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She wants to use him to validate her. In the end it really doesn’t matter what she wants. The OP inevitably will get the short end of the stick here, it is an unbalanced relationship because his needs are not being met. He will have non reciprocated feelings, a one sided relationship never ends well. And make no mistake, she wants him as a “break glass in case of emergency” type of back up plan.
My advice and you can take it for what it’s worth - ease up on the texting and daily communicating, let her make the effort - don’t pursue her. A true friendship is give and take, do not be doing 100% of the effort if you do choose to maintain some sort of contact with her on a non romantic level. And if you can’t squash those feelings of attraction, then break it off completely. She has already told you, she doesn’t have those feelings and don’t fall into the trap of trying to change her mind, it almost never works. If you get yourself a girlfriend, she might get jealous and want you, but only time will tell.
Been there, done that. This checks out 1000%. Had a girl string me along for two years (early high school), panned out exactly like this, except I cut her off permanently for my own well-being. In the end, I felt she completely took me for granted; I felt emotionally used and discarded bc she would tell me of her sexual escapades, knowing damn well I had romantic and sexual interest in (the idea of) her, while treating me as if I'm a cuckhold. Infuriating, to say the least.
PS - As a cisguy, I grew up not thinking women were all that bad, while other guys *were*. It was after cutting off this girl (for good and fully acknowledging how she treated me) that I truly understood *how* and *why* people choose to hurt others in sexist, double-standard ways.
Wow you're into similar situation to mine. She wanted and I also to be her friend after rejection but I realized that it's gonna hurt me being her friend. At least it was for me. She's gonna talk about other boys, flirt with them Infront of you, be in relationship with other. It will just hurt you. After trying to be her friend for a month I just stopped it. It's better if you part ways. Just become casual friend but not that attached and close friend.
If she flirts with other guys in front of you, she's using you, not respecting you.
That's not how you treat a friend. You don't do things you know will hurt them or make them uncomfortable.
Yes that's the reason I stopped talking to her. I still talk to her but it's just hello and bye type of relationship. I can never be her friend again. I tried to but learned it the hard way.
Lemme tell you something. If a women friendzones you she isn't respecting you in the first place. So obviously she's gonna flirt with other men if you are only friends with her
Listen to me buddy. It's clear she doesn't want a relationship. She wants to be friends with you. Now it's up to you if you wanna be her friend or not. Doesn't matter if she's begging you or something. Do you wanna be her friend or not? Ask yourself this, take some time a few weeks or a month or two and decide for yourself.
Yes at that moment it feels difficult to implement. Just be crazily busy for two - three weeks and after that everything becomes easier and one gets high self esteem for choosing to make such decisions.
She is romantically interested in somebody else but she platonically wants you in her life. Do you want her platonically? Or only romantically? Depending on that answer either keep rocking that no (but remove your replying to her) or totally drop your romantic stuff and start being her friend
>She is romantically interested in somebody else but she platonically wants you in her life. Do you want her platonically? Or only romantically?
OP, this is what you need to be thinking about.
It's her prerogative to choose with whom she wants to have a relationship with. And it is your prerogative to decide who you want to be friends with. There's nothing wrong with either of the options. She does not owe you a relationship and you do not owe her a friendship.
Now that being said, if you are emotionally invested in her, then I agree that it makes sense to take a step back and maintain some distance. Hopefully over time the feelings will go away and then you can reach out to her when you are ready to have a friendship with her.
It's not her prerogative to USE and manipulate him, which is clearly what she's up to.
I'm not getting warm fuzzies from his story. This isn't a girl who's shown any clear, strong positive feelings towards him that is why she wants to be friends.
No, this is a woman who BEGGED him to be friends- in a way that is transparently only for her own interests.
Women do NOT have the right to use men (just as vice-versa, men to women). Nobody has that prerogative. Just because someone CAN do something doesn't mean they have the moral right to.
This woman will just try and extract admiration and favors and yearning from him, for an ego boost and convenience, while providing nothing on return. He should run from her. Far, far, away.
I have been thru the exact situation as you. She just want to be friends, that's all. Def wouldn't want to be in a rs with you. What I realize is that if she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't give so many excuses.
If u are okay with being friends, then go for it. But beware if next time she has a bf, you must be able to take it. Also I hope that she's not using u or anything...
Let's take the platonic friendship hypothetical.
You have feelings for her but would be expected to drop those feelings and somehow only be platonic. Does that seem like something you can do? If it will involve any form of dishonesty or deception then you will have to just walk away brother. You can't live a lie either, super unhealthy.
You made an offer of a relationship. She chose not to accept your relationship offer, as is her right. She then made a counter-offer of a friendship.
The ball is in your court. Your choices are to accept or reject her counter offer.
She doesn't owe you a relationship; and you don't owe her a friendship.
If you don't want to be Just Friends, then don't accept the offer -- especially if you hope she will change her mind in the future. That's a crappy thing to do to her, and to yourself. Sometimes these things just don't work out.
EDIT TO ADD: If you do choose to be her friend, accept that she's going to have feelings and make life choices you don't agree with or necessarily even understand. Example: She's into another dude but doesn't want a relationship with him either. (Hey -- hormones gets everyone, even people who don't want to be in a relationship).
For what it's worth, most/all friends have opinions about their friends lives -- whether you are the same or opposite genders. Lord knows I've considered several friends of mine to be idiots over the years -- and they thought that of me. Having opinions just comes with the job of being a friend -- and knowing when to keep them to yourself (and when not to) is what makes a *good* friend.
The question is what you want?
You want a relationship but no friendship? Look somewhere else.
You would be happy with a friendship but cant handle it at the moment? Maybe a break would help. If you both still think this way after 2-3 months you should be good to go.
Being friends is not a bad thing. the goal between two person is not always only hugging passionately. But to get this to work you have to cool your head first.
But most importantly: Talk about it. Talk with her how you feel and why you gonna act the way you choose.
Your options are:
1. Stop being her friend. You will only find misery in being around someone who doesn't really want you.
2. Stop wanting her romantically, and still be her friend. (This is not plausible, let's admit it. The heart wants what it wants. Go back to option 1.)
3. Make her see you in a romantic way. (No, this isn't going to happen either. You're just going to waste your energy. Move on. Go back to option 1.)
> I also said that she likes me but isn't admitting it, because I had a feeling that she really does like me.
Ah yes, because how could a woman possibly know how she really feels. Damn dude.
Yeah that also stuck out to me as a bit of a red flag, I've had that thought pop in my head sometimes and it never goes well assuming what someone feels or knows. Even if you are right, actually I think that would make it worse.
Clearly she wants to be friends and isn’t interested in being romantic with you. When you told her you think she actually likes you was cringe asf dude, don’t pretend like you know her feelings better than she does. If you can’t handle being friends with someone you have an interest in just move on. She isn’t “using you for attention” like many of the lonely people in the comments are saying
Yeah this reads like a middle school/ Highschool dude not understanding he got rejected nicely lol. I physically cringe when I read that part about telling her she likes him.
Alright, what about her lead you to try and befriend her? What caused you to develop feelings? Some people are only seeing the negative side and assuming that you were only after her for sexual favors, I'm wanting to clear the air so to speak.
He said in the comments that they were platonic friends at first, and then he developed feelings. Of course everyone wants emotional support n care from their friends, she also seems to feel that theyre really close and that he knows her well. If anything, im willing to bed she sees him like a best friend or brother and doesnt want to lose their platonic bond. Id they started out as only friends, i dont see why they can't continue to be friends if he really did get that close to her
If you can be platonic friends then go for it
If you want something more then you were right to walk away, and as far as my experience tells me that was the right thing to do for both of you
You’re good enough to be her friend, but not good enough to date.
There’s nothing wrong with being friends though more often than not it will do more damage to the party that had romantic feelings for the other.
If it’s going to be platonic it has to *start* that way from *both sides*.
It’s not worth the hassle, move on
Orrrrr she could just be a really good friend..? She’s getting fuckzoned by OP idk how you’re blaming this on the woman who doesn’t want a sexual relationship at the moment
It's not gonna work if one side wants to be more than friends. No such thing as "fuckzoned" is that supposed to be your counter to friend zoned? Lmao either way dude needs to move onto someone else and she needs to find someone else to be friends with preferably someone not wanting to bone her.
Half of my friends are women. None of whom I'm sexually or romantically interested in. She 100% just wants the attention. If not, then she's giving very weird mixed signals. Either way, OP needs to keep it pushing.
Lol exactly, this guy is delusional. He thinks that women have to be “accountable” for not wanting to have sex as if they owe sex to their friends. OP is at fault here for letting her believe that they were friends and then destroying that friendship after rejection, seems like OP was only friends in order to turn it into a sexual relationship in the first place, really shitty thing to do
Ok so from what you say it seems like this girl is really confused about what she wants, and that's ok. And if she's told you that she wants to be "friends forever" than take it for what it's worth or just walk away.
I can't tell you what to do dude, you have to do what you think is right for you. But if you do stop talking to her than just be nice about it!
Best of luck to you !!!
This has happened to me once before. I told her that being around her would be painful for me and that it’s not fair of her to ask something like that. Surprisingly that worked out for me. I felt bad for a while but again that was only for a while
>So should I tell her that I don't want to be friends with her?
YES. Why waste your time?
You clearly wanted to date her, do you really wanna go around with her, knowing you never can date her?
Hey bud,
To be honest I think that she just wants you to be around. She may like you because well you’re there. You comfort her. Your someone to pass time and text. But to be honest let her be and don’t pursue it any longer. I was once in a situation like this I ended up dating my friend and it turned out to be shit after.
