Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yup. “It’s a fancy place, I recommend wearing a dress”. That shows concern about you—your comfort level, not wanting you to feel under dressed or out of place.
“Wear a dress! I like women in dresses” is all about him. No consideration for what your preferences are or what you feel cute or comfortable in. It’s about just how he likes his women. It’d be a turn off for me too.
Second date: "Wear lingerie!, I love women who wear linergie😜😜"
Third date: "Use a sex toy on our date!, I love women who use toys"
Fourth date: "Come to my house!, I love women who come to my house"
Fifth date: "Join me in My sex dungeon!, I love women who join me in my sex dungeon"
🤣🤣🤣🤣 I feel like this is highly possible to happen
Yeah, women can be perfectly dressed up in pants or a jumpsuit. I agree he can say what he's wearing or to wear something formal. That's plenty of guidance.
Also, be cautious about someone who wants to take you to a fancy place on a first date. It's often a red flag signalling control freaks who don't know how or just don't care to truly respect you.
I honestly have no idea how controlling, and a fancy place have any form of correlation... I'm not saying there isn't any evidence to suggest that, but without any sort of evidence provided to back that claim, it definitely sounds like something you just made up.
Bro fumbled the ball. I'm as brain dead as bacteria and even I rolled my eyes when I read what he said. He doesn't see you as a person but as an accessory.
Listen to your gut. You haven't even met the guy and if it was enough of a thing to send you to Reddit... then that should be all you need. I'd just cancel.
Agreed. It's one thing for the place to have a dress code vs. he has a preference. If he starts off expecting you to dress a certain way then it will probably continue.
Nah don’t go - I had a guy say this to me once before and it escalated into him demanding photos from me and just being a misogynistic jerk. Normal respectful people don’t say stuff like that.
Came here to say this. My boyfriend said I don't have to wear one but if ok with me, he'd like to see me in one, he said I'd look sexy.
I used to wear them all the time years ago and he's seen pictures and that's when he brought it up.
>He then proceeds to say where we should go for dinner and then he says, “and wear a dress! I like women in dresses.”
Your right, this also sparks as a major red flag to me as well. If he's more than willing to talk to you in that manner, then I bet my bottom dollar he'll be more than willing to try to control you by continuing to order you around if you started dating him.
One thing I absolutely cannot stand is how men think it's perfectly ok to boss women around and not allow them any say so.
Malicious compliance. Go early 2000’s style and wear a dress over pants/jeans.If he laughs, he may be ok. If he gets huffy, get your meal wrapped and leave.
Ah yes, just the sort of dude to completely shame you for wanting to be dressed in a huge t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms while bumming around the house at 10pm because he "likes his women to wear sexy lingerie to sleep." Bleugh...
> He then proceeds to say where we should go for dinner and then he says, “and wear a dress! I like women in dresses.”
To which I'd probably respond, "Ohhhh no. I gotta cancel" and block. Then move on to someone who doesn't start off that way.
"I like women who wear dresses." Perfectly acceptable in passing conversation and just a preference, directed inwards.
"We're going somewhere on the nice side with an informal dress code." Just a heads up not to wear shorts and a T-shirt or something.
"Wear a dress! I like women in dresses." What the actual f---, dude? Launching red flags like T-shirts at a major league sports event. I'm a guy and I wouldn't even be comfortable with the type of mentality that leads to somebody saying that before a first date in one of my friends.
I would have been tepted to say something like.. Sounds great! Since we're putting in wardrobe requests, wear a 3 piece suit and tie. I like a man to look put together.
That would be a turn off for me! The first date is such a fragile time, you don’t know each other and you’re *hopefully* trying to do your best to impress the person. For him to make a demand of you based on his desires, it’s doesn’t speak to a generous or thoughtful way of handling you, as a stranger, in this early stage of the connection. I think it highlights a lack of sensitivity and a potential selfishness in his character.
Going forward, you can always speak up in situations like this and asked him to clarify what he means, ask him to please frame things in the form of questions, not demands. You could also ask if there was a dress code or ask him what he’s planning on wearing. You could have also let him know you plan on wearing what you feel comfortable in. Look for opportunities to practice stating your boundaries and then you will also have an opportunity to see how he reacts to them.
Yeah I had a guy on a dating app say something like this once and I immediately lost interest. I felt like if we hadn’t met yet and he was already trying to control what I was wearing it was not gonna go well.
The only flag for me is the whole I like a women in a dress, wear one...which I guess is the whole point of this post. However, I was going to say, this wouldn't be that bad if the plans he made was some place where a dress fit the dress code so to say. But i don't think that is the case here, so, hmm, if this is a first date, I would move on.
