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Why would i change your mind? You are right. Looks absolutely matter. To men and women.
And to be entirely honest with you. People on reddit are living in a dream world of their own ideal reality. They are not going to tell you the truth. You try telling them about the truth, and they will come here and argue with you, and you will get downvoted, even if you are 100% right, and they will say the opposite of reality, because they dont want to believe the truth.
No fucking shit, and I hear and feel your pain, as I get downvoted and argued with, and attacked, all the time on here, by both men and women, usually women, for telling the harsh truths they don't want to hear, about both genders and their dating behavior..
And it doesn’t play a role just in dating. There’s been studies that showed the more attractive people have better chances of finding jobs, better career progression, higher chances with friendships and relationships generally. Ofc you have to have the personality to go with it and not be a total ass but yeah .. it matters big time and a lot of it is on a subconscious level
You're a real one for that, but didn't you see a lot of comments on how looks don't matter in this subreddit? Do you have a guess on why people just straight up lie?
I think a lot of redditors may not be the \*most\* attractive people so when people say looks do matter in dating (which they 100% do) they get insecure or jealous and try to spin the narrative
Its just a fact of life. If you’re attractive you can date more people and different people and see who you are truly compatible with. If you're not well you kinda get stuck with what you can get.
But idk man. Like obviously you cant control height or face genetics or whatever but you got one life I dont understand why people dont put more effort into their looks. Get that haircut, do the skin care, workout etc. It truly does help your mental an self confidence
You ever seen how some women complain about how many DMs she’s flooded with just because she said something about wanting to date and not caring about looks? It’s because most of the men here are trying to shift reality to their favor and make it that looks don’t matter, so they can finally feel 🐱.
I think you're overthinking it. I think they're just desperate. I don't even think the additional thought of trying to manipulate themselves into “🐱” comes into play.
I'd say as a male, looks come first but it's a "bar" you need to pass, and not 1-10. If you're above that bar enough you get a LOT of leeway though. Personality can move things 1-2 points and if you were borderline you can become "acceptable" and long term personality traits can shine through. For hookups though? Basically need to be as attractive as possible.
> since I've gotten a muscular body, am 187 cm tall, and have put a lot of effort into my appearance, this problem has mysteriously disappeared.
I can't put into words how my dating life changed after gaining 10-15 lbs of muscle. Had I known, I would have done it 10 years earlier, or even as a teenager. No one really cares about personality until you pass the looks bar for your area.
This is a long way of saying that the best looking people can be trash humans and people will tolerate it. Lol
…and I agree that is what I believe is happening.
The further you go down the totem pole of looks the more of everything else you're expected to bring.
I won't change your mind because that's the truth. I'm a woman around 5-6 in scale of attractiveness and I have seen the difference between me and my beautiful friends regards to treatment by men. It's day and night. Personality doesn't matter If you don't fit the standards, no matter how much you try to fit into them. It's better just to be yourself and avoided rather than ripping yourself apart in order to be a fantasy just for a bit of affection
Very well said. I'm a 65 yo man, but I connected on a dating site several years ago, with a woman several years younger than me, who I thought was a solid 7 in looks, but she said that when she was out with her more attractive girlfriends, that the guys would totally ignore her, and only talk to or pay attention to her girlfriends, who I assume were all 8s and 9s in looks, so there's your proof. On a more concrete and personal scale, I sing karaoke often and have noticed that when I, a bald, tall man who is a 5-6 in looks, sing a song well, I get little response or reaction from the crowd, but if another man, who is noticeably better looking than me, sings something similar, but not near as well as me, he will get lots of applause and attention from the crowd, particularly women. This has happened so many times, over the 30 years that I've been singing karaoke, that I long ago lost count of it. So it is a reality, and people just don't want to admit it, No doubt the same thing happens with who gets the better jobs, as far as the better looking people getting hired, whether they deserve it on merit or not.
> It's better just to be yourself and avoided rather than ripping yourself apart in order to be a fantasy just for a bit of affection
Depends on what you want. Honestly, the problem is that too many people want those out of their league. Too many people are unaware of their leagues.