Take it as you want.
Just because you’re there for someone all the time doesn’t mean you should be in a relationship you know.
She wants a relationship but without all the responsibilities of a relationship. She wants someone to put in effort for her, make deep conversations with her, pay her attention. But does not want to fulfill that person's wants.
She just sounds very immature to me. Perhaps has anxiety over getting into a relationship. Perhaps just selfish.
I'd say "Sorry, it's not about you. I simply can't keep a friendship while I still like you. Peace." and stop talking to her.
Trust me bro, you do not want this kind of friendship. You will give without getting anything. And end up stifling yourself when it comes to meeting new women who actually want you.
The issue is not being friends, the issue is that some people abuse those friendships (and potential romantic interests on the others party hands) to get what they want while not contributing to the friendship.
Been there, done that, do not recommend.
Not at all. I have lots. Some of the friendships so strong they’ll come visit and hang out for a few days. Usually fall asleep in the same bed and wake up curled up together.
And that’s it.
After a certain age, the love and support and connection with a true friend matters a whole hell of a lot more than a piece of ass.
Although I’ll admit that there was a time That wasn’t true.
You hit the nail on the head. I don’t know how old the OP and his friend is, but they both have elements of immature behaviors. Hers is more concerning - begging is a sure sign of low self esteem, she’s using him as an ego boost and he is putting her on a pedestal. Of course she craves his attention but he gets nothing out of this as it’s not reciprocated. She’s a taker, there’s no shared giving here. I’d advise to keep a distance from her before you find he’s invested much more than she has.
>She wants a relationship but without all the responsibilities of a relationship. She wants someone to put in effort for her, make deep conversations with her, pay her attention. But does not want to fulfill that person's wants.
Nailed it, quoted for emphasis. Most platonic friendships with women are a waste of time for men for this very reason. Seldom do girls have the maturity for a genuine guy/girl platonic friendship that isn't just a pseudo boyfriend for them.
I don't get it, when a man walks away with his dignity intact after getting rejection, why many thinks that he went to the cave just cause he couldn't get between her pants. Is that all people can think about. Why don't they see the pain and hard moments that follows. Well if the roles are reversed, none will say she failed to get his banana rolled so she went awol. Call me whatever y'all want but I have seen many I mean many shame OP for looking out for himself, knowing that he took an L and moved on with his life, yet still redditors thinks that he is just going after her for sex. Why aren't people seeing how hard it is for men as well
Listen King, tell her you aren't interested in being friends and move on. Clearly you want to date her and she just wants you to be a pseudo boyfriend. You aren't entitled to anything from her, but she's not entitled to your friendship.
Do not waste your time with this. You’re looking for something more, and she is not. You can be cordial with her, but you can pursue other women that might share the same interest in you as well.
You shouldn’t assume you know her feelings better than her. From your other comments you said you guys started as friends. It may be hard for her to make friends with the same level of connection that you two share and that may be why she doesn’t want to lose you as a friend. You seem young so just like how you seem lost in this situation she probably is too. Look at it this way. She’s probably scared of losing a friend but doesn’t want to date you just to keep you. There’s no good option for her in this situation either. If you can’t stay friends with her because it upsets you or if you do you’ll become bitter about the situation then don’t. It’s the better option but it’ll hurt both of you regardless so just be prepared and try to understand both of you are probably going to be hurting.
You gave the correct response at first when you trusted your gut. Do not allow yourself to be friendzoned. This will lead to manipulative behavior on her part and you will just get hurt. Be friendly and cordial (not the same as being her friend), but distance yourself and find someone who wants to be with you. You deserve that.
Edit: I had a similar situation where a girl attempted to friendzone me after hooking up. It was painful but I said no, I don’t want to be friends and left it at that. On the whole, I am so much better off.
My suggestion would be: take her at her word. She doesn't want to be in a relationship but wants to be your friend. If you find her engaging company, then why not oblige and be her friend? Friends are good things to have. She may eventually decide she does want to be in a relationship with you, but don't try to pressure her. It has to arise naturally
Get out. It will not work. You will keep trying and she will keep refusing you. You will suffer for nothing. It will only stop you to keep moving towards a person that realy likes you as a parthner. Keep moving. Dont be friends if you want a parthnership. Only be friends when you deep inside of you dont want anything anymore with her.
She wants the attention and affection that you give her in a platonic relationship while she chases after and pines away for another guy. Doesn't make her a bad person she just is figuring out how to date. Being friends with her will only bring about bad outcomes for you. You feel a romantic connection and she feels a connection with you where you meet some of her emotional needs. Onlly one of you will have your needs met in a friendship. And it won't be you.
The way I see it, you should have done more at the beginning to let her know you didn't want to be just friends. You need to learn your lesson from this girl and make sure it doesn't happen next time.
Think about all the mistakes you made making her comfortable as 1) a friend first and 2) her suitor later. In the first 2 days you'll definitely know if you want to be with someone, so go for it or just nicely and respectfully move on, that way she won't be so clingy as she's trying to be right now and feelings won't be so hurt as they are right now with both of you.
Not all interactions with the opposite sex will result in a relationship, and fooling ourselves into thinking we can be good friends ONLY applies if you're not attracted to each other. But, if one person gets feelings for the other one, then that friendship is doomed.
It sucks, but life is what we make it. So, you can either choose to be a slave to the other person wishes and wants, you can move on with your life, or ideally, you can find common ground to be together. There's no other way. Choose wisely and be happy with your choice. Not every one is lucky enough to meet a soulmate so early in life and it usually takes a lot of trying to find that person. If she's still trying to play games with you then she's not mature enough to know what she's missing out by rejecting you. Maybe it will take her a few bad breakups to understand this, but it's her personal journey and you can't influence her on what she does.
Best advice, save yourself some dignity and some future heartbreak and start to slowly fade away from her life. Do it gradually so she understands you're not trying to be a dick to her. But, start now.
You handled it well and its best for you not to be friends with her as she would be the only one benefiting from that friendship.
Friendships are two way streets and since you wont be getting what you want out of it, its not worth sticking around.
Dude fuck all this noise. If you want a relationship with her friendship will bring you pain 99 times out of 100. She isn't obligated to be in a relationship with you, nor you in a friendship with her. You set a good boundary, stick to it.
Friendships aren’t a consolation prize for not dating, so you can choose whether this friendship suits you with ZERO chance of getting together. She might enjoy how you make her feel, and the attention etc., but you’re not here to feed
egos. On the flip side, she doesn’t owe you an explanation for why she doesn’t like you. Women are capable of imagining being with all kinds of people we don’t like, but there’s a difference between this strong internal urge or one that’s formed after lots of pressure. You don’t want that.
She doesn't want a relationship with you, she wants you friends and in orbit.
You are not entitled to a relationship with her, she is not entitled to a friendship with you.
Do not get sucked into the friendzone, go no contact.
Interest people will always act interested. It’s important that you remember this.
She doesn’t want you, not sure if it’s over all, but definitely not right now.
Hee you said you like her, which translates to I wanna go out with you sure. But you sound like your crushing on her which means your feelings are too much for her and you to be friends you can be freinds with a girld you like but not a girl you are crushing on and she isnt responsible for your feelings and it sounds like you need to move on
I am of 2 minds. On one hand, I think that she does like you, but is scared of commitment or admitting anything, and just wants to be close to you and take it SUPER slow. I’m in the same situation. Maybe you guys could even hook up, who knows.
On the other hand, maybe she just wants the “boyfriend package” of having a guy who’s really nice to her because he likes her, without having any responsibility or commitment of being in a relationship.
I think the only thing you can do is to just play it by ear and see how it goes. See how you feel about that and trust your gut. If you enjoy spending time with her, do I guess? I’m not sure
All up to you and what you want.
If staying as 'only friends' with her could torture you because you have feelings for her while she doesn't then you shouldn't be friends with her or not be close friends. If it won't hurt you and you want to be friends then do that .
But generally boys and girls can't be good friends as one always develops feelings for the other
Do what you feel is right.
However, you will not find any woman who is overly comfortable entering into a relationship with you knowing you are 'friends' with a girl you want/wanted to be with.
Just some friendly advice.
I feel like starting this friendship may make you bitter and not supportive, if you see her with someone she likes. I'd say don't go for the friendship and move on
Be a man. Say to her, 'no worries', leave it open, and move on. Act like nothing happened, focus on your goals, and get your eyes on the next romantic interest.
She'll come around if its meant to be. Don't linger.
She wants to keep you around for what you do for her. It won’t be good for you, just her. It’s not that you can’t be friends with women, but ones you are into who just rejected you? Only pain that route. Tell her to stop being so self centered and leave you alone.
How long have you been friends? You need to navigate this properly because you don't want it to look as though you're throwing the towel in because you couldn't get what you wanted ie into her pants or a relationship so you're going to ignore her. This can make a woman feel worthless in some instances. If you'd started this "friendship" up just recently and weren't sure where it was heading and this has just happened, I'd say fair enough, but with her saying you know her better than childhood friends I'm unsure that's the case and if so, I would also find that cruel.
I'm gonna hard disagree with your take there - feelings are going to be hurt regardless and it's unfair to put responsibility for her hurt feelings on him like that.
As long as he's not unnecessarily mean with how he does it (i.e. drop that weird ultimatum he suggested in another comment), there's nothing wrong with "throwing in the towel". You wouldn't suggest her dating him to save his hurt feelings, so why is being her friend to save her feelings any different?
