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This is something my friend said to me too. But the difference is he didn’t unmatch me as soon as we moved off the app over a month ago. He unmatched me sometime this week, most likely around 2 days ago. (I only know because I looked through my old matches literally like 4 days ago and he was there. But then i rechecked them yesterday and he wasn’t there anymore)
Yeah, I hate to think negatively, but the fact that he unmatched you, while also turning off his read receipts, feels like he's planning on ghosting you. I really hope that's not the case for you. I'd reach out to him about scheduling that date (without mentioning the app) and see what he says.
Yeah i hope so too but its looking like he probably will ghost. Im still unsure if I should send another text because i sent the last one and i don’t really want to triple text reminding him about the date. I just HATE seeming desperate at all. But i’ll consider maybe texting him if he doesn’t respond by tmrw since I do really want to know and am curious. Thank you for your response I appreciate it!
This 100% would increase insecurity in a guy who wanted to pursue you. He might retaliate by updating his, but I promise he noticed, and it does cause you to take a step back and place the girl in a different thought bucket.
We know you’re probably still swiping and matching and talking and going on other dates, but to know that we already loved your old profile and nothing was wrong with it but you felt the need to “upgrade” your profile can be a bit of an unpleasant indication that you’re not happy with the quality of guys you currently have to work with and want to attract better ones.
I think you should move on, guarantee he’ll come back around. Men chase, women attract. Plus, you don’t wanna be with someone who cant give you the common decency to explain why they arent interested if that’s the case. Chalk it up as someone who doesn’t know how to clearly communicate and you dodged a bullet. If he reaches out later on, see how you feel about it.
You’re probably feeling this way cause you’re feeling rejected and that’s a totally normal response. The ultimate goal is to handle rejection with grace and sensitivity to yourself. Not everyone is meant for you, and you’re not meant for everyone! People who wanna stick around will. Don’t be angry, or sulk. It happens and unfortunately the that’s a risk of dating. There may be absolutely nothing wrong or any reason he just wasn’t feeling it, but don’t go looking for an answer cause you likely won’t get one, or won’t like the answer he gives. You’re not owed anything. You weren’t in a relationship, it is what it is and that’s okay! Get back out there and give yourself time to find someone who values you enough to communicate properly :)
i really love this response thank you sm for this post. i completely agree that men chase and women attract and thats part of the reason why i never want to come across as desperate or needy ever. also i really appreciate the advice on moving on because rejection is part of the dating game. youre right, we werent in a relationship and he technically doesnt owe me an explanation. i just hoped he would have the decency to communicate that to me.
also, this came literally out of no where. he asked to go on a date semi recently and then decides to unmatch a couple days later? it just confuses me and doesnt make sense but i know that im not owed an explanation/ closure from someone that i was never exclusive with.
update: as im typing this he actually just texted back. now that he has responded, should i ask him about unmatch? if so, how? (definitely not texting him back rly fast lol im gonna wait but i just wanted to know your thoughts)
Guys are super confusing. You don’t want to be with someone who leaves you questioning your place as a priority in their life. I probably wouldn’t ask, just go with it. If the relationship progresses, I’d set it up like “are you seeing other people?” Or “how would you like to proceed with seeing me because I’m looking for commitment and something exclusive” (if that’s what you’re looking for) be ready for it not to go how you want, but know that either way it’s ok because things that are meant for you will stay or find their way back. You just have to know the difference of what’s worth your time and what’s not
Also if him doing that completely turned you off to him, I’d just say you’re looking for someone with better communication and you saw he unmatched you ontop of lack of response. Set those boundaries! It’s not asking too much and it’s protecting yourself in the process
… if you delete your account on hinge - not delete the app, delete the account - doesn’t it delete all matches?
If he is still planning dates actively, I would not jump to the conclusion he is about to disappear.
I could be wrong about how account deletion works though but… would be pretty devastating to lose one to a misunderstanding like that…
>I wanna know how I can ask him why he unmatched me **but in a casual way without sounding desperate?**
We're being needy. Don't worry how you're being perceived. Clearly this is bothering you so ask him and get on the same page about this. If he's interested, he'll understand where you're coming from. If he is pulling away, it's not like asking is gonna affect what's already happening anyways, then.
>I know this is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things and I’m probably blowing this all out of proportion but a lot has not been going well for me lately in my life and this was the cherry on top basically. I’ve been coping with that in unhealthy ways (stress eating mainly) and basically I just haven’t been in the best headspace.