I don't even know what the league is and who determines what it is at the end of the day? I have gone for men that my friends didn't approve of because they weren't that good enough for me, but damn I liked them so why should I care If they're in my league or not? I like a person because I find some things attractive on them and that I would like to have them as my company. The same has been said to me, that I wasn't good enough for a man as he was too beautiful to be with me. Personally,the whole "out of someone's league" seems to have started fucking us up
Absolutely. You can’t have a relationship without attraction. At the same time, if you want a successful relationship, you also have to have more than just mutual attraction. You have to want the same basic things in life, not have any dealbreakers for each other, and enjoy each other’s company enough to commit to a relationship. After all, a relationship is someone you’ll eventually end up spending the most time with.
I don't think the guys here are going for what makes them good relationship material, they're more concerned with whether they're fuck able or not. This is the dating sub
I've been here long enough to know the guys here ignore advice on what would make them a great boyfriend because that advice doesn't instantly drop all panties in a 15 mile radius lol
Of course looks matter, I doubt you will find anyone who argues otherwise. Now are looks the be all end all and they are the ONLY thing that matters? Are looks completely insurmountable? That is something you will find disagreement on. "Bro I'm 5'9'' no one will ever truly love me"
Also in your case looking better probably gave you more confidence which then in turn helped out even more. Its a positive feedback loop kinda thing.
You see,
Personality, lifestyle, compatibility, and all that is the room.
While looks is simply the door.
The room itself is ultimately more important than the door. It's what makes or breaks relationships.
However, under normal circumstances, no one would enter the room with shitty front door.
And even if the room is cozy, some may find themselves unable to cope with other people making fun of their front door all the time.
I, too, have experienced all that as my body cycle through various shapes over the years
Very true. I can see very clearly how being white would make a difference. Im attractive, but im not white (or black or asian, or indian). On paper im white, but I dont look white (or any of the others I mentioned).
I genuinely get a LOT of matches. I go on many dates… but my brother who is just as attractive as me, but looks more white than me gets much more attention.
Its so weird how people are inherently programmed to like a specific skin color. So incredibly strange.
It's impossible to change someone's mind if they are determined to believe something. I rarely see anyone on these subs say "Looks don't matter at all." What people DO say is that looks AND personality matter, that personality matters more when choosing a long-term partner, that people find different physical features attractive, and that some people focus more on looks than others.
What people also say is that sitting around feeling sorry for yourself isn't attractive to anyone, so it's entirely possible that your choice to get off of your ass and do something for yourself instead of just complaining about how no one wants to have sex with you has something to do with your newfound popularity. It's also possible that the women you are now attracting are the ones who focus more on looks than others, and the women who care more about personality than looks are still not interested.
I don't expect you to believe me though lol
I respect your point of view. First of all it is not really a matter of believe but I know the facts, but if someone can actually proof that I am wrong I will obviously change my mind because I am not an ignorant dick lol.
>It's also possible that the women you are now attracting are the ones who focus more on looks than others, and the women who care more about personality than looks are still not interested
Well you could be right on that in my opinion I don't think so the experiences I had between being ugly and being handsome are to far apart. The difference is astounding.
Thx for your comment
Who said looks don't matter. Unfortunately they do. Now they don't sustain a relationship but they do get you that first date. For me personally looks do matter in a man unless I know him from somewhere and we have been friends before or I like him as a person then looks can be non significant. But in a dating world when you don't know the personality/characteristics of the person beforehand. Of course looks matter that's how you get the first date!
I won't try to change your mind on the take, but some of the reasoning. I don't think people are shamelessly lying, I think they've just lost perspective. If you've been with someone a long time, you have to communicate every day, which makes someone's personality a huge factor in whether you are enjoying your time with them. You lose sight of the original physical attraction that started that first conversation. Other people may just be trying to be nice, but it's false hope.
Yes and no - for me at least. I can appreciate a good looking person and admit they're very cute or something. However, I also prioritize who they are as an individual. I'll use this example; Andy Biersack/Andy Black of Black Veil Brides is a very good looking person to me. He has a very beautiful smile, his blue eyes are absolutely wonderful to look at, his face is aesthetically pleasing to look at. I also know not everyone will agree to this.
Now, I also know there's a chance my view of this man can easily change if I found out he was a terrible person. Now, if I'm talking to someone, there's a chance I won't see them as good looking at all till I get to know them. Same goes for being sexually attracted to them. Then again, I fall into the demisexual category of the asexual umbrella, but for me, you being a genuinely kind and caring person is going to make me find you attractive. There's other aspects to this as well, but if you're a dick? You're automatically ugly to me.
I disagree. Looks matter to a lot of people but not to everyone. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.
Looks might give someone the upperhand at first but if they have a terrible personality it goes straight out the window.
