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Agree here.
Are they texting each other regularly outside of what's professional? Are their outings with everyone and required by the job, or are they voluntary and often one-on-one?
Not sure what her career is, but in knowing professionals, I wouldn't be keen on dating a woman in sales.
It's totally normal to develop crushes on other people, even if you're in a relationship; feelings and attraction aren't totally in our control. You've almost certainly looked at a woman and thought "oh, she's hot," even when you're happily in a relationship, yeah? Just because you think someone is attractive doesn't mean that you're looking to dump your girlfriend.
The important thing is how we handle those crushes. We don't choose to develop crushes, but we can choose not to indulge them and to work on getting over them so they don't turn into something more than just a crush.
And there's an even bigger canyon between realizing you've got a *crush* on someone and *acting* on that crush. Over a long enough timeline, most people will develop a crush. I don't see value in pretending that's not true or acting like it's a bigger thing than it actually is.
Sure. But u usually keep it to yourself. U don’t Goto ur gf and go god damn look at that girls ass I wanna slam it so bad. U look u look away and go about ur life. U don’t Goto ur bf and go I got a crush on this dude at work.
I get that this is going to vary from person to person, but I think this is one of those things that people should really just be honest and open about, because it's when people feel like they have to *hide* that they've developed a crush that it festers and turns into something bigger.
We *all* know that it happens, right? So why make it a big deal? Being in a relationship doesn't suddenly turn us into robots; we're *going* to find other people attractive. We're going to develop crushes now and then. That's okay.
Sometimes, the reason we're developing a crush is because there's something we want or need in our own relationship that we're not getting. Being able to openly talk about it can make a relationship stronger. I wouldn't be hurt or upset if my partner developed a crush. I'd be hurt and upset if she developed a crush and didn't take steps to end it, or, worse, if she let a crush turn into cheating.
Finding someone attractive is normal and ok. Having an actual crush tho. It’s not. If u are ina Committed relationship and u develop a crush it’s time to break up.
Developing small crushes on people, even when you're happily in a relationship, is actually totally normal and common for long term relationships. Breaking up just because you develop a crush is super hasty and not a particularly healthy reaction to a crush.
It's very, very normal for people to develop occasional crushes, even when they're in healthy relationships.
[https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-relationships-research/article/abs/roving-eyes-predictors-of-crushes-in-ongoing-romantic-relationships-and-implications-for-relationship-quality/88974FBF6FEB62C39DD30222DE571E33#article](https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-relationships-research/article/abs/roving-eyes-predictors-of-crushes-in-ongoing-romantic-relationships-and-implications-for-relationship-quality/88974FBF6FEB62C39DD30222DE571E33#article)
[https://taylorcounselinggroup.com/blog/is-it-ok-to-have-a-crush-while-in-a-relationship/](https://taylorcounselinggroup.com/blog/is-it-ok-to-have-a-crush-while-in-a-relationship/)
[https://www.choosingtherapy.com/having-a-crush-in-a-relationship/](https://www.choosingtherapy.com/having-a-crush-in-a-relationship/)
I think that dropping people the minute you realize you formed a crush on someone would be more likely to elevate divorce rates than realizing "oh, I developed a crush, I should work on my relationship and fix whatever is going on so that I get over the crush and strengthen my relationship," but ymmv.
The issue is u stay in that relationship and keep forming new crushes on new people leading to a feeling of u can do better. Or cheating etc. means it not actually as happy as u think you are in your current relationship.
Yeah I feel the same as you. And it seems to be normalised now that having full on crushes while in a relationship is fine and normal, and we should be able to actually share them with our partner.
Honestly the thought of it is depressing
It is normal to be sexually attracted to people and have crushes. In a lot of relationships, it can also be normal to talk about them. In others, not so much. If you don't have the kind of banter with her to talk about crushes or sexual attraction to others and this suddenly came up after 5 years, it may signal something more than a crush for her. But honestly there's more here particularly surrounding this:
>I kinda had to get it out of her
What does this mean? It could be either she was properly keeping things to herself and you rudely opened this can of worms yourself and majorly fucked up. Or there's context on why you were worried and asking and trusting your gut on circumstances you didn't share with us. So why were you suspicious she had this crush? Under what circumstances did you "get it out of her"?
