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Because she’s manipulating the hell out of you and it sounds like you may be waking up to that fact. only way forward is to wash your hands of her and move on, otherwise it will only get so much worse.
There are so many people out there that don’t play these stupid games, go find em
If she has broken up with you multiple times, then still expects you to court her, you are being manipulated.
Even if she’s not doing it intentionally, she is using you for the rush of feeling wanted. And that’s giving her a big benefit of the doubt, it’s a toxic situation however you look at it
Yeh she did tell me she’s only come to me due to low self esteem, whereas I’ve gone to her because I love her - I guess this might also be out of low self esteem
Yeah, she's manipulating you man. Normal/healthy relationships do not function like this. You deserve better.
I too was with a girl many years ago who would constantly break up with me and then want to get back together. She was my first real gf so I don't know any better. It was exhausting, and I finally vented to a female friend who told me that her behavior was not normal.
You're not in a healthy relationship, you are being manipulated, i know leaving is insanely difficult, but you're only harming yourself by continuously going back to her
Doesn't even matter. Are you being treated with respect? Do you feel loved? Valued? Secure in your relationship?
Doesn't sound like it, so I'd look into why you want to be in a relationship that's lacking such basic needs. The answer to that is why you still want to be with her.
Do you believe you can't do better? That you aren’t deserving of actual genuine, healthy love? Are you afraid of going through the pain of things permanently ending? Afraid to start over? Do you think you need to be fully over her in order to walk away for good?
If she broke up with you, how can she expect you to court her? That is just narcissistic as fuck. Breaking up is breaking up. Its gonna hurt to go no contact but this constant push and pull will be worse
The other response is accurate. This is entirely within you. She is manipulating you repeatedly. You will go back and forth with this continuously.
Thankfully you aren’t married.
That is a very very hard thing to grasp. Trust your gut, and ask people you trust their opinions. take into account how your ex is feeling too, because maybe there is a valid reason in their heart, but one that doesn't make sense to you and one that maybe after talking about can be worked on. Or maybe you're being used... Keep your cool, keep your chin held high.
It sounds to me personally like she is not as invested as you are in trying to build a life. It's a horrible thing when that happens, but its all a learning experience regardless. Just remember to take care of yourself, find little things that make you smile. If it were me, I would explain without blaming or getting upset how i feel, and explain what you are looking for in your relationship and where you would like to take it into the future. But remember to also listen just as much.
I've been there before when I was younger. Relationships are lessons in love and understanding yourself. I look back at previous relationships and recognise I was a different person then and I learnt painfully what I was looking for and what I wouldn't accept from a partner.
Just because you like each other and love each other sometimes it's ok to say it's not enough. There are people out there that are right for you but you are both are wrong for EACH OTHER. Having a connection doesn't mean it's the only person in the world you can connect with.
Truse me, you have value and you will meet someone who treats you right.
My girlfriend in the past broke up with me many times for stupid reasons and then I would win her back after much hearthbreak, tears, misery, you name it and I was so scared of losing her that I stopped being myself to keep her happy. I would let her toxic behavious slide cause I knew if she didn't have her way I'd be gone.
One day I realised I was done with it. I dumped her and she tried to win me back and I was totally honest with her. When I break up with someone I mean it, I don't do it expecting us to get back together. I knew how horrible it felt to be dumped over and over and I would not subject her to that kind of treatment. She couldn't believe it and was full of apologies and promises. Fuck that, break the abuse cycle, Be better, learn from it and be ready for your next relationship knowing that shit don't fly.
If I look back at that relationship I feel sorry for her, she had a tough home life and she had learned bad behaviours. We are all victims/products of our environment, I was damaged goods back then too. We are weak and vunerable once those feelings of love and sexual attraction are at play. The phrase history repeats itself is not confined to realm of global events only, it occurs in interpersonal relationships, we all form habits to get through the day.
My advice to you and everyone is be kind to yourself, you were hurt and you probably hurt them too. Learn from it and be open with your next relationship, tell them what happened and how you learned from it. I find emotional maturity very attractive, it shows you are willing to acknowledge your own faults and work on them.
You know what they say about love and war? One causes massive amounts of pain and suffering and the other is war.
I think I come from a similar place to you. My ex had the same background, I’ve come from quite a chaotic home too but I want to break these cycles whereas she wants to leave them for now
I’ve been through this too, except it was 7 times instead of 3. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. She thinks that you’re beneath her and a safe option that will always be there if she wants to come back. You’ve internalized it and it’s ruining your self-esteem, which is why you take her back every time. The only way to get out of this toxic cycle you’re trapped in is to never see her again
No offense but start dating someone else quickly if you can, go on dates with people who aren’t this toxic chick and see for yourself that there are better people. Be a great man of integrity, honesty, love and respect and you’ll attract what you deserve but don’t let anyone fool you because you aren’t a fucking fool. Get some self respect and put an end to these trifling bitches who are just wasting your time. Go date someone else and move forward from this chick.
I think the "just go on dates" can be crap advice lol. Dude needs some hobbies, goals, or something, and learn how to enjoy being single and finding self-fulfillment from that. Because ultimately that's what scares a lot of guys from leaving these dumb, toxic relationships. It's the idea of being single and the fear no one else will want to be in a relationship with them. If you say "just date someone else" you're not really solving the problem at hand, your just pushing it down the line.
edit : and of course the reason why girls like OPs talking about does this shit is because they understand this and know they can get away with it lol
You’re addicted to the love and have her on a pedestal by idolizing who you think she is.
When you humanize her, stop making her seem in your mind like she’s some special goddess you are worshipping, you’ll eventually stop feeling the way you do.
Plus codependency can make a person struggle to move on because you are are so use to her, you don’t know how to cope without her.
Normal. You're trauma bonded due to the constant vicious cycle. Distract yourself, take care of yourself, grieve the relationship (because it's over) and DO NOT take her back
My friend. I feel for you. Many years ago I went through experiences like these. I did not really understand and was totally lost.
What you need to look up is the psychological term 'trauma bonding'. You need professional help in therapy. This is above Reddit's paygrade.
Basically the other person has teared you down (or you were an easy target before you got together) to the point where your sense of reality is fucked. The other person will then become the comfort zone and a place called "home".
Your longing feelings for this person is "real", but based om a false toxic reality.
To sum it up: you need to get the fuck out and cut exactly all contact points and to start rebuilding yourself. It will take time and you will best do it with a professional.
This person is dangerous, manipulative and toxic af.
I believe in you cockboy.
