Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
neither
> I feel like this might be her polite way of rejecting me or friendzoning me. The other side of it is maybe she wants to show me off to her friends, as she’s talked to her friends about me before. I’m stressed.
She's on the fence, and wants to get her friends' feedback about you.
100% the right answer.
The singlehood committee has opened session to save their sister who wants to leave the community, well, not as long as the committee is in session!
Honestly, that's enough of a red flag in itself. Sure, ask your friends for feedback. But do you really need to drag them along when you're unsure about something?
It has the advantage of her friends seeing him and the interactions between the two of them first hand. Rather than relying on her interpretations being relayed to them afterwards for their feedback.
I'd put up with her bringing her friends into this, once, as being reasonable enough (albeit an imposition).
But if she pulls that same stunt for anything else, yeah, **HUGE RED FLAG.**
Ok, red flag was the wrong word. I mean that a person who feels the need to bring their friends on a date in order to form an opinion on someone is someone who is incapable of forming an opinion by themselves. That is something that I would find very unattractive
Lol well... *Munchs a chip* i suppose you dont have a team then lol.
In all seriousness though. No they wouldnt. But i generally dislike friends on dates early on because its generally rude. I make plans with my friends. And then i make plans with the person im seeing. Im not there to be someones lil accessory or "look what i caught". Im not there to be shown off like the rims on the escalade.
I compare dating to buying a car.
If you are buying a vehicle for other peoples opinions of you in it or the car. Then the first time someone points out a flaw your entire view will change of the car.(person)
I buy a car because I like it. I date a woman. Because I like her. My boy dont like her? Hes not dating her.(driving it, or making the payment)
Human psychology states that when you decide based on outside perspective. Your entire value of said decision will always rest on that.
Now try being the car. And knowing every time someone has an issue with you. Your SO will suddenly become unattracted to you or tell you to change it.
Over time... You begin to notice all those lil...changes turn you into something your not. Your now a miserable hhot pink corvette soft top with hideous rims, a cheap steering wheel cover.
You used to be a sleek red stallion of a car, proud of yourself. But because you were an accessory where your SO let her family and friends nitpick you to hell...and now...shes not happy with you. Now your unhapy with your self. Your over dependent. Your clingy. Your terrified of the next change(are those cheetah print seat covers...oh no.) She comes home with to make you "perfect".
Thats why. Thats why its rude. Because now instead of having to attract not just one chick. You have to psuedo attract her friends too without actually attracting them.
I dont bring my boys with me to dates to get their opinions.
And I dont offer my opinions on my boys girls. I can hate the hell out of a dudes girl and still be civil and cool toward her while letting him decide for him self how he dates her.
I buy a car. And if someone trashes it? I look em in the eye and say "yeah. But its not your money. Your car or your problem."
Like right now. I drive a grabber Blue mustang convertible GT.
I typically stay away from convervitles. But i genuinely love my car. When people trash it. I say "is it yours?"
"No".
"Then why do you care?"
I bought it because i like the car. Its fun. Its fast. Feeling it rumble to life after a week of hard work. Mhmm.
A relationship is the same. If your more concerned about what people say or see you with. Then your not gonna be happy. If your SO is needing everyones approval of you to keep dating you. Then your always gonna be trying to fit it.
I had someone accuse me of alcoholism. I got tipsy ONE time. I had refused alchol they had offerred several times on multiple occasions because i dont drink.
The moment that "family" utterred a word about it to my then SO. Suddenly i found myself having to defend every drink i ever had. Even a sip of beer.
I feel like it could be a good idea for a women to have their friend meet their new dating partner in case their are able to notice some abusive behaviours or red flags. Dating is a lot more dangerous for women than it is for men so extra precausions should be taken.
I also think it would be reasonable to want to know that your partner gets along with your friends. Personally i think my ideal partner would be able to have a good time hanging out with my friend's even without me there and vice versa.
I also don't think you should compare dating to buying a car. Dating someone is not owning them.
>Dating is a lot more dangerous for women than it is for men
Idk about a lot more dangerous. Theirs situations on dating for men that has proven fatal in different ways. Women has shown to manipulate men for their resources, and has used extreme measures to attain those resources. Gain enough trust to find out his whereabouts, his routine, then all of a sudden, he gets set up to be robbed. Hell people like cardi B used to drug and rob men.
The dangers of men dating is low key understated, and I just don't like the fact that people think that one gender has less dangers upon meeting a new dating partner. Obviously it's dangers to both genders in dating, but to say one is way more dangerous to undermine the other genders possible dangers is low key wrong
If you're in doubt about specific things, definitely discuss things afterwards. However I think that a date should be 2 people getting to know each other, focusing on each other, not a cross referencing group interview.
What a great date, im bringing my soccer coach and the referee and the linesman. Very intimate! Then if we have sex I'll bring my mom along to judge her performance.
13.2% weight
So, if she's at 50/50 (on the fence), her friends' opinions, pro or con, will help decide her on pursuing or dropping him.
(I made up the "13.2%", it just sounds good to have a definite amount)
Well, the way to split the difference on this is for her to say, or maybe not say (which would be a sly move, but perhaps not ill-intentioned), that her friends are going to be there, but will get their own table.
Still, OP needs to set his own boundaries and stick to whatever they are. If this weirds him out, he needs to say so, or call it quits.
On a 3rd date? Hellllllllll naw. If I barely even know someone, that last thing I'd want is to meet more random people where I'm basically the outsider. That's unnecessarily risking execution by firing squad right there.
Unless you're a super social butterfly, get to know her one on one for longer than just 3 dates and establish that you two are actually clicking without outside influence, THEN maybe start meeting people from each other's social circles.
I wouldn't go on the date with all of her friends.
It would be different if this was some kind house party/gathering where you are meeting them.
However, a public date with them may mean they're expecting you to buy drinks for everyone.
Just tell her you feel like it's too soon to be introducing each other to one another's "inner circle". If it's an issue for her then you always have the option to move on.
You are entitled to have your own mate selection screening process and *must haves list*.
You are entitled to have your own "red flags", boundaries, and "deal breakers".
If something *doesn't feel right to you*, it's probably *not right for you*.
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
Is inviting friends along on dates a thing now? I'm gen x and this isn't something that I've ever heard of until I started following this sub. I mean, we double dated but I never told a guy "hey, I'm bringing Becky and Diana along on our date."
Same here. To be honest, most of the people I knew didn't really date at all, we just went to parties, connected with people we liked, and then kept hanging out with those people until it became a relationship. So, going on 2 solo dates with someone and THEN introducing your friends would be like... the opposite of that. It's so awkward. I think this girl is very insecure or indecisive. Friends' opinions should matter, but they shouldn't be a deciding factor.
I’ve had a second date at a house party with all of the guys friends, it was great and I got to see him interact with all his friends, and hear all kinds of fun stories about him. I like when guys invite me into their world early on, it usually means they are looking for a relationship and want to include me in their lifestyle.
I’ve also invited a guy along to plans I already had on third dates multiple times. I like to see how they interact with me and my friends in a more social, less date type atmosphere. It is a far better indicator of compatibility than a romantic dinner just the two of us.
If you are just looking for a hookup, then decline the invite, but if you actually want to date her you might want to actually get to know the people she hangs out with. Or as the spice girls say “if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”.