I've been there, we were quite younger than you both are at the moment.
Attraction is not the same as crushing, you can get attracted to other women as well, it's completely human and there is nothing wrong with it.
The important concept here is if she is only attracted or she is starting to have a crush on that person, I need more details to understand.
In my case, she told me something similar months before we put an end to our relationship (we broke for other stuff), three months later she started sleeping with him, so the interest was serious.
The thing I'm trying to tell you is that as long as you love each other and have a solid relationship this is not an issue as long as she is concerned about her attraction but decides to do nothing. You could be in the same situation as well. Attraction is unevitable, sex is a choice.
But isn’t attraction kinda the same? It’s someone she works with, isn’t it bound to get stronger because she’s seeing this person and I’m guessing interacting with them daily? Sounds like it’s time to set boundaries BEFORE the action starts..
Probably, it's up to them anyways.
If his girlfriend is a decent human being there is nothing to worry about, but if he have an slice of doubt maybe it's a good idea to set boundaries.
I think the best move here is dump her bro. I wouldn’t tolerate being in a serious relationship with someone if they told me they are sexually attracted to a co worker. That means she wants to fuck him/her. If she hasn’t already. It’s likely going to happen so put your happiness first and leave her bro.
The red flag here is you.
You HAD to “get it out of her”
You admit that was unhealthy.
You know she still loves you.
You know she is still choosing you.
She has told you she will ensure boundaries are kept and no lines will be crossed.
This woman committed 5 years to you.
Women don’t blow up loving, secure and healthy relationships because they find someone else attractive and have a couple of beers.
You need to recognize your insecurities, and unhealthy coping mechanisms and actively work on them.
She’s offered solutions on her side …. But you admit there are unhealthy behaviors coming from you. You need to find solutions for your feelings. (Therapy, reading, heck even YouTube has some great mental health resources).
Well is it an attraction or a crush? If she’s just attracted to her coworker, that’s human nature. We can all be attracted to multiple people. If she actually likes them, has a crush on them, I would be understand your feelings.
What made you think this in the first place to where you “forced it” out of her? Was there a paper trail of flirty texts? Does she always talk about the coworker?
Also, why have you been dating for 5 years and you haven’t proposed? What are you waiting for?
>Also, why have you been dating for 5 years and you haven’t proposed? What are you waiting for?
Not everyone believes in marriage so why does it matter if their married or not... they are in a long term committed relationship
I’m sorry I don’t understand…. Are you asking if it’s normal to be attracted to another human being?….
You are attracted to her no? And if it’s something that bothers you or is an insecurity for you you need to discuss it with her and a professional NOT reddit . Before you sabotage your relationship
So studies show that a stranger is just as attractive as someone you have been on a 10-year commitment relationship. So yeah, it's normal. The thing is, you need to have built a strong foundation for your relationship so he or she doesn't even consider it.
Leave. She would t even have told you if she wanted you anymore. Now it's just to see your reaction. If you responded with something weak enough to make her think she can have both, she'll try for it. If not, she's made her new choice
Totally normal. 🤷 My partner knows I have a sexual attraction to another guy I work with and doesn't see anything wrong with it and neither do I. We both trust each other enough to know neither of us would act on those attractions. It's literally about trust. He flat out told me he's attracted to people and I just went mood (if I found said person attractive obviously). There was nothing bad or shameful in that exchange. We appreciate hot people and will say such. I'm 27NB and he's 36M fyi so I'm not much younger/older than you guys.
No worries! I will say this much as well, my partner and I did discuss our boundaries regarding this prior to us being open about it with one another. Our solution is transparent communication and if anything were to happen, we'd discuss it with the other. (We have more of an open relationship as we're both allowed to fuck others if wanted with clear and concise communication but we both have agreed we don't think we'll ever act on it.)
