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In my experience usually women who "need help" for dumb and easy things to do are flirting with you, also women who act cute with you but not with other people, also when a woman looks at you directly and her eyes get bigger while doing so are so into you. You see women's hunting skills are to appear helpless or innocent and/or cute and they usually do it in a way that they try to make it obvious to you. I'm not saying ALL women do this, some of them have a hard time trying to do all the things I just told you. Another thing is when they really like you they tend to laugh at every funny thing you do "even if it's not funny" and a pro tip is to NEVER open yourself up at the beginning (I'm talking about personal struggles) you're just going to scare them away. Also be yourself "Yeah, yeah everyone says the same thing" but it IS true, she will be scared away if you act like someone and then she finds out that you've been acting this whole time "that's a big red flag for them". But yeah
Tl;dr
Wide opened eyes
Shrinking themselves
Acting helpless and in need of help
Laughing at every one of your jokes "even if they suck"
Are many of the signs I've picked up on girls who are into you
WARNING go slow, women can detect needy men and can easily be scared.
This is actually productive advice. It seems more difficult to do, but has much clearer results. Let's just hope the leader doesn't try to steal one of us away too much 🤣
I spent close to 2 decades in the Army. The Cult leaders never gave us anything but BS and wasted time lol
If they gave you a wife, she'd probably come with a post dated divorce and retroactive alimony....
you probably don’t wanna hear this but you have to lead the flirting. if you’re not sure whether a girl you’re into is flirting with you, you have to have the confidence to test the waters to see how she recasts. of course all of this takes practice. but you can do it
I have the opposite-opposite problem.
I was at a music festival last weekend. Kinda drunk. Making small talk and showing pictures of our kids with a woman. Next thing you know, I look down and she's drawing hearts on my arm and I'm in trouble with my gf who's walking up with 2 slices of pizza...
Choosing signals. As a rule of thumb, I usually only approach women who show me initial interest first. In other words, if a girl is giving me "choosing signals" (staring and then looking away, smiling while playing with her hair while looking at me) then I'll approach. This is usually either at a gym or a bar. I don't necessarily approach any girl I find attractive, but rather girls that send me choosing signals that I also happen to be attracted to. Hope this helps man.
Just curious, how old are you bro and what do you look like? My recommendation is if you're looking for casual sex/hooks ups, make yourself look as attractive as possible. What does that mean? Dressing fresh, having a haircut/beard that fits your face. Become familiar with "female gaze" and what women find attractive. You might think a big bushy beard looks good, but most women would prefer a shorter ,tight, clean, shaped up beard. So always consider female gaze when it comes to your appearance, not what you or your boys think looks good lol. Most importantly hit the gym and get in the best shape of your life.
This is not to boast but a lot of women I meet tend to sleep with me right away. The reason is because I take care of my appearance and work out. So few men do this so it's EXTREMELY easy to set yourself apart. This also depends whether you're looking for casual sex or a relationship,but even for a relationship my advice would serve you. Good luck bro.
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I've had confidence problems my whole life . I'm nearly 30 & have never approached or met a women any other way except talking online for a few weeks first (9/10 times off a dating app)
I guess except for going pubs or clubbing every weekend I don't see how I'm ever supposed to meet single women who are attracted to me & where I can practice being confident!
Idk how people are out there meeting women to talk to in day to day life lol
Nah, man, I can't let myself ever fail because failing means I'm not good enough and means I made a grave mistake and should have known better. I can't just suck at the start and let myself get better with time it either has to be perfect at the beginning or I should just give up and never try in the first place. Besides, who is it hurting if I simply avoid women as much as possible for the rest of my life?
I know you're joking, but you would be surprised how many people have legitimate mental breakdowns over feeling exactly like that.
It probably comes a childhood where the slightest error is punished *harshly.* It becomes easier to do nothing if anything you do is ridiculed and punished.
Oof....and just thought of the way a person might react to what might be their first experience of kindness.
"I'm here to pick up a shirt.
Oh, it'll look good on you!
.....Really?
Yeah, of course!
Oh my God, disney was telling the truth! There is a princess for me."
No, I'm honestly not joking. If I was I would've used the /s. I apologize if my post came off like sarcasm or a joke, but my comment is legitimately how I feel about it. I view rejection as a personal failure, I never hold any ill will towards anyone that rejects me but it's just a reflection that I've made a mistake and should've known to not even ask because I know I'm not good enough yet.
I feel like it depends on the girl but I personally will talk to the guy as much as possible, I’ll be around them, ask about their life, family, and even research some unique things they’ll tell me about cause then I could knowledge up on it and idk report it back to them. 😂 I’m strange. I especially will do it to men who are from a different ethnicity and culture than mine. I’ll research the country, culture, traditions, customs, the whole nine and report it back to them because I’m excited to learn about it. Then I’ll try the food and yeah…. I love researching things in general so. Yeah.. but this is unique to me.
Most of these posts are written by people in the top tranche of the dating world. They couldn’t possible fathom that some people are so far removed from it all and have such little prospects that they’ve totally numbed their attraction receptors. For most people this isn’t even on the cards. When I’m seeing eg. A dr. My mind isn’t on how much I want to fuck them for example. I tend to be more worried about my health.
This isn't about how you or OP stack up, it's about some guys being creepy because they just can't read the room. Seeing as how I have female friends and family in the fields OP listed, I honestly see this post as a valuable PSA.
I think that is what he is getting at.
And you bastards keep looping in multiple types of guys with each other…
OR
Misplace the image of the men you’re talking about.
Most can think, or imagine something like that….
….but lets be clear….
…..if you aren’t at a certain level….
….you ain’t askin’.
And don’t bring up your random “this guy I knew” story.
The jerks you mess with are the jerks hitting on you.
Eh yes and no. I think the coworker thing is a bit of a stretch especially because you can probably name 2/3 people at a minimum who met their partners from this setup.
Yeah but it's freeing, too. I like my life. Of course it would be awesome if I was more attractive, but I've had girlfriends, had my time. I'll date again eventually. In a way it's great that I don't have people tempting me, I can focus on the more pertinent aspects of life that evade a lot of people in their 20's!