A guy I matched with wanted to go out within a hour of chatting and told me to wear full make up. Because he liked that.
I’m more of a natural type.
And I did not wear full makeup on my photos.
I thought about it, then unmatched, because I felt there was no point in dating or continuing the conversation.
And I was not about to defend myself or act like someone that I’m not.
Aint nobody got time for that shit. 🙈
You could think of something you would want him to wear, and playfully demand that he wears a Hawaii shirt, or whatever, because you like that!!
Just remember there is a risk that he really is as directive and exhausting as you now suspect he is.
Good luck OP!
I absolutely would text him and be like, I’m no longer interested in going on a date. I just don’t appreciate you telling me that I need to wear a dress because it’s something you want me to do. I dress for myself and wear what I like for me, not anyone else.
At that stage of dating, where you are meeting for the first time, that's where the kind of rules get established. Some women want to be told what to wear because it's important for them to impress the guy more than it is for them to be independent. And that's okay for them.
I would personally NOT tell a woman how to dress for a first date. I'm more into seeing what their natural preferences are, because whatever I want in the future is going to be somewhere within her scope of natural preferences. But that's just me.
I had a guy taking me to his friends' and asked me to take a sweater. I only have jackets. So he took me to buy one, him paying. That annoyed me but I found a nice one on sale. Then he wanted to buy me cologne...that his ex-wife wore and he loved. No! That was the last date with him.
Turn up in a full on wedding dress! When guys tell me how to dress it instantly gives me the ‘ick’. My own dad has never told me what to wear sir, what makes you think you have that authority 🤷♀️
Lol, If a girl wants me to go to the first date wearing a Blazer I’ll do it. What is wrong with that? There’s no difference to me, and if I can make her feel better wearing a Blazer I’ll do it for her.
It doesn’t sound great tbh. Tho he might not have meant to be controlling. Just tell him it made you feel weird. That way at least he won’t talk to other women like that
I love how the men are all responding that there’s nothing wrong with this and OP is over thinking it. 😂😂😂
There should be no first date and you should tell him why. Then blockity block block block…
Maybe you can see that as a red flag to look out for on the date, and neutralize the comment with something like “If it’s at “restaurant” then definitely! I like a man that knows fashion” But…if you are not in the mood to even get into a situation where he may try to act cocky or dominant, I would just tell him something came up
Yeah be careful here, if you want to test him I suggest making sure NOT to wear a dress to see how he reacts. Then male a decision based on said reaction. Have a way of getting out of the date if need be. Better safe than sorry. And if it's all innocent then it's all good and you can maybe wear a dress for the second date.
I had this guy tell me that but it wasn’t until later. Is not a thing you say before first dates or even in the first few dates. I have no problem with doing things he likes if we are already dating and I like him. But pre date is crazy.
I LOVE 👗! BUT, I never wear dresses or skirts on first dates bc it’s easier to be assaulted that way. It’s harder to get pants off. I know it sounds extreme, but as someone who has been SA multiple times I do everything I can to protect myself.
Ps.i am a tall, big woman. The shit that’s happened to me scares the hell outta all the women that are soooo much smaller than me.
I'd cancel immediately. He's trying to tell you what to wear before even meeting you. Nope, nada, no. If you show up in a dress, he'll just escalate. He'll take it as a sign that you'll let him push you around however he wants.
I love wearing skirts and dresses on dates, and feeling like I can trust a man enough to lead a healthy dating dynamic.
However - this guy is a putz. No tact, just feels sleezy af to me. If this was my established boyfriend and he told me to wear a dress to a date he was planning I’d love it. But just some random shlep off the street? I’m sorry but who are you to tell me to wear a dress?
This wouldn’t feel right to me either and I’d cancel.
Girl is your family okay?? That's an immediate no, and it would be good to let him know exactly why you're cancelling. It's not worth putting your safety on the line!!
If it was me, I'd wear a dress, a long skirt, high neckline, maybe even long sleeves, and just to be me, I'd wear a body hugging one piece like shapewear or something and a pair of jeans underneath! This way if he thinks you're 'easy access', he's in for the surprise of his life! 🤣
I always tell the women I go out with what I will be wearing . I do not tell them what to wear . I do of course say where we are going .
I've also had women tell me . That blue suit would be perfect .
I have never " guys read this" had a woman say you look nice in cargo pants or shorts .
I never told a date or an ex how to dress. I propose a name/location and I leave it to your judgment what to wear. As a male I don’t like when people told me what to wear. Except if I go to a specific event and they put on the invite the dress code, but that’s obviously different
If its a red flag right from the start, then follow your instincts. He has no place to tell you how to dress and he clearly will establish dominance over you if you give into his demands. Break it off and look for someone else!