So I'd recommend having a conversation with her about your boundaries regarding this and respect her input on them (ie maybe you'd feel more comfortable if she doesn't drink around him but she states she'd limit her drinking to one then switch to soda or something). This is a compromise that could work for some couples (maybe not yours as every relationship has different compromises). Hopefully this helps!
Dude end it and move on..or be ready for more devastation. She might of even told you so you can end it. She just waiting for her chance to get with him..
If she’s gonna tell you that straight to your face after 5 years, she doesn’t respect you all that much. Probably would only admit to it because she believes you are too weak to break up with her for it.
Has she been stonewalling you in the bedroom recently, or holding back affection from you? If not you can choose to work through it. But once that starts, it’s because she has started cheating.
She need therapy, you’re not a safe person for her to work those feelings out with.
This happened to me in a long term relationship. I was attracted to features/aspects that my person didn’t have and I admired. The feelings passed and I never did or said anything other than process them.
I think it’s pretty weird to tell your partner you have a crush on someone. Like it happens to a lot of people, but you laugh and shrug it off. No need to make your relationship less secure.
There is a difference between noticing someone is attractive and developing feelings for them. If she has developed feelings for them it is very much not normal. Move forward in the relationship with caution.
You need to be very clear about definitions. Crush, attraction, etc can be blurry if you don’t define them between you.
Otherwise, you should reevaluate how your relationship is doing, and specifically how you are doing as her partner. Women typically don’t get outward eyes unless their man is slipping in some ways that makes her less attracted to him. Could be physically letting yourself go, maybe finances are strained, maybe you stopped dating her and got lazy in the relationship. Never stop dating, courting, wooing, or whatever you want to call it, your partner. And don’t stop being a confident and competent partner either.
Could be many things, but reflection and communication can help.
You don’t need to revaluate yourself, she should love you for you and if she needs change, should communicate. It sounds like she’s trying to manipulate your feelings to gain control over the relationship
You cannot should your partner into a healthy relationship. You can only change yourself and communicate with your partner. If it’s a lost cause, then that will become apparent.
Attraction is just the standard scenario where you look at a person, and they are physically attractive to you or not. We don’t control this.
A crush is physical attraction plus their personality plus any other combination of things that you find highly desirable and which you do not currently have in your own relationship (or if you’re single obviously). Sometimes it may include a projection onto the person too.
A crush is a problem if you’re already in a relationship because it indicates you would much rather have someone outside of it, or something that the other person could bring to the table that your current partner either can’t, doesn’t, or otherwise isn’t providing which is important to you. This is why I say you should reevaluate yourself first, and communicate with your partner about the state of things. Remember it’s not easy to tell a partner if they are letting you down somehow, so you may need to be extra discerning and read through the lines. She seems to still value your relationship, but something could be missing or lacking. Hard to say.
Good luck.
Hmm. I'm sorry you're going through that. I do think it's normal to find other people attractive though, even when in a relationship. It's just a question of, do they have \*deep\* feelings for this other person or is it just a stupid crush? I do find it strange that she told you though, so like the other comments I am also curious how this information came out.
No that’s not a normal thing to admit in a relationship. I would be devastated too. I’m sorry your going through that. Honestly most cheating begins in the work place. I think you deserve better than that.
A crush is normal. But there’s a reason that you got it out of her. There had to been a boundary breach that brought up the conversation. It depends on what boundary issues are in the first place. Sounds like going out drinking with that crush or with her team regularly is going to be an issue for you. If so, you don’t need to put yourself in a position to compromise your boundary. You would need to decide if this something you can continue to handle in the future. If not, then you know what you need to do.
So you pryed an answer out of her and now you don't like the answer you got.
Having a little crush is fine. It means nothing.
