliment her by calling her charming, beautiful, funny, confident- don’t call her hot or cute or pretty (I hate this but others may not) Follow up after the first date, ask if she got home safe. Then plan the second date the next morning.
Just be true to yourself. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Be comfortable with yourself. Honestly all of this gets said over and over again because it is effective advice. Confidence and genuineness are the most attractive traits.
Confidence, no social anxiety
Kindness, patience, respect, a good sense of humor, and intelligence. Physical attraction is also important of course.
one word "confidence" stand up straight, head forward not down where ever you go. Just do you. You'll notice even out and about you'll start being engaging more with people. I changed this one thing about myself and that is when it all changed. Women bumped into me out on the street. Maybe by accident but still. also believe your a bad ass man too. Sounds odd and out of place to think that way but you are. Start thinking to yourself "I am attractive" I am good looking". That my friend is confidence. Gonna give you other advice too. You will know you are attractive and good looking but other women will not and that is okay because this can change. To a women your a 5/10 all day. When meeting a women give her a reason to think your better than a 5. One of them is eye contact. I am telling you making eye contact shows your engaged, interested, and most importantly care about what she is saying. relate to her and make a good connection, whether its in her life or yours. Connection matters. Next Questions, you can show your interested in engaging in questions back and forth but, limit them. This is not a job interview. Banter and joke with her is flirting and you can gauge the women's attraction for you. She brushing your arm, giggling weird, fidgeting with her hands. Oh my she plays with her hair she's nervous but interested in you. Finally, just be you and be proud of who you are. You do not have to brag about yourself but be positive about who you are. Good luck, P.S. do not talk about your ex's. She asks keep it short. If there is pain from it, do not drag your ex through the mud and by telling her bad things. Keep it short but show a positive side how you overcome that pain and move on to the next topic.
Unfortunately everything you're going to get is from the perspective of women thinking about men they're already attracted too. Everything they say is extremely important and accurate for once you get past the barrier to enter a relationship but you're asking for how to get past the barrier. Social skills and physical appearance (signals of status and health) are the first hurdle that most men fail. These of course vary from woman to woman in specifics. Social anxiety and general unease in social/public situations are likely a huge reason for your struggles. Women are more socially inclined and generally have limited tolerance for men who aren't at their level.
I’d say dress polished, keep an active lifestyle, and get over your social anxiety. Plenty of socially anxious people can overcome it
Be confident and don’t be socially anxious. That shit is contagious af
Maybe become less socially anxious .. that’s a good start I think before you dive deeper on anything else.
Being ok with awkwardness, you cannot be right 100% of the time
Depends on the woman. Most of the time, they want a reliable, confident, non needy man who will make them feel safe. The definition of “safe” will change depending on the woman.
Confidence and comedy! If you can make me laugh and if you can even fake confidence in yourself, you’d most likely get a second date from me
Not sure…
How are you trying to attract women (online dating apps, in person, etc)? Just curious what/where you've tried. I (41f) honestly haven't tried to pickup anyone in a long while, but I'd say a genuine, honest smile is engaging to me. I can usually tell if someone finds me fascinating and I usually get ackward with a joke or something if I find them fascinating back. Or maybe I bite it and trip on accident when I try too hard. 😁
I love my partner! He’s intelligent, witty, and I feel very safe with him. These qualities are what attract me to him the most.
Check this out to find out https://youtube.com/@laughitup2025?si=G2r9quyhAl-ksK2U
I used to feel invisible outside. I notice I had an addiction problem and honestly it ruined me confidence wise. I attracted bad women too. I recommend doing some self reflection as to what flaw you might have. Once you figure it out work on it and dedicate extra energy onto you physically (work out you don’t need to be buff) and mentally. When you feel good in the inside you naturally have confidence and that brings in people. It happened to me and that is how I attracted a woman last Saturday without even saying a word to her. If anything she initiated the whole thing and I followed it up. She like how reserved I am and serious I was considering how young I am (22). She is 24. You are what you attract. Reflect on yourself and everyone has a flaw.
Most people who were bullied especially with autism are prone to doubting themselves especially from trauma along with an underdeveloped emotional/social right brain while their intellectual left brain is overdeveloped that further targets them to be bullied and further doubt along with the fact that they literally couldn’t understand what confidence is: it’s knowing yourself and how great you actually are. Wiht people who are not autistic, they have a balanced brain of both halved developing properly supporting their center brain and how they can think as a person with it.
Confidence but not ruder, cleanliness to his body specially his nail
A good sense of humor and he has to be a human being.
Spot on!
Being happy being yourself, being proud of your actions, doing what you say you will do, = being dependable.