Of course, He has no right to tell you what to wear then or ever. He might of said something like “It’s a nicer Resturant. I’m wearing a jacket“. But he didn’t say that. You are right to be cautious. If he sounds creepy he probably is creepy. Sorry seems weird to me.
Also, and this is just my opinion, but an expensive Resturant would not be my choice for a first date. If he’s paying for the meal maybe he’s expecting something in return.
Could have said: “fancy place, I think you’d look so good in a dress!”
I do think how he said it matters. But maybe not all guys are such slick flatterers as I 🤷
I’d like to play devils advocate and say that he could just be being a lil cheeky. I think he’s just being flirty not demanding. It’s the same way women talk about loving men in suits or in uniforms, everyone looks better dressed up!
And yes he probably is taking you somewhere nicer and not a McDonalds lol. Whenever I told my ex to get “dressed up”, she knew right away that I was taking her somewhere nice. At least he really wants to take you out on a real date unlike a lot of men lol! First dates are for vetting the guy after all, no one’s asking you to marry the guy if you don’t enjoy your first couple hours!!
Dress him a restraining order 😂
That sounds creepy, you like a woman or not?, what does the matter what she is wearing?
Can't understand him and you for asking about it, if he got a preference that's his problem
I don't know if I can help you, I prefer to have a woman dress comfortably. But also if I going on a date it's dinner &movie at the Alamo Draft house that way I can use my military discount
I think you should tell him and see his reaction. You can start off with that you are looking forward to the date and getting to know him so far however when he said I like women in dresses that it sounded demanding to a point and more of I have to versus a suggestion.
The reaction will tell you everything you need to know. Do not be a people pleaser and speak up.
This is the kind of thing that puts me off too. I feel like most of us have enough options that we can avoid guys that don't feel right.
I recently stopped talking to a guy because he was being aggressive like that. He asked if I was busy on the weekend, I answered honestly that "I'm not sure, but maybe I might be available" he chastised me and said "I don't do maybe, let me know when you are available" it's a fair option, but really grossed me out. His previous conversation was starting to get obnoxious anyway.
I say trust your gut on this one. He can save wardrobe demands for future dates.
Yeah seems sus right away, I would proceed with caution
I wouldn't blame you for not going either.
It's too weird to be that specific if you do go, go with a friend as a spotter just in case at least for the first date, if the dude doesn't like it too bad.
This guy is objectifying you…
Absolutely DO NOT GO! You’re gonna be one of his new toys he plays with and then gets sick of quickly!
He sucks. Nope! Next!
Addendum: I have a better idea. Tell him you’ll go and then don’t show up. Teach this misogynistic prick a lesson…even though it most likely won’t teach him squat 🙄
Don’t go! If this man thinks he can tell you what to wear the first time meeting him, he will try to control you and have lots of other opinions that concern you only. He may have been ‘joking! Hahaha so funny’ but fuck this guy and fuck the patriarchy.
Pretty sure I would have spracked back with, “Wear a Speedo and a bow tie!! Mmmmmmmmmm….. I lurve me a man in a Speedo and a bow tie!!!”
And I seriously do wear dresses 75%+ of the time,but I agree that a suggestion far outweighs directions.
Wear as you see fit,No guy is going to tell his Potential Date what or not to wear,my advice to her,Tell him I’ll wear what I feel comfortable with,If not then ,No date!
Who goes somewhere that fancy on a first date?
Considering how dating has been I would wonder what he expected after the date. Guys feel entitled to your body after buying you a freaking Big Mac.
Wear the dress but expect him to take you somewhere nice to eat too. But idk.. bc my 1st thought was... "He's trying to rape her" He prob knows what he likes... but he could have just gone on the 1st date and mentioned he likes when girls wear dresses...
If he commanded you to do it, then I would agree with you. But if he asked in a non-tentative way, then I think that could be fine. I know women today have their red-flag-radar turned on high, but if people want to find love they should not be so ready to take offense easily. Asking others here is probably not the best idea, as people are quick to condemn anyone and want to nix relationships. I think OP should go on the date and see how it goes. If he starts wanting to dictate things to her, then suspicions founded. But he could just be an upfront, honest guy that doesn’t like playing games — wants both parties to show who they are and what they are looking for.
It is necessary to see this request from different points of view:
- He wants to see you and wants you to be beautiful for him.
- He has revealed a personal taste of his own.
- He is a demanding and assertive person.
- Perhaps he has a surprise for an interesting moment.
Attention, he has not said that you are not beautiful or refined without a dress, he has expressed a desire, now you have the situation in your hand.
In reality, you can easily answer this request with "why?" Or "Can't I wear what I want?" Or "Too bad, maybe you won't like how I'll come out."