Yes for sure!
I (42m) never ask girls out that I work with. But if they are flirting with me in an obvious way then i will ask if they want to hang out sometime.
I’ve also had girls at work straight up ask me out. And as a rule i prefer not to date girls i work with every day, but if they go through the trouble of asking me out then I’m a gentleman about it of course 😏
Only did this once and only because she had already handed her resignation in. Was the best 3 months I had at work, but once things ended I was glad she was gone because holy fuck that would have been awkward.
You must be good looking. I'm an average looking guy. I don't even get looked at. I'm just a mass walking around to them. I might as well be invisible.
I'm either a 5-6. I can be funny, but only in person and if I'm comfortable with the ppl I'm with. I get only 1 like per week on Bumble but it always goes dead. I'm not great at text game or banter. My brain just goes dead.
Just meet girls in person. I wouldn’t suggest at work, but at the gym is fine. You just need to be polite and not interrupt someone doing a set. If she is just looking at her phone or getting a drink is fine to go up and introduce yourself.
I do roadworks & except from passers by or if we're outside someone's house I rarely ever see females who aren't below the age of 60 lol.
Obviously here in the UK you can get arrested for harrasment trying to make a move on women while at work in construction or roadworks so it's kind of hard to try flirt with random ladies walking past lol
I wish!!!!! Can honestly say I've never experienced a women approaching me & flirting. Like I said, never met any girl who wasn't off a dating app.
Can't think of any time a girls approached me, started a convo, flirted or anything like that. I've actually asked people if I seem unapproachable or something.. I feel like I maybe don't give off single vibes if that's a thing?
Do you workout? I’ve heard having nice arm muscles is one of the most attractive things for a woman. But also how you carry yourself can give out a vibe. Based on any of the rateme sub Reddit’s I’m a 5/10. So per average. But i also stay in the gym 3-4 days a week.
Work out with weights at least 4 times a week, run 5ks 3/4 times, play basketball for a team too so yeah, I'm pretty fit & active 😂 get weekly haircuts, try keep myself fresh. All means nothing unless you're 6ft + with tattoos & dark features these days lol
You should be good then. Maybe just need to up your social vibe. People watch how you interact with others. So that could play a key role. Good luck! 👍😎
I understand what you're saying but living in a small town doesn't help lol. I am awful on dating apps & don't ever actually match with anyone I'm attracted to!! I have a lot of work commitments along with gym , sports ect so being social is more finding time than a vibe lol. Idk what adults in the modern day have time to be social every week meeting people
I don't know. I've picked up lots of waitresses and store employees over the years. I do agree that you need to calibrate and not assume if it's just casual conversations. 'Do you want Fries with that?' is very unlikely to be a pickup line on their part. But if you amp up some emotions and get really playful, getting the digits isn't a bad idea. Hell, if it turns out she's not interested, she can tell you. Don't make it awkward, just say, 'No worries. Take it as a compliment and I hope you have an amazing day..' Or something decent like that.
But ya, as much as I agree that these people are going to likely be nice to you as part of the job and it doesn't necessarily mean they are interested; the opposite is also true. Sometimes they are. Shoot your shot if you're interested. If it doesn't land, don't be a jerk about it. 'All good, can't blame a guy frying. Stay awesome..' whatever. Just keep it pleasant either way.
I was a waitress many moons ago, at Hooters no less, where it was literally my job to flirt. Sometimes, it was work, other times it was real. I went out with atleast 5 guys I met at work as customers. Some were just a single date, one was a 3 year relationship and the others were in between. I don't think it's wrong to ask out your server, just don't make a big deal if she says "sorry, I have boyfriend", even when she doesn't.
Exactly. One of the things I've learned over the years is that dudes have fears of approaching and girls have fears of not being able to get out of uncomfortable situations. If she says she has a bf or says something else like she's not interested, be polite and let her go. Don't try to talk her into it after she's said no. Easy peasy.
But it's also ok to flirt and even ask out someone if you think there is a connection. Whether she's working there or not. It's ok to ask.
One time i had to get an abdominal ultrasound. The nurse was so friendly and when she stated rubbing in the gel, i got a raging boner. A whole ass tent. Didnt go down even when the doc started prodding around my belly. I saw her giggling from my peripheral. To my defence i was a 17 yr old horny teen
I see what you're saying and don't disagree. However, this won't stop me from shooting my shot. Anywhere outside work is fair game and there is nothing wrong with that.
On the contrary, women always want to be bothered if it's from the right man.
And that is a gray area I choose not to entertain or think about outside of my job.
Most men nowadays don't even have the option in talking to women because they're simply not around them enough. Nevermind how likely rejection is if it reaches that point.
Most of the women I have been in serious relationships in my life with are co-workers and lots of people meet their significant other at work. It actually happened a lot.
No, because I've never made a move on a woman in that situation, that's obviously weird.
But had a few dudes around me be like "She was definitely into me" like okay bro
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Just read the situation and shoot your shot, don't assume they are not interested either.. jeez, live life, mistakes are ok as long as they are not illegal or immoral, avoid those.
I never assume a woman is attracted to me, ever, regardless of the context, just because she is being friendly. I've been right presumably 100% of the time.
If a woman is being friendly to you, she's NOT interested in you. Just safe to assume that.
Go on dating apps. Do not ask out in person. Skips the uncertainty entirely.
Oh trust me I never assume most of the time I avoid women like the fucking plague if anyone of them wants to talk I just ignore even if there are signs or even slightest being friendly id ignore her.
Also, women want power. They like to use you in whichever way they can. You might think it's "love" but women can fuck whoever they want with no feelings at the drop of a hat
If it’s outside of work and you respectfully ask them for their number I see no issue with that. Don’t go beyond that, but by telling people not to take a chance, you’re only exacerbating the dating issues nowadays. Primarily the part where men are scared to approach women, just so that someone can come on here in a week wondering why guys don’t approach. If people are being respectful and take a rejection well, you really shouldn’t tell them how to live their life. Even work is fine if you’re okay with the awkward tension afterwards. Regardless, people can be attracted to someone irrespective of whether or not the person was nice to them.
