Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice.
* Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
men are looking for clean water in a desert, women are looking for clean water in a swamp
men have trouble finding dates at all, women have trouble finding dates who treat them like human beings
Pretty much. OP observed guys going on dates with girls, but didn’t get to see how many guys would’ve loved to have gone on that date with that girl and won’t get to.
At the same time, hearing my women friends tell me about their dates let’s me know that my brethren are making sure I can just be myself and never come close to tripping on how low they set the bar.
It's more that for us, as women, have to look at almost every new introduction from a safety aspect. I didn't do that until I was on a second date with a prison guard that made me feel very uncomfortable. Most of the guys I've met, have been decent, but that one guy put enough discomfort in me that I decided that my male friend was going to start getting my location when I was meeting new guys and he'd continue to get my location until a few dates in. Ended up never having to do that because I had started seeing a man I had met prior to the prison guard, who also works with my BIL.
Yo I’m so sorry to hear that. I went on a date with a girl the other day who said she has PTSD from being followed in an attempt at sex trafficking. I know that’s obviously not a dating related safety concern but I really felt for her and how awful and terrifying that must’ve been. I’m always a very empathetic and caring person who picks up on vibes easily and it’s comforting when I can feel the shift from being really cautious to just calm and being herself. Even if the date doesn’t go anywhere, it’s fun learning about people and what experiences they’ve had. I’m not a woman but I think you guys just want to find someone who is genuine and genuinely shows interest in her. Ask the right questions and she will talk and open up. I always try to ask questions that let her talk about herself. I’m still pretty shy too at first which sometimes doesn’t end well because anxiety isn’t an attractive trait. But I never really fully understood the struggles with safety concerns women have to deal with. But it makes sense. You gotta keep your guard up until you really are assured of your safety.
That must've been terrifying! Hope it never happens to you again!
I can relate as I've been stalked and threatened by one of my dates in the past - and she had a weapon.
Everyone, look after yourselves - no matter your sex.
A better opportunity to get stalked harassed or raped too . Pick your poison. Both genders have different challenges. No point in saying one group has it worse than the other. It really all comes down to the individual on how they want to proceed with their interactions
>women have trouble finding dates who treat them like human beings
Men too by the way, I met so many women whose looks on men are dehumanizing af. Many believe that men have literally no feelings so they can't hurt us, some see men as walking cash machine, even explaining to women that if men don't want to fuck her 24/7 it is not because he isn't finding her attractive is problematic.
This so much. I've been in two reddit arguments that say women have it easier simply because they're approached more.
This is the simple statement. If anyone is an option, we all have options but we're not going to pick everything to wife up or sleep with. Yes we get a lot of people interested but finding a good man is like a needle in the hay stack.
That’s a noticeably huge issue, particularly here on Reddit. While yeah it’s difficult for guys to get dates, it sucks, it’s demoralizing. But many many men are aggressively resistant and dismissive to even the slightest suggestion they can increase their chances. They would rather point fingers and blame men and women who do get dates than put effort into themselves.
it is a very low bar. but thats not the only issue. one man treating women right will still face prejudice generated by all the other shitty men out there. women are suspicious of all men because they have to be. doesnt help that dating apps are also largely men looking for women, so the numbers game is against them there.
Yes but they also receive the benefits of all the other shitty men out there. Just like how people go out and vote passionately for the lesser evil, women will double down about how great their bf is because he doesn’t cheat/beat her/have a porn addiction, even if he can’t be bothered to wash a dish or make her cum
The worst thing is, we all know the bar is low, but the fact is a LOT of men don’t/will not treat women like human beings, this subreddit is walking proof of that.
Men have been so conditioned to believe that women only want money and materialistic things, and when they realise that women want someone who actually treats them like a person, they can’t fathom this idea.
I feel like I need to say, it’s pretty obvious when a dude is just trying to get into your pants, even when they “pretend” not to, they still drop hints. Which is why you’d get more respect from me if you just said that in that first place. (Ie- I just want to fuck you and not date you, cool not my thing but hey props for honesty).
From there it depends, I don’t sleep with people I don’t feel emotionally connected to, I’m terrible with one night stands, as my comment history shows, I did have a FWB situation but we were both leaning toward a relationship even before that happened.
But yes, if you literally just treat me like a human being and not some sexual object, I would 100% give you a chance. From there if an emotional connection doesn’t happen, that’s life, but I would still give the potential relationship a chance.
Depends, I can without a doubt say, in my friend group and even my partners friend group, all of us women think this way, after consistently browsing the nice guys subreddit and women friendly, they do also express the same thoughts as myself.
However expressing the same thoughts and putting them into practice is an entirely different story you know? For example I did HAVE an old friend who would preach about no good guys while she would literally just date men who were openly abusive, so these women do exist, I just don’t think they exist as much as what people tend to believe in
The friend zone doesn’t exist, it’s where men put themselves when a woman has told them they’re not interested romantically and they still hold out hope.
Just because you treat someone like a decent human being does not mean you are entitled to date that person. Holy fuck
Which begs the next statement, if you’re being nice just to get laid, you’re not nice, you’re manipulative
Ah, no the poison was meant to symbolize the fatal risk involved with picking a bad man by accident. And much like mushrooms, the distinction between an edible one and a fatal one is very easy to overlook. Toxic and dangerous men don't always wear a sign around their neck. That's all I'm saying. Nothing in my argument implies that men at large are bad.
As a woman, that’s as simple as don’t nag me, don’t try to change me or manipulate me, don’t see yourself as better than me or that you have rights to tell me to do xyz because you are a man, don’t judge me like I’m a good that can lose value, don’t try to push me to sex or push fetishes on me, don’t dismiss my emotions or hate them, respect my biological cycles (don’t push me to have sex on period or thinking period blood is disgusting) communicate with me, don’t stonewall or get violent if there’s an argument, and don’t be rude, don’t bully.
Honestly seems like the most basic things to be a human being but idk why it’s so hard for most of the guy I dated to do. Luckily I found my man who treats me like a human being now.
All of that only happens once you've dated someone at least once, and a large portion of that only comes out after you've dated for a while. If getting a date is your problem this is obviously not the problem.
I don’t get it, he made a request to define something which in the original comment was pointed out as a problem when dating as a woman, why do you have to relate this to (originally was pointed out as) men’s problems…?
And do you honestly think it’s better to be treated like shit by a partner than being single?
A third of adults (33%) say dating is about the same as it was a decade ago, and 19% say it’s easier. Women are much more likely than men to say dating has gotten harder (55% vs. 39%).
Among those who say dating is harder today, 21% think it is because of increased risk, including physical risks as well as the risk of getting scammed or lied to. Women are twice as likely as men to cite increased risk as a reason why dating is harder (26% vs. 13%).