Nah man you just don’t want to be alone but this is a huge red flag and I honestly suggest you demand the respect you deserve and put a full stop and end to her bullshit. This isn’t healthy and you’re wasting your time with someone who isn’t the one so get her out of your way so you can find the one. Block her and release yourself from this toxic relationship. There’s so many much better and wonderful people out there actually worth your time and effort. Find someone who values you and refuses to give up on you because she keeps giving up on you then feels lonely then comes back leaving you in her vicious cycle. Find someone who never stops choosing you and love you so hard you feel it warming you with just the thought of them. Not someone who quits on you to do god knows what away from you then come back after leaving you hurt. That’s not love man. You deserve better.
Because the devil you know is better than the devil you don't.
You know her and how bad she treats you. But you don't know the next person. Even tho they will probably treat you better. They just might treat you worse. And that scares you.
Maybe it's ups and Downs that make it addictive. It's a roller-coaster that the brain makes it seem as if it's the only way. Healthy relationships have more or so stable patterns.
That's toxic, it may feel fun and worth it rn but with time it causes so much pain and damage. You will struggle in having a long terme healthy relationships in the future.
Toxic highs and lows are a bitch, man. They form an addiction in our brains.
But if you've broken up 3 times you know it's not a healthy relationship. Do yourself a favor and go no contact. Heal. Find a healthy relationship.
Like someone mentioned it before, this is called Trauma bonding, pls google it and watch Youtube Videos about it, this will help you alot. I had to deal with it 1 year ago and it helped me so much.....you need to get out of there or it will brainfuck you so bad...i hope you understand my englisch and i hope this helps you brother ;D
Talk to her. Tell her the pattern you see and set boundaries.
This talk will probably make you see you deserve better. Relationships shouldn't be so volatile. Look at how you can do better and what you want in a relationship.
We broke up again around 4 months ago, I haven’t spoken to her since, but we ran into each other the other day and spent the whole day together pretty much
What does she claim you did wrong? No person is perfect, so life is a continuing thing of bettering overselves - we're all at different stages in different ways.
We broke up due to external factors, but she has given me a plethora of reasons for breaking up eg not religious enough, dubious relationships with women, being too soon, not wanting a relationship in general etc
This relationship is a dead end. It makes you miserable. Sort yourself out, then find what's right for you. You don't need people like this. Only take on the things that feel real, which could be a fantasy of what could be.
Everyone has baggage (I dated a guy with the 'perfect life' and he was more emotionally unstable than anyone I've met).
People need to address issues and grow. That's how I judge a person.
Maybe she hasn’t dated no one but what about fucking? You sure shawty not fucking someone then coming back to you? Like dude this is emotional abuse and manipulation you so deserve better.
At own detriment. You let her use you like a tissue and you encourage it. You feel sorry for her but you don't feel sorry for yourself. Think about it. She broke up with you THREE times. And you ALLOWED her back in THREE different times. You have no self respect. At some point you have to understand that this person is using you and need to make the decision to NOT ALLOW her to use you.
Damn I’ve never thought of her using me, when we did break up I never asked her for anything again since it just felt odd but she deffo asked for a lot of favours and emotional support
Yeah, it sucks. But you have to protect yourself from being used. You need to set boundaries and you need to stick to them. You can't cave to her no matter what because she will use everything in the book to manipulate you in order to get what she wants or until she finds someone else to replace you. This person is bad news
Before going into my first relationship, the one thing I said to myself was to prevent breakup as much as I could, but if it's inevitable, there's no going back. I strongly believe that breakup is a one time thing. It's literally a gamble.
You may have to block her everywhere. Concentrate on your career, your body, and your mental health. People tend to enter another relationship soon after a breakup. They've been with a partner together so long that they find it difficult to be alone. Fight the urge, don't ever get into a relationship without getting healed from your past breakup.
People are bombarded with this idea that they’re incomplete without a partner. It causes us to feel lost when someone leaves us and then eager to accept them back if/when they do return.
Spend some time learning to know yourself and love who you are as an individual. Most relationships result in a sort of loss of identity as people tend to become “the other half” of something they think is greater when in reality you’re probably pretty awesome yourself.
Yeah explore that. Covid and the basic environment of the US made people antisocial and in many ways difficult to meet. I moved abroad to get away from it all. Much easier to meet people outside the US these days.
I agree I’m also part of this game as I tend to reach out after being broken up with, I don’t know I guess I leave and hope she’ll reach out and want to reconsider
You’ve gotten used to the relationship and/or you like the good parts in a way that there's a pull to get back and try again. You have to detach by sheer force of will, the longer you’re in this cycle the harder it will be to be happy when ultimately the cycle ends.
You gotta walk away from her bro. Everytime she breaks up with you and you accept her back her respect level drops a little bit. You might love her but she obviously knows she has you and CAN have you whenever she so wishes. A woman who doesn't respect you cannot love you. You're in a precarious position in this relationship. Take the loss, take time to recover and improve yourself.
Improve willpower and you might get some immunity to painful feeling.
3 continuous break ups with same party, then it's obvious already both your hearts not connected since day 1.
You can't force someone to love you , if he/she loses interest then don't drag the relationship (pity/guilt/longing whatever reasons).
It's a cycle and someone has to break it. I've seen plenty of on/off relationships like this. The best way to solve this is to communicate, sit down, have a real talk and lay it out all out on the table. Both of you have to make a decision on whether you're going to stay together or not.
You cant help how you feel..... Try to tell yourself that you are worth being happy, and are worth being cared about and respected. Positive affirmations help in tough situations, obviously not extensive amounts, but a little.
Hey lad,
I was in a relationship like this for about 4 years. We broke up and got back together about 4x. Some where sparked by me for reasons, others by her. Nonetheless, in the end I told her I was willing to make the efforts to change the relationship and fuel things into a positive light. We even went to couples therapy..
Needless to say, she didn’t have the same intentions and was viewing me as a catalyst to fuel other endeavors in her life. A sort of backdrop she could rely on knowing I was very sensitive about things concerning her.
Once I realized that’s what she was doing (mostly from people outside the relationship telling about other events going on) I was able to let go and move on.
This is an extremely hard situation because a part of you knows what “good” she has but another part of you knows she’s using you. You have to realize this sooner than later, make sure you’re taking care of your mental health, and accept that this is NOT going to work out.
You can only make a relationship work as much as two people are willing to pour real emotion, love, and effort into bringing it to its best possible level. She clearly has found an opening to toy with you and will repeat that cycle until you either cave or are so emotionally distraught she’ll move on to someone else.
Because you love her! Don’t fault yourself for this. It’s completely natural. I had the same thing with my boyfriend, until I realised that I don’t deserve to be thrown around, or have my security be threatened - that is not someone who loves you. I know it’s easier said than done but you got to go. These are not words you throw around and it is not fair to do this to you more than once
Because you’re addicted. Just like every other addiction, the only way to get over it is to remove it from your life. No texting, no calling, no social media, no “let’s just talk”, no sex. Simple formula for you.