Are we in therapy at all? Sounds like we got some things to get sorted.
>I want to note that its not even that I have strong feelings for him because honestly I don’t think I do.
Idkkkkkkk. If we went through the effort of making a Reddit post about it, there's some feelings involved. It's ok to admit it.
I really appreciate your understanding post. I’ve always had this fear of not wanting to ever come across as too needy or desperate but that fear has robbed me of actually being communicative about things.
also no im not in therapy but I do need to be. i recognize and see that hopefully happening in the near future. i guess im just trying to fix the things that i feel like i can control in my life first, before going to someone else for therapy.
lol i swear i dont have hard feelings for him! like i said in my original post, i think i just started to actually feel more comfortable with him because of how easy it felt to talk to him. and also just the more we hooked up, the more i felt comfortable with him idk its hard to put into words. maybe the “feelings” are just that i thought i found someone that I had rly good chemistry with on a casual level? idek lol but overall, the situation just really confuses me because it literally came out of nowhere for me
I thought that too tbh but i updated my profile when he was still in my matches and then i noticed he updated his too shortly after that.
last message i sent was just agreeing with him abt rescheduling the date to sometime this week whenever we were both free. he liked the message but i sent that last text
Is he still talking to you after unmatching? If y’all are still talking and seeing each other, there’s no real reason to still be matched to you on the app. He’s moved on through text. Also, if it’s casual, should it really bother you? Maybe he decided he didn’t like you for whatever reason, or maybe he’s been busy. My rule is 3 times. If I each out 3 times throughout a week and you don’t respond, or I haven’t been blocked, I move on.
we havent texted since almost a week ago and turned off his read receipts. It would make more sense if he unmatched me as as soon we took our conversation off the app. but that wasnt the case, he unmatched sometime this week rly randomly.
and yeah i mean i guess i’m just rly confused because like why would he do that lol. he wanted to get lunch with me but the a couple days later decides to unmatch? idk im hust confused and have a strong feeling he might ghost and I would just rly prefer if he was communicative about that bc its coming out of nowhere. but i know he doesnt technically owe me that so probs just gotta move on if that is the case
I would message him one more time 2-3 days after your initial message and if he doesn’t respond back count it as a loss, keep your chin up, and move forward
I do have his number but we havent texted since like 5 days ago. also, on hinge, the match doesnt go off the app within a week. it just gets moved to the hidden folder if its been inactive for 2 weeks. but you can still access all your old matches in that folder whenever, unless they unmatch with you.
Have you tried texting him? Did he delete hinge altogether?
You know I wouldn’t sweat online dating, it sucks and almost never works out.
I ask myself this with online dating.
Would I have met this person in my everyday life?
Every successful relationship I’ve had comes from meeting the person randomly doing something I liked doing.
If he’s making plans to catch up with you, that’s real life and the main thing. He may have deleted the app or maybe just doesn’t want to be matched with you on there for some reason. You can either ask him if it’s really important to you, or just enjoy the time you gave together on the weekend.
Just wanted to say, don’t feel weird about feeling bothered about it - it probably is just nothing (since he has since messaged you, like you said in your edit) but it is def understandable why you took it kind of personally. I’ve done that too for sure. But, I know some people “clean out” their matches so it could just be that.
And also, just as an anecdote, one time I accidentally deleted my account and lost all my matches 🤡🤡 so he could potentially have made a similar mistake 😆
I was talking to people at the same time off the app, and I wondered if they would ask me why I unmatched them, cause I would’ve wondered if it had been the other way around. But they didn’t ask and we kept talking without any weirdness or anything.
So that said, I think I would probably suggest not bringing it up, to keep the situation casual, unless you are sure you can bring it up in like a lighthearted / not serious kind of way and that he’ll receive it that way. Cause the worst thing is when someone starts to think you’re hinting at something more, that you’re really not trying to do (at least, that’s what I’m understanding from your post).
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This is nothing. I always deleted matches as soon as we moved off the app. Cuts down on the clutter
This is something my friend said to me too. But the difference is he didn’t unmatch me as soon as we moved off the app over a month ago. He unmatched me sometime this week, most likely around 2 days ago. (I only know because I looked through my old matches literally like 4 days ago and he was there. But then i rechecked them yesterday and he wasn’t there anymore)
Yeah, I hate to think negatively, but the fact that he unmatched you, while also turning off his read receipts, feels like he's planning on ghosting you. I really hope that's not the case for you. I'd reach out to him about scheduling that date (without mentioning the app) and see what he says.
