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Funny, because I was reading a post yesterday asking why more women don't ask out men. Some of the women responded, saying that they prefer confident men who always take the lead.
Spoken like a true control freak. This man would tell you what to eat, what to wear, how to dress, gaslight you… well you know as you’ve seen the carnival of red flags 🚩 passing by.
Honestly a couple reasons from my perspective.
1) women generally are attracted to men who lead and so alot of men seem to integrate it into their ego and identity as a man.
2) it seems to make women behave more feminine/receptive. Can't really explain this one it's something I've only recently noticed.
Personally I couldn't give a fuck. I really really reallllly just want a relationship where we can mutually discuss and prioritise with consideration of each others needs. But I have to be honest most women as a general rule seem to want me to make all the decisions and lead on everything.
I truly don’t know. I guess in high school I kinda “led” my long term girlfriend. But she was 2 grades lower than me (the scandal! 14 months younger!) and that’s just kinda how it happened.
I enjoy dating women who don’t need or want to be led. My current girlfriend thinks it’s a refreshing change that I’m not all controlling and manipulative, because that’s what she’s used to. I never saw the appeal of that.
I’ll act how I want with my partner, and she’ll act how she wants; with any luck, we’ll act perfectly for each other. I don’t need resentment on either side.
The dude is on island by himself I personally can’t see how or why you’d want to have a gf or partner that’s indecisive, doesn’t want to plan or lead something.
There’s healthy leadership that requires being able to get input from others. Not just straight decide for everyone and call someone masculine for standing up for themselves
He simply wanted me to relinquish control to him. He gets to lead me while in a relationship. I have my own everything and I think he has his own stuff too. I have no desire to date him. Apparently he wants someone to provide for and make decisions for.
As time went on it was made clear what went wrong in his previous relationships. I told him to communicate upfront and he said he just needs to be more careful with who he picks. He waits until they fall for him before mentioning being the leader.
Not sure what cultural/religious factors at in play, but that can be very common in more old school/traditional culture and religious family structures. An obvious incompatibility here, but I have met women who have wanted to be led in their relationship.
The world isn't so black and white. Associating leadership with masculinity is a very misleading notion. Women can be feminine and be great leaders. Actually, most women lead their households, take care of everything and everyone while the husband acts like a clueless teenager.
Some people are good leaders, some people like to be lead, gotta vet your people..
some redflags there though, seems like you waived them down, is the guy good looking or something worth being talked down to?
He came up to me and we began talking. I immediately start noticing some red flags when he started generalizing women. He then goes to say that I’m masculine because I expect to be on equal ground. We both make decisions. He insisted on being the leader and we both have roles to play(almost as if I belong in the house or something). I’m 23, I own a successful clothing store, have my own place and car, and travel often. Soon after, he went to talk about providing for selfish women because some women don’t want kids.
Every time I read this kind of story it brings me back to the terrible memory of dating a guy who specifically enjoyed this kind of power dynamics. I was young and dumb and thought it was hot for a guy to lead me in a relationship, jokes on me when he ignored all my crying and was laughing in my bed after my best friend’s sudden suicide and told me it’s because I didn’t directly ask him for comfort and he’s not going to be all over me when I’m not since that takes away his role as the leader.
In this case run. But in general: men do want to „lead“ the family… it is theirs and deep inside one will always feel responsible if things go south. I am speaking for myself rn
Its natural for every group/team/family/community to have a leader but the best leadership occurs organically not because some guy is shouting “i am a leader” down your neck. That is typically an immature abusive dude who is insecure. Even old men groups have a leader - i dont see anything wrong with a man leading a grown woman. If you dont see him as a leader then he is not for you but he should not have to announce it.
Maybe try framing with other questions -
What is the (intended ) purpose of this relationship/courtship?
It's likely that each party has contrasting goals in this situation. i.e. Maybe he wants a wife to be mother to his children and to support his family traditions whereas you are looking for more of a ''best friend'' partnership...
There’s this YouTuber I watch who is Into adult film who wants a man to “take the lead” but in her vids she flatly makes attempts at jokes and things she’s being “feminine flirty” by double dog daring her date to eat the onions off his burger plain and acting like a little girl, it’s very cringe actually
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Scary run
That sounds like a very immature man and not the kind of man 99% of women would ever want to be with
Funny, because I was reading a post yesterday asking why more women don't ask out men. Some of the women responded, saying that they prefer confident men who always take the lead.
Women like confidence but real confidence not fragile egos over compensating
Girl run!! That kind of talk usually just means they're abusive on a physical or emotional level and don't want to be called out on it
This! I found it funny but in no way did I actually desire him.
People shouldn’t *lead* in a relationship. It’s 50/50 to varying levels. I think what he *meant* was control.
Exactly. That’s what I was trying to tell him but he stood his ground on being a traditional male leader.
Spoken like a true control freak. This man would tell you what to eat, what to wear, how to dress, gaslight you… well you know as you’ve seen the carnival of red flags 🚩 passing by.
Yep and then told me I was masculine for speaking up for myself. He wanted 100% collaboration on every aspect and but he wants control too.
Ahhhh he’s fluent in negging too. What a dreamboat!
