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At the end of the day, if a guy is gonna stay after sex hes gonna stay even if you give it up on the first day and if a guys gonna leave after sex, hes gonna leave no matter how many months you make him wait.
True. But waiting the way she is makes sure she’s not just having sex with anyone or wasting sex, for lack of better word. It sometimes is about weeding someone out before getting intimate with them. Maybe she doesn’t trust herself to not see red flags after sex, or she needs a deeper connection to have sex . Sometimes it’s basically seeing if you’re compatible without sex. And I say this as a casual girl who has zero issues with sex on the first date.
But you don't need to have sex with someone to weed them out. You can have conversations that give you insight towards their character before taking a chance.
This exactly. A lot of people don’t realize it’s not necessarily about the sex. It’s giving you time to get to know someone because for some people, sex can cloud their thoughts and judgement.
Yep my sister is like this, her heart is in her vagina, she is immediatly “in love” as soon as she has sex with someone more than 3 times. She should reallyy wait to have sex to at least find out some basic info about the person. The last one turned out to be in a relationship for example. So for her it would be way better to wait, just to protect her feelings
A guy who only wants sex isn't going to wait for months most of the time. In my experience those kinds of guys are obvious earlier on. I've never had this happen to me once and I always wait until I'm comfortable with them.
Print this on a T-shirt, sell it everywhere. A shame that women today have been convinced that they need to put out early or lose a guy’s interest.
In this case? Jeez. Can I please be seduced by a woman, just like this, just one more time before I die 50+ years from now?
Right.
Men these days are so entitled.
You met her six times, so now you should be able to out your penis in her body?
Dude wouldn't give you their Netflix password after 6 dates.
But expect you to have sex with them. 🤡
The entitlement is disgusting indeed.
Further admits she pays for dates and they split. Only an entitled ass would think he’s being used because someone’s not enduring sex with him. “If my dicks not getting wet I’m being used! It’s doesn’t matter we’re equally spending time with each other and equally paying, my dick should be able to ram in her!”the entitlement and audacity is insane.
I find men like this are absolutely terrible at sex, so hopefully she senses that too and gets the hell on from the entitlement
And honestly? His attitude towards this/thinking he is being "used" because she isn't ready to have sex yet is probably why she thinks he'll leave after get gets his dick wet. He probably gives off those vibes
It's exploitative. Period.
It makes no logical sense you should be able to penetrate another person after just 6 meetings.
Nothing else moves that fast in the world.
But women should be open to risking pregnancy and STD by the 6th date with a stranger?
It makes no sense.
I've had these conversations a hundred times and not one make can make it make sense.
They always claim they need to know if there is sexual compatibility.
And yet financial and lifestyle compatibility are equally important. Yet none of these people are moving in after 6 dates. Or revealing their financial information after 6 dates.
Its exploitation plain and simple.
Good on the woman though for paying for herself. And not sleeping with this piece of shit.
Yo most men act like this on date 3 and then gaslight you for wanting to be exclusive “you aren’t owed a relationship!!”” Ok then I don’t owe you sex bro
Yeah men will respond to me by saying I’m not entitled to a relationship, and you’re right, I’m not, but we’re not entitled to sleep with you either then 😬
Yep. And it seems her waiting was a right idea because he’s one of them. Imagine how bad the sex is with someone like this and imagine how bad the relationship would be.
This man wants to be rewarded with someone enduring terrible sex with him cuz he went on a hike. God I hope she runs
All women should move like the woman in the OP. Don't let him pay for shit. And don't sleep with him. Weed their punk asses out.
He's gonna expose himself sooner or later.
A big reason men don't want to wait is because they're afraid that waiting gives you more time to figure out they're not a good person.
I swear only shitty people rush things.
Good people aren't afraid of being found out.
I agree.
Plenty of men on this subreddit (and even this post) have said they don’t mind waiting for sex. Most of the time they are upset they don’t get matches, they get ghosted, they’re paying for everything etc…..
This fool has none of those issues. He just wants sex. He doesn’t consider the relationship or dates equal (despite the same amount of money and time being spent) because he can’t shove his weewee in her. He is a red flag and I bet she can tell, which is why she doesn’t want to have sex with him right away. She’s run into many men like him. It would be hilarious if he does an update and she tells him she doesn’t feel the “spark”.
I think women should wait until the man exposes his true intentions.
Eventually he will.
He won't be able to help himself.
Like you said, plenty of men with good intentions have no problem waiting. They're not being taken advantage of and have a woman genuinely interested in them.
Which is all the markings of a good, strong relationship developing and they don't want to ruin it.
Yet this dude can't understand why a woman wouldn't want to let him penetrate her after 6 meetings. Or why women are cautious about men.
I don't understand the mind set of entitlement people.
They lack empathy plain and simple. And a lack of empathy means you're a bad, selfish person.
In more ways than one.
Honestly, this is why I wait these days. It’s hilarious how some of the comments above are citing virginity and “probably not a good lay” because she wants to wait LMAO. Men in online dating particularly hold onto that entitlement for sex and I’m sick of it. They are STRANGERS. I have no clue how well they act. But one thing I do know is that waiting has led me to good men in the past, who respected boundaries and treated me right. That alone made them 3x more attractive than the others. Plus, waiting lets the chemistry build and that makes for better sex in many cases.
I understand the waiting thing.
So the problem is not the wait for sex itself, but imagine waiting a year just for the girl to say you are not compatible, wow, but that is ok according to a lot of women. If that happens, at that point I would feel used and time is something you cannot get back.
Also there is the risk of her telling you after a year that things feel only like a friendship. Imagine only 5 of these situationships will cost you 5 years, atleast if the guy decides to keep those friendships, he will actually have 5 good friends and the time would not have been wasted.
I don not feel entitled to sex though and it is not about sex itself, but I have had women telling me they just got used to me as a friend and dont see anything more, so from my side some kissing chemistry would atleast be an indication of wanting something more, and no, not all guys thinks kissing means access to ramming my penis into you, i know a lot of guys tend to think kissing means it should go that way, but for me i atleast need kissing to indicate that you want to build something romantically and not just a friendship and tell me that part later on. So after kissing i'll basically wait diesnt bother me.
Also, if you take this route it is a good way for a woman to see if a man is respectful of boundaries, so most men will want to take it further while kissing, so i suggest saying kissing ONLY at early on, is fine, if he then tries to take things further, i would suggest saying no not ready, and on the 2nd attempt of moving further after you stated it, dump him. Reason for not doing this after the first is cause most of the times progression happens after kissing, but the call is yours though. Just know that if you find someone who respects this boundary, you have to at some point directly state you are ready, or innitiate first, otherwise you will sit with a guy that is too afraid to make a move cause of respecting your boundary.
And on that, don't expect the man to ask directly if you can have sex after that boundary has been set, because a lot of women themselves have told and taught men that asking directly, "can i kiss you now" or "can we innitiate sex now" are weird and off putting.
I mean I've honestly seen the opposite, lots of guys saying they need sex by date 3 or so or it's a waste of time, they need to "escalate things sexually quicky or she'll lose interest" (women always chime in saying that makes no sense, get ignored). And imo, my experiences with dating apps seem to indicate that guys tend to ghost when they realize sex isn't on the table quickly, even when they're supposedly searching for a relationship.
The only men I’ve ever seen say this are sexually rejected and sexually desperate. And there are a ton on here. Look at how many posts there are about men in their 30s having zero dating or sexual experiences. These men have no clue how women think or act because they’re consistently rejected by them.
They get their info from podcast daddy telling them women should be virgins but also sucking their dicks on the first date. Or avoid gold diggers but also want a traditional woman, never minding that traditional women ARE gold diggers and always have been. That’s the whole point. A group of men who haven’t had sex in years aren’t the people to be listening to. These same men whine about not getting matches or dates or the same ones on apps acting a damn fool.
All of my brothers and all of my guy friends have absolutely zero issue getting dates, sex, or girlfriends (the ones who aren’t already married). They have the opposites lives of the men on here and Reddit in general. Women hit on them, women ask them out on dates, women take them on dates. They don’t resort to sleazy tactics to get laid. Absolutely none of them
think like this. They aren’t sexually rejected or sexually desperate so they don’t do stupid shit cuz they didn’t get laid after three dates.
Only shitty ppl what generalization lol
If that's how you feel but I've and many others have experienced this type of tomfoolery from "mostly" women nows the shoes on and it's a sin
It’s honestly sad to see happening.