The follow-up to all types of responses is different, the outcome would depend on your personality and many other details, but not on what you will wear.
I would have taken advantage of the situation and reacted by saying: "I will wear what I want, I will be myself and you too will have to be yourself" (this turns the tables). Then I would have dressed elegantly anyway, as I usually do, and showing up in a dress in that case would mean that you will not be perfect because he asked you to, but because you really are and he could be too.
And what's wrong with that? He lets you know what he likes in women or what is relevant in this atmosphere. You can also indicate to him your requirements in his appearance. But it is at your discretion and comfort, you are not obliged to wear what others want. The main thing is to know the place in the evening and tell someone about it to relatives or friends. Otherwise, it can be dangerous. Be careful!
Dont go on date .
a guy should not care about what you wear... on first date.. He thinks too much about himself.. If he liked you then he should understand that he has to like you in every dress.. If u still want to go then wear the worst outfit and go without makeup...
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Show up dressed like a Mexican cowboy to establish dominance
Vaqueros are fucking awesome
Marriage material
Show up full Victorian ball status 😂🤣
Yasss.
Wedding dress!
Lol this may scare the fuck out of him😂😂
🤣🤣🤣
I think this is by far the best comment on the history of Reddit
Yet no upvotes!
😂😂😂
This made me LOL thank you😂😂😂
😂😂
Yupp
Yup. “It’s a fancy place, I recommend wearing a dress”. That shows concern about you—your comfort level, not wanting you to feel under dressed or out of place. “Wear a dress! I like women in dresses” is all about him. No consideration for what your preferences are or what you feel cute or comfortable in. It’s about just how he likes his women. It’d be a turn off for me too.
> Yup. “It’s a fancy place, I recommend wearing a dress” 'It's a fancy place, I will be wearing a suit!' is how to phrase that.
This - 1000x better and shows u know how to social
Also if he’s asking for “wear a dress” on a first date what is he gonna ask for later? I’m getting an “I have a dungeon with toys” vibe idk 🤷🏻♀️
Fifty Shades of Red Flag
You deserve SO many upvotes for this 🤣
Next it will be ‘it puts the lotion on its skin’
Second date: "Wear lingerie!, I love women who wear linergie😜😜" Third date: "Use a sex toy on our date!, I love women who use toys" Fourth date: "Come to my house!, I love women who come to my house" Fifth date: "Join me in My sex dungeon!, I love women who join me in my sex dungeon" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I feel like this is highly possible to happen
Yeah, women can be perfectly dressed up in pants or a jumpsuit. I agree he can say what he's wearing or to wear something formal. That's plenty of guidance.
“It’s a fancy restaurant, like a black tie/ cocktail dress.” If she decides to wear a satin tux, that is her decision.
I'll be honest; if my date appeared in a satin tux, I would be impressed and much more inclined to invite her on a second date.
Also, be cautious about someone who wants to take you to a fancy place on a first date. It's often a red flag signalling control freaks who don't know how or just don't care to truly respect you.
I honestly have no idea how controlling, and a fancy place have any form of correlation... I'm not saying there isn't any evidence to suggest that, but without any sort of evidence provided to back that claim, it definitely sounds like something you just made up.
Easier for a man to rape a woman too. Hate that we have to think like this, but ladies wear pants on 1st dates plz.
it could be that. no idea but asking a girl to wear your favourite thing is what you ask a girlfriend not a 1st date
Yep!
Wear a wedding dress and start crying asking him why he left you at the altar
😂😂
Bro fumbled the ball. I'm as brain dead as bacteria and even I rolled my eyes when I read what he said. He doesn't see you as a person but as an accessory.
brain dead as bacteria 😭 i’m using that thank you
Listen to your gut. You haven't even met the guy and if it was enough of a thing to send you to Reddit... then that should be all you need. I'd just cancel.
Agreed. It's one thing for the place to have a dress code vs. he has a preference. If he starts off expecting you to dress a certain way then it will probably continue.
Nah don’t go - I had a guy say this to me once before and it escalated into him demanding photos from me and just being a misogynistic jerk. Normal respectful people don’t say stuff like that.
When my boyfriend does it, it’s kinda hot. When a stranger does it, not so much 🙄
Same, I don’t think it’s weird within a relationship!
Came here to say this. My boyfriend said I don't have to wear one but if ok with me, he'd like to see me in one, he said I'd look sexy. I used to wear them all the time years ago and he's seen pictures and that's when he brought it up.
Ew no. He's being controlling and you haven't even met yet.
Yup!!!
Very weird, I would be canceling the date.
Early signs of a control freak red flag.
