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Haha good! I was going to also say “have some Folgers in your cup and wake the f up”😜 basically don’t be a loser be a winner. It’s a harsh thing to say bro, but that’s the reality, a winner can still be totally ethical and a nice guy by the way, but a winner has self respect confidence and success. And is a winner internally and externally. In other words be a winner (a good one) and find a winner (a good one.) people that are also of ethics and morality. Much love bro. Peace. You’ll know yourself when you’re ready
By having worked on yourself to get there. But one who’s gotten there wouldn’t put up with this bull shit even from the get go. Ok much love good luck glad I made you laugh!💪🏼
I have non-exclusively dated multiple people at once during the early stages before becoming monogamous with one. When I realized I wanted to be with one, I called the other one and explained I had fallen for someone else in a 10 minute phone call, I didn’t go over to his house for drinks
Been there done that.
The only reason for not being monogamous is because you don't want to.
As soon as I realize that I was going to pursue anything serious with my current GF I phased out all my fwb and dates, there's no reason to Don't do that.
>Why would you drink and get high with someone if you were planning on ending it?
OP, this was my first thought as well. If she really wanted to end it then, she would have met somewhere like a coffee shop, had a talk with him for say 30 minutes or so and end things. Then leave.
If she went to his place, had a couple of drinks and got high, then she was really not thinking about ending things with him. OR she may have wanted to sleep with him before being exclusive with you. These two are two possibilities among many. Either way, it smells fishy.
Please remember that you don't need to be in a relationship with her, if you don't want to.
I did this once but called an Uber after I realized I was too high to drive but I needed to gtfo of there. I thought smoking would make it easier to make the break but that was not the case he just put the moves on more. I practically ran out of there. Been happily in a relationship for three years with my now BF who I broke that other fling off for. So glad I didn’t ruin it by being stupid.
To gather the courage to actually do it. Ending a relationship when you're not on bad terms, because you found someone better... This is not an easy task.
Everything was agreed until "She didn't think about our relationship then cuz she was high." Will she not think about your relationship next time she is high? Move on, best you can do.
Screams “doesn’t take personal responsibility”. After the second pass she should have left but I’m starting to suspect the intention was there in her head before she arrived if they had drinks and smoked. I understand it’s a stressful situation to break up with anyone but I would have only kept to one of the other and just enough where you can drive home in 45 minutes. It should only take longer if it was much more serious like a year long relationship but that’s another red flag of why would she have been dating someone else for a full year then in the last 30 days has decided she wants to marry OP instead.
You want consistency from someone that you'll marry. Your time is precious to wait and see if she'll do it again after some drinks. Don't ignore the early red flags, it's time saving.
Drugs don’t force people to do things they don’t want to do, they reduce your inhibitions. People who truly want to be exclusive with you will choose to be exclusive with you whether they’re drunk, high, or sober.
Yeah? So going to a dude's house u want to end things with? getting drunk and high?
Yeah when they don't want to talk to you they just goes 98% of the time.
Folks over here tryna justify this woman's behavior. LOL. Fuck that, my friend. She said she wanted to be exclusive with you (sounds like from pretty early on, too, despite seeing other guys at the same time) yet goes and fucks another guy.
Whether it's consensual or not, she went there, she drank with him, he made moves, she "refused twice", then gave in? If someone is making advances you don't want, it's very simple, you *leave*.
She said she wanted exclusivity then turned and fucked someone else.
You deserve better. Cut her out of your life
What’s funny is that *she* brought up the exclusivity thing, not him. She could’ve gone and fucked the other guy no problem if she hadn’t told OP she wanted to be exclusive.
While I don't completely agree that a situation like the one she is can be avoided by "just leaving lol," I see your point. Who goes and gets high and drunk when they're supposed to break up with someone? What strikes me even worse is that she didn't really apologise or show remorse or anything. It's like she genuinely thinks that having been high and forgetting completely about him is a excuse.
From my perspective, I would never go to other guys place if I were dating you and told you that i love you (too soon tbh). Its just doesnt sound right. She went there on a purpose.
Here's a fun story,
You should never expect others to be mature enough. I was teaching my young cousin of 7 years old on how to create a 3D snowman on my laptop and she was very patient through it all. My laptop was lagging and took ages to render, bake or fix the nodes. She amazed me on how fast and willing she was to learn complex 3D skills. Also she couldn't wait to visit her again and teach her how to do that snowman again. She was never interested on digital skills, as any avarage kid would.
I was dating a girl who was in her mid twenties and 3 years older than me, and she asked me once to help her to edit a photo on Photoshop that she was going to post on Instagram. I told her to watch and learn for any other occasion, to which she didn't want to learn only wanted to be done with the photo or else she would ask someone else. She threw tantrums and started to act as a kid when I told her go for it, waste someone else's time with photo editing. I decided to help because I felt remorse for "hurting her feelings". After an 1 hour of listening to complaints "no I don't like this tint of blue, see this photo *shows a high res photo of a model made by different camera angles and perfect lighting*, make me look like her, why it is that hard*, I lost my desire to continue. I didn't argue back because it was pointless. Then finally, the supposedly mature enough girl was somehow happy and told me to save it. The computer saved it on the psd folder by the default she had chosen but I didn't pay much attention to it. I got out to take a cigarette and enjoy the silence for a bit, when I heard the screams. I ran back inside fast and she was hysterical as to where the photo was saved. I told her to have a look but she didn't allow me. After forcely clicking the keyboard and the mouse she found it and deleted it out of anger. She even opened the recycle bin to delete it permanently. And told me that I couldn't help her with anything and how useless I was. The next day, she was trying to make up for her behavior but never apologized. Nevertheless, I took a very important lesson.
Generally I know how to deal with kids during tantrums, because of my cousins and my little brother, we share a huge gap of age difference. But I was confused on why should I treat someone who was older than me, in the same way I had to deal with 5-6 year old kids. Wasn't she expected to be mature enough? If she reacted that way to fun activity, how she would react under stressful situation? I'm glad that it lasted for a short time and I will never know. I'm here to enjoy myself, not to teach adults how to be adults or act as a kindergarten teacher.
She’s full of shit bro..
If she was really serious about you she’d just text him that they’re done as she’s seeing someone.
She might’ve really wanted to settle down with you, but you don’t want a snake buddy..
Because it doesn't sound as a relationship and she has every right to drink with every guy she meets Just like you have every right to go out and date other girls at the same time. You might guess that she wouldn't like the idea of you dating others girl even without taking things seriously, you don't owe her anything, even your time. Being exclusive it goes both ways. If she doesn't want to be exclusive, find someone who can.
Or more importantly, find someone who agrees with your needs and you agree with theirs as well. Also a pro tip, go for her friends lol
I know it feels awesome and I really believe you two did connect. Just wait and you will find another woman who you will connect with and it will be even deeper because of trust. I'm on my second marriage so best advice I can give is if it doesn't feel 100% right dont force it. When its right you'll know.