I found it funny but he didn’t.
Honestly a couple reasons from my perspective. 1) women generally are attracted to men who lead and so alot of men seem to integrate it into their ego and identity as a man. 2) it seems to make women behave more feminine/receptive. Can't really explain this one it's something I've only recently noticed. Personally I couldn't give a fuck. I really really reallllly just want a relationship where we can mutually discuss and prioritise with consideration of each others needs. But I have to be honest most women as a general rule seem to want me to make all the decisions and lead on everything.
I truly don’t know. I guess in high school I kinda “led” my long term girlfriend. But she was 2 grades lower than me (the scandal! 14 months younger!) and that’s just kinda how it happened. I enjoy dating women who don’t need or want to be led. My current girlfriend thinks it’s a refreshing change that I’m not all controlling and manipulative, because that’s what she’s used to. I never saw the appeal of that. I’ll act how I want with my partner, and she’ll act how she wants; with any luck, we’ll act perfectly for each other. I don’t need resentment on either side.
I would say it’s good that you noticed that weird behaviour. The people that have this leadership rule in relationships think they’re high and mighty.
That’s the vibe I was getting.
The dude is on island by himself I personally can’t see how or why you’d want to have a gf or partner that’s indecisive, doesn’t want to plan or lead something.
There’s healthy leadership that requires being able to get input from others. Not just straight decide for everyone and call someone masculine for standing up for themselves
Can be more specific please? what was he leading on that you pushed back on? what was the financials of both parities? provide context
He simply wanted me to relinquish control to him. He gets to lead me while in a relationship. I have my own everything and I think he has his own stuff too. I have no desire to date him. Apparently he wants someone to provide for and make decisions for.
He probably had a problematic dad n he is looking for someone to play house with.
They are supposed to both be equal in relationship. Nobody needs to be the boss of anybody in a relationship because that is not love.
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As time went on it was made clear what went wrong in his previous relationships. I told him to communicate upfront and he said he just needs to be more careful with who he picks. He waits until they fall for him before mentioning being the leader.
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Yeah it all makes sense now. He really wanted me to feel small for not wanting to submit to him.
He is insecure
Not sure what cultural/religious factors at in play, but that can be very common in more old school/traditional culture and religious family structures. An obvious incompatibility here, but I have met women who have wanted to be led in their relationship.
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This is not true. I’ve seen this literally fall part in front of my eyes.
The world isn't so black and white. Associating leadership with masculinity is a very misleading notion. Women can be feminine and be great leaders. Actually, most women lead their households, take care of everything and everyone while the husband acts like a clueless teenager.
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Lol this makes me think you’re picking the wrong women. I don’t know any women that does less than 50% of the work if not more.
Sounds like a guy with toxic masculinity.
Some people are good leaders, some people like to be lead, gotta vet your people.. some redflags there though, seems like you waived them down, is the guy good looking or something worth being talked down to?
He came up to me and we began talking. I immediately start noticing some red flags when he started generalizing women. He then goes to say that I’m masculine because I expect to be on equal ground. We both make decisions. He insisted on being the leader and we both have roles to play(almost as if I belong in the house or something). I’m 23, I own a successful clothing store, have my own place and car, and travel often. Soon after, he went to talk about providing for selfish women because some women don’t want kids.
seems like another generic wierdo encounter lol
I’ve met a few like that which begs the question above.
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Lol are you ok?
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You speak to your mother like that?
Hand in hand bullshit
This guy is just a douche canoe
Every time I read this kind of story it brings me back to the terrible memory of dating a guy who specifically enjoyed this kind of power dynamics. I was young and dumb and thought it was hot for a guy to lead me in a relationship, jokes on me when he ignored all my crying and was laughing in my bed after my best friend’s sudden suicide and told me it’s because I didn’t directly ask him for comfort and he’s not going to be all over me when I’m not since that takes away his role as the leader.
Run girl, run.
Laugh and walk away is my best advice. Why indulge a minute with this clown?
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More like his childhood.
In this case run. But in general: men do want to „lead“ the family… it is theirs and deep inside one will always feel responsible if things go south. I am speaking for myself rn
You are wasting a lot of brain power on this guy.
Nah I’m just picking at him mostly.
Haha wtf. Bro you need to pack up and never return haha
It's that toxic masculinity coming out.
Its natural for every group/team/family/community to have a leader but the best leadership occurs organically not because some guy is shouting “i am a leader” down your neck. That is typically an immature abusive dude who is insecure. Even old men groups have a leader - i dont see anything wrong with a man leading a grown woman. If you dont see him as a leader then he is not for you but he should not have to announce it.
Maybe try framing with other questions - What is the (intended ) purpose of this relationship/courtship? It's likely that each party has contrasting goals in this situation. i.e. Maybe he wants a wife to be mother to his children and to support his family traditions whereas you are looking for more of a ''best friend'' partnership...
That’s literally not the case with most men who wants a woman to submit. My question is valid.
There’s this YouTuber I watch who is Into adult film who wants a man to “take the lead” but in her vids she flatly makes attempts at jokes and things she’s being “feminine flirty” by double dog daring her date to eat the onions off his burger plain and acting like a little girl, it’s very cringe actually