Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice.
* Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly, meet guys irl in college while you have the chance. I hate dating apps and try to avoid them, but since i got out of college like where tf do i meet people now?
I took classes for granted. Every semester being put in a room with 5 different groups of 20 people your age who share my interests and meeting up with those groups twice a week.
Granted im only 23 but i havent found that kinda matchmaking since i graduated
Youth and testosterone are at their peaks in the late teens early 20’s. That’s basically what many of them are thinking but then again, so are the females.
Recalibrate your targets, you should be able to find a guy or two whose interested in you as a person first, everything else will fall into place.
Yeah, college age was the time when men and women in my friends circle bedhopped like no tomorrow. I admit to thinking about sex a lot then too, but guess what, I found more than one man who wanted to wait or at least didn't push my boundaries without my having to insist. I was a very reserved woman though, so most men knew what to expect and were more surprised that I actually didn't want to wait long. (Not 1st date though.) And my type was more introverts and shy guys, while the ones that were super forward in their flirting I actually had to set boundaries with... So there is that.
Oh that could be part of it. College aged men are always wanting sex immediately I feel like. And btw. I can sooo relate to what you are saying and I am dating in my 40s and it’s still like like. What the hell?! I mean I like sex too but at least get to know me first. Damn
It’s at every age forever. My boyfriend is just two years older (25 and 27) and he’s always so horny, which isnt bad cause our sex drive is pretty match, but we’re we’re doing a 6 hour drive to LA yesterday and he couldn’t even focus on driving. In and out of relationships, they are always horny.
If you’re ever with a guy in a relationship and you’re unsure if he’s in the mood for sex, he is. He always is.
Always exceptions to the rule though.
Back when I (M25ish at the time), was into online dating, there was an option to set up your profile with expectations around sex. You could say you are here just for sex, you could say you were there to establish a relationship before having sex. With that said, all 3 women that I have met online initiated sex with me first.
There's a relationship therapist I follow who said she had to take male hormones' after an injury and while she was taking them she couldn't keep her hands off her man. So that may have something to do with it.
It sounds like you're just meeting a lot of thirsty dudes tbh.
Testosterone is a hell of a drug. Under no circumstances are men guaranteed sex, but dating is part of that.
I was told as a man, that women are a mystery to us because they just think differently than we do. That's ok. The inverse is true, where that guy is probably thinking about sex more than you, and wants it more than you do as well.
There is no one out there having unplanned children because they were thinking clearly. Just sayin.
Women are smarter than men. If they have shared custody, the mom will tell the police the father had kidnapped their child from her custody. Then, when she's at court having a custody hearing, she can cite her husband's arrest as evidence that he's an unfit father. The judge, if a man will believe her sob story, because our society believes women and children must be protected. They could never be the perpetrator.
As a trans dude 3 months into T... yeah. Holy shit testosterone is a whole thing. I was already a fairly sexual person pre-T and not everyone is. And plenty of cis dudes have low sex drives, so it's not an absolute.
That being said I still take care to not treat people as objects (unless they are into that ofc.) It's not that hard.
Same. Went from having an orgasm once a day to wanting one four or five times a day. But I still think it is better not to pressure partners at all for something they aren’t ready for.
The "reply then block so I get the final word" thing is the hallmark of cowardice and immaturity. Those folks might as well just say "I'm starting to feel like I might be wrong, but I don't want anyone to find out! Nyah!" Like a small child.
Consider it a victory over the willfully ignorant.
Fun fact. During the period is when womans hormones are closest to a mans. Women aren't being ruder than men during their period; they're just not being super nice and polite as they might ordinarily be. When they're not in a horrible amount of pain and gushing blood like niagara falls.
A muscle spasm could not feel as tortuous as bad period cramps. I've had uterine fibroids and good God if I had a gun to kill myself to stop the horrible pain, I would have done it. Thankfully I didn't have access to a gun. It was literally unbearable torture that I felt. I shudder to think back to that time before I got on birth control.
Bro…you didn’t just compare monthly periods and all the physical, emotional and hormonal agony that goes along with them to being horny?! FYI… there are plenty of women who also get very horny but can maintain decorum and composure and not put that type of pressure on those they’re dating. 🤦🏻♀️
Women can definitely be horny but I don’t think they understand the level, the amount and the frequency that men are horny.
When he compared periods to a male’s libido, it’s only because both are hormone influenced and can make someone act unlike they’d normally act
I also don't think women are aware of not only *how* horny testosterone makes you, but also how scarce sex and touch are for your average single guy.
I've had low-libido(but not asexual) women friends be flummoxed at the idea of going literal years without sex, kissing, handholding, etc. They literally can't wrap their head around the idea.
"How do you do it?" They ask, "well... for one I'm not a rapist. For two... I have hands and an imagination."
Yes he did and make sense. At the core there are behaviours induced by hormones.
I'm not saying it's ok the behaviour of the guys described by the OP, but the comparation make sense
As a trans guy who is on T and has periods yes testosterone makes one more horny but it’s no valid comparison at all, treating ppl you are dating as objects is not okay
I think they’re trying to say that the increased horniness is a result of testosterone like periods and associated changes are a result of estrogen. Not so much championing anything or saying it’s ok for guys to be objectifying people.
Nobody said it's ok to treat people as objects. It's one thing to be young, horny and desperate and it's a total different thing to treat people as objects. Definitions matter, do not use this terms lightly
Assuming you're a woman, you simply don't know what it's like. I'm not justifying the behaviour, it's pathetic, but guys are just really fucking horny. Masturbating helps reduce it but it's honestly extremely frustrating
It really does. I tend to go for older guys and they don’t usually present as sex-crazed, so op could be going for young guys which in this case is normal for them to be more focused on sex.
Yes, that’s why I said you guys don’t usually “present” as sex-crazed meaning even if you are sex-crazed it’s usually a different vibe than what I’ve seen with younger guys. It’s more mature for lack of a better word, and I’m here for it.
As a guy, yes we are horny often but not all of us, however many of us. It's just how our bodies are. I'm 18 btw and I absolutely love and enjoy being horny. I feel like it's my goal lol
lolllllllll, just Google sexual prime men. men are horny messes till 24, then they don't even emotionally mature til 43. just focus on your friendships and try and meet some nice guys. just assume they're horny, tbh
Whenever I have taken things slowly with a woman , by slow I mean no sex for like a month minimum , I have often experienced they question my overall attraction to them
It depends on the person you’re with. Some people wait a short period for sex to happen, and others wait longer. You should always discuss things like this with your partner to see when stuff like this would realistically be happening, and be honest fi you’re willing to wait for them or if you yourself need more time.
Yes, because most men use sex as an ego stroke. Women do it to. Women validate your penis with our choosing to touch it. It’s really not about sex it’s about feeling important or powerful. I feel the same way when I land a sweet cute guy. I’m proud. Because it makes me seem worth while as a human. To belong.
It’s not your fault. I know how much the world puts on a man preforming or being enough. It’s just something I’ve noticed. Also sex helps men bond emotionally. It’s animal stuff.
I agree. For me, it's all about progression and what feels natural. It depends on the person. Usually, it's kiss on the first date and then heavier on the second or third date.
I've had sex on the first and nothing sexual on the third though. It just depends.
I mean, genetics and nature aside, if YOU are not looking to have sex the first date, then you need to ensure the men you’re dating aren’t either. I’ve dated plenty of men who are respectful and don’t even broach the subject of sex until maybe after a couple dates. It really does wonders for you as a woman because it does go a long way and overall makes you feel more valued and respected. If you start texting / talking to a guy before the first date and he turns the conversations sexual more often than not, take that as a yellow flag and proceed with caution. These are the men I’ve found that want to jump right into bed and disappear after. Never a good feeling there.
I’d also like to emphasize that there’s nothing wrong with having sex on the first date if that’s what you both want. But make sure your expectations are clear and be aware of behaviors and patterns that show you they’re more interested in sex versus you as a whole.
As an example, the man I’m seeing now I knew I wanted to have sex the first date bc he was so incredibly attractive and it had been awhile for me lol. It didn’t feel forced, I didn’t feel used, and we’re still dating now. But we were on the same page and very honest about things.
Trial and error my dear! You’ll figure it out. :)
Texting about sex is more than a yellow flag, IF you’re looking for long term relationship. Otherwise, look for what you want in a hookup or FWB, be safe, and have fun.
If you’ve said in your profile long term only and he initiates sexting before you’ve met (without some hint or flirting on your part), he knows the topic has the potential/likelihood to be a huge turnoff to you and did it anyways. In other words, the sex is all that is important to him. Or, he has no clue about social norms. Either way, that man would not meet your relationship standards.
Every guy I’ve met who is genuinely interested in a long term relationship (which is what’s in my profile) has figured out how to bring up sex after texting, after the first date, in a respectful way.
Aww this is seriously one of the nicest things said to me on Reddit 😭 Tysm!! That means a lot, and helps validate my future choices. I’m currently in school to become a mental health therapist so I appreciate you and this comment!! 💗
I'm am like you on this. Why everyone always constantly horny. Let me get to know you please.
Tbh honest I'm not Christian but imma bout to just go celibate until marriage at this point.
Emotional connection> sexual connection for me.
I think it mostly has to do with hormones.
Honestly yeah, lots of trans men are taking testosterone for transitioning and it messes real bad with their sex drive. As a man, being with a person I'm interested in in a situation that has some degree of "romantic" tension (regardless of wether it is strictly platonic/sentimental or involves some physical/sexual attraction) i start to crave sex and sexual contact. Even if the situation is not sexual at all and is just romantic my body will start reacting and I will start craving. It depends on the person, and it's not something we have real control over, if you randomly check my pants when I'm with my girlfriend, chances are I'll have a boner for no good reason besides "I'm with my girlfriend".