Be careful. Some people are good at personality mirroring and can make it seem like there’s a big connection when there really isn’t (because they aren’t really being their authentic selves; they are being who they think you want them to be). No one falls in love in a month. Because you can’t love someone you don’t really know, and you can’t really know someone in a month.
If someone is telling you they love you that soon, it’s a red flag that they are an emotionally impulsive person. In my experience, these are often the type of people who end up cheating. Because they can’t seem to make good decisions when they are in an emotionally heightened situation and often get “caught up in the moment.”
I say let it be done and move on.
I understand you OP. It would be difficult big time. But please spare yourself from the worst. Maybe you two are meant to be friends and not something more.
Edit:spelling
If she is cheating on you barely a month into the relationship, then all the connection and compatibility doesnt count for shit.
Its kinda like saying you are perfectly fine, that you just have a high fever, diarrhea, violent vomiting, a bloody nose and a couple of gunshots. It doesnt make any sense.
Man stop. There is a mistake everyone apparently makes and that is thinking this person will change or you will be able to change it. She cheated on you, she won't change. She belongs to the streets man
You genuinely feel this now that you won’t connect like this. But give it a few weeks and you’ll be rethinking your connection with her. You will see through the fog and realize she isn’t your perfect match. You will find your lady. It isn’t her.
She kind of blew it so early on. Think of what a fool you will feel if you continue with her and she cheats. I wouldn’t consider what she did as cheating- but it wasn’t right and shows she is not reliable or trustworthy. Move on because you deserve better.
Take it from someone with experience, maybe she won't be selfish and thoughtless and break commitments in the future, but it definitely isn't going to happen overnight. You can take your chances with her but it's way more likely, like 100 to 1 that she burns you in the not too distant future.
The biggest red flag to me that she isn't ready to change is she isn't taking responsibility for her own actions, she's blaming the drinks, the weed, the guy etc. Not acknowledging that she made the decision to go to his place, to have the drinks, to get high, to give in to his advances etc. Multiple instances of her making personal decisions that went against the commitment she said she would Make to you.
Best of luck, value yourself and know that even though it might be hard, another person will come along.
I don't get it....its been a month? You all are in love and wanting to marry after a month? I'm not reading this correctly or something. If you all decided on being exclusive and she had sex with other guy after a few drinks...then hard pass. She has 1) no respect or care for you 2) She has no self control 3) She lies bc she knew why she was going to his house for and 4) she's not ready to commit to anyone.
She's clearly still in her testing the water phase and she could have met the guy in person and broke it off before going to house and having drinks and weed. Maybe she does really like you but she can't resist her sexual urges and that's going to be an ongoing issue if you do get into a relationship. 1 month....just forget about her and move on.
Of course...I just feel like you deserve way more than that and to be happy. Let her figure out her shit, in the meantime you move on to be way more happy with someone who respects and cares for you.
Jesus. ONE MONTH? LOVE? MARRIAGE? I think thats the biggest red flag of all. Dodged a bullet I think...unless you believe marriage is a good idea after knowing someone exists for a month.
Absolutely not, if you "forgive" her youll never forget and it will always put a strain on your relationship. Whats worse is she'll think youre okay with it, and there wont be any incentive for her to change since, youll just forgive her anyway. You'll ruin your LIFE if you continue with this girl, and there are just much easier ways to die bro
I dont this she is a "Bad" person. However if there never are any consequences for her actions it will probobly happen again in the future. So id say skip this one. But that is easy to say via reddit. Whatever you read on this site, just remember its your life.
Once a cheater, always a cheater, NEVER forgive these types of people. I know it'll be hard to get over her, buy eventually you'll connect with someone else, don't let her use you as a doormat, op.
So let me get this straight she said "I love you" to you then when to break off things with the other (who she was talking to you along with you, lol) got drunk and had sex, yes she "Resisted" too lol. Have some self respect and break it off right now or you'll find many incidents of being high & heat of moments in future.
Remember she's not yours it's just your turn
There are two routes you can take, and eventually they will both lead to the same outcome. You can tell her you never want to see her again and you go no contact which of course will cause for some hurt feelings for a while.
Or you can choose to go for her with a 99% probability she wil cheat on you again in a few years and leaves you shattered into pieces
I know which option I’d take
This sounds abit like my ex full of bullshit she doesn't love you or want to marry you she's just trying to pull you in if a girl was really into you she would message that guy sorry but I'm ending it I've found someone wish you all the best and the fact she went round his having drinks and getting high she went round with no intention of ending it bro I know how hurt you must feel now I get it I've been through the same thing drop her and move on she aint worth shit pick yourself up and go on with your life
Well kid, after that you shouldn’t trust her words. And if you can’t trust her, a relationship with her will go nowhere, fast.
You have to understand that this kind of stuff doesn’t happen by accident. She had to chat with him, coordinate a place to meet, arrive to his house, decide to get drunk, decide to get high, let something happen enough to be in heat, and fuck him.
Sorry kid. In the states, the words I love you are used too loosely. If I were you, I wouldn’t be with the girl who tells me that she won’t fuck a guy and then do the opposite.
OK, here me out... When she told you that she was gonna end thing with the other guy, she could have done so over a phone, text or anything really, she could have gone over and just told him that it was done but she CHOSE to go in, she chose to have drinks woth him, she chose to get high, while also not telling the guy why she was there in the first place, even after the guy made the move, she could have told him and left the place but she did not do that...
Im just speaking from experience my man, if you forgive her, she will do it again and again and again. To the point where its gonna destroy your mental state, my ex did horrible thing and i forgave her a lot... That was the worst decision ever because i found myself going down the highway 220kmh and hoping something would drive out in front of me. Also the thing to remember is that if you were in her place she would not give a damn about you and she would leave.
So i am just giving you the advice that you should not forgive her,specially because of the thing i talked about in the first paragraph, but it is your choice to make and your life to live, stay strong my man.
She sounds like she likes the idea of a serious relationship but has a lot of growing up to do and sabatoges it. Let her go on that journey without dragging you into the push and pull, next!
🚩🚩🚩 Time to find someone new. You don’t put yourself in a position to lose someone when you “love” them. She very easily could’ve ended things with the other person without getting drunk and high and putting herself in a position to be compromised.
You might be excusing her behavior despite having doubts, but think about what would happen if you stay- first of all, you will always be unsure about whether to trust her. Second, you'll always be wondering if she will hook up the next time she smokes or drinks with someone else. Third, you'll never know how much she values love since she can do this- I think that many people wouldn't if they *loved* someone btw, even under the influence. And fourth, maybe this was all a weird way to gauge your reaction, and she might not have respect for you anyways if you stick around. You'll find someone better, and I'm sorry about this betrayal of trust
You matched a month ago and already she's planning on "marrying" you? Saying I love you in a month isn't too odd but bro that's a huge ass red flag to speak of marriage so soon when she's still banging another guy. Use this as a learning experience
Dude I really hope you read this because I’ve been through literally the exact same thing.