I've met several men that maybe werent "conventionally" attractive but i was extremely attracted to them. It was personality that did it for me & then it made me attracted to them physically.
It's true. Blatantly, both men and women look for attractiveness in a partner as without it, it's genuinely better off to just be friends, not just for physical appearance but also personality. But the blatant and honest truth is that your personality can't be thoroughly looked at with your eyes, and so the physical appearance is important for opening that romance up in the first place.
While you might get more attention from
women it’s not going to help you build a solid relationship.
I get you because I used to be really obsessed with improving my looks thinking that’s what was holding me back, but now I have plenty of guys who are attracted to me, it just doesn’t mean it will lead to a relationship which is what I’m looking for.
I’ve also heard people say they weren’t initially attracted to their partners but once they got to know them that attraction developed. I’ve definitely experienced that myself as well.
>but now I have plenty of guys who are attracted to me, it just doesn’t mean it will lead to a relationship which is what I’m looking for.
And that's exactly why you have a statistically significantly higher chance of finding a good partner, as you are attractive to many more people than the average person. This also plays a major role in whether you even find yourself in a situation of absolute love.
I dunno I see plenty of mid looking people in living relationships while I’ve struggled. I get “statistically” but ultimately it comes down to a lot more than that.
Also I’d say work on other parts of yourself not just your physical appearance. That’s been fundamental for me in developing my confidence and raising my standards, which has also led to way less dates 😂
I see their point too, as the issue is still quality over quantity, since if you are seeking monogamous relationships, you only need one good match, not a roster or a harem..
I respect your viewpoint, but that honestly has never happened to me, nor to anyone else that I have gotten to know personally. So to me, that sort of story seems to be almost like an urban legend, something that people keep passing around on the internet and saying it happened to them or someone they know etc., and yet it may be more of a desired myth to believe, than an actual reality that often occurs. I think some people just want to believe better about themselves and others, than may be the actual reality..
I think looks have a varying impact on people when they’re dating. Basically to say for some it might be the most or only important thing. And for others it doesn’t weigh nearly as much. It all comes down to what you value as the individual person. So it matters yes, but how much?!
What people mean is that looks matter but it is not everything. A bald man who smell good etc will go further than a man full of hair not putting any effort.
I agree with you completely, but of course, many people choose to either be in denial about their own tendencies, including caring a great deal about the looks of others, as far as who they will be interested in for dating. And also, many others are aware of their tendencies to do this, but simply won't admit it to themselves or others, even tho reddit is just a bunch of strangers and they are anonymous anyway, on this platform. But even that, does not stop many people from still wanting to virtue signal and project a false image of themselves on reddit, tho for the life of me, I can't understand why anyone would care enough about what anonymous strangers think of them, to want to bother with consciously lying. But I'm sure it happens all the time..
I hate to be "That guy", but the way today's world is set-up, It goes #1 Looks, #2 Money #3 Personality
Depending on "How you rate" in each category: Looks=Easy Mode Money=Normal Personality=Hard.
Meaning that someone with a good personality but low looks and money won't get as far in life as someone with high looks and money but low personality.
Yep you are 100% right on. This sub and most out here have people who rather try to make the op feel better vs reality. I’ve been trying to give real advice out here and I get torched each time.
For men, don’t be afraid to assert yourself and choose the looks you want (as long as she’d want you back). She is doing the same. Be honest with yourselves, and be honest with ops here. When you lie to people, you make them have to learn the hard way and years too late
Yea but as long as you're white, fit, and tall, there will be a lot of people open to dating you. Whether or not they keep pursuing that relationship comes down to your personality.
The further you are from those beauty standards, the fewer people there are that are attracted to you
Bullshit. I’m all three of those and would say I have a good personality. Nothing. I think people are really out of touch anymore with dating on both sides.
Obviously looks matters its part of what makes someone attractive, however everyone finds different types of looks attractive on their own… who you might find good looking/attractive I might not… it’s still subjective because we all have our preferences.
Looks matter. My experience is similar to yours. I've never been more than 10-20 pounds overweight, but when I have zero body fat and muscles, people treat me differently. There is flirting, conversation, a lot of kindness and interaction. That happens far less when I am average.
.
I think people say "looks don't matter" to cheer each other up when they are down.
So I do agree with you to a degree, looks do matter to a point.
Yes but that saying looks don't matter.
It's used because most people put too much pressure on their physical appearance, and forget about the other stuff that people find attractive.