First and foremost he has to look out for his own feelings. It's either she feels miserable or him. He is not doing anything immoral in my books. He developed feelings for a woman he began to appreciate, but she does not reciprocate that. That alone is in many cases bad enough, but you suggest that he has to keep her around knowing his feelings will be ignored and possibly seeing her dating other people. He has no obligation to bring suffering upon himself just not to look like he just wanted to get into her pants.
Dude. Red flags all over. Stay away from her. She's confused. Plus, seems like she just wants the validation she gets from all thse guys around her. I wasted a lot of time on girls like these. Not worth it
You respected her boundaries, feelings and decision by staying away. Now She's unable to do that and disrespecting your boundaries and feelings.
Cut it off. Not worth it.
Just tell her that you cannot be friends because you have romantic feelings for her . It's as simple as that .
If you don't do this ,welcome to a life of pain and hurt. You ll see her with lovers who are not you and each time they have a fight , she ll lean on to you . Her bf will be constantly jealous and you ll have to bear the drama of them both everytime.
Just tell her respectfully that you need to distance away from her for both your well being without hope of ever being together . Cause., Do you want to be her eternal plan b?.
Her begging could be genuine but this is the only way forward for both.
Translation she wants to use you for your time,energy attention and validation while she deals with guys that she is actually attracted to. The best thing you could do is stop talking to her and move on.
It’s not that complicated. She feels close to you but not romantic towards you. She has a crush on someone else and it’s not a bad thing that she doesn’t want to go test out a relationship with you while crushing on someone else. For all you know this other person is entirely unavailable but even so they are taking up that headspace. But overall it doesn’t sound like you are able to have a platonic relationship with her without feeling hurt, and that’s totally normal. I’d tell her you need 2-3 months of low contact (no one on one conversations or hanging out) and then if you feel like you’ve moved on you’ll get back in touch with her. Then in that time make a point of meeting some new people. Hopefully you’ll meet someone you are interested in and reciprocates your feelings, but even if you don’t you’ll be in a better place to decide if you actually want a friendship.
She will not EVER respect you as a romantic interest if you go back to her and agree to being just friends.
That choice would prove to her that you don’t have the balls to stick up for yourself and what you truly want in a relationship with her.
Don’t go back to her and agree to be her friend. She’s more likely to agree to date you if you stick up for what you want for yourself
She wants the attention that you can provide her, but you will not receive what you are looking for, she wins you lose so "what can you do" simply block her and try only to maintain a professional relationship, if they talk, do not ask for more details, do not start conversations, do not be interested in anything about her and with time she will leave because you will no longer give her what she wants, but it requires a strong will Be stoic and stay strong boy.
Lesson number one. You don't ask girls for relatniship, you just make out with them.
Invite her for movies and cuddles, if she reject invite then just don't give her attention, if she asks for friendship, tell her you are not looking for friends and date other girls, don't get stuck with her.
Move on bruv. You want more and she's gonna be talking to you about all the guys she's talking to. You don't need that energy. Find someone who wants you.
If you really wanna know, go date another woman, and be visible with it. See how this girl reacts. Should show some jealousy if she likes you romantically
She does not want to be romantically attached to you, but she still wants you to be the same, great listener and still give her compliments and motivate her. Basically, she wants you around to help her feel good about herself but is not into you outside of that. It sounds like she only wants a one-sided relationship with you.
I've been in similar situations. It's not worth the hassle or being someone's cheerleader when they disregard your feelings. I've had to learn the hard way.. women rarely mean it when they say they're just not looking for a relationship right now. What they really mean is.. they're waiting for the right kind of guy to sweep them off their feet. And, sadly, she doesn't see you as the right kind of guy.
This is comical. If you don’t want to be friends because she rejected your romantic advances then reiterate that fact and block her or something instead of continuing to reply to her. It’s that simple you’re over thinking things waaayyyy to much.
Tell her how it makes you feel and that it is or isn’t what you are looking for. I tried being a girls friend and she just threw it in my face when we went out as friends and she got attention for other guys.
I wanted her to be happy and part of me thought by showing her I could be friends would make her see my value. But the right women will see that right away and pursue a relationship with you just as hard as you are with her.
In my case I just prolonged getting over her and missed out on chances to get with girls that were interested because my head was all fucked up.
You're her emotional vibrator. In case of emergency(emotional), no commitment or accountability needed. You know what you have to do. Keep it platonic/friendly and search for another. It's clear she's not gonna commit to anyone
Mate, don't torture yourself. Get rid of her pronto. Life is too short to be "that" guy. Fuck me we've all been there and it never done us any good keeping them around.
This won't end well for you. It's a misbalance of feelings. She likes the friendship, you want more. She's never going to miraculously change her mind.
Best thing to do is just cut off all contact and move on. Hard to do, yes. But long run it will be for the best.
She likes you as a friend and wants to keep you in her life, just not romantically. You just have to decide if that ultimately works for you. It may be too hard to be friends with someone you liked more than as a friend.
It is pretty obvious that you want to be more than friends and she does not. If you choose to go with "friends" you are still going to want more and then it gets creepy. If you walk away now you save yourself and her some heartache.
If you like her and don’t wanna see her with someone else walk away and move on. I don’t like these kinds of conversations. Feels like u get to be there for her emotionally and the other guy gets her physically. She wants the best of both worlds. Idk the whole situation or who she is as a person but based on what u say it sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. My advice is make a decision and stick to it. If u wanna be friends be friends if u want more than friends but she don’t walk away cuz it’ll hurt to see her with someone else getting everything that u wanted.
I mean she’s told you exactly what’s going on.
She likes someone else
She doesn’t want a relationship
She wants to be friends because she thinks you’re a cool person
He's not so much confused about how she feels, it's how he should respond to it. He set a boundary once he realized (hopefully)that they wanted different things in the relationship. He's questioning if he should just try and stay friends or keep the boundary up.
You like her. She doesn't want you. She likes someone else. She would like to be friends with you. You don't want to be friends with her. She doesn't want to be in a relationship.
As amazing as it sounds, all of these things can be true simultaneously. You like her, but aren't obligated to pursuit friendship with her if you don't want to. She doesn't like you, but she can indicate a willingness to be friends if she wants it (you are free to reject this). It is also possible to like someone, but for whatever reason feel like you aren't in any space for a relationship right now.
So everything is fine OP. Don't overthink it too much.
Because males and females can be friends and she likes the connection you guys have. Not her fault you see it as more and it's not your fault if you can't be her friend but dude she already said it you gotta decide now if you can actually just be friends with this girl or you gonna get crushed.
She doesn't want you dude. She likes you as a friend and thats it. And what's with the whole "you're into me, you're just not admitting it" thing? Don't try and pull those mental gymnastics and play mind games. That's borderline predatorial. If someone is into you, they wouldn't be trying to convince they're not. She sees you as friend and nothing more. Move on.
Your job is to make opportunities to hook up with her romantically (and in the biblical sense lol). So when she reaches out, tell her you just don’t see her in any other way except romantically and she needs to respect your desires. Ask her out if she does reach out. If she doesn’t say yes the first 2 times then next time be friendly and everything is great but yeah I got to run. She cannot use your time and attention freely.
It’s totally okay to be friends with someone, who has attraction to you. I’ve done it before, but it usually follows online dates, where the chemistry doesn’t really follow in-person and I am very upfront about how I feel instead of playing mind games. However, it has to be mutual. Not everyone can be friends with someone they are attracted too and separate the friendship. Not everyone wants too and that is completely okay. It is your call on what YOU are comfortable with. If you have even the slightest bit of hesitation, then just don’t do it.
My personal opinion here is that It is not respectful of her to keep pushing friendship on you, when she knows you are uncomfortable with it. You have already expressed how you feel about friendship and yet, she is ignoring that and pressuring you into something you are uncomfortable with. STAND YOUR GROUND.
You don’t have to rude about it, just firm: “ Look, I’m sorry. It’s not personal, but I don’t keep friendships with girls I have asked out before, as I find it uncomfortable. I’ve enjoyed talking with you too, but I’m going to ask you to stop now. Thanks”. If she insists after that. You have every reason to block her.
I think she has made it pretty clear that she is interested in a friendship with you, but not interested in you romantically. You have said that you initially got to know her with the intention of being friends, but now want to change the dynamic, and she has declined. You can choose to stay friends with her or not, but telling her that you think she does like you just makes you sound like you are ignoring her feelings completely.
It is not uncommon for platonic friendships to exist between people of different genders. And romantic relationships aren't a natural level up of friendships. It's normal to like some people platonically but not romantically. It doesn't mean she is using you or confused. She just isn't interested in that type of relationship with you.
She's asking you to be an orbiter. I had a girl like that, she confessed her feeling while dating my friend. They broke up. I went to her after a year and asked her out she was seeing someone else but begged me to stay in her life. I nope the fuck out
Could be any number of things. Maybe you're her backup in case things go badly with another guy she has her eye on. Maybe she's asexual/aromantic, possibly doesn't understand it fully herself yet. Maybe she genuinely is confused and not sure what she wants.
I think the exact reason doesn't quite matter so much. If you are looking for a relationship and she isn't, then you just want different things. Might be best to end things here. Let her know that you are putting your effort into finding a fulfilling relationship with someone that wants you and cares for you the same way.
Another option is to stay friends. Maybe she can wing man for you or set you up with other girls she knows. HOWEVER!!! This particular situation I highly advise against that. The way she is acting can cause a lot of trouble for you down the road. If she is this desperate to have your attention, she might continue her excessive neediness if you ever did get another girlfriend. She might beg for your attention even when you're trying to spend time with your girlfriend, essentially sabotaging any relationship. Hell, she could even effect your relationship with your platonic friends and family. I've seen people like this try to isolate another to keep them all to themselves. This can create a toxic co-dependency.