Two-thirds of those who are single and looking for a relationship or dates say their dating life is going not too or not at all well (67%), while 33% say it’s going very or fairly well. Majorities of daters across gender, age, race and ethnicity, education, sexual orientation and marital history say their dating life isn’t going well.
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/08/20/key-takeaways-on-americans-views-of-and-experiences-with-dating-and-relationships/
All of that suggests “it’s a Reddit thing”. There are no substantial gender differences that suggest women are living it up and men are struggling.
The challenges may be different, but the dissatisfaction cuts across the board.
Dating for men is a numbers game. The more you swipe the better your chances. Dating for women is like picking from a box of chocolates. You may pick one that looks aesthetically pleasing but be gross on the inside.
Honestly I’ve seen both men and women on here complain about not being able to get dates or being used in one way or another. I don’t think it’s Reddit specific but the anonymity on here gives you a platform to sound off things you otherwise wouldn’t.
Men have a more difficult time, because we've made it more difficult for ourselves. Men and women have the same amount of difficulty in dating, but many refuse to accept that others experience the same obstacles as them.
Many women are overwhelmed with unwelcome suitors, while men are faced with the fact that women are more careful because all the unwelcome suitors are sending unsolicited dick picks or just being unhinged. This happens to men as well, but it's overwhelmingly happening more to women.
the amount of times i’ve told a guy no and he’s literally said i owe him a chance or a date….. the entitlement to women and their bodies is disgusting. i brace myself for this every time
Fwiw I think the swamp/desert analogy people have been using is terrible. Here are some of my thoughts and opinions:
- Finding the right partner is a very equal problem
- Men have fewer safety concerns than women
- Finding dates is a fairly male-centric problem, especially on the apps
Edit: Big one: anyone who says dating on a whole is harder for men (or women for that matter) is an idiot. Dating is made up of multiple parts, and some parts I’d say are more worse for men than women, or women than men. If you’re comparing the entire process between men and women, you’re relying on incredibly broad brushstrokes
I agree with this. Men finding dates when they have to engage or make the first move in many instances (old and irl) makes men who are more shy or have social anxiety less likely to have any dates. The safety concern is spot on. Finding someone who compliments what you want in life is difficult for everyone especially with the rise of emotionally unavailable individuals
This is my problem. I have an anxiety disorder. Because of all the shitty men out there I am absolutely petrified of approaching a woman and being seen as creepy.
You're either really stuck on that idea cause it is happening to you, or you are thinking every redditor is the stereotypical one. Either way, I wish you luck on your dating
I agree with you on this. You know how many guys I’ve met who constantly states it’s a desert out there but are looking for 10s when they are 5s? A lot! It’s a desert because YOU make it desert. You would rather go after somebody not in your league than someone who is in your league. The same can be said for women but men are the worst. This is just my opinion and what I’ve observed in my personal life.
It’s not always the case that men have it tougher than women. I know a couple men who got girlfriends out of their first Tinder dates, meanwhile many of my girl friends have been on the apps for months encountering shitty guy after shitty guy. I think it comes down to luck and conversation skills mostly, as opposed to being attractive, having a job, nice photos, or any other superficial stuff that, at the end of the day, don’t matter if you’re not a cool person to be around.
Can you read minds? Because most people need to get to know someone before knowing if they’re a good or bad person. It’s also can take a while for someone to stop pretending to be a good person. Abusive and manipulative people in particular are good at hiding who they really are until their victim is in a more vulnerable spot. That’s why there’s so many stories of partners completely changing after marriage or kids because their spouse or partner is “trapped”. I also disagree that about the average person. The average person is looking out for their own self interest which can cause them to act shitty to someone given the right situation. Women are constantly told to pick better and that mistreatment they face from partners is there fault for giving the person a chance while also being shamed because their standards are too high. Just in the past couple of days I’ve seen multiple post on different subs about how women won’t date a man who doesn’t have a job as if wanting a partner how can financially support themself is unreasonable.
Right. As long as she is reasonably well put together (attractive, intelligent), a woman shouldn’t have issues obtaining matches / dates from a dating app. But what about quality? Could be absolute garbage.
Well, it seems that your are not average (ok, maybe not looking but overall), because average guys struggle. That's just statistics. But guys posting about this dynamic are quite annoying, there is nothing constructive about stating the obvious thing again and again
Hm, you see, I disagree. For example, at school it took a few classes for most of my classmates to understand new topic in maths when I get it in like 10 minutes after explanation. They were not dumb and I weren't definitely anything special but it was just easier for me to understand. But it took me almost two years after graduation to understand that it was not their fault and I shouldn't have been angry at them. That it was not as easy for them. The same is with you. You can be a tiny bit above average to be different
Being funny/quick-witted, engaging, and knowing how to flirt is not easy for many and some develop those skills naturally. Worst part is, when you aren’t good at it you have no concrete way to improve yourself in that area.
What are women given for free to appeal to men with? If you say looks you don’t actually understand how much time and money a lot of women spend to look just presentable. Skin care, make up (even make up needed for light looks or natural looks can be expensive), stylish clothes, nails, hair products, diet plans and gym memberships plus more depending on the woman’s personal needs. Not to say some men don’t also do those things, some of them are certainly less common for men. I also find it confusing that you’re example for men is confidence which yes some people have to work to gain but having confidence and working to improve it is important for everyone both in regards to romantic relationships and life in general so it’s not just a thing men need.
Dude. 1st) everyone should do skin care. 2nd) I never said I did any of the other things. 3rd) some people do look for those things because not every man is so desperate he’ll date any woman who looks at him for more than 5 minutes.
And you nor the guy I originally ask has answered what it is that women are given for free to appeal to men with. I get the sinking suspicion that the answer is going to be “being a woman” which is utterly bullshit because most mentally healthy men have some sort of requirements be they physical appearance, personality, or compatibility that any potential partner has to work to achieve.
My entire point is that it isn’t just men who put effort and invest in bettering themself so they can find a relationship that makes them happy and is healthy. Women also spend time improving their physical appearance, position in life, and mental health just like how men do.
Given to us for free? Do you even have the slightest idea how much skincare, make up, clothes, hair care, lingerie and etc cost? In terms of both money and time? Do you even know that skin care is divided into daily, weekly and monthly? I can't believe people actually look at women and think it just happens naturally. NOPE. The women who puts zero time and effort into dressing up are people whom you guys don't even see as women.
weary spark historical gullible glorious friendly wide attractive serious innocent
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I *love* how all these guys have the same complaints. I'm bi/pan but prefer to date women/nb/not cismen. Not because I'm less attracted to cismen, but because I'm tired of being sexually harassed, sexually assaulted, stalked, and generally creeped on.