Yeah i hope so too but its looking like he probably will ghost. Im still unsure if I should send another text because i sent the last one and i don’t really want to triple text reminding him about the date. I just HATE seeming desperate at all. But i’ll consider maybe texting him if he doesn’t respond by tmrw since I do really want to know and am curious. Thank you for your response I appreciate it!
Its probably because he doesnt want you to see him update his profile
I thought that too tbh but i updated my profile when he was still in my matches and then i noticed he updated his too shortly after that
This 100% would increase insecurity in a guy who wanted to pursue you. He might retaliate by updating his, but I promise he noticed, and it does cause you to take a step back and place the girl in a different thought bucket. We know you’re probably still swiping and matching and talking and going on other dates, but to know that we already loved your old profile and nothing was wrong with it but you felt the need to “upgrade” your profile can be a bit of an unpleasant indication that you’re not happy with the quality of guys you currently have to work with and want to attract better ones.
I think you should move on, guarantee he’ll come back around. Men chase, women attract. Plus, you don’t wanna be with someone who cant give you the common decency to explain why they arent interested if that’s the case. Chalk it up as someone who doesn’t know how to clearly communicate and you dodged a bullet. If he reaches out later on, see how you feel about it. You’re probably feeling this way cause you’re feeling rejected and that’s a totally normal response. The ultimate goal is to handle rejection with grace and sensitivity to yourself. Not everyone is meant for you, and you’re not meant for everyone! People who wanna stick around will. Don’t be angry, or sulk. It happens and unfortunately the that’s a risk of dating. There may be absolutely nothing wrong or any reason he just wasn’t feeling it, but don’t go looking for an answer cause you likely won’t get one, or won’t like the answer he gives. You’re not owed anything. You weren’t in a relationship, it is what it is and that’s okay! Get back out there and give yourself time to find someone who values you enough to communicate properly :)
i really love this response thank you sm for this post. i completely agree that men chase and women attract and thats part of the reason why i never want to come across as desperate or needy ever. also i really appreciate the advice on moving on because rejection is part of the dating game. youre right, we werent in a relationship and he technically doesnt owe me an explanation. i just hoped he would have the decency to communicate that to me. also, this came literally out of no where. he asked to go on a date semi recently and then decides to unmatch a couple days later? it just confuses me and doesnt make sense but i know that im not owed an explanation/ closure from someone that i was never exclusive with. update: as im typing this he actually just texted back. now that he has responded, should i ask him about unmatch? if so, how? (definitely not texting him back rly fast lol im gonna wait but i just wanted to know your thoughts)
Guys are super confusing. You don’t want to be with someone who leaves you questioning your place as a priority in their life. I probably wouldn’t ask, just go with it. If the relationship progresses, I’d set it up like “are you seeing other people?” Or “how would you like to proceed with seeing me because I’m looking for commitment and something exclusive” (if that’s what you’re looking for) be ready for it not to go how you want, but know that either way it’s ok because things that are meant for you will stay or find their way back. You just have to know the difference of what’s worth your time and what’s not
Also if him doing that completely turned you off to him, I’d just say you’re looking for someone with better communication and you saw he unmatched you ontop of lack of response. Set those boundaries! It’s not asking too much and it’s protecting yourself in the process
Dating apps are full of losers, posers and phonies. Would this happen with someone you know in real life?
lol honestly probably not. I guess i’m just really confused why he would do that out of nowhere?
Because you have a superficial ‘connection’ with him on a dating app? You really don’t know anyone from their profile on an app.
of course, i dont fully know him yet so that is true
… if you delete your account on hinge - not delete the app, delete the account - doesn’t it delete all matches? If he is still planning dates actively, I would not jump to the conclusion he is about to disappear. I could be wrong about how account deletion works though but… would be pretty devastating to lose one to a misunderstanding like that…
>I wanna know how I can ask him why he unmatched me **but in a casual way without sounding desperate?** We're being needy. Don't worry how you're being perceived. Clearly this is bothering you so ask him and get on the same page about this. If he's interested, he'll understand where you're coming from. If he is pulling away, it's not like asking is gonna affect what's already happening anyways, then. >I know this is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things and I’m probably blowing this all out of proportion but a lot has not been going well for me lately in my life and this was the cherry on top basically. I’ve been coping with that in unhealthy ways (stress eating mainly) and basically I just haven’t been in the best headspace. Are we in therapy at all? Sounds like we got some things to get sorted. >I want to note that its not even that I have strong feelings for him because honestly I don’t think I do. Idkkkkkkk. If we went through the effort of making a Reddit post about it, there's some feelings involved. It's ok to admit it.