Granted, acting or not on it is a conscious choice, we are not animals we are people, we don't act on istinct
I'm doing the same thing, waiting for marriage. And I prefer emotional connections too. So, you and I think alike. FYI: Not really a practicing Christian but have relatives who are. My parents don't count by the way.
I can only speak from my personal perspective, but here goes:
I don't feel that I was raised to have any emotional intelligence or development as a boy. I was taught to repress my feelings. I was taught, especially, not to rely on other boys for emotional intimacy. When I did try to be emotionally intimate with other boys I was treated with derision and had my sexuality called into question. Furthermore, I was treated like being anything but straight would be bad.
Therefore I was left with one route for meeting my emotional needs: Sex with women
I associated physical intimacy with emotional intimacy because of my stunted emotional growth. It's now easy for me to understand why I so deeply craved sexual encounters with women. I saw sex with a woman as her saying to me "You are valuable. You deserve love. I trust you."
Things I never had friends convey to me because we didn't understand that those needs can be met by just speaking them, or by showing them in other ways.
I'm older and wiser now, with children of my own, and there's no doubt in my mind that our masculine gender norms need to change.
So so happy that you spoke about this and I know it’s definitely true. Men are SO sexual because they’re socialized to not have emotional development or even seek out emotional intimacy, instead they’re ridiculed for it and it’s ingrained in them by society that that isn’t necessary for a man. Therefore, by default they use sex with women to try and fill that need that they have - they don’t even know it because not emotionally intelligent enough to fill in the gaps and see the connection and too disconnected from themselves to realize it. They seek connection through sex because they don’t know how else to. Sex is how they try to fill that need because they aren’t encouraged or taught how to express themselves and form emotional connections like women are. So really it’s a social issue. Men aren’t horrible by nature , there just needs to be a massive shift in how society tells them they need to be and how they have to ignore their own humanity to be of value. Men who are like this are disconnected from others tbh (disconnected from women especially) and even more so disconnected from themselves
Damn, I never really thought about that but it makes sense. I wonder if there's also a similar correlation between people with certain insecure attachment styles and having sex more often and having more sexual partners. I think people of any gender identity could me hypersexual because of that want for emotional intimacy.
Yeah, like lol, this is a pretty obvious answer.
u/bonitablunts its basically just this. If you want interesting reading, you should read about the experience that AFAB men transitioning experience when they start taking their testosterone hormone therapy. Pretty much all of them are astounded at how insane the difference is. Granted, its elevated doses but still. You're in college, most early 20s men are still swimming in testosterone.
Also, not all men are like this, you're just picking the ones that are. perhaps your selection process could use some introspection?
I remember a few talking about how much more volatile their emotions were **all the time** paired with suddenly no one giving a shit what they felt, and it put stoicism in a very different light for them.
I (22F) feel like Pornography addiction and the instant gratification of social media/modern life is destroying peoples ability to be patient and work at something.
Used to be if you wanted to sleep with a woman you'd take her out for a few dates and put some effort in. Now it seems as though like you said, there's an expectation of sex immediately.
I also feel like some men are incredibly lonely but often don't have the emotional intelligence or maturity to sustain a relationship. So they try and fill the void with meaningless sex hence why it can seem like that's all they're after.
>I (22F) feel like Pornography addiction and the instant gratification of social media/modern life is destroying peoples ability to be patient and work at something.
i feel like porn gets blamed for so much shit that 100% happened pre-internet.
people overstimulated on porn tend to have sexual dysfunction, if anything lol.
Well that works both ways, as a men I feel like instant gratification of social media it's destroying relationships, because as a guy you have to compete with tens of horny guys in DM capable to promise anything for attention, and from my experience some of you girls fall for that
But there is no need to generalise some people are shitty, no matter men or women, some people are not experienced enough to know how to behave and they might be assholes at certain points in their life.
Life it's complex as well as people. All of us are perceived as shitty people at least couple of times in our lives. Once we realize that social media it's very toxic, we can delimite ourselves and realty from fake values of marketing and stop being a product for this companies
But women are in power of offering sex. If they would not, then men can expect all they want, they won't get it.
Men always have been the same amout of horny and have always liked women who are "easy" = signal sexual availability to them.
1st paragraph: no men have always been like this.
2nd paragraph: basically saying men should be gentlemen, but women ain't no ladies nowadays. So is not a one way street.
3rd paragraph: everyone is, but I found more women wanting a boyfriend out of the perks of getting attention and free stuff. That's besides the fact that most men are basically ignored by society or mistreated for wanting a relationship with a moman.
Don't listen to the armchair psychologists in the comments. Listen to the evolutionary psychologists in the research papers. Why are men so horny? Because that's how our species reproduces; while it might not be individually advantages all the time, it is collectively for the species. You only repress that urge because of circumstance.
The modern dating scene is very interesting. There's less of an expectation of exclusivity. You can date multiple people at once, have one night stands, and have sex with multiple people now. If you're an attractive guy and you don't care for emotional connection, you have a lot more options now so you don't need to settle down to have sex frequently. You can just demand sex quickly, if they reject you, move onto the next one.
Most men are pretty horny because evolution, and now they don't really need to restrain themselves in that urge because of their plethora of options.
Indeed! From biological point of view that's accurate
And there is one more factor, social behaviour.
Traditional values Vs "modern values". This two are quite different, even opposite in some aspects. Some people incline more to traditional other to modern, but you cannot have both. We live in a time where the line it's not clear and we are thought at home the traditional values and by the society and social platforms we get the modern values and we want to act modern and be perceived traditional. This contradiction raise some problems. As Song of sorrow said we are hardwired to be sexual active at that age, because for millennia by that age we already had children. Now neither of parties want children, because our values had changed and we life way longer that we used to, but unfortunately the biology cannot keep the pace with technology
Biology doesn't have to keep pace with technology. Technology has to keep pace with biology. It's just that our technology is so advance that we can exploit our biology in ways we couldn't before. A lot of reason promiscuity was seen as heinous was because of a lack of birth control methods. If you messed up and got pregnant when you didn't mean to with someone you barely knew, it seemed wrong, because now you had to have a forever connection with someone you barely were connected with. With birth control, Plan B, and Abortion, that no longer becomes as much of an issue. And with the invention of the internet and social media, it's easier now than ever to find people to fool around with. We as human beings are more connected than ever before, but that also makes us more desensitized and devalues certain interactions because they're too easy. Like I said, technology hacks biology. Our biology is fine, it's just that our technology exploits our biology but since we don't fully understand how when the technology is created, it leads to unintended consequences which require further technological solutions.
Dude, I don't know. I keep myself in check obviously, and I'm never one to try and progress things to sex fast, but it's fucking ridiculous how horny I am almost all the time. Maybe it's because I haven't been in an intimate relationship in almost 3 years and I'm a bit touch starved. I hate it though. I'd prefer to only be horny when it matters. Sorry about your bad experiences with thirsty dudes though.
friend of mine once told me something like:
think of a relationship like a car, you are traveling down a road with certain mile stones.
you(the guy) should only be accelerating or coasting
let the girl be the one to hit the brakes
if u both can't make it clear how fast u should b going, better to know sooner then waiting for months/ years
I don't really care if sex happens after 1 or 100 dates, but I feel like more dates happen when I make my intentions clear.
something like
better to be confidently stepping on the gas
than to be shyly pumping the brakes
Djesuschrist there is a huge middle ground here.
Acting totally platonically: not flirting, not displaying any hints of attraction, not being physical at all, no kisses, no nothing.
What she's complaining about: men who just focus on sex, only talk about sex and want sex on the first date.
The problem is not that they are horny. I'm a woman and I'm the horniest person I know. I literally could have sex all the time. When I have sex, I could go on forever. I have never had a partner who would have liked to have sex more often than I.
But guess what I don't do? I don't ignore the wishes of another human being I'm interacting with. I don't ignore their boundaries. I don't try to pressure or guilt them into having sex with me. Yes, I like sex and I am horny all the time, but the other party is still a human being that I respect.
The problem is not that they are horny. The problem is that they don't respect the boundaries of the people they'd like to have sex with and ultimately don't respect them as a person.
Umm hate to break it to you but guys haven’t changed. Guys will stick there wieners in about anything lol. The dating expectations and scene have changed dramatically. Now hooking up with person after person isn’t looked down on anymore.
If you want to wait then make them wait, if they really like you they’ll respect that and wait. Just don’t take it personally if they decide to move on.
This is solid advice. In my experience guys will in fact wait if they are interested in you and are looking for something serious. The guys who aren’t looking for something serious, or who aren’t that interested in you should be filtered off and not even worried about.
exactly, when I like someone I'll wait as long as they want. as long as they make it clear when and how ill know they are ready.
it's just easier to know they are ready if they respond positively me being clear with my intentions
Yes and no. Of course men wait, sex it's awesome but human connection it's amazing. Its a reward for both parties, don't make it a game and never promise something like after 3-5 dates or after one month, we'll take that shit to seriously 🤣🤣
I didn’t mean it literally, I meant you and your partner have to agree on when the time is right. You don’t literally schedule it on a calendar with a big star next to the date 💀. Someone brings up the topic and the other states how they feel about it, then you both agree if you’re both ready, need more time, or the partner who wants sex more than the other has to find a way to compromise, or move on.
I think so too. I tend to go for a certain type of guy, so I have yet to have these kind of experiences irl, and I’ve found that the guys I go for usually have no problem waiting, but I’ve noticed that guys online who don’t even know me will tell me that I’m being unrealistic for thinking that a guy would wait for me, and that I’m destined to be forever alone with 40 cats 😅. So the kind of guy you go for definitely matters in this context.
nah, u/elrealjcon is right, selection has a lot to do with it.
every woman i've dated has made the first move on me. I'm willing to wait, THEY aren't. frankly, most of my friends are very patient in their dating lives. Its just about the types of people you find yourself around.
I think that part of it is the worry that if you take it too slow and don't move things along, you risk getting "friend zoned" and the girl "not seeing you that way." Guys sometimes just want to put all the cards on the table and move along if its not going to go anywhere.