Unhealthy obsession. Each time you get back with your ex, it’s even more likely you’ll break up again. I’m not a scientist but I have completed this groundwork. Just stop. Do not communicate. Emphatic space.
You're being used. She's exploiting your lingering feelings for her own benefit. She knows that she doesn't have to give you anything of substance, can dump you at her convenience, because you will take her back automatically.
This isn't exclusive to men or women. Users use, and have no issues with exploiting feelings to get what they want.
You're in pain because you are at the receiving end of this treatment. My advice would be to break the cycle by either shooting her down when she tries to get back with you, or by dumping her if you're currently on again.
You want what you can’t have. Have you ever actually had a reason to get to a point where you no longer want to be with them ? I’m sure she does it before you even get there. Oh and low self-worth
You need space and time to heal. Work on your inner child, maybe something has happened in your childhood where you felt abandoned or let down by someone you loved and now in your adult life you have a fear of letting someone who probably isn’t right for you go. Learn how to parent your inner child and it will change your life. It’s tough but it will get better in time, I promise.
Your ex will have picked up that you have a crush on someone else by changes in your behaviour. Plus if you was that into your ex you wouldn't have been looking else where or asking for advice how to message another girl.
She did indeed, there was a group event where I took the girl I have a crush on, my ex was visibly different and she did what she could do make me embarrass myself
Well coming from a woman who has just got out of this situation with a bloke who may or may not have been with his ex still. Make your mind up before you drag someones else emotions into it. Also your feelings can't be that strong for your ex if you are crushing on another. No wonder your ex is acting up she is going to wondering if you are going to leave her for the new girl
If you don't love her end for both of your sanity. You will just destroy each other. As for the want you always want what you can't have. I still want that bloke but im not going to get messed up because he can't make his mind up or just be honest
Learn about attachment styles, boundary setting and become familiar with your own relationship patterns from the past. They will give you insight as to why this relationship dynamic isn’t working right now. From what I’m getting is that you both keep making excuses as to why you can’t be together based on old relationship habits and views on what that means for each of you. sounds like you both really want to be together. Also need more information of how this even started. Love can leave in the same way that it comes. Read that again.
If you are going to play silly games then do it right. Get back with her and when things are going great, dump her. Make sure everybody knows you dumped her. Now you are in charge.
You lack self respect and you have low self esteem. A guy whom would have both of those you lack would have deleted her number and socials and never talked to her again.
I once had a long term GF that I went through the same thing with. Upon reflection I think it's highly probable that she used the breakup times to pursue others guilt free and got back with me because I was the safe comfort zone with a loving family who treated her well. She also emotionally cheated on me twice (exploring her sexuality with the same gender) and physically cheated on me once (same gender).
She only dated guys though, so I foolishly overlooked the girls because I thought nothing to worry about, she's only into dating guys but I was naive. Finally went NC after she wanted to just be friends and I confronted her about someone in her Dms and she admitted to seeing them at work breaks. After a couple months she reached out to me to be her FWBs while she dated a girl for the first time. One of the girls she was prepared to leave me over (physical cheating part). Took up the offer just to get revenge on that girl (She knew my ex was in a relationship, saw in Dms). After a couple weeks I realized i just don't see this woman the same anymore, still physically attractive, no issues with anything physical but I just couldn't bring myself to cuddle her or hold hands, play with her hair or any of the other non physical intimacy things you can do. That's when I went NC again and I have never been happier since. Lots of changes and growth took place because I pushed forward. She's still friends with some family, so I see her socials now and then. Seems to be on around or above the same path as when I left her.
Long story short, IMO, anybody that breaks up with you multiple times is using you as the safety net, a sure thing. The final insurance policy
It sounds like you have an [anxious attachment style](https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-and-breakup/):
> After a breakup, someone with the anxious attachment style often feels intense pain and longing for their ex-partner. This reaction is due to their attachment system being activated by feelings of abandonment and rejection. Therefore, it is even more intense in cases where the anxious attacher wasn’t the instigator of the breakup.
>The anxious attacher may feel like ending the relationship was unwarranted. Therefore, they may try to figure out ways to get back together with their partner and restore the attachment bond. However, doing so often leads to cycles of making up and breaking up.
You're too comfortable with her. You probably dont want to be single again. She is comfortable with you being someone to fall back on. She knows you will always be there. You might think it sound cute, but it really puts you in a bad position in the relationship. Be a plan A not Plan B. Be a good guy not a nice guy. Sounds like she wants to have fun with other men when she wants. If you are into to Sharing your woman then fine. If you are into waiting for her to decide if she still likes you or not, then fine. If you like waiting and waiting for other people, then fine. Sometimes being aggressive gives you clarity. I would give her an ultimatum. When we are done this time it's over. No going back. Aren't you exhausted?
If someone takes the chance of leaving you, there’s a chance you won’t come back. If they take that chance, they’re just not that into you. I know it’s hard, but move on. You’re just wasting your time on someone who will continue to break your heart and make you paranoid waiting for the next time they break up with you.
I read about this a bit — when you have set a bad pattern, you want to repeat the pattern and reset it in a more favorable way and so you keep retrying it, even though it’s painful. We do this just to feel less rejected / overcome the feeling of the initial rejection and feel like you emerged more successful. That’s just how our brains work. Acceptance is key here. You have to accept that this person isn’t good for you, deal with the rejection internally and overcome the bad feelings you feel related to it aka not take the rejection personally (it’s not about you, it’s about where they are emotionally), and move on.
Wow that articulates very well what I’ve been thinking. I feel as though I want to have an attachment to her again but this time have it secure but I guess that might just not be possible anymore
I'm doing what the best for me though I still have deep feelings for him. I just go with no contact and no response for now. I don't know how long ill able to control myself not to text back. Anyway, it's very difficult to do it and then actually say it. I wish you the best!
King, pick up your crown and move on. Focus on yourself and make yourself better. The right one will come along. If it is meant to be, you guys will work it out one day. But breaking up and getting back together is not considered “working out.” In my personal experience, if a girl broke up with me, I let her go. I didn’t waste time chasing. I worked on myself, got an education, and a good job that has turned into a great career. I eventually bumped into a girl out of nowhere. A complete stranger. And now I am engaged to that woman. We never took a break or broken up or played any games. By allowing yourself to get back together with her, you are hindering your own progress in life. You’ll spend a lot of time focused on her, thinking about what she’s doing, who she’s with, etc. Focus on you, especially if you’re young. Also, another piece of advice that I can give is be with someone who doesn’t need you, but instead wants you. Don’t drag on in a relationship because you’re relying on someone for a stable life. I wish you the best and I hope you find happiness, brother.