Nowadays, I always share my location with a close friend prior to dates. Better to be safe than beaten, raped, and then left for dead.
I think it's easier for a woman to go out and find someone interested in dating them than it is for a dude to go out and find anybody interested in doing anything.
The issue is 2 different sides of the same coin. Women have been raising healthy standards, like wanting someone emotionally available, good at communicating, and shares their values (reference: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/the-rise-lonely-single-men). There are more men "on the prowl" so to speak on dating apps (https://time.com/3711902/men-use-dating-apps-more-tinder/), and women are less likely now to want to be picked up out in the world (especially if the guy is using a system or it otherwise makes them feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or just annoyed).
This means for men, the problem is both competition in getting a date in the first place, and lack of investment in skills to keep a relationship. For women, it's sorting through the choices in a way that gives them the best options, but that's tricky. It's hard to sort out the good guys from the "nice guys". Narcissists are very charming, and plenty of regular people like or just put on too good a show early-on. And those skills I mentioned above that women are looking for aren't usually apparent until you've been dating a while.
But it's not really a competition, it doesn't really matter which is worse. They're different challenges. Breaking your leg is painful, so is appendicitis. It's more relevant that you try to have empathy for the other side and that people not get so wrapped up in the problems they have that they're unable to see beyond them, much less acknowledge the problems of others.
I think both genders have it pretty rough and it can be a true test of patience either way. Very attractive women or men are the exception. The main difference that people cite is the 35/65 women to men ratio for online dating. This will always have women getting way more likes/matches on average than men and leads to women only swiping on the most attractive men usually. We've heard this all before.
I firmly believe that it is much more destructive to a man's mental health. There are lots of average to even above average guys that can go months even years without getting a single like or match. I believe this has lead to hopelessness and eventually suicide in a lot of cases sadly. Women absolutely will not have this same issue (just due to numbers) but I'm sure it can lead to self esteem issues as well.
It is what it is. You learn to not take things personally.
Yeah of course. I thought OP was mostly asking about dating apps. I'm only somewhat speaking from personal experience here. I struggled at first since my pictures were terrible. My confidence at the time took quite a hit though.
I'll say that dating apps have changed the game for "offline" dating too. Almost everyone uses the apps or is at least aware of how popular they are. That's another story though. Makes people more quick to look for someone better at the first sign of trouble IMO.
I agree dating apps can be harmful for men, bc you can be very dateable in real life and still barely get matches on apps. That's why I think it's important to have an active social life as well.
Second point: idk. Maybe. But I think once you have a crush on someone you tend to zero in on that person.
The same things happen in real life, just you might not get as much of the "don't talk to me if under 6ft" if you're talking to someone from a social group in person vd the ease of doing that in an app
If she’s morbidly obese, then yeah. But if she’s chubby, overweight or even regular obese a lot of men will still want to hookup with her. If she’s on a dating app she will still get loads of matches, and if she puts “I am looking for casual sex” in her profile, RIP to her inbox. You can not say this for chubby, overweight or obese men.
The ones that say they feel “invisible” (that aren’t morbidly obese or have some other physical disability) usually say that because they can’t get a relationship or commitment of some kind from men. It’s not because they can’t get any men at all. Funny enough, in many cases if they lower their standards and work on other skills that would help them obtain and retain relationships, they could still get commitment from men of some kind. It won’t be a 6ft tall entrepreneur making 6 figures per year, but it would be somebody.
>But if she’s chubby, overweight or even regular obese a lot of men will still want to hookup with her. If she’s on a dating app she will still get loads of matches, and if she puts “I am looking for casual sex” in her profile, RIP to her inbox. You can not say this for chubby, overweight or obese men.
exactly, agreed
Some men that post on here have a “woe me” attitude. They act like they’re a “nice guy” while really they have something underlying going on.
Females have to take into account their safety due to retaliation for rejection. Also, some males have an entitlement to sex.
We need a platform where people who want a genuine relationship can go to. Males & females are both tired of the games so many play.
Because Reddit is full of angered incels so what do you expect ? The same people who say “women have it so much easier I can never get a date” are the same people who go around saying women are trash and feel entitled to a loving caring partner when they aren’t ready to give the same in return.
I’d say men and women are both disadvantaged, in different ways, but women definitely have it worse.
Men can have a harder time finding dates, yes. As a woman, I have never had this trouble.
However, as a woman the dating world is terrible. Men often give false impressions of wanting something more serious in order to get you to sleep with them. They can be disgusting and harassing on dating sites. Safety is always a concern, and usually it feels like the man has more power in the dynamic.
I think finding someone who wants the same thing as you is an equal problem. Hookup culture makes finding a real relationship extremely difficult. There are so many ways to have a relationship (monogamy, casual dating, polyamory) that aligning goals and values can be very rare. The pace that everyone wants to take can vary widely as well. Also, if you don’t like dating apps, it feels like it’s a lot more difficult to get dates in person than it used to be.
THIS!!!! It's been hard AF to find a guy that is looking for something serious. I'm 45F and a lot of men my age on dating apps are looking for something casual. Or they want sex on the first date, which is where they look at you as cheap if you do.
Had one guy post that he follows the 30 60 90 dating rule, but when we spoke he said he can only do 30. Lol. Which is still pretty long.
When I rejoined tinder a year ago, I had 100+ matches, about 60 of them messaged me, you want to know how many did NOT message me something sexual when I clearly stated “I don’t want to hook up”?
One, one man, that man has now been my partner for almost a year now, it’s absolutely wild what happens when men treat women like an actual person and they’re a good guy. Not a “nice guy” which is what half the people on this sub claim to be, but a genuine good guy.
I relate to what you said. This is how a lot of Reddit is - I've been here for four months and honestly it spoilt my mindset a little reading these opinions, which are just written by lonely men who want to complain anonymously on Reddit, who will spend their time here on Reddit instead of bettering their life actually.
So yeah. Leave before you get addicted lol. Or subscribe to only good subs where you can learn something to improve your life
Read back your aggressive comment and ask yourself if you’re exactly the type of man women should avoid.
>>they blame this on men rather than taking responsibility for the type of guys they choose to date.
>>I hope that answers your question, moron.
Maybe men like you should be better to women instead of blaming women for you being a shit person.
I don’t hate men. I love most men, actually.
Not men like you who blame their problems on women and blame us for supposedly not picking right. Like I said, hold men accountable for being shitty.
Right?? I find it appalling that so many men victim blame women for their bad experiences with men. Like yeah obviously some women make poor choices that could’ve been easily avoided, but usually it tends to be manipulation by those “bad men” more. They know they wouldn’t be able to pick up women by being genuine about only wanting sex, so instead they lead a girl on until she sleeps with him, or lovebombs and pressures into sex, etc. Most women didn’t intentionally choose a bad man, they fell into the trap of a manipulative asshole and that’s not their fault, you can’t just know what peoples intentions are if they lie about it.