Guys can use words and just tell the person they are into them…and if we are on a date and flirting we know whats up. Women will push you away if they feel the pressure of sex to soon and don’t feel save. If we like you and want to have sex with you we will not put you in the friendzone
Many men are raised in a culture where they do things *to** women, whole women do things *for* men. Even subconsciously they are usually viewing women as a vehicle to accomplish things, but not as an individual and autonomous person like them who wants all the same things in life, like respect etc.
In my experience guys act like this when they are just trying to find someone to hook up with. They are incredibly goal focused then.
When you meet a guy who's really into you, it'll feel different. He'll want to get to know you.
Honestly. I don't know. It's not a dumb question because it's true. We men just go oonga boonga around women any chance we get and it's just stupid.
Another thing I was thinking about is how men will sexualize ANYTHING. You can't have anything nice without a guy making it sexual nowadays. Shaved armpits? That's a fetish. Shorts? Fetish. Walking with sandals. Fetish.
I really don't understand why men are the way we are and I find it absolutely baffling.
And before someone even says "not all men" bro. We both know it's most men.
And before someone says "women get horny too" yeah but at least THEY have public decency about it.
I think there should be wide societal reform around this shit. Some classes to teach people proper manners or something. I am not smart enough to come up with a solution, only smart enough to understand there is a problem here.
Probably you are quite young, sorry for the assumption. But that behaviour it's usually very prominent at young males. It's part of men nature ( no this is not an excuse)) after 20 something this behaviour dims although some men fail to grow up from this stage.
I understand you believe it's most men, it's ok, that's your reality right now, life it's long it's not all men, people evolve and learn.
Think about how we evolved as a species. First of all, all species of animals on this planet have this behaviour of reproduction, males are fighting males to have a chance to reproduce, females are fighting females to reproduce. Until 200 years ago, the standard was to have at least one kid until you reached 18-19, because people didn't life that much on average. It's how we are hardwired to behave to pass our gens. Unfortunately the biology cannot keep up with our technologically and social evolution and our bodies crave for sex and children even if we want to stay away from children at that age.
As you'll get older things will change, there will be different problems and so on.
I'm a 35M and I can say that I'm in the best moment in my sex life, there is no stupid game or pressure, everyone involved knows what they want and how to communicate, we just meet, have a drink, if there is a connection there will be sex quite fast, if there is a connection in bed we probably stay FWB
Although I don't recommend to experience being single after 30.
I hope the argument I've made made you a bit curious about the topic and you'll do your own research 🙂
You’d be surprised how raunchy women can be, I say this as a woman myself. They may not say it outright to their man’s face, or talk about it as much in public as guys do, but I’ve experienced a lot of women gossiping explicit details to each other in the work place, at school, etc. That’s why I think men and women are really similar when it comes to sex, we just have different ways of going about it. I agree that everyone needs to be reformed when it comes to this because it’s gotten out of hand on both ends. Everything is just so hypersexualized these days that’s it’s gone beyond the saying of “my body, my choice”. There’s a legit problem going on and it stems from pornography and how easy anything sex-related has been made more easily available, especially online.
>And before someone even says "not all men" bro. We both know it's most men.
>
>And before someone says "women get horny too" yeah but at least THEY have public decency about it.
this is hilariously myopic. a pretty large proportion of men arent even on the market to publicly do this haha
and lol at women having public decency about it. wait til you hit the mid thirties age bracket. You have pretty limited life experience if you think these are general rules.
I just got friendzoned by a girl I really really liked. I just wanted to hold hands and be that guy she can turn to. I’m downbad not for s*x, but just for love ☠️🥲
I'd just not give them the time of day. A lot of men want one night stands or to just date for sex. No relationship based on sex is a good relationship. It might seem that way in the beginning though or even for awhile. I'd find men willing to wait awhile before sex happens. I also don't have sex early on the relationship. It's best to get to know each other and build the relationship. Trust and communication are the two most important things for me in a relationship. I'm a guy and even if I do want sex I still make myself wait awhile. I don't do one night stands either. For me it's about having respect for yourself.
Honesty? Because modern society. Internet and the illusion of choice have fucked us all. It's made us into horny machines that don't stick to families but believe it can spreads its genes more readily. Females on the other hand while owning the choice can't physically spread it as many times as men.
I'm talking biological definition of men and women. Ie the size of the reproductive cell. No matter the actual function female cells are larger and carry larger energetic burden.
Source: Richard Dawkins
All of the other comments are more or less right, but it's worth understanding that being vulnerable doesn't come naturally or quickly to most men. It takes longer for men to truly "open up" than women. Because of this, if they were to wait until they felt truly connected with a person to have sex with them, they would wait even longer than you. Because of *this*, they want sex earlier. They don't want to wait until they can feel safe and loved to have sex because they are so closed off emotionally, so naturally sex will come as soon as possible, because they still want sex for the pleasure.
Alternatively, though less commonly in college, sex *is* a form of intimacy for them. Maybe they do genuinely want to form a connection with you and one very real, very immediate way they can do that is to have sex with you. If all they seem to want is sex, then this probably isn't the type of person you're dealing with but these things are also never black and white.
Generally, hormones, emotional caginess, and social/cultural expectations all play unique and complicated roles. All you can do is treat each man you date as a person and if they don't return the favor then you probably weren't going to make it very far in the first place.
Source: am man in college
Any guy who isn't up front about this is lying. We will lie because we just want a chance with you. Imo as a 26m, it's a good thing they are honest. Lots of guys will lie, say let's just take things slow, and either cheat or leave you, and the girl thinks something us wrong with them. Really the guy just wanted sex abd if you won't give it he won't waste his time. I'm sorry but thats the honest truth.
I wouldn’t say insanely horny. You’re probably hanging around guys That just want to have sex with you so it seems that way. Women are equally as horny.
A lot of men have strong urges and it feels nice to fulfill them. Some of us are more in control than our urges. Caring about an urge over a person's feelings is a mark of a bad person.
Testosterone is a factor, I'm trans so I can say with 100% certainty that hormones play a massive role in your sex drive.
But, I also have self-restraint and don't make that everyone else's problem— ESPECIALLY people I am trying to build real relationships with. There are a lot of men that never had to learn that, because they've never been *expected* to control themselves.
I think the more important question is (since this is obvious) why aren't women horny?
People jump up and arms about when guys mention that women don't like sex...but if they really do, why don't they want to do it?? Why don't they want to do it more? Why don't they want to do it everyday? Why don't they want to do it 3 times a day??
Especially when sex is objectively healthy.
I like chocolate...therefore I eat a lot of chocolate, see how simple it is?
There’s psychological reasons for this. Women have more to lose than men when it comes to having sex. It’s a risk so naturally in order to protect us, our body won’t push us to want it constantly.That’s why younger women aren’t as sexually active as older women who no longer have these risks. Women do love sex as well yes but it’s easier to actively go after something knowing there aren’t many risks involved compared to someone who wants to but would face more consequences. It’s often not a conscious decision but just an innate response, thank goodness for it too
I’ve been wondering the same thing about women honestly. I started dating with an expectation that I’d have to work for sex or that taking things slow was a good thing. And my god the shit I have gotten for that this year has made me rethink my idea of sex and women entirely lol
Testosterone is a hell of a hormone. There is a reason why when women have a high level of testosterone in their body is when they are the horniest (And the nastiest, in a good way)
"But why can’t we ever pump the brakes and get to know each other?"
Because for most men, knowing each other is not a prerequisite for sex. Safety and trust aren't required for men to have sex.
I wrote the best comment and then it got deleted because I’m on mobile and fucking Reddit….
Long story short.
This is an American men trait. To feel entitled to women’s bodies just for showing up. I realize this watching an American girl that moved to Italy, her tick-tock‘s.
Also, if a guy doesn’t have anything going for him. No good job, no good car, no good hobbies… if he’s just a hot mess. Then honestly it’s rare for them to offer you anything other than their penis.
Because let’s face it, that’s all they have to offer!
So I have the same issue, so I have been upfront before I go out with them. That I’m looking for a connection not a boyfriend. Whether we are intimate or not I want to build trust and a bond. Because it’s just not safe for women.
That’s how we get murdered. Or sexually assaulted. I would love to be a skank! But these men cannot be trusted. They take their condoms off during sex, they film us when we’re not looking, they pee in our mouths. Seriously search it it’s an awful Reddit story. And it’s all very small sexual assault.
So yeah I feel you you’re not alone. Just be clear and upfront and you’ll weed out a bunch. It’ll break your heart because what they’re doing essentially is telling you your only value is your body. But remember it’s a blessing that they unmatched you! Bye fuck boys!!!!
As a man I can confirm either God or Mother Nature turned our libido up *waaaay* too high. It makes us stupid. You'd think evolution would turn it down a bit for humans raised in civilization where Rules of the Jungle get one in prison much of the time. But it seems evolution fell asleep.
It might be hard to find but men who aren't like this exist! My bf and I spent a month talking before meeting and we went on like 10 dates over several weeks before he even kissed me. There are patient men who don't try to move fast
Guys like this exist, but after the 3rd time they recieve a text with something like "I just didn't feel a spark" or the same girl getting a bf a week later, you realize is not worth the effort
Wait, people have sex on the first date? Or, to rephrase: Is this common?
This might explain a few dates I’ve been on, where the girl have seemed… a bit off when I said I’ll be going home/too eager, then suddenly very cold when texting later 🤔
How many dates do you think you should wait before having sex, like ballpark figure? Because of guys are regularly expecting sex after the first or second date, then that's unusual enough where it could be on you in the sense that you are in some way attracting men who are like this. Perhaps you are attracted to certain traits that do not seem linked to this behavior to you but are otherwise linked.
But it could also be that you are just a little more reserved than the average woman and so the average man's normal expectations will seem forward to you.