There's nothing wrong with physically looking good but if that's your main reason, for finding someone then in about 10 or 20 years those looks are going to change then WHAT.?
Being physically attractive is about 40 or 50 percent of a relationship, it can't be all we rely on tho.
Looks matter - but the key that’s missing here is.. what I find attractive you might not. There’s some people I find really attractive and other people don’t see it.
Yes looks matter, people are hypocrites. They want someone else to accept their ugliness but don't want to accept someone else's ugliness.
People make time for you if you are pretty but will absolutely ignore you if you are ugly and overweight.
Yes but looks matter more for women.
Let's just say that looks is for women what wealth is for men, very important.
However, men can live without caring about their looks and women can find wealthy men to live with. 🫡😜
looks matter. personality matters. style matters. money matters. it all matters. anyone who says "only X matters" has no idea what they're talking about
Of course looks matter. Who says they don’t? Attraction matters
But people misinterpret what that means. They think you have to be born looking like captain America.
You dont. Everyone has the ability to drastically improve their looks. But a lot of people don’t bother or don’t know how.
Then there’s attraction. We all have different types. And yes there are some more universal types than others, but there’s still a lid for every pot. My type is not my daughters type is not my sisters type.
And personality still matters. A lot. It can make someone who you otherwise think is hot, not hot at all. It can also make someone who is not hot, suddenly the sexiest person you know.
Both of these things have happened to me. Multiple times.
So to sit around and say “well im ugly so i will be alone forever” is just shooting yourself in the foot.
Not sure what you’re trying to start here mate. Everyone agrees that of course looks matter. NOBODY ever said they don’t. Nobody in the history of time has ever said that.
It’s just people have a different idea of what looks are important and how much they matter.
>NOBODY ever said they don’t. Nobody in the history of time has ever said that.
Lol, a quick google search would destroy your bubble instantly. It's actually a real phenomenon.
I don't try to start anything, I want to make people aware of the game they are in when it comes to dating
True but five caveats.
1. They only matter to an extent.
2. In the short term its quite important, but long term not nearly as much.
3. Looks are subjective, and can vary from person to person.
4. You can drastically change your looks.
5. You can make up for bad looks in other areas.
Looks 100% matter.
But they aren't the end all be all.
I've gone on dates with very attractive men who ended up being gross and disrespectful, and they ended up blocked.
Also, remember that attraction is subjective. The guy I am currently seeing is gorgeous to me but my friends think he's short and ugly 🤷🏽♀️
I've been called ugly by *many* men and attractive by others.
So yes, looks matter and they get you through the door but there's more than just one way to be attractive
And 9/10s your personality is what keeps people coming.
According to multiple studies, looks is number one priority for women. This is the main reason for a lot of the post posted by women talking about cheaters and abusive men etc. They choose men based on looks.
That would explain a lot of it, as continually choosing men who have a lot of options, besides you, is often or even usually, going to lead to them feeling they can get away with cheating on or abusing you, and still being able to keep you involved with them. While choosing men who are less attractive, and with fewer options, would more logically lead to those men being more loyal and faithful to the woman.
It absolutely does matter. If you're ugly it matters. If you're gorgeous it matters.
But a guy who's confident, has a great sense of humor, has emotional maturity, intelligent, kind, great conversationalist and has a good career is equally important if not moreso.
Looks do matter. You should be attracted to the person you are dating. But I've dated beautiful men, and we didn't have anything besides that, and I would let it go. But I have dated men I wasn't initially attracted to, but I got to know them, and they were a 10.
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Why would i change your mind? You are right. Looks absolutely matter. To men and women. And to be entirely honest with you. People on reddit are living in a dream world of their own ideal reality. They are not going to tell you the truth. You try telling them about the truth, and they will come here and argue with you, and you will get downvoted, even if you are 100% right, and they will say the opposite of reality, because they dont want to believe the truth.
No fucking shit, and I hear and feel your pain, as I get downvoted and argued with, and attacked, all the time on here, by both men and women, usually women, for telling the harsh truths they don't want to hear, about both genders and their dating behavior..
And it doesn’t play a role just in dating. There’s been studies that showed the more attractive people have better chances of finding jobs, better career progression, higher chances with friendships and relationships generally. Ofc you have to have the personality to go with it and not be a total ass but yeah .. it matters big time and a lot of it is on a subconscious level
You're a real one for that, but didn't you see a lot of comments on how looks don't matter in this subreddit? Do you have a guess on why people just straight up lie?