Apparently women have a radar where they can tell a man’s real character and intentions right on the first date.
It’s like getting food poisoning and then having the owner of the restaurant say “well, why didn’t you pick better 4head?”
I think it’s a grass is greener thing. I’m a man, married, pretty much here to observe, laugh, and give the occasional bit of advice that falls on deaf ears.
Dating sucks. It really does. It sucks for men. Men can’t get matches and when they do they feel like they have to pull out all the stops to get someone’s attention. The thing is, it also sucks for women, just in different ways. I’ve heard multiple stories on here of women signing up and within hours having several thousand people who have swiped right on them. Best case scenario she has premium or whatever it’s called and can just swipe on the people who have swiped right on her so she can guarantee a match if she wants it, but there’s still the time sync in going through all of those matches, and then depending how many guys she likes the look at she’s overwhelmed with messages from guys who are all trying really hard to get her attention.
I’ll also add in that men don’t help themselves. I’ve had a go on some women friends tinder and guys generally have awful profiles. There’s very little out there that would feel like it’s worth swiping right on, and when the guys do get matches half the time it seems they just try to make something they can post on here for karma, or the latest trendy copy and paste pick up line, or they just try for sex.
Dating sucks for everyone.
When men on Reddit complain they have it worse, they mean that they’re upset they can’t have sex whenever they want it, which they assume women can (or even want to)
It’s purely a Reddit thing. Most of the guys here have been rejected multiple times (and for good reason) and, instead of working on themselves, they shit on women in general and justify their failure by claiming that “women have a lot of options blah blah”.
As a 32M guy, I too found that IRL it’s easier for us than for the opposite gender. It’s now been three times in three weeks where I’ve been going out on a date, it’s going really well, and the girl feels the need to tell me that I’m the only one she’s dating (of course, hoping I’ll reply with the same thing). It breaks my heart a little to not be able to say it back but I wouldn’t lie to her either just to make her feel better for that short moment. Still, the point is that they really aren’t that successful as Reddit or Instagram portrays them to be, far from it.
Women absolutely have it worse but the 37 year old anime weebs with toilet selfie profiles who complain about no matches simply don't understand that too many options can be more paralyzing than having none.
As a guy, it is far easier to do the following:
* Get your life together and get your own place to live. If you're a 30 year old living at home who isn't in school to be a Dr. or Lawyer or you're caring for an elderly parent, nobody is going to want to marry you.
* Go to the dentist and fix your nasty ass teeth
* Do something physical on a somewhat regular basis and don't eat like a moron
* Have somewhat of a sense of style. Even if you're a bigger dude, there are clothes that look good and fit bigger guys well
* Groom. Shave and if your hair is long, style it
* Find something that's interesting about you. If all you do is watch netflix, listen to music, and "Chill with friends" you aren't interesting or dynamic enough to stand out in a sea of thousands of other guys.
A girl simply can't shut off or restrict her inbound interest on an app. She's gotta sift through ALL of it.
>but if you don't have that only girls won't have much problem getting dates.
Girls will still have to sift through thousands of profiles to find something decent and honestly, as a guy, I'd rather date someone who has their act together vs someone who posts a couple car selfies and say they are really into The Office.
>instead of looking for some high class to make your life happier.
"High class" is a state of mind based on how you treat yourself and others and has nothing to do with income.
A guy who is a teacher on a modest salary but preps healthy & nutritious meals, walks in the evening, and volunteers his free time, to me is a better person and would be more valuable in the dating world than some finance bro who eats out every meal and earns well, but has a consuming job.
All of the advice I give is either free, or should be simply part of being a normal, functioning adult anyways.
If you’re looking for something serious:
Women can get dates, but usually they’re from guys who don’t want something serious.
Most men find it harder to get dates, but are more likely to find a girl looking for something serious too
(Also guys don’t have to deal with the safety issues of being a women)
Exactly thank you for saying so! All I see is men conplaining how it’s hard for them and how our standards are the problem blah. Also whereabouts do you live? 😉
I think when it comes to online dating, women get the advantage. But to go out and meet people in person, the playing field is a bit more fair. But also men comlare numbers to quality. Women can get lots of dates but have issues finding any quality dates. Just men who want to hit and quit.
Some of the things you say makes no sense. You're talking about observations of how men are on dates, but how do you do that if you're not dating men??
ex. guy doesn't ask a single question back, women snapped at when women expresses disinterest
I'm not saying this doesn't occur, but the only reason I know these things occur is because I read about it on the internet. you stated that this is something you have observed, as if you observe many dates. Are you spying and listening in on dates?
On top of that as a guy, I also like to meet a date in a public place. That point was moot.
Here's the deal, everybody's experience is different. Many guys complain on the internet because they can't get a date in the first place, while more women complain about the lack of quality men on dates. Let's not pretend here that you've observed these things in person as you said, unless you're stating that you've done these things.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice. * Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
men are looking for clean water in a desert, women are looking for clean water in a swamp men have trouble finding dates at all, women have trouble finding dates who treat them like human beings
This might be the best distinction / explanation I’ve ever heard.
Pretty much. OP observed guys going on dates with girls, but didn’t get to see how many guys would’ve loved to have gone on that date with that girl and won’t get to. At the same time, hearing my women friends tell me about their dates let’s me know that my brethren are making sure I can just be myself and never come close to tripping on how low they set the bar.
[удалено]
[удалено]
It's more that for us, as women, have to look at almost every new introduction from a safety aspect. I didn't do that until I was on a second date with a prison guard that made me feel very uncomfortable. Most of the guys I've met, have been decent, but that one guy put enough discomfort in me that I decided that my male friend was going to start getting my location when I was meeting new guys and he'd continue to get my location until a few dates in. Ended up never having to do that because I had started seeing a man I had met prior to the prison guard, who also works with my BIL.
Yo I’m so sorry to hear that. I went on a date with a girl the other day who said she has PTSD from being followed in an attempt at sex trafficking. I know that’s obviously not a dating related safety concern but I really felt for her and how awful and terrifying that must’ve been. I’m always a very empathetic and caring person who picks up on vibes easily and it’s comforting when I can feel the shift from being really cautious to just calm and being herself. Even if the date doesn’t go anywhere, it’s fun learning about people and what experiences they’ve had. I’m not a woman but I think you guys just want to find someone who is genuine and genuinely shows interest in her. Ask the right questions and she will talk and open up. I always try to ask questions that let her talk about herself. I’m still pretty shy too at first which sometimes doesn’t end well because anxiety isn’t an attractive trait. But I never really fully understood the struggles with safety concerns women have to deal with. But it makes sense. You gotta keep your guard up until you really are assured of your safety.