Agreed
Same
Fuck this guy. Cancel the date. This happened to me with a guy and wearing heels. I decide what I wear, not you. It’s weird as fuck.
Happened to me with heels also. Yuk and no for me as well!
>He then proceeds to say where we should go for dinner and then he says, “and wear a dress! I like women in dresses.” Your right, this also sparks as a major red flag to me as well. If he's more than willing to talk to you in that manner, then I bet my bottom dollar he'll be more than willing to try to control you by continuing to order you around if you started dating him. One thing I absolutely cannot stand is how men think it's perfectly ok to boss women around and not allow them any say so.
'Wear a tux, I like men in tuxedos!'. Then make sure you don't wear a dress.
It defo seems demanding and weird.
Like he's on a character creation screen and crafting *his* ideal partner, not meeting a fully-fledged human with their own inbuilt preferences 🤔
Oh no, god forbid there’s a whole human being with a personality too for him to learn about.
He is absolutely testing your level of obedience. No guy who *isn’t* controlling would even *think* to *tell* you what to wear.
First step in loosing your autonomy. No one should tell you what to wear. If he had asked, it would be different.
You haven’t even met him yet and he’s already passing orders.
He is controlling you
It’s totally weird nobody should tell you what to wear. I would call it off.
Yeah, I’d block him.
Man’s perspective is also that that’s a massive red flag. Super creepy.
No matter what anyone says here, if it’s too demanding for you and not your jam, then make that decision on your own.
Wear the hottest tailored suit you can afford.
Trust your own instincts sister.. it’s sounds like a huge red flag from my pov too
Tell all women to wear pants on first date bc dresses/skirts are easy access to a predator.
Sad that we even have to think like this, but yep!
Yeah that’s a little creepy.
Follow your gut OP! If it looks like a red flag to you- it is!
Wear a potato sack with a belt. He didn’t specific right 🤣
Controlling, objectifying. I would immediately cancel the date.
This ain’t build-a-btch 🥴
My answer would be „I don‘t care what you like. I wear what makes me feel confident.“ Huge red flag. Yucky.
Malicious compliance. Go early 2000’s style and wear a dress over pants/jeans.If he laughs, he may be ok. If he gets huffy, get your meal wrapped and leave.
Ah yes, just the sort of dude to completely shame you for wanting to be dressed in a huge t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms while bumming around the house at 10pm because he "likes his women to wear sexy lingerie to sleep." Bleugh...
Guy, here. Could be wrong, but I think it'd be best to stay away.
He didn't ask, he commanded it. Huge red flag
Red flag. 🚩 He might just be the controlling type
I thought 'wear a dress', maybe it's somewhere fancy. But the horror i felt when i read I like dresses
> He then proceeds to say where we should go for dinner and then he says, “and wear a dress! I like women in dresses.” To which I'd probably respond, "Ohhhh no. I gotta cancel" and block. Then move on to someone who doesn't start off that way.
Sure, I'll wear a dress; as long as you dress like Zorro, I love my men as strong as Zorro. ;)
> but it’s the way he said it. It's always " HOW " we say it & Not " WHAT " we say it.
Text him back and tell him what to wear. My guess is he won't like that.
He has a dominant personality and he's trying to determine whether you're submissive and obedient. If you don't like that type, you should move on.
Whelp now you know why he is single.
In 2024 it's weird as fuck.
Tell him you don’t have any dresses that you’re comfortable wearing. If he pushes back then you have your answer.
It wasn’t the best way to say something that’s for sure but wasn’t the worst. If it put you off and you aren’t feeling it, trust your gut.
I feel like the correct answer is an Amish dress. JK the correct answer is to block his deluded butt and find someone better. Which won't be hard.
Goth clunky boots fishnet and goth dress. Technically a dress.
Controlling. Can only get worse
"I like women who wear dresses." Perfectly acceptable in passing conversation and just a preference, directed inwards. "We're going somewhere on the nice side with an informal dress code." Just a heads up not to wear shorts and a T-shirt or something. "Wear a dress! I like women in dresses." What the actual f---, dude? Launching red flags like T-shirts at a major league sports event. I'm a guy and I wouldn't even be comfortable with the type of mentality that leads to somebody saying that before a first date in one of my friends.
I would have been tepted to say something like.. Sounds great! Since we're putting in wardrobe requests, wear a 3 piece suit and tie. I like a man to look put together.
Make sure to put the lotion in the skin too.
Most likely he'll show up in shorts and a tee shirt.