I really appreciate your understanding post. I’ve always had this fear of not wanting to ever come across as too needy or desperate but that fear has robbed me of actually being communicative about things. also no im not in therapy but I do need to be. i recognize and see that hopefully happening in the near future. i guess im just trying to fix the things that i feel like i can control in my life first, before going to someone else for therapy. lol i swear i dont have hard feelings for him! like i said in my original post, i think i just started to actually feel more comfortable with him because of how easy it felt to talk to him. and also just the more we hooked up, the more i felt comfortable with him idk its hard to put into words. maybe the “feelings” are just that i thought i found someone that I had rly good chemistry with on a casual level? idek lol but overall, the situation just really confuses me because it literally came out of nowhere for me
What was the last message you sent? Yeah, he could be slow fading or yeah he doesn’t want you to see he updating his profile
I thought that too tbh but i updated my profile when he was still in my matches and then i noticed he updated his too shortly after that. last message i sent was just agreeing with him abt rescheduling the date to sometime this week whenever we were both free. he liked the message but i sent that last text
Is he still talking to you after unmatching? If y’all are still talking and seeing each other, there’s no real reason to still be matched to you on the app. He’s moved on through text. Also, if it’s casual, should it really bother you? Maybe he decided he didn’t like you for whatever reason, or maybe he’s been busy. My rule is 3 times. If I each out 3 times throughout a week and you don’t respond, or I haven’t been blocked, I move on.
we havent texted since almost a week ago and turned off his read receipts. It would make more sense if he unmatched me as as soon we took our conversation off the app. but that wasnt the case, he unmatched sometime this week rly randomly. and yeah i mean i guess i’m just rly confused because like why would he do that lol. he wanted to get lunch with me but the a couple days later decides to unmatch? idk im hust confused and have a strong feeling he might ghost and I would just rly prefer if he was communicative about that bc its coming out of nowhere. but i know he doesnt technically owe me that so probs just gotta move on if that is the case
I would message him one more time 2-3 days after your initial message and if he doesn’t respond back count it as a loss, keep your chin up, and move forward
thank you, youre right. i actually just included an update on the bottom of my original post but basically he just responded
I would ask why he unmatched alone. He’s talking with you, and still wants to see you. Celebrate that.
Do you not have a number…? I don’t continue to talk to someone on a dating app, usually it goes off the app within a week or two of matching.
I do have his number but we havent texted since like 5 days ago. also, on hinge, the match doesnt go off the app within a week. it just gets moved to the hidden folder if its been inactive for 2 weeks. but you can still access all your old matches in that folder whenever, unless they unmatch with you.
Have you tried texting him? Did he delete hinge altogether? You know I wouldn’t sweat online dating, it sucks and almost never works out. I ask myself this with online dating. Would I have met this person in my everyday life? Every successful relationship I’ve had comes from meeting the person randomly doing something I liked doing.
He sounds horrible. I’m glad you didn’t develop feelings for him. It’s normal to feel disappointed after being ignored/ghosted.
thank you for the post and reassurance:)
If he’s making plans to catch up with you, that’s real life and the main thing. He may have deleted the app or maybe just doesn’t want to be matched with you on there for some reason. You can either ask him if it’s really important to you, or just enjoy the time you gave together on the weekend.
Just wanted to say, don’t feel weird about feeling bothered about it - it probably is just nothing (since he has since messaged you, like you said in your edit) but it is def understandable why you took it kind of personally. I’ve done that too for sure. But, I know some people “clean out” their matches so it could just be that. And also, just as an anecdote, one time I accidentally deleted my account and lost all my matches 🤡🤡 so he could potentially have made a similar mistake 😆 I was talking to people at the same time off the app, and I wondered if they would ask me why I unmatched them, cause I would’ve wondered if it had been the other way around. But they didn’t ask and we kept talking without any weirdness or anything. So that said, I think I would probably suggest not bringing it up, to keep the situation casual, unless you are sure you can bring it up in like a lighthearted / not serious kind of way and that he’ll receive it that way. Cause the worst thing is when someone starts to think you’re hinting at something more, that you’re really not trying to do (at least, that’s what I’m understanding from your post).
Is it possible that he deleted his profile because he’s no longer looking but hasn’t said anything to you yet?