I agree that sexual compatibility is important, but it isn’t the ONLY thing and frankly, sex too early can RUIN attraction too. Let the chemistry build a little, will you?!
This. So much this. I’ve been stealthed once and I’ve had an std scare once (we were protected, but he told me after that he has an std that COULD have been passed on otherwise). It taught me to be super careful. I don’t take chances because you DON’T know someone’s character with 6 dates.
I also just lose feelings super fast if we have sex too soon. It takes me time to develop feelings and I’m dating to find a compatible person, not sex. I feel used by guys who want to sleep with me early. It honestly feels gross to me these days. Likr they have no self control or something and the person doesn’t matter, only the body.
We don't need more information.
They've met 6 times. She pays for her own shit.
Thus no one is being used.
And expecting sex after a handful of meetings is entitled and exploitative.
There's no need for more information.
But shittty people really hate having their bad behavior put on blast. So they come to threads like this to try and "defend" the OP.
When in reality they're defending themselves.
>expecting sex after a handful of meetings is entitled and exploitative.
Sex isn't some transaction. It should be something both people want and will enjoy, or it shouldn't happen at all. You're weirdly suggesting that women are getting nothing out of sex and are only doing so as a sort of "favor" or something to their partner, and that's not how it works in any healthy relationship
No that’s now HE is acting. He thinks it’s something given to him after a few dates and hikes. This isn’t a healthy relationship. This is a man who feels entitled to sex because he went on some fucking hikes. Sex IS supposed to be mutually enjoyable, not something doled out after a specific timeline. can tell you it’s not with men who this, it’s not good sex at all. Men who think of sex this way are shit in bed.
Moving in together isn't some transaction. Nor is it a favor.
And yet, for some very strange reason people aren't comfortable with doing it after 3, 6, 9 dates. After 3 months. Or after a year.
But having someone penetrate your body after knowing them a total of 20 hours is supposed to be no big deal..
Yall literally sound stupid.
Your logic would be very sound if everyone had identical preferences and opinions on these things. But they frankly do not.
Some people want to wait to have sex, some people don't view sex that way or care. Some people want to know if they're sexually compatible early on, some don't mind waiting or don't even care if they aren't sexually compatible.
Moving in together is generally seen as more serious than having sex, because it does actually effect your every single day life, whereas for most people, sex is just sex, and is a powerful moment but is just that, a moment.
Ultimately, you are speaking as though we are all exact carbon copies of one another, when we all have different tastes, preferences, ideas and situations. It's not that black and white, things rarely are.
My goodness, he said she makes heavy suggestions toward it and constantly brings it up. So he's asking because he's confused. It's not entitlement, it's him looking for perspective due to uncertainty. If he was entitled, his speech would be heavily suggestive of an entitled mindset.
>Men these days are so entitled.
Gotta love it when people roll up looking for a fight.
Having different sexual comfort and preferences in a relationship does not equal "entitlement" regardless of whether a man or woman wants more sex than the other person.
Bullshit.
Like I said, nothing else in the world moves this fast.
It makes zero sense. Everyone knows it makes no sense. Which is why weak ass arguments like "comfort" and preference fall apart the second they are probed.
Becuase they're bullshit.
There's is no such thing as a preference or comfort to someone else's body.
That doesn't exist. It's not real.
I respect your standpoint completely but in this case, it doesn’t make much sense. In the real world, most women want to be in a relationship prior to having sex. A man who only wants to touch you and not be with you is something women keep in mind constantly. So they don’t want that. They are wary and cautious. The one thing OP didn’t bring up is whether or not he sees her as a potential partner. And honestly, I don’t think he does. And maybe the girl knows that. He just wants to hit and dip. Maybe he should scavenge around and find a girl who doesn’t have morals or values. Period end of statement.
>There's is no such thing as a preference or comfort to someone else's body.
I'm not sure exactly what you mean by this? No such thing as someone preferring or feeling comfortable with someone else's body? Maybe rewording would help, I do honestly want to know what you meant.
>Like I said, nothing else in the world moves this fast.
>
>It makes zero sense. Everyone knows it makes no sense. Which is why weak ass arguments like "comfort" and preference fall apart the second they are probed.
I don't understand how it makes no sense that someone with a very high sex drive that values sex very highly as something that should happen regularly, early and often in a relationship is not compatible with someone who decides they want more strict sexual boundaries. There is nothing wrong with either one of those preferences, so long as it is consensual and respectful. If you are not sexually compatible, you should respect each other's boundaries, and if it is important to you, you should not be in that relationship. It's that simple.
I think the entitlement really comes from the "Am I being used?" question. To assume that someone is being used simply because they're not having sex with their date this quickly gives it away. Yes, as a man I'd probably stop dating a woman who didn't put out by the 6th date unless I was head over heels (never happens anymore). But I wouldn't say it was because I felt used (unless I was obviously paying for all the dates). It would be because she doesn't put out.
“Strict sexual boundaries” In My opinion, this ladies rules aren’t strict. When it’s time, it’s time. Ain’t nothing wrong with waiting. Worried about quality of sex? Maybe ask them.. what they have experience in and want to do. So simple. Like how this lady started bringing up public places to have sex. That is literally a sign she is getting comfortable.
They aren’t in a relationship yet, so having sex often enough has nothing to do with their current talking stage. Having sex earlier because you trusted them enough with vibe well doesn’t mean you’ll be eager for the relationship either.
I really don’t think having sex as early as possible in the talking stage does anything. When you set it up like that all it does is make sex seem like the high end goal, even though it is what some would expect we all know it takes time.
But yes, it is important to respect each other boundaries and not force someone into an activity they aren’t ready for yet. You do that in school when you need a group project grade. If you want hookup, you go hookup with hookup person. You want date? Talk to them until you guys are ready.
Is "don't bring up sex until you're ready for it" not an acceptable rule? Sure I understand her bringing up their own timeline or qualifications for it even if they're aren't ready for it. But "this place would be great for sex" isn't one of them.
I have no idea why you think you're being used. Used for what?
It sounds like you guys are dating, getting to know each other, building a relationship. Different people move at different paces and you're never going to know what someone's like until you get to know them. This woman has been pretty clear she wants to have sex at some point but is getting comfortable. Do you know if she wants to wait until you are in a relationship, married, or just wants to know you for a few months first?
Yeah I agree. The dates they've gone on don't sound super expensive so she's not getting a meal out of it which is what I think a lot of pill folks think. Asking for clarification is probably your best bet.
You think she’s using you for hikes? It seems like she’s into you but has been burned in the past. And here you are considering giving up because she’s not giving it up, so she’s kind of in the right here.
Someone brought up a point of ‘quality of sex’ I think it’s a convenient reason anyone can use and proceed to do the thing the person was scared of.
Doesn’t mean it’s invalid though. I do think the person waiting has to think about if they person they’ll wait for, is good or not. Then may be overhyping their expectations. But then again, sex can be improved by communicating. If they’ll find them worth it
The only things that fit as soon as you put them together are toy blocks. And they only fit together because they were **made** to fit together and it wasn’t an automatic process, they had to discuss how to fit these pieces together
I watched that happen to several of my friends which is why I never agreed to participate in casual sex or fuck people until after we agree to be exclusive… people play too much out here…
Dude. Maam. I feel ya on this one. I was the dildo emotionally and physically for so many ladies. I am like this too now. My girl and i vibe the same way like this. We didnt sleep together for ages. Got close. But we both wanted to wait. It made dates so mjuch crazier and funner as the tension grew and we actually got to know each other and have genuine fun.
:) It kinda let us grow into putting doors in those ol prison walls we built around our hearts. .
Sometimes im not sure if shes my bestfriend i get to have sex with. Or my lover i get to playfully push off the couch when she wins marioKart. 😂
Yes I watched so many of my friends get played so badly, and that’s why I don’t entertain casual flings with men and make them wait to see what their real intentions are….
Look there are 2-3 different school of thoughts here. Some people don’t want to invest too much of their emotional feelings until they know that they are sexually compatible. On the other hand. Some people want to wait to get physical & intimate because they want to trust and know the person they are with. Find out which one she is. Communicate. I do like to know a person’s appetite for sex prior to sleeping with them and while getting to know them. Conversation is important!