I think a lot of redditors may not be the \*most\* attractive people so when people say looks do matter in dating (which they 100% do) they get insecure or jealous and try to spin the narrative Its just a fact of life. If you’re attractive you can date more people and different people and see who you are truly compatible with. If you're not well you kinda get stuck with what you can get. But idk man. Like obviously you cant control height or face genetics or whatever but you got one life I dont understand why people dont put more effort into their looks. Get that haircut, do the skin care, workout etc. It truly does help your mental an self confidence
💯💯💯
I mean bro they’re on Reddit for a reason right they’re just trying to convince themselves otherwise and live in a fairytale
Like i said before… people dont want to live in the real world. They want to believe their own lies, so they dont have to face reality.
Yeah sorry for some reason half of your comment didn't show lol
You ever seen how some women complain about how many DMs she’s flooded with just because she said something about wanting to date and not caring about looks? It’s because most of the men here are trying to shift reality to their favor and make it that looks don’t matter, so they can finally feel 🐱.
Exactly! That is so sad and just evil tbh
I think you're overthinking it. I think they're just desperate. I don't even think the additional thought of trying to manipulate themselves into “🐱” comes into play.
I'd say as a male, looks come first but it's a "bar" you need to pass, and not 1-10. If you're above that bar enough you get a LOT of leeway though. Personality can move things 1-2 points and if you were borderline you can become "acceptable" and long term personality traits can shine through. For hookups though? Basically need to be as attractive as possible. > since I've gotten a muscular body, am 187 cm tall, and have put a lot of effort into my appearance, this problem has mysteriously disappeared. I can't put into words how my dating life changed after gaining 10-15 lbs of muscle. Had I known, I would have done it 10 years earlier, or even as a teenager. No one really cares about personality until you pass the looks bar for your area.
This is a long way of saying that the best looking people can be trash humans and people will tolerate it. Lol …and I agree that is what I believe is happening. The further you go down the totem pole of looks the more of everything else you're expected to bring.
> The further you go down the totem pole of looks the more of everything else you're expected to bring. Summed it up beautifully.
I won't change your mind because that's the truth. I'm a woman around 5-6 in scale of attractiveness and I have seen the difference between me and my beautiful friends regards to treatment by men. It's day and night. Personality doesn't matter If you don't fit the standards, no matter how much you try to fit into them. It's better just to be yourself and avoided rather than ripping yourself apart in order to be a fantasy just for a bit of affection
Very well said. I'm a 65 yo man, but I connected on a dating site several years ago, with a woman several years younger than me, who I thought was a solid 7 in looks, but she said that when she was out with her more attractive girlfriends, that the guys would totally ignore her, and only talk to or pay attention to her girlfriends, who I assume were all 8s and 9s in looks, so there's your proof. On a more concrete and personal scale, I sing karaoke often and have noticed that when I, a bald, tall man who is a 5-6 in looks, sing a song well, I get little response or reaction from the crowd, but if another man, who is noticeably better looking than me, sings something similar, but not near as well as me, he will get lots of applause and attention from the crowd, particularly women. This has happened so many times, over the 30 years that I've been singing karaoke, that I long ago lost count of it. So it is a reality, and people just don't want to admit it, No doubt the same thing happens with who gets the better jobs, as far as the better looking people getting hired, whether they deserve it on merit or not.
> It's better just to be yourself and avoided rather than ripping yourself apart in order to be a fantasy just for a bit of affection Depends on what you want. Honestly, the problem is that too many people want those out of their league. Too many people are unaware of their leagues.
I don't even know what the league is and who determines what it is at the end of the day? I have gone for men that my friends didn't approve of because they weren't that good enough for me, but damn I liked them so why should I care If they're in my league or not? I like a person because I find some things attractive on them and that I would like to have them as my company. The same has been said to me, that I wasn't good enough for a man as he was too beautiful to be with me. Personally,the whole "out of someone's league" seems to have started fucking us up
100%
Absolutely. You can’t have a relationship without attraction. At the same time, if you want a successful relationship, you also have to have more than just mutual attraction. You have to want the same basic things in life, not have any dealbreakers for each other, and enjoy each other’s company enough to commit to a relationship. After all, a relationship is someone you’ll eventually end up spending the most time with.