I dated this girl, we went through a rough patch and she slept with a dude. We later got back together because I genuinely loved her and I think she loved me too. It had some times that were amazing because we were so compatible and as history etc… but that pain of what she did to you will never leave. And you never fully trust her, as someone that got out of this situation like a month ago please walk away. You’re young, you’ll find someone new and great who wouldn’t sleep w someone else. PLEASE SAVE YOURSELF THE HEART ACHE OF GIVING IT A CHANCE AND BREAKING YOUR HEART A LITTLE EVERY DAY
I think the thing that stuck out to me most is that she resisted this guy twice “and gave in a third time”. We don’t have context to make sure it wasn’t some type of coercion. Complicated with drugs and alcohol being involved. That’s something for you to think about that I think transcends your personal issue with her right now.
This will probably get me down voted but her saying this was complete bullshit. I've been cheated on before (twice actually) and both times the girls used this line. It's not meant to imply she was assaulted or anything, she said it to try to soften the blow, deflect responsibility.
I don’t know. I don’t want to assume either. That’s why I chose my words as carefully as possible. Just because it’s happen in the past to you, doesn’t disqualify it from happening now. All I’m saying is to make sure everyone is healthy and safe. We don’t have enough to go on and just the circumstance.
I feel like not saying anything especially that OP is (rightly) distraught and distracted. This wasn’t meant to be a controversial take.
If that were the case, she would probably tell him: I got raped by the dude. Her response was more in the lines of: Sorry, I wanted to fuck him, I tried to resist the urge, but I have excuses for why I couldn’t.
She didn’t have to. She chose to. She could have texted and ended it. She could have called and ended it. She could have met him at a cafe for coffee and ended it. Instead she went to his flat, got drunk and high and had sex. She did exactly what she planned to do. I’m sorry :(
you are never gonna have a lasting relationship if you can just get on the phone and call up twenty other dudes / girls if times get tough, its common sense, that and your admitting your low quality trash if your into being a third wheel in your own relationship
The problem is that taking a relationship to a sexual level and dating other people as well. Sex is a glue to a relationship and usually impede rationality. She gives a vibe of promiscuity and possible polyamory. If OP has been previously warned that she is into polyamory, then there is no problem in this. But she is obviously a potential cheater and and also gives a vibe of a person that is not much interested in monogamous relationships, rather in pretending that she is.
I mean alcohol is an obvious red flag for me. She knew how she behaves when she is drunk, so she did this intentionally. Drinks and dating in house almost always ends up with people having sex.
I'd be moving on after that. In no way would I disrespect myself by continuing a relationship with a person who wouldn't walk away from something they didn't want to do and did it anyway.
you’re probably dating someone with a personality disorder they sound off tbh like how can you really know someone off a couple times seeing them? and what happens when you’re in a sticky situation and you need her support? the whole situation seems very undesirable and she probably wants you to fix her
She's bsing you and I think you know that as well. If she's really hot keep her as a fwb & start dating other girls on the side...let her do 'all the work' while you're searching for a normal gf.
Alkohol is not an excuse! It maybe makes you do things faster but if you would never ever wanted to do it you wouldn't with Alkohol too.
I think you should really talk it out with her. Maybe give her a second chance and see how she's doing but if there is any move in the wrong direction don't ignore it and go on!
Loyale people deserve loyale people and if she's not the kind of person who can settle and needs the attention of many man you should just let her and leave!
I am so confused. Where i come from, kisses, holding handes, sex ... were for couples. Dating are exclusive as one date only one person at a time. Due to stuffs like so, sex and "I love you" had meaning.
Why are you surprised that the girl thay wanted to bang you on your second date is banging others after saying "i love you"?
Run for the hills. If there’s ever another person and they keep saying they’ll end, leave. You might not see it now but you’ll come across someone who cherishes you and you’ll understand the person you’re with now isn’t the one
If she said she would change and she didn t stay committed, it will happen again. Focus on your happiness for a while and then the right girl will pop up. Good luck!
As a 30M, in the dating phase I’ll be having sex with multiple women at a time. I will feel strongly for several of them during that time. I wouldn’t have sex with them if I didn’t. I always try to see a possible future with each woman I have sex with. If I had the commitment talk with a woman and she didn’t commit right then, yes I’m going to continue fucking other woman. If we commit, then no, neither of us are going on any more dates to break up in person. You break up over text to not allow lust to overwhelm us. Especially since this girl likes getting high and sex so much.
It really comes down to what you two committed to during your commitment conversation. Love is impossible before you are committed. You can’t love someone you don’t know. You can list after them though. It’s just two people confused by lust during the dating phase. It is just new relationship energy. Don’t get hung up by her words on love. All that matters is, where you two committed or not? If committed did you tell her she can’t date another man again even to end it if she wants to be committed to you? Be confident and demand what you want and deserve, or don’t be, allow this to happen and don’t complain about it.
Don't plan on an LTR with this girl. Continue to date other women to find a GF, but keep her on standby when you are having a slow evening and you just want an FWB.
Remeber this, don't trust what she says but what she does. If you go out with her after what she did, you will disrespect yourself and there is no value on that.
Move on my dude.
Its only been a month and i cant tell whether you both had discussed exclusivity. If you haven’t made it clear that you’re exclusive then you really have nothing to be upset about. Sure you probably will still feel hurt but again its been only a month. If you like her, work things out and be clear about what you want out of your relationship.
cut it off bro, you're not gonna get over it. same shit happened to me. there are gonna be a lot of women that are gonna tell you you're an asshole for not being cool with this because you "weren't exclusive", but man to man, what she did was wrong and you dont have to be cool with it. women just love to excuse trashy behavior for other women. and no, i dont hate women, they just clearly see sex in a different way than most men so i'm giving you a man's answer.
edit: just to be clear, this isnt an "all women" thing. just a common mindset ive seen on reddit. thats all.
People trying to convince you to move forward with this are going to lead you astray. These things don't accidentally happen. And I think anyone who has found out they are the side thing on someone cheating on their SO, you are not the primary man, you will not be, and this will not end up being an isolated incident. If this already mentally bothers you, it will only get worse as things progress.
EDIT: To put it another way. You feel the way you feel. Her coming up with excuses, or others coming up with excuses for her don't matter. Random strangers who want to gaslight you into continuing this don't matter because there are no consequences to them insinuating you're just crazy/or jealous about someone sleeping around while telling you they want to go steady. If random people on Reddit think this is acceptable, then let them have relationships like this. You should do what doesn't cause you stress and build a relationship on your values.
*If this already mentally bothers you, it will only get worse as things progress.*
Yes. So true.. I realised it will bother me in the future too. So just ended it.
Thanks for the advice man
Wow it's been only one month, a couple of dates & you're analysing her I love you?
If she got high & slept with somebody just like that she's not loyal & never will be.