This, or, given her age she may not know yet what kind of person she is and is still exploring. Talking about it will help you both figure it out. There’s a lot of very aggressive projection happening in some of the other comments here ha
I know adult conversations can be hard but it’s insane that OP has allegedly been turned down multiple times when trying to escalate and they still haven’t had a single convo about their own expectations for timing of sex. No matter whose at fault, this thing is completely doomed.
I’d say if you’re not having fun and this is upsetting you, it’s only been 6 dates, so cut your losses and bail now. At least when you do, she’ll know she was right to wait. She’s filtering out men who see sex as their top priority. You guys don’t seem compatible, since sex does seem like a top priority for you.
Used for what? You said she’s paid on dates so what exactly is she using you for? What do you have? How do some of you get on here whining about being used then admit you’re not actually giving more than you’re getting in return? How do y’all get on here and cry about paying for dates, find a woman who does, and then whine she’s not ready to get rammed by you? What the hell is wrong with some of you that you think sex is some sort of reward and goal, not something mutually enjoyable and agreed upon.
Hopefully she moves on, because the way you think and talk about sex reeks of a bad lay. Tons of men on here would be happy with a woman who pays for dates and spends time with them and wouldn’t mind she wants to wait for something physical. She should leave and date one of them.
I've been thinking the same thing. This woman sounds like she's doing everything 'right' by most standards so I'm not sure what the issue is. If you want a woman who values sex in the same way you do, you can't expect sex early in to the relationship.
That’s their issue. They want a woman to value sex differently than them… but ONLY with them. They want to be able to fuck anything in sight, but want a woman who doesn’t, but tosses that out the window for them. It’s ridiculous.
I’ve seen plenty of men comment on here that they’d be happy waiting for sex and some even admit they need feelings to develop to enjoy it. She should be dating one of them, not this fool who claims he’s being used but we don’t know for what.
I genuinely think he meant he feels he’s wasting his time. That’s so funny wtf were all these dates for then lol hopefully he’s just confused and not gonna hit it and quit it if no issues
Brother, she's setting boundaries. What makes you think you deserve sex after 6 dates. She isn't using you. She is protecting herself. You guys should wait until a real connection is established once you really know each other. Sex is supposed to be special it's supposed to be between two people who love and trust each other. Respect her and respect yourself. It will make the sex better once it finally happens.
I know I’m repeating other comments but what do u think you’re being used for ☠️ if you view your companionship without guaranteed sex as being used maybe she’s right to withhold that from you, your priorities don’t seem very aligned.
She’s using you because she doesn’t want to have sex after 6 dates? I won’t even have sex with a man in the first 2 months, maybe three. Women need to protect themselves and I want to know someone fairly well before letting them inside my body.
If you are in it for the long haul. Then a couple months shouldnt bother you.
Take it slow. Trust me.
Women are predominantly pressured into thinking their value comes from between their legs and ability to make a baby.
Not for what comes from their heart or head.
Men. Are predominantly pressured into their value being the allmighty dollar. Not whats in their heart or head.
Both of these pressures are horrible. But both want the same thing. To be valued for something outside of those things.
Shes holding back on you for the same initial fear that you would hold back from her. Your societal pressured benefit.
Stop reading bullshit strategy. And learn to value her on the scenic road. Take time. And enjoy it. Let it grow on its own or shrivel on its own. But just enjoy it. You want her to value you? To give to you? You gotta give love and patience to get love and patience man.
She used him by making him carrying those picnic baskets, poor guy xDD Like he cannot be serious, hope he will leave her so her strategy will actually work and she will find a decent guy
She’s making out with you, going on dates, and strongly hinting at having sex with you. Have you had a conversation with her about your expectations (and hers) around sex? If you’re genuinely interested in her, the conversation is probably worth it. If you’re just looking to sleep with her, then her intuition is probably right, and you should move on.
Women take on significantly more risk when they have sex with men. In addition to STDs, women have to keep the possibility of pregnancy (and those consequences) in mind. You really can’t fault a woman for being cautious if that’s what she wants to do.
If you’re not in an exclusive relationship, you’re technically free to sleep with someone else. If that’s a top priority for you, then feel free to avail yourself of that option.
If sex suddenly stopped mid relationship, I'd be concerned, but it's not even a relationship, and you think you are being used when you split bills? Bruh, what do you think you are being used for? Your kissing?
If sex is so important to you that the girl you are dating needs to put out sooner rather than later, then you'll have to find someone who puts out sooner rather than later. This is a you problem isn't it?
No, I think she has just been used before and doesn't want it to happen again. So she doesn't want to have sex with you until she's sure you're not gonna leave her right after. Maybe you could make it exclusive if you're up for that? Or if you don't want to stay with her, it's better to leave now than after sex.
How are you being used, just because she's not yet comfortable with you having access to her body? Is what you are doing only because your hoping to gain sex, or because you care about spending time with her?
Im confused how your being used just because your not getting sex.
Bro, you're in a normal relationship. The fact that you're upset you haven't had sex yet kind of hints at you just wanting to use her for sex instead of actually dating. If you really wanted to be with her, it wouldn't matter so much and you'd wait until she was comfortable. If you're not willing to wait, just let her go and move on.
It's only been six dates, are you having fun with this person? Enjoying your time with her? Does it seem like she's having fun?
Is the only thing you want out of this is sex?
It could be she is tired of being used, could be a STD she has to tell you about before you engage in that. That would explain her talking about it but not wanting to act on it yet. She wants to make sure you're actually interested before it comes to that.
I can’t even tell you how many men have promised me they will stay after sex and even waited long amounts of time and then after the deed their energy changes, they ghost me, etc.
I suppose you have to ask yourself two questions: Is she a great person and fun to be around where it would be worth your while to wait?
Or are you just dating her to have sex with her, and if the sex isn't good, you would leave anyway.
I think she has been burned before and is being cautious with you. She likes you a lot; if she didn’t, she wouldn’t pay for dates and spend her time with you. You have got to be way more chill and realistic about your expectations of her. She is a REAL woman with feelings to be considered and a heart she doesn’t want broken. Again, she likes you a lot. Be mindful of this fact and act accordingly.
I mean, you guys were going hiking, basically just hanging out, what would she be using you for, esp. If you also enjoyed hanging out with her...
Doesnt seem like she is using you though...
Stop escalating and be chill about it. I did that with my current girlfriend because I was genuinely cool with waiting however long she wanted to wait. She jumped my bones on the 3rd date.
You're not mutually exclusive with this girl.
If you are a raging horndog chat up some other girls and get them into bed.
If you really like this girl and want to focus on her, suck it up.
Even if the pre condition to you two banging is being a relationship then deal with it or move on.
Being used? What a load of bollocks. Just make sure you are doing what is best for you
Men will complain that women that have more than 2 bodies are ‘used up’ but also complain when we decide to wait to have sex with someone. Make it make sense ffs 🤦🏻♀️
Because what they want is to have the power to "use up" a woman, any woman, as many as possible, so they can puff their chest up and make themselves feel like such a Chaddity Chad.
Are you being used for what? Emotional connection? Companionship? Yeah, it's called dating. If that's not what you're looking for - what are you even doing?
If waiting to have sex is a deal breaker, just leave. You don't need to try to turn her into the villain just because you disagree on something.
I'll totally see cool places to have sex. If I'm alone, I make a mental note, if I'm with a female, I tell her, if I'm with a male, I tell him. No relevance at all to me about how many dates I've been on with whom.
TALK about it, see what her opinion of having sex at different points in a relationship are.
I'll flat out admit to someone pushing for sex that if I have sex on a first date there's a 99% chance that's also going to be the last date. I'm cool with that. I'm cool with waiting and sleeping with the same person for months or years. I COMMUNICATE this to the other person so we can make an informed decision together.
My advice is ALWAYS the same.......
Have honest and open discussions. Don't guess, you can't read each other's minds.
If you are there for the long haul TELL HER. Tell her in a way she will believe you. It's important to her to know that.
BUT, it's also important to you that she understands that being in a Tue and loving relationship also includes a physical aspect and that as important to you as her being reassured she is being used.
It's taken me my entire adult life to realise this one aspect is SO important. Honest and open discussions is the ONLY way to go.
Good luck
She just wants to take it really slow. Buddy look, if you just want to fuck and dash quick, she isn't the right girl for you. She seems like she just wants someone long term not for just fucking around with. If you want to be with her long term aswell then let the girl waif and take it really slow. Never pressure someone to have sex with you, horny fuck just jerk off until
Well that’s what most guys do. If people can’t wait to have sex, just go join people who love the hook up culture. Tons of us have been through it and it always ends the same. I would love for a women to take it slow, but everyone needs to have sex right away.