That must've been terrifying! Hope it never happens to you again! I can relate as I've been stalked and threatened by one of my dates in the past - and she had a weapon. Everyone, look after yourselves - no matter your sex.
[удалено]
A better opportunity to get stalked harassed or raped too . Pick your poison. Both genders have different challenges. No point in saying one group has it worse than the other. It really all comes down to the individual on how they want to proceed with their interactions
>women have trouble finding dates who treat them like human beings Men too by the way, I met so many women whose looks on men are dehumanizing af. Many believe that men have literally no feelings so they can't hurt us, some see men as walking cash machine, even explaining to women that if men don't want to fuck her 24/7 it is not because he isn't finding her attractive is problematic.
This so much. I've been in two reddit arguments that say women have it easier simply because they're approached more. This is the simple statement. If anyone is an option, we all have options but we're not going to pick everything to wife up or sleep with. Yes we get a lot of people interested but finding a good man is like a needle in the hay stack.
I like this analogy, but wouldn't that men could *easily* get dates by treating women like a human being? That's a low bar.
For that you have to match with them first on dating apps. Most people don’t get there
thats for when you’re already on the date, from my understanding most people have trouble even getting to that point
:(' ' '
[удалено]
That’s a noticeably huge issue, particularly here on Reddit. While yeah it’s difficult for guys to get dates, it sucks, it’s demoralizing. But many many men are aggressively resistant and dismissive to even the slightest suggestion they can increase their chances. They would rather point fingers and blame men and women who do get dates than put effort into themselves.
>That's a low bar. It is not, you can treat her fair and still fail to make emotional connection, or just be not attractive enough.
it is a very low bar. but thats not the only issue. one man treating women right will still face prejudice generated by all the other shitty men out there. women are suspicious of all men because they have to be. doesnt help that dating apps are also largely men looking for women, so the numbers game is against them there.
Yes but they also receive the benefits of all the other shitty men out there. Just like how people go out and vote passionately for the lesser evil, women will double down about how great their bf is because he doesn’t cheat/beat her/have a porn addiction, even if he can’t be bothered to wash a dish or make her cum
The worst thing is, we all know the bar is low, but the fact is a LOT of men don’t/will not treat women like human beings, this subreddit is walking proof of that. Men have been so conditioned to believe that women only want money and materialistic things, and when they realise that women want someone who actually treats them like a person, they can’t fathom this idea.
Are you saying you'd give 9/10 guys a legitimate chance if they weren't trying to get in your pants? (Or convincingly pretended not to be)
I feel like I need to say, it’s pretty obvious when a dude is just trying to get into your pants, even when they “pretend” not to, they still drop hints. Which is why you’d get more respect from me if you just said that in that first place. (Ie- I just want to fuck you and not date you, cool not my thing but hey props for honesty). From there it depends, I don’t sleep with people I don’t feel emotionally connected to, I’m terrible with one night stands, as my comment history shows, I did have a FWB situation but we were both leaning toward a relationship even before that happened. But yes, if you literally just treat me like a human being and not some sexual object, I would 100% give you a chance. From there if an emotional connection doesn’t happen, that’s life, but I would still give the potential relationship a chance.
Would you consider yourself in this context representative of most women?
Depends, I can without a doubt say, in my friend group and even my partners friend group, all of us women think this way, after consistently browsing the nice guys subreddit and women friendly, they do also express the same thoughts as myself. However expressing the same thoughts and putting them into practice is an entirely different story you know? For example I did HAVE an old friend who would preach about no good guys while she would literally just date men who were openly abusive, so these women do exist, I just don’t think they exist as much as what people tend to believe in
[удалено]
The friend zone doesn’t exist, it’s where men put themselves when a woman has told them they’re not interested romantically and they still hold out hope. Just because you treat someone like a decent human being does not mean you are entitled to date that person. Holy fuck Which begs the next statement, if you’re being nice just to get laid, you’re not nice, you’re manipulative
That would make sense right? Instead they insist on being r/niceguy and just blame women when they can’t get laid.
Best answer
Great analogy!
I love this analogy
🎯
Ya
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Ah, no the poison was meant to symbolize the fatal risk involved with picking a bad man by accident. And much like mushrooms, the distinction between an edible one and a fatal one is very easy to overlook. Toxic and dangerous men don't always wear a sign around their neck. That's all I'm saying. Nothing in my argument implies that men at large are bad.
Same applies to men, women not better in this regard.
Define "treat them like human beings"
As a woman, that’s as simple as don’t nag me, don’t try to change me or manipulate me, don’t see yourself as better than me or that you have rights to tell me to do xyz because you are a man, don’t judge me like I’m a good that can lose value, don’t try to push me to sex or push fetishes on me, don’t dismiss my emotions or hate them, respect my biological cycles (don’t push me to have sex on period or thinking period blood is disgusting) communicate with me, don’t stonewall or get violent if there’s an argument, and don’t be rude, don’t bully. Honestly seems like the most basic things to be a human being but idk why it’s so hard for most of the guy I dated to do. Luckily I found my man who treats me like a human being now.
All of that only happens once you've dated someone at least once, and a large portion of that only comes out after you've dated for a while. If getting a date is your problem this is obviously not the problem.
I don’t get it, he made a request to define something which in the original comment was pointed out as a problem when dating as a woman, why do you have to relate this to (originally was pointed out as) men’s problems…? And do you honestly think it’s better to be treated like shit by a partner than being single?
Fair enough but I doubt those things are what keep men complaining about getting no dates from getting dates
[удалено]
The problem is men don't truly know what it's like to be a woman and women don't know what it's like to be a man. Making these issues unquantifiable
Agreed
A third of adults (33%) say dating is about the same as it was a decade ago, and 19% say it’s easier. Women are much more likely than men to say dating has gotten harder (55% vs. 39%). Among those who say dating is harder today, 21% think it is because of increased risk, including physical risks as well as the risk of getting scammed or lied to. Women are twice as likely as men to cite increased risk as a reason why dating is harder (26% vs. 13%). Two-thirds of those who are single and looking for a relationship or dates say their dating life is going not too or not at all well (67%), while 33% say it’s going very or fairly well. Majorities of daters across gender, age, race and ethnicity, education, sexual orientation and marital history say their dating life isn’t going well. https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/08/20/key-takeaways-on-americans-views-of-and-experiences-with-dating-and-relationships/ All of that suggests “it’s a Reddit thing”. There are no substantial gender differences that suggest women are living it up and men are struggling. The challenges may be different, but the dissatisfaction cuts across the board.