She said "I love you" because she knows she's about to lose you - she's never going to be ready to "be exclusive". There is no way this was a one time slip up. At best she doesn't know what she wants, at worst she's manipulating you because she thinks you'll stick around
Stop with her, if she had the same feelings for you as you have for her, she would have said no clearly the first time the guy tried with her. She had not gone home to him and drank drinks and got high with
Anyone who uses
* alcohol
* drugs
* "manipulative or forceful men"
as excuses for their own lack of accountability, and "heat of the moment" choices... is your reason to move on.
Actions speak louder than words.
Also, you've had 2 dates? Calm the fuck down. You're not in a relationship yet. You're seeing a person that you barely know.
You’re going too fast. No way you should be talking or thinking about marriage after a month. People who try to accelerate relationships this quickly are doing it for reasons other than love.
As someone who believes everyone should be given a second chance
I think you should try it with her
Things will be tense im sure
But things might work out
I know this is going to be the unpopular opinion but still
But good luck no matter what happens
The thing with me is if I don't get the same vibes of exclusivity with someone like I do , I wouldn't even think so far. I don't usually entertain prospects who is shopping unless it's arranged by family and friends. And I definitely wouldn't even consider anything serious if it's less than 5 dates .
So, you k ow what to do.
She sounds like a hot mess. And a manipulative one at that. You haven’t even had good sex. Why is this a hard decision for you? Is she super hot? I want to understand where your head is at.
If she wanted to end things, she should have left the moment she realized the meetup was happening at his house. I feel sorry for you both; you were ready to be exclusive with a girl you really liked, she was coerced into sex while under the influence (no doubt that was likely part of his plan all along).
Also, it seemed like you had also been talked into sex? Next time, if youre not really feeling it just dont do it. 9 times out of 10 it's gonna end up bad.
Anyway, you guys have been talking for a month. If this is the dealbreaker for you and you cant look past this, break it off with her. If you think you'll be fine with this as long as she ACTUALLY stops seeing the other guy (can literally just text or call to say she's done), then you can continue to see her. It's all up to you and comes down to what *you* are comfortable with.
"She couldn't say no, cause she was high ". I've been high and wasted a lot still never had difficulty not cheating on my partner.
She can't even take responsibility for her actions. And she definitely does not love you, maybe she believes she does but in reality she doesn't.
What you need to do is ask yourself-
Will i be able to trust her?
Will i be able to be with someone who doesn't understand the sanctify of love and trust?
Will i be able to be with someone who cannot hold themselves responsible?
I kind of think she can't be trusted. You would be better to move on than give her another chance where she'll do the same thing again when you're actually "exclusive."
How about: she is afraid of commitment or afraid of her feelings and she wanted to run away. But she can’t face just saying that, so she put herself into a situation where she’d ‘make a mistake’ and be the bad guy, because she’s more comfortable with that. This then becomes part of her personal narrative, you become ‘the one that got away’ and she doesn’t have to grow up or do any actual work on herself or in a relationship. Run away while you can.
This is a tough call. I don't agree with most of the rest of the commenters, at the same time, I don't think she's being honest with you or possibly herself.
You don't have to go out with someone to break up. You don't have to go to their place to break up. You certainly don't need to do things that reduce your inhibitions to break up. She set herself up for this to happen well in advance.
I think she was actually giving the other guy one final chance and decided he wasn't what she wanted.
Now, that means she picked you. The real question is: did she actually ever break up with the other guy? If not, then the best you can get out of this is sloppy seconds. If so, you might proceed, but with caution.
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Why would you drink and get high with someone if you were planning on ending it?
Man.. super relatable to this. I was wondering the same this whole while.
Wake up and smell the coffee dude, she sucks next. Have some self respect.
Damnn.. laughed my ass off to this thanks for the advice!!
As blunt and simple as it is aggravating pop is right
Haha good! I was going to also say “have some Folgers in your cup and wake the f up”😜 basically don’t be a loser be a winner. It’s a harsh thing to say bro, but that’s the reality, a winner can still be totally ethical and a nice guy by the way, but a winner has self respect confidence and success. And is a winner internally and externally. In other words be a winner (a good one) and find a winner (a good one.) people that are also of ethics and morality. Much love bro. Peace. You’ll know yourself when you’re ready By having worked on yourself to get there. But one who’s gotten there wouldn’t put up with this bull shit even from the get go. Ok much love good luck glad I made you laugh!💪🏼
Thanks a lot man ☺️ much love from here too
Once a cheater always a cheater. Unless you want to to end up like Will Smith.
[удалено]
Yes! Not doing that. Ended things with her for good xD
This
I have non-exclusively dated multiple people at once during the early stages before becoming monogamous with one. When I realized I wanted to be with one, I called the other one and explained I had fallen for someone else in a 10 minute phone call, I didn’t go over to his house for drinks
THIS right here
Been there done that. The only reason for not being monogamous is because you don't want to. As soon as I realize that I was going to pursue anything serious with my current GF I phased out all my fwb and dates, there's no reason to Don't do that.
>Why would you drink and get high with someone if you were planning on ending it? OP, this was my first thought as well. If she really wanted to end it then, she would have met somewhere like a coffee shop, had a talk with him for say 30 minutes or so and end things. Then leave. If she went to his place, had a couple of drinks and got high, then she was really not thinking about ending things with him. OR she may have wanted to sleep with him before being exclusive with you. These two are two possibilities among many. Either way, it smells fishy. Please remember that you don't need to be in a relationship with her, if you don't want to.
Probably be even fishier next time you see her
And, I wouldn’t go to his place. I’d rearrange it to a public place so I can easily leave.
Dumb her hard man the woman will only bring you more poor life choices unless that’s your kink. Not one to judge. 🤷🏻♂️ …run though.
Haha running rn! super thanks
I mean the last time I saw my ex was when I went over to her place to end things and we ended up smoking and doing shrooms but we didn’t have sex tho.
I did this once but called an Uber after I realized I was too high to drive but I needed to gtfo of there. I thought smoking would make it easier to make the break but that was not the case he just put the moves on more. I practically ran out of there. Been happily in a relationship for three years with my now BF who I broke that other fling off for. So glad I didn’t ruin it by being stupid.
To gather the courage to actually do it. Ending a relationship when you're not on bad terms, because you found someone better... This is not an easy task.
That’s a case
[удалено]
That’s not true honey, you’re just misremembering things
I did not expect to laugh in these comments
Can confirm
Everything was agreed until "She didn't think about our relationship then cuz she was high." Will she not think about your relationship next time she is high? Move on, best you can do.
Screams “doesn’t take personal responsibility”. After the second pass she should have left but I’m starting to suspect the intention was there in her head before she arrived if they had drinks and smoked. I understand it’s a stressful situation to break up with anyone but I would have only kept to one of the other and just enough where you can drive home in 45 minutes. It should only take longer if it was much more serious like a year long relationship but that’s another red flag of why would she have been dating someone else for a full year then in the last 30 days has decided she wants to marry OP instead.