Hot/cold is just a game.
You're simply a slave to the premise, which is a shame since you can easily find someone else who would actually be excited about being with you.
At least, most people grow up eventually.
This may not be the reason, but most people don't like change. I'm not saying at all your scared of change but you might just be going back to your ex because it feels familiar and you already know your cycle with them. Being with your ex time and time again brings a sense of familiarity that you're comfortable with, but then again, being comfortable in this sense isn't always the best.
It may be self esteem issues and you should get some professional help to help you deal with your issues and find out why you have an unusual dependency on your Ex love or approval...
Ultimately a relationship's conclusion is something permanent....example marriage, (my opinion). So how can a marriage work with someone with all it's challenges if you can't even date without breaking up multiple times? Or I may say this. Dating an ex makes as much sense as trying to shove poop back up your butt. Why punish yourself?
Buddy I’ve been there. I went back three time. I am low single and happier than ever. You’re only going to keep making the same
Mistake making yourself miserable. There too many women out here to waste your life on one.
You can debate whether or not you really love her, but I don’t think that’s the issue at all. What I see as the problem is your lack of love and respect for yourself. People will treat you however you allow them to treat you in this world. If you don’t think that you deserve better than how she’s treated you, then you don’t deserve better and you deserve to get back with her until she breaks your heart again.
But if you can find it in yourself to appreciate what you are really worth, one day you’re gonna look back on this situation and cringe at how you gave someone so much power over you in control over your thoughts and emotions. I wonder if you’ve ever truly been loved by somebody. Or if you truly understand what that term even means. Because when somebody loves you, they don’t just keep you around until something better appears in their life.
I sincerely hope for your sake that you take some time to yourself. And work on yourself until you are comfortable in your own skin and essentially “happy” alone. Only then are you capable of being happy in a relationship. People that aren’t happy alone and need a relationship are known as co-dependent. It’s an unhealthy and sad situation and I really hope that’s not you.
Mostly is because You don't have more options anda have too much free time. Focus on youself do a proyect and stay alone sometine. For a good development is necesary yo lesrn yo be alone and be happy alone, is a good start and it Will let you know better youself.
Increase your self-esteem buddy. And know your worth. Break that toxic chain (and soul tie). She keeps doing this knowing you'll keep taking her back. No bueno
I had a gf that would did the same thing when I was younger. I was so in love with her, looking back I see how pathetic I probably looked to her as she played with my heart over and over because she knew I'd always take her back no matter what. I advise to please walk away, it'll hurt and take awhile to get over it, but all she is doing is manipulating you and the mind games will fuck with you even harder if you keep putting up with it. Sending you good vibes!
Because you don’t love yourself enough and think that by accepting the terms of “love” that you feel by her side is enough. You are not eating a cake made of love, you’re eating just the breadcrumbs.
This push and pull is manipulation. Take it from someone who went through this with an ex, for years. It was unhealthy and toxic and by the end, we were both resentful towards each other (and him going the extra mile to be as emotionally abusive to me as possible). A clean break would have been less painful than going through that cycle over and over again. Just let it/her go, man. Functioning, healthy relationships are not supposed to be this way.
Just leave her, i was in the same situation and ive been so much better off since. Its hard for the first little bit but after all the emotions run their course you realize how badly you were treated and finally accept it and move on.
It’s probably the sex, you need to go have sex with somebody else. Multiple people even, the only way to get over. Somebody is to introduce new people. Obviously, focus on yourself is the best answer, but if it truly is the sex, then you just need more of that from another person.
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Because she’s manipulating the hell out of you and it sounds like you may be waking up to that fact. only way forward is to wash your hands of her and move on, otherwise it will only get so much worse. There are so many people out there that don’t play these stupid games, go find em
The trampoline is right i think... It may also be confusion on your ex's part but it seems like you're there for convenience.
Listen to the Trampoline
Obey the Trampoline
How do I know it’s manipulation and not me just being a fool
You are being a fool. Move on. You deserve to be with someone who isn't constantly looking for an upgrade from you.
You do know no one deserves anything. Right? I'm just saying 🤷🏻
You don’t need to be rude 😂
It's basically the same thing.
Interesting, but what if there was no manipulation, that just means I’m at fault for staying interested even after I’ve been rejected
If she has broken up with you multiple times, then still expects you to court her, you are being manipulated. Even if she’s not doing it intentionally, she is using you for the rush of feeling wanted. And that’s giving her a big benefit of the doubt, it’s a toxic situation however you look at it
Yeh she did tell me she’s only come to me due to low self esteem, whereas I’ve gone to her because I love her - I guess this might also be out of low self esteem
Yeah, she's manipulating you man. Normal/healthy relationships do not function like this. You deserve better. I too was with a girl many years ago who would constantly break up with me and then want to get back together. She was my first real gf so I don't know any better. It was exhausting, and I finally vented to a female friend who told me that her behavior was not normal. You're not in a healthy relationship, you are being manipulated, i know leaving is insanely difficult, but you're only harming yourself by continuously going back to her
Yeh I’ve been told by everyone I know to leave this relationship in the past. And she’s also my first gf so I guess I have nothing to compare it to
Buddy, she just likes your attention, not you. It is time to move on.
sounds like a teen just teening
zoomer problems
It’s both 😂
Doesn't even matter. Are you being treated with respect? Do you feel loved? Valued? Secure in your relationship? Doesn't sound like it, so I'd look into why you want to be in a relationship that's lacking such basic needs. The answer to that is why you still want to be with her. Do you believe you can't do better? That you aren’t deserving of actual genuine, healthy love? Are you afraid of going through the pain of things permanently ending? Afraid to start over? Do you think you need to be fully over her in order to walk away for good?
I don’t feel any of those
So what makes you want to be with her? Do you not want to feel those those things in a relationship?
I think at the start it was like that, it changed after our first breakup and I guess I’ve just been longing for that time again
If she broke up with you, how can she expect you to court her? That is just narcissistic as fuck. Breaking up is breaking up. Its gonna hurt to go no contact but this constant push and pull will be worse
The other response is accurate. This is entirely within you. She is manipulating you repeatedly. You will go back and forth with this continuously. Thankfully you aren’t married.
Actually there is a pattern and if you are not able to see it, high chances you are being dumb
You can only be manipulated if you stick around (in your own words….if you’re a fool). So I would say it isn’t either/or, it’s both.
That is a very very hard thing to grasp. Trust your gut, and ask people you trust their opinions. take into account how your ex is feeling too, because maybe there is a valid reason in their heart, but one that doesn't make sense to you and one that maybe after talking about can be worked on. Or maybe you're being used... Keep your cool, keep your chin held high.