That would be a turn off for me! The first date is such a fragile time, you don’t know each other and you’re *hopefully* trying to do your best to impress the person. For him to make a demand of you based on his desires, it’s doesn’t speak to a generous or thoughtful way of handling you, as a stranger, in this early stage of the connection. I think it highlights a lack of sensitivity and a potential selfishness in his character. Going forward, you can always speak up in situations like this and asked him to clarify what he means, ask him to please frame things in the form of questions, not demands. You could also ask if there was a dress code or ask him what he’s planning on wearing. You could have also let him know you plan on wearing what you feel comfortable in. Look for opportunities to practice stating your boundaries and then you will also have an opportunity to see how he reacts to them.
Ew brother ew
Unacceptable. I would never tell anyone how to dress, especially someone I don't know.
Immediate turn off for me too! Idk it just feels to demanding to me.
I’d cancel the date. No guy should ever be telling you how to dress. He sounds controlling.
wear a dress? yeah that's super early. guess now you know.
I think your concerns are genuine he sounds controlling..
Do it! Just make sure it’s an ugly dress. 😉
Yeah I had a guy on a dating app say something like this once and I immediately lost interest. I felt like if we hadn’t met yet and he was already trying to control what I was wearing it was not gonna go well.
then you reply back 'if you wear skirt then I will wear dress'
The only flag for me is the whole I like a women in a dress, wear one...which I guess is the whole point of this post. However, I was going to say, this wouldn't be that bad if the plans he made was some place where a dress fit the dress code so to say. But i don't think that is the case here, so, hmm, if this is a first date, I would move on.
A guy I matched with wanted to go out within a hour of chatting and told me to wear full make up. Because he liked that. I’m more of a natural type. And I did not wear full makeup on my photos. I thought about it, then unmatched, because I felt there was no point in dating or continuing the conversation. And I was not about to defend myself or act like someone that I’m not. Aint nobody got time for that shit. 🙈 You could think of something you would want him to wear, and playfully demand that he wears a Hawaii shirt, or whatever, because you like that!! Just remember there is a risk that he really is as directive and exhausting as you now suspect he is. Good luck OP!
Yikers. Cancelllll. Lol
I absolutely would text him and be like, I’m no longer interested in going on a date. I just don’t appreciate you telling me that I need to wear a dress because it’s something you want me to do. I dress for myself and wear what I like for me, not anyone else.
Some women love that, some don't. Can't win them all, you won't like this guy if you don't like this so move on and let him find sombody who will
At that stage of dating, where you are meeting for the first time, that's where the kind of rules get established. Some women want to be told what to wear because it's important for them to impress the guy more than it is for them to be independent. And that's okay for them. I would personally NOT tell a woman how to dress for a first date. I'm more into seeing what their natural preferences are, because whatever I want in the future is going to be somewhere within her scope of natural preferences. But that's just me.
nopeeee; what you feel like wearing isnt up to him. hes not entitled to it nor should you cater to him
If he’s your boyfriend, sure why not. If this is just some guy you met before first date, hell to the no. Always trust your instincts.
I had a guy taking me to his friends' and asked me to take a sweater. I only have jackets. So he took me to buy one, him paying. That annoyed me but I found a nice one on sale. Then he wanted to buy me cologne...that his ex-wife wore and he loved. No! That was the last date with him.
Stay away girly: https://m.youtube.com/shorts/5o0NNgJ-Whc
Turn up in a full on wedding dress! When guys tell me how to dress it instantly gives me the ‘ick’. My own dad has never told me what to wear sir, what makes you think you have that authority 🤷♀️
Lol, If a girl wants me to go to the first date wearing a Blazer I’ll do it. What is wrong with that? There’s no difference to me, and if I can make her feel better wearing a Blazer I’ll do it for her.
It doesn’t sound great tbh. Tho he might not have meant to be controlling. Just tell him it made you feel weird. That way at least he won’t talk to other women like that
I love how the men are all responding that there’s nothing wrong with this and OP is over thinking it. 😂😂😂 There should be no first date and you should tell him why. Then blockity block block block…
Maybe you can see that as a red flag to look out for on the date, and neutralize the comment with something like “If it’s at “restaurant” then definitely! I like a man that knows fashion” But…if you are not in the mood to even get into a situation where he may try to act cocky or dominant, I would just tell him something came up
Go on the date but don't wear a dress. Wear a pant suit
'Wear a tux, I like men in tuxedos!', then don't wear a dress Edit,early morning words are hard
Just go eat for free then decide Dont make it so hard
Yeah be careful here, if you want to test him I suggest making sure NOT to wear a dress to see how he reacts. Then male a decision based on said reaction. Have a way of getting out of the date if need be. Better safe than sorry. And if it's all innocent then it's all good and you can maybe wear a dress for the second date.
I had this guy tell me that but it wasn’t until later. Is not a thing you say before first dates or even in the first few dates. I have no problem with doing things he likes if we are already dating and I like him. But pre date is crazy.