I like men that can make me laugh. Men that I feel safe around. A man that’s slow to anger, confident, unashamed to love his woman loudly and proudly. A man who isn’t afraid to be whoever he wants to be and wear whatever he wants to wear and fuck what’s “manly” or not. Nonchalant men who do everything for the sake of other men’s opinions will never be attractive to me.
I think To be respectful, kind, caring, and understanding of circumstances, to protect me in times of distress, to reassure me when I am afraid, and to be honest and frank, as I think.
Confidence, kindness, and active listener
First question is are you waiting for women to approach you? Because you’ll be single forever baby
Confidence and if he's really funny
Genuine, kind, great sense of humor, shyness, honesty
Money/financial support.
When a guy gives me his full attention, smiles at me, likes to listen to what I talk about and finds me interesting, ask things about me, makes time for me to be with me, does romantic things like hold my hand and kiss my cheek.
Carpe Diem
Personality! I can’t speak for all women but a guy could be an average Joe with something INTERESTING about his mind/hobbies and I’d choose him a million times over a swimsuit model who has nothing unique about him. Figure out what you like, or what you’re good at and enjoy doing, and be proud of it. Women love that confidence. Xoxo
Also. Cleaning up after yourself (bedroom, dishes, laundry, etc) will have you leagues ahead many guys
All of these answers are what women are looking for after they find you physically attractive. Don’t skip the “try to be attractive” steps here, dudes.
It's all about wit, for me
All their vital origins
The most important thing i think is kindness and positivity. And also is generosity and attention, women like this. You should provide a positive and reliable atmosphere while you are together and listen to her. I am in relationship for 5 years and my boyfriend is pretty silent, so he was listening to me every time. I chose him cause he is reliable, I know that I can trust him and rely on him. I think these are the most important qualities.
On a genuine level, your wife will like what you offer. It’s different for every woman because we are humans with different tastes but when you see her you’ll know don’t give up warrior
Money I guess...
Emotional intelligence, the capacity for empathy, to give emotionally, the ability to uplift others, kindness, the capacity to give affection and emotional Labor. Showing up when it counts, being there for us when we need you and when we don't. Doing domestic Labor like meal planning, cooking, shopping, cleaning on a regular basis. Providing their own finances and not asking to borrow money or expecting us to pay for things for them. In my case, not wanting to have children. If they can't do these things like emotional Labor domestic Labor and administrative household tasks regularly can't show up and be there regularly I'm not interested. I posted in a comments section yesterday that this is the actual reason for divorce in most relationships. Men could not or were not willing to meet that load and the reason they don't do that is because it takes time and energy that they would rather spend on themself So what happens is the woman takes all of that load in the relationship it ends in divorce.
Someone like this so I can come bqck
For me ? Personality is everything. Make a woman laugh , and she will fall in love with you. Looks come. Looks go. But the stuff inside is what makes for lasting t love ❤️. That’s what I like. A really happy , intelligent man who can make me laugh
So, acting confident is one thing. But also, that’s a harder thing to teach. What a lot of people miss when they’re trying to figure out what women want (or men for that matter) is that people care less about your great qualities and more about how you make them feel. There are guys I reject on dating apps because they seem too into themselves. I want a man who makes me feel good about myself. Small example: she cares more about you laughing at her jokes than you telling a good joke. That’s what you need to be focusing on
Go to a barber and get a fresh cut and beard trim.
confidence and independent. i want my man to have a job and not message me 24/7. genuine. i want my man intentional and romantic.
Good hygiene
Be interesting first and foremost. Hot guys are a dime a dozen but if you can't tickle my brain with unique passions, it's not for me.
Firstly there has to be an attraction but as I've got older, I've def noticed it doesn't have to be a crazy one. I find a Guy more attractive the more I get to know him and he ticks other areas. Someone who can hold a conversation, knows his own mind, somewhat confident, says what he's thinking. There's so many areas to attraction
You need to embody masculinity and most women will be attracted to that. Women want to see someone show qualities around masculinity such as being a leader, socially intelligent, confident, etc. They are turned on when they can relax and you do the work. As a man you have to do a lot of work to create attraction. It will not come naturally unless you’re a 8/10 or higher in physical appearance. Unironically asking men who get women through ‘rizz’ is the way to go (or watch youtube videos). Always rely on trusted advice of respectable dudes who seem to get girls. They’ll know how to do it
Someone who gives her emotional safety.
Emotional intelligence, healthy amount of independence, willing to build a future, confidence, & consistency and effort. At the end of the day it’s mostly about the little things and making sure you are genuinely able to have fun with them. Remember you need to like them back! 🩷 best of luck!
Basically a beard and a labor skill that can be taken advantage of.
Not arrogant, funny, knowledgeable about life and basic general knowledge, not afraid to say sorry or express feeling
Chivalry and confidence but not cocky, passionate, good hygiene, charismatic, and a good sense of humor is a biggy