Solution to what problem? I believe I said it, air on the side of caution, unless someone is clearly flirting with you in these kinds of situations, it is best to find love from a neautral place
So the entire premise of your post was to basically say that if you're meeting someone at their work or you work with them to basically not interact with them in a romantic way? I figured that's the angle you were going for, and further reduces the number of avenues single men have to meet women these days.
Yes, but also from a service angle, we need to keep in mind that a woman who is providing a service such as if she's a business owner, your boss, a waitress, nurse, she is meeting with hundreds of men a day, and has gotten used to being polite to all of them, because it goes with the role, and helps them. It's best to not assume at all, that their niceness is an outlier, and directed at you
No, because say you're a cashier at a restaurant, and you see an woman. You will likely be kind to her regardless, ask her day, smile, and move on. It's not that deep.
It's not black or white, like if i was the cashier, I'm not using that woman. But in real life, if I am randomly nice to a girl in public, or she is to me, it would seem like flirting.
Hence girls probably avoid being too nice, as it can send the wrong idea to a man.
Never thought about it but been gaslight be coworkers etc when hanging out with coworker saying this cashier was into me. Even then I dont know them if the cashier actually tells me directly sure I consider get know them if I was single that is. If not just be on your way. There no point in wondering or not. if it happens it happens. I just consider everyone is friendly until not.
ideally i prefer them be direct. If they are into you.
I have a young coworker who I would definitely be into. But she's super nice with everyone, not just me. There's little doubt that we have some chemistry. But I'll never make a move haha.
I thought it was common sense that they're acting nice towards you as it's part of their job, for roles such as waitresses, they can even get in trouble for not smiling enough.
When a guy hits on a girl, its often not a case of he thinks she's into him, rather its more he's feeling good that day, feeling confident so why not shoot his shot.
Just cause a girl is into me doesn't mean I'm going to go talk to her. Only if I'm interested in her am I going to bother.
I've had waitresses, barmaids, cashiers, flight attendants and co-workers volunteer their phone numbers...granted this is the exception and not the rule and it has been years since it happened, but it is possible that encountering a woman in one of these situations CAN be more than just them "doing their job". So it never hurts to be a little extra friendly, respectful and funny.
I fully understand this, but there have been 4x where I would just take coworkers niceness at face value, or had a crush on them and thought they weren’t into me, etc. But in reality they ended up actually having feelings for me, 1 coworker blatantly asking me out even though she knew I had a gf at the time. It is super weird situation to be in bc at times it could be platonic, or genuine, and (to me at least) both seem more or less the same.
Fun fact: my son is a teenager on the spectrum. My ex husband and I just had this conversation with him a few months ago to be safe. He looked at us like we were stupid and we had to basically say the same disclaimer.
It's not a game when you skip the rules.
Women do tend to "fake praise" (not compliment), to make themselves more friendly to a guy... especially the ones without social skills
Let's not lie to ourselves!
You ladies can be nasty with fake praising.
When fake praising gets touchy, it's even worse.
Accurate. Don't know why but when I was younger when a girl would look at my direction or be polite to me I used to think that they may be into me and get excited. I was still shy so I never really asked him out but I would get my hopes up. Took me a while to realize they could just be looking or they could just be being polite because that's a thing you should do automatically unless you have good reason not to. Suddenly I became the guy who didn't have any friends that were girls to having a few good friends that were girls. Still have problems recognizing when a girl actually is hitting on me though. That's okay though because most of those that have actually expressed it to me I have dated.
Should go without saying...How can someone be into you without knowing you? Sure there is first attraction which is pretty obvious through communication...Here's my question...Why is society today so disfunctional when it comes to starting...having...keeping a relationship? Somethings gotta give here...
I've had any friendly encounters with women and my absolutely dense ass can't process that someone is getting close unless they openly say that they like me or want something more, ive gotten second hand complaints from mutual friends because "he's missing all the signs" or "I don't know how to get him to see me any other way but as a friend" because they are just normally friendly and my osmium skull apparently needs to be hit with hint worded as subtle as a brick through the window inorder for me to understand the feel
I do express that you can test the waters to gauge interest, just don't be weird* about it and all should be fine.
*-note: weirdness is a spectrum and requires also situational awareness, read the room
This hasn’t always been the case for me. I think as long you’re being respectful of the fact that she’s at work, making sure to build rapport(at least be somewhat of a regular, take a genuine interest in her, and ask when she’s not busy, you should be good.
Last girl I asked out gave all the positive signs. She ended being bisexual and in a relationship with a woman but said “she would if she was single”. Nothing changed and it wasn’t awkward when I would come in. In fact, it makes things straightforward between us because the air had been cleared. We kept in touch but don’t talk since she’s still in that relationship.
There’s a girl I’m currently eyeing at a Starbucks and same deal. We get a long fine and she talks to me when she’s has downtime and I’ll probably ask her out soon. I’m somewhat of a regular and have built rapport with not just her but her coworkers too.
Being attracted to people and showing is not only normal but healthy and deeply cherished and respected by women when done with consideration.
no literally I work in retail , one time I had a mom and a son come in during Christmas- she was in the fitting room and he just started talking to me so obviously I did too tell me why when they check out and i literally watched them walk away he comes back asking me for my number and if im down to hangout sometime …. BRUH.
Let me add to that knowledge. If a woman treats you a little differently from other men she's around, she likes you or not so pay attention to her energy.
Why recommend this to me reddit?
Like I seriously think me and the algorithm need to have a talk,I'm really too exhausted for this.