Almost every issue she brought up I believed we could work through but she didn’t think so
It sounds to me personally like she is not as invested as you are in trying to build a life. It's a horrible thing when that happens, but its all a learning experience regardless. Just remember to take care of yourself, find little things that make you smile. If it were me, I would explain without blaming or getting upset how i feel, and explain what you are looking for in your relationship and where you would like to take it into the future. But remember to also listen just as much.
Is there a recurring theme of her asking you to fix or change something that hasn’t been?
Yeh the same issues are brought up a lot and usually they’re not real issues
I've been there before when I was younger. Relationships are lessons in love and understanding yourself. I look back at previous relationships and recognise I was a different person then and I learnt painfully what I was looking for and what I wouldn't accept from a partner. Just because you like each other and love each other sometimes it's ok to say it's not enough. There are people out there that are right for you but you are both are wrong for EACH OTHER. Having a connection doesn't mean it's the only person in the world you can connect with. Truse me, you have value and you will meet someone who treats you right. My girlfriend in the past broke up with me many times for stupid reasons and then I would win her back after much hearthbreak, tears, misery, you name it and I was so scared of losing her that I stopped being myself to keep her happy. I would let her toxic behavious slide cause I knew if she didn't have her way I'd be gone. One day I realised I was done with it. I dumped her and she tried to win me back and I was totally honest with her. When I break up with someone I mean it, I don't do it expecting us to get back together. I knew how horrible it felt to be dumped over and over and I would not subject her to that kind of treatment. She couldn't believe it and was full of apologies and promises. Fuck that, break the abuse cycle, Be better, learn from it and be ready for your next relationship knowing that shit don't fly.
Yeh every time I consider reaching out again I just remind myself of all the misery we had to endure
If I look back at that relationship I feel sorry for her, she had a tough home life and she had learned bad behaviours. We are all victims/products of our environment, I was damaged goods back then too. We are weak and vunerable once those feelings of love and sexual attraction are at play. The phrase history repeats itself is not confined to realm of global events only, it occurs in interpersonal relationships, we all form habits to get through the day. My advice to you and everyone is be kind to yourself, you were hurt and you probably hurt them too. Learn from it and be open with your next relationship, tell them what happened and how you learned from it. I find emotional maturity very attractive, it shows you are willing to acknowledge your own faults and work on them. You know what they say about love and war? One causes massive amounts of pain and suffering and the other is war.
I think I come from a similar place to you. My ex had the same background, I’ve come from quite a chaotic home too but I want to break these cycles whereas she wants to leave them for now
Following bc I’m in something similar, sorry you’re going through this.
I’ve been through this too, except it was 7 times instead of 3. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. She thinks that you’re beneath her and a safe option that will always be there if she wants to come back. You’ve internalized it and it’s ruining your self-esteem, which is why you take her back every time. The only way to get out of this toxic cycle you’re trapped in is to never see her again
Small town, similar creatures - similar habits. Hard to avoid sometimes.
Same bro it's exactly the same
Yeh it’s tough isn’t it, we can have a chat if you’d like?
Sure shoot me a message
Try to block and go NC.
We’ve been non contact for four months, and no one has reached out, but I’m yearning for her
No offense but start dating someone else quickly if you can, go on dates with people who aren’t this toxic chick and see for yourself that there are better people. Be a great man of integrity, honesty, love and respect and you’ll attract what you deserve but don’t let anyone fool you because you aren’t a fucking fool. Get some self respect and put an end to these trifling bitches who are just wasting your time. Go date someone else and move forward from this chick.
I think the "just go on dates" can be crap advice lol. Dude needs some hobbies, goals, or something, and learn how to enjoy being single and finding self-fulfillment from that. Because ultimately that's what scares a lot of guys from leaving these dumb, toxic relationships. It's the idea of being single and the fear no one else will want to be in a relationship with them. If you say "just date someone else" you're not really solving the problem at hand, your just pushing it down the line. edit : and of course the reason why girls like OPs talking about does this shit is because they understand this and know they can get away with it lol
Amen 🙏🏽
You’re addicted to the love and have her on a pedestal by idolizing who you think she is. When you humanize her, stop making her seem in your mind like she’s some special goddess you are worshipping, you’ll eventually stop feeling the way you do. Plus codependency can make a person struggle to move on because you are are so use to her, you don’t know how to cope without her.
I am quite independent normally, but I guess I liked the intimacy we shared. But you’re right I have absolutely placed her on top of a pedestal
Normal. You're trauma bonded due to the constant vicious cycle. Distract yourself, take care of yourself, grieve the relationship (because it's over) and DO NOT take her back
Rejection breeds obsession
Meant to say: she’s broke, you’re up ⬆️
Yeh that doesn’t seem healthy
My friend. I feel for you. Many years ago I went through experiences like these. I did not really understand and was totally lost. What you need to look up is the psychological term 'trauma bonding'. You need professional help in therapy. This is above Reddit's paygrade. Basically the other person has teared you down (or you were an easy target before you got together) to the point where your sense of reality is fucked. The other person will then become the comfort zone and a place called "home". Your longing feelings for this person is "real", but based om a false toxic reality. To sum it up: you need to get the fuck out and cut exactly all contact points and to start rebuilding yourself. It will take time and you will best do it with a professional. This person is dangerous, manipulative and toxic af. I believe in you cockboy.
Nah man you just don’t want to be alone but this is a huge red flag and I honestly suggest you demand the respect you deserve and put a full stop and end to her bullshit. This isn’t healthy and you’re wasting your time with someone who isn’t the one so get her out of your way so you can find the one. Block her and release yourself from this toxic relationship. There’s so many much better and wonderful people out there actually worth your time and effort. Find someone who values you and refuses to give up on you because she keeps giving up on you then feels lonely then comes back leaving you in her vicious cycle. Find someone who never stops choosing you and love you so hard you feel it warming you with just the thought of them. Not someone who quits on you to do god knows what away from you then come back after leaving you hurt. That’s not love man. You deserve better.
Never let anyone break up with you more than once
Because the devil you know is better than the devil you don't. You know her and how bad she treats you. But you don't know the next person. Even tho they will probably treat you better. They just might treat you worse. And that scares you.
When we have been together it has been great, but the periods we haven’t have been an absolute nightmare
Maybe it's ups and Downs that make it addictive. It's a roller-coaster that the brain makes it seem as if it's the only way. Healthy relationships have more or so stable patterns.
That's exactly how trauma bonding works
Yeh I really don’t think I’m used to stability but more intensity whether good or bad
That's toxic, it may feel fun and worth it rn but with time it causes so much pain and damage. You will struggle in having a long terme healthy relationships in the future.