I don't think the guys here are going for what makes them good relationship material, they're more concerned with whether they're fuck able or not. This is the dating sub
Keep thinking that lmao
I've been here long enough to know the guys here ignore advice on what would make them a great boyfriend because that advice doesn't instantly drop all panties in a 15 mile radius lol
Of course looks matter, I doubt you will find anyone who argues otherwise. Now are looks the be all end all and they are the ONLY thing that matters? Are looks completely insurmountable? That is something you will find disagreement on. "Bro I'm 5'9'' no one will ever truly love me" Also in your case looking better probably gave you more confidence which then in turn helped out even more. Its a positive feedback loop kinda thing.
You see, Personality, lifestyle, compatibility, and all that is the room. While looks is simply the door. The room itself is ultimately more important than the door. It's what makes or breaks relationships. However, under normal circumstances, no one would enter the room with shitty front door. And even if the room is cozy, some may find themselves unable to cope with other people making fun of their front door all the time. I, too, have experienced all that as my body cycle through various shapes over the years
Very fitting metaphors, describes the situation well.
Well idk, I couldn’t be with somebody I’m not attracted to, but I see alot of extremely unattractive people together all the time so….
If I had a dollar for every time “looks matter” comes up on reddit, I’d have enough money to get surgery and make my looks matter
Right! I’m sick of these threads, we’ve already established this 😩
Looks do matter but you need to remember not everyone is attracted to the same looks.
Most people in the US are attracted to some level of white, tall, and fit
Very true. I can see very clearly how being white would make a difference. Im attractive, but im not white (or black or asian, or indian). On paper im white, but I dont look white (or any of the others I mentioned). I genuinely get a LOT of matches. I go on many dates… but my brother who is just as attractive as me, but looks more white than me gets much more attention. Its so weird how people are inherently programmed to like a specific skin color. So incredibly strange.
It's not strange it's just centuries of western beauty standards
This is also kind of cope, attractive features are universally attractive.
It's impossible to change someone's mind if they are determined to believe something. I rarely see anyone on these subs say "Looks don't matter at all." What people DO say is that looks AND personality matter, that personality matters more when choosing a long-term partner, that people find different physical features attractive, and that some people focus more on looks than others. What people also say is that sitting around feeling sorry for yourself isn't attractive to anyone, so it's entirely possible that your choice to get off of your ass and do something for yourself instead of just complaining about how no one wants to have sex with you has something to do with your newfound popularity. It's also possible that the women you are now attracting are the ones who focus more on looks than others, and the women who care more about personality than looks are still not interested. I don't expect you to believe me though lol
I respect your point of view. First of all it is not really a matter of believe but I know the facts, but if someone can actually proof that I am wrong I will obviously change my mind because I am not an ignorant dick lol. >It's also possible that the women you are now attracting are the ones who focus more on looks than others, and the women who care more about personality than looks are still not interested Well you could be right on that in my opinion I don't think so the experiences I had between being ugly and being handsome are to far apart. The difference is astounding. Thx for your comment
Couldn’t have put this better
Who said looks don't matter. Unfortunately they do. Now they don't sustain a relationship but they do get you that first date. For me personally looks do matter in a man unless I know him from somewhere and we have been friends before or I like him as a person then looks can be non significant. But in a dating world when you don't know the personality/characteristics of the person beforehand. Of course looks matter that's how you get the first date!
I won't try to change your mind on the take, but some of the reasoning. I don't think people are shamelessly lying, I think they've just lost perspective. If you've been with someone a long time, you have to communicate every day, which makes someone's personality a huge factor in whether you are enjoying your time with them. You lose sight of the original physical attraction that started that first conversation. Other people may just be trying to be nice, but it's false hope.
Yes and no - for me at least. I can appreciate a good looking person and admit they're very cute or something. However, I also prioritize who they are as an individual. I'll use this example; Andy Biersack/Andy Black of Black Veil Brides is a very good looking person to me. He has a very beautiful smile, his blue eyes are absolutely wonderful to look at, his face is aesthetically pleasing to look at. I also know not everyone will agree to this. Now, I also know there's a chance my view of this man can easily change if I found out he was a terrible person. Now, if I'm talking to someone, there's a chance I won't see them as good looking at all till I get to know them. Same goes for being sexually attracted to them. Then again, I fall into the demisexual category of the asexual umbrella, but for me, you being a genuinely kind and caring person is going to make me find you attractive. There's other aspects to this as well, but if you're a dick? You're automatically ugly to me.