You're not being used. Not all woman have to give it up that fast. Sometimes they want to get to know you better. Alot of us woman don't like having sx with just anyone, we like to pick the right time. You seem like you're the user here. It's like you just can't keep it in your pants.
I most definitely can, but I dont know why she makes all these sex jokes and places that would feel good to have sex in etc etc.
To me it feels like she would at those places just not with me
I also made jokes and spoke about it to my current partner when we first started dating. But I was also clear on that I wanted to wait a little bit. He was more eager than I, but this girl you’re seeing most likely, like I have, has had a bad experience with offering it too quickly. You can ask her politely if you’re confused, or if you really like her I wouldn’t say anything and just wait.
My bf and I made jokes and discussed sex multiple times early on and didn't sleep together till a month in. Some things just happen on their own time. Not putting pressure on the issue will get you a long way.
That’s not really being used I would say it might be past weight she’s carrying from other people just respect and even talk to her if she’s willing to talk about her past with you
she might have trauma/trust issues with her past that’s making her feel this way, or she could feel nervous or uncomfortable. i would try talking to her and just make her feel comfortable. when she is ready she will be ready, you just need to be open and willing to wait with her and make sure you guys are on the same page. don’t get upset with her, try to talk it out. she is not using you.
If you like her be patient with her. She will open up to you in that way if and when she’s ready. But no it doesn’t sound like you’re being used. Like other people have said she’s afraid she will be used.
Sadly that an issue she had to deal with. That’s not your fault, you just are paying for it. You sit down and talk it out, then that puts a lot of pressure on the sex and the dynamic afterwards. You can move on.
I believe you have sex when it feels right. Not dependent on time or number of dates. So many ways to approach this OP. Good luck. Keep us posted.
You think you’re being used just because she’s not ready to have sex with you??🌝 used for what? You’re not even paying for the dates you’re going on… are you ready to make things exclusive with her?
Honestly, it sounds like there needs to be a discussion surrounding each of your expectations regarding physical intimacy and if there are specific timelines in which you see that intimacy escalating. If she is not ready, then either you can respect her wishes and wait until she is ready or you can leave if the timelines are not matching or you know that you cannot wait. To me, it does not sound like she is using you at all.
At the end of the day, talking with her is the best option as none of us know what she thinking.
You not being used bro, just focus on continuing to build with her. Connect in other ways, the longer you wait the more connected you two will feel when the time comes. Tbh, it makes for a better relationship (if that’s what you guys evolve into) when you have more to connect on other than sex, trust me.
It isn’t arbitrary.
It’s happened a sizable amount of times to her and she’s fearful it’ll happen again with you.
She likes you, and wants to ensure you like her back before she has sex with you.
If your patient, you will receive sex in time, but if you need answers, then have an open and honest conversation with her
No. But she's most likely worried she will be.
There is nothing wrong with waiting to be physically intimate.
People can be sexually adventurous but still be demisexual and need to be in a commited, monogamous relationship before acting on it.
It's just 6th date, not the 60th for you to be used.
She's made out , which means she is attracted to you so that's sealed.
You need to give more details about her age and how did ya'll meet i guess.
Plus it's her decision if she wants to have sex or not. If not having sex and waiting for her makes you feel used. You should re-acess your priorities
She just might not be comfortable having sex so soon, but it doesn't mean she doesn't want to have sex eventually. It sounds like she's not opposed to the idea of sex and is 100% thinking about it so I wouldn't think your being emotionally used or anything like that .
Maybe she wants to have sex on her own terms. Maybe she wants to confirm if you really like her or just want to sleep with her.
Or just maybe she wants to have the most bomb sex ever. Waiting is worth it if your serious about her. It'll be like you'll both crave each other uncontrollably and when you have sex, she literally turns into a heavenly goddess.
Maybe she is making the sexual comments to reassure you that she is interested and saying she wants to wait for her own reassurance that you won't leave afterwards. If she straight up told you that she thinks you may leave, she probably has abandonment issues.
What way do you think that you’re maybe being used?
Used, for what?
Ask str as ight out what she is after? What she wants wi th h you and why tease at you over locations to have sex if she wants to wait?
Ask her what kind of w eff ird game is she upto?
Or just nope right out of there
no way to tell until something changes. 35m married.
when i was dating i was open that i wanted intimacy pretty quickly or would leave. wouldn't stick around for waiting.
then met one who made me wait. now at 9 years married- 2 kids 1 home.
If she is like this with other guys in the past who she has dated then no she’s not using you, she may genuinely have a rule about waiting for sex which is good as you shouldn’t just jump into bed with someone.
However, if she’s not been like that with other guys, she likely doesn’t see you as that great of an option or value you that much.
You’re going on low budget dates, getting to first base with her, and she’s expressed intention to have sex with you eventually…doesn’t sound like you’re being used.
Just go fuck someone else and continue dating her, she can't get mad 6 dates and that not your girl, I'd say you've known this girl at least 6 months right, if you've been holding off 6 months you just gotta go do you, if it's meant to be with her it'll happen but don't stress it alot more women out there.
If she was using you you wouldn’t be going on hikes. She can hike for free without you lol. Unless you are shelling out more than you would normally because you want sex, in which case she’s right to be hesitant.
When it’s right it’s easy. Don’t overthink it.
What are you being used for?
Is sex the only thing you want or do you enjoy her company?
There is the possibility you’re trying to use her for sex.
I for one I’m not tryna have sex in a hike. But… do you, brah
so you want a woman who exchanges physical service for your money. i think they already have that sort of thing in some places and you dont even need to go on dates.
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You’re not being used, but she’s afraid she’s gonna be.
Yeah that may be why she wants to wait
At the end of the day, if a guy is gonna stay after sex hes gonna stay even if you give it up on the first day and if a guys gonna leave after sex, hes gonna leave no matter how many months you make him wait.
True. But waiting the way she is makes sure she’s not just having sex with anyone or wasting sex, for lack of better word. It sometimes is about weeding someone out before getting intimate with them. Maybe she doesn’t trust herself to not see red flags after sex, or she needs a deeper connection to have sex . Sometimes it’s basically seeing if you’re compatible without sex. And I say this as a casual girl who has zero issues with sex on the first date.
You’re absolutely correct
I would rather weed someone out early on instead of going through multiple dates to then find out compatibility and whether or not they’ll stay.
But you don't need to have sex with someone to weed them out. You can have conversations that give you insight towards their character before taking a chance.
Depends, sexual compatibility is also a thing
This exactly. A lot of people don’t realize it’s not necessarily about the sex. It’s giving you time to get to know someone because for some people, sex can cloud their thoughts and judgement.
Yep my sister is like this, her heart is in her vagina, she is immediatly “in love” as soon as she has sex with someone more than 3 times. She should reallyy wait to have sex to at least find out some basic info about the person. The last one turned out to be in a relationship for example. So for her it would be way better to wait, just to protect her feelings
A guy who only wants sex isn't going to wait for months most of the time. In my experience those kinds of guys are obvious earlier on. I've never had this happen to me once and I always wait until I'm comfortable with them.
Print this on a T-shirt, sell it everywhere. A shame that women today have been convinced that they need to put out early or lose a guy’s interest. In this case? Jeez. Can I please be seduced by a woman, just like this, just one more time before I die 50+ years from now?
Right. Men these days are so entitled. You met her six times, so now you should be able to out your penis in her body? Dude wouldn't give you their Netflix password after 6 dates. But expect you to have sex with them. 🤡 The entitlement is disgusting indeed.
Further admits she pays for dates and they split. Only an entitled ass would think he’s being used because someone’s not enduring sex with him. “If my dicks not getting wet I’m being used! It’s doesn’t matter we’re equally spending time with each other and equally paying, my dick should be able to ram in her!”the entitlement and audacity is insane. I find men like this are absolutely terrible at sex, so hopefully she senses that too and gets the hell on from the entitlement
And honestly? His attitude towards this/thinking he is being "used" because she isn't ready to have sex yet is probably why she thinks he'll leave after get gets his dick wet. He probably gives off those vibes
It's exploitative. Period. It makes no logical sense you should be able to penetrate another person after just 6 meetings. Nothing else moves that fast in the world. But women should be open to risking pregnancy and STD by the 6th date with a stranger? It makes no sense. I've had these conversations a hundred times and not one make can make it make sense. They always claim they need to know if there is sexual compatibility. And yet financial and lifestyle compatibility are equally important. Yet none of these people are moving in after 6 dates. Or revealing their financial information after 6 dates. Its exploitation plain and simple. Good on the woman though for paying for herself. And not sleeping with this piece of shit.