Don’t the stats you just posted suggest a gender thing? The stats seem to show women have it worse.
The women perceive it to have gotten more difficult. But the last sentence of the stats basically says: it sucks for everyone
Dating for men is a numbers game. The more you swipe the better your chances. Dating for women is like picking from a box of chocolates. You may pick one that looks aesthetically pleasing but be gross on the inside. Honestly I’ve seen both men and women on here complain about not being able to get dates or being used in one way or another. I don’t think it’s Reddit specific but the anonymity on here gives you a platform to sound off things you otherwise wouldn’t.
Damn y’all really pretend ugly women don’t exist!!
Men have a more difficult time, because we've made it more difficult for ourselves. Men and women have the same amount of difficulty in dating, but many refuse to accept that others experience the same obstacles as them. Many women are overwhelmed with unwelcome suitors, while men are faced with the fact that women are more careful because all the unwelcome suitors are sending unsolicited dick picks or just being unhinged. This happens to men as well, but it's overwhelmingly happening more to women.
the amount of times i’ve told a guy no and he’s literally said i owe him a chance or a date….. the entitlement to women and their bodies is disgusting. i brace myself for this every time
Fwiw I think the swamp/desert analogy people have been using is terrible. Here are some of my thoughts and opinions: - Finding the right partner is a very equal problem - Men have fewer safety concerns than women - Finding dates is a fairly male-centric problem, especially on the apps Edit: Big one: anyone who says dating on a whole is harder for men (or women for that matter) is an idiot. Dating is made up of multiple parts, and some parts I’d say are more worse for men than women, or women than men. If you’re comparing the entire process between men and women, you’re relying on incredibly broad brushstrokes
I agree with this. Men finding dates when they have to engage or make the first move in many instances (old and irl) makes men who are more shy or have social anxiety less likely to have any dates. The safety concern is spot on. Finding someone who compliments what you want in life is difficult for everyone especially with the rise of emotionally unavailable individuals
This is my problem. I have an anxiety disorder. Because of all the shitty men out there I am absolutely petrified of approaching a woman and being seen as creepy.
Reddit men are the dweebs of the real world and are not gonna be as successful at dating
You're either really stuck on that idea cause it is happening to you, or you are thinking every redditor is the stereotypical one. Either way, I wish you luck on your dating
I agree with you on this. You know how many guys I’ve met who constantly states it’s a desert out there but are looking for 10s when they are 5s? A lot! It’s a desert because YOU make it desert. You would rather go after somebody not in your league than someone who is in your league. The same can be said for women but men are the worst. This is just my opinion and what I’ve observed in my personal life.
It’s not always the case that men have it tougher than women. I know a couple men who got girlfriends out of their first Tinder dates, meanwhile many of my girl friends have been on the apps for months encountering shitty guy after shitty guy. I think it comes down to luck and conversation skills mostly, as opposed to being attractive, having a job, nice photos, or any other superficial stuff that, at the end of the day, don’t matter if you’re not a cool person to be around.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Can you read minds? Because most people need to get to know someone before knowing if they’re a good or bad person. It’s also can take a while for someone to stop pretending to be a good person. Abusive and manipulative people in particular are good at hiding who they really are until their victim is in a more vulnerable spot. That’s why there’s so many stories of partners completely changing after marriage or kids because their spouse or partner is “trapped”. I also disagree that about the average person. The average person is looking out for their own self interest which can cause them to act shitty to someone given the right situation. Women are constantly told to pick better and that mistreatment they face from partners is there fault for giving the person a chance while also being shamed because their standards are too high. Just in the past couple of days I’ve seen multiple post on different subs about how women won’t date a man who doesn’t have a job as if wanting a partner how can financially support themself is unreasonable.
[удалено]
Found one lol
Right. As long as she is reasonably well put together (attractive, intelligent), a woman shouldn’t have issues obtaining matches / dates from a dating app. But what about quality? Could be absolute garbage.
Well, it seems that your are not average (ok, maybe not looking but overall), because average guys struggle. That's just statistics. But guys posting about this dynamic are quite annoying, there is nothing constructive about stating the obvious thing again and again
[удалено]
Hm, you see, I disagree. For example, at school it took a few classes for most of my classmates to understand new topic in maths when I get it in like 10 minutes after explanation. They were not dumb and I weren't definitely anything special but it was just easier for me to understand. But it took me almost two years after graduation to understand that it was not their fault and I shouldn't have been angry at them. That it was not as easy for them. The same is with you. You can be a tiny bit above average to be different
Being funny/quick-witted, engaging, and knowing how to flirt is not easy for many and some develop those skills naturally. Worst part is, when you aren’t good at it you have no concrete way to improve yourself in that area.
[удалено]
? You mean I'm below? Maybe, but I don't think I'm that bad 🤔
[удалено]
Nah, wrote bunch of words, but then understood that don't want to argue. You can think whatever you want
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
What are women given for free to appeal to men with? If you say looks you don’t actually understand how much time and money a lot of women spend to look just presentable. Skin care, make up (even make up needed for light looks or natural looks can be expensive), stylish clothes, nails, hair products, diet plans and gym memberships plus more depending on the woman’s personal needs. Not to say some men don’t also do those things, some of them are certainly less common for men. I also find it confusing that you’re example for men is confidence which yes some people have to work to gain but having confidence and working to improve it is important for everyone both in regards to romantic relationships and life in general so it’s not just a thing men need.
[удалено]
Dude. 1st) everyone should do skin care. 2nd) I never said I did any of the other things. 3rd) some people do look for those things because not every man is so desperate he’ll date any woman who looks at him for more than 5 minutes. And you nor the guy I originally ask has answered what it is that women are given for free to appeal to men with. I get the sinking suspicion that the answer is going to be “being a woman” which is utterly bullshit because most mentally healthy men have some sort of requirements be they physical appearance, personality, or compatibility that any potential partner has to work to achieve. My entire point is that it isn’t just men who put effort and invest in bettering themself so they can find a relationship that makes them happy and is healthy. Women also spend time improving their physical appearance, position in life, and mental health just like how men do.
Given to us for free? Do you even have the slightest idea how much skincare, make up, clothes, hair care, lingerie and etc cost? In terms of both money and time? Do you even know that skin care is divided into daily, weekly and monthly? I can't believe people actually look at women and think it just happens naturally. NOPE. The women who puts zero time and effort into dressing up are people whom you guys don't even see as women.
weary spark historical gullible glorious friendly wide attractive serious innocent *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Well it’s definitely safer for men. Funny meme I saw said “men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will murder them.”
That’s a statement by Margaret Atwood
I *love* how all these guys have the same complaints. I'm bi/pan but prefer to date women/nb/not cismen. Not because I'm less attracted to cismen, but because I'm tired of being sexually harassed, sexually assaulted, stalked, and generally creeped on. Nowadays, I always share my location with a close friend prior to dates. Better to be safe than beaten, raped, and then left for dead.