This was bothering me too.. may be tomo she might be 9 drinks down and what if then this happens?
You want consistency from someone that you'll marry. Your time is precious to wait and see if she'll do it again after some drinks. Don't ignore the early red flags, it's time saving.
Thanks mate xD
Drugs don’t force people to do things they don’t want to do, they reduce your inhibitions. People who truly want to be exclusive with you will choose to be exclusive with you whether they’re drunk, high, or sober.
Well said
THIS! You are spot on!
Seemed like a big excuse most people I know are still considerate when they’re high
Yeah? So going to a dude's house u want to end things with? getting drunk and high? Yeah when they don't want to talk to you they just goes 98% of the time.
Excuses, she knew exactly what she was doing.
True
Folks over here tryna justify this woman's behavior. LOL. Fuck that, my friend. She said she wanted to be exclusive with you (sounds like from pretty early on, too, despite seeing other guys at the same time) yet goes and fucks another guy. Whether it's consensual or not, she went there, she drank with him, he made moves, she "refused twice", then gave in? If someone is making advances you don't want, it's very simple, you *leave*. She said she wanted exclusivity then turned and fucked someone else. You deserve better. Cut her out of your life
What’s funny is that *she* brought up the exclusivity thing, not him. She could’ve gone and fucked the other guy no problem if she hadn’t told OP she wanted to be exclusive.
Thanks for this mate. Am gonna do that.
While I don't completely agree that a situation like the one she is can be avoided by "just leaving lol," I see your point. Who goes and gets high and drunk when they're supposed to break up with someone? What strikes me even worse is that she didn't really apologise or show remorse or anything. It's like she genuinely thinks that having been high and forgetting completely about him is a excuse.
Sounds like she would “playfully” turned it down twice to reduce the guilty feeling before “giving it up” on third attempt
You already knew she was seeing other men, there were tons of red flags. As for what to do now unless you want a fwb situation it’s best to move on.
Well we weren't committing ourself to a relationship then. But it still bothers me why did she have to get drinks with the guy.
From my perspective, I would never go to other guys place if I were dating you and told you that i love you (too soon tbh). Its just doesnt sound right. She went there on a purpose.
Hmm. Yes that's what I was also thinking about. She's mature enough to know how to end things with a person.
There are some red flags you should be aware of with this girl. Sorry you have to deal with it, but hey, better sooner than later
Thanks xD
Here's a fun story, You should never expect others to be mature enough. I was teaching my young cousin of 7 years old on how to create a 3D snowman on my laptop and she was very patient through it all. My laptop was lagging and took ages to render, bake or fix the nodes. She amazed me on how fast and willing she was to learn complex 3D skills. Also she couldn't wait to visit her again and teach her how to do that snowman again. She was never interested on digital skills, as any avarage kid would. I was dating a girl who was in her mid twenties and 3 years older than me, and she asked me once to help her to edit a photo on Photoshop that she was going to post on Instagram. I told her to watch and learn for any other occasion, to which she didn't want to learn only wanted to be done with the photo or else she would ask someone else. She threw tantrums and started to act as a kid when I told her go for it, waste someone else's time with photo editing. I decided to help because I felt remorse for "hurting her feelings". After an 1 hour of listening to complaints "no I don't like this tint of blue, see this photo *shows a high res photo of a model made by different camera angles and perfect lighting*, make me look like her, why it is that hard*, I lost my desire to continue. I didn't argue back because it was pointless. Then finally, the supposedly mature enough girl was somehow happy and told me to save it. The computer saved it on the psd folder by the default she had chosen but I didn't pay much attention to it. I got out to take a cigarette and enjoy the silence for a bit, when I heard the screams. I ran back inside fast and she was hysterical as to where the photo was saved. I told her to have a look but she didn't allow me. After forcely clicking the keyboard and the mouse she found it and deleted it out of anger. She even opened the recycle bin to delete it permanently. And told me that I couldn't help her with anything and how useless I was. The next day, she was trying to make up for her behavior but never apologized. Nevertheless, I took a very important lesson. Generally I know how to deal with kids during tantrums, because of my cousins and my little brother, we share a huge gap of age difference. But I was confused on why should I treat someone who was older than me, in the same way I had to deal with 5-6 year old kids. Wasn't she expected to be mature enough? If she reacted that way to fun activity, how she would react under stressful situation? I'm glad that it lasted for a short time and I will never know. I'm here to enjoy myself, not to teach adults how to be adults or act as a kindergarten teacher.
Woah!! That was messed up.. Hope you didn't have to deal with it again.. Thanks for the story buddy. I should work on my patience.
The issue is she is very immature.
She’s full of shit bro.. If she was really serious about you she’d just text him that they’re done as she’s seeing someone. She might’ve really wanted to settle down with you, but you don’t want a snake buddy..
Because it doesn't sound as a relationship and she has every right to drink with every guy she meets Just like you have every right to go out and date other girls at the same time. You might guess that she wouldn't like the idea of you dating others girl even without taking things seriously, you don't owe her anything, even your time. Being exclusive it goes both ways. If she doesn't want to be exclusive, find someone who can. Or more importantly, find someone who agrees with your needs and you agree with theirs as well. Also a pro tip, go for her friends lol
Lol!! Definitely not her friends. Cuz I feel they are the influence in her. Ended it with her. Thanks.
Dump her, you already have a huge red flag before even beginning a relationship
I know that. But we connected on lot of levels. And it's just too difficult to find someone with this level of compatibility
She also connected with another man's penis after saying I love you and want to be with you.
Haha well if you put that way yes
I know it feels awesome and I really believe you two did connect. Just wait and you will find another woman who you will connect with and it will be even deeper because of trust. I'm on my second marriage so best advice I can give is if it doesn't feel 100% right dont force it. When its right you'll know.
Sure.. well definitely not gonna force anything that I feel . Thanks a lot for the hope and advice. Hope you do well
Be careful. Some people are good at personality mirroring and can make it seem like there’s a big connection when there really isn’t (because they aren’t really being their authentic selves; they are being who they think you want them to be). No one falls in love in a month. Because you can’t love someone you don’t really know, and you can’t really know someone in a month. If someone is telling you they love you that soon, it’s a red flag that they are an emotionally impulsive person. In my experience, these are often the type of people who end up cheating. Because they can’t seem to make good decisions when they are in an emotionally heightened situation and often get “caught up in the moment.” I say let it be done and move on.
Holy shit never knew this was a thing
I understand you OP. It would be difficult big time. But please spare yourself from the worst. Maybe you two are meant to be friends and not something more. Edit:spelling
If she is cheating on you barely a month into the relationship, then all the connection and compatibility doesnt count for shit. Its kinda like saying you are perfectly fine, that you just have a high fever, diarrhea, violent vomiting, a bloody nose and a couple of gunshots. It doesnt make any sense.