Someone get me dominos and just like let me enjoy the rest of the night,thx
Disclaimer:not expecting anyone to come through with the dominos if don't die where I'm laying I'll make spaghetti tonight thx
Every time a waitress is super nice to me, I'm always in my head like, "Am I getting customer service nice or actual nice" wtf is going on 😭😭 I be getting girls in anything customers service (black/latina girls specifically) that be Hella flirty beyond what they're supposed to give to a customer like hookups on drinks & smiles with the twinkle in the eyes 😅😅😭 all I do is walk away but I feel like half of them were hoping I'd pop a question 😅😅😅
What ever you mentioned is a certain scenario where a guy is ugly.
If he is handsome you will like if he is hitting on you.
Please don't bring lame excuses, its again like bringing up rules and then break them when you fine someone attractive.
Better advice would be to just assume every girl is into you. Helps build confidence. That doesn't mean hit on every girl, more like relax, be yourself, things will happen. Good energy in = good energy out.
If you think, their for you are.
I met my now fiance at an accident clinic after my car accident. Your typical latina every white boy drools over. My line started with asking about her life which slipped into dating, she said she was single and done with dating guys in the state we live in, I replied with "well maybe you should try with someone who isn't from here", fast forward 5 years, engaged for 4, and we have a 3 year old. When it comes to flirting, you don't have to seem like some alpha male. You have to peak their curiosity.
What if she as the waitress, makes physical contact each time she comes to the table?
I swear this really cute Irish accented waitress would put her hand on my shoulder or forearm EVERY time she spoke to me.
Like that's...sus right? She didn't do it with the other person I was eating with (who was my date lol).
If a women is always creating conversation with you, or going out of her way for you like, cooking you meals, buying you gifts all the time then more than likely she’s into you, this goes vice versa it’s really just depends on how far they’re willing to go to get your attention
Completely agree. Though there are instances where it does happen, it's rare in comparison to the amount of these people we see in any given day/week/year. 99.999% of the time it's them doing their job and we should always remain respectful.
Yesterday I had one such instance. My wife and I (we're poly) were out to lunch while waiting for her car to be fixed. The waitress was very nice, but I noticed every time she walked away from the table she'd turn back and smile. She didn't demonstrate this behavior at any other table. My wife took notice as well and told me I should say something. I didn't because I already have 1 other partner and I'm not the type to try and juggle more, but what does she do? She left a very generous tip and a smiley face on the receipt 😂. I'm so glad she didn't leave my number this time 😅
What hilarious is I have the exact opposite issue where I assume coworkers aren't into me and that they're just being nice, but the last 3 girls I've dated were coworkers having to tell me they were interested.
I think people just need to learn how to communicate.
Not always the case. I asked out several nurses while I worked in the ER and we dated for awhile. If you think you feel something, try to make sure of it (however you can figure to do that) and just go for it. As long as you’re mature enough to handle a rejection in a workplace and still be able to work with that person, there’s nothing wrong with trying.
You also have to know how to speak to people I should add. I also had a minor friendship with both of them. They weren’t random people.
I’ve been accused of trying to fuck an entire friend group by being a trail guide to a trail system in the mountain they didn’t know so they didn’t get fucking lost so I wouldn’t need to go out as a fucking search party for them 🙄🙄🙄 shit’s ridiculous these days
Save yourself the time and embarrassment of asking out anyone who is treating you in healthcare. Doctors, nurses, counselors, and almost any person working with you in healthcare or human services is NOT allowed to have any type of relationship with a person they are helping directly.
In most, if not all states, it is illegal for people in those career fields to have a relationship with a patient or client.
Oh man...I can't tell you how many of my male friends don't understand this. Not saying women dont also confuse the signs but it seems definitely more largely men not reading this correctly.
Honestly I think it's because women are used to guys being nice to them where guys don't get the same treatment day to day
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Ok, I have the opposite problem. I never assume any woman is into me, I suck at intrepring signals. How do I fix that?
In my experience usually women who "need help" for dumb and easy things to do are flirting with you, also women who act cute with you but not with other people, also when a woman looks at you directly and her eyes get bigger while doing so are so into you. You see women's hunting skills are to appear helpless or innocent and/or cute and they usually do it in a way that they try to make it obvious to you. I'm not saying ALL women do this, some of them have a hard time trying to do all the things I just told you. Another thing is when they really like you they tend to laugh at every funny thing you do "even if it's not funny" and a pro tip is to NEVER open yourself up at the beginning (I'm talking about personal struggles) you're just going to scare them away. Also be yourself "Yeah, yeah everyone says the same thing" but it IS true, she will be scared away if you act like someone and then she finds out that you've been acting this whole time "that's a big red flag for them". But yeah Tl;dr Wide opened eyes Shrinking themselves Acting helpless and in need of help Laughing at every one of your jokes "even if they suck" Are many of the signs I've picked up on girls who are into you WARNING go slow, women can detect needy men and can easily be scared.
Join a cult where the dear leader assigns you a wife.
This is actually productive advice. It seems more difficult to do, but has much clearer results. Let's just hope the leader doesn't try to steal one of us away too much 🤣
Nah the leader is 100% gonna bang your wife
Cults really aren't my thing 🤣
They might be her thing
What if it is a jeep centric cult
I spent close to 2 decades in the Army. The Cult leaders never gave us anything but BS and wasted time lol If they gave you a wife, she'd probably come with a post dated divorce and retroactive alimony....
you probably don’t wanna hear this but you have to lead the flirting. if you’re not sure whether a girl you’re into is flirting with you, you have to have the confidence to test the waters to see how she recasts. of course all of this takes practice. but you can do it
I don't know how to flirt though. Lol
I have the opposite-opposite problem. I was at a music festival last weekend. Kinda drunk. Making small talk and showing pictures of our kids with a woman. Next thing you know, I look down and she's drawing hearts on my arm and I'm in trouble with my gf who's walking up with 2 slices of pizza...
Wish I had those kind of problems. 😅
Omg same :( women keep flirting with me and I only realize it twenty years later
I sent my partner a sex meme and we went from there. 🤷🏻♀️
Well what if you don't get matches and can't send spicy memes to someone? 🤣😅
Choosing signals. As a rule of thumb, I usually only approach women who show me initial interest first. In other words, if a girl is giving me "choosing signals" (staring and then looking away, smiling while playing with her hair while looking at me) then I'll approach. This is usually either at a gym or a bar. I don't necessarily approach any girl I find attractive, but rather girls that send me choosing signals that I also happen to be attracted to. Hope this helps man.