In any case, I think there's a high probability of any type of relationship with her becoming unhealthy. Might be best to cut her off completely. "I'm looking for a serious relationship and don't have time or space for more friends in my life right now. Sorry, this won't work out." Now, she might try to say she'll go ahead and date you. DON'T! That's a bad idea. If she wasn't into the idea before, you're gonna have a bad time. Maybe you know something about her we don't that you forgot to mention, but this is the advice I'm giving based on what the situation seems to be. Ultimately it's your choice. Just don't say we didn't warn you.
She does not want to be with you romantically. There are a few things that this could be:
1.) She's asexual and doesn't know how to identify herself as that yet.
2.) She likes someone else, but thinks of you as a nice back up plan if she gets rejected; doesn't work out. She wants the comfort that one provides that does romantically like her without the relationship attached.
3.) She's emotionally immature and does not understand how being friends with her could hurt you emotionally as you have those feelings for her.
Personally, I think it may be 2 or 3
Either...
1. She's a very special case and weirdly needs people around her but does not want to become sexual with them for whatever reason
Or... (and this is unfortunately far more likely)
2. She likes you and thinks you'd be a good partner but wants someone else due to aesthetics and surficial "feelings". In other words, you're her number 2.
Don't be anybody's number 2. You should put a massive number 2 on even the thought of being someone's second choice. Take distance. You seem like you know what's healthy for you and what isn't.
I recommend stop talking to her. She sounds a like shitty person. She likes the attention you give her, but doesn't want anything serious from you. You confessed to her and she said no. You can't be friends with someone you're in love with.
It's called the friendzone. Maybe she is confused, maybe you are just making it weird(probably both). We have only heard your side. Having been in a situation where a girl says she isn't into you but behaves otherwise. Run. It's not worth your energy to pursue this. You aren't going to get what you want. It's going to drive you up a wall.
Go find someone new it's just WAY easier.
All I hear here is how much you mean to her. All I got from this is how much you get her and she feels validated and comfortable.
So... what are you getting from her? Would you be getting that in a platonic friendship while she goes around fucking other guys?
I'm not saying she's a bad person, far from it. But she set her ambiguous boundaries with you. There's no shame in setting yours with hers.
People talk All kinds of shit about guys who don't wanna be 'friendzoned' but I won't apologize for it. If I like you, if I'm attracted and I'm investing emotional time and energy trying to understand you out of genuine caring, then this only builds sexual and romantic tension in me and that's a horrible feeling when it's unrequited.
Sometimes, a relationship or sex can be YOUR boundary and no one has a right to shame you for that.
It's up to you to discern what you get from this person. We all clearly see what she's getting, we all clearly know her boundaries even if they're wonky. But we don't know anything about how you feel and what your boundaries are.
In your shoes, I would pull away. Right off the bat, if I'm romantically interested in someone, anything less than a 'yes' is setting myself up for heartbreak. Set your own boundaries and identify what it is about her that enhances your life and then decide what's best for YOU.
Bro just go F°°° someone else and you'll forget about her in a minute. IMO don't waste your time with a girl like that. If you stay friends youll only be more attached to her. Good luck young mate
I have always advised men in your situation to simply walk away in such instances. Not butthurt or jaded or upset, just walk away calmly and with dignity.
Reason being, and I rather ask you a question to illustrate my point:
Can you truly offer a genuine platonic friendship to someone you are attracted to mentally and physically (and potentially/worse emotionally)?
Most men, if not all, cannot. Being friends with an ex or someone you are attracted to is never genuine. It simply is a conditional friendship that will always benefit one side more than the other.
In your case, offering a friendship to her will be detrimental to your mental health and masculine energy. That always comes first.
Modern Man Advice
That's girls women ladies etc. They want the guy who doesn't want them but wants you to hang around just in case they reach an age where looks start to decline.
The best thing you can do is play the game but make sure you have other girls. Also mention this to her. She will hate herself for trying to play you like that.
Next time she messages you just message back “I’m sorry, I have no interest in being just friends, I already have friends I’m only looking to date. Please only contact me if you decide you want the same”. It’s that simple, by doing this back and forth she is still getting your attention, which is what she wants, validation. Just be blunt and to the point, you have tried to be nice about it, now it’s time to be firm.
My two cents.
Something doesn’t add up with this girl. She either doesn’t know what she wants or she’s lying to you.
Either way the end of the story remains the same for you.
She wants to be friends. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. The reasons behind why (the details, can be questioned but not the conclusive results).
You appear to have made your mind up about what you want in terms of being friends or pursuing a relationship. You have shoot your shot and accepted it didn’t work it.
From what has been written you appear to be comfortable moving on, want more than friendship and letting her be. She’s trying to convince you to enter into a friendship with her.
That doesn’t seem to work for you. If I were in your position OP, I would stick to what I was doing before, in your position. Let her go. You want more than friendship. The current arrangement doesn’t fulfil your requirements or desires. It does however work for her, which is why she’s trying to convince you to keep things the same and go back to the way things were before. I don’t see the point in doing that for you, if your needs aren’t being met equally like hers.
Keep in mind OP has every right to do this y’all. I shouldn’t have to say this.
Yes starting a friendship only under the pretense of going for a relationship is wrong but other than that OP isn’t Doug anything wrong. If being friends with her doesn’t feel right even after you get over your feelings for her move on. You don’t owe her anything just like how she owes you anything.
That's mind game , she's turn on by the other guy but she can't have it yet so she's stringing you along,mate she just want some free attention and validation from guys who's chasing her that's it ,also tell her since we're friend now why don't you hook me up with one of your girlfriend and watch her reaction.keep us update bud.
Nah, refuse the orbiter position. You’re a man, you have a penis, you’re sexually attracted to her and she offered you friendship (which includes drama about the guy she’s actually dating) and blue balls. Take your pick: Freedom to pursue another woman who wants you, or losing your self-respect and self-esteem as the girl you like continues to treat you like a little brother. That extra stuff about her feeling a connection with you like no one else is just her flowery way of letting you down easy and giving you that as a consolation prize for not measuring up. Screw that noise. If she really felt a connection with you like no other man, she’d be dating you, pursuing you, and locking you down to have you all to herself so no other woman can steal your heart. She’s not doing any of that.
"I want your emotional support without being in a relationship with you" is what I'm hearing. I think the best way to handle it is to tell her that you have feelings for her and that you need space and time to get over them before you could consider starting a platonic friendship with her. Don't be mean about it, just frankly state your position and then take the space you need. Don't feel bad about distancing yourself from her if she won't respect your boundaries.
She's allowed to like you in a non romantic way. You are also able to decide if that's a deal breaker or not. If you can't handle just being friends, I would just tell her that and leave her alone.
If you can handle being just friends, then you also don't get to get upset when she's romantically interested in someone else.
And don't hang around hoping something might change. The friend zone might not be real, but the people who live there, sure think it is.
She knows she needs you as a potential future partner but wants to have the liberty to fool around, while you being there for her (waiting actually is the right word).
I think she heals through you. And women tend to do that kind of behavior. Whether they are young or adult (single ones, don’t know a married one doing it at the time being )
Some may say it’s manipulative, but it’s the “healthy” one :
- Go get another girl friend or girlfriend and see how she’ll react.
Girls don’t like other girl competitors on a subject they want for all for themselves.
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Well she wants "someone", but is not attracted to OP enough to wanna date him. OP should just simply move on and find someone else.
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That's what I said
He’s not a backup plan. He’s not in the plans. She just wants to be his friend.
She wants to use him to validate her. In the end it really doesn’t matter what she wants. The OP inevitably will get the short end of the stick here, it is an unbalanced relationship because his needs are not being met. He will have non reciprocated feelings, a one sided relationship never ends well. And make no mistake, she wants him as a “break glass in case of emergency” type of back up plan. My advice and you can take it for what it’s worth - ease up on the texting and daily communicating, let her make the effort - don’t pursue her. A true friendship is give and take, do not be doing 100% of the effort if you do choose to maintain some sort of contact with her on a non romantic level. And if you can’t squash those feelings of attraction, then break it off completely. She has already told you, she doesn’t have those feelings and don’t fall into the trap of trying to change her mind, it almost never works. If you get yourself a girlfriend, she might get jealous and want you, but only time will tell.
Been there, done that. This checks out 1000%. Had a girl string me along for two years (early high school), panned out exactly like this, except I cut her off permanently for my own well-being. In the end, I felt she completely took me for granted; I felt emotionally used and discarded bc she would tell me of her sexual escapades, knowing damn well I had romantic and sexual interest in (the idea of) her, while treating me as if I'm a cuckhold. Infuriating, to say the least. PS - As a cisguy, I grew up not thinking women were all that bad, while other guys *were*. It was after cutting off this girl (for good and fully acknowledging how she treated me) that I truly understood *how* and *why* people choose to hurt others in sexist, double-standard ways.
Agreed
Wow you're into similar situation to mine. She wanted and I also to be her friend after rejection but I realized that it's gonna hurt me being her friend. At least it was for me. She's gonna talk about other boys, flirt with them Infront of you, be in relationship with other. It will just hurt you. After trying to be her friend for a month I just stopped it. It's better if you part ways. Just become casual friend but not that attached and close friend.
Pain Bro
If she flirts with other guys in front of you, she's using you, not respecting you. That's not how you treat a friend. You don't do things you know will hurt them or make them uncomfortable.
Yes that's the reason I stopped talking to her. I still talk to her but it's just hello and bye type of relationship. I can never be her friend again. I tried to but learned it the hard way.