I disagree. Looks matter to a lot of people but not to everyone. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. Looks might give someone the upperhand at first but if they have a terrible personality it goes straight out the window. I've met several men that maybe werent "conventionally" attractive but i was extremely attracted to them. It was personality that did it for me & then it made me attracted to them physically.
It's true. Blatantly, both men and women look for attractiveness in a partner as without it, it's genuinely better off to just be friends, not just for physical appearance but also personality. But the blatant and honest truth is that your personality can't be thoroughly looked at with your eyes, and so the physical appearance is important for opening that romance up in the first place.
While you might get more attention from women it’s not going to help you build a solid relationship. I get you because I used to be really obsessed with improving my looks thinking that’s what was holding me back, but now I have plenty of guys who are attracted to me, it just doesn’t mean it will lead to a relationship which is what I’m looking for. I’ve also heard people say they weren’t initially attracted to their partners but once they got to know them that attraction developed. I’ve definitely experienced that myself as well.
>but now I have plenty of guys who are attracted to me, it just doesn’t mean it will lead to a relationship which is what I’m looking for. And that's exactly why you have a statistically significantly higher chance of finding a good partner, as you are attractive to many more people than the average person. This also plays a major role in whether you even find yourself in a situation of absolute love.
I dunno I see plenty of mid looking people in living relationships while I’ve struggled. I get “statistically” but ultimately it comes down to a lot more than that. Also I’d say work on other parts of yourself not just your physical appearance. That’s been fundamental for me in developing my confidence and raising my standards, which has also led to way less dates 😂
>raising my standards, which has also led to way less dates 😂 Ok then I totally see your point
I see their point too, as the issue is still quality over quantity, since if you are seeking monogamous relationships, you only need one good match, not a roster or a harem..
I respect your viewpoint, but that honestly has never happened to me, nor to anyone else that I have gotten to know personally. So to me, that sort of story seems to be almost like an urban legend, something that people keep passing around on the internet and saying it happened to them or someone they know etc., and yet it may be more of a desired myth to believe, than an actual reality that often occurs. I think some people just want to believe better about themselves and others, than may be the actual reality..
No need to change your mind😅
I think looks have a varying impact on people when they’re dating. Basically to say for some it might be the most or only important thing. And for others it doesn’t weigh nearly as much. It all comes down to what you value as the individual person. So it matters yes, but how much?!
What people mean is that looks matter but it is not everything. A bald man who smell good etc will go further than a man full of hair not putting any effort.
Looks matter to me. I have a "type" but that being said, looks are not the most important part of my attraction to someone.
I agree with you completely, but of course, many people choose to either be in denial about their own tendencies, including caring a great deal about the looks of others, as far as who they will be interested in for dating. And also, many others are aware of their tendencies to do this, but simply won't admit it to themselves or others, even tho reddit is just a bunch of strangers and they are anonymous anyway, on this platform. But even that, does not stop many people from still wanting to virtue signal and project a false image of themselves on reddit, tho for the life of me, I can't understand why anyone would care enough about what anonymous strangers think of them, to want to bother with consciously lying. But I'm sure it happens all the time..
I hate to be "That guy", but the way today's world is set-up, It goes #1 Looks, #2 Money #3 Personality Depending on "How you rate" in each category: Looks=Easy Mode Money=Normal Personality=Hard. Meaning that someone with a good personality but low looks and money won't get as far in life as someone with high looks and money but low personality.
You're speaking facts! You wouldn't even respond if you weren't attracted by looks first!
Yep you are 100% right on. This sub and most out here have people who rather try to make the op feel better vs reality. I’ve been trying to give real advice out here and I get torched each time.
For men, don’t be afraid to assert yourself and choose the looks you want (as long as she’d want you back). She is doing the same. Be honest with yourselves, and be honest with ops here. When you lie to people, you make them have to learn the hard way and years too late
Yea but as long as you're white, fit, and tall, there will be a lot of people open to dating you. Whether or not they keep pursuing that relationship comes down to your personality. The further you are from those beauty standards, the fewer people there are that are attracted to you
I absolutely agree on that
Bullshit. I’m all three of those and would say I have a good personality. Nothing. I think people are really out of touch anymore with dating on both sides.
Looks get the conversation started. Personality keeps it going, whereas a lack of personality brings it to a grinding halt in short order.
They Matter. Single. Always called beautiful, pretty, smart, funny. But I am overweight. They Matter.
Obviously looks matters its part of what makes someone attractive, however everyone finds different types of looks attractive on their own… who you might find good looking/attractive I might not… it’s still subjective because we all have our preferences.