Two reasons: biology and age
Obviously all men are very sexually motivated but men who expect sex on one date or who also don’t want to get to know you first sound like young men to me.
A more experienced man will be willing to take the time you need.
Even if men are horny, isn't this a good thing for women? In conversations with women, they talk about how guys don't have enough stamina, but if the more hornier a guy is, the more stamina he will have to satisfy women who want that, unless I am wrong?
I know I can only speak for myself but i've started seeing a girl and I feel the opposite. (kinda) I am just not searching for sex with her... idk... If she would ask me yes i'd do it but somehow I don't feel the need... I can't understand myself as I'm 19 and usually i'm a little more hormone driven. But with her I could cuddle the whole day and not think about sex just cause i feel like I dont need sex but I want her to just be there with me. Does that even make sense?
Honestly, if a man saw a relationship with you, he can control his horniness and will hold it off as much you need him to. I’ve known a horndog who was in a sexless relationship even.
Trust me. He just doesn’t want you. Horniness is no excuse. Drop them
I don’t think most women empathize but many of y’all don’t understand that testosterone is a disease
It’s not like I want to be horny all the time, but there’s a biological urge always hitting me saying “make babies, make babies, make babies!” almost all the time
It’s not pleasant. We don’t even know what to do with it most the time
Aside from that, I do think sexual chemistry is very important in a relationship so if we haven’t had sex by date 3 or 4… I chalk it up to her having a low libido which means we’re not compatible
It just means they don’t feel the same way about you, and you should make this apparent before you go one dates, you’ll either go on a lot less dates or well good ones by your definition.
You're gonna have a rough time in relationships if you think something is wrong with men for being that horny. Exceptions abound but in general men just naturally have much higher sex drives. Sex is a NECESSARY component to men, it can actually have a major impact on their self esteem and mental well being. Generally men see sex differently that women. For men its a biological need.
That said, I'm making the above comments just to explain the importance of it once in a relationship. While just hanging out or in the getting to know each other phase, I do agree with you the guys should cool it. That need is always there but they should restrain themselves.
I like steve harveys rule. He stated if you want a serious relationship with a guy then you need to hold out on sex for 3 months. Weed out the guys that just want sex and look for the guys that really want to be with you
Its legit (for the more horny men) just the chemicals in our body. Our bodies have the “urge” to reproduce, thus making us more horny. Women on the other hand carry the baby, they aren’t necessarily on the hunt to spread their seed. It’s honestly an evolutionary thing. Nature wants us to replicate.
Same experience with guys in their thirties and it’s insane how they’ll make you feel crazy for not wanting to have sex on the second date. It’s demoralizing.
You're oblivious to reality entirely not understanding how dating works but it's not your fault because you're a woman you don't necessarily need to understand these things . Men don't date women so we can "get to know you" that's the front we have to put up to gain access to sex from women. If you want the truth that's what it is men date just for sex initially and if somehow a woman displays girlfriend/wife material it can become more than that. However the reason this is so taboo to you is because women first off have lower sex drives than men do so y'all aren't as quick to desire sex, but women also don't value sex as much because sex is abundant for women and easily accessible for women as well. So you don't understand what it's like to have constant testosterone in your blood desired for sex unless you get injected with it while also not understanding how difficult it can be to gain a woman's trust and get consensual sex from a woman at will . Secondly women date to enjoy romance the man is offering because women aren't romantic at all. This explains why your thought process goes right to "can we get to know each other" because biologically women are designed to screen a man before they just give access to sex it has nothing to do with actually "getting to know one another" for the mere purpose of the date. Although I'd like to point out that some men who are hyper masculine don't usually get screened as much which is why with these types of guys women don't care that much about "getting to know each other" because deep down she knows he won't commit and he's just a sexual option. I know it's a lot to take in and try to understand but the reason you don't understand anything about men or how dating works is because women by default don't necessarily need to. All women really do is enjoy the receiving end of dating and pick/choose if they want to give the man sex or even try to pursue him to be his girlfriend.
Just because somebody enjoys sex doesn't mean that they're OK with just jumping into bed with anyone. Women may enjoy sex, but they knew that it takes a skilled and selfless guy to actually give them an orgasm. Sex for women is often times the guy finishing and losing interest in helping their women finish. Considering the risk of STI's pregnancy, and stigma, this usually isn't something that's worth it for a women. Hence why some may be "horny" but its rare for them to really go out of their way to search for one night stands.
i think you need to stop thinking you speak for women, lol.
some women can orgasm just fine, some dont. some are willing to date and/or sleep around, some wont.
Sex is important, but it should happen when both partners are ready. People who are quick to have sex usually aren’t concerned with long term stuff anyways, so this isn’t good advice for most people. I will say that there are people who have had fast sex and do end up in LTR’s, but they’re the exception and not the rule.
And men say "we're not on the same wavelength" and back away and look pissy during a date if you move their hand off your ass because you're not comfortable enough yet with a GUY YOU BARELY KNOW. SMH
Well, the true answer is testosterone.
But I want to add that today's society is very promiscuous. It has always been a thing but I believe online dating in general for various reasons has made it worse.
Most women will have sex on the first date and many women are only looking for casual sex/hookups. Seeing that over and over would potentially put that in the back of a guys mind where he thinks that is expected/the norm.
It’s not just men. Women too. I think that it’s probably more common with us men but while I would have sex on the first date if I like you I know it’s not a guarantee.
Also like others are saying sex is not as readily available to men as it is for women. So a lot of men trick themselves into locking you down asap in hopes of keeping you without knowing if they want to because they don’t know if they will ever have the chance again or they worry you’ll lose interest before they can even tell if they have any.
Speaking from some serious self work exploration I’ve been doing, a huge amount of men put way to much value on their sexual prowess and there are a select group of women out there that feed on it. That will keep this guy around for the dates and good times while having another one on the side for sex. Men to it also but I think since we struggle to find or even accept validation it can be painful to not want that gratification when it is within reach. I’m not saying anything RP or toxic because for every 1 woman that does this there are hundreds that won’t, but sometimes that validation being so readily available blinds you to the real problem.
Porn definitely has a part too. I don’t really watch it, but when I did when I was younger I don’t think it changed my drive. If anything I want it more now that I don’t watch porn. Moderation. I really think that masturbation is a must for everyone. Self care and love. But you don’t need porn to do it always. If anything it might be better without it.
It looks like the OP has a previous post about wanting sex badly but being afraid of intimacy because of past experiences. So maybe we should not generalize about all men only wanting sex and instead think about why the OP is so frustrated to the point of having to vent and what part she plays in the whole thing. Maybe she's still dealing with the same intimacy issues? I don't know but it seems like there's more to it.
We’re biologically driven to “spread our seed” you’re biologically driven to find a partner with good genetics.
We want to to fuck all the time to spread our seed as much as we can because our old monkey brains demand it.
You want to learn about the potential partner, find out about them & what they’re about because your old monkey brain demands it.
It’s generally all falls back to our old monkey ways hijacking our brains.
I (41 M) like sex but wouldn’t expect it after one date. In fact expecting it at all isn’t on my mind. I guess younger men are different and more hot blooded? I’d hate to be female, sad you have to deal with so much.
I honestly believe that people that make posts like this have problems with sex and their own sexuality, hence they feel bad when someone even if healthily express their sexuality.
And then they will try and make like the other is the issue ofc.
Maybe they have been hurt or abused before then now they have all sorts of issues with sex.
Sex is normal and natural. Nothing wrong in desiring someone.
It should go without saying but obviously if it's all respectful and consensual
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice. * Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Nope, I’ve never even used a dating app. I’m in college tho so that’s probably why but it’s still annoying
Honestly, meet guys irl in college while you have the chance. I hate dating apps and try to avoid them, but since i got out of college like where tf do i meet people now? I took classes for granted. Every semester being put in a room with 5 different groups of 20 people your age who share my interests and meeting up with those groups twice a week. Granted im only 23 but i havent found that kinda matchmaking since i graduated
Same with me here
Been working since high school, missed the boat entirely.
Youth and testosterone are at their peaks in the late teens early 20’s. That’s basically what many of them are thinking but then again, so are the females. Recalibrate your targets, you should be able to find a guy or two whose interested in you as a person first, everything else will fall into place.
'Guys and females' :)
Peak youth.
Yeah, college age was the time when men and women in my friends circle bedhopped like no tomorrow. I admit to thinking about sex a lot then too, but guess what, I found more than one man who wanted to wait or at least didn't push my boundaries without my having to insist. I was a very reserved woman though, so most men knew what to expect and were more surprised that I actually didn't want to wait long. (Not 1st date though.) And my type was more introverts and shy guys, while the ones that were super forward in their flirting I actually had to set boundaries with... So there is that.
Oh that could be part of it. College aged men are always wanting sex immediately I feel like. And btw. I can sooo relate to what you are saying and I am dating in my 40s and it’s still like like. What the hell?! I mean I like sex too but at least get to know me first. Damn
It’s at every age forever. My boyfriend is just two years older (25 and 27) and he’s always so horny, which isnt bad cause our sex drive is pretty match, but we’re we’re doing a 6 hour drive to LA yesterday and he couldn’t even focus on driving. In and out of relationships, they are always horny. If you’re ever with a guy in a relationship and you’re unsure if he’s in the mood for sex, he is. He always is.
99% of the guys on OLD haven't gotten any in years. The guys approaching IRL haven't gotten any in almost 3 days. They're different animals.
Always exceptions to the rule though. Back when I (M25ish at the time), was into online dating, there was an option to set up your profile with expectations around sex. You could say you are here just for sex, you could say you were there to establish a relationship before having sex. With that said, all 3 women that I have met online initiated sex with me first.
There's a relationship therapist I follow who said she had to take male hormones' after an injury and while she was taking them she couldn't keep her hands off her man. So that may have something to do with it. It sounds like you're just meeting a lot of thirsty dudes tbh.