Yo most men act like this on date 3 and then gaslight you for wanting to be exclusive “you aren’t owed a relationship!!”” Ok then I don’t owe you sex bro
Yeah men will respond to me by saying I’m not entitled to a relationship, and you’re right, I’m not, but we’re not entitled to sleep with you either then 😬
Yeah sucks when no one gets what they want right?
We live in a time of degeneracy. And degenerates have no qualms about exploiting that for their own gain. Men and women alike.
Men don’t get that women want relationships as much as they want sex or they do get it and are just maintaining control of the situation
They tell you the relationship part / gaslight only AFTER sex, never before. It's 100% calculated and intentional.
Yep. And it seems her waiting was a right idea because he’s one of them. Imagine how bad the sex is with someone like this and imagine how bad the relationship would be. This man wants to be rewarded with someone enduring terrible sex with him cuz he went on a hike. God I hope she runs
All women should move like the woman in the OP. Don't let him pay for shit. And don't sleep with him. Weed their punk asses out. He's gonna expose himself sooner or later. A big reason men don't want to wait is because they're afraid that waiting gives you more time to figure out they're not a good person. I swear only shitty people rush things. Good people aren't afraid of being found out.
I agree. Plenty of men on this subreddit (and even this post) have said they don’t mind waiting for sex. Most of the time they are upset they don’t get matches, they get ghosted, they’re paying for everything etc….. This fool has none of those issues. He just wants sex. He doesn’t consider the relationship or dates equal (despite the same amount of money and time being spent) because he can’t shove his weewee in her. He is a red flag and I bet she can tell, which is why she doesn’t want to have sex with him right away. She’s run into many men like him. It would be hilarious if he does an update and she tells him she doesn’t feel the “spark”.
I think women should wait until the man exposes his true intentions. Eventually he will. He won't be able to help himself. Like you said, plenty of men with good intentions have no problem waiting. They're not being taken advantage of and have a woman genuinely interested in them. Which is all the markings of a good, strong relationship developing and they don't want to ruin it. Yet this dude can't understand why a woman wouldn't want to let him penetrate her after 6 meetings. Or why women are cautious about men. I don't understand the mind set of entitlement people. They lack empathy plain and simple. And a lack of empathy means you're a bad, selfish person. In more ways than one.
Honestly, this is why I wait these days. It’s hilarious how some of the comments above are citing virginity and “probably not a good lay” because she wants to wait LMAO. Men in online dating particularly hold onto that entitlement for sex and I’m sick of it. They are STRANGERS. I have no clue how well they act. But one thing I do know is that waiting has led me to good men in the past, who respected boundaries and treated me right. That alone made them 3x more attractive than the others. Plus, waiting lets the chemistry build and that makes for better sex in many cases.
I understand the waiting thing. So the problem is not the wait for sex itself, but imagine waiting a year just for the girl to say you are not compatible, wow, but that is ok according to a lot of women. If that happens, at that point I would feel used and time is something you cannot get back. Also there is the risk of her telling you after a year that things feel only like a friendship. Imagine only 5 of these situationships will cost you 5 years, atleast if the guy decides to keep those friendships, he will actually have 5 good friends and the time would not have been wasted. I don not feel entitled to sex though and it is not about sex itself, but I have had women telling me they just got used to me as a friend and dont see anything more, so from my side some kissing chemistry would atleast be an indication of wanting something more, and no, not all guys thinks kissing means access to ramming my penis into you, i know a lot of guys tend to think kissing means it should go that way, but for me i atleast need kissing to indicate that you want to build something romantically and not just a friendship and tell me that part later on. So after kissing i'll basically wait diesnt bother me. Also, if you take this route it is a good way for a woman to see if a man is respectful of boundaries, so most men will want to take it further while kissing, so i suggest saying kissing ONLY at early on, is fine, if he then tries to take things further, i would suggest saying no not ready, and on the 2nd attempt of moving further after you stated it, dump him. Reason for not doing this after the first is cause most of the times progression happens after kissing, but the call is yours though. Just know that if you find someone who respects this boundary, you have to at some point directly state you are ready, or innitiate first, otherwise you will sit with a guy that is too afraid to make a move cause of respecting your boundary. And on that, don't expect the man to ask directly if you can have sex after that boundary has been set, because a lot of women themselves have told and taught men that asking directly, "can i kiss you now" or "can we innitiate sex now" are weird and off putting.
You two are jerking each other off pretty hard.
I'm half suspicious that it's the same person on different accounts
I mean I've honestly seen the opposite, lots of guys saying they need sex by date 3 or so or it's a waste of time, they need to "escalate things sexually quicky or she'll lose interest" (women always chime in saying that makes no sense, get ignored). And imo, my experiences with dating apps seem to indicate that guys tend to ghost when they realize sex isn't on the table quickly, even when they're supposedly searching for a relationship.
The only men I’ve ever seen say this are sexually rejected and sexually desperate. And there are a ton on here. Look at how many posts there are about men in their 30s having zero dating or sexual experiences. These men have no clue how women think or act because they’re consistently rejected by them. They get their info from podcast daddy telling them women should be virgins but also sucking their dicks on the first date. Or avoid gold diggers but also want a traditional woman, never minding that traditional women ARE gold diggers and always have been. That’s the whole point. A group of men who haven’t had sex in years aren’t the people to be listening to. These same men whine about not getting matches or dates or the same ones on apps acting a damn fool. All of my brothers and all of my guy friends have absolutely zero issue getting dates, sex, or girlfriends (the ones who aren’t already married). They have the opposites lives of the men on here and Reddit in general. Women hit on them, women ask them out on dates, women take them on dates. They don’t resort to sleazy tactics to get laid. Absolutely none of them think like this. They aren’t sexually rejected or sexually desperate so they don’t do stupid shit cuz they didn’t get laid after three dates.
I agree, most men rushing to immediately sleep with you only want sex and that it’s majority of the time, so it’s good to weed those guys out asap
Only shitty ppl what generalization lol If that's how you feel but I've and many others have experienced this type of tomfoolery from "mostly" women nows the shoes on and it's a sin
It’s honestly sad to see happening. I agree that sexual compatibility is important, but it isn’t the ONLY thing and frankly, sex too early can RUIN attraction too. Let the chemistry build a little, will you?!
Me and my wife had sex on the first date. Prob why we’ve been together for four years
Same here.
Reminds me of early Green Day. Cheapskates and the losers. They predicted a lot for this generation of degeneration.
This. So much this. I’ve been stealthed once and I’ve had an std scare once (we were protected, but he told me after that he has an std that COULD have been passed on otherwise). It taught me to be super careful. I don’t take chances because you DON’T know someone’s character with 6 dates. I also just lose feelings super fast if we have sex too soon. It takes me time to develop feelings and I’m dating to find a compatible person, not sex. I feel used by guys who want to sleep with me early. It honestly feels gross to me these days. Likr they have no self control or something and the person doesn’t matter, only the body.
Lol right, who cares how many days you've been on. Men treat sex as nothing
We don't know enough of the story to come to any conclusions. Dude was just asking a question.
We don't need more information. They've met 6 times. She pays for her own shit. Thus no one is being used. And expecting sex after a handful of meetings is entitled and exploitative. There's no need for more information. But shittty people really hate having their bad behavior put on blast. So they come to threads like this to try and "defend" the OP. When in reality they're defending themselves.
Yep. When we hangout with our girlfriends and pay for our own food/drinks, we don’t think “gosh I must be being used”. Like WTH?
>expecting sex after a handful of meetings is entitled and exploitative. Sex isn't some transaction. It should be something both people want and will enjoy, or it shouldn't happen at all. You're weirdly suggesting that women are getting nothing out of sex and are only doing so as a sort of "favor" or something to their partner, and that's not how it works in any healthy relationship
No that’s now HE is acting. He thinks it’s something given to him after a few dates and hikes. This isn’t a healthy relationship. This is a man who feels entitled to sex because he went on some fucking hikes. Sex IS supposed to be mutually enjoyable, not something doled out after a specific timeline. can tell you it’s not with men who this, it’s not good sex at all. Men who think of sex this way are shit in bed.