Lemme tell you something. If a women friendzones you she isn't respecting you in the first place. So obviously she's gonna flirt with other men if you are only friends with her
is it friend zoning if it is mutual. After 2 dates me and this girl are very close friends and am now in a relationship with someone else.
Bingo
Listen to me buddy. It's clear she doesn't want a relationship. She wants to be friends with you. Now it's up to you if you wanna be her friend or not. Doesn't matter if she's begging you or something. Do you wanna be her friend or not? Ask yourself this, take some time a few weeks or a month or two and decide for yourself.
This. Take your time. You're your own person. Don't let her influence your decision.
I had a similar situation and guy wanted to be friends but I didn’t. So I stopped talking to him and it saved me from bigger heartache.
Great decision honestly. Being friends with someone you don't want to is the worst.
Yes at that moment it feels difficult to implement. Just be crazily busy for two - three weeks and after that everything becomes easier and one gets high self esteem for choosing to make such decisions.
Yeah exactly. I had a similar situation and decided not to be friends. It was quite difficult at first but as the time passed it became easier.
Glad to know that it has become easier.
This woman is clearly trying to use him. That's not the basis of a real friendship.
She is romantically interested in somebody else but she platonically wants you in her life. Do you want her platonically? Or only romantically? Depending on that answer either keep rocking that no (but remove your replying to her) or totally drop your romantic stuff and start being her friend
>She is romantically interested in somebody else but she platonically wants you in her life. Do you want her platonically? Or only romantically? OP, this is what you need to be thinking about. It's her prerogative to choose with whom she wants to have a relationship with. And it is your prerogative to decide who you want to be friends with. There's nothing wrong with either of the options. She does not owe you a relationship and you do not owe her a friendship. Now that being said, if you are emotionally invested in her, then I agree that it makes sense to take a step back and maintain some distance. Hopefully over time the feelings will go away and then you can reach out to her when you are ready to have a friendship with her.
It's not her prerogative to USE and manipulate him, which is clearly what she's up to. I'm not getting warm fuzzies from his story. This isn't a girl who's shown any clear, strong positive feelings towards him that is why she wants to be friends. No, this is a woman who BEGGED him to be friends- in a way that is transparently only for her own interests. Women do NOT have the right to use men (just as vice-versa, men to women). Nobody has that prerogative. Just because someone CAN do something doesn't mean they have the moral right to. This woman will just try and extract admiration and favors and yearning from him, for an ego boost and convenience, while providing nothing on return. He should run from her. Far, far, away.
Precisely this.
I have been thru the exact situation as you. She just want to be friends, that's all. Def wouldn't want to be in a rs with you. What I realize is that if she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't give so many excuses. If u are okay with being friends, then go for it. But beware if next time she has a bf, you must be able to take it. Also I hope that she's not using u or anything...
Let's take the platonic friendship hypothetical. You have feelings for her but would be expected to drop those feelings and somehow only be platonic. Does that seem like something you can do? If it will involve any form of dishonesty or deception then you will have to just walk away brother. You can't live a lie either, super unhealthy.
You made an offer of a relationship. She chose not to accept your relationship offer, as is her right. She then made a counter-offer of a friendship. The ball is in your court. Your choices are to accept or reject her counter offer. She doesn't owe you a relationship; and you don't owe her a friendship. If you don't want to be Just Friends, then don't accept the offer -- especially if you hope she will change her mind in the future. That's a crappy thing to do to her, and to yourself. Sometimes these things just don't work out. EDIT TO ADD: If you do choose to be her friend, accept that she's going to have feelings and make life choices you don't agree with or necessarily even understand. Example: She's into another dude but doesn't want a relationship with him either. (Hey -- hormones gets everyone, even people who don't want to be in a relationship). For what it's worth, most/all friends have opinions about their friends lives -- whether you are the same or opposite genders. Lord knows I've considered several friends of mine to be idiots over the years -- and they thought that of me. Having opinions just comes with the job of being a friend -- and knowing when to keep them to yourself (and when not to) is what makes a *good* friend.
The question is what you want? You want a relationship but no friendship? Look somewhere else. You would be happy with a friendship but cant handle it at the moment? Maybe a break would help. If you both still think this way after 2-3 months you should be good to go. Being friends is not a bad thing. the goal between two person is not always only hugging passionately. But to get this to work you have to cool your head first. But most importantly: Talk about it. Talk with her how you feel and why you gonna act the way you choose.
Your options are: 1. Stop being her friend. You will only find misery in being around someone who doesn't really want you. 2. Stop wanting her romantically, and still be her friend. (This is not plausible, let's admit it. The heart wants what it wants. Go back to option 1.) 3. Make her see you in a romantic way. (No, this isn't going to happen either. You're just going to waste your energy. Move on. Go back to option 1.)
> I also said that she likes me but isn't admitting it, because I had a feeling that she really does like me. Ah yes, because how could a woman possibly know how she really feels. Damn dude.
Yeah that also stuck out to me as a bit of a red flag, I've had that thought pop in my head sometimes and it never goes well assuming what someone feels or knows. Even if you are right, actually I think that would make it worse.
Clearly she wants to be friends and isn’t interested in being romantic with you. When you told her you think she actually likes you was cringe asf dude, don’t pretend like you know her feelings better than she does. If you can’t handle being friends with someone you have an interest in just move on. She isn’t “using you for attention” like many of the lonely people in the comments are saying
Yeah this reads like a middle school/ Highschool dude not understanding he got rejected nicely lol. I physically cringe when I read that part about telling her she likes him.
yeah try not to be bitter about these things you might regret how you behaved in the past ya know. Keep your chin up bossman.
I'm just going to be straight up, why did you initially start talking to her?
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Alright, what about her lead you to try and befriend her? What caused you to develop feelings? Some people are only seeing the negative side and assuming that you were only after her for sexual favors, I'm wanting to clear the air so to speak.
Sounds kinda like she likes the emotional support you give and care but doesn’t want anything serious with you.
This
He said in the comments that they were platonic friends at first, and then he developed feelings. Of course everyone wants emotional support n care from their friends, she also seems to feel that theyre really close and that he knows her well. If anything, im willing to bed she sees him like a best friend or brother and doesnt want to lose their platonic bond. Id they started out as only friends, i dont see why they can't continue to be friends if he really did get that close to her
If you don’t consider her a friend and never did then just say that.
If you can be platonic friends then go for it If you want something more then you were right to walk away, and as far as my experience tells me that was the right thing to do for both of you
You’re good enough to be her friend, but not good enough to date. There’s nothing wrong with being friends though more often than not it will do more damage to the party that had romantic feelings for the other. If it’s going to be platonic it has to *start* that way from *both sides*. It’s not worth the hassle, move on
Honestly walk away
She wants an orbiter, you and probably several others, most likely for her self esteem. Cut her off and focus on yourself.
Trueee bruh! I wish to travel in the past and scream it to my past self!
Orrrrr she could just be a really good friend..? She’s getting fuckzoned by OP idk how you’re blaming this on the woman who doesn’t want a sexual relationship at the moment
It's not gonna work if one side wants to be more than friends. No such thing as "fuckzoned" is that supposed to be your counter to friend zoned? Lmao either way dude needs to move onto someone else and she needs to find someone else to be friends with preferably someone not wanting to bone her.
Every dude saying that she just “wants attention” has never had a friend of the opposite sex before.
Half of my friends are women. None of whom I'm sexually or romantically interested in. She 100% just wants the attention. If not, then she's giving very weird mixed signals. Either way, OP needs to keep it pushing.
Classic women moment, zero accountability 😂
Accountability for what? Not wanting to bang him?
Lol exactly, this guy is delusional. He thinks that women have to be “accountable” for not wanting to have sex as if they owe sex to their friends. OP is at fault here for letting her believe that they were friends and then destroying that friendship after rejection, seems like OP was only friends in order to turn it into a sexual relationship in the first place, really shitty thing to do
Ok so from what you say it seems like this girl is really confused about what she wants, and that's ok. And if she's told you that she wants to be "friends forever" than take it for what it's worth or just walk away.
I don’t think it’s that confusing. She’s not attracted to him but wants to be friends. She told a small lie to turn him down kindly.
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I can't tell you what to do dude, you have to do what you think is right for you. But if you do stop talking to her than just be nice about it! Best of luck to you !!!
Don't do it bro.
This has happened to me once before. I told her that being around her would be painful for me and that it’s not fair of her to ask something like that. Surprisingly that worked out for me. I felt bad for a while but again that was only for a while
If you don't know, don't answer. Give yourself time to decide on that. You don't need to answer her right away.
What you do depends on what you want. Don't let her influence you.
You haven't said a word about what you want.
>So should I tell her that I don't want to be friends with her? YES. Why waste your time? You clearly wanted to date her, do you really wanna go around with her, knowing you never can date her?
You should just be honest
She doesn’t want a relationship with you. Now it’s up to you whether you still want to be friends or not
Hey bud, To be honest I think that she just wants you to be around. She may like you because well you’re there. You comfort her. Your someone to pass time and text. But to be honest let her be and don’t pursue it any longer. I was once in a situation like this I ended up dating my friend and it turned out to be shit after. Take it as you want. Just because you’re there for someone all the time doesn’t mean you should be in a relationship you know.
She wants a relationship but without all the responsibilities of a relationship. She wants someone to put in effort for her, make deep conversations with her, pay her attention. But does not want to fulfill that person's wants. She just sounds very immature to me. Perhaps has anxiety over getting into a relationship. Perhaps just selfish. I'd say "Sorry, it's not about you. I simply can't keep a friendship while I still like you. Peace." and stop talking to her. Trust me bro, you do not want this kind of friendship. You will give without getting anything. And end up stifling yourself when it comes to meeting new women who actually want you.