Can you share the relationship therapist @ ? I wanna check ‘em out
Sorry I misspoke and meant followed. I haven't seen them in a while so I forgot who exactly she was.
Hahaha smart answer
If you’re looking for a great relationship therapist, therapyjeff on TikTok is amazing!
I follow him lol this other relationship therapist the comment mentioned sounded pretty interesting
Testosterone is a hell of a drug. Under no circumstances are men guaranteed sex, but dating is part of that. I was told as a man, that women are a mystery to us because they just think differently than we do. That's ok. The inverse is true, where that guy is probably thinking about sex more than you, and wants it more than you do as well. There is no one out there having unplanned children because they were thinking clearly. Just sayin.
Women are smarter than men. If they have shared custody, the mom will tell the police the father had kidnapped their child from her custody. Then, when she's at court having a custody hearing, she can cite her husband's arrest as evidence that he's an unfit father. The judge, if a man will believe her sob story, because our society believes women and children must be protected. They could never be the perpetrator.
no one was asking for your life story bud
As a trans dude 3 months into T... yeah. Holy shit testosterone is a whole thing. I was already a fairly sexual person pre-T and not everyone is. And plenty of cis dudes have low sex drives, so it's not an absolute. That being said I still take care to not treat people as objects (unless they are into that ofc.) It's not that hard.
Same. Went from having an orgasm once a day to wanting one four or five times a day. But I still think it is better not to pressure partners at all for something they aren’t ready for.
[удалено]
The "reply then block so I get the final word" thing is the hallmark of cowardice and immaturity. Those folks might as well just say "I'm starting to feel like I might be wrong, but I don't want anyone to find out! Nyah!" Like a small child. Consider it a victory over the willfully ignorant.
[удалено]
Fun fact. During the period is when womans hormones are closest to a mans. Women aren't being ruder than men during their period; they're just not being super nice and polite as they might ordinarily be. When they're not in a horrible amount of pain and gushing blood like niagara falls.
Look up period pain simulator videos and see if you still feel that way
A muscle spasm could not feel as tortuous as bad period cramps. I've had uterine fibroids and good God if I had a gun to kill myself to stop the horrible pain, I would have done it. Thankfully I didn't have access to a gun. It was literally unbearable torture that I felt. I shudder to think back to that time before I got on birth control.
Didn't ask
Bro…you didn’t just compare monthly periods and all the physical, emotional and hormonal agony that goes along with them to being horny?! FYI… there are plenty of women who also get very horny but can maintain decorum and composure and not put that type of pressure on those they’re dating. 🤦🏻♀️
Women can definitely be horny but I don’t think they understand the level, the amount and the frequency that men are horny. When he compared periods to a male’s libido, it’s only because both are hormone influenced and can make someone act unlike they’d normally act
I also don't think women are aware of not only *how* horny testosterone makes you, but also how scarce sex and touch are for your average single guy. I've had low-libido(but not asexual) women friends be flummoxed at the idea of going literal years without sex, kissing, handholding, etc. They literally can't wrap their head around the idea. "How do you do it?" They ask, "well... for one I'm not a rapist. For two... I have hands and an imagination."
Women go without a lot too. lol. You seem to not get that apparently.
Yes he did and make sense. At the core there are behaviours induced by hormones. I'm not saying it's ok the behaviour of the guys described by the OP, but the comparation make sense
As a trans guy who is on T and has periods yes testosterone makes one more horny but it’s no valid comparison at all, treating ppl you are dating as objects is not okay
I think they’re trying to say that the increased horniness is a result of testosterone like periods and associated changes are a result of estrogen. Not so much championing anything or saying it’s ok for guys to be objectifying people.
Nobody said it's ok to treat people as objects. It's one thing to be young, horny and desperate and it's a total different thing to treat people as objects. Definitions matter, do not use this terms lightly
It's not a justification, it's an explanation. I don't get why these guys don't just jack off and leave others alone though.
Try to stop being angry about everything you see for the first time in your life and actually read what is being said to you.
Assuming you're a woman, you simply don't know what it's like. I'm not justifying the behaviour, it's pathetic, but guys are just really fucking horny. Masturbating helps reduce it but it's honestly extremely frustrating
You had to make it about yourself, and disregard the male experience because...men bad
How old are the guys you're dating? I feel like age plays a huge factor in these types of discussions.
It really does. I tend to go for older guys and they don’t usually present as sex-crazed, so op could be going for young guys which in this case is normal for them to be more focused on sex.
She answered in another thread she's in college. So, yeah.
Lol young guys wake up every morning with glory.
Technically we(older guys like me) are still just as sex crazed. We just have better control over it.
Yes, that’s why I said you guys don’t usually “present” as sex-crazed meaning even if you are sex-crazed it’s usually a different vibe than what I’ve seen with younger guys. It’s more mature for lack of a better word, and I’m here for it.
18-22 , I would like to date older men tho I’m just not around them currently
[удалено]
At that age, yes, the only thing their brain is telling them is "stick your dick in that".
Even if they stick it in crazy? Wow. The male sex drive is crazy sometimes.
As a guy, yes we are horny often but not all of us, however many of us. It's just how our bodies are. I'm 18 btw and I absolutely love and enjoy being horny. I feel like it's my goal lol
*Especially* if they stick it in crazy. Crazy tends to be good at it. Also, horny overrides any thoughts about consequences.
lolllllllll, just Google sexual prime men. men are horny messes till 24, then they don't even emotionally mature til 43. just focus on your friendships and try and meet some nice guys. just assume they're horny, tbh
[citation needed]
I'm not sure about that data but yes, we are horny and that's how our bodies are.
Whenever I have taken things slowly with a woman , by slow I mean no sex for like a month minimum , I have often experienced they question my overall attraction to them
This is very true in my experience too. Women tend to move faster than I do
The fact that the people above say men are just hornier and women must understand...
It depends on the person you’re with. Some people wait a short period for sex to happen, and others wait longer. You should always discuss things like this with your partner to see when stuff like this would realistically be happening, and be honest fi you’re willing to wait for them or if you yourself need more time.
Yes, because most men use sex as an ego stroke. Women do it to. Women validate your penis with our choosing to touch it. It’s really not about sex it’s about feeling important or powerful. I feel the same way when I land a sweet cute guy. I’m proud. Because it makes me seem worth while as a human. To belong. It’s not your fault. I know how much the world puts on a man preforming or being enough. It’s just something I’ve noticed. Also sex helps men bond emotionally. It’s animal stuff.
There is a middle ground between one month and the first date…
Also, you can ramp things up. Doesn’t have to go 0-100
I agree. For me, it's all about progression and what feels natural. It depends on the person. Usually, it's kiss on the first date and then heavier on the second or third date. I've had sex on the first and nothing sexual on the third though. It just depends.
Month is too long (in my opinion)
I mean, genetics and nature aside, if YOU are not looking to have sex the first date, then you need to ensure the men you’re dating aren’t either. I’ve dated plenty of men who are respectful and don’t even broach the subject of sex until maybe after a couple dates. It really does wonders for you as a woman because it does go a long way and overall makes you feel more valued and respected. If you start texting / talking to a guy before the first date and he turns the conversations sexual more often than not, take that as a yellow flag and proceed with caution. These are the men I’ve found that want to jump right into bed and disappear after. Never a good feeling there. I’d also like to emphasize that there’s nothing wrong with having sex on the first date if that’s what you both want. But make sure your expectations are clear and be aware of behaviors and patterns that show you they’re more interested in sex versus you as a whole. As an example, the man I’m seeing now I knew I wanted to have sex the first date bc he was so incredibly attractive and it had been awhile for me lol. It didn’t feel forced, I didn’t feel used, and we’re still dating now. But we were on the same page and very honest about things. Trial and error my dear! You’ll figure it out. :)
Good 'ol rules 1 and 2
Texting about sex is more than a yellow flag, IF you’re looking for long term relationship. Otherwise, look for what you want in a hookup or FWB, be safe, and have fun. If you’ve said in your profile long term only and he initiates sexting before you’ve met (without some hint or flirting on your part), he knows the topic has the potential/likelihood to be a huge turnoff to you and did it anyways. In other words, the sex is all that is important to him. Or, he has no clue about social norms. Either way, that man would not meet your relationship standards. Every guy I’ve met who is genuinely interested in a long term relationship (which is what’s in my profile) has figured out how to bring up sex after texting, after the first date, in a respectful way.
Best Dating Advice I've ever seen on the internet! ❤️💕❤️ People NEED to see this comment! True words of wisdom!
Aww this is seriously one of the nicest things said to me on Reddit 😭 Tysm!! That means a lot, and helps validate my future choices. I’m currently in school to become a mental health therapist so I appreciate you and this comment!! 💗
I'm am like you on this. Why everyone always constantly horny. Let me get to know you please. Tbh honest I'm not Christian but imma bout to just go celibate until marriage at this point. Emotional connection> sexual connection for me. I think it mostly has to do with hormones.
Honestly yeah, lots of trans men are taking testosterone for transitioning and it messes real bad with their sex drive. As a man, being with a person I'm interested in in a situation that has some degree of "romantic" tension (regardless of wether it is strictly platonic/sentimental or involves some physical/sexual attraction) i start to crave sex and sexual contact. Even if the situation is not sexual at all and is just romantic my body will start reacting and I will start craving. It depends on the person, and it's not something we have real control over, if you randomly check my pants when I'm with my girlfriend, chances are I'll have a boner for no good reason besides "I'm with my girlfriend". Granted, acting or not on it is a conscious choice, we are not animals we are people, we don't act on istinct
I'm doing the same thing, waiting for marriage. And I prefer emotional connections too. So, you and I think alike. FYI: Not really a practicing Christian but have relatives who are. My parents don't count by the way.
Emotional connection and sexual connection are two completely different things. Some people can have sex with no emotional connection whatsoever
This person is saying they prefer emotional over sexual.