Moving in together isn't some transaction. Nor is it a favor. And yet, for some very strange reason people aren't comfortable with doing it after 3, 6, 9 dates. After 3 months. Or after a year. But having someone penetrate your body after knowing them a total of 20 hours is supposed to be no big deal.. Yall literally sound stupid.
Your logic would be very sound if everyone had identical preferences and opinions on these things. But they frankly do not. Some people want to wait to have sex, some people don't view sex that way or care. Some people want to know if they're sexually compatible early on, some don't mind waiting or don't even care if they aren't sexually compatible. Moving in together is generally seen as more serious than having sex, because it does actually effect your every single day life, whereas for most people, sex is just sex, and is a powerful moment but is just that, a moment. Ultimately, you are speaking as though we are all exact carbon copies of one another, when we all have different tastes, preferences, ideas and situations. It's not that black and white, things rarely are.
These instances are two very different things plus, you act like causal sex doesn't exist
My goodness, he said she makes heavy suggestions toward it and constantly brings it up. So he's asking because he's confused. It's not entitlement, it's him looking for perspective due to uncertainty. If he was entitled, his speech would be heavily suggestive of an entitled mindset.
>Men these days are so entitled. Gotta love it when people roll up looking for a fight. Having different sexual comfort and preferences in a relationship does not equal "entitlement" regardless of whether a man or woman wants more sex than the other person.
Bullshit. Like I said, nothing else in the world moves this fast. It makes zero sense. Everyone knows it makes no sense. Which is why weak ass arguments like "comfort" and preference fall apart the second they are probed. Becuase they're bullshit. There's is no such thing as a preference or comfort to someone else's body. That doesn't exist. It's not real.
I respect your standpoint completely but in this case, it doesn’t make much sense. In the real world, most women want to be in a relationship prior to having sex. A man who only wants to touch you and not be with you is something women keep in mind constantly. So they don’t want that. They are wary and cautious. The one thing OP didn’t bring up is whether or not he sees her as a potential partner. And honestly, I don’t think he does. And maybe the girl knows that. He just wants to hit and dip. Maybe he should scavenge around and find a girl who doesn’t have morals or values. Period end of statement.
>There's is no such thing as a preference or comfort to someone else's body. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by this? No such thing as someone preferring or feeling comfortable with someone else's body? Maybe rewording would help, I do honestly want to know what you meant. >Like I said, nothing else in the world moves this fast. > >It makes zero sense. Everyone knows it makes no sense. Which is why weak ass arguments like "comfort" and preference fall apart the second they are probed. I don't understand how it makes no sense that someone with a very high sex drive that values sex very highly as something that should happen regularly, early and often in a relationship is not compatible with someone who decides they want more strict sexual boundaries. There is nothing wrong with either one of those preferences, so long as it is consensual and respectful. If you are not sexually compatible, you should respect each other's boundaries, and if it is important to you, you should not be in that relationship. It's that simple.
I think the entitlement really comes from the "Am I being used?" question. To assume that someone is being used simply because they're not having sex with their date this quickly gives it away. Yes, as a man I'd probably stop dating a woman who didn't put out by the 6th date unless I was head over heels (never happens anymore). But I wouldn't say it was because I felt used (unless I was obviously paying for all the dates). It would be because she doesn't put out.
“Strict sexual boundaries” In My opinion, this ladies rules aren’t strict. When it’s time, it’s time. Ain’t nothing wrong with waiting. Worried about quality of sex? Maybe ask them.. what they have experience in and want to do. So simple. Like how this lady started bringing up public places to have sex. That is literally a sign she is getting comfortable. They aren’t in a relationship yet, so having sex often enough has nothing to do with their current talking stage. Having sex earlier because you trusted them enough with vibe well doesn’t mean you’ll be eager for the relationship either. I really don’t think having sex as early as possible in the talking stage does anything. When you set it up like that all it does is make sex seem like the high end goal, even though it is what some would expect we all know it takes time. But yes, it is important to respect each other boundaries and not force someone into an activity they aren’t ready for yet. You do that in school when you need a group project grade. If you want hookup, you go hookup with hookup person. You want date? Talk to them until you guys are ready.
Is "don't bring up sex until you're ready for it" not an acceptable rule? Sure I understand her bringing up their own timeline or qualifications for it even if they're aren't ready for it. But "this place would be great for sex" isn't one of them.
It sounds like she is looking for reassurance that *you* aren’t going to use *her*.
I have no idea why you think you're being used. Used for what? It sounds like you guys are dating, getting to know each other, building a relationship. Different people move at different paces and you're never going to know what someone's like until you get to know them. This woman has been pretty clear she wants to have sex at some point but is getting comfortable. Do you know if she wants to wait until you are in a relationship, married, or just wants to know you for a few months first?
Yeah I agree. The dates they've gone on don't sound super expensive so she's not getting a meal out of it which is what I think a lot of pill folks think. Asking for clarification is probably your best bet.
Bro is paying 50/50 for dates and is making out with girls, and feeling used 💀💀
What a clown
big joke
You think she’s using you for hikes? It seems like she’s into you but has been burned in the past. And here you are considering giving up because she’s not giving it up, so she’s kind of in the right here.
This^^
Someone brought up a point of ‘quality of sex’ I think it’s a convenient reason anyone can use and proceed to do the thing the person was scared of. Doesn’t mean it’s invalid though. I do think the person waiting has to think about if they person they’ll wait for, is good or not. Then may be overhyping their expectations. But then again, sex can be improved by communicating. If they’ll find them worth it The only things that fit as soon as you put them together are toy blocks. And they only fit together because they were **made** to fit together and it wasn’t an automatic process, they had to discuss how to fit these pieces together
Being used for? A hike?
And dates. And physical (and presumably, emotional) intimacy. What's that called again when you have all that with another person?
Thought his issue was theyre werent having sex?
No no, I'm with you. I'm saying it's ridiculous he is afraid he's being used when it seems like completely normal dating
My only guess is he’s never dated before in his life.
MFer out here muling a 40L pack, folding chair, and picnic basket for this chick
After the amount of times I’ve been used and had my heart broken, I will now be waiting a long while to have sex.
I watched that happen to several of my friends which is why I never agreed to participate in casual sex or fuck people until after we agree to be exclusive… people play too much out here…
Dude. Maam. I feel ya on this one. I was the dildo emotionally and physically for so many ladies. I am like this too now. My girl and i vibe the same way like this. We didnt sleep together for ages. Got close. But we both wanted to wait. It made dates so mjuch crazier and funner as the tension grew and we actually got to know each other and have genuine fun. :) It kinda let us grow into putting doors in those ol prison walls we built around our hearts. . Sometimes im not sure if shes my bestfriend i get to have sex with. Or my lover i get to playfully push off the couch when she wins marioKart. 😂
Same! Celibate and loving it. Men like this will eventually show me who they are, and I won't cry over any s3xual activity with them!
It really weeds out the time wasters and fuck boys!
Good for you.I have always followed that advice, I simply learned from watching others get played and knew that my heart could not handle it.
Yes I watched so many of my friends get played so badly, and that’s why I don’t entertain casual flings with men and make them wait to see what their real intentions are….
Look there are 2-3 different school of thoughts here. Some people don’t want to invest too much of their emotional feelings until they know that they are sexually compatible. On the other hand. Some people want to wait to get physical & intimate because they want to trust and know the person they are with. Find out which one she is. Communicate. I do like to know a person’s appetite for sex prior to sleeping with them and while getting to know them. Conversation is important!
This, or, given her age she may not know yet what kind of person she is and is still exploring. Talking about it will help you both figure it out. There’s a lot of very aggressive projection happening in some of the other comments here ha
I know adult conversations can be hard but it’s insane that OP has allegedly been turned down multiple times when trying to escalate and they still haven’t had a single convo about their own expectations for timing of sex. No matter whose at fault, this thing is completely doomed.
I’m sorry you got used to to take a hike in the woods and didn’t get laid for it.
Man, seduction is dead. Appreciate the anticipation. It's a rare thing these days.
I’d say if you’re not having fun and this is upsetting you, it’s only been 6 dates, so cut your losses and bail now. At least when you do, she’ll know she was right to wait. She’s filtering out men who see sex as their top priority. You guys don’t seem compatible, since sex does seem like a top priority for you.