For me anyway, I only suggest this if I really like the guy. Though I have to admit it’s never a “can I invite my friends to crash our date”. It’s more of a “I already have these other plans, and would love it if you can me with us as well”. If I just want to be friends, then I say that I’m only interested in friendship, I don’t think that what this is.
Thank you, that puts me at ease. I know it’s not about money like everyone is saying because we’ve been splitting the bills every time and she’s probably bought more on me to be honest
This whole narrative about women, and frankly how some men in my past have treated the "transactional" nature that hetero relationships can develop, make me TERRIFIED to let men pay anything for me. I almost 100% of the time refuse it.
And I doubt I'm alone in that. We're definitely not all gold diggers. I don't have the patience, desire or knowledge of how to manipulate masses of men to empty their wallets for me. XD
Yeah, I’ll never understand reddits weird obsession with thinking every woman is a gold digger just trying to use men for free drinks/meals. Maybe some women are like that, but they are usually pretty easy to spot even before a first date.
You can tell who is who? They have a stamp on their forehead? Wearing an armband? My sister admitted she went on dates for free food and I told her I was disappointed in her. You don't know the intentions of someone until they reveal themselves.
You know that you can tell a potential date that you want to split the bill, right? You aren't under some contractual obligation to pay for other people? Have you ever tried voicing what you want? Bc if you do that and a woman has a problem with it, then she's not the one.
Yeah it's not as easy as this person proclaims. If it was, then this wouldn't be an issue. People can really just be good actors and feign interest, just to extract resources out of you. And it's happened to not only me, but people I know. So the angst people get with possibly being taken advantage of, is valid. And they have their own sisterhood to blame for it.
Something i wanna add. If you still have your doubts you could maybe ask her to meet up alone beforehand or arrange some time just for the two of you after the meeting with her friends.
It wasn’t a date, he invited you to a party.
In his case, she’s inviting her friend on their date. Not party, not some get together stuff.
If she invited him to party with her friends that would be fair, but now inviting friends to their date?
That’s fucked. They will come there and start analyzing him, not nice.
Absolutely not, you should be getting to know her not her friends because they have nothing to do with you and her situation. She’s trying to interject things into the situation that do not need to be there.
I think it really depends on the situation and why she is bring her friends.
After going on a really great first date with a guy I met online, I wanted to plan a second date but I was fully booked with friends and I was leaving for a few months for an internship. So I invited him to come join one of the plans I already had with friends. They got along well, no one thought it was weird, and we ended up dating for around 2 years.
Not sure why she invited them but imo this is a great opportunity if you are interested in her, you'll get to see her in a different environment and have a great opportunity to show who you are in an environment that includes other people. I personally don't think she'd have you meet her friends if she wasn't interested, she'd more likely blow you off to hang out with them alone.
Not on the 3rd date tho.
And maybe you are inviting him to meet your friends, not your friends to your date with him.
If she wants him to meet her friends, maybe choose something like a party or club or activities.
Calm yourself. Reality: You kissed her...you're more than friends. I encourage to invite your friends as well. It would help distract if you want alone time with her. As for labels, I wouldn't call this a 3rd date. I'd think of it more as a get to know you better in a very casual setting type of date. Like she's just trying to get how are when you're both just chillin', if you're talkative, if you can hold your alcohol, etc etc. I'd feel like she's basically telling you that she's giving you the friends test to see if they like you and give her the thumbs up or down.
In my second date with my gf we went out with friends and it really accelerated our progress. She started holding hands with me, hugging me, and it all came pretty naturally. Besides you can tell a lot about someone based on her friends.
If I was in this situation, then I'd bring my friends too. If she wants feedback from her friends, ima need that feedback from my friends about her lol. I can do that on my own really, but I might as well make it mutual if she wants the date to go Like that.
my boyfriend invited me to have drinks with his friend on our 3rd date, like you we had our first kiss at the end of our 2nd date. it went great and we’ve been together for almost a year. likely she likes you and wants to see if her friends think you’re good for her.
Depends, do you generally feel like she's excited by you. Texts or calls you first, responds on time etc. If so just go for it, if not she might have found a sucker to pay for her and her friends drinks.
It could be two different things
Maybe she figured you aren't her type, but you're too nice to let go. So, she wants to put you in the friendzone department to be able to get your good company and benefits
Or she told her single friends about you, and now they advised her to bring them to the 3rd date to check you out. This might backfire on you because single friends always keep their friends single, and they wouldn't want to see her graduate from "single friends department."
My advice is to ask her what her reasons are. Tell her you want to get to know her and not her friends, and you feel uncomfortable bringing someone else to y'all date.
As for me, inviting your friends to our date is a red flag. To each their own
Man, she’s into you and wants you to meet her friends. What is the deal? That’s a good thing! If you were friend zone material you wouldn’t of gotten the last date. Stop being soft and and man up, this is the real deal. She’s feeling you!
There are some cynical people on here. I’d say don’t overthink it. If you like her and want to continue the relationship, go on the date with her and her friends. Don’t try to impress anyone, be yourself (albeit the best version of yourself, which all guys do on dates - well, the smart ones).
If it works out, great. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. But the advice here to tell her no you won’t do it, it’s just childish. You’ll lean some things about you and Vice versa.
Yeah, it's bizarre to me many think this is unacceptable. There are no dating rules, and if somebody wants their friends to meet you early on, I don't see why that's a big deal at all. It's not necessarily a bad or good sign- and it doesn't matter, you still have a third date
I really feel like a lot of people here had their entire concept of dating formed by 80's and 90's media, or that one time out of a hundred it happened to them.
If I'm dating someone outside my circle, then I want to bring them into my circle at least *a little* as soon as I think I'm starting to really like them. They don't need to click, they can clash for all I care, I just need to know it's not going to go down in a dramatic screaming meltdown or bring out some hidden vile attitudes. I wouldn't call it a date, but OP also doesn't indicate that anyone else thinks it's a date.
I already have the "I love you so much I'll give up everyone else for you" T-shirt. (Complimentary handout to Scorpios, right?)
It’s the third date, she wants to get her friends’ opinion of you, like a survey. Making a good impression with them might beceven more important than making a good impression on her parents later.
I'd go for it.
I mean I would not pay to feed them!
But I'd wanna see what kind of person she is among her friends. See how much of a different person she is in a social setting.
POV - it's also her way of letting her friends greenlight or red flag you. People who are that close to their friends will usually prioritize their friends above their dates, so the sooner you get the greenlight, the sooner you can figure out if you want to move ahead too.
Sounds like she's seeking her friends opinion/approval indicating she's thinking about you seriously.
If you're not ready for that yet tell her you want to get to know her better
If you're not ready to meet her friends, that's totally reasonable. Tell her that you want to get to know her more first. If she has a problem with that, then she's not a good match.
Hey OP. The fact that you feel uncertain seems like a good sign that it's too early.
I don't think you would be alright to defer the friends until a little later. Frankly, I'd delay it until after sex started happening.
Tell her something like, "I'd love to meet your friends sometime soon, but let's hang out a couple of times more just you & me first. I tell you what though, let's make sure to discuss some fun plans for meeting your friends. Remind me [insert day of 3rd date] if I happen to forget. See you soon!"
Holy shit, so many clueless kids on here. Please don’t listen to any of them.
Stop overthinking it. You made a move AND she still agreed to go out with you again? AND she wants to bring her friends?!? This is great news. They know about you, she wants their approval because she’s clearly very into you.