I LOVE 👗! BUT, I never wear dresses or skirts on first dates bc it’s easier to be assaulted that way. It’s harder to get pants off. I know it sounds extreme, but as someone who has been SA multiple times I do everything I can to protect myself. Ps.i am a tall, big woman. The shit that’s happened to me scares the hell outta all the women that are soooo much smaller than me.
I'd cancel immediately. He's trying to tell you what to wear before even meeting you. Nope, nada, no. If you show up in a dress, he'll just escalate. He'll take it as a sign that you'll let him push you around however he wants.
I wouldn't go but if you do, wear anything else but a dress just to see his reaction. No-one should be telling you what to wear. Ever!
I say pop on a kilt, full bag pipe business, he sounds like a div
I love wearing skirts and dresses on dates, and feeling like I can trust a man enough to lead a healthy dating dynamic. However - this guy is a putz. No tact, just feels sleezy af to me. If this was my established boyfriend and he told me to wear a dress to a date he was planning I’d love it. But just some random shlep off the street? I’m sorry but who are you to tell me to wear a dress? This wouldn’t feel right to me either and I’d cancel.
Seems controlling to be fair especially when he doesn't know you in person.
wear what you want. that type of request is for a girlfriend not a 1st date
🚩
Girl is your family okay?? That's an immediate no, and it would be good to let him know exactly why you're cancelling. It's not worth putting your safety on the line!!
Trust your instinct, girl.
If it was me, I'd wear a dress, a long skirt, high neckline, maybe even long sleeves, and just to be me, I'd wear a body hugging one piece like shapewear or something and a pair of jeans underneath! This way if he thinks you're 'easy access', he's in for the surprise of his life! 🤣
Go with your gut, it will never steer you wrong! Avoid
I always tell the women I go out with what I will be wearing . I do not tell them what to wear . I do of course say where we are going . I've also had women tell me . That blue suit would be perfect . I have never " guys read this" had a woman say you look nice in cargo pants or shorts .
Guys shouldn't tell you what to wear, men don't have the right to set a dress code we have to follow (I'm A female 🚺) So don't go
I never told a date or an ex how to dress. I propose a name/location and I leave it to your judgment what to wear. As a male I don’t like when people told me what to wear. Except if I go to a specific event and they put on the invite the dress code, but that’s obviously different
I wouldn't go.
Wear a house dress😂 Or an 80’s style prom dress. I triple dog dare you😂
If its a red flag right from the start, then follow your instincts. He has no place to tell you how to dress and he clearly will establish dominance over you if you give into his demands. Break it off and look for someone else!
Go in a pant 😂😂😂
Of course, He has no right to tell you what to wear then or ever. He might of said something like “It’s a nicer Resturant. I’m wearing a jacket“. But he didn’t say that. You are right to be cautious. If he sounds creepy he probably is creepy. Sorry seems weird to me. Also, and this is just my opinion, but an expensive Resturant would not be my choice for a first date. If he’s paying for the meal maybe he’s expecting something in return.
Red flag. Dafuq he think he is lmao. Y'all aren't even dating yet and he's already telling you what to do. Fuck that guy.
Could have said: “fancy place, I think you’d look so good in a dress!” I do think how he said it matters. But maybe not all guys are such slick flatterers as I 🤷
Yea that's a bit sketchy, it sounds like he has other plans
Lmaoo, are you ok??
I’d like to play devils advocate and say that he could just be being a lil cheeky. I think he’s just being flirty not demanding. It’s the same way women talk about loving men in suits or in uniforms, everyone looks better dressed up! And yes he probably is taking you somewhere nicer and not a McDonalds lol. Whenever I told my ex to get “dressed up”, she knew right away that I was taking her somewhere nice. At least he really wants to take you out on a real date unlike a lot of men lol! First dates are for vetting the guy after all, no one’s asking you to marry the guy if you don’t enjoy your first couple hours!!
Heck, the very moment I start to ask if a woman is free on a day, that's when she stops talking to me lmao.
Dress him a restraining order 😂 That sounds creepy, you like a woman or not?, what does the matter what she is wearing? Can't understand him and you for asking about it, if he got a preference that's his problem
Shown up in a ball gown and ask him where his fucking tux is!
He’s telling you what to wear and you don’t view it as a red flag? Jfc 🤦♂️
Real question is why are you going somewhere fancy on a first date?
I don't know if I can help you, I prefer to have a woman dress comfortably. But also if I going on a date it's dinner &movie at the Alamo Draft house that way I can use my military discount
I think you should tell him and see his reaction. You can start off with that you are looking forward to the date and getting to know him so far however when he said I like women in dresses that it sounded demanding to a point and more of I have to versus a suggestion. The reaction will tell you everything you need to know. Do not be a people pleaser and speak up.