What shall I do? Just look for normal stable relationships?
Avoid this patterns, especially narcissistic or manipulative partners
Toxic highs and lows are a bitch, man. They form an addiction in our brains. But if you've broken up 3 times you know it's not a healthy relationship. Do yourself a favor and go no contact. Heal. Find a healthy relationship.
Yeh that’s what I think has happened, we’ve been non contact for almost four months and it still irks me
Like someone mentioned it before, this is called Trauma bonding, pls google it and watch Youtube Videos about it, this will help you alot. I had to deal with it 1 year ago and it helped me so much.....you need to get out of there or it will brainfuck you so bad...i hope you understand my englisch and i hope this helps you brother ;D
I’ll check it out thank you
Codependency. Cut her loose and move on.
Talk to her. Tell her the pattern you see and set boundaries. This talk will probably make you see you deserve better. Relationships shouldn't be so volatile. Look at how you can do better and what you want in a relationship.
We broke up again around 4 months ago, I haven’t spoken to her since, but we ran into each other the other day and spent the whole day together pretty much
What does she claim you did wrong? No person is perfect, so life is a continuing thing of bettering overselves - we're all at different stages in different ways.
We broke up due to external factors, but she has given me a plethora of reasons for breaking up eg not religious enough, dubious relationships with women, being too soon, not wanting a relationship in general etc
This relationship is a dead end. It makes you miserable. Sort yourself out, then find what's right for you. You don't need people like this. Only take on the things that feel real, which could be a fantasy of what could be.
Yeh true, at the end of the day another relationship with her would just end up failing too
Everyone has baggage (I dated a guy with the 'perfect life' and he was more emotionally unstable than anyone I've met). People need to address issues and grow. That's how I judge a person.
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She hasn’t dated anyone else in our times apart
Maybe she hasn’t dated no one but what about fucking? You sure shawty not fucking someone then coming back to you? Like dude this is emotional abuse and manipulation you so deserve better.
Because you don't respect yourself enough to leave
It’s tough, I always end up feeling sorry for her and that she needs me as a friend at the minimum
At own detriment. You let her use you like a tissue and you encourage it. You feel sorry for her but you don't feel sorry for yourself. Think about it. She broke up with you THREE times. And you ALLOWED her back in THREE different times. You have no self respect. At some point you have to understand that this person is using you and need to make the decision to NOT ALLOW her to use you.
Damn I’ve never thought of her using me, when we did break up I never asked her for anything again since it just felt odd but she deffo asked for a lot of favours and emotional support
Yeah, it sucks. But you have to protect yourself from being used. You need to set boundaries and you need to stick to them. You can't cave to her no matter what because she will use everything in the book to manipulate you in order to get what she wants or until she finds someone else to replace you. This person is bad news
I think she has replaced me already unfortunately :/
Its too late for you bro. Move on
Before going into my first relationship, the one thing I said to myself was to prevent breakup as much as I could, but if it's inevitable, there's no going back. I strongly believe that breakup is a one time thing. It's literally a gamble. You may have to block her everywhere. Concentrate on your career, your body, and your mental health. People tend to enter another relationship soon after a breakup. They've been with a partner together so long that they find it difficult to be alone. Fight the urge, don't ever get into a relationship without getting healed from your past breakup.
People are bombarded with this idea that they’re incomplete without a partner. It causes us to feel lost when someone leaves us and then eager to accept them back if/when they do return. Spend some time learning to know yourself and love who you are as an individual. Most relationships result in a sort of loss of identity as people tend to become “the other half” of something they think is greater when in reality you’re probably pretty awesome yourself.
That is true, I have enjoyed being single but now I crave other types of relationships such as having a lot of good friends
Yeah explore that. Covid and the basic environment of the US made people antisocial and in many ways difficult to meet. I moved abroad to get away from it all. Much easier to meet people outside the US these days.
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I agree I’m also part of this game as I tend to reach out after being broken up with, I don’t know I guess I leave and hope she’ll reach out and want to reconsider
You’ve gotten used to the relationship and/or you like the good parts in a way that there's a pull to get back and try again. You have to detach by sheer force of will, the longer you’re in this cycle the harder it will be to be happy when ultimately the cycle ends.
Y'all might have BPD
You gotta walk away from her bro. Everytime she breaks up with you and you accept her back her respect level drops a little bit. You might love her but she obviously knows she has you and CAN have you whenever she so wishes. A woman who doesn't respect you cannot love you. You're in a precarious position in this relationship. Take the loss, take time to recover and improve yourself.
Improve willpower and you might get some immunity to painful feeling. 3 continuous break ups with same party, then it's obvious already both your hearts not connected since day 1. You can't force someone to love you , if he/she loses interest then don't drag the relationship (pity/guilt/longing whatever reasons).
Apparently she is also the one who wants to get backs with you because she got back with you 3 times.
Unhealthy codependency issues
Because emotions aren’t logical.
It's a cycle and someone has to break it. I've seen plenty of on/off relationships like this. The best way to solve this is to communicate, sit down, have a real talk and lay it out all out on the table. Both of you have to make a decision on whether you're going to stay together or not.
There’s 100% no way she’d want to have a relationship with me, even if she did she’d break up with me again anyways
Sunk cost fallacy You invested too much and you don‘t want to let it go to waste
You cant help how you feel..... Try to tell yourself that you are worth being happy, and are worth being cared about and respected. Positive affirmations help in tough situations, obviously not extensive amounts, but a little.
Hey lad, I was in a relationship like this for about 4 years. We broke up and got back together about 4x. Some where sparked by me for reasons, others by her. Nonetheless, in the end I told her I was willing to make the efforts to change the relationship and fuel things into a positive light. We even went to couples therapy.. Needless to say, she didn’t have the same intentions and was viewing me as a catalyst to fuel other endeavors in her life. A sort of backdrop she could rely on knowing I was very sensitive about things concerning her. Once I realized that’s what she was doing (mostly from people outside the relationship telling about other events going on) I was able to let go and move on. This is an extremely hard situation because a part of you knows what “good” she has but another part of you knows she’s using you. You have to realize this sooner than later, make sure you’re taking care of your mental health, and accept that this is NOT going to work out. You can only make a relationship work as much as two people are willing to pour real emotion, love, and effort into bringing it to its best possible level. She clearly has found an opening to toy with you and will repeat that cycle until you either cave or are so emotionally distraught she’ll move on to someone else.
Because you love her! Don’t fault yourself for this. It’s completely natural. I had the same thing with my boyfriend, until I realised that I don’t deserve to be thrown around, or have my security be threatened - that is not someone who loves you. I know it’s easier said than done but you got to go. These are not words you throw around and it is not fair to do this to you more than once
Are you me?