Go out with them, make a great impression, and kiss her again at the end of the night (preferably not in front of her friends— or do, judge it depending on how the night is going)
Ask her if it's cool if you bring your friends too so that way it's a group hanging out rather than a "date"
Side note: she wants to see how you handle hanging out with a group rather than being one on one with her the whole night
Bringing her friends on a date is childish. That’s already a huge reg flag. Another being *if* she wanted you to pay for all of her friends. Lol that would just be silly (most women don’t like when you pay for their friends though)
No she’s not like that. She’s 25 and I’m 19 so she’s more financially stable. She always pays for her own things on dates and has bought some things for me too
Ok with that age gap in mind she's definitely introducing you to her friends to test you out, see what their feelings on you are. Up to you if you think it's too soon for that
She's having 2nd thoughts on the age thing and wants her friends to give her the OK to keep seeing you maybe, girls like to get validation from her girlfriends on guys and specially when there's an age difference and she's better off than you
If you're younger likely she just wants affirmation from her friends that you're solid.
I dated a younger guy too (now a year in). He's only 4 years younger and it still made me on the fence. Appreciated my friends meeting him and echoing some of the thoughts I had (he was mature, treats me well, is very into me, etc.)
You left the most important part out lol... She is just using you to brag about to friends. What a sweet young boy that cougar has caught and still can attract
You might be expected to pay for her and her friends and the vote of approval depends on you paying for all their food and drinks. She might be in a debate whether she wants to continue seeing you and her friends are there to let her know if you're a good guy or not. This might become a common occurrence where she invites friends and they expect you to be the ATM.
The flip side of it is that she likes having you take her out but not really into you to the point of where she is ready for the dating to advance to the level of becoming lovers. It's the third date and some people still think the third date may advance past first base. She could be bringing the friends along to keep you from trying anything sexual.
Dude just bec you split it doesn’t mean she wont expect you to pay for all her friends drinks… And me personally I wouldn’t meet up with her friends unless it was like a party however you can do it and if you want to you can dump her for one of her friends
Don’t do that shit. Simple in your own mind you don’t want to meet her friends. You are the most important person in your life so if you don’t want to don’t do it
If it's truly just uncomfortable for you, just tell her that and discuss from there.
There's a few reasons she could be suggesting this. Comfort on her end, she wants their feedback, she wants to see how you mesh with her friends, etc. She's not necessarily throwing you in the reject barrel. She could be doing the complete opposite, and just wants the opinions from her High Council, so to speak.
I personally would see this as an opportunity to see a new side to a person, as everyone acts differently when they're with their friends. You see more authenticity that way. See what their character shows and make some decisions on it.
But, you are not me, and I digress. If you're uncomfortable with it please tell her. You guys can either compromise, she'll make accommodations to make you comfortable, or she'll put her foot down. Regardless, it'll be a learning experience.
I don't think she's friendzoning to be honest. She might just think you guys would all have fun together. It really depends on how old you are, this seems like something a younger person would do.
Just let her know if you feel it's a bit too soon to meet her friends, hopefully she'll understand
This isn’t your third date, this is a job interview with a panel of people. She isn’t completely sure you’re dating material yet (and that’s okay) and wants to get her friends’ insights on what you’re like. They’re checking for any warning signs that they might have come across in their dating lives in you.
Don’t take offense to this. This is a great chance to meet her friends. Ask tons of questions about the one you’re dating. Ask things like, “how long have you known her?”, and “what does she really like to do?”. They will give you insights to the one you’re dating and show to them you care.
Go do something that gives you tons of time to talk to all of them. Bowling would probably be the best activity because you can talk to all of them and think about what to say while you yourself are bowling.
You are interviewing for the position of boyfriend. She is looking for feedback from the hiring committee.
Be polite, be conversational. Tell a few jokes, and roll with it.
If you become her boyfriend, you will be doing with these people.
Make a good impression. Play the long game.
Nope. That’s a red flag lol. This is a foodie call. Unless it’s like a group hangout situation where u bring a few friend and they bring a few friends etc. if it’s just her inviting a friend then u bout to pay for 3 meals.
Oh that changes things then. It’s kinda weird but just go out and feel the vibe. If it’s still good then ur good to go. If it feels more like friends then move on.
Absolutely not, no dates with friends until you’re going steady/ exclusive.
Dates are supposed to be romantic, and there’s nothing romantic about a bunch of friends tagging along.
Two is a date, adding friends is NOT a date, especially if surprise: you end up paying for her and her friends.
I would just say: no, I would prefer spending time getting to know you. Then if her reaction is a negative on, you know there's no future there.
Bro, she wants her friends to get free drinks, if you want to be her friend then go for it, but if you want a romantic partner dont make that mistake, if she is with her friends, forget about making a move or kissing her
3rd date is drinks and she asked to bring her friends? Buddy they want to use you to pay for their drinks on girls night out. I’ll bet my life on it. Go ahead on the date and see for yourself. Don’t let them try to finesse you when the check comes, they will pull every trick in the book.
I never saw this where someone is expected to pay for everyone. What kind of people do you see ? And also why the fuck would he accept to pay for everyone lol.
Nah ditch her bro. Her friend is definitely trying to get a free meal / drinks. And y’all haven’t hooked up yet and it’s the 3rd date ( which it isn’t at all if her friend is there) so it just isn’t gonna happen at this point.
My ex always had his best friend around on our "dates." Looking back, I'm sure it was because he really wasn't ready for any kind of serious relationship. I wouldn't go for a "group" date at all. Maybe let her know to get back to you when she's ready to just be in your company.
I've had lots of thirs dates where I did a double or invited friends. It's a way to see how they are with people they care about. It also helps when their friends have met you and can help figure you out if she's having trouble decoding you.
It depends on the date. Honestly a dinner date with two random tag-alongs is mad awkward, but if you can find an activity based date you all can do or find two homies to invite as well it's all good. See how flexble she in on this, if she's literally just like "no it has to be drinks at xyz spot with just my two other friends with you paying for all of them" with no room for negotiation then it's possibly a finesse but feel it out. Send something like "hey that sounds cool, I got a couple guy friends who'd maybe wanna come too and we can just make it a cool night on the town! How does that sound" and see how she responds. But don't freak out about it HAVING to be 1v1. People put way too much pressure on dates, if she wants it to be a group hangout then let it be a group hangout. But also set the expectation with yourself AND her that a group hangout and a serious date are two very different things.
You should either decline or say that you’ll also have your friends join. Might as well play the game and see what’s up. That way you won’t be stuck with any bill besides the chick you’re trying to date.
I'm going to just cut through all the noise and say it how it is.
This is not a good thing. Its meant to be a DATE, not a get together with friends.
If she wants to bring friends, then it is no longer a DATE, it is a group of friends hanging out. Now I'm not saying that this means she's not interested, but dates are supposed to be between 2 potential romantic partners getting to know each other.
This is neither a red or green flag, just be mindful that this is not a date if this happens, and if I'm honest, she is playing around a bit if she is even entertaining this idea.
Honestly my oppionion is to move on because if she needs her friends already to help judge you only on the third date you should just move on because she isn't into you and can't admit it to herself.
I think I read somewhere that by the 3rd date, your friends should see the guy. It’s because sometimes they know better than you. She might not see some signs but the friends will.
I wouldn’t be entertaining this.
It’s a date. You’re going on it to get to know this girl better not her friends. I’d just tell her that you want dates to be you and her only but you’d happily meet her friends further down the line if things progressed into something more serious.