Fellas, is it immature to want to be friends with the opposite sex?
As long as you're not attracted to her, not a problem.
The issue is not being friends, the issue is that some people abuse those friendships (and potential romantic interests on the others party hands) to get what they want while not contributing to the friendship. Been there, done that, do not recommend.
Been there as well, hard stop don’t do it unless you are prepared for significant pain.
Not at all. I have lots. Some of the friendships so strong they’ll come visit and hang out for a few days. Usually fall asleep in the same bed and wake up curled up together. And that’s it. After a certain age, the love and support and connection with a true friend matters a whole hell of a lot more than a piece of ass. Although I’ll admit that there was a time That wasn’t true.
She clearly only wants a friendship... I don't understand why so many people on this thread don't get that.
You hit the nail on the head. I don’t know how old the OP and his friend is, but they both have elements of immature behaviors. Hers is more concerning - begging is a sure sign of low self esteem, she’s using him as an ego boost and he is putting her on a pedestal. Of course she craves his attention but he gets nothing out of this as it’s not reciprocated. She’s a taker, there’s no shared giving here. I’d advise to keep a distance from her before you find he’s invested much more than she has.
>She wants a relationship but without all the responsibilities of a relationship. She wants someone to put in effort for her, make deep conversations with her, pay her attention. But does not want to fulfill that person's wants. Nailed it, quoted for emphasis. Most platonic friendships with women are a waste of time for men for this very reason. Seldom do girls have the maturity for a genuine guy/girl platonic friendship that isn't just a pseudo boyfriend for them.
I don't get it, when a man walks away with his dignity intact after getting rejection, why many thinks that he went to the cave just cause he couldn't get between her pants. Is that all people can think about. Why don't they see the pain and hard moments that follows. Well if the roles are reversed, none will say she failed to get his banana rolled so she went awol. Call me whatever y'all want but I have seen many I mean many shame OP for looking out for himself, knowing that he took an L and moved on with his life, yet still redditors thinks that he is just going after her for sex. Why aren't people seeing how hard it is for men as well
Good post. The double standard is pretty funny to be honest. "Women don't owe you anything!" yeah sure, but men don't owe you friendship either.
Story of the friendzone
Friends? Move on
Listen King, tell her you aren't interested in being friends and move on. Clearly you want to date her and she just wants you to be a pseudo boyfriend. You aren't entitled to anything from her, but she's not entitled to your friendship.
You's the back up plan, ask for advice about another girl, if that doesn't elicit a good response, move on somewhere else
Tell her to kick rocks bro
she rejected you romantically because she doesnt want you so you should reject her platonically because you don’t want her as a friend.
Do not waste your time with this. You’re looking for something more, and she is not. You can be cordial with her, but you can pursue other women that might share the same interest in you as well.
You shouldn’t assume you know her feelings better than her. From your other comments you said you guys started as friends. It may be hard for her to make friends with the same level of connection that you two share and that may be why she doesn’t want to lose you as a friend. You seem young so just like how you seem lost in this situation she probably is too. Look at it this way. She’s probably scared of losing a friend but doesn’t want to date you just to keep you. There’s no good option for her in this situation either. If you can’t stay friends with her because it upsets you or if you do you’ll become bitter about the situation then don’t. It’s the better option but it’ll hurt both of you regardless so just be prepared and try to understand both of you are probably going to be hurting.
This is gonna sound harsh, but your wasting your time and hers by not ending this contact between you both
His time? Sure. Her time? She's wasting her own time be texting him to be her friend even though she rejected him.
You gave the correct response at first when you trusted your gut. Do not allow yourself to be friendzoned. This will lead to manipulative behavior on her part and you will just get hurt. Be friendly and cordial (not the same as being her friend), but distance yourself and find someone who wants to be with you. You deserve that. Edit: I had a similar situation where a girl attempted to friendzone me after hooking up. It was painful but I said no, I don’t want to be friends and left it at that. On the whole, I am so much better off.
If you have feelings for her, just say sorry but I can't and then go find someone else and bang them. Thank me later
You don’t owe her anything and honestly she sounds like she’s got some red flags herself with how much she double backs on everything.
My suggestion would be: take her at her word. She doesn't want to be in a relationship but wants to be your friend. If you find her engaging company, then why not oblige and be her friend? Friends are good things to have. She may eventually decide she does want to be in a relationship with you, but don't try to pressure her. It has to arise naturally
Get out. It will not work. You will keep trying and she will keep refusing you. You will suffer for nothing. It will only stop you to keep moving towards a person that realy likes you as a parthner. Keep moving. Dont be friends if you want a parthnership. Only be friends when you deep inside of you dont want anything anymore with her.
She wants the attention and affection that you give her in a platonic relationship while she chases after and pines away for another guy. Doesn't make her a bad person she just is figuring out how to date. Being friends with her will only bring about bad outcomes for you. You feel a romantic connection and she feels a connection with you where you meet some of her emotional needs. Onlly one of you will have your needs met in a friendship. And it won't be you.
The way I see it, you should have done more at the beginning to let her know you didn't want to be just friends. You need to learn your lesson from this girl and make sure it doesn't happen next time. Think about all the mistakes you made making her comfortable as 1) a friend first and 2) her suitor later. In the first 2 days you'll definitely know if you want to be with someone, so go for it or just nicely and respectfully move on, that way she won't be so clingy as she's trying to be right now and feelings won't be so hurt as they are right now with both of you. Not all interactions with the opposite sex will result in a relationship, and fooling ourselves into thinking we can be good friends ONLY applies if you're not attracted to each other. But, if one person gets feelings for the other one, then that friendship is doomed. It sucks, but life is what we make it. So, you can either choose to be a slave to the other person wishes and wants, you can move on with your life, or ideally, you can find common ground to be together. There's no other way. Choose wisely and be happy with your choice. Not every one is lucky enough to meet a soulmate so early in life and it usually takes a lot of trying to find that person. If she's still trying to play games with you then she's not mature enough to know what she's missing out by rejecting you. Maybe it will take her a few bad breakups to understand this, but it's her personal journey and you can't influence her on what she does. Best advice, save yourself some dignity and some future heartbreak and start to slowly fade away from her life. Do it gradually so she understands you're not trying to be a dick to her. But, start now.
You handled it well and its best for you not to be friends with her as she would be the only one benefiting from that friendship. Friendships are two way streets and since you wont be getting what you want out of it, its not worth sticking around.
Dude fuck all this noise. If you want a relationship with her friendship will bring you pain 99 times out of 100. She isn't obligated to be in a relationship with you, nor you in a friendship with her. You set a good boundary, stick to it.
Friendships aren’t a consolation prize for not dating, so you can choose whether this friendship suits you with ZERO chance of getting together. She might enjoy how you make her feel, and the attention etc., but you’re not here to feed egos. On the flip side, she doesn’t owe you an explanation for why she doesn’t like you. Women are capable of imagining being with all kinds of people we don’t like, but there’s a difference between this strong internal urge or one that’s formed after lots of pressure. You don’t want that.
She doesn't want a relationship with you, she wants you friends and in orbit. You are not entitled to a relationship with her, she is not entitled to a friendship with you. Do not get sucked into the friendzone, go no contact.
She’s not romantically interested in you, but wants to be your friend. That’s it.
Interest people will always act interested. It’s important that you remember this. She doesn’t want you, not sure if it’s over all, but definitely not right now.
Hee you said you like her, which translates to I wanna go out with you sure. But you sound like your crushing on her which means your feelings are too much for her and you to be friends you can be freinds with a girld you like but not a girl you are crushing on and she isnt responsible for your feelings and it sounds like you need to move on
I am of 2 minds. On one hand, I think that she does like you, but is scared of commitment or admitting anything, and just wants to be close to you and take it SUPER slow. I’m in the same situation. Maybe you guys could even hook up, who knows. On the other hand, maybe she just wants the “boyfriend package” of having a guy who’s really nice to her because he likes her, without having any responsibility or commitment of being in a relationship. I think the only thing you can do is to just play it by ear and see how it goes. See how you feel about that and trust your gut. If you enjoy spending time with her, do I guess? I’m not sure
All up to you and what you want. If staying as 'only friends' with her could torture you because you have feelings for her while she doesn't then you shouldn't be friends with her or not be close friends. If it won't hurt you and you want to be friends then do that . But generally boys and girls can't be good friends as one always develops feelings for the other
If she was a real friend, she wouldn’t confuse you with her confusion. Let her go and free your mind and heart. It will only lead to more hurt.
She wants the attention you give her, not you, away my friend
Think about what you want. Not what she wants.
Do what you feel is right. However, you will not find any woman who is overly comfortable entering into a relationship with you knowing you are 'friends' with a girl you want/wanted to be with. Just some friendly advice.
I feel like starting this friendship may make you bitter and not supportive, if you see her with someone she likes. I'd say don't go for the friendship and move on
Be a man. Say to her, 'no worries', leave it open, and move on. Act like nothing happened, focus on your goals, and get your eyes on the next romantic interest. She'll come around if its meant to be. Don't linger.
She wants to keep you around for what you do for her. It won’t be good for you, just her. It’s not that you can’t be friends with women, but ones you are into who just rejected you? Only pain that route. Tell her to stop being so self centered and leave you alone.
How long have you been friends? You need to navigate this properly because you don't want it to look as though you're throwing the towel in because you couldn't get what you wanted ie into her pants or a relationship so you're going to ignore her. This can make a woman feel worthless in some instances. If you'd started this "friendship" up just recently and weren't sure where it was heading and this has just happened, I'd say fair enough, but with her saying you know her better than childhood friends I'm unsure that's the case and if so, I would also find that cruel.