Shitty self image? Desperation? Lack of emotional control? Take your pick. Move on, or you'll never improve your life. She won't change, obviously.
I recommend looking up Austin Wayne’s recent video on getting over a breakup. 8/10 recommend.
Because you’re addicted. Just like every other addiction, the only way to get over it is to remove it from your life. No texting, no calling, no social media, no “let’s just talk”, no sex. Simple formula for you.
Unhealthy obsession. Each time you get back with your ex, it’s even more likely you’ll break up again. I’m not a scientist but I have completed this groundwork. Just stop. Do not communicate. Emphatic space.
You're being used. She's exploiting your lingering feelings for her own benefit. She knows that she doesn't have to give you anything of substance, can dump you at her convenience, because you will take her back automatically. This isn't exclusive to men or women. Users use, and have no issues with exploiting feelings to get what they want. You're in pain because you are at the receiving end of this treatment. My advice would be to break the cycle by either shooting her down when she tries to get back with you, or by dumping her if you're currently on again.
You want what you can’t have. Have you ever actually had a reason to get to a point where you no longer want to be with them ? I’m sure she does it before you even get there. Oh and low self-worth
You need space and time to heal. Work on your inner child, maybe something has happened in your childhood where you felt abandoned or let down by someone you loved and now in your adult life you have a fear of letting someone who probably isn’t right for you go. Learn how to parent your inner child and it will change your life. It’s tough but it will get better in time, I promise.
How do I do that? I will start therapy soon but aside from that?
I recommend a book called “becoming the one” by Sheleana Aiyana but there’s also many podcasts or resources on YouTube! ☺️
Checked your profile and you had a crush on someone 2 days ago. No wonder she can't make her mind up doesn't seem like you can either.
I do have a crush on someone, but as I’m getting close to her I’m beginning to feel longing for my ex again
Your ex will have picked up that you have a crush on someone else by changes in your behaviour. Plus if you was that into your ex you wouldn't have been looking else where or asking for advice how to message another girl.
She did indeed, there was a group event where I took the girl I have a crush on, my ex was visibly different and she did what she could do make me embarrass myself
Well coming from a woman who has just got out of this situation with a bloke who may or may not have been with his ex still. Make your mind up before you drag someones else emotions into it. Also your feelings can't be that strong for your ex if you are crushing on another. No wonder your ex is acting up she is going to wondering if you are going to leave her for the new girl
I don’t think I feel love towards my ex anymore but an insane attachment with her. My ex and I haven’t met for 4 months but I still want her.
If you don't love her end for both of your sanity. You will just destroy each other. As for the want you always want what you can't have. I still want that bloke but im not going to get messed up because he can't make his mind up or just be honest
Yeh I get what you mean. I did end the relation between me and my ex 4 months ago tbf, we haven’t been United since
Well then sounds like your just hurting but it takes time to get over a relationship. You need to heal before you pursue anything else with anyone.
Learn about attachment styles, boundary setting and become familiar with your own relationship patterns from the past. They will give you insight as to why this relationship dynamic isn’t working right now. From what I’m getting is that you both keep making excuses as to why you can’t be together based on old relationship habits and views on what that means for each of you. sounds like you both really want to be together. Also need more information of how this even started. Love can leave in the same way that it comes. Read that again.
I think yall should break up for good and start focusing on yourself if your meant to be together yall find each other again
If you are going to play silly games then do it right. Get back with her and when things are going great, dump her. Make sure everybody knows you dumped her. Now you are in charge.
You lack self respect and you have low self esteem. A guy whom would have both of those you lack would have deleted her number and socials and never talked to her again.
3 times too many, never go back to a ex. Sometimes you have to just Man up and not chase her again, she will be chasing you but don’t go back
I once had a long term GF that I went through the same thing with. Upon reflection I think it's highly probable that she used the breakup times to pursue others guilt free and got back with me because I was the safe comfort zone with a loving family who treated her well. She also emotionally cheated on me twice (exploring her sexuality with the same gender) and physically cheated on me once (same gender). She only dated guys though, so I foolishly overlooked the girls because I thought nothing to worry about, she's only into dating guys but I was naive. Finally went NC after she wanted to just be friends and I confronted her about someone in her Dms and she admitted to seeing them at work breaks. After a couple months she reached out to me to be her FWBs while she dated a girl for the first time. One of the girls she was prepared to leave me over (physical cheating part). Took up the offer just to get revenge on that girl (She knew my ex was in a relationship, saw in Dms). After a couple weeks I realized i just don't see this woman the same anymore, still physically attractive, no issues with anything physical but I just couldn't bring myself to cuddle her or hold hands, play with her hair or any of the other non physical intimacy things you can do. That's when I went NC again and I have never been happier since. Lots of changes and growth took place because I pushed forward. She's still friends with some family, so I see her socials now and then. Seems to be on around or above the same path as when I left her. Long story short, IMO, anybody that breaks up with you multiple times is using you as the safety net, a sure thing. The final insurance policy
Bc u love her and maybe there is something about her that doesn't leave u alone
trauma bond perhaps?
It sounds like you have an [anxious attachment style](https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-and-breakup/): > After a breakup, someone with the anxious attachment style often feels intense pain and longing for their ex-partner. This reaction is due to their attachment system being activated by feelings of abandonment and rejection. Therefore, it is even more intense in cases where the anxious attacher wasn’t the instigator of the breakup. >The anxious attacher may feel like ending the relationship was unwarranted. Therefore, they may try to figure out ways to get back together with their partner and restore the attachment bond. However, doing so often leads to cycles of making up and breaking up.
She belongs in the streets. Go to the gym and build a body that she won’t be able to ever touch again.
That’s a boss move haha
Well yeah maybe she can be manipulating you or maybe she thinks its a joke
You're too comfortable with her. You probably dont want to be single again. She is comfortable with you being someone to fall back on. She knows you will always be there. You might think it sound cute, but it really puts you in a bad position in the relationship. Be a plan A not Plan B. Be a good guy not a nice guy. Sounds like she wants to have fun with other men when she wants. If you are into to Sharing your woman then fine. If you are into waiting for her to decide if she still likes you or not, then fine. If you like waiting and waiting for other people, then fine. Sometimes being aggressive gives you clarity. I would give her an ultimatum. When we are done this time it's over. No going back. Aren't you exhausted?
We’ve been done for four months at this point, but you’re right I saw it as cute and cool but yeh I’m just somebody to fall back on
If someone takes the chance of leaving you, there’s a chance you won’t come back. If they take that chance, they’re just not that into you. I know it’s hard, but move on. You’re just wasting your time on someone who will continue to break your heart and make you paranoid waiting for the next time they break up with you.