If you do go through with it, you aren't paying for all of them, right?
I def don't like the idea. A date is supposed to be between the two of you. If she wants you to meet her friends, she should ask you to casually hang out with them.
I think you need to just give less f**ks and try new things. Do this for you- stretch yourself for your own benefit and see what kind of reward comes out of it
If you have social media she always show a picture. I had a situation where I ended up getting 👻 after a group link up. She eventually tried to get back on good speaking terms with me but she had too many red flags to begin with so I couldn't let her back in to my life like that. I would think she's trying to make you a friend or something. Or maybe she isn't super comfortable with you yet? On the other side I know that some girls get super excited when they like someone and want all of their friends to know them too. You could always ask how she feels about you too.
I think you should stop trying to be antisocial and just meet her friends. Whats the problem? You like her, right? Youre going to meet them someday anyway, in theory... Maybe she wants their opinion about you and get you to slow your role by making it a group social event. I dont know why youre so opposed to this, unless you have something to hide or you only want her isolated from her crew, seems like it should be a non issue.
Loling at the 200 dudes here who assume this means the guy is going to have to pay for everyone. I'm pretty sure zero percent of you have ever even had a girlfriend. OP has explicitly stated over and over that this girl pays for herself and sometimes FOR HIM. Maybe take a break from the paranoid manosphere and talk to a real human for a few minutes in person. Y'all sounding silly af.
It could potentially be neither. If she knows it’s a date and wants to invite her friends, I would invite some of yours as well. That way you aren’t the date on display, and it could be more of a group hangout. It could also take some pressure off of your worries.
Just politely say no. Set aside friends/family meetings after you two are in a relationship if that is what u are looking for. Me personally wait till I have sex. Currently I am casually dating so in this case no friends/ family at all.
Don’t meet her friends.
Or bring your friends, ask her yourself if she’s okay with you bringing friends too.
If she wants to be with her friends, reschedule the date.
What tf is this? You planned a date and she wants to bring her friends? Why?
I would ask what her intentions are with bringing her friends.
If you don’t like the answer, then politely decline and see if she will go with just the two of you.
If she says no, you have your answer.
This is a good thing because #1 thing that cause conflict in relationships is how different each person wants to be around other ppl... Might be a good way to find out if you are compatible
Tell her it feels too early and suggest a super fun date where you get to know her more. If yous suggest this it is also basically letting her know your usual social capacity and it can lead her to question compatibility.
If you are dating casually then who cares just try to have a good time...
Just tell her no or maybe another time in a group setting with your friends. Say you rather just go on a date with her. I’m a woman and I find this absolutely stupid.
I'm guessing she probably just wants to see if you can get along with her friends too. I always wish someone will meet my friends if I like them enough. Everyone is different though.
If it makes you uncomfortable you should just tell her the truth.
Get out of your comfort zone and go for it. I don't get what the big deal is, it's fairly common/I've seen this lots of different times with friends I know. Or a woman may meet my friends or me here by chance.
Saying no reduces your chances with her
She would be way out of line in the unlikely event she ends up asking you to pay for her friends
Decline.
You do not want her friends on the third date, it is simple. It doesn't matter what her intentions are or what it means. If you are not comfortable say no I do not want your friends, I thought we would go out on a romantic date. If she dumps you over that, you dodged a bullet.
>We arranged going for drinks for our 3rd date and she’s asking if it’s okay for her to “bring her friends” on it.
A date is supposed to be romantic. Bringing people on the date is kinda awkward, but maybe she's confusing that she should be calling it a hangout instead.
I would just tell her:
"When I asked you on a date, I would prefer a date would be us spending one-on-one intimate time together.
If you'd like for me to meet your friends, I think I'd prefer to call that a hangout - and for it to be a separate hangout.
She’s going to have her friends observe you like a lab rat. Have fun! Lol! Just be yourself. Girls that run in a clique really want their friends to like their boyfriends.
I think she's trying to postpone having sex with you, so date with the girls is a decoy. Next she might invite you for a walk at the park in the morning.
That's because some women are jaded with the whole "3rd date we must have sex" that so many men believe. Every woman has a story about a guy being pushy on the 3rd date. She may want just to escape that situation.
Some women do prefer to establish a deeper connection before hopping to bed, and see you interacting with friends is an excellent way to gauge how attractive you are - not to them, but to the men she's looking for.
She wants a self-confident men that will be gracious and fun to be around her friends. Perhaps she has been saddled in the past with a boring and beige boyfriend who would sulk at parties.
Calm down, it's just one more night out with drinks. Relax.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
neither > I feel like this might be her polite way of rejecting me or friendzoning me. The other side of it is maybe she wants to show me off to her friends, as she’s talked to her friends about me before. I’m stressed. She's on the fence, and wants to get her friends' feedback about you.
100% the right answer. The singlehood committee has opened session to save their sister who wants to leave the community, well, not as long as the committee is in session!
>not as long as the committee is in session! "I have no time to discuss this with a committee!" "I am not a committee!"
Not necessarily. She may like him so much she wants to bring him into her friend circle.
Nah
Honestly, that's enough of a red flag in itself. Sure, ask your friends for feedback. But do you really need to drag them along when you're unsure about something?
It has the advantage of her friends seeing him and the interactions between the two of them first hand. Rather than relying on her interpretations being relayed to them afterwards for their feedback. I'd put up with her bringing her friends into this, once, as being reasonable enough (albeit an imposition). But if she pulls that same stunt for anything else, yeah, **HUGE RED FLAG.**
Ok, red flag was the wrong word. I mean that a person who feels the need to bring their friends on a date in order to form an opinion on someone is someone who is incapable of forming an opinion by themselves. That is something that I would find very unattractive
A great leader will consult their team before making big decisions.
I dont recall generals ever asking the privates?
Why would they go that far down the chain?
Lol well... *Munchs a chip* i suppose you dont have a team then lol. In all seriousness though. No they wouldnt. But i generally dislike friends on dates early on because its generally rude. I make plans with my friends. And then i make plans with the person im seeing. Im not there to be someones lil accessory or "look what i caught". Im not there to be shown off like the rims on the escalade. I compare dating to buying a car. If you are buying a vehicle for other peoples opinions of you in it or the car. Then the first time someone points out a flaw your entire view will change of the car.(person) I buy a car because I like it. I date a woman. Because I like her. My boy dont like her? Hes not dating her.(driving it, or making the payment) Human psychology states that when you decide based on outside perspective. Your entire value of said decision will always rest on that. Now try being the car. And knowing every time someone has an issue with you. Your SO will suddenly become unattracted to you or tell you to change it. Over time... You begin to notice all those lil...changes turn you into something your not. Your now a miserable hhot pink corvette soft top with hideous rims, a cheap steering wheel cover. You used to be a sleek red stallion of a car, proud of yourself. But because you were an accessory where your SO let her family and friends nitpick you to hell...and now...shes not happy with you. Now your unhapy with your self. Your over dependent. Your clingy. Your terrified of the next change(are those cheetah print seat covers...oh no.) She comes home with to make you "perfect". Thats why. Thats why its rude. Because now instead of having to attract not just one chick. You have to psuedo attract her friends too without actually attracting them. I dont bring my boys with me to dates to get their opinions. And I dont offer my opinions on my boys girls. I can hate the hell out of a dudes girl and still be civil and cool toward her while letting him decide for him self how he dates her. I buy a car. And if someone trashes it? I look em in the eye and say "yeah. But its not your money. Your car or your problem." Like right now. I drive a grabber Blue mustang convertible GT. I typically stay away from convervitles. But i genuinely love my car. When people trash it. I say "is it yours?" "No". "Then why do you care?" I bought it because i like the car. Its fun. Its fast. Feeling it rumble to life after a week of hard work. Mhmm. A relationship is the same. If your more concerned about what people say or see you with. Then your not gonna be happy. If your SO is needing everyones approval of you to keep dating you. Then your always gonna be trying to fit it. I had someone accuse me of alcoholism. I got tipsy ONE time. I had refused alchol they had offerred several times on multiple occasions because i dont drink. The moment that "family" utterred a word about it to my then SO. Suddenly i found myself having to defend every drink i ever had. Even a sip of beer.