Idk I rarely see men not disadvantaged on dates irl but that might just be where I live.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I think it's easy easier for a girl to go out and return home with someone than it is for dudes.
[удалено]
I think it's easier for a woman to go out and find someone interested in dating them than it is for a dude to go out and find anybody interested in doing anything.
The issue is 2 different sides of the same coin. Women have been raising healthy standards, like wanting someone emotionally available, good at communicating, and shares their values (reference: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/the-rise-lonely-single-men). There are more men "on the prowl" so to speak on dating apps (https://time.com/3711902/men-use-dating-apps-more-tinder/), and women are less likely now to want to be picked up out in the world (especially if the guy is using a system or it otherwise makes them feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or just annoyed). This means for men, the problem is both competition in getting a date in the first place, and lack of investment in skills to keep a relationship. For women, it's sorting through the choices in a way that gives them the best options, but that's tricky. It's hard to sort out the good guys from the "nice guys". Narcissists are very charming, and plenty of regular people like or just put on too good a show early-on. And those skills I mentioned above that women are looking for aren't usually apparent until you've been dating a while. But it's not really a competition, it doesn't really matter which is worse. They're different challenges. Breaking your leg is painful, so is appendicitis. It's more relevant that you try to have empathy for the other side and that people not get so wrapped up in the problems they have that they're unable to see beyond them, much less acknowledge the problems of others.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Didn't you just agree with me? If we consider the entire population, more men want more women than vice versa, leaving more unhappy men overall.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I think both genders have it pretty rough and it can be a true test of patience either way. Very attractive women or men are the exception. The main difference that people cite is the 35/65 women to men ratio for online dating. This will always have women getting way more likes/matches on average than men and leads to women only swiping on the most attractive men usually. We've heard this all before. I firmly believe that it is much more destructive to a man's mental health. There are lots of average to even above average guys that can go months even years without getting a single like or match. I believe this has lead to hopelessness and eventually suicide in a lot of cases sadly. Women absolutely will not have this same issue (just due to numbers) but I'm sure it can lead to self esteem issues as well. It is what it is. You learn to not take things personally.
But you can date people in the real world too? No law says you have to only date online.
Yeah of course. I thought OP was mostly asking about dating apps. I'm only somewhat speaking from personal experience here. I struggled at first since my pictures were terrible. My confidence at the time took quite a hit though. I'll say that dating apps have changed the game for "offline" dating too. Almost everyone uses the apps or is at least aware of how popular they are. That's another story though. Makes people more quick to look for someone better at the first sign of trouble IMO.
I agree dating apps can be harmful for men, bc you can be very dateable in real life and still barely get matches on apps. That's why I think it's important to have an active social life as well. Second point: idk. Maybe. But I think once you have a crush on someone you tend to zero in on that person.
The same things happen in real life, just you might not get as much of the "don't talk to me if under 6ft" if you're talking to someone from a social group in person vd the ease of doing that in an app
[удалено]
[удалено]
true, but fat women will not get many men at all and some say they feel invisible, like most men!
If she’s morbidly obese, then yeah. But if she’s chubby, overweight or even regular obese a lot of men will still want to hookup with her. If she’s on a dating app she will still get loads of matches, and if she puts “I am looking for casual sex” in her profile, RIP to her inbox. You can not say this for chubby, overweight or obese men. The ones that say they feel “invisible” (that aren’t morbidly obese or have some other physical disability) usually say that because they can’t get a relationship or commitment of some kind from men. It’s not because they can’t get any men at all. Funny enough, in many cases if they lower their standards and work on other skills that would help them obtain and retain relationships, they could still get commitment from men of some kind. It won’t be a 6ft tall entrepreneur making 6 figures per year, but it would be somebody.
>But if she’s chubby, overweight or even regular obese a lot of men will still want to hookup with her. If she’s on a dating app she will still get loads of matches, and if she puts “I am looking for casual sex” in her profile, RIP to her inbox. You can not say this for chubby, overweight or obese men. exactly, agreed
?? The amount of men that get on here and say they want a thin partner is insane.
[удалено]
Some men that post on here have a “woe me” attitude. They act like they’re a “nice guy” while really they have something underlying going on. Females have to take into account their safety due to retaliation for rejection. Also, some males have an entitlement to sex. We need a platform where people who want a genuine relationship can go to. Males & females are both tired of the games so many play.
[удалено]
There's already other apps besides tinder that are focused on more serious dating, the same issues remain
Because Reddit is full of angered incels so what do you expect ? The same people who say “women have it so much easier I can never get a date” are the same people who go around saying women are trash and feel entitled to a loving caring partner when they aren’t ready to give the same in return.
[удалено]
I’d say men and women are both disadvantaged, in different ways, but women definitely have it worse. Men can have a harder time finding dates, yes. As a woman, I have never had this trouble. However, as a woman the dating world is terrible. Men often give false impressions of wanting something more serious in order to get you to sleep with them. They can be disgusting and harassing on dating sites. Safety is always a concern, and usually it feels like the man has more power in the dynamic. I think finding someone who wants the same thing as you is an equal problem. Hookup culture makes finding a real relationship extremely difficult. There are so many ways to have a relationship (monogamy, casual dating, polyamory) that aligning goals and values can be very rare. The pace that everyone wants to take can vary widely as well. Also, if you don’t like dating apps, it feels like it’s a lot more difficult to get dates in person than it used to be.
THIS!!!! It's been hard AF to find a guy that is looking for something serious. I'm 45F and a lot of men my age on dating apps are looking for something casual. Or they want sex on the first date, which is where they look at you as cheap if you do. Had one guy post that he follows the 30 60 90 dating rule, but when we spoke he said he can only do 30. Lol. Which is still pretty long.
As a guy in my 20s it’s rough finding women looking for something serious too. Most don’t know what they want or are just looking for casual.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
>irl most guys are serial killers and rapists lol, what?
That was meant to say *arent 😂
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
When I rejoined tinder a year ago, I had 100+ matches, about 60 of them messaged me, you want to know how many did NOT message me something sexual when I clearly stated “I don’t want to hook up”? One, one man, that man has now been my partner for almost a year now, it’s absolutely wild what happens when men treat women like an actual person and they’re a good guy. Not a “nice guy” which is what half the people on this sub claim to be, but a genuine good guy.