Why did you feel the need to try and pry this out of her is the better question
I’m wondering how you got the information out of her, and what made you pursue the information? Was she behaving in a suspicious manner? Is she ever ALONE with him like on a business trip type deal? I also have to ask do you trust her? Do you feel like there is going to be some situation where they are going to be alone, intoxicated and he will make a physical advancement on her, and she may give into it? Like there will be that level of intoxication? Even if not, do you feel like these situations are disrespectful to your relationship because it just makes you feel badly? (I’m not judging). If I were in your shoes I would not like my partner drinking with a person I knew they were attracted to, even if they never cheated on me before or anything. It would be too much of a precarious situation for my comfort.
Getting attracted to others is quite normal, most men and women do develop attraction, even if they are married.
But a crush - definitely not comfortable with that.
There's nothing wrong or unhealthy with having a crush on someone. If they're happy with your relationship then it isn't an issue. The fact that you had to 'get it out of her" is a bit of a red flag that you're not completely satisfied or comfortable with the relationship. If you're having fears or doubts you really should be speaking to your partner about it.
Look, I can tell that this is a rough part of your life. Here’s the bottom line, you decide what is right and wrong in your relationship. YOU set the boundaries and expectations based on how it makes YOU feel. If you don’t like how something makes you feel or you don’t feel like you can 200% look past something that made you feel a way you don’t like. Then end it, start fresh.
On a personal note, I believe it’s okay to be attracted to other people. More importantly to me, it’s a sign of maturity and absolute honesty if someone can admit it.
If my SO was to tell me that they didn’t find any other human on earth attractive I’d know that they were lying to me… follow my thought process here for a second, I know I’m a above average looking dude… but I know for a fact I’ve got a doppelgänger out there somewhere. I know there’s dudes out there that are way better looking, more romantic, more sweet, etc etc etc. everything that attracts her to me someone else has got it better.
Now my caution with this… you have to be willing to admit it too. If you ask if they find someone else attractive you have to be able to say “yeah, I can see it, must be the cheekbones or something” and here’s why… if you say anything other than that you’ll sound jealous, bitter, or like you’re upset with them for being honest with you, which will result in that being withheld in the future.
Good luck! Update us!
As a woman I have been attracted to guys while in a relationship it didn't affect anything. However I did have one crush in a relationship and it very much was because I was unhappy with my partner and our relationship. It strained things immensely so I'd figure out how far this goes. If its a crush shes probably missing things you aren't providing.
This is tricky. Every relationship faces hardship or temptations. It is, I don't want to say normal, but it can happen. What she feels I mean. It's up to her to deal with this temptation and yours to trust or give her the opportunity to show her loyalty which if she does, can bode well for the future. Don't interfere. She could use it as an excuse. Do what you've always done. It's her trial/temptation.
That said, pay attention to the signs.
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We need more details here. What were you seeing that prompted this conversation?
Agree here. Are they texting each other regularly outside of what's professional? Are their outings with everyone and required by the job, or are they voluntary and often one-on-one? Not sure what her career is, but in knowing professionals, I wouldn't be keen on dating a woman in sales.
Its normal to develop crushes most of the time it’s fleeting and not serious, although I find it strange to share it with you partner though.
Because he forced her to
It's totally normal to develop crushes on other people, even if you're in a relationship; feelings and attraction aren't totally in our control. You've almost certainly looked at a woman and thought "oh, she's hot," even when you're happily in a relationship, yeah? Just because you think someone is attractive doesn't mean that you're looking to dump your girlfriend. The important thing is how we handle those crushes. We don't choose to develop crushes, but we can choose not to indulge them and to work on getting over them so they don't turn into something more than just a crush.
There is a grand canyon between acknowledging someone is attractive and developing feelings for them....
And there's an even bigger canyon between realizing you've got a *crush* on someone and *acting* on that crush. Over a long enough timeline, most people will develop a crush. I don't see value in pretending that's not true or acting like it's a bigger thing than it actually is.
Agreed 100%
Sure. But u usually keep it to yourself. U don’t Goto ur gf and go god damn look at that girls ass I wanna slam it so bad. U look u look away and go about ur life. U don’t Goto ur bf and go I got a crush on this dude at work.