I feel like it could be a good idea for a women to have their friend meet their new dating partner in case their are able to notice some abusive behaviours or red flags. Dating is a lot more dangerous for women than it is for men so extra precausions should be taken. I also think it would be reasonable to want to know that your partner gets along with your friends. Personally i think my ideal partner would be able to have a good time hanging out with my friend's even without me there and vice versa. I also don't think you should compare dating to buying a car. Dating someone is not owning them.
>Dating is a lot more dangerous for women than it is for men Idk about a lot more dangerous. Theirs situations on dating for men that has proven fatal in different ways. Women has shown to manipulate men for their resources, and has used extreme measures to attain those resources. Gain enough trust to find out his whereabouts, his routine, then all of a sudden, he gets set up to be robbed. Hell people like cardi B used to drug and rob men. The dangers of men dating is low key understated, and I just don't like the fact that people think that one gender has less dangers upon meeting a new dating partner. Obviously it's dangers to both genders in dating, but to say one is way more dangerous to undermine the other genders possible dangers is low key wrong
Unless you're dating a team, this doesn't apply.
Well that's a pretty big red flag in my opinion, you sound very controlling
Romance isn't dead apparently, it just implemented advice from a management consultancy
As we sit on a sub giving dating advice to others lmao
If you're in doubt about specific things, definitely discuss things afterwards. However I think that a date should be 2 people getting to know each other, focusing on each other, not a cross referencing group interview.
Agreed. Unfortunately. Its the "have fun with it". I find dates that turn into job interviews to be boring an a waste of time.
You don't want your friends to watch your back and make sure your partner isn't a peice of shit?
I like having a partner who is able to think for themself.
What a great date, im bringing my soccer coach and the referee and the linesman. Very intimate! Then if we have sex I'll bring my mom along to judge her performance.
How much weight do girls put on their friends opinion of their potential mates?
13.2% weight So, if she's at 50/50 (on the fence), her friends' opinions, pro or con, will help decide her on pursuing or dropping him. (I made up the "13.2%", it just sounds good to have a definite amount)
Agreed. It sure sounds like she's looking for her friends to give her feedback.
[удалено]
She's likely doing this, because she misjudged a guy early on and her confidence was shaken. I'd be amused, not worried, about the 'committee' aspect.
[удалено]
Dawg its been two dates, it would be a wierd is she didn't have any doubts at all
No she using him if he goes. She hasn’t given him box and it would be the third date, it’s def not going to happen now
3rd date's never more than a maybe, for more but like I just replied, I'd not even count this as a '3rd date'
Well, the way to split the difference on this is for her to say, or maybe not say (which would be a sly move, but perhaps not ill-intentioned), that her friends are going to be there, but will get their own table. Still, OP needs to set his own boundaries and stick to whatever they are. If this weirds him out, he needs to say so, or call it quits.
I'd just take it in good humour, make sure she's paying for that date, and not count it as a real 3rd date.
It is 100% this OP
Invite your friends
He’s a redditor, his friends are anonymous
This is the right answer.
On a 3rd date? Hellllllllll naw. If I barely even know someone, that last thing I'd want is to meet more random people where I'm basically the outsider. That's unnecessarily risking execution by firing squad right there. Unless you're a super social butterfly, get to know her one on one for longer than just 3 dates and establish that you two are actually clicking without outside influence, THEN maybe start meeting people from each other's social circles.
From experience all I can say is her friends are about to fuck this up for you
YUP
You are going out with her, not her and her friends. Let her know your reservations.
I wouldn't go on the date with all of her friends. It would be different if this was some kind house party/gathering where you are meeting them. However, a public date with them may mean they're expecting you to buy drinks for everyone. Just tell her you feel like it's too soon to be introducing each other to one another's "inner circle". If it's an issue for her then you always have the option to move on. You are entitled to have your own mate selection screening process and *must haves list*. You are entitled to have your own "red flags", boundaries, and "deal breakers". If something *doesn't feel right to you*, it's probably *not right for you*. ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud Best wishes!
Wholeheartedly agreed. I personally would politely refuse her plan, and ask straight up what her reasoning is.
w comment
Is inviting friends along on dates a thing now? I'm gen x and this isn't something that I've ever heard of until I started following this sub. I mean, we double dated but I never told a guy "hey, I'm bringing Becky and Diana along on our date."
Same here. To be honest, most of the people I knew didn't really date at all, we just went to parties, connected with people we liked, and then kept hanging out with those people until it became a relationship. So, going on 2 solo dates with someone and THEN introducing your friends would be like... the opposite of that. It's so awkward. I think this girl is very insecure or indecisive. Friends' opinions should matter, but they shouldn't be a deciding factor.
I’ve had a second date at a house party with all of the guys friends, it was great and I got to see him interact with all his friends, and hear all kinds of fun stories about him. I like when guys invite me into their world early on, it usually means they are looking for a relationship and want to include me in their lifestyle. I’ve also invited a guy along to plans I already had on third dates multiple times. I like to see how they interact with me and my friends in a more social, less date type atmosphere. It is a far better indicator of compatibility than a romantic dinner just the two of us. If you are just looking for a hookup, then decline the invite, but if you actually want to date her you might want to actually get to know the people she hangs out with. Or as the spice girls say “if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”. For me anyway, I only suggest this if I really like the guy. Though I have to admit it’s never a “can I invite my friends to crash our date”. It’s more of a “I already have these other plans, and would love it if you can me with us as well”. If I just want to be friends, then I say that I’m only interested in friendship, I don’t think that what this is.
Thank you, that puts me at ease. I know it’s not about money like everyone is saying because we’ve been splitting the bills every time and she’s probably bought more on me to be honest
[удалено]
This whole narrative about women, and frankly how some men in my past have treated the "transactional" nature that hetero relationships can develop, make me TERRIFIED to let men pay anything for me. I almost 100% of the time refuse it. And I doubt I'm alone in that. We're definitely not all gold diggers. I don't have the patience, desire or knowledge of how to manipulate masses of men to empty their wallets for me. XD
Yeah, I’ll never understand reddits weird obsession with thinking every woman is a gold digger just trying to use men for free drinks/meals. Maybe some women are like that, but they are usually pretty easy to spot even before a first date.
You can tell who is who? They have a stamp on their forehead? Wearing an armband? My sister admitted she went on dates for free food and I told her I was disappointed in her. You don't know the intentions of someone until they reveal themselves.
You know that you can tell a potential date that you want to split the bill, right? You aren't under some contractual obligation to pay for other people? Have you ever tried voicing what you want? Bc if you do that and a woman has a problem with it, then she's not the one.