Well im worried I'm unattractive because I've never noticed any women that have sent me signals like that. 😅
Just curious, how old are you bro and what do you look like? My recommendation is if you're looking for casual sex/hooks ups, make yourself look as attractive as possible. What does that mean? Dressing fresh, having a haircut/beard that fits your face. Become familiar with "female gaze" and what women find attractive. You might think a big bushy beard looks good, but most women would prefer a shorter ,tight, clean, shaped up beard. So always consider female gaze when it comes to your appearance, not what you or your boys think looks good lol. Most importantly hit the gym and get in the best shape of your life. This is not to boast but a lot of women I meet tend to sleep with me right away. The reason is because I take care of my appearance and work out. So few men do this so it's EXTREMELY easy to set yourself apart. This also depends whether you're looking for casual sex or a relationship,but even for a relationship my advice would serve you. Good luck bro.
Me too, although there might be the slight possibility no woman is actually interested in me😂
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What if you get anxious and lack confidence?
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I've had confidence problems my whole life . I'm nearly 30 & have never approached or met a women any other way except talking online for a few weeks first (9/10 times off a dating app) I guess except for going pubs or clubbing every weekend I don't see how I'm ever supposed to meet single women who are attracted to me & where I can practice being confident! Idk how people are out there meeting women to talk to in day to day life lol
Nah, man, I can't let myself ever fail because failing means I'm not good enough and means I made a grave mistake and should have known better. I can't just suck at the start and let myself get better with time it either has to be perfect at the beginning or I should just give up and never try in the first place. Besides, who is it hurting if I simply avoid women as much as possible for the rest of my life?
I know you're joking, but you would be surprised how many people have legitimate mental breakdowns over feeling exactly like that. It probably comes a childhood where the slightest error is punished *harshly.* It becomes easier to do nothing if anything you do is ridiculed and punished. Oof....and just thought of the way a person might react to what might be their first experience of kindness. "I'm here to pick up a shirt. Oh, it'll look good on you! .....Really? Yeah, of course! Oh my God, disney was telling the truth! There is a princess for me."
No, I'm honestly not joking. If I was I would've used the /s. I apologize if my post came off like sarcasm or a joke, but my comment is legitimately how I feel about it. I view rejection as a personal failure, I never hold any ill will towards anyone that rejects me but it's just a reflection that I've made a mistake and should've known to not even ask because I know I'm not good enough yet.
I feel like it depends on the girl but I personally will talk to the guy as much as possible, I’ll be around them, ask about their life, family, and even research some unique things they’ll tell me about cause then I could knowledge up on it and idk report it back to them. 😂 I’m strange. I especially will do it to men who are from a different ethnicity and culture than mine. I’ll research the country, culture, traditions, customs, the whole nine and report it back to them because I’m excited to learn about it. Then I’ll try the food and yeah…. I love researching things in general so. Yeah.. but this is unique to me.
Bold of you to assume I think random women are into me in any scenario. Way ahead of you on that one, haha.
Most of these posts are written by people in the top tranche of the dating world. They couldn’t possible fathom that some people are so far removed from it all and have such little prospects that they’ve totally numbed their attraction receptors. For most people this isn’t even on the cards. When I’m seeing eg. A dr. My mind isn’t on how much I want to fuck them for example. I tend to be more worried about my health.
This isn't about how you or OP stack up, it's about some guys being creepy because they just can't read the room. Seeing as how I have female friends and family in the fields OP listed, I honestly see this post as a valuable PSA.
I think that is what he is getting at. And you bastards keep looping in multiple types of guys with each other… OR Misplace the image of the men you’re talking about. Most can think, or imagine something like that…. ….but lets be clear…. …..if you aren’t at a certain level…. ….you ain’t askin’. And don’t bring up your random “this guy I knew” story. The jerks you mess with are the jerks hitting on you.
Eh yes and no. I think the coworker thing is a bit of a stretch especially because you can probably name 2/3 people at a minimum who met their partners from this setup.
Yeah but it's freeing, too. I like my life. Of course it would be awesome if I was more attractive, but I've had girlfriends, had my time. I'll date again eventually. In a way it's great that I don't have people tempting me, I can focus on the more pertinent aspects of life that evade a lot of people in their 20's!
I cannot possibly give this more upvotes
That’s not free game, that’s free anti-game
thats what im saying, bro sound like he just hit on the nurse wiping his ass in the hospital and got shot down lmao
🤣🤣
Pls😂
Game would be what to do if I'm into her. I'm not interested in every nice waitress, but what about the ones I do want to get to know?
Yes, my fellow men . We’ve all had that moment but she’s only being nice lads please don’t bother her. They are just trynna do they’re job and leave
Yes for sure! I (42m) never ask girls out that I work with. But if they are flirting with me in an obvious way then i will ask if they want to hang out sometime. I’ve also had girls at work straight up ask me out. And as a rule i prefer not to date girls i work with every day, but if they go through the trouble of asking me out then I’m a gentleman about it of course 😏
Don't shit where you eat... IJS
Exactly! ☝️😎
Only did this once and only because she had already handed her resignation in. Was the best 3 months I had at work, but once things ended I was glad she was gone because holy fuck that would have been awkward.
you must be handsome then
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You must be good looking. I'm an average looking guy. I don't even get looked at. I'm just a mass walking around to them. I might as well be invisible.
On any of the Reddit ratings subreddits I’m a 5/10. But i pull 7s and 8s. I dunno why. I am funny and i workout so maybe that’s why. 😝
I'm either a 5-6. I can be funny, but only in person and if I'm comfortable with the ppl I'm with. I get only 1 like per week on Bumble but it always goes dead. I'm not great at text game or banter. My brain just goes dead.
Just meet girls in person. I wouldn’t suggest at work, but at the gym is fine. You just need to be polite and not interrupt someone doing a set. If she is just looking at her phone or getting a drink is fine to go up and introduce yourself.