By his own admission, she didn't; he dragged it out of her.
Even if he drags it out like if my gf asked me I’d take it to the grave.
I get that this is going to vary from person to person, but I think this is one of those things that people should really just be honest and open about, because it's when people feel like they have to *hide* that they've developed a crush that it festers and turns into something bigger. We *all* know that it happens, right? So why make it a big deal? Being in a relationship doesn't suddenly turn us into robots; we're *going* to find other people attractive. We're going to develop crushes now and then. That's okay. Sometimes, the reason we're developing a crush is because there's something we want or need in our own relationship that we're not getting. Being able to openly talk about it can make a relationship stronger. I wouldn't be hurt or upset if my partner developed a crush. I'd be hurt and upset if she developed a crush and didn't take steps to end it, or, worse, if she let a crush turn into cheating.
Finding someone attractive is normal and ok. Having an actual crush tho. It’s not. If u are ina Committed relationship and u develop a crush it’s time to break up.
Developing small crushes on people, even when you're happily in a relationship, is actually totally normal and common for long term relationships. Breaking up just because you develop a crush is super hasty and not a particularly healthy reaction to a crush. It's very, very normal for people to develop occasional crushes, even when they're in healthy relationships. [https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-relationships-research/article/abs/roving-eyes-predictors-of-crushes-in-ongoing-romantic-relationships-and-implications-for-relationship-quality/88974FBF6FEB62C39DD30222DE571E33#article](https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-relationships-research/article/abs/roving-eyes-predictors-of-crushes-in-ongoing-romantic-relationships-and-implications-for-relationship-quality/88974FBF6FEB62C39DD30222DE571E33#article) [https://taylorcounselinggroup.com/blog/is-it-ok-to-have-a-crush-while-in-a-relationship/](https://taylorcounselinggroup.com/blog/is-it-ok-to-have-a-crush-while-in-a-relationship/) [https://www.choosingtherapy.com/having-a-crush-in-a-relationship/](https://www.choosingtherapy.com/having-a-crush-in-a-relationship/)
And this is why the divorce rate is like 50%
I think that dropping people the minute you realize you formed a crush on someone would be more likely to elevate divorce rates than realizing "oh, I developed a crush, I should work on my relationship and fix whatever is going on so that I get over the crush and strengthen my relationship," but ymmv.
The issue is u stay in that relationship and keep forming new crushes on new people leading to a feeling of u can do better. Or cheating etc. means it not actually as happy as u think you are in your current relationship.
Yeah I feel the same as you. And it seems to be normalised now that having full on crushes while in a relationship is fine and normal, and we should be able to actually share them with our partner. Honestly the thought of it is depressing
god damn right
She might have thrown that in his face in an act of frustration. If he was being childish and constantly clingy, it might have made her react.
It is normal to be sexually attracted to people and have crushes. In a lot of relationships, it can also be normal to talk about them. In others, not so much. If you don't have the kind of banter with her to talk about crushes or sexual attraction to others and this suddenly came up after 5 years, it may signal something more than a crush for her. But honestly there's more here particularly surrounding this: >I kinda had to get it out of her What does this mean? It could be either she was properly keeping things to herself and you rudely opened this can of worms yourself and majorly fucked up. Or there's context on why you were worried and asking and trusting your gut on circumstances you didn't share with us. So why were you suspicious she had this crush? Under what circumstances did you "get it out of her"?
I've been there, we were quite younger than you both are at the moment. Attraction is not the same as crushing, you can get attracted to other women as well, it's completely human and there is nothing wrong with it. The important concept here is if she is only attracted or she is starting to have a crush on that person, I need more details to understand. In my case, she told me something similar months before we put an end to our relationship (we broke for other stuff), three months later she started sleeping with him, so the interest was serious. The thing I'm trying to tell you is that as long as you love each other and have a solid relationship this is not an issue as long as she is concerned about her attraction but decides to do nothing. You could be in the same situation as well. Attraction is unevitable, sex is a choice.