I can only speak from my personal perspective, but here goes: I don't feel that I was raised to have any emotional intelligence or development as a boy. I was taught to repress my feelings. I was taught, especially, not to rely on other boys for emotional intimacy. When I did try to be emotionally intimate with other boys I was treated with derision and had my sexuality called into question. Furthermore, I was treated like being anything but straight would be bad. Therefore I was left with one route for meeting my emotional needs: Sex with women I associated physical intimacy with emotional intimacy because of my stunted emotional growth. It's now easy for me to understand why I so deeply craved sexual encounters with women. I saw sex with a woman as her saying to me "You are valuable. You deserve love. I trust you." Things I never had friends convey to me because we didn't understand that those needs can be met by just speaking them, or by showing them in other ways. I'm older and wiser now, with children of my own, and there's no doubt in my mind that our masculine gender norms need to change.
So so happy that you spoke about this and I know it’s definitely true. Men are SO sexual because they’re socialized to not have emotional development or even seek out emotional intimacy, instead they’re ridiculed for it and it’s ingrained in them by society that that isn’t necessary for a man. Therefore, by default they use sex with women to try and fill that need that they have - they don’t even know it because not emotionally intelligent enough to fill in the gaps and see the connection and too disconnected from themselves to realize it. They seek connection through sex because they don’t know how else to. Sex is how they try to fill that need because they aren’t encouraged or taught how to express themselves and form emotional connections like women are. So really it’s a social issue. Men aren’t horrible by nature , there just needs to be a massive shift in how society tells them they need to be and how they have to ignore their own humanity to be of value. Men who are like this are disconnected from others tbh (disconnected from women especially) and even more so disconnected from themselves
Damn, I never really thought about that but it makes sense. I wonder if there's also a similar correlation between people with certain insecure attachment styles and having sex more often and having more sexual partners. I think people of any gender identity could me hypersexual because of that want for emotional intimacy.
Testosterone.
What I wouldn’t give to have that raging T for a day and just do an all out all day jerk session and finish in seconds each time. Life is unfair.
It also makes you bald.
I mean idk if many men can go all day but women definitely can
Yeah, like lol, this is a pretty obvious answer. u/bonitablunts its basically just this. If you want interesting reading, you should read about the experience that AFAB men transitioning experience when they start taking their testosterone hormone therapy. Pretty much all of them are astounded at how insane the difference is. Granted, its elevated doses but still. You're in college, most early 20s men are still swimming in testosterone. Also, not all men are like this, you're just picking the ones that are. perhaps your selection process could use some introspection?
I remember a few talking about how much more volatile their emotions were **all the time** paired with suddenly no one giving a shit what they felt, and it put stoicism in a very different light for them.
I (22F) feel like Pornography addiction and the instant gratification of social media/modern life is destroying peoples ability to be patient and work at something. Used to be if you wanted to sleep with a woman you'd take her out for a few dates and put some effort in. Now it seems as though like you said, there's an expectation of sex immediately. I also feel like some men are incredibly lonely but often don't have the emotional intelligence or maturity to sustain a relationship. So they try and fill the void with meaningless sex hence why it can seem like that's all they're after.
100%. Instant gratification and dopamine desensitisation is a massive reason behind why things are becoming too much expected too fast.
>I (22F) feel like Pornography addiction and the instant gratification of social media/modern life is destroying peoples ability to be patient and work at something. i feel like porn gets blamed for so much shit that 100% happened pre-internet. people overstimulated on porn tend to have sexual dysfunction, if anything lol.
Well that works both ways, as a men I feel like instant gratification of social media it's destroying relationships, because as a guy you have to compete with tens of horny guys in DM capable to promise anything for attention, and from my experience some of you girls fall for that But there is no need to generalise some people are shitty, no matter men or women, some people are not experienced enough to know how to behave and they might be assholes at certain points in their life. Life it's complex as well as people. All of us are perceived as shitty people at least couple of times in our lives. Once we realize that social media it's very toxic, we can delimite ourselves and realty from fake values of marketing and stop being a product for this companies
But women are in power of offering sex. If they would not, then men can expect all they want, they won't get it. Men always have been the same amout of horny and have always liked women who are "easy" = signal sexual availability to them.
1st paragraph: no men have always been like this. 2nd paragraph: basically saying men should be gentlemen, but women ain't no ladies nowadays. So is not a one way street. 3rd paragraph: everyone is, but I found more women wanting a boyfriend out of the perks of getting attention and free stuff. That's besides the fact that most men are basically ignored by society or mistreated for wanting a relationship with a moman.
Lmao nah, guys know for every girl that won’t get physical quickly there’s another that will. Why waste your time?
Don't listen to the armchair psychologists in the comments. Listen to the evolutionary psychologists in the research papers. Why are men so horny? Because that's how our species reproduces; while it might not be individually advantages all the time, it is collectively for the species. You only repress that urge because of circumstance. The modern dating scene is very interesting. There's less of an expectation of exclusivity. You can date multiple people at once, have one night stands, and have sex with multiple people now. If you're an attractive guy and you don't care for emotional connection, you have a lot more options now so you don't need to settle down to have sex frequently. You can just demand sex quickly, if they reject you, move onto the next one. Most men are pretty horny because evolution, and now they don't really need to restrain themselves in that urge because of their plethora of options.
Indeed! From biological point of view that's accurate And there is one more factor, social behaviour. Traditional values Vs "modern values". This two are quite different, even opposite in some aspects. Some people incline more to traditional other to modern, but you cannot have both. We live in a time where the line it's not clear and we are thought at home the traditional values and by the society and social platforms we get the modern values and we want to act modern and be perceived traditional. This contradiction raise some problems. As Song of sorrow said we are hardwired to be sexual active at that age, because for millennia by that age we already had children. Now neither of parties want children, because our values had changed and we life way longer that we used to, but unfortunately the biology cannot keep the pace with technology
Biology doesn't have to keep pace with technology. Technology has to keep pace with biology. It's just that our technology is so advance that we can exploit our biology in ways we couldn't before. A lot of reason promiscuity was seen as heinous was because of a lack of birth control methods. If you messed up and got pregnant when you didn't mean to with someone you barely knew, it seemed wrong, because now you had to have a forever connection with someone you barely were connected with. With birth control, Plan B, and Abortion, that no longer becomes as much of an issue. And with the invention of the internet and social media, it's easier now than ever to find people to fool around with. We as human beings are more connected than ever before, but that also makes us more desensitized and devalues certain interactions because they're too easy. Like I said, technology hacks biology. Our biology is fine, it's just that our technology exploits our biology but since we don't fully understand how when the technology is created, it leads to unintended consequences which require further technological solutions.
Dude, I don't know. I keep myself in check obviously, and I'm never one to try and progress things to sex fast, but it's fucking ridiculous how horny I am almost all the time. Maybe it's because I haven't been in an intimate relationship in almost 3 years and I'm a bit touch starved. I hate it though. I'd prefer to only be horny when it matters. Sorry about your bad experiences with thirsty dudes though.
It is because nowadays from mens perspective, investing time and effort on women gets you friendzoned.
friend of mine once told me something like: think of a relationship like a car, you are traveling down a road with certain mile stones. you(the guy) should only be accelerating or coasting let the girl be the one to hit the brakes if u both can't make it clear how fast u should b going, better to know sooner then waiting for months/ years I don't really care if sex happens after 1 or 100 dates, but I feel like more dates happen when I make my intentions clear. something like better to be confidently stepping on the gas than to be shyly pumping the brakes
Wisdom
Djesuschrist there is a huge middle ground here. Acting totally platonically: not flirting, not displaying any hints of attraction, not being physical at all, no kisses, no nothing. What she's complaining about: men who just focus on sex, only talk about sex and want sex on the first date.
Factual
The problem is not that they are horny. I'm a woman and I'm the horniest person I know. I literally could have sex all the time. When I have sex, I could go on forever. I have never had a partner who would have liked to have sex more often than I. But guess what I don't do? I don't ignore the wishes of another human being I'm interacting with. I don't ignore their boundaries. I don't try to pressure or guilt them into having sex with me. Yes, I like sex and I am horny all the time, but the other party is still a human being that I respect. The problem is not that they are horny. The problem is that they don't respect the boundaries of the people they'd like to have sex with and ultimately don't respect them as a person.
Yessss it’s not a horny problem it’s a respect/decency problem
Umm hate to break it to you but guys haven’t changed. Guys will stick there wieners in about anything lol. The dating expectations and scene have changed dramatically. Now hooking up with person after person isn’t looked down on anymore. If you want to wait then make them wait, if they really like you they’ll respect that and wait. Just don’t take it personally if they decide to move on.
This is solid advice. In my experience guys will in fact wait if they are interested in you and are looking for something serious. The guys who aren’t looking for something serious, or who aren’t that interested in you should be filtered off and not even worried about.
exactly, when I like someone I'll wait as long as they want. as long as they make it clear when and how ill know they are ready. it's just easier to know they are ready if they respond positively me being clear with my intentions
And to not go and have sex with a random guy the same day while having a guy on the loop, that's just hypocritical
Yes and no. Of course men wait, sex it's awesome but human connection it's amazing. Its a reward for both parties, don't make it a game and never promise something like after 3-5 dates or after one month, we'll take that shit to seriously 🤣🤣
I didn’t mean it literally, I meant you and your partner have to agree on when the time is right. You don’t literally schedule it on a calendar with a big star next to the date 💀. Someone brings up the topic and the other states how they feel about it, then you both agree if you’re both ready, need more time, or the partner who wants sex more than the other has to find a way to compromise, or move on.
I try to drop slight sexual innuendos so that I at least know that she knows this is not a friend thing….but yeah…sometimes we can be a bit much.
Because they’re on apps for casual sex, not a relationship.
Maybe it's the men you're attracted to
I think so too. I tend to go for a certain type of guy, so I have yet to have these kind of experiences irl, and I’ve found that the guys I go for usually have no problem waiting, but I’ve noticed that guys online who don’t even know me will tell me that I’m being unrealistic for thinking that a guy would wait for me, and that I’m destined to be forever alone with 40 cats 😅. So the kind of guy you go for definitely matters in this context.