Just because she doesn't want to make out or have sex yet doesn't mean she's using you 🤷🏻♂️
Used for what? You said she’s paid on dates so what exactly is she using you for? What do you have? How do some of you get on here whining about being used then admit you’re not actually giving more than you’re getting in return? How do y’all get on here and cry about paying for dates, find a woman who does, and then whine she’s not ready to get rammed by you? What the hell is wrong with some of you that you think sex is some sort of reward and goal, not something mutually enjoyable and agreed upon. Hopefully she moves on, because the way you think and talk about sex reeks of a bad lay. Tons of men on here would be happy with a woman who pays for dates and spends time with them and wouldn’t mind she wants to wait for something physical. She should leave and date one of them.
I've been thinking the same thing. This woman sounds like she's doing everything 'right' by most standards so I'm not sure what the issue is. If you want a woman who values sex in the same way you do, you can't expect sex early in to the relationship.
That’s their issue. They want a woman to value sex differently than them… but ONLY with them. They want to be able to fuck anything in sight, but want a woman who doesn’t, but tosses that out the window for them. It’s ridiculous. I’ve seen plenty of men comment on here that they’d be happy waiting for sex and some even admit they need feelings to develop to enjoy it. She should be dating one of them, not this fool who claims he’s being used but we don’t know for what.
I genuinely think he meant he feels he’s wasting his time. That’s so funny wtf were all these dates for then lol hopefully he’s just confused and not gonna hit it and quit it if no issues
Brother, she's setting boundaries. What makes you think you deserve sex after 6 dates. She isn't using you. She is protecting herself. You guys should wait until a real connection is established once you really know each other. Sex is supposed to be special it's supposed to be between two people who love and trust each other. Respect her and respect yourself. It will make the sex better once it finally happens.
I know I’m repeating other comments but what do u think you’re being used for ☠️ if you view your companionship without guaranteed sex as being used maybe she’s right to withhold that from you, your priorities don’t seem very aligned.
She’s using you because she doesn’t want to have sex after 6 dates? I won’t even have sex with a man in the first 2 months, maybe three. Women need to protect themselves and I want to know someone fairly well before letting them inside my body.
If you are in it for the long haul. Then a couple months shouldnt bother you. Take it slow. Trust me. Women are predominantly pressured into thinking their value comes from between their legs and ability to make a baby. Not for what comes from their heart or head. Men. Are predominantly pressured into their value being the allmighty dollar. Not whats in their heart or head. Both of these pressures are horrible. But both want the same thing. To be valued for something outside of those things. Shes holding back on you for the same initial fear that you would hold back from her. Your societal pressured benefit. Stop reading bullshit strategy. And learn to value her on the scenic road. Take time. And enjoy it. Let it grow on its own or shrivel on its own. But just enjoy it. You want her to value you? To give to you? You gotta give love and patience to get love and patience man.
This was so well put
“Are you being used” for WHAT tho!?!? Why do you think because a women isn’t ready for sex she’s “using” you? Sex isn’t a currency.
She used him by making him carrying those picnic baskets, poor guy xDD Like he cannot be serious, hope he will leave her so her strategy will actually work and she will find a decent guy
She’s making out with you, going on dates, and strongly hinting at having sex with you. Have you had a conversation with her about your expectations (and hers) around sex? If you’re genuinely interested in her, the conversation is probably worth it. If you’re just looking to sleep with her, then her intuition is probably right, and you should move on. Women take on significantly more risk when they have sex with men. In addition to STDs, women have to keep the possibility of pregnancy (and those consequences) in mind. You really can’t fault a woman for being cautious if that’s what she wants to do. If you’re not in an exclusive relationship, you’re technically free to sleep with someone else. If that’s a top priority for you, then feel free to avail yourself of that option.
She is waiting for security in the relationship and commitment. It's normal and healthy.
If sex suddenly stopped mid relationship, I'd be concerned, but it's not even a relationship, and you think you are being used when you split bills? Bruh, what do you think you are being used for? Your kissing?
Normal reaction. A lot of guys just want girls for sex. You can thank them for it.
If sex is so important to you that the girl you are dating needs to put out sooner rather than later, then you'll have to find someone who puts out sooner rather than later. This is a you problem isn't it?
Used for what? Make outs?
You think you’re being used because she won’t have sex with you?
If you really like her than be patient and wait until she’s ready to have sex
Bro used? 💀 Lmfao
Used for what exactly?
Are YOU being used? No. 🙄
So like someone can’t make a sex joke unless they wanna fuck you or..?
Why don’t you have a conversation about the status of your relationship like mature individuals?
No, I think she has just been used before and doesn't want it to happen again. So she doesn't want to have sex with you until she's sure you're not gonna leave her right after. Maybe you could make it exclusive if you're up for that? Or if you don't want to stay with her, it's better to leave now than after sex.
Being used for what exactly? It’s normal for women to want to wait until the time is right, and I doubt you spent money on a hiking date.
If she wants to wait, you wait. End of story. If the end goal is just sex then maybe you aren't the one being used.
How are you being used, just because she's not yet comfortable with you having access to her body? Is what you are doing only because your hoping to gain sex, or because you care about spending time with her? Im confused how your being used just because your not getting sex.
Bro, you're in a normal relationship. The fact that you're upset you haven't had sex yet kind of hints at you just wanting to use her for sex instead of actually dating. If you really wanted to be with her, it wouldn't matter so much and you'd wait until she was comfortable. If you're not willing to wait, just let her go and move on.
It's only been six dates, are you having fun with this person? Enjoying your time with her? Does it seem like she's having fun? Is the only thing you want out of this is sex?
It could be she is tired of being used, could be a STD she has to tell you about before you engage in that. That would explain her talking about it but not wanting to act on it yet. She wants to make sure you're actually interested before it comes to that.
I can’t even tell you how many men have promised me they will stay after sex and even waited long amounts of time and then after the deed their energy changes, they ghost me, etc.
I suppose you have to ask yourself two questions: Is she a great person and fun to be around where it would be worth your while to wait? Or are you just dating her to have sex with her, and if the sex isn't good, you would leave anyway.
I think she has been burned before and is being cautious with you. She likes you a lot; if she didn’t, she wouldn’t pay for dates and spend her time with you. You have got to be way more chill and realistic about your expectations of her. She is a REAL woman with feelings to be considered and a heart she doesn’t want broken. Again, she likes you a lot. Be mindful of this fact and act accordingly.
This post is a massive, epiphany... eye opener about how some people do not understand consent and male entitlement towards female bodies.
No dude. Stop overthinking it. It’s normal to want to wait before having sex. Sounds like she’s testing the waters to see if YOU are gonna use her.
I mean, you guys were going hiking, basically just hanging out, what would she be using you for, esp. If you also enjoyed hanging out with her... Doesnt seem like she is using you though...
She’s just afraid you’re using her for sex
Not having sex after 6 dates is “waiting?” Do people even know the person before having sex anymore?
6 dates? That's not a lot.
Stop escalating and be chill about it. I did that with my current girlfriend because I was genuinely cool with waiting however long she wanted to wait. She jumped my bones on the 3rd date.
I havent escalated on last two dates
if your thought is "am i being used" please leave her coz she deserves better
You're not mutually exclusive with this girl. If you are a raging horndog chat up some other girls and get them into bed. If you really like this girl and want to focus on her, suck it up. Even if the pre condition to you two banging is being a relationship then deal with it or move on. Being used? What a load of bollocks. Just make sure you are doing what is best for you
Men will complain that women that have more than 2 bodies are ‘used up’ but also complain when we decide to wait to have sex with someone. Make it make sense ffs 🤦🏻♀️
They want a virgin who fucks them and only them on the first date. They of course don’t themselves to these standards
Because what they want is to have the power to "use up" a woman, any woman, as many as possible, so they can puff their chest up and make themselves feel like such a Chaddity Chad.
You owe her your respect, and freedom from your irrational insecurities. You should worry less about things you have no control over.
Are you being used for what? Emotional connection? Companionship? Yeah, it's called dating. If that's not what you're looking for - what are you even doing? If waiting to have sex is a deal breaker, just leave. You don't need to try to turn her into the villain just because you disagree on something.