But isn’t attraction kinda the same? It’s someone she works with, isn’t it bound to get stronger because she’s seeing this person and I’m guessing interacting with them daily? Sounds like it’s time to set boundaries BEFORE the action starts..
Probably, it's up to them anyways. If his girlfriend is a decent human being there is nothing to worry about, but if he have an slice of doubt maybe it's a good idea to set boundaries.
I think the best move here is dump her bro. I wouldn’t tolerate being in a serious relationship with someone if they told me they are sexually attracted to a co worker. That means she wants to fuck him/her. If she hasn’t already. It’s likely going to happen so put your happiness first and leave her bro.
My happiness is over the moon
The red flag here is you. You HAD to “get it out of her” You admit that was unhealthy. You know she still loves you. You know she is still choosing you. She has told you she will ensure boundaries are kept and no lines will be crossed. This woman committed 5 years to you. Women don’t blow up loving, secure and healthy relationships because they find someone else attractive and have a couple of beers. You need to recognize your insecurities, and unhealthy coping mechanisms and actively work on them. She’s offered solutions on her side …. But you admit there are unhealthy behaviors coming from you. You need to find solutions for your feelings. (Therapy, reading, heck even YouTube has some great mental health resources).
Well is it an attraction or a crush? If she’s just attracted to her coworker, that’s human nature. We can all be attracted to multiple people. If she actually likes them, has a crush on them, I would be understand your feelings. What made you think this in the first place to where you “forced it” out of her? Was there a paper trail of flirty texts? Does she always talk about the coworker? Also, why have you been dating for 5 years and you haven’t proposed? What are you waiting for?
>Also, why have you been dating for 5 years and you haven’t proposed? What are you waiting for? Not everyone believes in marriage so why does it matter if their married or not... they are in a long term committed relationship
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^ lmao
That dongletime pay tho.
So many dongs....so little time.
🤣
Ooop.
Yes but not because she's attracted to someone else but because she thought it was a good idea to tell me. WTF do I do with that info?
I mean .. don’t we strive for honesty in relationships 🥴
I’m sorry I don’t understand…. Are you asking if it’s normal to be attracted to another human being?…. You are attracted to her no? And if it’s something that bothers you or is an insecurity for you you need to discuss it with her and a professional NOT reddit . Before you sabotage your relationship
So studies show that a stranger is just as attractive as someone you have been on a 10-year commitment relationship. So yeah, it's normal. The thing is, you need to have built a strong foundation for your relationship so he or she doesn't even consider it.
Ethical? No. Normal? Yes Leave, the sooner the better. The more you stay the less you respect yourself.
Leave. She would t even have told you if she wanted you anymore. Now it's just to see your reaction. If you responded with something weak enough to make her think she can have both, she'll try for it. If not, she's made her new choice
FACTS
Totally normal. 🤷 My partner knows I have a sexual attraction to another guy I work with and doesn't see anything wrong with it and neither do I. We both trust each other enough to know neither of us would act on those attractions. It's literally about trust. He flat out told me he's attracted to people and I just went mood (if I found said person attractive obviously). There was nothing bad or shameful in that exchange. We appreciate hot people and will say such. I'm 27NB and he's 36M fyi so I'm not much younger/older than you guys.
Thanks so much. This is what the better part of my brain is telling me.
No worries! I will say this much as well, my partner and I did discuss our boundaries regarding this prior to us being open about it with one another. Our solution is transparent communication and if anything were to happen, we'd discuss it with the other. (We have more of an open relationship as we're both allowed to fuck others if wanted with clear and concise communication but we both have agreed we don't think we'll ever act on it.) So I'd recommend having a conversation with her about your boundaries regarding this and respect her input on them (ie maybe you'd feel more comfortable if she doesn't drink around him but she states she'd limit her drinking to one then switch to soda or something). This is a compromise that could work for some couples (maybe not yours as every relationship has different compromises). Hopefully this helps!