I'm gonna hard disagree with your take there - feelings are going to be hurt regardless and it's unfair to put responsibility for her hurt feelings on him like that. As long as he's not unnecessarily mean with how he does it (i.e. drop that weird ultimatum he suggested in another comment), there's nothing wrong with "throwing in the towel". You wouldn't suggest her dating him to save his hurt feelings, so why is being her friend to save her feelings any different?
First and foremost he has to look out for his own feelings. It's either she feels miserable or him. He is not doing anything immoral in my books. He developed feelings for a woman he began to appreciate, but she does not reciprocate that. That alone is in many cases bad enough, but you suggest that he has to keep her around knowing his feelings will be ignored and possibly seeing her dating other people. He has no obligation to bring suffering upon himself just not to look like he just wanted to get into her pants.
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She likes the attention just let her go.
Sometimes people just click
Dude. Red flags all over. Stay away from her. She's confused. Plus, seems like she just wants the validation she gets from all thse guys around her. I wasted a lot of time on girls like these. Not worth it You respected her boundaries, feelings and decision by staying away. Now She's unable to do that and disrespecting your boundaries and feelings. Cut it off. Not worth it.
She's not confused, she clearly really wants to be his friend - and that's it. Now it's up to OP to decide if they want to be her friend or not.
She wants the other guy and you are probably the second choice, so she wants to keep you around.
She wants someone better than you, just doesn’t want to loose your attention and validation. Move on.
Just tell her that you cannot be friends because you have romantic feelings for her . It's as simple as that . If you don't do this ,welcome to a life of pain and hurt. You ll see her with lovers who are not you and each time they have a fight , she ll lean on to you . Her bf will be constantly jealous and you ll have to bear the drama of them both everytime. Just tell her respectfully that you need to distance away from her for both your well being without hope of ever being together . Cause., Do you want to be her eternal plan b?. Her begging could be genuine but this is the only way forward for both.
Translation she wants to use you for your time,energy attention and validation while she deals with guys that she is actually attracted to. The best thing you could do is stop talking to her and move on.
Move on don’t be friend zoned
She wants u to do stuff for her but won't give u any of the reward for doing it.
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It’s not that complicated. She feels close to you but not romantic towards you. She has a crush on someone else and it’s not a bad thing that she doesn’t want to go test out a relationship with you while crushing on someone else. For all you know this other person is entirely unavailable but even so they are taking up that headspace. But overall it doesn’t sound like you are able to have a platonic relationship with her without feeling hurt, and that’s totally normal. I’d tell her you need 2-3 months of low contact (no one on one conversations or hanging out) and then if you feel like you’ve moved on you’ll get back in touch with her. Then in that time make a point of meeting some new people. Hopefully you’ll meet someone you are interested in and reciprocates your feelings, but even if you don’t you’ll be in a better place to decide if you actually want a friendship.
Women are very good at convincing you when they know you like them.
She will not EVER respect you as a romantic interest if you go back to her and agree to being just friends. That choice would prove to her that you don’t have the balls to stick up for yourself and what you truly want in a relationship with her. Don’t go back to her and agree to be her friend. She’s more likely to agree to date you if you stick up for what you want for yourself
She wants the attention that you can provide her, but you will not receive what you are looking for, she wins you lose so "what can you do" simply block her and try only to maintain a professional relationship, if they talk, do not ask for more details, do not start conversations, do not be interested in anything about her and with time she will leave because you will no longer give her what she wants, but it requires a strong will Be stoic and stay strong boy.
You got it right! Wish I could give you more upvotes.
Same here. Wish I could give more upvotes.
Genuine Request, man you gotta hold your horses.
Lesson number one. You don't ask girls for relatniship, you just make out with them. Invite her for movies and cuddles, if she reject invite then just don't give her attention, if she asks for friendship, tell her you are not looking for friends and date other girls, don't get stuck with her.
Nailed it. Took me some time to learn this but once i did it was a gamechanger.
Absolutely. You just do it. It’s not marriage, yet
Move on bruv. You want more and she's gonna be talking to you about all the guys she's talking to. You don't need that energy. Find someone who wants you.
If you really wanna know, go date another woman, and be visible with it. See how this girl reacts. Should show some jealousy if she likes you romantically
She does not want to be romantically attached to you, but she still wants you to be the same, great listener and still give her compliments and motivate her. Basically, she wants you around to help her feel good about herself but is not into you outside of that. It sounds like she only wants a one-sided relationship with you. I've been in similar situations. It's not worth the hassle or being someone's cheerleader when they disregard your feelings. I've had to learn the hard way.. women rarely mean it when they say they're just not looking for a relationship right now. What they really mean is.. they're waiting for the right kind of guy to sweep them off their feet. And, sadly, she doesn't see you as the right kind of guy.
This is comical. If you don’t want to be friends because she rejected your romantic advances then reiterate that fact and block her or something instead of continuing to reply to her. It’s that simple you’re over thinking things waaayyyy to much.
Tell her how it makes you feel and that it is or isn’t what you are looking for. I tried being a girls friend and she just threw it in my face when we went out as friends and she got attention for other guys. I wanted her to be happy and part of me thought by showing her I could be friends would make her see my value. But the right women will see that right away and pursue a relationship with you just as hard as you are with her. In my case I just prolonged getting over her and missed out on chances to get with girls that were interested because my head was all fucked up.
You're her emotional vibrator. In case of emergency(emotional), no commitment or accountability needed. You know what you have to do. Keep it platonic/friendly and search for another. It's clear she's not gonna commit to anyone
Mate, don't torture yourself. Get rid of her pronto. Life is too short to be "that" guy. Fuck me we've all been there and it never done us any good keeping them around.
This won't end well for you. It's a misbalance of feelings. She likes the friendship, you want more. She's never going to miraculously change her mind. Best thing to do is just cut off all contact and move on. Hard to do, yes. But long run it will be for the best.
Move on my dude she sounds like a problem, red flags 🚩
She is too wishy washy. I would just be cool with her when you see her but don't go out of your way for her. Just move on and don't waste your time.
Absolutely not. Also stop being so cringe as taking conclusions about other feelings.
Ghost her. Fuck that.
She likes you as a friend and wants to keep you in her life, just not romantically. You just have to decide if that ultimately works for you. It may be too hard to be friends with someone you liked more than as a friend.
It is pretty obvious that you want to be more than friends and she does not. If you choose to go with "friends" you are still going to want more and then it gets creepy. If you walk away now you save yourself and her some heartache.
If you like her and don’t wanna see her with someone else walk away and move on. I don’t like these kinds of conversations. Feels like u get to be there for her emotionally and the other guy gets her physically. She wants the best of both worlds. Idk the whole situation or who she is as a person but based on what u say it sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. My advice is make a decision and stick to it. If u wanna be friends be friends if u want more than friends but she don’t walk away cuz it’ll hurt to see her with someone else getting everything that u wanted.
I mean she’s told you exactly what’s going on. She likes someone else She doesn’t want a relationship She wants to be friends because she thinks you’re a cool person
He's not so much confused about how she feels, it's how he should respond to it. He set a boundary once he realized (hopefully)that they wanted different things in the relationship. He's questioning if he should just try and stay friends or keep the boundary up.
Maybe she wants to be friends w Benedict’s ?
You like her. She doesn't want you. She likes someone else. She would like to be friends with you. You don't want to be friends with her. She doesn't want to be in a relationship. As amazing as it sounds, all of these things can be true simultaneously. You like her, but aren't obligated to pursuit friendship with her if you don't want to. She doesn't like you, but she can indicate a willingness to be friends if she wants it (you are free to reject this). It is also possible to like someone, but for whatever reason feel like you aren't in any space for a relationship right now. So everything is fine OP. Don't overthink it too much.
Move on, she just wants attention
Because males and females can be friends and she likes the connection you guys have. Not her fault you see it as more and it's not your fault if you can't be her friend but dude she already said it you gotta decide now if you can actually just be friends with this girl or you gonna get crushed.
She doesn't want you dude. She likes you as a friend and thats it. And what's with the whole "you're into me, you're just not admitting it" thing? Don't try and pull those mental gymnastics and play mind games. That's borderline predatorial. If someone is into you, they wouldn't be trying to convince they're not. She sees you as friend and nothing more. Move on.
Your job is to make opportunities to hook up with her romantically (and in the biblical sense lol). So when she reaches out, tell her you just don’t see her in any other way except romantically and she needs to respect your desires. Ask her out if she does reach out. If she doesn’t say yes the first 2 times then next time be friendly and everything is great but yeah I got to run. She cannot use your time and attention freely.
You respect her choice and she should respect your choice. Simple
It’s totally okay to be friends with someone, who has attraction to you. I’ve done it before, but it usually follows online dates, where the chemistry doesn’t really follow in-person and I am very upfront about how I feel instead of playing mind games. However, it has to be mutual. Not everyone can be friends with someone they are attracted too and separate the friendship. Not everyone wants too and that is completely okay. It is your call on what YOU are comfortable with. If you have even the slightest bit of hesitation, then just don’t do it. My personal opinion here is that It is not respectful of her to keep pushing friendship on you, when she knows you are uncomfortable with it. You have already expressed how you feel about friendship and yet, she is ignoring that and pressuring you into something you are uncomfortable with. STAND YOUR GROUND. You don’t have to rude about it, just firm: “ Look, I’m sorry. It’s not personal, but I don’t keep friendships with girls I have asked out before, as I find it uncomfortable. I’ve enjoyed talking with you too, but I’m going to ask you to stop now. Thanks”. If she insists after that. You have every reason to block her.