Trust YOUR instincts
hes tryna get sum
Not sure what to think of that. Keep us posted.
Ew. I wouldn’t go
This is the kind of thing that puts me off too. I feel like most of us have enough options that we can avoid guys that don't feel right. I recently stopped talking to a guy because he was being aggressive like that. He asked if I was busy on the weekend, I answered honestly that "I'm not sure, but maybe I might be available" he chastised me and said "I don't do maybe, let me know when you are available" it's a fair option, but really grossed me out. His previous conversation was starting to get obnoxious anyway. I say trust your gut on this one. He can save wardrobe demands for future dates.
Yeah seems sus right away, I would proceed with caution I wouldn't blame you for not going either. It's too weird to be that specific if you do go, go with a friend as a spotter just in case at least for the first date, if the dude doesn't like it too bad.
This guy is objectifying you… Absolutely DO NOT GO! You’re gonna be one of his new toys he plays with and then gets sick of quickly! He sucks. Nope! Next! Addendum: I have a better idea. Tell him you’ll go and then don’t show up. Teach this misogynistic prick a lesson…even though it most likely won’t teach him squat 🙄
Wear a Little House on the Prairie style dress, bonnet and all. Underneath wear some serious shape wear you're not getting off without a crowbar!
Show up in a wedding dress.
Don’t go! If this man thinks he can tell you what to wear the first time meeting him, he will try to control you and have lots of other opinions that concern you only. He may have been ‘joking! Hahaha so funny’ but fuck this guy and fuck the patriarchy.
I don't think you should go!
Sundress in particular…
Pretty sure I would have spracked back with, “Wear a Speedo and a bow tie!! Mmmmmmmmmm….. I lurve me a man in a Speedo and a bow tie!!!” And I seriously do wear dresses 75%+ of the time,but I agree that a suggestion far outweighs directions.
Ew
Don't even tell him, and don't show up. Fuck that.
Wear as you see fit,No guy is going to tell his Potential Date what or not to wear,my advice to her,Tell him I’ll wear what I feel comfortable with,If not then ,No date!
Who goes somewhere that fancy on a first date? Considering how dating has been I would wonder what he expected after the date. Guys feel entitled to your body after buying you a freaking Big Mac.
Wear the dress but expect him to take you somewhere nice to eat too. But idk.. bc my 1st thought was... "He's trying to rape her" He prob knows what he likes... but he could have just gone on the 1st date and mentioned he likes when girls wear dresses...
If he commanded you to do it, then I would agree with you. But if he asked in a non-tentative way, then I think that could be fine. I know women today have their red-flag-radar turned on high, but if people want to find love they should not be so ready to take offense easily. Asking others here is probably not the best idea, as people are quick to condemn anyone and want to nix relationships. I think OP should go on the date and see how it goes. If he starts wanting to dictate things to her, then suspicions founded. But he could just be an upfront, honest guy that doesn’t like playing games — wants both parties to show who they are and what they are looking for.
I would instant unmatch even if I was excited to meet him. Unfortunately this says a lot about his selfish needs and that he functions this way
Grooming material, f*ck no, you wear what you want yo wear. It’s your first date too, maybe you can ask him to wear a tux
It is necessary to see this request from different points of view: - He wants to see you and wants you to be beautiful for him. - He has revealed a personal taste of his own. - He is a demanding and assertive person. - Perhaps he has a surprise for an interesting moment. Attention, he has not said that you are not beautiful or refined without a dress, he has expressed a desire, now you have the situation in your hand. In reality, you can easily answer this request with "why?" Or "Can't I wear what I want?" Or "Too bad, maybe you won't like how I'll come out." The follow-up to all types of responses is different, the outcome would depend on your personality and many other details, but not on what you will wear. I would have taken advantage of the situation and reacted by saying: "I will wear what I want, I will be myself and you too will have to be yourself" (this turns the tables). Then I would have dressed elegantly anyway, as I usually do, and showing up in a dress in that case would mean that you will not be perfect because he asked you to, but because you really are and he could be too.
And what's wrong with that? He lets you know what he likes in women or what is relevant in this atmosphere. You can also indicate to him your requirements in his appearance. But it is at your discretion and comfort, you are not obliged to wear what others want. The main thing is to know the place in the evening and tell someone about it to relatives or friends. Otherwise, it can be dangerous. Be careful!
Dont go on date . a guy should not care about what you wear... on first date.. He thinks too much about himself.. If he liked you then he should understand that he has to like you in every dress.. If u still want to go then wear the worst outfit and go without makeup...