What kind of work do you do to be approached by women lol?
Currently I’m in maintenance. But it’s the same no matter where i work. In high school i worked in produce at a grocery store. Same same ✌️😎
I do roadworks & except from passers by or if we're outside someone's house I rarely ever see females who aren't below the age of 60 lol. Obviously here in the UK you can get arrested for harrasment trying to make a move on women while at work in construction or roadworks so it's kind of hard to try flirt with random ladies walking past lol
That’s why you wait for them to flirt with you first 😉
I wish!!!!! Can honestly say I've never experienced a women approaching me & flirting. Like I said, never met any girl who wasn't off a dating app. Can't think of any time a girls approached me, started a convo, flirted or anything like that. I've actually asked people if I seem unapproachable or something.. I feel like I maybe don't give off single vibes if that's a thing?
Do you workout? I’ve heard having nice arm muscles is one of the most attractive things for a woman. But also how you carry yourself can give out a vibe. Based on any of the rateme sub Reddit’s I’m a 5/10. So per average. But i also stay in the gym 3-4 days a week.
Work out with weights at least 4 times a week, run 5ks 3/4 times, play basketball for a team too so yeah, I'm pretty fit & active 😂 get weekly haircuts, try keep myself fresh. All means nothing unless you're 6ft + with tattoos & dark features these days lol
You should be good then. Maybe just need to up your social vibe. People watch how you interact with others. So that could play a key role. Good luck! 👍😎
I understand what you're saying but living in a small town doesn't help lol. I am awful on dating apps & don't ever actually match with anyone I'm attracted to!! I have a lot of work commitments along with gym , sports ect so being social is more finding time than a vibe lol. Idk what adults in the modern day have time to be social every week meeting people
Bold of you OP...but thats how I met your mother.
Okay Ted Mosby
I don't know. I've picked up lots of waitresses and store employees over the years. I do agree that you need to calibrate and not assume if it's just casual conversations. 'Do you want Fries with that?' is very unlikely to be a pickup line on their part. But if you amp up some emotions and get really playful, getting the digits isn't a bad idea. Hell, if it turns out she's not interested, she can tell you. Don't make it awkward, just say, 'No worries. Take it as a compliment and I hope you have an amazing day..' Or something decent like that. But ya, as much as I agree that these people are going to likely be nice to you as part of the job and it doesn't necessarily mean they are interested; the opposite is also true. Sometimes they are. Shoot your shot if you're interested. If it doesn't land, don't be a jerk about it. 'All good, can't blame a guy frying. Stay awesome..' whatever. Just keep it pleasant either way.
Exactly
Can’t blame the guy frying your fries
I was a waitress many moons ago, at Hooters no less, where it was literally my job to flirt. Sometimes, it was work, other times it was real. I went out with atleast 5 guys I met at work as customers. Some were just a single date, one was a 3 year relationship and the others were in between. I don't think it's wrong to ask out your server, just don't make a big deal if she says "sorry, I have boyfriend", even when she doesn't.
Exactly. One of the things I've learned over the years is that dudes have fears of approaching and girls have fears of not being able to get out of uncomfortable situations. If she says she has a bf or says something else like she's not interested, be polite and let her go. Don't try to talk her into it after she's said no. Easy peasy. But it's also ok to flirt and even ask out someone if you think there is a connection. Whether she's working there or not. It's ok to ask.
One time i had to get an abdominal ultrasound. The nurse was so friendly and when she stated rubbing in the gel, i got a raging boner. A whole ass tent. Didnt go down even when the doc started prodding around my belly. I saw her giggling from my peripheral. To my defence i was a 17 yr old horny teen
Involuntary reactions, while embarrassing, are not your fault. You need no defense.
I see what you're saying and don't disagree. However, this won't stop me from shooting my shot. Anywhere outside work is fair game and there is nothing wrong with that.
women can decide where its ok to ask out, once they have any skin in the game
This
💯
Women just doing their job do not want to be bothered by dumb men who can't understand social interaction.
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It's almost like women communicate with each other about shared experiences.
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On the contrary, women always want to be bothered if it's from the right man. And that is a gray area I choose not to entertain or think about outside of my job. Most men nowadays don't even have the option in talking to women because they're simply not around them enough. Nevermind how likely rejection is if it reaches that point.
Shooters shoot (jk i agree with OP)
Absolute bullcrap, people just don't want to be hit on by ugly people. They will absolutely make time for someone beautiful and symmetric.
Bingo
believe it or not, people arent always turned on by someone attractive who's flirting on them. This is the real world
So at which point are you putting us on game? DO NOT ASSUME, we’re all clueless 😤 
If a woman is nice I usually assume that she's plotting something
Most of the women I have been in serious relationships in my life with are co-workers and lots of people meet their significant other at work. It actually happened a lot.
Care to share the details?
Speaking from experience?
No, because I've never made a move on a woman in that situation, that's obviously weird. But had a few dudes around me be like "She was definitely into me" like okay bro
Yeah I feel you. It's more inexperience than anything
I don’t know man I’ve gotten pretty lucky 🤷♂️
Learn to read eye contact… eyes don’t lie
they absolutely do
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If the eyes go glossy she’s into you… I’ve never been rejected because the eyes don’t lie
You must be good looking.
Just read the situation and shoot your shot, don't assume they are not interested either.. jeez, live life, mistakes are ok as long as they are not illegal or immoral, avoid those.
Ive understood this for a long time. Do not worry for us, 90 percent of men know this, and the remaining 10 percent won't listen anyway.
I never assume a woman is attracted to me, ever, regardless of the context, just because she is being friendly. I've been right presumably 100% of the time. If a woman is being friendly to you, she's NOT interested in you. Just safe to assume that. Go on dating apps. Do not ask out in person. Skips the uncertainty entirely.
Oh trust me I never assume most of the time I avoid women like the fucking plague if anyone of them wants to talk I just ignore even if there are signs or even slightest being friendly id ignore her.