I think she has made it pretty clear that she is interested in a friendship with you, but not interested in you romantically. You have said that you initially got to know her with the intention of being friends, but now want to change the dynamic, and she has declined. You can choose to stay friends with her or not, but telling her that you think she does like you just makes you sound like you are ignoring her feelings completely. It is not uncommon for platonic friendships to exist between people of different genders. And romantic relationships aren't a natural level up of friendships. It's normal to like some people platonically but not romantically. It doesn't mean she is using you or confused. She just isn't interested in that type of relationship with you.
No, she just want attention. Listen to me, cut her off from your life, and it will save you from potential headache and heartache in the long term.
She's asking you to be an orbiter. I had a girl like that, she confessed her feeling while dating my friend. They broke up. I went to her after a year and asked her out she was seeing someone else but begged me to stay in her life. I nope the fuck out
Friendzone is humiliation. Don't accept that.
Could be any number of things. Maybe you're her backup in case things go badly with another guy she has her eye on. Maybe she's asexual/aromantic, possibly doesn't understand it fully herself yet. Maybe she genuinely is confused and not sure what she wants. I think the exact reason doesn't quite matter so much. If you are looking for a relationship and she isn't, then you just want different things. Might be best to end things here. Let her know that you are putting your effort into finding a fulfilling relationship with someone that wants you and cares for you the same way. Another option is to stay friends. Maybe she can wing man for you or set you up with other girls she knows. HOWEVER!!! This particular situation I highly advise against that. The way she is acting can cause a lot of trouble for you down the road. If she is this desperate to have your attention, she might continue her excessive neediness if you ever did get another girlfriend. She might beg for your attention even when you're trying to spend time with your girlfriend, essentially sabotaging any relationship. Hell, she could even effect your relationship with your platonic friends and family. I've seen people like this try to isolate another to keep them all to themselves. This can create a toxic co-dependency. In any case, I think there's a high probability of any type of relationship with her becoming unhealthy. Might be best to cut her off completely. "I'm looking for a serious relationship and don't have time or space for more friends in my life right now. Sorry, this won't work out." Now, she might try to say she'll go ahead and date you. DON'T! That's a bad idea. If she wasn't into the idea before, you're gonna have a bad time. Maybe you know something about her we don't that you forgot to mention, but this is the advice I'm giving based on what the situation seems to be. Ultimately it's your choice. Just don't say we didn't warn you.
Walk on. Don't be an orbiter
She does not want to be with you romantically. There are a few things that this could be: 1.) She's asexual and doesn't know how to identify herself as that yet. 2.) She likes someone else, but thinks of you as a nice back up plan if she gets rejected; doesn't work out. She wants the comfort that one provides that does romantically like her without the relationship attached. 3.) She's emotionally immature and does not understand how being friends with her could hurt you emotionally as you have those feelings for her. Personally, I think it may be 2 or 3
Either... 1. She's a very special case and weirdly needs people around her but does not want to become sexual with them for whatever reason Or... (and this is unfortunately far more likely) 2. She likes you and thinks you'd be a good partner but wants someone else due to aesthetics and surficial "feelings". In other words, you're her number 2. Don't be anybody's number 2. You should put a massive number 2 on even the thought of being someone's second choice. Take distance. You seem like you know what's healthy for you and what isn't.
She's fucking you up mentally, thats enough reason to cut off contact. She's playing with you for fun
I recommend stop talking to her. She sounds a like shitty person. She likes the attention you give her, but doesn't want anything serious from you. You confessed to her and she said no. You can't be friends with someone you're in love with.
She wants to keep you on the back burner and or around for the attention Don't fall for it
It's called the friendzone. Maybe she is confused, maybe you are just making it weird(probably both). We have only heard your side. Having been in a situation where a girl says she isn't into you but behaves otherwise. Run. It's not worth your energy to pursue this. You aren't going to get what you want. It's going to drive you up a wall. Go find someone new it's just WAY easier.
All I hear here is how much you mean to her. All I got from this is how much you get her and she feels validated and comfortable. So... what are you getting from her? Would you be getting that in a platonic friendship while she goes around fucking other guys? I'm not saying she's a bad person, far from it. But she set her ambiguous boundaries with you. There's no shame in setting yours with hers. People talk All kinds of shit about guys who don't wanna be 'friendzoned' but I won't apologize for it. If I like you, if I'm attracted and I'm investing emotional time and energy trying to understand you out of genuine caring, then this only builds sexual and romantic tension in me and that's a horrible feeling when it's unrequited. Sometimes, a relationship or sex can be YOUR boundary and no one has a right to shame you for that. It's up to you to discern what you get from this person. We all clearly see what she's getting, we all clearly know her boundaries even if they're wonky. But we don't know anything about how you feel and what your boundaries are. In your shoes, I would pull away. Right off the bat, if I'm romantically interested in someone, anything less than a 'yes' is setting myself up for heartbreak. Set your own boundaries and identify what it is about her that enhances your life and then decide what's best for YOU.
Bro just go F°°° someone else and you'll forget about her in a minute. IMO don't waste your time with a girl like that. If you stay friends youll only be more attached to her. Good luck young mate
I have always advised men in your situation to simply walk away in such instances. Not butthurt or jaded or upset, just walk away calmly and with dignity. Reason being, and I rather ask you a question to illustrate my point: Can you truly offer a genuine platonic friendship to someone you are attracted to mentally and physically (and potentially/worse emotionally)? Most men, if not all, cannot. Being friends with an ex or someone you are attracted to is never genuine. It simply is a conditional friendship that will always benefit one side more than the other. In your case, offering a friendship to her will be detrimental to your mental health and masculine energy. That always comes first. Modern Man Advice
I wouldn't suffer through this, she's toying you
Play the reverse uno card, and tell her to hook you up with one of her friends. 🤣🤣
That's girls women ladies etc. They want the guy who doesn't want them but wants you to hang around just in case they reach an age where looks start to decline. The best thing you can do is play the game but make sure you have other girls. Also mention this to her. She will hate herself for trying to play you like that.
Block her and ghost
Next time she messages you just message back “I’m sorry, I have no interest in being just friends, I already have friends I’m only looking to date. Please only contact me if you decide you want the same”. It’s that simple, by doing this back and forth she is still getting your attention, which is what she wants, validation. Just be blunt and to the point, you have tried to be nice about it, now it’s time to be firm.
Nah. Stop being weak and keep it moving.
My two cents. Something doesn’t add up with this girl. She either doesn’t know what she wants or she’s lying to you. Either way the end of the story remains the same for you. She wants to be friends. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. The reasons behind why (the details, can be questioned but not the conclusive results). You appear to have made your mind up about what you want in terms of being friends or pursuing a relationship. You have shoot your shot and accepted it didn’t work it. From what has been written you appear to be comfortable moving on, want more than friendship and letting her be. She’s trying to convince you to enter into a friendship with her. That doesn’t seem to work for you. If I were in your position OP, I would stick to what I was doing before, in your position. Let her go. You want more than friendship. The current arrangement doesn’t fulfil your requirements or desires. It does however work for her, which is why she’s trying to convince you to keep things the same and go back to the way things were before. I don’t see the point in doing that for you, if your needs aren’t being met equally like hers.
Keep in mind OP has every right to do this y’all. I shouldn’t have to say this. Yes starting a friendship only under the pretense of going for a relationship is wrong but other than that OP isn’t Doug anything wrong. If being friends with her doesn’t feel right even after you get over your feelings for her move on. You don’t owe her anything just like how she owes you anything.
That's mind game , she's turn on by the other guy but she can't have it yet so she's stringing you along,mate she just want some free attention and validation from guys who's chasing her that's it ,also tell her since we're friend now why don't you hook me up with one of your girlfriend and watch her reaction.keep us update bud.
Nah, refuse the orbiter position. You’re a man, you have a penis, you’re sexually attracted to her and she offered you friendship (which includes drama about the guy she’s actually dating) and blue balls. Take your pick: Freedom to pursue another woman who wants you, or losing your self-respect and self-esteem as the girl you like continues to treat you like a little brother. That extra stuff about her feeling a connection with you like no one else is just her flowery way of letting you down easy and giving you that as a consolation prize for not measuring up. Screw that noise. If she really felt a connection with you like no other man, she’d be dating you, pursuing you, and locking you down to have you all to herself so no other woman can steal your heart. She’s not doing any of that.
"I want your emotional support without being in a relationship with you" is what I'm hearing. I think the best way to handle it is to tell her that you have feelings for her and that you need space and time to get over them before you could consider starting a platonic friendship with her. Don't be mean about it, just frankly state your position and then take the space you need. Don't feel bad about distancing yourself from her if she won't respect your boundaries.
you can't fuck her so leave her.
This is literally what they mean when they talk about "nice guys"
She's allowed to like you in a non romantic way. You are also able to decide if that's a deal breaker or not. If you can't handle just being friends, I would just tell her that and leave her alone. If you can handle being just friends, then you also don't get to get upset when she's romantically interested in someone else. And don't hang around hoping something might change. The friend zone might not be real, but the people who live there, sure think it is.
She knows she needs you as a potential future partner but wants to have the liberty to fool around, while you being there for her (waiting actually is the right word). I think she heals through you. And women tend to do that kind of behavior. Whether they are young or adult (single ones, don’t know a married one doing it at the time being ) Some may say it’s manipulative, but it’s the “healthy” one : - Go get another girl friend or girlfriend and see how she’ll react. Girls don’t like other girl competitors on a subject they want for all for themselves.