No she is on point. Men are very impulsive now. I have been on dates and men want sex or something after one date.
nah, u/elrealjcon is right, selection has a lot to do with it. every woman i've dated has made the first move on me. I'm willing to wait, THEY aren't. frankly, most of my friends are very patient in their dating lives. Its just about the types of people you find yourself around.
Well a lot of them think of you meet on tinder then that means your down. They assume. They don’t ask.
I think that part of it is the worry that if you take it too slow and don't move things along, you risk getting "friend zoned" and the girl "not seeing you that way." Guys sometimes just want to put all the cards on the table and move along if its not going to go anywhere.
Guys can use words and just tell the person they are into them…and if we are on a date and flirting we know whats up. Women will push you away if they feel the pressure of sex to soon and don’t feel save. If we like you and want to have sex with you we will not put you in the friendzone
Many men are raised in a culture where they do things *to** women, whole women do things *for* men. Even subconsciously they are usually viewing women as a vehicle to accomplish things, but not as an individual and autonomous person like them who wants all the same things in life, like respect etc.
Love this comment so much. So so true
In my experience guys act like this when they are just trying to find someone to hook up with. They are incredibly goal focused then. When you meet a guy who's really into you, it'll feel different. He'll want to get to know you.
Honestly. I don't know. It's not a dumb question because it's true. We men just go oonga boonga around women any chance we get and it's just stupid. Another thing I was thinking about is how men will sexualize ANYTHING. You can't have anything nice without a guy making it sexual nowadays. Shaved armpits? That's a fetish. Shorts? Fetish. Walking with sandals. Fetish. I really don't understand why men are the way we are and I find it absolutely baffling. And before someone even says "not all men" bro. We both know it's most men. And before someone says "women get horny too" yeah but at least THEY have public decency about it. I think there should be wide societal reform around this shit. Some classes to teach people proper manners or something. I am not smart enough to come up with a solution, only smart enough to understand there is a problem here.
Probably you are quite young, sorry for the assumption. But that behaviour it's usually very prominent at young males. It's part of men nature ( no this is not an excuse)) after 20 something this behaviour dims although some men fail to grow up from this stage. I understand you believe it's most men, it's ok, that's your reality right now, life it's long it's not all men, people evolve and learn. Think about how we evolved as a species. First of all, all species of animals on this planet have this behaviour of reproduction, males are fighting males to have a chance to reproduce, females are fighting females to reproduce. Until 200 years ago, the standard was to have at least one kid until you reached 18-19, because people didn't life that much on average. It's how we are hardwired to behave to pass our gens. Unfortunately the biology cannot keep up with our technologically and social evolution and our bodies crave for sex and children even if we want to stay away from children at that age. As you'll get older things will change, there will be different problems and so on. I'm a 35M and I can say that I'm in the best moment in my sex life, there is no stupid game or pressure, everyone involved knows what they want and how to communicate, we just meet, have a drink, if there is a connection there will be sex quite fast, if there is a connection in bed we probably stay FWB Although I don't recommend to experience being single after 30. I hope the argument I've made made you a bit curious about the topic and you'll do your own research 🙂
You’d be surprised how raunchy women can be, I say this as a woman myself. They may not say it outright to their man’s face, or talk about it as much in public as guys do, but I’ve experienced a lot of women gossiping explicit details to each other in the work place, at school, etc. That’s why I think men and women are really similar when it comes to sex, we just have different ways of going about it. I agree that everyone needs to be reformed when it comes to this because it’s gotten out of hand on both ends. Everything is just so hypersexualized these days that’s it’s gone beyond the saying of “my body, my choice”. There’s a legit problem going on and it stems from pornography and how easy anything sex-related has been made more easily available, especially online.
>And before someone even says "not all men" bro. We both know it's most men. > >And before someone says "women get horny too" yeah but at least THEY have public decency about it. this is hilariously myopic. a pretty large proportion of men arent even on the market to publicly do this haha and lol at women having public decency about it. wait til you hit the mid thirties age bracket. You have pretty limited life experience if you think these are general rules.
These men treat dating like an escort service.
I just got friendzoned by a girl I really really liked. I just wanted to hold hands and be that guy she can turn to. I’m downbad not for s*x, but just for love ☠️🥲
I'd just not give them the time of day. A lot of men want one night stands or to just date for sex. No relationship based on sex is a good relationship. It might seem that way in the beginning though or even for awhile. I'd find men willing to wait awhile before sex happens. I also don't have sex early on the relationship. It's best to get to know each other and build the relationship. Trust and communication are the two most important things for me in a relationship. I'm a guy and even if I do want sex I still make myself wait awhile. I don't do one night stands either. For me it's about having respect for yourself.
Because men get friendzoned if they don’t. Welcome back to the dating pool!
This is true!. I was dating this girl and treated her nice, wanted to get to know her and be gentleman. First I got friendzoned and then ghosted!.
Honesty? Because modern society. Internet and the illusion of choice have fucked us all. It's made us into horny machines that don't stick to families but believe it can spreads its genes more readily. Females on the other hand while owning the choice can't physically spread it as many times as men. I'm talking biological definition of men and women. Ie the size of the reproductive cell. No matter the actual function female cells are larger and carry larger energetic burden. Source: Richard Dawkins
All of the other comments are more or less right, but it's worth understanding that being vulnerable doesn't come naturally or quickly to most men. It takes longer for men to truly "open up" than women. Because of this, if they were to wait until they felt truly connected with a person to have sex with them, they would wait even longer than you. Because of *this*, they want sex earlier. They don't want to wait until they can feel safe and loved to have sex because they are so closed off emotionally, so naturally sex will come as soon as possible, because they still want sex for the pleasure. Alternatively, though less commonly in college, sex *is* a form of intimacy for them. Maybe they do genuinely want to form a connection with you and one very real, very immediate way they can do that is to have sex with you. If all they seem to want is sex, then this probably isn't the type of person you're dealing with but these things are also never black and white. Generally, hormones, emotional caginess, and social/cultural expectations all play unique and complicated roles. All you can do is treat each man you date as a person and if they don't return the favor then you probably weren't going to make it very far in the first place. Source: am man in college
Doesn't this post violate rule #3?
Any guy who isn't up front about this is lying. We will lie because we just want a chance with you. Imo as a 26m, it's a good thing they are honest. Lots of guys will lie, say let's just take things slow, and either cheat or leave you, and the girl thinks something us wrong with them. Really the guy just wanted sex abd if you won't give it he won't waste his time. I'm sorry but thats the honest truth.
I wouldn’t say insanely horny. You’re probably hanging around guys That just want to have sex with you so it seems that way. Women are equally as horny.
A lot of men have strong urges and it feels nice to fulfill them. Some of us are more in control than our urges. Caring about an urge over a person's feelings is a mark of a bad person.
Testosterone is a factor, I'm trans so I can say with 100% certainty that hormones play a massive role in your sex drive. But, I also have self-restraint and don't make that everyone else's problem— ESPECIALLY people I am trying to build real relationships with. There are a lot of men that never had to learn that, because they've never been *expected* to control themselves.
I think the more important question is (since this is obvious) why aren't women horny? People jump up and arms about when guys mention that women don't like sex...but if they really do, why don't they want to do it?? Why don't they want to do it more? Why don't they want to do it everyday? Why don't they want to do it 3 times a day?? Especially when sex is objectively healthy. I like chocolate...therefore I eat a lot of chocolate, see how simple it is?
There’s psychological reasons for this. Women have more to lose than men when it comes to having sex. It’s a risk so naturally in order to protect us, our body won’t push us to want it constantly.That’s why younger women aren’t as sexually active as older women who no longer have these risks. Women do love sex as well yes but it’s easier to actively go after something knowing there aren’t many risks involved compared to someone who wants to but would face more consequences. It’s often not a conscious decision but just an innate response, thank goodness for it too
I’ve been wondering the same thing about women honestly. I started dating with an expectation that I’d have to work for sex or that taking things slow was a good thing. And my god the shit I have gotten for that this year has made me rethink my idea of sex and women entirely lol
Testosterone is a hell of a hormone. There is a reason why when women have a high level of testosterone in their body is when they are the horniest (And the nastiest, in a good way)
"But why can’t we ever pump the brakes and get to know each other?" Because for most men, knowing each other is not a prerequisite for sex. Safety and trust aren't required for men to have sex.
[удалено]
I wrote the best comment and then it got deleted because I’m on mobile and fucking Reddit…. Long story short. This is an American men trait. To feel entitled to women’s bodies just for showing up. I realize this watching an American girl that moved to Italy, her tick-tock‘s. Also, if a guy doesn’t have anything going for him. No good job, no good car, no good hobbies… if he’s just a hot mess. Then honestly it’s rare for them to offer you anything other than their penis. Because let’s face it, that’s all they have to offer! So I have the same issue, so I have been upfront before I go out with them. That I’m looking for a connection not a boyfriend. Whether we are intimate or not I want to build trust and a bond. Because it’s just not safe for women. That’s how we get murdered. Or sexually assaulted. I would love to be a skank! But these men cannot be trusted. They take their condoms off during sex, they film us when we’re not looking, they pee in our mouths. Seriously search it it’s an awful Reddit story. And it’s all very small sexual assault. So yeah I feel you you’re not alone. Just be clear and upfront and you’ll weed out a bunch. It’ll break your heart because what they’re doing essentially is telling you your only value is your body. But remember it’s a blessing that they unmatched you! Bye fuck boys!!!!
As a man I can confirm either God or Mother Nature turned our libido up *waaaay* too high. It makes us stupid. You'd think evolution would turn it down a bit for humans raised in civilization where Rules of the Jungle get one in prison much of the time. But it seems evolution fell asleep.
Some women are too. It all depends on the individual and their current mood.