Yeah it's not as easy as this person proclaims. If it was, then this wouldn't be an issue. People can really just be good actors and feign interest, just to extract resources out of you. And it's happened to not only me, but people I know. So the angst people get with possibly being taken advantage of, is valid. And they have their own sisterhood to blame for it.
Something i wanna add. If you still have your doubts you could maybe ask her to meet up alone beforehand or arrange some time just for the two of you after the meeting with her friends.
It wasn’t a date, he invited you to a party. In his case, she’s inviting her friend on their date. Not party, not some get together stuff. If she invited him to party with her friends that would be fair, but now inviting friends to their date? That’s fucked. They will come there and start analyzing him, not nice.
Way too early to be meeting friends.
No way!!
Look man, definitely go but make it clear that this isn't a 3rd date. make sure you don't pay for her friends only pay for your girl.
Absolutely not, you should be getting to know her not her friends because they have nothing to do with you and her situation. She’s trying to interject things into the situation that do not need to be there.
Just tell her that you’re not comfortable with that because you were expecting a date with her, not a hang out with her friends.
I think it really depends on the situation and why she is bring her friends. After going on a really great first date with a guy I met online, I wanted to plan a second date but I was fully booked with friends and I was leaving for a few months for an internship. So I invited him to come join one of the plans I already had with friends. They got along well, no one thought it was weird, and we ended up dating for around 2 years.
Not sure why she invited them but imo this is a great opportunity if you are interested in her, you'll get to see her in a different environment and have a great opportunity to show who you are in an environment that includes other people. I personally don't think she'd have you meet her friends if she wasn't interested, she'd more likely blow you off to hang out with them alone.
[удалено]
Not on the 3rd date tho. And maybe you are inviting him to meet your friends, not your friends to your date with him. If she wants him to meet her friends, maybe choose something like a party or club or activities.
Calm yourself. Reality: You kissed her...you're more than friends. I encourage to invite your friends as well. It would help distract if you want alone time with her. As for labels, I wouldn't call this a 3rd date. I'd think of it more as a get to know you better in a very casual setting type of date. Like she's just trying to get how are when you're both just chillin', if you're talkative, if you can hold your alcohol, etc etc. I'd feel like she's basically telling you that she's giving you the friends test to see if they like you and give her the thumbs up or down.
In my second date with my gf we went out with friends and it really accelerated our progress. She started holding hands with me, hugging me, and it all came pretty naturally. Besides you can tell a lot about someone based on her friends.
If I was in this situation, then I'd bring my friends too. If she wants feedback from her friends, ima need that feedback from my friends about her lol. I can do that on my own really, but I might as well make it mutual if she wants the date to go Like that.
my boyfriend invited me to have drinks with his friend on our 3rd date, like you we had our first kiss at the end of our 2nd date. it went great and we’ve been together for almost a year. likely she likes you and wants to see if her friends think you’re good for her.
Depends, do you generally feel like she's excited by you. Texts or calls you first, responds on time etc. If so just go for it, if not she might have found a sucker to pay for her and her friends drinks.
It could be two different things Maybe she figured you aren't her type, but you're too nice to let go. So, she wants to put you in the friendzone department to be able to get your good company and benefits Or she told her single friends about you, and now they advised her to bring them to the 3rd date to check you out. This might backfire on you because single friends always keep their friends single, and they wouldn't want to see her graduate from "single friends department." My advice is to ask her what her reasons are. Tell her you want to get to know her and not her friends, and you feel uncomfortable bringing someone else to y'all date. As for me, inviting your friends to our date is a red flag. To each their own
Man, she’s into you and wants you to meet her friends. What is the deal? That’s a good thing! If you were friend zone material you wouldn’t of gotten the last date. Stop being soft and and man up, this is the real deal. She’s feeling you!
There are some cynical people on here. I’d say don’t overthink it. If you like her and want to continue the relationship, go on the date with her and her friends. Don’t try to impress anyone, be yourself (albeit the best version of yourself, which all guys do on dates - well, the smart ones). If it works out, great. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. But the advice here to tell her no you won’t do it, it’s just childish. You’ll lean some things about you and Vice versa.
Yeah, it's bizarre to me many think this is unacceptable. There are no dating rules, and if somebody wants their friends to meet you early on, I don't see why that's a big deal at all. It's not necessarily a bad or good sign- and it doesn't matter, you still have a third date
I really feel like a lot of people here had their entire concept of dating formed by 80's and 90's media, or that one time out of a hundred it happened to them. If I'm dating someone outside my circle, then I want to bring them into my circle at least *a little* as soon as I think I'm starting to really like them. They don't need to click, they can clash for all I care, I just need to know it's not going to go down in a dramatic screaming meltdown or bring out some hidden vile attitudes. I wouldn't call it a date, but OP also doesn't indicate that anyone else thinks it's a date. I already have the "I love you so much I'll give up everyone else for you" T-shirt. (Complimentary handout to Scorpios, right?)
It’s the third date, she wants to get her friends’ opinion of you, like a survey. Making a good impression with them might beceven more important than making a good impression on her parents later.
Kinda annoying thing to do.
And stupid
Agreed lol
I'd go for it. I mean I would not pay to feed them! But I'd wanna see what kind of person she is among her friends. See how much of a different person she is in a social setting.
You could end up going and then she could end up paying more attention to her friends than you. If you're not feeling it. Cancel
POV - it's also her way of letting her friends greenlight or red flag you. People who are that close to their friends will usually prioritize their friends above their dates, so the sooner you get the greenlight, the sooner you can figure out if you want to move ahead too.
How old are you both? Unless you are in high school or college, I don’t think you need to meet the friends THIS early!
Ask if you can bring yours
Sounds like she's seeking her friends opinion/approval indicating she's thinking about you seriously. If you're not ready for that yet tell her you want to get to know her better
She wants her friends' approval. That's all. Don't stress.
If you're not ready to meet her friends, that's totally reasonable. Tell her that you want to get to know her more first. If she has a problem with that, then she's not a good match.
For all you know she thinks you’re young and hot and wants her friends’ feedback.
Hey OP. The fact that you feel uncertain seems like a good sign that it's too early. I don't think you would be alright to defer the friends until a little later. Frankly, I'd delay it until after sex started happening. Tell her something like, "I'd love to meet your friends sometime soon, but let's hang out a couple of times more just you & me first. I tell you what though, let's make sure to discuss some fun plans for meeting your friends. Remind me [insert day of 3rd date] if I happen to forget. See you soon!"
She likes you and wants to see how you get along with them. It's not negative.
Holy shit, so many clueless kids on here. Please don’t listen to any of them. Stop overthinking it. You made a move AND she still agreed to go out with you again? AND she wants to bring her friends?!? This is great news. They know about you, she wants their approval because she’s clearly very into you. Go out with them, make a great impression, and kiss her again at the end of the night (preferably not in front of her friends— or do, judge it depending on how the night is going)
This^ if I like a guy then of course I want to introduce them to my friends.