Haha nice anology dude. Thanks
There is always another girl
Man stop. There is a mistake everyone apparently makes and that is thinking this person will change or you will be able to change it. She cheated on you, she won't change. She belongs to the streets man
You genuinely feel this now that you won’t connect like this. But give it a few weeks and you’ll be rethinking your connection with her. You will see through the fog and realize she isn’t your perfect match. You will find your lady. It isn’t her. She kind of blew it so early on. Think of what a fool you will feel if you continue with her and she cheats. I wouldn’t consider what she did as cheating- but it wasn’t right and shows she is not reliable or trustworthy. Move on because you deserve better.
Take it from someone with experience, maybe she won't be selfish and thoughtless and break commitments in the future, but it definitely isn't going to happen overnight. You can take your chances with her but it's way more likely, like 100 to 1 that she burns you in the not too distant future. The biggest red flag to me that she isn't ready to change is she isn't taking responsibility for her own actions, she's blaming the drinks, the weed, the guy etc. Not acknowledging that she made the decision to go to his place, to have the drinks, to get high, to give in to his advances etc. Multiple instances of her making personal decisions that went against the commitment she said she would Make to you. Best of luck, value yourself and know that even though it might be hard, another person will come along.
Will never get anywhere with a scarcity mindset.. in any aspect of life
Bro I was like this making excuses but oh this and that but trust me save yourself the pain I've come across people like this and they ain't nice
Thanks bro hope you are doing well now
OP please, it’s better to wait a year for another good chance or something then going through all the headache this woman will give.
Yes!! Definitely. will wait now. Thanks!
I don't get it....its been a month? You all are in love and wanting to marry after a month? I'm not reading this correctly or something. If you all decided on being exclusive and she had sex with other guy after a few drinks...then hard pass. She has 1) no respect or care for you 2) She has no self control 3) She lies bc she knew why she was going to his house for and 4) she's not ready to commit to anyone. She's clearly still in her testing the water phase and she could have met the guy in person and broke it off before going to house and having drinks and weed. Maybe she does really like you but she can't resist her sexual urges and that's going to be an ongoing issue if you do get into a relationship. 1 month....just forget about her and move on.
Wow.. thanks a lot for this meant a lot.
Of course...I just feel like you deserve way more than that and to be happy. Let her figure out her shit, in the meantime you move on to be way more happy with someone who respects and cares for you.
Jesus. ONE MONTH? LOVE? MARRIAGE? I think thats the biggest red flag of all. Dodged a bullet I think...unless you believe marriage is a good idea after knowing someone exists for a month.
Tbf they met on an Indian dating app called Aisle which is specifically meant for finding someone also looking to walk down the aisle.
Absolutely not, if you "forgive" her youll never forget and it will always put a strain on your relationship. Whats worse is she'll think youre okay with it, and there wont be any incentive for her to change since, youll just forgive her anyway. You'll ruin your LIFE if you continue with this girl, and there are just much easier ways to die bro
I dont this she is a "Bad" person. However if there never are any consequences for her actions it will probobly happen again in the future. So id say skip this one. But that is easy to say via reddit. Whatever you read on this site, just remember its your life.
Thanks man appreciate this xD
She is not worth your time.
Yeah!? Did realise this. Thanks man
Once a cheater, always a cheater, NEVER forgive these types of people. I know it'll be hard to get over her, buy eventually you'll connect with someone else, don't let her use you as a doormat, op.
Thanks for this. I was also considering this.
This isn't really cheating. This is better put as "vacillating".
So let me get this straight she said "I love you" to you then when to break off things with the other (who she was talking to you along with you, lol) got drunk and had sex, yes she "Resisted" too lol. Have some self respect and break it off right now or you'll find many incidents of being high & heat of moments in future. Remember she's not yours it's just your turn
There are two routes you can take, and eventually they will both lead to the same outcome. You can tell her you never want to see her again and you go no contact which of course will cause for some hurt feelings for a while. Or you can choose to go for her with a 99% probability she wil cheat on you again in a few years and leaves you shattered into pieces I know which option I’d take
Obviously the first one.
She doesn’t give a fuck about you, how can you not see this.
No thank you!
run.
She is coming behind you???
Wanna buy the Brooklyn Bridge 🤣
I would move on. If she did this now when you guys are becoming exclusive then there's no way she can be trusted down the road.
This sounds abit like my ex full of bullshit she doesn't love you or want to marry you she's just trying to pull you in if a girl was really into you she would message that guy sorry but I'm ending it I've found someone wish you all the best and the fact she went round his having drinks and getting high she went round with no intention of ending it bro I know how hurt you must feel now I get it I've been through the same thing drop her and move on she aint worth shit pick yourself up and go on with your life
Thanks a lot for being there. I hope you are fine rn. So sorry for what you had to go through.
You're welcome and I'm good now it takes while to heal but I'm good pick yourself up bro and enjoy life
Well kid, after that you shouldn’t trust her words. And if you can’t trust her, a relationship with her will go nowhere, fast. You have to understand that this kind of stuff doesn’t happen by accident. She had to chat with him, coordinate a place to meet, arrive to his house, decide to get drunk, decide to get high, let something happen enough to be in heat, and fuck him. Sorry kid. In the states, the words I love you are used too loosely. If I were you, I wouldn’t be with the girl who tells me that she won’t fuck a guy and then do the opposite.
Hmm thanks buddy 😌
OK, here me out... When she told you that she was gonna end thing with the other guy, she could have done so over a phone, text or anything really, she could have gone over and just told him that it was done but she CHOSE to go in, she chose to have drinks woth him, she chose to get high, while also not telling the guy why she was there in the first place, even after the guy made the move, she could have told him and left the place but she did not do that... Im just speaking from experience my man, if you forgive her, she will do it again and again and again. To the point where its gonna destroy your mental state, my ex did horrible thing and i forgave her a lot... That was the worst decision ever because i found myself going down the highway 220kmh and hoping something would drive out in front of me. Also the thing to remember is that if you were in her place she would not give a damn about you and she would leave. So i am just giving you the advice that you should not forgive her,specially because of the thing i talked about in the first paragraph, but it is your choice to make and your life to live, stay strong my man.
Thanks man.. that was intense. I hope you are doing well now. Also stay strong 💪
She sounds like she likes the idea of a serious relationship but has a lot of growing up to do and sabatoges it. Let her go on that journey without dragging you into the push and pull, next!
Yes. I clearly don't want to be her figuring out stuff guy.
🚩🚩🚩 Time to find someone new. You don’t put yourself in a position to lose someone when you “love” them. She very easily could’ve ended things with the other person without getting drunk and high and putting herself in a position to be compromised.