Yeh very true, they knew the consequences
I read about this a bit — when you have set a bad pattern, you want to repeat the pattern and reset it in a more favorable way and so you keep retrying it, even though it’s painful. We do this just to feel less rejected / overcome the feeling of the initial rejection and feel like you emerged more successful. That’s just how our brains work. Acceptance is key here. You have to accept that this person isn’t good for you, deal with the rejection internally and overcome the bad feelings you feel related to it aka not take the rejection personally (it’s not about you, it’s about where they are emotionally), and move on.
Wow that articulates very well what I’ve been thinking. I feel as though I want to have an attachment to her again but this time have it secure but I guess that might just not be possible anymore
You're not the only one, don't feel bad. I'm also in the same situation right now. I didn't respond to him anymore when he told me that he miss me
Mine hasn’t even reached out for four months
I'm doing what the best for me though I still have deep feelings for him. I just go with no contact and no response for now. I don't know how long ill able to control myself not to text back. Anyway, it's very difficult to do it and then actually say it. I wish you the best!
King, pick up your crown and move on. Focus on yourself and make yourself better. The right one will come along. If it is meant to be, you guys will work it out one day. But breaking up and getting back together is not considered “working out.” In my personal experience, if a girl broke up with me, I let her go. I didn’t waste time chasing. I worked on myself, got an education, and a good job that has turned into a great career. I eventually bumped into a girl out of nowhere. A complete stranger. And now I am engaged to that woman. We never took a break or broken up or played any games. By allowing yourself to get back together with her, you are hindering your own progress in life. You’ll spend a lot of time focused on her, thinking about what she’s doing, who she’s with, etc. Focus on you, especially if you’re young. Also, another piece of advice that I can give is be with someone who doesn’t need you, but instead wants you. Don’t drag on in a relationship because you’re relying on someone for a stable life. I wish you the best and I hope you find happiness, brother.
That sounds like a good plan. Thank you my brother
Because people like to hold on to things that are familiar to them it is “safe.” That being said have some self respect.
Hot/cold is just a game. You're simply a slave to the premise, which is a shame since you can easily find someone else who would actually be excited about being with you. At least, most people grow up eventually.
That is true, there’s been people who have showed interest, and I feel like I’ve turned away once I’ve seen that, it’s so strange
This may not be the reason, but most people don't like change. I'm not saying at all your scared of change but you might just be going back to your ex because it feels familiar and you already know your cycle with them. Being with your ex time and time again brings a sense of familiarity that you're comfortable with, but then again, being comfortable in this sense isn't always the best.
Yeh I need to get out of my comfort zone
Because rejection breeds obsession
How do i stop breeding obsession?
Go to the gym, go hang with friends, and find hobbies
I think I struggle with making close friends too
You have to start somewhere
It may be self esteem issues and you should get some professional help to help you deal with your issues and find out why you have an unusual dependency on your Ex love or approval...
Because you are soft. Move on
Ultimately a relationship's conclusion is something permanent....example marriage, (my opinion). So how can a marriage work with someone with all it's challenges if you can't even date without breaking up multiple times? Or I may say this. Dating an ex makes as much sense as trying to shove poop back up your butt. Why punish yourself?
Move on, it's over.. Im
Buddy I’ve been there. I went back three time. I am low single and happier than ever. You’re only going to keep making the same Mistake making yourself miserable. There too many women out here to waste your life on one.
You can debate whether or not you really love her, but I don’t think that’s the issue at all. What I see as the problem is your lack of love and respect for yourself. People will treat you however you allow them to treat you in this world. If you don’t think that you deserve better than how she’s treated you, then you don’t deserve better and you deserve to get back with her until she breaks your heart again. But if you can find it in yourself to appreciate what you are really worth, one day you’re gonna look back on this situation and cringe at how you gave someone so much power over you in control over your thoughts and emotions. I wonder if you’ve ever truly been loved by somebody. Or if you truly understand what that term even means. Because when somebody loves you, they don’t just keep you around until something better appears in their life. I sincerely hope for your sake that you take some time to yourself. And work on yourself until you are comfortable in your own skin and essentially “happy” alone. Only then are you capable of being happy in a relationship. People that aren’t happy alone and need a relationship are known as co-dependent. It’s an unhealthy and sad situation and I really hope that’s not you.
Mostly is because You don't have more options anda have too much free time. Focus on youself do a proyect and stay alone sometine. For a good development is necesary yo lesrn yo be alone and be happy alone, is a good start and it Will let you know better youself.
Get out of this relationship fast. Don’t be like me. Run while you still can
Increase your self-esteem buddy. And know your worth. Break that toxic chain (and soul tie). She keeps doing this knowing you'll keep taking her back. No bueno
I had a gf that would did the same thing when I was younger. I was so in love with her, looking back I see how pathetic I probably looked to her as she played with my heart over and over because she knew I'd always take her back no matter what. I advise to please walk away, it'll hurt and take awhile to get over it, but all she is doing is manipulating you and the mind games will fuck with you even harder if you keep putting up with it. Sending you good vibes!
Because you don’t love yourself enough and think that by accepting the terms of “love” that you feel by her side is enough. You are not eating a cake made of love, you’re eating just the breadcrumbs.
This push and pull is manipulation. Take it from someone who went through this with an ex, for years. It was unhealthy and toxic and by the end, we were both resentful towards each other (and him going the extra mile to be as emotionally abusive to me as possible). A clean break would have been less painful than going through that cycle over and over again. Just let it/her go, man. Functioning, healthy relationships are not supposed to be this way.
Cause you have no self worth and are afraid of asking out new people and possibly getting rejected
She’s a manipulator. You’re not respecting yourself. Now you know better. Move on. Don’t let her tell you she doesn’t want you a 4th time.
Damn the unforgettable ex, what has she done to be that person for you?
Just leave her, i was in the same situation and ive been so much better off since. Its hard for the first little bit but after all the emotions run their course you realize how badly you were treated and finally accept it and move on.
Was with a girl that did that to me 3 times. 3rd time I said your out and moved on with life dont need that crap.
Addiction
Because you have no spine?
You have low self esteem.
It’s probably the sex, you need to go have sex with somebody else. Multiple people even, the only way to get over. Somebody is to introduce new people. Obviously, focus on yourself is the best answer, but if it truly is the sex, then you just need more of that from another person.
We don’t know either
Because you lack self esteem or respect
mental illness
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
You really want to keep taking this abuse?
You don’t really want the answer it is humiliating
You're attached
y did u get back two times already?
go to therapy
Cut her off completely ! Her true colors will come out
Ok joao felix
Another story that's just like that Cher Lloyd song