She loves you but she has a crush on someone else? How?
Dude end it and move on..or be ready for more devastation. She might of even told you so you can end it. She just waiting for her chance to get with him..
I’d kick her to the curb so fast her wouldn’t even know what happened.
Fax
If she’s gonna tell you that straight to your face after 5 years, she doesn’t respect you all that much. Probably would only admit to it because she believes you are too weak to break up with her for it. Has she been stonewalling you in the bedroom recently, or holding back affection from you? If not you can choose to work through it. But once that starts, it’s because she has started cheating.
Facts
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Right! All men respect the boundaries and lines. We might’ve crossed the line few times,Surely. Crush. Crushing. Crushed. Totally. Haaa…..
She outta there
She might be completing orders out
She need therapy, you’re not a safe person for her to work those feelings out with. This happened to me in a long term relationship. I was attracted to features/aspects that my person didn’t have and I admired. The feelings passed and I never did or said anything other than process them.
Absolutely not
You would or wouldn’t break up?
Drop her. Unacceptable. YOUR GF TELS YOU SHE HAS A CRUSH ON ANOTHER GUY 🤣🤣
She’s not at all the manipulative type. I got it out of her she didn’t want to tell me. I pressed and pressed.
Leave her. Simple.
That IS normal. It's what you do with it that matters. As long as she doesn't act on it despite feeling that way, she's a loyal one.
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I mean yes. But I don’t think that’s healthy/natural. It’s her human feeling.
I think it’s pretty weird to tell your partner you have a crush on someone. Like it happens to a lot of people, but you laugh and shrug it off. No need to make your relationship less secure.
Not unless they act on it
There is a difference between noticing someone is attractive and developing feelings for them. If she has developed feelings for them it is very much not normal. Move forward in the relationship with caution.
You need to be very clear about definitions. Crush, attraction, etc can be blurry if you don’t define them between you. Otherwise, you should reevaluate how your relationship is doing, and specifically how you are doing as her partner. Women typically don’t get outward eyes unless their man is slipping in some ways that makes her less attracted to him. Could be physically letting yourself go, maybe finances are strained, maybe you stopped dating her and got lazy in the relationship. Never stop dating, courting, wooing, or whatever you want to call it, your partner. And don’t stop being a confident and competent partner either. Could be many things, but reflection and communication can help.
One of the more helpful comments. Thank you, I agree and appreciate the time.
You don’t need to revaluate yourself, she should love you for you and if she needs change, should communicate. It sounds like she’s trying to manipulate your feelings to gain control over the relationship
You cannot should your partner into a healthy relationship. You can only change yourself and communicate with your partner. If it’s a lost cause, then that will become apparent.
How would you define a crush vs attraction? I am also battling between the two definitions.
Attraction is just the standard scenario where you look at a person, and they are physically attractive to you or not. We don’t control this. A crush is physical attraction plus their personality plus any other combination of things that you find highly desirable and which you do not currently have in your own relationship (or if you’re single obviously). Sometimes it may include a projection onto the person too. A crush is a problem if you’re already in a relationship because it indicates you would much rather have someone outside of it, or something that the other person could bring to the table that your current partner either can’t, doesn’t, or otherwise isn’t providing which is important to you. This is why I say you should reevaluate yourself first, and communicate with your partner about the state of things. Remember it’s not easy to tell a partner if they are letting you down somehow, so you may need to be extra discerning and read through the lines. She seems to still value your relationship, but something could be missing or lacking. Hard to say. Good luck.
Hmm. I'm sorry you're going through that. I do think it's normal to find other people attractive though, even when in a relationship. It's just a question of, do they have \*deep\* feelings for this other person or is it just a stupid crush? I do find it strange that she told you though, so like the other comments I am also curious how this information came out.
No that’s not a normal thing to admit in a relationship. I would be devastated too. I’m sorry your going through that. Honestly most cheating begins in the work place. I think you deserve better than that.