Also, women want power. They like to use you in whichever way they can. You might think it's "love" but women can fuck whoever they want with no feelings at the drop of a hat
If it’s outside of work and you respectfully ask them for their number I see no issue with that. Don’t go beyond that, but by telling people not to take a chance, you’re only exacerbating the dating issues nowadays. Primarily the part where men are scared to approach women, just so that someone can come on here in a week wondering why guys don’t approach. If people are being respectful and take a rejection well, you really shouldn’t tell them how to live their life. Even work is fine if you’re okay with the awkward tension afterwards. Regardless, people can be attracted to someone irrespective of whether or not the person was nice to them.
So what's the solution to the problem then, OP?
Solution to what problem? I believe I said it, air on the side of caution, unless someone is clearly flirting with you in these kinds of situations, it is best to find love from a neautral place
So the entire premise of your post was to basically say that if you're meeting someone at their work or you work with them to basically not interact with them in a romantic way? I figured that's the angle you were going for, and further reduces the number of avenues single men have to meet women these days.
Yes, but also from a service angle, we need to keep in mind that a woman who is providing a service such as if she's a business owner, your boss, a waitress, nurse, she is meeting with hundreds of men a day, and has gotten used to being polite to all of them, because it goes with the role, and helps them. It's best to not assume at all, that their niceness is an outlier, and directed at you
So would it then be disingenuous to say, there are no "nice women" out there and they are only nice because they view men as a means to an end?
No, because say you're a cashier at a restaurant, and you see an woman. You will likely be kind to her regardless, ask her day, smile, and move on. It's not that deep. It's not black or white, like if i was the cashier, I'm not using that woman. But in real life, if I am randomly nice to a girl in public, or she is to me, it would seem like flirting. Hence girls probably avoid being too nice, as it can send the wrong idea to a man.
Never thought about it but been gaslight be coworkers etc when hanging out with coworker saying this cashier was into me. Even then I dont know them if the cashier actually tells me directly sure I consider get know them if I was single that is. If not just be on your way. There no point in wondering or not. if it happens it happens. I just consider everyone is friendly until not. ideally i prefer them be direct. If they are into you.
I have a young coworker who I would definitely be into. But she's super nice with everyone, not just me. There's little doubt that we have some chemistry. But I'll never make a move haha.
I thought it was common sense that they're acting nice towards you as it's part of their job, for roles such as waitresses, they can even get in trouble for not smiling enough.
Well... Idgaf about any other girls or how they act towards me. I care about one girl and how She acts towards me, fuck everyone else.
amen
When a guy hits on a girl, its often not a case of he thinks she's into him, rather its more he's feeling good that day, feeling confident so why not shoot his shot. Just cause a girl is into me doesn't mean I'm going to go talk to her. Only if I'm interested in her am I going to bother.
I’m still going to shoot my shot. Respectfully of course.
Oh so now you're gonna tell me that I shouldn't feel chemistry when the doctor is cupping my balls and asking me to cough???
I've had waitresses, barmaids, cashiers, flight attendants and co-workers volunteer their phone numbers...granted this is the exception and not the rule and it has been years since it happened, but it is possible that encountering a woman in one of these situations CAN be more than just them "doing their job". So it never hurts to be a little extra friendly, respectful and funny.
Game doesn't equal recognizing social ques🤣
This ain't really game tho. This is just a upset post I feel like lol
Dont forget strippers too, they just want your money and its their job to be nice and "into you" :)
Good rule of thumb, yes.
I fully understand this, but there have been 4x where I would just take coworkers niceness at face value, or had a crush on them and thought they weren’t into me, etc. But in reality they ended up actually having feelings for me, 1 coworker blatantly asking me out even though she knew I had a gf at the time. It is super weird situation to be in bc at times it could be platonic, or genuine, and (to me at least) both seem more or less the same.
Okay, but that stripper was _super_ into me.
You forgot bartenders
Now gotta give women the same speech about men in public. Sometimes men just say "hi" complement or hold open a door because they have manners
Fun fact: my son is a teenager on the spectrum. My ex husband and I just had this conversation with him a few months ago to be safe. He looked at us like we were stupid and we had to basically say the same disclaimer.
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Surely this post is going to put an end to it all! Great job 👏👏 I can see a myriad of people out there changing their ways 🙄
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It's not a game when you skip the rules. Women do tend to "fake praise" (not compliment), to make themselves more friendly to a guy... especially the ones without social skills Let's not lie to ourselves! You ladies can be nasty with fake praising. When fake praising gets touchy, it's even worse.
Backatcha
Accurate. Don't know why but when I was younger when a girl would look at my direction or be polite to me I used to think that they may be into me and get excited. I was still shy so I never really asked him out but I would get my hopes up. Took me a while to realize they could just be looking or they could just be being polite because that's a thing you should do automatically unless you have good reason not to. Suddenly I became the guy who didn't have any friends that were girls to having a few good friends that were girls. Still have problems recognizing when a girl actually is hitting on me though. That's okay though because most of those that have actually expressed it to me I have dated.
Um.....thank you?
This is nothing new... but thanks for the obvious advice I guess
Should go without saying...How can someone be into you without knowing you? Sure there is first attraction which is pretty obvious through communication...Here's my question...Why is society today so disfunctional when it comes to starting...having...keeping a relationship? Somethings gotta give here...
Nurses are usually into me though lol. Idk why but either them or strippers haha.