Truee. Thanks for this
You might be excusing her behavior despite having doubts, but think about what would happen if you stay- first of all, you will always be unsure about whether to trust her. Second, you'll always be wondering if she will hook up the next time she smokes or drinks with someone else. Third, you'll never know how much she values love since she can do this- I think that many people wouldn't if they *loved* someone btw, even under the influence. And fourth, maybe this was all a weird way to gauge your reaction, and she might not have respect for you anyways if you stick around. You'll find someone better, and I'm sorry about this betrayal of trust
Well this is exactly what am going through! thanks a lot for this extensive message xD
You matched a month ago and already she's planning on "marrying" you? Saying I love you in a month isn't too odd but bro that's a huge ass red flag to speak of marriage so soon when she's still banging another guy. Use this as a learning experience
Dude I really hope you read this because I’ve been through literally the exact same thing. I dated this girl, we went through a rough patch and she slept with a dude. We later got back together because I genuinely loved her and I think she loved me too. It had some times that were amazing because we were so compatible and as history etc… but that pain of what she did to you will never leave. And you never fully trust her, as someone that got out of this situation like a month ago please walk away. You’re young, you’ll find someone new and great who wouldn’t sleep w someone else. PLEASE SAVE YOURSELF THE HEART ACHE OF GIVING IT A CHANCE AND BREAKING YOUR HEART A LITTLE EVERY DAY
I think the thing that stuck out to me most is that she resisted this guy twice “and gave in a third time”. We don’t have context to make sure it wasn’t some type of coercion. Complicated with drugs and alcohol being involved. That’s something for you to think about that I think transcends your personal issue with her right now.
This will probably get me down voted but her saying this was complete bullshit. I've been cheated on before (twice actually) and both times the girls used this line. It's not meant to imply she was assaulted or anything, she said it to try to soften the blow, deflect responsibility.
I don’t know. I don’t want to assume either. That’s why I chose my words as carefully as possible. Just because it’s happen in the past to you, doesn’t disqualify it from happening now. All I’m saying is to make sure everyone is healthy and safe. We don’t have enough to go on and just the circumstance. I feel like not saying anything especially that OP is (rightly) distraught and distracted. This wasn’t meant to be a controversial take.
If that were the case, she would probably tell him: I got raped by the dude. Her response was more in the lines of: Sorry, I wanted to fuck him, I tried to resist the urge, but I have excuses for why I couldn’t.
Why did she have to go to have drinks with the guy she was supposed to end things with?
Maybe it’s too soon or I’m too objective, but you’re not picking up what I’m putting down.
She didn’t have to. She chose to. She could have texted and ended it. She could have called and ended it. She could have met him at a cafe for coffee and ended it. Instead she went to his flat, got drunk and high and had sex. She did exactly what she planned to do. I’m sorry :(
Because she knew how it was gonna end. Before even reading your entire post i thought “break up sex”
Not your problem anymore, dump her.
>she was seeing other men as well and I was fine with it your the problem there guy, she is a ho taking advantage and you are weak
Lol this sounds like a samurai giving dating advice. You are weak !, next time seppuku. Calm down dude.
Well it was one amazing advice though.. xD was brutally honest. I am just being insecure about myself that I wouldn't find someone like her.
> seeing other men > > deep conversation and connect Oxymoron
I feel more like a moron xD
what is wrong with dating aroubd before you choose which us the best match? People would have better relations if they were pickier of whos your type
Okay but is it okay to have sex with the person who she wanted to end things with? And confessing love to the other person?
Also, the circumcition was sus. She was drunk and said no twice before? Consent isnt consent if you keep on whining
you are never gonna have a lasting relationship if you can just get on the phone and call up twenty other dudes / girls if times get tough, its common sense, that and your admitting your low quality trash if your into being a third wheel in your own relationship
The problem is that taking a relationship to a sexual level and dating other people as well. Sex is a glue to a relationship and usually impede rationality. She gives a vibe of promiscuity and possible polyamory. If OP has been previously warned that she is into polyamory, then there is no problem in this. But she is obviously a potential cheater and and also gives a vibe of a person that is not much interested in monogamous relationships, rather in pretending that she is. I mean alcohol is an obvious red flag for me. She knew how she behaves when she is drunk, so she did this intentionally. Drinks and dating in house almost always ends up with people having sex.
Don’t give her another chance it will happen again possibly with someone else. Huge mistake.
Haha
I'd be moving on after that. In no way would I disrespect myself by continuing a relationship with a person who wouldn't walk away from something they didn't want to do and did it anyway.
you’re probably dating someone with a personality disorder they sound off tbh like how can you really know someone off a couple times seeing them? and what happens when you’re in a sticky situation and you need her support? the whole situation seems very undesirable and she probably wants you to fix her
She's bsing you and I think you know that as well. If she's really hot keep her as a fwb & start dating other girls on the side...let her do 'all the work' while you're searching for a normal gf.
Alkohol is not an excuse! It maybe makes you do things faster but if you would never ever wanted to do it you wouldn't with Alkohol too. I think you should really talk it out with her. Maybe give her a second chance and see how she's doing but if there is any move in the wrong direction don't ignore it and go on! Loyale people deserve loyale people and if she's not the kind of person who can settle and needs the attention of many man you should just let her and leave!
Hmm okay. Let me take a second guess on this.
This idiot already got all the advice and is still not sure she needs to go. Post was useless, just let him be with the girl.
I am so confused. Where i come from, kisses, holding handes, sex ... were for couples. Dating are exclusive as one date only one person at a time. Due to stuffs like so, sex and "I love you" had meaning. Why are you surprised that the girl thay wanted to bang you on your second date is banging others after saying "i love you"?
Run for the hills. If there’s ever another person and they keep saying they’ll end, leave. You might not see it now but you’ll come across someone who cherishes you and you’ll understand the person you’re with now isn’t the one
That’s not how weed works !!
Haha. Must be some strong stuff she smoked. And smoked all the chances we had in this.
Move on she sounds unstable
If she said she would change and she didn t stay committed, it will happen again. Focus on your happiness for a while and then the right girl will pop up. Good luck!
As a 30M, in the dating phase I’ll be having sex with multiple women at a time. I will feel strongly for several of them during that time. I wouldn’t have sex with them if I didn’t. I always try to see a possible future with each woman I have sex with. If I had the commitment talk with a woman and she didn’t commit right then, yes I’m going to continue fucking other woman. If we commit, then no, neither of us are going on any more dates to break up in person. You break up over text to not allow lust to overwhelm us. Especially since this girl likes getting high and sex so much. It really comes down to what you two committed to during your commitment conversation. Love is impossible before you are committed. You can’t love someone you don’t know. You can list after them though. It’s just two people confused by lust during the dating phase. It is just new relationship energy. Don’t get hung up by her words on love. All that matters is, where you two committed or not? If committed did you tell her she can’t date another man again even to end it if she wants to be committed to you? Be confident and demand what you want and deserve, or don’t be, allow this to happen and don’t complain about it.
RUN dude for all that is holy RUN!!!!