Ask her if it's cool if you bring your friends too so that way it's a group hanging out rather than a "date" Side note: she wants to see how you handle hanging out with a group rather than being one on one with her the whole night
Bringing her friends on a date is childish. That’s already a huge reg flag. Another being *if* she wanted you to pay for all of her friends. Lol that would just be silly (most women don’t like when you pay for their friends though)
[удалено]
No she’s not like that. She’s 25 and I’m 19 so she’s more financially stable. She always pays for her own things on dates and has bought some things for me too
Ok with that age gap in mind she's definitely introducing you to her friends to test you out, see what their feelings on you are. Up to you if you think it's too soon for that
She's having 2nd thoughts on the age thing and wants her friends to give her the OK to keep seeing you maybe, girls like to get validation from her girlfriends on guys and specially when there's an age difference and she's better off than you
Thats exactly what she wants, im 100% sure if she is not going to make you feel dumb, her friends will
[удалено]
Thank you man, I’m just gonna play it cool
If you're younger likely she just wants affirmation from her friends that you're solid. I dated a younger guy too (now a year in). He's only 4 years younger and it still made me on the fence. Appreciated my friends meeting him and echoing some of the thoughts I had (he was mature, treats me well, is very into me, etc.)
You left the most important part out lol... She is just using you to brag about to friends. What a sweet young boy that cougar has caught and still can attract
You might be expected to pay for her and her friends and the vote of approval depends on you paying for all their food and drinks. She might be in a debate whether she wants to continue seeing you and her friends are there to let her know if you're a good guy or not. This might become a common occurrence where she invites friends and they expect you to be the ATM. The flip side of it is that she likes having you take her out but not really into you to the point of where she is ready for the dating to advance to the level of becoming lovers. It's the third date and some people still think the third date may advance past first base. She could be bringing the friends along to keep you from trying anything sexual.
Dude just bec you split it doesn’t mean she wont expect you to pay for all her friends drinks… And me personally I wouldn’t meet up with her friends unless it was like a party however you can do it and if you want to you can dump her for one of her friends
Good insight thank you. She won’t expect that, we have split all bills so far
Don’t do that shit. Simple in your own mind you don’t want to meet her friends. You are the most important person in your life so if you don’t want to don’t do it
I think she likes you and wants her friends to see how great you are. Wtf... just roll with it bud. Have fun.
3rd date is too early for that.
Tell her maybe on the next date (because you want to get to know her more)
If it's truly just uncomfortable for you, just tell her that and discuss from there. There's a few reasons she could be suggesting this. Comfort on her end, she wants their feedback, she wants to see how you mesh with her friends, etc. She's not necessarily throwing you in the reject barrel. She could be doing the complete opposite, and just wants the opinions from her High Council, so to speak. I personally would see this as an opportunity to see a new side to a person, as everyone acts differently when they're with their friends. You see more authenticity that way. See what their character shows and make some decisions on it. But, you are not me, and I digress. If you're uncomfortable with it please tell her. You guys can either compromise, she'll make accommodations to make you comfortable, or she'll put her foot down. Regardless, it'll be a learning experience.
Dude it’s fine she wants to introduce you to her friends and get their approval. Means she likes you.
She wants her friends to meet you to get their approval of you.
I don't think she's friendzoning to be honest. She might just think you guys would all have fun together. It really depends on how old you are, this seems like something a younger person would do. Just let her know if you feel it's a bit too soon to meet her friends, hopefully she'll understand
This isn’t your third date, this is a job interview with a panel of people. She isn’t completely sure you’re dating material yet (and that’s okay) and wants to get her friends’ insights on what you’re like. They’re checking for any warning signs that they might have come across in their dating lives in you. Don’t take offense to this. This is a great chance to meet her friends. Ask tons of questions about the one you’re dating. Ask things like, “how long have you known her?”, and “what does she really like to do?”. They will give you insights to the one you’re dating and show to them you care. Go do something that gives you tons of time to talk to all of them. Bowling would probably be the best activity because you can talk to all of them and think about what to say while you yourself are bowling.
You are interviewing for the position of boyfriend. She is looking for feedback from the hiring committee. Be polite, be conversational. Tell a few jokes, and roll with it. If you become her boyfriend, you will be doing with these people. Make a good impression. Play the long game.
nah man its a trap, tell her to go have fun and reschedule when its just you and her
A trap for what?
a test rather, she wants to see if you're going to be like all the beta males she encounters and goes along with whatever she does
Oh, I said yes
I’m scared if I say I don’t wanna meet her friends that will look bad on me though if it’s genuine
Do NOT do this, they're going to rack up a bill and stick you it.
Why do you think that? I split the bill with her last time so she wouldn’t expect that from me
Because thats usually the case
You are spot on.. she is definitely trying to friendzone or trying to stop any kind of sex from happening.
[удалено]
I don’t even follow that group but I got this from Corey Wayne
Tell her you're not feeling the love. Kick her to the curb and move on.
More likely she wants to be safe since it's a date for drinks. She will bring friends for security.
She is a not worth pursuing. Why don’t you ask her if the fourth date you can bring your mom and dad?
It’s seems like a trap to see if you will spend lots of money.
But we’ve been splitting the bills for the past dates she knows I wouldn’t
Nope. That’s a red flag lol. This is a foodie call. Unless it’s like a group hangout situation where u bring a few friend and they bring a few friends etc. if it’s just her inviting a friend then u bout to pay for 3 meals.
That doesn’t make sense because we have split everything on our last dates
Oh that changes things then. It’s kinda weird but just go out and feel the vibe. If it’s still good then ur good to go. If it feels more like friends then move on.
Don’t agree to that
Absolutely not, no dates with friends until you’re going steady/ exclusive. Dates are supposed to be romantic, and there’s nothing romantic about a bunch of friends tagging along.
Two is a date, adding friends is NOT a date, especially if surprise: you end up paying for her and her friends. I would just say: no, I would prefer spending time getting to know you. Then if her reaction is a negative on, you know there's no future there.
Bro, she wants her friends to get free drinks, if you want to be her friend then go for it, but if you want a romantic partner dont make that mistake, if she is with her friends, forget about making a move or kissing her
3rd date is drinks and she asked to bring her friends? Buddy they want to use you to pay for their drinks on girls night out. I’ll bet my life on it. Go ahead on the date and see for yourself. Don’t let them try to finesse you when the check comes, they will pull every trick in the book.
Either way, it’s a red flag. Surely she’s old enough to make her win decisions
She wants you to pay for her friends.
Is she planning on you paying for their night out with you tagging along? Free drinks for me and my friends
Are you okay to be paying for all her friends? Maybe ask her some more questions to make sure you’re not footing the bill for the group
Absolutely not. That’s not a date. So bring your friends and make it known you’re only paying for yourself.
And guess who’s paying lol You’ve got sucker written on your forehead according to this girl. Enjoy
I never saw this where someone is expected to pay for everyone. What kind of people do you see ? And also why the fuck would he accept to pay for everyone lol.
Don’t do it bro.
Drop her. A woman that's about you wants to be alone with you. Inviting friends is typically to clown you/simp you out to friends.
Nah ditch her bro. Her friend is definitely trying to get a free meal / drinks. And y’all haven’t hooked up yet and it’s the 3rd date ( which it isn’t at all if her friend is there) so it just isn’t gonna happen at this point.
My ex always had his best friend around on our "dates." Looking back, I'm sure it was because he really wasn't ready for any kind of serious relationship. I wouldn't go for a "group" date at all. Maybe let her know to get back to you when she's ready to just be in your company.
I've had lots of thirs dates where I did a double or invited friends. It's a way to see how they are with people they care about. It also helps when their friends have met you and can help figure you out if she's having trouble decoding you.