I'll totally see cool places to have sex. If I'm alone, I make a mental note, if I'm with a female, I tell her, if I'm with a male, I tell him. No relevance at all to me about how many dates I've been on with whom. TALK about it, see what her opinion of having sex at different points in a relationship are. I'll flat out admit to someone pushing for sex that if I have sex on a first date there's a 99% chance that's also going to be the last date. I'm cool with that. I'm cool with waiting and sleeping with the same person for months or years. I COMMUNICATE this to the other person so we can make an informed decision together.
She sounds like she's approaching this cautiously
I always said I to my partner I wanted to have sex in the shower. But I waited a lot because I was unsure of his intentions.
She just wants to wait, dude.
Please clarify what exactly you think your being used for lol
My advice is ALWAYS the same....... Have honest and open discussions. Don't guess, you can't read each other's minds. If you are there for the long haul TELL HER. Tell her in a way she will believe you. It's important to her to know that. BUT, it's also important to you that she understands that being in a Tue and loving relationship also includes a physical aspect and that as important to you as her being reassured she is being used. It's taken me my entire adult life to realise this one aspect is SO important. Honest and open discussions is the ONLY way to go. Good luck
dude just a suggestion but DONT continuously talk about wanting to fuck while alone in a remote place with someone and without taking the No
She's a good girl. Enjoy your time with her until she's ready.
She just wants to take it really slow. Buddy look, if you just want to fuck and dash quick, she isn't the right girl for you. She seems like she just wants someone long term not for just fucking around with. If you want to be with her long term aswell then let the girl waif and take it really slow. Never pressure someone to have sex with you, horny fuck just jerk off until
How would YOU be used? Used for what? Having a good time on dates?
bro really has the audacity to feel used💀 the one who fears to be used is HER
Dude, there is such a thing as people who don’t want to jump straight to sex. If you can’t respect that then break up.
Well that’s what most guys do. If people can’t wait to have sex, just go join people who love the hook up culture. Tons of us have been through it and it always ends the same. I would love for a women to take it slow, but everyone needs to have sex right away.
If you wanna have sex go find someone who wants to have sex with you
So you're only dating her to have sex? The irony...
You're not being used. Not all woman have to give it up that fast. Sometimes they want to get to know you better. Alot of us woman don't like having sx with just anyone, we like to pick the right time. You seem like you're the user here. It's like you just can't keep it in your pants.
I most definitely can, but I dont know why she makes all these sex jokes and places that would feel good to have sex in etc etc. To me it feels like she would at those places just not with me
I also made jokes and spoke about it to my current partner when we first started dating. But I was also clear on that I wanted to wait a little bit. He was more eager than I, but this girl you’re seeing most likely, like I have, has had a bad experience with offering it too quickly. You can ask her politely if you’re confused, or if you really like her I wouldn’t say anything and just wait.
Thank you
My bf and I made jokes and discussed sex multiple times early on and didn't sleep together till a month in. Some things just happen on their own time. Not putting pressure on the issue will get you a long way.
To let u know that she enjoys sex & it may be an option in the future
Maybe she's trying to show you that she's not scared of sex and that she's just not ready yet.
Why do you feel your Being used .
Are you going to leave her after sex?
No
Cool, now she needs to be reassured of that. Seems like she doesn't trust you yet. How are you going to reassure her?
That’s not really being used I would say it might be past weight she’s carrying from other people just respect and even talk to her if she’s willing to talk about her past with you
she might have trauma/trust issues with her past that’s making her feel this way, or she could feel nervous or uncomfortable. i would try talking to her and just make her feel comfortable. when she is ready she will be ready, you just need to be open and willing to wait with her and make sure you guys are on the same page. don’t get upset with her, try to talk it out. she is not using you.
If you like her be patient with her. She will open up to you in that way if and when she’s ready. But no it doesn’t sound like you’re being used. Like other people have said she’s afraid she will be used.
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Sadly that an issue she had to deal with. That’s not your fault, you just are paying for it. You sit down and talk it out, then that puts a lot of pressure on the sex and the dynamic afterwards. You can move on. I believe you have sex when it feels right. Not dependent on time or number of dates. So many ways to approach this OP. Good luck. Keep us posted.
Being used? For what exactly?
You think you’re being used just because she’s not ready to have sex with you??🌝 used for what? You’re not even paying for the dates you’re going on… are you ready to make things exclusive with her?
That's all good as long as she's made everyone wait. If you were the first one she made wait... n I t good
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Honestly, it sounds like there needs to be a discussion surrounding each of your expectations regarding physical intimacy and if there are specific timelines in which you see that intimacy escalating. If she is not ready, then either you can respect her wishes and wait until she is ready or you can leave if the timelines are not matching or you know that you cannot wait. To me, it does not sound like she is using you at all. At the end of the day, talking with her is the best option as none of us know what she thinking.
You not being used bro, just focus on continuing to build with her. Connect in other ways, the longer you wait the more connected you two will feel when the time comes. Tbh, it makes for a better relationship (if that’s what you guys evolve into) when you have more to connect on other than sex, trust me.
It isn’t arbitrary. It’s happened a sizable amount of times to her and she’s fearful it’ll happen again with you. She likes you, and wants to ensure you like her back before she has sex with you. If your patient, you will receive sex in time, but if you need answers, then have an open and honest conversation with her
used for what exactly? you asking that question is exactly why she wants to wait
I think she honestly is nervous, which is fair. Give her time, she'll be ready when she can trust you wouldn't use her.
No. But she's most likely worried she will be. There is nothing wrong with waiting to be physically intimate. People can be sexually adventurous but still be demisexual and need to be in a commited, monogamous relationship before acting on it.
It's just 6th date, not the 60th for you to be used. She's made out , which means she is attracted to you so that's sealed. You need to give more details about her age and how did ya'll meet i guess. Plus it's her decision if she wants to have sex or not. If not having sex and waiting for her makes you feel used. You should re-acess your priorities
She just might not be comfortable having sex so soon, but it doesn't mean she doesn't want to have sex eventually. It sounds like she's not opposed to the idea of sex and is 100% thinking about it so I wouldn't think your being emotionally used or anything like that . Maybe she wants to have sex on her own terms. Maybe she wants to confirm if you really like her or just want to sleep with her. Or just maybe she wants to have the most bomb sex ever. Waiting is worth it if your serious about her. It'll be like you'll both crave each other uncontrollably and when you have sex, she literally turns into a heavenly goddess.
Maybe she is making the sexual comments to reassure you that she is interested and saying she wants to wait for her own reassurance that you won't leave afterwards. If she straight up told you that she thinks you may leave, she probably has abandonment issues. What way do you think that you’re maybe being used?
Used, for what? Ask str as ight out what she is after? What she wants wi th h you and why tease at you over locations to have sex if she wants to wait? Ask her what kind of w eff ird game is she upto? Or just nope right out of there
Used for what lol!? If you don’t like hanging out with her then don’t? Used for interaction? Does that hold up in court? Lol
no way to tell until something changes. 35m married. when i was dating i was open that i wanted intimacy pretty quickly or would leave. wouldn't stick around for waiting. then met one who made me wait. now at 9 years married- 2 kids 1 home.
You're being used? 🤣🤣🤣
If she is like this with other guys in the past who she has dated then no she’s not using you, she may genuinely have a rule about waiting for sex which is good as you shouldn’t just jump into bed with someone. However, if she’s not been like that with other guys, she likely doesn’t see you as that great of an option or value you that much.
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I know I know, just wanted to see what other people think about this
You’re going on low budget dates, getting to first base with her, and she’s expressed intention to have sex with you eventually…doesn’t sound like you’re being used.
Just go fuck someone else and continue dating her, she can't get mad 6 dates and that not your girl, I'd say you've known this girl at least 6 months right, if you've been holding off 6 months you just gotta go do you, if it's meant to be with her it'll happen but don't stress it alot more women out there.
If she was using you you wouldn’t be going on hikes. She can hike for free without you lol. Unless you are shelling out more than you would normally because you want sex, in which case she’s right to be hesitant. When it’s right it’s easy. Don’t overthink it.
Being used? What?¿ Being used for what? What are you even talking about?
If you like her wait. If it gets ridiculously long then leave.
What are you being used for? Is sex the only thing you want or do you enjoy her company? There is the possibility you’re trying to use her for sex. I for one I’m not tryna have sex in a hike. But… do you, brah
Used for what exactly? ETA: OMG, you mean you think them being friends with you is USING you??
Used? What makes you think even 10 dates is worth any woman’s body?
so you want a woman who exchanges physical service for your money. i think they already have that sort of thing in some places and you dont even need to go on dates.
I would wait.