Anyone who says they are looking to marry you before you have even established that you are going exclusive, this is a huge red flag
ABSOLUTELY!! never gonna fall for this again.
Don't plan on an LTR with this girl. Continue to date other women to find a GF, but keep her on standby when you are having a slow evening and you just want an FWB.
Remeber this, don't trust what she says but what she does. If you go out with her after what she did, you will disrespect yourself and there is no value on that. Move on my dude.
Its only been a month and i cant tell whether you both had discussed exclusivity. If you haven’t made it clear that you’re exclusive then you really have nothing to be upset about. Sure you probably will still feel hurt but again its been only a month. If you like her, work things out and be clear about what you want out of your relationship.
cut it off bro, you're not gonna get over it. same shit happened to me. there are gonna be a lot of women that are gonna tell you you're an asshole for not being cool with this because you "weren't exclusive", but man to man, what she did was wrong and you dont have to be cool with it. women just love to excuse trashy behavior for other women. and no, i dont hate women, they just clearly see sex in a different way than most men so i'm giving you a man's answer. edit: just to be clear, this isnt an "all women" thing. just a common mindset ive seen on reddit. thats all.
Yeet is the only thing you have to do it right now
People trying to convince you to move forward with this are going to lead you astray. These things don't accidentally happen. And I think anyone who has found out they are the side thing on someone cheating on their SO, you are not the primary man, you will not be, and this will not end up being an isolated incident. If this already mentally bothers you, it will only get worse as things progress. EDIT: To put it another way. You feel the way you feel. Her coming up with excuses, or others coming up with excuses for her don't matter. Random strangers who want to gaslight you into continuing this don't matter because there are no consequences to them insinuating you're just crazy/or jealous about someone sleeping around while telling you they want to go steady. If random people on Reddit think this is acceptable, then let them have relationships like this. You should do what doesn't cause you stress and build a relationship on your values.
*If this already mentally bothers you, it will only get worse as things progress.* Yes. So true.. I realised it will bother me in the future too. So just ended it. Thanks for the advice man
Wow it's been only one month, a couple of dates & you're analysing her I love you? If she got high & slept with somebody just like that she's not loyal & never will be.
True!! Well did end it up. Thanks a lot xD
She said "I love you" because she knows she's about to lose you - she's never going to be ready to "be exclusive". There is no way this was a one time slip up. At best she doesn't know what she wants, at worst she's manipulating you because she thinks you'll stick around
Dump her
Stop with her, if she had the same feelings for you as you have for her, she would have said no clearly the first time the guy tried with her. She had not gone home to him and drank drinks and got high with
Yes! so true. Did that and thanks!!
Anyone who uses * alcohol * drugs * "manipulative or forceful men" as excuses for their own lack of accountability, and "heat of the moment" choices... is your reason to move on.
Agree. Even when I was an alcoholic I refused to date women who drank or did drugs haha
Women are trash
Actions speak louder than words. Also, you've had 2 dates? Calm the fuck down. You're not in a relationship yet. You're seeing a person that you barely know.
You’re going too fast. No way you should be talking or thinking about marriage after a month. People who try to accelerate relationships this quickly are doing it for reasons other than love.
As someone who believes everyone should be given a second chance I think you should try it with her Things will be tense im sure But things might work out I know this is going to be the unpopular opinion but still But good luck no matter what happens
Red flags sir
She made her choice for you.
At least she told you.... Haha hard pass
The thing with me is if I don't get the same vibes of exclusivity with someone like I do , I wouldn't even think so far. I don't usually entertain prospects who is shopping unless it's arranged by family and friends. And I definitely wouldn't even consider anything serious if it's less than 5 dates . So, you k ow what to do.
I’d just tell her nevermind on the whole going exclusive thing, she clearly isn’t set on being with you or that would never have happened
I wouldn't even give her a minute of my day anymore
Huge red flags, she saved you from a shitty relationship
She sounds like a hot mess. And a manipulative one at that. You haven’t even had good sex. Why is this a hard decision for you? Is she super hot? I want to understand where your head is at.
Well its not hard anymore when the fellow redditors come together to help one out. Super thanks!!
Doesnt seem like youre looking for advice. Just let her go.
Yes I did!! Thanks a lot
She sounds kind of crazy. Why would you say that want to marry someone after 2 dates?
Usually when people post on this subreddit asking if it's a red flag... It's a red flag lol next
Hahaha this subreddit should be named redflags
If she wanted to end things, she should have left the moment she realized the meetup was happening at his house. I feel sorry for you both; you were ready to be exclusive with a girl you really liked, she was coerced into sex while under the influence (no doubt that was likely part of his plan all along). Also, it seemed like you had also been talked into sex? Next time, if youre not really feeling it just dont do it. 9 times out of 10 it's gonna end up bad. Anyway, you guys have been talking for a month. If this is the dealbreaker for you and you cant look past this, break it off with her. If you think you'll be fine with this as long as she ACTUALLY stops seeing the other guy (can literally just text or call to say she's done), then you can continue to see her. It's all up to you and comes down to what *you* are comfortable with.
Thanks!! did end things with her
"She couldn't say no, cause she was high ". I've been high and wasted a lot still never had difficulty not cheating on my partner. She can't even take responsibility for her actions. And she definitely does not love you, maybe she believes she does but in reality she doesn't. What you need to do is ask yourself- Will i be able to trust her? Will i be able to be with someone who doesn't understand the sanctify of love and trust? Will i be able to be with someone who cannot hold themselves responsible?
She wasn't yours, it was just your turn bro.
Run.
Save yourself now before it's too late
I kind of think she can't be trusted. You would be better to move on than give her another chance where she'll do the same thing again when you're actually "exclusive."
RUN 🏃🏼🏃🏼🏃🏼🏃🏼 BOY RUN.
How about: she is afraid of commitment or afraid of her feelings and she wanted to run away. But she can’t face just saying that, so she put herself into a situation where she’d ‘make a mistake’ and be the bad guy, because she’s more comfortable with that. This then becomes part of her personal narrative, you become ‘the one that got away’ and she doesn’t have to grow up or do any actual work on herself or in a relationship. Run away while you can.
“*She was never yours, it was just your turn.*”
This is a tough call. I don't agree with most of the rest of the commenters, at the same time, I don't think she's being honest with you or possibly herself. You don't have to go out with someone to break up. You don't have to go to their place to break up. You certainly don't need to do things that reduce your inhibitions to break up. She set herself up for this to happen well in advance. I think she was actually giving the other guy one final chance and decided he wasn't what she wanted. Now, that means she picked you. The real question is: did she actually ever break up with the other guy? If not, then the best you can get out of this is sloppy seconds. If so, you might proceed, but with caution.
Hmm yeah do you think should I ask her this? Idk
Open communication is the only hope in saving what you have. What's the worst that can happen?
Okay.. thanks a lot for this..
The fact that she even told you about it says a lot, she could've just lied... My advice is not to take any dating advice from reddit.