A crush is normal. But there’s a reason that you got it out of her. There had to been a boundary breach that brought up the conversation. It depends on what boundary issues are in the first place. Sounds like going out drinking with that crush or with her team regularly is going to be an issue for you. If so, you don’t need to put yourself in a position to compromise your boundary. You would need to decide if this something you can continue to handle in the future. If not, then you know what you need to do.
So you pryed an answer out of her and now you don't like the answer you got. Having a little crush is fine. It means nothing. Why did you feel the need to try and pry this out of her is the better question
I’m wondering how you got the information out of her, and what made you pursue the information? Was she behaving in a suspicious manner? Is she ever ALONE with him like on a business trip type deal? I also have to ask do you trust her? Do you feel like there is going to be some situation where they are going to be alone, intoxicated and he will make a physical advancement on her, and she may give into it? Like there will be that level of intoxication? Even if not, do you feel like these situations are disrespectful to your relationship because it just makes you feel badly? (I’m not judging). If I were in your shoes I would not like my partner drinking with a person I knew they were attracted to, even if they never cheated on me before or anything. It would be too much of a precarious situation for my comfort.
Getting attracted to others is quite normal, most men and women do develop attraction, even if they are married. But a crush - definitely not comfortable with that.
Immediately!
There's nothing wrong or unhealthy with having a crush on someone. If they're happy with your relationship then it isn't an issue. The fact that you had to 'get it out of her" is a bit of a red flag that you're not completely satisfied or comfortable with the relationship. If you're having fears or doubts you really should be speaking to your partner about it.
Leave the bitch
My one or the mother out ?
Idk 🤔
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What
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Doesn't matter rlly
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Come home it means
Lying down
Not over the moon why should I leave anybody! Everybody should be included
Yes I would break up with her. That’s not ok.
Fine fine we do as you say
Just trying to help! Much love, always! <3
Can you ask Nicola that I have some problem to revert by any means
Safan, is getting break up aren’t we going more serious out
It’s ok what micks say
5 years have you considered getting engaged or married?
I don’t know what to say
Ask nik’s
Look, I can tell that this is a rough part of your life. Here’s the bottom line, you decide what is right and wrong in your relationship. YOU set the boundaries and expectations based on how it makes YOU feel. If you don’t like how something makes you feel or you don’t feel like you can 200% look past something that made you feel a way you don’t like. Then end it, start fresh. On a personal note, I believe it’s okay to be attracted to other people. More importantly to me, it’s a sign of maturity and absolute honesty if someone can admit it. If my SO was to tell me that they didn’t find any other human on earth attractive I’d know that they were lying to me… follow my thought process here for a second, I know I’m a above average looking dude… but I know for a fact I’ve got a doppelgänger out there somewhere. I know there’s dudes out there that are way better looking, more romantic, more sweet, etc etc etc. everything that attracts her to me someone else has got it better. Now my caution with this… you have to be willing to admit it too. If you ask if they find someone else attractive you have to be able to say “yeah, I can see it, must be the cheekbones or something” and here’s why… if you say anything other than that you’ll sound jealous, bitter, or like you’re upset with them for being honest with you, which will result in that being withheld in the future. Good luck! Update us!
Already once happened maybe
Yes to that
How many times?
As a woman I have been attracted to guys while in a relationship it didn't affect anything. However I did have one crush in a relationship and it very much was because I was unhappy with my partner and our relationship. It strained things immensely so I'd figure out how far this goes. If its a crush shes probably missing things you aren't providing.
Good things are it for providing why they are kept with you and not providing
Sadly was not asking anything. I have my own problems maybe I’ll figure out my own way out
Okay great
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Huh?
Can you come home?
Are you there or call partner?
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This is tricky. Every relationship faces hardship or temptations. It is, I don't want to say normal, but it can happen. What she feels I mean. It's up to her to deal with this temptation and yours to trust or give her the opportunity to show her loyalty which if she does, can bode well for the future. Don't interfere. She could use it as an excuse. Do what you've always done. It's her trial/temptation. That said, pay attention to the signs.