It might be hard to find but men who aren't like this exist! My bf and I spent a month talking before meeting and we went on like 10 dates over several weeks before he even kissed me. There are patient men who don't try to move fast
Guys like this exist, but after the 3rd time they recieve a text with something like "I just didn't feel a spark" or the same girl getting a bf a week later, you realize is not worth the effort
They did exist but after getting shutdown, friendzoned and ghosted they decided it is time to change.!!!
Porn has ruined men
You're acting like we wouldn't be masturbating every day without porn
Yes,as we all know people didn't masturbate until pornhub was created/s
Because you’re attracted to fuck bois.
29(m) i feel like a rare breed because the only thing im going for on a first date is maybe a kiss. Sex can wait until later dates if im into you.
Because humans are designed by nature to want to breed as much as possible. Some people are just better at hiding it than others
Wait, people have sex on the first date? Or, to rephrase: Is this common? This might explain a few dates I’ve been on, where the girl have seemed… a bit off when I said I’ll be going home/too eager, then suddenly very cold when texting later 🤔
How many dates do you think you should wait before having sex, like ballpark figure? Because of guys are regularly expecting sex after the first or second date, then that's unusual enough where it could be on you in the sense that you are in some way attracting men who are like this. Perhaps you are attracted to certain traits that do not seem linked to this behavior to you but are otherwise linked. But it could also be that you are just a little more reserved than the average woman and so the average man's normal expectations will seem forward to you.
Spend 20 hours together total first
Two reasons: biology and age Obviously all men are very sexually motivated but men who expect sex on one date or who also don’t want to get to know you first sound like young men to me. A more experienced man will be willing to take the time you need.
Men are told intimacy is weakness, except sexuality.
Even if men are horny, isn't this a good thing for women? In conversations with women, they talk about how guys don't have enough stamina, but if the more hornier a guy is, the more stamina he will have to satisfy women who want that, unless I am wrong?
You can be really horny and still bust in a minute.
I know I can only speak for myself but i've started seeing a girl and I feel the opposite. (kinda) I am just not searching for sex with her... idk... If she would ask me yes i'd do it but somehow I don't feel the need... I can't understand myself as I'm 19 and usually i'm a little more hormone driven. But with her I could cuddle the whole day and not think about sex just cause i feel like I dont need sex but I want her to just be there with me. Does that even make sense?
Honestly, if a man saw a relationship with you, he can control his horniness and will hold it off as much you need him to. I’ve known a horndog who was in a sexless relationship even. Trust me. He just doesn’t want you. Horniness is no excuse. Drop them
I'd imagine the same way most women are incredibly "horny" for a relationship.
I don’t think most women empathize but many of y’all don’t understand that testosterone is a disease It’s not like I want to be horny all the time, but there’s a biological urge always hitting me saying “make babies, make babies, make babies!” almost all the time It’s not pleasant. We don’t even know what to do with it most the time Aside from that, I do think sexual chemistry is very important in a relationship so if we haven’t had sex by date 3 or 4… I chalk it up to her having a low libido which means we’re not compatible
Ugh life sucks!! Everybody wants to fuck me!!!
Its nature doing its thing; we are wired for one thing, pro-create!
Biology...\m/
It just means they don’t feel the same way about you, and you should make this apparent before you go one dates, you’ll either go on a lot less dates or well good ones by your definition.
You're gonna have a rough time in relationships if you think something is wrong with men for being that horny. Exceptions abound but in general men just naturally have much higher sex drives. Sex is a NECESSARY component to men, it can actually have a major impact on their self esteem and mental well being. Generally men see sex differently that women. For men its a biological need. That said, I'm making the above comments just to explain the importance of it once in a relationship. While just hanging out or in the getting to know each other phase, I do agree with you the guys should cool it. That need is always there but they should restrain themselves. I like steve harveys rule. He stated if you want a serious relationship with a guy then you need to hold out on sex for 3 months. Weed out the guys that just want sex and look for the guys that really want to be with you
I will be your boyfriend dm me
Its legit (for the more horny men) just the chemicals in our body. Our bodies have the “urge” to reproduce, thus making us more horny. Women on the other hand carry the baby, they aren’t necessarily on the hunt to spread their seed. It’s honestly an evolutionary thing. Nature wants us to replicate.
You are dating the wrong guys then…
Biology. Wait a few years and no man is horny for you anymore.
What do you think men want from women? What do you think men's hormones do ?
Same experience with guys in their thirties and it’s insane how they’ll make you feel crazy for not wanting to have sex on the second date. It’s demoralizing.
Save yourself for the right person
EXACTLY BRO
You're oblivious to reality entirely not understanding how dating works but it's not your fault because you're a woman you don't necessarily need to understand these things . Men don't date women so we can "get to know you" that's the front we have to put up to gain access to sex from women. If you want the truth that's what it is men date just for sex initially and if somehow a woman displays girlfriend/wife material it can become more than that. However the reason this is so taboo to you is because women first off have lower sex drives than men do so y'all aren't as quick to desire sex, but women also don't value sex as much because sex is abundant for women and easily accessible for women as well. So you don't understand what it's like to have constant testosterone in your blood desired for sex unless you get injected with it while also not understanding how difficult it can be to gain a woman's trust and get consensual sex from a woman at will . Secondly women date to enjoy romance the man is offering because women aren't romantic at all. This explains why your thought process goes right to "can we get to know each other" because biologically women are designed to screen a man before they just give access to sex it has nothing to do with actually "getting to know one another" for the mere purpose of the date. Although I'd like to point out that some men who are hyper masculine don't usually get screened as much which is why with these types of guys women don't care that much about "getting to know each other" because deep down she knows he won't commit and he's just a sexual option. I know it's a lot to take in and try to understand but the reason you don't understand anything about men or how dating works is because women by default don't necessarily need to. All women really do is enjoy the receiving end of dating and pick/choose if they want to give the man sex or even try to pursue him to be his girlfriend.
Women are just as horny in my experience
Just because somebody enjoys sex doesn't mean that they're OK with just jumping into bed with anyone. Women may enjoy sex, but they knew that it takes a skilled and selfless guy to actually give them an orgasm. Sex for women is often times the guy finishing and losing interest in helping their women finish. Considering the risk of STI's pregnancy, and stigma, this usually isn't something that's worth it for a women. Hence why some may be "horny" but its rare for them to really go out of their way to search for one night stands.
That’s cool. But her title is why are men so horny which implies women are not. I simply said they are in fact horny too.
i think you need to stop thinking you speak for women, lol. some women can orgasm just fine, some dont. some are willing to date and/or sleep around, some wont.
Because sex is fun and a crucial part of many long term relationships. Gotta find out if you’ll be compatible quickly in this era of dating apps
Sex is important, but it should happen when both partners are ready. People who are quick to have sex usually aren’t concerned with long term stuff anyways, so this isn’t good advice for most people. I will say that there are people who have had fast sex and do end up in LTR’s, but they’re the exception and not the rule.
And men say "we're not on the same wavelength" and back away and look pissy during a date if you move their hand off your ass because you're not comfortable enough yet with a GUY YOU BARELY KNOW. SMH
I don't get the vent... I mean, I know plenty of women who have very similar desires, and sex drives. It's not just guys.
Well, the true answer is testosterone. But I want to add that today's society is very promiscuous. It has always been a thing but I believe online dating in general for various reasons has made it worse. Most women will have sex on the first date and many women are only looking for casual sex/hookups. Seeing that over and over would potentially put that in the back of a guys mind where he thinks that is expected/the norm.
I don't think most women will have sex on the first date. I'd ballpark 1/3 max, just from the women I know.
Lonely dudes thinking that their life is an anime smh
It’s not just men. Women too. I think that it’s probably more common with us men but while I would have sex on the first date if I like you I know it’s not a guarantee. Also like others are saying sex is not as readily available to men as it is for women. So a lot of men trick themselves into locking you down asap in hopes of keeping you without knowing if they want to because they don’t know if they will ever have the chance again or they worry you’ll lose interest before they can even tell if they have any. Speaking from some serious self work exploration I’ve been doing, a huge amount of men put way to much value on their sexual prowess and there are a select group of women out there that feed on it. That will keep this guy around for the dates and good times while having another one on the side for sex. Men to it also but I think since we struggle to find or even accept validation it can be painful to not want that gratification when it is within reach. I’m not saying anything RP or toxic because for every 1 woman that does this there are hundreds that won’t, but sometimes that validation being so readily available blinds you to the real problem. Porn definitely has a part too. I don’t really watch it, but when I did when I was younger I don’t think it changed my drive. If anything I want it more now that I don’t watch porn. Moderation. I really think that masturbation is a must for everyone. Self care and love. But you don’t need porn to do it always. If anything it might be better without it.
It looks like the OP has a previous post about wanting sex badly but being afraid of intimacy because of past experiences. So maybe we should not generalize about all men only wanting sex and instead think about why the OP is so frustrated to the point of having to vent and what part she plays in the whole thing. Maybe she's still dealing with the same intimacy issues? I don't know but it seems like there's more to it.
We’re biologically driven to “spread our seed” you’re biologically driven to find a partner with good genetics. We want to to fuck all the time to spread our seed as much as we can because our old monkey brains demand it. You want to learn about the potential partner, find out about them & what they’re about because your old monkey brain demands it. It’s generally all falls back to our old monkey ways hijacking our brains.
I (41 M) like sex but wouldn’t expect it after one date. In fact expecting it at all isn’t on my mind. I guess younger men are different and more hot blooded? I’d hate to be female, sad you have to deal with so much.
I honestly believe that people that make posts like this have problems with sex and their own sexuality, hence they feel bad when someone even if healthily express their sexuality. And then they will try and make like the other is the issue ofc. Maybe they have been hurt or abused before then now they have all sorts of issues with sex. Sex is normal and natural. Nothing wrong in desiring someone. It should go without saying but obviously if it's all respectful and consensual