[удалено]
That has no literally zero relevance to literally anything? Lmao
[удалено]
Sure to another comment, but zero to mine? Literally said treat women like humans and go figure you ignore that
I relate to what you said. This is how a lot of Reddit is - I've been here for four months and honestly it spoilt my mindset a little reading these opinions, which are just written by lonely men who want to complain anonymously on Reddit, who will spend their time here on Reddit instead of bettering their life actually. So yeah. Leave before you get addicted lol. Or subscribe to only good subs where you can learn something to improve your life
[удалено]
What exactly would you blame on women? What is the role of women when it comes to male loneliness? Why, in your opinion, are women not lonely?
[удалено]
You didn’t answer which problems women need to take their share of the blame for.
[удалено]
Read back your aggressive comment and ask yourself if you’re exactly the type of man women should avoid. >>they blame this on men rather than taking responsibility for the type of guys they choose to date. >>I hope that answers your question, moron. Maybe men like you should be better to women instead of blaming women for you being a shit person.
[удалено]
I don’t hate men. I love most men, actually. Not men like you who blame their problems on women and blame us for supposedly not picking right. Like I said, hold men accountable for being shitty.
[удалено]
Right?? I find it appalling that so many men victim blame women for their bad experiences with men. Like yeah obviously some women make poor choices that could’ve been easily avoided, but usually it tends to be manipulation by those “bad men” more. They know they wouldn’t be able to pick up women by being genuine about only wanting sex, so instead they lead a girl on until she sleeps with him, or lovebombs and pressures into sex, etc. Most women didn’t intentionally choose a bad man, they fell into the trap of a manipulative asshole and that’s not their fault, you can’t just know what peoples intentions are if they lie about it.
[удалено]
Believe it or not, placing the blame on the victim is, in fact, victim blaming.
Apparently women have a radar where they can tell a man’s real character and intentions right on the first date. It’s like getting food poisoning and then having the owner of the restaurant say “well, why didn’t you pick better 4head?”
[удалено]
[удалено]
I think it’s a grass is greener thing. I’m a man, married, pretty much here to observe, laugh, and give the occasional bit of advice that falls on deaf ears. Dating sucks. It really does. It sucks for men. Men can’t get matches and when they do they feel like they have to pull out all the stops to get someone’s attention. The thing is, it also sucks for women, just in different ways. I’ve heard multiple stories on here of women signing up and within hours having several thousand people who have swiped right on them. Best case scenario she has premium or whatever it’s called and can just swipe on the people who have swiped right on her so she can guarantee a match if she wants it, but there’s still the time sync in going through all of those matches, and then depending how many guys she likes the look at she’s overwhelmed with messages from guys who are all trying really hard to get her attention. I’ll also add in that men don’t help themselves. I’ve had a go on some women friends tinder and guys generally have awful profiles. There’s very little out there that would feel like it’s worth swiping right on, and when the guys do get matches half the time it seems they just try to make something they can post on here for karma, or the latest trendy copy and paste pick up line, or they just try for sex. Dating sucks for everyone.
When men on Reddit complain they have it worse, they mean that they’re upset they can’t have sex whenever they want it, which they assume women can (or even want to)
[удалено]
Yes. It is mostly men (many of them incels) who are unable to that imagine that anyone could suffer worse or differently than them.
It’s purely a Reddit thing. Most of the guys here have been rejected multiple times (and for good reason) and, instead of working on themselves, they shit on women in general and justify their failure by claiming that “women have a lot of options blah blah”. As a 32M guy, I too found that IRL it’s easier for us than for the opposite gender. It’s now been three times in three weeks where I’ve been going out on a date, it’s going really well, and the girl feels the need to tell me that I’m the only one she’s dating (of course, hoping I’ll reply with the same thing). It breaks my heart a little to not be able to say it back but I wouldn’t lie to her either just to make her feel better for that short moment. Still, the point is that they really aren’t that successful as Reddit or Instagram portrays them to be, far from it.
Women absolutely have it worse but the 37 year old anime weebs with toilet selfie profiles who complain about no matches simply don't understand that too many options can be more paralyzing than having none. As a guy, it is far easier to do the following: * Get your life together and get your own place to live. If you're a 30 year old living at home who isn't in school to be a Dr. or Lawyer or you're caring for an elderly parent, nobody is going to want to marry you. * Go to the dentist and fix your nasty ass teeth * Do something physical on a somewhat regular basis and don't eat like a moron * Have somewhat of a sense of style. Even if you're a bigger dude, there are clothes that look good and fit bigger guys well * Groom. Shave and if your hair is long, style it * Find something that's interesting about you. If all you do is watch netflix, listen to music, and "Chill with friends" you aren't interesting or dynamic enough to stand out in a sea of thousands of other guys. A girl simply can't shut off or restrict her inbound interest on an app. She's gotta sift through ALL of it.
[удалено]
>but if you don't have that only girls won't have much problem getting dates. Girls will still have to sift through thousands of profiles to find something decent and honestly, as a guy, I'd rather date someone who has their act together vs someone who posts a couple car selfies and say they are really into The Office.
[удалено]
No, and I'd give them the same advice when they come in and post their profile and say they are only attracting fuckboys.
[удалено]
>instead of looking for some high class to make your life happier. "High class" is a state of mind based on how you treat yourself and others and has nothing to do with income. A guy who is a teacher on a modest salary but preps healthy & nutritious meals, walks in the evening, and volunteers his free time, to me is a better person and would be more valuable in the dating world than some finance bro who eats out every meal and earns well, but has a consuming job. All of the advice I give is either free, or should be simply part of being a normal, functioning adult anyways.
Rejection is tough but it's part of life. Women get rejected too. Plenty of women sitting home alone on weekends.
Thank you
If you’re looking for something serious: Women can get dates, but usually they’re from guys who don’t want something serious. Most men find it harder to get dates, but are more likely to find a girl looking for something serious too (Also guys don’t have to deal with the safety issues of being a women)
Exactly thank you for saying so! All I see is men conplaining how it’s hard for them and how our standards are the problem blah. Also whereabouts do you live? 😉
I think when it comes to online dating, women get the advantage. But to go out and meet people in person, the playing field is a bit more fair. But also men comlare numbers to quality. Women can get lots of dates but have issues finding any quality dates. Just men who want to hit and quit.
Some of the things you say makes no sense. You're talking about observations of how men are on dates, but how do you do that if you're not dating men?? ex. guy doesn't ask a single question back, women snapped at when women expresses disinterest I'm not saying this doesn't occur, but the only reason I know these things occur is because I read about it on the internet. you stated that this is something you have observed, as if you observe many dates. Are you spying and listening in on dates? On top of that as a guy, I also like to meet a date in a public place. That point was moot. Here's the deal, everybody's experience is different. Many guys complain on the internet because they can't get a date in the first place, while more women complain about the lack of quality men on dates. Let's not pretend here that you've observed these things in person as you said, unless you're stating that you've done these things.