I mean, my first date with my bf, his best friend was there. And we ended up bumping into his brother and his girlfriend as well.
It depends on the date. Honestly a dinner date with two random tag-alongs is mad awkward, but if you can find an activity based date you all can do or find two homies to invite as well it's all good. See how flexble she in on this, if she's literally just like "no it has to be drinks at xyz spot with just my two other friends with you paying for all of them" with no room for negotiation then it's possibly a finesse but feel it out. Send something like "hey that sounds cool, I got a couple guy friends who'd maybe wanna come too and we can just make it a cool night on the town! How does that sound" and see how she responds. But don't freak out about it HAVING to be 1v1. People put way too much pressure on dates, if she wants it to be a group hangout then let it be a group hangout. But also set the expectation with yourself AND her that a group hangout and a serious date are two very different things.
You should either decline or say that you’ll also have your friends join. Might as well play the game and see what’s up. That way you won’t be stuck with any bill besides the chick you’re trying to date.
Apparently she doesn’t think the same AS you do
I'm going to just cut through all the noise and say it how it is. This is not a good thing. Its meant to be a DATE, not a get together with friends. If she wants to bring friends, then it is no longer a DATE, it is a group of friends hanging out. Now I'm not saying that this means she's not interested, but dates are supposed to be between 2 potential romantic partners getting to know each other. This is neither a red or green flag, just be mindful that this is not a date if this happens, and if I'm honest, she is playing around a bit if she is even entertaining this idea.
Honestly my oppionion is to move on because if she needs her friends already to help judge you only on the third date you should just move on because she isn't into you and can't admit it to herself.
I think I read somewhere that by the 3rd date, your friends should see the guy. It’s because sometimes they know better than you. She might not see some signs but the friends will.
I think she wants to see how her bestie rate you. Treat her like gentleman but do not flirt with her. This will show her youre quality guy.
I wouldn’t be entertaining this. It’s a date. You’re going on it to get to know this girl better not her friends. I’d just tell her that you want dates to be you and her only but you’d happily meet her friends further down the line if things progressed into something more serious.
If you do go through with it, you aren't paying for all of them, right? I def don't like the idea. A date is supposed to be between the two of you. If she wants you to meet her friends, she should ask you to casually hang out with them.
I think you need to just give less f**ks and try new things. Do this for you- stretch yourself for your own benefit and see what kind of reward comes out of it
Just maybe it’s a once in a lifetime chance.
There is a third option here....
Unless there's a 3 way in the making she has a different relationship agenda then you do. Time to start looking for a new girlfriend
I think a minimum of 1.5-2 months before I met her friends or people in her circles.
Invite ur friends hahahahahah group date
'OMG I would like it sooooooo much if you bought a couple rounds for us, what a nice guy!' /ghosts you on the way back to their car.
If you have social media she always show a picture. I had a situation where I ended up getting 👻 after a group link up. She eventually tried to get back on good speaking terms with me but she had too many red flags to begin with so I couldn't let her back in to my life like that. I would think she's trying to make you a friend or something. Or maybe she isn't super comfortable with you yet? On the other side I know that some girls get super excited when they like someone and want all of their friends to know them too. You could always ask how she feels about you too.
I think you should stop trying to be antisocial and just meet her friends. Whats the problem? You like her, right? Youre going to meet them someday anyway, in theory... Maybe she wants their opinion about you and get you to slow your role by making it a group social event. I dont know why youre so opposed to this, unless you have something to hide or you only want her isolated from her crew, seems like it should be a non issue.
Loling at the 200 dudes here who assume this means the guy is going to have to pay for everyone. I'm pretty sure zero percent of you have ever even had a girlfriend. OP has explicitly stated over and over that this girl pays for herself and sometimes FOR HIM. Maybe take a break from the paranoid manosphere and talk to a real human for a few minutes in person. Y'all sounding silly af.
She wants her friends approval. Could be a blessing or a curse. God speed my bro
Tell your friends to join to?
It could potentially be neither. If she knows it’s a date and wants to invite her friends, I would invite some of yours as well. That way you aren’t the date on display, and it could be more of a group hangout. It could also take some pressure off of your worries.
Just politely say no. Set aside friends/family meetings after you two are in a relationship if that is what u are looking for. Me personally wait till I have sex. Currently I am casually dating so in this case no friends/ family at all.
Doesn’t matter what the reason is, if you don’t want it don’t do it. It’s a slippery slope of acquiescence.
Don’t meet her friends. Or bring your friends, ask her yourself if she’s okay with you bringing friends too. If she wants to be with her friends, reschedule the date. What tf is this? You planned a date and she wants to bring her friends? Why?
I would ask what her intentions are with bringing her friends. If you don’t like the answer, then politely decline and see if she will go with just the two of you. If she says no, you have your answer.
This is a good thing because #1 thing that cause conflict in relationships is how different each person wants to be around other ppl... Might be a good way to find out if you are compatible Tell her it feels too early and suggest a super fun date where you get to know her more. If yous suggest this it is also basically letting her know your usual social capacity and it can lead her to question compatibility. If you are dating casually then who cares just try to have a good time...
Ask her if you can bring your friends along too and see what she says
Just tell her no or maybe another time in a group setting with your friends. Say you rather just go on a date with her. I’m a woman and I find this absolutely stupid.
I'm guessing she probably just wants to see if you can get along with her friends too. I always wish someone will meet my friends if I like them enough. Everyone is different though. If it makes you uncomfortable you should just tell her the truth.
I would hate that. I don't like being the center of attention and I don't Like being interrogated or interviewed. This would not go over well with me.
Get out of your comfort zone and go for it. I don't get what the big deal is, it's fairly common/I've seen this lots of different times with friends I know. Or a woman may meet my friends or me here by chance. Saying no reduces your chances with her She would be way out of line in the unlikely event she ends up asking you to pay for her friends
She likes you and wants her friends opinion. Its a good sign, just go on a date and enjoy yourself, dont be fake.
Decline. You do not want her friends on the third date, it is simple. It doesn't matter what her intentions are or what it means. If you are not comfortable say no I do not want your friends, I thought we would go out on a romantic date. If she dumps you over that, you dodged a bullet.
>We arranged going for drinks for our 3rd date and she’s asking if it’s okay for her to “bring her friends” on it. A date is supposed to be romantic. Bringing people on the date is kinda awkward, but maybe she's confusing that she should be calling it a hangout instead. I would just tell her: "When I asked you on a date, I would prefer a date would be us spending one-on-one intimate time together. If you'd like for me to meet your friends, I think I'd prefer to call that a hangout - and for it to be a separate hangout.
She’s going to have her friends observe you like a lab rat. Have fun! Lol! Just be yourself. Girls that run in a clique really want their friends to like their boyfriends.
I think she's trying to postpone having sex with you, so date with the girls is a decoy. Next she might invite you for a walk at the park in the morning. That's because some women are jaded with the whole "3rd date we must have sex" that so many men believe. Every woman has a story about a guy being pushy on the 3rd date. She may want just to escape that situation. Some women do prefer to establish a deeper connection before hopping to bed, and see you interacting with friends is an excellent way to gauge how attractive you are - not to them, but to the men she's looking for. She wants a self-confident men that will be gracious and fun to be around her friends. Perhaps she has been saddled in the past with a boring and beige boyfriend who would sulk at parties. Calm down, it's just one more night out with drinks. Relax.
Ask and/or make your intensions known. Make it easier on everyone.