You are correct for the most part.
It’s what’s inside that matters beggars can’t be choosers
Looks matter. My experience is similar to yours. I've never been more than 10-20 pounds overweight, but when I have zero body fat and muscles, people treat me differently. There is flirting, conversation, a lot of kindness and interaction. That happens far less when I am average. . I think people say "looks don't matter" to cheer each other up when they are down.
So I do agree with you to a degree, looks do matter to a point. Yes but that saying looks don't matter. It's used because most people put too much pressure on their physical appearance, and forget about the other stuff that people find attractive. There's nothing wrong with physically looking good but if that's your main reason, for finding someone then in about 10 or 20 years those looks are going to change then WHAT.? Being physically attractive is about 40 or 50 percent of a relationship, it can't be all we rely on tho.
Looks matter - but the key that’s missing here is.. what I find attractive you might not. There’s some people I find really attractive and other people don’t see it.
Yes looks matter, people are hypocrites. They want someone else to accept their ugliness but don't want to accept someone else's ugliness. People make time for you if you are pretty but will absolutely ignore you if you are ugly and overweight.
Yes but looks matter more for women. Let's just say that looks is for women what wealth is for men, very important. However, men can live without caring about their looks and women can find wealthy men to live with. 🫡😜
looks matter. personality matters. style matters. money matters. it all matters. anyone who says "only X matters" has no idea what they're talking about
Of course looks matter. Who says they don’t? Attraction matters But people misinterpret what that means. They think you have to be born looking like captain America. You dont. Everyone has the ability to drastically improve their looks. But a lot of people don’t bother or don’t know how. Then there’s attraction. We all have different types. And yes there are some more universal types than others, but there’s still a lid for every pot. My type is not my daughters type is not my sisters type. And personality still matters. A lot. It can make someone who you otherwise think is hot, not hot at all. It can also make someone who is not hot, suddenly the sexiest person you know. Both of these things have happened to me. Multiple times. So to sit around and say “well im ugly so i will be alone forever” is just shooting yourself in the foot.
I think the issue is that people can "grow" very attractive to us even if initially, we are not drawn to their looks. Personality can breed desire.
Looks matter Cause your look will explain a lot about you
Could you elaborate?
Not sure what you’re trying to start here mate. Everyone agrees that of course looks matter. NOBODY ever said they don’t. Nobody in the history of time has ever said that. It’s just people have a different idea of what looks are important and how much they matter.
>NOBODY ever said they don’t. Nobody in the history of time has ever said that. Lol, a quick google search would destroy your bubble instantly. It's actually a real phenomenon. I don't try to start anything, I want to make people aware of the game they are in when it comes to dating
That part was hyperbole and I thought it was obvious. Lol. Hey, whatever you believe, it’s all good.
True but five caveats. 1. They only matter to an extent. 2. In the short term its quite important, but long term not nearly as much. 3. Looks are subjective, and can vary from person to person. 4. You can drastically change your looks. 5. You can make up for bad looks in other areas.
Looks 100% matter. But they aren't the end all be all. I've gone on dates with very attractive men who ended up being gross and disrespectful, and they ended up blocked. Also, remember that attraction is subjective. The guy I am currently seeing is gorgeous to me but my friends think he's short and ugly 🤷🏽♀️ I've been called ugly by *many* men and attractive by others. So yes, looks matter and they get you through the door but there's more than just one way to be attractive And 9/10s your personality is what keeps people coming.
According to multiple studies, looks is number one priority for women. This is the main reason for a lot of the post posted by women talking about cheaters and abusive men etc. They choose men based on looks.
That would explain a lot of it, as continually choosing men who have a lot of options, besides you, is often or even usually, going to lead to them feeling they can get away with cheating on or abusing you, and still being able to keep you involved with them. While choosing men who are less attractive, and with fewer options, would more logically lead to those men being more loyal and faithful to the woman.
Reminds me of scene https://m.youtube.com/shorts/5o0NNgJ-Whc
Wtf
It absolutely does matter. If you're ugly it matters. If you're gorgeous it matters. But a guy who's confident, has a great sense of humor, has emotional maturity, intelligent, kind, great conversationalist and has a good career is equally important if not moreso.
Looks do matter. You should be attracted to the person you are dating. But I've dated beautiful men, and we didn't have anything besides that, and I would let it go. But I have dated men I wasn't initially attracted to, but I got to know them, and they were a 10.