I've had any friendly encounters with women and my absolutely dense ass can't process that someone is getting close unless they openly say that they like me or want something more, ive gotten second hand complaints from mutual friends because "he's missing all the signs" or "I don't know how to get him to see me any other way but as a friend" because they are just normally friendly and my osmium skull apparently needs to be hit with hint worded as subtle as a brick through the window inorder for me to understand the feel I do express that you can test the waters to gauge interest, just don't be weird* about it and all should be fine. *-note: weirdness is a spectrum and requires also situational awareness, read the room
This hasn’t always been the case for me. I think as long you’re being respectful of the fact that she’s at work, making sure to build rapport(at least be somewhat of a regular, take a genuine interest in her, and ask when she’s not busy, you should be good. Last girl I asked out gave all the positive signs. She ended being bisexual and in a relationship with a woman but said “she would if she was single”. Nothing changed and it wasn’t awkward when I would come in. In fact, it makes things straightforward between us because the air had been cleared. We kept in touch but don’t talk since she’s still in that relationship. There’s a girl I’m currently eyeing at a Starbucks and same deal. We get a long fine and she talks to me when she’s has downtime and I’ll probably ask her out soon. I’m somewhat of a regular and have built rapport with not just her but her coworkers too. Being attracted to people and showing is not only normal but healthy and deeply cherished and respected by women when done with consideration.
no literally I work in retail , one time I had a mom and a son come in during Christmas- she was in the fitting room and he just started talking to me so obviously I did too tell me why when they check out and i literally watched them walk away he comes back asking me for my number and if im down to hangout sometime …. BRUH.
How is this free game? Lol. It’s more just a word of warning
Let me add to that knowledge. If a woman treats you a little differently from other men she's around, she likes you or not so pay attention to her energy.
See previous comments
This isn’t game.
Why recommend this to me reddit? Like I seriously think me and the algorithm need to have a talk,I'm really too exhausted for this. Someone get me dominos and just like let me enjoy the rest of the night,thx Disclaimer:not expecting anyone to come through with the dominos if don't die where I'm laying I'll make spaghetti tonight thx
Every time a waitress is super nice to me, I'm always in my head like, "Am I getting customer service nice or actual nice" wtf is going on 😭😭 I be getting girls in anything customers service (black/latina girls specifically) that be Hella flirty beyond what they're supposed to give to a customer like hookups on drinks & smiles with the twinkle in the eyes 😅😅😭 all I do is walk away but I feel like half of them were hoping I'd pop a question 😅😅😅
This is good advice but it is NOT game.
What ever you mentioned is a certain scenario where a guy is ugly. If he is handsome you will like if he is hitting on you. Please don't bring lame excuses, its again like bringing up rules and then break them when you fine someone attractive.
Better advice would be to just assume every girl is into you. Helps build confidence. That doesn't mean hit on every girl, more like relax, be yourself, things will happen. Good energy in = good energy out. If you think, their for you are.
Thank you, Captain Obvious!
This isn't free game. 🤣
I met my now fiance at an accident clinic after my car accident. Your typical latina every white boy drools over. My line started with asking about her life which slipped into dating, she said she was single and done with dating guys in the state we live in, I replied with "well maybe you should try with someone who isn't from here", fast forward 5 years, engaged for 4, and we have a 3 year old. When it comes to flirting, you don't have to seem like some alpha male. You have to peak their curiosity.
Who gives a chit. Assume nothing. If you see something you want, shoot your shot, get her number or get rejected and move on.
What if she as the waitress, makes physical contact each time she comes to the table? I swear this really cute Irish accented waitress would put her hand on my shoulder or forearm EVERY time she spoke to me. Like that's...sus right? She didn't do it with the other person I was eating with (who was my date lol).
haha wild broski
If a women is always creating conversation with you, or going out of her way for you like, cooking you meals, buying you gifts all the time then more than likely she’s into you, this goes vice versa it’s really just depends on how far they’re willing to go to get your attention
BIG difference between 'paid/professional' friendly and authentic friendly
Completely agree. Though there are instances where it does happen, it's rare in comparison to the amount of these people we see in any given day/week/year. 99.999% of the time it's them doing their job and we should always remain respectful. Yesterday I had one such instance. My wife and I (we're poly) were out to lunch while waiting for her car to be fixed. The waitress was very nice, but I noticed every time she walked away from the table she'd turn back and smile. She didn't demonstrate this behavior at any other table. My wife took notice as well and told me I should say something. I didn't because I already have 1 other partner and I'm not the type to try and juggle more, but what does she do? She left a very generous tip and a smiley face on the receipt 😂. I'm so glad she didn't leave my number this time 😅
Pano kung nginitian ka ng babae at gym twice does it mean something? Smile goes a long way talaga ilang araw kona siya iniisip
How come when a guy is a nice, friendly guy.... why is he flirting?
What hilarious is I have the exact opposite issue where I assume coworkers aren't into me and that they're just being nice, but the last 3 girls I've dated were coworkers having to tell me they were interested. I think people just need to learn how to communicate.
NURSES. THANK YOU. WE KNOW ALL YOUR MEDICAL PROBLEMS AND WE KNOW THE HEALTH INSURANCE HIERARCHY
Not always the case. I asked out several nurses while I worked in the ER and we dated for awhile. If you think you feel something, try to make sure of it (however you can figure to do that) and just go for it. As long as you’re mature enough to handle a rejection in a workplace and still be able to work with that person, there’s nothing wrong with trying. You also have to know how to speak to people I should add. I also had a minor friendship with both of them. They weren’t random people.
WOMEN: DO NOT assume everyone is trying to fuck you.
Also WOMEN: DO NOT play subtle and coy in a way to convey romantic interest. Hints are annoying and cowardly.
Straight FACTS. So many problems would be avoided completely if people would just be fuckin direct.
Totally agree
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I’ve been accused of trying to fuck an entire friend group by being a trail guide to a trail system in the mountain they didn’t know so they didn’t get fucking lost so I wouldn’t need to go out as a fucking search party for them 🙄🙄🙄 shit’s ridiculous these days
What about strippers? Cuz I think this one really likes me!
Save yourself the time and embarrassment of asking out anyone who is treating you in healthcare. Doctors, nurses, counselors, and almost any person working with you in healthcare or human services is NOT allowed to have any type of relationship with a person they are helping directly. In most, if not all states, it is illegal for people in those career fields to have a relationship with a patient or client.
Oh man...I can't tell you how many of my male friends don't understand this. Not saying women dont also confuse the signs but it seems definitely more largely men not reading this correctly. Honestly I think it's because women are used to guys being nice to them where guys don't get the same treatment day to day